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lifewouldbebetteronmars · 4 years ago

Note

Hello, can you write a Thomastair based on the prompt where Alastair dies and Thomas thinks about their time together?? ❤❤❤

Of course I can! This is one of the ones I was actually excited to write because I know exactly what I want to write. I’m sorry that is took so long but it hurt to write and I hope you like it!

I hope none of you hate me after this because this fic might hurt more than Castle Towers Fall, and that’s saying a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seasons of Love (Modern AU)

“Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure a life of a woman or a man?” - Seasons of Love, Rent

Thomas could barely remember the funeral, it had gone in a blur. There wasn’t a lot of crying, maybe Cordelia and Jasper (not that he really understood what had happened), but Thomas couldn’t even recall if he had cried as well, he hadn’t really even cried at all the past few days. He felt numb the whole time as everyone droned on and on about how sorry they were, how missed Alastair would be, how they could only imagine how he felt.

Thomas didn’t even know how he felt. All he knew was that it hurt. Everything hurts. And unlike every time before that, Alastair isn’t there to make it better. He didn’t know if he was angry or sad, he didn’t know if he was tired or hungry anymore.

Now he just sat there on the sofa, staring blankly at the wall, all alone in his and Alastair’s flat. James and Cordelia had offered to take Jasper for the weekend, saying it would be a good distraction for the both of them. After Sona had died, Alastair went to court to get custody over his brother, something Elias had detested and tried his hardest to fight. Thomas remember how the trials had been, how Alastair was barely grieving his mother in his haste to make sure Jasper wasn’t ruined by Elias like he was.

Alastair was pacing the floor of their bedroom, to the point where Thomas was concerned for the carpet underneath his feet.

“Calm down, love, it’ll be fine.” Thomas had tried to comfort from his spot on the edge of the bed, but apparently it was no use, because Alastair was still stressing anyways.

Alastair turned to him sharply, an unreadable look on his face. “But what if it’s not, Thomas? What if they rule in Elias’s favor? I won’t let my brother be ruined by that bastard, I won’t!”

“They won’t. Once they meet Elias and hear yours and Cordelia’s statements, Jasper will be in our custody, the lawyers said it would be an open and shut case. You know this.” Thomas had said calmly.

“But they also said that Elias could have a chance, with what his lawyers have been spewing about us.” Alastair spat and Thomas sighed, knowing he was right. Elias’s lawyers had pulled out all the stops in order to get Jasper. From saying Elias had successfully gone to rehab to saying Alastair shouldn’t have Jasper because he’s his half-brother, not even really a Carstairs in according to Elias’s lawyers.

Thomas then stood up, moving behind Alastair to wrap his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. “But you and I both know that none of that matters. The judge will see through Elias’s facade and Jasper will be safe, here, with us before you know it. I promise.” Alastair turned and buried his head in Thomas’s chest.

“Thank you.” he whispered but Thomas heard him.

“Anytime, my love. Anytime.”

And Thomas had been right, the judge saw right through Elias’s facade at the last trial. Right after Elias’s lawyers had said it wouldn’t be beneficial for Jasper to grow up in a home with two men, instead of his own father. Needless to say, they had gotten to take Jasper home with them that very day. That was almost four years ago, even if it only felt like yesterday to Thomas. Alastair had only just been talking about what they were going to do for Jasper’s fourth birthday party, which Thomas didn’t even have the heart to cancel now. Even if Alastair wasn’t going to be there anymore. He looked around the room, at the photographs on the wall, all taken by Alastair, all of them amazing and special in their own way.

His eyes then focused on Alastair’s piano, just wishing Alastair come back and play it again for him. He could still remember the first time he had asked him to...

“Oh come on Alastair! Please!” Thomas had begged one lazy Sunday afternoon. They had spent most of the day in bed, basking in the sunlight streaming through the windows and sharing lazy kisses.

“No, Thomas.” Alastair had said and tried playing it off, saying that he was terrible at the piano, so bad that he would make Thomas deaf. But Thomas had said he would risk his hearing to hear Alastair play at least once.

Eventually Alastair had given in, rolling his eyes as he sat down at the piano bench. He took a deep breath before starting to play. It was simple, familiar tune that Thomas knew well. It was one of the first songs Thomas had sung to Alastair, an old Elvis Presley song, that Thomas had said reminded him of Alastair. And oh, Alastair wasn’t bad, not at all. He was absolutely amazing as he played the keys with a practiced finesse.

Thomas couldn’t help but sing the last line of the song as Alastair’s playing started to slow.

“For I can't help falling in love with you...” he sang, moving to sit next to the other boy, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Alastair leaned into his touch, resting his head on Thomas’s broad shoulder. His eyes were closed and he was breathing softly, Thomas would have thought he was asleep if he hadn’t just seen him playing.

“See, I’m terrible. I hope it was worth going deaf for.” Alastair whispered, eyes still closed. Thomas rolled his eyes and kissed the top of Alastair’s head.

“Yes, you’re absolutely horrible, Lassie.”

That little routine played out almost every time Thomas asked Alastair to play for him. Alastair would refuse and say he was terrible and out of practice, Thomas would convince him with kisses until he gave in and played a song or two. The three of them would spend afternoons like that; Alastair playing as Thomas sang, Jasper clapping from next to them on the bench, always asking them to play nursery rhymes he learned at his preschool.

He shifted his eyes from the piano to the rings on his pinkie and ring fingers. He looked at them with a sad smile, bittersweet thinking about the wedding they were supposed to have. They hadn’t told anyone their plans yet and hadn’t planned to, which annoyed all of their friends and family to no end.

They planned to take a trip to Paris in June, Jasper included, and have a small ceremony there, something small and intimate. It was their favorite place after all and it was where Thomas had realized his feelings for Alastair the first time and the place he’d proposed.

“Marry me.” Thomas had said. They were sitting on the balcony of their hotel room, drinking tea and talking before bed. Alastair had paused, his tea nearly spilling on him as the mug wobbled in his shaky hands.

He looked over at him, dark eyes wide and unsure. Thomas hated when he had that look on his face, one that he knew must have been constant during his relationship with Charles. Alastair looked down at his mug of tea just as quickly as he looked up, whispering. “Really?” It was just loud enough for Thomas to hear the way his voice shook, as if he thought this wasn’t real.

“Yes, really. I want you to be my husband, Lassie. I want to be able to call myself your husband and say ‘You see that beautiful man right there, that’s my husband’. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, until we’re old and grey, and wearing adult diapers because we can’t go to bathroom on our own anymore. I want us to have a family of our own, so Jasper isn’t by himself when he gets older. I want everything and more with you, I want that more than anything,” Thomas stopped, moving to get the ring box out of his pocket. He’d been carrying it around for months now, trying to get the courage to tell Alastair how he felt. “I’ve been carrying around this ring for a few months now, waiting for the perfect moment to arrive and I didn’t want to miss it. And now is the perfect moment. Because it’s just you and me in our favorite city in the world, and that’s perfect for me. So will you, Alastair Jahan Carstairs, marry me, Thomas Gideon Lightwood and make me the happiest man alive?”

Alastair finally looked up at him, eyes filled with tears, some of them slipping down his cheeks. He nodded with a small smile, not trusting himself to speak just yet. Thomas knew full well that he had a stupid grin on his face that Alastair would say make him look like an idiot. Thomas stood up and gathered Alastair into his arms, kissing every inch of his face that he could. Alastair was attempting to kiss back but it was hard with the amount of smiling he was doing.

When they had both finally pulled back, foreheads touching, Alastair’s arms wrapped around Thomas’s neck while his arms were wrapped tightly around Alastair’s waist. They stood there, swaying slightly to a beat no one else could hear.

“That last part was awfully cheesy, Lightwood.” Alastair teased lightly as he nuzzled their noses together.

“Soon to be Lightwood-Carstairs.” Thomas corrected.

“Or Carstairs-Lightwood.”

They hadn’t planned to tell anyone about what they were really going to do in Paris, Alastair had said it would be more fun to surprise them. He always did like the dramatics, no matter how much he denied it, it was a fact.

The ring on Thomas’s pinkie was smaller than the one on his ring finger, since it had been fitted for someone else. They weren’t fancy rings, made of silver with a small inscription on the inside of each one.

The bigger of the two read; A.J.C., standing for Alastair Jahan Carstairs. While the small read; T.G.L., for Thomas Gideon Lightwood of course. The inscriptions had been Alastair’s idea, he said it had made the rings a lot more personal than they appeared, like geodes.

He hasn’t taken the rings off since before the funeral. He hadn’t taken Alastair’s off since the hospital, when the nurse gave him Alastair’s bag of belongings. Thomas had cleaned it until his fingers were prunish, before slipping it on his pinkie, the only finger it would fit. He couldn’t bury the ring with Alastair, it hurt too much to even see him in the casket, much less with the ring he was supposed to have until he grew old.

But Alastair would never get to grow old. He would never have their wedding in Paris. He wouldn’t even be at Jasper’s birthday party next month, or the next Christmas, or their next anniversary. It made Thomas angry to think about that, that they didn’t get the years Thomas had promised him.

It made him angry when he thought of the time after their engagement, when they talked about death. How he’d made Alastair promise to find love again if he were to die young, and Alastair made him promise the same thing. He knew he couldn’t live up to that promise. He knew he never could. Because Alastair was it for him, he was the person who made his world turn and the one who made it feel like fighter jets in his stomach (not butterflies, because those are too soft to describe how Alastair makes him feel).

How could anyone else replace that? No one could. No can ease the unbearable pain he’s in, no one can make him stop feeling like he’s going to crawl out of his own skin. Alastair was the only one for him. His true love, his soulmate, all the cliche things like that.

“You better not fall in love with me, Lightwood.”

“That won’t be a problem, Carstairs.”

Alastair had teased when they first got together, half serious and half not. Thomas wasn’t sure if he was grateful that he didn’t listen or not. Maybe if he had listened he wouldn’t be in this position...no, he can’t think that. He would never regret Alastair, never. If he did, it would make him no better than Charles, and Thomas had always strived to be better than him, to make sure Alastair never felt the way he did with Charles ever again.

“I’m so happy I didn’t listen.”

Thomas had whispered against Alastair’s skin in bed that night, causing Alastair to look at him in confusion. He hadn’t remembered when he told Thomas to not fall in love with him.

“I’m happy you didn’t listen either.”

Alastair had said later on, when he thought Thomas had fallen asleep. He hadn’t, but couldn’t bring himself to tell Alastair that, knowing it would embarrass him.

He couldn’t help but lose himself in the memories, nearly drowning himself in the process. From the first day they met, it had been Alastair and it would always be Alastair. That had never changed. Not in the near decade he had known Alastair. Not even when he’s old and grey, in adult diapers and can barely remember his own name. It will always be Alastair.

“You must be Alastair Carstairs! I’m Thomas Lightwood, nice to meet you!” Thomas had said excitedly, holding out his hand for Alastair to shake.

Alastair looked at his hand warily before shaking it. “You’re a little too small, Thomas. I think I’m going to call you pipsqueak.”

Thomas hadn’t even been listening, distracted by the pretty boy in front of him. “I’ll call you Lassie then.” The other boy looked at him in surprise, a small smirk curling on his lips.

“I think we’re going to get along just fine, Thomas Lightwood.”

#the last hours #the last hours fic #alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #thomastair #modern au #based on a song

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nickelkeep · 6 years ago

Note

1 fake relationship with 42 getting back together. Destiel please, ily, thank you

Oh hey, I’m sorry this took so long my love...To Confess

Sam entered into the War Room, finding Cas and Dean squabbling like the old married couple he had always pictured them to be. Dean was clearly losing whatever argument they were having this time around, his arms crossed across his chest, and his eyes stuck in a perpetual eye roll.

"Dean, it doesn't make sense."

"Cas, it's science fiction. Fiction doesn't have to make sense." Dean looked to Sam for support. "Please explain to Cas why Han Solo using Parsecs as a measurement of time actually makes sense."

Sam opened his mouth and shook his head. "I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole." He turned his tablet around and laid it on the table in front of Dean and Cas. "So get this... We've got couples missing at a couples retreat a couple states over."

"Which lovely lady you going with?" Dean uncrossed his arms and smacked Cas' hand away from the tablet so he could scroll through the article.

"Can't find one. Charlie's still not back. Jody's taking Donna on a hunt."

Cas looked up. "Well, there was a lesbian couple that went missing. You can choose a male partner."

"I was hoping you'd say that, Cas." Sam shot a look at Dean before smiling at Cas. "Will you do me the honor of being my fake husband for a case?"

"Excuse me?" Dean shot a look at Sam.

"Well, I'm not asking you, Dean." Sam shook his head. "That's... Yeah, no."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest again. "Why are you and Cas going? Cas is my best friend. He and I can pull it off better than you two can."

"You realize that you're going to have to act like you love Cas, right? You might have to kiss him. Act like he doesn't have cooties."

"Sam, Dean. I'm standing right here." Cas looked back and forth between the two brothers. He picked up the tablet from the table. "Actually, it might work better if it is Dean and I." Cas turned the tablet around. "The retreat is aimed at couples who are having issues within their relationship. Dean and I can easily act that out."

"Done." Dean smiled smugly at Sam.

Sam held his hands up in defense. "Sorry, Dean didn't realize you wanted an excuse to play house with your best friend."

Dean blushed and rushed towards his room, muttering something under his breath about needing to pack. Cas cocked his head in confusion, watching Dean leave. He turned back and looked at Sam. "What was that about?"

