#that being said. would be awesome if more people took care of their leather footwear so that it had a chance of lasting

[itsgonnabeanofrommedawg]

i'm with you on some of this. however, it's worth adding nuance to a blanket "pro-bees" statement. as the most common managed bee species, european honeybees are a massive industry in their own right, farmed for both honey and pollination services. they're also a surprisingly detrimental invasive species in north america and oceania (source [if paywalled, use 12ft.io], source).

honeybees are raised in massive colonies that can be conveniently transported to the right place at the right time to pollinate. this helps them outcompete native bee species for resources, even though they are not very effective pollinators, which can harm the long-term survival of plants (source, source). honeybee hives also serve as incubators for diseases, which then spread to native pollinators (source, source). native pollinators are important because they hold inherent biodiversity, but also because they support native plant populations, and because (as mentioned above) they're often better pollinators than honeybees.

even in areas where honeybees are endemic, excessive hobby beekeeping can endanger wild bee populations by consuming all the available floral resources (source).

if we're talking about pernicious marketing campaigns there's a lot of writing out there about how the whole "save the bees" thing got co-opted by big ag; i won't get into it. i just think folks should know that weighing the environmental cost of honey against that of other sweeteners isn't a straightforward calculation. and i'm slightly tired of the way this website talks about beekeeping god bles

Ayoo just to preempt the inevitable dumb takes we’re about to start seeing;

I am PRO-WOOL

I am PRO-LEATHER

I am PRO-BEES

Fuck the idea of replacing durable, sustainable animal products with cheap, flimsy plastic that doesn’t bio-degrade. Agave nectar and other artificial sweeteners are expensive, labor-intensive, and destroy the environment to be farmed.

Do not buy into pernicious marketing campaigns pushed by dickhead organizations trying to stay relevant, like PETA.

[selfships-in-spanish]

Its october, any spoopy ideas for Ona and the mafia boys?

I SWEAR I WASN’T PLANNING ON TAKING THIS FUCKING LONG TO ANSWER YOU, BUT THIS LITTLE FICLET REFUSED TO GET WRITTEN. GAH!

But here you go :D it took a fluffy route, I’m so sorry. But enjoy these three idiots being disgustingly cute together. And the Jericho gang being awesome 👀

Also infinite thanks to @tinmiss1939 for helping me out and fixing mistakes :_) you rock, girl ❤️

The streets were full of people in all kinds of costumes, shouting and laughing while taking pictures, the kids going door to door with their candy bags ready and a joyful mood around everything and everyone.

Halloween was always an exciting holiday for everyone, costume or not.

This year Ona convinced Connor and Richard to find matching costumes and was actually delighted when they finally said yes. The plan for tonight was to go along with Cole into his ‘trick or treat’ journey with his friends and other parents, and when it was way past midnight, the three of them would go to the Manfred’s halloween party until the early hours of the day.

Ona was distracted of her thoughts when the roaring of an engine and a familiar song blasting loudly out of the car speakers appeared on her left. She squinted, trying to look who were causing such noises, only to find a grinning Connor with his sunglasses on and ready to jump out of a beautiful red cabrio car. Richard was on the wheel, smiling as he saw her. Ona noticed it was most certainly an old but in perfect condition model, certainly Richard’s. Her eyes widened when she saw the horse emblem on the grille. Was that Richard’s 1965 Ford Mustang?!

As Ona thought, Connor jumped out of the car but instead of walking he danced towards her, sliding his feet at the rhythm and choreography of Greased Lightning, even singing along, until he was right in front of Ona only to turn around and go back to the car to show off the leather jacket with the ‘T-Birds’ logo and letters in it.

Ona couldn’t help but laugh, covering her mouth with her hand even though she knew it was useless. Connor went back to her, grinning, and sneaked his arms around her waist. The music was lowered down as it jumped onto the next track.

“What’s up doll?” his grin was contagious and Ona couldn’t help but to reciprocate it.

She took his sunglasses off, finding his brown gaze smiling up at her.

“Hello, handsome.” He looked so different from his usual self, both him and Richard. Used to see them in the pristine suits and the perfectly ironed shirts, they were clad in t-shirts, dark jeans, boots and leather jackets. They even styled their hairs to go along with the Grease costume.

“Ready for a ride?” Connor’s plan of stealing a kiss was interrupted by a car horn.

“C’mooon, we’re gonna be late! And keep it PG-13!” Cole’s voice rose out above all the background noise and bursted their little bubble. Connor turned around, scowling, and saw Cole throwing himself back at the steering wheel while Richard easily prevented him from doing so. Ona snorted.

“He’s right, you know. The Williams are waiting for us and Cole told me he really wanted to show Alice his Link costume.” Ona unwrapped Connor’s arms from her waist and dragged him with her, giggling at his pout.

Richard opened the door for her, winking, and pushed it so it was wide enough for Ona to slip through. Connor jumped back in on the backseat, next to Cole who had the perfect example of a shit-eating grin. Connor mouthed ��gremlin” at him, flicking his nose. Oblivious to what was happening behind her, Ona leaned towards Richard and gave him a quick peck on his cheek.

“Lookin’ good, daddy-o.” Ona exaggerated the accent, wiggling her brows, but it made Richard laugh anyways. His cheeks turned slightly red.

Richard checked the side mirror for incoming cars, as well as the rear mirror to see if Cole had his seatbelt on. Once everything was in order he revived the engine, it’s roar powerful enough to make people look at them. Richard took great pride on his collection of cars and the absolute perfect condition he had them all in, and since Ona suggested them to go treat or tricking in Grease costumes, he decided it would be good to take his old mustang out for a little walk.

“Did you actually rehearse this?” Ona knew Connor wasn’t one for spontaneity, always needing to have everything under control, but maybe today was different.

