#that came afterwards and it is very hard to hold the joy of the first half of the relationship

[bunnliix]

Little Trinkets

This came to be cause the wonderful @potatomountain and I were sharing Matz pics and then got into cute things you'd do while dating Matz and now here I am writing this very fluffy fic <3 And this fic is for the lovely Doom, so I hope you like it Doooom! <3 <3

Pairing: Matz x reader Summary: You're waiting at home for your boyfriends to return, while admiring the little trinkets that they've brought home for you wc: 972 Genre: Fluff Warnings: just pure fluff and cuteness, reader getting startled like once, food, kissing Beta'd by the wonderful @bethelighthalazia <3

You were waiting at home for your two boyfriends to come back from work. They promised they’d be home earlier today, given that you had been having a hard week, and needed them home more often. But no matter how much you said you’d be fine, though you knew you wanted them home earlier too, they said they’d be home before dark, and with dinner for the three of you.

You moved from the bed you all shared, heading out to the couch to watch the front door like a hawk, wanting to see them the minute they arrived back at your apartment. They shouldn’t be much longer, and you were excited for them to come home, as you had baked some sweets for them to have after their long day pre-recording at a music show for their current comeback.

As you waited, you looked around the room, finding little trinkets the three of you had gotten for each other at some point or another and smiling at the memories attached to each of them. There was a little model of the Golden Gate bridge from the last time they visited San Francisco, a tiny pair of wooden clogs from when they performed in Amsterdam, so many little things that they’ve brought home for themselves and you.

You were so distracted by your memories, that you didn’t hear the door opening, nor the murmurs of your boyfriends as they took their shoes off.

“Darling, we’re home,” Seonghwa called out as the two idols entered the living room to find you distracted.

Seeing as you hadn’t heard them, you continued going down memory lane, until you were interrupted by arms wrapping around your shoulders. Flinching slightly as you’re knocked back into reality, you looked up to see that it was Hongjoong whose arms were around you.

“Hi Joongie,” you greeted him, smiling up at him.

“Hi baby, did you get a bit distracted?” He asked.

“I was looking at everything you’ve brought home from the various places you’ve both visited, and all of our gifts for each other over the years. I was thinking about how much they mean to me and how much you both mean to me,” you confessed, the room falling silent afterwards.

You saw his gaze soften as he looked down at you while his arms squeezed you just the tiniest bit tighter. His voice broke the silence in the room, “how did we ever deserve someone as sweet as you, darling?”

“You’ve both done a lot of good in your lives, that’s how,” you replied like it was obvious.

Neither of them said anything as they both came around to sit on either side of you, four arms wrapping around your body. Seonghwa pressed his lips to the top of your head, while Hongjoong’s lips pressed to your cheek. They don’t have to say a word, their actions telling you everything, telling you how much they love you.

You all sat there for a couple minutes, before you wiggled out of their hold, running to the kitchen and returning with the brownies you had made, using the recipe Felix gave you months ago.

Presenting them to your boyfriends, you said, “I made some brownies, to celebrate your comeback.”

Seonghwa was the first to reach out, gently grabbing one and taking a bite out of it. You watched with a smile on your face as his face lit up with joy. You looked over at your other boyfriend to find that he was watching Hwa with a smile on his face, happy because you both were happy. 

That was until your oldest boyfriend offered a bite of the brownie to Hongjoong, who took the offered bite, moaning as he tasted the brownie. Seonghwa turned to look at you and said, “I think that means you’ll have to make these brownies more often. They are wonderful my darling.”

You felt your face flush and you smiled so much that your cheeks started to hurt, and gently placed the brownies down on the coffee table before you launched yourself at Seonghwa. The idol caught you, pulling you into his lap and placing kisses all over your face before pressing your lips together and kissing you properly. Your eyes closed while your hands found their place at the base of his neck, your fingers playing with his hair. 

You could kiss Seonghwa a hundred times every day, and you would still never tire of the feeling of his lips on yours. His lips were so soft, and he always knew how exactly to kiss you that left you feeling breathless in the best way. And he did so once again, pulling away from you and ending the kiss, as you melted into his arms.

You heard and felt him chuckle, as he moved the two of you to lay on the couch, as Hongjoong shifted to give his boyfriend room, before he laid on your back and sandwiched you between the two of them. You loved nights like this, where the three of you snuggled up on the couch. Where you didn’t have to be doing anything other than just laying here in each other’s arms, and you felt complete. 

“I love you both so much,” you said as you rested your head on his chest and stared over at all of the little trinkets you had been admiring not long ago.

“I love you too, baby,” Hongjoong whispered into your back.

“I love you more than all the stars in the sky, my starlight,” Seonghwa said, kissing the top of your head once more.

You felt more joy right now than you could have imagined, and you couldn’t wait for the rest of forever with them. And for more of those trinkets and gifts to find their place in your apartment.

Taglist: @/bethelighthalazia @callmeghostly

[kigieri]

Turbulence

The Danny Ric Series🍯🦡

Daniel Ricciardo × Reader

Trying to get pregnant can be a beautiful journey, full of delight and happiness, or it can be a sorrowful venture, full of despair and self-loathing, as it goes on and on and on.

A/N: Welcome! I hope you enjoy The Danny Ric Series. It is dedicated to the wonderful man that brought so much joy to Formula One and its fans.

This is my longest fic to date, and I'm very proud of it! Getting pregnant can take a long time, sometimes up to, or over a decade. It's a journey that can look very different from person to person. I wanted to showcase this a little bit. I have no idea about IVF or adoption in Monaco or Australia, so I held the topic very brief.

This story on AO3.

Standing in front of the bathroom cabinet, she looked at the multiple packages of pregnancy tests. Footsteps could be heard, before Daniel stepped into the room. He slipped his arms around her waist from behind her back, kissing her neck lightly. "So, do you want to take one?" She smiled. "I'm not pregnant yet." He nodded, searching for her eyes in their reflection. "Yes, but I know you want to take one and we better make sure. We'll have to try extra hard if you aren't." A light red flushed her face and she grabbed behind herself to pinch Daniel. "You're unbelievable!" Laughter filled the air between them.

She picked one up and opened it, taking the content out of the box before placing it on the rim of the sink. "Let's do it." Daniel took the test from her and took a step back, while she read over the instructions. "Just normal procedure." He looked at her, slightly confused. "Uhm... And what's normal procedure?" Her eyes found his as she turned and looked up. "You... you've never heard how to take a pregnancy test?" He shook his head. "Where should I have gotten that information? We were always careful, there was never a scare, so I've got no idea." She shook her head in disbelieve. "Men. This is just..." She waved the description around. "It's just something you know."

The Aussie shrugged his shoulders. "You pee on it, wait a bit and if it's two lines we weren't as careful as we thought, right?" She rolled her eyes. "That's about right." A big smile took over his face and he stepped towards her, pulling her towards himself by the waist. He kissed her briefly. "Just take one, okay? To mark the beginning of the journey?" She nodded and kissed him again. "Gladly."

Twenty minutes and a lot of banter later, they were looking at a negative test. Their breath slightly faster from a short make-out session. While she carefully put away the test and washed her hands, he could not look away. "I love you." She turned towards him, a towel in her hands to dry them off. "I love you too." His smile was intoxicating and, after she had hung up the towel, she walked over to him.

"I cannot wait to start a family with you." His words were breathy, genuine and filled with emotions. "We've waited long enough, haven't we?" Daniel nodded, taking her into his arms once more. "It was worth it. I want it. We're happy, married," his hand reached for hers to stroke over their wedding band, "and we're more than ready." Her head rested against his chest. He continued, "The moment I will hold our child in my arms will be the happiest of my life, right before meeting and marrying you."

***

Two months had passed since that first test, and her circle had continued. Her period came just as regularly as before. She was sitting on their hotel bed after a race. She had left before Daniel, he had still been in a meeting and wanted to sign a few autographs afterwards. Her hands were occupied with taking out her earrings, she had already taken off the slight make-up she had put on that morning.

A little while later, while slipping out of her blouse, she looked at a hickey Daniel had left a few nights prior. It fell just below her neckline, so she had not needed to cover it with foundation. Her thoughts drifted to the week ahead, while she grabbed her pajama and walked into the bathroom. They had told her parents that they were trying for a child. Some people might find it peculiar, since it was intimate information, but she thought it was wonderful to include their families. After the next race, they would return to Perth, and they planned to inform Daniel's family as well.

After a quick shower, she laid down in bed, opening her book and starting to read. She tried to stay awake, wanting to greet her lover when he returned from the circuit. She had just finished a chapter when the lock gave off a beeping noise. Daniel entered silently, and a smile spread over his face when he saw she was still awake. He walked in and placed his backpack and keycard on the table, before walking over to the bed and leaning down to give her a quick kiss. "It's late. You should have gone to bed." She reached her hand up to stroke over his beard. "I wanted to greet you and give you a chance to talk." He nodded while stepping back and beginning to strip. "Thank you." He motioned towards the bathroom. "I'll take a quick shower first." And with those words he was already inside and the door fell shut behind him.

The shower could be heard in the bedroom, and she waited for it to stop before standing up and taking a fresh pair of boxers out of the closet. She opened the door slowly, the steam escaping the room hitting her nonetheless. Daniel was drying himself off as she held out the clothing to him. He smiled at her and took it. "Thanks. Forgot those." A slightly amused sound left her mouth. "Wasn't the first time, won't be the last one." He shook his head. "Nah."

Silence fell between them as Daniel got ready, and she sat down on the side of the bathtub. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Daniel's attention was caught by something on the little rack next to the toilet. "You got your period?" She nodded. "Yesterday evening. Didn't want to tell you before the race." He turned around. "No problem, you tell me whatever, whenever." A slight smile painted his lips. She stood up again. "Bed?" The Aussie nodded. "Let's go to bed. I'm dead on my feet."

They turned off the lights and slipped under the cover. Normally they slept without touching, they cuddled to fall asleep but turned away during the night, needing space to move. This night, however, Daniel's arm remained wrapped around her belly as they both dreamed about the small little family they were going to create.

***

Morning had creeped in some time ago, and they had enjoyed a quiet breakfast. The end of the season had come faster than either of them anticipated, but they were happy nonetheless. A little free time for themselves before it all began again. Daniel had started doing the dishes. He enjoyed the mundane tasks without pressure or an event in his neck.

The bathroom door had been closed for some time when he finally walked by it. He had wanted to check on her before going out to work on one of the dirt bikes that was making trouble. He knocked lightly, his knuckles barely hitting the wood. "Come in." Her voice was meek and brittle. The door creaked just a bit while he pushed it open, he wanted to fix that this break too. She was sitting on the closed toilet lid when he entered. Her vision was blurry when she looked up at him, her eyes tearful and puffy. Her cheeks were red, and her lower lip wobbled. She held out the pregnancy test silently, Daniel did not need to look at it to know the result.

He kneeled down in front of her, laying the test next to his legs on the ground. He also felt like crying, but right now he needed to be there for her. He cupped her face in his hands and brushed her tears away. "It will come. I hate it too, but it takes time. We've been trying for over half a year, but a lot of children have taken longer. It is normal." The nod she gave was barely noticeable. He leaned up a bit, and took her into his arms. "It will come. I know that, and you know that, and the waiting is painful... fuck." His own vision was turning blurry. "But that'll make it so much sweeter when they're here, okay?" She nodded into his neck, even though she was hardly convinced. His words filled her heart with warmth nonetheless.

Her arms encircled his shoulders. "I love you and I just want to be pregnant. Just have them here." Daniel nodded. "I understand." She stroked his neck and hairline. "I know it's hard for you too. You'll talk to me about it, right?" He nodded again. "I will. I promise. It's hard for me, too." A watery giggle left her mouth. "We'll do this together." He leaned back enough to look into her face. "It'll be really hard for you to get pregnant alone, I would think." A lough bubbled out of her, and Daniel released a breath he had been holding. There was much to be talked about, but she was smiling again.

***

A baby shower was not something she wished to attend at the moment, but she pushed her own feelings to the back of her head and tried to be as happy as possible for her friend. Both her and Daniel had been invited. He, however, had a race coming up and was already halfway around the globe.

The night before leaving, laying behind her, with one hand splayed across her stomach, he had whispered that she did not need to go. Not alone and not ever if she did not want to. She had shaken her head. Their journey may be harder, but she still wished to enjoy the happiness of others.

Now she was tying a small bow around the present. She had abstained from using wrapping paper or glitter, only a few stickers and a bow. The aftermath of today's party would be enough to clean up, even without all the presents that had to be opened.

She looked over at the magnetic board that they used instead of a pinboard. There, next to a neat and minimalistic invitation, hung the small ultrasound picture that had come with it. She had caught Daniel the evening it arrived, sitting at the dining table and staring at the little one. She had swallowed and walked by, not knowing how to approach him at that moment. After she had finished emptying the dishwasher, and before going to sleep, she had done the same. While looking at it she had cried, as silently as she could muster, but she was sure he had heard her anyway.

They had lain in bed that night, a space where a lot of their conversation about children now happened. He had spooned her once more, neither being able to look into the other's face. Daniel had started with small stories from his childhood, about his parents and siblings, and she had listened and shared her own stories. They might need longer, but they would get there. At least, she hoped so.

***

Going to the baby shower had been a good idea, it was a nice evening, with a lot of heartfelt stories and most of her friends in one place, which did not happen often. Coming back was hard, however.

She went through the next few days on autopilot, waiting for Daniel to return, but not entirely sure what she would tell him when he would. They could hardly try harder. There was little they could do but wait. Hope, month after month, that her period would stop. She wouldn't even say no to morning sickness, even though she was very sure she would regret that statement at one point or another.

When Daniel came home, she was vacuuming. He had told her when he would be arriving, but she had lost sight of the time, trying to occupy herself. They hugged and kissed, Daniel started talking about the weekend and what he had gotten up to, next to what she could see on the screen, and she talked about what she had done. She pulled up pictures from the baby shower and, since she had kept it secret from him until now, told him that it would be a boy. He was delighted by that.

They didn't talk about children that evening, or the day after, or the day after that. She simply did not know how to approach the topic, how to express her thoughts. She herself could hardly make sense of them.

In the end, it was Daniel that sat them down on the couch. He was very sure about what had been running through her mind since he came back. He didn't know what to say either, but he had another idea. One that wouldn't solve their problem, but one that would maybe help them be a bit more positive again.

"So, um. I was thinking of emptying the small room. Everything that's inside could be placed somewhere else. It's not that much, and then we'd have a blank space." Not knowing what she would think of it, he looked at her expectantly. He would suggest painting the room already, but collecting a few ideas and having the space free might help them get a bit of their excitement back. He hated the dread he sometimes felt, and he hated even more that he didn't know how she felt.

She took his hand and started playing with his fingers. She didn't look at him, that was another thing that had started recently, and he hated it but, once again, didn't know a solution too. "That's a very nice idea." Her voice was meek, the enthusiasm he had hoped for was not to be found. "But?" He turned his hand, squeezing hers. At that, she looked up at him. "I don't want to look at an empty room, not knowing when it will be filled." Her face had that apathetic look, the one he knew to associate with deep sadness coming from her.

"Okay, I understand that." He thought of something else, anything else, and remembered something Max had shown him a while ago. Kelly had created a Pinterest to redesign her daughter's room. Something like that may work.

"How about we start collecting ideas for the room? I know we both bookmark Instagram posts but something more specific. So that we'll really have a concept when it comes down to it. I know it'll take some time for you to decide on all the furniture." She smiled softly. He knew she liked it when he showed that he knew her. "I have already collected a few." He nodded, that was what he wanted to hear. "Then let's look over it together, let's really get into it, yes?" Her smile was contagious.

