#thanks 4 reading!! i know this one's a little long and sometimes doesn't seem to go anywhere but! i hope it was. something!

[ghostdice]

CHREON WEEK 2024 - Day 2: Post-Vendetta (+ Friends to Lovers)

SYNOPSIS: Leon's psychologist officially diagnosed him with loneliness, and miraculously, it’s curable. (A Redfield remedy of the Chris variety. Currently not FDA-approved!)

✧ fluffy, fun, with some light suggestive flirting & emotions sprinkled in! lots of parentheses, a handful of claire mentions, and- hey. is that a field mouse? ✧ 3.4k words!

A/N: hi. i've never written a full-length fic before, and to be 100% honest with you, this was written out of sheer indulgence, mostly between 12-6am. sorry if anything seems ooc/inconsistent, i promise i tried!! hope you enjoy <3

now on ao3!

✧˖*࿐

Leon tapped his foot against the carpeted floor, knee bouncing up and down- restless regardless of having nowhere else to be. He felt a little like an animal in a cage, despite the fact that he chose to be here. Sitting on the (admittedly comfortable) chair of his therapist’s office wasn’t how he’d ideally spend his rare free time, but after everything had blown over with Arias and the A-virus, he’d decided he needed to do something good for himself.

Over the past few months it had become something like a routine; Leon met her weekly, more or less (emphasis on less). He tried not to freeze up when she asked questions, and she brought out the space heater when he needed a defrosting.

“Listen, Leon,” she sighed, adjusting her glasses. The mannerism paired with her tone almost reminded him of Hunnigan. Almost.

“From what I have to go on- which is not a lot, by the way, but we’ll get there- it sounds like you’re on your own. Often.”

For a split-second her eyebrows knit together, lip twitching. Too often.

“I think,” she said slowly, glossy lips turning up into an encouraging smile, “you should try to socialize more. Connect with someone, whoever would be most comfortable for you. It would be a good reminder that you’re not alone- and you don’t have to be.”

Leon may not have been a doctor, but he was pretty sure it didn’t take a psychology degree to diagnose a guy like him with loneliness. Nonetheless, he swallowed his pride, scrolling through his phone contacts to the one person he could imagine humoring him. After a handful of scheduling hiccups and a good word in from Dr. Chambers- he managed to squeeze some time in with Chris, who had agreed with surprising ease.

(When Leon had mentioned it was his therapist’s suggestion, Chris hummed a note of thought, the low rumble just barely caught by his phone’s mic. “Sounds like she knows what she’s doing then,” he responded, chuckling lightly. A pause. “I’m glad you called me.” He mentioned something about working out their schedules and a quick goodbye before hanging up. Leon pulled his phone away from where it had been tucked against his ear, thumb tapping his calendar app. He’d never heard Chris’ voice so soft.)

The day arrived sooner than Leon had realized, and the moment he registered it, he considered cancelling. Between the constant waves of withdrawal as he tried to drink less and the sleepless nights that grew longer without the amber aid, he honestly felt like shit. Not to mention that his next mission debrief, if the target continued flying just below the radar, was supposed to be the day after his rendezvous with Chris. Doing nothing all day sounded much more promising.

He started typing and re-typing a few painfully pathetic excuses before giving up altogether, abandoning his phone somewhere in his sheets. Chris had specifically made time for this; he was coming all the way to Leon’s place for this. He would feel a little guilty, trying to cancel after everything he’d put him (and Rebecca) through at the BSAA.

6PM snuck up on him- as did a car, pulling into his driveway. Upon stepping out the front door, Leon was surprised. Not a car. A truck. Leon sidled up to the driver’s side, hands on his hips as he stared at Chris through the window. On cue, the pane of glass began to roll down.

“Didn’t realize you were All-American.”

Chris shook his head, grinning down at him.

“Gonna get in or what?”

The first thing that Leon noticed as he clambered into the passenger seat was how everything smelled like Chris- woody, musky, slightly spicy, with lingering cigarette smoke. The second was the button-up Chris wore over his plain t-shirt, patterned with blooming flowers and what appeared to be mice hidden in some of the petals. The third was that Chris was watching him expectantly, brown eyes warm with an emotion he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Intrigue? Amusement, maybe.

“What, do I need to tell you to buckle up?”

Leon blinked back at him for a moment, still processing, before rolling his eyes. Unable to stop the smugness setting into his expression as he opened his mouth to respond.

“If I don’t, are you going to do it for me?”

“Do it for you? Yeah, sure. How old are you again?”

“Memory’s already goin’, huh. That’s too bad. You might want to try sudoku or something, get that brain working again.”

Chris huffed; it was his turn to roll his eyes. He leaned across the center console, reaching for the passenger’s seat belt. A fresh wave of cologne passed over Leon; his eyebrows furrowed, gaze flicking between Chris’ hands, one pulling the belt across him and the other waiting to guide the latch into the buckle. There was a hint of sweetness he hadn’t noticed before. (Or maybe, he thought, it was a different cologne. It was similar to the scent the car still carried, sure, but there was a distinct note of something else. Whatever it was, it smelled nice. Suited him.)

Then there was the telltale click. “Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” Chris teased as he switched the truck into reverse. Just as Leon thought he’d pull away, back into his own seat, Chris’s arm hooked around, palm spread over the back of the passenger seat. As he tilted his head to peer out the back window, his eye caught Leon’s before breaking away again. The vehicle rolled back down the pavement smoothly.

It was a different cologne.

Leon scoffed, trying to regain his footing in the conversation. “…For buckling my seat belt? Oh, no, you’re right. I’m in your debt. Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to thank you later.”

Chris just shook his head again, unable to hide the smile on his face as he cranked up the volume of the car stereo.

They grabbed dinner together, and Leon learned a surprising amount about Chris. Way back when he had just joined STARS, he had gotten a used pick-up truck. It was mostly for when he’d visit Claire and she inevitably dragged him along to look for “spare parts” (”junk,” as Chris preferred to call it- though the fondness in his expression was hard to miss) to scrap while working on her motorcycle. The fact that he still drove one was mostly out of nostalgia, if not familiarity.

“Well, I know who I’m calling if my bike breaks down,” Leon joked.

Chris chuckled at that, wrinkling his nose a little. “I’m warning you now, she won’t fix it for free.”

“No, not Claire. You.”

A pause.

“Ohh, right. Because of my-”

“You know, since you have the-”

“-truck.”

A bout of silence washed over the two. They both busied themselves with their food until Leon reached over, taking one of Chris’ french fries.

“So,” he started, popping the fry into his mouth. “What’s with the shirt?”

“What,” Chris cast a glance down at his button-up, “you don’t like it?”

Leon hummed, tilting his head from one side to the other. Non-committal. It was a nice look, admittedly. He just hadn’t expected it after years of seeing him in tactical gear, dirtied by blood and grime and god-knows-what. Chris took a sip of his drink before setting the glass back down, and Leon swore he saw the faintest pout before his lips quirked back up.

“Guess."

Leon chewed, considering his options. Chris might have just enjoyed dressing like a more fashionable version of an Old Navy mannequin. Or maybe he liked flowers, or mice- or both? Leon reached for another fry, sifting for one that appeared more enticing than the rest. There was an obvious answer.

“Claire.”

Chris swiped a fry through some ketchup, grinning.

“Bingo.”

It was a birthday gift, to be exact. The field mice were meant to reference an inside joke between Chris and Claire; something that, upon remembering, made him burst with laughter. Leon had never seen Chris laugh like that- never really seen him laugh much at all. The sound was brighter than anything he’d heard before. He couldn’t help but smile back. (Maybe Redfield joy was just contagious. He’d seen it in Claire once or twice too.)

“Oh, come on. You have to tell me-”

Even as Chris tried to protest, he bubbled with laughter again, and Leon had to stave off a laugh of his own. (When was the last time he had to keep himself from genuinely giggling like this? He waved the thought away, enraptured by the flash of Chris’ teeth, the smile lines of his face. The gloom and doom could wait.)

“No- no, Claire will kill me.”

“Who would I tell? C’mon, Chris. It’s not like I’m gonna tell Claire if you say anything. You know I wouldn’t do that.”

Chris was looking anywhere but at Leon, whose playful desperation paired with his pretty blue puppy eyes proved to be a worthy opponent for his sworn oath, as an older brother, to keep it Redfield-exclusive (and to protect Claire’s pride).

“It can be our little secret.”

Chris risked a glimpse at Leon- a rookie mistake. His resolve wavered. He took a deep breath, to no avail. “Alright. Fine.” Chris leaned across the table, voice low, fighting off giggling fits as he tried to explain.

Leon learned two things from the mouse bit. One, apparently Redfields could find humor in anything. Or Chris was just bad at explaining whatever the hell he was trying to tell him. (In Chris’ defense, the joke originated when he and Claire were kids. Sometimes jokes become more about something you share with a person than the actual substance of the experience itself.) Two, Chris could be remarkably cute. Sure, Leon had always found him attractive, but there was something so endearing about this side of him.

…Huh.

One of Chris’ hands went up to fiddle with the collar of his patterned shirt. “It’s fun and all, but I’m more of a leather guy.” Leon nearly spat his water out, instead swiftly swallowing the mouthful he’d been trying to drink.

“Jackets, Leon. Leather jackets. You saw Claire’s, right? ‘Made in Heaven,’ across the back. I had one just like it.”

Leon nodded. Of course. Yeah, jackets. Now that he mentioned it, he did somewhat recall stumbling upon a leather jacket by Chris’ desk while rustling through the STARS office. (He’d found a first aid spray tucked in a bag by what he could have only assumed used to be Rebecca’s desk. Funny how she’d helped him then without even knowing.) That made sense. Chris would look good in a leather jacket.

“Although, I do have some gear. Haven’t broken it out in forever.”

He choked that time. Chris laughed again, breathless, delighted by his reaction. If Leon had been looking up, he’d have seen the way Chris’ brown eyes glittered.

As the server passed them the check, Chris swiftly took the bill. “My treat,” he said simply.

The drive back was livelier than the first time around. Chris sang more as they listened to one of the old CD’s he had burned over the years. Leon hadn’t realized how much Chris enjoyed music- hadn’t realized a lot about him until it was laid out just within his reach today. He listened, humming along here and there, glad that he was too busy watching the road to notice the way Leon tilted his head just enough to watch him.

“I used to play guitar,” Chris mentioned. “Back in Raccoon. Before everything.” Leon looked at him sideways, feeling his own fingertips. Imagining Chris in the late 90’s: rowdy, boy-ish, trying to figure out the frets for a chord with his pick between his lips. If they’d met then, he’d have been doomed. Chris was everything he couldn’t have had then- not that it would have stopped him from chasing him like a stray anyways.

He parked in his driveway again- where they started, barely a few hours ago.

“I’m really proud of you, Leon.”

Chris’ voice was soft. He was looking somewhere far away, past the driver’s side window. There it was again- that feeling that had been trailing them all evening.

“When Rebecca and I “interrupted your vacation,” you… I-” he hesitated, head bowing a little.

“I won’t lie, it scared the hell out of me.” Leon watched his jaw clench, scarred fingers flexing around the steering wheel. “I saw the worst of myself in you. It hurt me to see you like that, especially because I know you’re better than that.” His voice trembled a little on that last phrase. Better than I am.

Chris’ shoulders tensed, gaze finally flickering back to meet Leon’s. His lips were pressed tight, holding back all the words he’d been trying to string together before they tumbled out as clumsily as the last. He sighed heavily; he liked to think he was usually a little more put together than this. Leon, on the other hand, was quieter than Chris had expected him to be. He gave the slightest of nods- go on.

“What I’m trying to say is: I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I’m sorry, Leon.”

Chris let go of the wheel, laying his hands in his lap.

“I’m so glad you’re taking the steps to get the help you need right now. I just wish I could’ve helped you sooner.”

Slowly, Leon reached out a hand, gently clasping Chris’ shoulder. The ghost of a flinch flashed across his face, and Leon’s hand hovered, tentatively finding a different place. Watching carefully, he lowered the hand experimentally, rubbing a soothing circle into the spot when it seemed safe. Chris closed his eyes, humming with appreciation.

(Leon made a mental note of it. He wanted to learn these things too- so that when Chris needed a comforting touch, he knew precisely how to give it to him. He’d map the constellations of scars, and with time he’d be able to navigate him as if second nature. Chris would come around again, call Leon when he needed him. Just like he had called Chris.)

“You’re helping me now. That means something, doesn’t it?”

Chris chuckled wearily. “I guess. But-”

Leon frowned at that, opting to interrupt him before he spiraled further. “Nuh-uh. No but’s. It’s about time you give yourself some damn credit, Chris.”

He was quick to unbuckle his seat belt, shoving the center console so that it folded backwards, granting him space in the middle seat. Without missing a beat, Chris leaned back, allowing Leon to crowd him into the corner of the car, between the driver’s seat and the window.

“Okay, Leon, I get it-”

“No, I don’t think you do. Not until you acknowledge it.”

“Acknowledge what?”

“That you’re helping me.”

“But-”

Leon shot him a pointed glare: no more excuses. “Chris.”

“Okay, fine. I’m helping you.”

“Doing a great job at it too. We had a nice dinner, and then you had to go and get sappy on me.”

Chris raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “Weren’t you trying to comfort me?”

Leon just shrugged, feigning something like nonchalance. “I was, but then I remembered that you ruined our date.”

“I didn’t ruin our-”

The word registered late for both of them. Leon was first to flush pink, silently hoping that it was subdued by the sunset. Awash with its dreamy hues, the brown of Chris’ eyes were honey-like, and for a moment he thought he caught his pupils grow just a tiny bit wider. He settled in the middle seat dumbly, ears alight.

“I mean. You ruined our night.” A pause. “That my therapist specifically prescribed.” A wince. A well-timed call from Hunnigan would’ve been nice. A sudden BOW attack didn’t sound too shabby either- something, anything that could get Leon out of the grave he had dug himself into.

But then Chris’ hand grasped Leon’s chin, turning his face so they were looking at one another.

“Sorry, Leon. I didn’t mean to ruin our night. Think your therapist will forgive me?”

“That, uh. Depends.”

“On…?”

“Whether or not this was a date.”

(“You kinda gave me the whole boyfriend experience tonight: you got all dressed up for me, paid for my meal, turned on the waterworks.” Leon paused, catching the double entendre. His cheeks puffed slightly as he exhaled, a gleam in his eye. “Okay. Maybe not the full boyfriend experience, but the night’s still young. Hell of a lot younger than us.” Chris laughed at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “We’re not actually that old, you know.”)

Chris couldn’t stop himself from smiling. His thumb caressed along the apple of Leon’s cheek. “Hmm. Well, I guess that’ll depend.”

Leon rolled his eyes, affection softening the action. “On?”

“Whether or not your therapist prescribes all your dates. ‘Cause if she does, I’ve got a few ideas I’d need to run by her.”

Before Leon could even formulate a response, his phone buzzed. Annoyed to be interrupted, he pulled it out of his pocket, sparing a glance at the notification. He regretted checking it instantly. New info on the target gave HQ just enough of a lead to move his mission debrief- they needed him in the office ASAP. He groaned, frustrated. Chris’ hand trailed upward, running his fingers through his hair. It soothed him surprisingly easily, placating him just enough to not totally sour his mood.

“I gotta go,” Leon sighed. Chris nodded- he knew the demand (the sacrifice) of their line of work better than anyone else. Leon pulled away, out of the warmth of Chris’ palm. The short walk up to his doorstep had never felt longer- not even when he’d limped home after he’d screwed his knee way back in Spain. As he slotted the key into the door lock, big hands found his waist, twirling him around.

Chris leaned in, pressing a kiss to Leon’s cheek- surprisingly gentleman-like. Chaste. Shy, even. His heart almost ached at the feeling: a taste of domesticity, of normalcy. Of the life neither of them could truly have. But if they could find it in moments like this- the smallest ember of hope glowed in Leon’s chest, and seeing how Chris smiled at him, he knew that he must have felt it too.

✧˖

Later, after the meeting was over, Leon checked his phone, and to his surprise, he had a few texts waiting for him- from Chris.

‘It wasn’t originally a date, by the way. I did have high hopes, but I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of being here for you. You’re my friend first, Leon.

But if you still want to go on that date with me, I’ll make it up to you- for ruining our night.

I was being serious; I have a few ideas already.

Had them for a while.

Next time, let’s leave your therapist out of it, though, okay? Kinda kills the mood, don’t you think?

And don’t think I forgot about you being “indebted” to me. Yeah, I’m talking about the seat belt thing again- y’know, for an ex-cop, you sure as hell could learn a thing or two about car safety. I could teach you, if you want; I was STARS, after all.

Hey, speaking of ideas, I’ve got a few for how you can thank me- after our first non-therapy date. Although, I’m starting to think this helped me a whole lot more than it helped you. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to give you a real helping hand next time.

See you again soon.’

Leon chuckled to himself. Whenever he got back, he would have to buy his therapist flowers or something- and a bouquet for Chris, too. (Who knows. Maybe he’d toss a plush mouse in there, make it special. Anything to see that signature Chris smile.)

