#thank you for your patience in bearing with me unloading my likes

[madamescarlette]

💛💛💛

[omgkatinka]

Breaking and Entering

Summary: Your cat gets you into trouble with your grumpy new neighbour

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Reader

>>> chapter 2

Masterlist

Warnings:  Mentions of death, mentions of abuse; anxiety, angst, grumpy neighbour / Also: English is not my native language and this is my first and probably last attempt at writing. I do not even know why I tried. This is eventually a result of procrastinating from learning for my exam next week. I mixed up tenses.

Also not betad.

Words: 2.127

Here you were. New Job. New city. New apartment. Again. The past years have been a hassle of starting over. 

When did your life take that turn? When your mother died? When you had to leave your grandfather to live with your father because you were underage? When instead going to study English literature like you always dreamed of your father made sure you’d get some fancy business master’s degree? Or when your ex-fiancé abused you and no one believed you because he was not just abusive but manipulative. Your life possibly finally took that turn when you ran. Head over heels. Leaving everything behind but your cat. You stopped counting the places you lived. Well rather visited for you never stayed long. Sometimes your ex would show up and you’d flee. Or you thought you had seen him in a crowd and flee. Or you were getting restless. High Functioning Flight Mode. All the damn time.

Moving days were a constant companion and those days smelled like freedom. It was just you, your SUV and your cat. The little fella would proudly ride shotgun while you sang along your old school rock playlist. Your whole life fit into a car.  

This time it is Minneapolis. Large city. Anonymous, easy to vanish. You scored a job at a major financial player. Major as in Fortune 500 major. Thankfully, you worked project based for a while now, so no one ever really questioned your constant moving all over the nation. If they ever read that far in your resume that is. Summa cum laude in combination with a Harvard degree opened most doors for you.

The furnished apartment you found was in a half decent neighbourhood for a change. It was not the smallest you’d lived in and it faced the back of the building onto a yard hosting a huge oak tree.

Settling into Minneapolis was easier than it should have been. Your new co-workers were friendly. Too friendly. Not one lunch break you would get to spend on your own. Especially Marta from accounting was keen to talk to you. She was lovely. It was not her fault you never made friends. Because you never stayed. But still, that insistent woman and a couple of more people gave you a sense of familiarity you would never have expected from a huge company like that.

Most of the new neighbours greeted friendly too. Most, apart from one. When you were unloading your car, he stood right in your way, a bear of a man, shooting you a death glare. Mumbling something about not being allowed to park here and stomping off. You did not pay attention to his word, being intimidated by his sheer size. A broad beast, grumpy at that. You made a mental note to avoid him. Great plan.

Here ‘s the thing with your plans: they tend to simply not work. Three weeks after starting over, you come home to for once not being greeted by Jack. Your cat Jack. Named after an infamous pirate because of his funny face and weird way to walk. Not being greeted by Jack stirred panic. He was old but almost never failed to wait at the door for you. He did not today. Searching the whole place for him you came up empty. When you realised, you had left the bedroom window open in the morning you started to hyperventilate. He liked to sit outside on the fire escape while you got ready in the mornings. Looking outside he is not there either. By now you were freaking out, running downstairs, calling for Jack. Climbing up the roof. Nothing. By now you were crying. Starting to search the apartment one more time. And then once more. At some point you cried yourself to sleep until you are woken up by frantic knocking at your door. While still trying to figure out where you’re at, you glimpse the clock. It says 2 a.m.. Great. And what is this noise? Right. Knocking. On the door. Furious by now.

Opening your door, you find your grumpy neighbour. Even more grumpy. Scowling. „Is this thing yours? “ he asks, lifting Jack into your line of vision.

 As relieved as you were to have your cat back. That was when things got out of hand. Thanks to that scare you frantically double checked every window every day before leaving for work. All is good for five days. When you get home on the sixth though – Jack is gone. Again. And the window you double checked the very same morning is open. You panic. Torn between hoping Jack broke into your grumpy neighbours’ place again hence being safe and him sitting on the roof calling out pigeons. You check the yard, the roof. No Jack. Hesitantly you knock at Mr. Grumpy’s door. No answer. Going onto midnight you hear the elevator and spy onto the floor. There he is. You brace yourself and head out. Looking apologetic. „um Hi, I am so sorry, but my cat escaped again. Would you mind checking if he did break into your place again? “. He does not answer. Unless grunts count as answers. He just raises an eyebrow at you and tilts his head in direction of his door. You avoid breathing and follow him into his apartment. Where you find your cat sits lounging on the couch like he owns the place. You cannot help but snort. That is what you get naming the little fella after a pirate. Breaking and entering seems to be his thing. It takes you a moment to realise Mr. Grumpy is staring at you, so you take a deep breath, apologize again and introduce yourself. „You really need to close your windows, you know? Not just from keeping that thing in your place but also to keep others out.“. Telling him, you double checked your windows just earns you a headshake. And there is that critical eyebrow again. Great. Then it dawns on you „if your so adamant on checking windows, how do you think Jack got in here? “. Now he looks puzzled. „Who is Jack? “ he asks and you fight hard to not snort again. “The cat, obviously” you answer. That earns you another grunt. ‘Great at communication that specimen’ you think and grab your cat. “Uhm, I am so sorry he, uhm…, we invaded your place again. So so sorry. Thanks for your patience. Good night, Mister?” “Marshall”. And that is the last thing he says. “Well good night Mister Marshall”. At that you hold on to your furry, purring companion and head back into your apartment. From now it will be triple checking the windows it seems.

Three times within the next you need to get your cat from his new favourite hideaway during the next week. The only new thing is Mr Grumpy telling you “it’s just Marshall”. Everything else is the same. Like being trapped in a fucking time lapse. Him scowling, telling you to “fucking check your windows” and giving you that critical eyebrow of doom. Each time though, you start to notice things. About his place. About him. He seems to live out of boxes. His shelves are empty. The only cosy thing seems to be the fluffy blanket Jack made his favourite place on the black leather couch. Also, he wears a gun. And a batch. You despise guns but guess this one comes with the job. And his accent is foreign. No, not foreign, it is English. A bit like a lost, grumpy Mr. Darcy. WHAT? Mr. Darcy? You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you finally going insane? Now take your cat and get out of here!

How do you reason with a cat? You surely tried but the next time you have not even noticed Jack vanishing. It’s a Saturday and you were just filling your coffee cup when there is knocking on your door again. You open the door to a sleepy looking Marshall, holding Jack. Shrugging. Something is different. Taking your cat out of his huge hands you are about to apologize again, when he beats you to speaking “did you just make coffee?”. You nod and he steps into your apartment. “Well, come in, why don’t you?” you mutter and find him standing in front of your kitchen island, scratching his head, looking kind of lost. With huge eyes and a suddenly small voice he says “sorry for barging in like that, your little fella here woke me up. Pretty sassy for such a small guy. Would you mind sharing a cup of coffee? I forgot to go grocery shopping and seem to run out of everything.”. For a moment you stare at him, stunned from the number of words he just threw at you and the lack of grunts.  When you remember how to use your words, you tell him to take a seat, grab a cup and ask him how he prefers his coffee. Fixing both your cups and setting them on the table you finally get to apologize again for your little intruder, constantly breaking into his place. Marshall just shrugs at that and admits, that he has no idea how Jack opens the windows. He himself started to double and triple check his windows and it should not even be possible to open them from the outside. It is that moment you realise what is different. He looks sleepy but barely as tired as before and more important. He’s not grumpy. That’s new. And you do not know how to handle that. After silently drinking his coffee, he thanks you for the coffee and crouches down to pet Jack and tells him something that sounds like ‘see you mate’, then tells you goodbye and takes his leave.

It is the next Friday that you come home to a post-it on your door with “Jack is visiting” scribbled on it. Somehow you remember your cat not being overly fond with men, but he seems to have a soft spot for this one. Or his couch. Taking a deep breath, you turn and move over to knock at the next door. Heavy relaxed footsteps near and Marshall opens the door widely, motioning for you to come in. “We were just about to choose a movie and call for pizza. Why don’t you change into something more comfortable and join us?”. You look at the man as if he did just grow two more heads. Raising his eyebrow at you he adds “maybe choose pizza before you head over, so I can order already”. Shaking off the initial shock, you apologize. Before you can actually try to take a leave, he sternly asks “did you have dinner?”. When you shake your head, he repeats “come on, it’s just pizza and a movie. And maybe we should use the opportunity to discuss a shared custody arrangement for Jack.”. At that your stomach rumbles and when you see the glint in Marshalls eyes, you know this is a battle not worth fighting. And you are hungry. You tell him your pizza order and head over to shower and get changed. You wonder how you are not nervous about this. Since things went south with your ex you could hardly stand to be alone with one man. Let alone spend the evening at his place for dinner and movie.

Back at Marshalls place he offers you a bottle of water and his cosy looking armchair. While himself settling beside Jack on the couch. He suggests watching pirates of the Caribbean and you accept, telling him that you actually named the cat after Jack Sparrow to which he counters “It’s captain. Captain Jack Sparrow.”. The evening proceeds with you watching the movie, laughing and having pizza. You are taken aback to realise he actually ordered some extra tuna for Jack. From time to time, you catch yourself watching Marshall instead of the movie. He seems so much younger when relaxed. And handsome. How did you not realise what a beautiful face hides behind those curls and that beard?

After the movie you grab your snoring cat and thank Marshall for the evening when he pushes something cold into your free hand. You need a moment to realise, that he just handed you a key and give him a puzzled look. “I told you we’ll need a shared custody agreement, considering this little one keeps breaking and entering and claiming this apartment. I often work long hours and when shit hits the fan even spend the nights at the office. You might need it to retrieve the lodger.”. With that he winks - well tries to and fails – and opens the door for you, telling you goodnight.

[nothoughtsonlynat]

Human (Natasha Romanoff)

Human: Chapter 1

A/N: Troyes, France is 6 hours ahead of NYC so 7pm there is 1pm in NYC. For the sake of this fic we’re going to pretend that the Battle of New York lasted quite a few hours.

*This is my first ever fic and I wrote it at 3am so bear with me

WARNINGS: swearing; mentions of weapons; violence; panic attack; anxiety; my crappy writing; and I think that’s it (lmk if there’s anything I should add)

Barcelona, Spain; January, 2012:

The repetitive ticking of the clock registered in my brain before my eyes even opened. I didn’t need that clock to know what time it was, of course. It was 4:30 am— the same time I've woken up everyday for the past twenty-five years of my life. I no longer need to wake up this early, yet it’s a habit so deeply engrained in my framework that it’s seemingly unbreakable. I roll out of bed and make my way into the dingy kitchen with light footsteps. With some quick math I figured that I got barely two hours of sleep last night, but that’s more than usual. I started the coffee machine and asked with a sigh, “Would you like some coffee or are you just going to lurk in the corner?”

The leather-clad stranger with an eyepatch stepped up to the kitchen island opposite of me and responded, “I wouldn’t mind a cup. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you knew I was here.”

“Well, you know what they say about old habits. You got a name?”

“You can call me Fury. We have a lot to talk about, Eight.” I slid him a mug of cheap coffee and gestured for him to take a seat. 

“Then we’d better get started so you can get the hell out of my apartment.” He simply chuckled in response and I could already feel my patience wavering.

Two Hours Later:

“Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division? Really, dude?”

“Yeah, it’s a mouthful. Trust me I know.”

“I’m sorry that you came all this way for nothing, Fury, but there’s no way in hell I'm working for some government spy circus.”

“It’s technically an extra-governmental spy agency-“

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not joining,” I said, cutting him off.

“So, you’re just gonna hop from one shitty apartment to the next until you die? That doesn’t seem like a great life.”

“Better than the one I lived before.”

“You aren’t the person to live in hiding. You’re the person who thrives in the action and lives to kick ass, and we both know it.” When I didn’t respond he continued, “I’ll leave you my card. When you change your mind, which you will, you’ll know where to find me. You don’t have to be the bad guy anymore, Eight.” With that he slid off the stool and left my apartment, leaving me with nothing but my rapidly spiraling thoughts and a black business card.

Troyes, France; May, 2012:

It had been four months since Director Fury came to my apartment in Barcelona. We’d kept in contact and he hasn’t given up on me joining S.H.I.E.L.D.. I'm living in my third apartment since then. Wow…those landlords must really hate me. I was watching the seven o’clock news when I saw something that made me choke on my Cheerios. “An alien invasion?! What the fu-” My Cheerio-muffled exclamation was interrupted by the ring of my burner phone. “Hello?”

“Eight, you watched the news recently?”

“Uh yeah, I'm watching it now. You fighting aliens now, Nicky?”

“Okay first of all, I told you to stop calling me that. Second, yes… aliens. I’m forming a team of…extraordinary people to help protect against these threats and they could really use a hand to finish off this fight.”

“I may be weird as hell but I ain't ‘extraordinary’, Fury. I don’t wanna join your band of misfits.”

“Alright, how about a compromise? You fly your fancy jet here right now and help them out and if you still don’t wanna join once the battle is over, you can go right back to France and I’ll stop bothering you about joining.” After a few seconds of silence I agreed. 

“Fine, but I’m not gonna change my mind. Wait, how do you know about my jet?”

He gave a hearty laugh and said “I know everything, Eight. You should know that by now.”

New York, New York; 96 Minutes Later: 

I flew my jet into the city, making sure to take out a few flying Chitauri in the process. We don’t need to talk about how I got my hands on a German jet that can fly 2100mph. I saw a few interesting characters standing in a circle fighting off an endless sea of aliens. I maneuvered the jet and— wait…is that guy wearing blue tights? Is this what Fury meant by extraordinary? Whatever. I landed in the street about 20 yards away and killed the engines. I hopped out and started jogging towards the group. A couple of them turned around, probably wondering who the hell the chick in the black uniform is and— whoa that’s a beautiful woman. After realizing my steps had literally faltered in a mini gay panic, I slowed to a walk and said “Y’all need a hand?”

“Depends on whose hand it is,” replied the redheaded source of my panic.

“I’m a friend of Fury’s. He practically begged me to come save your asses.”

“Fury doesn’t beg,” she said in a doubtful tone.

“Not typically, but I'm just that awesome. If you don’t believe me then call him up but I’m gonna go kill some aliens.” With that I took off down another street where there was a group of the repulsive bastards. After unloading all of my magazines into Chitauri bodies, I switched to my swords and daggers. After another hour or so of fighting, there were no more aliens in sight. I started jogging toward the rich dude’s tower when I saw said rich dude falling through the rapidly-closing portal. I stopped next to Mr. Blue Tights and the buff blonde guy with the hammer when the big green dude grabbed Mr. Rich Dude from the sky and landed next to us. The green guy yelled, waking Mr. Rich Dude up with a start. “What the hell? What happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me. Except for her, she’s pretty hot,” he said nodding toward me. Just then the redhead jogged over to us and eyed my blood-soaked form from head to toe. 

“See something you like, Red?”

“No. I’m pretty sure I'd be classified as a sadist if I liked the sight of that much blood,” she said with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Yeah that’s fair.” She shook her head at me with a small smirk. There was barely a second of silence when Mr. Rich Dude spoke up. 

“Anybody want shawarma?”

Three Hours Later:

I had gone to the Triskelion after the band of misfits apprehended Loki. Agent Hill showed me where to park my jet and directed me to a room so I could shower and stay the night if I wanted to. I had put on black jeans, a white tee, and a black jean jacket, all of which had been in a to-go bag in my jet. I was toweling off my hair when someone knocked on the door. I opened the door to see none other than the one-eyed-wonder standing there. “What can I do for you, Nicky?”

“The Avengers are being debriefed in Conference Room 6B in ten minutes. You should come.”

“The Avengers? Is that what you’re calling them? That’s cute. But I'm not an Avenger and I don’t want to be an Avenger, so no thanks.”

“You should come anyway.”

“I don’t actually have a choice, do I?”

“You know me so well, Eight,” he said with an amused grin.

I walked into the conference room and the Avengers were already there. Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Thor, and Natasha Romanoff—whose names I learned from Hill— were scattered around a large table, along with Fury. Romanoff eyed me from where she was standing and arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me. I squinted my eyes and wiggled my eyebrows in response, and I could see her stifle a laugh. “What’s your name?” She accompanied the question with a blank expression, which made me feel oh-so-special. 

“That’s a very personal question, Miss Romanoff. Let’s slow the pace, please.”

“You know my name but I can’t know yours? That doesn’t seem fair.”

“The world isn’t fair, Miss Romanoff, and I love a good mystery.”

“If you two are done flirting, we have business to attend to,” interjected Fury.

“Right, my apologies, Nicky.”

“Don’t call me that, Eight.”

After an excruciating 43 minutes and 27 seconds, Fury finally let us leave. I was so close to freedom when that unbelievably sexy voice called to me. “Eight!” Romanoff hastily walked towards me in an effort to catch up.

“Yeah?”

“Is your name actually Eight?”

“If you want it to be.”

“Why are you so damn stubborn?”

“It amuses me, Red.” There was a brief silence during which both of us were trying to figure out if the conversation was over. 

I was about to leave when she continued, “So that’s it? You’re just gonna leave?”

“Well, no. I’m going to stay the night, steal some really expensive jet fuel, and then leave in the morning before Fury can get up my ass about joining his little team.”

She rolled her eyes and responded, “Why won’t you join the Avengers? And why won’t you tell me your real name?”

“It’s just not my style. I’d rather fly solo.”

“You ignored my second question.”

“Then maybe you should take the hint and stop asking.” With that I turned around and started walking away, but a hand on my arm stopped me dead in my tracks. Alarms started going off in my head, and I'm pretty sure Romanoff was saying something to me but I was too caught up in the memories of beatings, punishments, and psychological conditioning to register it. After a few of the longest seconds of my life, the white of my vision cleared up and the voice telling me ‘physical contact is strictly forbidden’ faded into the background. My heart was still hammering in my chest and I was trying to keep my breathing steady despite the inevitable panic attack trying to drag me under, I regained my neutral expression and said. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you okay?” She had a concerned expression and if I wasn’t so blinded with anxiety, I would’ve appreciated how cute the furrow of her eyebrows was.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just gonna turn in. It’s been a long day.” I turned around and walked back to my temporary room at a brutal pace. As soon as the door closed behind me, hot tears raced down my cheeks and I lost the ability to breathe. It was gonna be a long night.

3:21 am:

I finally managed to calm myself down and stop the panic attack after almost four hours. Well, I passed out because I couldn’t breathe but it did calm me down. Trying to sleep would be pointless, so I decided to leave before anyone woke up. I didn’t really have much to pack so I grabbed my duffel bag and left the room. I made it to the corridor attached to the landing pads and ran into the one person I really didn’t want to see. “What are you doing out and about, Red?”

“I’ve got places to be and things to do. Were you just going to sneak out in the middle of the night like a teenager with a rebellious streak?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing, actually. Do you need a ride? Where are you going?”

“Madrid. Fury said I could hitch a ride on another plane that’s headed for Germany.”

“Well I’m going to France if you wanna ride with me. My jet will get you there a lot faster.” She studied me for what felt like way too long, probably debating if I would try to kill her or not. You know how spies are with their trust issues.

“What the hell, why not?”

And that is how I ended up in a jet with “Candy Shop” playing over the speakers and Natasha Romanoff in the copilot seat yelling at me to, and I quote, ‘slow the fuck down.’ “Why would I slow down, you psycho?! That’s the whole damn point of this thing!”

“Where did you even get a German jet this fast?”

“Germany.”

“No shit Sherlock. How did you get it?”

“I went to Germany, stopped in at the local speedy-jet dealership, and walked out with this beauty.”

“Sarcasm is a defense mechanism, you know? You’re only being like this to keep me from seeing the real you. You built walls. You want everyone to think you’re fine when in reality, you’re falling apart.”

“Okay…um…there was no need for that, Dr. Romanoff. I can find my own therapist, thank you very much. And don’t go pretending you’re all healthy in the head, Miss Assassin.” It was quiet for all of five seconds before we both burst into laughter.

Madrid, Spain:

I landed the jet at the local S.H.I.E.L.D. base and killed the engines. Romanoff and I removed our headsets and I stood to help her get her bags. “Welp, I’ll see you around I guess.” I really wasn’t good at this type of thing. Or any social interactions, really. Twenty-four years in a cell will do that to you.

“Will I? See you around, I mean?”

“Um, I don’t really know, honestly. I’m not part of S.H.I.E.L.D. so we won’t just run into each other or anything but…”

“Why won’t you join S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean what else are you doing?”

“Ohhh, I see. You just love me so much that you don’t want me to leave. You’re gonna miss me so much-” I was cut off when she threw her backpack at my head. “Hey! You’re lucky I caught that! Freaking crazy woman.”

When our laughter died down she said, “Well I should probably go. Thank you for the ride.”

“Of course. Hitchhikers are always welcome aboard my beloved jet.” A small smile appeared on her face and she stepped forward to give me a hug but she must’ve seen my body go rigid because she stepped back. She might’ve said something but the voice in my head was too loud for me to understand her. I don’t know how long it was before I unfroze but when I did, she was gone. I walked to the front of the jet and started the journey to France.