This would not solve the problem, but it would bring them together once more. It would bring them joy that they were, at this point, severely lacking. It would also simply give them more time. Something to fill the gap between now and that fateful day they were waiting for.

***

The doctor's appointment had been in her calendar for some time. She had laid it precisely so that Daniel could come with her. A bit of dread filled her when thinking about it, but also hope. This could help them, after almost three years of trying.

Daniel had bought her flowers this morning on his jog, promised her they would get pastries on the way back. No matter what the doctor was going to find today, she would have her partner by her side and he would stay.  No matter what outcome there'd be.

The conversation was nice, this was not her first appointment with this gynecologist and she trusted her. Most of the testing had been done in advance and, as they were going through every little thing that regarded her reproductive system, Daniel held her hand.

He had already been tested for everything under the sun that could pose a problem with his fertility, and Daniel's doctor had told them the same thing her doctor was telling them now. There was no problem. There was no reason that could be found as to why they shouldn't be able to naturally conceive.

They talked a bit more about different options before saying their goodbyes and leaving. The confirmation was a relief, and Daniel hugged her tight when they were standing alone in the corridor. They had both let themselves be checked out before starting to try for a baby in the first place, but this second search had been more thorough, had focused more on things that could cause fertility issues, and now they knew there were non.

After the promised breakfast and a quick stroll along the harbour they found themselves back in their apartment. Daniel had sat down on the couch, and she had found herself a place on his lap. She had laid her head in the crook of his neck.

They were both contemplating what this meant. They could have children together, it was simply taking a long time. So they'd continue as they had before, trying and waiting. A game they were both sick off.

"You know what Lando said the other day?" His voice was filled with humour, not as enthusiastic as normally, a little bit dry. She rolled her eyes. "Do I even want to know?" Daniel shrugged, turning his head to give her a kiss on the hairline. "'This would all be so much easier if you were teenagers.'" She sat back a bit to look at his face, an incredulous look on her face. "Seriously? That little fucker!" Her exclamation was one of disbelieve, but she fell into slight laughter afterwards. "If one of you would have been a teen parent, it would have been Lando!" Daniel smiled too, the topic would be one that they couldn't sweep under the rug, but for today they'd had enough serious conversations. "I don't know, Pierre is also a contender." They fell into laughter once more. As they continued to bicker, one thing was clear. They'd do it together.

***

They had started talking more about it once again. Determined that they would grow on this journey. Even if it was hard. Their chat was filled with pictures of negative pregnancy tests, since Daniel wanted to know about every single one she took. Most of the time, even when he was in a completely different timezone, he facetimed her so they could talk during the wait.

She was very sure she could, at this point, estimate the time it took for the test to show a result by heart. There had been a time when she hadn't even bought pregnancy tests anymore, discouraged by their year-long trial. The simple motion of taking one from time to time was, however, showing her that it was still part of their life and that it would happen someday.

On the magnetic board in the kitchen hung a leaflet. It was folded and consisted of a few pages of content.  It had hung there for quite some time. She had put it in her purse without much thinking, after seeing it laying on a side table at the doctors. There were descriptions in it of different ways of conception except the natural one, and a short introduction to the adoption process.

Daniel had asked her about it, and she had answered that she wanted to know the options they had. Now it was more of an eyesore to her. The options that were presented were valid and good ones, but not the ones she wished to take at this point in life. That's how she found herself walking over to it, in the middle of making dinner, and taking it down. She opened the bin and dropped it inside.

Later, after having had dinner, Daniel nodded towards the empty spot. "You took it down?" She nodded, laying down her cutlery. "I threw it out." He nodded in response, but his expression was questioning. "Why? It was a good pamphlet, I read through. I even, um, looked some of it up. Pretty informative and they presented different options." She leaned back, relaxing in her chair. Talking about it had become easier. "I know, I read it too. But it was not really what we were planing on, right? If we ever do consider it, we can get another one, but right now we're still trying... how did you say it? 'The old-fashioned way'!" Daniel smiled, bright and intoxicating. Once more, she thought about the love she harbored for him. "Yes, that's understandable."

He drank a bit and a comfortable silence settled over them, neither wanting to stand up just yet. "Would you consider other options?" His voice was low. She looked back at him, her gaze having drifted off to another point in the kitchen. "Yeah, we have talked about it before. We'd have to talk about it a lot more, of course, but I am open to something like IVF, or even adoption. I know that's a topic you have looked into a bit deeper." Daniel nodded and cleared his throat before he answered. "I think it's something important, and I would like to look into it even after you get pregnant." He searched for eye contact, gouging her reaction.

This was not a new conversation, something like this had come up multiple times before. The conversation had, however, never been this serious. They had talked about the process a bit and how they felt about it, but that he considered it this seriously was new to her. "Okay, I'm open to that. Do you want to talk more about it right now?" He drank some more water, apparently a bit nervous. "It's always something I have thought about. It is complicated and comes with more problems than I can probably think of, but every child deserves loving parents. They'd not be ours biologically, but I don't think that is the most important thing."

She thought about it for a few moments and nodded. "Yes. We'll have to talk about it a lot more, but I understand where you are coming from, and we want more than one child, so it is something to consider." Daniel smiled at her. "We don't have to plan it out now. We still have at least one child planned before that." He looked at her stomach before continuing, "There are seminars and stuff like that about it, so we could maybe look at that." She nodded once more. "I think that is a good idea."

***

Over the years they had been approached by different people with different attitudes. Sometimes it had been when they were together, but that had been more so in the beginning. The more time that passed without her getting pregnant, the more of their friends approached them individually.

When they had told their families, they had gotten a lot of heartfelt good wishes and a few snarky remarks from the younger members of the families. Daniel's mother had made a remark about becoming a grandmother in every second conversation for the remainder of the time they had spent there. His sister had talked about parenthood, the highs and lows of it. Painting a happy, but also quite difficult picture. They had, while talking about it after returning home, noticed that she had taken each of them aside to talk about the pregnancy and the first few months after it. She had told them about the hardships and that it could be a horrendous time. Giving both of them advice, catered to their role in it. They had both been quite touched by it and thanked her the next time she had called.

Sebastian had talked to Daniel during the phase where he was constantly worrying. She may not be pregnant, but he was already considering all the things he could do wrong as a new father. Seb, who had his own family, reassured him. He had told Daniel that he'd be a good father and that he would learn a lot. Parenting had aspects that were more natural than others, but as long as they'd do it as a couple, there shouldn't be anything important going wrong. After a few more frenzied interactions, he had cornered Daniel once more and had, as Lando would later call it, used 'dad jokes' to help. Which meant more reassurance, that a wrongly wrapped diaper would not make him a horrible father.

For her there had been a lot of advice regarding the pregnancy, some better than other, but all given with good intent. There came, however, a time when she was more than sick of hearing it. After one misguided comment from someone, she had, however, decided that any pregnancy advice was better than advice on how to conceive successfully.

There was a little confusion at the first race she visited after they decided they were ready to try. There had been quite a few people that had started conversations about pregnancy and children. She had not considered it public knowledge that they were trying for a child, but it seemed to be just that. After asking around a bit, she had found the source, and she couldn't even be mad about it. It seemed Daniel had talked so much about pregnancy and kids that it was just assumed that they were trying, and there had been a few incidents where people had discreetly asked him if she was indeed pregnant. Daniel was a bit embarrassed when she confronted him about it, but there was a bright smile on his face. He was not able to mask his excitement at the idea of being a parent with her.

The questions and the people giving advice had become less and less with time. When it came to the time when they really needed people to ask them how they were doing, there were few friends left that did.

She had been approached by one of her friends, concerned about her wellbeing, asking her how she was feeling about the prospect of pregnancy. After some reluctance, she had practically poured out her heart, which had been desperately needed. There had been people that had tried a lot longer than they had, but it did not make it easier. The pain was there, and even though Daniel was always at her side, sometimes the self-doubt simply wormed itself in. Was she the problem? Why couldn't her body do what she so desperately wanted from it?

Daniel's mental state at that time wasn't much better. Max took him aside at a race weekend and asked him about it, trying to help as best as he could. Daniel was not ready to talk about it, however. Deflecting and thanking him for the concern, but not opening up.

In the end, Blake was the person that came through to him. Not through one single conversation but through multiple small ones. He showed concern and support, through little gestures and conversations. It helped Daniel to realise that they had both been so absorbed in the grief of things that did not happen, that they had lost sight of the fact that they were in it together. That they had each other to lean on and that they needed to support each other.

They started to talk more again, they hadn't stopped, but there had been more silence and a lot of repetitive and meaningless conversations. The pregnancy wouldn't just happen, but there was more they could do, and so they started to work on it.

At the five-year mark of trying, they had decided to paint the walls of the nursery. Daniel had not removed his things yet, and it was still somewhere between an office and a storage room, but they had wanted to try out colours and motives so afterwards the walls were a bit mismatched and fun. When asked if the change in wallpaper meant anything, they shook their heads. There were hardships to be overcome, but life was good.

***

She was leaning against the doorframe of the living room. Daniel was sitting on the couch, his back turned towards her, and he was engrossed with his tablet. He hadn't noticed her presence yet. These little domestic moments filled her with a lot of happiness and a small smile formed on her face.

"Daniel?" Her voice was serious. He turned towards her. "Full first name. What can I do for you, love?" She smiled a bit more, loving the way he tried to immediately make her more comfortable with humour, without undermining whatever she was going to say. "My period's late. Like, late late." His face went through multiple emotions in the span of a moment, confusion, surprise, disbelief and delight. "Have you, you know?" He nodded in the direction of the bathroom. She shook her head, raising the pregnancy test in her hand. "I wanted you to be there. Just in case." There was a smile on her face, in anticipation for the thing they had waited almost six years for. The implication was double-edged nonetheless. In case she wasn't pregnant, so that she wouldn't be alone for another negative test.

Daniel smiled, reassuringly, and filled with more excitement than he had felt in a long time. "Let's go then." The way to the bathroom was the same she had taken often over the last few years, with a similar test in hand, but this time was different. There was a hope that hadn't been there before.

The procedure was the same as it had been the countless times before, but this time the waiting was different. They sat down on the edge of the bathtub, but after the first few minutes, she shook her head and stood up. She took a piece of toilet paper, dried off the test, and took Daniel's hand. Shortly afterwards they were sitting on their bed. He had his legs crossed, and she was leaning against him.

Daniel put an arm around her, stroking along hers. "It's gonna be positive. And if not, we're going to continue." She nodded, trying to calm herself down. If she had to pinpoint an emotion she was feeling right now, she would not be able to do it. There was too much going on in her head. She turned her head and looked at Daniel's profile. His gaze was focused on the test. "We'll have to decide on a name then, won't we?" His head turned towards her. "We already decided on that, and you know it." There was mock affront in his voice, and he put on an offended frown. She smiled and took his hand. "Yeah, I know."

The first few moments after Daniel's alarm went off neither of them moved, then he leaned forwards, picked up the test and held it out to her. Her hands were shaking lightly when she took it. Turning it around took more mental strength than she had ever thought possible for such a simple action.

Her vision was blurry, but the result was still visible to her. She looked at Daniel, but his face was already simply a blur, but he was also crying. She knew that. He took her into his arm, kissing the crown of her head before leaning down and placing his forehead against hers. "You're pregnant." His voice was shaky, and she knew that, if she would look at him, he would have the biggest smile on his face she had ever seen. "Yes, we're going to have a child." She looked down, looking at her stomach incredulously.

They simply sat together in silence, enjoying the feeling, the closeness and each other. There were doctor's appointments that needed to be made and a lot of things needed organising. This moment, however, was theirs to enjoy. Pregnancy would be no easy journey, it involved risks and challenges, as would parenthood, but they were in it together.

@kigieri 2024. All rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate or repost any of my work.

[missmugiwara]

Insubordination

Summary: fem!reader x Levi Ackerman // Never in a million years would you defy your captain over a gift. From him. Quite the story how you got in the first place.

Warning: 18+, fluff, slightly suggestive, you are soooo down bad but so is he

Note: I love him!

✦ Word count is 2.5k ✦

A hand at your chest, balling into a fist only to grab at something that wasn't there. Only air.

Your eyes stared at your reflection in the window before blinking, readjusting to focus on the contents on the other side of the glass - the inside of the shop. The sun shone at the right angle, causing jewelry to twinkle in the light. Gently, you smiled while admiring the different pieces.

Even so, there was one thing that dazzled you over the others. The one thing that captivated you more than any other sparkly, expensive ring or watch or bauble: a necklace. A silver necklace with a silver pendant - the pendant being a simple feather, wisps carved into it and encrusted with a million little diamonds that imitated the millions of stars in a night sky.

You had wanted that necklace more than anything.

Every time your squad came back from an expedition, the route always passed the jewelry shop last. And every time, you would peek in the window to check and see if that little treasure was still there. Maybe someday you'd get it. These days, jewelry was hard to come by. It didn't help that you felt so selfish for staring all the time and for wanting to purchase such a small vanity. And of course, every time, your friends would mercilessly tease you about this. They would tell you to just buy the damn thing already! You deserved something nice for your hard work. Didn't you know? But when you laughed along with their cooing, it was the same excuse every time.

"Oh, goodness, no! My family needs me! Every cent I earn goes back to my little brothers!"

How many more times would you pass by that stupid shop and dream of that necklace? Surely, you could afford it after all these months of saving.

It was so obvious.

Upon arriving back from an expedition, while carting the injured and parading through town as the people looked upon the scouts, Levi could see. He could clearly see when you drove your horse off to the side. He could see you sneak and take a moment to quietly look into that shop's window. And he could see a friend trotting afterward as you exchanged whispers and maybe even a joke or two. Trying to hide this playful behavior when you should have a modicum of decorum on the way back to base was ignored.

At the sound of your giggling, Levi blinked from his perch atop his horse. His expression was stoic, his gaze unbreakable as he stared into your caped back. There you were with your friends, holding back laughter about that silly necklace again.

He squinted his eyes in annoyance. Tch. You should have just bought it already! Everyone kept saying it.

Levi let out a sigh. He knew better than to think that. Because he knew you.

You were there since the very beginning - one of the first people to ever be assigned to his squad. Being close only revealed your strength and devotedness - a pure and unwavering devotedness to him. A most important member of his squad. Yet important was not enough to describe what you could have possibly meant.

Feeling his relentless gaze burn into your back, you looked up to meet those steel eyes of Levi's. In turn, your mouth dropped open in surprise. By the look in your eyes, it was apparent that you were flustered. For a second more, your gazes stayed locked until you adoringly smiled at the captain.

Levi's eyebrow twitched when you gave a small wave with your hand. Your surrounding friends gasped and looked up to where you were waving, and Levi scowled further. They burst into giggles, whispering whatever teases as your attention was pulled back toward them.

That smile on your face was something he could never get over. It was amazing how you could find such joy in a world where the scouts met danger on a daily, if not hourly, basis.

You deserved joy.

With scrunched-up eyebrows and a steady focus in his gray eyes, Levi looked forward. He knew what to do next.

Later that day, Captain Levi Ackerman walked into that very same jewelry shop. The family that owned the establishment was shocked. Patrons gasped. Levi walked around as if it were the most normal thing in the world, ignoring the gazes of people around him. Stupid that they thought this was so unusual. He was as unbothered as always.

"C - Captain Levi!? W - welcome, sir!"

The Captain Levi?

Buying jewelry? Would it be a ring? Was it for a secret lover? A woman in his life? The unreadable captain was a romantic? Amongst all the stares, low whispers, and comments Levi could give less of a shit what people thought. So after a moment of walking toward the front desk, with the owner quaking in his boots for whatever reason, Levi spoke curtly.