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

You're jealous but you can't do anything because you're not dating him (Part 7) - Wakatoshi Ushijima

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Pairing: Ushijima x Fem! reader

Genre: Angst to fluff

Warnings: none, really? Reader calls him Toshi.

Requested by: @ushisrever

A/N: Can't believe I posted the last update to this more than two years ago. Has it really been that long???? The incomplete series has been bothering me for two years now lmao. Didn't think I'd ever find a fitting scenario for Ushiwaka but thanks to @dira333 helping me sound off some ideas, I was able to get that perfect "snap!" you get when you fit a puzzle piece in perfectly. Gave me enough brain juice to write this out before going back into hibernation.

Serving you some fresh, hot angst and then some lol. Enjoy the burn and then the healing. For someone who was as far removed from Ushiwaka (emotionally) as one can, writing this actually made me see him in a new light. Loved writing him. Hopefully, it stays as true to his canon nature as it can. Hopefully I don't trash this before it's out💀 but if you're reading this, it's good lol.

It feels like the entire Shiratorizawa is at the gates of the school.

"I can't believe she's coming to our school!"

"AAA I can't stop imagining how she'll look in our school uniform."

"Do you think she already has a boyfriend? Maybe I have a chance?"

"I don't know about a boyfriend but you certainly don't have a chance with her."

"Must you always be so cruel?!"

"If you think a star child actor who has made it so big in the industry is going to date a simpleton like you, you're delusional."

You sigh, annoyed, as you try to make your way through the babbling crowd. You're already late for your morning classes and you couldn't care any less about Hoshiko Nakamura. Or any celebrity for that matter.

"In fact, I don't think any boy in this school has a chance with her. Hmm... except maybe Ushiwaka? Not that he'd be interested in dating her anyway. Sometimes I feel like that guy doesn't have any emotions at all."

Your ears perk up at the Ace's name.

Wakatoshi Ushijima has become somewhat of a celebrity at school ever since he was selected for the under 19 representative for Japan in the Youth World Championship.

He was already well known as the formidable volleyball player who crushes any team that he takes on. However, his serious and stoic nature has kept most people from approaching him. Till now, at least.

The girl was right. Wakatoshi wouldn't even think about dating anyone. You seem fairly sure of that. However, the suggestion still leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

You're wrong about him not having any emotions you think as you finally break free from the crowd and sprint towards your classroom.

You've known Wakatoshi for as long as you can remember. You remember when his family moved into the house next to yours when you were just little kids. You remember watching the reserved, determined figure of the boy practicing volleyball all by himself in the nearby park. You remember going up to him and offering to play with him. Out of all these memories, the most vivid of them all was the way his eyes subtly lit up when you said you wanted to play with him.

Time has blurred into a haze since then. Even though you both went to different schools all through junior and middle school years, you both kept alive the tradition of playing volleyball together in park.

"You should come to Shiratorizawa," he had said that fateful day. You both were in the last year of middle school. It was a beautiful evening as you both walked back home from the park, the setting sun throwing hues of red and gold across the partially cloudy sky.

"That's not in my hands. I tried in middle school, remember? I want Shiratorizawa but Shiratorizawa doesn't seem to want me," you said, kicking a pebble on the road. Funny how I could say the same about you.

"That was three years ago. You have grown," he said without pause.

"We'll see. I don't want to get my hopes too high. You know just as well as I do that they give preference to athletes over normal students like me. Casual volleyball games with you are just about as sporty as I get," you said as you reached out to open the gate to your home.

You turned to say goodbye to him and found him looking at you, his expression more serious than usual.

"It's not about athleticism."

"Shiratorizawa only accepts the best. Be it volleyball or anything else. I believe you fit into that category. You should come," he says, looking straight into your eyes.

Your stomach flutters. How could he have so much faith in you? There is no doubt that he believes in you because Wakatoshi Ushijima always means what he says. Almost 5 years of knowing him had taught you that. You still found it hard to digest, though.

"I'll try my best, I promise."

"I know you will."

"Class, please give a warm welcome your new classmate, Hoshiko Nakamura!"

You can't help but gawk at her. Saying she is pretty would be a severe understatement. If she looks pretty on screen, it is nothing compared to what she looks like off screen. You look at your desk partner to see if he is thinking the same. Wakatoshi, however, seems to simply be listening to the teacher.

"Miss Nakamura, I'm sure you will have no problem settling in here. To kind of help you settle in this new environment, I was thinking of seating you next to Ushijima as I believe you two have met before at some of the national events."

The teacher might as well have thrown a bus at you and it would have felt just about the same as you do now.

Hoshiko's face lights up. "That would be great. Wakatoshi-kun has always been a delight to be with. Thank you for having me," she says and bows.

Did she just call him by his first name?

"Ah, Y/N, sorry for springing this on you so suddenly. I wanted to get a hold of you before morning class but couldn't. I hope it's not a problem," the teacher says.

You force a polite smile. "It's not a problem at all," you say and start packing your bag.

Hoshiko walks up to the desk and waits patiently for you to gather your stuff, thanking you again.

Your legs feel heavy as you take the empty seat diagonal to them in the adjacent row.

I'm panicking for no reason. They just know each other from an event. It makes sense to make her sit with a familiar and safe person, given her popularity. Yes, Wakatoshi is definitely the ideal choice in this scenario. He is not someone who would be creepy in any sense. He's also strong and intimidating so it would keep the creeps away. It's fine. It'll be fine. Nothing is going to happen between them... right?

"Wakatoshi-kun, I'm so glad I got to sit next to you," she says, smiling at him, speaking loud enough for people sitting nearby to hear.

"Actually, if I'm being honest, when I decided to come back to my hometown to complete my studies, I knew I wanted to go to Shiratorizawa immediately," she continues.

"Of course. Shiratorizawa is the best school in the prefecture. It's only natural to want to study here," Ushijima says, completely seriously.

Hoshiko blushes. "Ah... that is not what I meant... nevermind," she says, causing the guy behind them to burst into laughter.

It seems like the hollow sensation growing in your stomach is here to stay.

It has been two months since the day Hoshiko joined your school. With Ushijima going to school earlier than usual and practicing late into the night for the Inter High preliminaries, he hasn't been able to spend much time with you lately. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered you because you could see him in class everyday but with Hoshiko now taking your place, you barely get to say more than hi to him.

However, with the prelims now over and the upcoming week-long break ahead, you're hoping to get some one-on-one time with him once again. All these years with him have made him such an intrinsic part of your daily life that it feels like something big is missing when he's not around. To the world, Wakatoshi Ushijima might be a lot of things. But to you, Wakatoshi Ushijima is home. He is comfort. He is strength. He is someone that you know like the back of your own hand. He is someone that your heart always keeps coming back to. He is the only love you have ever known.

You know that he doesn't share the same feelings for you. But that doesn't stop your heart from longing for him.

The lessons for the day are over and you walk back to your class, eager to pack your bag and go home with Ushijima. You wonder if he'll want to go to the park in the evening.

"She's asking him out! She's asking him out!"

"No WAY! I am SO jealous."

A small crowd has gathered around the window and they're whispering amongst themselves as they look outside.

"Man, that Ushiwaka is so lucky! He gets to date the most beautiful girl in the entire country."

"I mean… he is in the nation's top 3 aces and an under 19 representative of Japan. Not to mention he's tall and strong and good looking. They're actually perfect for each other."

Your heart drops down to your feet.

You look out the window and find yourself looking at Hoshiko and Ushijima standing a ways away from the school building. They're in a quiet, secluded spot and Hoshiko seems to be blushing as she says something to him. You see him nod and say something in return. Hoshiko's face lights up in pure delight and even though they are at a distance, you can hear the joy in her voice.

"No way!!!! He said yes?? I thought he wasn't interested in girls!"

"Goddamn it! There goes my chance!"

You feel dizzy as you watch the two of them walk back to school together.

No. This can't be. You have always known that he doesn't like you that way. But you thought he wasn't interested in dating at all.

No. You shouldn't make any assumptions just yet. These gossip mongers are messing with your head. For all you know, he could have said yes to being in a show or something. You shouldn't despair before you hear the truth from him.

You blink back your tears and run to your class. Thankfully, it's empty. You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and wait. Both of them soon appear in the hallway. The crowd surrounds them instantly, wanting to drown them in questions but Ushijima breaks away from them easily and walks towards the class. He comes up to you.

"Y/N. I'm sorry I won't be able to come to the park today."

It's true.

"Hoshiko and I are going to watch this new movie playing at the theatre-"

He's going on a date with her.

"Apparently it has a lot of volleyball in it-"

He's going on a date with h-

"You should join us."

Huh?

"What?"

"I figured you might like it since you play volleyball with me even though you don't play it otherwise."

What? What? What?? What is happening right now??

Ushijima patiently waits for your answer.

"Uh... Whose idea was it to go to the movie?"

"Nakamura's. Why?"

"And how did she bring up the idea?"

"Well, I was returning from the club and she asked to speak to me in private. And then she told me about the movie and if I wanted to watch it with her."

He didn't get it.

"Ah... Toshi... I'm pretty sure she was asking you out on a date."

His eyes widen with surprise.

"A... date? But she never said she had romantic feelings for me."

Could this mean...? Can I hope...?

"Well, her asking you out on the date was her way of saying it."

"I see. I didn't realise. Thank you for telling me. In that case, I should tell her my feelings for her as well."

He has feelings for her.

Your heart shatters.

You're glad that he walks out right away because you couldn't have stopped your tears from coming out even if you wanted to. You run out of the back door, desperate to get far away.

I guess I was the problem all this time. I just wasn't someone you could look at that way.

You had always known that. You had always known that he didn't feel for you the way you did. But that hadn't stopped you from falling for him. Hard. How could you have not? Eight years of knowing him... You didn't even realise when you fell for him. Loving him just came so naturally to you.

Logically, it makes sense. They make sense. She is beautiful and tall and smart. And so is he. They are the type of couple who would be featured on the cover of a magazine. Which, given their career trajectories, is bound to happen sooner or later.

But the heart doesn't care for logic and at this moment you feel like it will actually burst from the amount of pain you're feeling.

You spend the rest of the evening and the entire night crying in your room.

Morning comes and you feel worse than ever. Your head is throbbing, your nose is stuffy and your eyes are swollen. You decide to skip school. It's the last day before break anyway. Maybe this break will be good for you. It will give you some time to adjust to everything and compose yourself.

You go back to bed and sleep through the entire day.

You thought you'd feel better after getting some rest but you still feel like shit.

You drag yourself out of bed. Your entire body feels like it weighs ten times more.

Maybe a shower and some fresh air will do you good.

You head out.

No matter how much you try to think of something else, your mind keeps coming back to him. Your eyes keep searching for him. You look in the direction of his room. The curtains are open and you can see it is empty.

Of course he's not home yet. He's probably out with her again.

Even though it's barely a minute away, you feel exhausted by the time you reach the park. Thankfully, it is empty.

You sit on one of the swings and look around. Most of your memories with Ushijima are tied to this park. This is where you both have spent the majority of your last eight years together.

All the sweet memories make you tear up again.

"You didn't come to school today."

You were so lost in your head that you didn't realise when he walked up to you. You blink back your tears.

"Oh... hi. Yeah, I - I wasn't feeling very well today," you say, not meeting his eye.

"You seem upset."

He noticed.

"Oh... I'm fine. Really. It's just been a rough day. It's nothing to worry about," you say, still evading his gaze.

He sits on the swing next to you. You look to the side and see he has a volleyball in his lap.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You quickly avert your gaze again.

"No."

"I see. Well, would you like me to distract you? Talk about something else?"

It is getting harder to keep your tears in check. You're sure your voice will crack if you speak. You just nod.

"You would've liked the movie. It wasn't as focused on volleyball as Nakamura said it would-"

Great. He's chosen the worst topic he could have talked about. You don't want to hear about his date. You need to change the topic. Quickly.

"What are you doing here?" you blurt out the one question that has been weighing on your mind ever since he came here.

"What do you mean? I came here to play volleyball with you."

"I- I mean... I thought you would spend your free time with Ho-Hoshiko from now."

"Why would I do that?"

"B- because you're d-dating her?" Your voice cracks.

"I am not dating Nakamura."

What?

"What do you mean you're not dating her? I thought you liked her. Didn't you go on a date with her yesterday?"

"I do like her. Just not romantically. And no, I went to watch the movie with Tendou. She had already bought the tickets so I bought them from her. I wanted to watch it with you but you went home. "

"But... you left to tell her your feelings for her..."

"I did. I wanted to clarify that I only feel for her as a friend. It was only thanks to you that I was able to tell her in time before I ended up hurting her unintentionally."

"I...see..."

Relief floods your heart. You suddenly feel a hundred pounds lighter. You finally gather the courage to look at him. He is looking right back at you.

"Can I ask you something?" you say, your lower lip trembling.

"Of course."

"Do you have romantic feelings for anyone?"

You instantly regret speaking up as soon as the question leaves your mouth. You know he never lies. And if he doesn't feel the same w-

"Yes. You."

You stare at him blankly.

It's subtle but his expression has changed from completely serious to something a little softer. You can't quite place what it is. Is it concern? nervousness? Adoration?

"R-really? You like me? Romantically?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Ah," he rubs his chin, "I'm not sure..."

You're still having difficulty believing that any of this is real.

"You know," he continues, "After my father, you were the first person who ever wanted to play with me."

He points towards the corner of the park. "I was practicing against that wall that day when you came up to me. Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember. I can never forget that day."

"So many people have come and gone from my life but you have been with me for so long that, I guess somewhere along the way I just assumed you would stay forever. Which, I now realise, I shouldn't have."

He feels the same. He has always felt the same.

"Toshi?"

He turns to you again.

"I love you."

He breaks into a soft smile.

"I love you too."

Holyshit this was a ride. I'm glad I wrote this and I hope you guys enjoy.

Reblogs appreciated. Please do not steal or repost.

Taglist: @pinkiipeachiikeen @duckymcdoorknob @kakiwrites @ebiharachan @r0binscript I wasn't sure if you guys still want to be tagged for this series, seeing that it has been over two years so let me know if you want me to remove you from the taglist.

Check out THIS POST to know what all characters I have written for in this series.

MASTERLISTS | If you enjoy my work and want to, you can Buy me a Kofi!

[astrologylunadream]

Their Deepest Desires of You💀🔞🖤 [SPICY] (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hey it's Lunadream and for my beautiful souls we are doing a reading on what your person's deepest desires are of you🖤 hope you find your message🗝

(Things get spicy🔥 Darker themes are included)

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^v^ Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~💋🖤

Pile 1📿

Pile 2🥀

Pile 3����

Pile 4💄

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 🗝🖤

Pile 1📿

Sign energy: Hug from behind, Imagination, Fight, Royalty, Bend, Sun, Leo, Mars, 12th house, South node, 🧜‍♂️🍪🍷😔

💀Your person's energy: Ohh this is someone very captivating and alluring. They light up the room when they walk in, strong assertive/dominant energy for this pile's person. Leo, Aries and Pisces placements but mostly fiery energy. Could Leo mars or mars conjunct sun in their chart. I'm seeing ripped jeans and leather jackets as their thing, they unconsciously command attention even when they aren't trying at all😭 So independent and I feel like your person just knows they are untouchable omg they are so regal and effortlessly attract people because they are just so classy and stunning also hot lmao😂♥️ Siren energy, They ooze confidence but not in a cocky way but a subtle "I know what I'm worth" type way😎👌 Some of you have fought with this person or thought they had it out for you but it was just because they seem so fierce and intimidating, There are such high class vibes from your person, I feel like they spoil themselves in a good way. King/Queen vibes👑 You may be a little delusional over this person😂😂 Sometimes feeling overlooked or ignored by your person since attention is on them usually. They have you fantasizing hot scenarios about them LOL your imagination goes wild for this person🥵💭

🖤Their deepest desires of you: Pisces, Valentine, Fit, Trust, Boundaries, North node, Lilith, Libra, Leo, 11th house, 🏃‍♀️📆🤴🟪 My pile 1's this is getting interestingggg😉 Oh god they desire trust so much with you and loyalty too. It's quite funny because they desire healthy boundaries and almost more friendship dynamic with you but then they deeply desire unleashing their dark side on you and getting in deep..🥵👿🖤 Oml they have so many desires for this pile and like, how can it be so wholesome and so horny at the same time?? They want your full attention and I'm seeing a definite desire for a future with you🥺♡ They want you to take them places they never knew (spiritual and all) and the most prominent message is that they deeply desire a romantic partnership with my pile 1's🙊💞 They want to date you I'm hearing, and they are someone who deeply craves your attention and affection. They desire a full devotion from you as if they are your queen/king, they want your heart to be bound to them and them only.😚🖤 Ahh your person really desires a deep intimate and loving connection with you guys, so sweet. Devotion, dedication, loyalty, sweet moments, long stares, being true to one another, hot intimacy, naughtiness, valentines day with you, spoiling you rotten, these are all things they desire deeply with you my lovely pile 1~

💋Messages from your person: You're causing me pain, You leave me wondering, I told myself to quit, You aren't thinking rationally, I thought I was going crazy, You might get scared, Don't be so negative, Imagine if I kissed you, You are my sunshine, Your body is mine (🙈🥵😳) Extra cards: Inner thoughts, Prison, Neck, Height, Sun, 1st house, Sun, Venus, Vertex, Gemini (You are their light in the darkness☀️🥺)

