#that came afterwards and it is very hard to hold the joy of the first half of the relationship

[bunnliix]

Little Trinkets

This came to be cause the wonderful @potatomountain and I were sharing Matz pics and then got into cute things you'd do while dating Matz and now here I am writing this very fluffy fic <3 And this fic is for the lovely Doom, so I hope you like it Doooom! <3 <3

Pairing: Matz x reader Summary: You're waiting at home for your boyfriends to return, while admiring the little trinkets that they've brought home for you wc: 972 Genre: Fluff Warnings: just pure fluff and cuteness, reader getting startled like once, food, kissing Beta'd by the wonderful @bethelighthalazia <3

You were waiting at home for your two boyfriends to come back from work. They promised they’d be home earlier today, given that you had been having a hard week, and needed them home more often. But no matter how much you said you’d be fine, though you knew you wanted them home earlier too, they said they’d be home before dark, and with dinner for the three of you.

You moved from the bed you all shared, heading out to the couch to watch the front door like a hawk, wanting to see them the minute they arrived back at your apartment. They shouldn’t be much longer, and you were excited for them to come home, as you had baked some sweets for them to have after their long day pre-recording at a music show for their current comeback.

As you waited, you looked around the room, finding little trinkets the three of you had gotten for each other at some point or another and smiling at the memories attached to each of them. There was a little model of the Golden Gate bridge from the last time they visited San Francisco, a tiny pair of wooden clogs from when they performed in Amsterdam, so many little things that they’ve brought home for themselves and you.

You were so distracted by your memories, that you didn’t hear the door opening, nor the murmurs of your boyfriends as they took their shoes off.

“Darling, we’re home,” Seonghwa called out as the two idols entered the living room to find you distracted.

Seeing as you hadn’t heard them, you continued going down memory lane, until you were interrupted by arms wrapping around your shoulders. Flinching slightly as you’re knocked back into reality, you looked up to see that it was Hongjoong whose arms were around you.

“Hi Joongie,” you greeted him, smiling up at him.

“Hi baby, did you get a bit distracted?” He asked.

“I was looking at everything you’ve brought home from the various places you’ve both visited, and all of our gifts for each other over the years. I was thinking about how much they mean to me and how much you both mean to me,” you confessed, the room falling silent afterwards.

You saw his gaze soften as he looked down at you while his arms squeezed you just the tiniest bit tighter. His voice broke the silence in the room, “how did we ever deserve someone as sweet as you, darling?”

“You’ve both done a lot of good in your lives, that’s how,” you replied like it was obvious.

Neither of them said anything as they both came around to sit on either side of you, four arms wrapping around your body. Seonghwa pressed his lips to the top of your head, while Hongjoong’s lips pressed to your cheek. They don’t have to say a word, their actions telling you everything, telling you how much they love you.

You all sat there for a couple minutes, before you wiggled out of their hold, running to the kitchen and returning with the brownies you had made, using the recipe Felix gave you months ago.

Presenting them to your boyfriends, you said, “I made some brownies, to celebrate your comeback.”

Seonghwa was the first to reach out, gently grabbing one and taking a bite out of it. You watched with a smile on your face as his face lit up with joy. You looked over at your other boyfriend to find that he was watching Hwa with a smile on his face, happy because you both were happy. 

That was until your oldest boyfriend offered a bite of the brownie to Hongjoong, who took the offered bite, moaning as he tasted the brownie. Seonghwa turned to look at you and said, “I think that means you’ll have to make these brownies more often. They are wonderful my darling.”

You felt your face flush and you smiled so much that your cheeks started to hurt, and gently placed the brownies down on the coffee table before you launched yourself at Seonghwa. The idol caught you, pulling you into his lap and placing kisses all over your face before pressing your lips together and kissing you properly. Your eyes closed while your hands found their place at the base of his neck, your fingers playing with his hair. 

You could kiss Seonghwa a hundred times every day, and you would still never tire of the feeling of his lips on yours. His lips were so soft, and he always knew how exactly to kiss you that left you feeling breathless in the best way. And he did so once again, pulling away from you and ending the kiss, as you melted into his arms.

You heard and felt him chuckle, as he moved the two of you to lay on the couch, as Hongjoong shifted to give his boyfriend room, before he laid on your back and sandwiched you between the two of them. You loved nights like this, where the three of you snuggled up on the couch. Where you didn’t have to be doing anything other than just laying here in each other’s arms, and you felt complete. 

“I love you both so much,” you said as you rested your head on his chest and stared over at all of the little trinkets you had been admiring not long ago.

“I love you too, baby,” Hongjoong whispered into your back.

“I love you more than all the stars in the sky, my starlight,” Seonghwa said, kissing the top of your head once more.

You felt more joy right now than you could have imagined, and you couldn’t wait for the rest of forever with them. And for more of those trinkets and gifts to find their place in your apartment.

Taglist: @/bethelighthalazia @callmeghostly

[kigieri]

Turbulence

The Danny Ric Series🍯🦡

Daniel Ricciardo × Reader

Trying to get pregnant can be a beautiful journey, full of delight and happiness, or it can be a sorrowful venture, full of despair and self-loathing, as it goes on and on and on.

A/N: Welcome! I hope you enjoy The Danny Ric Series. It is dedicated to the wonderful man that brought so much joy to Formula One and its fans.

This is my longest fic to date, and I'm very proud of it! Getting pregnant can take a long time, sometimes up to, or over a decade. It's a journey that can look very different from person to person. I wanted to showcase this a little bit. I have no idea about IVF or adoption in Monaco or Australia, so I held the topic very brief.

This story on AO3.

Standing in front of the bathroom cabinet, she looked at the multiple packages of pregnancy tests. Footsteps could be heard, before Daniel stepped into the room. He slipped his arms around her waist from behind her back, kissing her neck lightly. "So, do you want to take one?" She smiled. "I'm not pregnant yet." He nodded, searching for her eyes in their reflection. "Yes, but I know you want to take one and we better make sure. We'll have to try extra hard if you aren't." A light red flushed her face and she grabbed behind herself to pinch Daniel. "You're unbelievable!" Laughter filled the air between them.

She picked one up and opened it, taking the content out of the box before placing it on the rim of the sink. "Let's do it." Daniel took the test from her and took a step back, while she read over the instructions. "Just normal procedure." He looked at her, slightly confused. "Uhm... And what's normal procedure?" Her eyes found his as she turned and looked up. "You... you've never heard how to take a pregnancy test?" He shook his head. "Where should I have gotten that information? We were always careful, there was never a scare, so I've got no idea." She shook her head in disbelieve. "Men. This is just..." She waved the description around. "It's just something you know."

The Aussie shrugged his shoulders. "You pee on it, wait a bit and if it's two lines we weren't as careful as we thought, right?" She rolled her eyes. "That's about right." A big smile took over his face and he stepped towards her, pulling her towards himself by the waist. He kissed her briefly. "Just take one, okay? To mark the beginning of the journey?" She nodded and kissed him again. "Gladly."

Twenty minutes and a lot of banter later, they were looking at a negative test. Their breath slightly faster from a short make-out session. While she carefully put away the test and washed her hands, he could not look away. "I love you." She turned towards him, a towel in her hands to dry them off. "I love you too." His smile was intoxicating and, after she had hung up the towel, she walked over to him.

"I cannot wait to start a family with you." His words were breathy, genuine and filled with emotions. "We've waited long enough, haven't we?" Daniel nodded, taking her into his arms once more. "It was worth it. I want it. We're happy, married," his hand reached for hers to stroke over their wedding band, "and we're more than ready." Her head rested against his chest. He continued, "The moment I will hold our child in my arms will be the happiest of my life, right before meeting and marrying you."

***

Two months had passed since that first test, and her circle had continued. Her period came just as regularly as before. She was sitting on their hotel bed after a race. She had left before Daniel, he had still been in a meeting and wanted to sign a few autographs afterwards. Her hands were occupied with taking out her earrings, she had already taken off the slight make-up she had put on that morning.

A little while later, while slipping out of her blouse, she looked at a hickey Daniel had left a few nights prior. It fell just below her neckline, so she had not needed to cover it with foundation. Her thoughts drifted to the week ahead, while she grabbed her pajama and walked into the bathroom. They had told her parents that they were trying for a child. Some people might find it peculiar, since it was intimate information, but she thought it was wonderful to include their families. After the next race, they would return to Perth, and they planned to inform Daniel's family as well.

After a quick shower, she laid down in bed, opening her book and starting to read. She tried to stay awake, wanting to greet her lover when he returned from the circuit. She had just finished a chapter when the lock gave off a beeping noise. Daniel entered silently, and a smile spread over his face when he saw she was still awake. He walked in and placed his backpack and keycard on the table, before walking over to the bed and leaning down to give her a quick kiss. "It's late. You should have gone to bed." She reached her hand up to stroke over his beard. "I wanted to greet you and give you a chance to talk." He nodded while stepping back and beginning to strip. "Thank you." He motioned towards the bathroom. "I'll take a quick shower first." And with those words he was already inside and the door fell shut behind him.

The shower could be heard in the bedroom, and she waited for it to stop before standing up and taking a fresh pair of boxers out of the closet. She opened the door slowly, the steam escaping the room hitting her nonetheless. Daniel was drying himself off as she held out the clothing to him. He smiled at her and took it. "Thanks. Forgot those." A slightly amused sound left her mouth. "Wasn't the first time, won't be the last one." He shook his head. "Nah."

Silence fell between them as Daniel got ready, and she sat down on the side of the bathtub. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Daniel's attention was caught by something on the little rack next to the toilet. "You got your period?" She nodded. "Yesterday evening. Didn't want to tell you before the race." He turned around. "No problem, you tell me whatever, whenever." A slight smile painted his lips. She stood up again. "Bed?" The Aussie nodded. "Let's go to bed. I'm dead on my feet."

They turned off the lights and slipped under the cover. Normally they slept without touching, they cuddled to fall asleep but turned away during the night, needing space to move. This night, however, Daniel's arm remained wrapped around her belly as they both dreamed about the small little family they were going to create.

***

Morning had creeped in some time ago, and they had enjoyed a quiet breakfast. The end of the season had come faster than either of them anticipated, but they were happy nonetheless. A little free time for themselves before it all began again. Daniel had started doing the dishes. He enjoyed the mundane tasks without pressure or an event in his neck.

The bathroom door had been closed for some time when he finally walked by it. He had wanted to check on her before going out to work on one of the dirt bikes that was making trouble. He knocked lightly, his knuckles barely hitting the wood. "Come in." Her voice was meek and brittle. The door creaked just a bit while he pushed it open, he wanted to fix that this break too. She was sitting on the closed toilet lid when he entered. Her vision was blurry when she looked up at him, her eyes tearful and puffy. Her cheeks were red, and her lower lip wobbled. She held out the pregnancy test silently, Daniel did not need to look at it to know the result.

He kneeled down in front of her, laying the test next to his legs on the ground. He also felt like crying, but right now he needed to be there for her. He cupped her face in his hands and brushed her tears away. "It will come. I hate it too, but it takes time. We've been trying for over half a year, but a lot of children have taken longer. It is normal." The nod she gave was barely noticeable. He leaned up a bit, and took her into his arms. "It will come. I know that, and you know that, and the waiting is painful... fuck." His own vision was turning blurry. "But that'll make it so much sweeter when they're here, okay?" She nodded into his neck, even though she was hardly convinced. His words filled her heart with warmth nonetheless.

Her arms encircled his shoulders. "I love you and I just want to be pregnant. Just have them here." Daniel nodded. "I understand." She stroked his neck and hairline. "I know it's hard for you too. You'll talk to me about it, right?" He nodded again. "I will. I promise. It's hard for me, too." A watery giggle left her mouth. "We'll do this together." He leaned back enough to look into her face. "It'll be really hard for you to get pregnant alone, I would think." A lough bubbled out of her, and Daniel released a breath he had been holding. There was much to be talked about, but she was smiling again.

***

A baby shower was not something she wished to attend at the moment, but she pushed her own feelings to the back of her head and tried to be as happy as possible for her friend. Both her and Daniel had been invited. He, however, had a race coming up and was already halfway around the globe.

The night before leaving, laying behind her, with one hand splayed across her stomach, he had whispered that she did not need to go. Not alone and not ever if she did not want to. She had shaken her head. Their journey may be harder, but she still wished to enjoy the happiness of others.

Now she was tying a small bow around the present. She had abstained from using wrapping paper or glitter, only a few stickers and a bow. The aftermath of today's party would be enough to clean up, even without all the presents that had to be opened.

She looked over at the magnetic board that they used instead of a pinboard. There, next to a neat and minimalistic invitation, hung the small ultrasound picture that had come with it. She had caught Daniel the evening it arrived, sitting at the dining table and staring at the little one. She had swallowed and walked by, not knowing how to approach him at that moment. After she had finished emptying the dishwasher, and before going to sleep, she had done the same. While looking at it she had cried, as silently as she could muster, but she was sure he had heard her anyway.

They had lain in bed that night, a space where a lot of their conversation about children now happened. He had spooned her once more, neither being able to look into the other's face. Daniel had started with small stories from his childhood, about his parents and siblings, and she had listened and shared her own stories. They might need longer, but they would get there. At least, she hoped so.

***

Going to the baby shower had been a good idea, it was a nice evening, with a lot of heartfelt stories and most of her friends in one place, which did not happen often. Coming back was hard, however.

She went through the next few days on autopilot, waiting for Daniel to return, but not entirely sure what she would tell him when he would. They could hardly try harder. There was little they could do but wait. Hope, month after month, that her period would stop. She wouldn't even say no to morning sickness, even though she was very sure she would regret that statement at one point or another.

When Daniel came home, she was vacuuming. He had told her when he would be arriving, but she had lost sight of the time, trying to occupy herself. They hugged and kissed, Daniel started talking about the weekend and what he had gotten up to, next to what she could see on the screen, and she talked about what she had done. She pulled up pictures from the baby shower and, since she had kept it secret from him until now, told him that it would be a boy. He was delighted by that.

They didn't talk about children that evening, or the day after, or the day after that. She simply did not know how to approach the topic, how to express her thoughts. She herself could hardly make sense of them.

In the end, it was Daniel that sat them down on the couch. He was very sure about what had been running through her mind since he came back. He didn't know what to say either, but he had another idea. One that wouldn't solve their problem, but one that would maybe help them be a bit more positive again.

"So, um. I was thinking of emptying the small room. Everything that's inside could be placed somewhere else. It's not that much, and then we'd have a blank space." Not knowing what she would think of it, he looked at her expectantly. He would suggest painting the room already, but collecting a few ideas and having the space free might help them get a bit of their excitement back. He hated the dread he sometimes felt, and he hated even more that he didn't know how she felt.

She took his hand and started playing with his fingers. She didn't look at him, that was another thing that had started recently, and he hated it but, once again, didn't know a solution too. "That's a very nice idea." Her voice was meek, the enthusiasm he had hoped for was not to be found. "But?" He turned his hand, squeezing hers. At that, she looked up at him. "I don't want to look at an empty room, not knowing when it will be filled." Her face had that apathetic look, the one he knew to associate with deep sadness coming from her.

"Okay, I understand that." He thought of something else, anything else, and remembered something Max had shown him a while ago. Kelly had created a Pinterest to redesign her daughter's room. Something like that may work.

"How about we start collecting ideas for the room? I know we both bookmark Instagram posts but something more specific. So that we'll really have a concept when it comes down to it. I know it'll take some time for you to decide on all the furniture." She smiled softly. He knew she liked it when he showed that he knew her. "I have already collected a few." He nodded, that was what he wanted to hear. "Then let's look over it together, let's really get into it, yes?" Her smile was contagious.

This would not solve the problem, but it would bring them together once more. It would bring them joy that they were, at this point, severely lacking. It would also simply give them more time. Something to fill the gap between now and that fateful day they were waiting for.

***

The doctor's appointment had been in her calendar for some time. She had laid it precisely so that Daniel could come with her. A bit of dread filled her when thinking about it, but also hope. This could help them, after almost three years of trying.

Daniel had bought her flowers this morning on his jog, promised her they would get pastries on the way back. No matter what the doctor was going to find today, she would have her partner by her side and he would stay.  No matter what outcome there'd be.

The conversation was nice, this was not her first appointment with this gynecologist and she trusted her. Most of the testing had been done in advance and, as they were going through every little thing that regarded her reproductive system, Daniel held her hand.