"That feather necklace in the window. I'll take it."

"Excellent choice, sir! P - please accept this discount for all your hard work!"

"Thanks."

It was also later that same day when your beloved squad captain found you in the dining area. A group of scouts were gathered around you, eating and laughing as you regaled them with a funny story from working on your family's farm as a youth.

As usual, Levi's appearance shut everyone up immediately, earning him stares of slight panic. Everyone probably had the same thought: they were being way too rowdy if the captain of all people walked over. However, you had the inkling that this was about something else. A heat blossomed across your cheeks when Levi stopped right in front of you.

"We need to talk. Now."

Of course, Levi didn't scare you in the slightest - but if he needed to talk so urgently, it did make you worry a bit. Instantly, you hopped up and gave an energetic yes, sir! And you followed him, giving one last pout at anyone who dared to snicker at the prospect of you and the captain being alone.

Was it really that obvious? Did everyone know about your feelings?

With a turn of Levi's head toward the crowd behind him, eyes glaring daggers, that was when everyone really shut up.

What really caught you off guard was when you and Levi were finally alone. You, seated in front of his desk, and he opposite of you in a much more lavish chair. Silence and a sort of heated tension filled the air, albeit you could not quite place a finger on what it was that made it feel this way.

Gently, Levi placed a small box onto the desk with a small clatter. You looked at the box, then at Levi. He was expressionless, and his eyes twinkled under the lamplight. As usual, he looked amazingly handsome. A heat dusted over your cheeks. What did he expect you to do? Soon enough, you opened your mouth to ask what in the world this was, but the captain spoke first.

"Open it."

His face did not change nor did his tone urge you to hurriedly act. He let you take your time as you furrowed your brows in confusion. With parted lips, you blinked at him in question again. You really had no idea what was going on.

So you did as you were told.

Carefully, you separated the lid from the box. And your eyes widened once you registered what was inside.

The necklace.

You held your breath. Levi stolidly watched on.

"Captain - " you gawked, holding the necklace delicately in your fingers.

"We're alone."

"Levi." you breathed, "What… why? This can't be for me."

"It is."

"You did not."

"I did."

A losing battle. So your gaze snapped down to the necklace, a calm and gentle smile spreading across your lips. It was breathtaking. And Levi was breathtaking. He bought this just for you? This was the last thing in the world you would have ever expected, but - you knew him. Cold, impassive Captain Levi to the soldiers. Sweet, resolute Levi to you.

"Thank you, Levi. I love it."

When you looked up, he adorned a small smirk. He leaned back in his chair, crossing a leg over his knee.

"Now you have to help me put it on!" you clapped your hands as Levi scoffed, smirk still at his lips.

Excitedly, you spun around and situated your hair out of place when he stood up to walk over. The necklace was clasped daintily around your neck, Levi's fingers pausing at your skin for a slight second as if to savor the feeling. The feeling of happiness - one such feeling he did not have the opportunity to experience often enough. He could see your shoulders rise when your breath caught in your chest at the contact. After a pause, his index finger reached out on command, and he froze to think about what he should or shouldn't do.

Thoughts you similarly shared. A closeness, a bond was there. Something was definitely there, and even your fellow scouts could see it. But what did you want to risk? Was it okay to take the risk despite knowing your profession all too well?

Levi's finger curled inward, and he ran a knuckle lightly down your spine. An adoring touch, one you did not experience regularly except for the rare opportunities Levi chose to reveal his inner softness. Foolishly, you hoped he did not feel your heart thundering throughout your body when he touched you so sweetly.

You decided to ignore the butterflies in your stomach as best as you could. With a grin, you turned to meet his calm eyes.

"And how does it look?"

When Levi opened his mouth to answer, you grinned and interrupted.

"Ah, wait! Don't tell me. I already know it looks amazing."

Levi could only tilt his head to the side, eyebrows folded inward as he gave a tiny, closed-mouth smile. The small, energetic bursts and the ability to still be so genuine and pure in this world - that was amazing too. Where did you find the strength?

As you thanked him one more time, Levi brushed it off - refusing to let you thank him and simply stating it was nothing. When you headed for the door, Levi watched your backside. There was one more thing he needed you to know.

"I better not catch you wearing that on the field, soldier. Would be a shame if it got dirty or you lost it."

With your hand on the door handle, you froze at his words. A small hum escaped your lips, and you turned around with a smirk.

"Of course not… captain."

For whatever reason, you two stood there in silence and stared at each other. Neither one of you could bare to look away. Like a magnetic pull linked you two together. The shadows on your faces danced under the low light. That arousing, heavy feeling was in the air again, and your heart raced. Levi got this gift out of the kindness of his heart. Because he cared. A simple word of thanks didn't feel right. Not after all the years of being by his side.

Without thought, your body moved.

Levi's eyes widened when your arms flew around his neck. He stumbled once but regained footing when you buried your face in his shoulder, hugging him tightly. These moments of intimacy weren't often. In fact, you weren't sure if he was fine with a hug. If he wasn't, you'd apologize profusely. Levi stood stunned in place, really taking in the feeling of your body pressed tightly to his. After a moment more of reflection, his eyelids shut slowly when he exhaled. He dipped his chin into your shoulder, lightly placing his hands on your back to return the hug. His perfectly cut hair shading out his eyes when he moved. A few seconds passed as you held each other, and when you pulled away - Levi simply studied your face with that same taciturn expression he always bore.

As you both stood there just gazing into each other's eyes, your hands gripping his biceps and his at your waist, your eyes glittered. He looked so damn good. He always did over the years. So your brain decided to make you move without thought again.

Swiftly, you pecked him on the cheek.

His eyebrows raised slightly into his forehead, and his lips parted but Levi did not say a word. With a small heat rising to your cheeks, you calmly walked off to the door. All you wanted to do was scream and kick your feet because you had just done that, a small but innocent kiss, but you felt being tact was best. At least for now. At the door, you paused, turning to look at him with such desire.

You smiled, "Good night, Levi."

The door closed, leaving the stoic captain to brush his fingertips against the skin where your mouth landed.

The very next day was another expedition. No surprise there. Your hands tightly held the reins to your horse whilst the hundreds of others walked uniformly down the streets. A small neigh caught your attention, and you looked to the right. With this formation, you were always within eyesight of Levi - never to leave his side unless otherwise stated. You were so close - you could have easily reached out to touch his thigh so reassuringly, but you had a duty to be respectable first and foremost.

It was only yesterday night, but scanning his face made you wonder if he had thoughts of the little gifts exchanged - a necklace and a kiss. It was just a small one! You couldn't fathom going overboard, so the cheek was subtle and friendly enough. This was silly though. Of course Levi probably didn't have time to think about that now. Just like yesterday, your hand darted to the space right underneath the neck - only to be greeted by the necklace this time. From underneath your cape, you grabbed the feather pendant between your thumb and forefinger.

"Hey."

You twitched and turned to meet Levi's eyes.

"What did I say about wearing that?"

Embarrassment was written all over your face. So you spent a while studying him, Levi looking more and more pissed with every second you kept him waiting. Before long, a small smirk appeared at your lips.

"Sorry, captain. I just can't do that. You see… someone really special gave me this. It means everything to me."

Levi's eyes widened.

With a call of Erwin's voice in the background, the horses sprang forth in a run out onto the field beyond the walls. A cheeky, closed-mouth grin, and you tucked the necklace back under your shirt. Within a second, your expression changed to a more serious one, and your eyes darted ahead in focus. No time to think about this bold, little remark any longer - no matter how much you wanted to see Levi's face. Hopefully, he wasn't mad. Because most of all, how dare you so openly defy his command.

Insubordination.

Levi smirked.

He'd deal with you later.

Privately, of course.

[utanokehai]

remaining tenderness

cw ﾉ slight suggestiveness. petname: my lambkin (/ω＼) part one of my vamp!blade miniseries :3c (and the third repost akajdhdsf i hope this appears in the tags! T_T)

the thing about love is that you can find it on the most unlikely places and situations possible.

“are you comfortable?” love asks, his touch light as cotton on your waist, betraying the ever-present dour and morose look on his face.

(though you have begun to notice the way it softens ever so slightly in your presence.)

“very,” your reply is followed by a smile, blithe and bright and holding all the sweet wonders of the world, ��thank you, blade.”

as the both of you—lone, worn souls slowly stripping away the tough bark that encased your hearts—lay together atop the silky-smooth sheets of his bed, you're brought back to the times when love wasn't as... loving.

when he first found you, his tugs were harsh and his teeth were bared, ready to ravage and devour.

“stay still.” the beast growls, holding you still with a searing touch; not the kind that brings comfort, but one that strives to destroy and ruin. it leaves a burning sensation on your skin, yet it is clear to you that escape sounds more like a faraway dream.

and so, you allowed him a bite. then it's doubled, tripled, until dew and clouds shroud your vision and the last thing you see is a leather-gloved hand prepared to catch your limping self.

afterwards, he took you in—unwilling to let go of such fine livestock as a source of energy. no other reason. nothing more, nothing less.

at least, that was what the beast told you a few moons ago.

“are you not going to sleep?”

love’s voice snaps you back to reality, where the homely view of his intricately carved ceiling and candelabras that line his desk greets you.

the phrase ‘home is where the heart is’ has never been truer until now, for you haven’t felt this strongly about any house you’ve resided in before.

and neither does any creature, human or not, have ever understood, touched, loved you as well as he does.

no one has ever paid attention to which vegetables you’d carefully remove from your plate, nor does anyone know the amount of milk you fancy in your tea.

those pair of rubies that are able to easily send fear running everyone’s spine are the same ones to watch over and guard you when you're asleep, and those two hands he use to maim and kill are the same ones to cradle your round face as he claims your lips between his, seeking your warmth and stealing your breath until your legs no longer can prop you up and he has to carry you back to bed to continue where he left off...

soon, you realize this: love reserves the gentlest bits of his marred soul for you. it may be hard to notice, with the way his display of affection lacks all the razzle-dazzle of the world, quiet and silent, but all the more beautiful in its own enchanting way.

even now, the concern swirling ‘round and about his crimson irises are more than enough proof of the fondness he holds for you.

“i just want to stay awake a little longer,” your voice came out groggy, laced with exhaustion you refuse to acknowledge.

there’s a faint crease forms in love’s forehead, a sign of his confusion at another one of human's strange affinity for destroying their own health, “you should go to sleep. i will be here when you wake up.”

that is a promise he swore to keep no matter the feebleness, and you understand him well enough to know that he would never speak a single lie to your face, and yet—

“but then i won't be able to look at you...”

love falls silent.

this is another rare case where he’s found himself flustered-shriveled organ now thrumming furiously behind the his ribcage, roses growing and spreading wildly to block his windpipe, sending his mind reeling with joy (at the simple notion that you cannot go a few hours without seeing him), excitement (for it feels like nothing short of a dream, having someone cares for him this much), and multitudes of other emotions pushing past the seams of his heart.

it's a sensation so alive, nourishing in its simplicity and peculiarly beautiful.

(just like you, he thinks.)

“...if fate allows it, i might be able to visit you in your dream.” love replies, ignoring the inanity of your words and instead opting to play along, his hand reaching for the quilt you’ve pushed away to tuck you in once more.

the edge of your lips curl up to form a tiny, lazy smile, amused by his willingness to entertain you, “you will?”

“yes.” i would pluck out every star in the night sky to create a perfect dreamscape for you, even—he wants to say, then seal it with a kiss so deep and dizzying that you’ll drift off to sleep immediately. but that's a trick for another time...

for now, love is content with having you near him like this; hair splayed across his lap, your index coiling around his pinky like a little baby as you finally begin to doze off.

and a smile that can no longer be bitten back now blooms across his face, accompanied by a huffed laugh as he plants a brief kiss over the crown of your hair (so you may be blessed with the sweetest of dreams—hopefully, one with him in it), and whispers in a bedroom-soft voice:

“good night, my lambkin.”

[huboi]

☆ - GUINEA PIG HYBRID READER FT MULTIPLE JJK MEN !

╰┈➤ includes; gn! hybrid reader, mainly focused on reader squeaking and the guys falling heads over heels all over again, mentions of eating food

╰┈➤ a/n; this fic is heavily inspired by @appleblueberry-pie s’ post on Guinea pig hybrid reader with jjk men, tysm for letting me use this for a fic 🧡

SATORU GOJO

when satoru first met you, he was instantly in love

you’re guessing that it’s mainly due to your unusual features such as small ears and a tiny barely noticeable tail

he hasn’t seen many hybrids in the sorcerer world, other than panda

one thing that gave him a huge fright was when you first squealed out of nowhere when he brought home some sweet treats

he was very concerned that you were in pain or injured in some way, only to be relieved once told you involuntarily tend to squeal when you get excited

after this experience he tries his best to excite you when possible, since he can’t get enough of your squeaks

always refrains from just squishing your cheeks together in response

man wants to keep you in his pocket

GETO SUGURU

enjoys hearing your squeals

he becomes extra soft when he hears them

one second he’s tearing down another pathetic useless monkey

and the next he’s practically cooing as you squeal in happiness once he comes back from his cult to visit you

you also tend to purr like a cat, especially when he sits you on his lap

his heart fucking melts

loves giving your ears little scritches since it makes you practically vibrate on top of him whilst putting like a lil’ kitty

if you’re unable to speak whilst squealing then he doesn’t mind, he actually finds it enduring how you can’t talk when squealing in joy

yes his daughters also love you so much, they both think you’re the cutest thing they’ve ever seen

NANAMI KENTO

man damn near shat himself the first time you started squeaking

it was when he came home from the usual sorcerer work, and he had a fresh loaf of bread to share with you

you just couldn’t hold back your excitement

you were so embarrassed afterwards, hiding your face behind your hands as nanami looked at you with concern

stuttering, you explained to him that you tend to squeak uncontrollably when you get excited

nanami finds it relaxing when you perch yourself on his lap and start purring in content

he low-key finds it very therapeutic and it helps him destress after a hard day at work

he finds it very cute and unique how you make certain noises when feeling different emotions, gives you more character in his book

won’t admit it but he always finds himself with a little smile plastered on his face when around you

TOJI FUSHIGURO

he’s such a meany about your squeaks :(

always teases you whenever you make animal noises

“aww, you happy to see me sweet thing? why didn’t you just say so?” he’ll coo whilst squishing your cheeks together before giving you a small yet sloppy kiss onto both cheeks

your squeaks scare him at times, but you won’t hear that from him

sometimes he’ll just be chilling then all of a sudden loud ass squeals echo throughout the house and he nearly has a heart attack

actually enjoys hearing you purring, especially sat on his lap

9 times out of 10 pretty much forces you on his lap or chest when you start purring

he actually seems to become less stiff and more calm when you purr on him

sometimes forgets you’re a hybrid and so gets a small surprise when he spots your lil ears on top of your head

CHOSO KAMO

has never in his 150 years of life seen a hybrid at all

very curious of your existence

will ask lots of questions even when you get into a relationship, he’s just a really curious fella what can he say?

he asks them so that he understands you better

when you first squeaked was when he gave you a small kiss on the lips, he was worried he did something wrong

only to be proven wrong when you snuggle up against the crook of his neck, arms wrapped around his body whilst your squeaks slowly but surely turn into content purrs

he melts into your embrace, he’s never felt this content in life other than when he’s with his brothers

your squeaks give him serotonin, he can’t live without your squeaks

enjoys how when he makes spaghetti that you start squeaking even before the foods ready, he concludes that you simply enjoy food so much

SUKUNA RYOMEN

claims that your presence annoys him to no end, especially your squeaks and purrs

then when you stop making those noises around him he feels…. sad?

not even an hour later and he’s telling you that he actually doesn’t mind your noises, low key is fond of them, but he won’t straight up admit he likes them, he’s too far up his own ass to admit when he likes something

he has probably seen hybrids at some point during his thousand plus years of existence, but even he’s aware of how rare hybrids are in the jujutsu world

your happy squeaks make him feel things he’s never felt before

the same goes for your purring

if he’s been gone for a long amount of time, you’ll rush up to him and embrace his muscular body as tight as possible whilst you purr which causes your body to vibrate against his

he finds it weird how your body vibrates when you purr

© content belongs to @huboi on tumblr, DO NOT REPOST ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS WHATSOEVER

[bazaarwords]

thank you @why-does-it-matterr​! i think i got a little carried away, but i hope you enjoy!

cw: descriptions of injuries

-

There was a place she used to go to after the Order had days like these. Bad days. Ones that left her numb.