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🖤

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the emoji~ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💋

Pile 2🥀

Sign energy: Virgo, Boundaries, Options, Emotions, Fine, Venus, Mars, 10th house, Taurus, Air, 🧊🧚‍♀️🆓️💪

💀Your person's energy: This is a very lovely person on pile 2's mind, they radiate beauty and grace as well as a light presence about them. Lots of air and earth energy, they could be a Virgo, Taurus or Capricorn. Any of the air signs, especially Libra is likely. They may have Venus in Virgo or Mars in the 10th house. I'm seeing someone very capable and analytical, very successful in many ways. I think they are rather reserved in terms of relationships, they may even suppress their desires when it comes to romance and intimacy. I just heard "I don't give myself out for free" that could be them they may be sceptical of sharing themselves in a relationship.🖤🤚 Your person could be famous or well known, successful entrepreneur or business owner, or simply has many opportunities. They may work in the beauty industry or in a more feminine environment (could work around more females). I think both men and women admire and are attracted this person, they have qualities that many wish they had. I heard they make your heart flutter🦋 Also your person may be chill and say they are fine a lot and it may seem like they have very few emotions, but they do think a lot in their head and may worry about little things.💭

🖤Their deepest desires of you: Head, Feelings, Nice, Dark thoughts, Fast, Venus, Pisces, 9th house, 10th house, Vertex, 📱🧍‍♂️🦥🐍 Ahh my pile 2's your person gets dark thoughts so quick about you like it just comes out of nowhere and then suddenly they hold onto those thoughts and can't stop thinking about them🧠👿😰 Omg and your person thinks you have nice thighs/hips and legs too and they deeply desire this about you.🥰 They love seeing photos of you and think you look really attractive on screen (do with that info as you will👀🙈) They desire soft loving and ever expanding feelings with you, and deeply desire dreaming of you~💤😇 They love the way you creep around their mind, and they tend to desire thoughts of bossing you around or dominating you. (omg) They want to hold you tight and love thinking about doing so, wrapping you in their embrace so you can't get out without begging🥵 They have these types of thoughts they desire with you. You know what I think they really want to dominate you the most, holding you down or restraining you is what they REALLY desire deeply like oml they have an intense desire for that with you my pile 2's. They want to meet their fantasies as well as yours, and drown in pleasure with you. They wanna make you theirs fast so nothing can tear you two apart🥺♡

💋Messages from your person: I hope you feel better, You might get hurt, I know you're crazy over me, I can't even, I wish I could, It doesn't matter to me, I can save you, I need someone, I don't think dark thoughts about you, Give me more (Omg playing innocent but the thoughts don't lie😂😈) Extra cards: Beach, Art, Matching, Diamond, Sweetheart, 7th house, North node, 6th house, Aquarius, Venus (Aww pile 2 your person wants to be your lover and know they want a future with you!!!💖)

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🖤

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the emoji~ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💋

Pile 3🎹

Sign energy: World, Self reflection, Binded, Hold on, Health, Water, 10th house, Sun, Pisces, North node, 🌊😖🔝🦁

💀Your person's energy: Aww I'm getting soft lion vibes from your person, like they wanna be fierce and assert dominance but they are such a literal sweetheart.😢💞💖 My pile 3's may have fell in love with this person's emotional side, they are so soft and imaginative. Pisces energy is strong in this pile, also soft Leo placements especially 12th house, also Capricorn placements are present. I can see them starimg at their reflection in the water a lot, or that could be how they see themselves from a illusive ever changing view. This is someone you see yourself with in the future, and omg this person really reminds you of yourself. They inspire you that's what I'm hearing, like they make you wanna be your best most successful self😟💝❤ So sweet I honestly love the way my pile 3's look at this person with just so much awe and admiration!! They make you feel emotional even if you aren't usually, you feel like this is your other half. You feel like they are apart of your identity in some way, and they give you a sense of pride.🥰 You guys are so cute and for some of you this person is a nature activist or wants to help save the planet, some of my pile 3's person are into veganism and healthcare. Now they could live near an ocean or beach and want to help clean beaches. Many of you wish to hold on to this connection.

🖤Their deepest desires of you: Eyelashes, Question, Out, Prince, Learn, Capricorn, 9th house, 12th house, Pisces, Vertex, 🟨🧍‍♂️🤨🥊 Okay so I'm getting that for some of you this person may be more on the innocent side, I mean they could be very "out of the loop" I'm hearing (I mean in terms of intimacy💋) I feel their energy is more lost and confused about what exactly they desire with you. It is inevitable that they will ask a lot of questions and need to learn a lot more about their kinks/what pleases them. But for my pile 3's your person is definitely ready to learn for you, they want to discover every way to thrill you and do it just right.🖤 They also desire to get high from you and be more in touch with their spirituality with you, they really want to feel outer-body experiences with my pile 3's just like things that take them higher☁️ (could desire using substances to get high with you for some🍷). Your person wants to dream of you and learn more about yours and their darkest fantasies they aren't aware of. For some of you this person has some masochistic desires for you or them🤯 I'm hearing they wanna "knock you out" could be physical pleasure or they could desire to have you unconscious and have fun from there wtf🥵🥵🥵 Wow I didn't expect that but it makes sense, they wanna have you vulnerable and helpless a little. Their deepest desires are to learn your unconcious mind and surprise you with things you don't even know you like😈😰😰 Wow this is crazy pile 3 your person wants to learn it ALL.

💋Messages from your person: You scare me sometimes, I can feel your pain, I can be your fantasy, Oh my god, I'm bleeding, It's so painful, I'm obsessed with you, My angel, This is all my fault, You make me angry (Wow the passion is insane with your person🤯😫♥️) Extra cards: Ego, Attraction, Violence, Violate, Lilith, 8th house, Pluto, 9th house, North node, 3rd house (WOW this just got crazy I'll just tell you they literally want to make you moan wtf for some of you this person literally wants to be SO aggresive and intense in ways that bring you pain and pleasure🥵👿 Using your hands thighs, and legs... They wanna show you their dark side wtf take what resonates of course.)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🖤

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the emoji~ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💋

Pile 4💄

Sign energy: Pessimist, Museum, Quiet place, Optimist, On, Uranus, Pisces, 11th house, Venus, Scorpio, 😫👊🍓🙊

💀Your person's energy: Ooh we got some very scorpio vibes, intense energy. This could be a Scorpio Venus or Venus in 11th house, maybe Capricorn rising for some of you. Pisces, Aquarius, Libra, Taurus. Your person has a more introverted vibe, they don't talk that much. But they are very unique, I feel themselves do all the talking them. They have unique sensual charms about them, even though they don't think so. They prefer to be in their home, that is when they are the most happy or in a good mood.🏠🖤 They are very sweet once observed further, if you give them time you will definitely notice how soft they can be on the inside. This could be a friend, or someone close to you like that but maybe they don't talk much. They are very gloomy though, always thinking the worst especially when it comes to close relationships and intimacy. They feel that making close friends/partners will end shortly after it begins, and they will be hurt again. So they can be very guarded and have bad associations about making close connections. They fight their unconscious social needs for others on a deeper level, and they tell themselves they don't need it.👥☹

🖤Their deepest desires of you: Push, Defensive, Spotlight, Holding hands, Meeting, 4th house, Virgo, 11th house, Mercury, 12th house, 🎁🔮🤤🔭 My pile 4's your person has some deep feelings for you, they desire to hold hands with you🥰💕 Aww now I'm getting that your person is really shy and/or defensive about their desires with you, they would feel uncomfortable to tell you themselves. They may feel like it is better if you know through other means such as divination or tarot, yeah I definitely don't see them opening up about this any time soon😂🖤 My pile 4's your person has a deep desire to have a very caring and healing connection with you, a relationship like a close friendship they long for but feel they can never keep or don't exist entirely. That's why they desire this with you, because all they truly want is close relationship almost like a best friend.😢 Your person desires being with you often, and they also sort of want your close relationships to be theirs too. May have the desire to have the same friends as you, they also desire attention from trusted circles people you know. Your person really desires you in a very sweet way, they want to give you gifts like matching bracelets and things best friends would do. It's not so much in a friendzone way but because they really want to be close like that with someone.🤧💌🖤

💋Messages from your person: I have no boundaries with you, Tell me how you really feel, This is all your fault, I won't let bad things happen to you, It's love at first sight, Don't let them treat you that way, Why not? I wanna thrill you, These emotions are too intense, I feel like a ghost (Ahh they don't know what to do with themselves😨) Extra cards: Risk, Obsession, Heartbreak, Mindfulness, Queen, Beauty & the beast, Scorpio, Saturn, Mars, Lilith, Uranus (Omg you guys this person is holding back such intense emotions and heavy passion they are so into my pile 4's but they don't wanna risk getting hurt anymore so they don't want to share their dark side or fall to deep into an obsession with you guys oml they don't want to spiral out of control with this intense passion for youuu🥺🖤)

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🖤

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the emoji~ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💋

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[it-was-summer]

Video Killed the Radio Star - Tape #4 (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

A/N: Y'all this chapter took so long to write. This is NOT proofread once again me and Grammarly were beefing because she doesn't understand fanfiction. Nonetheless, it is 12 am MST and here it is. Now for an overall warning, this chapter talks about so much that I was to let everyone know that I meant for this to be a dark series. That was my goal. I'm so sorry if some of these topics seem like they're too heavy for you. If you feel overwhelmed, disgusted, or just find it hard to read please remember that it is okay and you are loved. This chapter mentions miscarriages, eating disorders, gunshot wounds, suicide, etc. I love you all and stay healthy. I will try to post my 500 followers post soon! Not proofread because eepy. YOU'LL read my chapter unedited and you'll like it! (hopefully). Thanks for reading. -Love you all, Em.

Video Killed the Radio Star Remake Masterlist

Link to the Ao3: Video Killed the Radio Star

Previous Chapter: Tape #3 > Next Chapter: Coming Soon...

WARNING: miscarriage, eating disorder, catholic guilt, bisexuality mention??, period underwear, stalking, marital problem, divorce, sexual harassment, guns, knives, gunshot wound, This bitch shoots someone, suicide, mention of a skull, blood so much blood.

Tape Contents: We briefly dive into Heather's past. Adeline makes a call that gives the team a reason to visit the suburbs. Heather makes a decision. You see something other than pink for the first time in four days.

Word Count: 6,296

Seven to Four Years Prior- January 10, 20XX

Heather had to get out of Norfolk. She felt suffocated under her father’s watchful gaze and helicopter ways. He was a hard man to love and hard to be around in general. When he drank, she used to pray that he would forget about her, so she became quiet. She didn’t have many friends here anyway, so she took you out of the equation and knew no one else would know her name. 

So, with a heavy heart, she moved her life away to Richmond. She changed her major to nursing and killed that quiet girl from Norfolk. She fabricated real lies that sometimes she couldn’t separate from reality. She stared at girls silently with longing and played it off as admiration if she was ever caught. Catholic guilt stopped it from growing into anything else. 

She was slow to open up about her feelings and showed people an extroverted sorority girl nursing graduate who liked to go to bars on the weekend and let men’s hands pull at her hips desperately in dark corners. 

Now, at twenty-four, she only thought about one thing: how good her stomach looked in this dress. She had thinned out tremendously since the move. At first, it started due to not having enough money to eat anywhere except the shitty university cafeteria. Then, it warped into something else. During its worst moments, she would log her calories or purge food moments after eating it. She could look into mirrors afterward and feel she was achieving something remarkable. Then, sometimes, she would also look at her face and think, ‘Is that what I look like’? 

But tonight, she wanted to do something different, something fun. Having told her sorority sisters this, they all jumped on board quickly, agreeing to meet at the bar around 10 p.m. that Saturday. They were thirty minutes late. 

Heather was gently fiddling with the hem of her short black dress, her eyes flickering towards the entrance every so often as she waited for them to walk in. This year, she wanted to be happier, less suffering in silence, and a little more smiley. So yes, she wanted to have fun with people she called friends. Despite all her efforts, she was sure they could see right through her sometimes. She swallowed nervously as she nursed a margarita. 

The next time she looked at her phone, she saw texts from her former sisters saying that work had been hectic and that they needed to reschedule for another time. So now, Heather Alexander was right back at square one: alone. She glanced down at her dress and frowned slightly at its tight material. It was the kind of dress that made her uncomfortable but made men comfortable. Something always felt wrong with that. Heather always secretly knew that she felt an attraction to women and men, but she always felt guilty at the thought. 

She sighed as she debated her next move when she saw him. He was the prettiest man she had ever seen. He had soft masculine features that almost looked slightly feminine, a uniform clad against his chest, and a charming boyish smile as their eyes met. Heather whispered a silent prayer that he would like her as he approached her and introduced himself as David Hernandez. How could she not fall for him instantly? Deep brown eyes, pink lips, dark skin, and a low rumble in his voice made her feel like giggling. 

It wasn’t long before the two of them were getting married. They spent a few months together in domestic bliss. He got some time off from work, and she kept her last name, and they were… happy. 

At least they were happy for six months, and then her world shattered around her as David was deployed to England. She cried herself to sleep the night she heard, and David stroked her back softly to calm her. Heather didn’t want him to leave her and see someone better overseas. She was sure that women would throw themselves at David’s feet, begging him to kiss them, touch them, fuck them, like whores in the street of Babylon. She couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else touching him, looking at him the way she looked at him, talking to him the way she did in his ear late at night. She begged him to try and find some way out of it, scared to lose what was rightfully hers, but he couldn’t. He left that week.

At first, it was just six months, but then it stretched out into a year of deployment—a year spent being faithful to a man across the Atlantic. She called him when she had time, wrote letters to him, sent him emails, and constantly contacted him in any way she could. 

When he got home, it was clear that all her efforts had gone to waste. David was distant. He would sulk in corners of their home on his phone. He would lament on and on about how England felt like his home and how he missed it. She couldn’t stand it. This house they bought together was his home, and it always had been. Why was he struggling to see that? 

The more he talked of his deployment, the more Heather became frustrated with him. Then he started to go out more. At first, it was just to speak with some Army friends on base a few spread-out weekends in the month. Then it was every weekend. 

Heather found that the only thing that could keep him home was sex. So they had sex constantly, like animals in heat. Disgusting and rutting against each other any moment they could. However, the second that it was over, he would withdraw again. He would get dressed and say he had to get to the base. 

Then he was coming late, drunk and slurring, as he pulled her to the edge of the bed and woke her up with sensual touches and dirty talk. She took this as a good sign he was coming home to his wife. He was fucking her and no one else. But slowly, he stopped coming home. He would call her late at night to tell her he would stay with a friend for the night. The following day, he would come home smelling sweet. 

Heather felt lost, searching desperately for something to save her marriage. She was devoting all of her love to a man who no longer wanted it, and she could feel him falling out of love with her. 

Her saving grace was the morning that she found out she was pregnant. She called David with tears in her eyes and told him softly over the phone, and she heard him laugh for the first time in months. And just like that, he was back. 

His soft touches, kisses in the grocery store, and dancing with her in the living room were all back. Her devoted and dotting husband had returned home to her. She could feel the dark cloud of the past couple of months dissipate and the sun shining on her. 

That light lasted a good three months. Heather sat up straight as pain coursed through her body, thundering in her abdomen as she shook David awake with tears streaming down her face. Something was wrong with the baby; she knew it. He drove her to the hospital as fast as he could, but it was too late. She had already miscarried.

Heather took a small sabbatical from work and took time to think about her life. She would stare out of their living room window blankly for hours. David was attentive at first, coming home after work and tending to Heather’s broken spirit. But he soon became bored of that routine. 

When Heather returned to the pediatric oncology unit, David was notified that he was being deployed again to Okinawa, Japan. He was packed and ready by the end of that month. She didn’t see him off at the airport, picking up an extra shift at the hospital to distract her from the fact that he was leaving her again. 

David called her two months into his leave to tell her he wasn’t happy. He wanted a divorce. Then he hung up before she could get a word in. That’s when it all started. Her obsession with consuming anything romantic was almost debilitating. She would visit bookstores and attend readings at the public library, sometimes calling off from work to sit at home with her romances. That’s when she saw you again. She thought that you would have stayed in Norfolk. You had once told her that you loved the water. You liked how it could look gloomy and promising on different days, with mist rolling off the surface. 

She tried not to talk to you. She did. She didn’t want to scare you away like she scared David away. No, no, no, she was sure it would all work out this time. So she loved you from a comfortable distance, watching you from her car on the weekends at night, leaving you her gifts on your windshield—a silent courting. 

She couldn’t help herself on Valentine’s Day. She had slipped into Nicole Smith’s room without Adeline recognizing her, and she gave the table with Adeline’s purse on it a gentle knock with her hip. Heather apologized quickly, telling her not to worry. She promptly dropped to the floor to gather the spilled contents from Adeline’s bag, and she slipped a labeled key connected to a keychain that read ‘or die’ into her pocket. Once she had copied the key, she quickly returned the original to its owner. 