He had already been tested for everything under the sun that could pose a problem with his fertility, and Daniel's doctor had told them the same thing her doctor was telling them now. There was no problem. There was no reason that could be found as to why they shouldn't be able to naturally conceive.

They talked a bit more about different options before saying their goodbyes and leaving. The confirmation was a relief, and Daniel hugged her tight when they were standing alone in the corridor. They had both let themselves be checked out before starting to try for a baby in the first place, but this second search had been more thorough, had focused more on things that could cause fertility issues, and now they knew there were non.

After the promised breakfast and a quick stroll along the harbour they found themselves back in their apartment. Daniel had sat down on the couch, and she had found herself a place on his lap. She had laid her head in the crook of his neck.

They were both contemplating what this meant. They could have children together, it was simply taking a long time. So they'd continue as they had before, trying and waiting. A game they were both sick off.

"You know what Lando said the other day?" His voice was filled with humour, not as enthusiastic as normally, a little bit dry. She rolled her eyes. "Do I even want to know?" Daniel shrugged, turning his head to give her a kiss on the hairline. "'This would all be so much easier if you were teenagers.'" She sat back a bit to look at his face, an incredulous look on her face. "Seriously? That little fucker!" Her exclamation was one of disbelieve, but she fell into slight laughter afterwards. "If one of you would have been a teen parent, it would have been Lando!" Daniel smiled too, the topic would be one that they couldn't sweep under the rug, but for today they'd had enough serious conversations. "I don't know, Pierre is also a contender." They fell into laughter once more. As they continued to bicker, one thing was clear. They'd do it together.

***

They had started talking more about it once again. Determined that they would grow on this journey. Even if it was hard. Their chat was filled with pictures of negative pregnancy tests, since Daniel wanted to know about every single one she took. Most of the time, even when he was in a completely different timezone, he facetimed her so they could talk during the wait.

She was very sure she could, at this point, estimate the time it took for the test to show a result by heart. There had been a time when she hadn't even bought pregnancy tests anymore, discouraged by their year-long trial. The simple motion of taking one from time to time was, however, showing her that it was still part of their life and that it would happen someday.

On the magnetic board in the kitchen hung a leaflet. It was folded and consisted of a few pages of content.  It had hung there for quite some time. She had put it in her purse without much thinking, after seeing it laying on a side table at the doctors. There were descriptions in it of different ways of conception except the natural one, and a short introduction to the adoption process.

Daniel had asked her about it, and she had answered that she wanted to know the options they had. Now it was more of an eyesore to her. The options that were presented were valid and good ones, but not the ones she wished to take at this point in life. That's how she found herself walking over to it, in the middle of making dinner, and taking it down. She opened the bin and dropped it inside.

Later, after having had dinner, Daniel nodded towards the empty spot. "You took it down?" She nodded, laying down her cutlery. "I threw it out." He nodded in response, but his expression was questioning. "Why? It was a good pamphlet, I read through. I even, um, looked some of it up. Pretty informative and they presented different options." She leaned back, relaxing in her chair. Talking about it had become easier. "I know, I read it too. But it was not really what we were planing on, right? If we ever do consider it, we can get another one, but right now we're still trying... how did you say it? 'The old-fashioned way'!" Daniel smiled, bright and intoxicating. Once more, she thought about the love she harbored for him. "Yes, that's understandable."

He drank a bit and a comfortable silence settled over them, neither wanting to stand up just yet. "Would you consider other options?" His voice was low. She looked back at him, her gaze having drifted off to another point in the kitchen. "Yeah, we have talked about it before. We'd have to talk about it a lot more, of course, but I am open to something like IVF, or even adoption. I know that's a topic you have looked into a bit deeper." Daniel nodded and cleared his throat before he answered. "I think it's something important, and I would like to look into it even after you get pregnant." He searched for eye contact, gouging her reaction.

This was not a new conversation, something like this had come up multiple times before. The conversation had, however, never been this serious. They had talked about the process a bit and how they felt about it, but that he considered it this seriously was new to her. "Okay, I'm open to that. Do you want to talk more about it right now?" He drank some more water, apparently a bit nervous. "It's always something I have thought about. It is complicated and comes with more problems than I can probably think of, but every child deserves loving parents. They'd not be ours biologically, but I don't think that is the most important thing."

She thought about it for a few moments and nodded. "Yes. We'll have to talk about it a lot more, but I understand where you are coming from, and we want more than one child, so it is something to consider." Daniel smiled at her. "We don't have to plan it out now. We still have at least one child planned before that." He looked at her stomach before continuing, "There are seminars and stuff like that about it, so we could maybe look at that." She nodded once more. "I think that is a good idea."

***

Over the years they had been approached by different people with different attitudes. Sometimes it had been when they were together, but that had been more so in the beginning. The more time that passed without her getting pregnant, the more of their friends approached them individually.

When they had told their families, they had gotten a lot of heartfelt good wishes and a few snarky remarks from the younger members of the families. Daniel's mother had made a remark about becoming a grandmother in every second conversation for the remainder of the time they had spent there. His sister had talked about parenthood, the highs and lows of it. Painting a happy, but also quite difficult picture. They had, while talking about it after returning home, noticed that she had taken each of them aside to talk about the pregnancy and the first few months after it. She had told them about the hardships and that it could be a horrendous time. Giving both of them advice, catered to their role in it. They had both been quite touched by it and thanked her the next time she had called.

Sebastian had talked to Daniel during the phase where he was constantly worrying. She may not be pregnant, but he was already considering all the things he could do wrong as a new father. Seb, who had his own family, reassured him. He had told Daniel that he'd be a good father and that he would learn a lot. Parenting had aspects that were more natural than others, but as long as they'd do it as a couple, there shouldn't be anything important going wrong. After a few more frenzied interactions, he had cornered Daniel once more and had, as Lando would later call it, used 'dad jokes' to help. Which meant more reassurance, that a wrongly wrapped diaper would not make him a horrible father.

For her there had been a lot of advice regarding the pregnancy, some better than other, but all given with good intent. There came, however, a time when she was more than sick of hearing it. After one misguided comment from someone, she had, however, decided that any pregnancy advice was better than advice on how to conceive successfully.

There was a little confusion at the first race she visited after they decided they were ready to try. There had been quite a few people that had started conversations about pregnancy and children. She had not considered it public knowledge that they were trying for a child, but it seemed to be just that. After asking around a bit, she had found the source, and she couldn't even be mad about it. It seemed Daniel had talked so much about pregnancy and kids that it was just assumed that they were trying, and there had been a few incidents where people had discreetly asked him if she was indeed pregnant. Daniel was a bit embarrassed when she confronted him about it, but there was a bright smile on his face. He was not able to mask his excitement at the idea of being a parent with her.

The questions and the people giving advice had become less and less with time. When it came to the time when they really needed people to ask them how they were doing, there were few friends left that did.

She had been approached by one of her friends, concerned about her wellbeing, asking her how she was feeling about the prospect of pregnancy. After some reluctance, she had practically poured out her heart, which had been desperately needed. There had been people that had tried a lot longer than they had, but it did not make it easier. The pain was there, and even though Daniel was always at her side, sometimes the self-doubt simply wormed itself in. Was she the problem? Why couldn't her body do what she so desperately wanted from it?

Daniel's mental state at that time wasn't much better. Max took him aside at a race weekend and asked him about it, trying to help as best as he could. Daniel was not ready to talk about it, however. Deflecting and thanking him for the concern, but not opening up.

In the end, Blake was the person that came through to him. Not through one single conversation but through multiple small ones. He showed concern and support, through little gestures and conversations. It helped Daniel to realise that they had both been so absorbed in the grief of things that did not happen, that they had lost sight of the fact that they were in it together. That they had each other to lean on and that they needed to support each other.

They started to talk more again, they hadn't stopped, but there had been more silence and a lot of repetitive and meaningless conversations. The pregnancy wouldn't just happen, but there was more they could do, and so they started to work on it.

At the five-year mark of trying, they had decided to paint the walls of the nursery. Daniel had not removed his things yet, and it was still somewhere between an office and a storage room, but they had wanted to try out colours and motives so afterwards the walls were a bit mismatched and fun. When asked if the change in wallpaper meant anything, they shook their heads. There were hardships to be overcome, but life was good.

***

She was leaning against the doorframe of the living room. Daniel was sitting on the couch, his back turned towards her, and he was engrossed with his tablet. He hadn't noticed her presence yet. These little domestic moments filled her with a lot of happiness and a small smile formed on her face.

"Daniel?" Her voice was serious. He turned towards her. "Full first name. What can I do for you, love?" She smiled a bit more, loving the way he tried to immediately make her more comfortable with humour, without undermining whatever she was going to say. "My period's late. Like, late late." His face went through multiple emotions in the span of a moment, confusion, surprise, disbelief and delight. "Have you, you know?" He nodded in the direction of the bathroom. She shook her head, raising the pregnancy test in her hand. "I wanted you to be there. Just in case." There was a smile on her face, in anticipation for the thing they had waited almost six years for. The implication was double-edged nonetheless. In case she wasn't pregnant, so that she wouldn't be alone for another negative test.

Daniel smiled, reassuringly, and filled with more excitement than he had felt in a long time. "Let's go then." The way to the bathroom was the same she had taken often over the last few years, with a similar test in hand, but this time was different. There was a hope that hadn't been there before.

The procedure was the same as it had been the countless times before, but this time the waiting was different. They sat down on the edge of the bathtub, but after the first few minutes, she shook her head and stood up. She took a piece of toilet paper, dried off the test, and took Daniel's hand. Shortly afterwards they were sitting on their bed. He had his legs crossed, and she was leaning against him.

Daniel put an arm around her, stroking along hers. "It's gonna be positive. And if not, we're going to continue." She nodded, trying to calm herself down. If she had to pinpoint an emotion she was feeling right now, she would not be able to do it. There was too much going on in her head. She turned her head and looked at Daniel's profile. His gaze was focused on the test. "We'll have to decide on a name then, won't we?" His head turned towards her. "We already decided on that, and you know it." There was mock affront in his voice, and he put on an offended frown. She smiled and took his hand. "Yeah, I know."

The first few moments after Daniel's alarm went off neither of them moved, then he leaned forwards, picked up the test and held it out to her. Her hands were shaking lightly when she took it. Turning it around took more mental strength than she had ever thought possible for such a simple action.

Her vision was blurry, but the result was still visible to her. She looked at Daniel, but his face was already simply a blur, but he was also crying. She knew that. He took her into his arm, kissing the crown of her head before leaning down and placing his forehead against hers. "You're pregnant." His voice was shaky, and she knew that, if she would look at him, he would have the biggest smile on his face she had ever seen. "Yes, we're going to have a child." She looked down, looking at her stomach incredulously.

They simply sat together in silence, enjoying the feeling, the closeness and each other. There were doctor's appointments that needed to be made and a lot of things needed organising. This moment, however, was theirs to enjoy. Pregnancy would be no easy journey, it involved risks and challenges, as would parenthood, but they were in it together.

@kigieri 2024. All rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate or repost any of my work.

[missmugiwara]

Insubordination

Summary: fem!reader x Levi Ackerman // Never in a million years would you defy your captain over a gift. From him. Quite the story how you got in the first place.

Warning: 18+, fluff, slightly suggestive, you are soooo down bad but so is he

Note: I love him!

✦ Word count is 2.5k ✦

A hand at your chest, balling into a fist only to grab at something that wasn't there. Only air.

Your eyes stared at your reflection in the window before blinking, readjusting to focus on the contents on the other side of the glass - the inside of the shop. The sun shone at the right angle, causing jewelry to twinkle in the light. Gently, you smiled while admiring the different pieces.

Even so, there was one thing that dazzled you over the others. The one thing that captivated you more than any other sparkly, expensive ring or watch or bauble: a necklace. A silver necklace with a silver pendant - the pendant being a simple feather, wisps carved into it and encrusted with a million little diamonds that imitated the millions of stars in a night sky.

You had wanted that necklace more than anything.

Every time your squad came back from an expedition, the route always passed the jewelry shop last. And every time, you would peek in the window to check and see if that little treasure was still there. Maybe someday you'd get it. These days, jewelry was hard to come by. It didn't help that you felt so selfish for staring all the time and for wanting to purchase such a small vanity. And of course, every time, your friends would mercilessly tease you about this. They would tell you to just buy the damn thing already! You deserved something nice for your hard work. Didn't you know? But when you laughed along with their cooing, it was the same excuse every time.

"Oh, goodness, no! My family needs me! Every cent I earn goes back to my little brothers!"

How many more times would you pass by that stupid shop and dream of that necklace? Surely, you could afford it after all these months of saving.

It was so obvious.

Upon arriving back from an expedition, while carting the injured and parading through town as the people looked upon the scouts, Levi could see. He could clearly see when you drove your horse off to the side. He could see you sneak and take a moment to quietly look into that shop's window. And he could see a friend trotting afterward as you exchanged whispers and maybe even a joke or two. Trying to hide this playful behavior when you should have a modicum of decorum on the way back to base was ignored.

At the sound of your giggling, Levi blinked from his perch atop his horse. His expression was stoic, his gaze unbreakable as he stared into your caped back. There you were with your friends, holding back laughter about that silly necklace again.

He squinted his eyes in annoyance. Tch. You should have just bought it already! Everyone kept saying it.

Levi let out a sigh. He knew better than to think that. Because he knew you.

You were there since the very beginning - one of the first people to ever be assigned to his squad. Being close only revealed your strength and devotedness - a pure and unwavering devotedness to him. A most important member of his squad. Yet important was not enough to describe what you could have possibly meant.

Feeling his relentless gaze burn into your back, you looked up to meet those steel eyes of Levi's. In turn, your mouth dropped open in surprise. By the look in your eyes, it was apparent that you were flustered. For a second more, your gazes stayed locked until you adoringly smiled at the captain.

Levi's eyebrow twitched when you gave a small wave with your hand. Your surrounding friends gasped and looked up to where you were waving, and Levi scowled further. They burst into giggles, whispering whatever teases as your attention was pulled back toward them.

That smile on your face was something he could never get over. It was amazing how you could find such joy in a world where the scouts met danger on a daily, if not hourly, basis.

You deserved joy.

With scrunched-up eyebrows and a steady focus in his gray eyes, Levi looked forward. He knew what to do next.

Later that day, Captain Levi Ackerman walked into that very same jewelry shop. The family that owned the establishment was shocked. Patrons gasped. Levi walked around as if it were the most normal thing in the world, ignoring the gazes of people around him. Stupid that they thought this was so unusual. He was as unbothered as always.

"C - Captain Levi!? W - welcome, sir!"

The Captain Levi?

Buying jewelry? Would it be a ring? Was it for a secret lover? A woman in his life? The unreadable captain was a romantic? Amongst all the stares, low whispers, and comments Levi could give less of a shit what people thought. So after a moment of walking toward the front desk, with the owner quaking in his boots for whatever reason, Levi spoke curtly.

"That feather necklace in the window. I'll take it."

"Excellent choice, sir! P - please accept this discount for all your hard work!"

"Thanks."

It was also later that same day when your beloved squad captain found you in the dining area. A group of scouts were gathered around you, eating and laughing as you regaled them with a funny story from working on your family's farm as a youth.

As usual, Levi's appearance shut everyone up immediately, earning him stares of slight panic. Everyone probably had the same thought: they were being way too rowdy if the captain of all people walked over. However, you had the inkling that this was about something else. A heat blossomed across your cheeks when Levi stopped right in front of you.

"We need to talk. Now."

Of course, Levi didn't scare you in the slightest - but if he needed to talk so urgently, it did make you worry a bit. Instantly, you hopped up and gave an energetic yes, sir! And you followed him, giving one last pout at anyone who dared to snicker at the prospect of you and the captain being alone.

Was it really that obvious? Did everyone know about your feelings?

With a turn of Levi's head toward the crowd behind him, eyes glaring daggers, that was when everyone really shut up.

What really caught you off guard was when you and Levi were finally alone. You, seated in front of his desk, and he opposite of you in a much more lavish chair. Silence and a sort of heated tension filled the air, albeit you could not quite place a finger on what it was that made it feel this way.

Gently, Levi placed a small box onto the desk with a small clatter. You looked at the box, then at Levi. He was expressionless, and his eyes twinkled under the lamplight. As usual, he looked amazingly handsome. A heat dusted over your cheeks. What did he expect you to do? Soon enough, you opened your mouth to ask what in the world this was, but the captain spoke first.

"Open it."

His face did not change nor did his tone urge you to hurriedly act. He let you take your time as you furrowed your brows in confusion. With parted lips, you blinked at him in question again. You really had no idea what was going on.

