#that being said i am happy when ppl gender me correctly when they get what it is I'm about

[magicdyke]

theoretically the idea of being a masculine woman is so awesome to me, but whenever i see anything posted by my family referring to me with "she," my vision develops chromatic aberration and i start hearing a really loud buzzing noise and a fog starts rolling in

[helgaw321]

Takeru’s 155 Q&A

To start off things, let me share (again) one of my most satisfying works from last year, that is Takeru’s Q&A section from his 30th birthday anniversary book. Looking back, I think I worked on this one for almost one week, and It felt really satisfying to finish it on Takeru’s 31th birthday ❤️

Once again, enjoy!

(Disclaimer: All translations are done by myself, pls don’t repost without permission, thank you!)

===========

These are the questions sent by fans through Takeru's official LINE account. Thank you for all of your participation!!

1. Is there anything you would like to do or achieve in 2019? I'd like to do anything good for my body

2. If there is one day you're not Satou Takeru anymore, what will you do? Go to sauna

3. If there is one day you become a girl, what will you do? Sing Sheena Ringo's songs in the original key

4. If you can travel back in time, when would you go? Middle high school

5. If you are being reborn, do you want to be yourself again? Not really

6. If there is an "Anywhere Door", where would you like to go? The world's best views

7. Do you think aliens exist? Not in this solar system I think

8. 10 years from now, what kind of father do you want to be? I want to avoid using weird emoji

9. If you move abroad, which country would you choose? Maybe America or Canada

10. If you got the chance to direct a film, what kind of film and who are the casts? Horror. Because it seems difficult to explain, I'll do it myself.

11. If you have to become one of the characters you've played before, who will you choose? Shishigami Hiro

12. Among of the movies created in the past, is there any movie you like to have acted in? (Anything from) Ghibli

13. Who would you like to meet the most right now? And what will you ask him/her? Hanyu (Yuzuru)-kun. "Do you want to join Amuse (Takeru's agency)?"

14. Anything you want to overcome in this year? Coughing out when sleeping

15. If you can go with your mom on a trip, where would you like to go? I don't know. I'll go where she would want to go

16. When you see food with the name you see for the first time, do you dare try? Or you tend to play safe? I tend to take the challenge.

17. If you can meet your 20-year-old self, what would you like to say? Nothing in particular

18. What kind of present you would like to receive in last year of Heisei-era? Speakers that can be used in bathroom

19. Where would you like to go on honeymoon? The world's best views

20. What would you like to do in your last day of your life? I don't want to know that day is the end of my life

21. If you can take a long holiday, what would you like to do? Watch movies. Escape room games.

22. I love Takeru-kun's singing voice. If someday you get to sing in your next project, do you want to do it? I don't mind

23. If you weren't in the entertainment world, what would you do? I imagined myself to study something related to science-field in university, but I don't know what to do next

24. What else you like in sushi other than Kohada (gizzard shad)? Between tuna and salmon, which one do you like? Tuna. I also like squid and uni (sea urchin). And also button shrimp

25. If you become an invisible person, what would you want to do? State secrets investigation

26. Favorite movie? Kimi no Na wa (Your name)

27. Do you like sweets? I like it but I rarely snacking

28. Favorite smell? Morning forest

29. What do you like in osechi (traditional Japanese new year food)? Kamaboko (fish cake)

30. Favorite manga? Tenshi na Konamaiki (Cheeky Angel) (note: he said in Yakai before that his first love is the heroine from this manga XD)

31. Do you like to go to onsen? Yes

32. If you have your own favorite/most disliked body parts, please tell us! I won't say because it's embarassing

33. Favorite color? Navy blue

34. Favorite kind of noodles? Cold soba

35. Favorite season? Winter

36. Do you like horumon (cuisine made from pork or beef offal)? I like it more than average people

37. You went to lots of places during filming or doing promotion for movies, do you have favorite region? Also please tell us if you have a must-eat food there! Hitsumabushi in Nagoya

38. If i remembered correctly, you've said that you like your home, is there any other place you like? I also like hotel

39. Any recommendation for foreign drama? Friends

40. Favorite novel? Shigatsu ni nareba Kanojo wa (also titled April Girlfriend - by Kawamura Genki)

41. What do you usually add when you eat medamayaki (fried egg)? Salt and pepper or Shoyu

42. What do you usually add when you eat freshly cooked white rice? Karashi (spicy) mentaiko

43. Please tell us your order of eating sushi! Omakase (literally meaning "I'll leave it up to you", a special course when the customer leaves it up to the chef to serve)

44. What are your memories of doing Kamen Rider? Commuting in a crowded train

45. Please tell us a happy episode from filming Den-O! We sometimes would go to Jojoen near Oizumi Studio

46. Who is your favorite Imajin from Den-O? Ura(taros)

47. If you act as (Nogami) Ryoutarou right now, what kind of person you think he will be? I think people will not change that much

48. If you have a child, what name will you give him/her? I think 2 letters would be nice

49. Among the actors-actresses you haven't co-starred with, who would you want to work together with? Fukatsu (Eri)-san

50. Among all of your projects, which role is the most fun/memorable? Rookies was fun

51. Do you still continue to learn English? Yes

52. Among all of roles you've played, was there a moment when you think it resembles yourself? Probably no

53. Is there any place inside Japan you want to go? Never-visited islands

54. Is there anything you want to learn right now? I want to learn to dance

55. When you first meet a person, what is the first thing you will look at? I got this question a lot and until now I don't know the answer. I wonder what I will look at first

56. What role you want to try this year? As a runaway child

57. Among all of your projects, is there anything you wouldn't want to watch? Basically I don't want to watch it. I don't watch most of it.

