#that exists in tandem to what at the time was the most intense joy id ever felt

[pog-mo-bhlog]

The thing that really strikes me about being trans is that like. You can't know until you know. Like there's this festering wound inside you from being forced into a category that doesn't fit, but when you hear trans people talk about it you're like "we'll I don't have a festering wound so I can't be trans". It's like, I could talk about the intersection of trans issues and disability issues for hours, but it minds me of how chronic pain can often manifest. If it's built up over a long time you become so accustomed to it that you don't recognise it as pain. Or like not noticing you're struggling with executive dysfunction and are neurodivergant because you have been all your life. And then you take speed at a party and you can magically send emails.

For me, the hardest part about being non binary wasn't realising it, coming to terms with it, coming out, or the ongoing misgendering I deal with. It was that period just after I accepted it when I was suddenly flooded with all this joy, because this weight I'd been carrying my whole life had just been lifted, and it was beautiful, but it hurt, because I shouldn't have had to carry that weight all these years.