"I have no idea, Cas." Sam smiled smugly. "None, whatsoever." He held his hand out for the tablet. "Let's get you and Dean set up for a vacation, shall we?"

xxx

The drive was relatively smooth. Dean and Cas pulled into the campground, finding the main office to check-in without too much difficulty. Before they entered the building, Cas stopped Dean. "Should we hold hands or something?"

Dean ran his hand down his face, nodding before taking Cas' hand into his. "Sorry if it's sweaty. Been driving this whole time."

"It's okay, Dean." Cas lightly squeezed Dean's hand, sending a strange sensation through to Dean's heart and causing it to speed up.

"Let's do this." Dean pulled open the door and let Cas walk in first, their hands still together. They walked up to a counter where a bored-looking teenager was busy texting on their phone. The teenager shot them a look and held up a finger, spending a few additional moments focusing on their phone before setting it down.

"Welcome to Camp Geode River. Can I get the name your reservation is under?" The teenager's monotone made Dean scoff.

"The Pages? Dean and Castiel?" Cas offered.

The teen clicked away at the keyboard before nodding. "Yup. Sec." They turned around and grabbed a folder, a pair of keys, and a bag. "There's a map in the folder, but you're in cabin ten. Pretty easy to find, just straight down the road, all the way at the end, no turns. There's a personal itinerary for you two in there, plus a group one if you want to socialize." The teen rolled their eyes. "The bag is a welcome gift from management." The teen forced a smile. "Have a great time at Camp Geode River."

"Thanks." Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed the bag while Cas took the folder. The pair headed back out to the Impala and took the brief drive back down to their assigned cabin. Dean parked the car and looked at the log cabin and nodded in appreciation. "Doesn't look too shabby."

"I believe if it were shabby, it would be uninhabitable, Dean."

Dean opened his mouth to respond but decided against it. Instead, he chose to get out of the car and grab his duffel bag out of the trunk. Cas took his key and headed up to the door, opening it and heading inside. Dean followed close behind and found himself pleasantly surprised by the interior.

"Well, then. This may not be so bad, after all." Dean's eyes fell on the bed. "Except for that. Is that the only one?"

"It is a couple's retreat, Dean. They expect couples to share the same bed."

"Uh." Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, you can have the bed. I've slept on plenty of couches."

Cas' eyebrow went up. "Dean, you know I don't require sleep. You can take the bed."

"Yeah, I know you don't need it, but it looked like something you were starting to enjoy. Don't think I haven't seen you catnapping around the bunker." Dean crossed over to the bed and dropped the duffel on it.

"I can go without sleep for this hunt, although I appreciate the offer, Dean." Cas opened the folder and started looking at its contents.

"So what's on the docket for tonight?" Dean moved next to the bag and fell back on the bed. "Oh dude, you're going to regret giving up the option to sleep on the bed. This memory foam is almost as good as mine."

"I'm fairly certain I'll be okay." Cas looked up for a moment and smiled at Dean. "Thank you, though."

Dean blushed, and let his head fall back on the pillow. "So, what's the fancy stuff in the fancy folder say?"

"Well, there's a meet and greet tonight for the people who came in today. So perhaps we should go to that."

"Are members of the staff going to be there?" Dean questioned.

"Looks like it."

"Cool. When is it?" Dean pushed himself up on his elbows as he felt Cas sit on the edge of the bed.

Cas pulled out his phone. "Starts in about an hour. Need to grab a shower?"

"Hell yeah."Dean sat up and crossed to the shower. "I hope the dress code is casual. I only brought the FBI badge. I didn't even bring a monkey suit."

"I'm fairly certain your lumberjack attire will fit in here perfectly." Cas quipped, earning a genuine laugh from Dean.

"And yet you make fun of it all the time. Want to borrow one?"

Cas started to take off his trench coat and suit jacket. "I might as well." He began untying his tie, causing Dean to swallow hard.

"Well, you know the saying, 'When in Rome...'" Dean tried to look anywhere else, but his eyes found themselves drawn to Cas' hands.

"Did you know that saying is actually about ways to worship at Church?" Cas finished removing his tie and draped it with his jackets.

Dean's eyes snapped back up to Cas'. "I had no clue, but I'm sure you could tell me all about it."

"I doubt you're actually interested in that history," Cas smirked and unbuttoned his shirt. "Do you have a spare tee shirt as well?"

"Yep." Dean turned away from his best friend and focused on the word friend. He opened the duffel and pulled out a light grey tee and a flannel that was in shades of blue. He turned back around to a shirtless Cas, hoping that the angel didn't notice Dean's eyes tracing down his chest and abs before resting on his tattoo. "Huh. Forgot about that." Dean said aloud.

Cas looked up at Dean and tilted his head before looking down at his own torso. "Oh."

"Sorry, didn't mean to..." Dean stumbled over his words before shoving the shirts at Cas. "Throw those on, and we can explore the campground before the Meet and Greet thing. I'll wait for you outside." Dean rushed out of the cabin, his mind going in a hundred different directions.

Cas followed out of the cabin a few minutes later. Dean fought to keep himself from staring at his best friend and focused on a spot on the ground.

"Dean? Are you ok?"

Dean looked up to find Cas standing in front of him. "Yeah, just tired from all the driving. I'll be ok after some sleep tonight."

"Okay." Cas didn't bother hiding the fact he didn't believe Dean. He offered his hand. "For appearances?"

"Right, for appearances." Dean took Cas' hand and allowed himself to be pulled back up the road. "Where to, Casanova?"

Cas looked over his shoulder and shot his own version of a bitchface at Dean. "We'll start heading towards the Mess Hall, as that's where the Meet and Greet is."

"Think they'll have pie?" Dean asked, trying to distract himself as he caught up and walked side by side with Cas.

"Is pie camping food?"

"Pie is an everywhere food, Cas." Dean winked before feeling a flush to his cheeks. "So, what's our story?"

"We've been together for 7 years. We're having issues."

Dean nodded in agreement. "Keeping it simple. Makes sense. Are we having issues, though?"

"Us, as in for the case? or Us, as in back at the bunker?" Cas stopped and looked at Dean. "You tell me."

"Nope." Dean shook his head. "My head hasn't been clearer."

Cas simply nodded and continued walking. They made their way to the mess hall, both of them having left the map back in their cabin, and found that the Meet and Greet was already underway. Several couples had come in that day and were already making the rounds. They were introducing themselves to the staff and each other.

Dean and Cas looked at each other before shrugging and moving in to follow suit.

After spending time talking to staff, Dean and Cas found a bench away from the rest of the group to sit down on. "Explain to me how we do this all the time?" Dean looked at Cas and huffed.

"Isn't it usually Sam who does the so-called nerd work?" Cas inquired. "You make Sam do the interviews, you make him research. You prefer doing the grunt work." Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder.

Dean's eyes went wide. "Uh, Cas?"

"We have to be a couple, Dean." Cas leaned in closer and reminded. "If we're not playing the part, it can look suspicious."

"Right. Play the part." Dean nodded in confirmation.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Cas pulled his arm back and tilted his head.

Dean opened his mouth to speak when a voice called out from the primary grouping of people.

"Alright, ladies and gents!" A staff member had stood up on a bench to get everyone's attention. "Time to head over to pit! We've had a pig going all day, and for those who are kosher or vegan, we have some other options available for you!"

"You heard the lady, Cas. There might even be pie." Dean wiggled his shoulders and stood up, offering his hand down to the angel.

Cas muttered something under his breath, causing Dean to lean down and ask him to repeat himself. "Nothing, Dean. Let's go see if they have your pie." Cas took Dean's hand and stood up, walking side-by-side with the hunter as they headed a few hundred yards over to a particular cooking area.

The pair grabbed food and sat down at a table that was mostly staff, trying to catch all the gossip they could about the missing couples, which came with false reassurances that they were safe. As they enjoyed their dinner, Dean had Cas keep an eye on the other pairs. When the first couple decided to call it quits, Dean also declared it bedtime for him and Cas, earning himself a grumpy eye roll.

Once back in their cabin, Dean pulled out his laptop and handed Cas a tablet. "Alright, so what have we learned?"

"It's four couples that have gone missing, and it was after their therapy sessions." Cas sat on the sofa and slouched down. "You know we're not going to be able to get anything out of the therapists. They're bound by patient-doctor confidentiality."

"Think they keep notes?" Dean pulled out his phone and called Sam, putting on him on speakerphone.

"You guys kill each other yet?" Sam asked as soon as he answered the phone.

"Seriously, Sam?"

"Hello, Sam." Cas sat up and leaned towards the phone. "We are both still alive."

"Oh good, I was betting that you would have smote him by now." Sam laughed, and the guys could hear some paper being rustled on the other end of the line. "So, what's up?"

Dean ran his fingers through his hair. "Hoping for another set of eyes on this. And you're the best nerd we know."

"There have been four couples reported missing, Sam." Cas continued. "All four were last seen at a therapy session."

Sam laughed out loud. "No wonder you need my help. You're not getting Dean within 100 feet of that building."

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

Sam continued laughing as Cas tried to diffuse the situation. "I believe what Sam is getting at is that you don't like talking about your problems and issues. You would be averse to going near the building.”

"Seriously, Sam?" Dean rolled his eyes and let disdain creep into his voice. "Or do you forget the times we checked into mental hospitals, and I was forced to talk about my feelings?"

"I know, I'm sorry." Sam let out a breath. "Sorry. Okay, seriously, how can I help?"

Cas took over the conversation with Sam while Dean walked off to the bathroom. This case was turning into a disaster. Dean started to believe that it would have been better if he just kept his mouth shut and let Sam come with Cas.

Cas wouldn't be annoyed with Sam right now. If anything, Cas and Sam would be acting like a perfect couple. Dean paused. Did Sam even like guys? Not that it would bother Dean, but he can't ever remember Sam looking at another guy like that. Did Sam look at Cas like that?

Did Sam want Cas the way that Dean wanted Cas?

Dean turned the water on in the bathroom and splashed it on his face. He did not want Cas like that, he couldn't want Cas like that. Dean pressed the heels of his palms against his temples and leaned his elbows against the sink. He was completely hopeless.

Dean took a deep breath and looked in the mirror again. He let the breath out slowly and headed back out to the main room. Cas and Sam were still talking, and Cas had a smile on his face. Dean's heart sunk.

"That makes sense, Sam." Cas looked up at Dean and nodded. "Dean's back in the room."

"Ok, so based on what Cas has told me, I think you two need to look into Fairy Lore."

"More Fairies?" Dean groaned. "No Oberon jokes, Sammy."

"Well," Sam laughed. "Funny you should mention that. 'Cause you can see them."

Dean muttered some choice curse words under his breath and collapsed on the foot of the bed.

"Why don't you get some rest, Sam. I'm going to shoo Dean off to bed here in a moment as well. I'll keep researching." Cas looked at Dean with a small smile on his face.

"I have a few more things to do yet, but I will head to bed soon, I promise." There was a brief moment of silence. "Have a good night, you two."

"Night, Sammy." Dean replied as Cas responded with: "Goodnight, Sam."

The call disconnected, and Dean frowned at Cas. "You really going to send me to bed?"

"You told me you were tired earlier, Dean." Cas stood up and crossed over to the bed, grabbing the duffel bag and putting it on the floor. "You should get some sleep."

"You're not going to sleep?" Dean frowned. "What about you getting rest?"

"I don't need to. We already had this conversation."

Dean looked back at the bed then looked at Cas. "You know, it is a king-size. So if you get tired?"

"I hear you, Dean." Cas stepped in between Dean's legs and ran his fingers through Dean's hair before gently cupping his cheek. "Go lay down. Please?"

Dean nodded and crawled up to the top of the bed before sliding under the blankets. He watched Cas turn off the lights, except for a lamp next to the sofa he'd been sitting on. Dean's heart was beating a mile a minute, and nothing he could do could make it stop. "Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

xxx

The next morning, Dean woke up to the scent of freshly brewed coffee, but a cold bedside. His heart sank upon realizing that Cas never joined him. Dean sat up and looked over at the kitchen area and saw Cas drinking what was most likely a cup of tea.

"Good morning, Dean." Cas looked up from the paper in front of him. "The coffee should be done by now if you want a cup."

Dean got out of the bed and walked towards Cas and the kitchenette. "You get any rest?"

"I didn't need it, Dean." Cas offered a small smile. "I appreciate your concern, though."

"Just watching out for my best friend. You know." Dean mentally kicked himself and headed to the coffee pot. He grabbed himself a mug and filled it with fresh coffee.

"I know."

Dean leaned back against the counter and took a sip. "So, figure anything out last night?"

"Yes, actually. And already texted Sam too." Cas reached across the table, grabbing the tablet he worked on, before turning around to look at Dean. "Pixies."

"Shit. It really is fairies?" Dean rubbed his hand over his mouth and jaw in frustration. "No offense, but I was hoping that was a dead end."

"I'm sure. I remember that your last run-in with fairies was not particularly something you want to remember." Cas smirked.

"I microwaved one to death. That's not an image you get out of your head." Dean shuddered. "So, what do we need to do?"

"It's a fairy, Dean. How do you deal with fairies?"

Dean thought for a moment. "They love cream. They have to count spilled sugar or salt." Dean snapped his fingers. "They hate iron."

"Looks like we know what we need to do then." Cas took a sip of his tea. "You care for some breakfast?"

As Cas and Dean walked to the Mess Hall for breakfast, Dean made it his personal mission to keep some distance between himself and Cas. He was confusing himself. Dean knew he shouldn't be having these feelings for Cas, but he also finding fewer and fewer reasons why he shouldn't have them.