58. If you can do a sequel, is there a work you want to do? Rurouni, Kanouso, Gibomusu

59. Is there any villain role from movie/drama/manga/novel that you want to do? I'd like to if there's any (interesting roles)

60. Before you do a crying scene, how do you usually spend your time? Depends on the scene

61. What is your description of "Kakkoii"? Taking the initiative in what people hate, and don't show off your action

62. You said that you didn't like saba no misoni (mackerel with miso), was it because you didn't like mackerel itself? When I saw "saba no misoni" in school lunch menu, I would be very dissapointed. I like mackarel though.

63. If you got an offer for main cast in Taiga drama, will you take it? I like that kind of question where you don't think "If it's the main cast for Taiga I'll definitely do it"

64. Something to do to keep you healthy? Sleep 12 hours

65. Do you have any actor friends? Everyone that gave their comments in this book

66. How do you feel when you work in Rurouni Kenshin kiri (` ・ω・‘) (note: this is the actual answer (i only changed hiragana to romaji/alphabet), kiri/kiru is to cut/slash in japanese, so maybe he just felt like slashing ppl all the time XDD)

67. Something that makes you feel "I can die peacefully after doing this"? Become Ajin

68. What is the scariest thing in the world? Please see video original version of "Ju-on"

69. Have you seen Aurora? No

70. When you take a bath, what part of the body you washed first? Head

71. In what moment do you usually can be yourself the most? I am myself mostly everytime

72. If fans reach out to you in your private time, how far can we go e.g handshake/photograph? It'll be embarassing to take a photo, so only handshake is good

73. We always see Takeru-san in the acting side, do you ever think of creating a movie? If I create a movie, I also want to act in that movie

74. You showed us for a short moment in Horoyoi ads, but I want to hear more of your singing voice! Recently, is there any song that you will definitely sing in karaoke? Marigold, no I'm lying. I don't have such song.

75. You always give your best during promotions for dramas/movies, but was there any tough times? Ehh you're so kind.

76. You said that you want to take a break in this year because you've worked hard in last year, did that feeling change? It's not like I want to take break, but I think my exposure level is decreasing compared to last year

77. In Kanouso, during the moment when you weren't supposed to cry but tears suddenly fell down, how to control such emotion? I looked at her (Riko) face

78. Is there any actor/actress you admire? If I tell you, you will be more aware of that person, so because I don't want you to have such thought, I won't tell you.

79. How did you spend your time during 2019 new year? I watched Unnatural with my family at home

80. What is your special skill? Othello

81. Do you use perfume? I don't usually use it but because we're making it (as anniversary goods) this time so I'm using that.

82. When thinking about Takeru-kun, your image is strongly tied with solving riddles, how did you get into it? Also how much time did you spend in 1 day? My first time was when my friends invited me to play escape games. As long as time allows me to do it, I can do it all day.

83. Among all of Hanbun, Aoi cast, who is your best friend? Kan-chan (Suzume's daughter)

84. If you meet a person that you want to befriend, are you the type who reach out to him/her, or wait? Reach out

85. Regardless of gender, what kind of person you're not good at? People who makes mistakes

86. What is your decisive factor when choosing a project? Whether I want or I don't want to do it

87. By any chance, is Takeru-san the type of genius person with photographic memory? I'm not that kind of person

88. What do you sing when you go to karaoke? Radwimps

89. Do you do any muscle training? I do but depends on the timing

90. When you go out with somebody you like on a date, in what situation do you like? Autumn leaves

91. Has anybody said to you that you resemble someone (in entertainment world)? Shouhei's wife (Kiritani Mirei) (note: why he won't say her name directly XDD)

92. Do you have any age restriction for marriage? I'd like to do it in my 30s if I can

93. Why do you become "a man lost in love"? What a good word to express it. Love is not something you experience several times, isn't it?

94. What kind of hair type do you like for girl? I like natural, not shaped ones

95. In what moment do you think girls are cute? When you see they are excited when I choose her in SUGAR

96. When you found a girl you like, do you actively "attack" her? Of course if I like her

97. Do you like a woman who will casually do body touch, doing upward gaze, and sort of the aggresive type? I don't like it at all

98. In what moment you think you can't help but liking a girl? When she casually do body touch, do upward gaze (note: so which one do you actually like LOL -- refer to Q97)

99. Between older and younger woman, which one do you like? I like both

100. What kind of girl do you like? Girls with narrow "strike zone"

101. What is the minimum requirement for your partner to marry you? I no longer have such requirement

102. As a man, what do you think of a man who keeps looking at his phone, keeps looking at the clock when dating a woman? It's not a good thing to do, it's like he doesn't care about his partner.

