#thank you for the doodle it's not sad it's absolutely delightful thank you very much <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[averlym]

omg welcome back to the world to the living i too have returned

and ah yes the most elusive 5-star: lumine

I PULLED HU TAO AND I AM SO HAPPY also proud owner of c1 jean now ehe

and also tysmmmm for the fic recs they were SO GOOD and i have been binge reading for the last month or so. because life. (so sorry that it took me a month+ to reply to you T.T) but your art is as amazing as ever!!! it never fails to blow me awayy

U WROTE A BEIGUANG FIC ??????????? plsss if u drew a comic i would love u forever. your honor i love them.

literally same abt liyue though !! i'm not chinese (vietnamese gang lol) but it really does feel so familiar and everything and like. aaa. it does feel so familiar sob

i'm not even in inazuma yet lmaooo ar 35 north america server 😔

also. since it took me 5 days to write this out. (i procrastinate.) yES THAT WAS ME haha :3 ofc i had to add on to your post it was so good!! i'm glad u accepted my sad little doodle as tribute :))

*gladly receives the hug and hugs back*

-🍵!!

!!! hello teanon ily

[gureishi]

I love reading your opinions on Saeyoung! I know I’ve thought about this in regards to Zen so I’m curious what your headcanons are in regards to Saeyoung’s future relationships post game with each member of the RFA and Vanderwood??

Ohhhh, thank you for this wonderful question, dear Lea! The characters’ relationships with one another vary so much depending on the route and the timeline. Even though it makes me sad (because of the glaring absence of one beloved character), I’ll write these for the SE timeline.

Headcanon: Saeyoung’s relationships with RFA+Vanderwood post-game

Yoosung

Saeyoung and Yoosung’s relationship is endlessly fascinating to me. They’re close—they’d both tell you that, if you asked—but their friendship in the game is actually very surface-level. Saeyoung keeps Yoosung at arm’s-length, and Yoosung honestly has too much going on in his own head to devote much energy to trying to break down those walls.

The fight they have toward the end of Saeyoung’s route is a huge turning point for both of them. Yoosung is genuinely hurt to learn that his friend had never planned on sticking around, and Saeyoung is surprised to find that anybody actually cares enough to be mad about it. He never really thought too hard about what would happen if (when) he inevitably had to disappear from his friends’ lives—but when he did think about it, he honestly didn’t think he’d be missed.

It is a huge deal that Yoosung gets mad, because it shows Saeyoung that his existence has had an impact on people. It’s after this conversation with Yoosung that Saeyoung tells you he’s willing to try and open up to you, too; Yoosung is the one who shows him that there is value in letting another person become close to you.

Later, I am absolutely certain that they are able to develop a real friendship: one that’s grounded in trust and mutual understanding. When you’re living in the bunker with Saeyoung and Saeran, if there is one member of the RFA who’s showing up unannounced with a backpack full of sweets and a big grin on his face—it’s Yoosung.

Jaehee

Jaehee needs to feel secure in her understanding of the things and people around her. She likes to be able to think to herself, “oh, here is why this person behaves this way.” And it’s for this reason that Saeyoung drives her absolutely crazy.

She respects him, of course—but begrudgingly, because he is an anomaly, a little piece of chaos in her perfectly-ordered world.

It is your love for him that allows her to wrap her mind around his peculiar existence—because Jaehee cares deeply for you (almost immediately), and she recognizes the look you get in your eyes when you talk about him. She may not understand him (or even want to)—but she understands about love.

Jaehee and Saeyoung are never going to be best friends. But in this timeline, Jaehee is one of your dearest friends—and for you, they will both try. Jaehee will make honey butter cookies for his birthday, and she’ll smile softly when she sees the look of utter delight on his face. He’ll ask her to bring him her laptop, and she’ll complain as he sweeps it from her hands—but when he returns it to her working ten times better than it ever did before, she’ll clasp his hands in hers, her eyes shining.

If she ever gets around to opening her cafe in this timeline—and I’d like to believe that she does—you and Saeyoung will go in often. He’ll annoy her by doodling cat faces on all the napkins—but he’ll always tip her 200% of the bill.

Zen

In this timeline, Zen immediately takes you in as a sort of younger sibling (yes, even if you’re older than him), and he's ready to go to battle for you, if he needs to. Like Jaehee, he feels almost instantly that you are someone special. He doesn’t quite understand why—but he knows that he wants to keep you safe.

A consequence of this protectiveness, of course, is that he becomes very suspicious of Saeyoung. He’s never trusted him (and for good reason: Saeyoung may be trustworthy, but 707 is anything but). Zen is worried that you won’t be safe with Saeyoung—and he’s not entirely wrong.

But: when Saeyoung reveals his real name, Zen is one of the first to use it—and he uses it repeatedly. Every time I play the Secret Ends, and the Vday DLC, I am hyper-aware that Zen is making a massive effort to call Saeyoung by the right name. And this speaks volumes to me.

If you let Zen in—even just a little—he will accept all of you (and he’ll do it with his whole heart). Zen understands what it means to feel like you don’t belong anywhere—to hide your true self behind a mask of pretense and positivity—to become someone else so you don’t have to look too closely at who you really are.

No matter which timeline we’re in, Zen’s success is going to skyrocket—so he’s not going to be around all the time. But when he is, it’s a party: these are the times that the whole RFA gets together again (and if you listen closely, you’ll hear the way he speaks to Saeyoung now—like he actually admires him. The feeling is mutual).

Jumin

This timeline is one of the roughest for Jumin, without a doubt.

The game doesn’t show us how deeply he is grieving—but he is. He has lost the two people who have ever made him feel comfortable in his own skin, and he no longer has anyone he can turn to. I’m not gonna sugar-coat it and say that everybody’s happy in this ending: they’re not, and even months (years) later, Jumin is suffering.

But here’s the thing: Jumin’s not the only one who loved Jihyun.

It takes Saeyoung time to sort through the complicated feelings he has for Jihyun, after everything that’s happened. He doesn’t forgive him right away—and even as he mourns him, he’s angry, too. But time passes.

I imagine that there comes a day—weeks or months or even years later—that Saeyoung and Jumin find themselves talking to each other about the person they both loved. Perhaps they are in Jihyun’s apartment, sorting through his things—or they find themselves alone together at a group event and—at last—one of them acknowledges the grief that permeates the negative space between them.

Jihyun leaves a gaping hole in both of their lives that nothing can fill. But I’d like to think that an understanding develops between them: they may never completely get one another, and it’s okay that they don’t. There is a deep and unwavering affection there—the kind of mysterious and unbreakable bond you only feel for someone who has become your family.

Vanderwood

In my personal post-SE timeline, Vanderwood sticks around for a while to help the twins deal with their father. I’ve written about it a bit (in my Human Again series): if they are able to find the records Jihyun was keeping about Saejoong, it would not be too difficult for them to take him down in this timeline. He has no leverage, here. With the brothers working together, they can expose him—and then, of course, they can really be free.

But Vanderwood doesn’t stick around forever—they wouldn’t want to. They have a whole life outside of taking care of Saeyoung; they have a hometown, and possibly even people there who are waiting for them.

But at least once a year—and never with any notice—Vanderwood shows up at your home. "Just wanted to see with my own eyes that the kid actually managed to keep himself alive,” they’ll say—and they’ll grunt and roll their eyes and maybe blush a little when you throw your arms around them and thank them for being the reason he stayed alive as long as he did.

Vanderwood really respects you, because when you tell Saeyoung to be quiet or sit down or clean up after himself, he does it. They respect you, too, for your bravery and your strength and your resilience.

Neither one of them will ever admit it, but for a long time, Saeyoung and Vanderwood really did only have each other.

You’ll invite them to your wedding, of course. They won’t RSVP—but they’ll be there.

Saeran

I could write a literal novel about their relationship in this timeline and how it develops (and ummm maybe eventually I will), but I’ll try and keep this brief.

SE Saeran is so very tired. It takes time—so much time, exponentially more than the game shows us—for him to even begin to feel comfortable living in his brother’s home. He is physically sick, for a long time, as a result of the drugs he was being fed and the torture he was enduring. There isn’t enough space for forgiveness: there is barely enough space for living at all.

There’s no one moment when the two of them start to feel like brothers again: love and hate are so much more complicated than that. And Saeran has had no agency in his life; every choice has been made for him—his newfound “freedom” doesn’t feel like freedom at all. He feels he has been shuffled from one cage to another: his brother’s horrible, windowless home is no different.

But it is the small things: walking in the grass outside the bunker and feeling the sun on his skin; the way you speak to him, like you trust him; the annoying way Saeyoung follows him around, wide-eyed, trying far too hard to win him over—gradually, he begins to feel that he has a home, after all.

In this timeline, I do believe that all three of you keep on living together for the rest of your lives. You certainly don’t stay in the bunker forever—but when you move, you do it together.

And what’s most important here, of course, is that Saeran chooses this. It is perhaps one of the first choices that he makes for himself—and it sneaks up on him, taking him by surprise one day: he wants to keep on living together.

And this—living with his brother in a home that’s warm and full of love—is the only thing Saeyoung has ever wished for.

[blu-joons]

Dating Taehyung ~ BTS Headcanon

Getting Together

Taehyung was terrified to first approach you, talking to women was not his strongest asset

He’d confide in his leader that he wanted to talk to you, soaking up the advice Namjoon gave him

It took a while for him to build up the confidence to approach you, thinking it over again and again in his head

He’d prepared a whole speech in his head, but as soon as you spoke, he lost his train of thought

From the moment he first heard your voice he knew he liked you

For your first date you went to an art gallery, having found a common interest in it

The two of you chatted endlessly for hours about yourselves

When you spoke, his eyes were focused on you, and when you knew he was listening intently, his lips would part which you found adorable

He’d be very open with the boys about your relationship, looking for any advice or tips with girls

The two of you would speak every day, even if it was just a few texts back and forth if he was busy

There was no rush between you both, Taehyung wanted you to be comfortable around him before he asked you out

He tried to keep affection to a minimum, a little unsure of the boundaries, but when he could he loved to hold your hand

It was your tenth date he decided to make things official, taking you to one of the museums you’d always wanted to go to

In front of your favourite exhibit is where he’d decide to ask the all-important question

Tae was very meticulous wanting to make sure everything went perfectly for your special moment

He hung back from you, looking at you was all the assurance he needed he was doing the right thing

His figure came up beside you, sliding his hand into your own

“Y/N, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while, you’re so incredible, and I really enjoy spending time with you, so would you like to be my girlfriend?”