[whumblr]

Hiding

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1 - Continued from Part 7

With a hint of Whumptober’s Day 11 - defiance for today.

Tagging: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @barbed--wire

-

Jay noticed his laptop on the couch next to Zayne. Definitely not where he left it. He threw him an annoyed glance. Really?

“There’s a password on it,” Zayne said, as if there shouldn’t be one.

“Yes, it’s what Mr Gates put on there to keep people like you out.” Jay snatched the laptop away and turned to put it on the kitchen table. He startled when he turned again, Zayne now standing right in front of him.

“Tell me.”

“The hell?! No way!”

“What are you hiding? Embarrassing porn?”

Just his daily schedule, half his life and maybe some confident documents. God, if Zayne would know where to find him all day, if he knew how many extra hours Jay still had on overtime, fuck, he’d take full advantage.

“You are not getting into my laptop!”

A quick knock and a sudden rattle from down the hall made Jay jump. Someone was at the door.

“Jay? You’re home, right?” A muffled but familiar voice came from outside the front door.

Oh god, Dennis. Jay hadn’t seen his best friend all week and he did want to, but why did he have the worst timing ever?! Now what, should he pretend not to be at home? But he probably heard the shouting, right? With a startled expression he turned to Zayne. Like he’d have the answer. Like he wouldn’t make things worse.

“Friend of yours?” Zayne muttered. He was trying to hide it but the sudden interruption had surprised him as well.

The panic in Jay’s eyes told him the guy had no story ready for this.

Zayne held up his hands and nudged his head. A casual ‘well, okay then’. He stepped back and gestured for Jay to go get the door.

Relieved, but not fully assured that Zayne wouldn’t suddenly bust out, Jay pushed himself away from the table and shuffled to the door. He doubted Dennis was here for a quick visit and while he could really use a friendly face, the atmosphere would undoubtedly sour with Jay being on pins and needles.

"Why is your door locked?” Dennis said by means of hello. “You usually have it open when you're home."

Good question... With the ease Zayne displayed entering the house, whether the door was locked or not, Jay had to admit there wasn't much logic in keeping it locked. Maybe it was more for his own peace of mind.

“Ah, I… I was just about to take a shower.”

Dennis accepted the excuse and stepped past him. Jay scuttled after him in a slight panic but, thankfully, no one was in the living room. He did notice that the adjacent door to the bedroom was now closed. The homewrecker in hiding. He let out a sigh of relief. He could not bear having to introduce Zayne. As what, exactly? Distant cousin? Annoying ex? Stalking criminal? He should sort out a story, in case stuff like this would happen again.

“Tea?” he heard himself say. He kept his ears open, hoping to hear the front door as Zayne would leave, but so far nothing yet. The bedroom led to the bathroom that was also connected to the hallway. A small loop. Zayne would have an escape. If he wanted to.

“Sure. Or get something to eat and follow up with something stronger at the pub?”

“Ugh, like you read my mind. I just got home.”

“Figured,” Dennis smiled and dropped on the couch.

Jay used to work with Dennis directly and they became good friends. They did investigative reports and crime journalism together. But ever since Jay switched departments two years ago they only worked together on stories occasionally. Shame really because they worked well together. Dennis still called in some of his help every now and then. Jay always happily accepted. It was fun, spending long nights together trying to uncover a snippet of goods in piles and piles of documents. Searching for that ‘gotcha’ moment. He still did a lot of investigative reporting, but on safer issues like current affairs, politics. The work had them both conducting interviews and fact checking out and about, but they usually tried to come together at least for lunch a couple times a week.

But well, busy week. And Jay was still hiding some injuries so he had made sure to avoid the office for a bit.

“We didn’t really time our out-of-office days too well this week. Thought I’d drop by to catch up. Thank god it’s Friday, right?”

Jay made a grunting approving sound. “You have no idea.”

“Rough day? I heard you shouting.”

“At my laptop,” Jay quickly covered and nodded at the kitchen table. More like ‘over my laptop’ but, details. “But yeah, rough day. I’m exhausted.”

“You seem stressed, yeah.”

Jay, being a twitchy mess at this point with the remains of his panic still lingering in his fingertips, couldn’t disagree.

“Tell you what.” Dennis got up. “I’ll go down the road and bring back curry, you take a shower and get ready to unload.”

That was amazing in more ways than one and Jay almost wanted to hug him. He would have an excuse to kick Zayne out, be spared of a horrible evening filled with more bruises and injuries, and start the weekend with his favourite meal. An actual evening off. Wow. That had been weeks. He wanted to shower Dennis with gratitude.

“Thanks, man,” was all he could bring out. Gotta keep it cool. No one breaks down over curry.

As soon as Dennis made his way out, Jay heard a voice behind him.

“Aw, ain't that nice of him. You got a real pal there.” Zayne stood in the doorway to the bedroom.

So he was still here. Eavesdropping prick.

“Get out. He’ll be back in ten minutes.” Jay pushed past him into the bedroom to rummage up some clean clothes.

“That’s no way to ask for a favour.”

“Could you at least act worried about having to go to prison if he finds out what you’re up to?”

“Relax Jay, he’ll just think you’re trying to hide that we’re dating.”

Oh god fuck no. Why couldn’t people just assume that hiding strange men in bedrooms meant that you were being tortured in your own home? Fuck today’s society. This is why criminals get away with shit all the time. Because people think you’re fucking them.

“I’ll let you off for tonight. Just do a teeny tiny thing for me.”

Jay backed up when Zayne advanced on him. The back of his knees hit the bedframe and he fell down, sitting on the mattress. Zayne loomed over him.

“Get on your knees.”

Jay snarled. Throwing away his dignity couldn’t be called a tiny thing.

“You don’t want to show any bruises, now, right? Or a reddened cheek. He just saw you. Would know something happened.”

Yes… he would. And all the excuses in the world wouldn’t prevent the tiny seed of doubt that would sprout. Dennis was no idiot and Jay already expected he knew Jay was hiding something.

“Besides, he seems like a nice guy. I bet he'd invite me to stay for dinner should he catch us."

Of all the terrible things he threatened, having dinner together was actually the worst scenario in Jay's mind. Fine then.

He slid off the bed and let himself fall to his knees. Zayne, asshole that he is, didn’t move an inch, leaving Jay just a very small space caught between the bed and Zayne’s legs. Jay’s fingers scratched over his thighs as he tightened them into fists.

“Now, ask me again.”

Jay took a deep breath, hoping to fill himself with patience. “Please, Zayne, leave the house before he comes back,” he grit out through his teeth, speaking to the floor.

“Look at me.”

Jay closed his eyes before he craned his neck and looked up. “Please,” he said again, locking eyes with Zayne. “It’s just a change of plans. Please just go.”

Zayne hummed and took a step back. “Weeellll,” he drawled, enjoying the desperation that shone through the anger in Jay’s eyes. “Guess I can reschedule. Rain check?”

“Rain check,” Jay accepted eagerly, relieved there were no further conditions. Yet.

“I’m sure you’ll make it up to me next time.” Zayne winked and stepped away, leaving Jay on his knees. With a cheerful ‘see ya’ he was gone.

Outside Jay heard the heavy sound of a motorcycle revving up and puttering off. The panic in his stomach finally settled, the knot in his chest now undone. If Dennis had even the slightest idea how much he had saved his evening. Jay pushed intrusive thoughts like ‘next time will be two-fold’ out of his mind and just appreciated an evening without pain.

The excuse of taking a shower was a welcome one. He washed away the cold sweat, letting all stress drain away. And when he stepped out of the bathroom, the most amazing spicy smell wafted from the living room where Dennis was stalling out a feast. It almost felt like life was back to normal.

He joined Dennis, who did seem to notice that he was more relaxed now, but he didn’t say anything. Jay knew he owed him big time. He spoke through a mouthful of rice.

“Drinks on me tonight.”

-

Continued here

[ohdaim]

prompt - neighbors

You caught a glimpse of him while checking your mail. He was a tall, dark line topped with tawny hair, and he left a citrus musk in his wake. Barely conscious, you’d only stepped out to get the mail while your coffee steeped. He’d moved in overnight just a week prior, and he hadn’t made a sound.

Scientia was written on his letterbox next to yours. It was in neat script, simple black letters on white, unlined paper. You’d done yours weeks ago when you’d first moved in and hadn’t gotten around to ever updating it with better handwriting. Next to his, your surname in sparkly gel pen looked a touch silly. Although, compared to the faded and cockled name cards on everyone else’s boxes, you both stood out spectacularly as obvious new tenants.

You shuffled through the mail on your way back in. Among the bills and junk was an unexpected weight. You’d ordered a package, but this didn’t seem to be right. It was a magazine, covered in a thin layer of navy blue plastic, and after turning it over, you were able to read the title, which was, as far as you could tell, the only part not obscured by the plastic.

PENTHOUSE

This was most definitely not yours. You unloaded everything else onto your kitchen table and turned the magazine over in your hands again. There, on a lower corner, you read Ignis Scientia.

“Ah.”

You put it aside, looking at it while you sipped on your coffee. It wasn’t as if you were actively looking for a reason to meet the guy. Considering what this was, you were even less enthralled by the idea of approaching him. I got your spank mag in my letterbox. Just watch porn online like everyone else.

Pouring yourself a second mug, you decided you’d pull the band-aid off once he got back from what you assumed was his job. It was only a dirty magazine, after all. You were both adults here.

Because he never made a sound, and you often lost yourself in your art--oil paintings for wealthy clients--you weren’t able to catch him again. Not even a glimpse in the early morning like that initial sighting.

But the magazines continued to come. You frowned at the pile that had accumulated on your kitchen table in just a week. Hustler, Playboy, something called Erotic Disrobing. You opened one--it had thrown you with its title, Beaver Hunt, which you shouldn’t, in retrospect, have trusted whatsoever--to see a large, perfectly rounded ass with the exquisite main cover line: MILFS that LOVE to be MILKED.

Judging from the Insomnian Bear and Playgirl that had come mid-week, you had to give it to your new neighbor; he had a vast range of sexual interests. He also had a huge problem. No healthy person needed this much pornography.

By the end of the week, you left a note taped to his front door, telling him to knock on yours when he had the time because you had his ‘important mail’. When another week passed with not so much as a word from him and another slew of adult magazines, you began to wonder if you were being pranked by the mail carrier. So unprofessional how they couldn’t seem to differentiate between your letterbox and Ignis’ when your name cards couldn’t have looked more different.

Deep in your focus on the current commission, you were jarred out of your thoughts by a loud noise from next door. It was followed by music, which fluctuated in volume from high to low to high again within the span of a minute. You left your painting, wiping your hands on a cloth as you made for the stack of magazines in your kitchen.

Absolute pervert Ignis Scientia was home. At fucking last.

You blew wisps of your hair out of your face while you waited for him to answer his door. Paint was still on your hands, and you were wearing the least flattering but most comfortable clothes you owned. A vague thought ran through your mind that you should’ve changed before coming over. Except no, you were holding an armload of dirty magazines. There was no saving this from being an awkward first encounter.

The door opened to a bearded man not wearing a shirt. You were sure this couldn’t have been the same person you’d caught a peek of in the morning sun weeks before.

Still, you asked, “Ignis Scientia?”

The man laughed, a gruff, deep sound that shook his broad chest. He looked over his shoulder and called out, “Iggy, you’ve got company.”

Waving you in, he backed away and waited. You were hesitant. Visiting wasn’t in the plan, but you couldn’t deny that you were curious about what was going on. The music was much louder inside the apartment. You passed the man, meeting eyes with another who looked away almost immediately, one hand coming up to card through his blonde hair while the other turned the music down a notch.

“Selling magazines or something?” The larger, shirtless man asked, going around you to drop himself onto the sofa next to a third man who seemed to have eyes only for his phone.

“No.” You looked for a place to put them down, but the coffee table was covered with snack foods and open drinks. “These were accidentally put in my mailbox. They say Ignis Scientia on them?”

It wasn’t meant to be a question, but the longer you stood in the living room with these three men, none of whom appearing to be the elusive Ignis Scientia, you were beginning to worry all of this was a wild fever dream.

“Yes, allow strangers into my flat while Noct is here.” A fourth man stepped through an archway from what you could see was his kitchen, looking from you to the man who’d let you in. “Excellent shield work, Gladio.”

The man on the sofa laughed with a shrug. “Seemed harmless. Look at ‘em. They’re cute, delivering your mail for you.”

“I’m not--” You sighed and faced Ignis to introduce yourself. It took you a moment to speak, caught off guard by the frank intensity of his gaze. “I live next door. These keep coming to my letterbox. Please take them.”

Green eyes flicking down from your face to the topmost magazine, he frowned. “Are you certain those are mine?”

You glanced down. Peeking out through a clear bit in the black plastic cover was the word Boudoir, half covered by the shiny, golden elbow of what you were certain was a naked woman.

“Look.” You lifted the stack in your arms. “Your name is right there.”

Ignis blinked, stepping closer to read the address sticker. His face began to redden. “I don’t subscribe to this sort of…”

You hefted the weight in your arms. “If you would, please.”

Finally, he took them, the red in his face deepening by the second.

“I opened one,” you said. “Just, um, out of curiosity.”

He didn’t respond, looking toward his friends. “Gladio, is this your doing?”

As if they hadn’t been listening, two of the men sitting around looked your way. The largest one came to a stand and closed the distance to swipe the uppermost magazine. Delayed surprise crossed his face, then he laughed.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Iggy.” He tore the plastic off and flipped through the pages. “So you’re into granny fetish stuff. Everybody’s got their thing.”

A scowl came to Ignis’ face. You didn’t like how good looking he actually was. You’d built up a very different image in your mind. For some reason, you’d thought he’d have a mustache. A creepy one. Instead, he looked like he’d stepped right out of a magazine himself. Albeit one where the models wore much more clothing.

“Gladio, this is worse than the last time I moved.” His grip on the bottom of the stack tightened. “Can’t you have these sent to your own place?”

The larger man closed the magazine, his amusement softening. “Iris checks my mail sometimes. I’d just rather not deal with that.”

You stepped back, inching toward the exit. You’d done your job. They seemed absorbed into their own thing. Whatever party this was, your curiosity was sated. And you really didn’t care whose magazines they were. Only that they wouldn’t be in your mailbox anymore.

Your slow steps were halted when Ignis looked at you again.

“I apologize,” he said. “You were the one who left that note, weren’t you?”

You nodded. “You didn’t come by.”

He held the magazines out, and his friend took them, carrying them over to the sofa.

“I thought you were mistaken.” His face was the picture of mortification, his inner eyebrows arched together over his glasses. He held his gloved hands in loose fists at his sides. “Had I known that was what you were receiving, I would’ve put a stop to it.”

You waved him off, thrown by the entire situation. You wanted to get back to your painting. You wanted to think about this in the relative quiet of your apartment.

“Just make sure you have them sent to your box from now on. I don’t think I can handle seeing another--” You made a vague motion with your hands. “Yeah.”

He nodded. “Let me know if you do. Again, my apologies.”

You left from there, beginning to grow embarrassed yourself. Just beyond the door, you heard him say with much less patience, “Thank you, now my neighbor thinks I’m a sexual deviant.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

The door closed, muting the conversation and following laughter. You waffled for a moment, listening as the volume of the music raised again. Well. That was… something.

Back in your own apartment, you found it difficult to return to work. Not because of the music from next door or the unburdening of the magazines.

You cleaned your paint brushes, done for the night, and felt warmth bloom on your face. Pervert or not, Ignis had the kind of face you dreamt of painting.

“Now who’s the weirdo,” you laughed to yourself.

[svtskneecaps]

(this is part 4, find the first part here)

Joshua didn’t know what it was about Yoon Jeonghan that always made him forget his training.

He made for the counter, where the pair were no doubt checking out of the hotel. Yoon Jeonghan flashed a smile to the desk clerk and turned. The instant their eyes locked, the smile dropped off his face.

“You thinking of having a stay?” he asked softly.

Joshua shrugged, shifting uncomfortably. “Don’t think I can. Work, you know.”

“I’d recommend it,” he said. “The pool is pretty good. Of course, the security could be a bit better. Had a few run-ins in the upper hallways.”

“How unfortunate,” Joshua said.

“If you’d like,” Yoon Jeonghan said, and there was an odd look to his eyes. Lee Seokmin definitely noticed, since he took his hand (why did that send a pang through Joshua’s chest?).

“I have a stunner,” Joshua said suddenly.

Yoon Jeonghan raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“And backup on the way,” he bluffed. He didn’t know for sure if he had backup, but the deserters never wasted too long before a time jump. Surely the rest of the team would be on their way.

“Hm. Now that’s unfortunate,” he said. “And here I was hoping for a nice chat, just the two of us.”

Lee Seokmin made an affronted noise, leaning his head on Yoon Jeonghan’s. The older boy ruffled his hair. “Alright, three of us,” he said.

“Just-- come quietly,” Joshua said, lifting his stun gun just slightly out of its holster. “I don’t want to cause a scene.”

“So you’ve said,” Yoon Jeonghan said cooly, eyes never moving from his face. “But you and I both know that’s hardly a possibility, don’t we?”

“It’s your choice,” Joshua said.

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by the security guard coming over. “Gentlemen, if you aren’t hotel guests I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Of course,” Yoon Jeonghan said, transitioning at once from dangerous to charismatic (so foreign yet familiar, what was up with this guy?). “Do you mind if I use your restroom before I leave? We’ve just checked out.” And he motioned to himself and Lee Seokmin.

The security guard glanced at the receptionist like he was checking their story. He turned back and nodded. “You may,” he said, and looked to Joshua. “Sir, if you aren’t going to check in I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

He nodded stiffly. “I’ll. . . see how they’re getting on with unloading the car,” he said.

“Lovely to see you as always, Joshua,” Yoon Jeonghan said playfully (almost. . . flirtatious).

And, hand in hand with his fellow deserter, he vanished into the restroom.

Joshua had one foot out the door when he heard the bang. He raced into the room, two steps behind the security guard.

Sure enough, they’d made a jump. He whipped out his communicator to take a sample of the temporal residue so they could track the jump, but something stopped him dead.

Scrawled on the wall in red marker, were the words, i love you.

-------------

“How did he get away? It was him and the kid who doesn’t have a handheld, if you’d separated them--”

Seungcheol, understandably, was furious.

“I never got the chance,” Joshua said, arms crossed. “They were holding hands from the moment I got through the door.”

Jihoon shot him a look (of course he’d know; he’d been watching the cameras) but said nothing.

“Look-- we can’t make many more mistakes.” Seungcheol paced around their strategy room. “Any more and we’ll be replaced. And I don’t know about you but I don’t want to work a desk job at the tourism hubs playing nice to billionaires all day.”

Soonyoung shuddered.

Seungcheol rubbed his forehead. “Mingyu, any results on where they jumped to?”

“No point,” Mingyu said, scowling. “We took too long collecting the samples; there’s too big a temporal window to stake it out.”

“They’ll slip up again, though,” Minghao said. “They always do. We’ll just catch them at the next spot.”

“Could surround the place they posted from,” Wonwoo suggested, lacing his fingers together. “Time frame of a couple hours, maybe. If we don’t jump in right away, we could pick a group of them off without giving them a chance to alert the others.”

Seungcheol sighed. “We’ll keep that in mind. Mingyu, keep monitoring all known accounts. I want to know the second any of them post anything, major landmark or not.”

Mingyu gave a deadpan salute.

------------------------------

Darling, We’ve Got Time : Part 4

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Vernon and Seungkwan’s little group of time state deserters has been leading Seungcheol’s team of time agents on a Tom-and-Jerry chase through the timestream for what may have been the entirety of their career–different setting, same result–but the tides are starting to shift. Things aren’t adding up to the time agents, and all the deserters can hope is to sow enough seeds for them to finally put the pieces together.