Historically, the place is both tangible and not—a lonely tower at the Cat’s Cradle, and once there, a few long moments of contemplation. But her old home is a long way away, and so Beatrice finds the part of her mind that needs this kind of treatment and sends it elsewhere. As for her body, she deigns to get to work instead of separating herself. The OCS may not be her world anymore, but there are wounded. People she cares for.

In the wreckage of their makeshift hideout, Beatrice wonders if maybe it’s never been the events of the day that seep the feeling from her. Maybe it’s always been this—this thing she must do to herself in order to succeed. Months of wandering have not divested her of the need to perform. The months have, however, been a reminder of all she’s lost.

She sets her feelings aside. There are things to do.

The first order of business: Camila’s shoulder is out of socket, and for all their collective expertise, Beatrice remains the best candidate to set it. Years ago, before the Order had swept her away, she’d spent a long summer volunteering in a hospital. It’s not the medical training she’d received afterwards, but the exposure was, at the very least, an advantage.

“Ready?” She asks, although she knows that Camila is always ready.

Camila, in the kind way she does all things, just smiles as if Beatrice is the one that needs the reassurance. She nods. “Go for it.”

Camila doesn’t flinch. She lets out a long, measured breath and she says, “ow” and she laughs at herself. Beatrice would like to take the time to laugh with her, but her joy is locked up in that faraway place. She squeezes Camila’s other shoulder, helps her into a sling made of a torn shirt, and moves on to the next.

Sister Dora has twisted her wrist. It’s discolored and swollen, but her bones are, thankfully, intact.

“A tarask,” she explains, “I thought it’d… well, I thought it’d kill me but…”

But she came back, Beatrice thinks to herself, searching the wreckage for wood to make a splint. She saved you.

She blinks that away—she has to. Sister Dora must notice her reticence. She doesn’t complete her thought. So Beatrice secures Sister Dora’s arm, and she moves on.

Yasmine has taken a glancing blow to the head, and Mother Superion has opted to stay up with her in the wake of the fight to monitor the damage.

“I’m okay,” Yasmine says when Beatrice comes by, holding up a placating hand. “I mean—I remember my name, so. So that’s good, right?”

Superion offers the smallest of smirks. It’s fond, not hard-won. “Yes, Yasmine,” she says, and rises up on unsteady footing. It’s not the new, halo-resurrected Superion.

“What happened?” Beatrice asks, firmer than she’d meant to. Emotions are nebulous when she settles into this way.

Superion shakes her head. “Nothing that should concern you. A few bruises.” She gives Beatrice a meaningful look—one she’s not present enough to catalogue. “There’s a cot in the back. Rest. We’re fine here.”

It sounds like an order, and even though she’s put the church behind her, she still respects Mother Superion. She can still recognize that she’s done all she can for the group, within reason. So she makes her way to the back room, feeling nothing. She sits on the edge of the cot, feeling nothing. She shrugs off her outer layers, feeling nothing.

Her mind has been in that faraway place, however, and as she returns to herself, everything sinks in.

While information comes in in pieces, on thing is for certain—there’s pain, everywhere. It would make the most sense to take stock of the worst places, the ones that need her immediate attention, but when feeling rushes back into her, the only thing she can think is that she needs to get out of this room and to wherever she’s gone—

There’s a jolt, razor sharp in the already excruciating throb of her abdomen. It’s quite obviously from when she’d been launched across a courtyard. The intensity winds her halfway to standing and her hip smarts as soon as she’s fallen back to the cot. She tells herself several times that she needs to get herself back in that empty place, that world where she feels nothing. Above all things, she needs to be there because she needs to find Ava.

A week prior, there had been a desperate call for help, a train from the small Finnish town she’d wandered into the month before, and Beatrice had found herself right back in the fray. Seeing the faces of her friends again after all their time apart had been bittersweet. When the fight had come to them, she’d remembered the last words Lilith had said to her. A holy war.

Despite her best efforts, she’s in the middle of it.

“Fuck,” she says, because she curses now. Because she knows that her knee is going to give out if she tries to stand. Because she’s effectively trapped herself in this room.

Frustration wells up in her like a lit fuse.

Assess the damage, she thinks, because what the hell else can she do?

The buttons of her shirt are slow work, her hands are weak from gripping her machine gun, her knives, the side of a building as she hoisted herself and Yasmine back to safety.

God is lost to her now, but it is a miracle that none of her injuries have drawn blood. A massive swath of skin along her side is purple and yellow but unbroken—it is the very worst of things. It hurts to draw breath, and hurts even more to bend and pull her pant leg up past her knee, to find the skin there in much the same condition. Upon further inspection, her hip, too, is a wild mess of bruises.

She’s a wreck, and what do they have to show for it? A few inches of ground? A few battered nuns, scrounging up whatever tools they can find?

Ava.

They have Ava. She just… doesn’t know where.

Beatrice had seen it happen as if in a dream.

The blinding light from above, the shockwave that had sent the tarasks flying in all directions, but hadn’t so much as nudged the sisters. When she’d looked, it was Ava’s form in the center of the light—Beatrice would know it anywhere, in any world—flickering in and out. She remembers shouting, desperate, stumbling through the wreckage. The details from there are hard to recollect. It’s when she’d been grabbed and thrown, it’s when the fight had resumed and she’d lost sight of Ava.

But she had seen her. That she’s certain of.

She closes her eyes, wincing as she tilts her head to the ceiling. The breath she tries to take is shallow and does nothing to steady herself.

“Beatrice?”

The pain of movement is forgotten, the voice like a ribbon of gold around her heart.

There’s Ava. There’s Ava.

The breath is gone in a rush, and Beatrice forgets the rest of the pain and she tries desperately to stand, to run, to move. Her leg gives out and Ava’s on her in a second, easing her back down.

“Ava,” she says, voice breaking, throat tight, “Ava.”

Ava kneels in front of her and she takes Ava’s face in her hands and she can’t look away. Suddenly, that place she goes—the one that is empty and lonely is filled with life. Filled with Ava. And she’s here, she’s real and alive and breathtaking in all the ways that Beatrice has loved. Loves. She feels nothing but it, looking at Ava.

“Bea,” Ava says, fingers wrapped around Beatrice’s wrists like they’ve been fused there. “Bea, you—you’re hurt.”

“You’re here,” Beatrice responds—nothing else matters. “Ava, you’re—“ She doesn’t have other words.

It should hurt to speak. It should hurt to lean forward, but then her lips are on Ava’s and nothing hurts, everything aches. Ava makes a small noise that lets loose something in Beatrice’s chest, and she wants to draw Ava closer, but her body betrays her, her whole side lighting up as if on fire. As if to remind her that respite is fleeting. But she doesn’t care, nothing else matters—

Ava notices her wince and pulls away. It hurts to try to pull her back, but still Beatrice tries. “Fuck,” Ava says, voice shaky, “Bea—hold on. You need—“

“I need you to not leave. I’m fine, I promise.”

“I’m not—you’re not fine, your—oh, God, Bea your side—“

Another Beatrice might have taken modesty into consideration. Her shirt is wide open, her trousers undone, and Ava is knelt before her, a hand on her bare knee. She just—she just wants so keenly that the constant, painful reminders of her body’s journey through battle feel like they’re killing her. She wants to pull Ava up and on to her lap, she wants Ava’s mouth on hers again, she wants, she wants, she wants. And maybe it’s her pilgrimage and her seperation from the church that’s allowing her this clear revelation, or maybe it’s just the relief to be in the same room as the girl she loves. Maybe that’s all it’s ever been.

“Let me… shit, I don’t know how good I am at this yet.” Ava focuses down on Beatrice’s splotchy, wounded knee, and the dark room is slowly illuminated by the glow of the Halo.

It feels… itchy, at first. It’s not a scab, but the injury takes on the properties of one—Beatrice tamps down the overwhelming need to scratch or pat at it, but then—as soon as it began—it’s gone. Ava pulls her hand away and the skin is as normal as it’s ever been. An oblong scar where bone is closest to skin from one too many skinned knees, but other than that? Nothing.

“How did you…” Beatrice trails off, swinging her leg back and forth easily.

“I’d… you know, I’d really like to explain it, but, uh. I have no fucking idea.”

Beatrice can’t help it, she laughs, a little hysterical. And then she wants to throw up.

“Don’t—no laughing. Stop it,” Ava says with a worried smile. She sets the tips of her fingers at the massive bruise on Beatrice’s side, and Beatrice can’t tamp down the shiver that rockets through her at the feeling. “Sorry. Sorry, I just need to...” Ava says, her voice thick, “just let me…”

The Halo does its work again, scrubbing her pain from her, raw and red until it’s not anymore. Beatrice takes a breath, and there is no pain.

“Good?” Ava asks.

“Good,” Beatrice responds. She wants that to be the end of it, but when she tries to move in again—“I think there’s another…”

Herein lies the problem. Her hip.

Ava looks down, and they’re in the middle of a war, but Beatrice wonders if she closes her eyes for just a moment, maybe they’ll be back in the Alps. Maybe there, this touch is necessary for another reason. Maybe Ava is looking up at her like this and maybe nothing has ever been wrong.

But they’re in the blown-out remains of a church, and there are demons everywhere, and in her darkest moments she’d worried that this—her and Ava—was lost for good.

Ava hovers over her bruise, and Beatrice nods. Ava is delicate, fingers light over her hipbone. This is not the time to wish for another life, but still she does. And for the first time in months, the wish has legs. It climbs out of that place she goes and it smiles at her, and Ava smiles at her too, proud of her work.

Beatrice draws her in, and the war rages on, but there are no more lonely places.

She has Ava. It’s enough.

[theostrophywife]

the sweetest pie.

i might take you home with this, i might give you all of it ooh, this the ride of your life hold on 'cause baby, i might i might just give you a bite of the sweetest pie

author's note: everybody say thank you to @writingsbychlo because this fic was birthed from our "cassian is an ass man" conversation. just know that chlo and i had very feral thoughts over cas and this is what came of it. song inspiration: the sweetest pie by dua lipa.

That sundress. 

That fucking sundress. 

It would be the death of him, Cassian was convinced of that much. When he left this morning, you’d been dressed in nothing but one of his large shirts, sleeping soundly as he kissed the top of your head before he headed out to train with his brothers. But now as you stood by the veranda of your home talking to Feyre and Azriel, he felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him as he spotted you in that peach cotton dress. 

The flowing fabric hugged you in all the right places and accentuated your voluptuous curves, cinching that hourglass figure of yours. The skirt flared down your thighs and Cassian swallowed as his line of sight fell upon your ample backside. The sundress stretched taut over the curve off your ass, tempting him to lift that godsdamned dress and bend you over the railing right then and there. 

The warm summer breeze billowed through the open balcony while the sunshine kissed your skin with its golden rays. A tug on the bond snagged your attention and finally you turned, smiling at him with so much love and joy that it felt like his heart would burst at the sight.

Cassian didn’t even bother waiting for Rhysand to finish talking. In one swift stride, he crossed the balcony and wrapped his arms around you from behind. You giggled as he kissed your cheek, his stubble tickling your face. Your mate spun you around in a slow circle, admiring every inch of you with a fond smile. 

“New dress?” Cassian asked, his voice low and gruff as his gaze slithered over you. 

You nodded, smiling shyly up at him. “Do you like it, babe?”

He toyed with the thin spaghetti strap, taking in the generous view of your cleavage. The bodice pressed your breasts together and they were sitting just right. 

Cassian swallowed thickly. “You look good enough to eat, sweetheart.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “If we weren’t having this damned dinner, I’d drag you into our bedroom and feast on you instead.”

You grinned, feeling that delicious warmth spreading through your body. “Behave, Cas. There’s plenty of room for dessert afterwards.”

The next two hours were nearly tortuous. Usually, Cassian enjoyed family dinner. He always looked forward to hosting his friends in your shared home, watching with a full heart as you cooked while he served, catching up with all of your friends and enjoying the peace that had finally settled over Velaris, but right now, as you sat beside him in that dress, he could hardly restrain himself. 

As if his torment wasn’t enough, you were perfectly aware of the effect you had on him and spent the entire meal teasing him. At first, he didn’t think anything of it. When you brushed past him to get to your seat, Cassian held his breath as your ass brushed against his crotch. Then you brought in the roast chicken from the kitchen, leaning over the table at an angle that allowed him full view of your backside. Sweet and supple and begging to be squeezed.

The final straw was when you ‘accidentally’ fell into his lap after laughing too hard at something Azriel said. The grind of your ass against his hard cock almost made him come right then and there. Judging by the little smirk on your face, the action was anything but innocent. 

Cassian would make you pay for it.

The Illyrian general seized his chance as the sweet scent of apple pie filled the room. The desert was your specialty and usually Cassian’s favorite, but tonight he was hungry for something else. 

“The pie’s ready!” you announced cheerfully, much to the excitement of your friends. “Why don’t we move this party to the roof? I’ll bring the vanilla ice cream as well.”

Cassian stood, his gaze landing on you. “Let me help you, sweetheart.”

You nodded at your mate, who followed you into the hallway in silence. The laughter of your friends filtered out as they made their way to the patio area atop your home, the twinkling faelights swinging in the breeze as the golden sun disappeared in the horizon. You watched them with a fond smile through the stained glass windows before ducking into the kitchen. 

As soon as you stepped through the threshold, you felt yourself being lifted off the ground. Cassian pushed you against the center island, his chest pressed to your back as you released a ragged breath. 

“What are you doing, Cas?” you stammered as your mate’s hands roamed over your waist. He gripped your hips and grinded against you, the rough material of his trousers brushing against the fabric of your dress. 

“You know exactly what I’m doing,” Cassian growled into your ear. “Do you think you’d get away with teasing me like that, sweetheart?” 

You whimpered as his fingers crawled up the back of your legs, tracing taunting circles against your skin as you clamped your thighs together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Cassian laughed, the sound low and husky. “You’re always been a filthy little liar.” 

His hands roamed further up your skirts, cupping your ass in his large hands as you bit back a moan. You looked up and found endless pools of lust staring back at you. 

Your mate’s mouth dropped open when his fingers met nothing but flesh. “No panties?” He kneaded your flesh and you melted into his touch, yelping when he squeezed your right ass cheek. 

“I must have forgotten to put them on,” you declared innocently. 

“Or,” Cassian said, spreading your cheeks wide as he teased his middle and pointer finger over your soaking core. “You knew exactly how I’d react when I saw you in this dress. I bet you were hoping that all that teasing would rile me up, make me drag you into some dark corner so I can bend you over the table and fuck you from behind.”

You swallowed thickly, unable to speak. Cassian was spot on. 

“Well that’s not going to happen, sweetheart.” He stepped away from you and you whined at the loss of contact. Cassian smirked and yanked your hips backwards. “Not before I punish you first.”