“No.”

“Yes.”

The three of them answered at the same time. Connor and Richard looked dumbfoundedly at Cole, wounded that he would spill such secrets.

“Oh my God, really? Ona laughed, turning slightly around so she could see him better.

“Yes they did, and I have a video.” 

“You did not–” Connor was tempted to strangle him right there.

“Papa has the video, tell him to show you later.”

Thank God they were stopped at a red light, because Richard turned around, slowly, and looking directly into Cole’s eyes he spoke in the most serious voice Ona has ever heard him.

“Tell me you didn’t record that particular thing.”

“In full HD.”

“You goddamn gremlin.”

Ona gasped. Richard never cursed or lost his perfect control unless he was very, very stressed out or just about to lose it. Now Ona was seriously curious about the incriminating videos.

“Richard! Don’t use such language in front of Cole!”

“See Rich? Listen to the teacher.” Cole was far too much of a smart-ass, but at any given opportunity of having the upper hand on his brothers, he would gladly take it.

“Don’t make me turn this car around.” Cole decided it was better to drop the subject. He really wanted to go trick or treating with Alice.

Ona looked at the sheer domesticity of this scene, how after getting rid of the masks and layers they wear for outsiders they were just a family with their bickering and brotherly fights, and she couldn’t help but smile and laugh.

“What’s so funny? Our dignity and reputation is at stake!” Connor whined, leaning forward to Ona’s seat. 

“Well, now I really want to see the videos since they are so top secret.”

“You’re cruel, sunshine.” Connor mumbled into her hair, sighing.

The rest of the ride went smoothly, enjoying the chilly air and the halloween spirit. They reached Alice’s house and Luther graciously allowed Richard to park the vintage car in the garage.  All Richard had to do was let Luther take Kara for a very short ride around the neighborhood.  

The Andersons, Ona and Alice watched Luther speed down the street with Kara’s musical laugh raising above the engine’s roar. Alice took Cole’s hand and ran to show him their ‘spooky’ decorations on their garden. Since they were both dressed as Zelda and Link, Kara made sure to carve a Ganondorf jack o lantern. Luther helped, of course, he had quite a good hand with crafts. 

The brothers and Ona followed the kids, marvelling on the beautiful kept garden. Ona observed how they both completely ignored the thriving rose bushes. Huh, curious. Cole and Alice kept talking, engrossed in a discussion about some story point about a game Ona didn’t remember the name. While watching over them, she felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around her waist. The smell of Richard’s cologne tickled her nose. 

“I didn’t have the opportunity to tell you how beautiful you look.” Ona blushed at the feel of his lips brushing against her ear. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself, stud.” Ona felt his smile on her neck. “I really dig the leather jacket.”

“You do?” Richard let go slightly of her waist, letting Ona turn around in his arms to face him. Connor could handle the kids for a sec.

“It gives you a bad boy look,” Ona stroked his arms, her hands going up to explore the expanse of his chest. The jacket fit just right, enhancing his broad shoulders. He was such a sight. “I really like it.”

Richard made a mental note to put on the other leather jacket he had buried inside his closet. He bought it on a whim but never had much opportunities to wear it. Now he had the perfect excuse to do so the next time they went to pick up Cole. 

Kara and Luther came back, ready to go out for a night of walking and collecting candy. Cole and Alice ran outside, screaming and jumping around excitedly. Kara quickly went after them, leaving Luther talking about the mustang’s attributes with Richard, and Ona and Connor following them behind. The chilly air of the night proved to be a great excuse for Ona to inch closer to Connor. He wordlessly took her hand in his, brushing his fingers first. They both knew how much this gesture meant, as Connor always had his walls up, so when she glanced up at him Ona saw his small smile while he looked out for Cole. Tonight he wouldn’t care about people looking at them as some parents recognised their children’s teacher, looking at him, and for the public to know about his private life. Tonight was about Cole, about going out and have fun for the first time in years. 

As the night went on, Kara offered them all a warm cup of coffee from her thermos that they all eagerly accepted, specially Ona; the fabric of her skin-tight trousers and shirt wasn’t exactly thick. The pink jacket could only do so much and open red pumps weren’t exactly autumn ideal footwear. Ona was taken aback, though, by the faint taste of whiskey in it, really not thinking Kara was someone who occasionally drank or drank at all. Given her gentle and soft manners, it  was a surprise to find the burning sensation of the liquor there. Kara winked at her when she saw Ona’s surprised face, a tiny smile on her lips. Ona returned it.

Besides Kara’s coffee, Cole ran back to them more than once, giving Ona her favourite chocolate treats to quickly go back to the next house while slashing imaginary monsters with Alice. 

They quickly lost track of time, letting the kids run and play until they exhausted themselves. It was way past 9PM that Cole and Alice began to grow tired. The sugar rush only lasted so long and they stretched every last second of it until they were almost tempted to ask Luther to carry them. After walking back to the Williams home, Connor, Richard and Ona left Cole to their care, knowing how excited Alice and Cole were for tonight. Little did they know when they left, speeding up to the Manfred’s manor, that the kids had a night of candy and videogames planned.

Ona had only visited to the Manfred’s manor once, for a dinner event the brothers had to attend and brought her with them as their date. She still was not used to the avant garde opulence of the manor, and even less to how nice everyone was. It was Simon who opened the door to them, smiling in his ghostbusters costume. 

“I’m glad you could make it!” Simon stepped aside, letting them inside.

