#thanks for sharing my passion about dark horse tour!!!!!

[rodeoromeo]

One of my fave things about the DH tour was how uncomfortable/confused he made people as a front man. Openly declaring how much he loved his friends, being passive aggressive to the audience, making cryptic comments about The Beatles, changing lyrics, deadpan humor, etc. I'd be obsessed with him if I saw that.

This Simon Leng quote lives in my head rent free:

"These gauche asides to the audience are testimony to how little Harrison acted a part while onstage. He seems to have no concept of projecting an image, or of how his words might be interpreted. It’s hard to imagine Bob Dylan introducing his costar as ‘Someone who affected my life to such a degree that I now have a life worth living.’"

I truly love this quote!!! I think it speaks to exactly why I, and a lot of us I think, love George so much. he was so unafraid to be true to himself. the dark horse tour is such a symbol of truly how unabashed he was to share what he believed in and be who he was- and for this to come after years of anxiety at performing live and years of pressure to fit into a mold that was made for him.

to me the dark horse tour is refreshing and brave and heartfelt and so achingly genuine in a way that popular music and rock had never seen and have never seen since. it isn't a manufactured "rawness" like so many people do- its really real.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

i adore everything you write especially erwin like he’s my number one and u write him so well i keep coming back<3 would love to hear your thoughts on the different types of dates he would take you on :)) ty and i hope you’re well !!

Omfg I really needed to hear this today :( thank you so much💛 you're too kind.

Im so happy to hear that I'm write Erwin i a good way! I've actually been thinking about his character a lot! My Erwin posts actually get the least notes bc he's just underappricated, tho imma make sure to write him more from now on just for you 🥰

I actually really liked this request idea so imma split it in two part bc i don't wanna make a long post

Type of dates with Erwin PT.1 {pt.2 in masterlist}

{ Erwin x reader | tw: none | fluff, romance | modern }

{ "La Lettura" 1873 by Antonio Mancini 1852 - 1930 }

Ideal dates : these are dates he plans up ahead, makes sure they go smoothly and you're both are having fun. He really looks forward to these dates, they're like an event for him. He saves them up for important occasions like your anniversary, valentine's day, birthday, etc.

1. Romantic dinner by candle lights: he's a sucker for classics and romance cliches. Once a month or so, when you're both free. He'd make a reservation at a fancy restaurant, a secluded table with multiple candles and a nice view of the night sky waiting for you.

You'd both dress us, he'd be a gentleman all the way and open the doors for you, tell you how precious you look while kissing your hand. Maybe even a bouquet of fresh flowers if he's feeling extra.

The night would be spent quietly, talking while drinking wine as your food is getting ready. You two could talk together forever and not get bored, he also could listen to you talk about your passions all day.

At dessert time, he slowly falls in love with you again when you offer him a piece of yours, he'll gladly eat it off your fork. You hold hands under the table and he circles his thumb against yours.

When going home, he'd wrap his arm around your waist, your head on his shoulder. It's the perfect night.

2. Picnic near the lake at sunset, ends with stargazing: this usually takes place in spring or summer, maybe even autumn. When the weather is just perfect and the sky is just clear enough. You both prepare a basket before hand, he wears a light blue shirt to match his eyes.

You arrive around lunch time, having picked a nice place under a tree to shield you from the sun. The sound of children playing in the distance quieting down as time goes on. You both prepared each other's favourite food before hand.

It's around sunset when he wraps the blanket you bought with you around you, the wind having picked up. He kisses your forehead before pulling you closer to his side. You watch the sunset together as the ducks in the lake swim lazily around.

When it's completely dark, is when you finally lay down together, facing the sky. You point to a certain formation and he tangles his fingers with yours before guiding them to the next, he knows a lot about the stars. He shows you the fading ones who's only remains are ghosts of their pasts, he also shows you the newly formed ones who's light is just reaching us.

With your head on his chest, his calm deep voice talking about the stars and the warmth the blanket is offering, you fall asleep.

You wake up in the passenger seat on the ride home, glancing to the side you can see him driving with a smile on his face, he looks happy, relaxed even. You go back to sleep.

3. Going to see a musical together: it's one of the dates he really looks forward too, he's actually a huge musicals nerd but only his close friends know that. So what's better than mixing his favourite thing to watch with his favourite person? You!

He knows the tickets are expensive but he promises you it's worth the inconvenience, so you book two seats online.

When you arrive, you sit next to each other while the room is slowly getting filled. You can hear the actors getting ready off-stage but can't make out what they're saying. Erwin is next to you looking through the play flyer they gave and explaining the story to you.

That day, is the most day you've seen Erwin laugh from the depth of his heart. He'd look at you each time something really funny happens. Squeeze your hand a bit whenever an intense scene is happening. Bring your hand against his lips for a second when a romantic scene is happening.

He's just fully emerged into it. When you see the shine in his eyes, the way his lips curl up just a bit, is when you realise how beautiful Musicals are.

It becames a habit to visit one each year on his birthday.

4. Go to a museum or an art gallery: one thing you've learned from being with Erwin, is that he can turn the most boring things interesting. He just has a way with words and a matching deep voice to go with it, he could read the ingredients on the back of a shampoo bottle and you'd still listen.

Naturally, it was just a matter of time before one of you suggested visiting a museum. You pick a day when not a lot of people would be there.

He makes it fun, interesting and actually educational. You've been walking peacefully in long corridors with paintings and other forms of art displayed around each corner. He seems to have endless knowledge about each piece, telling you both a secret funny fact about it and a base knowledge.

The perfect tour guide, he encourages you to participate and even guess information based on the art and how it makes you feel. He smiles whenever you get something right and chuckles when you don't, it's a win-win situation.

5. Horseback riding: this one happens whenever you visit his parents who retired in the country side, they're really lovely people and seem to genuinely like you. Not to mention how Erwin just shows you off proudly to his parents like you're made out of pure gold.

It's a quiet small town that makes you forget about the city, the air is refreshing and the people are kind, the patries are delicious and the baker is kind. You two could get lost walking near fields of flowers for hours.

He assures you that you have all the time to try everything else, for now he's excited to show you something he's been doing since he was a kid.

The people at the stable seem to recognise him, even the horses are kinder to him than you. You're a bit jealous you won't lie, but he just guides through befriending a certain white horse with braids in it's hair. You even manage to feed them some sugar cubes.

You've underestimate just how tall a horse is, so now when faced with the option to ride on its back you almost back away. Meanwhile Erwin looks really natural and comfortable just getting on one, is this the same man who didn't know you could turn your phone screen sideways till you showed him?

So you end up sharing a horse, he wraps your hands around his waist and tells you to trust him, it will be okay. And just when a glimmer of hope rises in your heart that maybe this isn't as scary as you thought, that man somehow makes the horse go so fast it almost rivals the speed of sound, at least in your mind it did.

It's the most fun and adventures date so far, your heart is pumping by the end of the day as adrenaline runs through your veins. You're both panting and he seems like a kid on Christmas.

Thankfully his parents somehow foresaw this happening and prepared dinner for both of you while apologising for their son. Soon enough, they arm you with enough embarrassing childhood stories about Erwin for later use.

6. Visiting historical spots: it's something his father suggested to you both while you're getting the car ready to drive home. Soon enough you were discussing it while on the road and both of you seemed to be on-board.

It's an actually entirely different experience to see these places in person than in photos in school history books. Everything is so much bigger than you expected, so much older and all the details.

You can see all the different angles just by walking around, both of you seem to be entranced at just how strangely alluring it is to see this great build and know it's more than 500 years old, even Erwin seems to be lost for words for once.

The memories you made, the silly photos you took, the places you held hand and kissed in. It's all was just so lovely. And so it becomes a yearly tradition that you both save up for.

[earnestly-endlessly]

First, thank you SO MUCH for all the fic recs you’ve been blessing us with! I really appreciate all the time and effort you’ve put into making these. Second, could you recommend some historical AUs? Thank you and I hope you have a lovely day :D

Thank you so much for the kind words anon. It’s so good to hear that you guys like these recs. I really enjoy creating these lists and finding fics that are both well-loved but also those who are underrated in the fandom. 

I have a LOT of historical AU fics so I hope there are some you haven’t read before. The fics are, more or less, in chronological order, so it starts with Ancient Rome, moves on to the Middle Ages, then to Regency era, etc. etc. This should make it a tad easier to find fics from different eras. Enjoy! 

                                 Cherik Historical AU Fic Recs 

History Repeating – winterhill

Summary: From a kinkmeme prompt, this is a series of vignettes about Charles and Erik throughout the ages. Each chapter is written as a self-contained era.

Wanton in the Air – Rosie_Rues

Summary: In which Charles rescues a gladiator from the arena and soon becomes somewhat disconcerted by this handsome new slave and his sharksome grin.

Pantheon – Yahtzee

Summary: In the year 96 AD, all Rome is aware that their gods have begun to Mark certain people with their gifts – the healing power of Apollo, the metal control of Vulcan, the deathly touch of Pluto, or the mental powers of Minerva. When those gifts fall to slaves or barbarians instead of the Romans themselves, strict control is necessary.

Then a gladiator from Judea meets an enslaved scribe from Britannia, and the repercussions will shake the Empire itself.

Taken By His Majesty – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik’s mission was simple, sneak into the Celtic pretender king’s tent, assassinate him, and return to Rome with his father’s honor restored. Unfortunately, he didn’t count on Charles. When the prince chooses to take him as his personal slave, Erik feared the worst, and his concerns weren’t entirely unwarranted. The worst, however, turns out to be falling in love with the greatest enemy of Rome’s primacy in Briton. A historical romance set during the early days of Rome’s occupation of Briton.

Terrible with the brightness of gold – brawlingdiscontent

Summary: The war is lost.

With the futures of his people and his children at stake, former Crown consort Charles of Normandy awaits the arrival of England’s new master, the fearsome Viking warrior, Erik Lehnsherr. (Inspired by 11th century historical events)

“For who could look upon the lions of the foe, terrible with the brightness of gold, who upon the men of metal, menacing with golden face, … who upon the bulls on the ships threatening death, their horns shining with gold, without feeling any fear for the king of such a force?” - Encomium Emmae Reginae

Burn Your Kingdom Down – spicedpiano

Summary: Erik’s people were brutally massacred when the Crusaders took Jerusalem. The sole survivor, Erik fled to northern Europe, only then to be captured as a thrall by Viking raiders. Since that day he has fought his way up to leading a group of Vikings on an invasion of the Christian mainland, killing every Crusader he can find. But when he captures a thrall of his own, a young witch who gives his name only as Charles, he discovers that there is a darker magic than his at work - and the fate of the known world may rest in his hands.

More Than All The World (The Werewolf’s Tale) – Luninosity

Summary: An Erik/Charles story very loosely based on Marie de France’s 12th-century French werewolf tale, in which Erik is the man transformed into a wolf (he’ll get changed back by the end, it’s not that kind of story, though they very definitely do fall in love) and Charles is a king and eventually there’s a happy ending. Also, a villain’s nose gets bitten off.

The Conspirator’s Gift – kaydeefalls

Summary: Medieval mystery AU. In the aftermath of a bloody siege during the 12th-century English Anarchy, the monk Henry and tradesman Erik discover evidence of murder: one corpse too many hidden among the fallen rebels. To see justice done, Erik must tread carefully through the conflicting and treacherous loyalties of civil war, as well as the potentially dangerous schemes of the enigmatic young Lord Xavier.

As Dark Longs For Day – Yahtzee

Summary: A daring young thief escapes from the wicked bishop’s dungeons, thinking herself free – until she encounters a rider with a black horse, a tame hawk and a dark secret. And who is this mysterious young man who only appears at night, accompanied by a protective wolf?

No Longer in Silence – Black_Betty

Summary: It has been eight years since Charles has seen Erik. Eight years since they parted under unkind circumstances and Erik went off to sea. The boy he once knew is Captain Lehnsherr now and they are as known to one another as strangers, and yet–Charles finds that eight years has done nothing to diminish the feelings he had when he was 16 and in love. It’s unfortunate then that Erik doesn’t feel the same way. (Persuasion AU)

Dance With Me – wallhaditcoming (uvcatastrophe)

Summary: After his most recent tour, Erik Lehnsherr has finally earned the rank of Captain and a commission on a vessel all his own. With the prize money he has collected and this new rank, he finally feels secure enough in his future to propose to the man he has loved for years. He just prays that Charles is willing to have him.

Connexions – keire_ke

Summary: When Mr Lehnsherr of Thornfield first began seeking a tutor suited to educate his young daughter, he could hardly have expected the young gentleman who turned up at his door, nor the connection they would forge.

The Master of Charlton Park – Gerec

Summary: On the brink of losing his ancestral home, omega Charles Xavier agreed to do the unthinkable; he would sacrifice his own happiness for the sake of his family, and bear a child for a married alpha and his mate.

But Charles never expected that alpha to be Erik Lehnsherr, with whom he shared an impossible love and undeniable passion.

Move Still – Black_Betty

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr hates dancing, but has a very specific reason for throwing a ball…

To Turn and Look When Thou Hearest the Sound of My Name – lachatblanche

Summary: North and South AU.

Erik, the master of the Genosha steel mill in the north, has lived a hard life, building his industry from scratch with the aid of his adopted sibling, Emma. When Charles Xavier, a young, southern gentleman, takes up residence near the mill, Erik finds himself drawn to him, despite Charles making it very clear that he cares neither for the north nor for Erik.

Based on Elizabeth Gaskell’s novel (takes place about midway through the story).

Frost fairs and fair frosts – diner_drama

Summary: The social circles of the upper end of London were in uproar - not only had the Thames frozen over, but the atypical weather had also prompted the mysterious and uncanny Dr. Xavier and his peculiar young charges to make the journey all the way from his mansion in Chester.

Erik Lehnsherr was not entirely certain that he could countenance meeting another of Mrs. Frost’s high society friends without suffering a violent fit of apoplexy, but perhaps the charming country doctor could break through his iron defences.

What We All Long For –  Nos4a2no9

Summary: Charles Xavier was heir to a vast fortune before his stepfather stole his birthright, his dignity, and his freedom. Forced to serve as Kurt Marko’s informant and as a sexual plaything for the wealthy men of Europe’s upper crust, Charles yearns for nothing more than a quiet life free from shame and abuse.

The death of his stepfather seems to offer a way out, but Charles is once again forced to serve the Markos when his stepbrother offers him up as collateral in a game of chance. Suddenly Charles becomes the property of Erik Lehnsherr, a mysterious gambler with a thirst for revenge.

When love between the two men begins to blossom, Charles finally discovers what is at the heart of Erik’s tragic story, and why he is set upon a devastating course of revenge that will endanger Erik, Charles, and everything they have longed for.

Roses & Cinnamon – TurtleTotem

Summary: Charles Xavier lost more than his leg in the war with Napoleon, and the man he’s just pulled out of the water has ghosts of his own – especially when Charles’s involuntary projected hallucinations prove catching. Raven, meanwhile, faces the choice of whether to marry respectably or run away with a carnival fortune-teller.

Ironwood Hall – wheel_pen

Summary: Erik and Emma are Alpha siblings living in an ancient house in the Victorian era… a house that has strong opinions about who its family should marry, that has dispatched unsuitable spouses in the past. The latest candidate? A creative young Omega named Charles Xavier.

Somewhere between Rage and Serenity – Hyperballad

Summary: Charles Xavier is Erik Lehnsherr’s servant in this fic, set in the late Victorian period. Although Charles was quietly enamored with his employer, he had no intimation that the other was equally infatuated with him. Only with the coming of a dark force in their lives would these feelings be brought to light and it will test the strength of their will. Would the raging lust win over a tranquil heart?

In a Compromising Position – Fireflydown (Hyperballad)

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is Charles Xavier’s newly hired manservant in his Victorian Household. He may be cheeky at times and amiable towards his master but he holds a dangerous secret that would trigger the following events and it will change both their lives forever.

Better Outrun My Gun – Magnetism_bind

Summary: Erik is searching for the man who murdered his parents. Charles runs a saloon with his sisters.

Taming the Wild – Penguina

Summary: A Cherik Wild West AU: Mutants in the Wild West.

Charles Xavier finds himself crossing the entire ocean to America to find his sister Raven. However the task turns out to be more difficult than he expected because Raven is nowhere to be found.

In the meantime Charles settles in a small town where he starts a new life as a school teacher. There he meets Erik Lehnsherr - the town’s blacksmith. Although at first he believes Erik is the rudest person he’s ever met, the two start a friendship and Charles becomes a teacher to Erik’s kids.

However both Charles and Erik have their own little secrets that no one should ever uncover.

Would Charles find his beloved sister and is she still alright? Would Erik’s tragic past haunt him forever and prevent him from finding his happiness? Would Charles have the guts to admit that his feelings for his new friend are a bit past the line of friendship? This and more in Taming the Wild!

The Gunpowder Files – Tawabids

Summary: In a 19th century Britain, the wealthy Xavier-Marko couple pay Erik, a hired killer, to put their disabled son Charles “out of his misery”. Instead, Erik saves Charles from dealing with those kind of parents ever again. Charles follows Erik back to London and eventually convinces the assassin to take him under his wing and teach him the trade. When their lives cross paths with a destructive opium cartel led by the shadowy Sebastian Shaw, they decide to take down the businessman down no matter the cost.

Steel Roses – Mikanskey, ximeria

Summary: The year is 1864. While unrest brews in Europe, Charles Xavier is finally able to start his research after spending years trying to find funding. Riding the tailcoats of Charles Darwin, he sets out into the British countryside to find out how much truth there is in folklore, how much of it that can be explained by his own kind, gifted humans with special abilities.

Little does he expect to find new friends, new challenges, a budding attraction both emotionally and physically. Not to mention an enemy with far more nefarious and sinister plans than he could have ever imagined.

Erik Lehnsherr is set with a good business, a manor and grounds, staff and acquaintances he can lean on if needed. However, having tracked down and killed the man who killed his parents, he feels adrift, wondering if this is where he’s supposed to end his life; a respectable man with a respectable business.

Dragging a drowning Englishman out of the river starts him down an entirely unforeseen, but not necessarily, unwelcome path.

They were Paris… – Mikanskey

Summary: Paris, at the end of the 19th century.

This is where Erik decided for a while to lay down his meager luggage.

This is where he hoped to find calm and inspiration for his art.

But instead this is where he found love…

With pulses that beat double – aesc

Summary: It has been thirteen years since Charles watched his beloved childhood companion walk out of his life. Now, in fin-de-siècle Paris, a chance overheard remark may lead them to each other’s sides once more.

The Body in the Bedroom – telperion_15

Summary: Autumn, 1909 – Viscount Charles Xavier has invited friends and acquaintances to spend the weekend, hoping for good company and interesting conversation. But he doesn’t bank on murder being committed under his roof, nor his growing interest in the enigmatic Erik Lehnsherr…

In which there is a country house party (what else?), murder most foul (of course), and almost everyone’s a suspect (naturally).

Your soul is a chosen country – aesc

Summary: He sends letters, of course, because out in the sticks there’s not much to do except tend to Westchester’s endless affairs. And, of course, avoid tending to those affairs by going on walks, riding, and writing letters that make him hard and thrill secretly when he hands the properly-sealed, addressed envelope to the butler.

I was in London the other day, and in a bookseller’s along The Strand I found the most interesting and instructive volume. Or rather, it would have proved instructive if we had not already worked our way through much of the repertoire.

Blue Skies – baehj2915, marourin

Summary: At the tail end of the 1920s, the Twentieth Century is finally changing for the better. When Charles and Erik meet, it seems like an appropriate expression of the zeitgeist–a confluence of passion, romance, and change. But the good times never last. Erik and Charles have to discover if they can weather the gray days together, or at all.

A September as Sunny as Spring – Black_Betty, ikeracity, keire_ke

Summary: Charles Xavier was part of a famous vaudeville act before an accident cost him his career and his ability to walk. He’s pulled together a new life as a musician in Hollywood, but is finding it difficult to navigate his feelings for his old friend and partner, Erik Lehnsherr, the most sought after matinee idol of their generation.

Famous film duo Frost and Lehnsherr are two of the most well-known and admired mutants in the public eye, having built their fame and fortune on silent film blockbusters.When the rise of the new “talking pictures” phenomenon threatens all their careers, they must band together to try to prove that their days of stardom are far from over.

Lay with Me Amongst the Grapevines – kageillusionz

Summary: Young Master Charles’ friend from Oxford comes to stay with him at Westchester House during their break. Their relationship changes over the course of Mr. Lehnsherr’s stay, warmed by the summer sunshine and their mutual affection.

The Eldest of the Gods – lapetitesinge

Summary: It’s 1928, and sixteen-year-old Charles Xavier is intrigued by the new boy joining him at Eton College. He’s thrilled to realize that they may be alike in more ways than one, but there’s more standing between them than he can possibly guess.

Robbers – dsrobertson

Summary: 1933. Bank robber AU.

The Bureau of Investigation are after Public Enemy Number Two, bank robber Erik Lehnsherr. Charles Xavier is fiancé to Special Agent Moira MacTaggart. A closet homosexual, Charles visits the Manhattan pansy club scene and meets Max Eisenhardt. Only as time goes on, Max Eisenhardt turns out to be Erik Lehnsherr. Public Enemy Number Two.

Charles learns exactly what happens when you accidentally fall in love with a male bank robber in 1930s America.

Sign of the Times – dsrobertson

Summary: Casablanca-ish AU.

Charles Xavier meets Erik Lehnsherr in Paris, 1937. They spend the next two years with one another, stupid in-love, until war comes heavy in September 1939. Erik leaves for Poland and the Resistance movement there, promising to return. Charles is left in Paris, where Nazi jackboots march in, Summer of 1940. He becomes a member of the underground French Resistance, publishing illegal newsletters, leaflets, until news comes through in February 1942: Erik is dead. Charles throws himself into more dangerous work, meeting with Communists, helping derail a German train, and he does too much, goes too far. His friends find him safe passage out of France, out across the Mediterranean, to Morocco, Casablanca. It is here he finds Erik, alive.

Alone No more – MacandLacy

Summary: Erik and Charles each thought that they were alone. When they meet as children and discover otherwise, it changes their lives. Set before and during World War II.

The footsteps of uprooted lovers – ninemoons42

Summary: Against a turbulent backdrop of artistic, social, and political upheaval, the playwright Charles Xavier and the photographer Erik Lehnsherr find themselves meeting under less-than-polite circumstances, but part rather more amicably than they’d met.

When they find each other again in a Barcelona that is falling inexorably toward war, they find themselves taking up arms, each in his own way, and together they join a struggle for freedom, for love, and for their very lives.

Theme and Variations: War – ninemoons42

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a musical prodigy and a man destined for great things and great stages. But his life is shattered by a terrible accident that leaves him blind and trying to find his way back to his life, his music, and his place in the world.

Then he meets Charles Xavier, an agent of Section 8 of the Military Intelligence Directorate of Providence, and he finds himself listening in to clandestine radio transmissions and clicking Morse code, and these sounds are part and parcel of a war that can only take place in the shadows and the hidden places of history.

Hier steh ich an Marken meiner Tage – MonstrousRegiment

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a spy in the SS, and his British liaison is strategist Charles Xavier. Their relationship from the moment they meet to a year after the end of the war.

“You’re the only person in the world who knows what I am.”

A fish hook; an open eye – fabeld

Summary: Charles Xavier’s wealth protects him from mandatory service in the British Armed Forces, but he refuses to sit idly by when his telepathy can be used to assist the Allied Powers. As a British spy, Charles gains the Nazi Party’s trust and is sent to Paris to complete one last mission. His plan is disrupted when he runs into someone he never thought he would see again.

