thepadm

[egregiousmeme-art]

Oh to be a digital Siffrin keychain spinning endlessly in space for my amusement

[writingmaneskin]

Slipping through my fingers part two?? I know it's (probably?) been a few years since u wrote it I don't really check dates on the fics I read. But I came back to it and my god I can't help but wonder, if dd was never seen again after the funeral did he... Well did he stay alive? And if he did, would he start feeling vengeful after some time?? Thanks for reading my ramblingsss

thanks for showing interest in this but no, there won't be a part 2 of this fic. i'm done with this fandom.

you can interpret the ending of slipping through my fingers as you wish, i haven't really thought about that fic in a long time and a lot has changed since i wrote it but i'd say that he would have stayed vengeful until grief crushed him completely.

[nyrator]

random life ramblingsss

all dumb down-y stuff so caution while reading I guess?

mind stuffs are bleh lately, been in a super depression again and yeahhh, like I want to draw but I can’t, I want to try things/read things/etc but don’t have the energy to try, at most I can play Mario because I still have that momentum going but I’m fairly close to finishing it so nyeh

so yeah mostly just sitting in my chair longing for death letting my body go numb for a few hours at a time as I get lost in thoughtss (my mind’s like addicted to feeling like that)

in other newsss

my sister’s current boyfriend moved out surprisingly (for how long who knows), so there’s that. Though her insurance won’t cover her medication to keep her off her addiction to heroin, sooo yeah we’ll see how that goes in the future

my mother is my mother and lets my aunt and her son stay at our house now and it is bleh, especially my aunt she’s a mess, drinks vodka from the moment she gets up to the moment she passes out, can’t walk without a cane (and falls over at least twice a week, at least around me), and has the mental capacity of an amazed three year old all the time

her son is pretty reserved and just stays on the couch next to me on his laptop all day and occasionally checks out what I’m doing, which as someone who wants privacy is ehhhh but oh welll (thankfully he isn’t using my internet connection, though at the rate my computer is going I’ll be amazed if my computer will survive the winter)

also Blacky is still depressed and hardly around anymore (he goes missing for days at a time in the bitter cold and I can’t stand how my mother doesn’t understand “I don’t want him outside”, “well he wanted to go out he was crying at the door” “then you pet him and walk away and he stops crying at the door”, he’s afraid of people, so the constant activity from my aunt/cousin has him not around downstairs at all, and the kitten just leaves him confused and unwanted (five cats is too many and it’s still stressful on everyone involved, watching my sister “raise” that kitten aka rub it against her face, get clawed on the lip, then throw the kitten to the ground, stomp around it, and furiously telling my mother to get it declawed (none of my cats are declawed) but yeah, that kitten is very playful/aggressive towards the other cats and they are all stressed out

and so the only time I see Blacky in the house is when I go to bed (where he sleeps next to my face occasionally and I love him). On one hand, I’m allergic to cats and so I can hardly breathe all night and end up waking up constantly during the night- On the other hand, that usually leads to me actually remembering my dreams, so yeah

speaking of, I also had a dream on Friday night/Saturday morning that was pretty much “oh man the costume party’s today, gotta get ready for it before work, oh man I need to shave my legs already, oh man my mother’s in the car waiting to take me, I can shave my legs really quick in the tub with my clothes on, oh wait my left leg is growing fake pine branches now, darn it how do I shave this fast, oh shoot I just realized sitting in a tub fully dressed with my pant legs rolled up still gets my clothes soaked who would’ve thought, oh man gotta rush to the car, oh wow I actually made it on time- Oh shoot I left something in my room, something something aaa head spinning finding things time running out anddd wake up” and it was all avoided because my leg hair is a very fine blonde color so I didn’t even botherr

sleeping with Blacky is a good thing overall thanks to the dreams he gives me

ALSO SPEAKING OF THAT HALLOWEEN PARTY

I tried chicken for the first time (by that I mean I nibbled off the smallest piece of a chicken wing my friend made) and it was uncomfortable and too much flavor for my mouth to handle and bluh

my diet is still pathetically bad/empty, but hey I can say I ate something bird related now kinda not really

also yeah like

I started drawing a GC comic like two weeks ago but can’t keep my focus on it and so no progress on it, also tried doodling a pixel art last night from a scene in my head of you&me but again can’t keep up motivation (or figure out how to draw scenery/detailed character poses)

bluhhhhh

... oh yeah one more thing the original reason for typing this all out

is that I still can’t believe I’m still job hunting when I already have a job

my flower shop job is so nice and easy and I love it but it only gives me about 700 a month which barely affords an apartment, without including my car/student loans. Also still feeling bleh about those loans since I don’t even drive still (and my mother is bad on the car and keeps taking it to the wrong people to get it repaired, like “the car has a five year warranty on these things” “yeah but x said he’ll do it for free” “but the warranty is free” “yeah but- oh hey why is the car saying “transmission malfunction” why is everything broken after taking it to a friend to get an oil change”), also a full student loan for only completing one year at college before dropping out doesn’t help

yeahhhhh money is dumb and it is hard to find a job I can do that also has hours that work around my current ones

bluhhh all I want to do is learn how to japanese/sew/etc, look nice before I get too old where I can’t look nice anymore, live alone or with people who I can trust, and make cute things come to life that people can enjoy

sorry for all the blehh textsss, I don’t know why it eases my mind to post about these publicly rather than talk to friends directly who I know would listen, but here we are