103. What do you think about a fun and easygoing girl? Girls with good sense of humor are good

104. When you have a girlfriend, what kind of homemade food will you make for her? Miso soup

105. What kind of make up do you like for girls? As long as she doesn't overdo it

106. I have a person I can't forget even after so many years, Does Takeru-kun have that kind of experience? Yes for a few years, but I don't know what will happen for 10+ years

107. I called my nephews and nieces with nicknames. Does Takeru-kun have any nicknames you want to be called with? I like Takeru-san rather than Takeru-kun

108. What sound do you use as your alarm ringtone? Default settings

109. You have a really beautiful skin. Do you have any advice for it? Moisturizing

110. Any activities you've been into lately? Alternate baths (also called contrast bath therapy) (note: a kind of bath therapy where you alternate between hot and cold baths.)

111. Where do you usually go? Most recent is gym

112. Do you still hate caterpillars? Sorry, but yes

113. Do you cook? Do you have any specialities? Nope

114. Where and how you usually memorize your script? I usually memorize it with my costars moments before shooting in the set

115. For Takeru-san who loves reading, how do you usually choose books to read? I'd usually pick friends' recommendation

116. When you sleep do you prefer to turn on or off the lights? Turn off. I can't stand even the lights from humidifier

117. In what moment do you think it's nice being an actor? When people are being nice to you

118. Things like clothes, bags, shoes, is there anything that you have to make sure it's in good quality before you buy? Towel

119. If you have one full day with your beloved cats, what will you do? Cuddling its cheek

120. If you are being reborn as a cat, who do you want to take care of you? Do you want to play together with Kochirou and Puchirou in Satou's family house? Yes. (note: Kochirou and Puchirou are his beloved cats currently living in his parents' house)

121. If you can have one more cat, what name will you give? At least not names in katakana

122. Are you a dog person? Cat person? Cat

123. As a cat-lover, which part of a cat do you like? Face

124. What is your favorite Kochirou and Puchirou's pose? When they become rounded like a ball

125. If you can have a dog, what kind of dog do you like? Shiba-inu

126. Beside cat, do you have any other animals you'd like to have? Dolphin

127. Where do you want to live? Shiodome maybe

128. Have you give your mom presents from home bakery? Yes. I think you can also make mochi with those

129. If you're doing a solo trip, where will you go? Canada

130. How do you get along with Nobu-san (from Chidori)? We were working together in a variety show and I ask for his phone number

131. You were famous among the older people from long ago, what do you think about that? I don't really care about the age as long as I still got the "waa" and "kyaa"

132. In what moment do you feel happy? When I solved a riddle

133. What is your favorite song from Takahashi Yuu-kun? Hachigatsu Muika (August 6) (note: he sang this song in his 30th birthday event)

134. If you have to give a score for your acting career up until now, how many points out of 100? 60

135. In the future, can you create an event where fans can meet you directly? Yes

136. You've said before that because you can't tidy your room up so your mom had to visit your house to tidy things up, is it still the same now? I've become independent now

137. I'm still a kid, an elementary school student. When I talk about Kamen Rider, there are some kids who get along with me, but there also kids who call me weird. Is it alright that I still love Kamen Rider? Please tell me. I was also called weird by my friends in my school days so it will be alright

138. Do you plan to go to Kyoto in this year? I already go there few times

139. In what moment do you feel the happiest? I can't decide between the moment when I saw at Ruroken's (sales) performance or when I managed to clear an escape game challenge, or when I was in elementary school when I got into Yu-Gi-Oh, I got Summoned Skull from a booster pack.

140. Was there a moment when you cried while watching a movie? Usually I cried watching touching movies

141. Between the roles you've played almost simultaneously, such as Ritsu in Hanbun, Aoi, Mugita in Gibomusu, and Kazuo in Oku Otoko, which one is the most difficult to play? Kazuo

142. Recently, is there a moment when you laughed so hard? I was hitting my knees laughing while watching Aiseki Shokudou (Chidori's show) at home

143. Please tell us an episode from Kouhaku! When I hesitated to wave my penlight, but then I saw Nomura Mansai-san was waving his so I decided to follow

144. Please tell us your recommended places to visit from "Rurouni-hon Kumamoto e". Nature is always recommended. Negative ions are good for the body. (note: "Rurouni-hon Kumamoto e" was a book about Takeru doing a trip in Kumamoto, promoting places especially those which were affected by Kumamoto earthquake. A portion of the sales were donated to support Kumamoto recovery)

145. You said in the past that you couldn't sleep for a long time, how is it now? Hm it's complex but I think my internal body clock feels off

146. When telling our thoughts about your movies/dramas, do you have any preferred ways that makes you happy? When you shared it in the internet

147. My son is telling me that he wants to be a voice actor and wants to go to a vocational school. As a parent, should I support him? Did Takeru-kun get your parents' support when you want to be an actor? My parents had no objection at that time. It didn't cost me any money. By the way, do professional voice actors learn in vocational schools? I support him to become a voice actor, but I'm not sure if it's the right decision to enroll in a vocational school to become a voice actor.