You could see how nervous he was, running his other hand through his hair

“I’d love that.”

The relief was overwhelming, his first proper relationship

He gave you a big hug before pulling away, finding the confidence from somewhere to kiss your lips softly

It was the most adorable moment, you realised then how cute Taehyung really was

He spent the rest of the day calling you girlfriend at every opportunity

His hand never left yours, never wanting to let you go now that he had you

Being In A Relationship

Tae struggled to begin with as he’d never really been in a relationship with anyone

He couldn’t wait to introduce you to the boys and show them the girl who had finally stolen his heart

He would always look to you for reassurance that he was doing the right thing which you didn’t mind

Very in touch with his emotions, if he wanted to cry in front of you, he would, knowing you’d be there to make him feel better

His biggest passion was taking photographs of you, especially when you were least expecting it

A lot of laughter, the two of you knew exactly how to wind each other up

Honestly sometimes people weren’t sure if you were genuinely arguing into you both broke into giggles

Constant compliments, he wanted you to feel like the most beautiful girl in the world

Leaving clothes in your closest because this boy had way too many clothes in his own

He would try and leave the studio fairly early to be able to wish you a goodnight before you went to sleep

You’d communicate every day, even if it was just a few texts back and forth

No matter how tired he was he would FaceTime you on tour each night, desperate to hear your voice

Doodling, he definitely got you in touch with your artistic side, constantly drawing

Nights spent with canvases in front of you drawing whatever came to mind

You loved to listen to him when he was playing his saxophone, you could sit in admiration for hours

Lots of visits to Panda Express, this boy was obsessed with the place

Long walks, Tae loved to have an empty space to talk about his feelings with you

Anniversaries were big, one month, two months, a year, they all mattered to him

You always remembered for your one year he made you a scrapbook of photos that he’d taken throughout the year

Frequent trips to galleries of some kind, you both loved museums especially

Sharing a similar taste in music, often sharing headphones on flights or in bed

Family was important, and his absolutely loved you much to his delight

Spending nights at the studio to keep him company, helping him with his choreography

You were a massive inspiration when it came to his lyrics

He’d surprise you with songs and poems he’d written when alone in his own thoughts

Tae was a true romantic, he loved to cook for you and shower you with presents

No matter the cost if he saw something that reminded him of you, he’d purchase it

He’d leave little notes around the house to remind you how amazing you were

If he saw you in the crowd that boy would break, he’d be overcome with happiness, falling to the floor

Your favourite aesthetic was his bandanas, they did not get the recognition they deserved

When he was angry, he turned to you to calm him down and hold him, soothing his breathing

If he was sad, he became very cuddly, you wouldn’t be able to get him off, not that you minded

He worked incredibly hard on his English, desperate to impress you with the things he’d learnt

Singing you to sleep if you’d had a bad day, running his hands through your hair

Holding your hand was always his favourite thing to do

It was a way of communicating with each other, when someone was uneasy, or needed assurance, a held hand was always comforted

He was very protective whenever cameras were around you

His hand would push them away, leaving a pathway for you, shouting for them to have some respect

The fans loved if you featured on a V Live, Tae would chase you around the house to get your face on camera

Tae loved to get up early with you and see the sunrise, taking photos of it

He’d turn to you for advice when he was shooting a video

He would shower you with affection, constantly being there, just wanting to be around you

Yeontan instantly took a liking to you, always wanting cuddles, greeting you as soon as you walked through the front door

Honestly, Taehyung was quite jealous that he’d lost his best friend to you sometimes

Affection/Skinship

Taehyung loved to cuddle you; he’d always have some sort of grip on you

Kisses were always passionate, he was a very passionate soul

He wanted to wait until you were ready for sex, he’d drop subtle hints

He was a little inexperienced so would look to you sometimes for advice making him submissive

When he was confident enough, he’d dominate

He always held eye contact with you, he believed the eyes could show exactly how you were feeling

Loved to give, he would happily give to you all the time, he just wanted to make you happy

His hands were very attentive, he knew every inch of your body like it was the back of his hand

Hands were normally pressed either side of your face, his thumbs brushing the skin

Sex always ended with cuddles, he’d hold you so tight to his body and refuse to let you go

His hands often rested on the small of your back, guiding you

There was little height difference between you, so he’d usually press a kiss to the tip of your nose

Honestly, he loved when you went down on him, it was a beautiful sight

He’d once asked if he could take a photo because you looked so hot, but you were a little apprehensive

As your relationship developed, he liked to try out new positions with you, but his favourites were always one where he could see your face

Sweet nothings were big, he would always compliment you, as you would him

Initially he made the mistake of telling the boys about your sex life, as he wasn’t sure what to do, but you soon stopped that

It was always a romantic occasion, the room would be dimly lit

Quickies were a big no; he loved to take his time and appreciate your body for all its beauty

Arguments

The two of you occasionally had a few arguments

Taehyung wasn’t afraid to speak his opinion, which wasn’t one you always necessarily agreed with

But when you did argue, it affected him hard

He’d struggle to come to terms with the fact the two of you had fallen out, making him quite emotional

He would always give you time, usually going to one of the boys for a bit of advice or support

You preferred discussions about your problems, you both were very good at talking to each other

Not once, ever, did he ever insult you, he would get angry, of course, but he never said a bad word about you

The worst sight of all was if you cried in an argument, he’d shed a few tears too, desperate to make things alright

You were a bit more stubborn; he’d leave you hundreds of voicemails apologising

If things got really bad, the two of you would end up arguing in front of the boys, eventually they’d step in and separate you both

Namjoon was always the one to help you resolve your issues, mediating between you both

You got over any arguments pretty quickly, just thankful to be able to hold each other again

Taehyung had been known to sleep on an argument, sometimes a fresh mind was the best one to resolve things

You could tell the signs of when an argument was brewing as he’d scratch the top of his head in frustration

Both of you were just passionate, and sometimes struggled to see a different viewpoint but your own

In the end you would have discussions, talking about your difference of opinion, allowing yourselves to learn more about each other

Your Relationship With The Boys

The boys loved you because you were Tae’s first girlfriend, they wanted you to feel so relaxed around them to support Tae

To begin with they were territorial over Tae, they wanted to be sure you were the one for him

You passed the test with flying colours, and soon became a huge part of BTS

Namjoon was like your elder brother, he would always be there to listen to you and give you advice

Hobi was your partner in crime, pulling plenty of pranks to keep all the others entertained

Jimin cared immensely for you, he’d make you drinks, give you lifts, he was always there whenever you needed him

Suga would turn to you when he wanted calmness, you’d just sit and play a game with him, in complete silence sometimes, exactly what he wanted

Jungkook took some time to warm to you, he didn’t want to share his best friend, but eventually the three of you became a trio to fear

Jin was the last boy you really felt comfortable around, despite being the eldest hyung you didn’t always appreciate the way he would argue with Tae, but after talking to him about it you quickly became friends

You were a calming influence around them, it wasn’t just Tae that needed you, they all did

Whenever you weren’t around, they’d ask Tae were you were

The Future

Just like the rest of your relationship, Taehyung didn’t rush a thing, he waited six years to propose to you when his work scheduled quietened down

He proposed at one of your favourite galleries, this time in France, the city of love, the old romantic he was

Quite a lot of money was spent on your wedding, Tae had so many plans, which all came together luckily

He wanted all the boys to make a speech, which they happily obliged to, all contributing to a song dedicated to you

Kids were always on his mind, with your first arriving just a year after your wedding

You had a big family, lots of children and dogs to keep you both happy, but honestly you didn’t want it any other way

There was so much love between you both you genuinely had the most incredible life together

Masterlist

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 13

humansona time, hell yes

OH MAN I forgot about the stuff w/swerve and blurr oof

that panel of perceptor just saying random equations always kills me vhsdjhfkbjhksdfnka

also I love so much that they call perceptor ‘percy’ that's so cute

I love the implications here that people just Grab minibots and carry them around like luggage bc they are Tiny lmao

ohhhh my god I fuckgin love ‘I'm just wondering if there's time to expand my aura and cleanse the area of aggression’ ‘I...don't think so, drift’ hgbadjfjbaskdfs drift’s hippy nonsense delivered completely seriously pairs hilariously with his whole ‘violent guy with a bunch of swords’ thing lmao

also, IM NEVER OVER CYCLONUS SINGING TO TAILGATE, and also the security team mistaking it for cyclonus murdering tg hbhkjadfbjkhsdf cyclonus u icon

and tg looking at cyclonus all heart-eyes, omg 

drift showing rodimus how to swordfight...fellas.....

rodimus, being entirely ignorant to the irony in calling cyclonus and tailgate’s relationship strange when he and drift are Right There, being weird gay frat bros

did yall know, I love magnus so much. law dad

magnus saying ‘that's not even a word. id have heard of it’ about the word ‘relax’ is so funny god 

rodimus bribing swerve with a bar license to get magnus turnt is hbvhjakdbfhskf

never over rodimus portioning out drifts blood money to the crew for shore leave hubhjsdkhfdbjksd god 

despite tg lying about a good amount of his past, I feel like he rlly DOES see cyclonus as a link to a more familiar time, and that's a large reason why he’s so forgiving toward cyc

mannnn the stuff w/blurr and swerve is so depressing in retrospect. swerve is like, such a depressing character the more you think abt him vbhskjdhfbsk jesus

magnus trying to get in on the convo when swerve starts talking statistics oh magnus

idk what ‘the lube pits’ are but I Really do not want to know

‘the temple of the raging prism’ sounds fuckin bangin tho

I love seeing everyones humansona!! this art style is pretty simple, but I think it looks cute

rungs ‘human name’ being ‘mary sue’ lmaoooooo jro w/the self callout

also skids’ name being blank is a nice touch

still not over tg being a baby....poor guy

whirls humansona is so fuckgin good, also swerve looks like a hobbit

magnus basing his avatar on verity is so sweet ;_; I really should read all the wreckers stuff after I finish this reread