WWII AU with nods to Atonement.

A Light That Never Goes Out – R_Cookie

Summary: It was meant to be the war to end all wars; these two men were never supposed to meet. One a German Jew, the other a British surgeon. The odds that their paths should cross were next to none - but War defies the expected. It always has, and always will.

From the beaches of Dunkirk to the treacherous slopes of Monte Cassino - this is their story.

WWII AU.

Xmas in Connecticut – Yahtzee

Summary: In December 1944, the entire nation loves Rebecca Lawrence - “America’s Most Beloved Homemaker.” Her columns about leading the ideal life in the country help lift people’s spirits on the home front during World War II. But when her publisher asks her to host a war hero for Christmas dinner, the world is in danger of learning the truth … which is that “Rebecca Lawrence” is imaginary. Really, she’s a combination of Raven’s snappy writing and Charles’ knowhow in the kitchen.

However, this war hero, Erik Lehnsherr, is headed to Connecticut, so Raven and Charles have no choice but to find a way to make the imaginary real - at least,

Infamy – Yahtzee

Summary: In the aftermath of the Second World War, Erik Lehnsherr – survivor of Dachau, former resistance fighter in Occupied Europe – joins forces with US intelligence to hunt down escaped Nazis. A sensitive mission in Rio de Janeiro calls for Erik to recruit a new operative … one nobody is sure whether to trust. Charles Xavier is the stepson of convicted Nazi spy Kurt Marko, a rapidly worsening drunkard and a homosexual who hardly even bothers to hide his predilections. Hardly ideal.

But Charles is the only person with any chance of getting close to Sebastian Shaw. The one man who might allow them to complete the mission.

And although Erik’s business is keeping secrets, Charles brings something out in him that he’s worked desperately to hide –

What Dreams May Come – AnnaMcb24

Summary: Erik is a holocaust survivor who has recently lost his wife–the only person in his life who kept him sane. He continues to suffer in his dreams–facing the same agonies that plagued him in his early life–until one day he dreams of a young boy who endeavours to free Erik from his subconscious prison. However, the boy holds a great many secrets and, while he works to save Erik, Erik works to reveal his saviour’s identity.

Meanwhile, young Raven Xavier has lost her mother and is slowly uncovering the secrets of her family home–secrets that will lead her directly to one Erik Lehnsherr.

By Faint Indirections - kianspo

Summary: Erik is in his ~50s, and lonely and bitter. He survived the Holocaust and was only ~14 when the war ended; and even ~40 years later, living in a country that helped to end WW2 and the Third Reich, homosexuality is still a taboo topic. Then one day, he stumbles over Charles, who is young(early 20s) and bright and smart and cheeky and full of energy and beautiful. And moving in the same street where Erik lives.

[boundtoyouphff]

Chapter 15: The Promise

A/N: Here is the next chapter that I promised you guys. Make sure you read Chapter 14 I posted earlier. Click HERE for the link before reading this chapter. 

---------------------------------------------

Promise. It's a big word. It either makes something or it breaks everything.

We live in a world built on them, but they often crumble into empty promises leaving us broken and falling further into the depths of untrust. Sometimes people toss us a rope to get out of the depths, but it is often frayed and breaking as the trust slowly dissipates.

Rarely, nowadays do people ever intend to keep them. They are nothing but sweet little lies that aim to provide nothing but hurt.

I never did trust promises as they so often fell short of their intention.

But, my father proved me wrong.

He kept his promise in the end.

He kept it when it counted the most to me.

He kept the promise.

------------------------------------

The princess tightened the harness around Bandit, her tall black quarter horse that she had been training with for a few years now. She gave the lead a light tug as Bandit began to walk along beside her for a cool down walk after a long training session. Emilia walked slowly beside the tall beauty, leading it around towards the field in a light walk.

It had been nearly a week since she had said goodbye to her boyfriend, Prince Harry, at the end of his tour of Illyria. Her mind kept drifting back to that private goodbye they shared in the airport lounge before publicly wishing the prince a farewell end of his tour to Illyria.

She closed her eyes to remember the feeling, the feeling of his arms securely around her while he kissed her forehead with those soft lips.

Flashback

"I cannot believe that you are leaving today..." Emilia bowed her head, averting her gaze away from the prince's mesmerizing deep blue eyes that were lingering on her own. She did not want to look away from Harry. It was those same deep blue eyes that kept her up late at night, wishing the night away until the morning came so she could gaze up into them once again.

"Well, you could always come with me." Harry's voice was low and endearing with a hint of humour that lightened the mood. He stepped forward and traced his finger down the side of her arm until he reached her hand and grasped it tightly.

The couple were at the airport in the capital of Illyria, spending a private moment alone that Harry had arranged in a private lounge in the airport. It was their chance to say a proper goodbye, before they would flip the switch and put on a display for the world to see Princess Emilia bid farewell to the English prince, ending his tour of her country. No such touch as the ones they had been giving each other would be allowed. Hence, their private moment right now.

"Don't tempt me, Henry." Emilia released a deep sigh as she found herself wondering how her family would react if she yet again ran away to London. The thought had definitely crossed her mind, but Emilia had other things that required handling here in her home country.

The prince started to chuckle at the thought of hiding Emilia away in one of his bags, she could surely fit in one. His infectious laughter grew, causing Emilia to lift her head and smile up at him adorably. "I am going to miss that laugh." She confessed without a second thought. Her hand delicately reached up and caressed his cheek softly. "Well, all of you really." Emilia's lips spread into a mischievous grin before she bit down on her bottom lip.

"Hmm...?" The prince angled his head down at the dark haired beauty. "Now, you can't be getting all lustful like that moments before I have to leave you behind here." He closed in what little space was left between them. "Plus, you are the one who wanted to wait until we could properly get to know each other." Harry simply reminded her.

"I know..." Emilia nodded lightly, hinting at a bit of regret for doing so while also suddenly becoming shy at her request.

"Don't get all shy on me." He softly whispered. "I think it's a good idea to take a step back even though we have already been there before. I don't want to rush into things with you, I want to take my time and get to know you like I have been this week. We will get there when we are both ready again." Harry rested his hands on either side of her hips and gently swayed her back and forth as she absorbed every re-assuring word he had spoken.

Emilia stepped into his body, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling her body snug against his muscular frame. Harry's hand cradled the crown of her head and lightly pushed it down to rest on his chest. She felt the prince release a deep sigh as his breathing calmed while his fingers gently combed through her long dark hair in a soothing manner.

The two of them stood there in a quiet embrace, relishing their last moment together. Emilia rubbed her nose into Harry's chest and squeezed him a little tighter, silently wishing for him to stay longer. Harry bowed his head and kissed her forehead with a gentle kiss.

"Mmmm..." She moaned quietly. "I love when you kiss me like that."

"I love having you in my arms." The prince did not hesitate to confess what he was truly feeling in that moment. "How am I supposed to say goodbye to you?" Harry wrapped his arms around the princess tighter and gently lifted her feet off of the ground briefly before setting her back on stable ground.

Emilia couldn't help but giggle at her boyfriend. She lifted her head and gazed up into his deep blue eyes, committing them to her memory for a later time when she would surely find herself missing them. The princess placed her hands on his chest and absentmindedly traced inanimate objects as she thought of a reply.

A soft smile tugged at the corner of her lips as an idea popped into the forefront of her mind. "Let's not say goodbye then, let's just say see you later." Emilia watched as the prince's expression lit up with a happy smile.

"I think that is a great idea." Harry smiled down at his girlfriend, becoming completely mesmerized by her natural beauty yet again. "Have I told you how beautiful you are this morning?" The prince had been doing everything in his power this week to bring back Emilia's confidence in herself and that often meant showering her with compliments.

"You have now..." Emilia tossed her head back lightly and peaked up at Harry with an adorable smile stretching across her lips. "I want to thank you for being...." She pursed her lips together trying to find the best words to formulate an answer. "For just being you and making me feel enough this week. I feel like I am a completely different person now than at the start of the week." The princess hinted that it was all because of Harry.

His hand lifted and brushed away a stray piece of her dark hair, tucking it behind her ear making him able to stare into the depths of her ice blue eyes. For that moment, she allowed Harry to see past the defensive walls she so often built up around her and see her vulnerabilities for what they really were. Harry knew that placing her trust in him scared her to no end after the way things had ended with Thomas, but he was relieved that she was taking steps in allowing herself to have faith in him to be able to show her how different he truly was.

There were still many curiosities and questions about what had happened with Thomas Brandy, but now simply was not the time to bring it up. He inwardly smiled knowing that he would be given the chance to get to know this young princess more as their secret relationship grew in private.

"We shouldn't make them wait too much longer...." Emilia broke through his thoughts as she reminded Harry that they still had to formally say their goodbyes in front of the media.

"They can wait a little while longer while I say goodbye to my girl." The prince wasted no time in capturing Emilia's lips against his as he savoured the moment. Emilia felt breathless as the prince continued to massage his lips against her own in a passionate fury. She broke apart from him for a brief intake of breath, but immediately found those soft lips again, caressing them despite the cloud of haze she found herself falling in. Emilia grasped his waist in an attempt to ground herself.

It was if the world around them had ceased to exist and only the two of them lived in that moment. Emilia felt connected to Harry way beyond she ever thought was possible to the point she thought it was unbelievable. How could she feel this way about somehow so quickly? But, in that moment only one thing felt right.

What was right, was being with him.

Being Harry's girl.

End Flashback

Bandit nudged Emilia's side with his nose bringing her back to reality. She chuckled lightly and rubbed the gentle giant's nose. "I know, Bandit, I miss him though. You are good company too, it just isn't the same." Emilia loved talking to her horses even though she knew they really were not listening to her.

Emilia unlocked the gate and pushed it forward to allow just enough room for them to enter the paddock. The princess's other horse, Pebbles, a white and grey appaloosa came running to greet them. "Well, hello there gorgeous Pebbs." Pebbles loved to get extremely close to people and sniff their whole body in hopes of finding a treat for herself, that also involved messing your hair up too.

"Hey... enough. I don't have any on me!" Emilia put her arms up in the air as the horse grunted at her with disapproval. "It's not like you earned a treat, Pebbles." The princess continued to walk Bandit further into the field before releasing the black beauty and letting it run free alongside Pebbles.

She closed the gate, securing it with the lock. Turning around rested her arms on the white metal fence and watched the two horses run around in circles. Emilia released a deep sigh as she fell into the traps of her mind yet again. She had spent so much of her time lately training for the Olympics and finishing Harry's tour that she had yet to even consider options of a new press secretary. The thought was weighing heavily on her mind as of late and it was about time she sorted that part of her life out, but that meant confronting her grandmother, The Queen.

--------------------------

Emilia stared at her phone in her shaking hands that displayed her father's contact. She sighed out deeply, debating once again whether to call him or not. For the past few days Emilia's mind had been heavily thinking about her future in all aspects of her life, but most particularly her future as a working senior royal in the Illyrian monarchy. After firing her last press secretary, it was now time to find a replacement. Having put much thought into it, Emilia knew the only way to succeed in this was to scrap most of her current team that was hand picked by her grandmother the Queen and develop a team of her choosing instead. This of course would need to have the blessing of her grandmother and for her to even stand a chance, Emilia required her father's assistance. There was a part of Emilia that feared her actions would warrant further repercussions with the Queen. But, she had to try.

All Emilia wanted was a chance to do things her way and show her grandmother and father that she could be the royal they always strived for her to be, but not by controlling her by hiring her support team. She even confided in her boyfriend, Harry last night discussing what the best course of action was with a lengthy conversation over the phone. He encouraged Emilia to speak with her father and share her thoughts with him. Harry sat there most of the evening listening to Emilia and her plans with how she wanted to go about things. He could tell she had given this a lot of thought and he was even impressed with what her plans consisted of.

The princess took the plunge and called her father. She fidgeted with her fingers and nervously bit down on her bottom lip as the phone continued to ring with no answer.

"Hello, sweetheart." Frederick's voice answered the phone. "How are you?"

Emilia paused for a brief moment and closed her eyes. "I am good, father. How are you?"

"Splendid dear. Your mother and I just returned from a walk in the gardens." Her father chuckled lightly. "Rather a hike if you know your mother at all." The Crown Prince whispered into the phone so his wife would not be able to hear his complaint.

The princess couldn't help but giggle knowing her mother's walks were more like a marathon than a casual stroll. Emilia breathed in slowly, mustering enough courage to bring up the real reason for her call. She continued to pace back and forth in her apartment wondering how to start it off. Without a second thought, Emilia parted her lips to speak and outright asked her father.

"Daddy..." Emilia's voice became soft. "I uh..." Emilia struggled to formulate her words properly, suddenly wondering if this was a bad move on her part, but then she remembered what Harry said to her last night. "He is your father Emilia, he will listen and do whatever he can. I'm sure he will want the best for you."

Emilia smiled softly and breathed out, finding a little hope. "I want to talk to you and gran about something important. I want to choose my own staff. I want a fresh start and work with who I want to work with."

There was silence over the phone while Emilia waited for a reply.

"Emilia, honey..." Her father held a long pause again. "Why don't you and I go out for dinner tomorrow night and talk about this. Let me hear what you want first and then we can speak to gran after ok?" Frederick's voice was soft and genuine. He did want to hear what Emilia had to say, but he knew how hard it was to convince his mother with changes. "I will get Antony to book us a table at Tommy's Kitchen in the private section. You can get your favourite pasta dish? With those garlic bread rolls?"

"Ok. Yeah that will be good dad." Emilia nodded her head. At least it was somewhat of a step forward. "Can you send me the details after?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Frederick confirmed, but Emilia could hear her mother shouting in the background. "Your mother says that she loves you honey. Would you like her to come along too or is this a daddy daughter date?"

The princess's lips stretched into a beaming smile at the thought of spending some quality time alone with her father. "Just us two daddy. It's been a long time since only you and I have spent time together."

"Perfect, Emilia. I will see you tomorrow night." Frederick replied. "Well, actually I will pick you up and we can take the old corvette out for a little drive? How does that sound? Besides I need an excuse to take it out for a spin... You know how your mother disapproves of fast cars."

"Only if I can drive it a little ways. You know I love that car, dad."

"Deal. Goodnight, my girl."

The princess hung up the phone and sighed a breath of relief. She opened up Harry's messages and sent him a quick text saying that she was having dinner with her father tomorrow night. Emilia knew he was on an engagement late tonight and would not have the chance to reply so she decided to get another run in for her training. This way she would be able to clear her mind and focus on the meeting tomorrow.

-------------------------

Emilia slipped on her cream coloured closed toed heels and walked towards Tristan who was holding her coat for her. The princess turned around letting her protection officer assist her with putting it on. She turned around and flashed a grateful warm smile to Tristan.

"It will all go well, Emilia." Tristan kindly offered some encouragement.

The princess slowly nodded her head. "I hope so, Tristan. I need this." She confided in her RPO. "You know I do intend to keep you around. Despite what happens and whoever I do hire you can rest assure you aren't going anywhere. I don't trust anyone half as much as I trust you." Emilia re-assured Tristan of his position.

"You know I wouldn't work for anyone else, Emilia." A smirk formed on his lips. "You are by far my most interesting client that loves to keep me on my toes. At least you don't try to escape anymore..."

"You arse." Emilia playfully pushed him. "Let's go for dinner." Tristan followed in behind Emilia and escorted her through Lexington Palace towards the car park where her father, Crown Prince Frederick had arrived in a black corvette.

Her father climbed out of the drivers side with a beaming smile, watching his beautiful daughter walk towards him in a blue pleated three quarter length dress with delicately placed red flowers. Frederick sighed, wondering when his daughter had grown up. It was like it was yesterday when he held Emilia in his arms for the first time. But now, she stood before him, a beautiful young woman, both inside and out.

        "Daddy!" Emilia's walk hastened to a light run as she ran to embrace her father. Frederick lifted Emilia in his arms and squeezed her frame tight.

"You look so beautiful, Emilia." Frederick set Emilia down carefully on her feet and looked down at his daughter adoringly. "Like the true princess you are."

"Oh...daddy stop it." Emilia's cheeks became flushed with a blush of crimson.

"Well, shall we get this daddy daughter date started properly?" Frederick dug into his pocket and tossed Emilia the corvette keys.

"You are sure?" Emilia's mouth dropped open in shock as she caught the keys in her cupped hands. "You won't let anyone else drive this... not even Edward."

"There is a first time for everything." The Crown Prince smiled with elation and took a few steps towards the car, opening the drivers side door for his daughter. "Come on. If we wait any longer we are going to miss our dinner reservation."

Emilia's whole face lit up with excitement. It was the first time in her life that she was first before Edward.

-----------------------------

"And can I get a bottle of your finest red wine for my daughter." Frederick smiled up at the waiter.

"Certainly, your royal highness. I will bring it out to you shortly. Is there anything else that I can get you in the mean time?" The waiter kindly offered.

"I think that is everything Shaun. Thank you." Frederick politely dismissed the waiter and turned his attention back to his daughter.

"I forgot how much I love this place." Emilia glanced around the restaurant taking it all in as the memories of their family dinners here came flooding back to the forefront of her mind. Memories of a time when things were simpler.

"We used to bring you and Edward here when you were children a lot." Frederick eased back into his chair. "Back when you two were so close, we could not separate you even if we tried." Her father slowly shook his head alluding to their now distant and strained relationship.

"With all due respect. I did not come here to talk about my brother." Emilia lowered her head down averting her father's gaze.

Frederick took in a deep breath just as their bottle of wine arrived. He reached for it and cracked it open, pouring each of them a healthy glass of wine to enjoy before their dinner arrived. "Let's get down to it then, Emilia. Discuss business then have a lovely evening together."

The Crown Prince set his wine glass down. "You want to choose your own staff and does that include firing your current team?" Frederick sat back and let his daughter take control of the discussion.

Emilia nodded her head slowly and took in a deep calming breath before beginning. "Father, I want to choose my own team personally. Not to have people who think they work for my grandmother rather than me and have her interests at heart and not mine. I want people who see my vision and want to help me portray that vision of who I want to be. I cannot do that if I do not trust the people who are working closest to me." The princess made some valid points, but she was not done there.

The princess looked her father directly in the eyes mustering courage from within her. "I only want to keep Tristan and Ella as current staff. I have never selected my own people before and I value your opinion and would like you to help me as an advisor to find suitable people for the job. But, strictly as an advisor and I get to have the final say. I am hoping that this way gran will be more on board with this knowing you are guiding me. I know I have lots to learn, father. But, I know that if I do not have the pressure of gran on my back I can do amazing things with what you and mother have given and taught me. All I need is a chance and..." Emilia's blue eyes gave her father a pleading look. "And your support to help me convince gran. I know I may not always get it right, but I am learning from my mistakes. I need to do things that I believe are right even if they are different from the norm and in time with a supportive team of my choosing I can be the princess that you and granny want me to be for Illyria."

A comfortable silence fell between them as Frederick digested Emilia's words and wishes for her future. He took a few moments to formulate his response, but he could not get the feeling out of his heart of how proud he was of Emilia and the growth that she continued to show as of late.

Frederick knew where he had to begin. "Emilia, I first have to apologize for breaking the first promise I ever made to you." He sighed deeply with regret. "I promised to never let you feel or be treated differently than your brother and I have failed you in that. I am sorry for that." The Crown Prince's features grew soft and genuine. "I have let you down when I have not stood up for you like a father should have, especially in Cavallo the other night."

"I promise you that I will not ever break that promise to you again." Her father smiled hopefully at Emilia. "Please forgive me."

Emilia reached across the table and grasped her father's hand. "Of course I forgive you, dad. I do not blame you one bit. It is not you...it's gran. That is why I need your help."

"Emilia, it is going to be difficult to convince your grandmother to change her ways...." Frederick was bound to help Emilia anyway he could, but she had to grasp the reality of it all. "I will support you with this and we will set up a time with the Queen to discuss it. I cannot guarantee what she will agree to, but I will be right there by your side with you."

Emilia nodded her head slowly understanding that her wishes may not be possible. "Thank you daddy. I need to at least give it a try."

Emilia and her father put their discussion to rest for the rest of the evening and enjoyed one another's company. It had been a long time since they had spent time just the two of them together. By the end of the evening, they vowed to have more evenings spent like this.

-----------------------------

Frederick looked across to his nervous daughter sitting opposite of him in the Queen's blue drawing room at Kingstone Palace in Aldoria, the capital of Illyria. Emilia was exuding her nerves as she sat there fidgeting with a ring on her finger and then smoothening over the fabric of her elegant professional looking green dress. Frederick knew she had done her best to look the part while proposing her new plans for a selection of new staff. Emilia wanted to be taken seriously and Frederick could feel how badly his daughter wanted this chance.

    He sat there in silence with Emilia, roving over his own thoughts and plans on how to support his daughter through this, having no idea where his mother's final decision would land. After his evening with Emilia he had come back to the palace to confide in his wife, Elizabeth, to see how they could support their daughter together. His wife felt the same profound proudness in Emilia knowing that she was trying to step up and take things into her own hands with her own responsibilities. But, they both feared how Eleanora, The Queen, would take Emilia's request after Emilia fired the press secretary that the Queen hand picked for her.

The Queen's personal assistant, Alastair, opened the grand golden doors leading to the Queen's private drawing room and alerted Emilia and her father that she was ready to hold their meeting. "Her Majesty, wishes to see you now." He stepped aside and waited for them to walk through the doors.

Emilia stood up slowly and took a glance down at her dress one last time. Taking in a deep breath she lifted her head to find her father staring down at her fondly with a warm smile gracing his lips. "Everything is going to be ok, regardless of her answer. Just tell your gran what you told me the other night. I will be right there with you, I promise." The Crown Prince made sure Emilia knew he supported her. All the princess could do was nod gently in reply before falling in to step behind her father.

The Crown Prince greeted Queen Eleanora in a traditional bow before embracing his mother warmly. He took a step back and allowed Emilia to do the same as she dipped into a curtsey and addressed her grandmother first at Queen. "Your Majesty." Emilia looked up at her grandmother as she slowly stood back up from her curtsey. She paused for a brief moment before witnessing a kind smile form on the Queen's lips.

"Come here Emilia and give your granny a hug." Emilia chuckled lightly and embraced the Queen, wrapping her arms around her tiny frame, forgetting how fragile and delicate she truly was. "You look lovely today, dear. I adore this color on you."

The three of them sat down and made small talk, catching up on everyday life as they waited for their tea to arrive. Emilia was feeling more relaxed as the seconds passed by, but she had a feeling it was her father who had something to do with it as he continued to make the conversation light and fun even throwing in small tid bits of information about what Emilia has been doing lately as if he was slowly planting seeds to grow.

Knowing without a doubt that her father had her back through all of this, Emilia felt it was time for her to address the real reason for their meeting. She took one last sip of her tea and gently placed it back on the table. Breathing in deeply, she felt a sense of calm course through her before she started to speak.

"Granny." Emilia spoke up and looked across to the Queen. "May we discuss why I wanted to meet with you today?"

The Queen nodded her reply before parting her lips to speak. "Yes, Emilia. Your father called me the other day and said you would like to speak with me about an important matter. What is it dear?" Eleanora opened the room up for discussion.

"First off, I do want to apologize for firing Mia Deacon, the press secretary you appointed to my team. Mia and I did not see eye to eye on many issues together and it made our work relations stressed to the point where I needed to let her go. I do understand that you hired Mia to help form me into more of an idea of what you wanted me to be as a royal, but I do believe that it was the wrong step in trying to achieve that." Emilia admitted truthfully, trying to lay out the foundation of her request. The Queen remained silent, waiting for her granddaughter to continue before speaking.

