#that and the nine playlist are gonna be the only videos Ill ever make

[brainworms-all-night-long]

one day. one day when I will loose my senses completely,. I will compile all of my Nine thoughts into a cohesive script for a video. and

[elizzawrites]

Ten Questions Tag

tThanks to @merigreenleaf for tagging me!

Answer the questions given, write ten new ones, and tag ten others! 1. Best music/noise while writing? I make playlists for all my novels, but I don’t always use them. I can never write with silence so I usually go with the playlist, whatever new music I’m listening to at the moment, or a writing youtube video for inspiration . 2. Where do you brainstorm best? (Bed, shower, car…?) Usually when I go for a run or unfortunately when I’m in class. I like to be moving when I’m brainstorming, so I’ll start pacing around my apartment if I can or fiddling with my pens when I’m in class. People think I’m a little weird but whatever. 3. What’s the most common reason for getting stuck on a project? That I won’t live up to my own expectations. I have a very vivid idea of what my novels will look like, so when things don’t seem like they‘re going that way, it stresses me out. I honestly just need to lower my expectations a little, but at the same time I have such a specific vision.

4. What do you turn to for inspiration or motivation? Either music, research, or youtube. I like listening to the songs that originally helped spark the story so I can build off of them. I also like reading or hearing about other people’s writing journeys because it makes me feel like I can do it, too. Research is always just interesting, and I like basing at least part of my stories in fact.

5. Any authors you like as a person as well as a writer? This is hard because I always feel like there is some sort of controversy around writers. It’s easier to name writers I really don’t like (aka Orson Scott Card). I’d have to say that, like most people, I really look up to J.K. Rowling and how she fought mental illness and an abusive past to live her dreams and inspire others. I hope my stories and I inspire people that much some day. 6. Ten words or less, describe the plot of your first ever story or novel. Mutant girl gets pulled into civil war when she dies.

This is vaguely the plot of Chemical Numbers in case you were wondering.

7. What does your dream writing office look like? Lol I’m currently living in a tiny three-person apartment with four people at school. I love my roommates, but it’s cramped, so I can’t imagine having an office. It would probably be very open, so I can pace around with big floor to ceiling windows on one side and bookshelves on the other. My desk is massive, so I can but all my shit on it. 8. Do you believe writing classes (like at a college) are worth it? Absolutely not. I’m going to college right now but not for creative writing. I should clarify and say that writing classes are not worth it for me. I’ve learned everything I know through a series of trial and error and youtube videos, and I know more than a lot of creative writing majors and minors that I know. This isn’t to say I’m better but more experienced. Besides, my family only became supportive of my writing in general in the last year, so classes were never an option. 9. Ballpoint pen, felt tip, or gel? Ballpoint for productivity. Felt tip for goofing off. 10. How old were you when you wrote your first story? I don’t even know. I remember I wrote it with my brother and it was called There’s No Such Thing as the Number Nine. I was probably six, but I have no sense of time or ages.

New Questions:

1. If you were trapped on a desert island,  which one of your characters would you bring with you?

2. Do you work better solo or with a writing buddy/buddies?

3. What’s the best snacking food when you’re writing?

4. Have you ever named a character after someone you know?

5. Do you prefer to set your novels in places you’re familiar with or places you’ve never been? (If in another world, do you base them off of places you know or are unfamiliar with?)

6. Do you read in the same genres that you write in? 7. What kind of music inspires your novels? Which genres? Lyrics or no lyrics?

8. Can you write in public?

9. If you could live in the world of one of your stories for one day, which would it be and why?

10. Movie adaptations or TV show adaptations?

Tags (I’m gonna tag some new followers but feel free to do this if you want): @csnasarian @thelonelyrainbowgirl @toboldlywrite @ashlee-j-eisanhower @ephirae @alwayslosingtheplot @flo-lore-writes @novel-like-you-mean-it @franzelwrites @lou-allen

[yaysehun]

something abt exo i guess

I don’t know where this will go or what this even is, but I just need to rant about these nine men. These nine men include Kim Junmyeon (Suho), Kim Jongin (Kai), Byun Baekhyun (Baekhyun), Park Chanyeol (Chanyeol), Do Kyungsoo (D.O.), Oh Sehun (Sehun), Kim Jongdae (Chen), Kim Minseok (Xiumin), and last but most definitely not least, Zhang Yixing (Lay). Some others might count three more men, all from China, as well as Yixing—Wu Yifan (Kris), Lu Han (Luhan), and Huang Zitao (Tao). I’ll talk about those three later. Otherwise, you could say all twelve had made me happy and changed my life, but for now, we’ll address the current nine.

