#thanks for coming to my ted talk i rewrote this so many times

[vorestarr]

i want to talk about something with Astarion that i think is important to how i read his story but also maybe kind of a touchy thing, which is how a positive relationship (whether friend or romance) with him can start: him attempting to drink the player character's blood while they sleep.

at that point in the story, Astarion has not told them anything about his vampirism or need to drink blood (even though they may suspect), and he attempts to feed on them while they sleep so they remain unaware of this. in his origin route, he can even do this successfully and feed on other companions while they sleep without them knowing.

the alternate way this can happen is Astarion eventually confessing to the player in the camp that he's a vampire, and at that point the player can offer that he drink from them.

so, the glaring thing to me about the first option where he approaches the player to drink at night is that, when looking at Astarion's vampirism as a physical manifestation or symbol of his trauma (see this post), it feels impossible not to address this as something nonconsensual that he specifically tries to hide from the player character.

i think there's a lot of ways someone can read this, but after turning this over in my head for a while now, i think the way i read it is: regardless of whether he confesses he's a vampire first or the player catches him trying to feed from them, this event is the perspective shift that changes things for him.

Astarion at this point has had his perspective warped by years, literal centuries, of Cazador and the other spawn being his only context. his baseline for interacting with other people is them, and the victims he lures to their deaths. in Astarion's origin route you learn that the first night, he has a nightmare of Cazador and his rules. Astarion then realizes that if he can walk in the sun, maybe he's free from Cazador's influence too, and he decides to test this by breaking Cazador's rule to never feed on thinking creatures.

from this perspective, Astarion is only thinking about himself and testing the limits of his new freedom. he doesn't think about the person he drinks from expect to select the most appealing one (which is always the player in his non-origin route). he also does not think of this as a problem, except in that he has to keep it a secret because people tend to not like vampires (or want to stake them). this is just how vampirism works. vampires feed on people and they generally don't like this, he's a vampire, therefore he doesn't want people he has to rely on for help/protection to know, but he needs to feed, so this is just what has to happen.

however, after he feeds from the player with their permission the first night, if he continues to feed on them, it's because they tell him he has permission to. and if you play as the dark urge and romance him while resisting the urge, there's a dialogue option on the night durge attempts to kill him where he scolds them and says "we ask before we bite."

notably, the main other times he bites people are if he uses the vampire bite in battle (against enemies the party is killing anyway) or to turn the player into a vampire (which he also only does with their permission).

so something here has changed. first, he realizes that he's no longer under Cazador's control thanks to the tadpole. then, he realizes that the world and context Cazador created, his only reference point for his vampirism up to this moment, is not the only way to be a vampire. not only can he do things without Cazador's control, but he can also choose different things -- like asking permission before feeding from someone (at least someone he likes and/or isn't going to murder in battle anyway).

tl;dr: imo, the nighttime-sneaking-up-on-the-player scene (and the confession where the player can give him permission to drink from them) is a perspective change, where Astarion goes from Cazador's perspective of how vampires are (monsters, to be brief) to his realization that there are alternate ways to be and he can choose (or not) to find one of those alternate ways.

[jinjagi]

Ahsjdkdkdk ANNA STOP IT SOMEONE TRIED TO RECRUIT YOU INTO A CULT 😭 please tell us more 🌚

BUCKLE UP ANJ THIS IS LONG honestly it’s one of those things that now I’m out of the situation I look back and like ??? a plague wasn’t the weirdest part of 2020 for me ?

basically in like october I met this girl because we volunteered together, got on super well and had that new friendship buzz and started going on socially distanced walks like every week (which didn’t seem weird to me at the time bc I was unemployed bored and love making new friends) - I knew the whole time she was part of this group / church / organisation thing but it was only when she started wanting to introduce me to people and twisting my words / trying to manipulate me like she tried to make me think my other friends weren’t real friends etc so PRETTY CLASSIC cult stuff tbh.

