#thankful the year is mcfucking over also because i think i took some form of L every month lol

[roseskiesandbutterflies]

Killer Queen: Chapter 8 - Scandal

Summary: Life is easy when things go your way. I know this from experience. I also know that that can disappear in an instant and that you have to be able to rely on your friends. Luckily my name is Arabella Ruth White and I’m the fifth marauder. But I want to show you the girl behind the mask. It takes a lot of work to be this fabulous, darling.

A/N: If I got any information about Diwali incorrect, please let me know so I can change it. I'm not Hindu and all of my research was done online and I dread to think how reliable that actually is. Also, happy late Diwali since it wasn't that long ago. That's a lie but let me have this, please.

Drunk Ruth is the funniest thing I've written in a while also more writers need to try writing drunk narrators for their stories because some wack shit comes out of that. Bonus points if alcohol is not featured in the scene at all. Double bonus points if you're writing in the third person. Extra double bonus points if the narrator almost reveals important events that haven't happened yet (could be used as a plot device). The drunkenness was definitely not inspired by the amount of Echo Falls I had last night.

Me?? Including my feminist shit in my stories?? More likely than you think. Please don't start arguing over abortion in the comments though, please. Thank you kindly. I just felt the need to yeet in my opinions about it after all the shit that happened in the USA. 

Sorry for not updating for about six months. It is a bit ridiculous, I know, but oh well. Half-term ended up being a lot busier than anticipated and I had a lot of writer's block and procrastination when I finally got around to writing this. And I did my research and Diwali actually fell on Sirius's birthday in 1975. You would not believe how happy I was about that. If you caught the Brooklyn Nine-Nine reference I love you. The title for this chapter came from Queen's 1989 album, The Miracle. 

Word Count: 3.2k+ (hopefully that makes up for the delay)

Inspiration: You Can’t Make Me Love You by -FromEden- on Wattpad, All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 on AO3, The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god 

Warning(s): talk of pregnancy and abortion, underage drinking (although it��s in the UK so it’s fine lmao), swearing

Tag List: @bhmay @briarrose26 @bijoukitty

Ask to be on my tag list! Let me know if it’s for a specific fandom(s). The full list is in my bio. Also let me know if you’re on my tag list already but you only want to be on it for a specific fandom(s) I won’t be offended if you ask as long as you’re polite about it tehe.

Never before had Diwali fell on and around Sirius's birthday. James had joked about it many a time in the past but the look on his face when he discovered the date of the next new moon in Astronomy was one of surprise and amusement. This meant Sirius's usual birthday celebrations - a.k.a. a ridiculous party - would have to be slightly altered. Not that the birthday boy minded an awful lot. He was rather fond of the traditions involved and his face lit up like the diyas themselves. The day before had been spent creating Rangoli patterns on the floor of their room, Kingsley thankfully not minding as it was part of James's culture. Also, as it had been a Hogsmede weekend, we spent the majority of the day following James around so he could buy new things for the Hindu new year. And also to get Sirius's birthday presents when he was too distracted by the games in Zonko's. 

James's parents had sent a huge box fall of diyas, all varying in colour and size, that had required four owls to carry. Along with it was a lovely heartfelt letter to all of us, reminding to stay safe and revise and all that, but to also have fun with whatever we were getting up to. James definitely teared up at one point but he remained in denial. Silly billy.

Now, after knowing James for a good four years, my knowledge of Hinduism was rather extensive, if I do say so myself. So according to James, Diwali lasts for five days with different festivities on each day. This year, it had started on Halloween so as soon as we returned from our epic prank, we quickly set up with the help of a spell or two and then let James do his thing. The same pattern repeated until now, which was the fourth day of the celebrations and James's favourite day, in his not-so-humble opinion.

Last night had been spent by setting off as many fireworks as we could possibly do, using the fact that it was Diwali to our advantage. They couldn't exactly tell us off for celebrating a festival, right? 