So you did as you were told.

Carefully, you separated the lid from the box. And your eyes widened once you registered what was inside.

The necklace.

You held your breath. Levi stolidly watched on.

"Captain - " you gawked, holding the necklace delicately in your fingers.

"We're alone."

"Levi." you breathed, "What… why? This can't be for me."

"It is."

"You did not."

"I did."

A losing battle. So your gaze snapped down to the necklace, a calm and gentle smile spreading across your lips. It was breathtaking. And Levi was breathtaking. He bought this just for you? This was the last thing in the world you would have ever expected, but - you knew him. Cold, impassive Captain Levi to the soldiers. Sweet, resolute Levi to you.

"Thank you, Levi. I love it."

When you looked up, he adorned a small smirk. He leaned back in his chair, crossing a leg over his knee.

"Now you have to help me put it on!" you clapped your hands as Levi scoffed, smirk still at his lips.

Excitedly, you spun around and situated your hair out of place when he stood up to walk over. The necklace was clasped daintily around your neck, Levi's fingers pausing at your skin for a slight second as if to savor the feeling. The feeling of happiness - one such feeling he did not have the opportunity to experience often enough. He could see your shoulders rise when your breath caught in your chest at the contact. After a pause, his index finger reached out on command, and he froze to think about what he should or shouldn't do.

Thoughts you similarly shared. A closeness, a bond was there. Something was definitely there, and even your fellow scouts could see it. But what did you want to risk? Was it okay to take the risk despite knowing your profession all too well?

Levi's finger curled inward, and he ran a knuckle lightly down your spine. An adoring touch, one you did not experience regularly except for the rare opportunities Levi chose to reveal his inner softness. Foolishly, you hoped he did not feel your heart thundering throughout your body when he touched you so sweetly.

You decided to ignore the butterflies in your stomach as best as you could. With a grin, you turned to meet his calm eyes.

"And how does it look?"

When Levi opened his mouth to answer, you grinned and interrupted.

"Ah, wait! Don't tell me. I already know it looks amazing."

Levi could only tilt his head to the side, eyebrows folded inward as he gave a tiny, closed-mouth smile. The small, energetic bursts and the ability to still be so genuine and pure in this world - that was amazing too. Where did you find the strength?

As you thanked him one more time, Levi brushed it off - refusing to let you thank him and simply stating it was nothing. When you headed for the door, Levi watched your backside. There was one more thing he needed you to know.

"I better not catch you wearing that on the field, soldier. Would be a shame if it got dirty or you lost it."

With your hand on the door handle, you froze at his words. A small hum escaped your lips, and you turned around with a smirk.

"Of course not… captain."

For whatever reason, you two stood there in silence and stared at each other. Neither one of you could bare to look away. Like a magnetic pull linked you two together. The shadows on your faces danced under the low light. That arousing, heavy feeling was in the air again, and your heart raced. Levi got this gift out of the kindness of his heart. Because he cared. A simple word of thanks didn't feel right. Not after all the years of being by his side.

Without thought, your body moved.

Levi's eyes widened when your arms flew around his neck. He stumbled once but regained footing when you buried your face in his shoulder, hugging him tightly. These moments of intimacy weren't often. In fact, you weren't sure if he was fine with a hug. If he wasn't, you'd apologize profusely. Levi stood stunned in place, really taking in the feeling of your body pressed tightly to his. After a moment more of reflection, his eyelids shut slowly when he exhaled. He dipped his chin into your shoulder, lightly placing his hands on your back to return the hug. His perfectly cut hair shading out his eyes when he moved. A few seconds passed as you held each other, and when you pulled away - Levi simply studied your face with that same taciturn expression he always bore.

As you both stood there just gazing into each other's eyes, your hands gripping his biceps and his at your waist, your eyes glittered. He looked so damn good. He always did over the years. So your brain decided to make you move without thought again.

Swiftly, you pecked him on the cheek.

His eyebrows raised slightly into his forehead, and his lips parted but Levi did not say a word. With a small heat rising to your cheeks, you calmly walked off to the door. All you wanted to do was scream and kick your feet because you had just done that, a small but innocent kiss, but you felt being tact was best. At least for now. At the door, you paused, turning to look at him with such desire.

You smiled, "Good night, Levi."

The door closed, leaving the stoic captain to brush his fingertips against the skin where your mouth landed.

The very next day was another expedition. No surprise there. Your hands tightly held the reins to your horse whilst the hundreds of others walked uniformly down the streets. A small neigh caught your attention, and you looked to the right. With this formation, you were always within eyesight of Levi - never to leave his side unless otherwise stated. You were so close - you could have easily reached out to touch his thigh so reassuringly, but you had a duty to be respectable first and foremost.

It was only yesterday night, but scanning his face made you wonder if he had thoughts of the little gifts exchanged - a necklace and a kiss. It was just a small one! You couldn't fathom going overboard, so the cheek was subtle and friendly enough. This was silly though. Of course Levi probably didn't have time to think about that now. Just like yesterday, your hand darted to the space right underneath the neck - only to be greeted by the necklace this time. From underneath your cape, you grabbed the feather pendant between your thumb and forefinger.

"Hey."

You twitched and turned to meet Levi's eyes.

"What did I say about wearing that?"

Embarrassment was written all over your face. So you spent a while studying him, Levi looking more and more pissed with every second you kept him waiting. Before long, a small smirk appeared at your lips.

"Sorry, captain. I just can't do that. You see… someone really special gave me this. It means everything to me."

Levi's eyes widened.

With a call of Erwin's voice in the background, the horses sprang forth in a run out onto the field beyond the walls. A cheeky, closed-mouth grin, and you tucked the necklace back under your shirt. Within a second, your expression changed to a more serious one, and your eyes darted ahead in focus. No time to think about this bold, little remark any longer - no matter how much you wanted to see Levi's face. Hopefully, he wasn't mad. Because most of all, how dare you so openly defy his command.

Insubordination.

Levi smirked.

He'd deal with you later.

Privately, of course.

[deusvervewrites]

Saiyan AU

...So, I wrote a part two of that short story I sent a little while ago. I think it might be a little longer, but I hope y'all like it.

---

As the beam came hurtling towards Tsuyu, time seemed to slow down. The green glow of the spiraling beam inched toward her at a snail’s pace. The teachers, previously running to stop the match, were frozen in midair, having borne the brunt of the shockwave. The crowd, previously cheering for the fight, were stuck with faces of panic and horror.

And Tsuyu stood in the arena, contemplating her fate.

‘I can’t dodge that! Not even Father could dodge it!’ Her head buzzed with thoughts of fear, despair, and loathing. Fear over facing the Evil Containment Wave in person. Despair over not having gotten to truly live her own life. Loathing towards her father for having forced this fate upon her through his wicked deeds and actions.

With no other options in sight, Tsuyu did the only thing she could do: accept her fate.

‘So this is how it ends. Trapped in a bottle for all eternity. Forever conscious of the flow of time in a void too small to rest in. Imprisoned by an uncle who thinks I’m a villain of the worst sort.’

The spiral kept inching closer.

‘I’ll never see a warm summer’s day again. Never touch the cool waters of a lake or river in my life. Never become a hero like the rest of my classmates.’

The Evil Containment Wave reached its zenith, bathing her in the glowing green light of its power.

‘I’ll never see the world fully heal from my father’s attacks. Never see the celebrations of peace afterwards. Never see Habuko smile–

Suddenly, she stopped herself.

‘Habuko. I’ll never see her again.’

She remembered meeting Habuko for the first time. Remembered how skittish she was. How she stalked Tsuyu. How she became her student. How she became her friend. How she didn’t judge Tsuyu for the actions of her father. How she held Tsuyu in her arms as she cried tears of joy into her shoulder afterwards. How they both pledged to become heroes together with smiles on their faces.

How Tsuyu’s heart seemed to flutter whenever she looked at her.

‘No! I can’t leave her after all we’ve done together! After all our progress, all our hard work! All for nothing?! No! I refuse!’

With a newfound strength discovered, she desperately tried to find a way to defy her fate.

‘Think, Tsuyu! Think! What do you know about the Evil Containment Wave? What do you remember?’ Delving through her father’s memories concerning his imprisonment by that martial artist was always painful, but things weren’t likely to get worse.

As the beam kept traveling towards her, Tsuyu wracked over every detail of the event, from the way the martial artist moved to the ki buildup her father had sensed before he had been imprisoned in the rice cooker.

She had an idea. She wasn’t sure if it would work. But she was damned if she didn’t try.

Time started to speed up. The spiral rushed at her, faster and faster now. The teachers were crashing against the dirt and were being blown back farther. The sound of screams filled the air as the onlookers watched on. And Tsuyu stood still, building up her ki and focusing its intent to carry the person it would hit.

The spiralling beam of energy was right on top of her and just before it hit, she pushed arms out and focused her ki into them.

The spiral slammed into her hands, pushing with all its might to overpower her. Tsuyu could barely hear anything over the roar of the beam, holding it back in the palms of her hands. Even standing still she could feel the same power that had ensnared her father, the pull of the beam sucking at her very essence like a black hole that threatened to draw her in and carry her away.

She didn’t know how long she held it for. A few seconds? 10? 30? A minute? All that mattered is that she was holding it back.

She looked up and saw a look of shock on Kami’s face. She grit her teeth as she stared down the man who tried to ruin her life. And fired back at him.

“EVIL CONTAINMENT WAVE! REVERSE!”

In the blink of an eye, the spiraling beam of energy was hurled back towards Kami. He tried feebly to raise his arms to protect himself, but it was too late. The blast hit and he was sent flying.

As Kami flung through the air, it took a lot of concentration from Tsuyu to keep up the beam. While it couldn’t be turned off, it was taxing on her ki.

“Let him go!” she shouted, fury dripping from her mouth, “Release Shinsou at once, Kami!” Up in the swirling energy above her, Kami shouted and twisted Shinsou’s body in a panic.

“You may have beaten me, but I will not condemn an innocent soul alongside myself!” With a shimmering effect, the two separated, and Shinsou was flung out of the energy beam, leaving only her uncle.

With Shinsou’s safety secured, she directed the beam downwards towards the clay bottle. ‘Come on, Tsuyu, you have one chance! One chance or else he escapes!’ The beam rushed towards the clay bottle but, right before it hit, her uncle gave out one last defiant cry.

“DAMN YOU, PICCOLO!!!”

Then silence as the beam flung straight into the bottle.

:3

Rip Kami. Died of yuri.

[pinkpuppipawz]

☆ - GUINEA PIG HYBRID READER FT MULTIPLE JJK MEN !

╰┈➤ includes; gn! hybrid reader, mainly focused on reader squeaking and the guys falling heads over heels all over again, mentions of eating food

╰┈➤ a/n; this fic is heavily inspired by @appleblueberry-pie s’ post on Guinea pig hybrid reader with jjk men, tysm for letting me use this for a fic 🧡

SATORU GOJO

when satoru first met you, he was instantly in love

you’re guessing that it’s mainly due to your unusual features such as small ears and a tiny barely noticeable tail

he hasn’t seen many hybrids in the sorcerer world, other than panda

one thing that gave him a huge fright was when you first squealed out of nowhere when he brought home some sweet treats

he was very concerned that you were in pain or injured in some way, only to be relieved once told you involuntarily tend to squeal when you get excited

after this experience he tries his best to excite you when possible, since he can’t get enough of your squeaks

always refrains from just squishing your cheeks together in response

man wants to keep you in his pocket

GETO SUGURU

enjoys hearing your squeals

he becomes extra soft when he hears them

one second he’s tearing down another pathetic useless monkey

and the next he’s practically cooing as you squeal in happiness once he comes back from his cult to visit you

you also tend to purr like a cat, especially when he sits you on his lap

his heart fucking melts

loves giving your ears little scritches since it makes you practically vibrate on top of him whilst putting like a lil’ kitty

if you’re unable to speak whilst squealing then he doesn’t mind, he actually finds it enduring how you can’t talk when squealing in joy

yes his daughters also love you so much, they both think you’re the cutest thing they’ve ever seen

NANAMI KENTO

man damn near shat himself the first time you started squeaking

it was when he came home from the usual sorcerer work, and he had a fresh loaf of bread to share with you

you just couldn’t hold back your excitement

you were so embarrassed afterwards, hiding your face behind your hands as nanami looked at you with concern

stuttering, you explained to him that you tend to squeak uncontrollably when you get excited

nanami finds it relaxing when you perch yourself on his lap and start purring in content

he low-key finds it very therapeutic and it helps him destress after a hard day at work

he finds it very cute and unique how you make certain noises when feeling different emotions, gives you more character in his book

won’t admit it but he always finds himself with a little smile plastered on his face when around you

TOJI FUSHIGURO

he’s such a meany about your squeaks :(

always teases you whenever you make animal noises

“aww, you happy to see me sweet thing? why didn’t you just say so?” he’ll coo whilst squishing your cheeks together before giving you a small yet sloppy kiss onto both cheeks

your squeaks scare him at times, but you won’t hear that from him

sometimes he’ll just be chilling then all of a sudden loud ass squeals echo throughout the house and he nearly has a heart attack

actually enjoys hearing you purring, especially sat on his lap

9 times out of 10 pretty much forces you on his lap or chest when you start purring

he actually seems to become less stiff and more calm when you purr on him

sometimes forgets you’re a hybrid and so gets a small surprise when he spots your lil ears on top of your head

CHOSO KAMO

has never in his 150 years of life seen a hybrid at all

very curious of your existence

will ask lots of questions even when you get into a relationship, he’s just a really curious fella what can he say?

he asks them so that he understands you better

when you first squeaked was when he gave you a small kiss on the lips, he was worried he did something wrong

only to be proven wrong when you snuggle up against the crook of his neck, arms wrapped around his body whilst your squeaks slowly but surely turn into content purrs

he melts into your embrace, he’s never felt this content in life other than when he’s with his brothers

your squeaks give him serotonin, he can’t live without your squeaks

enjoys how when he makes spaghetti that you start squeaking even before the foods ready, he concludes that you simply enjoy food so much

SUKUNA RYOMEN

claims that your presence annoys him to no end, especially your squeaks and purrs

then when you stop making those noises around him he feels…. sad?

not even an hour later and he’s telling you that he actually doesn’t mind your noises, low key is fond of them, but he won’t straight up admit he likes them, he’s too far up his own ass to admit when he likes something

he has probably seen hybrids at some point during his thousand plus years of existence, but even he’s aware of how rare hybrids are in the jujutsu world

your happy squeaks make him feel things he’s never felt before

the same goes for your purring

if he’s been gone for a long amount of time, you’ll rush up to him and embrace his muscular body as tight as possible whilst you purr which causes your body to vibrate against his

he finds it weird how your body vibrates when you purr

© content belongs to @huboi on tumblr, DO NOT REPOST ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS WHATSOEVER

[secretlythepits]

A Special Day

We don’t go out much. Mostly because leaving the house means spending money and that’s been tight since we had kids. Also, there’s traffic and we get most of what we need online. But clothes, especially for the boys need to be chosen in person.

We went to the mall today and had planned to go to a different mall tomorrow if we didn’t get everything we needed. Both kids have grown and need wardrobe refreshes. It’s overdue, but the treatment schedule is a lot. After school, we headed to the mall and, surprise, surprise, found everything but a hoodie at the first store. I even got a few things. The prices were such bargains too. A total score.

The plan was to also go out to dinner for my son’s birthday, which was earlier this week on a treatment travel day for my husband and an AP test for my other son. I made a special dinner and cake that day, and we pushed the restaurant to the weekend. I found a place that looked good in the same area of the mall and it was so atmospheric (aesthetics matter to me, Amalfi Coast was the theme) and the food was very delicious. We had a great conversation and my husband shared stories from his childhood in Cuba. The kids listened in a way they hadn’t before.

Because the mall trip unexpectedly ended early, dinner was early too, so my son was able to meet friends at the rock climbing gym afterwards. We had thought that wouldn’t work out. It was a lot of fun and they even had a DJ. My husband wanted to stay, rather than drop him off so he had a good time just hanging out. My other son and I did a fashion show for each other and I watched a guilty pleasure (it’s on Hulu and so bad, it’s good 🤫 🤫 🤫 ).

When my husband came home, he was tired but happy. It was just sort of a magical time hanging out as a family. It feels like a rare treat these days. At the restaurant he all of a sudden remembered that our favorite chef had finally opened her new place. We had planned to go, but haven’t made it yet. He panicked.