They could hear music beating loudly as they approached the door to the living room, people talking and laughing unaware of the new guests coming. Ona unconsciously straightened up, anxiety crawling up her body to settle on her guts. She couldn’t help but think about how most of the guests at this Halloween party were actual mobsters. Ona wasn’t stupid, she knew what she got herself into when the boys confessed their true professions after some incidents, but she still chose to welcome them in her life. It was still intimidating to think how all the people here were the sons and daughters of wealthy and important crime families. This was her life now. Besides, the Manfreds always treated her as if she was one of their own, being close friends with the Anderson boys and family. She felt at ease when Simon complimented her costume and proceeded to talk about the movie, being one of his all-time classics favourite.

North announced herself with a solid slap on Richard’s back, making him slightly stumble forward. She laughed loudly, proud of making this tower of a man stagger.

“I almost didn’t recognise you both! Who would have said we would live to see the day where you ditched the suits and ties and went bad boy for a day?” She winked at Ona. “I don’t know how you managed to convince them, but seeing how you are dressed, I think I may have an idea.”

The innuendo on her words made Ona blush and slightly stutter when she tried to mutter a response. She was not used to wear such skin-tight clothing, making her feel slightly exposed. Connor was the convincing one, begging her to wear the black outfit instead of the long skirt one.

“I see you ditched your costume to show your true self.” Connor crossed his arms, a smirk tugging his lips.

“Shush, mortal.” North righted the horns on her head, smirking like Connor. She was dressed as a devil with the wings and tail to go along. Oddly fitting.

They followed her outside where Markus and the rest of the gang were hanging out next to a small bonfire in the  garden. As the night went on and grew colder, the warmth of the flames proved to be a comforting heat, making most of them stay close to it. Richard was currently in a heated match of darts with Simon, their accuracy absolutely terrifying, while Connor sat down in one of the chairs talking with Markus about something trivial, Josh and Ona kept the fire going, the young teacher sharing her fair share of stories about jumping bonfires on her home town’s festivities. That knowledge made Connor stop mid-sentence to look at her, mouth slightly open, making, in turn, Markus laugh at the scandalised expression of his friend. Josh whistled, not believing the sweet and gentle teacher was capable of doing such risky, crazy things.

“There was a lot of alcohol involved. Ask my cousin Jordi about it.” Ona hid behind her cocktail.

As the night went on, everyone got drunker and tongues got looser. This translated into Markus going for the piano.  He looked at the Andersons with mischief in his eyes while he played the first notes of ‘You’re the one that I want’. This was no doubt North’s idea, watching delighted as Richard’s ears went red for what that song implied they wanted them to do. It was Connor who saved his brother from embarrassing himself, singing while going to where Ona was. He left his glass on a nearby table, extending his hand to her and winking. Drunk Connor meant carefree and silly Connor, and it made Ona giggle when he took off his leather jacket and moved to the rhythm. She played along, shrugging her own jacket off to let her shoulders bare. North cheered, encouraging them further. Connor couldn’t keep his hands off her, twirling her in his arms and pulling her back close to him. Ona let him lead, enjoying the open affection Connor was displaying. Ona laughed harder, breaking of character, when Connor shook his hips just like Travolta. Did he really rehearse this, somehow? Markus broke the magic of it all when he collapsed into tears and couldn’t play anymore, his belly hurting from laughing. He needed to find his forgotten glass to take a big gulp.

It went unsaid, but the Manfreds were very glad Ona had entered the Andersons’ lives. Seeing Richard smile and speak up more often, as he was doing now praising and congratulating Ona on her moves while candidly holding her waist in his hands, his lips on her ear, and Connor breaking down his self-imposed wall of indifference and coldness, leading to spontaneous jokes and silly, heartwarmingly moments, made them have a good feeling about their relationship. Even North, who had her reservations, quickly warmed up to Ona, seeing she was as inoffensive as a newborn kitten.

Speaking of which, she brought a box filled with hard plastic cups and ping pong balls.

They all quickly cleaned out a table, setting the cups and filling them with beer. After setting the rules and splitting into two teams, they began an unmatched battle. They both had a team member with incredible marksmanship, experienced players, calculating ones and finally, the ones who have no idea what are they doing but have lady luck on their side. 

After almost knocking over some expensive furniture in excitement whenever someone had to drink, they declared yet another tie and split into small groups again, some going out to the garden, others raiding the kitchen for very late snacks, while others crashed on the sofa or whatever surface they may find. Simon decided the floor was enough and passed out under one of the many tables, even managing to snatch a pillow before curling into it. Connor couldn’t find Richard or Ona. Frowning, he went on a search for them, going out to see Markus and North talking while North poked the almost dead fire with a stick. No sign of his partners. They weren’t in the kitchen either, thinking Ona may have had one of her cravings of sweet snacks. But nope, not there either. Now he was beginning to grow worried.

A quiet giggle came from behind the giraffe next to the bookshelves and spiral stairs. Connor followed the sound, finding Ona on Richard’s arms on the floor while he rested his back on the bookshelves, mindlessly playing with her snow-white curls, as she spoke. 

“Got room for one more?”  His lips tugged into a soft smile.

“Only if you prove to be a good heater. I’m cold.” Ona rubbed her cheek on Richard’s chest, rousing a chuckle while he let her get comfortable. She was like a spoiled house cat.

“I’m not a walking furnace like Rich here, but I can try. Scoot over.”

Ona ended up sandwiched between them, feeling their warm bodies next to hers. Richard kept his hands busy playfully poking at her curls and freckles, while Connor kept droning about some Halloween factoids—Richard wasn’t paying much attention, honestly.  Ona’s head rested on his shoulder, feeling suddenly completely drained from energy. The alcohol running inside her veins wasn’t helping. They were feeling a bit woozy too, so maybe it was time for them to go home and sleep it out. The next day could be spent in bed and not leaving the room for anything. Just a day for themselves. Richard sighed. That sounded good.