THE ABSOLUTE COMEDY OF MAGNUS JUST FUCKGIN PASSING OUT THE INSTANT THE ALOCHOL HITS...ICONIC

WHY would magnus accept a drink from whirl anyways lmao

tailgate is so cute

they rlly just left magnus facedown on the table and kept drinking huh. the irresponsibility....we love it

ARE YOU SURE THAT KILLMASTER IS DEAD, WHIRL? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

rung don't lie, froid is your nemesis

WHY do we never get to hear more about skids’ apparent beef with misfire

rewind calling the swerve/misfire This early, wow

literally Everyone abandoning swerve to deal with magnus hgbvhfjdskdfbhs I fucking love this issue man

GOD I LOVE MAGNUS SO MUCH!!!!!!!! he’s such an interesting and unique character and hhhh I love him and his development

like, he was probably the biggest surprise out of everyone who agreed to go on the quest - ostensibly it was to keep order on the lost light, but it would make sense that magnus would get tired of being the Only one who cares about that sorta stuff on board 

drunk magnus is such a delight oh my god

magnus rlly just wants everyone to be safe :( my daddddd

magnus: I love all my children equally...swerve, rodimus, [looks at smudged writing on hand] dirt

swerve: see, magnus, that’s where you’re wrong - I ALSO have crippling depression!

cant believe they bought rodimus a hat vhbhksdfhahsjkdf

HHHHH GOD I FORGOT ABT THATTTT when cyclonus goes bonkers in order to stop rewind from playing the ark 1 footage and inadvertently outing tailgate as a liar....AUGHHHHH THE FUCKING...THE FUCKING ROMANCE OF IT ALL

POOR MAGNUS LMAOOOO

oh rewind :( you should really wonder a little harder where chromedome is right now...oof

everyone jumping on magnus while he’s passed tf out is SO fucking funny 

RUNG, PLEASE, WE REALLY DONT NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHATS AROUND THE CORNER. REALLY DONT

hhhhhhhhhhh I love how cyclonus sat tailgate down and confronted him about lying, but did it privately and not in front of everyone - and he even saved tg from being exposed as a liar, too. AUGH 

I feel like cyclonus is kinda impressed at how effortlessly tg has managed to lie this whole time, and tbh it IS impressive, especially considering tailgate was basically teleported 6 million years into the future and has no idea how the world works anymore, but was still able to lie convincingly. even cyclonus only realized bc of his own past, and not until now

tailgate ;_; ;_; ;_; 

cyclonus: oh no...im soft

tailgate and cyclonus singing ye olde cybertronian tunes together...OUGHHHH my fucking heart bro mY FUCKING HEART.

on that note: the song ‘to noise making (sing)’ by hozier is literally about cygate. thank u for coming to my ted talk

UGH GOD SWERVE STOP MAKING ME SO SAD, ITS NOT EVEN THE SWEARTH ARC YET

magnus had to like, get the robot equivalent of a stomach pumping after that hvbskdjfbhskdf jesus they really did almost kill him huh

I consider this issue forshadowing bc it makes 100% sense that minimus would be a Mega Lightweight considering he’s like 3 feet tall

the real quest that swerve is participating in is ‘the quest to get friends’ and so far its going pretty badly. poor dude 

godddd the thing that says ‘next: Overlord!’ with a fucking exclamation point I DONT APPRECIATE THAT. 

OHO i forgot abt the canon fanfic at the end of this issue

rung kicking things off with some good ole bodily workings-based dread 

ok but being so awed by the construction of your species’ anatomy that you wanna fall on the floor in amazement? that's a whole ass mood and I do frequently stare at walls for long periods of time, thinking about the marvel that is the human body. so rung is valid 

FROID NAME DROP LMAO. also yet again, are you SURE he’s dead?? are you????

the name ‘froid’ cracked me up almost as much as ‘rigor morphis’ did when I first read this...robot-based science puns! woohoo!

rung rlly b out here thinking abt overlords lips.....

‘forced browsing is not the autobot way’ lmao skids

also fr tailgate defs thinks that whirls actually name is nutjob

the entire segment of cyclonus browsing and everyone watching him and commenting is just. golden

oh no. don't make me think of rewind and his tiny memory sticks that he carries around. I'm NOT READY

magnus’ brutal read on rodimus and the fact that he’s more suited, personality-wise, to wartime than peacetime? oof. love it

I ALSO love that a big part of this issue was magnus admitting, in less direct terms, that HE isn't made for the post-war life either - his strict adherence to the rules and constant vigilance isn't exactly the best mindset for peacetime, for him or the people under his command

magnus’s hatred of metaphors and similes and the like....hvbsdjkfbasjhdf I love him

MAGNUS ILY...he’s trying SO HARD cut him some slack. i think his jokes are. yeah!

oh goody this text used "rodimus’s" so I guess that's canonically correct and I haven't been using grammar incorrectly as I had feared 

rodimus sitting ON his desk and doodling on it...adhd icon

rodimus calling rung a psychotherapist, which was rung’s grounds for a nemesis hvbhjabfdskfnkks

rung: as I'm sure you know I take patient confidentiality VERY seriously

narrator: That Was A Lie 

AUGH this hurts...rung trying to get justice for red alert but rodimus is in on the overlord stuff :( ouch

so issue 13! I fucking love this issue. just some good ole funney space hijinks, with some nice relationship development for tg and cyc - plus a revelation about tailgate - and some characterization for swerve and magnus. plus we get to see humansonas, which is always fun. augh I love this comic, and I am SO not ready for the next few issues, good lord

[tvranny]

golden & watermelon?

ahh thank you!!!!! i got a bit carried away with my responses– of course, i always do so, but this time it really highlights how ramble-y and scatter-brained i am ghdfughdfugdfhgudfh oops

7.) golden - favorite stationary product?

I’ve never gotten really into stationery because i normally dont have the patience to keep things nice and neat and my handwriting isn’t that good so i just. it becomes a mess really quickly gfhughfughduifgdf. (“it” being any slight attempts to mimic the borderline inhuman handwriting and aesthetic of every single person in studyblr/any stationery-oriented community)

BUT to answer the question, i’m really easily impressed, so it isn’t too hard for me to absolutely lose my mind at anything even remotely aesthetically pleasing. (so i may sound very simple-minded with my answer here, even more than usual gfhguhfgudhg)

does “stationery product” constitute just like… the papers, or just stationery stuff as a whole? because in particular i really go apeshit over pens. I like gel pens with the thick lines, and oh my god, the colors, i love the colors. It’s really important that the lines are thick, though. when the lines are thin, it highlights how bad my handwriting is and when it gets bad to the point where you can’t read it… well…. if i’m using a pen, i obviously can’t go back and erase it, so the mistakes and errors pile up quickly and like i said, it all goes downhill in approx. five seconds.

on a more confident note, if i ever take up that sort of studyblr-esque stationery “hobby”, i feel like i’d really like the whole doodling part of it. Not really… “doodling” but you know, the shapes and boxes and highlighting. I really like that sort of stuff. Of course, i have no hand-eye coordination whatsoever so whenever i even try to highlight one line of text or underline one word it all goes awry, but… it delights me.

ALSO on another note, how do people in studyblr like… take notes like that? I’m assuming they take the notes in real time, so do they really have the speed and skill to spruce everything up and make it pretty AS they’re taking the notes, or do they just copy raw notes in real time and then rewrite them in their aesthetic notebook so they can make it a bit better looking and pretty? if it’s the former, then i really demand to know how.

I got REALLY off-topic but;

TLDR; yes. pens. i like the pens. any pens. gel pens and sharpie pens. god, i love sharpie pens. last school year unlike usual i forgot to put sharpie pens in my pencil case and i kept forgetting to get some the entire year, so i just went the entire time without them. that just about killed me

35.) watermelon - do films ever make you cry?

oh god hgfyughdfughdyugh YES!! too much, actually. really, a lot of things make me cry. 

the hardest i’ve ever cried to the point of my typical hyperventilating-state when seeing a film in the theaters was i THINK was when seeing inside out and interstellar. interstellar more so. god. so many tears were shed at that damn movie gfuighdfughdfg. 

outside of the movie theatre, the most i can remember is SLIGHT crying at killing lincoln at lincoln’s death scene and booth’s death scene and… hachi. that fucking movie. I am never watching it, ever again, in my entire life. hachi was an awful experience not because the movie itself was bad but because it was so overwhelmingly sad. in fact, i avoid any movies about any animal’s life, because obviously they end in the animal dying or something happening of that sort; and it just.. breaks me. I can appreciate a good tear-jerker but when it’s an ANIMAL tear-jerker, my appreciation rapidly wanes.

OH! i also cried ridiculously hard at a ghost story…. that movie hit all of my sensitivities to a T. so, i take back my remark on how “i can appreciate a good tear-jerker”… I actually cannot. literally any movie about mortality (and by extension sentimentality) just shatters my soul into a million goddamn pieces. and of course, death and mortality is THE tear-jerker topic of 95% of film, so like…… yeah, no– i can’t appreciate any tear-jerker of any kind. that was one of the most inaccurate things i have ever said about myself.

TLDR; yes………………… films do make me cry

a lot

soft asks // ask meme [don’t feel obliged to send before reblogging for yourself]

[wannawrite]

Are You Jealous?

Wanna One’s Lai Guanlin X Reader

Fluff, angst 

TW: use of explicit language 

Word count: 3062

• you’re jealous

• boyfriend! Guanlin 

• ft. created solo idol, Hung Aeri  

• ft. mY CUBE CHICKS DEBUTING TOGETER 

hEeyy tiME TO TAKE ON MY BIAS AGAIN i love soft guanlin, thERE’S A LACK OF GUANLIN IN MY LIFE Fun fact: Guanlin has wrecked Sanggyun and Justin for the place of bias when it was still broduce 101 days….actually I was inCreDIBLY JUSTIN AND YUEHUA OBSESSED IN GENERAL pls stan them and go support my TOPPDOGG sons ;) 

__________ 

Hung Aeri. 

You’ve known her for majority of your life, being classmates in high school and even sharing the same lunch table. It didn’t come as a shock when you found out she had debuted under Cube Entertainment as a solo idol, the whole school knew just how talented she was. She could sing and dance well and her bubbly and kind personality was incredibly attractive, it was the icing on the cake. 