Today was the first day of the Hindu New Year so, of course, we had stayed up last night to welcome it properly. This meant we were all a little tired, especially since we woke up a little earlier too.

The night to come appeared to be rather busy so, while Peter went to get some breakfast for us all, we set up the new diyas, cleared the ones that had burned out last night and fixed the slightly smudged rangoli patterns. Once James had declared everything good enough for tonight - which, as you can imagine, took quite some time - we headed down for our first lesson of the day.

Fucking Herbology.

Sirius did, on many occasions throughout that lesson claim that since it was his birthday, he legally didn't have to be there because he was "Sirius McFucking Black and no man can tell me what to do from this day forward".

Unfortunately for him, Professor Sprout was no man and in fact a very angry woman who "will still give you detention Mr Black if you continue with that language in my classroom".

Suddenly, a petite, barn owl flew in the classroom with a letter in its beak. This could only mean one thing: an escape route. I rapidly tapped on the arms of the boys, not once taking my eyes off of the owl, "Teacher owl, teacher owl, teacher owl, teacher owl."

They all snapped their heads up to look at said owl, who was now perched on Sprout's desk. The teacher took the note - the owl took its leave - and she read it carefully, squinting. A look of both gratitude and distaste made its way onto her face. Definitely for one of us, then. The boys seemed to think the same as I was met with excitement and intrigued looks when I turned to them.

"White!" Sprout's voice boomed throughout the greenhouse, holding up the letter. Groans of disappointment rippled throughout the class and people started going back to their work. She handed me the letter and I opened it without haste.

Dear Miss White,

Please go to my office right away. This is a matter of urgency. You are not in trouble but this does, however, concern your family.

Sincerely,

Professor Dumbledore.

P.S. I have been rather fond of chocolate frogs lately.

Now, unsurprisingly, I had received enough of these notes in the past to know that the whole chocolate frog thing was just a hint for the password. Not very subtle but oh well. The matter at hand was obviously what the fuck this was about. I wasn't in trouble for starters which was, quite frankly, weird. A million possibilities ran through my mind as to what this could be about. It involved my family and was serious. Did someone die? Merlin forbid it but at the current state of the wizarding world, I couldn't help but consider it. It was certainly a possibility, as much as I wished it wasn't.

"What does it say then?" James asked in an extremely disheartened tone.

"I need to go and see ye olde Dumbledore. Doesn't say why," I started packing up my stuff to leave.

"Someone's in trouble!" Sirius said in a sing-song voice that made me want to punch him in the face.

"No, it clearly says I'm not in trouble, you dickhead!" I yelled as I smugly strolled out of the greenhouse.

"Bitch!"

"Twat!"

"Prick!"

"Wanker!" I ran out as quickly as I could after that, leaving Sirius to get into trouble with Sprout. That was my birthday present for him. I practically sprinted to Dumbledore's office, every cell in my body bursting with curiosity. Once I arrived, I pretty much fell into his office from pure exhaustion. Exercise and I were not on good terms. I picked myself up from my mostly ungraceful entrance to see two people already sitting opposite the headteacher. 

"Ah, Arabella, glad to see you received my note. Take a seat," Dumbledore greeted me and gestured to the chair closest to me. I cautiously took it and only then did I get to finally see who I had the pleasure of having this meeting with. None other than the Head Girl and Boy. Or otherwise known as my cousin and her boyfriend. Melanie and Filip. The golden students of Hogwarts. Everybody idolised them and for good reason. Seemingly perfect, they were the Athena and Apollo of our school. Smart but not bookworms. Kind but not pushovers. Beautiful but not vain. So it was no surprise to anyone when the titles they held were bestowed upon them. I, for one, did not believe in soulmates but Melanie and Filip came pretty damn close. Melanie was the daughter of my mother's twin sister. Two years older than me although I think I had corrupted her more than she had me. The type of cousin that you only saw once in a blue moon but when you did, all hell broke loose and you had the time of your lives. I knew very little of Filip but his reputation of being an all-around nice guy preceded him for miles. Their presence was some form of comfort to me because I couldn't possibly be in trouble if they were here too.