"Good morning!" A way-too-happy voice called. "Heading to breakfast?"

Dean looked at Cas, who pointed. Another couple were coming to intercept them. "I believe their names are Marge and Ed." He whispered.

"And I don't really care," Dean responded back to Cas before turning to the couple. "Yep. A quiet, private breakfast."

"Good luck with that!" The guy scoffed. "There's no privacy in there."

"Ed, be nice." The woman smiled at Dean and Cas. "Just figured we could all walk over together. We're all in the same boat for the next couple of days."

Ed grumbled something under his breath before looking at the guys. "Run away, or Marge is going to try and Dr. Phil you two."

"Ed!" Marge playfully clutched at non-existent pearls. "I do love my daytime shows, but I wouldn't pretend to act like an expert on anyone's marriage."

"You're not even an expert on our own," Ed responded.

"I would be if you talked to me!"

Dean and Cas looked at each other exasperatedly.

"So, boys." Marge turned away from her husband. "How long have you been together?"

Cas cleared his throat. "Seven years."

"Awww, I thought seven was supposed to be lucky! Why are you two here?" Marge pouted at them.

Dean and Cas looked at each other, surprised that the stranger was so blunt in her questioning.

"Christ, Marge. It's not enough that your marriage sucks, you need peep in on others?"

"I'm just worried about them. These two are such a good looking couple, but they're not even acting like a couple!"

Dean winced. He knew he should have taken Cas' hand or anything. He could be screwing up the entire case.

"Maybe they're not gay!" Ed joked. "Maybe they only got married for the tax breaks."

"Seriously, Dude?" Dean stopped. "I don't know who you two think you are–"

"Dean–" Cas tried to interrupt Dean, but instead found himself pulled into Dean's arms and their lips pressed together in a searing kiss. Dean melted into Cas, his arms wrapped around the angel's neck, and Cas' hands resting on his hips.

Dean remembered the feeling of the sparks flying when he met Cas for the first time all those years ago. This was that feeling multiplied by a number too high for him to comprehend. He was gone, his heart having beat its way out of his chest.

A cough pulled them out of their reverie, Ed bright red while Marge stared at them and fanned herself.

"You know Eddie, if you still kissed me like that, we wouldn't be here."

Dean blushed his own bright shade of pink. He grabbed Cas by the hand and dragged him into the Mess Hall, leaving the other couple in the dust.

Once they settled down at a table, Dean flushed again. "Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do, and I–"

"Dean." Cas rested his hand on top of Dean's. "It's okay. I understand. They could have blown our cover. It was an effective way to make them quiet."

Dean slouched in his seat. "Right. To keep our cover." He picked up a piece of bacon and bit it. "So, what's the plan for today?"

"We have a therapy session in about 30 minutes." Cas sipped at the coffee he had grabbed while putting some additional bacon on Dean's tray. "Perhaps if we're lucky, we'll be abducted."

"Cas, we don't know why the others were abducted, only that it was after their therapy session." Dean swallowed the bacon and took a drink of his own coffee.

"Well, we still need to have a therapy session in order to try and be abducted."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Great. Feelings."

"Make them up for all I care, Dean." Cas snapped. "We need to stop this, and you're literally one of the only hunters who can see fairies."

"You think Sam knew?" Dean tilted his head. "There's no way he knew."

"Doubtful. When we were talking, Sam was fighting against that idea." Cas ate a piece of bacon he had kept on his tray, causing Dean to raise an eyebrow. "What? I need to appear human."

After breakfast, Cas and Dean walked over to the building where the therapists had set up their offices. They were meeting with Dr. Quinn, who was another too-perky-for-mornings person that irritated Dean.

They settled down on her sofa, Cas on one side and Dean on the other.

"You two are making this extremely stereotypical. You don't have to sit a million miles apart. I heard about your little makeout session this morning." Dr. Quinn winked at them.

"We're not normally like that," Cas replied. "Dean doesn't like– What's the phrase? –DPA, so we don't engage."

"PDA, Cas. It's PDA. Public Displays of Affection." Dean frowned. If only Cas knew how much he actually loved them.

"Why don't you like them, Dean?"

"How about you tell me what you asked the last four couples who went missing, so I know not to answer those questions?" Dean countered.

"Dean!" Cas turned to face him and winked the eye that the doctor couldn't see. "That's not something you should be asking!"

"He's right, you know. And I don't know what that has to do with why we're here now." Dr. Quinn added.

Dean crossed his arms and slouched back about the couch. "We've heard the rumors, and we only got here last night. Four couples went missing, and they were all last seen here. How convenient."

"While that is unfortunate, and yes, they did see me, I had nothing to do with their disappearances." Dr. Quinn tapped her finger against her lips. "Perhaps you can tell me why you're using the disappearances to avoid talking about your feelings?"

"He will use any excuse to not talk about his feelings." Cas looked at Dean, an emotion in his eyes that Dean couldn't quite place. "If you want to know how he's feeling, you're better off going to a psychic."

"Dude, Cas."

"So, there's a lot of emotional avoidance as well, Cas?" Dr. Quinn turned and focused on Cas, acting as though Dean weren't in the room.

"Definitely. Dean can't explain how he feels, or he won't. Not once in seven years have I heard..." Cas stopped himself. "Sorry. I can't go there."

"Go where?" Dr. Quinn looked back and forth between Dean and Cas, Dean shrugging at her.

"Dean still doesn't fully accept himself." Cas looked at Dean.

Dr. Quinn nodded as though it all made sense. "Dean, where are your parents?"

"Excuse me?" It was Dean's turn to look back and forth.

"It's a simple question. Are you in contact with your parents?"

"No. They're both dead." Dean glared at her. "I don't understand what this has to do with anything."

"Who died first?" Dr. Quinn pushed forward.

Dean looked at Cas, confusion, and betrayal on his face. "My mom died when I was four. Dad died nine years ago."

"So, Dad raised you?"

"Stop right there." Dean pointed at her. "You going to tell me I have Daddy issues? Everyone who knows me knows that I have Daddy issues." He turned to face Cas. "You especially."

"I think you're afraid of being honest about your love for Cas because your father would disapprove." Dr. Quinn's voice drew Dean's attention back to her. "I think you're ashamed to admit you're bisexual, even though you're literally married to a man."

Cas cringed as Dean exploded on the poor doctor. "Excuse me? My father has never had any control over who I do or don't love." He stood up from his seat. "My father was never around. My father would abandon me and my brother for weeks at a time in shitty motel rooms and not enough cash for us to survive.

"So you know what I did? I did what no teenager should ever have to do to make sure there's food on the table for their kid brother. I've known for a long time that I'm bisexual. And I don't care. Did I flaunt in front of my father? No, cause I'm not stupid. But ashamed of that fact? Fuck no.

"What I'm ashamed of is that I love Cas, and I don't know how he can love me back. Because I'm not worthy. He knows the shit I've done. He knows the Hell I've been to, the Hell I've been through. I love him, and there's no way he can love me too."

Dean stormed out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him. He stumbled outside, finding the first bench he could and sitting down on it, his face falling to his hands. The words had spilled out of him in a rage, and he couldn't put them back.

"Room for one more?" A soft, sweet voice called from above Dean. He looked up and came face to face with a cute, petite blonde.

"There's a bench over there." Dean pointed in a random direction.

"Yeah, but this one has a heartbroken guy who looks like he needs a hug on it."

Dean shrugged. "Sit or don't sit. I don't care."

"It's normally polite to ask if someone wants company." She tucked her short hair behind her ear. "So, may I?"

"Yeah." Dean sniffed and rubbed at a tear that had fallen.

"Quinn or Martin?" The blonde asked.

"Quinn."

The blonde nodded. "Yeah, the doc can be pushy." She extended her hand. "I'm Rúnda."

"Nice to meet you." He shook her hand.

"Would you like that hug?" Rúnda asked, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Nah, I'm good." Dean wiped at his face again. "You staff here?"

Rúnda nodded from side to side. "You can say that. I help out when I can. I try to be helpful where I can. Relationship issues, huh?"

"Kinda." Dean shrugged again and hung his head. "If I didn't have them before, I'll definitely have them now."

"What makes you so sure about that, Dean?" Rúnda asked.

Dean lifted his head slowly and looked at the blonde. He focused on her carefully, and slowly reached for the iron blade in his boot. "I don't recall telling you my name."

"Dammit." Rúnda cursed. "I always forget that." She smiled brightly and let the rest of her façade slip. "Let me guess, hunter?"

Dean forwent the blade in his boot and instead grabbed a sugar packet out of his pocket and ripped it open, spilling it in front of the pixie. "Where are they?"

"Dammit. A good hunter." Rúnda sat down and started counting the sugar crystals. "They're all safe. They're fine. They're in Avalon."

"Humans don't belong in Avalon. You know that." Dean sighed and pulled the iron blade out of his boot. "Bring them back."

"Busy!" Rúnda hummed playfully. "You know I can't stop."

Dean kept the blade pointed at her as she kept counting. "Why'd you take them?"

"They were hurting each other. With secrets. I can smell secrets a mile away. Yours is a big one. You're hurting yourself and your Cas with yours."

"So you took them to what? Make them share their secrets?" Dean knelt down.

"Yep! Once they share and there's no more pain, they can go home!" Rúnda looked up at Dean. "You know, you can tell me how many sugar crystals you spilled."

Dean ran his fingers through his hair and watched for a moment as the pixie kept counting the sugar crystals. "You. You can't do that. Secrets are healthy."

"Some secrets, yes. Presents. If that dress makes them look fat." The pixie frowned, an expression that looked entirely out of place on her delicate face. "But the kind of secrets, like yours? They hurt."

Dean ignored her and rolled his eyes. "What do I need to do to have you release the other couples?"

"Ooh, I can make deals. Rumpelstiltskin is a cousin. Taught me everything I know." Rúnda thought for a second. "First. Promise you nor Cas will kill me, and let me go back to Avalon in peace. Then, you tell me how many sugar crystals you dropped. Finally, you tell Cas the secret. We'll consider it proxy for all the other couple's secrets."

"First one is easy. I promise Cas nor I will kill you." Dean extended his hand again and let Rúnda shake it. "Second part, though. That one might be impossible. I ripped open a random packet. I have no idea how many are in there."

"Ah, that's the best part. You make up a number, it becomes fact."

"How do I know you won't run?" Dean crossed his arms over his chest again.

Rúnda scratched the back of her head. "Well, besides the fact that we're in the middle of negotiation? If you want to switch two and three, there's Cas now." She pointed at the door, where a relieved Cas had spotted Dean.

"Fine, we switch two and three. I tell Cas what I think is my biggest secret and then I tell you the number of crystals. But then you let them go."

"I'm ok with that!" Rúnda smiled up at Dean as he stood up.

"Thank God," Cas smiled at Dean. "I was hoping you hadn't gone far." He looked down at Rúnda. "Who's this?"

"He can see you?" Dean asked.

"Yep! I'm letting him."

Dean ran his hand down his face. "This is our pixie, Rúnda. Rúnda, let me formally introduce you to Cas."

"Pleasure!" She continued counting the sugar crystals. "You can tell him at any time."

"First." Dean turned to Cas and held up his finger. "Under no circumstance can you kill her. That's part of the negotiation to get the couples back."

"Okay." Cas nodded.

"Second." Dean looked at Cas. He took a deep breath, looking at the pixie for a split second before looking at the angel in front of him. The angel that could never be his. "I know what I said in there, Cas. But I need to be honest. I can't love you."

Cas took a moment to process what Dean had said. The look on Cas' face reminded Dean of when he told him that he wasn't allowed to stay in the bunker after Cas had fallen. "I see." Cas looked down at the pixie, before walking away.

Dean watched as Cas' posture slumped, the strength and grace he walked with draining away.

"You're an idiot." Rúnda shook her head. "Like, you believe that and that's a damn shame, and it's a secret you've been keeping you tricky son of a bitch–"

"Hey!"

"–like, why do you think you can't love him?" Rúnda pulled at her hair. "He's obviously in love with you, and you're clearly in love with him." The pixie made a frustrated sound. "That was dirty."

"You agreed to the terms." Dean pointed out.

"Because I thought you were going to tell him that when you said you loved him, that you meant it!"

"Four hundred and one," Dean responded.

Rúnda looked at Dean, confusion written on her face.

"Sugar crystals. Four hundred and one." Dean sat back down on the bench. "I don't need you to tell me how much I suck. I already know."

"How often are you told you need therapy?" Rúnda glared at Dean.

"Apparently not enough."

"Take it from a creature of mischief. You need it." She snapped her fingers. "They're all back home with their families. You can have your hunter friends confirm."

Dean nodded. "Thank you, Rúnda."

"Don't thank me, dumbass. Go fix your problem. Cause it just got worse." She snapped her fingers again, disappearing from sight.

Dean didn't stick around. He ran back to the cabin and found it empty, only his duffel bag sitting on the bed where he had left it that morning. Cas was gone. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started to dial Cas when he realized that Cas probably wouldn't answer. Dean finished packing his things back into the duffel and loaded it into the Impala. He pulled his phone back out and called the next best option. Sam.

After two rings, the line picked up. "What the hell did you do?"

"Hello to you too, Sam."

"No, I'm not playing games, Dean. I thought something happened to you. But no. That's not it at all, is it?" Dean didn't even have to close his eyes to imagine the bitchface his brother had going on. "What did you do?"

"Is Cas there?"