(Seventeen Time Travel AU; no reader)

hey pals thanks for your patience, i had a lot going on but i found a second to sit down. next week’s going to probably be just as nuts so you’ll have to bear with me; i can probably get monday’s update out but thursday is the one that has the ‘vernon w bread’ picture i’ve been mentioning for awhile so unless i find time to find that, the update’s going to be delayed.

anyway, next update might be Monday, March 2 (yikers)

update, 3/12/2020 (12:07 AM so technically 3/11?) : updated the images to the new style. nearly cried photoshopping them bc the adobe cloud is literally the most unintuitive thing i’ve used besides my college’s enrollment website :)) but i got it working in the end.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

🏰⚔️🐲 DMODT- 27 full

Flying with a pack saddle was a weird sensation, as Eren had never worn one before. He and Levi had been mid-fuck when Maria came for them. The dragon had been kind enough to let them finish, though Eren was kind of pissed Levi didn't knot him a third time, if Levi hadn't insisted on eating his arse out as he rode the alpha's face, maybe he would have gotten knotted again... stupid hindsight. The teen didn't know how their containment spell would work once they returned to Eldia, and waking to find his boyfriend himself, he couldn't help be greedy and want a moment for themselves, without thinking about everything that had happened the previous day. He'd pushed himself so hard he'd nearly broken, so waking in Levi's arms, all he wanted was for Levi to kiss away his pain from losing his ability to bear a clutch. He wanted to reconfirm that Levi had been scared, and that what they'd done had worked. The sex had been amazing, even with Levi's hands and ankles bound, it'd healed his body and removed his fatigue from the previous night, while healing his heart over what had happened the previous day. Levi did want him, the alpha was just struggling with his fear and the uncertainty of the future. He was at the centre of everything, but didn't understand. They'd need to talk, but first came reconnecting in the manner that worked best for them. He also may have told his lover a small lie, that he hadn't dreamt. He had. He'd dreamt of Rod Reiss not stopping, mixed with pain of having his scales torn from his skin. His dream had moved from Rod beating him, to Rod tearing the scales from his face as he was an "unworthy dragon"... All it took was Levi's warm hold to chase the fear away, and to anchor him to the moment. Supplying them both with fresh robes, Maria had forced him to eat as they walked, though Levi and the others would have to wait until they reached the castle before eating. Which Eren wasn't happy about. Sure, he might have had an insanely long day, but he wasn't hungry. All it took was thinking about the secret he was now hiding from Levi, and the uncomfortable twingings of the command in place over being honest about his health... he was stuck mentally justifying his actions in order to find relief from the command. The best argument he could come up with was that it was best Levi didn't know he might be pregnant, only for the pregnancy to slip and hurt the man even more. Reaching the clearing near where the field of cabins had been, Ymir and Historia were waiting with the rest of the Eldia party. Ymir pinching her nose as they approached. They could probably smell the sex that clung to their skins. Levi's already complained that he couldn't shower, while Eren relished smelling like his boyfriend. Reaching the group, Historia's voice was a whisper "I'm sorry you have to sneak off like this. It's hardly royal protocol" Eren didn't even think about protocol as he replied to his friend "It's ok. I'm just grateful I can thank you before we leave" "We need no thanks. Especially with all that happened" Giving him a quick hug, Ymir huffed in his direction as she released her nose. There was no real malice over Historia's hug, but she didn't look happy "I suppose I'm going to miss you" He knew he was going to miss her... He was going to miss all of them, except for Sina, and Rod. Privately, he'd hoped to see the lake again, but that was now impossible. He was going to miss watching the water dragons, and the sunsets across the water. Nope. He wasn't doing this. He had to hold his head up high and be normal "Nah. You've got Historia, and besides, you guys are always welcome" "That's a hell of a way to fly for a game of soccer" Eren shrugged, playing down the small glimmer of hope that he may see them both again some day "Then don't come. Make sure you take care of them" Even if he couldn't see Ymir rolling her eyes in the dim light of the lantern Maria held, he knew she was "Don't be like that. Eren, I know for a fact Ymir will miss you greatly. We packed everything carefully, and your trunk is labelled to help make sorting easier" Meaning that the sealed sword wouldn't be known by Erwin and Levi. They'd considered destroying it, but didn't know if that would cost Levi his life. Eren's plan was to stow is somewhere safe, where no human could ever find it "Thank you, Historia. I know... Things might be awkward with your father, but know, Eldia will continue to notify you each time a dragon passes on our soil. And we don't want war, so we'll respect your father's wishes. It's for the good of both out countries that we do" "Things won't always be this way" "And when they change, know Eldia will welcome you with open arms. Right, sir?" Levi cleared his throat, seemingly surprised he was being dragged into the conversation "Indeed. I feel as if there's other reasons to be indebted to you, but I want to thank you for looking after Eren. And I want to thank you for the hospitality you showed me before... Well, in any case. Thank you. Thank the three of you. Eren is indeed correct. You will always be friends of Eldia" "Ok. That's it for goodbyes. The others are waiting for Eren to shift so they can load the saddle up. Get out my country and stop looking at my Historia" Ymir's words caused the teen to laugh softly "Hurry up and marry her. You two are perfect together, and I can't wait to meet your children. I'm going to shift before Mikasa can start lecturing me, but once again, thank you" The sun was creeping above the horizon by the time Eren was loaded with both cargo and his passengers. By some miracle the crown and brooch he'd made Levi survived, while Armin had found and saved the one Levi had gifted him. His friend might not know how much it meant to him, but Eren was grateful. He was also sad to be returning home this way. He'd expected to be able to hold his head high, and not to be sneaking out in the cover of darkness. It made him feel like a petty criminal, while the cold air irritated his lungs. On his back, it felt weird to be carrying such a weight. The trunks were to the back of the saddle platform, placing pressure on his spine, and leaving in with the constant desire to "buck". He almost felt like a dog with a flea he needed to scratch off, and hoped to hell that this would never be necessary again. Maybe if he'd done this before, he wouldn't find it so annoying, but beggars couldn't be choosers and he wasn't risking another dragon's life over it all. Given his speed and wing span, the whole flight back to the castle was over in under half an hour. After so long, the castle seemed so foreign to him, or maybe it was the new prospective he was seeing it from. Landing in the training field, he walked his massive form over to the edge closest to the castle to make unloading easier. The soldiers that came to investigate, soon must have cursed their eagerness as they helped Erwin off his back, only for the man to vomit at their feet. He knew he shouldn't be laughing, but his tail thudded lightly against the grass while his body wiggled. The man would never make a dragon rider, even if he had two arms. Levi was fine, though it stung that he had to slip straight back into prince mode the moment his feet touched the ground. Mikasa and Armin naturally wouldn't leave him, Eren huffing in annoyance as they both leant on his face. For a mighty and ancient race, why had no one ever named the top part of the skull near his nostrils? Like, was it a "nose", or a "snout", or a "muzzle", or simply just "skull"? Whatever it was, he would have much preferred Levi's pats than being used as leaning post, especially when he had soldiers climbing up and down to unload the cargo on his back, all of which were clearly nervous, as their boots kept slipping on his scales. Hanji was the first "official" in the castle to appear, coming running right up to Levi and Erwin, before throwing her arms around them. Erwin was sent falling back onto his arse, his stump flailing as he tried to prevent the fall. Once again, Eren knew he shouldn't find it funny, but once they stepped foot back in the castle Erwin would go back to being an arse... and probably even more so without his arm. And plus, if he was laughing, he didn't have to concentrate on how shit he still felt over slicing Erwin's arm off. Less than 24 hours ago, he'd come out of a coma and straight into a shit storm. Abandoning Levi and Erwin, Hanji's eyes widened, her mouth widening into a maniacal grin that screamed she was already scheming experiments. This was home. This was his home, with all the idiots that made up the castle staff. Now he was home again, hopefully they could find some kind of normal. * There had been seem changes while Levi had been gone, and he wasn't loving them. Petra had moved her quarters closer to his, and had taken to undermining Hanji's authority by pulling the "I'll soon be the crown princess" card. She'd done a pretty terrible job, even demanding to be included in sorting the royal mail which was for Hanji's eyes only in their absence. Coming back find his personal desk in shambles, and Petra refusing to leave the sun room, as she fussed over Erwin's missing arm. He, Eren and Erwin needed to sit down and talk. Eren had obviously done something drastic. His lack of symptoms, or rather the sudden lack of symptoms, was Eren's fault. His boyfriend has said as much, but whatever Eren did, was it safe? The lack of not knowing, and the constant yammering of Petra had frayed his patience to the very end. Pinching the bridge of his nose, the woman was lucky he was above hitting women or willing to sacrifice a perfectly good tea cup by throwing it at her "For god's sake Petra. Enough. Will you please stop fussing over him, and go retrieve Eren" "My Prince?" That was another thing. Petra had started claiming him by that title... It only made him dislike his "bride-to-be" further. Pet names were only nice when they came from Eren... Which reminded him that Erwin was yet to release his commands on Eren "Petra, please go find Eren and bring him here. Make sure he understands that he's in no trouble, and if he's resting, let him. God knows we could all use the rest" "Then why are neither of you resting? Poor Levi has lost his arm. Surely that... surely the situation could have been resolved better than it was. I knew I should have come with you" That had never been on the cards to begin with. Once he'd received Eren's invitation, he'd notified everyone but Petra about his travel plans, then dropped it on her at the last moment so she wouldn't insist on coming "Look, Petra. No, you being there would have not changed a single thing. With what happened the loss of his arm was the best possible outcome in the situation. It was a tragic accident. Now, please stop this carrying on" "Well, what does Draecia say about this? Have they issued any form of compensation?" Erwin could have jumped in at any time to save him from this, but the man chose to quietly sip at his second cup of peppermint tea "Draecia is not to blame" "How can you not blame them!? Your bodyguard has lost an arm! He'll need replacing! Erwin may be skilled with a sword, but he is no longer fit to stand by your side" "Erwin will remain my bodyguard!" "I will not have the crown prince protected by anyone less than the best! Your refusal is completely unsatisfactory. I will take it upon myself to find a replacement. Perhaps even looking at a bodyguard for both of us. Especially with the wedding..." Pushing his chair back, Levi's voice dropped several degrees. The mess she'd made of his desk, and this fantasy she continued to entertain despite how many times he'd voiced his feelings on the matter... It pushed him right over the edge "Petra. You know this marriage is being forced upon both of us under the threat of war. I told you that you could stay here because our healers have been making headway with your father's condition, and you are a distinguished soldier. From the very start, I have told you I have no intention of marrying you. With recent events, the engagement will be dissolved. Now. You can leave. You've caused enough problems for both Levi and I, by undermining Hanji's decisions" "Prince Erwin?" He could hear the wobble in Petra's voice. No doubt, she'd expected some glorious reunion where he declared his love. Like that shit would happen. His affections started and stopped with Eren. That was it. And even that was up in the air... "I... I was trying to be of use to you. We are still to be wed. Prince Zeke has decreed it so, and... we've been engaged for over a year now. I thought..." He didn't care what she thought. Nor did he care for her hurt scent "No. I'm being serious here. There is a reason why Hanji is selected to act in our absence. She knows better than to rifle through documents that don't have anything to do with her. This is a reason why Levi is my right hand man, or left as it may be now. Draecia was not to blame for this incident. It was an accident caused by an Eldia on their soil... you will not pursue the matter and he will not be replaced. Now. I've had it with you. And I've had it with this mess. If you're not going to find Eren, I am. I need to talk with him about the incident that happened in Draecia. Erwin, take yourself down to see the healers. Flying doesn't agree with you, and you should have just stayed down there. Petra. Just... don't be here when I return" Gathering up his papers, he wasn't leaving them there for Petra to go through again. He knew he'd regret scrunching the paper once he got back to his quarters... but for everyone's sake, it was probably for the best that he didn't lose his temper further, less he black out again "Erwin?" "Let him go, Petra. Trust me on this" Oh, look. Erwin could fucking talk. Clenching her fists, Petra leapt to her feet, daring to glare at him "We aren't done talking. You were gone for twice as long as originally planned, and come back in a mood, and with Levi injured. Not only that. You failed to informed us that you would be bringing back... a magic user, as well as his two friends! Now. Tell me what is going on here! Do you not care about you kingdom?" "Of course I fucking do! Leading this kingdom is what is fucking up my life! I don't want to be married to someone I don't love! I would love to see this all resolved peacefully with Zeke, but Marley has made a clear move of aggression, and once things have been discussed, the engagement will be dissolved. Or at least it will be if Zeke does not wish to make his intentions public knowledge. As for Eren. Yes. I know you know his name. He and his friends have returned. Squad leader Mikasa will be returning to her previous role. Her squad will continue their protection of the port. As for you. Confer with Levi. Your father's quality of care will not be impacted" "Erwin?" This time it was Erwin calling "his" name. He didn't seem to be losing control of himself, yet he hadn't realised when he had last time... perhaps he had and missed it? "It's fine. Just take care of this" Stopping by his quarters to drop his papers off before seeking out Eren, he'd felt their bond growing stronger with proximity, yet wasn't expecting it to be because the teen was curled up in his bed snoring. Levi had thought Eren would be in his own quarters at the end of the hall. He'd kept the room empty in the hopes that Eren would return soon, and when they'd landed, he'd mentioned it to Eren before dragging Hanji away from the teen in his dragon form. The woman was already enough of a menace, and while Eren seemed to love his dragon form, it'd probably taken a lot out of him, especially given their earlier activities. Moving to place the pile of papers onto his dining table, Levi then walked to his bed, sinking down on the edge in order to untie his boots. If Eren was here, he didn't need to go searching for him... and he couldn't deny he wasn't exhausted from the last few days. One night of dreamless sleep, and morning of "recharging" sex, had been completely ruined by coming home. Shrugging his jacket off, Levi let out a soft sigh of relief. Since he'd come back in a robe, his image had taken a hit, and dressed in full garb after he'd showered, something he regretted on such a warm day, and even more so when the maid stoked the hearth in the sun room. Burning documents was the only way for them to remain truly secret, once the contents had been digested. He'd normally have opened a window, but Petra was busy fussing over Erwin's health, and he hadn't wished to cause a scene... Fat lot of good that had done. Climbing up his bed, Eren was sleeping so soundly that he didn't hear Levi shift the blankets aside, nor did he feel Levi rearranging the pair of them so that Eren's head rested in his lap as he stroked his hair. Part of him wanted to shake the omega awake and demand a thorough explanation of absolutely everything that had transpired since Eren had bolted, but another part was scared that if he did, he might not like the answer. He felt cowardly as he left Eren to sleep. The omega had bathed before climbing into his bed, and Levi was grateful for the consideration. Eren knew he tended to be a bit overly anal when it came how things had to be, yet he didn't laugh at him, nor did he hold it against him. If only he could marry him publicly. He was the kind of ruler that Eldia needed. The kind that put the people above lining their pockets. Not that Erwin was like that, but he also wasn't not like that. He refused to push higher taxes onto the society elite, out of fear of rebellion, even when that money could be used to better fund places such as orphanages. No. He let them keep their money, and he was rewarded with polite conversation to his face. As far as Levi was concerned, they were all fat pigs growing fatter... yet, he was no better than Erwin. He could force the tax issue, but if he did that and it turned to rebellion, it carried a risk of war and that was what he thought about. About all those people forced into the underground. The families torn apart. The smugness of Marley grinding Eldia to dust... He didn't know when his mind set began to change, only that it was now too late to change it. Not that he would allow himself to be walked over, like Eren would. The kid had... well, he didn't quite know. It sounded like Rod had struck him for disagreeing with him, but he distinctly remembered Eren being far too bloody for just a single hit, and the teen's magic would have healed him immediately. When Eren woke, he wasn't going to fall for the charms of his gloriously plump arse, nor for the charms of his thick thighs, and tight arse that was made for him. No. He was going to have that talk with Eren, and Eren wasn't worming his way out of it. Letting Eren sleep, Levi nodded off. The pair of them were woken by solid knocking on Levi's door. Whining softly, Eren nuzzled into Levi's stomach "I'm sorry, but I need to get up" "You're comfy" "I'm glad you think so" As the knocking continued, Levi growing annoyed. What was the point of having guards if they weren't going to stop people from annoying him "Who is it?!" "It's Petra. May we please speak? Please?" In his lap, Eren shot up "Shit" Levi couldn't help but smile at the teen's obvious panic "It's ok. I told her I didn't want to talk to her" "You can't avoid her" "I may have snapped at her earlier. Erwin was supposed to be talking to her about it" "Because Erwin is the most eloquent man in existence..." "Prince Erwin?!" "Not now, Petra!" Eren frowned at him "She's your fiancée" "I told her were legally finding a way to dissolve it. I mean. I'm cursed. The last thing I need is to lose my temper and kill her" "You won't kill her... wait... Did you tell her your infected? Are you feeling symptoms?" "Nope, and no" Levi blinked in confusion as Eren grabbed his shoulders, staring straight into his eyes "This is serious. Did you feel anything at all? Any anger? Any rage? Did you do anything?!" Levi shook his head, taking Eren's into his. Eren's concern scared him. It made him question if there had been other times he'd blacked out without knowing... "No. I mean. I was mad, but I don't think I blacked out. Petra no doubt would have said something, and if not her, Erwin" Eren slumped with relief "Ok. Ok. That's good. It means everything is working. But you need to tell me if you feel any symptoms at all. Headaches. Nightmares. Hallucinations. Even small things..." "Eren. You need to tell me what you did. You said you did something to ease this, but what? I don't understand how. I'm infected with Obsydin. That's it, isn't it? That's why I'm blacking out. Why I'm getting angry. Why our bond felt strange... I'm infected and you did something about it. Now, I need to know what" "It doesn't matter" "Eren!" Scrambling off Levi's bed, Eren threw his hands up "It doesn't matter! I did what needed to be done. I sealed the sword, ok. Historia and I sealed it so it would never be drawn again. But I don't know if what we did will hold, so I need to know. I need to know that it's still in place... that it wasn't all for nothing!" Climbing off his bed at a much slower pace, Levi kept his movements slow and deliberate, so as to not scare Eren "Please, Eren. Just tell me. I'm not going to force you, and you can choose not to, but I won't be mad" "I can't. Not this. Please let me keep this one to myself" Wrapping his arms around his stomach, Eren's scent was growing distressed as he hunched over "Hey... what's happening?" "C-command. I'm going against your command..." "No. No, you're not. I told you that you didn't have to tell. You can have this secret, for now. As long as your honest about why you appeared covered in blood. What happened?" "You mean I didn't have to tell?" Yes. Levi would love more than anything for Eren to tell... but if he got him talking, his omega might just let it slip "Not right now" Eren slipped back to the bed, just out of his hold. His body language yelling that he didn't want to be touched "It was Rod. When I yelled about the sword, he heard... you know, about how we dragons and riders have super senses. He sent Sina after me... He... uh. Lost his head about everything and took it out on me" "He hit you?" "He did a bit more than that" "I'm going to fucking kill him!" "Wait... We can't. We can't go to war over something so pathetic" "Pathetic? He hurt you. That's not ok. That's never ok" "He just lashed out. It healed, and besides, he's a small man scrambling to control a dying race. He was scared!" "He fucking hurt you! What did he do? Bash the fuck out of you!? Break a few bones?! Well that just magically makes it ok!" Eren flinched away, just as a loud crack came "Prince Erwin!" Kicking open his door, Petra had her sword raised as she looked from him to Eren. Her face filling with anger and disgust, probably over the fact Eren was seated on his bed, which had clearly been slept in. Well this was awkward. His lover, and his fiancée "Petra! What do you think you're doing? These are my private quarters" Sheathing her sword, she stood taller "I heard yelling" "As you can see, everything is just fine" "It is not fine. What is all of this? An infection? Eren using his magic? What is with his face? Are those scales? Is he sick? Is he infected? Did he cause the incident in Draecia? The loss of Levi's arm?" Levi loved the scales on Eren's face, the bright shimmering greens were beautiful. Growling, he moved to place himself between Eren and Petra "None of this is your business or concern" "I'm your fiancée!" "No. You're just..." Grabbing Levi's arm, Eren tugged him back "What Prince Erwin means to say it that the matter of infection has been handled. Levi lost his arm due to his own carelessness. He knows it, we know it, and Draecia knows it. However, over that incident, Prince Erwin was not given a full explanation, which is why I am here. As you have noticed, I do have scales on my face, but I am not contagious. I would not place the Eldia people in danger over such a thing as a contagious infection. Now. The prince is tired. Draecia is a joyous, and free country, which may be hard to handle if you are not used to heights and flying. The Prince will had time to talk to you about all of this, but not today or tonight. Surely you must understand, from your time with soldiers who experience traumatic events, the mind needs time to heal. For now, that is the best thing for them" "Then I expect you shall be leaving too?" "Indeed. As you mentioned, we were yelling, but for now things are sorted. The Prince has nothing to fear" The shit. He'd taken Petra's game and turned it back on her, and for that the woman looked livid. Not that Levi wasn't also mad. Eren had wriggled his way out of telling him everything again. Rising, Eren made towards the door, Levi grabbing him by the arm in a return of the gesture "Actually Eren, there are a couple more things I could use your help with, before you do leave. Just things to do with Draecia. Petra, please leave. As Eren said, I need to rest, so this will be short" Petra glared for several long moments, before huffing and rushing out, slamming the door behind her. Pulling Eren up against him, Levi shook his head "Don't let her walk over you" "We need to be more careful" "No..." "People can't know about us, and even if you and I had been together before I left, can you imagine the fallout? Petra knew we were sleeping together, and she's probably going to make sure the whole castle knows before long" "She wouldn't. Her pride would let her" "We can't leave it like this. I really should be going" Levi nuzzled into Eren's neck, he didn't want to be left alone, or Eren walking the castle alone. They'd never discussed the fact his marks would now be seen by the whole royal court. For two smart people, they'd acted like idiots. Levi had thought once Eren returned, things would just fall into place "You can't keep running away from me" "I'm not. It's just been a bit of a mess since I woke up" "Now? Or when you woke from falling asleep in my bed? I was surprised to find you here" Instead of nuzzling back, Eren just kept his face hidden against Levi's neck "My old quarters weren't ready, so I told the guards I had permission from you to wait here. I really needed a shower, and your bed was right there... are you mad?" "Not at all. You're welcome in this room at any time. I wish it was more permanently though" "Don't say that... I really should leave though, Petra is probably waiting outside to make sure I do" "Let her. I have honestly had enough of her shit. She talked and fussed over Erwin for two hours straight, and if that wasn't enough, she undermined all of Hanji's decisions while we were gone. The main reason I came down here was to escape her. I even brought my work here with me, though the papers may have ended up a little scrunched" Eren snorted against him, pressing a kiss to neck, before pulling away "Then you should get started. My room should be ready by now" "And if I asked you stay?" "Will you do all your work?" "Of course I will, brat. I'm not you" Eren gave him a warm smile, his eyes sparkling with more happiness than he could remember seeing since... if sex didn't count, then the last time would have been before the sword incident "Then I'll stay. But you have to do all of it" "I know. Seriously. Petra has no idea the amount of work she's made for me" "I think her intentions were in the right place" "I'd really rather they weren't. Are you hungry? I can send for food" "I could eat, but you're just trying to get out of work" "I am not. I'm simply worried for you" "You don't need to be, and please, don't worry about your own condition so much. I mean, I still need to know if symptoms present, but don't be afraid to be yourself" "If I was myself, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. But then again, it is because I am, that I met you. The centre of all my affections" Eren gave him quick kiss, before walking over to the bed and sprawling across it. His long legs slightly spread, but unfortunately covered by the pair of black pants he was wearing. Waving his hand towards the dining table, his voice took on a mocking "royal" tone "And you are mine, my good sir. Now, get to work" * Falling back to sleep in Levi's bed, his boyfriend woke him when he joined him for the night, insisting he strip out of his tight pants and tunic in order "to be more comfortable", while Eren was sure that it was because his boyfriend was a sexually insatiable. To Levi's credit, the man had poured over the paperwork, while Eren had offered suggestions and calmed him when his alpha grew annoyed or angered. Curling around him, Levi nuzzled at his neck, then promptly fell asleep. Eren would have laughed if it hadn't run the risk of waking his alpha. Sometimes Levi reminded him of a small child, especially with how peaceful he looked as he slept... but he couldn't help but wonder if they'd even be laying here like this, if Levi knew the truth of what he'd done. When the morning came, Eren slipped out from under Levi, in hopes of stealing the first shower given how much he'd slicked in his sleep. He'd barely stepped under the warm water when Levi was joining him. Biting his bottom lip lightly, Levi jerked his erection slowly as his eyes travelled down Eren's body "See something you like?" "Something like that" "Only something?" "I see a lot of what I like, and a sneaky little shit who crept out of bed" "I slicked in my sleep" "I know. The sheets are still wet with it" Leaning in, the teen stole a quick kiss "Are you going to punish me for it?" "I think I might..." "Then get on with it. I have a room to unpack and you have a kingdom to rule" Releasing his erection, Levi stepped under the running water, pulling Eren close by his hips, both moaning into the heated kiss as Levi's hands slipped to grope his arse. Feeling the gently prompting with his fingers tips, he let himself be lifted by his arse, legs wrapping around his alpha's waist "I'm going to fuck you so hard" "Good..." Pinned against the shower wall, Eren had come the moment Levi had pushed in, so aroused from whatever he'd been dreaming about. Laughing at him between kisses, Levi then took his time to thoroughly fuck him senseless, until he was literally boneless in his arms. The alpha had way too much stamina when it came to drawing out the pleasure, and turning him into a babbling mess. Coming a second time, didn't slow Levi at all. Over stimulated and feeling full, Levi finally picked his pace up, knotting him a long grunt. Letting his legs go limp, he was held in place by Levi's panting form "Eren?" "Mmm" "You ok?" "Mhmm" "Good" "You?" "Mhmm" "Good. Fuck... Would it be rude if I spent the whole day in bed?" Levi kissed his chest, before rubbing his cheek against the spot "Do I get to spend it with you?" "No. You've got to be princely" "Then yes. Incredibly rude. So rude I don't know what to say" "I'm not spending it in your bed..." "That's even worse. I wanted to finish our conversation yesterday, but paperwork happened" "What was left to talk about?" Couldn't they just bask in the pleasant afterglow? He liked the afterglow. He liked the way Levi's knot was caught him, and the way his alpha's penis swelled to stretch him wide open as the alpha's seed flooded into him. He liked the way their bond felt stronger and how his magic loved the alpha just as much as he did. He didn't want to keep using his words "About how certain you are over the sword being sealed? This relationship. What we're going to say about scales?" Ugh. Adult responsibilities. He was tired of them. Maybe he'd find somewhere else to take a nap... "I'm not ashamed of them, but I do know the danger. This relationship. I don't want to give it up. Or for anything to change. I'm a little bit dragon and you're a little bit cursed. If things change, I'll let you know. And if you change, we'll work it out. And the sword should be sealed for good. I've... placed it somewhere safe for now. To be honest, I think the magic should hold, but if anything were to go wrong, it would be during your rut, and I'm here with you. I'll do everything I can for you, so can you please just stop asking me questions while you're still coming in my arse and I'm too tired to human" "Ok... I shouldn't have pushed" "I love that you do. I just wish you'd trust that I care for you more than the rest of the world" Levi shook his head, hiding his face "I don't know how you can say such shit so easily" "Because it's true. Or at least, that is how I feel. Let me turn your word into a sword, and help you lead this kingdom. The people need their prince, and I want to be the one to support you" "What happens if you chose to leave one day?" "You foolish prince, I left you alone, you'd fall to pieces. No. No matter what, I will do my best for you and for Eldia. I love you. I can't even say your name to tell you, but I do" "Fucking commands" "It's ok... it was the right thing to do to protect the kingdom..." Eren regretted his wording. He needed to find a way to repair all of this between him, Levi and Erwin... Maybe he'd seek the man out later? If Erwin wasn't going to be the responsible one, he needed to step up. For the state of the kingdom, and for the sake of the one he loved. After eating breakfast together, Eren and Levi went their seperate ways. Eren to his room to unpack, while Levi had messages to send. Apparently there had been some kind of trouble at the docks again, and Levi had to deal with it immediately, lest Zeke get it in his head that he needed to visit again. Sitting in his small room, it felt tiny in comparison to the cabin he'd had in Draecia, and some how he'd accumulated enough junk to fill the space, or it would have if he had unpacked. While he liked his room being so close to Levi's, perhaps it was time to ask if he may use another room, or even build a small cabin for himself near where his herb garden used to be. There were so many spells and herbal remedies he wanted to try now that he was back on home soil. His nap was going to have to wait. He needed to seek Erwin out, to ask his permission, so they may as well talk while he was at it. He also needed to check in with Armin, and make sure he hadn't ended up spending every moment since his return with Hanji. The only problem the teen has was his scales. Levi had smelt concerned over it, and he wanted to respect that, yet he couldn't hide the fact he wasn't quite human. Petra had seemed disgusted by them, which he felt was incredibly narrow minded. She lived in a world filled with magic. Wherever he went, there were whispers. New soldiers had no idea who he was, while old soldiers rolled their eyes as he passed. By the time he reached the kitchens, he was longing for a familiar face, which he found in Nicollo. Sitting at the familiar table, Eren smiled at the sight of the kitchen staff bustling around. He'd never been able to sit in the kitchen of the manor like this... watching Nicollo, it was worth it. The man visibly jumped as he turned around and caught sight of him. There was a brief tug at the corners of the man's lips, before his facial features settled into a scowl "You're back" "I am" "What's with your face?" "I'm part dragon" Nicollo huffed, putting his hands on his hips "So that's why you destroyed my kitchen?" Nicollo just couldn't let it go, and instead of being annoyed, it just drove home the feeling of how right it was to be here "Yep. And I know the kitchens the real powerhouse of the castle..." "You're back five minutes and you're already making trouble" "I was just going to ask if you knew where Levi was" "I think he's with the soldiers out on the training field. You're not planning on causing any more trouble are you?" "Nope. I just need to talk to him, that's all" Turning back to the saucepan he'd been hovering over when Eren walked in, Nicollo stopped him from leaving by casually dropping "There's a rumour going 'round that there was some trouble in Draecia, and that you are the reason Levi lost his arm" Oh. So it wasn't the scales... Everyone thought he was to blame for what happened... He couldn't help but feel that this was Petra's revenge for the previous afternoon. Nope. He wasn't going to stoop to her Levi, but he might as well spread a rumour of his own, especially when he didn't want to be treated like a freak "No. Well, yes, but not like that. Levi messed around with something dangerous and it was either his arm or his life. It nearly cost both him, and Prince Erwin their lives" "Right. Off you go then" The walk down to the training field gave him plenty of time to deal with the fact that Nicollo didn't believe him. The fact he was dragging his feet only prolonged the inevitable, though it did give him plenty of time to enjoy the scents around the place, other than the stink of the stables. Draecia felt so very different from Eldia that it was hard to process they were once part of the same empire. The magic here wasn't the same, nor was the land healed the way Draecia was. Maybe he'd sprinkle a few scales when they fell? Something to booster the magic here, and something to heal the land? He loved Eldia... and what was the point of having power if he couldn't use it? His internal thoughts continued until he reached Mikasa, as well as Petra and the people he guessed were her squad. Chatting away with them, Erwin had a smile on his face, patting the stump like it was an old war wound "Eren!" Leaping up from where the group was sitting on the grass, Mikasa strode over to him "What are you doing here? Is it safe for you to be walking around?" "I'm fine, Mikasa. I see you're right back at work" "The stupid prince has decided that I'll be taking over my squad again, and we'll be moving to the port for the next few months. Levi came down with Petra to notify us. I don't see why she can't handle it, it was her post before she was engaged to the prince" Eren hid his annoyance over his adoptive sister taking her anger out on his boyfriend. The port needed someone they could trust down there, and he was kind of proud that Mikasa was selected for such a role "I heard there's been some trouble down there" "How do you know that?" "This castle is filled with rumours. Anyway, I actually came to talk to Levi" "Why? What business do you have with him? Is this something to do with your coma? Because you never gave me an explanation over that, and then all of a sudden we were leaving" "What happened was an accident, but I've been sworn to secrecy. Have you seen Armin?" "Armin was with Squad Leader Hanji last night. I haven't seen him since. Are you sure you're ok? You smell different" "I smell like Eldia soap, and I'm fine. I slept most of yesterday and last night. You worry too much" "How can I not? You know I care for you, Eren. I..." Nope... he wasn't going there today "I know, I care for you too. I'm sorry, I really need to talk to Levi" Eren raised his voice at "Levi" causing Erwin to pay attention. Helping him up, Petra remained by Erwin's side as the pair joined them "Eren" Forcing a smile at Petra, she looked as if she wanted to run him through with her sword "What are you doing wandering around the castle grounds?" "I needed to talk with Levi over something. I'm sorry for interrupting your... meeting" "Levi..." Erwin placed his good hand on Petra's shoulder "Sure, shall we take a walk?" "That'll be great. I'll see you later, Mikasa. Petra" Dismissing both female alphas, both looked annoyed. Probably because he was an omega, acting like an alpha. Walking away from the group, Eren found himself following Erwin towards the opposite end of the training field, the silence was weird, and there was only so much of it he could take "Look. I want to talk. I don't want to start a fight, but I felt we should talk about what happened in Draecia" Erwin nodded, though didn't offer any kind of verbal reply "Um... your arm. Does it hurt?" "No. I suppose I do need to thank you for acting so fast" "I wish it didn't turn out like this, you know. I never wanted to... hurt you" "I know. I've been waiting for you to tell me "I told you so"" "What good would that do now? The whole castle knows I'm to blame thanks to the latest round of rumours..." Eren cut his own sentence off with a shake of his head "No. This isn't what I want to say. I'm not happy about anything that happened between us in Draecia. I know you hate me, and I know you don't trust me, but I do want to help Eldia, and to do that, we need to get along. The prince has a hard enough job, without worrying about if we are fighting or not" "How unexpectedly mature of you" "See. That's what I mean. I know you don't like me being with him. I know. But... I love him, and I love Eldia" "He's engaged to be married to Petra" "I know he is. I also know he's scared. I'm sure you know that too. His blackouts are being caused by Obsydin, and he fears what he is capable of" "What is he capable of?" "Obsydin... He was a dragon of amazing power, but kind of taboo to talk about. From what Historia told me, he has the powers of making dreams a reality. His madness rears when the prince loses his temper, or he sleeps" Erwin sighed heavily, his steps coming to a stop "Then what are we supposed to do?" We? Since when were they a "we"? "You? Nothing. Nothing changes for now" Erwin growled as his scent filled with anger, Eren taking half a step back "You can't be serious! What if he infects the castle?!" Was that all Erwin cared about!? Not the man who's life he manipulated like he was a marionette "He won't! Because unlike you, I've been doing everything I can to make sure that wouldn't happen!" "What? What did you do? You ran away" "I ran away, and was picked up Rod's favourite dragon Sina. I told Rod about Zeke, and do you know what he did? He bashed the fuck out of me, broke my arm, and told me I'm banished from Draecia. He would have been happy for us to all die, but instead we put a plan into place and got out of there alive. I've met the Obsydin in his mind. Twice he used my magic to heal me. He's the reason I'm alive. He saved me from the magical contamination that occurred when you drew the sword, then after Rod broke my body" "So you've taken his side? Because he's a dragon, you don't care for him anymore" Was it rude to punch a one armed man? "Can you just drop the fucking act? It's gotten old. I know you're under pressure to rule the kingdom. I know you're scared and now you've lost your arm, you stupid bastard. No. I haven't taken Obsydin's side. I love him, and I nearly died to help with sealing what I could of Obsydin away. He doesn't know, but I used my scales and part of my soul to make sure he was no longer suffering. I... I gave up my dream, because he means that much to me. I don't care if you hate me. I don't care if you run around telling everyone I cut your arm off for now. I don't care because this isn't a popularity contest. Eldia needs the public prince, and I did what I could. Fuck. This wasn't what we were supposed to be taking about. Look. The engagement with Petra will have to wait. The real test of the magic Historia and I used will come when he enters his rut. Our bond is fully open then, and he's at one with his alpha and his desires. So, for the good of Eldia, can you please just back off" It would be so much easier if he could just say Levi's name. Standing there with fists clenched, he was completely prepared to punch Erwin if he didn't agree. Swallowing, Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath and releasing it "Look. I don't hate you. It's just... I've never seen him like this. Not unless it was Farlan or Isabel. He cares deeply for you, but he loses his composure when it comes to you" "I know he does... but Erwin, the last thing I want is for this kingdom to fall back into war. I know I can't be his lover publicly, and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with being whatever he wants me to be" "I don't think you understand" "No. It's you who doesn't. I've entertained Zeke for you. I've told our prince over, and over, he can't go to war, and I told him he shouldn't dissolve his engagement, because the country wouldn't survive another war. I studied everything I could while in Draecia and I want to use that to help the kingdom. I understand if you don't want a dragon in your castle, my magic was uncontrolled because it's more dragon than mage, but I've changed and I've grown. If you would like, I'll live out here, or in a room further away from his. Hell, I'll even leave the castle and go help wherever you need, but I'm serious about him" "What did you give up?" Eren raised an eyebrow "What?" "You said you gave up your dream. What was your dream?" "I..." His stupid omega flooded him with sadness "Tell me what you gave up" "Only if you don't tell him" "I won't make that promise" He couldn't get out of telling Erwin "A clutch. I gave up on having children of my own. If I'm pregnant, the eggs inside of me will pass just before my next heat, but if they do, it's pretty much a sure sign that I'll never have children" Setting his jaw, and grinding his teeth, the omega fought to keep his tears from forming "Why would you that?" "Because Eldia needs him... and he's the only one I could ever love. Besides. Obsydin makes dreams become reality. If he... if we... I could end up carrying his children, and I will not allow that to happen. Maybe someday we can find a way to defeat Obsydin completely, and maybe then I can undo the spell, but we don't know that, so this is what needed to happen" Eren flinched as Erwin placed his hand on his shoulder "You truly love him, don't you?" "I do" "I release you of the commands I put on you, and place a new command on you. You will refer to us by our names, only when no one else is around. If you yell or shout, you shall call him "Erwin", and me "Levi". In public, and in front of anyone but us, I am "Levi", and he is "Erwin". If someone else asks, you will not tell them the truth, even if they use a command on you. If he gives you a command, you will follow it, and if your spell doesn't hold, you will tell me immediately. Understood?" Eren nodded, Erwin's grip growing tighter until he figure out what the man wanted "Yes, sir" "Good. And yes. Your quarter's being so close to Levi's is causing an issue. We shall need to find new accomodation for you. It is not safe to let you stay outside the castle, but you and Levi are hardly quiet" It wasn't his fault that being thoroughly drilled by Levi felt fucking amazing... "I'm sorry" "I'll look into it, and arrange new quarters. For now, I need to think. You are dismissed" "Yes, sir. And... I really am sorry about your arm. When I saw what was happening, I lost my head. I didn't want Eldia to lose you, or to lose... well, you know" "I know. It's not easy keeping up this charade, and balancing the future of the kingdom" "I don't envy you. Never forget, you're not alone" When Erwin removed his hand, Eren started walking back towards the castle. He'd nearly said Levi's name, but he desperately wanted Levi to be the first one to hear him say it. He wasn't free from Erwin's commands, but it was a kinder command. With that thought in mind, Eren's pace hastened. He wanted to see Levi. He wanted to call him by his name, over and over. He wanted to make up for every time he'd moaned something other than Levi... The smile on his face was huge as he raced forward.