"May I ask what this is about?" I looked around the room for it had fallen silent. Melanie uncharacteristically refused to look at anything other than her lap. Filip was gazing off into the distance as if he was a model. Dumbledore was just being Dumbledore so no changes there, not that I expected any.

"Melanie, would you like to explain?" the headmaster asked to which the girl in question frantically shook her head.

"I can't," her voice, no louder than a whisper, broke halfway through. My heart instantly dropped, this couldn't possibly be good. She was usually so strong, so independent. I didn't recall ever seeing her cry so this must be a big deal. Filip grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Filip?" Dumbledore tried a different strategy. 

Clearly struggling with his words, he ended up just murmuring, "Melanie's pregnant."

And so it seemed that even the finest china you had ever seen could be chipped. Misfortune would always be lurking somewhere in the shadows, ready to strike at any given moment. Nobody was ever safe from it, not even the few angels who walked among us. Out of all of my friends, Melanie would be one of the last I would suspect of being pregnant. This list of friends included my male friends so that was saying something. 

But at the same time, who was I to judge her? It wasn't as if I was a virgin either. That ship sailed a long time ago. She was allowed to do whatever (and whoever, if you know what I mean) she wanted. Providing she wanted this to happen. Not the baby but the cause of it. Some people can be absolute twats sometimes but if the father was indeed Filip, surely that wasn't the case.

Regardless of how it occurred, they now had to work out what they were going to do about it. Would they be expelled? Arrested? They were both 17 and therefore adults in the wizarding world. They would be fine, right?

"Ari?" Melanie spoke up, audibly calmer than before and much more like the Melanie I knew and loved, "Say something please."

Only then did I realise that my rather extensive thought track meant that I had not yet said anything. "Sorry, I just- what are you planning to do about it?" That was my top priority for I needed to know how to support her. I couldn't care less about her decision but I did care about her.

"Wait, you're not mad?" relief visibly flooded every cell in her body like a waterfall. I hated that she had been expecting anger and disgust when I would never be like that towards her, even if I wanted to.

"Darling, of course, I'm not mad! These things happen, OK? I just need to know what you want to do about it."

She bit her lip and exchanged a quick glance with Filip, who had been gradually relaxing since I had first spoken, "We're not sure just yet if I'm honest. I was wondering what you had to say on the matter?"

"I will support you no matter what," I answered truthfully, "You want to have the baby? You have the baby! I will be that aunt who corrupts it as much as possible and you know it. But if you're not ready then just abort it! No one will hate you if you do, it's just a fetus the size of a grain of rice for crying out loud! It's entirely up to you, my dear."

"Well said," Melanie smiled slightly. Dumbledore cleared his throat and we all turned to him.

"Just as Arabella kindly put it, you do indeed have the choice. The baby won't be due until August and, seeing as you will no longer be at Hogwarts by then and will both be 18, you hold the right to keep it."

A long, rather awkward silence ensued, which was understandable given the situation. Melanie's glazed eyes told me she was deep in thought but a small, impatient part of me just wanted to break her from her trance, shake her up and down and yell at her to make a decision. I told myself to shut the fuck up because this was a huge decision to make and could potentially affect the rest of her life. Regardless of her choice, this would become something that would certainly loom over everything for a while at least. Besides, it was easy for me to tell her to hurry up because I wasn't going to be the one to raise the damn child. Or children. Twins were common in our family. Luke and Rhea for example. And my mum and Melanie's mum too.

"I'm going to keep it," Melanie whispered. I almost missed it due to the voices inside my head. I still didn't believe it.

"Really?" I asked, sounding a lot more incredulous than I intended.