"Do you even have the right to ask that right now, Dean?" Sam spat, a venom Dean hadn't heard in years.

"I want to make sure he's safe. He's my priority before the couples."

A pregnant pause made Dean pull the phone back to make sure they hadn't been disconnected. "–e's here. Incredibly heartbroken, but he's here. Your ass better get back here as fast as humanly possible."

Dean heard the click of the phone and pulled it away from his ear. He hopped back into the passenger seat and started the drive back to Lebanon.

Several hours and two stops for gas later, Dean pulled into the Bunker's garage. Before he could even get his duffel out of the trunk, Sam was meeting him at the door. "What the hell happened, Dean? I mean, there are not enough words to explain what's going through my mind right now."

"It was a pixie. I made a deal." Dean slung his bag over his shoulder and started heading back to his room.

"Bullshit," Sam yelled at him. "I got Cas to talk, and I know what you said."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, that I can't love him." He stood in front of his door and looked over his shoulder at Sam. "That's the truth." Dean opened the door and walked in. He tried to close his door, but Sam shoved his foot in, keeping it from closing.

"Before that. When you two were in the actual therapy session." Sam used his size and weight to shove the door open. "You said that you love him. You admitted what I've known for years. You said what anyone with eyes has seen." Sam watched as Dean crossed to his bed and dropped his bag on it in resignation. "Why did you tell him you can't love him?"

"The pixie said I had to tell my biggest secret, Sam." Dean sat on the edge of the bed.

"So, what, you don't love Cas?" Sam ran his hand through his hair. "I think I just pointed out that's not the case."

"Sam, it's no secret that I love Cas. That's why I couldn't use it as my secret. I've never hidden my feelings for him. I just may not have been completely open about them." Dean looked at Sam. "I had literally just yelled out that I didn't care who knew that I love him. It's not a secret at that point."

Sam's jaw dropped. "But you said..."

"I said I can't love him." Dean ran his hand down his face. "My secret is that I fight to not love him."

"Why!?" Sam's face twisted in confusion. "You can have the one thing that we both crave. And don't tell me you don't want it."

"The list is endless, Sam." Dean starts ticking on his fingers. "He's an Angel of the Lord, I'm not supposed to fall in love with my best friend, He doesn't love me back, my love for him can be used against me."

Sam shook his head. "Nope." He grabbed Dean under the arm. "I'm not putting up with this."

"What the hell, Sam?" Dean found himself being pulled to his feet and dragged out of his room. "Stop!"

"No!" Sam dragged Dean down to Cas' room, where he kicked on the door. "Cas, open up!"

"The fuck, Sam?" Dean tried to get out of Sam's grasp before Cas could open the door. "Let me go!"

Cas' door opened slowly. "What, Sam?"

Sam shoved open the door with his shoulder and flung Dean into the room, throwing both angel and hunter for a loop. He scrambled to beat them to the door and slammed it shut behind him. Once closed, Sam drew a pattern on the door, causing it to glow gold briefly. "Oh, thank God."

The door shook violently, but neither Dean nor Cas could open it. "What the hell did you do, Sam?" Dean shouted, banging on the door.

"I did some reading about the bunker while you two were on your trip. It's a little trick that'll come in handy." Sam playfully slapped the door. "I'll come back and check on you two later. Like, much later."

In the room, Cas crossed over to his bed and sat down. He picked up the crossword puzzle that he had been working on, choosing to ignore Dean.

Dean, left with nothing to do, sat in a chair in the corner of the room. He kicked his feet up on the other one and leaned back, trying to get comfortable. Dean pushed and pulled the chair with his feet, trying to find the best place for it to rest.

"Would you stop?" Cas spoke, causing Dean to look up. He picked up a book and threw it at Dean. "It's one of yours anyway."

Dean flipped it over, despite not needing to, knowing it was On the Road. "Did you finish it?"

"Several times." Cas turned back to his crossword. "There's a lot of time when one chooses not to sleep."

"Did you li–"

"That was not an invitation for conversation, Dean." Cas wrote down an answer and scratched out the question.

Dean hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"Okay." Cas wrote in another answer, crossing out the clue.

"No, Cas." Dean stood up and crossed over to the bed, setting the book on the nightstand. "I'm sorry. For what I said."

Tears welled up in Cas' eyes. "Don't be sorry for how you feel, Dean."

"I'll never be sorry for loving you, Cas." Dean sat on the bed at Cas' feet.

Cas dropped the paper, shaking his head. "You told the pixie–"

Dean held up his finger. "First, what did I say in front of the doctor? Then what did I say in front of the pixie?"

"You said that you love me in front of the doctor and that you were ashamed of the fact that I love you."

"More like, ashamed of who I am, not that you love me." Dean paused. "You do, right? Love me?" A tinge of hope colored Dean's tone.

Cas nodded. "But then you told the pixie you don't love me."

"I didn't tell the pixie anything." Dean took a chance and rested his hand on Cas' leg. "I told you that my biggest secret is that I can't love you. Because I feel like I'm not allowed to."

"Who said you can't?" Cas tilted his head in confusion.

"No one actually said I can't. I've always felt like it's wrong. You're a freaking Angel. I'm a high school dropout who's caused the apocalypse, hunts monsters, took on the Mark of Cain, became a demon, and unleashed some crazy bitch who's the literal darkness."

"I've done my share of wrongs, Dean." Cas sat up and crossed his legs to be closer to Dean. "But not once have I ever thought that I didn't deserve you." Cas started to reach to touch Dean's cheek but pulled back. "You have always been my beacon. My Righteous Man."

A sob escaped Dean's lips. "You've always been my Angel. There is no one but you, Cas." Dean hung his head. "I mean it when I say I don't feel worthy."

"Dean." Cas cupped Dean's cheek and wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. "You don't decide if you are worthy of someone's love." Cas leaned forward and captured Dean's mouth with his own. The kiss was brief and sweet, but still enough to take their breaths away. "My love is yours, and yours alone, Dean."

Dean crashed his lips into Cas' again, claiming the angel as he had at the campground. He climbed into Cas' lap, the need for closeness rushing through his veins.

Cas ran his hands up the front of Dean's chest and under Dean's flannel, pushing it off of his shoulders and tossing it to the floor. He pulled up on the hem of Dean's tee shirt, and with Dean's help, he pulled it up and over his hunter's head. Cas traced his fingers over Dean's skin, taking the moments to relearn the freckles and the scars that marked the beautiful body in his lap. "What do you want, Dean?"

Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas briefly before kissing along his jaw. He moved down Cas' neck, nibbling on it before he came to the tee shirt Cas was wearing. "Is this the one I leant you?"

Cas nodded. "I didn't dream of this happening. So I thought I would..." Cas closed his eyes and trailed off as Dean started to suck a spot onto his neck.

"Keep it. Knowing you're in my clothes?" Dean whispered against Cas' skin. "It means you're mine."

"Mhmm." Cas' hands found their way to Dean's back and started kneading into the skin and muscles, causing Dean to melt against Cas.

"Fuck, Cas." Dean pulled back and started pulling Cas' shirt off.

A warm chuckle left Cas' throat. "I believe if we keep this up, that's where we're heading." He lifted his arms up, letting Dean finish taking his shirt off before his hands found Dean's hips. Cas squeezed them and pulled Dean down on to him. "Is that what you want, Dean?"

"Yes." Dean's eyes were half-lidded as he found Cas' mouth again, his tongue pleading with Cas' lips for entrance. Cas' lips parted, and Dean slid in, and a dance for dominance between their tongues commenced, eliciting whimpers and soft moans from both men.

Cas reluctantly pulled back and let go of Dean's hips, tracing his fingers along the top of Dean's jeans. He stopped, looking at Dean for final confirmation before moving to undo his pants.

Dean carded his fingers through Cas' hair, resting them at the back of his angel's neck. He nodded before resting his forehead against Cas'. "Please."

"Of course, Dean." Cas softly kissed Dean while undoing the button and zipper of his jeans, slowly, so painfully slow for Dean.

"Cas, play fair."

"I don't know what fair is for you, yet." Cas dragged his tongue along Dean's jaw before starting his own mark on Dean's neck.

Dean mewled, pushing himself up on Cas shoulders, so Cas could pull down Dean's jeans and underwear over his hips. Cas was able to get them to below Dean's knees, and Dean finished kicking them off the rest of the way. "Now you're overdressed, Angel," Dean complained cheekily.

Cas raised his eyebrow, and in one swift movement rolled over the pair over so Dean was pinned under him. "It's a little difficult to get undressed when you have a gorgeous man sitting in your lap."

Dean turned bright red, the blush extending down his body.

Cas pushed himself up to his knees and undid his belt and pants, smoothly sliding them off in one fluid movement. "What do you want, Dean?" Cas leaned back down and languidly started kissing his way up along Dean's chest.

"You is too general an answer, I assume?"

Cas playfully bit Dean in response.

"Come here, Cas.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion.

"Do you have lube in here?" Dean asked point-blank.

"Ah." Cas leaned down and whispered into Dean's ear. "Tell me what you want, and I'll show you the perks of having an angel for a boyfriend."

Dean groaned as the rest of the blood in his body shot to his cock. "Cas, not to kill this, but last I checked, you don't–"

"Dean. Shush." Cas wrapped his hand around Dean's cock and started stroking. "What do you want?"

Dean's fingers dug into the blanket under him. "Fuck. You. Inside me. Please." Dean's head fell back on the pillow. He felt Cas climb between his legs and slide a finger inside of him effortlessly. A moan escaped Dean's lips as Cas slipped another finger inside of him, a familiar warm spreading through him as Cas took care of him.

"Still concerned?"

Dean lifted his head and shook it, his eyes meeting Cas'. "No, Angel. I'm yours."

"Good." Cas lined himself up with Dean and slowly pushed in, watching as Dean writhed under him. Dean's fingers found Cas' arms and grabbed them, clinging to Cas as he slid in completely, two puzzle pieces coming together.

"Cas. Cas. Cas." Dean cried beneath him, a prayer of pleasure as Dean tried to make Cas move. "Please, Cas. Have you, need you." Dean pleaded, a sweet, broken litany.

Cas started moving, his hips gyrating and thrusting as he wrapped his hand back around Dean's cock. Each movement of his wrist synchronized with each movement of his hips. The swings and sways built up in tempo, matching the crescendo of the pleas and cries escaping from the lovers' lips.

Dean found his climax first, Cas' ministrations pushing him to edge quickly and thoroughly. Thick white ropes spilled over Cas' hand and painted their stomachs and chests. Several movements more, and Cas found his own, his head rolling back as his tongue slipped into his native language.

Cas fell forward, catching himself over Dean, and smiling down at him. "Ol hoath."

Dean pulled Cas down the rest of the way and kissed him softly. "I'm a little rusty on my Enochian, there Cas, but I think you just called me your beloved."

"Yes." Cas cocked his eyebrow. "I assume you'll explain to me how you know that another time."

"No major story," Dean smirked and closed his eyes, waiting as Cas rolled next to him on the bed. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I love you. I'm pretty sure that's when Sam figured it out, cause I don't study willingly." He turned to look at Cas. "It's not something I'm going to say a lot, though I'll try for you." Dean brushed Cas' cheek. "I love you, Castiel."

Cas ran his hand down Dean's side then down his own, cleaning up their mess. "I love you, Dean." He leaned in and stole a quick kiss before pulling the blanket out from under them and covering them up. "Rest."

"You won't leave?" Dean questioned, concern in his voice.

"Nothing can pull me away from you. Not now that I am yours." Cas held Dean closely.

xxx

A few hours later, Sam came back and undid the warding on the door. He listened for a moment, making sure there were no uncouth sounds, as no one wants to hear their best friend and brother having sex.

Once he was sure there was quiet, he knocked quietly. There was no response, odd, as Cas should at least say something.

He knocked a little louder.

Neither Dean nor Cas responded.

Against his better judgment, Sam tested the doorknob and found it unlocked. He turned it slowly and pushed the door open as softly as possible.

In the dim light, he could make out the forms of Dean and Cas, curled up together asleep.

Sam smiled in surprise and pulled the door shut.

"About damn time."

#spn #spn fic #destiel #nickel's story time #nickel writes #from prompts #ask box is open #send me asks

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saltycharacters · 5 years ago

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Alright well since this is the last day of the decade, and that's how long I've been alive (born 2000), I wanted to do SOMETHING so uuuh I'm gonna show off the characters I'm the most proud of making!

-Stonks: I'm really proud of her design, she was made during my first day of college (during my statistics class) and in a way represents my introduction to the next step of my life, so I'm very fond of her for that. I also like her story and personality, as she's written as a generally sweet, nervous nerd who's head over heals over a girl in her office while still having a few secrets she has to keep under wraps, as her horrible town corrupts anyone that lives in it. Also her name is a meme and I love that too

-Goby Powehi: Again I'm all about design and I enjoy hers a whole lot. She was roughly based off a pervious character which was inspired by an old fakemon, from back when I made over 200 in elementary (and started my passion for character design). So she has some pretty special origins. She's also the star of her own story and one of my favorites, as well as having a fun personality and secrets as well, although easily uncovered. Plus she has awesome powers and sci-fi/fantasy origins that I enjoy writing

-CeeCee: I could argue that ALL of the ocs that managed to get popular through my flipnotes are my favorites, not necissarily because of design/story but because they achieved a level of recognition and love I've always wanted for my characters. My ocs mean a lot to me and have contributed to my happiness throughout my whole life, so I feel like a proud parent when others love them as much as I do. CeeCee is the prime example of this, as she's arguably my most popular character/animation. I don't draw her much because I like to focus on all of my characters and she already gets more attention than anyone else, but she still holds a very special place in my heart. Overall, she's helped me achieve what I thought I could not, and it's amazing to think how I almost sold her as an adopt, years ago, and this would have never happened.