She felt electric when she entered your apartment on Valentine's Day in a dark outfit, a hood covering her face, and four dozen rose petals in a container. She breathed in your perfume as she perused through your bathroom. She traced the spine of every book she could touch on your shelves. She gently dove into your dirty hamper and quickly pulled out a pair of dirty underwear, blood on the inside of them as she shamelessly slipped them into her pocket. Then she got to work spreading the petals throughout your apartment. By the end, she stared at her work, panting lightly as she lay across on your rose-covered bed. 

She had to have you. 

Present Day- March 5, 20XX

Derek and Spencer managed to get to the public library an hour before closing. They pulled your coworker, Valerie, aside. She was a pretty brunette, glasses resting on her face delicately as she stared at the two men with a soft look of disappointment. She knew that if they were here, they had yet to find you, and the thought made her feel like breaking down in a fit of tears. She fought the urge to cry as Derek asked her a question, sliding a copy of the Polaroid you had received on your windshield. “Do you happen to remember anyone coming in with a Polaroid camera?” 

Valerie stared at the Polaroid with a soft frown, trying to remember something helpful. Spencer spoke quickly, “Sometime around January fourteenth, maybe?”

Valerie chewed on her bottom lip before the memory washed over her, “Yes! Yes, oh gosh, she was blonde, I think. I remember telling her we didn’t like flash photography in the library. I only saw the back of her head, but I remember the back of her head and the flash of a camera.” 

Spencer tilted his head slightly and nodded at Valerie’s words, processing the information silently.“Are you sure it was a woman?” Spencer asked softly before Valarie enthusiastically nodded. 

“Yes, it was definitely a woman who took the picture.” She confirmed in a soft voice before she looked down at the Polaroid with a gentle tenderness in her eyes. “She baked me cookies last week, you know?” She looked up at the two men with a sad smile and tears in her eyes. “My cat is sick, and she made me cookies to make me feel better.” She laughed sadly as the tears started to fall. 

Derek placed a soft hand over Valerie’s and gave her a tender look, “We’re looking for her,” The words caused a shaky sigh to escape Valarie’s lips as she pulled her hand away quickly and stood up. 

Her cheeks were red as she cried out a soft “Excuse me.” before she turned on her heel and hurriedly left the room. 

Spencer picked up the picture and stared at you in the photo. The way your hair shined in the fluorescent light, your eyes and smile trained directly on the person you were talking to. You were personable, and the thought made his stomach turn. He looked over at Derek as Spencer handed the photo back to him. 

The two men walked out of the library silently, and Derek let out a soft sigh as he watched the sun starting to settle against the horizon. Spencer walked beside him with his hand stuffed in his pockets, and his head hung a little low in thought. 

Derek broke the silence first, “We should get back to the station to see if JJ and Rossi have anything,” 

And then they rode back in contemplative silence after that. 

March 6, 20XX

You weren’t sure if it was day or night anymore. All you knew was that you were starting to feel uneven. Every creak of wood, settling of pipes, and rumble of the house had your back straightening against the bed. You were sure that Heather would fly in at any moment and touch you. 

A million options weighed heavy in your mind at the scenario; you could fight back again, but that would get you sliced again or worse. You could go with it, zone out as much as possible, let her have her way with you. That option made your head spin with nausea. You had to find a way to get out. 

You licked at the gash on your lip, gently exploring the cut with your tongue until you could feel the warmth of blood again. You pushed your tongue back into your mouth and looked over at your day-old apple on the nightstand, half-eaten and brown. You tenderly took a small bite that wouldn’t require you to move your lips too much. 

You didn’t have much of the day-old meal left; a half-full water and this apple was all you had. You chewed softly, fighting off the nausea that threatened to creep in due to the morphine. 

You tried to remember anything that could be helpful to you. It was hard to think of high doses of morphine. You had played with the knob often; when you were ready to sleep, it would go up, and when you were up, it would turn down. But lately, you just wanted it to be turned up. 

You tried to think of when Heather came into the pink room. She always stuffed her keys into her pockets. A plan was in the making: Get her out of her clothes, and you could get the keys. 

You nodded a little despite your discomfort with the idea of her touching you again. You just had to seduce her a little, which should be easy considering that she was ‘in love’ with you. The only problem with that plan was that you had a mangled ankle and a body running on morphine; she didn’t. Heather’s temper was quick when you talked back, and rage followed if you did something against her liking. 

Maybe begging would work. No, you tried that already. Why would begging work? Perhaps you could hurt yourself just enough to force her to take you to the hospital. But that didn’t work either; she was a nurse. She wouldn’t incriminate herself like that, would she? Maybe total submission would be the key. 

Convince her that you love her back and somehow ask to be let out with her supervision, but that could take forever. 

You started to cry softly as you set down the core of the apple and laid down, wishing to pull your legs to your chest, but the pain of one ankle and the chain around the other made that physically impossible. 

You cried until you felt your eyelids become heavy, tears still slipping out of your eyes as you fell into a morphine-induced sleep. 

March 6, 20XX

JJ paced back and forth in front of the bulletin board, occasionally flicking her eyes over to the photos pinned to it as she tried to chase what was likely to be a loose end. The number that had called yours and left a message full of sobs had been a burner. 

Spencer had tried to tell her to eat something this morning, but as the clock’s hands crept towards nine a.m., she still didn’t feel hungry enough to try. She sighed out another frustrated huff as Emily appeared in front of her. “If you sigh like that one more time, I think I might have to force a croissant down your throat.” 

JJ gave her another dramatic sigh before she put her hands on her hips: “I’m sorry, I just feel like we have no leads. We know it's a woman, but Adeline isn’t likely to be the unsub, and all her coworkers have alibis. It just feels like we are running around with our heads cut off.” 

Emily smiled and gave her a gentle nod of understanding, “I get it, but you pacing around like this isn’t helping anyone. Let’s get you a drink, coffee, or maybe something to eat.” 

“People who eat breakfast consistently are twenty-five percent likely to be more productive at work,” Spencer spoke up from a desk not too far from the two women. 

Emily pointed over at Spencer, “See? You’re making Spencer freak out.” 

“I’m not freaked out,” Spencer frowned at the comment before looking back at a file on the desk. 

JJ’s smile was slow as she let her hands fall to her side and let out a soft, “Fine.” She agreed as Emily walked over to the precinct's breakroom, JJ following her. 

Derek was clicking a pen obnoxiously in an off-beat rhythm. He was about to say something when his phone started to ring on his desk. He didn’t recognize the number, but he answered it anyway. “Hello?” 

“Hi, uhm, is this Special Agent Morgan?” Adeline’s voice was shaky through the phone. 

Derek relaxed slightly as he set down his pen. “Yeah, Adeline. Did something happen?” He couldn’t think of another reason as to why she would call the number he had left with her if nothing happened. He was too focused on the case to think of any other reason anyway. 

“Yeah, maybe? I was talking to one of the nurses about something today, and I recognized one of them. I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner, but it was an old friend from college. She was more Y/N’s friend than mine, but I talked to her a little.” Adeline’s voice dropped to a whisper as she continued, “I mentioned that she was missing, and Heather had a weird reaction. She smiled for a second. I swear, she said she was sad to hear that, but she looked… well, for a second, it just seemed like maybe she was happy.” 

Derek picked the pen back up again, ready to write down a name. It wasn’t much, but they could visit her. “What was her name again?” 

“Gosh, it was Heather something… Heather, Heather, Heather,” She bit her lip as she tried to think back. “Alexander! Heather Alexander.” 

Derek wrote it down and muttered quickly, “We'll look into it, thanks.” As a goodbye, he let Adeline quickly thank him over the phone before he hung up and called Penelope. 

Penelope, quick as always, picked up on the first ring. “Center of divine intellect,” was her greeting. 

“Good morning to you, too, baby girl. Listen, could you get Heather Alexander's address? Adeline Smith called saying that she had a strange reaction to hearing about our girl going missing.” 

“Easy,” was her answer before Derek could hear the sounds of keys being tapped against and a soft humming sound emitting from Penelope’s lips as she pulled up the address: “4432 Lake Margaret Pl., Chesterfield, Virginia.” 

“You are an angel, Garcia.” 

“I always aim to please,” 

“And you never fail, baby girl.” 

JJ had begged Derek with her eyes to let her go with Spencer. It was just an interview, not even an interrogation, just to see if the connection between you and Heather went deeper than old college friends. So why shouldn’t she go? 

Derek wasn’t one to put up a big fight, so he let her with Spencer. It was only thirty minutes away anyway, so if they needed the team it wouldn’t take too long for them to show up, right? He stayed behind on the phone with Garcia, who was doing her best to see if Heather had any criminal history on her record. 

As the car rolled around the cul de sac, Spencer’s eyes struggled to look away from the plethora of plants in the fenced-in front yard. Pink anemones were scattered amongst daffodils, and what looked like daisies were blooming side by side. JJ rolled the car to a stop, parking it against the curb. 

“Pretty yard,” She muttered as she took the keys out of the ignition. Spencer nodded a little; he had to admit that Spring came in a close second to Fall as the superior season in his mind. The flowers growing after frozen earth had kept them dormant, the welcomed feeling of the sun getting slightly warmer. It was still somewhat chilly at ten in the morning as he stepped out of the car with JJ, but he had to admit, it was shaping up to be a beautiful day weather-wise. 

His head tilted back a little as he stole a glance at the blue sky above them and smiled before stuffing his hands into his pockets and tilting his head toward the house. JJ smiled and walked beside him, happy to be out of the precinct and in the early morning air.

Heather was washing the paring knife she had used on you in her kitchen sink, facing a large bay window in her living room. She swiped at the hardened blood and frowned a little at the memory. Why was she so upset with you? She could hardly remember herself when she got angry like that. 

It was almost fitting, her flying off the handle over something so simple as you not being ready for her love. Was she no better than a man? Had she gotten so accustomed to men's vile and sharp ways that she had somehow forgotten how to be gentle? 

She felt her hands shake as a voice came into her head, whispering her worst fear: She was worse than her father. 

She let tears blur her vision at the thought as she rubbed the knife harder with a sponge, shaking her head quickly. No, no, no, no. She was not like that man. She was not cold like that man. She was lovable. She felt love. She felt overwhelming love for you. She had felt overwhelming love for David. 

Her downward spiral was cut short as she lifted her weeping head and saw a black SUV parked in front of her yard. She quickly wiped away a stray tear with the back of her hand and sniffled lightly as she gently slid the knife into the dishwasher, watching two people get out of the van. 

Heather’s eyes were glued to the blonde at first, pretty and fair in the morning sun before her eyes flickered to the man beside her. She recognized him immediately. She was sure it was the same man she almost ran into at the hospital yesterday. 

She dried her hands as she walked around the kitchen island. As they got closer, her head arched to see how close they were. Panic was running through her veins. Her gun was in her room upstairs, loaded. She just had to get upstairs; her feet were quick to try and run upstairs and stash it somewhere close before they could ring the doorbell. Just as the idea seemed plausible enough, the bell rang through the house. 

Heather let out a silent scream of panic as she smoothed out her shirt, fixed her hair, and caught a quick glance of her pretty face in the mirror near the front door before she swung it open with a pleasantly fake smile on her face. Her eyes quickly scanned both of their faces as she smiled. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, hi. My name is Jennifer Jareau. This is Spencer Reid. We’re with the FBI, and we were just wondering if we could ask you some questions.” JJ spoke clearly as she flashed her badge at Heather, a slight smile on her lips as she looked into Heather’s eyes. Spencer recognized her, finding it strange that he had almost run directly into the beautiful woman at the hospital just the day before. 

Heather laughed softly and nodded as she stepped aside, opening the door wider to let the two agents inside. “Of course,” Her hands were shaking, but she gripped the edge of the door tightly, half tempted to slam it directly in their faces and go upstairs to shoot Catherine and herself to freedom.  

They weren’t on to her yet; she was sure of that– especially given their lack of people– just two against one. She was quick to shut the door behind them before leading the two of them into her living room. “Can I get you two any water? I have some juice.” 

The two agents shook their heads in a polite ‘no, thank you’ way as they sat on the sofa across from Heather. Heather sat on a chair with a soft “Okay” as she eyed them carefully. “Am I in some kind of trouble here?” 

“No, We just wanted to ask you a few questions regarding an old college friend of yours, Y/N L/N.” 

“Well,” She smoothed out her long skirt slowly, remembering to breathe normally, “What about her?” 

“Had you been in contact with her at all? Did she mention anything about someone following her?” 

Heather let out a gentle laugh as she shook her head, “I haven’t really had the time to reach out to old friends lately,” 

Spencer’s interest peaked as he joined the conversation, “How come?” 

Heather’s gaze became a little pointed at the question. Of course, the man has to ask her, “I lost a baby recently, and my husband was deployed soon after, so forgive me for not becoming pen pals with someone I knew at eighteen.” The words were direct and vicious, but she couldn’t help herself. She blew out a soft sigh before she let out a gentle and timid, “I’m sorry,” 

Spencer licked his lips nervously as he leaned back against the sofa slightly, trying to resist the urge to disappear into it. Self-isolation wasn’t uncommon for women who had recently suffered from a miscarriage. That feeling more than likely increased as her support system was ripped away from her. 

JJ gently touched Spencer’s knee before she cut the tension. “I’m sorry to hear that, Mrs. Alexander. We’re just trying to piece some information together.” 

Heather ran a hand through her hair before she gave JJ a tight-lipped smile. “I understand that; I’m sorry. Would it be alright if I ran upstairs for some medicine? I feel a headache coming on.” She spoke fast with a tense voice, trying her hardest to pass it off as pain with a rub of her temple. When JJ nodded, she stood up and headed upstairs as calmly as she could manage. 

JJ looked over at Spencer, watching Heather walk away carefully. “She seems angrier with men than anything.” Her voice was slightly amused before Spencer frowned. 

“Doesn’t mean she’s in the clear; stalking is often a form of intense infatuation, but it's also used as a way to control something. She’s struggling with two things that could be our stressors: she’s craving control or dependency. She-” The soft ringing of his phone cut off his whispered rant. He answered it, happy that at least it was just Garcia calling, hoping for a better lead than his ongoing hunch. 

He stood and looked at JJ, who was mouthing for him to go outside, “Hey,” He answered as he slipped out of the front door. 

“Hey, nothing is coming up anywhere on Heather’s record for criminal activity—sorority sister, wife, nurse, clean as a whistle. However, considering we don’t have much right now, I decided to see if she had any warnings at work.” 

“Right,” Spencer looked over his shoulder at the front door as he walked away to stand in front of the garage. 

“Well, last month, she got a write-up for stealing some morphine; her supervisor forced her to go see a therapist after Heather said that she was using it for some leftover pain she was experiencing after her miscarriage. But Heather never showed,” 

Spencer was walking a little further down the driveway as he listened to Garcia talk on the phone, counting the number of windows in the house. His eyes narrowed slightly to try and block out the sun before he looked away. He licked his bottom lip gently before acting on his little hunch, “Could you check her credit report? See if there are any purchases that you can find that seem odd around March third?” 

“Could I check her credit report,” Garcia repeated with a laugh, “Hold on, boy genius.” 

Spencer could see the top of JJ’s head from the bay window, and he turned away slightly, finding ease in the fact that she was still there. Something felt off, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. “She went to the store, but nothing crazy. Bought,” He could hear typing, “Bleach and rubbing alcohol.” 

Spencer chewed on the inside of his cheek as he asked, “When was her husband deployed again? Did she buy anything from a florist around Valentine’s Day?” 

“Husband was deployed December first and,” she hummed gently before she sighed, “Bought some flowers on Valentine’s day, rose petals.” 

Spencer felt that feeling when something connected in his brain, a rush of adrenaline as he felt his hunch slowly turn into a plausible accusation. The roses were just that, roses. But the bleach and rubbing alcohol? That’s a recipe for chloroform right there. And finally, Heather’s husband was deployed at the beginning of December, stressor number two. It made him feel slightly hopeful about walking back into the house. “Thanks, Garcia.” He said as his feet reached the end of the driveway. He hung up the phone, walking back towards the house at a fast pace when the familiar and startling 'crack' of a gun reached his ears. 

His hands drew his gun out of the holster, running back towards the house. He pushed the front door open with his foot as he heard the thumping of footsteps running on the stairs. He rounded the corner to the living room before lowering his gun as he saw JJ bleeding from a bullet wound in her thigh. 

“JJ!” His voice panicked as he reached her groaning side, kneeling low to the ground next to her. “What happened?” 

JJ shook her head quickly, “I’m calling for backup. She ran upstairs. She didn’t even try to,” her eyes squeezed shut tightly as a sharp pain rattled through her inner thigh, “Just go!” She urged him as she reached down for the phone in her back pocket, her free hand pressing on her gushing wound to try and slow the bleeding. 

Spencer’s eyes were filled with uncertainty as he let out a soft, “No, I’ll stay here until everyone gets-” 

“Spencer, go!” 

Spencer felt his spine straighten at the second command. He gave her a grim nod as he stood up, readied his gun, and started for the stairs. His footsteps were soft and calculated as he ascended, pink light flooding the floor as he approached the top of the stairs. He could hear gentle begging in a voice too soft and thick to be Heather’s. 