“There is still time,” I told him. “You still have time.” Because I knew he is now seeing his end approach.

When he got home from the rock climbing gym, he confessed that all week he has felt that he is deteriorating. I have noticed. Again, it’s hard to tell what is a side effect and what is cancer. (Except the weird circular rash he has that looks kind of like ring worm, that is from whatever freaky chemicals they injected in him.) There is no roadmap in clinical trials and although we know lots of people who’ve had cancer, we don’t know anyone with clinical trial experience. It’s a whole different ball game.

Anyway, I have noticed him declining, but it breaks my heart to hear him say it . I don’t know what it would feel like to really know: this is it. The tiny fragment I have left of my life is almost gone. It’s like holding an ice cube in your hand on a summer day.

But we soldier on. He has his second cataract surgery, then treatment, followed immediately by his bucket list trip.

And then….

Scans. Maybe more treatment. If not, hospice. There is a possibility of ablation.

And me, how am I doing?

I’m glad we made up. No part of me wants to waste this time. In the end, our marriage was good and bad (just like life), but it produced a magical family. It’s easy to be weighed down by the challenges of puberty, menopause, and caregiving— what a trifecta of 💩 💩 💩. But to disregard all the precious moments our hearts were bursting with joy— nah, those weren’t nothing; they were everything.

I am doing one thing that might be deeply unhealthy, but maybe it’s good. I don’t know.

I decided to isolate myself from my friends and family. I know that sounds awful. But I just dropped out a week ago and don’t plan on resuming any contact with anyone for the foreseeable future. I feel bad for their end, but I just really don’t have it in me to explain what’s happening.

I have wonderful people. People who listen and care, who don’t yap on about their lives until I have asked them. But for some time I have been frustrated when talking to them. Sometimes it’s because I have to wait (time differences and busy lives, but I don’t like feeling on pause when my world is exploding). Sometimes it’s because even when I invite them to talk about what’s going on, I feel how insignificant it is compared to my own Capital L Life stuff going on. Sometimes it’s because those perfect and sincere comments they make seem like a script, even though of course that’s the only thing to say. Sometimes it’s because they say something off in a minor way and in my heart, I am lacking basic social patience right now. I know all of these perceptions are my problem. It’s nobody’s fault that nothing feels right (including me).

But the big thing is: nobody has even a clue the depth of the sadness, frustration, and fear in my life. Every week equates to the emotional load of a whole year in normal times. Talking about it turns it into a story and that story never feels entirely accurate. It’s very much an iceberg situation. I cannot bear to talk about the tip anymore and nobody else can truly understand what’s down below.

I also feel too dependent on others for my emotional wellbeing. I need to figure out a way I can stand on my own. A lifetime ago, I moved to India for a few months and I purposefully didn’t call or email my mom. I felt like I needed to become more emotionally independent and I feel that same impulse now.

I am depressed, which is unusual for me. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about plans to get better. Nothing will change until my situation changes. I want to be aware of how I’m feeling and then I want to learn how to navigate this on my own. I want to reconnect with others when I have gotten myself to a better place. (It’s also not fun to be the Debbie Downer all the time but that is my life.)

Part of me is worried because I know isolation is a sign of depression and maybe I should be fighting against that current. But maybe I’m just so tired, it’s time to float and just let it take me where it takes me. Ultimately l, I know I am at its mercy and there is absolutely nothing I can do to steer myself elsewhere. Eventually, I will swim back to shore, but for now,

why fight a rip current?

[agoodflyting]

Dragonborn Dark Urge backstory (or, a short horror story) * Imagine you are a rich upper city woman married to a poor but beautiful musician. She is the love of your life and you are the love of hers. Your family is dead, but you inherited enough money that you will never want for anything. You can support her while she makes her music and the two of you are happy together. * One day, a foundling child is left outside your gate. Your wife wants to find his parents, but you decide that it's fate he came to you. A message from the gods. You may not be the same species, but this little dragonborn was meant to be your son and you will not give him back for anything. * Raising an infant of a different species is a challenge. Your baby has sharp teeth and tiny needle claws, but he is the sweetest thing and he never means to hurt you. He can't help what he is. You patiently teach him careful and gently and don't hurt until they are some of the first words he ever says. * Your wife teaches him to play music from the moment he's big enough to sit at the piano. Despite the claws on his little hands, he develops a skill for it. It fills your heart with joy to watch them play together. * Not everything is perfect. There's prejudice against dragonborn in the Upper City. It pains you to hear whisperings from the servants or from your neighbors that your son is a monster. Whenever a stray cat dies, or someone's pet is injured, they blame him for it. They don't see the same sweet little boy who curls up in your arms and begs for stories every night before bed. They don't know him like you do.

* What happened to the servant girl was an accident. He's getting bigger and, well... he has the mind of a four-year-old boy in a body with sharp teeth and pointed claws. He can be mischievous. He says he didn't intend to hurt her, and you believe him. It was an accident, and the cleric said she would keep the use of her arm. There was no harm done. * It keeps happening, but he is always so sorry afterwards that you cannot bear to punish him. Your wife helps him practice, just the two of them, the way she used to teach him to play the piano. Gentle hands, no claws, never bite. Hands to yourself. Don't touch. Don't touch. Never bite. You hear him repeating it to himself sometimes, like a mantra, when he is alone. Never bite, never bite, don't touch, don't touch, no, no, no. It breaks your heart that he wants so much to be good. * He starts having nightmares when he's six-years-old and wakes screaming and thrashing at the air. It's dangerous to approach him when he's like that, until you figure out that you can bundle him up in a blanket and pet the soft spot beneath the hard, bony ridges on the back of his head until he calms down. He says that he dreams about a little man in his bedroom who tells him to do the don't touch things. * Your son is fascinated by the medical books in your library and can spend hours studying the pictures of flayed muscle and diagrams of bones. To feed his curiosity, you hire the best private tutors money can buy. Although they all laud how clever and well mannered your son is, you have a hard time getting any of them to keep the job for very long. * By the time he is eight, the night terrors are bad enough that the only way any of you get any sleep is if he's sleeps in your bedroom, nestled between you and your wife. It's the only place, he says, the little man doesn't bother him. Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and swear you are being watched. * "I'm sorry, mama, I'm sorry- I'm sorry- I didn't mean too, I'm sorry-" All you can hear is your son screaming and clawing his little hands against the bedroom door while you hold your wife in your arms, her blood leeching into the floorboards. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" he cries through the door, until the words lose all meaning. * You tell the Fist it was a tragic accident, and your wife is buried in your family plot, alongside your father and mother. You keep a tight hold on you son's hand through the entire funeral and do not let him loose until you're back in the house. I'm sorry, he says again as you lock him in his room. I'm sorry. * Every night you lock the door, and every night he begs until his little voice cracks. Sometimes you sit just outside his door and cry with him. * By the time your son is ten, your household operates on strict rules. The door to his room is locked at night and unlocked in the morning. He does not leave he house. He is never permitted to be in a room alone with any of the servants. They think it is because you fear for his safety. They think you've become mad and overprotective since the death of your wife. They are wrong. And still it's not enough. * Don't let him out, not matter how much he begs. Every time you say those words, the servants look at you like you are the monster. They don't understand. Until the first one of them breaks your rule. She felt bad for the little boy kept all alone, who begged so sweetly to be let out, just for a little while. You dismiss her with enough gold to pay for a skilled cleric healer. With a little luck, they may be able to save her eye. On the other side of a locked door, your son laughs. * I'll be good, mother. I promise I'll be good. Please? There is almost a mocking edge to his words now as he toys with you from the other side of the door. You keep the only key to his room on a chain around your neck, beside your wedding ring. * At some point your son stopped having night terrors. When you ask about it, he says that the little man in his room doesn't bother him any more.

* All your rules, your precautions, still aren't enough. You don't know why the gardener was in the kitchen, but you knew something was wrong when you heard your son laughing. It has been so many years since you heard him laugh. I'm sorry mother, he says later, head bent in contrition, as you make him scrub the blood from his hands. But you remember that joyful child's laughter and something in you, perhaps a mother's instinct, tells you that he is lying. You dismiss the remainder of the servants that night and tell the gardener's family that you don't know why he never made it home. * Your once beautiful home is cold and empty. Dust gathers in the corners. The garden, where you used to sit in the sun with your family, dies and withers away. You lock your son in his room every night and double-check the bolts. Every night, he goes without a fuss, but you have started to fear the way he looks at you when you are alone. And you are always alone. * Somewhere over the years, he became bigger than you. Your son is fifteen and you have begun to fear what will happen when, one day not too far off, you tell him to go to his room and he says no.

* You have known for years what you have to do, but actually going through with it is different. For all that you are afraid of him, for all that you hate the things he has done, there is a part of you that loves him too. He's your son. * Gasping on the floor of your son's bedroom in your last moments, a wretched voice singsongs in your ear. Oh dear, dear, dear mother - I didn't think you had it in you! All these years, these urges must have been festering. My congratulations on finally giving in to them! And with a pillow... well, not the best choice under the circumstances, but it does have a certain style. He'll remember this. Oh, I knew I chose well, with you all those years ago... Such a fine young man you've made of him. Now, my young master, why don't you show her how it's done - just the way we practiced, hmm? Your father is eager to meet you.

[skzdarlings]

Hey Darling ♡

After long consideration I decided to finally write you this message. It will probably be really long and you don't have to answer it! I just want to let you know a few things:

I came across your account a few months ago when you released the first chapters of the 'sharing a bed' series. I was immediately impressed! You are so talented and it may sound stupid but I can 'feel' how much thoughts and love you put in your works.

TW: depression and suicidal thoughts

I also found your account when I was at a very difficult time in my life. After four years of therapy (depression) I tried to get my life back. I've managed to get a part time job but I quickly realized that it exhausts me too much and makes my symptoms worse. But I didn't want to admit that it's only worsening my depression so I didn't stop. And I remember a time when I was at work on the toilet having a panic attack and thinking about ending things. It sounds super cliché but at that moment I got a notification that you postet a new bodyguard Felix chapter. And suddenly my thoughts went like 'I will never know how your bodyguard story ends if I give up now'. Don't get me wrong, I have other 'things' that give me strengh to continue (family) but on that day, it was you and your amazing story that pushed my dark thoughts away. And I really want to thank you for this ♡

I also remember the night you released that one chapter where the main lead had to say goodbye to Jisung because she wanted him to be safe... I cried. You can't imagine how thankful I was to finally cry again. I couldn't cry in a long time no matter what I tried. After your story basically forced me to cry I could let everything out. And even though my head was exploding afterwards, it felt so good. Thanks to you I also realized that I can still feel emotions because at that time I felt like all my emotions were just gone. When I think about this time I also realize that this chapter made me more excited and happy than the SKZ comeback. So again, thank you so much.

A lot of stuff happened, my whole situation got worse and at some point I decided to go back to a familiar psychiatric ward to get some help. I'm in there since August now and last week they started to treat my depression with ketamine. It's super exhausting but maybe it will get better!

I didn't want to write this message for you to feel sorry for me or feel preassured to write more. I wanted to tell you that your stories have a positive impact on others! Before depression hit me like a train I wrote my own fanfictions. I never posted them but I loved writing them. You are such an inspiration to finally start writing again. It's still exhausting as I'm not able to concentrate for too long but it gives me so much joy. Your stories and the effort and love you put in them gives me so much motivation and I can't say this enough but I'm so thankful for everything you and your stories gave me over the past few months! Thank you so so much ♡

P.S I can't wait to read the last chapter from the bodyguard fic! I'm such a big fan and even though I'm really sad that it's the last one I can't wait to read what you've planned for the end. But no preassure! Take all the time you need ♡

I assume this is okay to post because it's anonymous, that way I can reply haha but let me know if you want me to private this at any time! <3

But oh my goodness, such a thoughtful message took so much heart to write and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time and effort to do so. I don't even think I can formulate a good response that it deserves! But please know how much you have touched me in return. I have personally lived with similar things, though I find it hard to talk about so I really do respect and appreciate you doing so here.

I also understand what you mean about something like a story update being one of the things to hold onto for a while. i think the small things can make a difference and there's nothing wrong with that. It's nice to think there are other small things waiting around the corner that you might not even know exist yet, but they will also add to good moments too.

I wish you so so much love, really and truly. I hope you find some help and relief with these new treatments. Thank you for reading and again thank you for messaging. All the best!!

<333

[gabbagepatch]

Traveling~ 3-22-2024

I’m currently at home trying to unwind after my grandparent’s fiftieth anniversary party in SC!

I had gone back and forth about going because it’s a six hour drive, including a mountain that always makes my ears pop as we ascend and descend. With vestibular disfunction and a ruptured eardrum I honestly thought I couldn’t handle it.

It was definitely difficult. My vertigo was very bad and I got a migraine about three hours in, I even had a bag handy in case I needed to vomit! My vertigo and migraines have begun to be paired with pretty intense nerve pain as well. It felt like my head and neck were on fire while my head was being crushed. Very painful, and the ibuprofen I had preemptively taken wasn’t doing much to help. There was also a healthy dose of tingling and hot/cold sensations in my hands and feet, plus the classic leg twitches, but that’s not painful just uncomfortable. Despite all that I actually did a lot better than I expected!

During the ride I regretted coming along, I felt like I had doomed myself to 12 combined hours of torture for no reason. Obviously it was too late anyways, but that didn’t stop me from beating myself up for the situation I put myself in.

The entire ordeal came to a climax when we finally got to the hotel room. It’s hard to describe, but when you’ve been moving for a long time and then just stop? It screws everything up. My body threw a tantrum, to say the least. The nerve pain, twitching, nausea, tinnitus, everything kicked into overdrive for the first three hours after the ride.

So that's the negative, but the rest of the trip was super cute and fun! We got the best burgers we've ever had the night we arrived, mine was called the "Clint Beefwood" lol. Afterwards I slept so soundly it's like I was in a coma. Usually sleeping is pretty tough for me given the nerve pain and vertigo, but that night I was out almost immediately. Didn't dream or stir once until I was woken up.

The party had a couple hiccups but we got it set up in time and my grandparents seemed to really enjoy it! The kids (my niece and nephew, my cousins kids, the kids my grandparents adopted, etc) were such a joy. It was so cute watching them run around and play together. I even got to hold my cousins baby for a fair amount of time, couldn't get enough of her. We had attempted to set up a kid's activity table which included some tupper containers filled with rice, plus some spoons and toy trucks. The kids loved it but it was unceremoniously canceled about two hours in because my nephew, the little chaos agent, had discovered how fun it was to dump the rice onto the floor. Cut to me and my sis searching for vacuums and brooms in the venue because the rice was truly everywhere.

I also was unofficially the babysitter during clean-up. It wasn't asked of me but I think everyone appreciated having a break from screaming kids while trying to clean up a big party.

My little chaos agent got a bit upset with me though, after I scolded him for throwing sand at me. My guy chucked some sand right at my chest! I had to grab his little ravioli fist to keep him from launching another attack! I guess he's not used to his auntie being the one to fuss because (cross my heart) I did not even raise my voice and yet that scolding sent him tearily running back towards his momma.

His sister was equally rowdy although a bit more contained. She interrupted my grandparent's toast with a loud "Say happy birthday!!" to everyone's delight. She has gotten so outgoing, demanding everyone's name and hugging people without any hesitation. She used to despise situations like that, now she thrives in them.

The screaming and fluorescents would get overwhelming pretty quickly, but I fended off the vertigo by stepping outside every once in a while. Even with my head I couldn't feel anything but joy, it was so fun.

That evening we went over to my grandparent's house--it was some of the best fun I've had in ages. Just laughing together, it was so idyllic. After 1/3rd of a year marked by medical issues, losing my dog, worry, anxiety? That evening was like a refreshing bath. Full of love and surrounded by great company, I didn't regret coming at all when it was said and done.

[killianopage]

📷 by Matthews Abiel

The soft morning light came into Killian's hotel room, making lines across the carpet. He stretched, a quiet yawn coming out. Today was a work day, but not just any work day—it was a photo shoot for a local makeup brand. Still, there was no rush. The shoot wasn't starting for about four more hours, giving him plenty of time to enjoy the calm comfort of his room. Good thing, the whole setup was in the room next door; its big space and good natural light made it the perfect place for today's work.

Flashback

Just two days before, Killian had been living his day off, enjoying his life. He was in Japan, seeing the sights and sounds, not knowing about the problem coming his way. His phone rang, and a quick look showed a message from his manager. What started as a nice break was suddenly stopped with news of a quick photo shoot for a makeup brand.