It was a normal night. February 8, 2017. I had just come home from my piano lesson, and I was bored, and decided to watch an online series called “Youtubers React.” The particular episode I had been watching was youtubers reacting to K-Pop. As you can probably guess, the first video shown was EXO’s “Monster.” The production and vocal of the song immediately caught my attention, for it sounded somewhat like the electronic music I had enjoyed at the time. I added it to my playlist, became in love with it, and it stayed on that playlist for a month.

A month went by, and during those thirty days, I had been in love with BTS, or Bangtan Sonyeondan. They are another K-Pop group, one that is often compared to EXO. With that, I had become biased towards Bangtan, often having bitter thoughts about EXO. I would tell myself, “They’re nothing next to BTS,” or “I’d never stan them.” Boy, was I wrong.

The amazing song that is Monster almost forced me to listen to more of their songs. I checked out their most recent album, “Ex’act.” I listened to “Lucky One” and I fell in love. Then, I clicked on more songs that were intriguing just by their name. I listened to “Artificial Love”, which turned out to be another hit with me due to its deep-house vibe. It immediately reminded me of something Disclosure or Oliver Heldens would produce—two EDM artists I had loved (and still do). Then, I listened to tracks “Heaven” and “Stronger.” As you could expect, they both impressed me. So I figured I’d just listen to the whole album.

That led me to the repackage of Ex’act, “Lotto.” I listened to the title track—Lotto—and didn’t like it. But, I still went on and listened to the rest of the album. I remember songs “They Never Know” and “Can’t Bring Me Down” sticking out to me. Over time, I got familiar with those seven songs that I really enjoyed.

The next couple weeks consisted of me trying to learn each member’s name and their appearance. I will not lie—that was quite a task. I remember always mixing up Suho and D.O., along with Lay and Baekhyun. But eventually, I got it down. I declared Chanyeol as my bias, for he is a rapper (I always love the rappers most), and you can’t resist his adorable eyes and smile. He just stuck out to me.

More and more days turned into weeks, that resulted in me learning each member’s names and distinguishing their faces. That’s when a certain someone began to stick out to me—none other than EXO’s maknae, Sehun. I seemed to fall in love with him. With his somewhat closed-off personality, which eventually turns into a bright and outgoing soul, along with absolutely perfect face, I fell head over heels. He kind of trapped me. That’s a very true statement, for I still love him to death, and he always seems to be the one catching my eye. Every time I see him, I just get a warm and fuzzy feeling, I can’t help but smile, because that’s just what he does.

Not only him, but the group’s one and only leader, Junmyeon. I always had a soft spot for him, for he is the leader, and I’ve always thought he was not only cute/attractive, but I could just sense something about his morals and the love he has for his members. I could sense that it was passionate and genuine. I found myself falling in love with him more and more each day, and this feeling is quite fresh, for I still don’t know if I consider him an ult-bias or not. You could probably say that I can, because I appreciate him more than anyone else.

Over the past four/five months, you could easily say that a large majority of these 150+ days have consisted of me listening to EXO. I don’t think I have ever listened to a single artist as intensely as I have been with EXO. This is mainly because their music has come so far. They have a wide variety of styles when it comes to their music. With their very first album, “MAMA”, we got your normal upbeat pop, along with a hardcore title song, and more relaxed ballads.

With “XOXO”/”Growl”, we heard more upbeat pop.

Their next mini-album had one of their first electronic styled songs, “Overdose.” We also heard R&B styles with “Thunder.” After the release of this mini-album, we’d have to continue to hear more music from EXO without two members, Kris and Luhan. Their lawsuit against SM Entertainment put a big weight on not only the shoulders of the EXO members, but the fandom as well.

We move on with the ten remaining members with more relaxed R&B sounds. Their next album, “Exodus”/”Love Me Right” also had some dark and heavy songs on this album, such as “Hurt”, “Transformer”, and “El Dorado.” The variety of music on this particular album is what makes it my favorite out of the ten they have released.