“Please, Heather, please, my love. Don’t, please don’t.” Repetitive cries for mercy made his legs move faster until he approached an opened door. The regular-looking bedroom door gave way to a steel one just behind it before revealing the scene of what looked like a demented love nest. 

Spencer swallowed a lump in his throat as he took in the scene. Gun pointed carefully at Heather as he spoke, “Heather, put down the gun. You love her. You don’t want to hurt her. You know that.” 

Heather jumped a little at the sound, her pistol clicking softly as her sweaty palms tightened their grip. She was quick to turn her body around to face him with the gun aimed directly at him as she spoke. “Don’t pretend like you know me or her. You don’t know our relationship. She wants this just as much as I do.” 

“You know she doesn’t look at her. Look at what you’re doing to her.” 

Heather’s eyes drifted to you, chained to the bed, watching as you hyperventilate softly. Heather felt her bottom lip quiver before she looked back at Spencer. “She’s just scared. You’re making me do this. She knows you’re making me do this.” 

Spencer’s eyes drifted to your crying form on the bed, trying to keep your sobs quiet as you stared at him with wild eyes. He glanced over at the morphine drip next to your bed before his eyes settled back on Heather. His lips parted to say something more, but she cut him off quickly, “Put your gun down, and I won’t do it.” 

Heather’s body language gives her away as she motions for him to put his gun down, her eyes crazed and large, her hands shaking and rigid against her pistol. “I’m not going to-” 

“Put your fucking, gun down, or she dies,” Heather yells so loud that it elicits a soft sob from your lips, your arms coming up to protect your head, ready for the shot to be administered and for your brains to be blown out in front of Spencer in that very moment. 

Spencer holds up both of his hands at that; he swears he can hear the soft sounds of sirens in the distance as he lowers his gun to the floor slowly, his foot gently kicking the gun away with a soft ‘clack.’

“Now you,” his calm voice says as he raises his hands, inching closer. Tears stream down Heather’s face now as she shakes her head gently. 

“I have to,” Is her tear-soaked reply as she keeps the barrel pointed at Spencer’s head, her fingers twitching lightly as they move for the trigger. Your shaking voice cuts through the scene, and Spencer is pretty sure it’s the only thing that is stopping him from diving for his gun a few feet from him. 

“Heather, baby,” Your voice betrays you as you speak the pet name, coming off a little too forced, but you continue anyway. “He can help. You don’t have to hurt anyone else. We can be happy, and we can get away. He can help, right?” Your arms relax around your head slowly as you look over at Spencer, who nods silently. 

“I can, but you have got to put your gun down.” 

Heather chokes out a strangled sob as she looks over at you, watching as you smile at her. You know it’s forced, but Heather can only view it as the prettiest thing she’s ever seen—a great parting gift. 

She feels spit thick on her tongue as she evaluates her options: kill Spencer and go to jail. Kill you, and she might not have enough time to kill herself. Killing herself seems like the best plan out of the three, so she holds her gun steady at Spencer as she looks at your now bleeding smile. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” Her voice is soft, almost so human that you feel your heart clench in pity before that clenching feeling turns into pure anxiety as you see the movement of her arm. Spencer’s feet aren't quick enough for him to tackle her to the ground as Heather raises the gun to her temple and pulls the trigger. 

Her body drops to the edge of the bed, sliding down it as you feel blood coat your legs. Your ears are ringing, and your mouth is wide open as you scream. At least you think you’re screaming. You can’t hear much but a pathetic muffle of the sound as the ringing in your ears increases.

Your hands are quick to try and wipe off chunks of what looks to be part of a skull off of your exposed stomach, and you can’t seem to stop staring at Heather’s limp body at the edge of the bed. The image of her mangled head oozing blood has you gagging softly, feeling yourself getting ready to be sick before you feel two hands cup your face. 

You’re screaming or sobbing; you can’t tell anymore as Spencer Reid’s face blocks the view. He keeps your face steady in his hands as you try to read his lips, your breathing heavy as he strokes your hair gently. His voice creeps in through the ringing until you eventually hear the soft repetition of, “I got you, look at me. Just keep looking at me; you’re safe.”

You feel your breathing slow, your arms reaching up to grab him before your eyes roll back as your body slumps against Spencer’s, and everything is engulfed in black.

Tag List: @dollykisses4reid @babyspiderling @cocobean16 @kodzukenie333 @mmmunson

[hunterevie]

Something non-Destiel related for a bit. But it is related to Supernatural.

I’ve mentioned a couple of times my dad died. It's only been 6 weeks and it doesn't feel any easier. I'm thinking about him a lot at the moment, and how engaged he was when I spoke of the show and my convention experiences.

I started watching Supernatural as soon as it aired in the UK. I’m a horror fan so it was right up my street. I normally watched it on my own late in the evening.

There was a day when my dad watched it with me. His first words were ‘oh that’s why you watch it.’ Literally as Jensen and Jared popped on the screen. Obviously, teenage me denied it profusely. I did genuinely watch for the story, but two cute leads also helped.

It was the only time we watched it together before I fell out of love with it in my 20s around S5.

I started watching again when I was in my 30s after Jensen was announced as being on The Boys (I love The Boys!). During the rewatch, I fell in love with Cas and started to understand Destiel.

I attended my first convention in 2023. I had missed out on Jensen being in my home town, so thought I'd take a holiday to Dusseldorf to attend Purcon 7.

I told my dad I was planning on attending this convention, and he remembered it was a show I enjoyed as a teenager. He seemed shocked it lasted so long, and that I was watching again. But happy that I was doing something I would enjoy.

I attended 4 conventions over the last year, and he’d always be the first to ask how they were. Wanting to know if I had a good time, what it was like. Whether the actors were nice. If they said anything about the pieces I got signed. Stuff like that.

The weekend before Purcon 8, I was with my parents. My dad was still in the recovery stage of his radiotherapy and was ill, but pretty bright otherwise. I remember telling him I'd visit again in a couple of weeks and tell him all about the holiday and convention. Hopefully give him something a bit more positive to think about for a little while.

I didn't know that it would be my last conversation with my dad.

He was put into an induced coma 12 hours before I was due to fly to Germany. That morning I had conversations with my mum, who told me to go. That we didn't know at the time what would happen and I would just be at home worrying about him. So I did.

It was on the morning of Purcon 8 that I found out he had brain damage caused by a mistake in A&E. That he wouldn't come back to us and it wasn't even because of the cancer. I was in pieces. I found a corner of the hotel and just sat there crying because I couldn't get the strength to do anything else. I somehow found it when I needed to get my auto with Misha and photos with Misha and Jensen though.

I managed to ask Jensen for a hug, because I needed one after that news. Not Misha though. I love the guy but he still intimidates the living shit out of me sometimes, and I'm convinced he may not like me.

When I did get home my dad was still in a coma and I did as promised. I told him all about my holiday. About the convention. How I summoned the courage to ask Jensen for a hug, and tell Misha about the promotion I got working on something really important politically.

Afterwards, I cried because I knew it would be the last time I would get to talk to him about one of my favourite shows, and my convention experiences. It broke my heart.

Anyway, I don't really know where my point was with all this. I just was reminiscing. If you have read, thank you for letting me get it all out, and here are some photos of my holiday I could never show my dad. (Which is even more gut wrenching, as we did share a love of photography).

If you've never visited Dusseldorf and the surrounding cities, I recommend it. It's so beautiful around there.

[yuurei20]

Question, but do you know if anyone has made a timeline for the main game? Like the months that the books take place in, when the unbirthday party was, when was the club fair(or whatever it was called), how long are the winter/spring/summer/fall breaks? Etc etc

I'm pretty sure I'll have to make my own timeline for my fic but if someone else has already made one I can build off it or if not, any info you can give will help lol

Hello hello!! Thank you for this question!

I put together a collection of what months the books take place in (according to the occasional hints we receive from the characters) in response to a question to how often people have been overblotting, and also wrote about a potential reading order (1), as well as a follow up reading order (2), but those incorporate events, so there is some time-weirdness!

For a more straight-forward reference, I believe that this is what we know!

Book 1 takes place at the beginning of the school year, and the beginning of the school year is in September! So while no character says directly, "here in Book 1 it is September," it seems like a safe guess.

Book 2 revolves around the Interdorm Spelldrive Tournament, which Crowley says is in October.

Book 3 is much more vague! We know it begins on the last day of final exams, but that could be anywhere from October to December.

Book 4 starts on the last day of the first semester and ends after school has started for the second semester, implying December-to-January, but I do not think it is ever expressly stated how long the students were away.

The Culture Fair is held in mid-February but Book 5 itself begins "just over a month" before, so early-mid-January seems like a safe assumption!

Book 6 starts "a few days" after the mid-February Culture Fair, the same day that Idia observes that there have been five overblots in less than six months (and then immediately joins the club).

At the beginning of Book 7 the prefect observes that "it's supposed to be spring," but the timing is a little vague! It is presumably sometime between February and May, as there is a Spelldrive tournament in May that doesn't seem to have happened yet.

The question of how long breaks are is a very interesting one! :> I am not sure it has ever been explained anywhere how long the students are away for vacations, and with how NRC seems to be based on a variety of different school systems, it might be best to not make any assumptions yet. Maybe we shall be told someday! :>

[shhh-secret-time]

Star Park AU: Kyle Broflovski Edition

-> Moved back to the Valley after graduating and getting his doctorate. (He's essentially where Harvey is in game.)

-> Couldn't find work out i the city so he moved back to the Valley

-> His parents stayed in the city but they allowed Ike to move back with Kyle as long as he agreed to take good care of him.

-> He has files on everyone's medical history and they're organized based on who's the easiest patient to deal with to who he has to literally drag in to his office. It goes: Karen, Wendy and Nichole, Kenny, Craig, Heidi, Tolkien and Scott, Butters, Ike and Jimmy, Tweek, Sharon, Shelly, Bebe, Stan, Clyde, All of the Goths, Randy, and finally Cartman.

-> He makes monthly walks to the Wizard tower to check on the Goths. They've told him before they don't need it because they have magic but he doesn't believe them.

-> Kyle and Wendy work hard to make things easier for Jimmy around town. The mayor fights them over the funding. Wendy has to practically drag Kyle away from fighting the mayor.

-> He's the only person that Scott trusts with his meds, always making sure to pick his medication up.

-> When he's not working he checks in with Heidi over Ike's education, sometimes he sits in and helps out when he can.

Gift Guide:

Loves: Fire Opal, Pomegrantes, Poppy, Starfruit Wine, Artichoke Dip Likes: All Books, Emerald, Coffee, Magma Cap, Tea leaves Neutral: All Fish (Except Shrimp), Beer, All Eggs Dislikes: Radioactive Ore/Bar, Fertilizer, Escargot, Mudstone Hates: Bananas, Banana Pudding, Shrimp, Bug Meat, Roe (Any)

Loved: "A..Are you serious?! Thank you so much!" Liked: "You thought of me? That's very kind, thank you." Neutral: "Thank...you? It's the thought that counts." Dislikes: "Ugh. I don't want your trash." Hates: "Really? What went through your head when giving me this? God...."

Heart Event @ 2:

Kyle is outside with his brother, one of the rare times he's free from working. He's sitting on the bench at the park reading through his medical files. Ike is playing by himself looking a little lonely. Farmer walks up and sees him sadly rocking on the spring rider. Ike tells the Farmer that he misses playing with his brother, it just seems like he never has time for him anymore. Farmer thinks for a moment before walking over to Kyle, who only notices them when they sit down. He greets them with a smile, quickly going back to his reading. >> Do you ever take a break? How can you be on your laptop right now? It's so nice out! (-) >> Ike looks a little sad, doesn't he? (+) If First Option: Kyle gets slightly annoyed, Farmer should know better than anyone here that he can't just stop working. He notes rather dryly he would have thought he'd be free of their lecturing, seeing as he gets enough of it from Stan.

"I appreciate your concern really, but I'm this towns only doctor last time I checked. I happen to like reading outside."

If Second Option: Kyle looks up from his laptop with concern on his face. He frowns when he realizes that he's been ignoring his brother, and how Ike is rocking back and forth with no care. Turning to the Farmer, he expresses gratitude for bringing it to his attention. He feels back for not seeing it himself, he was just hoping to catch up a little on work before he went home. He closes his laptop, putting it to the side, and stands up. Farmer jumps up with them and offers to play with him and his brother!

"Then I hope you're ready for the longest game of hide-n-seek of your life. You didn't have anything planned for the rest of the day right?"

Heart Event @ 4:

Kyle visits the Farmer early in the morning, greeting them while they're walking to the shipping bin. He apologizes for showing up unannounced. He would have called but he didn't think the Farmer would be able to hear the phone from the fields. Farmer doesn't seem to mind which makes him feel better, physically relaxing. Looking past them, he compliments their hard work on turning the fields into an actual farm. Afterwards he goes on to tell them that their crops have made things better even if they don't realize it. Tells them that the fresh food is better for the townsfolk than Jojo's food. >> I don't actually do that much farming. I'm more into fishing or mining. (/) >> Thanks Kyle! It's nice to get a little appreciation! (/) >> I didn't think of it that way...you really think of everything huh? (/) If First Option: Kyle goes quiet, the longer the silence the more his face turns red. Embarrassment dusting his cheeks. Under his breath he says something about the farm at least looking clean.

"At least your farm looks cleaner then Mr. Marsh's. Smells better too."

If Second Option: Kyle chuckles and tells them there's no reason to thank them! He's in the same boat sometimes and that even now he's here's to do his job. He wonders if anyone else has been out this way yet?

"I just realized you haven't had a checkup with me yet. Swing by the clinic okay? I don't want you to get sick."

If Third Option: Farmer turns the table on them, Kyle gets flustered over the small praise. At least he takes it as praise. He scoffs, telling them to stop being so humble. Being a Farmer is hard work and they should realize the good they do.

"Please. Not just anyone can get Cartman to eat a vegetable. You're good at what you do!"

Heart Event @ 5:

Next time Farmer walks into the clinic they walk back into Kyle's office. He's surprised to actually see them, telling them that he is pleased that he didn't have to drag them in. When Farmer looks at him confused, Kyle tells them that sometimes he has to go and "collect" some of the townsfolk for their appointments. So, it's nice that there's someone else so willing to come in. After a moment he gets a little embarrassed that he started rambling again. Farmer is just easy to talk to, they listen. Before they can comment on the blush on his face, he gets down to business. Kyle opens his laptop and looks up at them, he begins to ask Farmer about themselves, wanting an insight on their medical history.

"Sorry, you didn't come here to listen to me complain. It's just easy to talk to you. A-anyway, before I keep making an ass of myself, lets get started on filling out your medical history!"

Heart Event @ 6:

Farmer is walking from town to the mountains, they can hear faint shouting. Walking closer, they see Kyle and Ike standing next to the mountain lake away from Kenny's house. Ike is sitting on the wooden bridge with his face in his hands, looking more and more upset. When Farmer gets close enough to hear what they're saying clearly, they overhear what the argument is about. Kyle is upset that Ike's grades are slipping, telling him that he needs to put in a little more effort in school. Apparently, he's been blowing off his homework and Heidi is having a hard time getting him to pay attention in class. Ike complains that all Kyle ever talks to him about is how he's doing in school and his stupid job, that he doesn't care to ask Ike about anything else. He asks him when was the last time they did anything fun that didn't require the Farmer having to all but pull him away from work. Ike cuts Kyle off before he can rebuttal. Shouting something about how he's acting just like their mother and he's supposed to be his brother, not his parent! Kyle gets upset and snaps back at him, telling him that he won't apologize for caring about Ike's well being and he wouldn't have to act like their mother if Ike just grew up a little. This makes Ike tear up, he stands up and shouts that he should just go back to the city then. Kyle stands there watching his brother storm off, leaving him alone next to the lake, he looks destroyed. Farmer walks out from where they were hiding, and when Kyle doesn't get upset that Farmer was listening in they know he's really torn up. It takes him some time but he eventually address them, telling them that he never meant to fill the role of a parent. He knows he's hard on Ike, he just wants to see his little brother grow into the best version of himself. The Valley is good to him, better then the city was. He knows it's good for Ike too.

"Am I being that overbearing? I mean...I'm in charge of him. I promised Ma that I'd look after him! I'm not asking for much right? Just for him to apply himself more!"

>> Maybe you're not as right as you think you are. (-) >> Does he know that? Have you told him how you feel? (+) >> I don't think you're really listening to your brother. (+) >> Lighten up Kyle, he's just throwing a tantrum. He'll get over it. (-) If First Option: Kyle looks up with a flash of anger in his eyes, he can't believe what he's hearing. How could Farmer say something like that? He thought they were friends! As Kyle storms off he glares at them.

"Jesus Christ, if you talk to your friends like this then I'd hate to hear how you talk to people you hate!"

If Second Option: Kyle thinks on both Farmer and Ike's words. Like he's replaying the whole thing in his head again. When was the last time he talked to Ike about how he feels? About anything that wasn't him being a hard ass.

"No...I guess I haven't. Ugh I'm an asshole, he deserves to be a kid. I really do sound like our mom. Thanks for listening again Farmer."