Your mate kicked your ankles apart and spread your legs. He placed your hands onto the marble countertop before taking a step back. “Bend over for me, baby girl.”

You shivered in anticipation and leaned against the counter while hinging your hips. Cassian hummed in appreciation as he hiked your dress over your waist. He massaged your ass, patting your cheek with a chuckle devoid of humor. 

“You know I’m going to have to spank you for acting up, don’t you?” 

A shock of electricity zipped through your body. You bit your lip, nodding. “Y-yes, I’ve been a bad girl. I deserve to be spanked.”

“Look at you, begging for punishment. Can’t wait to have my handprints all over your ass, huh?” Cassian taunted. “You just want your mate to absolutely ruin you, is that it?” 

The sound that came out of you was small and pathetic. You needed to feel him. Cassian tilted your chin towards him. “I want you to count,” he growled. “A spank for every time you teased me tonight.”

Without warning, Cassian’s large hand landed with a smack against your ass. You bit down the moan that threatened to escape past your lips. Gripping the marble counter with white knuckles, you peered up at your mate, who looked down at you expectantly. 

“One,” you said, enthralled by the way Cassian grinned as he kissed the base of your spine. Heat trailed across your skin from where your mate’s lips had been, but he withdrew them quickly, leaving you wanting more. 

Cassian reeled back, his dark eyes full of hunger and lust. Another smack had you lurching forward, bracing your arms against the kitchen island. 

“Two,” you said through gritted teeth. It was taking every ounce of self control within you not to turn around and touch your mate. You loved it when Cassian got like this—demanding and possessive and downright sexy. 

Cassian squeezed your hip. “Good girl,” he praised in a low, husky voice. His calloused hands roamed your body, driving you wild with his feather light touches. “If you behave, I might just fuck you.”

You turned just as his hand came down on your ass again. Releasing a shaky breath, you dared a glance at your mate. The sleeves of his sweater were rolled up to his elbows and haphazardly tucked into his dark trousers, which did nothing to conceal the evidence of his arousal. A raven strand escaped from his half ponytail, framing those glorious cheekbones and skimming his full lips. His hazel eyes were warm pools of honey and his gaze felt sticky and sweet upon your skin.

Gods, your mate was fucking beautiful.

“Three,” you whispered softly, biting down on your lip. “Have I behaved well enough for you, baby?” 

Cassian’s laughter was dark and low, full of seduction. “Cheeky, aren’t you?” He spread your feet apart and bunched the fabric of your dress around your waist. You tried to peer over your shoulder, but Cassian kept you in place. “You never learn, sweetheart.”

Cassian leaned down, his fingers snaking through your hair as he tilted you towards him. His lips met yours and the kiss was charged with electricity as you yielded to your mate. You moaned as his tongue slipped past the seam of your lips, teasing and tasting before he claimed what was his. Cassian bit down on your lower lip before his hand slipped between your legs. He hissed when he found you soaking wet. 

Your mate gripped your hips and rubbed his cock against your soaking core. “A promise is a promise. It’s time for your reward.” 

The absence of his hardness made you whine, but Cassian silenced you with a look. You swallowed thickly as he littered open mouthed kisses along your back, trailing his full, supple lips from the base of your spine and grazing his teeth against your ass. His tongue flicked out just as his large hands kneaded your cheeks. You arched your back, eager to feel his mouth against your sensitive core. 

Cassian gripped your waist, pinning you in place. He licked a stripe through your folds before his tongue parted your pussy. With your cheek pressed against the cool counter, the heat of his mouth sent a shock through your body. Cassian pulled your thighs against the side of his head as he ate you out from the back, giving equal attention to your throbbing pussy and puckering hole. Every now and then your mate would lightly circle your clit and the sensation felt like electricity in your veins. 

No one knew your body like your mate. Cassian knew exactly what to do to make you keen against his mouth, pressing your backside into him as he brought you over the edge. The first time you came, you thought you saw stars. The second time, you left your body completely. 

As Cassian aimed for a third orgasm, your pussy felt overstimulated and sensitive. You were convinced that you couldn’t handle another wave of pleasure. 

“No more,” you mumbled, utterly fucked dumb by Cassian’s tongue. “I can’t take any more, Cas.” 

Cassian chuckled darkly. He tugged you by the hair, making you turn to look at him. Those warm whiskey eyes were nothing but pools of lust as he mashed your lips together. You could taste yourself on him as his tongue claimed yours. 

“You can and you will,” Cassian said in a stern tone. His fingers slipped past your folds and you released a shaky breath, your legs threatening to give out from underneath you. “Be a good girl and take it.”

The orgasm gave you an out of body experience. It felt like you were watching yourself from above, ruminating on how well Cassian fucked you. Your mate hadn’t even taken his trousers off and you already felt spent. Your eyelids were heavy with exhaustion.

As if he could read your mind, Cassian tilted your chin and grinned. “Is my poor baby tired?” he asked, stroking your cheek. You nodded in response as your mate smirked. “Too fucking bad. I’m gonna fuck you dumb and you’re going to love every second of it aren’t you, sweetheart?” 

A series of garbled words was the only response you could manage. You were so turned on that you could barely even think.

When you heard the sound of Cassian’s belt hitting the floor, you knew you were truly in for it. Your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head when Cassian eased his cock inside of you. The groan he released was guttural and pure sex as he filled you to the hilt. Cassian went slow, taking his sweet time as he teased you with shallow thrusts. Your mate had promised to fuck you, but he never said he’d fuck you the way you wanted. 

You wriggled against him, desperate for more, more, more. Your hunger for Cassian was insatiable. 

The Illyrian warrior seemed to sense your neediness. You looked over your shoulder to find him smirking at you. 

“Cas, please,” you whined. 

“Please what?” Cassian asked, deliberately slowing his pace. “What is it that you want, sweetheart?”

“Fuck me properly,” you snapped impatiently. Cassian raised an amused brow and you had the sense that he was toying with you on purpose. Teaching you a lesson, as if he knew that the spanking gave you more pleasure than punishment. Unfortunately, he was right and well aware of the fact. If you wanted things to go your way, you’d have to play by his rules. “Please, baby.”

“Beg for it,” he growled. “Make it pretty, baby girl.” 

“I want you, Cassian.” the words slipped past your lips with ease. “I need you to fuck me, rough and hard. The way that only you can.” 

The more you spoke, the more Cassian’s pace picked up. “Yeah?” he asked as he rutted into you, the front of his thighs smacking against the back of yours. “You like it when I fuck you like this, sweetheart?” 

You were too dizzy with pleasure to respond. Cassian gathered your hair in one hand, sweeping it off your shoulders. “Tell me that I don’t have to hold back,” he groaned. “Tell me that you're mine to claim."

“Don’t hold back, Cas,” you echoed. “You never have to hold back with me. I can take it. I’m the only one who can. You’re my mate.” Cassian was a male unleashed. Your words urged him to thrust into you with reckless abandon. “You’re mine, Cassian. Mine and mine alone. And I'm yours. I'm yours, always."

“Fuck,” Cassian grunted. “I love it when you say things like that. You're mine. You belong to me and I belong to you. My perfect mate,” you both groaned as he hit that sweet spot within your walls. “Gods, I fucking love you.”

“I fucking love you too, baby,” you said with a cheeky wink. 

Cassian slammed his hips into you, burying himself deeper and deeper. Your mate pulled your hair while he mounted you, a stream of curses leaving his pretty mouth while the erotic sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the kitchen. His hand snaked underneath the front of your dress, large palm cupping your breasts while he pressed his hard chest against your back. 

Your mate was a perfectly sculpted marble statue, every ridge and line of him composed with such careful care. Wrapped in warm, golden-brown skin that felt hot against your own, Cassian’s body was a work of art. He leaned down, his long hair brushing the back of your neck as he sank his teeth into your shoulder. You moaned as he marked you, reveling in the utter possessiveness of this beautiful male. 

“Cassian,” you whimpered. “I want to feel you cum inside of me.” 

The growl he released was animalistic. Cassian’s pace quickened, pushing both of you over the edge. “You fucking kill me, sweetheart, “ he murmured, kissing underneath your jaw. “Go on then, let me fill you up baby.”

There was something about being in perfect sync with your mate. As arousal rippled down the bond, you screamed as pleasure slammed into you like an errant wave. The filth that streamed from your mate’s mouth as you clenched around him was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Cassian panted as your walls tightened, milking his cock eagerly with each pulse. 

The sensation of him filling you up was almost too much to take. You felt so sensitive, yet you reveled in feeling your mate deep inside of you. It wasn’t even just the sex. Watching Cassian unravel fascinated you. Knowing that your mate trusted you enough to completely let his guard down made your heart swell. 

You smiled as Cassian’s gaze met yours, hazel eyes soft and warm and all too welcoming. He peppered you with kisses, whispering sweet nothing against your skin as he slowly eased himself off of you. Cassian winked as you watched him pull up his trousers, not even bothering to pick up his belt from the ground where he haphazardly tossed it in the heat of the moment. 

As your legs wobbled underneath you, your mate smirked before scooping you up and placing you on the marble countertop. Your mate took great care in smoothing out your hair and rearranging your dress. Cassian toyed with the hem, his fingers tracing patterns along your thigh. 

“I think we both learned something about this dress tonight.”

You giggled as he pulled the strap back over your shoulder. “If the lesson is that it makes my ass look phenomenal, then yes. Consider me educated.”

Cassian chuckled. “You’re nothing but trouble, you know that?” 

The cheeky little wink you gave him all but confirmed the statement. “And you,” you stated, poking his nose, “made me burn my apple pie.”

Your mate only shrugged. “I was hungry for something else anyways.” Cassian gripped your hips and pulled you towards him. “And I’m ready for another serving.”

“What about our friends? I promised them dessert.”

A mischievous glimmer danced in Cassian’s eyes. “I may or may not have told Rhys that they had five minutes to fuck off before they walked in on me having a feast of my own.”

The laugh that came out of your mouth was incredulous. Now that your attention was on something else besides Cassian, you finally noticed that the house was quiet and devoid of your friend’s usual riotous laughter. 

“Kicking them out wasn’t very nice, Cas.”

The hand that had caressed the inside of your thigh suddenly inched higher, spreading your legs wide open. “I’m not nice,” he whispered into your ear roughly. “You of all people should know that, sweetheart.” 

You cocked your head, your lips curving into a seductive smile. “Oh?” you purred as you slid your hands under his sweater. “I think I might need a reminder, baby.”

taglist: @viradeity @moony-thoughts @i-opened-the-chamber-of-secrets @demirunner @swansworth @heart-defendor @momlo @mali22 @roselensage @searchingford@nessianxgwynriel@azriels-angels@brekkershadowsinger@morelovemorepeacemoretattoo-blog @mattte-black @marina468 @lillithathecathecat @highladyofillyria

[skzdarlings]

Hey Darling ♡

After long consideration I decided to finally write you this message. It will probably be really long and you don't have to answer it! I just want to let you know a few things:

I came across your account a few months ago when you released the first chapters of the 'sharing a bed' series. I was immediately impressed! You are so talented and it may sound stupid but I can 'feel' how much thoughts and love you put in your works.

TW: depression and suicidal thoughts

I also found your account when I was at a very difficult time in my life. After four years of therapy (depression) I tried to get my life back. I've managed to get a part time job but I quickly realized that it exhausts me too much and makes my symptoms worse. But I didn't want to admit that it's only worsening my depression so I didn't stop. And I remember a time when I was at work on the toilet having a panic attack and thinking about ending things. It sounds super cliché but at that moment I got a notification that you postet a new bodyguard Felix chapter. And suddenly my thoughts went like 'I will never know how your bodyguard story ends if I give up now'. Don't get me wrong, I have other 'things' that give me strengh to continue (family) but on that day, it was you and your amazing story that pushed my dark thoughts away. And I really want to thank you for this ♡

I also remember the night you released that one chapter where the main lead had to say goodbye to Jisung because she wanted him to be safe... I cried. You can't imagine how thankful I was to finally cry again. I couldn't cry in a long time no matter what I tried. After your story basically forced me to cry I could let everything out. And even though my head was exploding afterwards, it felt so good. Thanks to you I also realized that I can still feel emotions because at that time I felt like all my emotions were just gone. When I think about this time I also realize that this chapter made me more excited and happy than the SKZ comeback. So again, thank you so much.

A lot of stuff happened, my whole situation got worse and at some point I decided to go back to a familiar psychiatric ward to get some help. I'm in there since August now and last week they started to treat my depression with ketamine. It's super exhausting but maybe it will get better!

I didn't want to write this message for you to feel sorry for me or feel preassured to write more. I wanted to tell you that your stories have a positive impact on others! Before depression hit me like a train I wrote my own fanfictions. I never posted them but I loved writing them. You are such an inspiration to finally start writing again. It's still exhausting as I'm not able to concentrate for too long but it gives me so much joy. Your stories and the effort and love you put in them gives me so much motivation and I can't say this enough but I'm so thankful for everything you and your stories gave me over the past few months! Thank you so so much ♡

P.S I can't wait to read the last chapter from the bodyguard fic! I'm such a big fan and even though I'm really sad that it's the last one I can't wait to read what you've planned for the end. But no preassure! Take all the time you need ♡

I assume this is okay to post because it's anonymous, that way I can reply haha but let me know if you want me to private this at any time! <3

But oh my goodness, such a thoughtful message took so much heart to write and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time and effort to do so. I don't even think I can formulate a good response that it deserves! But please know how much you have touched me in return. I have personally lived with similar things, though I find it hard to talk about so I really do respect and appreciate you doing so here.

I also understand what you mean about something like a story update being one of the things to hold onto for a while. i think the small things can make a difference and there's nothing wrong with that. It's nice to think there are other small things waiting around the corner that you might not even know exist yet, but they will also add to good moments too.

I wish you so so much love, really and truly. I hope you find some help and relief with these new treatments. Thank you for reading and again thank you for messaging. All the best!!

<333

[gabbagepatch]

Traveling~ 3-22-2024

I’m currently at home trying to unwind after my grandparent’s fiftieth anniversary party in SC!

I had gone back and forth about going because it’s a six hour drive, including a mountain that always makes my ears pop as we ascend and descend. With vestibular disfunction and a ruptured eardrum I honestly thought I couldn’t handle it.

It was definitely difficult. My vertigo was very bad and I got a migraine about three hours in, I even had a bag handy in case I needed to vomit! My vertigo and migraines have begun to be paired with pretty intense nerve pain as well. It felt like my head and neck were on fire while my head was being crushed. Very painful, and the ibuprofen I had preemptively taken wasn’t doing much to help. There was also a healthy dose of tingling and hot/cold sensations in my hands and feet, plus the classic leg twitches, but that’s not painful just uncomfortable. Despite all that I actually did a lot better than I expected!

During the ride I regretted coming along, I felt like I had doomed myself to 12 combined hours of torture for no reason. Obviously it was too late anyways, but that didn’t stop me from beating myself up for the situation I put myself in.

The entire ordeal came to a climax when we finally got to the hotel room. It’s hard to describe, but when you’ve been moving for a long time and then just stop? It screws everything up. My body threw a tantrum, to say the least. The nerve pain, twitching, nausea, tinnitus, everything kicked into overdrive for the first three hours after the ride.

So that's the negative, but the rest of the trip was super cute and fun! We got the best burgers we've ever had the night we arrived, mine was called the "Clint Beefwood" lol. Afterwards I slept so soundly it's like I was in a coma. Usually sleeping is pretty tough for me given the nerve pain and vertigo, but that night I was out almost immediately. Didn't dream or stir once until I was woken up.