-All of the Fruit Citizens: This may be a bit of a cop-out, but it's true. Although I have a select few that I prefer over the others, all of my Fruit Citizens have designs and stories I'm very proud of. The entire premise itself is one of my most complete and developed stories yet, and has elements I really enjoy working with. Even if I haven't done anything other than draw characters, this is the closest to starting a project I've ever gotten, something I've wanted to do so badly for all of my life but haven't been able to due to my adhd and lack of time. I really completed 48 fully colored refs for this one thing and I haven't felt this productive since my flipnote days. I can't express how happy and proud I am for how well it's been received, and I hope people continue to ask me about it as I develop it more. Also I accedentally made 5 new fruit citizens so expect more refs lmaooo

-Cavity: Not to toot my own horn but out of all of my designs I consider this one of the most clever/coolest. I love the combination of a geode with a hoodie, and using the crystal motif to also give them the apperance of a rabbit. I'm still working on their story, and this image could be better, but for the design alone Cavity has become one of my favorites.

-Uri: He has always been a comfort character to me. I don't know why, but I always felt like I could relate to Uri the most, even though we're vastly different. I suspect I latch onto bold male characters because thats what I want to be at times, and to this day I find comfort in his confidence and ability to create his own world and circumstances just by being himself. He's more like a close friend than a character at this point, and I always return to him when I'm out of ideas. He's changed a lot over the 7 years I've had him, both in personality and apperance, and even now his design and story is being worked on, but there's no denying that he holds a special place in my heart.

-Mokaro: I consider him my first real character ever, so it's easy to see his significance. I think I created him back in 2012, as a keronian inspired off of my animal jam outfit, and although now he's a human there's still elements to him that have never changed. He's been there for me through thick and thin, he has a lot of personality and story to work with, his design needs a little polishing but overall suits me fine, and like Uri, he's a comfort character so I really treasure everything about him. His significance to my lore is also immeasurable. To say he's special would be an understatment; he really is one of a kind, and it'd be wrong for me not to include him in this character highlight.

-Captain Dark Kitty: This one is self explanatory. She's the official mascot of my work and just as recognized as CeeCee, being the face of my flipnotes for many years. I drew myself as her for most of my middle school and highschool years and considered her my avatar until recently. She was everything I wanted to be: hardcore, red eyes, black hair, cool outfit, literally part cat. As I grew up though, my dream apperance deviated from hers- especially when my preferences stopped including any semblance of femininity. Now I just draw myself as a cartoon version of myself, and instead made CDK her own character. She still has a place as my mascot and will continue her role as one of the most important characters in my roster.

-Bail: He's the closest thing I've had to a consistently favorite character and I love him so much. I love writing his personality and story and drawing him and everything else, there's very little I can say honestly other than he's very special to me and I'll probably never think otherwise.

-Honorable mentions (or as many as I could fit at least):

So for the next decade, I sincerely hope I can continue making characters and content I can be proud of and maybe even make something really big and cool at some point! Thank you all so much for staying with me, see you next year!!

18 notes · View notes

cellard0ors · 6 years ago

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Fic: the beginning is the end is the beginning

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Buzzfeed Unsolved, Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Pairing: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej

Warning: Apocalyptic!End!Of!The!World stuff, mentions of dead people, mass suicides

Summary: The Titans have returned. The world has ended. The Ghoul Boys are still here.

Notes: HO-KAY. This is dedicated to @theawfuledges, who has always been super sweet, super supportive, and who had a bad day a while back and deserved something then but I. Take. FOREVER.

Inspired by this sorta-not-really-prompt-post and also the fact that @theawfuledges seems to also enjoy Godzilla. This is the Shyan!Godzilla!AU NO one asked for and probably NO one will care about - but! I had fun writing it enough that I’d consider coming back to it at some point - I mean, why not, amiright?

Anyway - excuse all my philosophizing about the end of the world via Titans and enjoy…

AO3 Link

They’ve been walking through the wasteland for almost an hour now and Shane can still feel Ryan’s eyes on his back. He ignores it, as he’s been ignoring it. He’s even whistled a tuneless song on and off during their walk, just to rub it in. A sort of reminder that he’s oblivious and doesn’t know Ryan’s trying to burn a hole through him. I mean, he does know, but it’s just…it’s too funny.

Ryan is always too funny when’s worked up into a snit. No, not funny…cute. Something Shane probably shouldn’t think about, but think he does. The best way to try to not think about it? Antagonize the little guy. So antagonize he does, finally stopping in their rambles to squat down at a larger than usual rock he’s kicked at.

It didn’t make him stumble exactly, but it caught his attention enough to make him stop and bend down. He tosses the smooth white stone around in one palm, grinning, “Well, well, well…ain’t you a nifty lookin’ fella…”

He stands back up, fully aware that Ryan has stopped a few feet behind him and is still glaring. Hell, he’s probably reached seething at this point. Balled up fists shaking at his sides and the mere idea of that imagery – the utter adorableness of it – breaks Shane’s resolve, “What?”

“Really?!” Ryan finally explodes and his voice cracks over the word and Jesus, the guy is too goddamn precious for words, “A rock?! That’s what catches your attention?!”

“Sure! This baby could be a geode! Just need to crack ‘er open and see if she sparkles!” Shane returns as he waggles the stone in Ryan’s direction, lips curled in a devious smile. He finally turns to look behind him and see Ryan and oh, no.

Shane wants to press a hand to his heart. Ryan has moved beyond cute, beyond adorable, beyond precious. He’s reached that level where it takes all of Shane’s willpower not to dart right over and kiss the breath out of him as Ryan cries, “I’ve been shooting death daggers at you for over an hour now!”

“Have you?”

“Yes, you monumental jackass! And I know you know it!”

Shane can only chuckle and Ryan frantically waves his arms about, “It’s been weeks now and we still have yet to talk about it! We just go out for recons, talk banal shit, and you – you stop for a fucking pebble instead of doing what you should do!”

Shane merely raises his eyebrows, that question enough and Ryan comes closer, breath all huffy and puffy and the perfect representation of a temper tantrum in human form, “Which is give me the world’s biggest fucking apology!”

“…for?”

“FOR?!” Another word cracked by hysteria, “Being right! Monsters exist! Or is this-” Ryan yet again waves about, waves around at the miles and miles of baked, orange earth and uprooted, long dead trees. The rubble of buildings long since lost, the endless expanse of nothing but baseless destruction – “-not proof enough for you?!”

Shane just dips the rock in Ryan’s direction like it’s the tip of a pointer, “Never said monsters weren’t real. I said ghosts weren’t,” he draws the rock back and continues walking, voice very sage, “And that continues to be a fact." He turns away and starts walking again, "Now the Titans? Oh man, those boys are flesh and blood. Meat and bone. Just like Bigfoot and hey, do you think-?”

“…stop it…”

Shane turns to look at him again even as he continues walking backwards, “-Bigfoot is a Titan?”

Ryan only stops to pinch the bridge of his nose. His earlier anger has finally spooled out of him thanks to his outburst, leaving only his normal Shane-oriented exhaustion, “I mean, he’s no Godzilla or Gidroah-”

“Ghidorah.”

“Hmm?”

Ryan’s tone is bone weary, “You said it wrong. It’s Ghidorah.”

Shane just waves a hand like it’s no big deal and Ryan stands up a little taller, clearly offended by the gesture. Perfectionist. Shane is pretty sure his smile is never going to leave, “Whatever. But Bigfoot…he can hang with the big boys, right?”

“I don’t think Bigfoot is capable of leveling Los Angeles which, news flash, is what happened when Godzilla and the other Titans trampled through!”

“It was their world first, pal,” is his amicable response, “We just have to do our best to live with it.”

Ryan looks less than pleased at that revelation and Shane can’t blame him. Still…

Finally Shane sobers, stopping to look at Ryan with all due seriousness, “Ryan…”

He doesn’t say any more. He doesn’t have to. Ryan just gives his own subdued head bob because, well, it’s the truth. They do have to do their best to live with it. What else can they do? They have no power over creatures taller than skyscrapers. Ancient beasts on par with living gods. The human race did what it could. It wasn’t enough. But – to be fair – what could they do?

Humanity always likes to think of itself as the top tier – nothing bigger, nothing brighter, nothing stronger. And within the span of a few weeks that was proven horribly untrue. Frankly, Shane always knew it would be – humility is something every living being should possess and a lot of humanity lost that long ago – but frankly, he’d been banking on aliens.

Not big ol’ monsters.

Regardless, they are where they are. In a world where massive creatures walk the earth and humans have been knocked down several pegs. Pegs that have to scurry out shelter and he and Ryan found it. They reach it now – an underground bunker dug deep into the earth by god knows who.

The first time they’d found the little hide-ho they’d intended to merely use it for one night, sure that the original owners would appear. But they didn’t. Night after night passed and no one came to claim the bunker – so Shane decided they should claim it for themselves. Hell, they took a bridge from a Goatman and made it their own – why not a bunker?

Hence why it’s colorful name – ‘The Goatman’s Bunker’. He’d even made a sign to that effect once they’d managed to scrounge up some paper and workable pens. Funny the things you find littered amongst the refuse. Like his cool new rock – which he now sets alongside other treasures he’s found in their travels. A kid’s beat up plastic car, a broken snow globe, a crushed cup advertising Disneyland (long since gone – a collectible now!), and other debris he found of interest.

Ryan takes off his backpack and reaches inside, digging out various goodies they scavenged today. Dented bottles of water (always a god send), band-aids, several tin cans of vegetables and meats, scraped bottles with unreadable labels and anything else he could shove in.

They’re both pretty sure they’d come across the ruins of some pharmacy today – maybe a CVS or Walgreens or something – but neither could be certain. But there had certainly been a nicer haul than usual. Some days they walked out into the wasteland and found nothing for miles but old car parts and the occasionally, questionable collection of garbage.

Sometimes…sometimes they found worse things…

Both of them tried their best not to think of those things. Awful, sad things. Dead things. Crushed things. They had a radio in the bunker and there was the occasional chatter, but mostly? Mostly the world was silent. Funny how quickly a world, its people, its governments – could fall apart in the face of something it couldn’t understand.

There was word of massive suicide sites. Places where religious fanatics scrambled, unable to comprehend a world in which something their God couldn’t have possibly made appeared. There was word of places where ground born militias formed. People bloodthirsty for revenge, willing to do whatever they have to, to fight back, to rage against the sky – against forces beyond their control. There has been a lot of different word…but nothing that really concerns the two of them.

At least not for now.

For now?

For now the Ghoul Boys have their Goatman’s Bunker and a questionable collection of cans that will provide tonight’s sustenance.

What Shane wouldn’t give for a can opener. He’s gotten pretty good at stabbing cans open with the knife he has, but sometimes tiny metal shavings still end up in their meals. Tonight is no exception. He stabs away at a few cans, digs out what he can on to broken plates they’d found. Broken, a little chipped – but surprisingly in pretty good condition.

The food, however, is mush. Shane scoops up a bit with his fingers and licks at it, wincing as the taste, “Think this is chickpeas…or maybe hominy…”

“Those two things are very different.”

“Oh, sorry Paul Prudhomme – what’s your expansive palate telling you?”

Ryan’s nose wrinkles even as he takes his own bite, “Um…peaches?”

“Pe-?” Shane can’t even finish, laughing, because this sure as shit isn’t peaches. As is his way, Ryan looks charmingly flummoxed, “I taste something sweet, you dipshit!”

“Well, you did just stick your fingers in your mouth, didn’t you?” Shane teases and he knows it’s on the edge of a flirt and dammit, bad idea, Shane, bad idea…

Again – as is his way – Ryan ignores it. Shane releases the breath he isn’t even aware he’s holding. Good. Ryan shouldn’t respond. Good. And yet…

Shane takes another bite of his ‘dinner’ and it’s as questionable as the last. Maybe even more so, given their last interaction. This is not the time. This is SO not the time. The world’s ended. Or, well, the world as they knew it. Now is not the time to put the moves on Ryan. It wasn’t before. It isn’t now. When will it ever-?

Never, his thoughts whisper, and Shane feels his face fall, feels an uncharacteristic moroseness take him. He polishes off what last few bites he can manage, even though he’s not hungry, and then he rubs his hands clean on the material of his dirty jeans. Not the most hygienic, true – but they can’t waste water.

He can always find some stream tomorrow – do a better job then. Say what you will about the Titans, but their returns had brought some worth while things. California was flusher with fresh streams than ever before. Glowing green plant life – plant life that, before – would have scorched – now flourishes here. It’s as if the arrival of these creatures changed the very exosphere.

He wonders how global warming looks now. Have they caused a monumental shift in it? Probably. If anything has the power to, they probably do. Fuck, they can probably grow back icebergs or something. Create new fossil fuels. God – or heh, Godzilla – knows what. Once feeling his hands are sufficiently clean, he sighs and looks over at Ryan who has started in on again on his torn, dog-eared novel.

“Thinking I’m going to hit the hay.”

Ryan blinks, “Already?”

He just shrugs, “Long day.”

“Yeah,” Ryan admits softly and Shane goes over to his sleeping bag. It’s funny, but in as much as things changed, some have stayed the same. Sleeping together in a dirty, gross shit holes? Just like old times. Except no one’s filming with plans to upload it to the internet later.