I wasn’t naive at all like from when I first looked up the group (every search result is a past member accusing them of being a cult) and spent weeks researching - I don’t really know what I was thinking tbh I think I thought it would be great if I could help her get out of it lol. but she was born into it so I knew it would be impossible and with everything else going on in 2020 I wasn’t really in a position to take that upon myself u know

anyway so it was only when I started to feel properly smothered and she was inviting me to literally everything the group did that I knew I had to dip - i managed to phase it out / ghost her when everything was busy over the xmas period and then funnily enough she stopped volunteering as soon as she realised I wasn’t into it

so that’s how I narrowly escaped a cult thank u for coming to my ted talk I legit rewrote this 4 times because I want to Speak my Truth but without too many details because it’s like a very large well established international religious cult :))))

[magicandmayhcm]

PSA - BE KIND TO EACH OTHER

i’ve debated typing this up so many times. i’ve gone through what i’ve wanted to say so many times. rewrote it in my head like five different times, but now i am putting it out there, because i feel it is important. i feel that sometimes people forget this:

THERE IS ANOTHER HUMAN BEING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

yes, i know - that seems obvious - but i really think sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s a very real person who runs each blog. a person with feelings and emotions and a lot of people who deal with mental issues like anxiety and depression. 

all this to say - be kind to people. don’t exclude them because - gasp - they don’t necessarily write like you. don’t ignore them when you’ve decided you don’t wanna write with them anymore. that’s totally cool! you’re allowed to write with who you want and don’t want, but if you don’t wanna do it anymore? either man up and tell them or do them a favor and soft block them so they don’t feel like they’re being completely ignored.

let’s also stop with the vague posts and callouts. sure, sometimes a callout can be warranted when it’s for a serious issue but otherwise - they aren’t necessary. all they do is stir up unneeded drama. and vague call outs? those are almost worse. because most of the time, they aren’t as “vague” as you think they are, and the person who it’s aimed at knows and it makes them feel like SHIT. i know because i’ve been on the receiving end of vague call outs. if you have an issue with someone, be an adult and talk to them about it in private. for all you know, they don’t realize something they do is bothering you so much, and will be more than happy to fix it.

don’t ignore multimuses. just because they don’t have single muse blogs doesn’t make them any less of a good writer. for some of us, it’s much easier to write all of our muses in one place than to have a thousand single muse blogs. that doesn’t mean that single muses are better than multimuses, nor vice versa. but sometimes it feels as though us multimuses get the shaft when one of our characters is taken up by someone else in a single muse blog.

BE KIND. BE KIND. BE KIND.

everyone on here is fighting their own demons. we all have things we come to tumblr to write and escape from. so having people be rude makes this a place we don’t want to be. it should be a safe place. people shouldn’t have to worry about their mental health deteriorating more by coming on here. 

SO BE KIND. IT’S NOT THAT HARD, I PROMISE. BE KIND TO PEOPLE. DON’T BE DICKS. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[hannahlovestheatre]

A RANT ABOUT RENT LIVE AND HOW GOOD IT WAS

Okay so I need to stand on a soap box real quick to make a point. Please read the whole thing. I feel like Rent Live not only needs to be reviewed but is the perfect example for what I am about to say. If you have a problem with this, thank u next.

Let me ask you a question. How many people do you know named or are probably named Sarah? How about Taylor? Maybe Alex? Okay, now that you have a number in your head think about this: are they all exactly the same? Same hair color? Eye color? Body type? Do they all play soccer? Do they all love the same kind of music? Are they all the same race? Same sexual orientation? Is your answer no? It should be. They are all different yet special in their way.

Now let's look at Rent. We have Rent, the Broadway musical (which is actually a reincarnation La Boheme, an opera with a lot of other versions as well!!! It all comes full circle) ; Rent, the movie; and Rent Live. All share a name but none of them are the same. They are all special in their own way.

Rent, the Broadway musical, is one of if not the most revolutionary musical to hit the Great White Way. Without it, Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen and The Prom and The Band's Visit and Fun Home probably wouldn't exist. It inspired artists to cross the borderlines and expressed the true meaning if love and being a part of a community, a family. It inspired composers like Lin Manuel-Miranda do even make musicals. It swept the Tonys, it won the Pulitzer prize, it ran for a very long time. It was so important that they filmed a pro shot of the final performance. However, that proshot was not a one take deal. They pre filmed some stuff to get those epic close ups, like the beginning of Out Tonight. Again, it was crucial to the world of theatre.