[vegafiction]

Bon Appétit

Words: 1.6k Pairing(s): Yusuke/Akira (shukita) Fandom: Persona 5 NSFW Prompt: Rimming Warning(s): Detailed Rimming, bottom!Akira, mild cursing

This was meant to be a warmup, but it ended up becoming 1.6k words of self-indulgence. Shout out to @hypertails7773 on discord for beta reading this for me!

Yusuke’s mouth is hot against his heated skin. Teeth graze across his skin, sharp canine press into his shoulder blade, daring to break through but they never do. His tongue licks a heated trail from the top of Akira’s shoulder to the nape of his neck. Yusuke nips his jugular and Akira’s body shudders.

The air between them is hot and humid. Akira’s body feels like it’s on fire. He grinds into Yusuke’s lap, his hands scrambling for Yusuke’s shoulders. Their groins rub together; the fabric is harsh against their sensitive dicks but oh-so-relieving.

Yusuke’s teeth sink possibly into the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. Akira’s moan is breathless and loud. He grinds harder.

“Akira,” Yusuke breathes into his neck, inhaling the boy’s intoxicating scent. “Please, contain yourself.”

Akira’s laugh is as breathless as his moans. His nails dig into Yusuke’s shoulder blades as he cranes his neck further back, allowing his lover more access to his skin. “You’re the one who should contain himself. What am I supposed to tell Sojiro when he sees me covered in hickies?”

Yusuke sucks a new bruise just below Akira’s earlobe. He shudders from the touch and pants from the flame of pleasure coursing through him. He jerks his hips forward, chasing a release he can’t seem to claim when Yusuke’s hands cease their exploration of his body and clamp down on Akira’s hips, halting his grinding.

Yusuke pulls away from his lover’s neck and presses their foreheads together.

“Yusuke?”

Yusuke’s eyes bear deeply into Akira’s soul. A small, tender smile forms on his lips.

“You are a true beauty to behold,” he murmurs. Suddenly, Akira is on the floor of the attic, his boyfriend barely a breath away from his face. Long, calloused fingers caress the length of his cheek gingerly. “Please allow me a moment of selfishness, Akira. I want the entire world to know to whom my heart belongs to.”

Akira’s breath hitches, his heart a stuttering mess. He lets out a trembling breath.

“Okay,” An impish grin spills across his face. “Let’s show them.”

The amount of adoration that radiates from Yusuke fills Akira with a sense of warmth that has nothing to do with desire or the humid atmosphere.

Their lips crash together in a mess of impatience and excitement. It’s wet and desperate as though both boys were in a hurry to shower the other in as much affection as they could. Akira’s hands roam across Yusuke’s back again. He could feel those muscles tense in movement through the thin fabric of Yusuke’s shirt; could imagine how hot and soft Yusuke’s flesh would be without that barrier between them.

A loud, unsolicited moan rips from his throat the moment Yusuke jerks his hips. Their ground, still flushed together from their positions, rub against the other.

“Fuck,” Akira grunts. His back arches as Yusuke continues to grind into him. “Y-Yusuke, please! Stop teasing me!”

The look of innocence that Yusuke nails him with makes Akira want to scream.

“Whatever do you mean?” His question is punctuated with another harsh grind. Akira’s needy gasp fills the gap between them.

He shoots his lover a halfhearted glare; the blunt crescents if his nails dig into Yusuke’s back.

“Fuck me or I’m taking control.” Akira challenges, dark eyes daring.

Yusuke’s lips latch onto Akira’s again. He breaks their contact only to nibble on his lover’s earlobe again.

“Yusuke,” Akira sighs. He hooks his legs around the taller boy’s waists and tries to pull him closer. Their clothes serve as an unhappy reminder of their existence. Akira wants nothing more than to tear them off and feel Yusuke’s heated flesh against his own.

Suddenly, Yusuke pulls away.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

“Teasing you,” Yusuke says languidly, the smirk on his face sends a spike of heat through Akira.

“No, no!” Akira scrambles onto his elbows as Yusuke watches him. “You don’t get to do that. Only I get to tease you—“

“Ah yes, you seem to quite enjoy making me flustered.”