If Third Option: Kyle's brows furrow, he wants to be upset but Farmer's right. He makes his frustration known and somehow in the same breath is grateful that Farmer said it. He tells Farmer that this isn't the first time their stubborn attitudes have clashed. Something they both get from their Mother.

"I think if you were anyone else I would be furious but...you're right. It does make me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one who's stubborn. I'll apologize to him in the morning. Goodnight and thank you Farmer."

If Fourth Option: Kyle snaps as that comment strikes a nerve. He goes to yell again but he just stops, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes he looks past them and wishes them a good night. Leaving them alone because just the thought of responding to that is exhausting.

Heart Event @ 8:

It's late, later than Farmer realized. As they go to leave the mines, a group of Shadow beasts corner them. It cuts to them limping out of the mines. Beaten down and exhausted, they collapse against the side of the mountain. The last thing they see is Kyle running over to them and the dim light of a flashlight. When they wake up again, they're laying in one of the beds of Kyle's clinic. Their wounds are bandaged and cleaned. Looking over in a daze, Kyle's eyes meet theirs and there's a look of relief. He closes the first aid kid sitting next to them, picks up the medical tools and puts them away. Farmer can hear him breathing deeply, like this is the first time he's able to. Eventually he breaks the silence, speaking as softly as he can. He scolds them for being reckless, and that they're lucky that Ned was nearby to hear that fight. Kyle stops in the middle of his lecture, catching himself doing it again. Lectures are the last thing Farmer needs right now, they need sleep. Farmer just smiles and shakes their head at him and it almost makes Kyle laugh. He can't believe the energy they have, how they're even awake right now. He promises to keep them company, that he'll be right here for them when they wake up. Time passes again as Farmer drifts back to sleep, when they wake up again they see Kyle asleep in the chair next to them.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Seeing you bleeding out in the dirt like that! I know you can be more responsible then that, what were you-.... no I'm doing it again. I'm sorry. Look just get some sleep, you need to rest." - "What? I'm not going anywhere, someone has to look over you and make sure you actually get rest. I swear I'll turn my back and you'll try and get out of that bed."

When given the bouquet:

"!! Y-You're not fucking with me right? This isn't just some cruel prank? ...Then of course I will- be your partner that is!"

Heart Event @ 10:

Farmer walks outside of their house to Kyle sitting on their porch. A picnic basket sitting next to him, a bottle of wine sticking out of the basket, and a red-checkered blanket tucked neatly inside. When he hears the doo open he perks up and stands up quickly. With a grin on his face, he greets them with an energetic good morning. He holds up the basket telling them that he wants to take them out. The day is beautiful and he intends to spend as much of it with them. Farmer agrees, leaving the farm going south past Tegridy Farms. Kyle takes them near the cliffs overlooking the ocean. The two sit there enjoying the picnic that Kyle's put together. When he sees how happy Farmer is with the food, he goes on to tell them that he learned how to cook from his Mother. The conversation leads him to ramble about how he was the only one who could cook in the friend group for a while. That Stan used to beg him to make dinner so he didn't have to eat with his family. Farmer continues to just look happy with everything. Good food and getting to listen to him talk about his best friend, watching as he lights up! Then they feel a rain drop hit their forehead. Looking up, the two se as the sky starts to darken and rain clouds begin to roll in. Immediately Kyle throws his jacket over the Farmer and urgently moves them towards the trees. As the rain starts to come down harder, Kyle looks so disappointed. Farmer takes their hand giving it a little squeeze, breaking down that wall of anxiety. He lets out a sigh, expressing his frustration. He tells them that he wanted today to be perfect, now it's ruined because of the rain. Farmer laughs and pulls them down, planting a kiss on their cheek. Kyle's face turns red from the sweet action. He goes to kiss them back, to return the kiss, but as he does water drops down from the top of the trees. They're both soaked now, water clinging to their clothes. Kyle looks down and just laughs. He wraps an arm around them and pulls them in for a kiss. Pulling away, he brushes his fingers across their face and whispers.

"You always find a way to make things better. I don't feel like I have to be perfect all the time, that it's okay to mess up because I know you'll still love me. My worries just seem to melt away. I love you so much."

Heart Event @ 14:

Ever since Kyle moved in he's slowed down, taking better care of himself. No longer piling too much on his plate, so it surprises the Farmer to se him falling back into old habits. Kyle is pacing around the house in a huff. Ike tells the Farmer that their parents called and that they're making a surprise visit soon. Kyle stops his frantic cleaning for just a moment to stress how much he hates this. He's worried that they're going to be mad because he didn't invite them to the wedding, even when they already reassured him that they're not. Farmer questions why they're coming, which Kyle just sighs and tells them that they want to meet his partner. Farmer reassures Kyle that everything will be fine, that they can't wait to meet his parents. He just grumbles and tells them to hold off on that excitement. Once again Farmer calms the man down, Kyle takes a deep breath and watches his beloved partner get to work. Between the two of them and Ike, they're able to get everything together. Just as dinner is finished, Kyle's parents arrive. Kyle introduces the Farmer to his parents who immediately start gushing over them. The dinner table is set and soon the entire family is sitting around the, making small talk. Sheila starts asking Farmer a list of questions, trying to get to know them. Why did they become a Farmer? What drew them to the Valley? >> Honestly? I needed to start over. Grandpa gave me a second chance and I guess I just fell in love with this little town. >> The city life was too loud. I needed something quiet and easy. >> The Valley needed help! I couldn't just ignore it! If First Option: Sheila smiles and puts her hand on her chest. She tells the Farmer that it's incredibly sweet of their grandfather to look after them. She thinks it's great that they love the town that Kyle grew up in! If Second Option: Sheila doesn't agree that the city is that bad, but she goes on to tell the Farmer she grew up a city girl. She does agree that city life can sweep you away if you're not careful, she's glad the Farmer taught Kyle to slow down. If Third Option: Sheila isn't quite sure she understands what Farmer is trying to get at, but if it's what drives them then who is she to argue? She's just happy that Ike's grades have improved and that Kyle is happy. Either way dinner is lively, once they're finished they thank the Farmer for everything. For taking care of their sons and welcoming them into their lovely home. Sheila admits that she was skeptical at first but after seeing how Kyle looks at the Farmer, she's wholeheartedly approves of their marriage. They leave with a quick hug, letting Kyle know that they'll be staying at the tavern for a few days before going home. As they make the trip back to town, Kyle wraps his arm around the Farmer and smiles softly.

"They really like you, not that I had any doubts they wouldn't. You're amazing. I always knew you were, ever since you moved to this town. I'm just glad they love you almost as much as I do."

Random Marriage Quotes!!

"Good morning my love. Yeah... that still feels weird to say but...I kind of like it. Waking up next to you is everything." "Please make sure you're being careful when you go out. I'm not going to stop you, just come home to me. Please." "Look I love you, but please if you have to go to the mines...shower before you come to bed. Shower with you? That-...isn't a bad idea." "Read up on how to take care of crops on my lunch break! I hope you don't mind that I already watered the plants for you!" "Ike really likes all the animals, he actually woke up before to feed them all!" "Do...do you think my hair is stupid? Cartman said something about it today and I know I shouldn't put merit in what he says but...You like my hair? And my nose? But I didn't- God you're too good to me." "I always had this fear of getting married, I was afraid that I'd end up like my parents. They're not bad just...never mind. Just thank you for being my partner." "Hey, take this medicine with you. If you get into trouble it will help. I don't care if it tastes bad! I don't want to find you passed out again!" "I'm taking Ike over to Kenny's today, he wants to hang out with Karen. Feel free to swing by when you're done doing what you need to do! The guys would love to see you." "You know I love you right? And I'll tell you it as many times as you need. You make it so easy to love you that I'm worried I'm not enough."

Tag List: @hunnysnoops

[twigthedoodler]

You loop back all of them Pt. 4

In stars in time spoilers ahead! Inspired by this post! Part 3 is here! Part 5 is here!

@moonsart

???: “I know everyone in your little group… you're Siffrin’s little family…”

(The stranger that looked like a star was talking bitterly…?)

Odile: “So you know all of us? And you know Siffrin?”

“Who are you anyways?”

(The Stranger sighed. The Stranger couldn't look us in the eyes as they talked for some reason.)

???: "I am a... I'm a... I'm Loop! I'm here by the Universe's will to help Siffrin with the loops! That's who I am. That's all you need to know!"

Odile: "That's all we need to know... Interesting. What can you tell us about time craft and wish craft? And the loops? Cause you seem to know a lot.”

"Universe... That's what's in the sky... Huh... I'm with Odile. Could you please tell us what's going on? Siffrin won't tell us!"

Loop: "Well you won't remember very long because he will loop back soon... I can tell."

Odile: "We know Siffrin's, and apparently your memory doesn't reset... Is there anything else that doesn't?"

Loop: "Well... Siffrin's experience doesn't reset... And any equipment you get doesn't reset."

"That's why we have all this stuff we don't remember getting! Well... Couldn't we write something on an item, and then read it and remember?"

Odile: ... "That's a good idea! Good job! You sometimes have really good ideas Isabeau!"

Loop: "That might actually work! Okay... I'll tell you what I know if someone writes it down."

Odile: "I'll write it down."

Loop: "Alright... So... Siffrin made a wish... You Odile know that it isn't about croissants... That wish... Was done with a ritual. That made it come true. Somehow looping helps fulfill that wish. He has been looping in time for a while now. Restarting the day from the point you just saw. It also, as you noticed, it also resets the moment he talks to the head house maiden... There is a bit more but that's the most important parts for you to know right now... Got that all down?"

Odile: "Yeah I got that... Everything makes a bit more sense... There is still mystery of course... But...hmm... So he is looping because of his wish? Hmm..."

"I wonder why- no... Actually I know why he didn't tell us. He never likes 'burdening us' with his problems... Sometimes I wish he understood that it isn't a burden..."

(I don't like that Siffrin always avoids his problems. Ever since day one I was okay as long as I made him feel better... But I should have realized. He just thought It was okay to not say anything because I let him say nothing... I wish I could apologize to him...)

Odile: "...Thank you Loop. We might come back later. But we must get back before anyone else wakes up. We should go, Isabeau.”

(So we start walking back... There is this feeling I can't get off my chest though.)

"Hey, Ma'am Odile?"

Odile: "What is it?"

"Do you think Siffrin will be okay?"

Odile: "I-... I don't know... We will have to just see..."

(That was the last thing we said before the next morning.)

…

(At the clocktower Bonnie and Mirabelle was awake playing cards)

Bonnie: “I don't like this game… it's so confusing!”

Mirabelle: “Sorry, it kind of is… Well um…”

Bonnie: “...What are we going to do about Siffrin?”

Mirabelle: “I-... We need to help him… I'm sure Isabeau and Odile are gone to figure out what's happening on their own… But if they can't figure it out we need to decide what we are going to do.”

Bonnie: “I say we beat up Frin!”

Mirabelle: “W-what!? No! We are not doing that!”

Bonnie: “aww… I was sure it would work though…”

Mirabelle: “Let's talk to the others once we get a chance to figure out what the two learned… or didn't learn…”

[arioloyal]

Sepandarmazgan

Part 4

(King baldwin iv x reader)

Warning: none

A/n : This part of the story is narrated by a knight named Kristous. I have decided to give this story a philosophical and romantic aspect so that can't just be a boring lovestory . Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends. I hope your dreams and wishes come true this year♡

Like and reblogs are appreciated

Kristous pov:

Our jaws were still dropped from our mouths and our face were pale. We were all waiting for lord lusignan today when we suddenly saw lady y/n just enter the door. What were we left to do? We had heard enough terrible things about her, especially from Reynald de Chatillon, when we saw her appear before us like that, we unconsciously felt a little fear. But her behavior seemed very kind and friendly. After welcoming us one by one, she said that she came here to have a little talk with lord Guy de Lusignan.

I was afraid that something would happen. I said, "lord...lord Lusignan doesn't usually welcome uninvited guests, especially guests who find their way into his secret meetings. It's better to go now and talk to him personally later."

Lady y/n said, “God bless all of you knights of the Holy Land. Thank you for the warning, but sometimes it takes an incident to solve some problems.”

What?! She had read my mind? Honestly, I had heard before that y/n could read people's minds.

"Don't worry," she continued, " this conversation won't last long."

jerard was sitting next to me. He bent down and whispered in my ear: "Look at this rude woman! She has come to the secret hall! She's really the devil of Jerusalem."

I shook my head, but to be honest, I didn't saw anything like the devil in her. The image she made of herself in my mind was that of a pious, faithful, frank and bold woman. I kept my thoughts to myself.

A few minutes later, Guy entered the door. He seemed to be deep in thought, his eyebrows were close to each other. He hadn't taken a single step. he froze there and looked at the uninvited guest.

"What is this infidel woman doing here? Why did you let her disturb our secret meeting?"

We knights looked at each other but before we could answer, y/n interrupted him and said that she had been walking around the palace when she happened to come across here and wanted to see a man who hate her the most in the entire of Jerusalem.

Some of the knights coughed nervously and embarrassedly. I looked at jerard, he was also nervous and worried. There was such anxiety in the air that you could even touch it with your hand.

Lord Lusignan said, "I don't care why you came here. I have more important things to do than talk to you. You have no right to be here at all. Hurry up and get out."

Lady y/n said, "I see you don't want to talk in front of me. But behind my back you gossip like a nightingale, no one can stop you. You have a habit of gossiping behind me and the king and making dirty accusations. Now Since we have occupied your mind so much, you probably have some questions. go ahead! I'm listening!"

:"I have nothing to do with you. Whatever I need to know, I know. all these knights as well."

At that moment, lady y/n turned to us and raised her voice, "If someone says, 'I know everything I need to know,' they should not be known as your lord, but as a fool." . Only the ignorant think they know everything."

Guy's face was red with anger. Until today, no one had been seen with such boldness in the palace.

:"In that case, come and ask these knights: Which one is more important for Jerusalem? The holy soldiers and defenders of Jerusalem or a wandering madman who does nothing but pry and ask questions and whose mind is always distracted?"

All the people present there took the guy's side, but I felt that most of them are not honest and just want to gain his trust.

Lady y/n asked, :"You sit everywhere and with everyone and talk behind my back. You say I was sent by the devil. Okay, now that's the case, please tell me what a devil is?”

Lord Lusignan, who now had a good opportunity to express himself, said: "devil is the worst enemy to man and humanity, and always walks among us in disguise. Sometimes in the form of a poor and seemingly innocent human, and sometimes in the form of a beautiful woman. comes to encourage us to get out of the right path. The devil appears in different forms that we don't expect it at all. For example, may appear in the form of a traveling and ordinary girl. But the faithful soldiers of Christ, won't listen to such a evil. "They never allow you to enter their privacy." Then he examined her from head to toe.

Lady y/n smiled as if she was expecting this insult and said,: "I know what you mean. But it was so easy! It's good for us to always look for the devil in others, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly.

:"Well, if the devil is as cunning and powerful as you say and is always waiting for an opportunity to be by our side, what is the need for us, the humans, to blame ourselves for the mistakes that we have done with our own wish? we usually say that all sins is because of the devil and all good is from the god, so what exactly we're doing here as a human? In this way, there is no reason to ask ourselves questions and make up for our mistakes. We blame everything either on Satan or on God. Let's go. See ? how easy it is?"

:"You either have a lot of courage and intelligence or you're very stupid to talk about such things to such people." Guy said to y/n

But she continued talking as if she didn't hear his voice and started walking in the hall between us.

: "a human is such a complex being that he can prepare both heaven and hell for himself. is the highest creation of God. However, can become higher than high or lower than low. If we understood the meaning of this deeply, Then we wouldn't look for the devil outside, but inside our own soul. The only thing we need is to check ourselves, not to look for mistakes in others."

jerard said from the corner with a mocking tone: "You, fire worshiper, you better check yourself first. I hope one day you will answer for the lies you're saying."

:"So let me tell you a story," she said.

... Four merchants were praying in an empty church. At the same time, the head of the merchants joins them. The first merchant abandons his prayer and immediately asks: "Then what will happen to these loads of silk that we were supposed to take with us?"

The second merchant abandons his prayer and says to his friend: You fool! Don't you know that you should not talk to anyone during prayer? Now all your prayers will be null and void."

The third merchant also made such statements.

The fourth merchant couldn't bear it anymore. he whispered: Look at these fools! All three of them gave up their prayers. thanks to the god, i didn't allow myself to be deceived and stop my worship with idle words like them."

After finishing this story, y/n turned to the knights and asked, "Well, what do you think? Which one of these four merchants do you think had their prayers accepted by the god?"

There was a wave in the hall, some of the templars thought, some started to discuss the answer. Finally, one of them shouted from the bottom of the hall: "The prayers of the second, third and fourth merchants are not accepted. Only the first merchant is innocent because he only asked to consult his boss."

Another one said: "Yes, but he shouldn't have left his prayer half-done. In my opinion, except for the fourth one, the rest of the merchants were wrong. The fourth merchant was only talking to himself."

I looked away from them. I wasn't sure that any of these two answers were correct. But I preferred not to say anything. If I say my opinion, probably no one would like it. Suddenly, y/n stood up, pointed at me and asked.

Well, what do you think?!"