But there was a problem, a big one. The chosen photographer could not come and work, leaving both the makeup brand's team and Killian's own people confused. A clear stress filled the air as they tried to think of answers. Then, Killian's manager, with a look of worry and an idea in her eyes, turned to him. “We have Matthews here,” she started, her voice a mix of asking and hope. “Can you help us? Please?” Matthews, Killian boyfriend looking at her with a wide eyes full of shock.

Killian's eyes grew big, a little surprise mixed with a new understanding. Matthews. Of course. His mind quickly went back to many quick photoshoots when they traveled, Matthews always easily getting the best angle, the right light, making simple times into art. He's Killian's personal photographer – you know, the kind of job boyfriends are perfect for, a quiet understanding between them whenever there was a camera. But this? A real makeup brand shoot in Japan? That was a very different level.

A quick, quiet talk happened next, a short argument in the hotel room. Still, the outcome felt sure. Matthews, with his natural eye and calm trust, was the only good choice. And as the choice became firm, Killian knew it wasn't just him who believed in Matthews's eye. It was no secret. The makeup brand's team immediately recognized Matthews Abiel's name when it came up; he wasn't just any Matthews. This was Matthews Abiel, the retired Canadian model whose name still meant a lot in the business, the one who owned a well-known art place in France. His art, whether walking on the runway or holding a camera, was clear. In the end, there was no real fight. They trusted him, they trusted his skill to make this project happen.

Now

It was hard for Killian. Today was a professional photo shoot, not just a quick picture with his boyfriend like he always do, and a tight knot of nerves grew in his stomach. He was afraid he would not be able to do his best, to truly show the brand's idea, all because of the man behind the camera. It was Matthews, his boyfriend, the man of his dreams. Just having him there, focused and ready to catch every small detail, made Killian's heart beat fast. He worried he would make a strange face, a nervous twitch showing the professional look he was trying to keep.

Then, the shoot began. Killian took a deep breath, trying to push past the worries, and thankfully, the time went by with surprising ease. Afterward, as the team got together to look through the first photos, a quiet “wow” spread through the room. A big surprise waited for them: the looks and feeling Killian gave off were not just good, they were perfect, matching well with the brand's idea.

There were shots where he was laughing freely, a real, open joy coming from him. In other pictures, his face had a strong serious look, even though his heart had been beating very fast inside his chest. And the best part? His cheeks even showed a natural, red color, a true warmth that could not have been faked. He had, against his own nervous thoughts, truly shined.

[childofchrist1983]

Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him. - Matthew 21:31-32 KJV

Do you think you need God? For many of us, including myself, the answer is a clear and bold "YES!" But there are people who don't think that God is necessary in their lives. Just as the Pharisees and the scribes believed that they didn't need God, sadly there are people today who feel the same. The first letter of John says that we are all sinners. I'm willing to bet that there are many today who don't think that they sin. I try very hard everyday to live as Jesus Christ wants me to, but there are times when I know I'm not as Christlike as I should be. There are times when I judge others without even realizing it! There have been people in my life that I no longer have in my life, because I didn't reach out to them even when I knew that they were in need. I was too preoccupied with my own needs. Just because we aren't lying, stealing or cursing, doesn't mean that we are free from sin. Besides the need for ongoing forgiveness, We need to remember that God is with us.

This knowledge keeps me going, knowing that I can depend on Him to answer my prayers, keep me out of trouble, and help me when I grieve. Knowing that I am promised eternal life if I keep my eyes on Him and His ways and will gets me through the days when this temporary life isn't going so well, and gives me joy on the days when it feels as though anything is possible. We all have our reasons for seeking, leaning on and thanking Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being in our hearts and our lives. Thank Him for all the gifts and blessings He has given us! As true Christians, we are especially grateful for the gift of our eternal salvation and eternal life promised to us in Heaven. We and our lives are much more fulfilled thanks to Him! May we always keep our eyes on Him and His Kingdom of Heaven as we journey with Him.

Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven (John 3:5, 14:6), the only way to salvation (Acts 4:12, Ephesians 2:8-9) and He is resurrection and the life (John 11:25-26). As true and born-again Christians, we believe in Him and His Holy Word. We know though our mortal bodies should die, He will raise us up and into new and glorious bodies (The Rapture). We who are truly His and alive at His second coming will never die, and our bodies will be changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, and so shall we ever be with Him in His Kingdom of Heaven forevermore (1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). This is one of many promises given to us by God Himself. Let this promise of future resurrection give us hope and peace and encourage us always. Thank God for His strength and guidance when we are faced with sin and temptation. Thank Him for His mercy and grace. Through Bible study and prayer, God reveals His wisdom and guides us to see opportunities to grow closer to Him and grow spiritually. He gives us direction to live our lives according to His Holy Word and will. We must make God top priority everyday! May we be motivated to spread God's Holy Word and Gospel Truth to all the Earth, knowing that it is the only hope of all those lost in their sins. Let us not hold out a false hope for men to be saved without the Gospel, but instead, strive to do our part to get the Gospel out to a lost and dying world.

Leaning on Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ through prayer and His Holy Word and Spirit strengthens us and our knowledge and wisdom about God and His Gospel Truth, exposing these imposters. May God help us to seek and lean on Him daily to gain the strength, wisdom and spiritual discernment needed to expose Satan and his imposters who seek to destroy us and God's ultimate Truth. Everyday, we must remember to share Jesus Christ's Gospel Truth with the world and to thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for the grace that He poured out for us on the cross at Calvary. He has freed us from the burdens of sin and from the eternal damnation of Hell. In all we say and do, may all praise, honor and glory always be given to Him and His Kingdom of Heaven.

With renewed minds, hearts and wills, let us serve Him humbly and faithfully out of pure love and grateful rejoicing. May He remind us of His presence and to remain at peace, fully knowing that all will be well because He is always with us. Let us seek Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ today and everyday with all our heart and being, looking for His love, light and will for our lives with each step we take. Let us seek to please Him with our thoughts, words, and deeds and seek to advance His Kingdom of Heaven and His glory with our lives. Let us seek Him from a pure and humble heart, and when we so seek, we believe Him and His promise that we will find. May He help us all to be more sensitive to the teaching ministry of His Holy Word and Spirit, relying on Him and allowing Him to speak to us and guide us every step of our Christian journey.

God gave us the Holy Bible - His living and Holy Word - to let us know of Him and His abiding love and care as well as guide and prepare us for all our lives. May He help us encourage one another as we continue our walk with Him and our duty to Him daily. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being present for all our new beginnings and all our lives. May He redirect any anxiety we feel as He provides countless opportunities for growth and change. May we humble ourselves before God always, asking Him to forgive our sins and make our hearts and lives anew through His Holy Word and Spirit. May He help us make Him and His Holy Word top priority, so we can grow spiritually and grow in our relationship with Him as we apply it to our daily lives. Thank God that we can focus on Him and everything about Him, for that is what keeps us sane and at peace. May our words and actions always be a reflection of Him and His Holy Word and Spirit and will.

May He help us to always walk in His grace and Holy Spirit, not by our own measure. May He give us the humble humility to know that our freedom and eternal salvation is found only in Him, so that His grace may sustain us, and we may never lose sight of His love and light and mercy. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for calling us to Him and to serve Him. May He equip us to do all that He has called us to do so that as He works through us, He may use us to produce fruit, to reach others, and to encourage all brothers and sisters in Christ. May He work all of these things in us and through us for His Kingdom and His glory. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all His creation, for His miraculous ways and for everything He does and has done for us! Keep the faith and keep moving forward in your walk with Jesus! He loves us and He knows what is best for us. Seek, follow and trust in Him - Always!

Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Word and for sending His Holy Spirit so that we might have His grace, not only to awaken us and transform our hearts in our spiritual rebirth and guarantee our eternity with Him, but to also call upon Him whenever we are in need. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all the reminders of His love and mercy and faithfulness within His Holy Word. He is bigger than any challenge or circumstance in our lives. Knowing this within our minds and our hearts, nothing can deter our faith in Him and His Truth. May we all accept Him and His eternal gift of salvation and ask that He would transform our hearts and lives according to His will and ways. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Spirit who saves, seals and leads us. May we always thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His almighty power and saving grace. For He is our strength, and He alone is able to save us, forgive our sins and gift us eternal salvation and entry into His Kingdom of Heaven.

May we make sure that we give our hearts and lives to God and take time to seek and praise Him and share His Truth with the world daily. May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Holy Word daily. May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful LORD, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

[bazaarwords]

thank you @why-does-it-matterr​! i think i got a little carried away, but i hope you enjoy!

cw: descriptions of injuries

-

There was a place she used to go to after the Order had days like these. Bad days. Ones that left her numb.

Historically, the place is both tangible and not—a lonely tower at the Cat’s Cradle, and once there, a few long moments of contemplation. But her old home is a long way away, and so Beatrice finds the part of her mind that needs this kind of treatment and sends it elsewhere. As for her body, she deigns to get to work instead of separating herself. The OCS may not be her world anymore, but there are wounded. People she cares for.

In the wreckage of their makeshift hideout, Beatrice wonders if maybe it’s never been the events of the day that seep the feeling from her. Maybe it’s always been this—this thing she must do to herself in order to succeed. Months of wandering have not divested her of the need to perform. The months have, however, been a reminder of all she’s lost.

She sets her feelings aside. There are things to do.

The first order of business: Camila’s shoulder is out of socket, and for all their collective expertise, Beatrice remains the best candidate to set it. Years ago, before the Order had swept her away, she’d spent a long summer volunteering in a hospital. It’s not the medical training she’d received afterwards, but the exposure was, at the very least, an advantage.

“Ready?” She asks, although she knows that Camila is always ready.

Camila, in the kind way she does all things, just smiles as if Beatrice is the one that needs the reassurance. She nods. “Go for it.”

Camila doesn’t flinch. She lets out a long, measured breath and she says, “ow” and she laughs at herself. Beatrice would like to take the time to laugh with her, but her joy is locked up in that faraway place. She squeezes Camila’s other shoulder, helps her into a sling made of a torn shirt, and moves on to the next.

Sister Dora has twisted her wrist. It’s discolored and swollen, but her bones are, thankfully, intact.

“A tarask,” she explains, “I thought it’d… well, I thought it’d kill me but…”

But she came back, Beatrice thinks to herself, searching the wreckage for wood to make a splint. She saved you.

She blinks that away—she has to. Sister Dora must notice her reticence. She doesn’t complete her thought. So Beatrice secures Sister Dora’s arm, and she moves on.

Yasmine has taken a glancing blow to the head, and Mother Superion has opted to stay up with her in the wake of the fight to monitor the damage.

“I’m okay,” Yasmine says when Beatrice comes by, holding up a placating hand. “I mean—I remember my name, so. So that’s good, right?”

Superion offers the smallest of smirks. It’s fond, not hard-won. “Yes, Yasmine,” she says, and rises up on unsteady footing. It’s not the new, halo-resurrected Superion.

“What happened?” Beatrice asks, firmer than she’d meant to. Emotions are nebulous when she settles into this way.

Superion shakes her head. “Nothing that should concern you. A few bruises.” She gives Beatrice a meaningful look—one she’s not present enough to catalogue. “There’s a cot in the back. Rest. We’re fine here.”

It sounds like an order, and even though she’s put the church behind her, she still respects Mother Superion. She can still recognize that she’s done all she can for the group, within reason. So she makes her way to the back room, feeling nothing. She sits on the edge of the cot, feeling nothing. She shrugs off her outer layers, feeling nothing.

Her mind has been in that faraway place, however, and as she returns to herself, everything sinks in.

While information comes in in pieces, on thing is for certain—there’s pain, everywhere. It would make the most sense to take stock of the worst places, the ones that need her immediate attention, but when feeling rushes back into her, the only thing she can think is that she needs to get out of this room and to wherever she’s gone—

There’s a jolt, razor sharp in the already excruciating throb of her abdomen. It’s quite obviously from when she’d been launched across a courtyard. The intensity winds her halfway to standing and her hip smarts as soon as she’s fallen back to the cot. She tells herself several times that she needs to get herself back in that empty place, that world where she feels nothing. Above all things, she needs to be there because she needs to find Ava.

A week prior, there had been a desperate call for help, a train from the small Finnish town she’d wandered into the month before, and Beatrice had found herself right back in the fray. Seeing the faces of her friends again after all their time apart had been bittersweet. When the fight had come to them, she’d remembered the last words Lilith had said to her. A holy war.

Despite her best efforts, she’s in the middle of it.

“Fuck,” she says, because she curses now. Because she knows that her knee is going to give out if she tries to stand. Because she’s effectively trapped herself in this room.

Frustration wells up in her like a lit fuse.

Assess the damage, she thinks, because what the hell else can she do?

The buttons of her shirt are slow work, her hands are weak from gripping her machine gun, her knives, the side of a building as she hoisted herself and Yasmine back to safety.

God is lost to her now, but it is a miracle that none of her injuries have drawn blood. A massive swath of skin along her side is purple and yellow but unbroken—it is the very worst of things. It hurts to draw breath, and hurts even more to bend and pull her pant leg up past her knee, to find the skin there in much the same condition. Upon further inspection, her hip, too, is a wild mess of bruises.

She’s a wreck, and what do they have to show for it? A few inches of ground? A few battered nuns, scrounging up whatever tools they can find?

Ava.

They have Ava. She just… doesn’t know where.

Beatrice had seen it happen as if in a dream.

The blinding light from above, the shockwave that had sent the tarasks flying in all directions, but hadn’t so much as nudged the sisters. When she’d looked, it was Ava’s form in the center of the light—Beatrice would know it anywhere, in any world—flickering in and out. She remembers shouting, desperate, stumbling through the wreckage. The details from there are hard to recollect. It’s when she’d been grabbed and thrown, it’s when the fight had resumed and she’d lost sight of Ava.

But she had seen her. That she’s certain of.

She closes her eyes, wincing as she tilts her head to the ceiling. The breath she tries to take is shallow and does nothing to steady herself.

“Beatrice?”

The pain of movement is forgotten, the voice like a ribbon of gold around her heart.

There’s Ava. There’s Ava.

The breath is gone in a rush, and Beatrice forgets the rest of the pain and she tries desperately to stand, to run, to move. Her leg gives out and Ava’s on her in a second, easing her back down.

“Ava,” she says, voice breaking, throat tight, “Ava.”

Ava kneels in front of her and she takes Ava’s face in her hands and she can’t look away. Suddenly, that place she goes—the one that is empty and lonely is filled with life. Filled with Ava. And she’s here, she’s real and alive and breathtaking in all the ways that Beatrice has loved. Loves. She feels nothing but it, looking at Ava.

“Bea,” Ava says, fingers wrapped around Beatrice’s wrists like they’ve been fused there. “Bea, you—you’re hurt.”

“You’re here,” Beatrice responds—nothing else matters. “Ava, you’re—“ She doesn’t have other words.

It should hurt to speak. It should hurt to lean forward, but then her lips are on Ava’s and nothing hurts, everything aches. Ava makes a small noise that lets loose something in Beatrice’s chest, and she wants to draw Ava closer, but her body betrays her, her whole side lighting up as if on fire. As if to remind her that respite is fleeting. But she doesn’t care, nothing else matters—

Ava notices her wince and pulls away. It hurts to try to pull her back, but still Beatrice tries. “Fuck,” Ava says, voice shaky, “Bea—hold on. You need—“

“I need you to not leave. I’m fine, I promise.”

“I’m not—you’re not fine, your—oh, God, Bea your side—“

Another Beatrice might have taken modesty into consideration. Her shirt is wide open, her trousers undone, and Ava is knelt before her, a hand on her bare knee. She just—she just wants so keenly that the constant, painful reminders of her body’s journey through battle feel like they’re killing her. She wants to pull Ava up and on to her lap, she wants Ava’s mouth on hers again, she wants, she wants, she wants. And maybe it’s her pilgrimage and her seperation from the church that’s allowing her this clear revelation, or maybe it’s just the relief to be in the same room as the girl she loves. Maybe that’s all it’s ever been.

“Let me… shit, I don’t know how good I am at this yet.” Ava focuses down on Beatrice’s splotchy, wounded knee, and the dark room is slowly illuminated by the glow of the Halo.

It feels… itchy, at first. It’s not a scab, but the injury takes on the properties of one—Beatrice tamps down the overwhelming need to scratch or pat at it, but then—as soon as it began—it’s gone. Ava pulls her hand away and the skin is as normal as it’s ever been. An oblong scar where bone is closest to skin from one too many skinned knees, but other than that? Nothing.