Yusuke works Akira out of his jeans with expertise he should not have. One minute, Akira laid on the floor, fully clothed and the next he was exposed from the waist down. His dick lay heavy and moist against his thigh; his skin overheated and sensitive from their senseless grinding

Yusuke’s eyes were like a prey surveying their next meal. It left Akira feeling breathless and horny. He swallowed thickly.

“When you said you wanted to show the world who your heart belonged to, I thought that meant we were going to have romantic sex. You know, like usual.”

Yusuke’s chuckle was deep and foreboding. Akira felt his dick twitch in anticipation. A blush crawled up to the nape of his neck.

“You are mistaken, my love. I asked for a moment of selfishness. I plan to fuck you tonight. Please forgive me for the sinful actions I will subject you with. I wish to show the world how deep my possession of you runs. If you may allow me to.”

Akira’s gulp was audible in the quiet, humid attic.

“O-okay.”

Yusuke’s lips were on his again. This time it was soft and tender; slow and steady. He murmured a barely audible thank you into Akira’s mouth before Yusuke’s skilled, clammy hands flipped the shorter boy over and perched his ass into the air.

Bewildered by the sudden pose change, Akira opens his mouth but clamps it shut as Yusuke’s tongue makes its presence known against his tight ring. He traces his tongue along the ridges of Akira’s hole and sucks. Akira jerks from the touch, a startled yet delighted moan carries across the quiet attic.

“Your moans are a delight, Akira,” Yusuke chuckles. He kneads the boy’s cheeks tenderly, spreading them further before he dives back into his meal.

Another curse rips from Akira’s lips. He pants under Yusuke’s ministrations and tries to grip onto the closest thing near him—the cold iron of his shelf. It rattles dangerously from his touch.

With unprecedented strength, Yusuke pulls Akira’s ass closer to him, ripping him away from the shelf. He spreads Akira’s legs apart so they’re on either side of his knees and holds the boy’s ass close to his face so that Akira is forced to keep himself face down on the ground.

“What a delectable pose. You are truly a beauty to be reckoned with.”

Akira’s reply comes in the form of a loud, needy moan as Yusuke returns to his ministrations. He licks a circle around the clamping ring and sucks harder onto Akira’s gasps are loud and sharp.

Another curse fills the room.

“Y-Yusuke, I swear—! Please—nnghh ah!”

A finger slips inside and Akira’s gasp is desperate and full of need. Yusuke crooks his finger and rubs.

“Nnnghhh! Stop teasing me!”

A second, moist finger joins the first and Akira’s hips jerk from the burn. Yusuke watches with a mixture of lust and fascination as Akira’s ring clamp tightly around his fingers. He pulls his fingers out slowly, admiring the way Akira snags around him, desperate to keep his fingers inside but wanting more.

Akira scrapes his fingers on the ground, beads of sweat dotting his brow as heat boils in his groin.

“Y-Yusuke,” he cries. “Yusuke! Yusuke!”

“We have barely begun and yet you are quickly unraveling. Such eagerness!”

Akira’s fists hit the ground in a moment of frustration. Yusuke’s amused chortle does nothing to alleviate his desire for release.

“A leader must have patience to reap his rewards.” Yusuke’s fingers sink deeper into Akira. He reaches down to his knuckle then slowly drags it out, scissoring as he went.

Akira shoves his knuckles into his mouth to stifle his moans. His teeth sink into his skin, breaking flesh. He can taste the copper on his tongue.

Yusuke’s fingers pull away completely, leaving his lover’s hole wanting.

“Oh, how you desire me. How gorgeous!” Yusuke sighs. The palms of his hands knead Akira’s cheeks again. Akira’s whole body shakes from the tension.

“Yusuke, if you don’t get the lube right now, I’m ripping your pants off and riding your dick raw.” Akira threatens, his voice hoarse from overuse.

Yusuke hums thoughtfully for a moment. “A rather intriguing threat but I do believe I am the one in control of our pace. Watching you come undone is quickly becoming one of my most coveted images of you. Please, let me hear your melodious moans once more.”

“Yusuk—Aaaghhhh!”

Before he could fully say his name Yusuke’s devilish fingers dove deep into Akira followed by a dangerously experienced tongue. Akira’s hands slammed and scraped across the floor as he pants. He writhes and twitches in Yusuke’s hold, a sliver of drool escaping his lips as he screams. Yusuke’s fingers crook inside him and brushes against something that shoots fire and lightning into Akira’s veins. Yusuke’s inquisitive fingers press again despite knowing what he’s found.

Akira’s whole body shudders. He’s wound tight, hot and sweaty. Another press has him gasping for breath. Another poke makes him scream. Yusuke assaults his prostate until Akira comes undone. He unloads onto Yusuke’s lap, ringlets upon ringlets of cum drip from his dick until Akira’s body twitches uncontrollably from Yusuke’s torturous fingers.

He collapses into his mess, heaving and exhausted; black hair matted against his sweaty forehead.

Yusuke flips him onto his back and crawls in between his spread legs. He hovers over the exhausted boy, gray eyes glimmering with mischievous delight.

“Do not rest yet. The night is still young.”

Akira freezes. “Yusuke... I came already.”

“Yes, I am aware. Is your lube with your personal belongings?”

“Yusuke,” Akira tries again. He reaches out for the boy but misses him as he heads for Akira’s box of belongings. “I just came!”

“Yes,” Yusuke drawls. He finds what he’s looking for and turns to Akira, still spent and half-naked on the floor. “And you will come again and again tonight and into tomorrow.”

“Oh my god,” Akira breathes, turned on all over again. “I should have bought more lube.”

[star-trek-understands]

My apologies in advance for this (and this got far longer and more involved than I intended, so please *please* disregard this if others have more pressing issues and/or if this is just way too much)... but would you be able to do Captain Kirk and Spock (tos) on being simultaneously touch averse and touch deprived? I'm too afraid of being vulnerable and too particular about who touches me to ever be honest about how lonely and horrible I feel, but I'm also painfully aware that never having physical contact with anyone is really bad for my mental health.

I don't want to burden anyone (including you 😣) with my emotions or with having to comfort/hug me (because I know how unappealing I am), but my state of mind has been getting steadily worse and worse over the last 3-16 years because I have no one I trust enough to ask (or allow) to hug me or hold me. Most nights I lie awake alone for hours, wishing I just had someone to hold me, to make me feel safe and like it's okay to be vulnerable. The fact that I've never had that (and in all likelihood never will because of all sorts of complicated things*) seems to expand in my throat until it feels like the loneliness itself is a physical thing that's choking me or swallowing me up. It hurts so much that I break down in sobs/spasms, my whole body aches, and my soul feels so empty and damaged that I honestly expect and *want* it to just kill me, but it never does. And then when I wake up, everything is sore and my eyes are chapped and it all starts over again.

*[years of abuse, ptsd, major depression, suicidal tendencies, etc. as well as recently learning I'm probably demisexual or at least somewhere on the ace spectrum]

The thing is... I don't want Kirk or Spock (or Anyone, really) to *understand* that feeling so much as just... be sympathetic about it, if that makes any sense. It's probably really pitiful but I constantly wish that I could have Kirk on one side of me and Spock on the other, just bear-hugging me and holding me and squeezing that horrible feeling away by simply surrounding me with their compassion and warmth and softness. And then I feel even worse because nobody has ever wanted to touch or be close to me, so I would really hate to put Kirk and Spock, of all people, in such a gross position for fear I might taint them or something--and, again, because I know how undesirable I am even platonically, I know how irritating and helpless and burdensome I am. (I feel so embarrassed admitting all of this even anonymously, but it's genuinely what goes through my pathetic brain at night 😣😣)

Anyway, I don't mean to be so needy, long-winded, depressing, triggery, overwhelming, finicky, or demanding. And I absolutely understand if this request is over the line, too much to deal with, not relatable enough to make it worthwhile, etc. I can only assume your inbox is full to bursting, and both your time and other people's requests are so much more important to me than this ridiculous heap of awfulness I've unloaded on you. But if nothing else I want to thank you for providing so many of us with hope and encouragement and reassurance. Your blog is like a supplement to my therapy and medication because I have so few people in my life who allow me to have feelings. Your altruistic generosity and the way you so openly and graciously give and give of yourself to help others is truly inspiring/soul-healing (and Trek-like 🖖). So again... thank you for everything you do, for all the good you do without even getting anything in return. 💛😓 (And I'm so, so sorry for this garbage dump of an ask.)

Hi there! Please know that you're not being a burden at all, I don't mind! I'm sorry it took so long to get to this ask. The post will be up in a few minutes, please let me know if you'd like anything changed and I'll get it changed as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience and your kind words! :)

[onlycags]

Movie Night 2 | Çağlar Söyüncü

January: Chilly Alternate Title: Hold My Hand?

You let yourself into Chilly’s apartment for the first of twelve movie nights. He called out to you in greeting, which you returned as you set your booze on the counter. You kept a beer out from the six-pack you placed in the refrigerator and grabbed the bottle opener.

“What movie are we watching?” You asked as you meandered into the living room, taking a swig of your beer.

Ben smirked cheekily. “Patience, grasshopper. You’ll find out soon enough.”

You laughed, settling onto the couch. “Ooh, is that a clue?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and find out.”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled out your phone, texting Madders.

You: Bro, where tf are you?!

His reply came seconds later.

Mads: Almost there - calm tf down

“Mads should be here soon,” you informed Ben, not looking up from your phone.

“Cool,” he replied, taking a seat next to you.

“Is everyone coming?” You asked, trying to keep your voice neutral.

“Should be. Vardy said he might be coming a bit late, as he’s on baby duty tonight, but none of the other lads have outright canceled.”

You were secretly relieved that he didn’t ask why you were asking; it was why you and Chilly got along so well. Of course, you were (im)patiently waiting for Çağlar Söyüncü to arrive. The door opened and you looked over your shoulder at who had come in. Barnes, Pérez, and Tielemans came tumbling through,carrying a ridiculous amount of shopping bags and laughing hysterically. The trio greeted you, and Ben got up from the couch to help them unload whatever they had brought.

Shaking your head, you returned to your phone. Mads had texted a reply that he was a couple minutes away and you responded with the thumbs-up emoji.

The seat next to you shifted as some sat down. “Anything interesting happening on there?” Came Çağlar’s delicious accent. Startled, you gasped and your phone fell into your lap. He chuckled and you blushed furiously.

“Well, there was until you sat down,” you responded, trying to recover from feeling like an idiot, your stomach flipping when you noticed the blush colouring his cheeks at your response. You picked your phone up from your lap and placed it face down on the end-table. Turning to face him, you tucked your legs underneath yourself. “How are you? I haven’t seen you since the get-together at Madders’s place where we decided this whole thing.”

“I have been good,” he answered, deep in thought as he chose his English words. “We have been playing well recently and I am hoping for it to continue.”

“Me, too,” you agreed. “I’ve been catching the matches on the telly when I can. I love watching you play.” The last sentence left your mouth before you could stop it, hoping he couldn’t hear the breathy quality your voice had taken on.

He chuckled and looked at his hands and you could have sworn that you saw him blush again. “Thank you. It is the best feeling.”

Just as you were about to say something more, Madders burst through the front door his arms laden with bags, shouting, “FUCHS WILL NOT BE ATTENDING TONIGHT!” Everyone laughed at his antics and dramatism.

“Oi, how do you know that?!” Barnes shouted back, throwing a piece of popcorn in Madders’s direction.

Your best mate grunted, expertly deflecting the popcorn-assault with his free hand. “He put something in the group chat, mate.”

You rolled your eyes, taking it upon yourself to stop the lads from killing each other - not that they would, but you couldn’t handle the ridiculousness of more than a few footballers in a room. Without thinking, you placed a hang on Çağlar’s knee to steady yourself as you pulled your feet out from underneath you. “I’ll be right back,” you promised, flashing him an apologetic smile. “Save my seat?”

He nodded, smiling back at you. Your stomach fluttered as it always did when he looked at you like that. You let your fingers brush over his knee lightly as a thank you, so focused on the rest of the guys that you didn’t hear his breath hitch at the contact.

“Calm down, boys!” You laughed, trying and failing to swat all the popcorn that Barnes tossed your way.

“We are not at Madders’s place so any food that falls on the floor gets picked up,” Chilly instructed. “I don’t have my own Diego so you can’t make a mess.”

“Yeah, lads,” Madders chimed in, “don’t poke fun at Ben just because he can’t take care of another living thing!”

It was Chilly’s turn to toss popcorn at Madders now, but it was all in good fun, everyone cracking up including yourself.

“Okay, who are we still waiting on?” You asked, trying to get everyone’s attention. “Mads, you said Fuchs isn’t coming, and Ben, you told me earlier that Vardy might be late. Are we missing anyone?”

“We’re still waiting on Kas, Evans and Gray,” Barnes responded through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Nope, just Kas and Gray. Evans is spending quality time with Lottie tonight,” Mads corrected.

“Where are you getting all this information?” Barnes asked incredulously.

“Did you mute the group chat?” Chilly asked.

“I don’t think so?” Barnes answered, his voice confused. He pulled out his phone and after a few taps, turned a shade of bright red. “My bad, lads.”

Madders rolled his eyes. “Looks like I should be throwing popcorn at you.”

Schmeichel arrived a few minutes later, closely followed by Gray, whom everyone teased for his inability to be on time. Snacks and drinks were prepared, and Chilly queued up the movie. Someone turned off the lights, and everyone found their seats. You whispered your thanks to Çağlar for saving your spot as you made yourself comfortable, throwing the blanket you had brought over the two of you.

The screen was black and all you could hear was a man’s voice that said, “From the start.” The sound of a tape recorder or something turning on came on as half of the face of the Annabelle doll appeared, making everyone jump. Instinctively, you grabbed Çağlar’s arm and buried your face in his shoulder. He placed his hand protectively on your knee and a shiver of excitement ran down your spine.

You opened your phone to type a message and Barnes was the first to cry out the newest rule that was added that evening. “Hey! No phones!” You growled in frustration as you turned it back off and put it back on the end table.

Çağlar’s hand was still on your knee and you squeezed it to get his attention. When he looked over at you, you placed a hand on his chest and leaned in to whisper, “I hate horror movies, especially The Conjuring.”

His lips brushed your ear as he whispered in response. “I will protect you.” The affirmation, combined with the contact of his lips on your skin and his accent, turned you on so badly there was probably no way you would be able to focus on the movie now.

Trying not to draw attention to yourself, you shifted so that your legs were across Çağlar’s lap. He draped his arm over your calves, drawing you closer to him. “Is this okay?” You asked, still whispering.

He nodded, rubbing a soothing thumb over your leggings.

You watched most of the movie with your face buried in the crook of Çağlar’s neck, with him occasionally whispering to you in Turkish or running a hand over your arm or leg to calm your nerves.

Oddly enough, you were a bit disappointed when the movie ended. You waited until you absolutely had to before you started untangling yourself from Çağlar. The lights came back on, and you blushed when the two of you made eye contact and quickly looked away. It hadn’t been awkward when the movie was playing and you were shrouded in darkness, but now with the lights on, you weren’t sure you would be able to have a normal conversation with him again.

Everyone packed up what they had brought, reluctant to get back to their flats after that terrifying movie. The guys confirmed that they would all see each other the next morning at training; you hugged them all as you promised to attend the next movie night at Madders’s.

Once outside, you all parted ways. You shivered in the cool night air, wrapping your blanket around you as you made your way to the bus stop. You shrieked as someone started walking next to you, but laughed at your nervousness when you realized it was Çağlar. “Sorry I scared you,” he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“It’s okay. I can’t get too mad at the man who got me through that movie, now, can I?” you replied, giggling as you winked at him. He looked away, smiling to himself and your nerves returned.

“Thanks again for getting me through that movie, Çağlar.” You said, realizing it was one of the few times his name had left your lips tonight.

“You are welcome. I do not think I like those kinds of movies after tonight. I can see why you do not like them.”

You tried to hide your disappointment as you interpreted his dislike of the movie ‘after tonight’ as you being a nuisance. You thought about bringing it up, but then thought better of it, the thought of hearing him actually reject you out loud being too brutal to bear.

“Well, this is me,” you said when you reached your bus stop. He stopped with you, and you looked at him quizzically. “I know this isn’t your stop. What are you doing?”

“Waiting with you,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Once you get on the bus, I will go back to my flat.”

You blushed as you leaned into him. “Thank you.”

The wait wasn’t too long, as the bus came every ten minutes. When you saw the bus approaching from a bit away, you turned to Çağlar and pulled him in for another hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Good night, Çağlar,” you whispered, savouring the feel of his arms around your waist that would have to last you to next month.

“İyi geceler,” he whispered back, watching as you got on the bus before continuing to his flat.

February’s movie night couldn’t come fast enough.

[cantstopthesignal2005]