Aeri never forgot her friends even though she had the busiest schedule, the two of you had gone out to try a new waffle bar recently. She even invited you over to her house, just for old times’ sake. You often found yourself waiting outside Cube’s studio in the evening for her and you would go out for dinner together. On occasion, Aeri would invite other trainees or artists. 

She practically introduced you to your current boyfriend, Lai Guanlin. He was a tad bit shy and awkward at your first dinner out as friends, Aeri only made the situation worse as she kept winking and sending sending suggestive looks but he warmed up to you and grew to love you. You owed Aeri so much, she pretty much got your life plan on track. 

So why were you feeling so bitter when Guanlin told you he would be working on a track with her? 

 It hurt, deep down inside. 

As much as you wanted to be happy and as excited as they were, you couldn’t bring yourself to, yet you still faked a smile and congratulated your friends. Guanlin was anticipating the song so much, his debut with Seonho would be happening soon and this would definitely give them a boost as Aeri was a well known singer already. 

“Jagi, why the sad face?” Guanlin poked the sides of your face, grinning. You were curled up on his couch in his living room…in his huge castle-like house. He had invited you over to hangout, nothing much. 

Your mind drifted to how many times he had brought Aeri over. 

Snap out of it Y/N, you scolded yourself. Let’s not think about that. 

You smiled back at Guanlin and reached for his hand. “Nothing, just a bit busy with school, that’s all. Final years are tougher than they look.” Your eyes caught a peep of something that was well hidden by his sweater sleeve, it seemed like ink. Tentatively, you pushed the material back to reveal a realistic looking tattoo. You gasped, glaring at Guanlin. He only chuckled, “Y/N, calm down. It’s only a temporary one. Aeri noona and I got bored and stuck on one part of the song so we looked temporary tattoos up and ordered some ink. Do you like it? Aeri noona did this one for me!” His smile only seemed to widen the more he talked about Aeri. 

Ahhh, the multi talented Hung Aeri. You remembered the times when the teacher caught her doodling in her sketchpad during classes and since you sat next to her, your hand often became a drawing block. She was very quick with small scribbles but the one she did on Guanlin’s arm was intricate and clearly took quite some time. 

The jealously monster in you was being fed very well today. “Ahh, Aeri unnie is good at these kind of things. Yes, it’s very pretty,” you praised, and it was the first truth in awhile. 

Guanlin tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Never as gorgeous as you,” he declared. “Nothing will ever compare.“ 

You blushed at his cheesy words but that didn’t help the guilt and envy bubbling inside of you.

… 

"Hi! I’m a friend of Hung Aeri and Lai Guanlin. I brought them some cupcakes, could you pass them-”

“Just go in. They’re in studio four.” The annoyed staff who sat behind the counter typing absolutely nothing on her laptop said, dismissing you without a reply.

You rolled your eyes once you were pass the counter, what great security they have here. Or…it could be that you’ve visited too many times everyone here knows you by name. Still, shouldn’t they at least check my ID or get me to sign in? Nevermind. 

“Huh? Y/N!" 

You nearly jumped at the loud exclamation that was made, then realised who it was. 

It was your other good friend, Yoo Seonho. 

"Hello Y/N! You look very pretty today,” Seonho complimented, nearly knocking you over with his famous bear hugs. 

“Aye, you’re only complimenting me because I have cupcakes with me but thank you,” you replied, but softly because Seonho was squeezing the life out of you.

“I missed you Y/N! I’ve been working hard on our debut song! Do you want to hear it?” Seonho offered, taking your arm and strolling to his workroom anyway. 

You laughed and agreed to listen to the song. Knowing how much effort the boys put into it, it was bound to be worth it. Just as you predicted, the music was melodious, it was perfect. “It’s amazing! You will do so well! I’m so proud of you, Seonho,” you praised. “I’ll buy you another box of cupcakes!" 

Seonho perked up at this. "Really? You will?" 

You nodded your head with vigour. "Let’s go right now!”

… 

You felt a sharp nudge in the ribs as you were paying for the cupcakes, you opened your mouth to reprimand Seonho but he put a finger over his lips and bobbed his head to the left. You took a glance at whatever he was looking at.

Aeri. 

Guanlin. 

The two walked close together, giggling and whispering to each other with coffees in hand and her bag in Guanlin’s. They walked pass the cupcake shop Seonho and you were in but barely looked away from each other to take note of their surroundings. 

Your eyes nearly turned green with envy, it took a lot of effort to play it cool.

They’re just friends, Y/N. you reminded yourself. It’s nothing you should be worried about. 

You took Seonho’s arm and walked out of the shop. Guanlin and Aeri had disappeared long ago and you guessed it was back to Cube. 

Whatever. 

“Y/N…” Seonho began in a small voice. When he had caught your attention, he continued. “Are-are you jealous of Aeri noona?" 

The response was immediate, you shot him an ‘oh, c'mon’ look. "What? No way. They’re friends too and I’m super excited for their track! My best friends are working on it together! It really couldn’t be any better. I’m not.” You said it loudly in an attempted to convince yourself too. 

Seonho eyed you, slightly alarmed by your outburst but he shook it off. 

It was a silent journey back to the Cube building - minus Seonho already ripping open his box of cupcakes and devouring them. 

You were refreshing your message inbox, hoping for a message from Guanlin but of course, there was none. 

“You shouldn’t lie to yourself Y/N. I know you are not okay with it.” Seonho’s words cut through the quietness like a knife. 

The both of you reached Cube’s front door, Seonho pushed it open. 

Your jaw dropped. Was I that transparent? But I’m really okay with it. You twiddled your thumbs together. 

“Y/N….you can never lie to me,” Seonho said. 

“Am I that bad?” You asked, ashamed. 

Seonho shook his head and smiled. “No, I’m just one very observant friend. Have you gotten past Guanlin hyung or Aeri noona with your lies?" 

You had to think hard about that one. 

"I think they knew but let it drop. This isn’t something you can let go easily. It’s hard but trust me, Guanlin wouldn’t cheat on you. Believe that." 

Then Seonho spun away and vanished into his workroom with his box of cupcakes like he was never standing in front of you. 

Your mind wandered to what your good friend had said. 

Am I jealous? 

… 

The answer to your question came on Thursday night when Guanlin called you just before you fell asleep. 

You had answered in delight, wanting to talk to him too and it was a rare moment for his busy schedule kept him occupied every minute. You didn’t understand how he could balance so well, it was a blessing. 

However, your happiness was short lived and so was the call. 

Your boyfriend had only called to tell you that he wouldn’t be able to make it for Friday’s date night. He sounded regretful, apologetic and exhuasted so you let it go and told him to rest. Guanlin told you he was still in the studio, still working on the track. You asked about Aeri as you hadn’t talked to her in a long time too. Guanlin replied with a simple ‘she’s tired too but we’re happy to be working together. We’re more than just colleagues now. She misses you as well,”. 

He ended the call and you couldn’t help but have a restless night, knowing that both your friends were beyond bone-tired but still worked so hard. Unable to sleep, you checked Guanlin’s Snapchat story at 1.43 am and found that they were recording, it made you smile. But you couldn’t help but feel you were left out, Aeri had brought along tons of fantastic snacks that seemed to vanish quickly. 

You aren’t an artist Y/N, you’re just a college student. Sigh, look at Aeri unnie, so perfect, so slim and pretty. She can sing and dance well too, what are you? Guanlin probably deserves someone better… someone like Aeri. He’s probably happier with her. 

Aeri’s story was updated at 3.27 am with a picture that made your stomach churn and heart crack. 

It appeared they were spending the night at the studio, she and Guanlin had built a pillow fort and were cuddling inside of it. 

You had never done that with Guanlin. 

There was a video uploaded fifteen minutes later. You tapped on it. 

“Sigh, Guanlin offered to crash at his house since my apartment would be locked by now but I can’t do that to him,” she said and you couldn’t help but notice the terrible eye bags under her eyes and the close proximity between them. She zoomed in on Guanlin’s face, he held up a peace sign. “Goodnight Snapchat." 

It wasn’t a good night for you. You could feel the bitterness bubbling and threatening to spill.

…

Guanlin’s parents ushered you into the house, they were apologetic that they had to leave for a wedding dinner soon but promised to talk another time. 

You loved his parents. 

And so did they. 

You waited for Guanlin to come home, he had left for the studio again in the morning but today was one of the last days so he would be returning early. You texted him to say that you were in his room. 

Saturdays passed by lazily, all you wanted to do was cuddle with Guanlin so he would get some sleep. 

He probably has Aeri for that. 

No, stop it Y/N.

It was around 6 pm when he arrived home, you heard the opening and closing sound of the gate and doors. 

Something puzzled you, Guanlin seemed to be talking to someone. He pushed open the door and spotted you sitting at his desk, his eyes widened in surprise. "Y/N?" 

"Hey, how have you been?” You approached him for a hug which he gave half heartedly. 

“Uh, good. Why are you here? When did you get here?” He looked just as confused as you were. 

“I sent you a text? Did you not get it?” Guanlin scrolled through his phone and nodded. “No, sorry. I did. Aeri noona was playing with my phone just now. I’m sorry Y/N." 

You dismissed it with a wave of your hand and wished all that pent up jealously and guilt would too. "Is she downstairs?” You asked. 

Guanlin nodded, “But not for long. She just wanted to drop a gift off then she’s leaving. You should go say hi,” he added. 

Your 'hi’ wouldn’t be so friendly and you really didn’t want to hurt her.

Thankfully, Aeri yelled a cheerful goodbye and slammed the door shut just as you were halfway down the stairs. 

Guanlin had changed out into a more comfortable set of clothes, grey sweatpants and a black sweater. He sat on his bed and pat the space next to him, inviting you to join him.

A comfortable yet constrained silence settled between you and him. 

“Y/N? Are you angry with me?” He sounded so nervous and guarded you nearly burst into tears. “I’m sorry I haven’t spent as much time with you as I normally do." 

"It’s okay, I bet you enjoy it more with Aeri unnie,” you snapped, then a huge bulk of unease and guilt washed over you. 

You knew Guanlin was unpredictable and wasn’t exactly the best at managing his emotions, you understood, both of you were young. Your face changes as fast as you change outfits. 

Guanlin scoffed. “Are you seriously being like is? We’re friends!" 

"Well, it sure didn’t seem like it. I didn’t know you liked noonas more.” You were upset and angry…and acting purely on emotions. 