Next we have Rent, the movie. It was filmed as an independent film, kinda like how The Last Five Years was. They got most of the original cast to reprise their roles. Tracie Thoms and Rosario Dawson swept in to save the day. They are honestly the best Joanne and Mimi that I've seen. Tracie has played Joanne literally everywhere: in the movie, on Broadway, and at the Hollywood Bowl. And it was also a good thing for Rosario to put on her resume. The actual movie itself cut and rearranged the order of songs from the musical and doesn't focus much on being in the 90s but the present day. There's nothing wrong with that, but the creative team wanted this Rent to be it's individual being. People that see the movie might have only seem the movie and not the Broadway musical. When they see it's mostly the same cast, they got excited and were looking forward to seeing the other Rent. It's not the same Rent, but it's called Rent and is similar to that other Rent, but it's not that Rent. It's like Rent the II.

And as of yesterday we have Rent III, Rent Live. Now I get it. Technically this wasn't live as in broadcast live and everything you saw was happening in real time and that sucks but also thank God they filmed that final dress or it probably wouldn't have happened at all or at least not in the way they planned. The whole concert version they released clips of would have been what we saw for those 3 hours instead of the full out production that we deserved to see. People would have stopped watching right away if they only got to see poor Brennin in a wheelchair and the cast just sitting there in the same spot watching with the live audience they have in front of them. But ya know what? It was still live. They did'nt lip sync or animate themselves to be CGI dancers. They sang live, they moved live, they had a live audience. That's why it's called LIVE THEATRE. It is happening in front of a group of people. This was also the first live musical that had an issue that prevented them from putting on the production as is. Grease Live had some weather and audio issues but guess what? They added pre filmed video and audio to fix that!!!! Tbh, I would not be surprised if they stop broadcasting it live and make it live meaning LIVE theatre in front of a LIVE audience that you prerecorded and show the world on whatever night.

The cast was unlike the other two in the sense that it was part Broadway performers, part music artists, part actors and dancers that can sing, and one phenomenal drag queen. If you want my opinion, Valentina is tied with Wilson Jermaine-Heredia as the best Angel. For someone who has never done anything like this, she did a hell of a job and was literally perfect in the role. Vanessa Hudgens, again in my opinion is probably the best Maureen. Her Over the Moon soars over any other one I have seen from the costume to her comedic timing to her commitment to the whole damn thing. She killed it. We also got see Jordan Fisher live his lifelong dream of being the first POC Mark and he did the role justice. The way they wrote Mark's monologues and made him feel as isolated from his group as friends as we've seen him was BRILLIANT. Especially at the top of Act 2 where they incorporated Seasons of Love into the plot, something that was not done in the other Rents which was literally genius. It was where I shed my first tear. Then we have Brandon Victor Dixon who did the best I'll Cover You Reprise EVER. I thought Michael McElroy was the best before last night. I was a wreck when Brandon did it. He is definitely one of the knots that binds these things together. And then we have Tinashe, Mario, and Kiersey Clemons. These three did their roles justice as well. I think Tinashe was up to par with Rosario's Mimi but her Mimi was definitely the most believable because she played it so young, she is supposed to be 19 but also a little coy and super sexy, which she did. Mario's vocals popped off and he definitely showed how much of a jerk Benny is. And Kiersey had a rocky start in my opinion but still played a great Joanne that had the perfect amount of spunk, sass, poise, and intelligence. Oh and don't get me started on Keala Settle. That woman took me to theatre church to bless the lord of blessing us with her talent. They rewrote Paul to be a woman named Cy which to me felt so raw.

And now the censorship thing. Idk what everyone else saw but I saw the same risque and edgy components of Rent that the Rent I and Rent II. The lyric changes were obvious ONLY TO THOSE THAT KNOW OF THE OTHER RENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE. And the changes they did make were seamless. On these main broadcasting networks, you cannot say shit, fuck, dildos, expose bare asses, be overtly sexual, etc. etc. unless that creative team anticipates a lofty fee and a potential lawsuit. They were only able to cross a certain amount of lines before it got out of control. The final line was clearly mucho masturbation. They had things taken away from them and saw it as the perfect opportunity to really make this Rent the 2019 Rent that is different from the other 2 but doesn't try to be the most superior of the three we know of.