148. Among all the places you've visited during your work or private trips, do you have any recommendation for us? Salar de Uyuni (note: he went to this place for X photobook)

149. When you watch a movie, do you prefer to read the original story first or straight to the movie? If I want to enjoy the movie, I'd watch the movie first. If I want to enjoy the book, I'd read the book first.

150. Can I hug you when I meet you? Maybe no

151. Do you use washing machine for drying your clothes? What will happen to your clothes after that? Wrinkled

152. What is the most important thing or person to you? People who put their faith in me

153. Are you looking forward to expand your career overseas? Rather than wanting to work in a Hollywood movie, I prefer to think more on how to make Japanese movies more visible to the world.

154. Is there anything you'd like to do in your 30s, any target or resolution? I have a few in mind, but I'll tell you when I manage to accomplish them

155. Please tell us about your vision of living your life from now on! I hope I can do more of what I want to do.

(pic: https://satohtakeru.amuseblog.jp/blog/2019/03/30th-anniversar-1c47.html)

[peachyteabuck]

fool outta me [bucky barnes x reader]

summary: bucky and you finally have a conversation about your feelings after you catch him getting jealous about your friendship with thor

pairing: bucky barnes x writer!reader

words: 2080

trigger warnings: some teeth rotting fluff. talk about personal insecurities. allusions to previous and future sexual contact without much specifics. mentions of an unspecified childhood trauma

notes/other: hi hello i know i’ve been writing a lot of fluff n stuff. i will get back to fics abt two or more ppl just fuking rawing each other soon. dw. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

You and Bucky have been dating for awhile. Not a long time, but awhile. You hadn’t officially moved in together yet (you still paid your half of the rent for your shitty apartment), but you still often slept in his room in the Tower. You’ve had sex, but had never gotten too adventurous. It’s good, Bucky and you are happy. You’re in love. No need to push it, no need to talk it further, no need to complicate things.

You’re sitting on the couch, reading some book about the gendered politics of crafting, when you hear a loud crash in the kitchen. The others are all in other places at far ends of the Tower, and you’re pretty sure Natasha went out to get coffee. But any of them in the kitchen on the common floor? Without you noticing? Nope. Not possible.

Good news is, you trust Tony enough to not allow some stray or burglar to come and kidnap you, so you decide to investigate. You keep your hardcover novel with you to act as a makeshift weapon...just in case.  You’re expecting a rat, or maybe some sort of ghost, possibly a dog no one thought to CC you on the email about - definitely not the god that’s been spooked by a a Nutribullet plastic container thingy that’s fallen from a poorly-stacked cabinet.

“Thor Odinson,” you groan, grabbing and gently placing the large smoothie-thing (oh god, what do you call those things anyway? Do they have names?) in the sink. “You scared the shit out of me!”

He looks sheepish as he explains. “Sorry, my lady. It looks like someone in this residence didn’t put…” he gestures to the object. “That away correctly.”

“It’s fine.” You half laugh, half sigh as you go to hug him. “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

Thor chuckles. “It has! Please, sit back down. I’ll be there in a minute and you can tell me everything I’ve missed!”

You smile, nodding and going back to your place on the extremely comfortable couch. Ever the gentleman, about two minutes later he hands you your favorite mug - a baby blue one with cursive gold lettering that says “flight” with little birds on it- with your favorite tea inside. It’s warm under your hands and provides a relief to the ache from holding the book.

“An apology - for scaring you like that,” Thor tells you as you blow lightly at the steam from the beverage.

Again, you smile. “Apology accepted.”

The conversation between you two flows beautifully. You two talk about this and that: about your writing and his kingly duties. About your new book deal and his universal travels. It seems ludicrous, comparing your lives. But he seems genuinely interested in your life - just as you are his.

Book long forgotten, it seems like hours later when Bucky enters the floor with Natasha and Sam in tow. They’re all chatting about some new upcoming training technique they’re going to try with some of the subordinates. Once they all see Thor, they greet him with the same grand gestures and loud voice they’ve always seemed to use with the equally grand and loud god.

Well, except Bucky. He greets only you and only you with his signature peck on the lips, sitting beside you and pulling you into his chest. He’s showered - thank Gods - and he smells like the body wash you bought him. The honeycomb is calming and comforting, much more so than sweat and adrenaline and whatever else got stuck to him.

“How was the workout?” You ask.

He shrugs when he answers. “Good - the usual.”

You roll your eyes. Bucky may not be able to see it with the angle you’re at, but he knows you’re doing it anyway. “Always so descriptive,” you tease. He smiles, welcoming your chide remarks.

Thor watches the pair of you. You can tell Bucky notices, but neither of you really say anything. He had a habit of staring at things while on Midgard, it became a habit after one-to-many all-too-forward inappropriate questions, mostly made while in public (Why does that woman have a metal bar through her ear? He asked in a coffee shop. Why would anyone want to build a bear, especially little children? He texted you when he went to the mall for a first time. Why does this text end in an eggplant? He questioned when he picked up your phone and accidentally read all of your notifications).

It’s no biggie - at least not to you, so you badger Natasha about her postponing a girls’ night. Bucky, though, doesn’t take his eyes off of the God. He watches Thor with his assassin’s precision, and you choose not to comment.