Spinning

           “The guy was supposed to be here already,” Tess complained to her roommate, Annie, whose jaw had been grinding for the past half hour.    “Hey, Tess?” she replied, eyes low, affecting a vindictive scowl. “That’s about the third time you sang that song this hour. Let’s give it a rest, huh?” Annie felt a pride in keeping her agitation to herself in waiting for their guy, who, she icily reminded Tess, was named Jason. She was self-satisfied in being able to internalize her frustrations, something Tess was unsuccessful in doing. Tess clicked her teeth a few times, the resulting noise crawling beneath Annie’s skin, her blood simmering with a rage for Tess’s inane tics and neuroses.    “What do we want to do?” Tess finally asked.    “We call Jason,” Annie replied, rolling her eyes. Annie surmised that nine times out of ten, she would be the one in their relationship called upon to solve an issue they faced. Their dynamic had never been even, something Annie knew and accepted from it’s genesis. She had been advised by her mother to practice patience and lower expectations of others, that people would only repeatedly disappoint her otherwise. She knew from an early age that not everyone would be as poised, mature, and intelligent as she was. This was the burden she had to bear in life: to remain gracious in the face of ignorance and deficiency. Today, she was consumed with a dread that she and Tess would monstrously shred the other to pieces without the balm of cocaine or an approximate upper.    Annie scrolled through her contacts, selecting “Tutor,” the name he was assigned to practice discretion. Half-expecting a dial tone, she was surprised to hear him mumble, “Hello?” after the first two rings.    “Hey, Jason?”    “This is he.”    “It’s Annie. Annie Sutton.”    “Yeah, no, I know who it is, I have your number saved,” he said through a yawn. “What’s up?”      “I just need help with my math homework, I think we scheduled it for noon thirty, right?”    “Oh, did we have a tutoring session scheduled?”    “We did. Half past twelve. It’s one.”    “Okay. Uh, I’m still in bed.  I can be there at two the earliest. Same place?”    “Uh, yeah . . .”    “Great, I’ll see you at 2?”    “I’ll be here.” Annie slid the phone into her pocket, and looked over to an Tess, expectant as ever, her eyes hungry and desperate    “So?” Tess asked, twirling her hands, obnoxiously expectant as per usual.    “Says he’ll maybe here at two.”    “Maybe?!? Two?!?” she balked. “What the fuck, dude? No, no, call him back, we’re not waiting all day for him.”    “What else are you doing today, Tess?” she barked. “It’s an hour. You aren’t doing anything anyway.” Annie was quick to point out Tess’s lack of productivity, which would usually make Tess heel during one of their arguments, which were increasing in regularity. Annie would  bite her tongue about Tess’s vulgar privilege—she received garish amounts of money from her boyfriend—as it was relatively easy to pressure Tess into paying both halves of their rent.    “Well,” Tess venomously snarled, “I could do lots of things.”    “Like what?”    “Study films. That’s a passion of mine.  I’m thinking of getting into French New Wave . . .”    Annie snapped her fingers and gasped. “We could get ecstasy from Flacko!”    “Flacko’s a creep,” Tess shuddered.  “He tried to get me to fuck for a bag. I told him no, and he got so fucking mad. He almost didn’t let me leave.”      “That’s a no,” Annie muttered. ���Denver? We used to score his ADHD meds, remember?”    “My cousin? No. Don’t even ask.”    Annie ran through the avenues they could go down to cop their salve, before sighing, “We need more options. We need to get out more. Jason’s fucking mad unreliable”  They nodded and passively flipped through channels, Tess eventually landing on a film where, in an excruciatingly tight close-up, a young man held the face of a bloodied young woman, as she gagged, sputtering scarlet from her lips. Annie was unnerved and shifted her attention to the coffee table, which had been collecting several magazines and vinyl records, the latter wearing scars from Tess’s razor blade, cocaine residue accumulating in the cardboard.    “Hey,” Tess said. “Uh, well, I was wondering . . . do you think we should think about . . . not doing this anymore? Maybe . . . maybe it’s time to stop this shit.”    “It’s not bad,” Annie replied, shrugging her shoulders. “You know, it’s just . . . well, for me, it’s just a study aide.”    “Annie, we’re spinning right now. We’d do a line every now and then. Then, we’d do it every other week.  Now, we’re lucky if a gram can get us through a day. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t feeding my nose. I mean, you know . . . it’s just . . . we could do less of it.”    “I don’t thnk . . . Tess . . . no, no, you’re right.” The theory that their habit had swelled inordinately would cross both of their minds in times of fleeting lucidity, though it had never been given a mouth. Rather than confront their steady motion towards self-destruction, they would bottle their spiraling aggression, spending hours awake in bed trying to will their hearts to beat slower, stumbling upon juvenile, half-profound epiphanies. The rambling discussions where many words were employed but nothing was said.  What once was so helpful in propelling them toward great heights of productivity and alertness had expended all usefulness, fracturing their spirit and motivation. The music Annie produced on her laptop had, of late, declined in quality, only collages of discordant music that collided into an unpleasant mess.    “Okay, well,” Tess began, licking her lips, “I have to say . . . I must say, I think we’re doing the right thing in admitting this to ourselves and to each other. Like, we’re on the precipice of developing a problem. It’s not getting to that point, but it is something we should address before it has a chance to worsen.”   “Right,” Annie agreed, rather frantically. “Okay, so what do we want to do? What should we do? To prevent it becoming an issue?”   “What we should do is, we should call Jason. We should call Jason and tell him not to come.” Annie shook her head. “We shouldn’t? Why not?”    “If we quit cold turkey like that . . . I heard that it would be worse. You know? We should have . . . we should have a gradual decline.”  Annie picked up a memo pad she kept on the wooden end table nestled next to the couch, jotting down their planned intake. Tess paced the apartment, finding that it lubricated her mind, snapping to fire up her synapses. They concluded that nine-tenths of a gram should suffice as the initial weening period; once a week had passed with the new dose, they would convene and discuss moving forward.   “And we’d have more money to do shit,” Tess realized aloud. “It’s a fucking money suck, Annie. It’s so fucking bad. We could have gotten like, new shoes or at least . . . at least try to improve our quality of life. They say it makes you paranoid and that it, you know, destroys you. And they’re right. That’s what it is, it’s just . . . it’s just a destructive powder.”     “You could go do that film program, right? You could, if you wanted to. You could make great content.  I really think you could. You’re so fucking creative. Like Wes Anderson? You could totally be the next Wes Anderson.”   “Yeah. Thanks so much for saying that.  I’ll totally do it. Can you push me if you see I’m making excuses? Cause I—I do that. I get complacent.  I fall out of routines, I’m so bad at it. But if someone keeps me focused, I can really get it done. I just need someone to help me take it to the finish line, I’m terrible with follow through.”    “Yeah, sure. I’ll push you.” There was a pregnant pause between the two before Tess turned the television back on. Tess and Annie passively watched a documentary on feral cats, Annie peering over to her phone to check her messages. Tess became uncertain of Annie’s commitment to quitting, though she kept this to herself. Annie tapped her fingers against her legs, anxious in wait of Jason’s arrival. Aware her antsy behavior was likely annoying Tess, she excused herself to take a shower, where she felt the crash of it all. Her body became sluggish, dark thoughts began to arise as the water hit her skin. This was her life. These were her habits, this was her social circle, this was her spartan existence. She wondered aloud how she arrived here and what choices she could have made to avoid having to careen down this path.     As she left the room her boyfriend’s gray university shirt and plaid boxers, a towel wrapped around her head, she saw Jason unloading his backpack of wares onto the table, Tess hungrily scanning the items.   “You’re late,” Annie said, rolling her eyes. “This can’t happen again, or we aren’t copping from you in the future.”   “Yeah, okay?” he said, scoffing dismissively. “Sorry to offend, Ms. Lady.”   “Tess, why are we letting him sell in our living room?”   “You’re not making the deal in the hallway, Annie,” he told her, scowling with resentment.  “Let’s get it moving, time is money.”   “Oh, you must fucking hate money,” Tess snapped, crossing her arms. “Given how fucking late you are. How you’re just acting an ass with your customers?”   “What’s the deal? What am I here to give ya’ll?”   “Four grams,” Annie said, with an assured finality. “Four grams. Tess has the scale, we’re gonna pay you for it, and honestly, don’t ever fucking come back here again.”   “Wowwwwww!” Jason feigned offense, though outside opinion had never bothered him. Tess carefully carried out the deal, only handing Jason the bill after rubbing a bit of coke against her teeth, feeling the familiar, tingling sensation that she knew so well. Jason packed up his goods and departed, muttering “Fiends” ostensibly under his breath, though he made certain that his slight was heard. They divvied up the bags and cut them into lines, their moods lifted from a hellish despondency into an affable cheerfulness. Their energy morphed from a muted contention to an ebullience that felt oddly foreign. They began to join one another in jotting down goals, setting forth plans to achieve them, wholly engaging for the first time in over a week.   “. . . and I can get involved with the coffee shop, you know? You know the one I’m talking about? Allison’s place? And I can do some work there, meet some people there. Network. That’s a dirty word, it feels like, but I think it’s important.” She paused, her eyes departing. “Fuck! Is it me, or is this shit really potent?”   “It’s pretty good,” Annie assured her.   “Do you think it’s because we’re quitting that it feels so fucking good? Like, because we soon enough won’t be able to do it?”   “I’m sure that has something to do with it,” Annie muttered, shrugging.   “So, you’re feeling this? What I’m feeling? You’re riding on this wave?”   “I think so.”   “I’m so happy to have you in my life.”   “Me too. You know, when I’m talking rough to you, it’s only because I want to make sure you reach your potential. Do everything you want to do, everything you’re capable of.”   “No, totally! What? You don’t ever have to apologize! Not to me. You’re like my sister, you’re family to me, you’re in my coven.  I want you . . . I NEED you to push me. Cause I won’t push myself. I’m not . . . not self-motivated, I’m not disciplined. And you really are! You are, and I love that about you. That you’re indefatigable. You’ve got this tick-tick-tick-ticking engine inside you. It’s so fucking impressive.”  The doorbell rang and Annie whipped her head to the door, slowly approaching as Tess felt a shiver travel down her spine, her hearts tempo ramping up.  Annie saw an image of her little brother warped from the glass of the peephole.   “Tess, it’s just Neil!” she yelled. Tess sighed and reclined as Annie opened the door. Neil’s tall, lanky frame slowly ambled towards Tess, offering her a handshake, his smile twisted and off-putting.      “What’s going on, baby brother?” Annie asked.    “Not much. Just grabbing my shit from when I crashed.” Annie forgot entirely that they had a fractious spat which led to her little brother getting booted from the apartment.    “How are you, Neil?” Tess asked, sotto voce.    “Uh, good? You?”    “Well, I won’t lie to you. You know, I’m under the influence of something right now. But I’m very authentic as a result, I’m open. It tears off walls of communication and empathy that I usually have.”    “What the fuck?” Neil asked, looking away.  “Annie, where’s my shit?”    “Don’t tell dad,” Annie warned. “I know you like to fucking tattle.”    “I don’t talk to dad,” he coolly informed her.  “I’m staying with Alejandro, since you guys decided you didn’t want me here anymore.”    “You should have seen him when he was young, Tess.”    “I did know him when he was younger,” Tess reminded her.    “Like YOUNG young. He would keep telling on me and my friends cause we didn’t let him hang out . . .” Neil spotted the bag he purchased from the library, stuffed with his copious stack of movies and books. He silently walked away and slammed the door to emphasize his exit. Annie looked over to Tess, whose gaze was captured by the pattern of arrows and angles woven into their carpet. “We should put on some music. What’s a good song?”   “What are we in the mood for?”   “Soft. Soothing. Nothing aggressive.” Annie anxiously thrummed her fingers against the coffee table, before gasping, “Don’t Worry Baby. It’s by The Beach Boys.”   “By whom?”   “The Beach Boys. The song is called . . . Don’t Worry Baby.”   “Okay, we’ll play that now.”  “Maybe . . .” Annie began, hesitation punctuating her words. “Maybe we shouldn’t play it.”   “No, no, no! No, no! No. You know, we chose your song, that’s the song that should be played.” As the song played, they felt their eggshell fragile minds being jarred, oscillating between extreme happiness and melancholy. Emotions erratically came and left, leaving them overwhelmed. With a need to numb themselves entirely, they mindlessly reached into their pockets and emptied the bags onto the coffee table, silently breaking their pact. The coke drip burned the back of their throats, giving way to a familiar, loving high. Tomorrow would grant them the moment of clarity necessary to kick, the drive  to stick with it. Tomorrow, they pledged.

[mysteryfanfictheatre3000]

Back to the Frollo, Chapter 10

Warning: No one kills Hitler in this one.

Chapter Ten

"So you finally met him, eh?", chuckled Fern as I mentioned my first few meetings with Claude Frollo. She kept laughing as I helped her unload supplies from a wagon. One nice thing about Jacki's invention was that we were able to travel back and forth through time and space with little trouble.

And you’re using this revolutionary technology to go to 1400s France, do absolutely nothing important or interesting, and mess with the plot of a Disney movie. You could be killing Hitler right now, couldn’t you?

Fern and I had just returned from a special shopping trip back home; we had to stock up on things that we couldn't possibly get in 15th century France: corn, sweet potatoes, sugar, coffee, and other foods we took for granted in our own time. We were getting somewhat homesick.

So go home. No one wants you here, and again, I’m more comfortable with these crazies being in America where they’re powerless and jail is a thing.

We even brought back some recorded music. This was Fern's idea, though I was apprehensive about bringing the CDs. Jacki had rigged a special device on a boombox so we could listen to recorded music whenever we wanted. I never asked Jacki how it worked, must've been solar-powered, since we obviously had no electricity. All I knew was it worked.

This Jacki chick is a genius. Why is she devoting all her advancements in science to helping her teacher’s friend fall in love with an elderly priest from centuries ago instead of actually doing anything good in the world?

So now I had my Motown and R&B, and Fern had her country tunes. We had to either keep the volume down or listen with headphones. We would've had a LOT of explaining to do if we ever got caught, and I knew what the charge would be: Witchcraft.

She keeps worrying about being accused of being a witch, but she keeps bringing back unnecessary future technology that would heighten everyone’s suspicions of her being a witch!

I never told Fern everything about my encounters with Frollo nor did I tell her my true feelings for the Minister of Justice, that I was gradually falling in love with him, and he didn't even know. Fern just gave me a stern warning. "Please try to stay out of trouble, especially if it involves Minister Frollo." She looked at me intently. "I'd hate to tell your folks that their darling daughter's -- ahem -- 'tied up' in Paris and won't be coming home."

Tied up as in tied to a pyre about to get burned to death? Because that seems like it could happen.

She then embraced me, chuckling in that southern Indiana twang, "Girlfriend, if you want to be friendly with the likes of Claude Frollo, that's your business." As Fern settled herself in the wagon and took the reins in hand, she said, "It's weird but it's your business. Just be careful."

It is weird, but it’s absolutely your business because Danisha messing the most powerful man in Paris could absolutely get you both killed.

"Don't worry about me, Fern", I said, "I won't get in trouble." Fern left for that old chateau where she kept the '59 Chevy. She said she had to take care of some business. Odd, I thought, she never let me venture inside that magnificant house. I always had to stay outside while Fern readied the Chevy. The car remained secure in another building on the estate. How could she just stash the car on private property without permission? Why hasn't anyone discovered it by now? Why hasn't anyone questioned our comings and goings? And why were these trips always made at night?

Probably because you’re a sick weirdo and she wants to get away from you. And how is she living here anyway? Why is Danisha referring to Fern’s chateau as private property she isn’t supposed to be on? I thought she owned the house somehow. Is she just casually living with a random Parisian family?

I pushed those thoughts from my mind as I pondered Fern's warning, 'be careful'. There was no need to be extra cautious around Claude Frollo any more, as I encountered him several times since that odd business in the cathedral. Just pleasant small talk and a few smiles passed between us, nothing more. I really felt that we could finally become friends. What happened later that morning proved me right. A nice compliment and some homebaking at last helped to break the ice.

Home baking is two words. Also, that would probably make him sick, seeing as he’s never had 90% of modern-day foods.

Fern had brought back so many pecans that I decided to take advantage of the pleasant late-June weather and do some baking. I baked a variety of wonderful things: cookies for the kids, a pie for Quasimodo. I then packed some cookies in a pretty tin for Minister Frollo; he should appreciate this.

So she just wanders around giving people strange food they’ve never seen before? Also, how is she cooking right now? Modern stove tops and ovens didn’t exist back then. Is it another of Jacki’s marvelous inventions that won’t be mentioned ever again unless the plot demands it?

I must've had an attack of ESP, for at that very moment, Claude Frollo had just rode past our house. I immediately went to the door and started to call out to him. He must've sensed my presence as he circled back and stopped. Oh, he looks so handsome! He wasn't wearing the splendid black velvet judicial robe with its jewel-trimmed yoke and epaulets. Instead, he wore a casual, hunter-style outfit complete with tall boots, tunic, form-fitting black hose, a sweeping cloak, and the famous triangular hat with its long red veil. The entire ensemble fitted his tall, slender form perfectly.

Every time she describes him like this, I think I lose a year off my lifespan.

Claude Frollo smiled as he greeted me. "Good Morning, my dear. And what a good morning it is now that I have seen your charming face." I returned the smile and, feeling a little silly, replied in a mock-Southern, down-on-de-ole-plantation dialect, "Mornin', Min'ster Frollo, suh. Much 'bliged y'all kin stop by an' set a spell. I has some pow'ful tasty pecan cake in yonder. Y'all sho' is welcomed."

Why does she speak in these weird, racist old dialects when she’s trying to flirt? No part of that makes me think “sexy,” it makes me think she’s an idiot.

Claude Frollo couldn't stop laughing as he dismounted and approached me. "Is this the language of the New World? It's rather odd and harsh...", he said as I welcomed him inside. "Coming from you, my dear Mlle. Wood, it is like pure music." "I would be delighted", continued Frollo, "to partake some light refreshment, especially in the company of such a beautiful hostess."

I can’t even talk about how out of character this is without being redundant anymore. He’s an abusive genocidal maniac! Why is he flirting with a girl and eating cookies?!

I tried to keep my nervousness from showing during Frollo's brief visit, but here he was, the Minister of Justice himself, sharing a piece of cake, a cup of lemonade, and pleasant conversation. Frollo favorably commented on my baking skills and developed a fondness for pecans that persists to this day. It was a pleasant, although short, visit. My heart sank as I showed him to the door.

And then he threw up because you’re overloading his odd with food he’s never had before, chock-full of chemicals and microorganisms that didn’t exist back then and would make him sick.

"Good looking horse, Your Grace", I said as Frollo mounted that gorgeous black stallion. I handed over the tin of cookies. "Percheron stallion, am I right?", I asked. Claude Frollo grinned. "You are as keenly observant as you are lovely. How did you know?" "My grandpa owned Belgians", I replied, "and I just like big horses." I asked, "What's his name?" "I call him 'Snowball'", replied His Grace. I looked at Frollo quizzically. "Minister Frollo, this horse is not white, he's black. Naming a black horse 'Snowball'?...That's like naming a polar bear 'Midnight'."

THATSTHEJOKE.JPG

I was certain that the good judge would slap me upside my head, but he just softly chuckled and said, "My dear, never lose that special style of humor. I will admit I am getting used to it..." He paused for a few seconds, then adding at last, "And getting used to you."

That’s not funny, that’s just her not understanding a simple joke.

His eyes met mine and he grew strangely silent. We looked at each other for several moments, then Claude Frollo spoke at last. "I thank you for the treats. I'd love to stay longer but I do have duties to perform." I offered him a bright smile. "Minister Frollo, you're welcomed here anytime. I know you're busy, but, drop by every now and then." Claude Frollo returned the smile. "I shall," he said, "Oh yes, one more thing. Do call me 'Claude'. I know you have been very polite and formal, but we know each other well enough to be on Christian terms, Danisha." He smiled again, said good-bye, and rode off.

He’s not even “on Christian terms” with Quasimodo, the baby he raised for years! Why is he so buddy-buddy with this chick he just met?

It was so weird, I thought, that only a few days ago we were at odds. Now Claude and I were growing closer with each passing day, but only as friends. I didn't care what people said about him, about his cruel nature and cold-heartedness. In those early days of our friendship, Claude always treated me with patience and kindness.

Does it really matter if he “treats you with kindness” if he tried to rape and murder another woman and commit genocide against an entire people? I mean, the fact that he likes your food shouldn’t erase literally every bad thing he’s ever done. And he’s done a lot of them.

Often I would go to the Palace of Justice and we would read poetry to each other. Sometimes Claude would show me his collection of tapestries because, somehow, he knew of my keen interest in the textile arts. For several weeks, I had hoped that things would change for us, but I didn't have the guts to tell him that I loved him. I imagined he'd be offended if I confessed my true feelings; he never voiced his for me.

What’s more romantic than sharing poetry in front of soldiers getting tortured?

Maybe it was all for the best, since, as of August, I would never see him again. I decided to treasure the close bond between us while my vacation lasted. But an innocent game -- a game that wouldn't be invented for another 400 years -- nearly ended a special friendship that was destined to blossom into romance and passion.

Just out of curiosity, why can’t you see him again? What’s stopping you from going back in time? You have all this miracle technology, why can’t you use it?

[gplewis]

a few failed beginnings

Why one writes: to unload one’s neuroses without having to explain what every little thing means. it’s a place to talk without being analyzed; perhaps there’s no skin in the game or it’s post-skin somehow; it’s a vortex with comfy clothes

Luckily I’ll never be as obsessed about the perfection of these pages than I was when I was desperate for progress in those critical formative years of 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30. Yes, I’m a bit self-righteous about my age and experience now. I am a new narrator. 

“Once written, the text becomes fixed.” —Ismail Kadare https://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/1105/ismail-kadare-the-art-of-fiction-no-153-ismail-kadare

thank God I failed at fame

-

I’m an enthusiastic innovator OK with failure; I like the brotherhood of the workday, I make a job a way to satisfaction and participation in the economy a form of play and spirituality; money is value and time is a fresh canvas to blow into and try to be heard by the system in the language it speaks; yes, systems and analytics need their preachers. It’s fun to know what to do and stay focused on the people.

I still want to play piano, sing, play tennis and soccer and baseball, have the choice always to turn to reading or listening (Chopin, Liszt, Rachmaninoff)

—

the book is a record of the person I was, and I feel pride in the young person who was able to write it all down https://theparisreview.org/interviews/6312/henri-cole-the-art-of-poetry-no-98-henri-cole ^ him at 40

another Saturday morning washed up on the shore of the in-between, another new before

comets fly days hum making a song

since women I adored have gone away; it’s OK, I emigrate like a bird to the blinking cursor, Notes track where and how I grew up,

http://www.narrativemagazine.com/issues/poems-week-2011-2012/poem-week/dress-rehearsal-apocalypse-tomas-q-morin like Lazarus he rose from the darkest beds taking the splinter where he broke and carved castles from jagged beds he took time to make

-

My language of obviousness has hollowed out like a hole in a tree and is filling with water; the structure of the Notes is irrelevant in ways - I am not going to publish a memoir about my life experience from 25 to 30; it's good that I have it and I'm proud of the young man who wrote it but I can't see my enthusiasm ever matching up to the action of suggesting someone else read what I have written

writing was a way out of the hell of not knowing myself or what to do

it’s a record of thrashing you’re reading now; thanks

But why throw your Notes at them when you can be nice instead? It’s not like I’m far away. If you ask me for my number I’ll give it to you and we’ll text. We can relate.