"I have put a lot of thought lately in who I want to be and what I want my future to hold. I do want to serve you to my best ability as a senior working royal along with my equestrian career as an Olympian..." The princess paused and took in a breath. "But, I need to do it the way I think is best. I do believe that if I was able to choose who I work with I can find people who can help me shape this vision I have for my future and that does mean getting rid of most of my current staff and starting fresh."

The Queen glanced towards her son, Frederick, briefly then turned her attention back to Emilia. "Continue." Were the only words that Eleanora spoke.

"I know this is you taking another chance on me, gran. All I need is a chance and your support and blessing with this going forward. I know lately that I haven't always gotten things right, but I am learning from my mistakes. But, not all were mistakes in my opinion." Emilia was now starting to tread in dangerous waters, but this needed to be addressed. "I tend to not follow the straight black and white line that the rest of the family does and quite frankly I'm ok with that, because it is who I am." The princess felt an odd feeling course through her and she could not place it, but it felt like her old fiery self felt a spark of a flame from deep within her and gave her the confidence she so desperately required in that moment. "I do things differently. I show compassion and emotion when I feel it is right to and it helps me connect with people on a different level. I speak my mind unapologetically when I feel my voice will do good rather than silence that harms more if I don't. I get criticized and am under scrutiny because of this...but I know it does more good than harm."

Emilia peaked over at her father who nodded his head proudly and encouraged Emilia to keep going. "I have no experience in choosing staff and have already asked my father to be an advisor, guiding me through this process while I create a team that I ultimately choose. I do not wish to do this without your support, gran, and I mean no disrespect to you. I just believe that I can do so much more if I work with people I trust to have my intentions at heart. I can be the princess you have always strived for me to be. I only want a chance to show you I can." Emilia ended her argument with a pleading look towards her grandmother as a quiet silence filled the room while she digested Emilia's words.

"Emilia..." The Queen finally broke her silence. "It does seem that you have given this quite a lot of thought." She looked directly into her granddaughter's pleading blue eyes. "But, I cannot approve of this."

The princess gasped lightly as she felt her heart sink into her chest. A feeling of defeat slowly began to build in the pit of her stomach as it replaced all the hope she had built up. Emilia pursed her lips together, unable to formulate a response as the devastation was clearly evident on her face.

"Why?" Emilia's voice broke. She could not understand her grandmother's decision.

"Emilia... dear." The Queen shook her head at her granddaughter who was clearly devastated with her decision. "It's due to your past behaviour. I cannot allow you to go on your own. I understand it has been a difficult year for you. But, your lashing out, breaking protocol behaviour is simply the reason why I cannot let you do this. I cannot reward your behaviour like this." Eleanora explained to Emilia and her father.

"Breaking protocol?" Emilia leaned forward in her chair with tears brimming in her eyes. "Is that about what happened with Prince Harry at the hospital? Because that was not my fault and I did not put his life directly at risk. It was the press..." She stood up for herself but the Queen held up a finger to silence her.

"That was an unfortunate circumstance. Yes a foreign prince's life was put in danger due to the media interest in you thanks to your ex, Emilia." The Queen became short with her. "I had to make a call to Queen Elizabeth and explain to her why her grandson was caught in the cross hairs of your mistake!" The Queen informed Emilia.

"How was that my mistake? And my life doesn't matter?" She softly whispered her questions, attempting to gain some sort of understanding in the matter.

The Queen sat there in utter silence. " Your life does matter to me, Emilia. Do not think for a second that it does not. But, it was your choice to trust Thomas Brandy and your instincts were clearly wrong in that situation, end of discussion." Eleanora took a sip of her tea, contemplating her thoughts.

"So I am being punished for falling in love with someone?" Emilia sat back in her chair and shook her head in disbelief. "I had no control over my ex's actions."

She shook her head, unsure that this was the best decision, but she was willing to make a deal that would in turn benefit the monarchy as well giving Emilia a small portion of the freedom she craved. "I will compromise, Emilia. You and Edward's team will be joined to show that there is no rife between you and your twin brother like the press have been suggesting for months. You can select one personal assistant, but the rest of your staff will be Edward's." Eleanora smiled down at Emilia as if she was doing her a favor, but in fact it was the complete opposite.

Before Emilia could even protest, her father broke his silence on her behalf.

Frederick leaned in and sat on the edge of his seat, looking his mother directly in her eyes. "I have stayed silent here, hoping that you would give Emilia this chance that I wholeheartedly think she deserves. She has shown massive strides in her commitment to serving you and the people of Illyria while continuing to train for the Olympics." Frederick was finally holding true to his promise to Emilia and standing up to his mother like a father should for his daughter. "Did you not listen to a word she said mother? It was respectful, well planned and thought out and it is what she truly wants. It is completely unfair of you to make your decision based on her past behaviour when half of the 'issues' were not even her fault to begin with, you and I both know that. You cannot punish my daughter for the actions of that vile boy. Placing Emilia with Edward's team is something I will not stand for as they will only use Emilia to Edward's benefit like this family has been doing so for all of her life. This has got to stop, because I am tired of it as a father. If anything, she will be under my staff if you do not allow her this chance to show you the change that this monarchy so desperately needs. It is now time for her to figure out her own path and identity in this family, mother. Times are different and you need Emilia exactly the way she is if you want the monarchy to have a future. You know and I know it. Emilia is an essential part to the future of the Illyrian monarchy." Frederick said his peace in a convincing impactful way.

His head turned to find his daughter, Emilia, staring at him with tears in her eyes, but a grateful smile plastered on her lips. This was what Emilia had asked him to do, why she enlisted his help and support.

"I promised you..." He proudly mouthed towards his daughter.

"Frederick." The Queen called his name as they both turned to look at her. "I do not like how you spoke to me, but I do admire how you stood up for your daughter today. You have convinced me son." Her eyes strayed towards Emilia, locking in her gaze.

"You get one chance, Emilia." Eleanora changed her mind, but Emilia could tell she was not pleased to do so. "On two conditions... your father is to be an advisor through it all and Edward and you need to do more engagements together. That is not a request, it's an order. You must get along or at least pretend to. Either way, it needs to happen. I will give you a few weeks to find suitable staff under your father's advisement. This will be reviewed in a few months time and if there are no changes, or striders forward... you join Edward's team."

Emilia could not believe what had just happened. She nodded her head in understanding. "Thank you, granny." It was a win thus far and Emilia would take it.

The Queen stood up, as did Emilia and her father. "Do not take my reversal of my decision as supporting this. Know that my blessing will have to be earned, not freely given in this matter. Emilia. Best of luck." The Queen spoke her final words and took her immediate leave.

Frederick remained stoic watching until the moment that his mother was out of his view before turning back towards his daughter. A beaming grin formed on his lips and his hands flew up in the air with elation. "Emilia! You did it!" He walked over towards her and enveloped Emilia into a loving hug.

"Dad, let's be honest. It was you who changed Gran's mind when you stood up for me." Emilia rested her head on her dad's chest and relished in the comfort and security it gave her. She closed her eyes as a stray tear betrayed her and fell down her cheek. It had felt lately that her father was not on her side, but today she was being proved wrong in all aspects.

"No, sweetheart. This was all your doing." Frederick squeezed her frame tighter. "Now, want to get started on this today? I have my afternoon cleared for you." He felt his daughter lift her head off of his chest and glance up at him with excitement dancing in her eyes.

"Really?" Emilia's icy blue eyes lit up.

"Yes, love. Let's head back to Lexington and start the search of your new staff." The Crown Prince led Princess Emilia out of Kingstone and back to Lexington Palace.

[patandpran]

The Nuisance and the Handsome Prince - A Sarawatine Medieval AU - Chapter 3

Tine is an aspiring Squire who has been training his whole life to work alongside the Kingdom's finest Knights. Sarawat is a Prince who, on the outside, seems fierce and unapproachable. He is disinterested in any of his royal duties, namely his Knight training.

What happens when Tine is assigned to be the fierce and handsome prince's Squire?

Aka The Medieval AU that I can't get out of my head.

Read on Archiveofourown here, Read the prequel by the lovely @sarawatism here

The Prince stood mere feet from Tine and Tine was suddenly pulled back into the memory of their first and only proper meeting. The look of disappointment that had been etched across Prince’s face was enough to make Tine cringe in the present. Tine currently had two options: follow the order of propriety and bow to Sarawat or follow his upbringing and stick it to tradition with a more equalizing approach. Both could potentially get him in trouble, depending on how the Prince was feeling that evening but Tine decided to follow his instincts.

“I did not mean to offend with the critique but this feels more like a dungeon than a study.” Tine expressed boldly, bowing his head slightly. “Thank you for the invitation nonetheless.”

Sarawat seemed slightly taken aback by the lack of decorum but did nothing to make Tine worried that he might take any action on the matter. Sarawat’s expression was closed but there was a slight twinkle of something in his eyes that mirrored how he had regarded Tine during their first encounter ten years earlier. While Tine doubted that he would ever win Sarawat over as a friend, especially according to Fong’s report of how selective Sarawat was with his socialization, but he thought that they could at least have the base of a civil working relationship.

“Your feedback is duly noted.” Sarawat answered before leaning against the stone wall in a very unprincely and casual fashion. “But we should get down to business. I didn’t invite you up here to give you a tour of the tower, I wanted to meet with you before training begins tomorrow to be clear that about my complete lack of interest in becoming a Knight.”

Something twisted violently in Tine’s chest and he clenched his fists involuntarily. How could Prince Sarawat have such complete disregard for his duties as a member of the Royal Family? It astounded and enraged Tine beyond belief as it had always been his dream to work beside a strong and passionate Knight and the reality that had been paired up with someone who wanted nothing to do with the Knight training was such an utter slap in the face that it had Tine internally fuming.

“Squire Tine, it doesn’t seem like you are happy with that response.” Sarawat lifted one eyebrow as he regarded Tine with an air of complete indifference.

Tine had never been skilled at keeping his emotions at bay and this exchange was not an exception to that. Tine flinched when Sarawat said his name and put his hand defensively on his hilt as the tension in the room grew. He knew that if he tried anything, his head would displayed on a post on the castle wall by morning so, for his mother’s sake, Tine took a deep breath and collected himself. It was no doubt that the Prince was just trying to get a rise out of him but he wasn’t going to let Sarawat win this round.

Tine straightened his spine and stood with purpose. “My duty as your Squire is to support you in your training and protect you on the Field. Whether it be in battle or during competitions, I will be at your side. Whether you are passionate about your Knighthood or not, I will do my very best to support you in becoming the best Knight you can be and when you become King..”

“Enough!” Sarawat interrupted Tine in a tone that resembled a growl. He matched Tine’s stance and the intense stare in the Prince’s eyes mirrored the flickering flames of the candles that lit the room.

The sudden ferociousness that emanated from the Prince was startling and though Tine did not fear much, he found himself afraid of Sarawat in that moment. For someone so fierce to deny the chance to learn the skills of Knighthood seemed like a complete waste to Tine. Sarawat would not doubt be a King to be feared when he someday took the Throne from his father. These were thoughts that Tine knew could get him killed so he kept them to himself just as his own Father had taught him. Having forbidden and treasonous opinions was one thing but sharing them aloud outside of the confines of your own home got you killed.

“I apologize, my Prince.” Tine murmured and whatever semblance of a budding connection between them was instantly shattered. “I will take my leave and see you at training tomorrow.”

Sarawat turned swiftly and stalked toward the sole window in the East tower. He put his hands down on the edge and clenched the windowsill. The moon was in full force that evening and the silence that filled the room was consuming. Tine wondered if it was possible to drown in the absence of sound.

Tine watched in fascination as Sarawat’s breath seemed to steady slightly. He knew he should leave before he earned himself an injury but there was something about the Prince that froze Tine in place.

Sarawat did not turn but he cleared his throat before muttering, “Do me one favour, Tine, please never call me ‘Prince’ or ‘Your Highness’. If we are going to somehow be able to tolerate one another, just call me ‘Wat’.”

The intimacy of the exchange was not lose on Tine. He knew that this was not technically a royal decree or order but the least that he could was respect the Prince’s request, regardless of what the possible implication of it might be. Tine would just have to avoid addressing the Prince in public lest someone overhear someone of a lower rank calling Sarawat by a nickname.

“I think that can be arranged.” Tine responded softly, studying the way that the moon danced off of the Prince’s dark locks. “Good night, Wat.”

Tine raced down the stairs before Sarawat even had the chance to respond. Tine was not sure if this exchange had gone any better than their first but he knew that this whole experience was truly going to test him and his dedication to his mission.

Once he made it back to his room, Tine fell into the deepest sleep that he had ever experienced.

*******

“Tine…. Tine. You really have to wake up now.”

Tine heard a voice coaxing him awake and as soon as his eyes sprung open, he saw Fong hovered above him with a concerned look on his face. Tine immediately bounded out of bed, pulled on his training garments that Fong had laid out for him and stuffed his face with food.

“You’re expected on the training field in ten minutes.” Fong explained with an amused look on his face. “I suggest you run a brush through that hair of yours before you let anyone else see you.”

Tine grumbled but did as Fong suggested. He had never been one to care too much about his physical appearance but it wouldn’t hurt to try to at least appear presentable on the first day of training. After he was finished, Tine shared, “You can have the rest of my breakfast, Fong and I will see you at the end of the day.”

“Good luck, Tine.” Fong greeted as he sat down to finish the remaining food. “With the mood that I heard the Prince is in this morning from some of the other staff, you will definitely need good fortune on your side.”

Tine knew that some of the Prince’s poor mood was likely his fault but he charged through the halls with confidence nonetheless. Tine wasn’t going to let Sarawat’s bad temperament ruin the experience that he had been working his entire life toward.

Tine made it to the training field in a timely fashion and quickly began to set up Sarawat’s armour and horse. Some of the other Knights in training had already arrived like Sir Man and Sir Boss. Tine was in the middle of sharpening Sarawat’s sword when his heart lurched at the sight of another Knight in training approaching the field: Lord Mil, the son of the Head Knight and the sole reason that Tine’s father had been attacked.

Hatred suddenly consumed Tine entirely and though he had never met Lord Mil personally, Tine found himself seething. Tine did not loathe many but the feeling that he was currently experiencing was beyond his control: those who hurt his family deserved to be hurt in return. Tine would have to patient about exacting his revenge but seeing Lord Mil was enough to spark the flame of his purpose again.

Lord Mil passed by Tine and as he did, he made direct eye contact and nodded curtly at Tine. The interaction was shocking in itself as Lords usually did not interact with lower ranks but Lord Mil seemed to be a bizarre exception to this rule which suddenly made Tine feel conflicted about his feelings toward the young man.

The confusing emotions quickly dissipated when he saw the Squire that was trailing after Lord Mil: it was Ohm!

Tine was delighted beyond belief to see his childhood friend and while it would be improper to celebrate in that very moment, when Ohm saw Tine, he winked at his friend and continued on his way. Tine was beyond relieved to have another ally within the castle walls even if he was working with the enemy but that was obviously out of Ohm’s control.

From afar, Tine could see Ohm helping Lord Mil into his armour and Tine couldn’t help but wonder what was taking Sarawat so long to show up to the training field. He wondered if the Prince would even bother to show up at all. Ohm gave Tine a sympathetic look as Tine finished fitting Sarawat’s horse with its protective equipment. Tine noticed that all of Sarawat’s gear bore the same wolf insignia as the East Tower had featured. There was something about the beast that reminded Tine of the fierce side of the Prince. It was a very apt symbol.

The Head Trainer stepped onto the field and cleared his throat. Tine had only ever seen the man from afar and heard stories from Ohm’s father about the Trainer and Tine could not wait to hear what he was going to say, although Tine wasn’t sure how long he was going to be allowed to remain on the field without Sarawat present - a Squire without a Knight was just another body taking up room on the field. Tine cursed the prince internally to have already ruined their first day.

“How lovely of you to join us at the eleventh hour, Your Highness.” The Head Trainer boomed from his position on the raised platform at the south side of the training field. He was likely the only person in the kingdom who could get away with addressing the Prince with such disdain in a public manner.

Tine turned to see Sarawat strolling onto the field looking as bored as ever and completely unapologetic for his late entrance. He completely ignored the Head Trainer’s comment and made his way toward Tine. Tine’s face burned with an embarrassed flush but he masked it by turning away from Sarawat and busying himself with last minute prep.

“Good morning, Tine.” Sarawat addressed Tine cooly as he approached his horse.

Tine turned to see Sarawat nose to nose with his horse, humming what sounded similar to the melody from the evening before in the creature’s ear. It surprisingly seemed to soothe the animal and Tine’s breath hitched at how gentle Sarawat was with the horse. It seemed like they had quite a deep connection which always made for a reliable steed in competition or even battle.

“You look surprised to see me.” Sarawat shared, looking to Tine suddenly. “If you want to know a secret, I only showed up because I knew how ashamed you would have been if I didn’t. I didn’t want to have to bear the guilt of that.”

Tine’s eyes widened at Sarawat’s words but wasn’t sure if he could trust the honesty of them or not. It could be another game that the Prince wanted to play with him to test him in some way. He wasn’t sure how to acknowledge it other than to mutter out a stifled, “Thank you, Wat.”

It was the Prince’s turn to look surprised as he heard Tine actually use his nickname. But before he could react, his Squire was back to business and was outfitting him with his training armour. It was incredibly uncomfortable and restrictive but was at least a little bit lighter than his usual armour which made it easier to move in for training purposes.

While Sarawat was being outfitted, the Head Trainer had moved forward with the practice by reciting the duties of Knights and Squires. As he helped outfit Sarawat, Tine murmured them along with the Head Trainer as he had memorized them as well as his own name. After the declaration of duties, it was time for some sparring practice so the Head Trainer paired each Knight in training with another to practice their sword skills.

Sarawat was paired with Lord Mil and Sir Man and Sir Boss were paired together. The Head Trainer had some more experienced Knights demonstrate the skills that they were to focus on during their sparring and Tine watched in horror as Sarawat continued to ignore the Trainer’s words.

“You know, if you don’t focus, you are going to get hurt.” Tine whispered to the Prince.

Sarawat got a smug look on his face and he murmured, “While I am flattered that you already care so much about me, Tine, there’s no need to worry. Lord Mil and I have an understanding. He won’t hurt me as long as he gets to look good when we spar.”

Tine’s jaw dropped in surprise. While he knew that Lord Mil and Sarawat had grown up together in court, he didn’t think that Fong’s words about their friendship had been true. He had hoped that part of the gossip was not real but it seemed he was to be proven wrong.

Before Tine could respond, Sarawat took off to meet up with Mil on the training field. The Lord clapped a hand down on Sarawat’s shoulder and gave the Prince a friendly smile before backing away and getting into fighting stance. Tine watched in awe as the two knights in training began to circle one another, their swords raised. Tine had all the necessary equipment at the ready if the Prince needed anything during his training.

“Looks like our two Knights are as thick as thieves.” Ohm shared in a quite voice, hands full of the same equipment as Tine if Lord Mil needed anything. “Kind of reminds me of us.”

“Don’t ever compare me to Lord Mil.” Tine glowered in a grumpy tone. “And don’t distract me while they’re training. We have as much to learn as they do.”

Ohm rolled his eyes fondly at the seriousness that his friend was already bringing to his duties as a Squire. Ohm put on a mocking tone, “Yes, Ohm, it’s really nice to see you too. Congratulations on your appointment with such a high Lord. You deserve it and I’m really proud of you too.”

Tine realized how rude he was being to his best friend and turned to Ohm, “I’m sorry. This has been a bizarre transition and I am so relieved to see you. It’s so nice to see a familiar face on this field.”

“I will keep an eye on Mil for you.” Ohm remarked, instantly accepting Tine’s apology. “I suspect he is very different than his father but no matter how he is, I keep my allegiances to those I share kinship with, not those who I serve by duty.”

At that very moment, Lord Mil struck the Prince with immense force in the perfect technique that matched exactly what the Head Trainer was envisioning. Sarawat stumbled backward a few paces but recovered quickly. He advanced upon Mil with an intensity that reminded Tine of the ferocity that he had showcased the evening before. It quickly made Tine realize that while Sarawat remained entirely disinterested in the notion of battle, he had natural knack for the art of Swordmanship.

“You are an equal opponent, Your Highness.” Lord Mil remarked with a hint to sarcasm to his tone as he regained his composure.

Sarawat furrowed his brow before throwing his sword to the ground. He had a frustrated look on his face and before responding to Mil’s comment, he stalked toward Tine and muttered, “I am done with training today, Squire. Let us take our leave.”

Tine felt a jolt of annoyance rush through him as Sarawat breezed past him back into the confines of the castle. Tine nodded in departure and got a sympathetic look from Ohm. Tine followed after Sarawat with a hint of reluctance but knew his duty was more important than his personal opinion on the matter.

Sarawat walked into a set of stalls that were meant to house the Knight’s armour and quickly shed the layers of uncomfortable chainmail before collapsing down onto a wooden bench. Tine watched as the Prince held his head in his hands, looking utterly exhausted.

Tine let the silence hang for a moment before questioning, “Is there anything that I can do for you? If it means anything, you were a strong opponent today on the field, although my opinion might not mean much.”

Sarawat lifted his head and Tine saw a completely unguarded and vulnerable look on the Prince’s face. “I saw you fight during the Squire Trials. Your opinion means more than you think it does, Tine. You are quiet the skilled fighter.”

Tine busied himself with the storage tasks for Sarawat’s armour and tried desperately to keep his composure. He did not understand how the Prince operated. He ran cool and then scaling and there was no in between. Tine did not know how to react to the compliment that had he had been given.

“You have a natural talent for sword skills yourself, Wat.” Tine turned back toward the Prince, his arms heaving with amour to be stored. “You know, I could help you to improve those skills if you would let me.”

Sarawat seemed to chewing over the idea for a moment before responding, “I know it means a lot to you to work alongside a prolific Knight so I am willing to train with you if it would make you more agreeable on the training field.”

For some reason having more alone time with Sarawat did not terrify Tine as much as it had the evening before. Tine seemed to be slowly chipping away at the stone walls that Prince Sarawat had erected to protect himself.  

Tine answered, trying to keep the satisfied smile from his lips. “As you wish, Wat.”

[arinhanson-yousay]

Setting Fires

[HallPass ch3] Thomas and Arin both comforted by a curly-headed beaut

Pj had found Thomas out in the kitchen late at night, stress eating in the dark, which was new for Thomas so he took note of it. He was reluctant to share what troubled him, but around the time his tea was done steeping he was spilling it, as the kids say. Like the steam loosened him up. Pj patiently listened to him give the backstory as if he didn't already hear it through the grapevine first. He even gave little nods and "oh"s where appropriate. "So he's there with him tonight, eh?" He asked when he'd caught up to the current events. 

"Yeah. The second time this week." Thomas said looking out the window that provided a view of the Gamma house. "I didn't realise how different it was sleeping next to him until suddenly he's not there." Pj took a second to observe Thomas in this melodramatic space, a dark kitchen with a cup of tea and blanket draped over his shoulders. Very cinematic, very raw.

"Bullshit." He chuckled softly into his teacup before sipping. "You don't like that he is over there in some other man's bed. And that's okay Tommy, some may say that's normal for a married man even." 

"That's not it! I'm the one who told him to try this. I knew it make him happy, and I was right, by the way." He said a little indignant then tried to sip his tea but burned his tongue and coughed a bit. 

"Then tell me what's the difference between nights like this and any other night Daniel has stayed at Gamma working, or went to perform a show?" Pj asked sitting beside him and looking out to the Gamma house too. "Some of those nights were even with Arin, were they not? So what's different Tommy boy?" They both sat quietly in that question, and Pj could hear Thomas take a deep breath that made him smirk knowingly. He looked to him, seeing his shoulders rise and chest puff out. That cute look of determination scrunching up his nose and making his eyes narrow in focus. 