"Yeah, I, sorry, we," she squeezed Filip's hand back, "We always knew we would have kids after Hogwarts, so why not get a head start?"

I had to admit she made a valid point and, if the look on Filip's face was anything to go by, this baby would grow up having two loving parents. Though, I couldn't ignore my instincts screaming at me to stop her, to tell her that this was a bad idea, to tell her that this wasn't going to go according to plan because nothing ever does. Even while I watched Dumbledore promise to hide the pregnancy. Even while I watched their faces of glee at the realisation that they were going to be parents. Even while I said my goodbyes and left the office. Even then I stayed silent. Because who was I to try and control my cousin's body?

*********

The second lessons ended for the day, Minnie collected James so she could take him to the Mandir in Edinburgh, as worship and seeing family was an important part of Diwali. He wouldn't be back until after dinner so we spent the time 'studying' to get Remus off of our backs and then set up for the party later on. Without Sirius looking of course. Although I must say getting him to bugger off for a while was easier than expected and may or may not have involved an extreme game of fetch. Let's just say that Snivellus wasn't all that pleased to find me lobbing his beloved textbook down the stairs.

All of the stairs.

Personally, I found it hilarious but Lily had a slight difference of opinion. Even when I tried to defend myself and call it my other birthday present to Sirius.

Regardless, it got one of my crackhead friends out of my hair for a while. We managed to hang banners from the ceiling, enchant a disco ball to whizz around like a not-as-dangerous bludger and cast a spell that meant glitter would just hover in the air to give the common room a glitzy feel to it.

Perfect for Sirius's sixteenth birthday. Although that concept alone was a little hard to comprehend. The fact that he had the mental age of a six-year-old was seriously convincing me that his birth certificate was wrong. That would explain a lot except he was still a fucking tall bastard. Although seen as I was only five feet one, everyone was tall compared to me. Apart from Alice, the fucking midget. She may or may not be only half an inch shorter than me but that half an inch made all the difference ('That half an inch made all the difference': title of Marlene's sex tape). 

Moving on, the party itself started at around 9 so as to give everyone enough time to get ready. In that time, I managed to throw on a silver glittery jumpsuit with flowy legs and matching heels, do my hair and makeup and put on my accessories; all of which take longer than you first expect. An animated look was painted onto Sirius's face when we gave him permission to open his eyes and see what we had definitely put effort into creating for him. 'Permission' seems like a strong word until you learn that we had to hex his eyes shut to prevent premature peeking. We know him too well.

We had David Bowie records blasting from my poor record player all night, and while I tried to sneak in a couple of Queen ones every now and then, James just reprimanded me, saying that "it should be up to the birthday boy" and that "I would get my turn in a few weeks anyway". To which I did what I do best and sulked next to the drinks table by myself, thinking of ways to piss James off that I would almost certainly forget by the time I was sober. I was coming up with ways to fuck up the wanker's beloved broom while having a few gulps of what I believed was firewhiskey, when Remus approached me, tension oozing from every part of him. He grabbed the rest of my drink, downed it all in one go without a trace of a grimace, before turning to me and huffing deeply.

"What's up, buttercup?" Okay, so I might not have been entirely sober enough to deal with can-and-will-kill-you-if-you-do-so-much-as-breathe Remus but I'd be damned if I didn't give it a good go. Besides he wouldn't dare murder me. He loves me but he's bloody terrified at the same time, the same goes for pretty much everyone now I think about it. 

Okay back to the issue at hand. Remus just gave me one of those looks that pierces your soul so sharply that you have to look down to make sure you haven't just been stabbed. Once I got past that armour of I-know-your-entire-life-story-and-I-would-sell-it-for-half-a-pizza-and-a-milkshake, I found a look of such hopelessness that I found myself unwillingly sobering up slightly, "Darling, what's going on?" I leaned in, knowing full well that he was going to be as quiet as possible with his reply. God, I know too much about these crackheads.