Do you see what I mean though? All of these things are called Rent but none of them are the same or trying to replace the other creations. Sarah A isn't trying be better than Sarah B who isn't trying to beat Sara, the one without an H at the end of her name and the same applies to any new adaptation of a book or movie or musical. Every time this happens, that same story is trying to be expressed to an audience that needs to hear it. This messed up world we live in now needs to see a place where people are loved and accepted and are a part of a tight knit community. Rent does exactly that.

So the next time you see that ______ Live is happening or _______ the Musical is happening or a certain musical is getting a film adaptation, don't compare the two as one entity. Call it _____ II or the Sara without an H at the end.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[umusicians]

UM Interview: NIIVA

Bulgarian born, England raised, and now Canadian based, NIIVA has found her home with music. The singer/songwriter serves up organic modern-pop hymns wrapped up in a digital bow. After moving to Canada, she used her unique influences and different cultures to refine her sound and songwriting abilities to further develop her career. To date, NIIVA has released three singles including “Love Games” which she released earlier this year. The single has reached over 176K Spotify streams in the first four months since being released in April of 2020

Amandah Opoku sat down with NIIVA to talk about her new single “Trigger”, favorite song lyric, the music industry and more!

Amandah Opoku: NIIVA, thank you for doing this interview today! Before we kick off please tell our readers about yourself and one random fact people do not know about you NIIVA: Thank you guys for having me! In a nutshell, I’m a Pop/R&B artist based in Toronto who’s apparently had an obsession with purple hair dye for the past 5 years. Something people might not know about me is that I love art and graphic design, and one of the first things I ever wanted to be is an animator for Disney. 

AO: When you moved to Canada at the age of 15 was when you began working on your sound and songwriting as an artist. What inspired you to pursue a career in music? And why choose Pop/R&B as your genre? NIIVA: I was born in Bulgaria and lived there until my family and I moved to England when I was about 9, and although my parents gave us an amazing childhood, as an immigrant there’s just different priorities. It wasn’t until moving to Canada that I think we all felt settled and able to explore the choices that we didn’t necessarily have before. So, it wasn’t that I was inspired to pursue a career in music because music has always been my passion, but it finally felt like a plausible reality, which was amazing. In regards to genre, I love and listen to so many different types of music, but I always seem to gravitate to Pop/R&B. It showed in my writing as well, because when I first began writing I wasn’t consciously thinking “Okay I’m going to write a pop/r&b song”. I think whatever comes out naturally in your writing is the genre that fits best with you. 

AO: If you could describe your music in three words. What words would you choose and why? NIIVA: “Full Taurus Mode”. Especially for this collection of songs that will be on my upcoming EP haha. There’s fire, there’s passion, there’s sarcasm. In my personal life and in my writing I gravitate towards dealing with things head on as opposed to beating around the bush, or waiting around and letting sadness be the final emotion in difficult situations. 

AO: You’ve worked with some of North-America’s top songwriters and producers including Kuya, Jimmy Harry and Matt Beckley. How was it working with these individuals and did it shape your music and artistry? What did you take away with working from these individuals? NIIVA: I have been so incredibly blessed to be in the same room as these guys, and I don’t take it for granted for a minute. Every single one has taught me so much about the industry as a whole. I’ve become a better writer, a better singer, a better recording artist. When you’re around people who have been in the industry for so long, you absolutely have to absorb as much as you can from them because the experience they have is so valuable. 

AO: What is one piece of advice you received since you began pursuing music, that has aided you on your path? NIIVA: To move to Toronto - that’s been a huge one. When I moved from Vancouver to Toronto all things music related for me went from zero to a hundred because everyone and everything is here. Personally, if I were to echo any piece of advice that’s been given to me it would be to go to where the action is. 

AO: What artists have inspired you musically? NIIVA: This may be a cliche answer, but it’s just impossible not to be inspired by everything Beyonce comes out with because it’s always such a complete, rounded, fleshed out, thought out, original vision. Love her. We don’t deserve her. 

AO: You released your new single “Trigger” last week, what inspired the song? NIIVA: Essentially it’s a dare to your partner to try you one more time and see what happens haha. It’s about those days when everything seems to get on your nerves and you just know you’re about to fight someone and it’s just gotta be done. 