"You're right." 

"...Pardon?"

"Nothing is different. Danny is with someone he loves and he's having a fun night. Tomorrow, he'll be with me, and he'll still be with someone he loves and will have a fun night. I stand by my offer to him, and I will power through this rough patch! I love Danny so much I will let someone else love him, and I'll let him explore what he feels." He really had a way of talking like an after school special. Pj could hear the 90s sitcom audience "awe!" At him and the music play them out to commercial break. Pj sighed and wrapped his arm around Thomas' shoulders delicately. 

"I know you want to be this forward thinking lover of the future, but it's okay to not want to be like this. It's okay to not want to share. You bagged yourself a straight one, I hear that's a big deal or something or other. You don't have to hand him over to someone who couldn't catch him for seven years." He was hardly a man to medal in others business but Thomas had carved out a stubborn soft spot in Pj's heart for himself. He was tender and caring to a fault and someone had to be there to advocate for him. "Take care of yourself. It's what Danny would want if he knew you felt like this." He tacked on and finished his tea as he got off the counter. He let Thomas sit with his thoughts as he cleaned his cup, not realising Thomas warm gaze was on him until he spoke.

"It's what you want for me." He could hear the smug little cheeky smile Thomas had when he got to see the squishy sentimental insides of Pj. Without turning around Pj smirked and scoffed a bit. 

"Oh Tommy boy, what I would want for you is an entirely different cup of tea."

"You want me to stand up for myself, and Pj I promise if I have to I will, but I don't regret this." Thomas said confidently and sipped from his tea cup that was now cool enough for him to drink comfortably. Pj leaned back on the counter and looked at him with curious narrow eyes. He tried to picture what was going on in his brain, those cute little characters of his spinning little stories and fighting. 

"Promise me, when it comes down to it, you listen to Roman." He said shifting his weight back onto his feet and walking to stand in front of Thomas and break his gaze from the Gamma wall. "Whatever your fiery romantic tells you, listen to him." Thomas' eyes narrowed now, his lips pouted. Pj could see his reluctance, so he put up his pinky. "Promise me Thomas. Listen to your passion." Thomas huffed and rolled his eyes, mostly at himself, as he linked his pinky with Pj's 

"Okay Okay! Fine yes! I promise, if I think Roman would put an end to it, I will put an end to it." He agreed and took a deep breath to sigh it out. "Thank you for looking out for me, Peej."

"Oh no no, you're looming out for yourself. That's what you agreed to."

"You're looking out for me on a technicality!"

"If that's what you have to tell yourself Tommy boy."