—

a tweetstorm I read that mattered https://twitter.com/jonst0kes/status/890970472774602752

life is work. also, love.

ivy climbing around poles, flowers popping out of tractor grates, nature fighting through and against and amid human insistence on place and stillness - nature exerting that time is fluid, everything is burning, things don't remain unbroken; time rusts all

The thing about the moment is it isn't going anywhere; we're gonna be here for the rest of our lives “what I was doing” is never rare; I need not hunt for anecdote https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/feb/17/elena-ferrante-im-tired-of-fiction-i-no-longer-see-a-reason-to-go-hunting-for-anecdotes

I have the record of what I was; so much data of two years ago and I edit it; I clean it up, make the trail from birth to hear traversable but we have to live today, bear the burden of survival every hour eat hydrate meditate pray the verbs that keep us together the best thing to do is to be something—use your body, use your day, use your manner of speaking to get a life that’s worth being seen and thought about—so far so good: connive your way to a safe career that finances your creative, spiritual efforts like typing thoughts, reading articles, playing piano, singing, having weekends, taking pictures; of course don’t be a public figure; twentysomethings who haven’t done therapy are going to stay up all day and night clutching their image on screen; you have an ambivalence that is rare and valuable but you have no patience for impressing any media elite

so write and grow to make the truth bearable hit notes well: sing, play, write, message, talk with a backdrop of defensible business career and healthy habits (diet, exercise, water, sleep) live into the years when you know how to write fiction because you have a fuller sense of the human condition - you know no one can save you; you know a profound solitude, a caring, nurturing, generative, restorative relationship with yourself alone at night, in the morning, over lunchtime, standing at a red light—that’s where the joy is

-

looking forward to seeing her was nice

a man typing to make himself feel better about his losses

Andante - walking pace Allegro ma non troppo - fast but without tripping

-

fuck literary elites: no one has a monopoly on what is nice to read, how solitude and disappointment draws eyes down and hearts open, seeking a like-minded soul with whom to bond, whose brave existence can make you feel seen, can give you reason to go on yet another day

one media source is insignificant because everything else is just as available

-

take my lovely worm out of the bag show you what I wrote

[years of sitting with the blinking cursor]

-

drugs, love, money, art, death, freedom, time, social media, banality and justice are all still of interest; they're the only things left to do once you’ve won career

Vanity, fear, desire, competition

thinking, feeling, living my life with access to a keyboard and the endless internet occupying this political and personal moment in time as my body accelerates toward certain demise

-

typing, my voice is all I’m left with here at the edge of late capitalism, Saturday, overcast a plane flies overhead

I have no plans except and love shall stomp a new era

a rainforest glistening with possibilities a house on the coast, working from home so many lives I could explain which could be self-sustaining I have many two-year stints left to luxuriate in

and words will fill the pages of my days because a keyboard is where my soul is home

the people I love are out there people who love are out there

we all want the same thing: a safe home, a supportive community, education, time to pursue our curiosity, to contribute meaningfully

I know who I am now

I’m here for the collapse of capitalism

I’m ready for a role in the world as it and I will be

I fear no fate

I love life, I trust life, I am a fucking miracle

I think people will get what they deserve Good people find each other and

Bad people get found out.

the lame crown-pieces at the tops of traditional hierarchies who don’t do anything difficult or admirable are gonna come crashing down

systems of government based on blockchain technology, i.e. transparency

get the rich people at the top out of power—distribute wealth down for education, health care, housing, food, infrastructure, community projects

why is this money sitting in bank accounts? 2017 is the light shone on all dark corners of American reality and the 99% are not going quietly to their desk jobs

millennials are killing everything wasteful and actually think about consequences and interconnectivity

I was made for the future I am just as opinionated and demanding as I was at 26 at the height of burning intensity

Now I've gotten therapy and found a safe career and I'm 100% logged on

and we know that connection is the electric pursuit so

edit something in public and realize it doesn’t need to be there!

working on your front door is good work to do because everyone walks through

06. Connection is the electric pursuit reread and skimmed 10/10 10:11am (21 pages)

As my aging MacBook circles the drain, I wonder: have I overestimated my computing needs? https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/wj9bdm/i-tried-to-replace-my-laptop-with-my-phone-and-a-dollar20-bluetooth-keyboard how much footprint do I really need? I will have to learn how little I have to control (as far as images stored and available and my habits well-worn, i.e. I know the click and search path to getting any particular image I can remember - always honing my library - perhaps that’s the fate of man who’s transcended hourly rate and execution for others’ profit-making schemes

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/511276/free-speech-in-the-era-of-its-technological-amplification/

late nights engaged in conversations on Usenet https://medium.com/s/trustissues/the-messy-fourth-estate-a42c1586b657

to be imaginatively drawn into the sticky world of some nearby human being’s home life https://www.technologyreview.com/s/410623/i-just-called-to-say-i-love-you/

The numbers keep getting worse: the true energy costs of AI, connected devices, and cryptocurrency https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/dec/11/tsunami-of-data-could-consume-fifth-global-electricity-by-2025 written by a beautiful woman ripe with life https://genius.com/Talib-kweli-joy-lyrics

The numbers keep getting worse: a memoir of a civilization before its collapse

tsunami of data will consume all Human Resources https://twitter.com/katecrawford/status/1046766828939341824?s=21 giving to the void of send, to the possibly seen the atomization of my desire to be real that’s what will take up electricity for the rest of days

our endless desire for connection is what kills us in the end!
 OR we become part of the worldwide effort to save humanity in heroic fashion by therapy for everyone, a collective Kumbaya, a come-to-Jesus moment where we actually come to [have?] a savior and worship, love and people are loved and adored instead of fear and money but we love images and the devices that serve we are comfortable holding an abstraction of the world in our hands and we can operate our piece in it and yes, then we sit down to dinner and realize our body is just the container of our situation...our body is an emissary of the struggle for survival and love we are in this year this month

The craving for that single stranger-filled neighborhood would not stop with the telegraph. Over the next hundred years, radio, television, and even the telephone all dramatically increased the number of daily interactions people have with information. https://medium.com/@Marinaccio/the-telegraph-changed-how-you-spend-your-time-9a691d860e11

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Chapter 27? Is it? I don't know. I'm still working on it

Flying with a pack saddle was a weird sensation, as Eren had never worn one before. He and Levi had been mid-fuck when Maria came for them. The dragon had been kind enough to let them finish, though Eren was kind of pissed Levi didn't knot him a third time, if Levi hadn't insisted on eating his arse out as he rode the alpha's face, maybe he would have gotten knotted again... stupid hindsight. The teen didn't know how their containment spell would work once they returned to Eldia, and waking to find his boyfriend himself, he couldn't help be greedy and want a moment for themselves, without thinking about everything that had happened the previous day. He'd pushed himself so hard he'd nearly broken, so waking in Levi's arms, all he wanted was for Levi to kiss away his pain from losing his ability to bear a clutch. He wanted to reconfirm that Levi had been scared, and that what they'd done had worked. The sex had been amazing, even with Levi's hands and ankles bound, it'd healed his body and removed his fatigue from the previous night, while healing his heart over what had happened the previous day. Levi did want him, the alpha was just struggling with his fear and the uncertainty of the future. He was at the centre of everything, but didn't understand. They'd need to talk, but first came reconnecting in the manner that worked best for them. He also may have told his lover a small lie, that he hadn't dreamt. He had. He'd dreamt of Rod Reiss not stopping, mixed with pain of having his scales torn from his skin. His dream had moved from Rod beating him, to Rod tearing the scales from his face as he was an "unworthy dragon"... All it took was Levi's warm hold to chase the fear away, and to anchor him to the moment. Supplying them both with fresh robes, Maria had forced him to eat as they walked, though Levi and the others would have to wait until they reached the castle before eating. Which Eren wasn't happy about. Sure, he might have had an insanely long day, but he wasn't hungry. All it took was thinking about the secret he was now hiding from Levi, and the uncomfortable twingings of the command in place over being honest about his health... he was stuck mentally justifying his actions in order to find relief from the command. The best argument he could come up with was that it was best Levi didn't know he might be pregnant, only for the pregnancy to slip and hurt the man even more. Reaching the clearing near where the field of cabins had been, Ymir and Historia were waiting with the rest of the Eldia party. Ymir pinching her nose as they approached. They could probably smell the sex that clung to their skins. Levi's already complained that he couldn't shower, while Eren relished smelling like his boyfriend. Reaching the group, Historia's voice was a whisper "I'm sorry you have to sneak off like this. It's hardly royal protocol" Eren didn't even think about protocol as he replied to his friend "It's ok. I'm just grateful I can thank you before we leave" "We need no thanks. Especially with all that happened" Giving him a quick hug, Ymir huffed in his direction as she released her nose. There was no real malice over Historia's hug, but she didn't look happy "I suppose I'm going to miss you" He knew he was going to miss her... He was going to miss all of them, except for Sina, and Rod. Privately, he'd hoped to see the lake again, but that was now impossible. He was going to miss watching the water dragons, and the sunsets across the water. Nope. He wasn't doing this. He had to hold his head up high and be normal "Nah. You've got Historia, and besides, you guys are always welcome" "That's a hell of a way to fly for a game of soccer" Eren shrugged, playing down the small glimmer of hope that he may see them both again some day "Then don't come. Make sure you take care of them" Even if he couldn't see Ymir rolling her eyes in the dim light of the lantern Maria held, he knew she was "Don't be like that. Eren, I know for a fact Ymir will miss you greatly. We packed everything carefully, and your trunk is labelled to help make sorting easier" Meaning that the sealed sword wouldn't be known by Erwin and Levi. They'd considered destroying it, but didn't know if that would cost Levi his life. Eren's plan was to stow is somewhere safe, where no human could ever find it "Thank you, Historia. I know... Things might be awkward with your father, but know, Eldia will continue to notify you each time a dragon passes on our soil. And we don't want war, so we'll respect your father's wishes. It's for the good of both out countries that we do" "Things won't always be this way" "And when they change, know Eldia will welcome you with open arms. Right, sir?" Levi cleared his throat, seemingly surprised he was being dragged into the conversation "Indeed. I feel as if there's other reasons to be indebted to you, but I want to thank you for looking after Eren. And I want to thank you for the hospitality you showed me before... Well, in any case. Thank you. Thank the three of you. Eren is indeed correct. You will always be friends of Eldia" "Ok. That's it for goodbyes. The others are waiting for Eren to shift so they can load the saddle up. Get out my country and stop looking at my Historia" Ymir's words caused the teen to laugh softly "Hurry up and marry her. You two are perfect together, and I can't wait to meet your children. I'm going to shift before Mikasa can start lecturing me, but once again, thank you" The sun was creeping above the horizon by the time Eren was loaded with both cargo and his passengers. By some miracle the crown and brooch he'd made Levi survived, while Armin had found and saved the one Levi had gifted him. His friend might not know how much it meant to him, but Eren was grateful. He was also sad to be returning home this way. He'd expected to be able to hold his head high, and not to be sneaking out in the cover of darkness. It made him feel like a petty criminal, while the cold air irritated his lungs. On his back, it felt weird to be carrying such a weight. The trunks were to the back of the saddle platform, placing pressure on his spine, and leaving in with the constant desire to "buck". He almost felt like a dog with a flea he needed to scratch off, and hoped to hell that this would never be necessary again. Maybe if he'd done this before, he wouldn't find it so annoying, but beggars couldn't be choosers and he wasn't risking another dragon's life over it all. Given his speed and wing span, the whole flight back to the castle was over in under half an hour. After so long, the castle seemed so foreign to him, or maybe it was the new prospective he was seeing it from. Landing in the training field, he walked his massive form over to the edge closest to the castle to make unloading easier. The soldiers that came to investigate, soon must have cursed their eagerness as they helped Erwin off his back, only for the man to vomit at their feet. He knew he shouldn't be laughing, but his tail thudded lightly against the grass while his body wiggled. The man would never make a dragon rider, even if he had two arms. Levi was fine, though it stung that he had to slip straight back into prince mode the moment his feet touched the ground. Mikasa and Armin naturally wouldn't leave him, Eren huffing in annoyance as they both leant on his face. For a mighty and ancient race, why had no one ever named the top part of the skull near his nostrils? Like, was it a "nose", or a "snout", or a "muzzle", or simply just "skull"? Whatever it was, he would have much preferred Levi's pats than being used as leaning post, especially when he had soldiers climbing up and down to unload the cargo on his back, all of which were clearly nervous, as their boots kept slipping on his scales. Hanji was the first "official" in the castle to appear, coming running right up to Levi and Erwin, before throwing her arms around them. Erwin was sent falling back onto his arse, his stump flailing as he tried to prevent the fall. Once again, Eren knew he shouldn't find it funny, but once they stepped foot back in the castle Erwin would go back to being an arse... and probably even more so without his arm. And plus, if he was laughing, he didn't have to concentrate on how shit he still felt over slicing Erwin's arm off. Less than 24 hours ago, he'd come out of a coma and straight into a shit storm. Abandoning Levi and Erwin, Hanji's eyes widened, her mouth widening into a maniacal grin that screamed she was already scheming experiments. This was home. This was his home, with all the idiots that made up the castle staff. Now he was home again, hopefully they could find some kind of normal. * There had been seem changes while Levi had been gone, and he wasn't loving them. Petra had moved her quarters closer to his, and had taken to undermining Hanji's authority by pulling the "I'll soon be the crown princess" card. She'd done a pretty terrible job, even demanding to be included in sorting the royal mail which was for Hanji's eyes only in their absence. Coming back find his personal desk in shambles, and Petra refusing to leave the sun room, as she fussed over Erwin's missing arm. He, Eren and Erwin needed to sit down and talk. Eren had obviously done something drastic. His lack of symptoms, or rather the sudden lack of symptoms, was Eren's fault. His boyfriend has said as much, but whatever Eren did, was it safe? The lack of not knowing, and the constant yammering of Petra had frayed his patience to the very end. Pinching the bridge of his nose, the woman was lucky he was above hitting women or willing to sacrifice a perfectly good tea cup by throwing it at her "For god's sake Petra. Enough. Will you please stop fussing over him, and go retrieve Eren" "My Prince?" That was another thing. Petra had started claiming him by that title... It only made him dislike his "bride-to-be" further. Pet names were only nice when they came from Eren... Which reminded him that Erwin was yet to release his commands on Eren "Petra, please go find Eren and bring him here. Make sure he understands that he's in no trouble, and if he's resting, let him. God knows we could all use the rest" "Then why are neither of you resting? Poor Levi has lost his arm. Surely that... surely the situation could have been resolved better than it was. I knew I should have come with you" That had never been on the cards to begin with. Once he'd received Eren's invitation, he'd notified everyone but Petra about his travel plans, then dropped it on her at the last moment so she wouldn't insist on coming "Look, Petra. No, you being there would have not changed a single thing. With what happened the loss of his arm was the best possible outcome in the situation. It was a tragic accident. Now, please stop this carrying on" "Well, what does Draecia say about this? Have they issued any form of compensation?" Erwin could have jumped in at any time to save him from this, but the man chose to quietly sip at his second cup of peppermint tea "Draecia is not to blame" "How can you not blame them!? Your bodyguard has lost an arm! He'll need replacing! Erwin may be skilled with a sword, but he is no longer fit to stand by your side" "Erwin will remain my bodyguard!" "I will not have the crown prince protected by anyone less than the best! Your refusal is completely unsatisfactory. I will take it upon myself to find a replacement. Perhaps even looking at a bodyguard for both of us. Especially with the wedding..." Pushing his chair back, Levi's voice dropped several degrees. The mess she'd made of his desk, and this fantasy she continued to entertain despite how many times he'd voiced his feelings on the matter... It pushed him right over the edge "Petra. You know this marriage is being forced upon both of us under the threat of war. I told you that you could stay here because our healers have been making headway with your father's condition, and you are a distinguished soldier. From the very start, I have told you I have no intention of marrying you. With recent events, the engagement will be dissolved. Now. You can leave. You've caused enough problems for both Levi and I, by undermining Hanji's decisions" "Prince Erwin?" He could hear the wobble in Petra's voice. No doubt, she'd expected some glorious reunion where he declared his love. Like that shit would happen. His affections started and stopped with Eren. That was it. And even that was up in the air... "No. I'm being serious here. There is a reason why Hanji is selected to act in our absence. She knows better than to rifle through documents that don't have anything to do with her. This is a reason why Levi is my right hand man, or left as it may be now. Draecia was not to blame for this incident. It was an accident caused by an Eldia on their soil... you will not pursue the matter and he will not be replaced. Now. I've had it with you. And I've had it with this mess. If you're not going to find Eren, I am. I need to talk with him about his time in Draecia. Erwin, take yourself down to see the healers. Flying doesn't agree with you, and if you throw up, I am not dealing with it. Petra. Just... don't be here when I return"

