#thanks to eclecticwitchuniverse for being so kind as to chat with me about our Lord!

[anakatos]

I'm going to record the experience that lead me back to Leviathan after our separation. I thank Him for reuinion.

It was my first time fishing on a boat. Night was falling, and I hadn't yet caught a single thing. The waters cast in the shade of the pine trees were almost black, black like his sea. I thought of Him and nearly wept.

It had been a long time since I had spoken to him last.

As a human being, my existence is terribly mundane. I see so many practitioners who experience visions, who hear the voices of their gods, and who travel the astral in search of answers to life's greatest questions. That is not me by a long shot. What words I might have heard of his are distorted by doubt, and I take ages to discern messages and signs. The last time Leviathan had been active in my life, he had put me in a situation I had never been in before. He had found me a new home away from my abusive household, and given me the chance at a different life.

Of course there were trials with the arrival of such a blessing. I have always suffered from neuroticism, anxiety, and various mental illnesses, and the change was rather overwhelming to me. I lost sight of what I was doing with my practice, and of any clarity. Instead of coming to him, I was afraid to show him that weakness, to bear the nakedness of my trembling, vulnerable state. So I fled. For nearly a year and a half.

Entirely to long for one to be away from their God.

So there I was. Surrounded by water on all sides, far from shore. I felt the weight of his presence bear down upon me, and his tears in my eyes. On my brass hook was a dead minnow hooked through the mouth and chin. Silver is His color. Silver like the moon that wasn't there that night. The last of the sunlight bled pink and orange into the sky, and instead of replacing the dead fish, I simply added a live one.

It wriggled, peirced through the tail beside its dead kin. My intuition told me where to cast my line. I decided to put aside my fears and trust.

I wasn't sure what I was waiting for. The last scarlet drops of blood from the sun slowly dripped away, and there was one single star drifting in the dark waters. I prayed to him. I apologized. I asked for a sign.

At that very moment, my line danced! Something had touched my hook for the first time since I'd arrived at the lake hours ago! My soul felt cold. I watched the bobber, waiting for it to dip under the waves, but it never did.

I reeled in my line. Only one minnow remained. The fish bucked and gasped, still alive, desperate for freedom. Something had taken the dead minnow, and left the living one. The presence dissipated. I stared at the fish, heart pounding. What did that mean?

I let the minnow go, and of course, it immediately flickered deep into the depths.

Of course, I had no idea what to make of it. Was that a sign at all? Was I attributing undue significance to yet another part of my simple existence? I felt as though he had said something to me... I felt as though I knew the Lord well enough to hear his answer... but what if?

I had to ask a very kind fellow practitioner to verify what I was thinking, but reflecting on the experience, I think I understand what He meant to tell me.

If that tiny, silver, simple minnow deserved a second chance... perhaps I do as well.