Of course, I was right with this assumption as he mumbled, "I got into a fight with Idania," he looked at me with a sorrow that I wasn't used to seeing in any of my friends, let alone at a party.

But I could only see red because I don't care you the fuck you are if you hurt any of my friends then you better fucking pray for your life. Jaw visibly clenched, voice dangerously quiet, "Where is she?" My temper was inches away from bubbling over when he didn't respond, "Where the fuck is she, Remus?"

I made to move, tunnel vision without even knowing what happened, but he grabbed my arm first, an iron grip from years of stopping me from launching punches at certain people, "No, Ruth. I wouldn't let you even if I knew where she was." He stared at me in a way that was scarily reminiscent of McGonagall and I knew I couldn't just leave him like that.

"What happened then?" I was trying my hardest to calm down and decided that my best shot was to drink some more.

"She saw some of my scars and asked where I got them from and I wouldn't say and it just escalated from there. What was I supposed to say? There's nothing you can say in that situation that won't worry her," he sighed and gulped another drink down.

I furrowed my brows, concentrating on thinking of a solution, though nothing came to mind. He had a point after all, what do you say when that happens? It all comes down to violence in one way or another and you can never not stress someone out with a cause of pain. "She'll come round if she's worth keeping."

A tiny flicker of hope danced in his eyes, minuscule but still there, "I hope to Merlin you're right."

"Honey, same," I pushed a cup of something into his hand and grabbed one for myself," But for now, we can get pissed off our asses and worry about this tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Oh fuck yes."

[clonerightsagenda]

The final part of the Vriska arc commentary! Let's go.

Terezi and Vriska's conversation was a big ticket item and something we never got actual resolution on in canon, so I knew I wanted to do it right. I totally scrapped a first draft of this conversation and gutted my second one pretty hard before I was happy with anything.

Vriska has mellowed out at this point, because it's been a long time for her. However, time is weird out in the bubbles. If she'd fully lived thousands of years, someone she knew for thirteen of them shouldn't be a big deal. But bubble time is more stasis than much else, so even if she's chilled out in many ways, when Terezi shows up it brings a lot of stuff back to the surface. I kept hitting walls until I let Vriska get a little angry - I've found often character interactions go more smoothly if I let them get mad at each other.

VRISKA: You're the one who set the terms. You're the one who hemmed us into two 8inary options. VRISKA: Heads or scratch, stay or go. VRISKA: I might have agreed to those terms, 8ut you offered me the deal. VRISKA: Are you telling me, Seer, that you REALLY couldn't find any other way????????

TEREZI: 1 H4D TH3 CH4NC3 TEREZI: 1 4LMOST TOOK 1T TEREZI: 1 W4NT3D TO R3WR1T3 TH3 UN1V3RS3 FOR YOU TEREZI: BUT 1TS NOT 4LL 4BOUT YOU VR1SK4 TEREZI: 1T C4NT B3 4LL 4BOUT YOU

The spectre of the retcon hangs over a lot of Terezi's scenes, especially BAA and this one. We as readers know that in canon, postretcon Terezi remains miserable. This Terezi doesn't know that, but she has come to the conclusion that we have to live with the decisions we have made. Our mistakes define us as much as as our good choices. As she says, if we change that, we're not saving ourselves, we're saving someone else, and that's a big risk to take with everybody's lives. Canon GO!Terezi takes it, but I felt that considering she felt her judgment was so untrustworthy, and she regretted her past overindulgences in trying to puppeteer others, she wouldn't be willing to change so much for so many. As Vriska acknowledges, that act wouldn't have saved her. It would have spared some other iteration, and we've seen that this just makes Vriska dig deeper into her bad behavior.

VRISKA: May8e I should 8e thanking you. TEREZI: TH4NK1NG M3? TEREZI: FOR K1LL1NG YOU? VRISKA: Weird, huh?