Soon, your conversation with Thor picks back up. The whole time, Bucky’s muscles occasionally tense. For awhile, you ignore it; You know better than to push anything, so you drop it from your mind for the time being. Later that night, though, you bring it to the surface again as you get dressed for bed and Bucky brushes his teeth.

“Sooo…” you begin, leaning on the doorway to the bathroom.

Bucky spits the black (charcoal was Steve’s new thing, and Bucky’s always willing to be his guinea pig) saliva into the sink. “What’s up, babe?”

You shrug, attempting to remain nonchalant. “What was with you while I was talking to Thor on the couch earlier this afternoon?”

Bucky immediately denies his actions. “Nothing, it was nothing.”

You scoff. “I’m a retired interrogator for the United States Navy. You can’t knock me off your path that easily...James.”

Oooooo, full first names are coming out now. This is getting serious.

Bucky scoffs, too. Yours was serious, though. The one he does is obviously an attempt to mock you. “And I was interrogated for like, seventy years. You can’t crack me that easily.”

You stare at him via the mirror, blank-faced. “Really, you’re pulling the Winter Soldier card?”

Bucky shrugs, finally wiping off his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You don’t budge, metaphorically and literally. “You’re deflecting and you know it.”

He just grumbles something unintelligible and brushes past you, huddling under the thick comforter on his side of the bed and turning off the lamp on his nightstand. Bucky’s acting like a small child who just got told he can’t go over to his friend’s house on Saturday because he has to get up early for Sunday mass. Luckily, the only more stubborn person on this Earth besides him (and Steve) is you.

Plus, you babysat until grad school: you know how to handle petulant children. You turn off the rest of the lights and snuggle into bed right beside him, curling your arms around his middle - just like he loves it. He’d never admit it, but James Buchanan Barnes (World’s longest serving POW, Winter Soldier, Veteran, Avenger) absolutely adores being the little spoon.

When he settles into you, you know you’ve got him right where you want him. “You know, if you don’t want to talk to me, I could just give Wanda the go-ahead to read your mind and spoil all of the pranks you were planning to play on Sam…”

He flips over and gasps. “You wouldn’t…”

“And I won’t!” You assure. “You just have to tell me how you feel.”

“Ugh,” Bucky exclaims dramatically. “Talking about emotions.”

You snort a little, kissing his warm, sweet-smelling shoulder. Damn, you really know how to pick a body wash.“You knew this was going to happen! My mom was a social worker, you can’t hide that part of me for long!”

He growls, then sighs. “Fine. But turn over.” You start to question him, but he cuts you off before a single sound can leave your lips. “I can’t have you looking at me while I say this.”

Listen, you bargain with yourself. You got him to open up! That’s great. Let him do it in his own way. Being the loving girlfriend you are, you flip over and face the wall.

It’s a few pregnant moments before he starts, but when he does - he can’t seem to stop. “Look, I know...listen. I was super like, sauve and stuff...pre-war and shit. Talk to Steve, he’ll tell ya. But being under mind control for a Nazi organization doesn’t really like, help your self-confidence, you know? When I met you, it was hard. I remember you, at that party. You looked...oh god, you looked so good in that velvet pantsuit. And those heels! When Natasha introduced us, I legit almost fell over,” it takes every ounce of all willpower you have not to giggle. You remember that day so vividly: how much your bra hurt, what the champagne tasted like, wanting to jump Bucky’s bones the minutes you saw him. Everything, you remember everything. “And then Natasha threw, like legit threw all of your books at me once we got home. And I read all of them. Several times. It was just...I remember I wrote down all of my favorite poems and like, read them every chance I could get. I just, you’re so articulate, the way you use your voice, the way you write. I was...floored. Still am. I just, you never cease to amaze me. And I remember the first time we slept together, and your dirty talking - god. I wanted to stop fucking you so I could write down everything you said. I’ve just never, I’ve never met anyone who could manipulate the English language like you can.”

You wipe a tear from your eye. God, what a fucking charmer. No wonder you let him get it on the first date.

“You’re so...like, you’re like some Greek statue. Carved from perfect marble and so precious. Sometimes I want to touch you make sure you’re real but I don’t want to smudge you, wreck your beauty. And I’ve always felt like...remember that poem, from your second poetry book. The one about trauma from your childhood?”

You sniffle. That poem, that’s the one he talked to you about on your first date. Normally you felt so uncomfortable when people complimented you, but with Bucky it felt so natural. “That my trauma felt like the jagged edge of a rock at the bottom of the pond; ever present but with no exact location until it was too late.”

Bucky picks up, still facing away from you. “Yeah, I just...I never thought anyone so fucking amazing could love someone like me. It felt like you were a shooting star that somehow fell in love with some stupid cliff’s edge, or some other shitty rock or something. I don’t know. I just...I’m worried that you’ll see me like I see me, and Thor is like...the hottest person ever. He’s just as bright as you are...at least, I don’t know, I remember you and him talking about your writing’s allusions to mythology and I had no fucking idea what you were talking about and I just...I don’t know. I love you, I love you so much, and I’m trying everyday to prove that to you. But I just, I’m not sure how to do that properly, so sometimes I-”

You don’t allow him to finish his sentence. You surge forward, your salty tears mixing with his as you kiss him. Bucky kisses back without hesitation. Both of you are reluctant to pull away, but oxygen cares not one bit about how in love two people are.