“How did you…” Beatrice trails off, swinging her leg back and forth easily.

“I’d… you know, I’d really like to explain it, but, uh. I have no fucking idea.”

Beatrice can’t help it, she laughs, a little hysterical. And then she wants to throw up.

“Don’t—no laughing. Stop it,” Ava says with a worried smile. She sets the tips of her fingers at the massive bruise on Beatrice’s side, and Beatrice can’t tamp down the shiver that rockets through her at the feeling. “Sorry. Sorry, I just need to...” Ava says, her voice thick, “just let me…”

The Halo does its work again, scrubbing her pain from her, raw and red until it’s not anymore. Beatrice takes a breath, and there is no pain.

“Good?” Ava asks.

“Good,” Beatrice responds. She wants that to be the end of it, but when she tries to move in again—“I think there’s another…”

Herein lies the problem. Her hip.

Ava looks down, and they’re in the middle of a war, but Beatrice wonders if she closes her eyes for just a moment, maybe they’ll be back in the Alps. Maybe there, this touch is necessary for another reason. Maybe Ava is looking up at her like this and maybe nothing has ever been wrong.

But they’re in the blown-out remains of a church, and there are demons everywhere, and in her darkest moments she’d worried that this—her and Ava—was lost for good.

Ava hovers over her bruise, and Beatrice nods. Ava is delicate, fingers light over her hipbone. This is not the time to wish for another life, but still she does. And for the first time in months, the wish has legs. It climbs out of that place she goes and it smiles at her, and Ava smiles at her too, proud of her work.

Beatrice draws her in, and the war rages on, but there are no more lonely places.

She has Ava. It’s enough.

[prythiansprincess]

the sweetest pie.

i might take you home with this, i might give you all of it ooh, this the ride of your life hold on 'cause baby, i might i might just give you a bite of the sweetest pie

author's note: everybody say thank you to @writingsbychlo because this fic was birthed from our "cassian is an ass man" conversation. just know that chlo and i had very feral thoughts over cas and this is what came of it. song inspiration: the sweetest pie by dua lipa.

That sundress. 

That fucking sundress. 

It would be the death of him, Cassian was convinced of that much. When he left this morning, you’d been dressed in nothing but one of his large shirts, sleeping soundly as he kissed the top of your head before he headed out to train with his brothers. But now as you stood by the veranda of your home talking to Feyre and Azriel, he felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him as he spotted you in that peach cotton dress. 

The flowing fabric hugged you in all the right places and accentuated your voluptuous curves, cinching that hourglass figure of yours. The skirt flared down your thighs and Cassian swallowed as his line of sight fell upon your ample backside. The sundress stretched taut over the curve off your ass, tempting him to lift that godsdamned dress and bend you over the railing right then and there. 

The warm summer breeze billowed through the open balcony while the sunshine kissed your skin with its golden rays. A tug on the bond snagged your attention and finally you turned, smiling at him with so much love and joy that it felt like his heart would burst at the sight.

Cassian didn’t even bother waiting for Rhysand to finish talking. In one swift stride, he crossed the balcony and wrapped his arms around you from behind. You giggled as he kissed your cheek, his stubble tickling your face. Your mate spun you around in a slow circle, admiring every inch of you with a fond smile. 

“New dress?” Cassian asked, his voice low and gruff as his gaze slithered over you. 

You nodded, smiling shyly up at him. “Do you like it, babe?”

He toyed with the thin spaghetti strap, taking in the generous view of your cleavage. The bodice pressed your breasts together and they were sitting just right. 

Cassian swallowed thickly. “You look good enough to eat, sweetheart.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “If we weren’t having this damned dinner, I’d drag you into our bedroom and feast on you instead.”

You grinned, feeling that delicious warmth spreading through your body. “Behave, Cas. There’s plenty of room for dessert afterwards.”

The next two hours were nearly tortuous. Usually, Cassian enjoyed family dinner. He always looked forward to hosting his friends in your shared home, watching with a full heart as you cooked while he served, catching up with all of your friends and enjoying the peace that had finally settled over Velaris, but right now, as you sat beside him in that dress, he could hardly restrain himself. 

As if his torment wasn’t enough, you were perfectly aware of the effect you had on him and spent the entire meal teasing him. At first, he didn’t think anything of it. When you brushed past him to get to your seat, Cassian held his breath as your ass brushed against his crotch. Then you brought in the roast chicken from the kitchen, leaning over the table at an angle that allowed him full view of your backside. Sweet and supple and begging to be squeezed.

The final straw was when you ‘accidentally’ fell into his lap after laughing too hard at something Azriel said. The grind of your ass against his hard cock almost made him come right then and there. Judging by the little smirk on your face, the action was anything but innocent. 

Cassian would make you pay for it.

The Illyrian general seized his chance as the sweet scent of apple pie filled the room. The desert was your specialty and usually Cassian’s favorite, but tonight he was hungry for something else. 

“The pie’s ready!” you announced cheerfully, much to the excitement of your friends. “Why don’t we move this party to the roof? I’ll bring the vanilla ice cream as well.”

Cassian stood, his gaze landing on you. “Let me help you, sweetheart.”

You nodded at your mate, who followed you into the hallway in silence. The laughter of your friends filtered out as they made their way to the patio area atop your home, the twinkling faelights swinging in the breeze as the golden sun disappeared in the horizon. You watched them with a fond smile through the stained glass windows before ducking into the kitchen. 

As soon as you stepped through the threshold, you felt yourself being lifted off the ground. Cassian pushed you against the center island, his chest pressed to your back as you released a ragged breath. 

“What are you doing, Cas?” you stammered as your mate’s hands roamed over your waist. He gripped your hips and grinded against you, the rough material of his trousers brushing against the fabric of your dress. 

“You know exactly what I’m doing,” Cassian growled into your ear. “Do you think you’d get away with teasing me like that, sweetheart?” 

You whimpered as his fingers crawled up the back of your legs, tracing taunting circles against your skin as you clamped your thighs together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Cassian laughed, the sound low and husky. “You’re always been a filthy little liar.” 

His hands roamed further up your skirts, cupping your ass in his large hands as you bit back a moan. You looked up and found endless pools of lust staring back at you. 

Your mate’s mouth dropped open when his fingers met nothing but flesh. “No panties?” He kneaded your flesh and you melted into his touch, yelping when he squeezed your right ass cheek. 

“I must have forgotten to put them on,” you declared innocently. 

“Or,” Cassian said, spreading your cheeks wide as he teased his middle and pointer finger over your soaking core. “You knew exactly how I’d react when I saw you in this dress. I bet you were hoping that all that teasing would rile me up, make me drag you into some dark corner so I can bend you over the table and fuck you from behind.”

You swallowed thickly, unable to speak. Cassian was spot on. 

“Well that’s not going to happen, sweetheart.” He stepped away from you and you whined at the loss of contact. Cassian smirked and yanked your hips backwards. “Not before I punish you first.”

Your mate kicked your ankles apart and spread your legs. He placed your hands onto the marble countertop before taking a step back. “Bend over for me, baby girl.”

You shivered in anticipation and leaned against the counter while hinging your hips. Cassian hummed in appreciation as he hiked your dress over your waist. He massaged your ass, patting your cheek with a chuckle devoid of humor. 

“You know I’m going to have to spank you for acting up, don’t you?” 

A shock of electricity zipped through your body. You bit your lip, nodding. “Y-yes, I’ve been a bad girl. I deserve to be spanked.”

“Look at you, begging for punishment. Can’t wait to have my handprints all over your ass, huh?” Cassian taunted. “You just want your mate to absolutely ruin you, is that it?” 

The sound that came out of you was small and pathetic. You needed to feel him. Cassian tilted your chin towards him. “I want you to count,” he growled. “A spank for every time you teased me tonight.”

Without warning, Cassian’s large hand landed with a smack against your ass. You bit down the moan that threatened to escape past your lips. Gripping the marble counter with white knuckles, you peered up at your mate, who looked down at you expectantly. 

“One,” you said, enthralled by the way Cassian grinned as he kissed the base of your spine. Heat trailed across your skin from where your mate’s lips had been, but he withdrew them quickly, leaving you wanting more. 

Cassian reeled back, his dark eyes full of hunger and lust. Another smack had you lurching forward, bracing your arms against the kitchen island. 

“Two,” you said through gritted teeth. It was taking every ounce of self control within you not to turn around and touch your mate. You loved it when Cassian got like this—demanding and possessive and downright sexy. 

Cassian squeezed your hip. “Good girl,” he praised in a low, husky voice. His calloused hands roamed your body, driving you wild with his feather light touches. “If you behave, I might just fuck you.”

You turned just as his hand came down on your ass again. Releasing a shaky breath, you dared a glance at your mate. The sleeves of his sweater were rolled up to his elbows and haphazardly tucked into his dark trousers, which did nothing to conceal the evidence of his arousal. A raven strand escaped from his half ponytail, framing those glorious cheekbones and skimming his full lips. His hazel eyes were warm pools of honey and his gaze felt sticky and sweet upon your skin.

Gods, your mate was fucking beautiful.

“Three,” you whispered softly, biting down on your lip. “Have I behaved well enough for you, baby?” 

Cassian’s laughter was dark and low, full of seduction. “Cheeky, aren’t you?” He spread your feet apart and bunched the fabric of your dress around your waist. You tried to peer over your shoulder, but Cassian kept you in place. “You never learn, sweetheart.”

Cassian leaned down, his fingers snaking through your hair as he tilted you towards him. His lips met yours and the kiss was charged with electricity as you yielded to your mate. You moaned as his tongue slipped past the seam of your lips, teasing and tasting before he claimed what was his. Cassian bit down on your lower lip before his hand slipped between your legs. He hissed when he found you soaking wet. 

Your mate gripped your hips and rubbed his cock against your soaking core. “A promise is a promise. It’s time for your reward.” 

The absence of his hardness made you whine, but Cassian silenced you with a look. You swallowed thickly as he littered open mouthed kisses along your back, trailing his full, supple lips from the base of your spine and grazing his teeth against your ass. His tongue flicked out just as his large hands kneaded your cheeks. You arched your back, eager to feel his mouth against your sensitive core. 

Cassian gripped your waist, pinning you in place. He licked a stripe through your folds before his tongue parted your pussy. With your cheek pressed against the cool counter, the heat of his mouth sent a shock through your body. Cassian pulled your thighs against the side of his head as he ate you out from the back, giving equal attention to your throbbing pussy and puckering hole. Every now and then your mate would lightly circle your clit and the sensation felt like electricity in your veins. 

No one knew your body like your mate. Cassian knew exactly what to do to make you keen against his mouth, pressing your backside into him as he brought you over the edge. The first time you came, you thought you saw stars. The second time, you left your body completely. 

As Cassian aimed for a third orgasm, your pussy felt overstimulated and sensitive. You were convinced that you couldn’t handle another wave of pleasure. 

“No more,” you mumbled, utterly fucked dumb by Cassian’s tongue. “I can’t take any more, Cas.” 

Cassian chuckled darkly. He tugged you by the hair, making you turn to look at him. Those warm whiskey eyes were nothing but pools of lust as he mashed your lips together. You could taste yourself on him as his tongue claimed yours. 

“You can and you will,” Cassian said in a stern tone. His fingers slipped past your folds and you released a shaky breath, your legs threatening to give out from underneath you. “Be a good girl and take it.”

The orgasm gave you an out of body experience. It felt like you were watching yourself from above, ruminating on how well Cassian fucked you. Your mate hadn’t even taken his trousers off and you already felt spent. Your eyelids were heavy with exhaustion.

As if he could read your mind, Cassian tilted your chin and grinned. “Is my poor baby tired?” he asked, stroking your cheek. You nodded in response as your mate smirked. “Too fucking bad. I’m gonna fuck you dumb and you’re going to love every second of it aren’t you, sweetheart?” 

A series of garbled words was the only response you could manage. You were so turned on that you could barely even think.

When you heard the sound of Cassian’s belt hitting the floor, you knew you were truly in for it. Your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head when Cassian eased his cock inside of you. The groan he released was guttural and pure sex as he filled you to the hilt. Cassian went slow, taking his sweet time as he teased you with shallow thrusts. Your mate had promised to fuck you, but he never said he’d fuck you the way you wanted. 

You wriggled against him, desperate for more, more, more. Your hunger for Cassian was insatiable. 

The Illyrian warrior seemed to sense your neediness. You looked over your shoulder to find him smirking at you. 

“Cas, please,” you whined. 

“Please what?” Cassian asked, deliberately slowing his pace. “What is it that you want, sweetheart?”

“Fuck me properly,” you snapped impatiently. Cassian raised an amused brow and you had the sense that he was toying with you on purpose. Teaching you a lesson, as if he knew that the spanking gave you more pleasure than punishment. Unfortunately, he was right and well aware of the fact. If you wanted things to go your way, you’d have to play by his rules. “Please, baby.”

“Beg for it,” he growled. “Make it pretty, baby girl.” 

“I want you, Cassian.” the words slipped past your lips with ease. “I need you to fuck me, rough and hard. The way that only you can.” 

The more you spoke, the more Cassian’s pace picked up. “Yeah?” he asked as he rutted into you, the front of his thighs smacking against the back of yours. “You like it when I fuck you like this, sweetheart?” 

You were too dizzy with pleasure to respond. Cassian gathered your hair in one hand, sweeping it off your shoulders. “Tell me that I don’t have to hold back,” he groaned. “Tell me that you're mine to claim."

“Don’t hold back, Cas,” you echoed. “You never have to hold back with me. I can take it. I’m the only one who can. You’re my mate.” Cassian was a male unleashed. Your words urged him to thrust into you with reckless abandon. “You’re mine, Cassian. Mine and mine alone. And I'm yours. I'm yours, always."

“Fuck,” Cassian grunted. “I love it when you say things like that. You're mine. You belong to me and I belong to you. My perfect mate,” you both groaned as he hit that sweet spot within your walls. “Gods, I fucking love you.”

“I fucking love you too, baby,” you said with a cheeky wink. 

Cassian slammed his hips into you, burying himself deeper and deeper. Your mate pulled your hair while he mounted you, a stream of curses leaving his pretty mouth while the erotic sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the kitchen. His hand snaked underneath the front of your dress, large palm cupping your breasts while he pressed his hard chest against your back. 

Your mate was a perfectly sculpted marble statue, every ridge and line of him composed with such careful care. Wrapped in warm, golden-brown skin that felt hot against your own, Cassian’s body was a work of art. He leaned down, his long hair brushing the back of your neck as he sank his teeth into your shoulder. You moaned as he marked you, reveling in the utter possessiveness of this beautiful male. 

“Cassian,” you whimpered. “I want to feel you cum inside of me.” 

The growl he released was animalistic. Cassian’s pace quickened, pushing both of you over the edge. “You fucking kill me, sweetheart, “ he murmured, kissing underneath your jaw. “Go on then, let me fill you up baby.”

There was something about being in perfect sync with your mate. As arousal rippled down the bond, you screamed as pleasure slammed into you like an errant wave. The filth that streamed from your mate’s mouth as you clenched around him was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Cassian panted as your walls tightened, milking his cock eagerly with each pulse. 

The sensation of him filling you up was almost too much to take. You felt so sensitive, yet you reveled in feeling your mate deep inside of you. It wasn’t even just the sex. Watching Cassian unravel fascinated you. Knowing that your mate trusted you enough to completely let his guard down made your heart swell. 

You smiled as Cassian’s gaze met yours, hazel eyes soft and warm and all too welcoming. He peppered you with kisses, whispering sweet nothing against your skin as he slowly eased himself off of you. Cassian winked as you watched him pull up his trousers, not even bothering to pick up his belt from the ground where he haphazardly tossed it in the heat of the moment. 

As your legs wobbled underneath you, your mate smirked before scooping you up and placing you on the marble countertop. Your mate took great care in smoothing out your hair and rearranging your dress. Cassian toyed with the hem, his fingers tracing patterns along your thigh. 

“I think we both learned something about this dress tonight.”

You giggled as he pulled the strap back over your shoulder. “If the lesson is that it makes my ass look phenomenal, then yes. Consider me educated.”

Cassian chuckled. “You’re nothing but trouble, you know that?” 

The cheeky little wink you gave him all but confirmed the statement. “And you,” you stated, poking his nose, “made me burn my apple pie.”

Your mate only shrugged. “I was hungry for something else anyways.” Cassian gripped your hips and pulled you towards him. “And I’m ready for another serving.”