The internet. Man. Talk about something to miss. The whole world at your fingertips. Although, in a way, they now have that albeit in a much more literal sense. Shane snuggles deep into his bag and falls to sleep far quicker than he thought he would.

Ryan, for his part, continues to idly pick through his uncovered novel. It’s a pretty decent tale. Romance. Big shocker. The world is over and all he can find in the remains are old bodice rippers. But a book is a book – entertainment is pretty goddamn scarce these days. He’ll take what he can get. True, he wants to click on the radio – see if there’s any good word, any good news – but he doesn’t want to disturb Shane.

…even if the bastard won’t admit he’s wrong. And yeah, the Titans aren’t ghosts. But they are real. So, if they’re real – it’s not much of a stretch to think the same thing of ghosts.

…probably a lot more ghosts now…what with all the…

Ryan can’t even coherently string it all together. All the lives lost. Too many to even begin to contemplate. A planetwide event, a tragedy beyond bearing. And here the two of them are. Holed up in their little bunker, trying to live the best lives they can. Ryan’s a few more pages in when he hears that familiar hum.

His mouth twitches, unable to resist the smile forming.

Ha-hum. Ha-hum. Ha-Hum.

The sound Shane makes while he sleeps. The soft hum of his breathing. Ryan can’t even count how many times he’s fallen asleep to that sound. Clung to it when they were shooting in creepy locations. He never slept well in supposedly haunted locations…but he always slept a little better when they shared space. When he hears those sounds.

Ha-hum. Ha-hum. Ha-Hum.

Like the bastard laughs in his sleep. Although, the sound isn’t quite like a laugh. It just…it has that same warm sound, that rewarding quality his laughter carries. Affable, irresistible, rich and…Ryan looks down at the words on the pages of the book before him, feels his cheeks heat. He’s been reading far too much of this mushy shit. It’s messing with his thoughts. He closes the book and contemplates his options.

Sleep is probably the best among them. He looks to Shane again. Long limbs all akimbo – awkward. He fits within his cocoon and yet not. Ridiculous – those stork legs, those string bean arms…

…how would those arms feel wrapped around-?

Ryan literally tosses his book aside. All your fault, he thinks at it, even as he stands up rolls his shoulders. Okay. Calm on. Relax. Don’t be stupid. Just go to sleep.

He climbs into his own bag, which isn’t far from Shane’s. He dampens their lanterns and it’s dark, cool, quiet. He’s almost asleep when he hears it. A deep, hefty rumble. Like thunder, but worse. Far worse. Worse because no storm has this feeling behind it. This pure, volatile energy.

He sits up, his breath catching. It’s far off in the distance, but it doesn’t matter. He knows what it is. It’s one of them. His heart leaps into his throat and fear throttles him so roughly that at first he can’t move – eyes watering as the sound grows in strength.

…boom…boom…Boom…BOOM!

The last makes the ground shake and he hates the goddamn squeak that leaves him as he physical jolts. Shane (sonofabitch!) is still asleep and Jesus Christ, does this fucker sleep through everything?! Ryan rolls his bag hard to one side, closer to Shane, knocking him with enough force that Shane wakes, voice groggy with sleep, “…izzat?”

“They’re coming! They’re coming!” Ryan wishes he didn’t sound so whiny and high pitched and frantic. For fuck’s sake – he’s a grown man! But the sound of those…footsteps…

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The ground beneath them shakes violently. Ryan’s experienced earthquakes before (California born and raised) but this is beyond that. This is as if the planet itself is coming apart. Shane sits up, even as Ryan shushes at him, tugs at him – as if somehow Shane’s sitting up, underground, in the dark, can signal the Titans above them.

Shane tilts his head this way and that – clearly doing his best to listen. To pinpoint. And then he slowly turns back to Ryan, “Hey, hey…shush, shush…they’re moving away…”

Ryan’s eyes hurt from being open so wide. Ryan’s chest hurts because his heart is beating so fast. Ryan’s…hurt. He hurts and hurts and suddenly he’s in Shane’s arms. Shane is cuddling him close, “Ry? Ryan, buddy, come on…come on! Calm down, calm down. Breathe…”

…he can’t…Ryan can’t…

“You can,” Shane intones firmly and Ryan realizes he’s said something to that effect aloud, “Ryan, breathe.”

Ryan drags in one loud, long shuddering breath. Then another. Then another. His mind briefly flickers over all he’s lost. All they’ve lost. All the friends, all the family, all the people…the world…

His wide eyes fill. Blink. Shed some tears, there and gone, and he’s still breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. He curls forward some, relaxes, and he’s in Shane’s arms and they’re not quite as string bean as he thought. They have strength and weight and long fingers are stroking through his sweat damp, dark hair. Soothing it back from his forehead.

Ryan lets out a jittery wheeze, “Sorry…must think I’m a dumb ass.”

“No.”

“Shane…”

“Ryan, you’re not a dumb ass because you’re afraid.”

“You’re not.”

“Shows what you know.”

“Shane…”

“Ryan,” Now it’s Shane’s turn to sound bone weary, “We played up that shit for the show. You know that. Being scared of heroin needles and avocado pits and…and you know,” he says it so firmly, with such deep assurance that – even in the darkness of the bunker – Ryan knows he’s looking directly into his eyes, “You know I’m just as human as everybody else. That I get afraid. That I am afraid.”

“Yeah?” Ryan asks and he can’t see the nod, but he knows he gets it. And Shane’s right. Of course he’s right. Ryan knows he’s right. Shane’s not any more of a dumb ass than he is. They have every right to be afraid. Everyone in the world currently is. It’s all changing. It’s all becoming new. So new that to-to be afraid of other things? Silly things? Well, that would be what would make him a dumb ass, right?

And it’s this thought that leads Ryan to ask, “Can I kiss you?”

Two little balls of heat form right on the apples of his cheeks, lighting zipping up and down his spine because – holy shit – did he just say that out loud? And he can’t really see Shane in the cool darkness of the bunker. Their lanterns are out, but he can feel him. Sense him. He’s…close.

And then Shane answers.

“I don’t know…can you?”

It takes Ryan a moment to digest this response. And when he does? He fishes out his flat pillow and hopes it hits hard as he smacks right across Shane’s face, “Fuck you! You-!”

The curse is said without any real heat, but it can’t be helped, because, well – goddammit! So Ryan plans to keep on pummeling Shane until he somehow dies from pillow pummeling only for Shane to stop him. He manages to catch his pillow and stall his movements as he grunts out, “No! Hey! S-sorry, look-! I just-! I just couldn’t help myself, y’know?”

“Oh, do I?!”

“Yeah, man I mean – it was right there!” Shane damn near pleads with him, clearly feeling the opportunity was too good to pass up, “Besides, it was…it was too damned much. You asking like that…all hat in hand…”

Ryan’s struggles with the pillow cease as Shane comes…closer. He can feel him closer. The heat of him, the rush of air on his lips in the dark as Shane talks that his breathe caresses Ryan’s mouth, “But you can, Ryan.”

The last is said with such intensity that Ryan’s whole body shakes harder than when the Titans walked near them. His heart booms louder than their steps. He feels Shane hovering so close, “…I’ve wanted you to.”

A thick, noisy swallow and a very cracking, very insecure, “Yeah?”

“Mmm. Been waiting for you to.”

“R-really?”

A soft scoff, “No, actually – never thought you were interested. Never thought I’d be so lucky. But goddamn Ryan, if you are? You can kiss me and then some.”

That’s all the incentive Ryan needs. He charges forward and yes – kissing in the dark when you’re not quite sure where the other person is? Awkward. WEIRD. Ryan’s lips sort of miss Shane’s and there’s a laugh and a snort and a lot of fumbling in the pitch black dark.

But then?

Oh, then.

Then there’s lips meeting and Ryan’s thoughts splinter, his veins ignite and he’s kissing Shane. Their tongues are tangling, lips playing along one another and suddenly the world isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

#shyan #my writing #theawfuledges #prompt #ish #godzilla!au

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doulacollective · 7 years ago

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Product Review - Shop Til You Drop!

by Kendra

There are so many gifts you can give a pregnant woman or mama-to-be. When shopping online it is hard to know what will give you good quality for your value. Sacred Surrogacy recently reached out to us and asked us to review a bunch of their products for pregnancy and postpartum and we were happy to oblige! It is funny because we are inundated with so many places to purchase things (especially online) that sometimes you don’t look in a place that might not be your first go to (ie. Amazon, indigo etc.) and sometimes that is where you can find the most magical of gifts.

Sacred Surrogacy is a movement that helps intended parents, surrogates and egg donors find deeper connections on their journey not only to each other but to themselves. They offer online classes, weekend retreats and box subscriptions. It is not a place I would have thought to look for gifts for myself when I was pregnant or for my friends but let me tell you, if you don’t have a peek at their store - you are missing out. They have beautiful gifts for you and friends, pregnant or not!

For all of the products we are reviewing today, click the link beside the price to shop! Or to view everything they offer, click HERE!

Now.. onto the fun part - reviews!

Lip Balm

Here’s what it looks like:

This was the first thing I tested, of course ;) and, umm.. this stuff is LOVELY. Smooth on your lips, the shea butter flavour is subtle and not overpowering and it stays on for a while. Love this product and its only $2.50!! Super sleek look as well. The only catch is it’s not pocketable, meaning it’s too round and large to keep in your pocket, a purse or desk drawer is better and this might just be me but sometimes its hard to close.

Cost: $2.50, to shop click here.

Belly Bind

Here’s what it looks like:

Its soft, long and easy to use once you know how to wrap yourself. A belly bind is used to wrap your abdomen snuggly to help with the healing postpartum process. Its typically done within the first week of postpartum and goes up until about 40 days after your birth. This is a great gift for yourself if your pregnant or a mom-to-be. Keeping those muscles close together helps them to heal quicker and you will feel more secure as you move around your day and look after your little one. It’s like wrapping yourself in a hug! You can do it on top of your clothes or under and this fabric is nice and lightweight so you won’t be too hot.

Cost: $14.99, to shop click here.

Click here to see a great video to show you how to wrap yourself!

Meditation Shawl

Here’s what it looks like:

Its always lovely to sit back and meditate on life, on what you are scared of, looking forward to or just to give yourself a few minutes to recharge. Re-centering ourselves is so important – pregnant or not! This is a beautiful gift to help someone do just that. Its soft, lightweight and beautiful. At 74 inches long it’s easy to wrap around yourself while you are sitting to help keep you warm or it is long enough to double as a scarf! One side is hemmed and the other is left raw which makes the shawl look delicate. Lightweight enough to use in the summer and it comes in a variety of colours! This one is the pink shawl.

Cost: $7.99, to shop click here.

Yoni Mist

Here is what is looks like:

You will hear lots of people tell you to use padsicles. They are amazing, let me tell you, but it’s a bit annoying remember to go to the freezer every time you want to go to the bathroom and need to change your pad, especially when you are sleep deprived and it’s the middle of the night. Yoni mist can definitely have the same healing effects without having to go to the freezer. This spray is great to use on your pads or diapers (whichever you chose to wear after birth) to help heal and sooth your perineum. Just keep it in the bathroom and spray as you need. Made with distilled water, rose water, witch hazel, aloe vera gel and lavender essential oil it is the perfect combination and easy to use. I’m personally not a huge fan of the smell of rose water, which is what this smells the most like, but that comes down to personal preference. I personally would prefer it smelled like lavender as rose water reminds me of my grandmother’s perfume! The cost is super-efficient and this size of the bottle makes it easy to stash in your purse or diaper bag when you’re on the go which is a huge bonus in those early days.

Cost: $4.99, to shop click here.

Connection Postcards

Here’s what they look like:

With a simple, lovely design these postcards are great to send to, well, anyone really! They have great messages like “thank you for being amazing!”, “you are the best”, and “sending you a big hug”. Who wouldn’t love to get that in the mail? Personally, I love getting traditional mail and send notes back and forth with a few friends. These would be perfect to brightened someone’s day, pregnant or not and they are nice and large so you have lots of space to write.

Cost: $10.00 for a set of 6, to shop click here.

Sitz Bath

Here’s what it looks like:

If you don’t know what a sitz bath is, visit our previous blog post to learn all about it here - http://doulacollective.tumblr.com/post/121020274489/sitz-bath. It’s so nice not to have to make the sitz bath yourself so this is a lovely gift that makes it easy for a momma after birth. You get three for the price, which is awesome. It smells lovely and consists of calendula blossoms, lavender, witch hazel leaves, and Himalayan pink salt. All the things you need to help heal your perineum and relax. If you haven’t tried a bath, it’s a perfect way to give yourself a break and take some time to recharge.

Cost: $11.99 for 3, to shop click here.

Sacred Space Kit

Here’s what it looks like:

This is a really neat little kit. It comes with a candle, two dissolving papers, a fertility goddess charm, a mini salt bowl with salts and a description card. The candle is non-scented so easy to use in any space. The idea is to light the candle, pour the salts into the bowl and feel the intentions and love of those who manifested before you and to put your own dreams and hopes into the universe. Then write your fears onto the paper, you can place the paper in water or carefully burn it on the candle to release your fears and let go. The fertility goddess charm (not pictured above) is there to remind you of what you are doing and to reconnect you to your divine self. The salts smell wonderful and include bits of lavender and rose petals. This would be a great little ceremony to do for yourself or a loved one, especially for those who are preparing for birth or going through a change in your life. It can be a great release to get ready. It is also super affordable for what you get!