AO: What was the writing and recording process like for “Trigger”? NIIVA: I wrote the song with Sammy G from Kuya Productions here in Toronto, and it actually originally sounded very different. We kind of wrote two songs out of the same subject matter, even a lot of the lyrics are the same, but the first iteration was a lot more upbeat and happier sounding. We ended up feeling like it just needed to be something else, and rewrote it to be this smooth, sexy, a little ominous sounding number, which I truly truly love.  One of the most exciting parts about this song to me is that I recorded the vocals with Matt Beckley in LA when I was down there for a writing trip. He’s an amazing vocal producer and I loved working with him. Our senses of humour really meshed and he’s a fellow Disney nut so obviously it couldn’t have gone wrong.

AO: Did the writing and recording process for “Trigger” differ from the process you undertook for your single “Love Games” which was released earlier this year? If so, how? NIIVA: Actually, thinking about it now the recording process for both songs couldn’t have been more different. For “Love Games” we literally ended up using the scratch vocals done on a little USB microphone in the final iteration of the song because we just captured the perfect feel when we were writing it. And then for “Trigger” like I said I was all the way on the other side of the continent, recording the vocals in the same booth that Camila Cabello recorded “Havana” (I’m putting that on my tombstone, by the way), so vastly different process haha. But, you know it just goes to show that there’s no right or wrong way to do this. 

AO: From the songs you’ve released to date, what would you say is your favorite lyric and why? NIIVA: It’s hard to pick, but one of my favorite lines is actually from “Trigger” and it’s in the chorus. “Go ahead and walk the line, strike the match and light the fire, ooh you better run for cover, why’d you have to pull my trigger”. I love the melody of those lines as well, I love how eerie and sexy it is at the same time. Someone actually said something about this song that I find really funny, and if it’s inappropriate I’m sorry, but they said “what I like about this song is that as the listener I don’t know if you wanna f*ck me or fight me, but I wanna find out”. Iconic.

AO: For new fans who come across your music, what would you like them to take away from your music? NIIVA: To me, the best thing about music is the connection it can bring, and the sense that you will never be the only person in the world feeling what you’re feeling and going through what you’re going through. Whether it be good or bad, a huge life event or a small moment, there’s always someone else who is sharing in that emotion with you. So, I hope that whoever listens to my music feels that.

AO: As you pursue a career in music, what have been some of the challenges you’ve faced? And how did you overcome them? NIIVA: My biggest challenge is always me. I’m always trying to practice not getting stuck in certain negative or unproductive mindsets, or getting distracted by things that don’t matter. When those moments happen, I try to remind myself of all the good things I have going for me, all my achievements, all the ways I’ve grown as an artist and a writer, and I remind myself that those things are there for a reason, not by some fluke. And I don’t mean for that to sound self-indulgent or cocky, but we have to get ourselves out of negative ruts sometimes by noticing and celebrating the victories, big and small. 

AO: For other individuals who may also be interested in pursuing a music career, what would your advice be to them? NIIVA: Just do it, do it all the way, and even though it’s scary and uncomfortable to leave things behind, most of the time it’s to step towards something even better. Don’t let the little voice of your fear or other people’s fear scare you with “what if it fails?” because it’s an invalid argument. What if it doesn’t fail?

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. 

AO: With “Trigger” out now, what can fans expect from you next? NIIVA: I cannot begin to explain how excited I am to be bringing out an EP. It’s coming before the end of this year, and I can’t wait to give people an actual body of work that I’m incredibly proud of, and that I truly hope they’ll love as much as I do. 

AO: NIIVA, thank you for sitting down with me! Before we close this interview is there anything you want to say to your fans and our readers? NIIVA: Thank you so so much for giving me a platform to talk about my music and be a little emo :) I just want to thank everyone who takes the time to follow me, to watch my videos, to stream and download my songs, and to share it with their friends. It means the world to me. And if you don’t follow me yet… come in. Join us. We have fun here <3

Connect with NIIVA on the following websites: https://itsniiva.com/ https://twitter.com/itsniiva https://www.instagram.com/itsniiva/ https://www.facebook.com/itsniiva https://www.youtube.com/NiivaOfficial