"It is and I will!"

~~~~~~

Danny pulled out a Zippo and made a whole little performance of snapping it open and flicking the flame to life. He looked at it flicker a second, catching Arin doing the same and following it to the end of the blunt. Danny couldn't help but wear a smirk as he snapped the lighter shut and saw how Arin sat up a bit straighter. He took a hit and playfully blew the smoke at Arin, who leaned back giggling. 

"Asshole!"

"Oh come on! That's good stuff!"

"Whatever man! Hand it here, I wanna be a cool kid too!" He chuckled and took another hit before held it out to Arin. Danny gazed at him as he took the blunt from his hand. He was so cute looking at it end to end before going to put it to his lips, but first his eyes caught Danny's and his goofy look. "What? How can I already be doing it wrong?" 

"No! You're not doing anything wrong Big Cat!" He quickly tried to reassure him, leaning closer to him by shifting his weight forward onto his arm. "I'm just, wow, I'm hanging with the bad boy."

"What!?" Arin laughed and held the blunt away from himself to laugh. "It's your pot! You wanted me to try it with YOU! You lit it!"

"Just let me fucking enjoy this Arin, god!" He said playfully though his teeth, then they were both laughing. "But for real. Look at my hot, drop out, bad boy boyfriend smoking pot in my dorm room." He saw how Arin blushed but smiled at what he said and he could only smile more in return. "You like that I called you boyfriend more than anything else, don't you?" Arin nodded quickly with his eyes crinkled up in a smile. 

"Why are you so into me being a bad boy?" Arin asked and tried to go take a hit but he backed off from it again. Danny noticed the hesitation, hoping he could help him be comfortable. 

"I don't know man! Bad boys are hot! I was a super fucking nerd forever and you were a horse riding rebel. Let me have this!" Arin laughed harder, shaking his head and snorting a bit. "You feeling okay about this still, Big Cat?" He asked and crawled closer to Arin, laying his head into his lap. "You don't have to. You can just watch me fucking… float." He giggled and reached up to tenderly touch Arin's face. 

"But I wanna float with you." Arin sighed and leaned over to kiss Danny on the nose before taking the hit he was building up to. Danny felt his heart race a bit and a grin take his face, even as Arin coughed a bit. He didn't care weather Arin got high with him or not at the end of the day, but he was so excited that he trusted Danny enough to make this high a good one and to take care of him. 

He spent time picking the best movies to watch and making his room super starter stoner friendly. All the snacks his baby could want and plenty of water bottles chilling in his mini fridge. He even learned how to use grub hub to make sure they could get real food if he wanted later. He was so nervous that he'd invite Arin into this experience just to make him panic like he had before, but he was determined to give him the relaxation he'd been seeking. Last time he was doing edible with an asshole sadist so he was already off to a good start. Arin knew Danny was treating him with kid gloves, and it made him feel bad, like he was ruining his boyfriends fun. He was so much more complementary and liberal with his usually reserved nickname. He used it when he was most stressed and in need of empowerment, so he must have really wanted Arin to see this though. And he was gonna! 

Some time after the blunt became a roach Arin was laying out on the bed as his head began to swim, his head placed between Danny's legs but not in the sexy way. He looked up at him as Danny played with his hair, sitting in a wide stance. "You doing okay?" He asked gently from over him and ran his fingers through his locks.

"Yeah, I'm just, it feels funny." He chuckled and reached up to grab Danny's hand to hold. Some of his hair was in the grasp but he wasn't bothered by it right now. "I feel like I can't feel anything, but I feel everything." He tried to explain, which made Danny snicker. "Heeeeey! No making fun of me, you promised."

"I'm not, man, I'm not! You're just-" he cut himself off with a burst of giggles, looking down at his pouty partner who was dipping a toe in the sauce. "You're just cute, I can't help it."

"Oh yeah! Sure!"

"No really!" 

They both laid in the giggling fit for a bit, which was normal for them so, Arin started to forget he was pretty smoked out for a bit. Things were so comfortable and Danny was thriving! He was sure he solved Arin's pot puzzle and they could start to relax, not worrying he might lose touch. He got up to get drinks from the kitchen, some soda for Arin he didn't keep in his room, entering the room talking about something he remembered from class the other day, some stupid thing another student said as he poured the drink into a cup and grabbed himself a handful of candies to nibble on. When he turned to face him to see why he didn't comment on his story he saw his eyes locked on something in the room. Danny followed the gaze to the floor, a tour shirt that been thrown there earlier in the day. For a moment, Danny wanted to ignore it. 

"You… want this?" He asked with a small chuckle, picking it up and walking towards him, Arin's eyes moved somewhere else but his troubled expression held as he tried to shake out his head. "Arin?"

"What were you doing?" He asked swallowing hard right after he looked around and after a moment found his water bottle to take a sip. "You left me for so fucking long dude."

"Arin, it was just a few minutes. You're just lost in the sauce, big cat." He chuckled and sat beside him. Closer now he could note his deep breathing and small distressing sounds he whimpered out. "Hey hey, Big Cat, what's… it was just a minute. What did- what's wrong?" Danny reached for his hand, making sure he was okay with the touching before taking both of them. 

"What if… what if this is all just picked for us? What if this isn't a choice?" He could feel his own struggle articulating why he was panicked, but he was trying through the pounding in his chest and ringing in his thoughts. "What if you didn't actually want this? It could all be designed. What if you'd never chose me?"

"Arin, you know I don't believe in destiny." Danny meekly replies, tilting his head with a frown. "All life is, is choices we make. One foot falling in front of the other. We only move in one direction so when we make a good choice by chance, it feels like it was meant to be." He gave a shrug and moved in closer, sitting behind him and wrapping his arms around, laying his head against Arin's. "Despite and because of everything, I chose you. And I know I did it. I wanted to work with you, I said yes to game grumps, I want to do that with you until we both die on camera, because it makes me the happiest I could imagine myself being. Nothing had to tell me to do that." He held Arin a bit tighter when he felt how he was calming down. His hands moved up and found a place to rest on Danny's forearms that laid over his own chest. 

"You chose Thomas… all the time that's passed, you chose him, not me, but now-"

"Arin, you weren't even single in all that time I sat beside you, falling in love with you in another way. You were my best friend and happy with… with her." Arin never thought of it like that. Danny wasn't much one for the forbidden fruit. Why put something in your cart that was out of stock? 

"And now?"

"Now, we're lucky aren't we? We have this chance for us to fall in love, for me to follow the happiness you bring me even deeper. Maybe not deeper, maybe just differently?" Arin chuckled pulling out of the embrace to look back at Danny grinning.

"You're such a fortune cookie." He chuckled and laid his hand on the other's cheek. "Where do you get off saying things that gross and romantic?"

"I get off right here in this bed." He replied quickly with a smirk, which made Arin blush and laugh as he leaned his head down into Danny's chest to finish collecting himself. He took a deep breath, taking in the familiar scent, warm and clean. Danny stroked his hair, humming a little tune to him. "I think its movie time."

"Sure."

"Want to watch speed racer?"

"No, too familiar."

"Okay, what about something animated?" 

"Can you just like…. Sing to me a little bit first?" He asked very quiet, knowing Danny wouldn't say no but feeling bashful for wanting something so cliche. 

"Of course, Big Cat." Danny couldn't care less, he was grinning at the thought of what song to sing to him in his head. 

"Then can we watch the new Aladdin and laugh at Will Smith's blue nipples?"

"Fuck yeah we can baby!"

Danny ended up softly serenading Arin for quite a while, even after Arin had returned to laying between his legs, and after he interrupted his set to make out for a while. He couldn't get enough of Danny's smooth and soothing voice. Danny couldn't get enough of the way Arin gazed at him when he sang, even when he messed up the words or couldn't hit the right note because of how quiet and gentle he was being. By the time they got the movie put on he had sobered up enough for them to talk about nonsense for a while, and to get bored of the movie to play a silly physics co-op game. Somewhere between throwing snacks into each others mouths and kissing Arin goodnight, Danny stopped feeling like he did wrong by him. He felt like they overcame something greater than his history of bad highs.

"I love you." He whispered even long after he heard Arin start to softly snore into his chest. He held him a bit tighter and chuckled at himself. He said this so many times to Arin, but it was like saying a phrase you never knew the meaning of until now. The etymology finally all falling into place as he held the other man against his body in the moonlight that dripped into his window. "I love you, Arin Hanson." He sighed, trying it out more. He had to find a way to say it that sounded different than any other time he told him. He needed to find a way that that Arin could feel what it meant this time, show him a Rosetta stone that made all the words mean what he felt right now. He started to make a plan, even as he drifted off too.

[rickiewrites]

The Dream Before The Nightmare Ch:3

"Hello gorgeous," he sighed happily, nuzzling his face against the large sack of money. "With you, I'm gonna give the whole world such a fright, yes I am" he kissed it a little too passionately for the people near the payout counter who watched in disgust. "What? Like I care what you all think when I'm this rich!" he laughed prancing down the hall pirouetting near the exit while he was holding the sack up high in the air. "Johnathan, Johnathan people are staring at us" Sarah whispered to him interrupting his celebration. "My dear girl, people gawking at you is something you must get used to "he explained, tying the sack to his belt. "What fun is life if you can't draw in an audience? Besides, with this money, these boring old crows stares will pale in comparison to those who discover the wonders I will create!"

"But what about Ogar?" Sarah asked. He threw up his hands, shrugging "what about Ogar? The man plays big and bad, but he is nothing without goons to do the bulk of his dirty work." He smiled patting her shoulder, "you worry too much, now why don't we head on home?"

He ushered her out of the gambling house, telling her about how their luck was changing for the better. As he led her away, Sarah felt a chill go up her spine looking back to see Ogar standing outside taking a long drag from a cigar while he watched them leave.

When they got back to the pumpkin patch, he walked past the small dog house tapping his leg beckoning Cipher out.

"I'm glad you won the game, but are you really planning on leaving this place behind? This pumpkin patch was your father's pride and joy when he was still alive."

Sarah's words caused him to pause.

"As you said, this place was my father's pride and joy, not mine. He got his dream, and now it's my turn." He walked along the path looking out at all the pumpkins surrounding them "my father was fine just sailing along in this sea of orange" he picked one up pulling a pocket knife from his coat. "Meanwhile," he carved into the pumpkin, turning it around to reveal a face of agony "I'm drowning in it." He turned the face back to him speaking to it "old pumpkin king Jack" he mimicked Ogar's voice along with the wheezy laugh.

       Sarah reached out a hand to comfort him, Jonathan slightly lowered the pumpkin, thinking out loud "hm, Jack the Pumpkin King…" He turned around, causing her to retreat "that's not bad, no, that's not bad at all." The confusion spread across her face was only met with a smile gesturing her to follow him back into the house. The easy part of his plan was over now; it was time for him to focus on the hard part.

      "Now that we have secured funds, it's time to focus on putting on our show." His eyes lit up looking through a box of his rejected scripts "this is going to be something the world has never seen! I can do as I please with no restraint." He gasped clutching papers to his chest "no restraint, can you imagine the type of world I create without the noose of polite society tied around my neck?" Even though his childlike excitement was something, she admired she couldn't help but feel that he was getting far too ahead of himself.

"But Jonathan isn't there many steps to putting on a show? Finding performers, purchasing equipment, planning a tour route? And not to mentio-"

"Sarah, my dear friend, you're worrying too much! Everything will fall into place as it should."

"It just seems like a lot to set up for one person."

"I'm not alone. After all, I have you with me."

"Me?"

"Of course! I meant what I said when I asked you to run away with me. You'll help me, won't you?"

"Y-yes, Yes, of course, I'll help in any way I can."

The way he smiled made it hard for her to refuse him, to her, he was just too charming to deny. He was a man filled with fantasies and wonder, he needed someone with at least had one foot on the ground by his side; so why not her? To be needed made her feel good, having someone who looked at her like she was a person instead of just some doll to set up in a playhouse following their design. They sat down together to go over all the pages of his previous scripts and formulate a plan.

  Come morning papers were spread across the table Jonathan slept soundly in his chair hanging his head back one of the scripts hiding his face from the light that crept through the curtains. Unlike him, Sarah was still awake writing down plan she had formulated during the night to all the materials they would need to make his dream come true. With a sigh, she gave a proud grin finally finished, "I think I came up with a reasonable plan that should get us on the right track." She looked up when the only response she got was his muffled snores from behind the paper "Jonathan?" She reached over removing the script saying his name again but still all she got back was the clearer sound of his snoring.

         "He's really out," she said to herself brushing his hair out of his eyes, "you really shouldn't fall asleep in a chair." She couldn't help but stare at him during his peaceful slumber, while most women wouldn't look twice in his direction, Sarah could gaze at him for hours. His pale skin shimmered in the sunlight like a freshly made up corpse on their big day. His facial structure was sharp, the fact he was so skinny defined his cheekbones close to as Ogar said a skeleton.  She always found it fascinating how he grayed so early on in his adulthood when she asked about it he told her his assumption was that all the stress from writing a good enough play for Sir Greeves probably sucked the color dry from his hair and skin like a hungry vampire. The dark circles and lines around his eyes showed how exhausted he was on an average day and that was one of the things she admired most about him, he was dedicated to his dream and spent every moment he could to achieve it, these marks were proof of that. To her had the makings of a beautiful corpse. She ran her fingers over his bottom lip leaning in unable to resist the way they beckoned to her, all of a sudden, he yawned stretching out.

  "Mmm, I seem to have fallen asleep. I hope I didn't bother you at all Sarah, Sarah?" When he looked around, she was on the floor "down here," she laughed, taking his hand getting pulled back onto her feet. "What were you doing down there?" She dusted off the back of her dress, clearing her throat, "dozed off in my chair and fell." He patted her shoulder, "do be careful," she nodded too embarrassed to make eye contact "will do." She grabbed the notebook off the table, desperate for a change of subject, "I wanted to discuss the plan I created to help us get our traveling show off the ground." She let him look over her notes while she explained "for now considering our current predicament I would suggest we only purchase a trailer and horses then set out looking for talent outside of town to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible.  She got a small nod in response, "I have no disagreements," he closed the notebook, "as always your work is flawless." While Sarah wanted to bask in his praise, they both agreed they needed to get out of town sooner than later, especially since she was supposed to no longer be among the living. He let her clean up in the bathroom while he straightened up the house.

       After washing her face, she stared at her reflection, going over her personal appearance, which was something she usually did not wish to do. For the longest time, she was used to people commenting about her disease both to her face and behind her back, and her father only helped further her insecurities. She hated the way people would look afraid even to touch anything she came in contact out of fear of catching it, to them she was a spectacle. Between her skin and prosthetics, she stood out in the worst way, and it was something that made her father loathe her for even more. To him not only did she take away the love of his life but had the nerve to come out the womb defective, he would remind her almost daily how much she owed to him for even bothering to keep her. Between the abuse from her father and the ridicule she received from most people was slowly killing her, in fact, it almost did kill her.

     She remembered her first encounter with Jonathan when she moved into town, and her father had sent her to a market for supplies. Unfortunately, when she got there, the store owner had refused to sell her anything after he noticed her appearance. "What even are you? You barely have a limb to call your own, and you looked to be carrying some type of plague. You could be infecting my entire inventory!" She tried to explain her condition to him, but he seemed uninterested in her explanation, it was then a man came up behind her, plucking the money from her hand, giving the clerk his own. "Sir, you work with the Scully family every fall for your product inventory, right?" the store owner nodded. "Well since I'm in charge of the land now I can't say I find myself keen on doing business with a man who harasses a lovely young lady just trying to fill her icebox." His eyes widened, "are you mad?!" Jonathan shook his head, "not yet, but I do love a chance to be dramatic." He smiled while the owner growled snatching the money from his hand "a pleasure working with you sir" he winked with an air smooch ushering her out the store. When she tried to thank him he held up his hand shaking his head "you shouldn't thank me for making sure a human gets treated as such" he took her hand kissing it "have a good day" and just like that he was gone.

    She also remembered the time he saved her life. One night she had gotten into a nasty argument with her father about her hair, her father demanded she bleach it to strip away the color that reminded him of her mother. Regardless of her protests, he refused to budge telling her what an ungrateful child she was to defy him. What broke her was how he explained that she had no right to sharing any resemblance to someone she murdered just so she could exist. On a bridge, she stood later that night staring down at the water that reflected back to her the light blonde hair she was now forced wear tears streaming down her face feeling like she lost a strong connection she had with her mother. "What good is living the life of murdering burden?" she stepped closer to the ledge "I should just go, go to where mother is." Before she could step off, her thoughts were interrupted by a small dog coming up and barking at her propping up on her leg. "Cipher" she looked up when she recognized the voice noticing Jonathan walking up to her his dog returning to his side. "Oh, you're Miss Stein, that new scientist's daughter right?" she nodded. He smiled holding out a hand "I'm Jonathan Scully, I run the pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town. What are you doing out here so late? A lovely lady shouldn't travel the streets so late for her own safety." She sighed, "I suppose it's good I'm not lonely," she replied, looking down at her feet. "What are you talking about?" he gently placed a hand under her chin tilting her head up to meet his gaze "you're absolutely stunning."

            A knock came on the door, "are you ready, Sarah?" Jonathan asked. The door opened shortly after Sarah stepped out having used the makeup she kept for her father's business meetings to cover up her white spots, but that wasn't what caught his attention; it was the once blonde hair he was used to now a fiery red. "Your hair," she looked down, touching it too frightened to see his reaction stumbling over her words trying to explain herself, "it's beautiful." She looked up blushing "y-you think so?" he nodded, stepping closer, running his fingers through it, "I haven't seen your red hair in quite a long time." Though it surprised her, he remembered she could barely hide how happy it made her that he loved something she had been told for years to be ashamed of. "I know wearing so much makeup makes you comfortable, so let's get this business handled quickly "he opened the door for her, "I think I know someone we can talk to."

   He took her to the other side of town in the industrial district, "is there really someone over here who can help us?" Sarah looked around staying close to him. "Sir Greeves has some stagehands that work over here. One I know for sure is the son of a traveling salesman trying to get rid of his stuff since he passed." He knocked on an office door smiling holding out his hand when a short bearded man opened the door "William," he chimed quickly grabbing the door when William tried to slam the door.

"What the fuck do you want Scully? I ain't gettin' ya back into Mista Greeves playhouse, you're banned.

"Ha! I know that, silly guy. It's not the reason why I'm here."

"Then why are you fucking here?"

"First let's not curse so much in front of a lady. Second, how about you let me in and find out?"

     He held up a sack of money "I am sure you'll like what I have to say," he smiled when William opened up letting them in. He stepped out of the way letting Sarah go in first following her inside, "so what is it you want from me, Scully?" He pulled out Sarah's chair "this little lady, and I are interested in going on a bit of a vacation, and I remembered my good friend William was getting rid of his father's old things. So I thought to myself, why not try to help him out?" He set the small sack on his desk "You still have his old trailer, right?"

      Half an hour later, they left the office Jonathan holding up a title "ah a glorious trailer to begin our journey!" He smiled, kissing the paper. Sarah walked beside him going through the list, "considering the way he was when he first saw you. I'm glad that he decided to sell it to us." He laughed purring the title away in his breast pocket "yes, most of the people at that playhouse are pretty tired of seeing my face." She tapped the notebook on her chin "now we need to figure out what to do with the pumpkin patch" he crossed his arms trying to think of a solution "you're right." As they rounded a corner, they spotted a mother with a baby on her back and her two sons dressed in rags begging. "Excuse me, Miss" Jonathan came up behind her with a gentle smile dropping a few coins into her cup "I'd like to make you an offer I think you'll like."

      "Damn it!" Ogar roared throwing a glass against the wall sitting in his office snapping his fingers holding out his hand one of the triplets rushed over to put a new one in his hand another poured him more scotch. He downed the glass slamming his fist down on the desk "I can't believe that walking skeleton made off with half my fortune!" The triplets kept a safe distance from him trying to avoid his wrath quietly arguing about who would speak to him, "you three drones got something to say!?" Shannon the only female of the group stepped up her legs shaking "the um, the VIP guests have arrived" she blurted out. "What!? You're just telling me this now!?" he yelled, getting up pushing them out of his walk to go out onto the gambling floor.

    He rushed out finding two gentlemen waiting at the entrance the older one looking at his watch tapping impatiently while the other balanced a cricket bat on his palm. "Gentlemen!" Ogar chuckled patting them on the should, "so glad you could come to spend some time at my modest little establishment." The older man frown tapping his watch "you're three minutes late" he commented,  Ogar laughed it off and turned them around leading them to the poker tables. "My apologies for the tardiness, but you have my full attention now" he sat them down snapping his fingers twice pointing at the table waitresses rushed over with drinks young women coming to their side to keep them company. He smiled when the man started to relax, offering them cigars, "so what brings you two into town?"

       The youngest spoke up "I came here to see my fiance and apparently, she went up in flames along with her gross little father the other day," he smiled pulling one of the girls onto his lap "which makes me single now." His father sighed, taking a cigar accepting a light from Ogar "yes, it was truly a waste of our time. I suppose it was for the best since the little strumpet had an attitude problem, she was damaged goods anyway." His son nodded, "especially with those weird blotches on her face and those phony limbs." The description seemed familiar to Ogar somehow "a woman with fake limbs and odd skin?" he took a drag from his cigar when it hit him snapping it in half. "I'm sorry. Did you say that she was….dead?"

[thesecretfandom]

Wanderlust: Castle on the Hill -- Bughead (Chapter 9)

Word Count: 6,322

Rated: E

A/N: Approaching the final few chapters, I really hope you enjoy this chapter because I know I enjoyed writing it! In another post I want to talk more about my time in Alnwick and post more pictures. I really felt a strong connection to this chapter. It’s also the longest chapter of the series! Enjoy! (Read on AO3)

(Previous Chapter) (Next Chapter Coming Soon)

Church bells chimed through Edinburgh when they stepped off the bus that Sunday morning. All six of the weary travelers shuffled along quietly toward yet another hostel. What's really only been a few weeks feels like a year after all of the planes and trains they've been on.

Veronica's phone was shouting out directions as they zigzagged through the hilly streets of the Scottish city. Finally they passed a row of blue residences, with a sign for the Cowgate Hostel hanging above the lobby. Again, Veronica handled checking in, offering up her passport as her ID.

"Okay, so you're in apartment ninety-two, just two doors down on your left when you go outside." The front deskperson pointed in that general direction. Flat number three is on the first floor and you are in room two. This code will get you into the apartment, the round key into your flat, and the square key will go directly to your room. How many keys?"

"Three will be fine." Veronica tucked her passport back into her purse.

"That will be thirty pounds deposit that will be returned upon the checkout when you turn in your keys."

"Shit, does anyone have cash?" Veronica looked helplessly back at Betty.

Betty rolled her eyes, but pulled the money from her purse and passed it along.

"I am going to sleep for hours. Might as well just write today off completely…" Jughead mumbled so only Betty could hear him. Veronica led them to the small room lined with six bunks. A few of them were occupied by various individuals. "You didn't have anything planned, right?"

"Just general wandering that can be squeezed in over the next day and a half after today. But I'm warning you, my Harry Potter tour starts here."

"Here, in this dingy hostel?"

"Here, as in, in Edinburgh. You know J.K. Rowling wrote the books here."

"Save the podcast lecture you're about to give me for tomorrow. I'm too tired to fully absorb the knowledge right now."

"Did you just imply that I lecture you?" Betty scowled as Jughead claimed the top bunk for his suitcase. He gestured for Betty's bags as well and set them up alongside his.

"Forgive me if my lack of sleep last night has made me grumpy."

Jughead sat heavily on the lower bunk and discarded his shoes almost immediately. He had tucked himself under the covers before Betty could even reach up to remove her ponytail.

"Are you gonna come cuddle me, or am I gonna have to beg?"

"Hold your horses, drama queen…" Betty tossed her shoes next to Jughead's and sat down. She pulled the curtain that hung across the bunk before letting Jughead pull her to his side.  She allowed her head to rest over his heart. His fingers found her hair, tugging slightly so her chin tipped up toward him.

"I love you." Jughead whispered against her lips.

"I love you, too."

"Goodnight." His lips moved to her hair when Betty cuddled against his shoulder.

"It's still morning."

"Semantics…" He yawned. He didn't elaborate and in only a few moments his breathing slowed and his grip relaxed. Betty found herself drifting off as well, falling into the rhythm of his breaths.

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"So what's the significance of this café?" Cheryl asked. "I do love the color though."

The sign read "The Elephant Café" and was painted bright red.  On a Monday morning, there was a line of tourists and locals in front of the glass pastry cases, ordering up coffees for the start of the work week or a day of sightseeing.

"This is where J.K. Rowling wrote much of Harry Potter." Betty replied.

"Today isn't going to be some Harry Potter fangirl tour, is it?" Cheryl fixed Betty with a withering look.

"No, in fact this is the only Harry Potter related place that I know of in Edinburgh."

"Oh, thank God."

Betty bought their morning coffees with two crisp twenty pound notes. From the table they were given at the back of the café, they could see Edinburgh Castle perched precariously on top of a cliff.  Large and imposing, Jughead already had his camera out before they were even seated.

Betty laid out her phone with the notes screen open for her friends to see. Listed in bullet points, she showed them their tentative itinerary for the day. Elephant House, check. Next up, a walk up Princes Street to Edinburgh castle.

"And then we've got tickets for the theater tonight at seven and you'll be happy to know that we'll have time to go to the club across the street from the hostel when we get back."

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Reggie exclaimed. "I mean I'm down for the play or whatever, but a club just a few steps from where I'm sleeping will be such a life saver."

"And we're lucky there are no canals for you to jump into this time, buddy." Jughead supplied, patting him on the back. "And damn I wish I'd been there to see that."

"Hey man, you were too busy getting frisky with Betty." Reggie punched his shoulder. "I can respect that."

"For your information, we only kissed that night. You and that dirty canal water passed more bases that night."

Reggie shrugged, but threw a wink in Betty's direction. Her cheeks flared up of their own accord, wondering what Reggie saw when he saw the two of them together. Then, Jughead put his hand on her knee and she realized that she didn't care what he thought.

"Somehow this conversation is both sappy and dirty."  Veronica set her empty mug on the table top and dabbed the whipped cream  from her lip. "Let's continue this conversation on the way to the castle. I want Jughead's magical camera on me when we get there."

"I think Betty's got that position taken." Archie nudged her, taking her hand as they made their way out of the café toward Princes Street.

"I don't mind sharing the camera if Jughead doesn't." Betty replied.

"Just answer me one thing, if the camera is magical does that make me a wizard?" Jughead teased.

Veronica glanced over her should at him as they passed a street performer. "I feel like if I say no you're going to revoke your agreement to be my personal photographer so I'm going to say yes. Grand Wizard Jughead Jones!"

"That's what I like to hear." Jughead grinned.

It was a sunny day, hardly a cloud in sight. Those that did cross the sky were like cotton balls, carefully placed there by a higher power. If there was one thing other than Betty that Jughead's camera was drawn to, it was a good set of fluffy clouds. In the foreground the Scottish flag and the Union Jack fluttered in the wind. Further on, a church steeple took the place of the flags, then finally… the castle itself at the top of the hill.

When they'd passed the ticket gate, Betty ran ahead. She was practically prancing when she reached the waist height wall separating them from a deadly drop. She threw her head back over her shoulder, her ponytail flying out. Jughead didn't see anything else. He saw nothing but the grin on her face. Click.

Overcome with a sudden urge, he reached out for her waist and pulled her into his chest. His lips found hers in a warm, wet, passionate kiss. He felt completely overwhelmed with the intense love he felt for this woman who, only a month ago, he hadn't even met yet.

"What was that for?" Betty asked, breathless, when he finally pulled away.

"I just love you…" He took her hand and brought it to his lips. "…like a lot. Yeah, I love you a lot."

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Hours later, after exploring the cobblestone courtyards of the Edinburgh Castle and the Crown Jewels of Scotland locked up in a tower, they left the extravagant Festival Theatre. Betty was still humming along to "Chitty chitty bang bang" as they walked back to their hostel. Even on a Monday, the music from the club was still loud enough for them to hear in their room. They stayed only long enough to change out of their theater clothes and into more club appropriate garb.

Cheryl hiked up a red mini skirt before pulling off the black dress she'd been wearing that day. This left her with only a bandeau covering her chest.  Veronica's outfit had more fabric but was no less revealing. A lace crop over dark, purple bralette. Archie and Reggie, from their respective spots on their beds, watched the girls with interest.

Betty, however, pulled her hair out of its ponytail and ditched her light cardigan, knowing the heat and sweat that waited inside the club.

" Okay, Betty my darling…" Veronica slung her purse over her shoulder and snatched Betty's hand. "Tonight, we are getting you wasted."

"Oh, I don’t think…"

"And therein lies the problem." Cheryl took her other hand and all but yanked her out the door. "You think too much. Jughead, we're relying on you to get her to loosen up."

Jughead took over Cheryl and Veronica's spot, holding her waist as he walked close behind her. "We'll get something loosened up."