At this point, as mentioned above, Vriska has chilled the fuck out considerably. She's aware of the way her behavior was shaped by her situation and is somewhat grateful to be away from the circumstances that made her act the way she did. Most of this happens offscreen, because it happens over a long period of time, and all of team dreaming dead is classified as secondary/minor character-wise. Hopefully her slow transition is believable. A lot of it simply came from being out of the environment that built her for thousands and thousands of years. After that long, it'd be weird if you *didn't* figure out some stuff about yourself. Her new attitude is something she can pass on to Terezi, who expresses anxiety about living without her sister there. I wanted to give that relationship some closure and express how important and formative it was to both of them, but at times Terezi in particular took it to some codependent extremes. Being able to exist without Vriska is something she needs to learn before they can meet again on an even footing.

I did want to get in at least one Vriska and Kanaya conversation, since they had that loose end going on. Don't have much to say about that re: Vriska's arc, but I did think it was worth touching on. As a side note, I was in Chicago for ALA during this update. Gill posted 'we're going to hit 2000 pages with this one' and I reblogged it going i think the mcfuck not since we were at 1200. She'd mixed up some numbers, but the thing is, I had left her unattended and while her drawing 800 pages of Vriska seemed unlikely, I couldn't rule it out.

VRISKA:  W8key w8key!!!!!!!! <33333333

I really liked the idea of having Vriska's dialog in the actual command prompt. Her psychic command is so powerful it's escaping the text box. It's fitting, too, because directly after this update Dave "wakes up" and then helps John "wake up" Calliope. As I mentioned before, all that stuff could've been lumped together into one flash, but I quickly decided not to do that.

On page 1213 Gill only has six 3s for the heart. Apparently the mspfa discord decided that's because she gave one each to Kanaya and Terezi. That's how we cover up our errors here folks. With style.

On page 1214 Vriska's literally stealing Lord English's light from Terezi and Kanaya which is a nice touch, I think.

On 1215 we can see Terezi's eyes starting to go, while Kanaya sensibly covers her face (and is more resistant to light damage in general.) Terezi's first blinding was done by Vriska and, despite it being done with negative intent, Terezi ended up associating it positively with their relationship. Her losing that blindness represented her failure to see justice as "blind". When she tried to do something because it was "right" even when it went against her heart, it destroyed her. This reblinding doesn't mean Terezi can be impartial again. You can't and shouldn't dispense justice that way. But it rebuilds her connection with her sister, and the last thing she ever sees is the last good thing Vriska Serket ever did.

Vriska's clock hits heroic and then explodes. The heroic/just thing is kinda pointless because she's already dead AND we've been told English can override that, but it was a nice touch and parallel, considering her initial death was a Just ruling followed by the clock being damaged.

So, about that sendoff. I've mentioned before that I dislike the heroic sacrifice trope. Ironically, in a juxtaposition I hadn't thought about until just now, Dave bitches about it at length in a conversation a few updates before this scene. I greenlit this one for a few reasons. First, it's not a redemption through death. Vriska doesn't suck up until this point and then this action alone is supposed to balance the scales. She's bettered herself as a person up to this point. Also, we've made it pretty clear by now that all the dreaming dead are on the way out, one way or another. Vriska isn't being singled out to die. She's being singled out to get a particularly dramatic exit because of her weight in the story. Even so, I felt bad about it. Still, as I talk about more extensively over here, I can't see an alternative that works. And maybe we're used to Homestuck not killing anyone for keeps, but sometimes stuff hurts, and it's supposed to. It says a lot for me that I actually felt bad about it, tbh. I really warmed up to her in the end. Even in the land of eternal children, she did grow up, and although TLC has no canon stance on what happens to the double-dead, and I haven't really developed an opinion, I like to think that one day after Terezi has a few more thousand years under her belt they'll meet up and she can tell her all about it.

There's probably more that could be said but this has been Very Long so I'm gonna leave it there.