“If I did, I’d be dating her by now. Do you not trust me?” Guanlin yelled, jumping off his bed. “Do you trust me Y/N?" 

Your mouth was clamped shut. 

Guanlin chuckled and shook his head. "I knew it. I knew you couldn’t trust me. Do you think i’m so dumb to chase after noonas even when I have a girlfriend? Thanks Y/N. I get it, Aeri noona is gorgeous, she’s talented, she’s all every man wants but guess what, I thought I was doing the right thing by turning her down and being loyal to you. Turns out, you don’t trust me at all. That’s a key point in a relationship but now that I know ours doesn’t have one…I don’t know if I want to keep it,” he growled. 

“Guanlin, wait! I’m sorr-" 

"Save it! I don’t want to hear your damn excuses.”

“It’s not completely my fault! The nights spent together in the studio, cuddling! The tattoo! All those times you went out together looking like a couple! How can you think for a minute that I wouldn’t feel jealous!” You screamed, causing Guanlin to recoil in shock for you had never raised your voice at anyone, especially him. “Lai Guanlin. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, but it isn’t my fault that I naturally felt envious because my boyfriend was constantly with another woman!" 

"So you’re going to blame me for how you feel? Is that so? Well, Y/N…I’m sorry about that but I’m sure you’re old enough to control your own emotions! God! Who knew I would be dating an emotional bitch?” He spat, running a hand through his hair and huffing in annoyance. 

You were stunned beyond words. Guanlin had never called anyone such a derogatory term. He realised what he had said and immediately, his posture changed. His face fell. “Y/N, I didn’t-" 

"I don’t care! I never thought I’d date an insensitive prick like you!” You pointed a an accusing finger at him, tears already streaming down your cheeks. “To think I wasted all my time and love on you." 

With that, you grabbed your bag and stormed out of his house, ignoring his desperate calls. 

… 

The night reflected how you felt, it was dark and stormy, rain fell from the skies endlessly. All you had been doing was laying face down on your bed, sobbing until your eyes hurt. You were grateful your parents hadn’t posed any questions, your mother had called you out to eat but left quickly when you ignored her. 

You curled up under your blankets, wearing Guanlin’s old sweater. It swamped you but it provided warmth and comfort. The fact that you might never see him again because of a stupid fight made you feel like the worst person in the whole world. You just hoped his friendship with Aeri wouldn’t be affected. 

Knock, knock. 

You refused to answer, pulling your blanket over your head and pretending to be fast asleep despite the rebellious tears that still rolled down your face. Wait, those footsteps are too heavy to be my mum’s…or dad’s. 

Guanlin. 

You kept your mask on even as Guanlin sat next to your bed, he was pretty tall so his face was right next to yours. You felt him lean his head against your bed, his hair nearly tickling your nose. 

"Ahhh Y/N, I was hoping you wouldn’t be asleep but I suppose today’s been really rough for you,” he muttered, not knowing you were listening. “It’s really all my fault. I never meant to yell at you or cause you heartache but I suppose I did and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I called you a bitch, you really aren’t. You’re the best, most awesome and swag girlfriend I could ever ask for. You always know how to handle situations well, I must have pushed you over the edge for you to yell at me like that.” He chuckled softly. 

More tears dampened your pillow. 

“Look at my jagi, crying even as you sleep. Please stop. I hope you aren’t dreaming of what happened today but you probably are and I regret it." 

You felt his fingers brush over your face as he wiped away your tears. 

"There’s a lot I wish I could say when you’re awake but I don’t have the courage to at all. Let’s talk more in the morning. Goodnight Y/N, I love you. Please don’t break up with me,” Guanlin whispered before pressing a soft kiss to your cheek and slumping down beside your bed. 

You were sure he was knocked out cold before you declared, “I would never dream of it." 

Guanlin awoke to you peppering tender kisses all over his face and running your hands through his fluffy hair. He was shocked but pleasantly surprised. 

"Y/N-" 

"I love you too. Let’s not break up." 

He beamed brightly despite how sleepy he was and pulled you in for a tight hug, rubbing circles on the small of your back.

"Goodnight jagi, sweet dreams." 

And in Guanlin’s arms, under your duvet, you sure did.

[franeridart]

Soooo Tumblr tagged your new post as "Content for Adults Only" and I can't see it 😢😢 srsly tumblr is pissing me off rn

Anon said:I don't understand how your most recent post about Denki is blocked by safety mode????? Like it's just your art of his birthday! I love the art of it tho, it's fantastic! Keep up the amazing work.

Anon said:*whispers* the thing you just posted contains sensetive media apperantly

Yeah it’s most probably Mineta isn’t it

(jk it was probs my inclination to swear my way through life’s fault, I asked for a review so it should be visible in a bit but for now you can see it here !!)

Anon said:!!! I didn't know when Kaminari's birthday was but his is the same as mine and I'm even more attached to him now !!! Thanks for bringing that info to my attention and also your doodles were amazing I love them and I hope you have a nice day!!

Yay for you and yay for him too!!!!!!!! I hope you’ll have a great birthday tomorrow, anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank you!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I can't remember if you've already answered this question but in light of Kami's birthday - you once did a comic showing what everyone from the Bakusquad would get him for his birthday, so I wanted to know what do you think Bakugou would get all of his friends for their birthdays?

Bakugou has the hardest time coming up with birthday presents, presents are just Not A Thing He Does, he tries but it’s just ???? I mean think back to how he tried to cheer Kirishima up, that boy is so damn awkward - that said, given how all his friends gave him something he felt the need to show them he could reciprocate, so this is what he came up with: 

Sero’s actual tastes in material possessions are a total mystery for everyone, they make absolutely no sense, but what Bakugou KNOWS is that the fucker likes to eat his greens, so that’s what he did for him - he cooked the healthiest and tastiest meal he could manage to make, spent a whole damn lot of time researching it too, and Sero was honestly so touched (he loved it)

Jirou got a offer to go with her to a concert she couldn’t find anyone to go with - she hadn’t outright asked anyone, but it was clear she wanted to go but not alone - the band was too much for all of her friends, so she was sorta letting the idea of going go. Which is when Bakugou offhandedly mentioned that he’d heard there was the one gig from that one band and he was thinking of going since he liked that band and whatever she wanted to come or something? Bakugou had just spent the last day and a half listening to the band’s discography for the sake of making it believable and Jirou saw right through him (she didn’t mention it) (but man Bakugou could be seriously nice couldn’t he)

Mina’s present was to actually agree to go to her party. That was it. Mina’s parties are the opposite of Bakugou’s ideal place to spend a whole night at, they’re loud, and there’s drinking, and dancing, and the whole school is invited and it’s packed, so when she asked him to come she never thought he’d actually agree to go and stay the whole night, but boy did he. He also let her pick his outfit (Mina recognized the effort for the present it was. She was delighted)

Kaminari got a shopping trip - it went like this: Bakugou mentioned he was going to the mall, which always ends up with Kaminari tagging along just to go window shopping. So he stopped in front of the windows, pointed at stuff, made noises about the deals, and Bakugou went “wait here” and then went in and bought whatever Kaminari had been excited about. It happened four times before Kaminari caught on, and then Bakugou literally had to threaten him to make him stop holding back “I’m deciding I wanna do this so I’m doing this” (he still held back, but by the end of it Kaminari had actually whined the sentence “Bakugou please” pointing at yet another jacket or shirt of necklace way more than once) (he was so damn happy he didn’t even think about how he had absolutely no space for everything he’d just bought to fit in his room)

Kirishima was the hardest one (pun intended). Kirishima was actually so difficult Bakugou spent months thinking about what to get him and came up empty handed anyway. He was so damn complicated that Bakugou sucked up his pride and straight out asked him what he wanted for his birthday. “I don’t want to fuck this up”, he said, and Kirishima smiled so hard and so wide and so bright, it felt like enough of a present for him just hearing that. He told him he wanted to spend the day with him, so they did that - studied, sparred, ate, hung with the others. Bakugou didn’t think it was enough of a present since honestly it felt like any other day, but Kirishima was happy, so he guessed it was fine (he found and bought a super rare super expensive Crimson Riot figure to gift him anyway) (Kirishima cried)

Anon said:You are so awesome!!!

sob thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;A;

Anon said:It's t[odobak]u week! It's honestly a ship I never thought about, but ever since I saw fanart about them I've been thinking about their dynamic as a couple. How would that even work with their personalities? I know you don't really ship Katsuki with anyone else but Kiri, but let's say for some reason Bakugou and Todoroki got together. How would you describe their complicated relationship/dynamic? I've been thinking about it ever since I saw that fanart Q_Q

I talked about my feelings for these two’s relationship here!! But in all honesty I just can’t see them as romantics (if I could I’d probably ship it hah) so I can’t say how it’d work for them in a relationship of that kind... mostly because all I can think of as an answer is “it wouldn’t work” haha rip

Anon said:I love when you draw Bakugou being a big old softy

Fun fact: I take the fact that Mitsuki is unapologetically soft to Masaru as a good enough proof that in a romantic relationship Bakugou would be the softest to his partner - he’s already soft enough for Kirishima, can you imagine how much more he’d be after being openly in love with him for years? (I can) (it’s beautiful)

Anon said:More adult!AU please!!!!!!!!!!!

Uhhhhhhhhhhh sure, but it wasn’t really an AU tho! It’s just me playing around with their designs a bit, I’ve been drawing them aged up now and again for a while now (tho I admit mostly what stays constant in the design is only the hairstyles, everything else changes based on how I’m feeling it atm) anyway yeah, more will come in the future! Can’t promise the designs will stay totally unchanged, tho haha

Anon said:We only have to last one more day until the next chapter (probably) kills us all with the feels. Thank you to you and your art for getting me through this terrible week of waiting.

;A; you’re welcome, I’m trying to keep myself sane with my own doodles too so helping you along is a beautiful most welcome side-effect

Anon said:Could i have a ref of your adult kiribaku scars? if not i understand! have a great day!