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

🏰⚔️🐲 DMODT 27 - Update

Flying with a pack saddle was a weird sensation, as Eren had never worn one before. He and Levi had been mid-fuck when Maria came for them. The dragon had been kind enough to let them finish, though Eren was kind of pissed Levi didn't knot him a third time, if Levi hadn't insisted on eating his arse out as he rode the alpha's face, maybe he would have gotten knotted again... stupid hindsight. The teen didn't know how their containment spell would work once they returned to Eldia, and waking to find his boyfriend himself, he couldn't help be greedy and want a moment for themselves, without thinking about everything that had happened the previous day. He'd pushed himself so hard he'd nearly broken, so waking in Levi's arms, all he wanted was for Levi to kiss away his pain from losing his ability to bear a clutch. He wanted to reconfirm that Levi had been scared, and that what they'd done had worked. The sex had been amazing, even with Levi's hands and ankles bound, it'd healed his body and removed his fatigue from the previous night, while healing his heart over what had happened the previous day. Levi did want him, the alpha was just struggling with his fear and the uncertainty of the future. He was at the centre of everything, but didn't understand. They'd need to talk, but first came reconnecting in the manner that worked best for them. He also may have told his lover a small lie, that he hadn't dreamt. He had. He'd dreamt of Rod Reiss not stopping, mixed with pain of having his scales torn from his skin. His dream had moved from Rod beating him, to Rod tearing the scales from his face as he was an "unworthy dragon"... All it took was Levi's warm hold to chase the fear away, and to anchor him to the moment. Supplying them both with fresh robes, Maria had forced him to eat as they walked, though Levi and the others would have to wait until they reached the castle before eating. Which Eren wasn't happy about. Sure, he might have had an insanely long day, but he wasn't hungry. All it took was thinking about the secret he was now hiding from Levi, and the uncomfortable twingings of the command in place over being honest about his health... he was stuck mentally justifying his actions in order to find relief from the command. The best argument he could come up with was that it was best Levi didn't know he might be pregnant, only for the pregnancy to slip and hurt the man even more. Reaching the clearing near where the field of cabins had been, Ymir and Historia were waiting with the rest of the Eldia party. Ymir pinching her nose as they approached. They could probably smell the sex that clung to their skins. Levi's already complained that he couldn't shower, while Eren relished smelling like his boyfriend. Reaching the group, Historia's voice was a whisper "I'm sorry you have to sneak off like this. It's hardly royal protocol" Eren didn't even think about protocol as he replied to his friend "It's ok. I'm just grateful I can thank you before we leave" "We need no thanks. Especially with all that happened" Giving him a quick hug, Ymir huffed in his direction as she released her nose. There was no real malice over Historia's hug, but she didn't look happy "I suppose I'm going to miss you" He knew he was going to miss her... He was going to miss all of them, except for Sina, and Rod. Privately, he'd hoped to see the lake again, but that was now impossible. He was going to miss watching the water dragons, and the sunsets across the water. Nope. He wasn't doing this. He had to hold his head up high and be normal "Nah. You've got Historia, and besides, you guys are always welcome" "That's a hell of a way to fly for a game of soccer" Eren shrugged, playing down the small glimmer of hope that he may see them both again some day "Then don't come. Make sure you take care of them" Even if he couldn't see Ymir rolling her eyes in the dim light of the lantern Maria held, he knew she was "Don't be like that. Eren, I know for a fact Ymir will miss you greatly. We packed everything carefully, and your trunk is labelled to help make sorting easier" Meaning that the sealed sword wouldn't be known by Erwin and Levi. They'd considered destroying it, but didn't know if that would cost Levi his life. Eren's plan was to stow is somewhere safe, where no human could ever find it "Thank you, Historia. I know... Things might be awkward with your father, but know, Eldia will continue to notify you each time a dragon passes on our soil. And we don't want war, so we'll respect your father's wishes. It's for the good of both out countries that we do" "Things won't always be this way" "And when they change, know Eldia will welcome you with open arms. Right, sir?" Levi cleared his throat, seemingly surprised he was being dragged into the conversation "Indeed. I feel as if there's other reasons to be indebted to you, but I want to thank you for looking after Eren. And I want to thank you for the hospitality you showed me before... Well, in any case. Thank you. Thank the three of you. Eren is indeed correct. You will always be friends of Eldia" "Ok. That's it for goodbyes. The others are waiting for Eren to shift so they can load the saddle up. Get out my country and stop looking at my Historia" Ymir's words caused the teen to laugh softly "Hurry up and marry her. You two are perfect together, and I can't wait to meet your children. I'm going to shift before Mikasa can start lecturing me, but once again, thank you" The sun was creeping above the horizon by the time Eren was loaded with both cargo and his passengers. By some miracle the crown and brooch he'd made Levi survived, while Armin had found and saved the one Levi had gifted him. His friend might not know how much it meant to him, but Eren was grateful. He was also sad to be returning home this way. He'd expected to be able to hold his head high, and not to be sneaking out in the cover of darkness. It made him feel like a petty criminal, while the cold air irritated his lungs. On his back, it felt weird to be carrying such a weight. The trunks were to the back of the saddle platform, placing pressure on his spine, and leaving in with the constant desire to "buck". He almost felt like a dog with a flea he needed to scratch off, and hoped to hell that this would never be necessary again. Maybe if he'd done this before, he wouldn't find it so annoying, but beggars couldn't be choosers and he wasn't risking another dragon's life over it all. Given his speed and wing span, the whole flight back to the castle was over in under half an hour. After so long, the castle seemed so foreign to him, or maybe it was the new prospective he was seeing it from. Landing in the training field, he walked his massive form over to the edge closest to the castle to make unloading easier. The soldiers that came to investigate, soon must have cursed their eagerness as they helped Erwin off his back, only for the man to vomit at their feet. He knew he shouldn't be laughing, but his tail thudded lightly against the grass while his body wiggled. The man would never make a dragon rider, even if he had two arms. Levi was fine, though it stung that he had to slip straight back into prince mode the moment his feet touched the ground. Mikasa and Armin naturally wouldn't leave him, Eren huffing in annoyance as they both leant on his face. For a mighty and ancient race, why had no one ever named the top part of the skull near his nostrils? Like, was it a "nose", or a "snout", or a "muzzle", or simply just "skull"? Whatever it was, he would have much preferred Levi's pats than being used as leaning post, especially when he had soldiers climbing up and down to unload the cargo on his back, all of which were clearly nervous, as their boots kept slipping on his scales. Hanji was the first "official" in the castle to appear, coming running right up to Levi and Erwin, before throwing her arms around them. Erwin was sent falling back onto his arse, his stump flailing as he tried to prevent the fall. Once again, Eren knew he shouldn't find it funny, but once they stepped foot back in the castle Erwin would go back to being an arse... and probably even more so without his arm. And plus, if he was laughing, he didn't have to concentrate on how shit he still felt over slicing Erwin's arm off. Less than 24 hours ago, he'd come out of a coma and straight into a shit storm. Abandoning Levi and Erwin, Hanji's eyes widened, her mouth widening into a maniacal grin that screamed she was already scheming experiments. This was home. This was his home, with all the idiots that made up the castle staff. Now he was home again, hopefully they could find some kind of normal. * There had been seem changes while Levi had been gone, and he wasn't loving them. Petra had moved her quarters closer to his, and had taken to undermining Hanji's authority by pulling the "I'll soon be the crown princess" card. She'd done a pretty terrible job, even demanding to be included in sorting the royal mail which was for Hanji's eyes only in their absence. Coming back find his personal desk in shambles, and Petra refusing to leave the sun room, as she fussed over Erwin's missing arm. He, Eren and Erwin needed to sit down and talk. Eren had obviously done something drastic. His lack of symptoms, or rather the sudden lack of symptoms, was Eren's fault. His boyfriend has said as much, but whatever Eren did, was it safe? The lack of not knowing, and the constant yammering of Petra had frayed his patience to the very end. Pinching the bridge of his nose, the woman was lucky he was above hitting women or willing to sacrifice a perfectly good tea cup by throwing it at her "For god's sake Petra. Enough. Will you please stop fussing over him, and go retrieve Eren" "My Prince?" That was another thing. Petra had started claiming him by that title... It only made him dislike his "bride-to-be" further. Pet names were only nice when they came from Eren... Which reminded him that Erwin was yet to release his commands on Eren "Petra, please go find Eren and bring him here. Make sure he understands that he's in no trouble, and if he's resting, let him. God knows we could all use the rest" "Then why are neither of you resting? Poor Levi has lost his arm. Surely that... surely the situation could have been resolved better than it was. I knew I should have come with you" That had never been on the cards to begin with. Once he'd received Eren's invitation, he'd notified everyone but Petra about his travel plans, then dropped it on her at the last moment so she wouldn't insist on coming "Look, Petra. No, you being there would have not changed a single thing. With what happened the loss of his arm was the best possible outcome in the situation. It was a tragic accident. Now, please stop this carrying on" "Well, what does Draecia say about this? Have they issued any form of compensation?" Erwin could have jumped in at any time to save him from this, but the man chose to quietly sip at his second cup of peppermint tea "Draecia is not to blame" "How can you not blame them!? Your bodyguard has lost an arm! He'll need replacing! Erwin may be skilled with a sword, but he is no longer fit to stand by your side" "Erwin will remain my bodyguard!" "I will not have the crown prince protected by anyone less than the best! Your refusal is completely unsatisfactory. I will take it upon myself to find a replacement. Perhaps even looking at a bodyguard for both of us. Especially with the wedding..." Pushing his chair back, Levi's voice dropped several degrees. The mess she'd made of his desk, and this fantasy she continued to entertain despite how many times he'd voiced his feelings on the matter... It pushed him right over the edge "Petra. You know this marriage is being forced upon both of us under the threat of war. I told you that you could stay here because our healers have been making headway with your father's condition, and you are a distinguished soldier. From the very start, I have told you I have no intention of marrying you. With recent events, the engagement will be dissolved. Now. You can leave. You've caused enough problems for both Levi and I, by undermining Hanji's decisions" "Prince Erwin?" He could hear the wobble in Petra's voice. No doubt, she'd expected some glorious reunion where he declared his love. Like that shit would happen. His affections started and stopped with Eren. That was it. And even that was up in the air... "I... I was trying to be of use to you. We are still to be wed. Prince Zeke has decreed it so, and... we've been engaged for over a year now. I thought..." He didn't care what she thought. Nor did he care for her hurt scent "No. I'm being serious here. There is a reason why Hanji is selected to act in our absence. She knows better than to rifle through documents that don't have anything to do with her. This is a reason why Levi is my right hand man, or left as it may be now. Draecia was not to blame for this incident. It was an accident caused by an Eldia on their soil... you will not pursue the matter and he will not be replaced. Now. I've had it with you. And I've had it with this mess. If you're not going to find Eren, I am. I need to talk with him about the incident that happened in Draecia. Erwin, take yourself down to see the healers. Flying doesn't agree with you, and you should have just stayed down there. Petra. Just... don't be here when I return" Gathering up his papers, he wasn't leaving them there for Petra to go through again. He knew he'd regret scrunching the paper once he got back to his quarters... but for everyone's sake, it was probably for the best that he didn't lose his temper further, less he black out again "Erwin?" "Let him go, Petra. Trust me on this" Oh, look. Erwin could fucking talk. Clenching her fists, Petra leapt to her feet, daring to glare at him "We aren't done talking. You were gone for twice as long as originally planned, and come back in a mood, and with Levi injured. Not only that. You failed to informed us that you would be bringing back... a magic user, as well as his two friends! Now. Tell me what is going on here! Do you not care about you kingdom?" "Of course I fucking do! Leading this kingdom is what is fucking up my life! I don't want to be married to someone I don't love! I would love to see this all resolved peacefully with Zeke, but Marley has made a clear move of aggression, and once things have been discussed, the engagement will be dissolved. Or at least it will be if Zeke does not wish to make his intentions public knowledge. As for Eren. Yes. I know you know his name. He and his friends have returned. Squad leader Mikasa will be returning to her previous role. Her squad will continue their protection of the port. As for you. Confer with Levi. Your father's quality of care will not be impacted" "Erwin?" This time it was Erwin calling "his" name. He didn't seem to be losing control of himself, yet he hadn't realised when he had last time... perhaps he had and missed it? "It's fine. Just take care of this" Stopping by his quarters to drop his papers off before seeking out Eren, he'd felt their bond growing stronger with proximity, yet wasn't expecting it to be because the teen was curled up in his bed snoring. Levi had thought Eren would be in his own quarters at the end of the hall. He'd kept the room empty in the hopes that Eren would return soon, and when they'd landed, he'd mentioned it to Eren before dragging Hanji away from the teen in his dragon form. The woman was already enough of a menace, and while Eren seemed to love his dragon form, it'd probably taken a lot out of him, especially given their earlier activities. Moving to place the pile of papers onto his dining table, Levi then walked to his bed, sinking down on the edge in order to untie his boots. If Eren was here, he didn't need to go searching for him... and he couldn't deny he wasn't exhausted from the last few days. One night of dreamless sleep, and morning of "recharging" sex, had been completely ruined by coming home. Shrugging his jacket off, Levi let out a soft sigh of relief. Since he'd come back in a robe, his image had taken a hit, and dressed in full garb after he'd showered, something he regretted on such a warm day, and even more so when the maid stoked the hearth in the sun room. Burning documents was the only way for them to remain truly secret, once the contents had been digested. He'd normally have opened a window, but Petra was busy fussing over Erwin's health, and he hadn't wished to cause a scene... Fat lot of good that had done. Climbing up his bed, Eren was sleeping so soundly that he didn't hear Levi shift the blankets aside, nor did he feel Levi rearranging the pair of them so that Eren's head rested in his lap as he stroked his hair. Part of him wanted to shake the omega awake and demand a thorough explanation of absolutely everything that had transpired since Eren had bolted, but another part was scared that if he did, he might not like the answer. He felt cowardly as he left Eren to sleep. The omega had bathed before climbing into his bed, and Levi was grateful for the consideration. Eren knew he tended to be a bit overly anal when it came how things had to be, yet he didn't laugh at him, nor did he hold it against him. If only he could marry him publicly. He was the kind of ruler that Eldia needed. The kind that put the people above lining their pockets. Not that Erwin was like that, but he also wasn't not like that. He refused to push higher taxes onto the society elite, out of fear of rebellion, even when that money could be used to better fund places such as orphanages. No. He let them keep their money, and he was rewarded with polite conversation to his face. As far as Levi was concerned, they were all fat pigs growing fatter... yet, he was no better than Erwin. He could force the tax issue, but if he did that and it turned to rebellion, it carried a risk of war and that was what he thought about. About all those people forced into the underground. The families torn apart. The smugness of Marley grinding Eldia to dust... He didn't know when his mind set began to change, only that it was now too late to change it. Not that he would allow himself to be walked over, like Eren would. The kid had... well, he didn't quite know. It sounded like Rod had struck him for disagreeing with him, but he distinctly remembered Eren being far too bloody for just a single hit, and the teen's magic would have healed him immediately. When Eren woke, he wasn't going to fall for the charms of his gloriously plump arse, nor for the charms of his thick thighs, and tight arse that was made for him. No. He was going to have that talk with Eren, and Eren wasn't worming his way out of it. Letting Eren sleep, Levi nodded off. The pair of them were woken by solid knocking on Levi's door. Whining softly, Eren nuzzled into Levi's stomach "I'm sorry, but I need to get up" "You're comfy" "I'm glad you think so" As the knocking continued, Levi growing annoyed. What was the point of having guards if they weren't going to stop people from annoying him "Who is it?!" "It's Petra. May we please speak? Please?" In his lap, Eren shot up "Shit" Levi couldn't help but smile at the teen's obvious panic "It's ok. I told her I didn't want to talk to her" "You can't avoid her" "I may have snapped at her earlier. Erwin was supposed to be talking to her about it" "Because Erwin is the most eloquent man in existence..." "Prince Erwin?!" "Not now, Petra!" Eren frowned at him "She's your fiancée" "I told her were legally finding a way to dissolve it. I mean. I'm cursed. The last thing I need is to lose my temper and kill her" "You won't kill her... wait... Did you tell her your infected? Are you feeling symptoms?" "Nope, and no" Levi blinked in confusion as Eren grabbed his shoulders, staring straight into his eyes "This is serious. Did you feel anything at all? Any anger? Any rage? Did you do anything?!" Levi shook his head, taking Eren's into his. Eren's concern scared him. It made him question if there had been other times he'd blacked out without knowing... "No. I mean. I was mad, but I don't think I blacked out. Petra no doubt would have said something, and if not her, Erwin" Eren slumped with relief "Ok. Ok. That's good. It means everything is working. But you need to tell me if you feel any symptoms at all. Headaches. Nightmares. Hallucinations. Even small things..." "Eren. You need to tell me what you did. You said you did something to ease this, but what? I don't understand how. I'm infected with Obsydin. That's it, isn't it? That's why I'm blacking out. Why I'm getting angry. Why our bond felt strange... I'm infected and you did something about it. Now, I need to know what" "It doesn't matter" "Eren!" Scrambling off Levi's bed, Eren threw his hands up "It doesn't matter! I did what needed to be done. I sealed the sword, ok. Historia and I sealed it so it would never be drawn again. But I don't know if what we did will hold, so I need to know. I need to know that it's still in place... that it wasn't all for nothing!" Climbing off his bed at a much slower pace, Levi kept his movements slow and deliberate, so as to not scare Eren "Please, Eren. Just tell me. I'm not going to force you, and you can choose not to, but I won't be mad" "I can't. Not this. Please let me keep this one to myself" Wrapping his arms around his stomach, Eren's scent was growing distressed as he hunched over "Hey... what's happening?" "C-command. I'm going against your command..." "No. No, you're not. I told you that you didn't have to tell. You can have this secret, for now. As long as your honest about why you appeared covered in blood. What happened?" "You mean I didn't have to tell?" Yes. Levi would love more than anything for Eren to tell... but if he got him talking, his omega might just let it slip "Not right now" Eren slipped back to the bed, just out of his hold. His body language yelling that he didn't want to be touched "It was Rod. When I yelled about the sword, he heard... you know, about how we dragons and riders have super senses. He sent Sina after me... He... uh. Lost his head about everything and took it out on me" "He hit you?" "He did a bit more than that" "I'm going to fucking kill him!" "Wait... We can't. We can't go to war over something so pathetic" "Pathetic? He hurt you. That's not ok. That's never ok" "He just lashed out. It healed, and besides, he's a small man scrambling to control a dying race. He was scared!" "He fucking hurt you! What did he do? Bash the fuck out of you!? Break a few bones?! Well that just magically makes it ok!" Eren flinched away, just as a loud crack came "Prince Erwin!" Kicking open his door, Petra had her sword raised as she looked from him to Eren. Her face filling with anger and disgust, probably over the fact Eren was seated on his bed, which had clearly been slept in. Well this was awkward. His lover, and his fiancée "Petra! What do you think you're doing? These are my private quarters" Sheathing her sword, she stood taller "I heard yelling" "As you can see, everything is just fine" "It is not fine. What is all of this? An infection? Eren using his magic? What is with his face? Are those scales? Is he sick? Is he infected? Did he cause the incident in Draecia? The loss of Levi's arm?" Levi loved the scales on Eren's face, the bright shimmering greens were beautiful. Growling, he moved to place himself between Eren and Petra "None of this is your business or concern" "I'm your fiancée!" "No. You're just..." Grabbing Levi's arm, Eren tugged him back "What Prince Erwin means to say it that the matter of infection has been handled. Levi lost his arm due to his own carelessness. He knows it, we know it, and Draecia knows it. However, over that incident, Prince Erwin was not given a full explanation, which is why I am here. As you have noticed, I do have scales on my face, but I am not contagious. I would not place the Eldia people in danger over such a thing as a contagious infection. Now. The prince is tired. Draecia is a joyous, and free country, which may be hard to handle if you are not used to heights and flying. The Prince will had time to talk to you about all of this, but not today or tonight. Surely you must understand, from your time with soldiers who experience traumatic events, the mind needs time to heal. For now, that is the best thing for them" "Then I expect you shall be leaving too?" "Indeed. As you mentioned, we were yelling, but for now things are sorted. The Prince has nothing to fear" The shit. He'd taken Petra's game and turned it back on her, and for that the woman looked livid. Not that Levi wasn't also mad. Eren had wriggled his way out of telling him everything again. Rising, Eren made towards the door, Levi grabbing him by the arm in a return of the gesture "Actually Eren, there are a couple more things I could use your help with, before you do leave. Just things to do with Draecia. Petra, please leave. As Eren said, I need to rest, so this will be short" Petra glared for several long moments, before huffing and rushing out, slamming the door behind her. Pulling Eren up against him, Levi shook his head "Don't let her walk over you" "We need to be more careful" "No..." "People can't know about us, and even if you and I had been together before I left, can you imagine the fallout? Petra knew we were sleeping together, and she's probably going to make sure the whole castle knows before long" "She wouldn't. Her pride would let her" "We can't leave it like this. I really should be going" Levi nuzzled into Eren's neck, he didn't want to be left alone, or Eren walking the castle alone. They'd never discussed the fact his marks would now be seen by the whole royal court. For two smart people, they'd acted like idiots. Levi had thought once Eren returned, things would just fall into place "You can't keep running away from me" "I'm not. It's just been a bit of a mess since I woke up" "Now? Or when you woke from falling asleep in my bed? I was surprised to find you here" Instead of nuzzling back, Eren just kept his face hidden against Levi's neck "My old quarters weren't ready, so I told the guards I had permission from you to wait here. I really needed a shower, and your bed was right there... are you mad?" "Not at all. You're welcome in this room at any time. I wish it was more permanently though" "Don't say that... I really should leave though, Petra is probably waiting outside to make sure I do" "Let her. I have honestly had enough of her shit. She talked and fussed over Erwin for two hours straight, and if that wasn't enough, she undermined all of Hanji's decisions while we were gone. The main reason I came down here was to escape her. I even brought my work here with me, though the papers may have ended up a little scrunched" Eren snorted against him, pressing a kiss to neck, before pulling away "Then you should get started. My room should be ready by now" "And if I asked you stay?" "Will you do all your work?" "Of course I will, brat. I'm not you" Eren gave him a warm smile, his eyes sparkling with more happiness than he could remember seeing since... if sex didn't count, then the last time would have been before the sword incident "Then I'll stay. But you have to do all of it" "I know. Seriously. Petra has no idea the amount of work she's made for me" "I think her intentions were in the right place" "I'd really rather they weren't. Are you hungry? I can send for food" "I could eat, but you're just trying to get out of work" "I am not. I'm simply worried for you" "You don't need to be, and please, don't worry about your own condition so much. I mean, I still need to know if symptoms present, but don't be afraid to be yourself" "If I was myself, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. But then again, it is because I am, that I met you. The centre of all my affections" Eren gave him quick kiss, before walking over to the bed and sprawling across it. His long legs slightly spread, but unfortunately covered by the pair of black pants he was wearing. Waving his hand towards the dining table, his voice took on a mocking "royal" tone "And you are mine, my good sir. Now, get to work" * Falling back to sleep in Levi's bed, his boyfriend woke him when he joined him for the night, insisting he strip out of his tight pants and tunic in order "to be more comfortable", while Eren was sure that it was because his boyfriend was a sexually insatiable. To Levi's credit, the man had poured over the paperwork, while Eren had offered suggestions and calmed him when his alpha grew annoyed or angered. Curling around him, Levi nuzzled at his neck, then promptly fell asleep. Eren would have laughed if it hadn't run the risk of waking his alpha. Sometimes Levi reminded him of a small child, especially with how peaceful he looked as he slept... but he couldn't help but wonder if they'd even be laying here like this, if Levi knew the truth of what he'd done. When the morning came, Eren slipped out from under Levi, in hopes of stealing the first shower given how much he'd slicked in his sleep. He'd barely stepped under the warm water when Levi was joining him. Biting his bottom lip lightly, Levi jerked his erection slowly as his eyes travelled down Eren's body "See something you like?" "Something like that" "Only something?" "I see a lot of what I like, and a sneaky little shit who crept out of bed" "I slicked in my sleep" "I know. The sheets are still wet with it" Leaning in, the teen stole a quick kiss "Are you going to punish me for it?" "I think I might..." "Then get on with it. I have a room to unpack and you have a kingdom to rule" Releasing his erection, Levi stepped under the running water, pulling Eren close by his hips, both moaning into the heated kiss as Levi's hands slipped to grope his arse. Feeling the gently prompting with his fingers tips, he let himself be lifted by his arse, legs wrapping around his alpha's waist "I'm going to fuck you so hard" "Good..." Pinned against the shower wall, Eren had come the moment Levi had pushed in, so aroused from whatever he'd been dreaming about. Laughing at him between kisses, Levi then took his time to thoroughly fuck him senseless, until he was literally boneless in his arms. The alpha had way too much stamina when it came to drawing out the pleasure, and turning him into a babbling mess. Coming a second time, didn't slow Levi at all. Over stimulated and feeling full, Levi finally picked his pace up, knotting him a long grunt. Letting his legs go limp, he was held in place by Levi's panting form "Eren?" "Mmm" "You ok?" "Mhmm" "Good" "You?" "Mhmm" "Good. Fuck... Would it be rude if I spent the whole day in bed?" Levi kissed his chest, before rubbing his cheek against the spot "Do I get to spend it with you?" "No. You've got to be princely" "Then yes. Incredibly rude. So rude I don't know what to say" "I'm not spending it in your bed..." "That's even worse. I wanted to finish our conversation yesterday, but paperwork happened" "What was left to talk about?" Couldn't they just bask in the pleasant afterglow? He liked the afterglow. He liked the way Levi's knot was caught him, and the way his alpha's penis swelled to stretch him wide open as the alpha's seed flooded into him. He liked the way their bond felt stronger and how his magic loved the alpha just as much as he did. He didn't want to keep using his words "About how certain you are over the sword being sealed? This relationship. What we're going to say about scales?" Ugh. Adult responsibilities. He was tired of them. Maybe he'd find somewhere else to take a nap... "I'm not ashamed of them, but I do know the danger. This relationship. I don't want to give it up. Or for anything to change. I'm a little bit dragon and you're a little bit cursed. If things change, I'll let you know. And if you change, we'll work it out. And the sword should be sealed for good. I've... placed it somewhere safe for now. To be honest, I think the magic should hold, but if anything were to go wrong, it would be during your rut, and I'm here with you. I'll do everything I can for you, so can you please just stop asking me questions while you're still coming in my arse and I'm too tired to human" "Ok... I shouldn't have pushed" "I love that you do. I just wish you'd trust that I care for you more than the rest of the world" Levi shook his head, hiding his face "I don't know how you can say such shit so easily" "Because it's true. Or at least, that is how I feel. Let me turn your word into a sword, and help you lead this kingdom. The people need their prince, and I want to be the one to support you" "What happens if you chose to leave one day?" "You foolish prince, I left you alone, you'd fall to pieces. No. No matter what, I will do my best for you and for Eldia. I love you. I can't even say your name to tell you, but I do" "Fucking commands" "It's ok... it was the right thing to do to protect the kingdom..." Eren regretted his wording. He needed to find a way to repair all of this between him, Levi and Erwin... Maybe he'd seek the man out later? If Erwin wasn't going to be the responsible one, he needed to step up. For the state of the kingdom, and for the sake of the one he loved.