They could hardly hear their own voices when they entered the club. Jughead ordered something pink and bubbly for her, and a glass of dark liquor for himself. There was a large, cushioned booth in the corner where the girls dropped their purses. Cheryl and Veronica already on the dance floor. Betty dropped into the seat with her drink, taking a long sip.

The booze went down hot, the burn making her cough. "What is this?"

Jughead sat down next to her. "Vodka cran… double shot."

"Double?"

"You said order whatever." Jughead smirked. "And I may have been hoping you'd, how did Reggie put it… get a little frisky tonight."

Slowly, she let her hand move from his knee to his thigh. Lips moved to his so she could be sure that he would hear every word she said.

"You don't have to get me drunk to get me frisky." She slid her hand up further. "You just have to kiss me like you did this morning."

That was all the invitation he needed. Jughead pressed Betty back into the seat, his hands coming up to her neck. He loved the skin there, soft and smooth… he could feel her heartbeat quicken when he deepened the kiss.

Reluctantly, Jughead pulled back.

"Why?" Betty breathed.

"I just want to finish my drink… so we can dance and not worry about leaving them behind."

"And here I thought you didn't dance." Betty teased. She took a long swig of her drink, almost emptying the glass.

"With you, I'll dance."

Betty and Jughead both finished their drinks in record time and Jughead pulled her by the waist onto the dance floor.  Their bodies moved in sync to the music, pressed so close together that Betty could feel every part of her boyfriend pressed against her back.

Betty spun swiftly in his arms, wrapping hers around his torso. Her lips found his neck, sucking a mark on his salty skin. Hands exploring his toned back and fingers tangling with the hair at the nape of his neck.

Jughead's hand was at her lower back, the other reached to grab her hand. Suddenly, he was pulling her off the dance floor and toward the exit.  The night air was cool against her skin, but nothing else mattered except for Jughead pulling her into a dark corner at the front of the club.  

"I wish we had our own room." He growled, his hands dipping under the waistband of her skirt.

"Who says we need a room?" She wanted so badly to rip his shirt off right there, but was still vaguely aware of the few patrons still milling around the front of the building.

"What, you want to go back to the club bathroom?"

Betty hooked her fingers through his belt loops and started pulling him toward the crosswalk and the hostel.

"I have a better idea." Betty stopped just long enough outside their building to catch Jughead's lips once again. She whispered next right against his lips. "I bet there's no one using the showers right now."

"Good idea," Jughead grinned. "I am feeling a little dirty."

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The next morning they sped across the countryside on the ten o'clock train. With the fields of sheep and crops, and not a mountain in sight, Jughead could almost pretend he was back in the small town where he grew up. The few stone towers built on the rolling hills were the only sign that they were, in fact, still roaming through a country where medieval castles still existed.

Betty stared out the window the for the entire hour that they were on the train. Jughead spent that hour looking at Betty. Occasionally through the lens of his camera, but mostly through the shaded lenses of his sunglasses.

Alnmouth station was small, in the middle of nowhere, but one of the workers pointed them to a nearby bus stop.

"Are we sure we're in the right place?" Archie asked as they stood under the cover of the plexiglass bus shelter.

"Yes, Archiekins." Veronica showed him the map on her phone for the third time. "The bus should be here within ten minutes or so."

"Okay, I get that, but I thought we were going to some huge British castle, but there isn't a city for miles. This place feels more like a village." He gestured to the few houses around them.

"Alnwick is just a few miles away." Betty supplied. "And the castle is the largest remaining castle in Northern England. It just so happens that it's a pretty rural area up here, but the castle really is a huge tourist attraction."

"Has anyone ever told you that you should be a teacher?" Reggie said. "I mean, that was actually kind of interesting for a minute."

"It was two sentences, Reg. Don't strain yourself." Jughead sighed. "Here's the bus."

Another short jaunt across the English countryside brought them right into the heart of Alnwick. The bus stop was set right in the shopping district, in front of a grocery store that was similarly sized to one he might see back home.

The Black Swan Inn was just down the block and quiet at this time of day. Downstairs was a traditional British pub with old woodwork and charming architecture where a few patrons sat eating lunch. The woman behind the bar was able to quickly check them in to their rooms. They were lucky in making their reservation that all of the three rooms provided by The Black Swan were vacant and available for them.

Jughead was quick to fall onto the bed in the small, but quaint room.

"Our own room, thank God." He groaned, sinking into the pillows.

"Don't get too comfy, Jug, I want to see the castle."

"But we have our own room…" Jughead said slowly. He said up long enough to grab her waist and pull her down on top of him. "Surely, we have some time to waste."

"Tempting…" She whispered, fingers grazing up his side. "But it can wait until tonight."

"You drive a hard bargain, Cooper… but I accept your deal on one condition."

"Yeah, what's that?"

"I'm gonna need the greatest kiss you can muster to tide me over."

"Now that, I can do."

They met their friends downstairs ten minutes later. The castle was situated just behind the pub, but they had to walk around the outer wall of the castle before the castle really came into view. Betty insisted they continue past the castle to the pasture covered the massive expanse of land on the other side of the castle.

The view literally knocked Betty off her feet, either that or it was the patch of mud that she slid on before falling on her ass.

"Shit, are you okay?" Jughead was trying to be serious, but couldn't help laughing at the splotch of mud on the back of her jeans.

"Fine…" She held her hand out for Jughead to lift her off the ground. "Just remind me to change when we get back."

"No need, I'll handle it." Jughead grinned and winked before he started to attempt to wipe the mud off the back of her pants.

"Very funny, Jug, but that's not helping." She pulled his hands off her ass and leaned in close. "You can have some quality time with my body later, but for now your hands are banned from boobs and butt, got it?"

"I like it when you're bossy." His body really had flushed with the implication, but he raised his hands in surrender when she scowled at him. "I mean, yes ma'am."

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They decided to hit up the Alnwick garden next, opting to give the castle its own day. It was a massive expanse of trees, flowers, fountains and shrubbery. A huge water feature greeted them when they walked through the gate, and a full color map to show them each of the different gardens within the stone walls.  

They started at the right side of the garden, where the labyrinth led them through a tunnel of shrubs led them around to a cluster of modern, artistic fountains. Families with small children crowded around this area, with the kids in their bathing suits waiting for the fountain to spray. When the geyser finally shot a shower of cold water into the air, the kids squealed from the cold and excitement that Betty remembers feeling running through the sprinkler as a kid.

They continued on, through a long tunneled arch of ivy.

"I feel like I'm in a real fairytale, Jug." She spun in a circle ahead of him, willing him to pick her up and spin her himself.

"As well you should." He caught up and took her hand in his.

"Especially with that silly hat of yours…" She said, tugging on the fabric of his beanie.

"Excuse me, it is not silly. It's called fashion… you might've heard of it."

"Whatever you say, darling." Betty patted his cheek adoringly. "All I know is that it hides your perfect hair from me, but it does make you look like my prince charming."

"Aha, so you like it then." They emerged on into the rose garden, where other fairytale icons were immortalized in statue form.

"If I didn't like it, I would have tried before now to get you to take it off." Betty rolled her eyes and left the conversation at that when she saw the rose from Beauty and the Beast on a stone pedestal.  Then  Cinderella's shoe and the Frog Prince… it really was more of a fairytale garden than a rose garden.

A forest of cherry blossom trees covered another corner of the garden, rows and rows of bench swings lined up and perfect for photographing. Betty heard Jughead's camera click  three times before she'd even sat down in the swing.

"Perfection."

The sun was beginning to set when they left the garden and began the walk back to their room. They planned to grab dinner downstairs and the head back to their room for an early night, but one pint of cider turned into three and Reggie throwing back beer like it was water. They all found the conversation with the locals to be more rewarding than a night of watching the BBC would be.

Veronica and Cheryl were talking to some of the locals bellied up to the bar, leaving Archie scowling jealously over his beer every time Veronica laughed at something the guy said.

"Poor sap." Jughead said, nodding in Archie's direction. "He's like a puppy… if he's not getting attention, he thinks he's done something wrong."

"He'll get over it." Betty drank down the last bit of her cider, feeling a bit sluggish if not craving Jughead's touch on her body. "You ready to head up?"

Jughead glanced to his drink, then at the look in Betty's eyes. He chugged down the last of his drink and pulled Betty from her seat and toward the stairs to their room.

As soon as the door shut behind them Jughead pressed her against it, his fingers going first under her shirt and unhooking her bra, then to the button of her jeans. All the while, his lips were against hers, tongues dancing blissfully together.

Betty did the same, pulling his jeans down before pushing him back onto the bed. She yanked off his beanie, finally being allowed to fully run her fingers through his hair. Jughead was  attempting to pull Betty's shirt over her head, but stopped suddenly when Betty's lips moved down… down… to the elastic of his boxers. She pulled the fabric between her teeth, letting it slap back down against his skin. Then her tongue was trailing up his stomach as she pushed his T-shirt toward his head.

And suddenly all of her warmth was gone, Betty stood up and turned her back to Jughead.

He whimpered, annoyed.

"You just get the rest of your clothes off, and I'll give you a little show." She kept her back to him as she pulled her blouse off and then the straps of her already unlatched bra. Jughead said nothing, even when she pulled down her jeans and turned back to face him.

Jughead was laying flat on his back, his shirt off but his jeans still stuck around his ankles where he hadn't yet managed to get his boots off his feet. Light snores snuck out between his lips.

"Jug?" Betty crawled over the bed until she was laying next to him. She rolled her eyes and sighed when she realized he wasn't faking it. She pecked him lightly on the lips. "Tomorrow then."

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Jughead woke up with a half naked woman in his bed. That was a bit generous, he thought, when she was completely naked aside from the panties she wore. Jughead was in a similar position, his pants mysteriously missing when he distinctly remembered having them on when he fell asleep.

Betty stirred when Jughead stretched his free arm over his head, the other arm stuck snugly between Betty's shoulders and the bed. She nuzzled further into the crook of his shoulder, her legs sneaking through his. Jughead hissed when her cold toes hit his thigh.

"Sorry…" She grumbled, but Jughead could feel the curl of her smirk against his skin.

"Liar."

"Love you." She finally lifted her head and let her chin rest on his shoulder as she looked up into his eyes.

Jughead shook his head at her, a strand of hair falling over his eye as he did so. "Love you more."

"Impossible." Betty pressed an eager kiss to his lips before disentangling herself and walking to the en suite bathroom. She dropped her panties on the floor before she got there, but didn't turn to give Jughead the view. "You missed a fun time last night."

The night before came flooding back to him. Three beers, Betty was horny, warm lips and cold fingers… and the intoxication finally pulling him into sleep.

"Shit." He pulled Betty's pillow over his eyes to hide his shame. "I'm sorry… I blame the beer."

"No need to apologize to me… you were the one practically begging for it all day yesterday."

"I was not begging…" He argued. Jughead followed her into the bathroom to fix the nest of hair on his head.

"Keep telling yourself that, but you have to wait until tonight to try again."

"I'm literally never drinking again."

"That's a bold statement…" Betty finally stepped into the shower. "We'll see how you feel about that at the pub quiz tonight. Liquor makes the brain move quicker."

"I'm pretty sure that is one hundred person incorrect."

"Points for rhyming though?"

"I'd give it a solid eight of ten." The wet smack of a washcloth hit Jughead in the back of the head. He turned to see Betty  scowling, peeking from behind the shower curtain.

"It was at least eight and a half."

"I'll let you have that." He left the bathroom to wait at the small desk near the window. His laptop had been neglected for much of the trip, but now he had at least thirty minutes uninterrupted to continue his account of the trip so far.

He opened up the document aptly titled "Europe." He hadn't yet come up with some clever title, preferring to wait until the end. The last he'd written was during their time in Greece, so he had a few cities to catch up on. He pointed his cursor at the end of the last sentence he wrote, thinking back fondly to  only a few weeks ago.

/Golden blonde hair falls over her face, obscuring those features he's come to love. This sleeping beauty doesn't know it yet, but she will soon. He loves her, after only two weeks he found that he could not imagine life without her.  He would tell her soon, in Italy. Betty Cooper, the woman he loves./

He thought of all the time and moments that had passed between them. Exchanging 'I love yous', making love for the first time, and the second and the third… he had a lot to catch up on, but maybe he'd keep some of those personal moments in a private folder.

"Haven't seen you do any writing in a while, what's it about?" Betty emerged from the bathroom with her hair thrown up in a ponytail and lips glossed pink.

"I'll let you read it when it's finished, but until then it remains a secret."

"You sure know how to keep a girl in suspense." She grabbed her purse from where it hung on the corner of the footboard. "Ready to see another castle?"

"Always."

They enjoyed another sunny day, the sun bouncing off the stone walls that surrounded the town. Jughead could see every single crack in the mortar, every detail of the stonework standing out in sharp lines. The grass lawn of the outer bailey within the castle grounds was as bright as that of a golf course.

He couldn't quite put into words the simplistic beauty of the castle in front of him. It wasn't as grand as Neuschwanstein, nor as intricate in detail as Prague Castle, but the simple beauty was enough. A court jester was finishing his set on the lawn to the right of the cobblestone path. Flaming batons flew through the air, coming to a final stop in his hands.

"We missed the show…" Betty pouted.

Jughead nudged her shoulder, pointing to a sign set up in front of the performer. Next show: 3:00.

"So only two hours to explore? I think we can make that work."

"Guys! Broomstick flying lessons!" Archie bounded up out of nowhere and grabbed Jughead around the shoulders.

"Oh yeah!" Betty followed along excitedly. "I forgot to mention they filmed some of Harry Potter here… the broomstick flying lessons in particular."

"Damn, this place has pizzazz." Jughead grinned, snatching his camera to get a picture of the twig brooms brought out by the actors playing the instructors. "Can't wait to see the rest of it… like the actual inside of the castle."

"We have plenty of time."

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After prancing in the grass like a bunch of kids, with brooms held between their knees, they moved on to the sophistication waiting inside.  The state rooms were ornately furnished, gold accents on the walls, furniture, and doors. Cheryl walked around like she owned the place, only stopping herself from picking up a candelabra when Betty pulled her back.

"Cheryl, this isn't Thornhill… an actual Duke lives here with his family." Betty led her to the library, where most of the room was thankfully roped off. "No touching."

"I can't help that it reminds me of home."

Betty rolled her eyes, but trusted that Cheryl would keep her hands to herself and moved back to Jughead's side.

"What do you say we hit up the fish and chip shop?" She asked, already knowing what his answer would be. "By the time we're done eating we can see the jester and then the rest of the castle grounds."

He smirked, pulling her into his side with a kiss to her temple. "You are almost painfully organized, you know that?"

Betty shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

"I think I already am. Come on, I'm starving."

Betty ordered fish bites, while Jughead got a full serving of fish and chips, reluctantly allowing Betty to sneak a few chips off of his plate. They continued, hands intertwined, for the rest of the day… up until they were back at the pub for quiz night.

The pub was packed with locals and tourists alike from what Betty could tell. Groups of four and five were given quiz papers and a pencil, blank lines listed numbers one to thirty for the answers to be written. More than half the pub was already on the way to being drunk, so Betty thought they stood a decent chance.

"Well, we all know I have the lowest IQ in the group," Reggie said, returning to their table with two beers. "So I'll sit out on this one."

"Great job taking one for the team, Reg." Archie clapped him on the shoulder and took the second beer from him.

"Hey, those were both for me." He made a move to snatch it back from him.

"Chill, I got the next round."

Betty tucked her head against Jughead's shoulder with a happy sigh. Her two best friends, two new friends, her boyfriend… she couldn't be happier with where their adventure had taken them. It was nearing the end, though. There was only a week and a half left in their trip and they hadn't discussed what happened when they went home.

"Hey," Jughead whispered, close enough that only she could hear. "You want to head back to the room? We've already answered twenty of thirty questions… I think they can handle the rest. Plus, the award for winning is just another round of drinks."

Betty nodded. "Let's go."

Jughead moved purposefully through the crowd and up the stairs to their room. As soon as he'd stepped through the door he threw his beanie on the desk. Betty pulled out her ponytail, sighing gratefully when Jughead slipped his fingers through her hair.

His lips moved languidly over her own, taking his time. Every movement was slow but meaningful. Hands moved to her hips, teasing under her blouse and moving up. Their lips only parted for a moment when Jughead pulled her shirt off. He pushed her down on the bed, smoothly pushing down her short skirt.

"Juggie…" She breathed. Her head pressed back against the pillow when Jughead started to work on her neck, leaving bites all over. "I want to see more of you. Get your fucking shirt off."

Betty was already halfway there when Jughead decided to spare one hand to finish pulling his shirt off. His lips moved from her neck to her chest to her stomach to…

"Oh…" Her breath hitched when his fingers hooked under her panties. His lips moved as he pulled the fabric down, until his tongue met her wet center. Betty kicked off her panties and let her legs move over Jughead's shoulders, keeping him close.

She fisted her fingers in his hair and his eyes snapped up to meet hers. She could see the devilish smirk in his eyes. Betty was already flushed and writhing under his touch, and he hadn't even entered her yet. Jughead slipped two fingers in to where his tongue had just been, watching with a playful smirk when his girl's stomach clenched.

She wanted to hold on, wanted to see him come when she did, but he was doing too much. His thumb moved to rub her clit while his fingers pumped in and out. His lips moved to any bit of skin he could reach, licking the sheen of sweat forming on her skin.

As her climax drew closer she could hardly even feel the hickey Jughead was leaving inside her thigh. Waves of pleasure rolled over her as she came on Jughead's fingers. Her whole body reacted, eyes pinched closed and back arched. Jughead pulled his fingers back and climbed up to lay next to her as Betty came down from her high.

"Jug, that was…" She grinned, letting him decipher the rest.  She moved her hands to his jeans, which she hadn't even realized where still on until just now. She shifted down in the bed. "Can I return the favor?"

Jughead stopped her from crawling over his legs, instead pressing her back against the bed again. "Not tonight. Betts, I wanna make you come again."

"What are you waiting for?"

He moved faster now, discarding his jeans and pulling the duvet over their bodies. He captured her lips once more as he moved inside of her. She felt so over stimulated, having only just come down from her first orgasm, but soon she felt even better than the first time around. Jughead was moving in just the right way, his hips snapping against hers.

Betty would worship every part of him if she could, but for now she settle for his collarbone. She nipped at the skin around his neck, leaving marks that would match her own. She tried to distract herself from her own body by focusing on his. She was close to her second climax when Jughead hadn't come once.

"Oh fuck… Betty." He groaned particularly loudly when she bit down hard on his shoulder.

"Don't stop, Jug. Fuck, please don't stop." He was moving almost too slow, trying to hold on to the moment as long as possible. "Fuck me, Juggie… faster."

He did as he was told, his only goal to make Betty feel as good as possible. As he thrust faster, his orgasm crept up on him. Betty's fingernails scratched against his bare back. The sound of their skin slapping together finally making him come undone.

"Shit, oh my God…"

"Don't stop… just a little longer." Betty pulled his lips to her chest, allowing the stimulation to make her finally come.

Jughead rolled beside her, Betty's body fitting perfectly against his when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She curled up against his side, one leg coming up to rest over his own.

They lay in silence for a while, listening to each other's heartbeats slow to their normal pace. Betty was the first to speak.

"We haven't talked about the future…" She said, her middle finger moving in circles on his chest.

"What about it?"

"This trip is almost over, so what does that mean when we have to go home? What happens?"

Jughead stared down into her eyes. "You're really worried about this, aren't you?"

She simply nodded.

"Well, what happens is… we decide where we want to live. I've got a studio apartment waiting in a shitty neighborhood in New York. I have this feeling you probably live somewhere too?"

"I live with my parents." She slapped a hand over her face, embarrassed. Jughead pulled it away.

"So it's settled. We move in to my apartment."

"Then what?"

Jughead pressed a kiss to her hand, holding it tight in his. "Well, we'll get a dog eventually, get some great jobs so we can move to a better place, get married, have a few wild little children."

"You've thought about this?" Betty sat up straight, pulling back a little so she could see him perfectly. Jughead groaned at the loss of contact.

"Of course I've thought about it, Betty. I love you. How could I not think about it?"

She shrugged. "You really want to marry me?"

"I'd marry you right now if I could."

Betty laughed, not because of how crazy that sounded, but because she agreed. She threw a leg over Jughead to straddle his waist. "I'd marry you right now too."

She leaned in, capturing his lips. When she pulled back, Jughead was staring into her eyes, his eyebrows tense in thought.

"Why don't we?"

"Why don't we what?" Betty's fingers were in his hair again.

"Why don't we get married now? Well, not right now, but this week. We can have a little ceremony with our friends on Saturday and make it official when we get back to New York."

"Are you proposing to me?"

"It feels like we proposed to each other… but yeah. Will you marry me?"

Her smile threatened to split open her cheeks. "Yes, Jughead. Yes, I'll marry you."

Their lips crashed together once more, passion flowing through their veins. Betty lifted her hips, lowering herself onto Jughead's cock.

"Can't get enough of me, can you?" Jughead teased, massaging her ass.

"Don’t pretend you don't want it too. Your dick is hard."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

Jughead let his hands rest on her hips as Betty fucked herself on his cock.

"Oh my God, I just thought of something." Betty stopped, eyes widened at Jughead. "My mom is going to disown me."

"You were thinking about your mom while riding me? Christ…"

"No! Oh my God, no. I was thinking about getting married and that led to thinking about how I'm going to tell my mom and how she is going to be so mad."

"Can we stop talking about your mom? Or wait until later?"

"Jug, pissing of my mom just makes this all even better." She started rocking against him again. "I'm being a very bad girl, don't you think?"

"With the likes of me?" He reached around again to grab her ass. "I'd say you are downright naughty."

[shemakesmusic-uk]

This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to shemakesmusic@hotmail.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

Dahlia

Dahlia is an Edinburgh-based singer-songwriter and the music she creates is a hybrid of trip-hop, R&B and witch house with lyrics which focus on mental health and bizarre life experiences. Alongside Jordan Russell-Hall on production and Jamie Clapton on drums and live arrangements they are influenced by the forward thinking sounds and attitudes of FKA Twigs, SOPHIE and Young Fathers. Dahlia has just released the double single 'Clarity' / 'Slip Slowly' and here is what she had to say on the offering: "I chose to release these two songs together because they are bookends to a time in my life when I was learning how to identify toxic behaviours in others and unlearn them in myself—shout out to the queens of boundaries themselves Florence Given and Michelle Elman for that one. Opening up dialogues about mental health is something that’s very important to me and my music and these songs demonstrate that. I grew up singing Gaelic folk songs. I’ve found this style of singing and the storytelling style of songwriting has woven it’s way into my current way of working. I’m also heavily influenced by late ‘90s and early 2000s sounds and aesthetics like Portishead but also more contemporary sounds like FKA Twigs and Sevdaliza. These two songs are a marriage of all these things with a little Dido drama at the end for good measure." Listen below.

Gillian Stone

Gillian Stone is a Toronto-based multi-instrumentalist who aims to reconcile tenderness and dark emotion in her work. Her music is an exploration of inner and outer landscapes, turbulent feelings, recovery, and the juxtaposition of femininity and imperfection. She uses vulnerability to create a safe space to explore the dichotomy of beauty and discomfort. Her background in jazz and ethnomusicology has heavily influenced her work. Her upbringing on Vancouver Island also led her to Coast Salish hip hop and the soundscape and scene of the Cascadian bioregion. Stone uses an interdisciplinary approach to explore disparate genres in order to produce a singular sonic environment. New song 'Bridges' is the soundscape of recovery. "I wrote this song in 2009 after a summer of self-imposed turbulence," says Gillian. "I don't remember exactly when or how I wrote it, but it stayed with me and became predictive. For over a decade, I've returned to it as a space to safely express shame. Now it's morphing into a reminder, a call for self-temperance. I'm still discovering what it means. 'Bridges' follows a journey of dysregulated emotions exacerbated by alcohol abuse. The e-cello movement is meant to evoke the feeling of losing one's mind. This is a post-rock night song that ends with a promise of the sun." Listen below.

Gillian Stone · Bridges

Jenna Kearns

Jenna Kearns is a disabled songwriter from South Wales. She has rheumatoid arthritis and spent a lot of time as a young child in and out of hospital, having treatments, tests and operations. She grew up and has lived in a small town most of her life. "I’ve always had music in my life in one way or another but when I was younger it was musical theatre," says Jenna. "It was while studying at university that my passion for writing songs became my main focus." She worked with a songwriter/producer in Leamington Spa and it was there she wrote her first EP Time Has Passed which was released in July 2016. Last year in 2019 the title track of the EP was used on the TV show Dance Moms. During lockdown since March she has been writing nonstop with different songwriters/producers. "I now have such an incredible team behind me that I’m very excited for the near future as a disabled artist," she says. "Personally for me being a disabled artist in the industry who cannot get out of her wheelchair the biggest challenge has really been access into studios/songwriting spaces. The studio I worked with on my first EP wasn’t accessible however it was a simple fix they had someone build ramps for me to be able to access the parts of the studio needed." 'Thank you' is the latest single from Jenna. Co-written with and produced by hotly tipped singer/songwriter Joe Dolman, 'Thank You' is a new spin on the damaging effects of toxic relationships.  Offering a positive outlook on this negative experience, the song thanks someone for showing their true intentions. "This year during my 8 months of shielding, I've been writing loads, creating an identity and really honing in on my sound and skills. Part of what makes me unique is being a female disabled artist, having a physical disability people don't see that much disability representation within the music industry, physical disabilities even less so. Talking about disabled creatives or in my case disabled artist will push forward barriers, because I  simply do not want to be seen as just the disabled girl, but want to find those who are about inclusivity and talent." Listen to 'Thank You' below.

Jenna Kearns · Thank You - Next Single 13th november

Total Brutal

Total Brutal is the new indie pop solo project from Los Angeles based singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Emily Moore. Moore is known as a professional touring musician, having shared the stage with the likes of Grammy award-winning band FUN, Børns, Ella Vos, X Ambassadors and many more. With the goal of spreading positivity and self-empowerment, Total Brutal has an ethos of standing up for yourself in order to be heard and seen, facing fears head on and being comfortable in your own skin. Her latest single 'Egypt' is an 80’s tinged song, reminiscent of Phoenix meets Fleetwood Mac. Oozing with soaring harmonies and warm, muted vocals, the funk-fueled track shimmers brightly, creating the ultimate dance-worthy anthem. 'Egypt' narrates trying to get the feeling back of being a kid and the excitement of what the future holds. Nowadays we live in fear of the uncertainty, wanting to bury our heads and hide ourselves away. Moore confides, “I constantly need to remind myself to play more and lighten up. It’s easy to get lost in the seriousness of life but I want to go through life having fun and viewing everything with curiosity.” The sun-soaked track succeeds in lifting spirits, certain to put a smile on your face from the very get go. Inspired by strong female artists, Total Brutal is determined to help other young women make their worth known and their voices heard. She shares, “It took me a really long time to understand that I am allowed to speak up, have opinions and speak directly. I’m starting to realize that I can be myself and be liked and professional all the same. I want to help foster that adventurous spirit and confidence in young women!” Listen to 'Egypt' below.

Total Brutal · Egypt

Kate Boothman

Hailing from The Ganaraska Forest in Southern Ontario, horse trainer turned singer-songwriter, Kate Boothman, emerges with her forthcoming sophomore record, My Next Mistake this fall. Recorded at producer, Thomas Knox D’Arcy’s, Taurus Recording, over 2 snowy weeks in January, 2019, Kate and Thom made what they referred to in the studio as a “massage rock” record. Writing as they went, Kate and Thom’s life-long friendship enabled them to tuck into their shadows. This provided them with instant fodder for the moody narrative that Kate delivers as part prayer, part animal, and entirely her own. This sits nicely against the sweeping strings, heavy bass, twangy guitars, organ swells and sometimes thunderous drums that make the trippy washed out folk scape reminiscent of something Lee Hazelwood would have dreamed up with the help of Mazzy Star. Latest single '17' "is one of those songs that emerged fully formed," says Kate. "It's about that confidence and arrogance that comes with being a spicy youth, and then all of a sudden you're an adult and you realize you knew nothing. You look back and can't help but examine everything you've learned and lost. I wrote '17' after a particularly heavy day during a particularly heavy time in my life. I was overworked, overwhelmed, underslept, heartbroken, and generally confused. I got home late, laid down on the floor, and when I got up, wrote the song in 20 minutes. My songs come fast, but they build up slowly. Festering away inside until they simply can't be contained." Listen below.

Kate Boothman · 17

Clara Byrne

Clara Byrne is a socialist singer-songwriter from Bray. She seeks her lyrical inspiration in the world around her and seeks solitude from that world in the music she creates. 'Conflict Bound' is her first single from her upcoming debut album Handstitched. Clara on 'Conflict Bound': "In a world filled with juxtaposed opinions and clashing ideals, it is getting progressively harder to know where to stand. It can be nearly impossible not to get bogged down in fighting the opposition or slaving towards winning small mercies. It all seems so vast, so utterly impossible to grasp. But there are rare occasions when a clearing appears through the density. These moments when everything is laid out in its most digestible form, is worth waiting for. The woods briefly comes into view and with it a sense that it is all so obvious.We cannot go on like this, in this pressure cooker waiting to be boiled alive. We are heading towards a grand finale; the likes of which mankind has never seen before. As we navigate through the late stages of capitalism, its true face appears clearer now than ever before; we the people are expendable. And like the true dying beast that it is, it will not go down easy. It will not go down alone. Don’t let it’s dying cries drown out what has become clear to you; we’re conflict bound." Listen below.