It was Markus who found them, quietly sneaking a picture and sending it to them for later. It was incredible how much they changed. For the better, he thought. 

“‘Sup, love birds.” His teasing voice made Connor shut up at once. Ona mumbled something and snuggled closer to Richard’s warmth. “I see she conked out.”

“Yeah, I think it’s time we get back home.” Connor looked at Ona, already asleep.

“I’ll get the car.” Richard was about to move to gently pick her up in his arms and go for his car keys, but Markus hand stopped him.

“Why don’t you just crash here for tonight? We got plenty of rooms and comfy beds besides the floor.” The three of them looked back at Simon. Richard waved his hand at Markus, as if dismissing his proposal.

“It’s okay, I can drive.” 

“How many drinks did you have tonight, Rich?” Markus raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“Uuh… three?” Markus brow rose higher. “Okay no, four. No. Five. Yeah, five.” Richard frowned, staring at the floor, thinking. “You have a point.”

“I don’t doubt your driving skills for a moment. God knows that even with a bleeding wound and about to pass out you drive like a devil behind the wheel.” Richard chuckled, remembering the mess they had to escape and the actual mess on his car’s leather interior—and the bullet holes. “Just stay the night. You know you are safe here.”

“Thank you, Markus.” Connor took Markus’ hand as he helped him get up, while Richard managed to lift himself off the floor with Ona on his arms. 

They made it to the room, Markus disappearing to fetch them some pajamas while Connor gently woke Ona up so she could change and get ready to pass out again. Markus also brought water and painkillers for the morning, and North’s make-up remover with him, knowing how waking up like a trash panda wasn’t ideal. Markus let them rest, fist-bumping each twin and chuckling at Ona’s unintelligible words as she waved goodbye.

The house was quiet, the bed sheets soft and and fresh. Ona was already asleep again, curling closer into Richard’s chest as Connor spooned her from behind. 

The brothers had no nightmares that night.

[3one3]

The Sequel - 786

Rope Burn

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“How about Monday, then? Shopping and afternoon tea? Maybe at the Mandarin? No boys?” Christina suggested to Natasha while she gave Leo a little break from the exercise he was working on with Wizzy. The two moms were comparing schedules. Christina couldn’t do Saturday evening cocktails because she had to go to Germany to check on the barn, and Natasha couldn’t do Sunday brunch because Eden was playing in the afternoon and the boys all wanted to go to the Bridge.

“That could work,” the stay at home mom nodded, her phone in-hand with her diary. “I just have to be home for the kids’ dinner.”

“I’m picking you up at 2. Write it down!”

“Yay! Can we go to stores where we really don’t like the customers so we have more people to judge for what they take into the fitting rooms?” she asked almost pleadingly. The two girls were desperate for girl-time. Neither of them mentioned it, but they both knew there was a near but undefined deadline looming ahead too. Soon Christina would live elsewhere and their best friend playdates would be even fewer and further between, and require even more planning. Not only would they miss out on those shopping days, and cocktails, and taking their kids places together- they were also going to miss out on just seeing each other regularly at the barn. They’d already lost the see-each-other at Chelsea games time too. Firming up an appointment with the builder and the head of design to walk through her new riding facilities reinvigorated the sense of ending Christina had been trying to ignore for a little while.

“Yes, duh. Leo! Let’s do the outside line to the diagonal again one more time. Sit up nice and tall and count your 6, and then remember to ride straight into the corner and support with your left leg to get the lead change. Don’t let him slow down before he gets there or he can’t swap, okay?”

The forecasted snow never arrived that morning. The trainer was sitting atop the fence in front of the gazebo next to the outside ring so that she could chat with her friend during the lesson, instead of roaming around in the middle to have a better view of her student and be closer to him to help with advice and instructions when needed. Leo’s lessons were boring. He was at an age and a phase in his learning that just required a lot of practice. He needed saddle time more than anything. They couldn’t work on new things in every lesson, and he didn’t have a ton of things in his locker to work on improving, so his 30-45 minute sessions were repetitive. Sometimes he rode with his brother and they could make games out of their learning, and that was more fun from a teaching perspective. Solo lessons, not so much. Christina had to summon all of her dedication to make sure that she sounded enthusiastic while teaching, and not bored. Staying up late, working out, riding all of her horses before the blogger came for her interview, and having to take a bunch of jumps apart to make them Leo-sized sapped her will to stand in the middle and give the child her full attention and absolute best. She was phoning it in from the fence. Natasha didn’t mind that her son was being underserved.

“Where is your other one? He should be out here by now,” one mumbled to the other as Leo rallied his pony to get more canter for his outside line of 18” crossrails. “Lift your hands with your shoulders!”

“I don’t know. Maybe Cornflakes is uncooperative. Ugh sit up. Why does he still do this?” the Belgian girl groaned about her son, who had trouble righting his posture in the saddle after each little jump. He closed his hip angle in the two-point for the obstacle and then took too long to sit tall again, so his pony was heavy on the forehand for a couple of steps. Wizzy could deal with that. He could take care of himself and his rider too. It was an optics problem, and a form-for-the-future problem.

“He’ll get it. He knows what he has to do,” the coach reminded gently, with more understanding. “I don’t even tell him anymore because there’s no point. He has to get the muscle memory, and the strength. That’s why we do the same shit every day,” she added with a combo exhale/sigh. “Keep squeezing. Keep going,” she advised the small rider when he landed after the second jump a couple of yards to the girls’ right. Her eyes stayed on the pair heading for the corner. His mom’s noticed the group coming down the little hill from the barn just beyond that corner.

“There he is,” she said about Yannis, who was definitely late getting on. He was supposed to be warmed up and ready to start his lesson as soon as his brothers’ was over. “And I see the hold up.”

