#that Self-Containment like [the void] of allistic ppl like ''the definition of ppl's autistacity: bringing it upon themself'' versus like
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winnie & bagel
#corned beef#winston billions#philosophizing on my wynnstannery ''billions' accidental autistic character'' metanalysis style like#classic prank that there's a perspective that [autistic people = people both involuntarily and voluntarily worse than us(tm)] and yet then:#there is me an autistic person getting to lift these weights & hone the ability to look at this & how to use language around it#from those earliest origins of ''is tayston allowed'' to ''is saying winston is Autistic allowed''....call it quantentative#and the fact that from season four up to this very moment even the distribution of billions canon has in itself done an unimpeachible job#at enhancing the Literary Themes concurrent in my life. studio laughter & standing ovation#anyways it also meant realizing a whole like Genre / Movement in the oeuvre of my funny little drawings of a funny little guy for kicks#such that expands that oeuvre to better reconcile / resolve with my metaquantanalysis#and it's like going [making oil paintings of interior domestic scenes] mode lol. hell yeah#that is: the genre of ''a winston portrait that doesn't have; need; or ask for the implicit context that Anyone Else Cares or May Care''#making it: ordinary and self-contained. not even ''by himself & having a particularly good or bad time.'' just an ordinary time.#tasks & situations that need not transcend anything at all. like yes having a bagel is a delight & a gift but it's in an Ordinary context#still here. scratch an itch. keep cat from knocking over showerside soaps. could be having an especial good time in any way but again such#that it needn't transcend or suggest it prompts any particular response from anyone else#that Self-Containment like [the void] of allistic ppl like ''the definition of ppl's autistacity: bringing it upon themself'' versus like#intergalactic multiuniverse quantum superpositions brain understanding of autistic ppl keeping to themselves#very much [we are not the same] perspectives lol. like working around to Getting the shit one was up to at like 3 or 7 or w/e yrs old#like but now i have all the language for why that's how things go for me & why it's Not [all the time / energy / language from others about#why that's wrong & worse & you bring it upon yourself etc]....like [you were nonbinary the whole time & still are but now Know Shit & can#convey &/or reject things w/nonzero / more precise language about it]....hand on shoulder nobody values you On Merit. & then you die.#wanting to draw some last night but it wasn't coming along great but it still came along Okay enough for this lol....also classic#going ''wow can't believe i might get to bear witness to them crumpling up winston & using the wall as backboard to toss him in the trash''#after ''can't believe kompenso's electrifying / can't believe we're just in time for season 4 / can't believe i was here til june'' etc#can't believe winston might get an arc / can't believe winston didn't get an arc but still got an abusive relationship / can't believe#being a funny little peripheral guy is better for Character b/c of what the writing doesn't inflict & the space that frees up....#anyways a true reconciliting revelation for my Quantent like oh This is the context that's not like swimming upstream#b/c it's also the context that [winston doesn't have to Merit(tm) being recognized as a person / would it be ''good'' if he seemingly did]#like the distilledly good timeline is one where nobody cares and he still gets to have a bagel and wear headphones.
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