Conflict Bound by Clara Byrne

Just Costa

For Just Costa, music is just the ticket — to their own sonic theme park. "We call it Just Costa Land," quips Jesse Just Costa, who leads the Montreal outfit with sister Juliana. "We want to bring the sense of an amusement park to our music. The excitement, the enthusiasm, the joie de vivre; that's what we're bringing to life." They have all the building blocks they need. First and foremost are their vocals: Hers clear, supple and sweetly flowing, his lightly sanded and breezy. They blend with the grace and beauty of siblings who finish each other's sentences. Then there are the songs: Richly melodic, lyrically life-affirming and — most crucially — irresistibly groovy. Laced with Jesse's tasteful guitar work, crafted from an amalgam of contemporary R&B, soul, funk, pop and more, their tracks can hold their own next to hits from Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson and Khalid. Enjoy the ride. "'514' is our ode to the beautiful city of Montreal," say the dup of their latest single. "Our hometown's energy is creative and electric. The people are kind and open – you can feel the joie de vivre in the air, especially in the summertime. If your city inspires you, pushes you to open your heart and do better, then this song is for you. This is our first fully self-produced single, recorded in our own studio, with some help from the retro synth wizard himself, Paul Shrofel. The beauty of a song about a city is that everyone has their own unique stories and experiences within that city. Montreal has no lack of open-mindedness, artsiness, or beautiful people, and this city is an ongoing narrative that threads through the story of our own lives."

Just Costa · 514

[radasadam]

A long story about some people I used to know

We were young. It was a few days before my seventeenth birthday and I was living away from home with a mate from high school, D, working a job I thought was my passion. I had an old friend over one night, M, and she asked if it would be cool if a couple of her friends stopped by. “Sure! Why not?!” I said with glee, being able to make these decisions myself now.

An hour rolls by and all of a sudden there’s someone attempting to reverse park into my carport. Perplexed, we go outside, look over the small balcony and around the corner are two people, whom I could only describe as “young punks” are getting out a black ford escape with bright pink license plates.

“This is B and H!” M said with a demeanor as if she introducing two minor celebrities.

“Did you see that sick park job I did, first go!” B said with excitement. It wasn’t the first go, we saw her reverse in and out a few times, but M had told me she only had her license for two weeks, so we weren’t about to dim that shine. “What up, dude” says H, as if we’d met before.

M introduces D and I, we all exchange casual pleasantries and B, H, M and I spark a cigarette. D doesn’t smoke but he enjoys the banter of the smoke circle. One after another we awkwardly look for an ashtray, I grab the butt bucket and we all take a last drag, put out our smoke and head inside.

“We got you a birthday present!” yells B, having just remembered. She goes back out to the car and comes back in with a half melted soft serve cone from McDonald’s. “Happy birthday!” B and H say in unison.

I look at it for a second, look up at M, she’s holding back laughter. “I’m lactose intolerant” I say with a chuckle. B and H look at each other and we all burst out in hysterics. D, a bigger lad, swoops in and chomps it out of my hand in one bite, relieving me of dripping awkward mess that was an impromptu birthday gift. I thank them profusely as to not insult their gift, though they aren’t fazed either way.

 We talk for a while, M spends an hour talking about all the cool things that B and H do and have done. Trying to cement the fact that these are two cool cats. I wasn’t sure why she did this, they were making the case all on their own. That’s just kind of what she did though, as if surrounding herself with the ‘cool’ people would make her seem more interesting. M was lovely, a bit misguided but great nonetheless.

D has been playing xbox for most of this, so the rest of us moved to the balcony so we could smoke, because there’s nothing cooler in the eyes of teenagers trying to rebel than chain smoking, even if it hurt. M is asthmatic, but battles her labored breath to keep looking 'cool’ with us. H is smoking perfectly hand rolled cigarettes, something I admired as I couldn’t roll a cigarette to save my life. B smokes hybrid cigarettes, I hadn’t seen these before but my interest drops when I realize they’re menthol.

H brings up pot, because he’s heading to his brothers to smoke with him after this. B asks why he doesn’t just stay at her house, she has bud at home. H lists a few reasons I can’t remember and makes it clear he’s going to his brothers. B seems a little disappointed and shifts focus to me. “Have you smoked before?” I had only smoked pot once, a few months back but wanting to fit in, I say “Yeah! Heaps of times!” obviously lying, but no one calls me on it. “We should smoke some time” B and H reply, both with a look that says they’ll show me the ropes.

It hits 9pm and provisional driving curfews, that mean no passengers in your car, start at 10pm. B, not wanting to lose her recently obtained license, says to H that they had better go. M says she should head off too. Her grandmother, who she lives with, will kill her if she’s out past 10 again. We all spark one last smoke and say our goodbyes. “We should hang out soon” says B as they roll out of the carport “Later dude” adds H. M asks what I thought of them as I walk her to her car. “They’re rad, we should chill again” I say in a tone I thought I conveyed as relaxed but came off desperate. M picks up on this and with a smile says she’ll organise something, gets in her car and drives off. I head back to the house and D has already gone to bed, so I head off to my room and do the same. My head hits the pillow and I think to myself “These are people I want, no, need in my sheltered life”.

It’s been about a week, I’ve turned seventeen and I’m walking aimlessly through the shopping centre, looking for something to do on Tuesday. As a chef, my weekend was Tuesday-Wednesday and I was trying to make the most of it. I head upstairs to go see what movies are on and as I’m passing the boost juice counter I hear a “Hey dude!” I look around, wondering if that was directed at me. Then I see them, B and H, they’re waiting in line for their drink at boost, H knows the girl behind the counter and is talking to her. B, looking annoyed, had grabbed my attention and starts a conversation with me. After chatting with B for a minute, H walks over with their drinks. “What up, dude” H mutters through his straw. I have a generic reply because for some reason I’m now nervous. We go out to the stairs next to the cinema and have a cigarette. B asks what I’m doing at the plaza and I explain my search for a fulfilling ‘weekend’. B gets it because she works as a hairdresser and understands odd days off. She invites me to come back to her place with H and we can all “smoke up” When I say I wouldn’t be able to get home she even invites me to stay the night. I agree with excitement, in part because I’ll have something to do this weekend, because I’m making new friends and holy cow, I’m going to smoke pot for the second time. My now seventeen year old mind is going wild with expectations. I mention if M will come over too and they both snicker a little bit. “Nah” B replies while looking at H. I didn’t read into it and followed them to B’s car and off we went. B and H have been friends for years, grew up together I felt nervous as an almost third wheel, their chemistry was strong and something I strived to have with someone.

We get to B’s house and start heading down a long drive way. I let out an awe as we pass through the second set of gates and I see a massive house on acres of land with horses in a paddock with a huge body of water. I complement B’s home and she replies ever so casually “Oh that’s the main house, mines out back” as we drive around it. In shock, I ask if she rents or something and B explains that the main house is where her mum, J, lives and she has her own flat out the back then points out yet another dwelling in the distance where a man privately rented from her mum, but doesn’t elaborate.

We park in the carport adjacent to her flat, hop out of the car and walk into the courtyard. “B! H!” J yells out in a loving tone from the window clad walkway that connected the houses. “Hey mum! This is A” B says as we enter. J welcomes us all with a hug, H gives her a kiss on the cheek as if he is her son. Warm, I felt warm and welcome. We all take a seat in the cosy walkway, I complement J and B on their home and they give me a verbal tour. J leave us and heads into the main house, B, H and I make our way into B’s flat.

There are band posters and childhood artworks on the walls, instruments and amplifiers scattered and a snow board leaning up against the far wall. The room couldn’t have looked cooler in my teenage eyes. It’s getting dark and after a few cigarettes and shared anecdotes, H gestures to B and she gets up, walks through a curtain dividing the lounge room from the rest of the flat and comes back with what looked to be a water bottle and a Tupperware container. Now seeing the small length of garden hose popping out of the water bottle, it clicks and anxiety kicks in. I had only smoked a joint before and had no idea how to smoke a bong. I played it cool and just watched what they did and tried to guess the rest. It was my turn now and without asking, B had packed a cone for me, relieving me of the stress of how much to pack. At this point B and H must know that I had over played my experience because I just tried to pull a cone as one would draw on a cigarette. Pulling into my mouth, then inhaling, only being able to do it bit by bit. The jig was up as H starts laughing, B following suit. They don’t call me out though, H just starts slowly doing the motions as he smokes his next cone, I get it now, I think. It’s my turn again and I successfully pull and inhale simultaneously, finishing the cone in one go, then promptly coughing my lungs up, we all laugh.

We have another one a few minutes pass and it starts to kick in. I, nervous in my inexperience, try not to freak out as a full body high slowly moves up me. I’ve never felt this before, a wondrous euphoria crashing over my body again and again. B and H show me affection over the next few hours, affection I hadn’t truly felt before, with or without drugs. Here are two people that don’t care what I am, but rather who I am. Sharing this experience, making sure that I’m comfortable, hydrated and laughing. I won’t forget this, I couldn’t forget this. I realise that B and H, only having known them for a week, are the friends I had always longed for in my dark and confusing teen years, relative to me only being seventeen. I feel content for the first time, knowing that my life has just changed.

What followed was two years of pure friendship. High highs and low lows, no pun intended. Road trips and nights in, new additions and sour farewells. We would bicker like children and plan our lives as adults. Share all of our vulnerabilities and revel in each other’s success. Creating memories that will never fade and forgiving each other’s transgressions. I now live as a new person, feeling reborn as I experienced why, as humans, we are social. I soon come out of the closet to B, then H and am offered nothing but support, normalcy and unchanged friendship. Memories to last a life time. Bliss.

It’s now my third year with these wonderful people and only a few months later, what I felt was going to last forever, is now starting to slide from my grip. I lose the passion for my work and am let go, recoiled back into my childhood home. H has met new friends and is farther away now, we see him less and less. B is searching for a path, her mother’s health starts to deteriorate and needs B more now. B is conflicted, she now has to consider J in her life choices. J becomes less warm, she changes ever so slightly, day by day. B’s light is dim. M has taken time away from us, and us away from her. She lives a different life now, but we will see her again in the future.

We go through months of unknowing and uncertainty, desperately clasping at anything that will give us the feelings we just recently lost. Not sharing that we felt differently, but rather tried to masquerade our sadness of the situation with smiling faces. Were we just growing up?

H talks to us less and less until one day he stops, stops replying, stops answering, until he stops being in our everyday thoughts. I still don’t know what happened. Did we do something wrong or did he outgrow us? Did we not share the same interests anymore? Confusion. I say goodbye to him in my head and just remember the good times, just remember the good times A.

I have an opportunity, after months of unemployment. My sister in law offers me a new start with her company. It requires me to move to another state. I, thinking all I need is a sea change, accept without hesitation, without consulting B. When did I start doing that? I wouldn’t change cigarette brands without consulting them in the past. It hits me, we’ve grown out of the day dream that was our life for two years. Does this mean growing apart?

I leave. Days after making the announcement. Thinking that this may close that chapter and I will have to find this kind of love all over again. B and I don’t grow apart though. We call each other every day and if we miss a day, our conversation is just longer the next. We live in each other’s lives like we did before, not making the smallest of decision without talking to eachother first. This is working, were still friends and we’re still growing. I fly down to see her and she flies up to see me, we’re making it work. These feelings are still available, still obtainable, and did we ever lose them? Or did we just need to change how we sought them out. We’ve evolved in a way. B and I are in new careers, we’ve got passion and drive behind us that we haven’t felt before. We’re getting promotions, making new friends, and having different experiences but we’re telling each other every detail along the way, our bond is only growing stronger.

It’s been two years now, two years away from where I grew up and I’m coming home. I call B with the news and she’s ecstatic! I say goodbye to my new friends, knowing I may never see them again. I pack my car, D, who has remained only a message or call away through my time away, flies up to me and we share the drive down. We enjoy catching up after not seeing each other for two years and I realise that our friendship hasn’t changed, we slot straight back in. Experiencing that rekindling only makes me more impatient to get to B.

We arrive at D’s house after driving for 18 hours on day two. I thank him and hug him tightly, knowing our friendship is unique, swearing to myself that he’ll be a part of my life forever. I drive a few streets away to my childhood home, I greet my parents with affection and caffeinate my tired mind. I get back in the car, only a 40 minute drive now. It’s almost 10pm and I have a job interview the next day, but I’m on my way. I had organised with B to move into her flat when I came back, knowing that we needed to be together 24/7 for a while to make up for the two years apart.

I’m driving slowly down the long drive way and at the end, through the second set of gates, illuminated by the moon and some solar lights dangling on the wall behind her is B. She is practically bouncing with her hands over her mouth. A look I knew was excitement and anticipation. I leap out of the car, straight over to her and we give each other a hug that tells one another ‘We’re home now’.

B introduces me to HG, her new boyfriend. He seems great! The perfect mix of punk and hipster. I couldn’t be happier, because from our brief interaction I could tell he would fit in. I have a moment of reflection. Is this how M felt when she introduced me to B and H? Not that I had introduced them, but rather the feeling that someone fits. M is back on the scene, and she’s had a baby! She’s moved into the cottage in the distance with her partner.

I slot into a part time job and bide my time before moving into yet another new career, expanding on my experience up north. I feel good and have the same drive, B, HG and I are even working in the same shopping centre now. Meeting for a cigarette in between our stores almost every day.

HG and I bond in a weird but wholesome way. We share interests and hobbies that he doesn’t with B. Balance. I felt I helped him fall in love with B by sharing all of the ways I love her and how she’s changed my life. I share with B how HG and I have bonded, and the ways he loves her without her realising. B, HG and I share new experiences together. This feels familiar, this feels like years ago, this feels dangerous. Am I reliving those old days? Am I trying to hard? Will I ruin this if I try to repeat old behaviours? Anxiety. M moves out, she crossed J in a way I’m still not fully aware of, I don’t understand, but I don’t ask too many questions. I regretfully get on board the hate train. I justified it somehow, I didn’t feel bad about it in the moment. I do now.

B is striving, she’s stressed but somehow uses it to her advantage, and I admire this. HG just lost his job. He doesn’t work in the centre anymore and suddenly B and I aren’t meeting for cigarettes as frequently. Was she only making the time for him? I stop thinking this way when it becomes clear her job just doesn’t allow it anymore. I feel concerned. B is working herself too hard. The things she used to do to advance in her role aren’t being recognized anymore, she’s deflating. Losing the passion. No. Not again. Is this all breaking apart? This is where it started to fall last time, is the role just reversed?

I was wrong. We’d been through something in the past, sure, but this wasn’t a repeat. She’s stronger now than I was back then, wiser. She makes a move onto a different path, starting at the bottom again. She has the drive, the passion, it never left her. What was I worried about?

B has a long commute now, almost 2 hours. It’s her dream job though and she doesn’t let it sway her. I realise she’s powerful in her will, a lot stronger than I could ever or will ever be. I start to feel resentment for the first time. I hate it. I don’t resent her, but myself. Because I now know that it was my lack of will that derailed us all those years ago. I start to spiral.

HG is in and out of work, he just can’t land something he can be passionate about and I feel his pain. He feels inadequate compared to B, we share that feeling but we don’t know how to tell each other let alone B, who just transferred to a store close by. Her hard work paid off, quickly. HG and I start to bond in a new and unhealthy way, smoking weed. I find myself buying and smoking more, HG buys when he can but is always asking for some. I worry when stuff around the house goes missing, just before he buys. It’s just a coincidence, he wouldn’t, I tell myself.

It’s late in the year now, close to my 21st birthday. HG has been living in B’s room for a while, we didn’t really notice when he moved in though, it just kind of happened over a few weeks of him staying every night, to him bringing his stuff over, to HG being home when B or I weren’t. It feels right though, so I don’t read into it, they must have talked about it without me, no stress.

I’m moving along in life the same as I have since getting back. I’m good but I’m dealing with new feelings and new guilt about past choices, and how I can’t change, giving into my own apathy. Depression. D peeks his head in, asks if I want to move out again with him. Yes! That sound great, but we can’t really afford a place in our area, so we ask J if we can rent the cottage in the distance. She loves the idea as she needs the extra cash. Done! D and I move into the cottage. This feels good, B and HG have their space to grow as a couple, we all live together on this almost commune and it’s great. I even get a dog!

The dog brings a new meaning into my life, suddenly I’m working harder. I’m concerned for him while I’m gone though, so I set up a camera or two to watch him while I’m at work. It records everything while I’m gone and I can watch him on a live feed. Tops!

J isn’t doing great, or so it seemed health wise. But it’s odd this time. I start contemplating J’s relationship with B. I’d always stayed out of arguments between them, been a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, but now some things aren’t adding up. We all knew of J’s injury years ago, but never questioned the symptoms that would sporadically arise.

A few months pass, B is still striving, she even got a promotion, HG is out of work again, D is happy with his new privacy away from his parents and little sister, J has some extra income now and I’m well too. J is showing concern about HG all of a sudden when I mention misplacing some things, J talks to me about things that she feels she can’t say to B about HG. J has always confined in me in the past. Usually about random things she doesn’t want to bother B about, but this was different. I kept it between us all the same and just kept my eyes a bit wider.

J would need help sometimes and we were all too happy to help, her being like a second mother to me and always referring to her as such. This changes though. During my time living with J and B, then later HG and D, her requests were getting more and more, for a lack of better words, mundane. Suddenly I realise J has been playing up her disability, in order for us to do things she just didn’t feel like doing. I realised B had made decisions in life based on J’s disability when she hadn’t need to. B was blind to J’s manipulation. The straw that broke the camel’s back in my mind was when B spent days waiting on J in her bed, because she was apparently bed ridden, we all took pity and did whatever she would ask, from simple things like getting her a cup of tea, to helping her go to the bathroom. In the morning before work, in the middle of a bed rest period, I head up to J’s room, to see if she needs anything because everyone had left already. J is crying in ‘pain’ and asks if I have any weed. I say I don’t, because I don’t. I get her some tea, some Panadol, wish her a better day and leave for work, as I was already running late. Now, a week after talking with J that morning, I started noticing odd things again. Things are going missing, but this time out of the cottage. It was a game controller here, a game there, some pot if I left it out, all signs pointed to HG, Because J had pointed it out to me. I let it slide for a few more days. Then money went missing. The rent that D and I pay to J, we put into a specific spot in the kitchen, because sometimes we would get in late and J would be asleep. With us gone the next day, J would just go to the spot and collect the rent instead of waiting until the next afternoon.

One day, J asked if we were struggling or something. I was confused and asked why she thought that. J mentioned that the rent was $100 short. Thinking I had just miss counted, I gave her another $100 out of pocket. So the next week, I counted with D, then counted again at the spot to confirm. All there, all good. J messages me at work the next day “$150 short this time, sure you guys are okay?” I lose it, but say it must be a miscount and give her the difference when I get home. I’ll confront HG afterwards. HG isn’t home though, but B and I have a talk when she gets home, not about the situation, but that HG had been accused of selling games and odd electronics at his old job, that his friends had left in his car. HG denied it and B believed him, I think.

I have an idea. I can’t prove if HG had stolen money from the spot or if J was scamming me and I don’t want to confront anyone without evidence, but I’ve had cameras in the cottage watching the dog for weeks. All backing up to my laptop. I start going through the footage after work one day, looking at days I’ve noticed things missing and see what I’m after. HG coming into the cottage while D and I are at work and going through our rooms, taking odd things, eating our food and sitting down in my room, smoking my weed. Here’s where it gets worse. I see J come into frame after scrubbing to a new day’s footage. The morning J claimed she was in too much pain to get out of bed, let alone get herself a cup of tea. I could see her going through my belonging, snooping, I thought to myself, how could someone act that way to my face, then enter my flat at a panthers pace the moment I left. J starts running around my bedroom, putting her fingers through empty weed baggies. Now I know why she was in there. I’m livid, I couldn’t believe that J had done this, I was ready to oust HG but I wasn’t prepared for what J had done. Had she only been saying we were short and pocketing the extra cash?

D said he wasn’t missing anything, but we decide to move out nonetheless. He is going back to his parents, but I didn’t know what I was going to do.

I arm myself with all of the footage, ready to confront HG and J. However I’m conflicted. B has been telling me of the trouble her and HG were going through. J was up for an operation, and things were seemed to be falling apart around B. What do I do? Wait to see if B breaks up with HG, so that he’ll be gone and I won’t have to add salt to the injury? Or Give this as a reason to break up with him? I didn’t know what to expect once B had this information. What do I do about J? B couldn’t lose HG, J and have me move at the same time, would B even want me to confront J about it? I decide to wait but made sure J was aware I was taking down my cameras and mentioned the fun ill have looking through the weird times I had in the cottage. Her eyes widen but I don’t give any more details. D and I tell everyone we are moving out, I find a room with some old friends from high school and we make plans.

Dylan has been gone for a few days now and things are deteriorating. I leave, thinking that I can just keep this information to myself, and after a few weeks, I can reassess. A week after moving into the new house, in the city now. I woke up to a house of 3 old mates and the feeling of a fresh new start in a different area. I can bring B into this life soon enough, away from these people that were tearing her in different directions. J, making B feel guilty about things out of B’s control, manipulating B into making decisions that only benefited J. Away from HG, who had reverted into a bong rat with no aspirations.

Then my phone rings. It’s B, I answer “Hey Bitch!” thinking it’s going to be a fun recap of the day before and the night I had had. “A” B barley manages to speak in a small voice “HG just broke up with me” B crackles through tears. B walks me through what happened while bawling her eyes out. I could hear the pain and confusion in her voice. “I don’t know what to do” B belts out a as she loses what little composure she has left. I couldn’t blame her, although they had problems she wanted to fight, she had a type of burning love for him that would start a fire under water. I guess I never stopped to see if HG’s love for B was the same.

It hit me. I was going to keep quiet for now. I don’t want to unload this information on B now because it would just make her pain worse, and if he came back into her life, maybe I would re-consider. As for J, I knew it could wait. I had made commitments I couldn’t get out of that night, but told B I would be there the very next morning. We stayed on the phone for about an hour while I listened to her proverbially bleed out. She wasn’t going to work, her friends there understood the severity and insisted she stay home for a few days.

Its night now when my phone rings again, an unknown number, I chose to ignore it. However it kept ringing. After the 3rd ring, on the 4th I decide to answer and to my surprise, it was J. I let my guard down thinking it was concern for B and ask “What’s up?” in an upbeat tone. But my tone isn’t matched. She starts digging into me.

“I hope you’re happy!” “This is all your fault!” “Who do you think you are?!” “You caused this!” “How can you live with yourself after this?” “What are you going to do about it?!” J belts out, practically in one breath. I pause and think “Does she think she’ talking to HG?” I interrupt to say “J, it’s A, are you okay, what’s going on?”

“I know it’s you, A! I’m not stupid! What the fuck have you done?” J screams, takes a breath and continues “You think you can just leave and nothing will change? B is a wreck and it’s all your fault!” I’m confused at this point and ask “What does me moving out have anything to do with B and HG breaking up? I talked to her just a few hours ago and I’m coming over in the morning” “Don’t you dare! You’ve done enough! Don’t dare come back to this house, you’re as bad as M! Just come and go as you please, walking all over us!” J replies, then hangs up. This just confuses me even more. What has any of this got to do with M?! And why is J calling me, blaming me for B and HG breaking up? At this point, I had excused myself from the dinner I was attending. I have a quick cigarette, contemplate calling B but decide to just head back inside the restaurant. I’ll call her on the way home.

Its 10 pm, two hours after J’s call. I’m racking my brain for reasons why I could be to blame for all of this. But in the end, I reluctantly give B a stupid excuse I regret, to reschedule our day tomorrow. The nest day I wake up to message after message of abuse from J, mixed in were messages from B. I reply to B but decide I can’t go back to that house, and make more bad excuses.

Days had passed now and I felt that B knew I wasn’t coming. I felt terrible, absolutely terrible, but how in the world could I tell B that J was the reason I wasn’t coming? I invite her to my new house, but she declines. She wants to stay in bed, and after all I should be making the effort here, not her. What am I supposed to do? J is in the back ground of B and I’s phone calls, asking for me and how I am, when am I coming to do this and that but I was still getting text messages saying “You left me high and dry! Without your rent I’m going to starve! You didn’t give me enough notice and now you owe me X amount of money!” “Come get the shit you left behind!” followed by “Don’t think you can ever step foot around my house or B ever again!” “Fuck off you c**t!”

I screen shot all of this and was ready to end J’s way of life and get B out of there when I realised. B wouldn’t do that. She would defend her mother until her last breath. No matter what I said, or showed, it could somehow be turned back on me. I talk myself out of doing this on multiple occasions.

In the end I decide I can’t do anything. Now I see myself turning into H. Not replying, not answering and eventually, sure enough, I’ll be out of their everyday thoughts. It’s now when I start contemplating the friends B and I lost. Was it some variation of this situation that caused them to exit our lives? Maybe.

Time kept passing and days kept going by, months now. I missed talking to B every day, I felt something missing from my life. Until other things took over. I was packing up the room I was living in, we were moving to a new house. When I saw a Polaroid of B sitting on her bed, with the purple wall behind her with her hand on her face like she’d always do when I tried to take a photo of her with no makeup on. I cried. It was too late now. I couldn’t call her, I couldn’t message her. The person I shared my life with for the past 7 years.

Its 2018 now. My depression has worsened over the last two years. I have dark thoughts every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to bed. I’m drowning myself in drugs and alcohol and putting on a brave face for the people around me. I make plans for a final day but never go through with them. Then I get a phone call on the fourth day of October. I’ve been made redundant from my job along with 7 others, in a corporate takeover and I’m lost. Three weeks pass and my plans keep becoming more enticing. I go to interview after interview and get nothing but rejection. A friend I’ve been living with ,L, has been treating me and our other house mate, DB, like trash, smoking our weed and eating our food. We send him the rent, and he is supposed to pay it. We find out he hasn’t paid rent in a month and instead pocketed it for his own. We are facing eviction. I call it.

On the fifth day of November I set everything in motion. I pack up everything I own into boxes, and give away any clothes that would fit DB under the impression I’m cleaning stuff out. I throw out a lot of junk, say goodbye to my dog and cats and say to DB, “I’ll be back in the morning” I grabbed anything that my family may want or that I’ve borrowed and put it into a box and headed out. I stop by my dealer, pick up a Q of hydro and 4 tabs of LSD and make a b-line for my parents’ house. I return borrowed items and leave the box in the shed for them to find after. Dad starts an argument with me about finishing an odd job for him. “I’ll do it next time” I yell back in anger, knowing I’ll probably never going to see him again for some reason wanting that to be the last thing I said to him. I come into the kitchen of the house I grew up and look around. I’ve had so many good memories here, but all I can think of are the bad ones. I give mum a kiss on the cheek and say “Love you, see you next weekend” with a whimper. She asks if something’s the matter but I don’t let it out. I shake my head with a half-hearted smile, walk out and get in my car.

I drive to the bottle shop and pick up a few long necks, thinking the more inebriated I am, the easier it would be. I’m crying but the shop clerk doesn’t point it out. I don’t blame them, he was an older gentleman who just looked confused and confronted. I leave and drive down the hill to an old camp ground, Norton’s basin.

I park my car, set up my tent, crack a beer and start rolling a joint. I go through the night drinking and smoking writing letters and recording messages for loved ones. I start writing one for B, wondering if she would even read it after how I left her. I go to write it anyway. I write out a few lines and scrap the page, start again, scrap again. There’s nothing I can write to her. So I start recording a message and just let it all pour out. No corrections, no restarting, just raw words. I spoke for an hour before realising how long it had been. I close the message with the send-off “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, because now you can’t be here for me when I need you” and cry myself into a drunken slumber.

Its morning now. I’m hung over but don’t care. I have a plan for today and I’m going through with it. I crack another beer from the poorly made esky bag and light a joint. I drop all 4 tabs of LSD and start working. I finish off some letters, get changed into my navy suit, with a floral bow-tie and clean accessories. I’m going out in style. I’ve become a skeleton of my previous self in the last year, now only 60 odd kilos, my suit is ill fitting and draping but I don’t care. It’s been 3 hours and the LSD has well and truly kicked in. My trip isn’t bad but I’m crying uncontrollably.