I said: "If these merchants have a fault, it is that they stopped worship and spoke. Their main mistake was that instead of focusing on God and the truth of the prayer they recited, they started criticizing each other." Their thoughts are somewhere else and all their senses are distracted. Now if we judge them, we will also commit the same sin."

One of those bigoted knights interrupted me: "What do you want to say?"

I answered: "I say that all four merchants are wrong for the same reason. But on the other hand, it's not right to judge them because I don't know which one of them was accepted by the Lord. As a person, I only do my work and deal with my own mistakes. I have nothing to do with others but protect them."

Lady y/n gave me such an admiring look that I felt like I was being praised by the whole world. she asked my name. "Kristous, my lady," I said.

At that time y/n turned to the rest of the templars and knights and said:" your friend is a true knight, maybe he is not aware of this fact yet. But his soul is very similar to the pious men. I think that Now you understand the difference between a fanatic and a true knight. You must be very careful about your thoughts. Because the disease caused by thoughts is much worse than physical disease, and bigotry is a disease worse than leprosy. will take all your soul and faith away . Be more careful in choosing your friends."

lord Guy, who couldn't take it anymore, angrily left the hall and slammed the door behind him. if she wasn't the king's special guest, im sure she would be behaded right there.

A few people laughed a little after he left, but y/n said with obvious sadness in her voice, :"I've met hundreds of knights and members of this palace so far, some of them were very honest and sincere people like the king. But some, even a little bit They did not understood the real Christianity properly and only used it for their own benefit. It is true that I am not a Christian, but this much I understood that it is possible to live with someone despite all the differences without causing harm. The true love of God is never combined with ambition for power . And I wouldn't never exchange it to wealth."

she raised her head and returned to her previous determination: "That's enough for today. What you witnessed today is the separation of mind and heart. This duality exists in all religions. Make your choices!"

she was silent for a while, as if she was waiting for us to understand her words.

:"In any case, neither your lord Lusignan knows more than he should know, nor do I. Maybe he is blind, and I am also blind. The important thing is that the blindness of a person doesn't harm the sun. The discussion of people with different religions is also has no effect on God. Now you understand why your king always prefers peace."

she put her hand on her chest and said goodbye to all of us and left us all alone in that hall with thousands of questions.

I raised my head for a moment and was horrified by what I saw. I saw the king who witnessed all the events from behind the columns of the upper floor. I wanted to inform everyone but he gave me a sign that I should remain silent. Today was supposed to be a day full of mystery. didn't end well...

To be continued...

[whinlatter]

The movie ootp showed this differently, but in the books, Sirius doesn't really show much physical affection to Harry. In book 4 he helped Harry to a chair, and held his shoulder, but when he left bc Dumbledore told him to (weird on it's own but that's my opinion) he parts from Harry with a handshake. When Harry stays with Sirius in ootp he isn't described at any point to have hugged him, expect a quick, hurried, half hug at the end of the Xmas holiday. I always found this curious, because the intensity and even co dependency that these two have is huge. Harry relies soo much on Sirius, Sirius does so much to be in Harry's life but that emotional affection never translates into a physical thing. Molly is the first to give Harry a bear hug when he needs it most. Maybe I'm missing something? Harry is far from a physical boi, I know. Maybe it's me, I'm Dutch, English culture is quite different than my own Dutch culture in ways of interaction, we never adress someone in last names, that's considered very rude here for example. We are very direct and familiar, even with authority and family. What do you think of this? Is this JK not computing Sirius's character in every scene or is there a reason I'm just missing? I just wish Sirius and Harry has more physical moments. My Dad and uncles hug me all the time, families do that, I'd just think Harry's Godfather would be familiair and safe enough to hug more than just one time. Their emotional bond seems to impy so. Sorry for the long ask lol. I'd love to hear someone on this!

this is a super interesting question, thank you so much!

i think you're totally right that it's striking how little physical contact/affection sirius and harry share in the books. (film sirius is king of the cuddles). i don't think this is an oversight in the text, but something quite deliberate, both as a characterisation choice for sirius, which i'll get into below, but also to set up something that's still 'missing' in harry's relationships - loving physical affection with a loved one - even after sirius comes into his life, that will be, in part, resolved by ginny.

you're right, i think, that cultural factors do come into sirius' lack of comfort with physical touch towards harry. sirius is a posh english man born in 1959, which would be enough to make for a pretty repressed character prone to limited displays of physical affection towards friends and family members of all genders at the best of times (not huge huggers, that lot). but sirius also enters the series in the canon timeline after twelve years of intense physical and emotional isolation, living in a body that's been through a lot and must be uncomfortable and sometimes painful to inhabit. sirius is arm in arm with james in the marauders photograph on his wall at grimmauld, and at james' wedding, so it's entirely possible he was more comfortable with physical contact prior to azkaban - the kind of breezy, easy display of contact he does on occasion to show to harry that's a bit reminscent of ron (a clap on the back, a hand on the shoulder, a handshake) - and reasonable to assume that an ease with such physical displays of affection might be something prison cost him.

i also think, though, that the physical distance sirius keeps from harry is supposed to be a sign of more complex and difficult parts of their relationship (sirius' attempts to maintain some distance from harry so as not to make harry feel responsible for him emotionally, sirius grappling with the guilt he feels for his part in lily and james' deaths and subsequent inability to be able to protect harry from all that he's endured since). harry wants more displays of affection from sirius than sirius feels he can comfortably or easily give (it's why i've never been much on board with fanon reads of harry that have him as someone touch averse - he seeks and accepts physical contact with friends and loved ones throughout canon, particularly in the later books). harry even seems to experience these moments of one-armed hugs and handshakes as disappointments. sirius, of course, would prefer to show his devotion and love for harry in other ways, including putting himself in danger to protect his godson, which harry increasingly doesn't want him to do by ootp.

for harry's sake, the absence of much physical touch in his relationship with sirius bolsters this sense of something still missing in harry's life even while sirius is alive, and serves to imbue moments of physical contact with other parental figures - and eventually in his romantic life - with greater significance. this is especially true, as you say, with molly. that GoF hug means a lot to harry, and the big hug he gives her in DH after the birthday present is supposed to be an important moment for both characters, but especially for harry's feelings for molly as a maternal figure. meanwhile, in harry's romantic life, it's striking how little he and cho ever actually touch: they have one (seemingly weirdly hands-free) off-stage kiss that harry recalls as quite physically unpleasant, and harry has to give himself a fifteen minute pep talk to try and hold her hand (flop). so then when ginny finally comes along, the reader's supposed to be like, oh damn, finally harry potter's getting a hug or two (and, you know, more than that, but the physical touch love language point still stands!)

[peppered-moths]

this is not about revenge (or what i felt before)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

"You won, right?" The sound of Martyn's voice seemingly jerks Scott awake. Martyn hadn't even noticed, caught up in his own thoughts. He mouths 'sorry' and intends to leave it at that, settling back against the hard stone wall. They had to sleep sometimes, and Martyn had graciously volunteered to watch Scott's back while he slept. It... had been a long day.

Scott sits up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He doesn't make any motion to go back to sleep, and instead eyes him. His expression is unreadable.

"Yeah? I- I mean, you were there, right? Watched me get struck down, all that?" He waves a hand in the air aimlessly.

"I just- I want to know what it's like." Martyn says softly. The whispers still ring in his ears. He wonders, if he won, if they'd stop.

Scott frowns down at him, one newly sprouted yellow fin flicking. "Seriously, Martyn, what's this about? You can't be that confident already- you were just talking earlier about how bad your armor was."

He hesitates. How does he explain it? Explain Them?

"Just- did you see anything? Afterwards."

Scott's expression freezes, stuck between shock and confusion and a little bit of fear-

"You have!" Martyn shoots up, ignoring protesting wounds. He reaches over, takes Scott's hands. "You saw Them, didn't you?"

"I- don't- how did you- how did you know?" Scott sucks in a sharp breath, mouth tugged downwards. "Grian said. He said- it was only supposed to be the winners." Huh. That makes... a surprising amount of sense.

"I hear them," he breathes, locking eyes with Scott. "I always hear them. It's... quiet, usually, but sometimes-" He swallows, looks down. "I heard them after you died." After I killed you.

"Okay." Scott nods, forced calm on his face. "I'll pretend like that's completely normal and not at all worrying." His voice pitches upward as he speaks. "Um. Do I need to be worried?"

Well, I think They told me to kill you. And I don't think last time counts.

"No," he says instead. "Not really. It was just... indecipherable nonsense. As usual." Scott's still tense, but his hands relax slightly in Martyn's grip, and he feels slightly bad for lying. And then he realizes he's holding Scott's hands, and immediately lets go.

Scott blinks at him as he steps away, and then down at his own hands, dotted here and there with dark blue scales. He doesn't seem notice how flustered Martyn is all of a sudden, and he thanks any gods but his own for that. He's not sure why he's flustered in the first place, because that's something to unpack another day!

"I don't think I've said thank you yet." Martyn's eyes snap back to Scott. "For killing me," the other man clarifies, which is... something Martyn hasn't heard in a while.

"Well. It wasn't like I was having a lot of fun either."

"Mmm." Scott's only half-listening, he can tell, clearly turning something over in his mind. He waits patiently.

"You- hm. You don't do that very often." Scott looks at him directly, and for a moment all Martyn can imagine is a red brand across his throat. It's a stupid idea, of course. He had stabbed him through the heart.

"No," he agrees. "I don't." Suddenly all he can think about is how alone they are, in their threadbare cave under the ocean. How suddenly vulnerable this feels. He hasn't- he doesn't-

"I guess I'm trying to ask if it means something," Scott says carefully, watching Martyn like he's about to run, "or if I'm reading too far into it."

And that sends Martyn reeling. All he can do is stare at Scott, mind scrambling to form something cohesive.

In the end, all he can get out is "What about Jimmy?"

Scott's face twists sharply, a wave of emotions playing over his features, and Martyn knows he's said the wrong thing. But Scott just clasps his hands in his lap, twisting them tightly together, and looks back up at him.

"What about him?"

"Well- aren't you two..." Fated. Destined. Martyn waves his hand to illustrate his point.

"You didn't see his face today," Scott whispers after a moment, voice cracking for a moment. "When he was chasing me. It was- that was hunger, Martyn. He was going to do anything to kill me. I-" Scott stops. Takes a deep breath. "He wasn't- isn't the same Jimmy I fell in love with."

Martyn sits next to him on the bed, hands awkwardly hovering close to the other. Scott seems like he's about to cry. He looks at Martyn again, something simultaneously piercing and vulnerable.

"You're avoiding the question."

"What?"

Scott scrubs a hand over his head, messing up his already rumpled hair. "I asked if it meant something." Martyn is silent again; not struck-dumb silence, but instead reaching for an answer he isn't sure he knows.

"I remind you of him." Everything reminds me of him. It's still not an answer. Ren had been the world, and then, just like that, he wasn't. It still aches.

"That's not fair. To you." he finally murmurs. Scott just looks at him with clear yellow eyes. He wonders what red will look like on him.

"No, it's not," he agrees. "It's not fair for you to pretend I'm Ren. But that's not what I'm asking." He shifts closer, gesturing for Martyn to turn so they're both facing each other. "I'm asking if it meant something. Beyond Ren, beyond Red Winter, beyond Third Life."

Martyn sits there. He remembers sinking his sword between Scott's fourth and fifth ribs. His first thought had been you're safe now. Like it was nothing. Like he's ever been able to keep anyone safe.

Scott must see the struggle in his face. He takes one of Martyn's hands, squeezing it in his own. It feels... safe.

"It's- just- I- don't you ever believe in fate? Destiny, soulmates, whatever you want to call it."

Scott turns his head, considering. "Well, we've already tried the soulmate thing, and look at how that ended." The small smile fades from his lips. "I think if I'm destined to be with Jimmy, I wouldn't feel the way I do about him. I wouldn't feel the way I feel about you."

That makes Martyn flush, turning his face surreptitiously away so Scott can't see it. "I wish I could escape fate," he admits. "But I hear Them every time. It's- it's like They know, every single time. Like it's predestined."

"Well, try doing something They'd never expect," Scott suggests, half-jokingly. It actually makes him laugh.

"Yeah? What do you propose?" Scott's mouth curves in a wicked smile, and he leans closer to Martyn, until they're almost nose to nose.

"Well," he murmurs, sing-song. He places one hand on Martyn's cheek. "I was thinking something like this." He leans in closer, slowly, giving Martyn plenty of time to back off, to say no thanks if he wants to. He doesn't take the opportunity.

He meets Scott right in the middle. The kiss is driving, fierce. It's nothing like the way Ren used to kiss Martyn, like he was fragile, something easily broken, needing to be protected. He doesn't really want Scott to kiss like Ren anyways, he realizes.

They break apart after a moment, Martyn half-dazed. Scott runs a finger over his bottom lip absently, and he can't help but trace it with his eyes. Scott catches him in the act, raising an eyebrow.

"Did that feel fated?"

"I'm not sure," Martyn breathes. "I think I'd have to try again."

[autisticlancemcclain]

PSA

hello everyone!! a bit of a serious post today.

i don't want to sound whiney. but i have noticed a bit of a tone in a couple of my asks lately?? very few of them, let me assure, but a couple people seem to be frustrated at the speed/rate at which i answer asks. so i wanted to help clear the air.

REASONS I HAVE NOT YET ANSWERED YOUR ASK (THAT I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE):

i am in the process of answering it

sometimes i get asks for certain fics, to either write or to help find. and these things take time! sometimes i get very lucky and fics hit me as soon as i see them, but more often it takes me days or weeks! and fic searches take me even longer!

2. i have other ideas

you guys have a lot of great headcanons and fic premises! i do too. i've been in this fandom since june of 2016, there's a very VERY long list of things i want to write. things get added to the roster, i promise.

3. i am busy

i am in school full time and working part time and volunteering and preparing for teacher's college admissions. writing is my favourite thing to do every day and while i do prioritise it i cannot have it as my first priority. often, this blog gets pushed back when i get busy, as much as i wish that wasn't the case.

4. i am overwhelmed

sometimes the asks pile up. i try to answer comments as they come but for some reason asks work a little bit differently in my brain?? idk. it can be harder for me to force myself to start answering them, even though i love receiving them and when i'm in the mood i could answer fifty at once.

and very, very rarely:

5. i simply do not vibe with it

it happens occasionally. i have a very niche corner of headcanons and stuff i enjoy writing, so it's bound that every once in a while someone sends me an ask with their ideas that just aren't what i personally would read/write. doesn't mean the idea is bad or that i don't enjoy getting excited about your ideas with you, it's just not always going to be something i have the train of thought to write :)

i hope that's not disappointing! i know there are a couple asks that have been sitting in my inbox for over a YEAR. i am getting to them, i promise. one such ask has even inspired a novel-length fic that i'm still working on. finally, i want to remind you guys that i am autistic, and as much as i'm fully capable of handling myself online and everywhere else, i do struggle to read and understand tone and social cues and as such can often miss offense where it is intended or find it where it is not. i can't even tell you if the two examples i included are actually objectively rude/demanding, i can only tell you that they felt that way. there is no need to censor yourself or be anxious to shoot me a message, just maybe remember that i'm doing this for fun? and it frustrates me when it's treated as if it's a job. if you're worried about coming off as demanding, let me know and i'll post some examples of requests that i don't find demanding at all, only excited (which is, and i can't stress this enough, the vast majority of every message i see). thank you guys and ily <333

[karliahs]

this scene in ‘a soft place to land,’ but really the whole idea of Aizawa saving Izuku as a kid, for the DVD commentary asks!!

from chapter 4. thanks for the ask!! <3

the thing about the aizawa saving izuku as a kid stuff is that i made things harder for myself than i needed to for no real reason. like, the whole fic is inherently not canon compliant because of how different things would be after, so i could have just made up whatever i want - but i was intrigued to see if i could spin the aizawa saving izuku as a kid stuff in a way that made both their actions in their canon first day meeting at least vaguely plausible

i had not actually really thought until i got this ask about why that is. i guess i lean towards making things canon compliant when possible, because it's personally more satisfying to me that way, and also sometimes interesting things happen if you try to write within tight restrictions. so a lot of stuff in that passage and in the fic in general is a consequence of needing aizawa to not remember and izuku to not say anything when they meet at UA

i'll explain more as we get into the passage itself:

“It was okay, though,” Izuku says. “You stopped them. You saved us.” Eraserhead looks at Izuku for a long time, that worried expression shifting but never leaving.  “The older you never said anything,” he says at last.

narrator voice: It Was Not Okay. a lot of this fic is aizawa quietly observing things that make teenaged izuku's behaviour retrospectively more concerning and this is for sure one of them. and normally he actually does a pretty good job of doing that quietly bc he is king of compartmentalizing

tangent but a lot of other characters in this fic inadvertently stress little izuku out because they don't compartmentalize as well. the whole thing is so weird that they forget about izuku's subjective experience of the situation as a disoriented frightened kid and forget that their familiarity with teenage izuku doesn't translate. not because they're monsters - it's a deeply weird situation, and people often forget about little kids' subjective experiences even when that kid isn't also basically a walking quirk accident. this is reflected in name stuff - aizawa intentionally makes the switch to izuku immediately to create a separation in his mind between 16yo hero student and frightened 7yo (which is somewhat easier bc he meets baby izuku in a situation that v much puts him in hero mode not teacher mode. and also he already has practice with traumatised 7 year olds)

so this is one of relatively few times he does address little izuku while thinking/talking about the older one, because while the stuff he's learned about izuku before (late bloomer, level of anxiety, general behaviour honestly) is worrying, it wasn't about him. this is like...this kid's secret-keeping is so inbuilt that he never told me we'd met before (and also doesn't seem to understand that it's okay to be upset about having been in a very scary situation as a tiny tiny kid)

Izuku shrugs helplessly. He doesn’t know why the boy he’d seen staring back at him from Uraraka’s phone screen would do anything. He’s just as much of a stranger as any of those teenagers.

man a lot of this fic is me waving my arms and yelling bc de-aging for the de-aged person is so deeply existentially weird. most of the de-aging fics i've read don't get that deep into that weirdness, which is entirely fair bc i think my level of interest in that element is an outlier, but truly like...

imagine you wake up and it's almost 10 years in the future. you're surrounded by people you don't know but who know you and have whole relationships with you that you know nothing about. and you live somewhere different, you have an entirely different life. and it seems life a good life, better than you ever imagined having even, but that's already so jarring emotionally even when you are not trying to not process all that as a literal child.

so whenever i was figuring my way through young izuku's POV, i couldn't make his older self not on some level uncanny and frightening to think about. and it's also, as discussed above, even stranger when people expect you to be able to speak for them and account for their actions

“Your mom never brought it up either.”

yeah so one of the consequences of trying to make that first meeting vaguely plausible is that inko can't know. bc you cannot tell me that if inko midoriya knew there was a hero who saved her son and that hero is now his homeroom teacher, that there wouldn't have been a lovely handwritten thank you note. probably a fruit basket also.