Cost: $10.99, to shop click here.

Throat Chakra Kit OR Celestite Crystal

Here’s what it looks like:

Currently the throat chakra kit only comes in the parent communication box. This kit is intended to help you communicate freely by opening your throat chakra with a celestite crystal, essential oil and affirmations. You hold the crystal in your hands and repeat the affirmations provided. You can dab a little of the essential oils onto your throat to help you relax and be open. Make sure you give them a sniff as they are divine. If you purchase the box soon you will receive a roll on bottle which smells a lot like roses but if you purchase it down the road you will likely get the newest version which comes in a tin made with a beeswax balm that has sage, lavender and coconut oils. The beeswax is my fav out of the two, but as we have already established I’m not a huge lover of the smell of rose water. That said, the longer it stays on my skin the softer the smell gets and the more enjoyable it is to me. Both absorb into your skin nicely and both have an instant calming effect. If you don’t want to purchase the box, just the crystal is available for sale here.

Cost: Box is $49.97 or just the crystal is $14.99, to shop for the box click here.

New Beginnings Mala + New Beginnings Bracelet

Here’s what they look like:

These were by far my favourite things to receive to review. They are beautiful, made out of peach moonstone which is known as a feminine stone. It brings out the best in people, supports the heart as it stimulates the mind and soothes anxiety. It is also known to help you embrace the ebb and flow of female hormones. Wearing these has definitely helped bring a calm over me. I also get complimented on them every time I wear them. I love how both of them are made. Often you will see where the string connects on bracelets but this one is carefully hidden within a bead so it is seamless. Three of the beads on the bracelet are polished and the rest are not. I love the rawness of both of them. Not all the stones are perfectly round and some still have little sections missing out of them and they look like little geodes (see very right picture above). They glisten beside the matte of the outside of the stone to create beautiful little details.

They also have other options including a hemsa mala bracelet (with smokey and rose quartz, amethyst, white howlite and hematite), a letting go mala (with brown agate and fossils), a nourishment and comfort mala (with rose quartz and amazonite – one of my favs) and more! Prices range pending the stones.

Cost of the new beginnings malas: Necklace $60, Bracelet $20, to shop for the bracelet click here and for the necklace click here.

Sacred Tea

Here’s what it looks like:

I love tea, and I love rooibos. When I was pregnant it totally saved me as I used to drink mainly black tea. Rooibos is safe to drink during pregnancy. I hesitated when I opened this tea because it says orange on it and I’m not the biggest orange fan, especially when it comes to teas, however, it is soft and subtle and so delicious. Its not overpowering in a, I will only drink this in the fall or winter way. I have been drinking it over the summer, even in the heat. It’s totally delicious. You can also make the tea and pour it over ice to make iced tea which is super refreshing! This tea can be found in most of the boxes offered or in their sacred tea kit which also includes a mug, a travel tumbler, a reusable tea bag and a key chain!

Cost: $35.00 for the sacred tea kit, boxes vary, to shop click here.

Now onto the items specifically for surrogates...

Surrogate Pregnancy Planner

Here’s what it looks like:

This gift is specifically for surrogates. It’s a beautiful crafted planner that guides you through your pregnancy from appointments, to the size of your baby, to what essentials oils are great but more than that it connects a surrogate to their intended parents. It’s a great gift to give them after the surrogacy is completed and a great keepsake for both.

Cost: $14.99, to shop click here.

Key Chain

Here’s what it looks like:

I always say, love your tribe and if you have chosen to become a surrogate, that is one hell of a tribe to be part of so you should wear it proudly. This adorable key chain is a lovely reminder that you are doing or did something amazing for someone else. Super affordable, lightweight and I love that its wood – another little reminder connecting you to the earth. They also have other items to help you show off your tribe!

Cost: $2.50, to shop click here.

Again, here is the store if you want to see what else they have. I highly recommend heading over if you are looking for something for a pregnant loved one or if you want to treat yourself!

Sacred Surrogacy

12 notes · View notes

cutespects · 7 years ago

Note

H-hewwo? Could I request some cute things for a Maid of Mind who's into collecting funny quotes, is mildly autistic (like mild Aspergers), loves monsters and creepy things and daydreams constantly? Thank you a lot!! The blog idea's super rad!!

Most cursed opening to arequest I’ve ever received in my life.

In any case, your Maidof Mind loves having these quotes memorized for a variety of reasons, one ofwhich is because they’re funny and useful in conversation. One of the hardestpart of having Asperger’s, according to first-hand accounts I’ve received, isbeing perceived as “mostly-normal” but then expected to know all those complexsocial rules that don’t make sense half the time, so having a bunch of prepareddialogue is helpful! You can crack a good joke to make someone laugh, use aone-liner to ease some tension, and even come off as cultured and well-read byknowing so much. Though really, the cutest part is seeing them quote somethingthey adore and the silly grin that accompanies it, it’s so cute and sweet!

Since your Maid of Mindhere enjoys monsters and/or creepy things, I’m pretty sure your Maid hasdaydreamed about creating a monster dating sim at least once. But not a datingsim in which you can date cute girls with wolf ears or something, I mean youcan run into a forest, meet a hulking, bloody werewolf, and ask it out on adate. Not only will it be super fun and also adorable, but it simplifies socializationand dating down to a pretty simple formula, which is great! If they don’t knowanything about how to code a game though, they’d serve as a great art directionmanager or writer or something.

Lastly, how could weforget the ever-adorable stimming! I am very much a promoter of acceptingstimming for neurodivergent people like myself, so I will always insiststimming is cute! Of course, the memorization and subsequent repeating of funnyquotes can definitely come into play, but I also think your Maid of Mind likeslooking at glittery stuff. It can be those glittery bottles, or looking atshiny geodes, that sort of thing, but it’s great seeing their eyes widen asthey take in all its shiny majesty. Though I think a Maid of Mind would like rockingback and forth a bit too, even if they only indulge in it covertly, like goingon the swings at a park or something. It’s a nice feeling!

(also thank you so muchfor the nice comments! I love you guys so much! :D)

#maid of mind #cuteask #classpect #Anonymous

18 notes · View notes

comicteaparty · 7 years ago

Text

June 7th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on June 7th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on The Pale by Jay Fabares & Sanders Fabares.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The Pale by Jay Fabares & Sanders Fabares~! (https://tapas.io/series/The-Pale) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

snuffysam

I won’t be able to be around much this week, but I’ll just say that I loved the speed dating scene. Really set up Fink’s personality, skill, and face blindness well.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah the speed dating scene was pretty interesting. i really like in general how the face blindness is portrayed with the comical same faces. like something about that makes face blindness both understandable but subtly horrifying

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'll echo that. I liked when the different art style on the faces was revealed to be character related.

Also, Fink was all "this is not how I expected her to react... smokebomb!" vanishes

And he's had bad luck ever since.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hi there!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbh i did not expect his speed date partner to react that way either XD

hey super

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Hello!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hey there Jay!

Great to see ya~(edited)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha likewise

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Gotta expect the unexpected.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hi artist/author/writer (one or all of the preceding...)!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

glad you could make it jay~!

Agent Jay (The Pale)

I'm the artist and Co writer

totally! glad to see y'all like the speed dating part

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Very clever way to set up characters, don't think I've seen it before.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

when I read my husbands first draft of that scene-- I was all smiles

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That's nice~

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I also kind of liked the knife throwing scene. I knew pretty much what was going to happen when I saw Fink out front, but it was still entertaining and set the tone of their interactions going forwards.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

You two make for a good team, I enjoy how realistic (for the most part) and lifelike the comic is.(edited)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

yeah, the knife scene was fun. The ending went through a lot of changes.

and thanks Super!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

You're welcome.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Aiming for a different balloon? I noticed some of those slogans... speaking as someone over 40...

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really liked how the knife scene kind of characterized the town. only in a small town would it not be considered a safety hazard to just throw knives at the wall

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Impressive background detail, actually. I caught myself trying to read the chalkboard in the sherriff's office right off the start.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

And yeah the backgrounds have lots and I do mean lots of details(edited)

dylandrawsdraws

the comic is awesome - I still love the wolf with the hand as a great intro and tone setter

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Anything to help make it pop.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha, I'm 36. the ending was hard bc we didnt know who was going to say the last line for the longest time it was Fink.... but then suddenly we had the idea for Joseph Yazzie (Logan's friend) say something. and it worked out well we think.

little title drop-- sorta there--

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Right, yeah, well played there. Other ideas paled in comparison.

dylandrawsdraws

Am i allowed to ask questions?

Agent Jay (The Pale)

ah coyote scene you mean!

dylandrawsdraws

(yeah coyote!)

MathTans the Pun ��Prince👑

Right, the wolf and the hand bit. Effectively creepy.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

#PraiseCoyote

dylandrawsdraws

I think @MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑 will always think it's a wolf

#teamwolf

Agent Jay (The Pale)

... so funny.

And um, I guess you can ask Q's

dylandrawsdraws

Can you tell us about your process

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Call the wolf Virginia. To go with Dawn Knotts.

dylandrawsdraws

script and thumbnails, etc - the collaboration between you and this mysterious writer you work with

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(That was a clever name, by the way. I didn't catch on.)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

really? SHAME

Agent Jay (The Pale)

1. We start with a general outline of what we want to see happen 2. eventually that goes down to what is really needed and my husband Sanders writes a 1st draft 3. I then read the draft and make changes-- rewrite scenes, take away, change dialog 4. we argue 5. and repeat till we are happy with it! 6. I start rough layouts/lettering/edit some more 7. (see step 4) 8. eventually everything falls into place and then we have a final edit pass 9. BOOM done.(edited)

dylandrawsdraws

oh very cool

sounds like a mini pixar

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That's nice.

Cool seeing what goes on behind the scenes

Agent Jay (The Pale)

and @MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑 Dawn Knotts was the only character that didnt go a name changes.

even Fink was Franklin INKS

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh? Were they all puns originally?

Ahhh.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

sorta... Logan originally was Sam Addams

then it went to Scott Logan (xmen joke)(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, it's an interesting name juxtaposition there. F. Ink. Whereas some people might call FBI types using slang.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

now it's Terrence Logan. I took the Terrence from a discarded character-- I loved the name too much to waste it.(edited)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ah yes always a good use of discarded characters. when in doubt steal their stuff O_O

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha-- right?!

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I gather that the story takes place in... New Mexico? Texas? Nevada? That area...

Agent Jay (The Pale)

It's a made up town south of the Navajo Reservation, so it is Arizona (I hope I'm not derailing your chat)(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Gotcha. My US geography is poor. (Well, my geography in general is poor.)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

between Flagstaff and north of Winslow...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The bit of Navajo on the radio was clever.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

how much research did you put into the location out of curiosity?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Eh, we just chat about whatever anyway. Rebel will have a random question again in about 5 minutes.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i mean generalized location since its a made up town

Agent Jay (The Pale)

We spent a lot of time considering where the location would be in real terms

The inspiration of the town is a mix of our experiences of small towns in Arizona and on the Navajo Rez. But also-- bc we like small towns

I based the town layout off of Holbrook Arizona more or less.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Holy cats. That's impressive.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I think the small town atmosphere is well captured. The deputy who hangs around the game instead of being on radio and all.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Dewey! haha yes... I love him.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually they've got a pretty large police force.

Relatively speaking.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

there's 4 with badges and luca at the station, Logan, Dewey, Russ and Dawn

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf to dewey it seemed like the whole town was at the game so like...who is actually gonna call

QUESTION 2. Not long after the mysterious body is found in the story, Agent Fink enters the scene and gets involved “off the books.” However, his motivations remain elusive. Why do you think Agent Fink is so intent on everything staying off the record? Is it personal or is this a professional risk? What do you think is the significance of the rock found with the body, and why does Agent Fink seemingly have more rocks? Do you think this mystery has something to do with Isaac? If so, how does Isaac factor in to both the mystery and Fink’s motivations? Lastly, what do you make of the dreams Fink has been having?

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha, I guess this is when I don't talk... heh

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'd lay dollars to donuts that it relates somehow to those dreams. And presumably to the dreams that the woman in the tapestry place had been having too.

(It being his involvement.)

The rocks, of course, is all a red herring. Fink just likes collecting rocks along with bird watching.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

he should pick better rocks to collect then

invest in geodes

and he can expand his horizons. go get some petrified wood since hes in az

snuffysam

He just showed up to get his hands on that rock

wishjacked

AHHH, good evening, guys!! I've been looking forward to this chat for a while, I'm glad I could make it (albeit late)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or just scare a bunch of normal wood...

Fink has plans to become a rock musician.

snuffysam

I don’t think that’s how they get petrified wood math

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

No?

dylandrawsdraws

can I ask about character design and how you do the settings and prep work

for settings?

snuffysam

It’s his DREAM to become a rock musician

That’s what the dreams mean!

wishjacked

Catching up: I love so very many of the scenes, but the one that really hooked me was the coyote scene-- such a classic, beautifully executed mystery setup. And I loooved all that wildlife

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

as someone who lives in az, no i confirm. thats how we get our petrified wood.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

That was Fink's drummer showing up at the end of Part 3.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

sure Dylan! which character do you wanna know about?