“Hm?” Moooore leeeeeeeeg, Christina thought in agonized slow motion narration. Wizzy’s engine was small and his throttle was “lazy”. He was only ever going to go as fast as he absolutely had to. Sometimes the trainer flexed her calf muscles as if to turn a spur into him and key him up from across the ring.

“Eden’s here. With Juan.”

Eurgh, I must be as addicting as he is. Which part of “this can’t be all the time” did he misunderstand? Or did he just hear me tell Lukas this morning that I’m making half and half lasagna for dinner? She took a quick glance to the right and saw the two Chelsea men approaching, and then refocused on Leo, who was getting ready to jump a single crossrail on the diagonal and then change leads before turning back onto the rail. Wizzy had “auto changes”, meaning he knew to swap on his own whenever he was asked to change direction. It was ugly and sometimes disjointed if he tried to swap without enough impulsion in his canter, so they were working on maintaining a consistent step to try to get smoother changes. Man, now I have to do a serious lesson with Yannis for Eden.

“That’s good, kiddo!” Christina told the other Hazard boy after he got a decent lead change, more through Wizzy’s doing than his. “Come over here so I can put your cooler on.”

“Was it really good or are you just tired of looking at him?” his mom questioned.

“It was better. I don’t see it getting perfect today, and perfect once is not perfect forever, so...meh.” No one is more proof of that than meeeee. I’ve been perfect. It’s been a long time.

“Hi honey, hi Chris,” Eden greeted the girls.

“Hi honey.” Natasha smooched him hello. “Why are you here and who is picking up the dog from the groomer?”

“I wanted to watch their training and Juan took too long in the pool so I made him bring me here instead of home. Amanda and Samy are getting the dog. He’s done already?” Eden asked disappointedly about Leo. Juan sometimes picked up Azpi and since Eden was across the street he caught a ride too, which annoyed Juan because Azpi’s wife usually picked him up at Cobham on her way home from wherever their daughter went for after school care, but she didn’t pick up Eden so Juan still had to take Eden home.

“I took the usual amount of time in the pool,” Juan said in his own defense as he kissed Natasha’s cheeks. He then leaned over the gazebo railing to squeeze Christina’s shoulders and kiss her cheek too. Hers was harder to get to because of the bulky Barbour scarf looped around her neck. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Hi Juan!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Was your training good? Did you do the best?” Father asked Son. Trainer frowned a bit, and then frowned more deeply at her frown. I always wish parents would ask their kids if they had fun first, before if they did well, but then I get annoyed at the parents who don’t care if the kids don’t do well and give their best. How come there are so many subjects that are so lose-lose with me?

“Wizzy was good,” Leo testified. His answer changed the direction of the curvature of Christina’s lips. She took the burgundy wool cooler off the fence and draped it over the pony’s butt so that they could go walk and warm down once the kid was done complaining that his dad would get to see Yannis jump and not him, and once his dad was done blaming it on Juan, who took it admirably and without further protest. The other kid came over to have his matching cooler removed for him, and to chitchat. He was prone to that. He loved socializing.

“Get moving,” Christina ordered, shooing him away. “Cornflakes is going to get cold. You’re already late. Go.” She then took her scarf off and asked the Spaniard to hold it for her since he took the tall chair closest to where she was sitting on the other side of the rail, and put on her crocheted and leather gloves. It was time to go raise the couple of fences she took apart for Leo, and take some poles off some others that were still 3-4’ from her earlier schooling, and move some around to accommodate the pony’s smaller stride. That was warming work and she had to ditch the scarf and open up her jacket or she’d get too hot, and then be extra cold later when she was standing or sitting still again. To be a riding coach is to adjust or change layers of clothing, footwear, and gloves all day long.

“Is that a hickey on your neck? It’s so...sprawling,” Natasha asked her about a big reddish-blue blob on the side and front of her throat while she was still turned around toward the gazebo to pass the scarf over the rail. It definitely wasn’t a hickey but it was definitely something the rider forgot about.

“Nah, Lukas accidentally tried to strangle me with...his roller-duck leash,” she lied. It was Juan. Juan strangled her. With his hand. On purpose. Because she liked it.

“Ouch. Is it like a rope burn?” Natasha was squinting from across the little round table between her and Christina.

“Yeah.” Christina zipped her adidas jacket up to make the mark harder to see, and hopped down off the fence without daring a look at the source of said mark. I wish I could just tell herrrrrrr, she groaned inside. Then I wouldn’t have to lie, AND I could relish making her jealous as hell about my double sex life. I do feel bad, however, than Schü and I haven’t had as much gush-to-friends-worthy sex lately. Really just once in...I don’t even know how long. And today is the first day I’ve even seen her since then besides New Year’s when we were with too many people...and I didn’t even think of it today...because I have...more recent sexual escapades on my mind. Hey, you know what, she asked herself on her way to the Red Bull-themed jump. It’s probably a really good thing that when he shows up here out of nowhere I don’t get the butterflies. When you start sleeping with someone and you get into the sex-honeymoon thing where after the first time you fiend to do it as much as possible, as soon as possible, you also get the butterflies when his texts pop up, or when you see him. I’m not having any butterflies. I’m not getting that hit of whatever the brain chemical is. That’s a good thing. Also, you know what else is a good thing? I don’t have to feel like banging Juan a bunch of times in quick succession is a sign that banging Schü is boring or unsatisfactory or even tired. The teddy bear does things that the Schü won’t. It’s not that it’s better. It’s different.