No probs, just, I can’t draw right now cause of hand-problems so you’ll have to make do with me telling you where they are? Also that’s just how I went for it in that drawing, it’s nothing set in stone, really, I keep on adding and moving them around every time I draw them

The only scars Bakugou has there are on his palms - cover the whole of it and reach a bit on the inside of his wrist too, they’re burn scars and come from overusing his quirk one too many times. Kirishima’s got more - aside from the canon eye one he’s got one on the left side of his mouth, one on each forearm in the same spots he’s been hurt in the latest chapter, and one covering most part of his upper back (this one he got protecting civilians with his own body too often and breaking one time too many)

Anon said:I don't know if you take request or not but if you do, could you draw adult bakugou with baby kirishima and vice versa, please? 😙😊

I already have tho!! x x x

Anon said: Holy crap, scarred up hottie Kirishima with the black roots saved my life

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! glad you liked him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:denki at the end of your last post is me xD

*whispers* honestly same

Anon said:Okay but think about how fucking pissed Baku would be if Todoroki tripped and fell and broke his ankle walking up the the battle arena and they didn't even get to fight because Todoroki can't even stand.

Listen, listen, if anything like this happened Bakugou would take Todoroki off his list of worthy rivals asap why was he ever even interested in this guy why did he even waste his time like this he’s so done

Anon said:I just got my wisdom teeth removed and can't pronounce "f" , and all I can think ab is Bakugo, in the same case, being pissed as hell because he can't say "fuck" anymore

That’s the moment the squad learns that Bakugou uses the word fuck out of convenience and not because it’s the only one he knows, really (did all those swear words even exist) (how does he even know so many)

Anon said:Fran I just found out why you've stopped posting Haikyuu as much and?? I feel so bad?? Because you're absolutely right, the fandom might be pretty healthy compared to others but it a certain idea of what should be and what shouldn't be. Like the minute you get into the fandom you're bombarded with the "canon" ships (which aren't even canon smh) and then there's other ships which are just automatically designated as "brotp" and if you don't follow the norm then you get hate. (1/2)

And it just makes me feel terrible because you obviously love(d?) Haikyuu a lot, and drawing for it, but then the fandom basically forced you to leave. And that just makes me really really sad. I used to be sad that you didn't draw for Haikyuu much anymore (because despite fandom I do love the series very much) but now I'm just. Really glad that you found BNHA and are having fun drawing for it. Ahaha this is kinda pointless but I really respect you and so?? Just keep doing you

Thank you so much oh my god orz it’s... true, posting for hq hasn’t been half as fun as it used to be, lately, but I do still enjoy it! Between everything the fact that the fandom is sort of asleep atm does make me lose even the last motivation to draw more, so! I’m pretty confident as soon as the fandom wakes back up I’ll start posting more for it again! After all I love the show and all the characters a lot still~

Anon said:*chanting* Draw that hair angst! Draw that hair angst!

I’m trying !!! (tomorrow might just be the right day)

Anon said:i just recently started watching bnha and i'm IN LOVE!!!! i'm also glad i can appreciate your art more bc now i actually know who the characters are 😂

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m SO GLAD you’re liking it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank you SO MUCH for sticking around even while you didn’t know the show!!!!

Anon said:i love your art!!!!!! im gay!!!!!

tHANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and great for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:  I can't believe Kirishima wears Franeridart brand knickers

It’s the most popular brand on this blog, really

Anon said:bro i don't even read/watch bnha. why am i so invested in these kids. it's,, it's your fault isn't it. you're being paid by horikoshi (is that the mangaka's name?) to reel us all in aren't you. EXPOSED, FRAN

Joke’s on me anon, I’m not even being paid for this (lol) (since you like the kids you should really give the show a try, tho *nudge nudge*)

Anon said:hi just a friendly reminder that kirishima eijirou is amazing and incredible and so are you

Being given the same compliments given to Kirishima might as well be the best thing ever happened to me.... oh my gods.............. thank you............

Anon said:There's only one way for me to find out if my Quirk is breathing under water

Anon no

[some1foundme]

Fic: Lost in the Memory ch. 23

Title: Lost in the Memory

Author: Some1FoundMe

Summary: Oliver Queen returns to his home in Star City after a five year tour overseas, much to the delight of his friends and family. There’s just one small problem. The injury that effectively ended his military career also erased a part of his memory.  As he struggles to put together the missing pieces of his past, his connection to his best friend’s little sister becomes something he can’t avoid. Who is Felicity Merlyn and why can’t he seem to stay away from her?  Olicity AU, no Arrow, no island.

A/N: Wow.  You guys, seriously?  The response to the last chapter kind of caught me off guard.  It was such a surprise to hear all the wonderful feedback. Post a little bit of angst in an otherwise (somewhat) fluffy chapter and everyone seems to love it, good to know! We’re very quickly nearing the end of this one and I have to say, I’m kind of sad that it’s almost over… Anyhow, thank you again for all of your support and kind words!  

Read on AO3 or ff.net.

Chapter Twenty-Three

She sighed happily and curled up on Oliver’s chest.  Her heartbeat drummed roughly against her ribcage.  Her body was pleasurably numb as she pressed a kiss to her husband’s warm skin.

“And that is exactly why I am happy to let your mom watch Thea whenever she wants to.”

Oliver chuckled, the sound rumbling beneath her ear, and trailed his fingers along her spine.

“Probably not the best time to talk about my mother,” he pointed out, “Definitely not if you’re expecting round two to happen any time soon.”

Felicity didn’t think it was possible given the two spectacular orgasms he’d gifted her with but a new wave of pleasure slid over her.  She wasn’t sure exactly when she’d become so insatiable.  She found herself wanting him almost every moment of every day. If they were in a room together, alone or not, her desire would flare, sending little jolts of electricity skittering along her nerves and causing heat to unfurl in her core.  And her need for him only seemed to intensify with each day that passed.

It had been five weeks since the incident with her father at his parents’ home.  Five weeks since the restraining order had been issued and Malcolm Merlyn had – essentially – been removed from her life.  

And they’d been a blissful five weeks.

Life had finally ­– finally – gone back to normal.  At least as normal as possible given Oliver’s condition. His memory hadn’t returned.  The details from their life prior to the incident were still missing.  But she could hardly tell anymore.  In so many ways, it was like nothing had changed.  She knew that he loved her.  She felt it in his touch and saw it reflected back at her every time their eyes met.  They’d been drawn back together, had grown closer with every day that passed, and there had been times in the past month when she’d nearly forgotten that he still hadn’t truly remembered her.  

“You’re thinking awfully loudly, sweetheart.”

Felicity snorted, “That’s usually my line.”

His hand twisted in her hair, tugging gently until she was looking up at him.  She drew idle patterns on his skin, doodling around the scar that marked his torso, and gnawed on her lip.

“What’s going on in there?” he urged.

“I’m… I’m just really happy, Oliver.  With you. With us.  Just in general, I suppose.”

“Is that bad?”

She shook her head, stretching up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“No, of course not.  I – I think a part of me is just a little concerned that the bubble’s going to burst, you know?  Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

His fingers continued their trek down her back, the rhythm soothing her.  The strong beat of his heart beneath her ear added to the level of comfort that she had only ever felt in his arms.  Everything had been so easy.  Calm, slow, and blissful.  The biggest argument that they’d had in the last weeks had been over Oliver’s wet towel that consistently seemed to end up on her side of the bed.  And even that disagreement had resolved itself quickly and her husband had been happy to make it up to her in the most pleasurable way possible.  They’d come together so effortlessly in the days following her father’s arrest. There were times when she truly believed that they could put Oliver’s amnesia aside and move on with their lives.

“Who’s to say that there is another shoe?” he murmured, “Maybe what happened with Malcolm was the last of it.  Maybe the universe has decided that our family has been through enough and that we deserve some peace and quiet.”

Felicity snorted, “Have you met me?  The universe and I haven’t exactly been on the best of terms.  Like, ever.”

Oliver chuckled again, the action jostling her, and she grinned as her lips found a small, puckered scar on his shoulder.

“What time is it?”

He hummed, “Just a little after five.”

“Ugh.  We’re supposed to be at the Diggles’ by six-thirty.  We should probably have saved the… bedroom shenanigans for after John and Lyla’s dinner party.”

Oliver made a noise of disagreement before rolling them over and pinning her to the mattress.  It was impossible to misinterpret his intention with his thick length nestled between her thighs.  His teeth nipped playfully just beneath her ear, his stubble chaffing her skin as he trailed kisses down to the swells of her breasts.

“Oliver.”

It was meant to be a warning but his name was nothing more than a breathy moan as it passed her lips.

“We’ve got time,” he murmured, tugging her pebbled nipple with his teeth.

Felicity gasped and shoved her fingers into his hair.  She knew that she should’ve pushed him away – they really didn’t have that much time – but his mouth was capable of making her feel the most intense, incredible things and while he’d already gifted her with two toe curling orgasms, she absolutely would not be opposed to a third.

When he slipped two fingers into her cleft, seeking out her still-sensitive clit, she cursed and tugged at his hair, guiding his mouth away from her breast.  Their lips met in a bruising kiss, his tongue pushing past to her lips to duel with hers just as his fingers dipped into her tight channel.

“Ol – Oliver!”

She whimpered into his mouth as he set a slow and gentle pace.  The heel of his hand pressed against her clit, applying only the slightest pressure, as his fingers curled inside of her and pushed her higher.  His mouth closed around her nipple, suckling hard, and she grasped a fistful of his hair with one hand while the other fisted the sheets.

“O – Oh god!”

Oliver rolled her nipple between his teeth at the same moment that his calloused fingertips slid over the spongy spot of tissue in her channel, causing fireworks to explode behind her closed eyelids.  Her back arched off of the bed.  Electricity scattered through her body, bursting first in her belly before flooding out into her limbs.  Her breath became stuck in her throat as she came with a noiseless shout.  She was dimly aware of the rush of moisture that coated Oliver’s hand where his fingers continued to move inside of her and of the whispered words that he breathed into her skin, but her brain couldn’t quite process what any of it meant.  

The intensity of her orgasm took her by surprise.  It had come on so quickly and had left her entire body feeling weightless.  She’d thought that the first two times she’d come that evening had been pretty damn amazing but as she lay there, unable to move or speak, Felicity considered skipping the party at the Diggles just to give herself the opportunity to recover.  And maybe see how much more she had in her.

“Felicity?”