The party had a couple hiccups but we got it set up in time and my grandparents seemed to really enjoy it! The kids (my niece and nephew, my cousins kids, the kids my grandparents adopted, etc) were such a joy. It was so cute watching them run around and play together. I even got to hold my cousins baby for a fair amount of time, couldn't get enough of her. We had attempted to set up a kid's activity table which included some tupper containers filled with rice, plus some spoons and toy trucks. The kids loved it but it was unceremoniously canceled about two hours in because my nephew, the little chaos agent, had discovered how fun it was to dump the rice onto the floor. Cut to me and my sis searching for vacuums and brooms in the venue because the rice was truly everywhere.

I also was unofficially the babysitter during clean-up. It wasn't asked of me but I think everyone appreciated having a break from screaming kids while trying to clean up a big party.

My little chaos agent got a bit upset with me though, after I scolded him for throwing sand at me. My guy chucked some sand right at my chest! I had to grab his little ravioli fist to keep him from launching another attack! I guess he's not used to his auntie being the one to fuss because (cross my heart) I did not even raise my voice and yet that scolding sent him tearily running back towards his momma.

His sister was equally rowdy although a bit more contained. She interrupted my grandparent's toast with a loud "Say happy birthday!!" to everyone's delight. She has gotten so outgoing, demanding everyone's name and hugging people without any hesitation. She used to despise situations like that, now she thrives in them.

The screaming and fluorescents would get overwhelming pretty quickly, but I fended off the vertigo by stepping outside every once in a while. Even with my head I couldn't feel anything but joy, it was so fun.

That evening we went over to my grandparent's house--it was some of the best fun I've had in ages. Just laughing together, it was so idyllic. After 1/3rd of a year marked by medical issues, losing my dog, worry, anxiety? That evening was like a refreshing bath. Full of love and surrounded by great company, I didn't regret coming at all when it was said and done.

[ughscara]

end of the year post.

heads up. if i sound sappy in some parts, i'm not sorry 🤍

as of me writing this, it's but a mere 20 minutes before it is officially the start of a new year.

it's a little surreal to believe that 2023 is coming to an end. a year that admittedly, was more emotionally and physically hectic for me. but i pushed through, and here i am going into 2024 as hopefully a better me.

to be honest, this year has been nothing but self reflection, realization and a lot of acceptance as well as embracing parts of myself that i thought i'd never return to. hobbies of mine like writing and drawing were ones i strayed away from for so, so long in 2023. but it more or so lead back into the tribulations i was facing then and still recovering from now.

it's a little surreal to me that months after months of doing nothing but reflection and getting back into what i love doing most just months before the year ended resulted into the me who decided to step into tumblr again and share my kuni ideas for the fun of it. that halloween fic i posted? just for shits and giggles at the time. but the fun i had writing it was a fun i wasn't able to feel throughout the entirety of 2023, and i admit the motivation boost i got from posting the fic afterwards, alongside checking in on the authors i used to follow just made something inside me click. and i went for it.

a bit more off topic but i still remember how i came back to genshin after a good five months or so in version 3.6 and doing the main event without knowledge of the sumeru quest line because i was avoiding spoilers. that day, i just finished taking an entrance exam for college and was exhausted from both the exam and from wearing myself out. midway into the introduction of the contestants; i was greeted with wanderer, or kuni in my vocabulary, being in the event and i was just smiling from ear to ear at the mere sight of him. feeling that same overflow of good emotions just take me whole to be honest, i was simply beyond happy. the way he spoke about writing about inazuma's societal issues because he was bored genuinely had me laughing for the first time that day.

i guess it's that simple little moment that hit me hard. it's silly, i'm aware, but it meant everything to me in a way. since that day in june; i was determined and full of creative drive to hopefully share at least one thing before the end of this year. look at me now, i have a series published that's yet to be finished so i can start on the next one in spring ( hopefully ), a one-shot to share for a moot and lastly... just a lot. i have a lot in store.

i have no right to say such things regarding my immense gratitude for the support i received from the few things i published, but the support i ended up getting on said few things — big and small — has made me realize that maybe i still feel very passionate about writing. that maybe i want to pursue the desire to publish all i have for that one fictional character that had my heart swoon the moment i saw him in a promotional trailer three years ago.

the ending note to 2023, starting october 31st when i published my first fic was a day that i'll always hold dear to me, my mutuals as well as the wonderful authors i follow made these past three months an absolute joy, and i cannot wait to make the most of my journey supporting each one of them ~

honestly i'm just rambling. but i am a professional yapper and to be honest i am writing all this on one cup of tea and like, six something hours of sleep i am absolutely not in the right headspace lmao. regardless! i am so so very glad to be here, to have survived an emotionally draining bitch of a year that was still an eventful year regardless to me, and starting the second of january... i shall be the bane of the scaranation's existence <3

we don't talk about how being that is actually a goal of mine because i think it'd be funny but i digress... 2024 will hopefully be just as much of an eventful year for me, for you, and everyone too. i believe that this year will be at least a little kinder to those who got absolutely shat on by 2023 ( pleek no more physical torment for me ) and if you're reading this, remember that this random stranger on the internet who's attempting to spread the kuni agenda is cheering you on for the year <3

i have a lot of stuff to share going forward. december was initially gonna be the month for all that but i had stuff going on that i ended prioritizing ( mainly my health ) so those initial plans will now move to the first month of a new year. mundanities with kabukimono will be finished in january, january 2nd will be interlocked eternities and lastly a late winter special that's actually a birthday gift for a mutual of mine ( mochi i am coming for you /menacingly )

oh it's 12 a.m. now, happy january first and happy 2024 everyone 🤍 may you be blessed with many wonderful days ahead. i shall see you on the second and third of january ~

[grahamkennedy]

Something I think about a lot but have never posted about is like. The imperfections in Gerry and Carla's relationship and how they work through them. Because no relationship is perfect, it's not like it's never without imperfections. And anyway this is what I think about (under a read more because I went insane w it):

Gerry has a temper. Not a violent, abusive temper, but he's neurotic about shit and he likes things done his way otherwise he gets frustrated. I mean, see how he is with his dance instructor, he doesn't really like not being in control. He snaps at people very suddenly, and when he first did that in front of Carla he felt horrible afterwards. Nowadays when he's feeling snappy he just fucks off. He tells Carla he's going for a walk and he'll be back in an hour and it seems to work. He grumbles to himself and cycles through his frustrations and comes back and can actually talk about them. But he can't do that immediately. He just needs to be pissed off first.

Carla is terrible at processing her emotions. Even when she knows what she's feeling, and she doesn't always know, she finds it so hard to articulate it. Gerry was so upset the first time he'd accidentally offended her, because she just wouldn't fucking tell him what was wrong. But the problem is she didn't even know what was wrong. Just that something was wrong. So once a week (they're both so busy that it can't necessarily happen every night), Gerry sits her down and asks her what happened that week. What were the highlights, the lowlights. So he knows what's going on in her life. When he realises she's upset about something he did, he realises it might not be best to ask her because she might not actually be sure what it was specifically, so he'll contemplate things he's done by himself or relay things that have happened recently with friends. And then come back to Carla and go "hey did I do [this thing that may have hurt you]?" Of course, if Carla says "you hurt me because [reason]", he'll take it on board. But sometimes neither of them will know what he did wrong and he'll need to work that out on his own.

It's not like jealousy never exists in their marriage. Carla is okay with Gerry sleeping with men, even him having partners he catches up with regularly. But for her, she worries about him staying over the night with people. She wants him to come back home to her afterwards. It was something they talked about a lot, and eventually came to an agreement that yeah, okay, they could sleep with whoever, but please come back home. Gerry would like to be able to snuggle up with a man and fall asleep on him, but understands why Carla would be uncomfortable, because she doesn't form the same attachments with her sexual partners that he sometimes can. The compromise is "if he wants to, can he make me tea afterwards? Can we sit and chat after the fucking, if I come back home to you?". Which she seems to be fine with.

The first year after Alison's birth was the worst year of their marriage. They both love their daughter immensely, but Carla was hit with intense post natal depression (this is practically canon, what with her telling Helen, in between her TMI moments about the birth, about how the first year was hard). Carla wants so bad to be a good mother but when Alison is born and she holds her in her arms for the first time, she just sees a screaming bag of skin, she doesn't see a baby girl. The first time Gerry holds Alison he weeps with joy, and she wants to feel that way but she can't. And he's a man and it's the 1970s and as much as he loves his wife and daughter he's been brought up with patriarchal ideals of what it means to be a husband. His father was a breadwinner, not a caretaker, and that's what he's assuming himself to be. So he doesn't spend as much time with his wife and his baby daughter as he should because his career is progressing and he's about to get his own show and that will get them all so much money. And Carla is home alone, miserable. And he comes home one day, when Alison is about four months old and Carla is curled up in a ball, bawling, and the baby is crying in the other room and Carla isn't there taking care of her because she can't stop crying. And Gerry goes to the crib, rocks little Alison in his arms and sings to her until she falls asleep, and then goes to Carla and asks her if she's okay. And she's not. She's overwhelmed, she's lonely, she's not even sure if she loves her own daughter. And it's then that Gerry goes "oh fuck, my wife is not okay and I had no idea, we'll postpone the start of my show for six months, we'll get a nanny to help us, because we can afford it, and the guest appearance I have on some sketch show tomorrow? Cancelled. Because I want to hold you and love you and cry with you instead." And he's holding Carla in his arms. Usually it's the other way around, but tonight, she needs him to be the big one. And he's whispering in her ears "things will be okay, things will be okay". And eventually they are.

[sparrow-orion-writes]

4 and 9 for the Worldbuilding questions!

@italiangothicwriteblr

Thanks Joy!! :D

4.How does someone propose marriage in your culture(s)? How long do they stay engaged, and what marks the marriage?

So I'm just going to talk about Neon Glow here because oh my god this got so long: - In Eli, Alicia, and Ari's religion (Formerly, also Neptune's religion), marriage is usually proposed by the woman. Ultimately the proposal is personal to the couple, there's no particular tradition there, some want a big and fancy proposal and others are just sort of sat eating pasta. -However, in their religion marriage is traditionally between two people and Ari/Edward/Tune are in a polyamorous relationship. Neptune still proposes, but the ceremony is a fusion between Ari's religion, Edward's cultural background (ie what he grew up seeing marriage ceremonies as), and Neptune's desire for something she likes. -Eli and Alicia had a more formal ceremony for their religion, it occured in their place of worship, the man tends to kneel and be bestowed with some sort of item of worth to their relationship with the task of keeping it safe. The item is usually a piece of jewellery that can be worn. Vows are said, songs are sung, and everyone leaves them be for the next week - at least - whilst they 'adjust' to life as a union. -In Edward's culture marriage is basically proposed and occurs in about a week. It's a massive celebration usually, friends and family help prepare the place with flowers and draw on the floors with chalk. It's traditional for everything to be bright and colourful, from clothes to decoration - as it's the happiest celebration of a person's life. (Fun fact, it's not uncommon for marriages in Edward's culture to be platonic - the idea is it's anyone they would spend the rest of their life with!) Afterwards, instead of jewelry, it's traditional for the couple to have a small tattoo designed by the two of them. -So Ari/Edward/Tune's wedding was bright and colourful. Everyone involved was under very strict rules for No Dark Colours. Poor Ember had to find something that wasn't just black or grey for this. Tune loved the idea of her husbands having to kneel for her - naturally - and they were both given a ring each. They said their vows which were like promises for the future, re iterated why they were getting married in the first place and yeah. Tears. They did, in fact, get tattoos afterwards, but Neptune designed them because Edward was too nervous to contribute and Ari has the art skill of a spoon. -This is getting so long but lastly April and Ember actually get married in the tradition of April's culture. This involves the two of them cutting their hands and binding their hands together with a cloth until the cut has healed. This also happens as they both think they're about to die so make of that what you will.

And breathe, before we move onto the next question.

9. If your culture is largely unable to get safe, clean water, what is considered a good substitute?

So initially, in Poison, clean water was hard to get a hold of and what people used to do was basically live off of both fruit juice from the tree's fruits, and the animals that they had. Eventually they were able to build a well. For a long time after things went bang, people had to figure out how to access clean food and water, so there was a lot of trial and error. Once they were able to - in some fashion - purify the water, then bottled water came back into fashion that could be exported all over Arcadia.

[childofchrist1983]

Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him. - Matthew 21:31-32 KJV

Do you think you need God? For many of us, including myself, the answer is a clear and bold "YES!" But there are people who don't think that God is necessary in their lives. Just as the Pharisees and the scribes believed that they didn't need God, sadly there are people today who feel the same. The first letter of John says that we are all sinners. I'm willing to bet that there are many today who don't think that they sin. I try very hard everyday to live as Jesus Christ wants me to, but there are times when I know I'm not as Christlike as I should be. There are times when I judge others without even realizing it! There have been people in my life that I no longer have in my life, because I didn't reach out to them even when I knew that they were in need. I was too preoccupied with my own needs. Just because we aren't lying, stealing or cursing, doesn't mean that we are free from sin. Besides the need for ongoing forgiveness, We need to remember that God is with us.

This knowledge keeps me going, knowing that I can depend on Him to answer my prayers, keep me out of trouble, and help me when I grieve. Knowing that I am promised eternal life if I keep my eyes on Him and His ways and will gets me through the days when this temporary life isn't going so well, and gives me joy on the days when it feels as though anything is possible. We all have our reasons for seeking, leaning on and thanking Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being in our hearts and our lives. Thank Him for all the gifts and blessings He has given us! As true Christians, we are especially grateful for the gift of our eternal salvation and eternal life promised to us in Heaven. We and our lives are much more fulfilled thanks to Him! May we always keep our eyes on Him and His Kingdom of Heaven as we journey with Him.

Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven (John 3:5, 14:6), the only way to salvation (Acts 4:12, Ephesians 2:8-9) and He is resurrection and the life (John 11:25-26). As true and born-again Christians, we believe in Him and His Holy Word. We know though our mortal bodies should die, He will raise us up and into new and glorious bodies (The Rapture). We who are truly His and alive at His second coming will never die, and our bodies will be changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, and so shall we ever be with Him in His Kingdom of Heaven forevermore (1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). This is one of many promises given to us by God Himself. Let this promise of future resurrection give us hope and peace and encourage us always. Thank God for His strength and guidance when we are faced with sin and temptation. Thank Him for His mercy and grace. Through Bible study and prayer, God reveals His wisdom and guides us to see opportunities to grow closer to Him and grow spiritually. He gives us direction to live our lives according to His Holy Word and will. We must make God top priority everyday! May we be motivated to spread God's Holy Word and Gospel Truth to all the Earth, knowing that it is the only hope of all those lost in their sins. Let us not hold out a false hope for men to be saved without the Gospel, but instead, strive to do our part to get the Gospel out to a lost and dying world.

Leaning on Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ through prayer and His Holy Word and Spirit strengthens us and our knowledge and wisdom about God and His Gospel Truth, exposing these imposters. May God help us to seek and lean on Him daily to gain the strength, wisdom and spiritual discernment needed to expose Satan and his imposters who seek to destroy us and God's ultimate Truth. Everyday, we must remember to share Jesus Christ's Gospel Truth with the world and to thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for the grace that He poured out for us on the cross at Calvary. He has freed us from the burdens of sin and from the eternal damnation of Hell. In all we say and do, may all praise, honor and glory always be given to Him and His Kingdom of Heaven.

With renewed minds, hearts and wills, let us serve Him humbly and faithfully out of pure love and grateful rejoicing. May He remind us of His presence and to remain at peace, fully knowing that all will be well because He is always with us. Let us seek Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ today and everyday with all our heart and being, looking for His love, light and will for our lives with each step we take. Let us seek to please Him with our thoughts, words, and deeds and seek to advance His Kingdom of Heaven and His glory with our lives. Let us seek Him from a pure and humble heart, and when we so seek, we believe Him and His promise that we will find. May He help us all to be more sensitive to the teaching ministry of His Holy Word and Spirit, relying on Him and allowing Him to speak to us and guide us every step of our Christian journey.