Soon, Tao would file a lawsuit, joining Luhan and Kris. At this point, EXO had become stronger than ever. They lost ¼ of their group. On another group of people, losing even one member could break them down. Not EXO.

Months later, they release their second Christmas album, “Sing For You.” This is probably one of my favorite EXO albums of all time. I personally believe that the title track, “Sing For You”, is one of EXO’s best songs ever. The musicality is graceful and just beautiful. Also, we got to hear all nine members sing. That includes Sehun. Every time I hear his voice in this song particularly, I get that same warm and fuzzy feeling. His voice is so soothing and warm, I wish I could listen to it forever.

The next year, they released their third full-length album, “Ex’act.” Their lead single, “Monster”, absolutely changed me. This song became an addiction. I could ramble on about this song for hours. From the musicality to the production to the vocals, it seemed to indulge my entire being. I still am addicted to this song. This is the first time I’ve been so obsessed with a song. Monster has been on my playlist since I first heard it, and still, I don’t ever skip it. I will even listen to it more than once in a row. Otherwise, Ex’act will really hold a special place in my heart, for it gave me a dosage of the music I’ve loved for four years—there were so many songs that had the production of a electronic/deep house song. “White Noise”, “Monster”, and “Artificial Love” specifically gave me EDM vibes.

On a different note, throughout my discovery of my love and passion for EXO, I was finishing my final year of middle school. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it—throughout the past three years, I’ve felt shittier than ever. Sixth grade was probably the worst. I fell into depression and my anxiety spiked. You’d probably think that’s a young age to be diagnosed with such illnesses, but, I was a year older than everybody in my class, and I always will be. Maybe even throughout college. That’s because I have severe social anxiety. It’s so severe that my mother held back a year in school. I didn’t have friends for a long time. Around second/third grade, I made a few friends. Those are people I’m still friends with today, for I just can’t talk to people because of my anxiety. Throughout the past three years in particular, I’ve felt so alone. But since February of this year, eighth grade, I stopped feeling so alone. Because I had EXO.

I don’t know if this will ever resolve. But honestly, I’m not scared. I’ve made so many friends in the EXO fandom who are there to remind me that I’m cared for. If I don’t make any new friends in real life, I may not be okay mentally, but at the end of the day, there’s an entire playlist full of EXO, Kris Wu, Z.Tao, and Luhan waiting for me. They can take my mind off of just about anything.

The final part of this letter is somewhat hard to write due to the unknown.

Tomorrow, EXO is releasing their next song, “Ko Ko Bop”/”The War.” This will be the first comeback I get to witness with EXO and all my EXO-L friends. I can’t wait. This comeback is already so special to me, mainly because it’s the first time I’ll get to look forward to hearing new music, the first time I get to watch the clock turn 11:00, the first time I get to feel giddy and excited for EXO. I didn’t think my love for their music would reach to this extent, but it did. Who knows if I’ll like EXO at the end of the year. Either way, they will definitely be a group that I hold near and dear to my heart. This is special, for the list of bands/DJs/singers/groups I listen to is endless. My love for music varies from alternative, to EDM, to singer-songwriter, and of course, K-Pop. And it’s easy for me to say that EXO have impressed me more than any other musician I listen to, and are definitely my favorite of all time.

Another thing I want to say is something that I’ve learned over the past five months. That is, it does not matter at all how long you’ve been into a musician/group. I’ve seen fans who have been here as long as I have, then there are some who have been an EXO-L for years. Sometimes, I feel guilty because I’ve only been here for 150 days. But, I’ve learned that time is just another component in life. Seconds continue to pass, and those seconds turn into days, and those days turn into months. Which is what I’ve learned since discovering EXO. Time doesn’t matter. Because a passion larger than life can grow within those months.

Thank you EXO for becoming my best friends, thank you for your amazing music which has healed me in more ways than ever, thank you for sharing your beautiful personalities with us, thank you for being strong. Most of all, thank you for being you—Kim Junmyeon, Kim Jongin, Byun Bakehyun, Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo, Oh Sehun, Kim Jongdae, Kim Minseok, and Zhang Yixing.