Some passers-by see me and my odd scenario and start questioning me, I let out a bad lie about a failed proposal, thus the suit and the tears. They buy it and move on with my saying I’m packing up now. I pack the tent into my car and move the car down the track for more privacy. Now it begins.

I pull the hose and duct tape out of a bag and start taping shut my air vents. I seal four of the five doors, attach the hose to the exhaust, feed it through a window and tape it off. I put the back seats down, get in and seal off the remaining door. I start the car and settle in. I put some music on and stare at the roof of the interior, still tripping on LSD, more so now, I have a beer and I spark a joint. I start to visualise what’s going to happen to me and am met with a wave of euphoria. What is this feeling? I remember this. This feeling that I’ve been chasing all these years. That first euphoric moment in B’s lounge room, with her and H laughing with me. I cry uncontrollably, this is fitting. The feeling I had in the moment I felt reborn was going to be the same feeling I have as I exit. I black out.

 I don’t know who found me, I don’t know what saved me. I just remember waking up in a hospital with my mother crying at my bedside. It was the year anniversary of that day a last month and I can thankfully say I’m doing better now.

 The only reason I wrote this was because I found out recently that B is living in Canada now, she’s living a better life, away from HG, J and I. I can’t help but wonder what our life together would be like if I had of just gone to her fucking house. Fuck you HG and a special fuck you to J. B, I hope you see this and understand why I didn't come.

[gwynnew]

'The Neverending Story' Empress Tami Stronach Shares Behind-the-Scenes Stories from the '80s Fantasy Film

  Tami Stronach as the Childlike Empress in ‘The Neverending Story,’ 1984 (Photo: Warner Bros./ Courtesy: Everett Collection)

The Neverending Story is one of those dark ‘80s fantasy films that makes a generation of parents wax nostalgic, even as they’re horrified at the thought of showing it to their own young children. Tami Stronach, who played the Childlike Empress, is now one of those parents. At age 10, Stronach was one of three American children cast in the lead roles of Wolfgang Peterson’s 1984 fantasy film, produced and filmed in Germany. The Neverending Story tells the story-within-a-story of a 10-year-old outcast, Bastian (Barret Oliver), who discovers a magical book about young warrior Atreyu (Noah Hathaway), who must save his kingdom of Fantasia from a malevolent force called The Nothing. The further Bastian reads in the book, the more he becomes a part of the story, until the climax, when the Empress of Fantasia (Stronach) pleads directly with Bastian to save and rebuild Fantasia.

Though she only appears at the end of the film, Stronach’s memorable character was prominently featured in promotional material for the worldwide hit, and the child actress found her ensuing celebrity hard to handle. Eventually, Stronach walked away from film entirely and grew up to become a professional dancer. Following the birth of her daughter, she launched a new venture with her husband: Paper Canoe Company, a Brooklyn-based children’s theater company. For the first time since Neverending Story, Stronach is working with puppets and conjuring children’s fantasies. “All the stuff I’m doing now kind of oddly refers back to this very meaningful experience I had with The Neverending Story,” says Stronach. She might even show the film to her daughter one of these days. Yahoo Movies spoke with Stronach, 44 — who is also returning to film in the indie feature Ultra Low, now shooting — about her experience working on The Neverending Story, the empowering message of the Childlike Empress, and how she’s come to embrace the film and its fans. 

I grew up watching The Neverending Story and I remember thinking, ‘This movie has one girl in it, and she’s the prettiest girl in the entire world.’

Thank you! [Laughs] You know that I was almost not cast because Wolfgang didn’t think I was pretty enough.

Really?

Yes! Well to be fair, it was the first audition and I went really scruffy, because I wasn’t really a Hollywood gal, so I didn’t really understand the game. I went with greasy leftover pig makeup because I was playing Piglet in a play. So he was like, ‘This girl’s good but she’s just kind of… really not that… Empress-like?’

Tami Stronach today (Photo: Tami Stronach)

You filmed The Neverending Story during this rare time in the 1980s when practical special effects got really good, right before computer effects took over, so the sets actually looked like the movie looks.

Totally. Everything was handmade on that set. There, a human being with their hand put the feather there and put the mud there, and I think you can feel that. In some ways at the time, I didn’t even understand how extraordinary it was, because when you’re a kid, you kind of experience the world as it is given to you. But yeah, they had this huge circus tent with the Swamps of Sadness, which I remember going in. And it was insane, when you were inside this enormous tent where the mud was up to my hips — it was really, really, really deep. Trying to walk over to the camera people was really hard. And once they got the fog machine rolling, you couldn’t see the edges of the curtains. You were absolutely in an endless swamp.

Wait, the Empress wasn’t in the Swamps of Sadness!

No, I watched. I went in to watch the day that Atreyu kept getting sneezed off of Morla, the turtle. I thank God I was not there for the Swamps of Sadness eating the horse, because that would have been not a good idea for anybody to have me on set at that time. [Laughs] I probably would have stopped filming. “Stop! Stop the cameras!”

What was the Ivory Tower set like?

So the Ivory Tower was in a sound studio; it was a little bit different than the huge tent for the Swamps of Sadness and also the huge tent that housed the Rockbiter and the bat and all those guys. They were in a different huge, beautiful tent outside. My set was inside of a building and a little bit of a smaller set. And the bed was in the middle, and then the walls were this pearly white. I never saw the outside of the ivory tower; I was like the inside of the oyster. So it was just this beautiful, creamy white room with this big, kind of cake-like bed in the middle.

Tami Stronach plays the Empress in the Ivory Tower in the climactic scene of ‘The Neverending Story.’

You didn’t have a scene with the puppets; were you still able to watch the puppeteers work? 

I did! I was super interested in that. I feel like it was hard because I was little. As an adult, I could probably have more easily infiltrated in and out of sets quietly, behind people. I had to request permission to go and be on set and promise that I wasn’t going to make any noise. [Laughs] So I did do a fair amount of that, and it was really fun to watch the puppeteers. It’s funny, I didn’t really do anything with puppetry [as an adult] because I was so involved with dance for so long. But now getting involved in theater again, I feel that that did make an impact on me — that watching that and seeing it was actually something that infiltrated my brain and left an indelible impression. And oddly, I think that dance is really excellent training for puppeteering, only because the precision of movement required in dance translates really well to puppetry.

How much of the movie’s emotional weight did you understand as an 11-year-old actress? Re-watching your scenes as a mom now, it’s really hard for me to see this little girl seeming to be in so much pain, even though I know your character is supposed to be very old. You’re crying directly into the camera!

I was such a sensitive little girl. The idea of crying was so not a big deal. You would tell me, you know, “A turtle in Cambodia got a splinter in its foot” and you would have waterworks from me. It was in my nature! I feel like for me, the theater and film were such a joy and such a gift because it was a place where emotions were valued. And to some degree, I felt like in the real world my overly emotional, perhaps hypersensitive nature was a little bit of a liability, but in theater and film it was an asset. And it was such a relief. It was so incredible to know that this inescapable part of who I was held value in a certain context.

How conscious were you as a kid of trying to play older in that role?

Super conscious. I was 300 years old in my mind. I was a really serious girl, and I had my notebook, I had my specific age that I was, and I had the adjectives that I was cycling through my brain to make sure my body language was right. I took the whole project very seriously. But that’s where my passion was — that’s where my joy was.

Not all child performances age well, but you very convincingly played a little girl who’s not actually not a little girl. And I think I connected with that, too, since I was a kid who felt like I could relate better to adults. 

There weren’t that many amazing role models for little girls in films. Little girls are frequently cute, frequently underestimated in terms of what they’re going to bring to a story. And I think that’s changing now which is super exciting — obviously there are a lot of girl heroines in films today — but that wasn’t so much the case back in the ‘80s.

And then also I do think that there’s this notion [in the film] of what power is. And her power was wisdom and her power was patience and her power was compassion. Which is just a really different form of power than brawn. And yet it was more powerful than brawn. And I think that’s so exciting to tell little girls: There’s a way for you to be really, really powerful with all the attributes you currently have, because you have courage, you have wisdom, you have compassion. You don’t need a karate chop. And so I feel really lucky that I fell into this role that in a way sort of turned the notion of strength upside down.

Tami Stronach and co-star Barret Oliver on the 1984 German press tour for ‘The Neverending Story:’

You communicate with fans through your Twitter handle @NeverendingTami. Was there a point at which you tried to separate yourself from The Neverending Story before coming around and embracing it?

Absolutely. I completely tried to retreat from it. Pretty much upon coming back from filming, we were really overwhelmed with the response, and I definitely felt really overwhelmed by what it meant to be a celebrity at 11 years old. I didn’t feel like I was very good at it! I really loved acting, but I didn’t love celebrity. So I was faced with a complicated choice because they sort of come together. So I decided to immerse myself in dance, and then if I wanted to return to acting as an adult I would do that. And then coming to New York as a young dancer, I really wanted to see what I could do in the world as Tami and not as a former child actor. And so I really never talked about it, I never brought it up. And if it did come up, I’d sort of smile and try to quickly change the subject.

How did you end up coming back to it?

With the birth of my daughter and with the birth of Paper Canoe Company, I suddenly realized that it really did have a kind of seminal impact on me, and that it really was a rather wonderful experience, and that maybe it was time to engage with it. Also it felt like fans of The Neverending Story might be more interested in Paper Canoe than, say, dance theater. And so I ended up going to Comic-Con because I was lured there with the prospect of seeing Noah [Hathaway, who played Atreyu] after 30 years, which I thought would be really fun. But then he never showed up! [Laughs]

But it was great, because I’d never been to a Comic-Con. I didn’t even know about them! So suddenly I was like, omigod, there’s all these people who still really have so much affection for this film. It really created this opportunity to connect with people, that in some ways I felt sort of silly that I had been not participating and not engaging with it previously. And I started to realize how lucky I was and to feel really grateful for it. So that’s when I got the Twitter handle and started to engage with it. At this moment in my life, in my forties, there really isn’t anything but a kind of sense of shared bonding over the fact that I was in this thing and somebody else really liked it. And now I’m getting some scripts being sent to me in the mail and some potential movie and TV offers, so it feels kind of like a new chapter where maybe I will do some acting again.

Has your daughter seen any of The Neverending Story yet? 

She has not. She’s super scaredy-cat. She’s really sensitive — she’s totally a chip off the old block. She looks exactly like me and all she does all day is sing and dance. I’m waiting until she’s 8. She’s 6 and she’d just run screaming from the room and be traumatized. [Laughs] And I want it to be this fun shared experience! I want her to be happy about it. I don’t want her to be like, “Don’t ever show me that film again!” I’m waiting a little longer. But she has my action figures. In Germany they made little Neverending Story action figures! So I have a little Empress action figure that my daughter plays with.

Watch a trailer for ‘Neverending Story’:

Read more from Yahoo Movies:

Meet the Man Who Had His Heart Ripped Out in ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom’

The ‘Star Wars’ Cantina Scene: The Out-of-This-World Story Behind the Galaxy’s Favorite Dive Bar

 Summer of ’86: How ‘Labyrinth’ Achieved Peak Practical Effects

[dannick99]

I just have to give a cheers to my dear Dad up there on Derby Day, who’s probably so thankful he’s exactly where he is today, knowing him and considering all things as they have been lately! Dogwood stable had a whopping eight horses in the Derby from 1991 - 2013.  Second, third, fourth and beyond. My father never got that ultimate gold ring of horseracing. But he got closer than most in the history of the sport.   We won the Preakness (Summer Squall), and we won the Belmont (Palace Malice), and a gazillion other important races with a continuous string of some of the top horses in the world along the way.   Not only did he enter the game at a time when the old guard of American society and finance was well-ensconsed and befittingly claimed the Sport of Kings as their own. But  Cot Campbell found an incredibly innovative way to break his way into the old game, initially much to the dismay of these old American families – the Vanderbilts Whitneys, Phipps, etc..-  but that didn’t slow him down. He was a believer…. in his own dream. Not long after his idea was conceived and implemented and the green and gold silks were becoming a more familiar sight at the top racetracks around the country, the reality hit that he had actually changed the name of the game, and I dare say allowed for racing to continue as a modern sport that it is today.   As he always said, necessity is the mother of invention!   Cot Campbell therefore became known, for the span of his long prosperous career and for eternity in the horse racing world, as the “Pioneer of Thoroughbred Racehorse Syndication.” He always said to the press:  I was the lucky one who stumbled into it! If I hadn’t, someone else surely would have. Second part may be truth, first part not so true. It was what he was built for. What he was made for - his destiny.  His dad, another hero of mine for reasons I’ll go into another day, and his grandfather exposed him to horseracing back in the days of the great Kelso. Dad found his hero in the way of this big hearted, hard-trying beauty of a horse (look him up if you’re interested). With more exposure throughout his childhood, he fell in love with horses, and the risk and energy and every aspect of the classic romantic sport of horseracing that came with those powerful majestic animals barrelling down the racetrack. My beloved grandfather, Wild Bill Campbell, (Who I miss at times almost as much as my dad) had a horseracing stable for a brief stint called Shoestring Stable in historic Franklin, TN. When World War II broke out, there was a ban on unnecessary travel (um, how we all get that now in 2020 :-&!). He had just gotten his stable working on all cylinders and in full blown Go-mode - ready to ship these primed young racehorses off to the racetrack to do what they were born to do. Due to this poorly-timed government ban, Shoestring Stable went bankrupt before they ever broke out of the gate.  But after experiencing days at the track with his grandfather and seeing his own father build and labor over his stable of racehorses (whether they raced or not), the love and passion for the sport was stamped in Cot Campbell’s blood from that time forward.   A lot of history dots to be filled in after that in my father’s quite unorthodox life and early career, but one commonality for these two Campbell men was work in the fields of sportswriting, novel and guidebook and memoir writing, PR, and advertising. Believe me, there are endless (now funny)lesson-loaded stories between the two of them and their respective careers full of stunts and stints working in every possible kind of position and situation but I’ll continue on for now and revisit those on another interesting day. I was fortunate enough to work for my dad for seven years in the Dogwood Stable office (a beautiful white Victorian house with a wrap-around porch) in Aiken, SC as PR Director. My dad did not believe in nepotism. I had to deserve the job and got no special treatment or pay. And it was a highly sought-after job whenever it happened to open up.  I called him 'Cot' when I was on duty, like the rest of his employees. This job was one of the most rewarding and most challenging experiences of my life. A lot was demanded and especially when we had an entry in a Triple Crown race, and even more especially when we had a favorite. Crazy, energetic bustling times. A bonus was getting to know so many members of the national sports press personally who have since become lifelong friends.  That position as one of the Top 10 Horseracing stables in the country for a long time required it.  EightDerby horses required it! My dad was a very smart businessman in everything that he touched....once he stopped drinking. At age 31. That decision changed his life. As it can sure do. That's another accomplishment of his I am inordinately proud of. He went on to help endless friends and strangers make that same decision for themselves. He only attended AA in the beginning of his sobriety but was a strong believer in and advocate for the program until he died, even saying he thought the best 'church' out there was AA. My dad was a sought out speaker at AA meetings his whole life, and I think he would say that stopping drinking for him was the thing in his life he was the most proud of. I've always said I wouldn't be here if he hadn't made it AA that dark night in mid-town Atlanta in 1957.   He wrote about his drinking life (and all the rest of it) in his third published book called Memoirs of A Longshot - subtitled 'A Riproarious Life'.  It's a highly entertaining read.   Anyway, my job as PR Director in the 90's was selling Dogwood (although it was really selling itself at that point) to the assorted colorful lot of top-of-their-game Sportswriters. . I have never learned as much in the business world as I did as PR Director of Dogwood stable, and I’ve done a lot of things in a lot of varied and significant positions (In the worlds of writing, editing, photography, PR, journalism, and nonprofit management and fundraising). And I”ve never been exposed to a classier, more colorful interesting world than that of horseracing. The final truth of the story is that horseracing would not be what it is today if my father had not done what he did when he did it and how he did it. Yes, maybe/probably someone else would’ve come up with it eventually and run with it, but they didn’t. He did ...early on. And he knew what to do with it. And  made the very bold risky decision to sell out of his thriving Atlanta ad agency - Burton-Campbell (googleable if you care) to start forming racehorse partnerships, when everyone in Atlanta thought he were crazy. Except for mom, as Dad was always quick to point out.  He bought some horses at auction,  bought some land in southern Georgia, built a race track on it, a southern black woman stewing up the absolute best of dishes, and houses for trainers and staff and their families, etc. etc.. Then he bought some high-pedigreed horses at auction and brought them back to Dogwood Farm in Greenville, Georgia.   And then he bought another farm one a mile away to entertain guests after they’ve seen the horses breeze (85+% of their full-out ability)  on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Cars and busloads from Atlanta would flock to the farm on fall and spring weekends. They would tour the farm, get to know the horses and then come out to the race track watching area with their cocktails where my dynamic dad would get on the megaphone to explain what was happening with each horse.  Everyone was mesmerized. Groups of horses one set at a time flying by the crowd in all their majesty, hooves pounding, athleticism-at-its-best personified. How can you, If you were a guest for the day at the old Dogwood Farm in Greenville Georgia, not see these flashy powerful animals creating beauty in motion on the race track and not want in on that scene!!  You start to picture your future:  those well-recognized yellow and gold polka dot Dogwood silks worn by maybe Steve Cauthen.....or in more current days Irad Ortiz.  You, with your Owner credentials, get to show up in the paddock, watch your horse get saddled, shake the jockey's hand and listen to the trainer give race instructions. Then you go to the Clubhouse to your front and center box seat, drinking a Mint Julep or a Belmont Breeze or Saratoga Sunrise and watch YOUR horse win their race, at Saratoga or Keeneland or Belmont or Churchill Downs that YOU were there and present for.  And after the race, you run down to the track, congrats and high-fives along the route, to get your picture taken in the winners' circle.  “Count me in!!! I’ll take two or three shares!”   My father brought more than 1500 new people into racing, that (in most cases) couldn't have been in the game otherwise, through their being able to buy a share in a horse (or a group of horses in the beginning days).   Dad was a straight shooter too. He was always known by his clients and people he worked with, the media and everyone in the industry as dealing with total honesty and integrity. It’s a reputation he died with. And deserved to, wholeheartedly. My dad was a man of truth. Whether raw and brutal or warm and fuzzy. He delivered it as it was. And I did and do respect the hell out of that and learned a lot of good things from it that continue to serve me well. In business, yes he was a salesman. He was selling a fun experience (albeit an expensive one), but there were no hidden costs in any Dogwood syndicate. Our clients were treated like gold. They were what made the Dogwood engines keep running, as any clients in any business can take credit for, so they were treated as they should be and most became dear family lifetime friends. These were investors who, win or lose at the end of the day, were in it for the experience. Period. Cot Campbell rubbed people’s noses in the fact that they very well WON’T make money!   “Don’t get into it if you’re looking to make money” he was known to say.   He sold the experience as Crepes Suzette. It’s decadent, it’s extra, it’s rich, you may lose something in the taking (or gain - weight!), but you’ll have a hell of a fun time in the interim! So every time Triple Crown season rolls around on this first Saturday in May, the memories come flooding back of our Derby experiences as a family, and the pride wells up in me to see these owners there (MOST of whom these days are part of a partnership) celebrating and cheering on their horse, and to know that the whole game was changed back in the early ‘70’s by one man – my Dad, Cot Campbell, allowing fans to own a piece of a racehorse and that has therefore allowed the great sport of horseracing to continue to thrive on the level it does. So, I’m raising my Mint Julep to you, Dad. (You always made me a good strong drink....vicarious pouring, i always suspected ;-)). He wasn't perfect, but he did life right in my book. And left an undeniable unusual legacy that stands forever. And provided his family with a fun, interesting as heck life, and I’m one grateful daughter. CHEERS, WCC!! On Coronavirus Derby Day and every other day..... Liloo -- www.lilacampbellphotography.com

[fantasticbookdragon]

Hello!

I was so excited to get an email about the Nexus blog tour and jumped at the chance to host a date! Not only do I get to host a date, I got to put together a Q&A post for Sasha and Lindsay (I’m still pinching myself). I hope you enjoy it! My review of Nexus will follow shortly.

1. For those who don’t know already, can you tell us where the inspiration for the books came from?

S: We are both space nerds. We love sci-fi, action and a whole lot of epicness! So instantly, we knew what we wanted to write. Friendship and our love for space were both huge motivations for us to write The Androma Saga. We wanted to create a book where girls could be friends without turning against each other. We also just wanted to have a space opera with a diverse cast of characters like they do on Firefly and Star Wars. Sci-Fi is dominated by men and it isn’t very popular in YA, so we wanted to take a leap of faith, and show readers what we got!

2. The Androma Saga was originally a self-published 60 page novella. Was expanding it always on the cards, or brought on by the positive response from readers?

S: YES! We were always going to write the full story, just release it in parts. But then we submitted the book to publishers after hitting #1 on the NYT list and BAM! We finished the full book in a traditional hardback form.

L- We always wanted to write the whole thing, we just didn’t expect such an amazing response from the community! And once the first novella came out, we decided to give readers the entire book as a whole, and I’m so glad that we did!!

3. Did the writing process differ for book two, and if so, how?

S: For sure. Every book is written a wee bit differently, no matter if you try to do it or not. Although Zenith was written in a tighter turnaround time, Nexus was more of a longterm uphill battle, for the better. We really had to rip I apart and rewrite it to make it what it is today, a better and tighter story that has a worthwhile ending. Also, a huge difference was for Zenith, we wrote on top of each others writing but for Nexus, we each took a few characters each and wrote 4-5 chapters from each POV then would switch.

L- We had SO much more time to get it right! That was a super awesome blessing, especially because I was pregnant (and then had a newborn) through the writing process of book two!

4. The books are told from multiple points of view, were they co-written, or did you write for specific povs?

Going off what we said in the last question, we pretty much wrote these books with an equal stake in each character, with a few exceptions.

S: Lindsay was the mastermind behind Klarens POV in book 1. Originally, we didn’t have her as a POV but added her in later. Thank the godstars for Lindsay because It added all of cool dimension to the book. For book 2, Lindsay came up with an epic addition to Valen’s storyline. In book 1, he was my baby and in book 2, he switched to Lindsay’s in such a unique way. I’m just really proud of Lindsay and her creativity with last minute creations!

L- We write on top of each other!

5. Do you have a favourite character from the books and why?

S: Nor has always been mine. I love creating a character with many levels of motivation that can be seen as bad or good, depending on who he reader is and how they rationalize the characters decisions to do what they do. From the outside, Nor is the “villain” but throughout the series, we see her motivations reveal themselves. I think we did a good job plunging our readers into the murky area between good and evil as they read Nor’s POV. How they emerge from that grayness? Guess you need to tell me!

L- I will always have a place in my heart for Androma, because I love a reluctant heroine. But in NEXUS, I love Valen’s storyline. It’s dark, and it’s sad…and also beautiful, in some ways.

6. Now for some fan casting. If you could, who would you choose to play the lead roles in Zenith/Nexus?

S: EVERYONE FROM THE CAST OF “THE 100” (!!!!) For example: Eliza – Andi Bob – Dex

L- Lol…I always just picture the cast of the 100 when it comes to this duology!

7. Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

S: YOU AREN’T A PERFECT WRITER. Let me explain: As hard as it seems, you need to be open to criticism and critiques, they will help you grow as an author. We always seem to strive for perfection, sometimes we see our books as “perfect” after the first draft. Its great to feel that way, but still get another set of eyes to look at it. Another struggle is writers who get fed up because even after multiple drafts, it still isn’t perfect. But what you need to know is that it will never be perfect. WHICH IS NORMAL! You will always want to change something, but thats why you should pass it off to someone else. They will give you a solid list of changes. Edit the book with those changes in mind and you’ll know when it’s ready. Just don’t strive for perfection, no author is perfect. Strive for pride and happiness in your work. Flaws included.

L- I love this question, because people always come to me saying, “I want to be a writer someday!” I ask them, “Well, have you written something already?” When they respond with a yes, I tell them that they’re already a writer. That passion is what fuels the ones who want to become a *published* writer, and they’ve got to carry that into the future. Read a TON. Write a TON. Let other people read your work, and be open to criticism on that work. It is always hard to share a bit of your heart and soul, but worth it in the end, because it helps you find growth.

8. With the duology coming to a close, what’s next?

S: I’m working on an urban folklore fantasy novel called Project Red (no the official title). You can follow my progress on it over on its IG page: @Projectredbook 🙂

L- A new single release for me, (stay tuned on news!!) about outlaw girls and alien horses.. and a lot of dark magic and mayhem.

9. Do you have any book recommendations for the inevitable post Nexus slump?

S: THE CHOSEN by Taran Matharu! So. Good. Its about a group of kids who suddenly disappear, just to be transported to another world and from there, things get really EPIC. It has lost history, dinosaurs, an *amazing* cast of characters and an ancient, unknown evil who is playing puppeteer.

L- I’m listening to the audiobook of A DARKER SHADE OF MAGIC right now, and it’s fantastic!!

  I hope you enjoyed reading this Q&A, both Zenith and Nexus are available now so definitely pick them up asap! Keep an eye for my review too!

Blog Tour: Nexus – Q&A with Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings Hello! I was so excited to get an email about the Nexus blog tour and jumped at the chance to host a date!

[comiconverse]

East Coast Comic Con Is Classic

East Coast Comic Con (ECCC) 2017 is in the books. ECCC took place this past weekend at the Meadowlands Exposition Center in Secaucus, NJ and played host to countless guests, artists, writers, collectors and cosplayers alike. East Coast Comic Con’s mission has always been to keep comics and their creators as the focus of their show and this year was no different.

East Coast Comic Con Is Classic

Comics as far as the eye can see at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

Fabian Nicieza, Marv Wolfman, Mike Grell, and Larry Lieber are a small sampling of the talent on hand representing work done in major franchises such as Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, Disney and more. Visit the ECCC Comic Guest web page for full details on the many accomplished individuals in attendance. It was a beautiful sight to see fans, with comics in hand, flocking the area to meet their favorite icons. They eagerly awaited to have their treasures signed and to speak with the person behind the characters they have loved throughout their life.

Creators Fabian Nicieza, Mike Grell, and Marv Wolfman engaging the fans at East Coast Comic Con.

Star Gazing

In addition to the awesome variety of creators provided by East Coast Comic Con, it was cool to see a blast from the past. Featured guests from well-loved TV shows like Lost in Space, Gilligan’s Island, Ghostbusters, Star Trek and much more were on hand to the delight of fans young and old. I was pleased when I had the opportunity to speak briefly with Gilligan’s Island star, Dawn Wells (Mary Ann). The vibrant Ms. Wells was genuinely thrilled to meet all adoring fans that stopped by to meet her. I even shared a quick chuckle with her as we discussed the big question of all time… Mary Ann or Ginger? She is quick-witted, humble, with a positive vibe that is contagious. If you ever have the chance to meet Ms. Wells, I encourage you to do so.

Dawn Wells shares a moment with a fan at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

As I worked my way across the autograph area, it was hard to miss the love being shown to an 80’s movie classic that answers the question….Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters! The charismatic Ernie Hudson (Winston Zeddemore) was happily engaging fans as he signed autographs. Several hard core Ghostbusters fans could be found meandering their way around the convention floor dressed in some very impressive cosplay dedicated to their favorite movie.

Ernie Hudson poses with a cosplayer at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

Located across from the Ghostbusters mobile was the stunning and sweet Ms. Chase Masterston. While she is best known for her role as Leeta in Star Trek Deep Space Nine, she captured my heart as she spoke about her passion… Pop Culture Hero Coalition. Pop Culture Hero Coalition is an organization Ms. Masterston founded in 2013 that is aimed toward anti-bullying. I look forward to meeting with her in the future to shed more light on a subject that touches everyone.

Chase Masterson talks about anti-bullying with young fans at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

 Shining Attractions

As if the all the creators, guests, artists and vendors weren’t enough, I would be remiss not to mention some motorized eye-candy. There were some treats for sure! It’s impossible not to stop and adore the Batmobiles, get chills admiring the haunting Christine, reminisce over the Monkee Mobile or just simply appreciate the magnificence of all the vehicles.

Beautiful attractions at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

Suit Up!

Last but certainly not least was the copious cosplay. Characters from endless fandoms were represented throughout the convention floor. My favorites will always be the parent and child combinations. It is simply warms my heart to see children being taught not to fear embracing their passions. Comic Conventions are a place to show individuality and creativity without judgment.

Cosplay strong at East Coast Comic Con. Credit: Linda Marie

Thank you all for allowing me to take you on a brief tour of the wonderful weekend I had at East Coast Comic Con. Be sure to follow them on social media… Twitter: EastCoastConNJ, Instagram: eastcoastcomicon and Facebook: eastcoastcomicon for all their latest updates. See you next year!

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