“I think dating a writer rubbed off on you,” you whisper, lips still almost touching his. “Because those words...fuck. If you keep talking to me like that, we’ll never be able to leave this bed again.”

He laughs, deep and husky. “What can I say, I’m a changed man. First the loofah and that body wash, then the yoga, now this…”

You bark out laughter, then sigh happily. “If Thor would make you crack like this I would’ve invited him to Midgard a long time ago…”

Bucky jabs his fingers into your side, tickling you. “Don’t even joke about that! I’m trying to be tender here, and this is how you treat me?”

You kiss him again, smiling. “Aw, my love. How ever will I make it up to you?”

He taps his finger to his chin for a moment, then flips you over so that he’s on top of you. “Oh, I think I have a few ideas…”

[hoziersmoon]

hi, I've been following you for a minute and I feel like I can't really say this to anyone in my life right now and u seem incredibly sweet and friendly so I'm taking a shot in the dark and dumping this mess in your anon, so I'm very sorry in advance... but I was wondering if u could give me some advice, namely, how did u know that you're bi? like... in theory. I'm 22 and always assumed I was pretty much straight, like only into guys, and then I met someone, who is actually a they, but is also definitely not a guy, who I just had this insane connection with, like never felt that before but didn't know what it meant, and it scared me so i kinda shoved it under the rug, and then I found out from our mutual friend that they had been telling her that they were really into me after meeting me. and that, like, TErrified me and made me so confused, I had like a complete freak out for two days and then just very forcibly stowed it, until recently I found out I was gonna see them again, and now i.... literally cannot stop thinking about them. at all hours of the day. in a very relationshippy way. and once in a not so pure way. and I'm having a bit of a meltdown and I don't know what any of this means and it's all???? in theory and in my head??? so I don't even know if it's real or if it's just my lonely, hyper romantic ass making shit up and like fixating on the fact that they like me, (which sounds dumb but seriously I can fantasise and obsess over just about anything, and sometimes I think I get so caught up in being liked by someone that I kind of create false reciprocation so like..) and I'm seeing this person again soon and I just. don't know. and don't want to fuck anything up because I don't know what im feeling or what this means. and im scared because I think I'm still ashamed of it, deep down, like being queer in any way has always been something I've completely supported but also in a "that's cool for everyone else, but I can't be like that, obviously" way, and I don't know why, and I don't even know if this is real, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it which I why I am here, so anyway. any and all advice you feel like giving would be so, so appreciated, bc I am losing my mind a little if you can't tell hahaha

thanks for reading, I am very sorry for dumping this in your inbox <3

hi!! 💌💌 no apologies necessary!! i’m so happy u felt like u could come to my inbox, and i’m going to to do my absolute best to answer all ur questions and i hope that i’m helpful. i have no expert advice bc we’re the same age haha but i’m going to tell u what i would tell a friend going thru the same thing <3

i empathize so much with what you’re going through. for me, i actually only fully accepted that im bi a couple years ago, but i first started thinking about it when i was 14— (always been attracted to men, but suddenly found myself thinking abt what it would be like to be with someone of another gender)— all those years in between, i was incredibly confused and upset because i convinced myself i was just making things up. i think it’s because i also felt that being bi was a label that HAD to look a certain way, and also that i needed a label at all. (both of those things are deeply deeply untrue). i never had any romantic feelings for anyone who wasn’t a man in my real life until very recently — i’d only felt like sexual attraction or romantic attraction at a very low level for ppl i knew personally. this scared me so much bc i thought that i wasn’t doing bisexuality correctly. that’s so incorrect though. it’s not a test to ace or a game to win, and there are no right answers.

it’s a confusing and stressful thing, but i think u should treat yourself really gently here <33 i wish someone had said that to me! you’re having romantic feelings for someone right now— give yourself the space to explore what the person means to u, and take defining/labelling yourself as an afterthought. which isn’t easy, but just remember that you are still you no matter what comes out of this!!

you mentioned feeling like being queer was for everybody else- oh my god i understand that sentiment SO deeply, beloved. i thought the same for so many years, and i STILL think abt it sometimes but!!!! it’s absolutely not!!!!!!!! it doesn’t mean one thing and there’s no right way to go about it. take a label if that’s helpful to you, and if it’s not, don’t!! there are no rules.

i think you should get to know this person, and take things slowly and be open with them and yourself <33 whatever this relationship becomes, it sounds like you have an instant strong connection to them and that’s rare and special!! that feeling of shame can be hard to work thru, i know i KNOW, but u deserve all the things that feeling is telling you you can’t have <3

i hope that was any help, and i want u to know my dms are always open to you if you’d like to chat through this more or come back to my askbox if that’s more comfortable!!!

take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly and know that you have a friend who understands!! 💌

[thattaekwondoblog]

My Martial Arts Story (TKD)

2020.04.26

today i miss my dojang extra... i woke up from a dream where i was supposed to spar but didnt have my dobok?? and one of my instructors handed me a.. dobok skirt?? and i was like? and he was like yeah u right this isnt gonna work sdbsmdfjsdd i dont really ever have tkd dreams (i think bc i usually am always doing tkd) but since i stopped for a bit the dreams are coming out. it made me miss sparring so much :( so below i wanted to talk about my tkd story in more detail. Enjoy!