She blinked her eyes open to find Oliver leaning over her, his fingers on her face caressing her cheek and brushing back the loose tendrils of her hair.  The soft smile on his lips made her smile and she lifted her hand, slowly and with a lot of effort, to drag her blunt nails through his stubble.

“Oliver.”

He chuckled, “You okay?”

“Yes.”

His mouth found hers, their lips brushing chastely, and she sighed into the kiss.

“We really should get up,” he told her, “I think we’ve got time for a quick shower.”

She hummed, “Okay. But I think… I think I might need you to carry me.”

Oliver laughed again, a full, deep sound that she felt down to her bones.  It was a sound she had missed in the time that he was away and now that he was at home with her, it was one that she cherished.

The mattress shifted beneath her as Oliver moved.  He reached for her, arms slipping beneath her, one at her back and the other her knees, and lifted her easily.  Her head fell to his shoulder and she nuzzled against his collarbone.  He carried her into their bathroom, an easy silence falling over them.  She had one arm wrapped around his neck, her fingers dragging through the short strands at the back of his head, and his fingers flexed where they gripped her thigh.

“Oliver?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

He set her on her feet in the bathroom and drew her into the circle of his arms.  He tucked her beneath his chin.

“I love you, too, baby.”

She pressed her lips to the hollow of his throat before he stepped away from her.  He leaned in and brought the shower to life.  Steam flooded the room, licking at her skin, and when Oliver turned back to her and offered her his hand, she took it and followed him under the spray.

“What are we doing here?”

She glanced around, eyes skimming the empty park as night quickly descended.  Oliver slid the truck into park and shut off the ignition.  He tossed the keys onto the dash.

“It’s been a week,” he groused.

“A week?”

“A week, Felicity!  A goddamn week and I can’t take it anymore.”

She frowned and shifted around in her seat to get a better look at him.  Deep orange light cast shadows across the interior of the truck and as they lost the sun to the horizon, the air around them cooled quickly.  She tugged the sleeves of her sweatshirt down to cover her fingers.

“Provide some context here, hon, because I’m confused.”

Oliver sighed and scraped his fingers through his hair.  It was beginning to grow out again.  He’d kept it buzzed when he was deployed and when he’d come home, she’d missed being able to tug on the short strands.  It was finally getting longer, back to his normal length, and she was glad.  He and Tommy’d been home for close to two weeks and her husband was beginning to look like the man she’d married again.

Realization hit her at the same moment that Oliver replied.

”Oh.”

“Tommy.”

She sighed again, “Oliver…”

“I know that he’s your brother, hell, he’s my brother, but Christ, Felicity, we haven’t been alone in a week,” he growled, one hand coming down on the steering wheel with slightly more force that necessary, “I just – I – we…”

She slid closer to him, ever grateful that the stupid truck he insisted on driving had a full bench seat, and place her hand against his stubbled jaw.  Her thumb glided slowly across his bottom lip.

“We’re alone every night, baby.  Just you and me in our nice, comfy bed.  And yeah, okay, we don’t get a lot of alone time now that Tommy and Thea are living with us full time but we’ll make it work.  They just moved in.  We’re all still adjusting.”

He huffed, nipping at her finger as it took another pass along his lip.  He snaked one large, warm hand around her back, calloused fingers wandering beneath the hem of her shirt to dance across naked skin, and pulled her even closer. He dropped his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.  The familiar warmth of his breath against her cheek chased away the chill of the early spring evening.  She pressed herself further into him.

“I know that it’s been difficult,” she murmured, her own eyes slipping closed, “But he needs us, Oliver.”

“I need you, sweetheart.”

She certainly couldn’t argue with the vehemence of his statement. The fingers beneath her sweatshirt dug into her back, closing the miniscule distance between them just a second before his lips slanted over hers.  She could feel his desire spilling out of him as urged her back to lay across the seat, his body blanketing her as he followed her down.  The hand at her back glided around her side, dancing across her ribcage until he was palming the soft weight of her breast.  She arched into his touch, whimpering against his lips.  Her own hands wandered across the width of his shoulders, her nails scraping gently at the exposed skin she found at his collar, making him groan.

The sudden rap of knuckles on the window startled them both, Felicity so much so that she smacked her head sharply against her door.

“Really you two?  What the hell?”

She groaned and covered her face with her hands.

“Oh god,” she moaned, “He’s going to kill me.”

Oliver chuckled, sitting up and pulling her with him.  He tugged her sweatshirt down gently, making sure there wasn’t a single inch of her exposed, before rolling his window down for John.  Their friend scowled, the reproving look making Felicity shrink back into the soft leather seat.

“Hey, John.”

Diggle scoffed, “Seriously, Oliver?  You trying to get arrested?”

It was Oliver’s turn to scoff.  He shook his head and Felicity could see the cocky grin plastered on his face.

“Are you really here to arrest us?” he asked, “You obviously ran the plates, not that you really had to.  I’m sure you figured out what we were doing before you got out of your car.”

John dropped his head, his chin falling to his chest, and she watched his shoulders move as he took a deep breath.  She squeezed Oliver’s hand where it was clasped in both of hers and glared at him.

“Damn it, Oliver, I had to check.  Someone called in a complaint and  -“

Felicity snorted, the sound escaping her unbidden, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.  John and Oliver both glanced at her, clearly amused.

“A complaint?” she asked, “Really?”

John shook his head ruefully and she could see that he was trying to stifle his laughter.  He took off his hat and skimmed a hand over his head.

“Look, as you were quick to point out, your vehicle is recognizable and you’ve got some nosey ass neighbors around this park.  If you want to keep people talking, by all means, I’ll leave you to it.  But just know that when Mrs. Preston called Carrie to report a ‘suspicious vehicle’ in the park after hours, she was quick to point out that she knew the owners of said vehicle.”

Felicity groaned again, heat rushing to her cheeks as she pressed her face to Oliver’s shoulder.

“Jesus.”

“As far as I know, you two have a perfectly nice house where you can … do whatever it is you came out here to do, correct?”

Her husband practically growled his reply and she found herself giggling at his obviously irritation.

“Tommy’s at the house with Thea… he’s always at the house with Thea.”

John chuckled, “Man, I get it.  And I feel for you.  But next time, try a hotel, not the local playground.”

Oliver’s hand was cold where it was tucked in hers.  The sun had vanished before they’d even left for the Diggles’ and now, three hours later, frigid winter air filled the cab of the truck.  Dinner had been a rowdy affair with a dozen of their friends and half a dozen bottles of liquor being passed around.  She’d enjoyed herself, sipping a glass of red wine while her eyes followed her husband around the room.  He’d seemed at ease, talking with everyone, laughing, enjoying himself, but she’d noticed the discomfort he carried in his shoulders.  It had been forced, the relaxed attitude that he’d let everyone else see, and she’d seen right through it.  He’d been out of his element, surrounded by people who thought that they knew him, people who thought that they understood him.  

“Hey.”

“Hmm?”

“Everything alright?”

Oliver lifted their joined hands, pressing his lips to her fingers.

“Everything’s great.”

She studied his profile as he drove.  He’d been quiet since they’d said goodbye to John and Lyla, withdrawn and introspective, and she wondered if she’d pushed too hard by asking him to go to the dinner party.

“Thank you.  For tonight.  I … did you have fun?”

He glanced at her, “Of course I did.  Why are you thanking me?”

She shrugged, “I know you didn’t want to go, Oliver.  It was my idea and you – you stuck it out for me.  I just want you to know that I appreciate it.”

They rolled to a stop at the only traffic light in Star City.  He glanced over his shoulder quickly before throwing the truck into park and turning to face her.

“I honestly had a good time tonight.  Were there moments that I felt out of place?  Absolutely.  But I’ve never been the most social personal, you know that.  Please don’t feel like you forced me to do something I didn’t want to do.  John and Lyla are my friends, too.  They invited us, both of us, and I’m glad that they did.  Tonight was fun.”

She nodded, her cheeks aching from the smile plastered to her face, and leaned in for a quick kiss.

“It was fun, wasn’t it?”

He grinned at her and she couldn’t help but return it, relieved to find truth in his words.  She’d been so worried that he was withdrawing into himself, that the night had overwhelmed him.  She was pleased to learn that she’d been worried for nothing.

Their light turned green and Oliver eased the transmission into drive, the truck rolling forward into the intersection.

“So I was thinking, spring break is coming up, maybe we could take Thea somewhere fun.  She’s never really been anywhere… I was thinking Disney maybe?  What do you think?”

He squeezed her hand, “Sounds like a great idea, babe.  She’ll love it.”

Felicity nodded and leaned into him, her head falling to his shoulder as her plans for their vacation began taking shape in her mind.  Through the windshield, she could see the headlights of another vehicle coming toward them.  She lifted her hand to shield her eyes.

“Okay, really,” she grumbled, “Someone needs to turn his brights off.”

Oliver flashed the headlights at the oncoming car to no avail. She noticed too late that the other driver had drifted into their lane and that he wasn’t slowing down.

“Oliver, he’s –“

It happened faster than either of them could’ve anticipated.  The sound of scrapping metal reached her ears as the force of the impact propelled her away from Oliver, her seatbelt barely keeping her restrained.  The truck tipped precariously before slamming down hard onto the pavement. Glass shattered somewhere, tiny chunks raining down on them just seconds before both airbags deployed.  Pain lanced through her face suddenly and Oliver’s hand slipping from hers was the last thing that she was aware of before darkness settled over her.

[smilingformoney]

Platinum Diamond Scene: Fairground with Avery

You: Well, what are we waiting for? Avery: Excellent. Hank, we have a new stop!

Soon, you and Avery stroll through the gates of the fair. All around you, people keep doing double takes. Then they stare at you… Teenager: Holy crap, who is that with Avery Wilshere? +4 Teenager: Isn’t that Cadence? I’ve seen her play! You: You don’t seem worried about being seen around here. Avery: Why would I be worried? This was a splendid idea, Cadence. You: Really? You like it? It’s so… small. And you’re this huge star. Avery: My hometown back in England is much smaller than this. Avery: It’s nice to remember what home is like. No matter ow big you get, home will always be home. Avery: What would you like to do first? I’ve always fancied carnival games.

You: How about… -Milk bottle toss?

You: Oh, I’m great at this one. They call me Bullseye Cadence. Avery: Is that so? You: I made that up. I don’t know why I said that. Avery: How about that? I’ll call you Bullseye Cadence, but only if you throw a bullseye, naturally. You pick up a baseball… and take aim… and lob it into the bottle! Avery: Well, how about that? Bullseye strikes again! You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?