God gave us the Holy Bible - His living and Holy Word - to let us know of Him and His abiding love and care as well as guide and prepare us for all our lives. May He help us encourage one another as we continue our walk with Him and our duty to Him daily. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for being present for all our new beginnings and all our lives. May He redirect any anxiety we feel as He provides countless opportunities for growth and change. May we humble ourselves before God always, asking Him to forgive our sins and make our hearts and lives anew through His Holy Word and Spirit. May He help us make Him and His Holy Word top priority, so we can grow spiritually and grow in our relationship with Him as we apply it to our daily lives. Thank God that we can focus on Him and everything about Him, for that is what keeps us sane and at peace. May our words and actions always be a reflection of Him and His Holy Word and Spirit and will.

May He help us to always walk in His grace and Holy Spirit, not by our own measure. May He give us the humble humility to know that our freedom and eternal salvation is found only in Him, so that His grace may sustain us, and we may never lose sight of His love and light and mercy. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for calling us to Him and to serve Him. May He equip us to do all that He has called us to do so that as He works through us, He may use us to produce fruit, to reach others, and to encourage all brothers and sisters in Christ. May He work all of these things in us and through us for His Kingdom and His glory. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all His creation, for His miraculous ways and for everything He does and has done for us! Keep the faith and keep moving forward in your walk with Jesus! He loves us and He knows what is best for us. Seek, follow and trust in Him - Always!

Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Word and for sending His Holy Spirit so that we might have His grace, not only to awaken us and transform our hearts in our spiritual rebirth and guarantee our eternity with Him, but to also call upon Him whenever we are in need. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for all the reminders of His love and mercy and faithfulness within His Holy Word. He is bigger than any challenge or circumstance in our lives. Knowing this within our minds and our hearts, nothing can deter our faith in Him and His Truth. May we all accept Him and His eternal gift of salvation and ask that He would transform our hearts and lives according to His will and ways. Thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His Holy Spirit who saves, seals and leads us. May we always thank Father God Almighty and the LORD Jesus Christ for His almighty power and saving grace. For He is our strength, and He alone is able to save us, forgive our sins and gift us eternal salvation and entry into His Kingdom of Heaven.

May we make sure that we give our hearts and lives to God and take time to seek and praise Him and share His Truth with the world daily. May the LORD our God and Father in Heaven help us to stay diligent and obedient and help us to guard our hearts in Him and His Holy Word daily. May He help us to remain faithful and full of excitement to do our duty to Him and for His glorious return and our reunion in Heaven as well as all that awaits us there. May we never forget to thank the LORD our God and our Creator and Father in Heaven for all this and everything He does and has done for us! May we never forget who He is, nor forget who we are in Christ and that God is always with us! What a mighty God we serve! What a Savior this is! What a wonderful LORD, God, Savior and King we have in Jesus Christ! What a loving Father we have found in Almighty God! What a wonderful God we serve! His will be done!

Thanks and glory be to God! Blessed be the name of the LORD! Hallelujah and Amen!

[creativeenquiryevi]

Initial Proposal

Proposal for Creative Enquiry and Divergent Practice

4th Year BA CAP

Throughout my work, I was always drawn to the index and the mark making techniques. I find that the unpredictability of the process speaks to me and helps me find inspiration.

One of the things that helps me mentally, is travelling and contemplating the surrounding. I love Scotland’s landscape and that’s what gave me the inspiration to experiment. During the summer months, whenever I was travelling with my family, I would explore the automatic drawing. I would let the road and the landscape lead the marks. I was satisfied just by watching the surroundings and chatting with my family, without having any control on the drawing and the final outcome. Occasionally, I would find it difficult to not be able to influence the process and found myself focusing hard on that in order to prevent it. I used different materials such as pens, charcoal, coloured pencils and various surfaces, like watercolour paper, white board, tablet, calico, in order to compare them afterwards and see the differences. The results were very satisfactory. I found interesting the way the drawings resembled cartography and topography, almost like seeing the land from above. Another interesting point was that not two journeys would look alike. What mattered for me was the journey, not the final destination, but how the places connect to each other, borderless and what made my hand draw the specific marks. Every journey holds a different memory of our time in this land. There is a Greek Poet Kavafis that wrote a beautiful poem, Ithaca that comes in mind whenever I think of each journey:

As you set out for Ithaka

hope your road is a long one,

full of adventure, full of discovery

…

May there be many summer mornings when,

with what pleasure, what joy,

you enter harbours you’re seeing for the first time;

                                       Evangelou E. 2022, Route to Portobello Student’s own work

While researching artists that explore cartography and topography in their work, I came across Palestinian artist Mona Hatoum. This artist has created a lot of work inspired by or using cartography and maps in various forms which I find very inspiring and relevant to my work. From works like Hot Spot (2013), Present Tense (1996) and Map (Clear) (2014) she is always exploring the conflicts of the world while connecting them with her artwork.

Hatoum M. 1996, Present Tense

In Present Tense (1996), Hatoum is emphasizing the political aspect of territorial depiction. She used 2400 square blocks of olive oil soaps with red glass beads embedded on them that symbolize the territories that were to be returned to Palestine during the 1993 agreement. (phaidon website).

  Hatoum M. 2006 Bunker

Bunker is another inspiring work where she made an installation of suspended swings with topography on them. Each of the 35 swings represent a random city map. The whole installation has an eerie feeling as there is a slight movement on the works while the audience walks around them.

  Another artwork that I looked into during my research and discussion with my lecturers, was Shibboleth by Doris Salcedo that was presented on 2007 at Tate Modern. This is a large installation that comprises of a huge crack running throughout the floor of the Turbine Hall, representing the communities of immigrants and the ‘history of racism, running parallel to the history of modernity’ and ‘the dangers at crossing borders or being rejected in the moment of crossing borders.’ [Salcedo, 2007]

The cracks, when been watched from above remind me of the cracks on the earth resulted by an earthquake.

  Salcedo, D. (2007) Shibboleth

 For Creative Enquiry and Divergent Practice projects, I plan on using the same brief of routes that are connecting with memories and the land, and differentiate on the media that I will use for each one.

For the Creative Enquiry project, I intent on experimenting further with the route drawings and find ways to translate them into 3D forms. I have already started working with plaster and exploring the various results in transferring the drawings on this material. The first examples are quite successful and remind me of the soap blocks in Hatoum’s installation. It is an interesting idea that has lots of possibilities and potential in developing into a large-scale installation for the final Show.

However, I would like to expand further the experimentations and even reach the boundaries of each medium. I would like to keep the unpredictability and as many of the characteristics of the initial drawings (such as the fluidity of the markings) as possible for the final outcome.

Evangelou E. (2022) Drawing transfer on plaster block, Student’s own work

 In contrast to the 3D form, I plan on working in 2D for the divergent Practice module. I intend on working in various techniques and scales and thus, produce several different outcomes before considering on a specific one that would work best. Having the same drawings as a starting point I plan on exploring further the way I could translate them on mono printing and screen-printing work as well as fibre art work. This would give me the opportunity to expand my knowledge on the specific techniques and the way I can further use them in my future practice.

I will continue to create drawings on routes, however, I intent on exploring the repetition and the variety of outcomes as a result of this. I will use a specific journey that my family does weekly, to create a large-scale drawing. This journey has a special meaning for me, as it connects my Greek culture with the Scottish land. It is the journey we have every Saturday to take our daughter to the Greek school that she attends. These drawings would connect not only the two places (home and school) but also the borderless land and cultures.  

Time management is of essence and my bigger concern for the Divergent Practice module, as this runs for a shorter period and simultaneously with the other, bigger projects and I have to divide my time in the studio accordingly. However, I am excited to see where this journey will lead me.  

   References/Images

 Evangelou, E. (2022), Route to Portobello

Evangelou, E. (2022), Transferring drawing on Plaster

Phaidon.com. n.d. The Art of the Map - Mona Hatoum | art | Agenda | Phaidon. [online] Available at: <https://www.phaidon.com/agenda/art/articles/2015/october/29/the-art-of-the-map-mona-hatoum/> [Accessed 27 September 2022].

Poetry Foundation. n.d. Ithaka by C. P. Cavafy | Poetry Foundation. [online] Available at: <https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51296/ithaka-56d22eef917ec> [Accessed 27 September 2022].

Tate.org.uk. n.d. 'shibboleth I', Doris Salcedo, 2007. [online] Available at: <https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/salcedo-shibboleth-i-p20334> [Accessed 27 September 2022].

Whitecube.com. n.d. White Cube - Gallery Exhibitions - Bunker. [online] Available at: <https://whitecube.com/exhibitions/exhibition/mona_hatoum_masons_yard_2011> [Accessed 27 September 2022].

[zablife]

You'll have to forgive me in advance bc this will be long, but I have to tell you how extraordinarily beautiful and well-written this is, darl! You constantly leave me in awe of your talent.

The first few paragraphs set the scene and perfectly describe her longing for Tommy. (Clinging to the paper with his address 🥺) I was barely starting the fic and already had tears in my eyes so I knew the rest would hit me hard 😢

Then I came to the bit about her ritual of reading the letters and a whole new wave of emotion washed over me. How she keeps them all in a special box and changes into his shirt before reading them. I can picture it all so vividly. It's romantic and sentimental-so telling about the kind of person she is and how desperately she's trying to hold that space for him in her life. The way she touches the letters is something I've done and I immediately connected with it. It's the one thing she has that's touched Tommy's hands and is essentially Tommy by proxy. 😭

I adored the memory of their last day together. These lines are wonderfully bittersweet and so poetic: She could still remember the last day they spent together, cherishing the calm moments with her ear pressed against his naked chest, listening to the beat of his heart, roaring in his chest as if the strong muscle could already feel the pain coming upon the two lovers. And the detail about the scratch marks staying with him for days afterward was unexpectedly 🔥! However, the fact that he attempts to memorize the look of pleasure on her face in case it is the last time felt like dangerous foreshadowing. (As I only wrote the letters I wasn't sure what to expect from the ending and I was scared!!)

The day she receives the last letter is utterly haunting. Once more, you paint such a vivid portrait of her days waiting for news about Tommy and this day is fittingly grim. Her tears mirrored in the rain, the dark storm clouds and details of cold and loneliness set the mood perfectly. She almost seems as tho she's in a trance, barely conscious of her own existence without Tommy. This attitude makes sense when we learn she hasn't heard from him in over a month. (She counted the days, knowing it's been 5 weeks and 3 days 🥺😭)

I love the way you've added her thoughts between the paragraphs of Tommy's last letter, allowing us to experience the confusion and shock along with her. I felt as though I was in the same room, witnessing it all. Thinking Tommy was actually dead, I cried 😭😭

I felt numb along with her as I read the next part about autumn. These lines gutted me: What was a woman full of love without a husband alive to share the emotions she felt deep inside? 

"...a routine she needed to keep on living without breaking every moment she wandered through her empty house." 

And then there's the miraculous return! (Which if I had read your warnings, I would have seen was promised from the start! 😂) It was exhilarating to see them come together. I loved Tommy's cheeky remark “As much as I can tell, I’m very much alive, love.” followed by her sobs bc it captures the joy of the moment beautifully.

I like the fact that you've included the change in Tommy bc he has experienced a lot of trauma during the war so I felt that was quite realistic. I'm glad he's still soft for her and protective tho, the way he brings her close to him and places his chin atop her head. *swoon* I love the way he comforts her. And that last sentence, tying into the title was *chefs kiss* I felt such a sense of satisfaction after reading this as tho I'd been on a journey with these characters. Bravo 👏🏼

When one heart breaks the other follows - Tommy Shelby

I had this idea for a while, and I am super happy with the way this turned out. A massive thank you to @zablife for writing the letters for this fic, thank you for adding your personal touch to this story. I adore you. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Tommy has been at war for months, the only thing the reader can cling to are the letters he kept writing. Until the day where he no longer writes to her, where she no longer knows if he's alive or not. All until one last letter finds its way to her.

Warnings: 18+, descriptions of smut, angst, crying and lots of pain, but a happy ending, mentions of the war

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (3k words)

She could still remember how he feels, the soft hands dancing up her naked side in the early morning hours when nobody’s awake, not even the ones without a home roaming the streets. She could still remember how she smells, the soft scent of tea sticking to his lips, a constant reminder of the calm hours shared in the home they were once supposed to raise their kids in together. She still could still remember how his voice sounded, soft like a new instrument that hasn’t been played for long, clear like a poet perfectly able to express their longings. 

Mere fractions of Tommy Shelby (y/n) had to cling to now that he was no longer at home, not even in their country. 

He had left for war months ago, and yet sometimes it felt as if he was only a few rooms down from their shared bedroom. As if they had tumbled into a fight, needing to chase the distance before they’d spiral into something they couldn’t pull away from. Sometimes it felt as if he’d stumble into their home any moment now, drunk from the endless hours he had spent with his brothers, enjoying a carefree life that wouldn’t leave them traumatised. Nothing but wishful thinking of hers. 

She missed him, god, her heart was aching for the man she had once promised her life to. There was no doubt that she’d wait for him, the thought of turning towards other men that hadn’t been sent to war left her insides churning, there was no doubt that she loved Tommy like she had loved him all those months ago when he had been around. And yet she envied the women whose men were still around. She envied the lives they were able to share, the love they felt with every rising of the sun. 

Tommy hadn’t promised her much, he hadn’t promised that he’d make it out without wounds and scars gracing his skin, but he had promised to somehow keep in touch. She clung to the address he had clumsily scribbled down moments before passing their threshold, the only way to reach him. Panic would rise in her system whenever she thought about losing the one piece of paper she had copied numerous times, the only thing she could cling to, the only thing she could remember Tommy actually touching. 

At first she had received a handful of letters from him, letters she’d reread every single night, while planning her own letters she’d write to him. Her fingers would trace Tommy‘s words, the way he expressed his love and longing for her; a dull ache would stretch through her whenever she read the letters, a pain so bittersweet she couldn’t stop herself from torturing herself. 

It had turned into some kind of routine for her, she’d shrug out of her dress, undo her hair and wear one of Tommy’s old dress shirts - breaking laws a woman like her could pay no mind to. Trembling hands would open the wooden box she used to store his letters in, and for a few seconds she’d stare at the letters, starting with the one she knew by heart:

“Dear Y/n, 

I just received your letter and was very pleased to have the distraction. I had reconciled myself to reading the same letters over and over again, not knowing if the post would find us. We’re not in the same place, in fact we don’t stay anywhere very long. We’ve been travelling through terrible weather for four days and nights and we’re up to our knees in mud and water. Despite, Arthur, John and I are well and our boots have not worn as quickly as Aunt Polly feared. 

I hope this finds you in good health and you have all that you need in light of the shortages. I’ve been promoted to Sergeant so I’ll be sending more money soon. If you have need of anything, I want you to be able to get it without worry. 

At night as I lie awake, I remember you and me as we were before I went away, happy and carefree. I would fight this war in any condition, without complaint, if that is how you could remain. You’re constantly in my thoughts and dreams, the only person I long to see in the world. When I return, we’ll take the horses through the fields and down to the stream as we used to, riding until sunset. That is my promise to you. Stay strong, my darling, as I know you are. All my love, Tommy”

Tears would run down her cheeks, at first her body had been overwhelmed by the waves of sadness clashing through her, never had she experienced a pain so strong, but somehow it got easier with time. Somehow she had adjusted to the sensation that left her breathless, making her feel something besides the dull ache that stuck around like a friend that would never leave one's side. And yet, (y/n) wouldn’t be able to thumb through the letters she had collected over the months, laughing at the shared memories he kept mentioning, how he expressed his love and longing.