André would never squeeze my neck like that, no matter how many times I ask, and I would never ask him anyway because I know how upset it would make him. He never got over that night at Christmas- our first Christmas- when I basically begged him to abuse me. He never got over what I looked like in the morning with the hickeys, and bite marks, and bruises from his hands. I think my lip was even bleeding. I know I was bleeding from an even worse place when I got in the shower but he didn’t even know that and it was still so traumatic for him that he didn’t touch me for weeks, so... I don’t think he’d oblige if I said “Hey babe can you squeeze my neck until it leaves a mark?”. Or he might do it just because he wants to please, but he would feel awful about it and hate it, so I wouldn’t want him to. Also he would then be all afraid that I want to hurt myself and use him to do it. And that’s not the case. I just find it really hot when the teddy bear gets a little rapey. It’s a turn on. It’s such a departure from his normal character. Maybe it’s like I feel special that I get to see him go after what he wants that way because I’m so used to his selflessness, and it’s like controlling me in bed is something he wants and enjoys so much that he can’t maintain his usual commitment to that selflessness. Who needs to kiss and tell to a best friend to figure out how you feel about sex when you can do an awesome job sorting it out on your own while lowering jumps, Christina complimented herself on her mental fortitude as she wiggled a wing standard in to make the Red Bull oxer less wide.

Natasha tried to get the players to go help with the jump adjustments but one cited a footwear-related excuse and the other made the case that Christina could do it faster on her own because she wouldn’t have to keep stopping to tell them what to do. She stayed in the ring to do the lesson quite seriously, and mostly on her feet. During a little break for child and pony, she sat on her faux brick wall and took her warm and comfortable Dubarry boot off to remove her knee sock and take the tape off her ankle. Sometimes she forgot to cut or tear it away when she was finished riding if she wasn’t immediately changing her pants or if she didn’t have a reason to take her socks off. Leaving it on wasn’t good for it. It was getting better though. It still hurt when she rode, and it still hurt after she rode; it still hurt when she worked out, and it still hurt when she sat down at the end of the day or got in bed. It just hurt less. The percentage of time that the pain was excruciating instead of just a tolerable aching sensation was less than before her last treatment in Munich.

That regiment was exhausted and there wasn’t anything else readily available to try, so Christina and everyone in her close circle hoped the benefits were not yet fully realized. She didn’t talk about it much. Most people were accustomed to her pain being constant and predictable and didn’t even bother to ask about it anymore, and she didn’t want to go offering up that it was maybe feeling a little less bad, because she was afraid of tempting fate. She was afraid that was all she was going to get- that the benefits were already maxed out. At some point she was supposed to go back to the Die Mannschaft doctor for an “exit scan” to see if the injections eliminated the blood vessels that were supposedly responsible for her pain. If they weren’t gone by then, they weren’t going away. Each time she went for one of the three injections the scan showed fewer of them. She didn’t know how long it was reasonable to expect the sclerosing treatment to continue to work. She had no idea if her first injection would still be doing its thing when she got the second one three months later or if it would have already been “finished” before that, or if it was going to keep going for months and months and the next treatment was just to boost it, or double it, or what. Such was her reluctance to believe anything would ever “cure” her, she was never interested enough to ask really in-depth questions of her doctor.

“I’m gonna go get something warm to drink,” she announced to the adults after announcing to the child that his lesson was finished. It was much darker and colder out than when it started. Eden got up to go inside too, and Natasha told him she had to stay to wait for Yannis to be finished walking Cornflakes out, so he sat back down. Juan had evidently had enough of being cold. He hopped down the gazebo stairs to meet Christina at the gate.

“Want this back?” he asked with the proffered scarf when they fell into step. The rider took the navy and heather houndstooth wool but didn’t put it around her neck.

“How come you’re here?” she inquired instead, slightly cautious.

“Eden said he wanted to see the training so I offered to bring him here,” the player shrugged. “Did I overuse my open invitation?”

“No, I- I dunno. I want to make sure we’re not already being dumb about...this. Remember when I said it can’t be all the time?” Christina kept her voice low as they walked into the barn, and she made a beeline for the tack room instead of slowing to pat any of the many noses over doors along the way.

“I had no intention of coming over until he brought up the kids,” Juan insisted. “I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

“No, of course not. And watch your mouth,” his beneficial friend warned with raised brows as she leaned backward on the door, waiting to open it. Leo was inside cleaning his bridle, and he heard everything and repeated almost as much. “Want anything?”

“What are you having?”

“Oriental spice herbal tea. No caffeine.”

“Sounds good.”

“It’s the orangey one.”

“Okay.” Player followed rider inside and pretended to be interested in the bridle cleaning while she used the coffee machine to fill two mugs with hot water. Leo had to stand on an overturned bucket to even reach his bridle on the cleaning hook suspended from the ceiling, and he still struggled to reach the crownpiece and brow band, so he actually asked the Spaniard to hold it for him. “Chris, what are you doing for the rest of the day? Are you done with work or no?”

“I’m going to drink my tea and write a schedule on the board for tomorrow, and then I’m going home to make dinner and sit on the couch with Lukas.”

“Do I have another lesson tomorrow, Chris?” Leo asked with a hopeful lilt.

“Yes, with Kyle.”

“I like it better when it’s you!”

“I knooooow but I have to ride all my ponies in the morning and then go to Germany for something. You have football in the morning so you won’t be here when I am.” Christina dropped a teabag into each cup and set the timer on the microwave for 6 minutes. “Do you want to ride on your own or with Yannis? With Yannis is more fun when it’s Kyle, no?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’m going to go write it down.”