i've actually always been a martial arts nerd, but moved around/focused on studying too much to commit to one until recently. I was talking to my mom the other day and neither of us can really remember what got me into it. I just remember wanting to be able to defend myself and be/feel strong from a very young age, and i knew martial arts was a way to do that. As a girl I also received a lot of messages that my gender was ‘weak’ and needed ‘protection’, which i really didnt like (it made me hate being a girl for some time). This is why i wanted to try martial arts. I discovered taekwondo when I was around 10 years old at a small dojang in my hometown. I loved the school & the master, who I remember always had a bamboo stick he would play around with when the kids started being rowdy (he never hit anyone, it was just his way to say ‘dont fck with me’ haha). but had to stop going after yellow belt because i was the oldest out of all the kids and i tried to go to adult classes for a while but i remember not liking it because it was ‘too slow’ for me and my mom couldnt drive me to late night classes. I was swimming a lot at the time too (fun fact i almost competed in synchronized swimming as a kid but had to stop due to illness (am totally fine now and it wasnt bad dont worry)). 

I didn’t do any martial arts in middle school, and only had brief encounters when i started high school. I dabbled in kick boxing (which i still love) through an intense week long training while i was on holiday with family, and then did a bit of karate, for which sadly i had not such a great experience with the instructor which made me distance myself from the sport. The instructor brought up a heavy personal life event during class and i broke down (what did she expect i was like 15 and that event was really hard). When my mom picked me up, she shook her head to her and said ‘girls...’ in a very demeaning way, as if me crying because she re-awoke trauma was a result of ‘feminine weakness.’ i have not forgiven that person for that comment yet. she shouldn’t be a teacher if she treats students like that in my opinion. High school was very competitive and intense so i focused on studying and didnt really do sports then.

In college I really want to do more martial arts, but the lack of proper clubs or instructors made it difficult. I then went to study abroad in seoul and thought to myself if i dont try tkd again in the literal birthplace of the sport what am i doing with my life. i had good experiences with classes at uni; the two masters i had had very different personalities (one was very outspoken and funny while the other.. you could FEEL the power of tkd when he touched your arm slightly to place it correctly sdhfskdj he was very nice though). I had to stop because i was focusing on my academic projects though. 

i then graduated and moved to the city, where finally there were plenty of martial arts opportunities! the first thing i did after moving to the city, even before moving into my apartment, was to visit my current dojang. i audited a class and in my head was like ’oh my god i MUST join them right now give me a dobok let’s GO’. I signed up for classes that day. The dojang master (my dad. my father, the love of my life (in the most platonic way)) was a seoulite (we bonded over that) and realized I hadn’t started my job yet so he gave me a discount, which i felt incredibly surprised by and grateful for. I started lessons the next day. at my dojang beginners usually get 3 private classes at the beginning to get the basics down before joining the group. after my first, the instructor said that i was probably ready to go with the group if i felt comfortable doing so bc i already had basics. i went every day until i moved into my apartment, when i had a mental and physical breakdown and got really sick for a week (like.. i dont remember feeling this weak and sick my entire life). 

But thankfully i got better and pushed myself to go to dojang again. and it was hard. it was the summer and i hadnt used my body really in years, if ever at that level of practice. three times a week as Difficult for me, physically. i remember being frustrated that my ego wasnt satisfied haha (i thought i remembered a lot more than i did). but i loved the instructors a ton and practice was a great safe space/stress relief for the other sht that was going on my my life. I do remember that i was ready to graduate from white belt and start feeling better about my moves by the end of that summer (i was pretty frustrated that i couldnt do higher level moves, though mostly at myself). 

i finally got yellow stripe and tkd things went uphill from then. i got to know ppl at my dojang better, started to go to practice more progressively. I got my yellow belt and decided then that i wanted tkd to always be in my life as much as possible. I started going to practice every day or almost every day. my tkd friendships were developing, there were small disagreements too but overall i fell more and more in love with my instructors, the dojang master (again, my dad) and the sport. we laughed so much, sweat so much, lived well.

after green stripe, my self consciousness during practice spiked a bit more than usual. this is probs bc my life outside of tkd was stressful and i was looking at my friend fellow tkd members who were higher level more. i wasnt jealous of them, far from it, i just felt small compared to what they were able to achieve and felt bad that the instructor had to stop to explain the technique to me Again. in case it wasn’t clear, i am no prodigy; i learn slowly and with long consistent practice. the two disagreements i had with my closest member friends (two separate very different reasons; we kept things civil on both sides but having to deal with that was a new experience for me so i wasnt great at it haha) didnt help my anxiety shut up during practice. i still kept at it. in january my school has an attendance challenge where you win prizes if you go every day or more than 20 days out of the month. I almost made it, but got really physically tired & kinda sick 3 days before then end of jan and had to miss one session. i was also mentally drained by life stuff so i decided to prioritize grad school applications and did less tkd in february. but that experience of going every damn day was so fun; i realized I needed to do this so much more. if there was a tkd seminar where they send you off somewhere to to tkd for like 3 months i would be down. that is when i realized my love for the sport, and the significant changes in my body that had been occurring over the past months really revealed themselves. i hear you thinking there’s no way i could fall more in love with my instructors but guess what... spending every day with them really made the love Explode dudes. In jan and fed i also really started loving sparring, even though im not great at it. 