-Strength hammer?

You: Oh, I’m great at this one. They call me Cadence the Barbarian. Avery: Is that so? You: I made that up. I don’t know why I said that. Avery: How about this? I’ll call you Cadence the Barbarian, but only if you hit the top, naturally. You heave the hammer… and swing down” The lights glow all the way to the bell! Ding! Avery: Well, how about that? Cadence the Barbarian strikes again! You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?

-Whack-A-Mole?

You: Oh, I’m great at this one. They call me Lightning Cadence. Avery: Is that so? You: I made that up. I don’t know why I said that. Avery: How about this? I’ll call you Lightning Cadence, but only if you earn it, naturally. The moles pop up in a frenzy, but you’re too quick, whacking them all back down! The machine spits out a reel of tickets. Avery: Well, how about that? Lightning Cadence strikes again! You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?

You scan the row of prizes dangling overhead. You: (Hm, what should I get for Avery? Oh, that’s perfect!)

What do you give to Avery? -A toy dragon.

You pick out a small stuffed dragon. Avery: For me? I’m honoured. You: In your song ‘Queen of My Heart,’ your lyrics compared singing to breathing fire. So, it reminded me of you. You: Besides, it’s got the name of my town embroidered on it, so it’s just a little something to remember me by. Avery: As if anyone would need a trinket to remember someone like you. Later, you and Avery enjoy fairground desserts while walking around together. You: Mmm. Great call on the funnel cake. This is really hitting the spot. Avery: Please. It’s only my favourite fairgrounds snack. Avery: When I was little, my parents would take my sisters and me to the circus whenever it came to town. You: Back home in England? Avery: Blackawton, in Devon. Mind you, this was out in the country. So it was a special occasion, the circus. A once-a-year sort of thing. Avery: I loved the elephants, the trapeze artists… and the funnel cake, of course. Avery: I’d share it with my sisters. You can imagine the mess we made. You: You must really miss them like crazy, living here. Avery: Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time all three of us spent a day together. Avery: All I mean to say is, as much as I love my fans, it’s easy to get lonely out on tour if you’re not really connecting with anyone. Avery: So thank you for making me feel a little bit less lonely today. I’m very grateful. Teenager: Hey! Sorry to interrupt. I was wondering… could we get a picture with you? Avery: Happy to. You: I can take it for you. Teenager: Oh! We want you in it too. You: Me? Avery: Get in here, Cadence! Avery wraps their arm around you as a passer-by lines up the shot. You smile so big your face hurts. +11 Teenager: Thanks so much! The teenagers hurry off, giddy about their chance meeting. You: Why did I let you convince me to get in that picture? I probably looked terrible next to you. Avery: I doubt that very much. Look, let’s take another one, just us. You hand Avery your phone, and they hold it out for a selfie. You look at yourselves on the screen. Avery: See? You’re beautiful. And you certainly don’t need me to tell you so. Avery snaps the photo and hands you back your phone. Avery: Something to remember me by. With the fairgrounds closing for the night, you walk together back to the limo… Avery: I don’t often get to enjoy outings like this one. Thank you for spending the evening with me. You: I’m glad I didn’t get nervous and bail when you asked me to hang out. Avery: Nervous? Around me? You shouldn’t be. I like to think I’m still a normal person. Avery: Besides… you’re a delight to spend time with. You: That means a lot coming from you.

You: Especially since you’re my… -Biggest inspiration.

You: I know you must hear that a lot. But I mean it, I swear. You’ve really influenced my music. You: When I look back at the last couple years of my life, every moment. Happy, sad, frustrating, whatever… You: I always had your music to show me the way. Avery: Oh, Cadence, stop. What an absolute treasure you are. You almost made me tear up.

-Celebrity crush.

Avery: Get out! I’m your celebrity crush? Avery: Do you have posters of me? Do you doodle my initials in the margins of your notebook, too? You: I’m not answering that. I’m pleading the Fifth. You burst out laughing together, walking out to the parking lot as the lights of the fair shut off one by one behind you…

[lifeaftertss-blog]

I spoke to my therapist today and we brought up boundaries. Particularly with men because I’ve had a hard time forming relationships. I brought up three situations, one from the year before, one from a few months ago, and one a few weeks ago. So, I told her…

A year ago, I was on my way to Chicago on the Metra with three of my friends to a Bernie Rally. Their names are Naomi, Shelly, and a recent addition to our “squad” ( a group of friends), Ryan.

I was wearing a sweater that said. “Feeling the Bern” with Bernie Sander’s face on it and high knee socks with Bernie Sander’s face also on them. In summary, I looked stunning and like a true Bernie supporter, my chin high and empowered by an old white man with dreams of making a political revolution. Sitting on the train and daydreaming of Bernie, the man sitting next to me looked over and asked,

“Are you going to the Bernie Rally?”

Smiling, I told him I was and that I was excited to see him in person. He told me he lived in Europe but was visiting his family for a few days. He was also a musician and showed me YouTube videos of himself playing the piano. A fan of the arts, I was delighted to listen to him and didn’t consider for a second that this was heading in a negative direction. He told me he was in his fifties and that didn’t ring any bells to me. Most 19-year-olds don’t tend to like jazz, the arts, politics, and bands such as The Beatles, so meeting someone who did (despite the age difference) was refreshing and made me feel a sense of connection. What I wasn’t aware of was the uneasiness it brought my friends. “Who is she talking to? Who is that man? Does she know him? What’s he telling her?” These are some of the questions my friends must have been wondering to themselves while I continued to speak to this man.

When we arrived in Chicago he told me he was on his way to the rally as well and followed us to Roosevelt University where the rally was going to be held. It was a chilly day in Chicago and I could feel my body heat escaping through the small gaps of my sleeves of my Bernie sweater. Noticing how cold I was he offered me his gloves. I was thankful and happy that he had noticed how cold I was. But my friends felt like I was trusting this man too easily.

Throughout the whole night, my friends and I argued about whether I should have trusted that man. And they feared for me as to how easily I was trusting him and putting myself at risk in a city as big as Chicago.

I didn’t understand them then. I didn’t see how dangerous and wrong that night could have turned out. I didn’t think of my own safety and allowed myself to be in an unsafe situation, all for the sake of connecting and talking about music with someone.

The second story is so overwhelmingly painful that I don’t know where to begin. But one thing I have learned is that when the pain is unbearable, write, write, write. So here I go.

September 2016, I had decided I had had enough. Today would be the day I ended my suffering. I was going to jaywalk and cross my fingers a car would hit me hard enough to end it all. By a pure miracle, a few moments before I would act out on my feelings, the anxiety was so bad that my legs were paralyzed. Afraid and overwhelmed by the pain, I called 911 and was taken to a hospital. Diagnosed with anxiety disorder and major depression, I was hospitalized for two weeks at Elgin Mental Health Center. I could write a book with how traumatizing of a place Elgin was, but for now, I’ll save you the details. I met a 29-year-old man named Carl there. He told me he had been in prison because when he was 21 he was accused of rape. His life after that had been so lonely and painful he began drinking and was so wasted and sad one night, he took himself to the emergency room. We became good friends and after being discharged, he messaged me asking if I wanted to hang out. I took a chance and once again, nothing within me alarmed me and made me question why a 29-year-old man would want to hang out with me. We became close friends and he slowly started to like me. At the time, I was in a relationship and I told Carl about this. I was in love with my partner and committed to my relationship. But Carl wouldn’t lose hope. He insisted and kept hinting towards his feeling for me.

One morning I woke up trembling and horrified with my nightmares. Sobbing and crying, I called my boyfriend, who happened to be in another state attending his grandma’s funeral. He was in pain, helping his family. He couldn’t possibly help me, no matter how much he wanted to. Alone and afraid, I took 8 mg of lorazepam and decided I would call Carl. He was my friend and I trusted him. I needed someone to stop me from hurting myself and he quickly came to my aid and took me to his home. I had taken so much medicine that I can barely remember what happened that day. I called Carl the next day to ask him why I felt so weird. I asked him what had happened and he told me he had slept with me. Writing these words out, seeing them on the screen, and thinking of that night… I don’t even want to begin describing the pain and disgust it brings me.

I was raped and I still feel like it was my fault.

Now the third story happened very recently and because of it, I started to feel a hate towards my relationship with men.

Once again, loneliness and pain surrounded me. I was drowning in my own tears and losing my breath with every second. Feeling absolutely hysterical, I took 20 mg of lorazepam and ended up in Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health Hospital for four days. I met a man there named Dave and after being discharged he called me and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. He was in his fifties and his reason for ending up at Alexian was heroin. No alarms, no bells, nothing within me felt like this was dangerous. We saw Bad Santa together and he took me home. Nothing odd nor uncomfortable, but the next day through text messages he told me he was listening to the radio. He said a song reminded him of me. “A song reminded him of me” – I hate those words. I knew where this was going. Suddenly, all of the alarms inside of me started ringing. He told me the song was “She’s got a way” by Billie Joel. I ended the friendship right there and there.

So, I asked my therapist, “Why did no alarms ring earlier? Why did I allow myself to put myself in such bad situations?”

She told me it could be because I don’t value my safety. Why would I care if something happens to me if I don’t care about my safety? About my own well-being. There’s also this trend of feeling lonesome and wanting someone present. And that being with someone even if they were older men, rapists, or heroin addicts (at least in my perspective) was better than being alone.

This brings me to boundaries. Pardon my French, but I didn’t go through this fucking mess simply to feel sorry for myself or for anyone to read and feel sorry for me. I’m writing in this moment because I did take something out of it. I have a toxic relationship with men but that can change!

Instead of letting people in so close and so easily into my life, I need to figure out if they’re worth bringing in and I need to learn to leave people out as well for the sake of my own safety and well-being.

My therapist drew me a little doodle of what this means visually and I have drawn my own version of it to show all who read this. While this has been quite a long post of suicide, rape, and heartbreak. It is most importantly a post about growth and specifically to me, the growth I will be taking on with this blog and as a writer.

Thank you for taking the time to read. For I am sure as fucking hell taking the time to write!

To protect the privacy of certain individuals the names and identifying details have been changed.