By the time she was finished writing her horses and notes on the whiteboard for everyone to follow in the morning and ready to get her tea, Leo had Juan doing the tack cleaning for him and was sitting on a trunk drinking chocolate milk. The scene tugged at her heart a little. He really should go find a real girlfriend and get to work on the whole family thing, she thought. He really will be the most amazing dad, because he can make anybody feel better or feel okay, he has plenty of smarts to pass on, he knows how to have fun, he likes to engage with kids, and he actually has willpower. He will be strict enough not to cave to everything his kids want, but he’ll want them to be their own people and make their own mistakes and grow up as responsible and kind individuals. His kids will be so down to earth. Lukas is going to end up spoiled as hell. I know it.

Eden came in with Yannis’ saddle and bridle and looked around, helplessly unsure of what to do with them. Christina took the bridle and directed him to the proper saddle rack on the back wall. Having everybody around made her a touch sad, because it made her think about how different it would be in Dortmund. There she would only ever have Stefanie, Kyle, Tom, and whoever Tom wanted to work under him around- no Hazard kids to keep things interesting and cute, no Natasha for company, no Eden for the comedy, and no Juan for any of the multitude of things he offered with his presence. No one was just going to drop by in Dortmund, unless Mario got in the habit of showing up to see Stefanie. That relationship was ambiguous and confusing anyway. Christina realized as she watched Leo try to teach Juan how to tie up Wizzy’s bridle in a figure eight that she had no idea who she was even going to hang out with in her new home. Zoe was a friend but not a close one, and not one she even wanted to be closer to. It seemed unlikely to her that Marco would want to go on coffee and shopping dates with her. He’d want to hang out with André too, and obviously she would be spending time with her partner but the point of friends was to have other people to go out and do things with instead of just him. Stefanie and Kyle were students. One was a full-fledged employee as well and the other sort of worked for her too. The established pro knew not to mix those things up with close friendship. That could be a bad thing for all involved.

And worst of all the ominous thoughts that hit her in the tack room, she had no idea how she would even make new friends. When she moved to London she had Samantha at least, and she had a friend of André’s who wanted to get to know her because he had an instant crush on her. Natasha reached out to her to become friends, and that was in part because Christina was different from a lot of the other Chelsea girls. The Dortmund girls, as far as she knew, were a lot like those other Chelsea girls, or in other words, people who she didn’t have much in common with. In conclusion, she was really feeling the anticipatory pain of missing her circle, and missing the atmosphere at her place that she’d grown so used to and so fond of.

“Are you just waiting for everybody to get out of here?” Juan asked her when he was done messing around with Eden and Leo. His ex was just sitting at the table staring into space.

“No. I don’t need to be here for that,” she shrugged. “Are you leaving when they do? Do you want spicy traditional and pesto-Alfredo lasagna?”

“Why do you bother with making two different kinds?” he chuckled. “Isn’t it annoying enough to make just one, since I’m sure you make your own sauce and grate your cheese and-“

“Because I like to have both kinds, and I pack the pesto and Alfredo layered one full of veggies. Regular lasagna only has the veggies that are in the sauce. That’s not enough veggies for a balanced meal. I’d have to make a salad to go with it. I don’t want salad. I had salad for lunch.”

“Then why not just make the one with the vegetables?”

“Not enough protein. You can’t put meat in that. The moisture from the veggies would ruin the texture. Sometimes I make just the pesto-Alfredo lasagna and do meatballs on the side, because you can cut up the lasagna and put them in there and get the two sauces on them and it’s nice, then, but we just had meatballs the other night.”

“When did you start caring so much about veggies and protein and complete meals, hmm? I don’t remember you always being so careful about your eating as you have the last couple of years. I remember pizza and two cappuccinos for lunch, a Red Bull during shopping, and a bowl of pasta and cream for dinner with your soda.” The Spanish midfielder smiled teasingly while he sipped his tea across the table.

“When I started caring about looking after myself,” Christina shrugged. “When someone gave me the opportunity to care about things besides horses.” When somebody loved me and made me like myself enough to want to take care of myself.

“I don’t think anyone gave you anything.”

“Whatever,” she chuckled, feigning amusement just to avoid getting any more pensive. The two friends, and lovers, were having a conversation about one thing but really talking about another, and she didn’t want to get into the second thing. She didn’t want to get into an examination of the effect of falling in love with André on the rest of her life, and what she thought of herself, and what mattered. “Do you want half and half lasagna or no?”

“Sure.”

“No dessert though,” she warned, still speaking of one thing and meaning another. Juan knew what she meant. There was no sex on the menu. She was, at least in her own head, adamant about that. I don’t feel like doing that, I don’t want to do it three days in a row and exploit this whole thing, and to be honest, I’m a little sore from last night, she reminded herself, shoring up her resolve. There is even a little spot so raw that it stings when I pee. Just friends tonight.

She put him in charge of grating regular mozzarella for the inside of her lasagna and slicing fresh mozzarella for the top once they said goodbye to the others and went up to the house. The goodbye was slightly self-conscious on her part because she worried about the optics of Juan staying for dinner. That wasn’t an unusual or suspicious thing on any given day. She worried it looked suspicious because both Hazards knew they went to Spain together the day before. Yannis was taking forever to put his stuff away and she didn’t want to just wait them out. Lasagna-making was a lengthy process for her. While her dinner guest took care of the cheese, she had to defrost some homemade spicy marinara, brown ground beef and sausage, make pesto in the food processor, parboil the noodle sheets, and reduce cream and butter on the stove for the Alfredo. Once the two types were assembled in separate glass casserole dishes and set in the oven, Christina left Juan to babysit Lukas so she could take a quick shower, and when she was finished with that she took advantage of the privacy upstairs to call André.

“Are you totally pooped?” she asked him once they apologized to one another for not having more contact throughout the day. Their excuses matched. They were busy. They were both on other people’s schedules.