and then... march came. i got lucky to have been able to celebrate my birthday a few days before they decided to close my state down. at first i was still able to go to my dojang with smaller classes and different format of classes that respected health guidelines, but eventually everything was moved online. during that week of limited classes, i got to hang out with friend members and instructors for what would be, unbeknownst to me, one of the last times. one night after (6 feet no contact) starring, me, 2 friend members who also went very frequently and an instructor had a beer on the mats just talking and chilling. we said that we would do it again the week after. and then the state decided to shut down small businesses. i was helping the dojang transfer their classes to an online format with another student for a week (we two were the members with the highest attendance in the recent times), but then the instructors decided they should not let students come in anymore. 

i was angry, i was sad, i was devastated. it was the sound solution to take and all these closings are essential and needed for public health safety, but emotionally i was not ready to let go of the dojang. i was angry at the circumstances for taking away the one thing that i truly loved and kept me going all those months of less than ideal job situation and lost of existential questions. the dojang had been my challenge, my rock, my family. i was especially angry because i had to mourn the loss of it a lot earlier than i wanted; i was already supposed to leave in june of this year. the closer june came the more teary eyed i got when i thought of leaving the dojang, but after the news i had to stop going now... i broke down. i cried so hard and loudly, alone in my room. i realize now it was the first time in my life that i cried because of love. pure, unaltered love. i thought to myself ‘how lucky is it that i felt this amount of love for something and some people’. ive moved a lot in my life but rarely felt sad when leaving a place; i often had made my goodbyes and knew it was just time to go. there were few or no things keeping me back, or i knew i would find those things somewhere else. it was also the first time i had let myself fall in love with something and people only for me. i love studying and learning for example, but when i started doing it it was mostly to make my mom and family happy, not for me. i didn’t feel like i had had a passion that i completely gave in into, a truly ‘me’ thing no one asked me or expected me to do but i just did not to have a better resume or be perceived better by society. until tkd.

now, i am still following online classes but mostly have my own training routine because it’s still hard to deal with the emotional stuff; i dont really do to live classes cause it hurts. it probably sounds strange but ive already done the emotional work of distancing myself to make the leaving less difficult. i also didnt really like the the idea of practicing in my room in front of the camera. seeing the other students on zoom would also make me feel v sad. im slowly getting out of that state of mind though and might start taking online classes again in a bit when i can’t do my regular training routine. im not sure when things will go back to normal but before i leave i will definitely send them gifts and goodbye messages, probably by mail. but yeah as of now i mostly follow my dojang’s videos, do my practice routine, and scroll through tkd tricking videos on instagram to keep motivated.

it’s kind of a sad note to end on but my tkd story does not end here. wherever im headed next I will find another dojang where i will continue to practice. i can only hope it is half as good as the family i found here. and of course now I have this blog! and will continue nerding out about kicking endlessly hahaha.

thanks for reading if you made it this far! you can ask me questions if you’d like! also tell me your tkd story!! its so cool to hear how life lead people to kicking.

[butchviking]

"Oh no, people are realizing they're being mistreated. Quick, pull the wool over their eyes!" is what I'm gathering from your post. A suggestion: Maybe you can examine why you assume you can take the right to question someone's competence to react appropriately to a situation. Especially when the people in question are younger than you and trans. Examine that. Why is it okay for you to claim it waquestionable when they do that.

I can only assume this in reference to me saying there’s too much importance placed on pronouns, but I really am struggling to follow your line of thought here.

pull the wool over people’s eyes how? you think I’m trying to pull the wool over trans people’s eyes about misgendering? What wool? the wool of saying “I think it’s unhealthy to feel so disconnected from and upset by your body and your reality, and I want you to not have to feel this way, because it typically feels pretty awful.”? that wool? man I’m not trying to pull any wool over anyone’s eyes I literally just want women & trans ppl to be happy & safe

I’m not sure what you  mean about questioning someone’s competence to react. I didn’t. I said the reaction comes from a place of genuine hurt on the trans persons part, but is often not a healthy or measured response - due to the community’s heavy reliance on largely meaningless signifiers (people will typically base pronouns off sex, and people know this - yet they still try to wear gender signifiers and get upset when people do not ‘gender’ them correctly. I’ve seen many trans people complaining that the ‘gender’ signifiers they wear - ie gendered clothing, makeup, hair, etc - should be enough for people to realise their pronouns - but that is fundamentally disconnected from the fact that people base pronouns on sex. That disconnect is a big part of what I want to address. This has nothing to do with competence.

for the record, most of the abstract ‘people’ in that post - that is, the particular people & incidents which were in my mind as examples at the time i wrote the post - were me and my trans friends. I’ve first hand seen how upset young trans people get about being misgendered - one incident with a stranger or casual acquaintance can easily turn into half an hour or more of yelling & complaining abt ‘cis people’