Izuku hunches over a little more. That’s the only other memory he has from that night—his dad kneeling in front of Izuku and explaining that it wasn’t a good idea to worry his mom by telling her what happened. “My mom…worries,” Izuku echoes. “So I think my dad didn’t really…tell her. Or if he did, he made it sound…less bad? No heroes or villains.” Eraserhead hums. “I see that’s a familial trait.”  Izuku isn’t sure if he means the worrying or making things sound less bad. He shrugs helplessly again. 

so if inko isn't there, then the logical answer is that hisashi is instead. which then decides some stuff about hisashi in itself, if he did not explain that any of this occurred to inko. sorry to hisashi midoriya for my slander of his hypothetical character in two different fics now. but i liked the idea, like aizawa says, of these familial traits - these ways that parents teach their kids, intentionally or otherwise, about how they should interact with the world

there's a song i really like from 36 questions the podcast musical, Our Word, which goes through the ways the narrator's parents taught her that lying was the best way to succeed in life, starting with her accidentally breaking something of her dad's as a little kid and her mom reassuring her it was okay because they could just lie to him & say they don't know how it got broken

i wasn't thinking of that explicitly, and this is a pretty different lesson learned, but i like the idea of hisashi having taught izuku, whether he meant to or not, that he is responsible for not upsetting his mom by letting her know about bad things that have happened to him. that if he cares about his mom, he'll make sure she doesn't have to be hurt too by things that have already hurt him.

which is particularly insidious when you think about those two legacies, because izuku is also an anxious kid already. as he gets older he can recognise his mom's anxiety more and knows what it feels like to be that scared. so of course he'd want to make sure she doesn't have to feel like that when she doesn't have to. all he has to do is smile and say it's okay. what kind of hero will he be if he can't do that?

this isn't my fixed headcanon for izuku's family, but it is one i found interesting to explore, especially when only filling in impressions of hisashi through a few tiny hazy memories. and i do think it's fun that all of that came out of trying to make two kind of irreconcilable things - aizawa saving izuku as a kid and their meeting at UA still going the way it did in canon - fit together.

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA AUGUST DEV LOG : “The last one for a little while unless you're reading this like 4 years in the future and the game's still being made but I didn't do anymore dev logs so it's pretty clear that I stopped here so if thats the case, it was a good run and thank you for reading! AKA the Clerks one.”

Hey! Hi! Welcome to the last (for now hopefully) dev log! I'd like to be completely clear with why they're ending here for now, I am not going to be able to work on HYPERSOMNIA as frequently for like, the next year. I'm starting college next week, and I'm also starting work tomorrow, which is going to eat up a lot of my time. I'll be graduating in April, as my course is only 8 months long. This means that I'm not going to be able to make monthly dev logs like this with the time I have going forward. Now, this doesn't mean im stopping work ON HYPERSOMNIA, I'll be working on it when I can, because it's a passion project for me and once I'm working, I can invest more money into it. Ideally this could continue alongside everything else in my life, but I just don't have that kinda energy or time.

As a parting gift though, I did do some stuff this month after I settled in from the move, so I hope you enjoy it, thank you for reading these logs!

First off, I've done more mapping for the forest north of Pigeonville! I've been struggling with this area a lot recently. Forest areas are kinda hard to map because you want to place things in a way that makes them natural, but you also want to convey to the player where to go. I've got a few more of these maps to make for the area and then I can move on to the caves that I've shown off before.

Here's a few areas from the map that I really liked making. There's some item boxes around the area for players who do some exploring. I haven't decided on what I'd like the item boxes to be yet, so for now they're just base asset chests.

I also redid Ross' special attack sprite. The lighting on it I'm kinda tied on, because all of the other characters have static shading while this animation has more animated shading. I'm leaning more for static but we'll see, maybe I'll do different shading for everyone else.

Also! I mentioned that I would talk about this in the previous dev log;

Debra was given a crowbar! I thought it'd be fitting 'cause she works in a port-town. Lots of fish, gotta open crates, y'know? It's like that and 25% because of Half-Life.

I'd also like to talk about our new trailer that came out! If you haven't seen it, you can watch it here:

This trailer was insanely fun to make, and as of right now it's my favourite trailer I've made for the game.

The biggest things I wanted to improve on with this trailer were the editing, and presentation. I've been showing off HYPERSOMNIA for a few years but I feel as if outside of the synopsis, people don't know much about HYPERSOMNIA.

The trailers have lacked a lot of the attitude and feel HYPERSOMNIA has, and I wanted to make it more apparent which seemed to pay off!

Some people in the live chat nailed the Scott Pilgrim influence, as well as the general punk undertone the game has. It's something I've strived for the game to give off since 2022. So I'm happy to see people recognizing it from this trailer.

And with that, that's all I've really got to share for this month. There's more work being done, but it's not stuff I'm ready to show you all yet.

Again, thank you all for reading these, I had a lot of fun with them! I hope sometime in the future I'll be able to come back to these with more content and further progress in the game.

Until then though, take care! And keep your eyes PEELED!!!

If this is your first log you’re reading, or even your first time seeing ANYTHING relating to HYPERSOMNIA, I got a whole bunch of links for you to check out if you wanna know more about me and my stupid little game.

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[lovemebutleavemewild]

Leave it to the land - Chapter 4

The world has ended, it's over—except some people can't seem to accept that. Those same people think the cure lies in people like you and your little sister. And they're willing to do anything to find it.

The road to safety is a long one, and you're about to learn that it isn't one you can walk alone.

Read it on ao3.

Officially the longest thing I've written for ao3 - thanks for the love!

Tag list: @elentiyaiswriting

You all relax a little once you're out of the city. The order still prevails: Soap still up front, though not as far ahead as he was before, you and Dot, then Ghost behind. He's so quiet, you sometimes have to look back to check that he's still there. You do this until one time you make eye contact with him for a second—after that, you force yourself not to look.

You're trying to act normal and not like you want to kill them both—after all, you need their guards’ to be down when you and Dot make a run for it. The easiest way you can think to do that is by being quiet. The others seem happy to follow your lead, at least for the first while.

“Hey, what's that stuck to your horse's head?”

You're so startled by this question that you forget being mad for a second. You look up at Soap to see him pointing, not at you, but at Dot. You look down at her and see that she's pulled her soft unicorn teddy from her bag. She blinks at him, then looks at you, down at the toy, then back at Soap.

“It's her horn,” she says, so quietly you can barely hear her. Soap slows a little and leans down to hear her better. You tense up.

“Didn't know horse's had horns,” he says seriously.

“She's not a horse!” Dot’s voice is stronger now, and shocked. “She's a unicorn!”

“Och, aye! That makes sense. What's ‘er name?”

“Peggy,” Dot tells him. “It's for Pegasus. That's a famous unicorn.”

“Is it, aye? That's a good name. But you tell her, I'm keeping an eye on her now.” Soap wags a finger. “No horsin’ around.”

Behind you, Ghost snorts. Soap glances at you, the corners of his mouth twitching, trying to get you in on the joke. You want to turn your head away but you make yourself smile at him instead.

“She's not a horse, I said,” Dot says indignantly.

“Och, I know, wee’yun, I'm just messin’.”

Dot seems a bit more relaxed after that, around Soap at least, and you're not sure if you're glad or not. Of course, you don't want her to be scared all the time, but you don't want her to let her guard down either.

You walk for a few hours without encountering another soul, living or dead. When it gets dark, you set up camp. Unlike you, Ghost and Soap both have tents, but once they've lit a fire, you don't mind too much. You put Dot in the sleeping bag again—it's been a while since you've walked so much and she falls asleep almost instantly. You take a seat next to her, close to the fire, with the two men.

You take some tins from your bag—they've lost their labels but when you crack them open, you find what looks like pork and beans. You check the date stamped on the bottom to be sure it won't make either of you sick. You're not fully sure of the exact date, of course, but you can tell these are at least a year from going bad. You try not to think about how, in your humble opinion, meat shouldn't have an expiry date that long. Instead you prop it among the embers, close to the flames to heat it up.

Once they're cooked through, you wake Dot and coax her to eat, then wolf down your own can.

“I can take first watch tonight,” you tell Soap and Ghost. You pretend not to see them glance at one another.

Soap shrugs after a second.

“Thanks, mate—shout if you need us” he tells you, then claps a hand on Ghost's shoulder, before heading into his tent.

When Ghost doesn't follow him, you tilt your head.

“You can go too, you know. I've got this,” you tell him, trying hard not to sound defensive.

“Not tired,” he grunts.

“Fine,” you say through clenched teeth. You purposely turn your back to him, keeping your eyes on the trees.

A few hours later, he stands up and you think he's finally going to bed. You don't turn around.

“Alrigh’ hen?”

You turn around and furrow your eyebrows when you see Soap. Then realisation dawns—Ghost must have woken him before he went to his own tent. He doesn't trust you to keep watch on your own.

You set your jaw again. It makes sense that he wouldn’t trust you when you barely know each other, but you can't help but think of your freakout on the roof, and the look in his eyes when you ran into him at the safehouse, and wonder if he thinks you’re weak. Not that you care.

Soap tries to talk to you some more but your responses are pretty short and eventually he settles in to take watch in silence, giving you plenty of time to stew on the fact that, so far, your attempts at getting Ghost to let his guard down are failing.

The next morning passes much the same as the previous day. You find yourself yawning and rubbing your eyes often, and don't notice when you start to trail behind Dot and Soap.

“Ghost,” Soap's voice breaks the morning silence like a gunshot and your eyes flick to him immediately, just in time to see him grab Dot, shove a hand over her mouth and pull her away.

You open your mouth to scream at him, and manage one step before you're being pulled backwards. You’re falling for a second and then feel wetness on your feet. Ghost has pulled you into a creek, and he's dragging you still, into a small alcove in the bedrock. You struggle against him but you're no match against his bulk.

“What are you-” you manage before he puts a hand over your mouth.

“Shut up,” he growls, right in your ear. “And stop wriggling—they'll hear you.”

That makes you freeze, and now that you're not focused fully on him, you hear other, new noises. Footsteps. Worse still, they're followed by voices, which means they're not tier fives.

You grab his hand and pull it from your mouth and he lets you, even if he doesn't let you go completely.

“Dot,” you gasp out, fear making your voice raspy.

“She's with Soap, he's got her.”

That shouldn't make you feel better, all evidence pointing to not being able to trust either of them, but it does. Better the devil you know, springs to your mind.

You stand there for what feels like hours. The alcove is big enough for you to stand up straight, but Ghost has to bend his back slightly. Your back is to his front, so close you can feel the way his body burns against yours.

After an age, the footsteps and voices move away. You start to move as well, but a hand on your arm stops you. And then Ghost points.

You follow his direction and look to see a group of people on the other side of the creek. You shrink back further against him. There's some greenery hanging in front of the alcove that gives you both a bit of cover but even from this distance you can see the men are armed. Worse still, they've got patches on their arms and even though it's too far to see the details, you know it well from your years at the centre.

Sentries.

For the first time, your hand slips into your pocket and you pull out your knife, hand wrapped tightly around it. It takes another age but finally, they do move away. You feel the tightness in your chest lift slightly and let out a long breath.

This time, when you step away, Ghost makes no move to stop you.

He's looking at you weirdly and you see him glance down at your knife. You close it and stuff it back in your pocket.

“What?” you ask defensively. He doesn't say anything, just moves past you. That's when you remember Dot.

You scramble out behind him, pulling yourself up out of the water and looking around frantically. You resist the urge to shout for her, knowing it’ll only attract attention.

“She's there.” Your head whips around to see that Ghost is pointing again, in the opposite direction this time and you turn to see Dot running towards you, Soap loping behind her.

You fall to your knees as she slams into you, and you pull her close, your hands on her back, her hair, checking that she's really there, and okay.

You slowly become aware of Soap and Ghost watching the two of you and stand up. You don't even glance at Ghost, but you look Soap straight in the eyes.

“Thanks for looking out for her.”

“No bother,” he says easily and you're grateful that he doesn't make a big deal of it, even if you're abjectly aware that this is now another thing you owe him for.

“We should move on, put some space between us and them.”

You nod and the four of you move off in the opposite direction from the sentries, this time with your hand tight on Dot’s shoulder.

Another few hours and you can feel yourself cracking up. You haven't slept more than a few hours in almost three days and you've been walking all day.

On top of that, you're almost out of food for you and Dot and there's not much to scavenge out here. Worrying about what will happen after you run out of food is another thing to add to an already long list.

You're even worse at hiding your mood tonight than you were last night, though the warmth you show to Soap comes a little more naturally now.

He takes the first watch that night and this time you talk to him, quietly and not about anything in particular. He tells terrible jokes but his accent and turns of phrase make you laugh. After a few hours, he tells you he's going to wake Ghost, and tries to convince you to get some sleep.

“Can't stay awake forever, hen, you must be wrecked. Ghost’ll warn us if there's bother.”

You just smile and tell him you're not tired, that you'll sleep soon.

Ghost takes a seat further away than Soap did and neither of you speak for a long time. You switch between watching the trees and watching Dot, stroking her hair absentmindedly.

“You're not doing her any favours, you know.” You startle a bit, then settle, still not looking in Ghost's direction.

“Excuse me?” you say, forcedly polite.

“Not sleeping’s only gonna make you lose focus and make stupid mistakes.”

“Thanks for the advice,” you tell him in a clipped voice. He's quiet for another few minutes.

“What was your plan today anyway? You and a pocket knife against five sentries?” His voice is mocking and you tense up.

“If it came to it. You'd prefer me to hand myself and Dot over quietly, would you?”

“Better than getting yourself killed.”

“That's your opinion, you’re entitled to it.”

You can feel his eyes burning holes in your side and this time you meet his eyes and refuse to look away.

“Maybe I will get some sleep,” you tell him. He tilts his head at you but you ignore it.

You climb in next to Dot and pull the sleeping bag over your head.

You don't mean what you said, have no intention of falling asleep—you just can't stand sitting next to Ghost anymore, feeling his eyes on you. Your eyes feel itchy with tiredness, though. Maybe you'll just rest them for a second …

“I’m very happy with the results. I think she’ll be a great subject for the new phase.”

He thinks you're asleep. To be fair, you're on such a strong cocktail of drugs, it's a close thing, and you're fighting hard to stay conscious. You don't think he'd be saying this if he knew you were awake.

“How did you choose the subjects, Doctor Argylle?” The intern’s voice is breathy, worshipful even. If your eyes were open, you'd roll them.

“We know that some tier two subjects show a natural ability to suppress the disease, to some extent. Among those, some have responded well to our efforts to enhance that resistance. I believe that by combining the genes of these subjects, we can unlock the key to a cure.”

Your heart is pounding and you have to make a conscious effort to keep your breathing even. Combining the genes? He can't possibly mean what you think he means by that.

“Have you chosen a subject for the … combination?” a different intern asks.

“Not yet. This subject is exceptional—we need to take our time, ensure the other half of the … equation is equally as promising. However, once we've found them, we can move ahead with fertilisation very quickly indeed.”

You really wouldn't be able to keep feigning sleep at that point, but thankfully you hear them leaving, probably to continue their rounds.

Your chest feels tight in your chest, and your mind is racing. But the drugs are still churning though your veins and you’re feeling groggier by the second.

“Kyle,” you think. “I need to talk to Kyle.”

That thought is the only one to bring you comfort as you finally slip under.