Somehow she had managed to find beauty in the pain, in the darkness she had been dragged into from the moment Tommy had been called to war. She could still remember the last day they spent together, cherishing the calm moments with her ear pressed against his naked chest, listening to the beat of his heart, roaring in his chest as if the strong muscle could already feel the pain coming upon the two lovers. 

“I love you, don’t ever forget that.” Tommy had murmured as he had moved with her close, allowing one another to relish in the lust thumping through their veins, needing to feel their shared high for one last time. Her moans had echoed through their bedroom, nails scratching at his shoulders, leaving marks he’d be able to trace even days after leaving Birmingham. 

The moment hadn’t been rushed, it had been filled with emotions one could only envy, not able to feel something this raw and yet so simple. He had fucked her with his eyes not straying from her features once, praying that he’d forever remember her lust-drunken appearance. One he’d take to grave if he had to. 

Their love hadn’t been perfect, but it had been theirs, only theirs to feel, to share, to cherish. She wouldn’t trade her time with Tommy, the man she had known since she had been a child, for the world, all (y/n) could do was pray that he’d find his way back to her, soon. 

Over time (y/n) couldn’t help but notice how Tommy’s letter grew shorter, no longer filled with the emotions she shared with him, even with the growing distance between them. No longer did he talk about his days, the men and women he met whenever they rested. She could tell that he was growing distant, full of hatred for the countries forcing simple men like him to fight for a war that seemed endless. 

“Dear Y/n, I’m sorry it’s been so long, but present conditions do not offer much chance of writing any letters. We are in a place now where the night stretches on endlessly and it seems no matter how long or what you have been through they are never done with you.

I see the frustration of it building within Arthur most. He has fits of anger, followed by long silences, as though he no longer cares if a bullet finds him. There are days I feel it as well, the pull of the inevitable and I wonder if I will ever see you again. I should write something more courageous for you, but as you’re the only person I want, you’re the only one I could tell. All my love, Tommy”

Even though (y/n) could tell that he was no longer the same Tommy that had left their shared home all those months ago, (y/n) couldn’t help but await his return back home. She needed him, every part of the man she’d dream of late at night, of a better life without the war keeping them apart. It could be so simple, so raw, and someday they’d get to share this life – together. 

It was afternoon by the time (y/n) found her way outside, naked feet patting along the warm soil of their garden. Dark clouds were gracing the sky, carrying rain that would eventually clash down to earth like the tears she had cried just hours ago, desperate for relief. Exhaustion clung to her, a tiredness she was all too familiar by now, a steady companion in those times where she felt lonely, so awfully lonely. 

Her feet carried her inside, body trembling as she came in contact with the cold flooring of their house. The heat hadn’t managed to crawl inside just yet, lingering outside her door like a ghost of old times, not daring to enter without her invitation. Another day would pass where she wouldn’t speak to anybody, fostering her tea while reading the books she knew like the back of her hand, she was torturing herself, needing to feel anything besides the gaping hole inside her chest. 

The sound of impatient knocking ripped her out of her thoughts, head snapping towards the door. Slowly she moved closer, urged on by the knocking that grew louder with every passing second. (Y/n) ripped open the door, staring at the postman who pushed a letter into her outstretched hand and left before she could speak up. With her eyes wandering down to the letter, taking in the unfamiliar handwriting, she felt her heart picking up its beat.

It had been five weeks and three days since Tommy had last written, forcing her to count down the days till another message would find her. She had expected a short update from him, anything about his whereabouts, perhaps a sentence or two about the way he was missing her and their home. But now she wasn’t staring at something written by him, so, why would an unfamiliar person scribble down her address? 

For a second she debated putting the letter down, not wanting to read it in case it was just a message from an old friend she couldn’t remember, unable to deal with the disappointment that would fill her system. And yet she was urged on by her curiosity, wondering what had been written down for her to read. She moved back outside, sitting down on the wooden bench Tommy had built for her years ago, allowing her to take in the field right outside their small house. 

A shaky breath left her aching lungs as she ripped open the letter, smiling as she realised that it was indeed a letter written by Tommy. 

“Dear Y/n,

I don’t know how to begin this letter because it’s unlike any of the others I’ve written before. I will not post it, but carry it in the pocket over my heart. John knows to deliver it to you if something should happen to me and if you are reading it now, I trust he has carried out his duty faithfully.” Her heart was racing, it took (y/n) a few seconds to notice the tears welling up in her eyes, forcing her to blink in hopes of clearing her vision. Has he been hurt? No longer able to write letters with wounds too big? 

“I would like you to know my family will always be yours. They will look after you accordingly, not only because I’ve asked them, but because they have always considered you one of their own. From the day I met you, I made no secret of my intention to become worthy of you.” Only now did the realisation slowly settle in. He had been hurt, though not in the way she had thought, no, no longer was he breathing, no longer was he sharing this life with her. Another soul amongst the endless number of fallen. A pained sob wrecked through (y/n), hands trembling viciously. 

“Do you remember when we were eight and I spent every last coin I had buying you a coconut? You laughed until your sides ached asking why I would do such a thing, but it was because I felt you deserved it. I continually strived to be the kind of man you could be proud to call your husband. Although I confess I’m not certain how you would view my actions in the name of duty and country, as they have often been beyond my own comprehension.” She could remember it all, every moment she had spent with Tommy by her side, every conversation, every touch, forever ingrained in her mind. 

How could it be? How could one be ripped from this life just like this? Had he been shot, laying on the cold soil with his mind drifting off to her for one last time? One question after another flashed through her thoughts, desperately trying to distract her from the painful truth. 

“In my darkest days, I bridged the long hours thinking of your unwavering devotion. Life would have been empty and utterly meaningless here had it not been for your letters. How fortunate I am to have known a love like yours. I would give anything to have known it longer, my darling. I realise this letter must seem a poor apology for breaking my promise to return to you. Know that my last thoughts were of you and the life we might have built together. Remember that I love you, Tommy”

—--

The September sun warmed her features as (y/n) was sitting in the middle of the field around their – her home. She was sitting on a woollen blanket, eyes shut to take in the heat that would soon leave Small Heath. Autumn was about to settle in, one with the colder days, the leaves that would fall and the rain that would clash down on her part of the land.

It had been weeks since (y/n) had received the letter telling her of Tommy’s passing, a letter she had added to the others, and yet she couldn’t reread it, couldn’t bear the pain shooting through her weak body. She wasn’t the same without Tommy near, wasn’t the same she had been before the message had reached her. 

Not once had she tried to get in touch with the family she had once loved oh so much, they  reminded her too much of him, the memory of Tommy was still too fresh in her mind, unable to forget about the features she’d see whenever she closed her eyes. And yet it somehow got easier with every passing day, even though (y/n) knew that she’d never be able to live as she had been able to all those weeks ago. 

What was a woman full of love without a husband alive to share the emotions she felt deep inside? 

Her fingers absentmindedly stroked along the lush grass, deeply inhaling the warm air whenever her brain reminded her to keep on breathing. The days passing by followed the same pattern, a routine she cherished, a routine she needed to keep on living without breaking every moment she wandered through her empty house. 

“Love?” For a second (y/n) froze, shaking her head as a chuckle left her, she was going insane, hearing the voice of the lover that no longer wandered the same earth as she did. (Y/n) found comfort in the conversations she’d share with his ghost, speaking to the man she could have married, building a life together with their family close. “(Y/n)!” 

Her eyes shot open, body forced to turn towards her home. The sun was blending her, and yet she could perfectly make out an all too familiar figure. With her breath hitched in her chest, (y/n) scrambled to her feet, stumbling over her dress as she tried to steady herself. 

“You’re dead, this isn’t possible. Oh god, I’m going insane.” The heels of her hands found her eyes, adding pressure to her aching lids in hopes of clearing her vision. The sound of his raspy chuckles filled the afternoon, forcing her once again to take in his frame. 

“As much as I can tell, I’m very much alive, love.” And with a sob rumbling through her, (y/n) stumbled into his arms. He smelled of mud, dirt and sweat, and yet (y/n) was certain that she had never taken in a scent this familiar, finding love in the way he held her close. She tightened his grip on him, needing to feel every part of him, trying to accept that her fiancé was alive and breathing. “God, I missed you, (y/n).”

“How is this possible, Tommy? I got the letter, I,” another sob interrupted her, feeling him growing tense. It took Tommy a moment to reply, hand finding her cheek to take in her features, eyes wandering over the tear traces on her skin.

“Which letter?” His voice was low, lower than she had remembered. No longer was he a young man filled with excitement and curiosity about the chances this life may offer him. No longer was he a young man clinging to the adventures he shared with his brothers and cousins. No, he was a man that had seen more dead bodies than the eye could count. He was a man graced by the anger those in positions of power had unleashed on the continent. 

“Your letter, the one John should send to me, should you die. It reached me in July. I – I thought you had fallen, no longer alive.” One tear after another rolled down her cheek, dripping onto his warm hand. And with a pained expression tugging on his features, Tommy pulled her back in, chin placed on the top of her head. 

“My uniform had been changed as I moved my rank, another soldier must have taken on my jacket, with the letter still in it. He must have thought that I died. I am so sorry, love, if only I had known.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not daring to let go as they cherished one another’s closeness. 

“Promise you’ll stay, don’t ever leave me again, Tommy. I won’t survive this again.”

It would take her weeks to fully realise that Tommy was back home, alive and breathing. She wouldn’t let him go, not now, not ever, because when one heart breaks, the other follows.

[finniestoncrane]

Arkham Riddler (because comon now its all I think of) He discovers reader is alive and suddenly kisses them -because he's hesitated before and then he thought he'd never get to but OMFG YOU'RE HERE.- And now I will leave the rest to you👀 does it go further? How much further? Can the Riddler let them go again? You decide, Finnie hehe. GO WILD!

Strike Three

Arkham!Riddler x GN!Reader, word count: 1.2k vannieeeee you will destroy my soul with this ;-; not my eddie with some angst omg this HURT me to write and i managed to hold back on the smut because i was like "this is sweet, maybe they don't go at it afterwards" lmao request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: suspected death, injuries, language, angst

He’d dragged your body the last fifty feet through the old sewers to his hideout, fully aware that your injured and unconscious body was slowing him down, the GCPD hot on his trail. But he couldn’t leave you behind, not without knowing you were ok.

Edward was sure you were still breathing, even if it was faint. But it was hard for him to focus on that past the nerves, his whole body incapable of settling on and processing a single thought or notion beyond making sure that you were alive. The only thing his mind seemed to be able to settle on was the sincere assurance that his only true friend, the one person he had been able to find himself caring deeply for, was going to die in his arms. A ridiculous concept, the bleeding wasn’t that bad, your leg was badly bruised but there was no breakage. You’d passed out when your head hit the ground, but he was sure it was a mild concussion at most. And yet, despite his brilliant brain trying desperately to convince him of the facts, unemotional and unbiased, his heart was certain that this was the end.

A feeling of finiteness. A fear that he would never get to tell you how he felt, never be able to admit his feelings about you or for you. How warm you were, how effortlessly sweet you could be, how open and honest you were. How you inspired progress and greatness in him. How your face looked as the shadows from the lights in the sewers danced on your skin, how soft and tender your touch was. The way your body felt when it brushed past him, even for the miniscule seconds he experienced it.

As he laid you down, kneeling with you and holding your head up, he thought of all the times he could have, but had been decidedly too much of a coward to say anything. And worst still, the moments where he could have held you and kissed you, twice before.

The first, when you had helped him figure out why one of his traps wasn’t working. It was so obvious, the answer was staring him in the face, but you came in and offered it gently, almost as a hint, so as not to bruise his ego. You were thoughtful like that, careful of his needs, unlike others who saw it as a challenge to knock him down. When he made the connection and the trap snapped shut, he had practically leapt into the air with joy, grabbing your arms and shaking you, holding you in place while you smiled and giggled. He should have leaned in and kissed you, like he wanted to, to show you how good you were, how valued you were. His ‘eureka’ moment made more poignant that it was shared with you.

The second time, when you had tended to his wounds, putting more band aids over his various cuts and scrapes, being so gentle and patient with him as he winced under your soft touch. Never uttering a single ‘I told you so’ and never pressing him to be more careful. You understood that he knew what he was doing, and you knew better than to chastise him. And the way you had looked deep into his eyes as you asked him if he felt ok? He had never felt better, your hands soothing him even from the platonic and very clinical way in which you washed his wounds. He should have grabbed you, held you tight to him.

And now he was holding you, head cradled in his arms, desperate to tend to your wounds as you lay there still, no movement, until he noticed your eyes fluttering, blinking as you adjusted to your consciousness.

“Thank god!”

“…Edward?”

“Yes, yes! It’s me! Do you feel ok? That’s a stupid question, of course you don’t…But you’re alive!”

You had given him an ever so slightly crooked smile, trying your hardest even in a moment like this to reassure him, to provide him with happiness. You opened your mouth to try to speak, but were far too groggy to get out a sentence. He placed a finger gently on your lips, rubbing it back and forth before pulling it away, palm resting on your cheek.

“Please don’t speak, save your energy. I…I’m so glad you’re awake at least. I thought I had lost you.”

Concern crossed your face as you noticed his eyes were sparkling, wet, small almost imperceptible tears pooling in his lower lids, which he blinked away, trying not to worry you further.

“I need you to know that you are the only one who cared to know me deeper than a superficial glance at my files, or one interaction with me and my more admittedly irritating traits.”

A breathy laugh escaped your gaping mouth, which he smiled at.

“You doted on me, you recognised my genius. But you made me better.”

“Edward…”

“I thought I had lost the one person, the one thing I would make sacrifices for, but you’re alive! You’re ok! And I don’t…”

He hesitated, looking out towards the vast expanse of the sewer chamber, darkness making it seem as though it went on forever. Water splashed and echoed in the distance, alerting him to a presence.

“I don’t want to make the same mistake again, not a third time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Well, maybe I shouldn’t…oh fuck it.”

He lifted your head gently up to meet his as he bent down to you, pulling you into a kiss so gentle and tender so as not to hurt you more than you already were. But at your hum of approval, vibrating gently against his lips, he leaned in further, hand on your neck, another resting on your chest as he felt it rise with your breaths. Your own hands reached weakly up to his face, smoothing over his cheeks, feeling the sweat and stubble on your palms. The noises from the darkness grew louder, almost identifiable as footsteps and muffled voices. Edward pulled back, looking into your soul through your eyes, smiling wide.

“I would have been disappointed if I hadn’t done that at least once before I saw you off.”

“Off where? Edward?”

His smile faded as he looked towards the noise again, voices you could recognise now, discussing plans of action, radio static informing someone on the other end that they had The Riddler, he was in the sewers with the ‘hostage’.

“I am willing to sacrifice everything for you, but I couldn’t sacrifice you for anything, not even my own selfish desires. You can’t be here with me, I can’t bear the thought of you being hurt like that again.”

The GCPD, subtle as ever, began yelling down the chamber at him, telling him to stay where he was. Risking another moment of head start, Edward kissed you once more, and you could feel the longing behind it as he pressed deeply into you. As he pulled away once more, you tried to sit up, to follow him, but your injuries held you back. You watched him rush away through a narrow gap, never looking back at you, fearing that he might not be able to leave if he saw your face.

Deep in thought, filled with misery, you were unaware of the GCPD surrounding you, helping you up and discussing their rescue of you from the clutches of the evil genius they were chasing down, not knowing you were happy to be held in his arms.