#thank you to the Mandela catalog for being the first thing that kept me up at night

[remixablix]

Analog horror got me into the horror genre, but because of that it’s also the type of horror that I am least affected by, especially since the genre is fairly predictable. Still, there are creators that I think do a great job with it, and I’m especially interested in Alex Kister and Doctor Nowhere right now

[curbside-freakshow]

So this is my most recent problem. I’ve been scared of the dark. No, really. See, I like scary stuff so I wonder on to the analog horror side of YouTube a lot. Just a few days ago I watched the Mandela Catalog volume 2. Really popular and i think its high quality story telling. I had always enjoyed watching the series and never had trouble sleeping after watching an episode before. But for some reason after watching all the way to the end i was so freaked out I didn’t sleep a minute that night. Every time i closed my eyes i would be in the story being attacked by monsters in the shadows. My heart would race, my hands would sake and I would hyperventilate. The only solution I had was to distract myself by anxiously scrolling through my phone. When ever I would try to put my phone away and close my eyes I would freak out again. So i stayed awake, all night un till the sun came up and i was finally so exhausted i had to sleep.

No one here knows me but this is not like me at all. So there had to be a reasonable explanation right? My first thought is that it was because i was alone. I mentioned some where that I don’t have any friends but i do have a large family. Me and my older sister are best buds and do everything together. Normally i would have watched the videos with her in our shared room where she would be within arms reach of me. But we live with different parents right now and I can’t visit as much as i used to. So that morning i call her and i feel a little better. I move on and it doesn’t effect me too much for the next few days.

But yesterday me, my sister, and my brother have a night to our selves and we go to watch the move Nope. Thanks to that move I have to completely reevaluate my mental state. I don’t say that lightly. Now I don’t think I’ve seen a movie anything like that before. Like i said I like scary stuff but that usually falls under the more mainstreamed stuff. You know, ghost movies, slashers, gimmicky science fiction movies. I love that stuff. But this was different.

Right away, as soon as the movie started i was on edge and uncomfortable. To the point where i checked my ticket to make sure i was in the right theater. We were. And i was enjoying the build up until it just… kept going. The resolution wasn’t where i thought it would be and the stress was building up. The scenes got more and more disturbing and hard to watch. My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was starting to freak my sister out. The climax was coming and the movie just got louder and more uncomfortable. It was only getting worse and i had to either leave the movie or burst into tears.

I think I had a panic attack but I’m not sure. I didn’t sleep too well last night, didn’t fall asleep until after 5 a.m. despite being in my old room with my sister. Just… every time I closed my eyes to try to get some sleep I would relive some of the freakiest scenes. So, i was back on my phone waiting for the sun to rise and my room wouldn’t be so dark anymore. This is how i came to the conclusion that I, a 23 year old adult, my be afraid of the dark.

Or I’m just crazy I dunno. I hope I can try to watch that movie again some day. Heard the finally was really good. But I think I did the right thing for myself at the time. I now know some details about what happened and its just more nightmare fuel honestly. At least they have cute decorative nightlights these days.