“What about our friends? I promised them dessert.”

A mischievous glimmer danced in Cassian’s eyes. “I may or may not have told Rhys that they had five minutes to fuck off before they walked in on me having a feast of my own.”

The laugh that came out of your mouth was incredulous. Now that your attention was on something else besides Cassian, you finally noticed that the house was quiet and devoid of your friend’s usual riotous laughter. 

“Kicking them out wasn’t very nice, Cas.”

The hand that had caressed the inside of your thigh suddenly inched higher, spreading your legs wide open. “I’m not nice,” he whispered into your ear roughly. “You of all people should know that, sweetheart.” 

You cocked your head, your lips curving into a seductive smile. “Oh?” you purred as you slid your hands under his sweater. “I think I might need a reminder, baby.”

taglist: @viradeity @moony-thoughts @i-opened-the-chamber-of-secrets @demirunner @swansworth @heart-defendor @momlo @mali22 @roselensage @searchingford@nessianxgwynriel@azriels-angels@brekkershadowsinger@morelovemorepeacemoretattoo-blog @mattte-black @marina468 @lillithathecathecat @highladyofillyria

[finniestoncrane]

Arkham Riddler (because comon now its all I think of) He discovers reader is alive and suddenly kisses them -because he's hesitated before and then he thought he'd never get to but OMFG YOU'RE HERE.- And now I will leave the rest to you👀 does it go further? How much further? Can the Riddler let them go again? You decide, Finnie hehe. GO WILD!

Strike Three

Arkham!Riddler x GN!Reader, word count: 1.2k vannieeeee you will destroy my soul with this ;-; not my eddie with some angst omg this HURT me to write and i managed to hold back on the smut because i was like "this is sweet, maybe they don't go at it afterwards" lmao request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: suspected death, injuries, language, angst

He’d dragged your body the last fifty feet through the old sewers to his hideout, fully aware that your injured and unconscious body was slowing him down, the GCPD hot on his trail. But he couldn’t leave you behind, not without knowing you were ok.

Edward was sure you were still breathing, even if it was faint. But it was hard for him to focus on that past the nerves, his whole body incapable of settling on and processing a single thought or notion beyond making sure that you were alive. The only thing his mind seemed to be able to settle on was the sincere assurance that his only true friend, the one person he had been able to find himself caring deeply for, was going to die in his arms. A ridiculous concept, the bleeding wasn’t that bad, your leg was badly bruised but there was no breakage. You’d passed out when your head hit the ground, but he was sure it was a mild concussion at most. And yet, despite his brilliant brain trying desperately to convince him of the facts, unemotional and unbiased, his heart was certain that this was the end.

A feeling of finiteness. A fear that he would never get to tell you how he felt, never be able to admit his feelings about you or for you. How warm you were, how effortlessly sweet you could be, how open and honest you were. How you inspired progress and greatness in him. How your face looked as the shadows from the lights in the sewers danced on your skin, how soft and tender your touch was. The way your body felt when it brushed past him, even for the miniscule seconds he experienced it.

As he laid you down, kneeling with you and holding your head up, he thought of all the times he could have, but had been decidedly too much of a coward to say anything. And worst still, the moments where he could have held you and kissed you, twice before.

The first, when you had helped him figure out why one of his traps wasn’t working. It was so obvious, the answer was staring him in the face, but you came in and offered it gently, almost as a hint, so as not to bruise his ego. You were thoughtful like that, careful of his needs, unlike others who saw it as a challenge to knock him down. When he made the connection and the trap snapped shut, he had practically leapt into the air with joy, grabbing your arms and shaking you, holding you in place while you smiled and giggled. He should have leaned in and kissed you, like he wanted to, to show you how good you were, how valued you were. His ‘eureka’ moment made more poignant that it was shared with you.

The second time, when you had tended to his wounds, putting more band aids over his various cuts and scrapes, being so gentle and patient with him as he winced under your soft touch. Never uttering a single ‘I told you so’ and never pressing him to be more careful. You understood that he knew what he was doing, and you knew better than to chastise him. And the way you had looked deep into his eyes as you asked him if he felt ok? He had never felt better, your hands soothing him even from the platonic and very clinical way in which you washed his wounds. He should have grabbed you, held you tight to him.

And now he was holding you, head cradled in his arms, desperate to tend to your wounds as you lay there still, no movement, until he noticed your eyes fluttering, blinking as you adjusted to your consciousness.

“Thank god!”

“…Edward?”

“Yes, yes! It’s me! Do you feel ok? That’s a stupid question, of course you don’t…But you’re alive!”

You had given him an ever so slightly crooked smile, trying your hardest even in a moment like this to reassure him, to provide him with happiness. You opened your mouth to try to speak, but were far too groggy to get out a sentence. He placed a finger gently on your lips, rubbing it back and forth before pulling it away, palm resting on your cheek.

“Please don’t speak, save your energy. I…I’m so glad you’re awake at least. I thought I had lost you.”

Concern crossed your face as you noticed his eyes were sparkling, wet, small almost imperceptible tears pooling in his lower lids, which he blinked away, trying not to worry you further.

“I need you to know that you are the only one who cared to know me deeper than a superficial glance at my files, or one interaction with me and my more admittedly irritating traits.”

A breathy laugh escaped your gaping mouth, which he smiled at.

“You doted on me, you recognised my genius. But you made me better.”

“Edward…”

“I thought I had lost the one person, the one thing I would make sacrifices for, but you’re alive! You’re ok! And I don’t…”

He hesitated, looking out towards the vast expanse of the sewer chamber, darkness making it seem as though it went on forever. Water splashed and echoed in the distance, alerting him to a presence.

“I don’t want to make the same mistake again, not a third time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Well, maybe I shouldn’t…oh fuck it.”

He lifted your head gently up to meet his as he bent down to you, pulling you into a kiss so gentle and tender so as not to hurt you more than you already were. But at your hum of approval, vibrating gently against his lips, he leaned in further, hand on your neck, another resting on your chest as he felt it rise with your breaths. Your own hands reached weakly up to his face, smoothing over his cheeks, feeling the sweat and stubble on your palms. The noises from the darkness grew louder, almost identifiable as footsteps and muffled voices. Edward pulled back, looking into your soul through your eyes, smiling wide.

“I would have been disappointed if I hadn’t done that at least once before I saw you off.”

“Off where? Edward?”

His smile faded as he looked towards the noise again, voices you could recognise now, discussing plans of action, radio static informing someone on the other end that they had The Riddler, he was in the sewers with the ‘hostage’.

“I am willing to sacrifice everything for you, but I couldn’t sacrifice you for anything, not even my own selfish desires. You can’t be here with me, I can’t bear the thought of you being hurt like that again.”

The GCPD, subtle as ever, began yelling down the chamber at him, telling him to stay where he was. Risking another moment of head start, Edward kissed you once more, and you could feel the longing behind it as he pressed deeply into you. As he pulled away once more, you tried to sit up, to follow him, but your injuries held you back. You watched him rush away through a narrow gap, never looking back at you, fearing that he might not be able to leave if he saw your face.

Deep in thought, filled with misery, you were unaware of the GCPD surrounding you, helping you up and discussing their rescue of you from the clutches of the evil genius they were chasing down, not knowing you were happy to be held in his arms.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

dad!Mike au + Glammike (dad!Glammike??) concept:

Freddy somehow convinces Vanessa to do a reenactment of her graduation ceremony because he didn’t ever get to see her walk across the stage. it seemed like something he wanted to see so badly when she mentions her high school graduation, and Vanessa didn’t want to disappoint him, so she agrees.

cue Vanessa sneaking her cap and gown into the Pizzaplex the next night. the ceremony takes place on the main stage, with the audience consisting of every single security bot in the building, some endoskeletons, and Freddy in the front row, holding a bouquet of paper flowers he made himself. everyone else agreed to be part of the “school staff.” Sunny got elected as the principal and he took his role Very Seriously.

the speech he insisted on giving Never Seemed To End. and whenever someone would try to intervene so they could move on, he would yell at them.

“Good afternoon, dear faculty, staff, family, friends, and graduates. It is an honor to be speaking with you here today. Graduate of the class of 2023, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

While I was very honored to be invited to be the graduate speaker at the 2023 Freddy Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex graduation ceremony, I admit that writing this speech was quite difficult. The hard part about it is that I was told that my graduation speech had to make you laugh first, then cry, and then inspire you. And it had to be short... So as you can see, that’s not a very easy task to accomplish. But I’ll try.

As I was thinking about this speech and reflecting on my experiences as a Pizzaplex graduate and animatronic, I came up with the perfect analogy to describe the graduate here tonight…”

it just kept going and going AND GOING. all the while Monty and Roxy were up on the stage just like 🐊🐺 because they were supposed to be the faculty that graduates shake them hands of.

meanwhile, Chica is offstage with Vanessa, helping her get ready, because Freddy wanted to be surprised about seeing Vanessa in her cap and gown.

FINALLY, Sunny finishes with his speech and calls up the graduate to walk the stage.

“Vanessa Elizabeth Afton!”

Freddy jumps out of his seat clapping. “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!!!” and then he collapses back down into his seat at the mere sight of Vanessa in her cap and gown because he’s so in awe at her and can’t believe his daughter was here and he was seeing her again, and even though it wasn’t the real graduation, it still hits so hard. he does the closest thing an animatronic can do to crying tears of joy.

so, Vanessa walks the stage and shakes the hands of Sunny, Monty, and Roxy. they don’t have a diploma so they use a menu from El Chips.

DJ Music Man provides music for the whole thing. it’s no Alma Mater and it’s no Pomp and Circumstance, in fact it’s pretty electric for a graduation ceremony, but it’s still nice.

afterwards, Freddy just gives Vanessa the BIGGEST HUG, nearly crushing her, saying how proud of her he is. Vanessa isn’t used to being told that so she’s a little (a lot) flustered.

Freddy gets to turn Vanessa’s tassel and everything is happy and sweet :)

[v-hope]

With You

Pairing: Jeon Jeongguk x Reader

Genre: Fluff, smut, College!AU, established relationship

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Although trying to fight it, Jeongguk can’t help but become insecure about your relationship after your ex best friend starts filling his head with lies about you and Taehyung, his best friend who you just so happened to be out with that day. Good thing is, you’re right there with him to reassure him you want him and only him.

—Alternatively, the one in which during a heated make out session you find out your boyfriend is a virgin, and decide to help him get himself off.

Warnings: Heavy making out, light body touching (?), dry humping, confident Guk and shy/awkward Guk keep switching places, handjob, blowjob. And yup, Guk’s (still) a virgin.

A/N: Helloo, this from part 28 of my Social Media AU ‘Tiger Flower’, but I guess you can still read it if you haven’t read the full story lol. So this was supposed to be a 2k drabble like the ones I always write but I got a bit carried away 🤡 I hope you enjoy! 💕 ALSO, someone asked me to bold the beginning and ending of the smut part(s), so if you don’t wanna read the smut just look for the bolded words and skip what’s in between lol.

Running his hands through his face as the elevator’s doors opened, Jeongguk started walking through the hallway to his place, head lowered as he absently looked in his pocket for the keys to the apartment.

The conversation he had with Sooyeon was still going through his mind over and over. Although he had managed to sound confident enough through the texts they had exchanged and he had put her in her place —along with blocking her ass just like he had wanted to ever since the first time she brought you up into the conversation—, he could not deny her words did hit home.

Taehyung was definition of your type. Outgoing, talkative, funny, handsome. The life of the party, in other words. Something he was not, and something he would never be, considering he did not show up to parties at all if it wasn’t because he was either forced to by his friends or because you would be there.

Taehyung could most definitely show you a good time, whereas he, on the other hand…

No, fuck that. You were dating him. He was your boyfriend. He, Jeon Jeongguk. That was all he could find comfort in.

Then again, you were not with him right then. You were somewhere else with Taehyung. As friends, but still. And then again, just like he had a high school crush on you and found himself falling all over again three years into college, so had you with Taehyung right before dating him. Would it really be that hard for you to fall for him a third time when the two of you were still so close?

He shook his head, as if trying to shake his thoughts away. Don’t let Sooyeon get to you, Y/N’s with you for a reason. Don’t let Sooyeon get t—

“Hey…”

Before his head could keep on torturing him, your voice brought him back out of his small trance, fixing his wide doe eyes on you for two seconds before he took in his surroundings, only then realising he had already reached his apartment’s door.

Staring back at you, his eyes lit up.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What… What are you doing here?”

You shifted nervously in your place. “You sounded kinda off through texts, so I just wanted to check up on you”.

He nodded quietly, fighting the huge smile that was threatening with forming on his lips.

Because you were there. With him.

“You didn’t, um…” his eyes travelled to the door for a second before they were back on you. “Joon-ie hyung didn’t open the door for you?”

A small laugh escaped your lips at the way his eyebrows had furrowed, ready to fight his roommate for leaving you waiting out there for God knows how long. “I didn’t call on the door” you explained, causing his eyebrows to knit further together in utter confusion. “I didn’t know if you wanted me here at all, so I thought I’d just wait outside in case you wanted to be alone and asked me to g—”

Your words were cut off by a sweet kiss being pressed to your lips. Although taken aback the first second, you smiled when he cupped your face to press his mouth deeper against yours.

“What was that for?” you smiled once he pulled away, eyes still closed as you felt his nose gently bumping yours.

“I’m just happy you’re here” he breathed contently.

“That’s good to hear” you sheepishly admitted, resting your hands on his chest. “I honestly thought you would ask me to leave”.

He shook his head no, pecking your lips before he pulled you into his arms. “Don’t be silly, you know I always want to be with you”.

You took in a shaky breath, feeling all the tension you had been building up until then leave your body for good, and then wrapping your arms tightly around him as well. “Yeah, but you sounde—”

“Shh,” he hushed you, pressing a brief kiss to your neck. “I want you here”.

You let out another laugh, not only because of how happy his words made you, but because of the way he later grabbed your face once again to start peppering kisses all over it.

“Yah, Jeon Jeongguk!” you called him out in between giggles. “We’re in the middle of the hallway”.

He laughed, pecking your lips one last time before he pulled away. You just didn’t know how much it meant to him having you there with him right then when he needed you the most.

Without another word, he took his keys out of his pocket, like he had intended to minutes ago, and finally opened the door.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around to look at you with a raised brow. “You’re coming in, right?”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, since you ask so nicely…”

Rolling his eyes at your overdramatic ways, he grabbed your hand, pulling you inside his place with him, not giving you time to even take a look around as he dragged you into his room.

“I don’t even get to say hi to Joon?” you teased as you closed the door behind you and he went to lie down on his bed.

“You can go say hi if you want” he replied simply, resting his weight on his elbows so he could properly look at you.

“Nah,” you shrugged, watching his nose scrunch up as his lips parted into a big smile when you started walking towards him. “I came to see you after all”.

“That you did” he contently affirmed, that being all he needed to let go of his intrusive thoughts.

Letting his back fall on the bed once again, he stretched his arm out on the mattress for you to go over there. Without another word, you crawled in bed with him, resting your head on his arm just like he wanted you to, scooting closer to him when his hand rested on your shoulder, and then resting yours on his chest.

“So how was work?” you tried to initiate small talk, tenderly running your fingers in circular motions from his chest to his abdomen.

The sigh that had escaped his mouth let you know not so well.

Work itself had been alright . What happened afterwards when he was heading home and Sooyeon texted him? Yeah, that had been shitty as hell.

“I blocked Sooyeon” he let you know.

Your head snapped up. “Hadn’t you already done that?”

“From Instagram, yeah” he nodded. “I blocked her phone number now. It can be a little awkward tomorrow when I see her but it’s the last day of filming, so I couldn’t care less”.

Although wanting to laugh —because, let’s be honest, that new piece of information could only bring you joy—, you ended up pouting in confusion.

“Something happened?”

“The usual,” he took in a deep breath. “She was talking shit”.

You nodded understandingly. Although wanting to know the details, you understood he didn’t really want to talk about it, for otherwise he would’ve told you by then. So, you said nothing, settling for pressing a lingering kiss to his shoulder instead.

“Is that why you were upset?” you wondered.

Jeongguk stayed quiet, both in awe at how you could tell he wasn’t feeling his best just by a couple of texts, and once again upset at the conversation he had held with Sooyeon earlier that evening.

“Kinda” he tried to shrug it off.

You puckered your lips, stopping your soothing motions on his torso and resting your palm on it instead so you could support your body up as you looked for his chocolate eyes.