(and HI CHLOE)(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

More seriously, birds are definitely going to factor in too, methinks.

wishjacked

Still catching up: One thing I think really works with the comic is the balance between quiet, slow images and faster moving dialogue: I love when the comic slows down to linger on images. One part that I kinda liked for that reason was with Yazzie visiting Nathaniel's house and looking at the rug on the wall, the lingering look at the rug really slowed the scene in the best way. Also when Fink is wandering through empty Rocket Ridge. Such a good way to build tension, improve pacing, and draw attention to the art. So good

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hey there Wish

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Related, I liked the bit in the plane where the pilot was all "I have binoculars somewhere" and Fink's like "I'm good". There's lots of little fun things in the comic too.

wishjacked

(and HI JAY!!! :D)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

y'all might get a kick outta this-- some early sketches of Fink and Logan

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

OMG those look nice

wishjacked

(And hi to SuperJustin, too!!)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Neat! Hm, Fink was shorter.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

haha the thing was very cartoony and different in tone at first.

the THING=-- THE COMIC...

der

wishjacked

Ahhhh, that art is so good hahaha. Look at these good guys! XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Personally I think the final/current style fits the comic a lot more than something cartoony IMO

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

wishjacked: Agreed. One of those things that I didn't really notice, but to have it pointed out, yeah. And like the woman just turning at the bottom of the page during that rug scene. Vaguely ominous but you don't know why. Probably attribute some of that to pacing.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

funny bc they changed-- but also remained the same?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

And yeah wishjacked made a good point about the slow and fast moments.

omg that hairstyle

Agent Jay (The Pale)

oh totally Super... we changed the look really bc the tones are much darker. The story helped determine the style

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Seems liek younger/older comparisons

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yus

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

You could include the early drawing of Fink as a picture on his desk. Or maybe as his ID badge.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

The art style can give you lots of insight on a comic's tone so you want to make sure it's just right

Agent Jay (The Pale)

We work hard on the pacing. glad that shows!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That would be a cute little nod IMO

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

We never look our best on IDs/driver's licenses.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

^^^

Amen

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm also vaguely waiting for someone to call Fink "Mulder".

wishjacked

and regarding question #2, I always get a feeling from this comic that things aren't quite what they seem in this story, so I'm very hesitant to barf up ideas about Fink's motives. Whatever they are, I think they'll be unexpected. I wonder if he has some inklings of the supernatural (???) elements of the story he's in

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe they will someday. when theyre less busy putting him up in a hotel and more busy investigating things

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

but the hotels are super comfy

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well given the dreams i think hed have to have an inkling

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Fink being good with dialects probably means he'll know if anyone he runs into is from out of town. Or... out of this world?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

unless he just thinks hes the weirdest dreamer in all the land

snuffysam

He acts on rock mysteries though. You wouldn't do that if you thought your dreams were just dreams

wishjacked

and yes, Math!! Ohh, going off on another tangent about that scene, it was so well lighted too. The lighting in this comic also really helps the tone. That was a very ominous scene.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe he thinks everyone has those sorts of dreams. Could be normal for him.

"My face blindness thing is an unusual quirk, but at least I have nightmares like normal people!"

Agent Jay (The Pale)

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

possible but i doubt it O_O

until proven otherwise im assuming that isaac was murdered while investigating something and fink is trying to solve the murder but no one can know cause supernatural stuff and everyone will think hes crazy

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Also I just wanna say the inn rooms look awesome for something out in the wilderness (from what vibe the comic is giving me)

How old is the inn anyways?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, I wonder when Fink was diagnosed.

dylandrawsdraws

@Agent Jay (The Pale) hmmm which character? fink and logan -

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Crazy theory: Someone is killing people by dropping huge rocks on them, followed by shrinking the rocks down real small.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

dat crack theory(edited)

dylandrawsdraws

and the yazzie?

the native american?

Agent Jay (The Pale)

the inn... around the 1950's(edited)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh wow

Agent Jay (The Pale)

I went through several sketches with Fink. I knew he was tall, slender, and had a dog... much like Tin Tin and that's sorta why he looks cartoony in the beginning I think... but as the story evolved, again, I just kept pushing he design to reflect that. He is supposed to resemble a bird with his hair a bit. Sort of like a crest.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ahh, Tintin, that would explain the early hairstyle a bit. Though the bird connection is interesting too.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

when I drew the HAIR.. I knew I had something I think...

from 2013

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh christ

That's quite a prototype

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Logan was a typical big guy on campus type deal.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Clever not starting the story with Fink, in a sense. It makes it more about this particular mystery and the town itself rather than one FBI case among many.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

stoic, middle aged, seen stuff, understanding, father figure type(edited)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I see what you're sayin

Agent Jay (The Pale)

thanks Math!

snuffysam

and fink is a young, fresh face

but when they get together

the shipping begins

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Did someone say

ships

dylandrawsdraws

oh these early drawings are great

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. Despite Rocket Ridge being a small town, the discovery of a body jumpstarts a lot of strange things. Do you think someone in the town had something to do with the body that was found? If so, who do you suspect (or have we not met them yet)? If not, do you think it has to do with the town supposedly having run-ins with the supernatural? In the most recent page we do see the supernatural, so do you think it has something to do with the body? In the background there is also Sheriff Logan, the man who discovered the body. Do you think Sheriff Logan will help or hinder Fink’s investigation into the situation? At the very least, do you think Logan will discover the real reason Fink is there? Of a last note, how do you think the comic’s events will affect Logan in general?

dylandrawsdraws

can you talk about your inspirations - other media, comics, whatever?

Agent Jay (The Pale)

i watch a lot of crime dramas(edited)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Any crime dramas in particular?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Things between Fink and Logan are definitely off to a "rocky" start. I think Logan will work out that this isn't an authorized case though, starting by looking into how Fink flew in in the first place.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

(This is a really interesting question to ask a creator IMO)

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Recent favs The Killing, MindHunter, DARK, Twin Peaks (haha), Longmire

snuffysam

i think fink having to walk into town will have piqued logan's interest, absolutely

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I get why Fink wouldn't want to come clean, suspecting supernatural elements (and wanting to avoid being labelled a Mulder) but Logan doesn't seem like the type who enjoys other people trying to barge in on his territory. I mean, he was stubborn about that coffee machine for how long?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Ooh nice

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well and nobody likes the fbi

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Pretty much

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

cause they throw their federal weight around

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The dog does, apparently.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

the dog is a spirit guide clearly

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

And actually that counsellor seemed to get on well enough with him.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

Emma

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yes. I'm abysmal with names.

Ask anyone.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

yeah her and Fink got off to a okay... start sorta

yknow.. hotdogs and stuff

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think its inevitable logan is gonna find out about fink tho. cause fink is gonna order him and logan is gonna be like "let me talk to your superior" and then fink is gonna be like "oh shit."

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

She musterded up the courage to speak to him.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

omg

slow clap well done

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

It's beautiful

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I wonder what Fink would get out of hearing me speak.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I wonder that too

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Aside from an excuse to be elsewhere.

snuffysam

i wonder what fink's determined about the officers he's met from their voices

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe he can exposit to the dog.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hes probably determined that dang is he sure in a small town

although he probably learned that from the knife

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or his tiny alien friend.

(It's actually Logan in a suit.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i hope fink's linguist thing comes up with logan. cause i feel like hes just gonna reveal all these personal things about logan at some point. and logan will be frowny face

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That would be hilarious @MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"You thought it was extra terrestrial, but it was I, Dewey!"

Agent Jay (The Pale)

or Russ...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

So, back to crazy theories, do you think the Tapestry Woman is committing the crimes? Because she's possessed by her tapestry, it exited her dreams and into real life?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if i had to pick someone who was magically involved with the body and mystery, itd be dewey. O_O his radio wasnt off cause lazy. it was off cause he was busy committing more murders.

snuffysam

nah i think she's forseeing them

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ooooh, nice one Rebel.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah Rebel, good pick.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Also a nice take, snuffy. I wonder if she's trying to weave warnings into her work.

snuffysam

yeah that's what i think is going on. and at some point, fink will find out.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

By spying with his binoculars.

snuffysam

i was thinking by like... someone mentioning it

say someone who lives with her

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe tapestry lady was abducted by aliens and thats why she had nightmares. and she makes tapestries cause she knows one of them is still out there.

snuffysam

or maybe she's just psychic for unrelated reasons

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Perhaps

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

She knows they'll want to buy a tapestry as a souvenir gift before returning to their home planet.

She's saving that dark one for them.

snuffysam

she's preparing to open a tourist trap for aliens?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That would be a clever way of capturing the aliens

Or not, if they're armed

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Gotta trap 'em somehow.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yes

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

wait what if by weaving the tapestry she set the creature from her nightmares free. and the reason she keeps it is out of guilt and the belief that one day she has to destroy it to destroy the creature.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, what if Fink is psychic? Maybe that dream he had in the plane was prophetic.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. i tend to view his dreams as more symbolic. like im really interested in the fact he has faceblindness and isaac in his dreams had no face

snuffysam

maybe that's not isaac. how would fink know?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is also a good point

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

By the voice, possibly.

snuffysam

fair

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Only we don't know.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

to be fair it might not have been isaac for the fact "isaac" was wearing a shirt that says "This is you"

which lends credit to the dream being prophetic

cause theyre warning him

actually yeah even tho "isaac" is talking the text is written as intelligible. so we cant gurantee he recognized isaac by voice

snuffysam

so yeah i may be right then

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

So it was Fink himself!

snuffysam

the shirt did say as much

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 4. Besides the bigger mysteries, there is a lot of small town drama going on. At the game, we meet Emma Bloom who Dawn clearly doesn’t care for. What do you think the history is between them? Does it have something to do with Logan, or is it just between them? What significance might Emma have further along? Another noteworthy character when it comes to drama is Nathaniel. Why is Nathaniel trying to obtain a gun? Is it just for protection, due to his angst, or is something else going on? Do you think this will get him in trouble with Joseph who is keen on watching him? In respects to the larger plot, what does Nathaniel’s end of the story have to do with any of the other events going on? Are there any other dramas or characters you thought were intriguing?

snuffysam

i think emma v dawn is definitely something relationship related

not sure as to what though

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'll ship Emma and Dawn.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe emma was supposed to marry logan but then she noped out of there. and dawn knows and is like "how dare"

snuffysam

that's not entirely implausible, math. one dumped the other at some point, and there's been bad blood ever since

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like it's more of a professional issue than a personal one. Based on their professions.

Snuffy: True 'nuff!

snuffysam

what could the professional issue be, then? because in a small town, dawn's probably had to yell at everybody at least once

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe its nothing relationships wise and the two are just rivals. like dawn always feels like emma is one-upping her

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I figure maybe the counsellor gave bad advice to a kid, who maybe then had a run-in with the law or something.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

but only dawn feels this and emma is like "wait what"

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Or maybe it was just a very bad "take your kid to work" day.

Dawn seems reasonably laid back though.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe dawn just doesnt like other women in general usually

snuffysam

like she's just always catty? i guess we haven't seen her around that many other woman.

she seems friendly enough with luca though

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

it could be more...defensive shyness? like make dawn was bullied in school by other girls and thus takes a while to open up

alternatively, emma was the bully

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe Emma was arrested once.

Also, yeah, I have no idea where that gun angle is going. Nowhere good, I presume.

Given the attitude of the guy with the bullets.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

im just curious how this is gonna tie into fink. unless they decide nathaniel will be their tapestry expert for some reason.

or maybe nathaniel is after that alien creature thing we see haunting fink

and thats why he wants a gun

snuffysam

i think he'll reveal the tapestries to fink, but i don't know how or why

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe he has a bird interest too.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe its just a casual thing that gets brought up. like logan and fink will catch nathaniel getting the gun and have him in the car. and hell just offhandedly mention something about the tapestries

snuffysam

maybe he has a bird "interest" and that's what the gun is for

but yeah i think rebel's right

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Perhaps

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and then theyll get joseph yazzie involved and itll be ultimate cop trio

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Meanwhile the ladies solve everything back at the station.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

on a different note, i cant wait till fink is boiling in the az sun

snuffysam

ooh yeah, he hasn't seen the sun up yet

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

not to mention his suit is dark colored so its gonna absorb more heat.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea looknig forward to all that sun

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and then all the cops are gonna snicker at his unpreparedness

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

He never seems to get the breaks to go his way.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

pretty much.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

on another different note, i like that fink just accepted the dog into his life

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I'm a cat person sooooooo.... sure. ^.^

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

im also a cat person. but i can appreciate someone getting a pet after being followed, shrugging, and going i guess this my life now

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I get the feeling Fink has to do that a lot.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

One other thing I want to mention before we wrap, that "favourite panel" contest I saw partway through. I thought that was really clever, I don't think I've seen that anywhere before.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Before time's up, If you see this, Jay, keep it up, this comic is a really great read and I love every bit of it.

snuffysam

yeah the contest was cool

as was the rest of the comic. keep it up, agent!

Agent Jay (The Pale)

ty ty

glad you guys enjoyed it

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

My pleasure

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ah, you're still here. Yes, very well done.

Agent Jay (The Pale)

i've been working on some touch ups to ch4 ... and reading in here.

very fun

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

In a final twist at the end... we learn that this was all about "The Pal, E".

snuffysam

maybe the real pale was all of us

Agent Jay (The Pale)

hahaha

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lul

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Knife throwing can spark many emotions.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yus

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well i am really pale so it works O_O

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Jay Fabares & Sanders Fabares, as well, for making The Pale and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Jay Fabares & Sanders Fabares’ efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Obelisk by Ashley McCammon. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on June 14th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: http://www.obeliskcomic.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #bookclub #comic bookclub #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #start faire #startfaire #the pale #Jay Fabares #sanders fabares

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