“Beyond totally pooped. This team doesn’t do “ease the guys back into work after holiday”. It could have been worse. I’m glad I tried to do some activity every day. What about you? How was your day, pretty girl?” André let out a long exhale- the kind one does when finally relaxing after a long day. He was lying in his hotel bed and wishing it were dinnertime. He’d been there a while already. Talking to his girl just helped to unwind more, and feel less drained by fitness training and benchmark testing that seemed to go on all day long. Vacation agenda to physical work agenda wasn’t the only tough transition. Being with family 24/7 to being with the team 24/7 was also a shock to the system. He missed Lukas. He missed Christina. He missed being surrounded by people who really cared what he had to say, and who knew about everything he might want to talk about. His friends and teammates had their own stuff to talk about.

“It was okay. The blog lady was nice. I had to make stuff up because I don’t have that many secrets to success. It’s a little lonely at the barn right now,” the rider admitted. “Stef rides before I get there, the guys are busy doing work. You’re not around to visit for lunch and bring Lukas. Espen keeps him here at the house, out of the cold. I didn’t even bring the dogs out with me today because I didn’t want them getting in the way of the blog lady and her camera guy. I was going to come home and see Lukas for a little before she got here but then I realized I needed to put some makeup on and find a clean adidas jacket. Nat was here after that with the kids, and Eden got Juan to bring him over to watch too, and that was better but now I’m thinking about how lonely it’s going to be at the new place.”

“You’ll be with Tom every day. Isn’t that a plus?” At least she’s telling me how she feels, the German player thought. And in a rational, calm way instead of a tantrum.

“Yeah, but plus one Tom doesn’t cancel out minus one Isa, four Hazards, one Juan, Sam...”

“Maybe you’ll get to know my teammates’ girls better and some of their kids will want to ride,” he suggested, trying to sound optimistic.

“What are they going to ride, babe? I don’t have school horses and ponies to teach beginner lessons on.”

“We could-“

“And I don’t want any.”

“You’re a smart, fun girl to be around, Prinzessin. I’m sure you’ll make friends. Zoe must have some interesting people that she hangs out with. You have Stefanie, and Kyle. Maybe they meet some new friends in their apartment building, and then you get to meet them too. Same with Espen.” Not. Chris doesn’t make friends. She spent like 30 weekends a year with Daniel for three or four years before she decided they could be friends. But, André countered his own instincts, still optimistic. I’m going to spend a lot of time with her and Mausi. I’m going to take them out to do things so that they like the area. I want it to be home for them. “And I have friends here, or near here, that you haven’t gotten to know yet. They have girlfriends. Let’s just focus on getting ourselves settled, and getting the barn settled, and then everything else comes on its own, just like when you first moved in with me.” He wanted to keep things calm, and extinguish anxiety before it blossomed again. He had his own anxiety about how his girl would adapt. His most incessant worry was that she would use every possible opportunity to go back to London to visit Natasha and Juan. If she spent two weekends out of every month at horse shows, one in London, and only one at home, things would get bad between them again quickly. They still hadn’t decided on a plan for their English estate either. They hadn’t decided whether to list it for sale or to try to lease it out, and if they sought a tenant if it would be for the house and the stable together, one or the other, both but separate, just the cottage, etc. Independently of that decision, André thought about the consequences of Christina having a house or a cottage available to flee to. But the more he thought about that, the more he thought it would actually be better if she had her own place to go to when she wanted to visit London to see friends or for work, because the alternative was probably staying with Juan. Surely, he figured, she would choose his apartment over a guestroom at the Hazard house, or a hotel.  

“Yeah,” Christina replied noncommittally. She thought less about what he actually said and more about the way he said it, and that he said it. She appreciated that he was trying to address her issues in a somewhat sensible way instead of just assuring her everything would be fine without providing any substance or reason. Also she just missed him, and hearing him try to be comforting made it worse.

“What are you and Mausi up to tonight? Want to watch a movie with me later, after dinner? You can pick, and talk through the whole thing.”

“I have lasagna in the oven and Juan is still here.”

“Again?” Come on. I said they could fuck if they want, not move in together.

“Not like that again. He did the Eden-Azpi carpool today and Eden wanted him to bring him here instead of home. He’s not staying. And I would love to watch a movie with you later. Call me whenever you’re ready.” I’m def bringing the puppies upstairs to get in bed with me for Moviefone time, Christina thought. “Moviefone time”, named after the movie ticket hotline and website she used when she was a teenager, was how she labeled watching a movie with someone in two different places, linked via phone call or Face Time. Ironically, she first began the practice with Juan, in Hong Kong. “I would love” was no exaggeration, however. The only thing she wanted more was to watch a movie with André in person instead of over the phone.

“I trust you, Prinzessin, but please don’t try to find out exactly where the line is between what I understand and don’t mind, and what hurts.”

“I’m not. I have my own line too and I think it’s actually closer than yours. He knows that too. He respects it.”

“He stayed last night, though, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing that matters.”

“Use your head, all right?” I don’t want to regret this, the footballer sighed inside. What’s so great about him that she’s hardly been away from him in like two and a half days? She was apart from him so much while I was home that she has to make up for it now? I don’t even believe the things that come to mind right now, but it’s so hard not to think of all the bad possibilities. I just want to trust her, and feel like it’s the right thing.

“I’m using my head and my heart and both are for you.” His partner was pretty quiet. The new situation was already beginning to seem like a problem, and that was not at all what she wanted. It was supposed to be part of the solution. She wanted to be more emphatic in her own defense but that didn’t feel like the right play, and she didn’t want there to even be a game. “I need to go make sure my lasagnas aren’t burning.”

“I’ll call you later.”

“Do you have to go? I wasn’t saying bye. There’s this crazy benefit to mobile phones, known as “mobility”. I can walk from my vanity all the way downstairs to the kitchen with the phone.”

“Smartass.”