“Was it because I went out with Tae?”

The way his body had tensed was all the answer you needed. However, he surprised you by shaking his head no.

“It wasn’t… I mean,” he sighed, pushing his hair back with his hand. “You guys are friends, it’s okay”.

You stared at him intently. Maybe he claimed it didn’t bother him, but his eyes right then, which remained fixed on the ceiling instead of your concerned ones, told you otherwise.

Placing your hand on his arm and giving it a light squeeze, you leaned in to briefly press your lips to his cheek. “I’m sorry,” your sincere words managed to catch his attention. “I should’ve asked if you were okay with it”.

He shook his head no immediately, sitting up and resting his back on the headboard. “You don’t need to ask for my permission to meet up with people, petal”.

“I know, but,” you shrugged, sitting up as well by his side and focusing your eyes somewhere other than his. “Everything is still kind of recent, I should’ve been more considerate of your feelings. I’m just so used to hanging out with mostly guys that I forget I have a boyfriend now and you—”

You caught on the way he had —teasingly— raised up a questioning eyebrow, making you mentally go over the words you had just said and panic once you realised how wrongly you had worded them.

“Wait, no!” you tried to correct yourself immediately, as he could no longer hold his serious semblance and started laughing. “I don’t forget I have a boyfriend, I meant that I forget you might not be very fond of—yah!” you called him out when his laugh did no longer allow your words to be heard.

“I know what you meant, petal” he reassured you, grabbing your hand and gently running his thumb on the back of it. “You look so cute when you panic”.

“Aish, you’re so annoying” you crossed your arms over your chest.

Chuckling at your cute annoyance, he took advantage of your folded arms to pull you towards him by them, having you instinctively straddle his lap after his lips collided with yours.

“You’re really okay with it then?” you asked one last time, cupping his face as he opened his eyes; watching the way they smiled right before he nodded.

He trusted you. Both you and Taehyung. He really did.

He knew the two of you were just friends. After all, he had told Taehyung it was okay for him to hang out with you from time to time back when they had The Talk. And he was truly okay with it. It was just that he couldn’t help being insecure sometimes, and Sooyeon’s words had only managed to increase that feeling.

He needed some reassurance from you, that was all.

“Just…” he licked his lips as he tried to find the right words. “You want to be with me… right?”

You answered his question with a slow, lingering kiss. One that left him aching for more, lips slightly puckered when yours left their touch. “I’m with you for a reason, bun” you cooed. “I mean, I am your girlfriend after all, am I not?”

He smiled blissfully, still feeling a wave of heat run up his body whenever that word was mentioned in reference to you, as he was not quite used to it yet. “Don’t go forgetting I’m your boyfriend then”.

Just as a light laugh escaped your mouth at his mocking remark, he entangled his fingers in the hair at the back of your head to pull you back into his lips, resting one of his hands on your lower back as you wrapped your arms around his neck the way he loved it, slightly opening your mouth to give him easier access to it.

And maybe it was the loose fabric of the oversized hoodie of his you had kept and were wearing that day, that made it so easy for his hands reach for your naked body underneath, or maybe it was just the way he had been craving you for so long, what made him dig his hands inside of it without a second thought — fingertips hesitantly tracing your skin and thumbs drawing circles on your waist for a couple of seconds before they trailed all the way up to the hem of your bra, where they stopped in their tracks and travelled to your back instead, as he didn’t want to overstep any more boundaries than he already thought he had.

Earning a small protesting whine from him when your mouth let go of his, you surprised him by digging your own hands under your hoodie and grabbing his wrists, causing a shaky break to abandon his mouth when you placed his hands on your breasts, just like that, giving him the last little push he needed to do what he was dying to.

“You can touch me all you want” you managed to say a little out of breath, not having time to feel shy at your own words under his piercing stare before his mouth was once more smashing on yours.

Enjoying the spoken consent you had just given him, he wasted no time in cupping your breasts, smiling in between your kisses at the way they felt so perfect in his hands — imagining how much softer they would feel without the lacy fabric in the way.

Letting go of one of them, he placed his hand on your bare back to pull you closer against his chest, giving the one still in his hold a firm squeeze that had you moaning against his lips.

And right then, he felt something he had not quite felt before. It was the way he felt his blood boil and the way he wanted more. He wanted to hear more of that melodic sound. He wanted more of you.

Only, the next second, it was you the one making a raspy moan come out of his mouth, when you grinded against his lap, providing him the friction he didn’t know he needed so bad.

Removing one of his hands from underneath your hoodie, he cupped one of your cheeks to keep you steady as he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, tongue tracing its outline so you would open up. Doing as he wanted, you felt his tongue pleasantly massage yours, deciding right then you also wanted to feel his bare skin against your fingertips, not letting any other second go by before your hands were already making their way inside his black sweatshirt, feeling goosebumps form on his skin as your faint touch inevitably tickled his abdomen.

Letting go of his mouth, you planted a kiss to his jaw before making your way down to his neck, getting a gasp out of his mouth when you started sucking at the sensitive skin.

With the intention of keeping you still on his lap as your hungry lips worked on his neck, he placed both of his hands on your hips — momentarily forgetting about his own strength and ending up pulling you down roughly enough for you to unintentionally rub once more against his already hardening member.

“Fuck” he rasped, feeling you smile agains his neck before you rolled your hips one more time just to get another moan out of him.

Not letting go of your hips, if anything grabbing them tighter, he turned both of you around so he could be in control now. With your head hitting the soft pillow, and still taken aback by his sudden actions, you allowed his needy lips to attack yours once more for a while before they peppered small kisses all their way down to your neck.

“Jeongguk” you moaned when he thrusted his hips against your center.

He smiled, loving the tone his name had just came out with from your pretty lips. Wanting more of it, he did it again, going back to your mouth right in time to muffle the moan that had just escaped your mouth, as you could not be anything other than grateful at the fact he had decided to wear a pair of dark joggers that particular day, allowing you to feel his stiff member with little to no restraints.

With one hand holding onto your hip and his other one making its way back inside your hoodie and up to your breasts, he cupped one of them — his thumb giving attention to your nipple by making circular motions over the thin fabric of your bra and having you bite your bottom lip to hold back a moan.

Losing yourself into his pleasant touch, you rested your hands over his back, wrapping your legs tight around his waist, pulling his hips once more into your center. A satisfied smile curved up your lips at the way he had to let go of your mouth and buried his face in the crook of your neck to muffle the quite loud moan that had just escaped his lips — thrusting into you one more time just as you rolled your hips up to meet him there.

Breathing heavily at the ongoing friction, you let your hands travel down to the waistband of his joggers so you could pull them down and feel him up.

And although for just a second, you felt his lips abandon the spot they had been teasing on your neck — an almost inaudible gasp escaping his mouth as his body tensed up.

That was all you needed to stop.

“What happened?” you worried.

“Nothing” he was quick to try and brush it off, going back to pepper wet kisses to your neck.

“No, Guk” you lightly pushed him off you, cupping his face in your hands so he had no choice but to look at you. “If you don’t want t—”

“I want to” he stated before you could even finish your sentence.

Fuck, he wanted to.

“Then?”

Jeongguk sighed in defeat, managing to break free from your hold and letting his forehead fall to your shoulder. “It’s embarrassing…”

Your eyebrows furrowed, not understanding where he was trying to go with this at all. “You can trust me”.

He took in a deep breath. He knew he could trust you. He knew you would never make fun of him for such a thing. However, to him, his lack of experience, especially since you did have some of it, could only be something he felt insecure about.

“Bun…” you tried to reassure him, wrapping your arms around him and planting kiss after kiss to the side of his head.

“I’ve never…” his voice came out muffled as he spoke against your shoulder, making it harder for you to hear.

“What?”

“I’ve never had...” he spoke louder this time. “You know…”

He found delusional how hard it was for him to admit it. He had never really minded, to be honest. Whenever his friends teased him because of it he would just brush it off. It wasn’t that he was not interested in having sex, he was a young man with many needs after all. And it wasn’t that he didn’t feel ready either —or well, that until that evening, because it was fair to say he was freaking out now that it was you the one he was about to be with—. It was just that no one had ever caught his attention the way you had. There was never someone he felt the need to have this kind of intimacy with, until you.

That’s why, unlike with his friends, he did mind when it came to you. It was hard for him to admit it to you because, although he knew you’d understand, you could always be disappointed at his lack of experience, and it was precisely not being good enough for you what worried him the most, what had made him hesitate before.

“You’ve never… had sex?” you softly finished for him.

He nodded shamefully, and for a good couple of seconds you couldn’t believe him. Yes, he had told you once he had never been on a date, but dates are different than sex. For starters, you didn’t need to really talk during sex, which was what you knew troubled him the most about dates and just meeting people in general. Besides, with a guy as handsome as Jeongguk, you had been positive he must’ve been with someone at least once.

However, opposite to the disappointed reaction he thought you would have, he found himself relaxing under your touch when you pressed a kiss to his head.

“Gotta say I can’t believe and am kinda disappointed that no one ever tried to jump your bones before” your bold words had him laughing in a second, pinching one of your sides to call you out on them. “Seriously, bun. I mean, look at you!”

“Shut up” he mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

You chuckled, gently shoving his face with your shoulder to let him know you wanted him to look at you, making him feel at ease just by seeing the smile on your lips once he did as told. “It’s okay”.

“It is?” his voice came out uncertain.

You nodded, cupping his face. “Of course it is. I’ll wait for as long as you want me to”.

“But I want to” he pointed out embarrassingly fast, earning a light laugh from you.

“Then I’ll just wait until the moment’s right and you feel like going through with it without hesitating” you kissed his pink lips briefly — as if on cue, your heads snapping to the next room after hearing Namjoon drop something and cursing at it. “And until we’re alone and won’t risk being heard by our roommates, maybe”.

Jeongguk laughed at your last addition, leaning in to peck your lips three times. “I like the sound of that” he smiled, only for it to be erased when his eyes instinctively went down to the problem he had just been left with inside his pants. “I should probably, um…”

Your eyes followed his as they glanced down to his still hardened length. You had been too caught up on kissing him before to pay attention to it. But now, watching the outline of his erection poking through his sweatpants, you found yourself wanting more of him all over again.

“I can help you with that if you want” you couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth, having his attentive eyes lock with yours in a second. “We don’t need to have sex for that”.

Jeongguk licked his lips, deep in thought over something he already knew the answer to. “Don’t feel like you have to...”

“I want to” you stated.

Simple as that, he found himself nodding — your determined eyes being the last push he needed to let go of the shyness he had suddenly been filled with and just give in to what he wanted, to what he needed.

With a smile curving up your lips, you gently stole a kiss from his mouth, sweetly pecking it a couple of times before you finally sucked on his bottom lip — a muffled moan coming out of his mouth when you gave it a teasing bite right as your hand palmed him over his pants.

“You have to be quiet” you reminded him with a light laugh. And for a second there you were kinda glad it wasn’t you the one on the receiving side, for you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep it down either at all.

Not being able to say anything in reply, he just nodded — a pretty eager nod that seemed more like one to move on from the topic already than one of agreement. Nevertheless, you had no intentions of stopping, (un)luckily for him.

Pressing another kiss to his swollen lips, you fidgeted with the waistband of his joggers just like you had intended to before. This time, he didn’t tense up, and you took that as your green light before you dug your hand in them.

“M—Fuck” he mewled when you took a hold of his cock, burying his face in the crook of your neck as you guided it out of his clothes.

Letting go of it for a second, you helped him on his back so you could sit up into a more comfortable position before wrapping your hand around it again, and right then you could’ve sworn you would never get tired of the pretty sounds that escaped his lips every time you touched him.

Gently, as you were just then discovering what it was he enjoyed the most, you started giving him a few pumps, trying to find the right pace for him and his needs.

“Baby, fuck” he breathed out, leaning his head deeper againt the pillow as he looked for some kind of support.

And it was the way he faintly thrusted his hips up into your hand, what let you know he was craving more. Not having to think twice, you sped up the pace of the way your hand moved up and down his length, tightening your hold on it just a little bit more.

“Mm… Just like that,” he let you know softly, as if suddenly remembering about the whole being-quiet-thing. “Just like that”.

“Feels good?” you wondered, enjoying the view of his furrowed eyebrows and closed eyes as he gave in to your touch.

“So good” he agreed.

Licking your lips, you stared down at his hard cock in your hand, giving it one last pump before your thumb slowly spread his precum over its tip.

“You alright with just my hand?” you asked and he was nodding before you could finish the question, which made you wonder if he had even heard it at all or was immersed enough in his own pleasure to agree to anything. “Or would you enjoy my mouth being wrapped around you better?”

His eyes opened as soon as the word ‘mouth’ was on the table, studying your face for a couple of seconds to make sure you were not playing with him in his vulnerable state. At the sight of your lustful eyes on him, however, he knew you were indeed very serious. And he’d be damned if he ever turned down such an offer.

“I want your mouth” although determined, his voice came out shakily.

Nevertheless, you were willing to comply with his wishes.

Jeongguk was on the edge of losing it when he saw you smile and make your hair out of the way right before you leaned down, removing your thumb from the tip of his cock so you could replace it with your tongue instead — a hiss escaping his mouth when you licked the traces of the precum you had just spreaded over it.

Giving him two small pumps, you allowed yourself to take him in your mouth; far from being able to take his entire length, yet enough for his body to tremble out of utter pleasure.

“Y/N…” he whimpered, fingers entangling in your hair as he desperately tried to control the overwhelming pleasure your wet mouth and tight lips wrapped around his cock were giving him.

Not once had he ever felt this good before, both your hand and mouth taking him places his hand alone could’ve never taken him to. And he was afraid he would come in your mouth anytime by then.

Pulling it out of your mouth, you threw him a small glance before you carried on — your tongue tracing all the way from the base to the tip, hearing him moan when you took him in your mouth a second time.

“Fuck, baby, you—ah,” he moaned when you swirled your tongue over his tip. “You feel so good”.

Enjoying way too much being the reason behind how good he was feeling, you decided to do him a favour and push him closer to his release for once and for all.

Slightly tightening your hold on him, you started once again moving your hand up and down his length, switching between the ministrations both your hand and mouth were applying on it, and knowing you were driving him over the edge when his hold on your hair tightened and his body trembled ever so slightly.

“Y/N…” he panted. “F-Fuck, I’m—”

His words were cut off by the heavy breath he had to take when you gave him one last particular pump, trying his best to hold on. Noticing that, you gave one of his thighs a squeeze to let him know it was okay for him to let go. And he was so desperate to reach his high right then, that your small gesture alone was all he needed to do so.

Closing his eyes, he found himself having to cover his mouth with his arm not to be too loud when his orgasm hit, feeling his warm release spreading into your mouth. Moving his hand up to cover his eyes as he came down from his high, letting himself get lost in the aftershocks of it, he missed the way you tasted his release in your mouth.

Cleaning the small stains of it left on the tip of his member, you adjusted it back inside his pants and went to lie down next to him, smiling adoringly at the way his chest moved up and down as he tried to catch his breath and tenderly removing his arm from his face, having his eyes find yours in a second.

“Was that okay?” you asked, softly removing a few strands of hair that had gotten stuck to his slightly sweaty forehead.

Jeongguk smiled incredulously, gently running his fingers through your hair to try and fix the mess he had made on it. “You even have to ask?”

And somehow that was all you needed to hear for the heat to reach your face, suddenly feeling shy at what you had just done.

Catching up on that, he pulled you into his arms, pressing a couple of kisses to your cheek before moving them to your mouth, where they remained for a little longer.

“You’re amazing” he said truthfully — the way he had said it, letting you know he did not just mean it when it came to sucking him off.

You smiled wholeheartedly. “Yah, don’t” your eyes focused somewhere else, feeling your face burn.

Jeongguk smiled sweetly, managing to draw your attention back to him by ever so tenderly caressing your cheek. Fuck, he loved you. And right then, with your eyes looking at him in a way he thought they had never when you were just friends, although unspoken, delusional even, he really felt like maybe you felt the same, too.

Tilting your face up just enough, he connected his lips with yours for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. “I’ll be good to you, too”.

You chuckled, loving the idea of it and kissing him briefly to let him know you did. You knew he would.

“When we’re alone, though. I won’t have Joon hear from me what he probably just heard from you”.

Jeongguk laughed, deciding to say nothing and instead pull you tightly into his chest and rest his chin on your head. And although he knew he might never hear the end of it from his friends, for once, he did not care what the rest had to either think or say.