#thank u jewels for beta-ing!

[acabecca]

Jas + Steve // Forgiveness - a companion piece to Band of Thieves

no one requested this either but i’m obsessed with jas and steve and i’m not sorry 😌 thank u to @sgtbuckyybarnes for the edit!!

*

“You sure you wanna do this alone? S’not too late to call Barnes.”

“No,” Jas shook her head, her fingers wrapped around the handle of the car door. “I don’t want him to know, not yet. This is something I need to do alone.” Jas let out a nervous breath, pausing for a moment to collect herself. “You won’t say anything to him, will you?”

“You want me to keep a secret from Bucky?” Sam raised an eyebrow. “You, his girlfriend, want me to keep a secret from him, your boyfriend?” A playful smirk tugged at the corner of his lip, his gaze light; an attempt to soften the mood. “No problem, baby. I like havin’ something over him,” he chuckled, causing Jas to let out a huff. “I’m kidding. Go on, I’ll go park and wait until you’re done. Tell him I said ‘hey’.”

Jas rolled her eyes as she pushed the car door open. “Uh-huh, sure thing,” she muttered, climbing out and shutting the door gently behind her. She waited until Sam had driven out of sight before she turned, walking up the grassy hill.

She knew where he was; Bruce had given her the location before asking Sam to give her a ride.

Her hands were shaking as she made her way over to the grave, clasping her hands together in front of her to stop their trembling as she sat cross-legged on the ground, placing the bouquet of flowers she had brought alone down in front of her.

“Hey,” she whispered hoarsely, her gaze fixed firmly on the grass. She wasn’t brave enough to look at the headstone and see the name of a man she didn’t know. “Uh, Sam says hey, too, because he has to be involved in absolutely everything because he can be kind of narcissistic. We love him anyway though, right?” she inquired softly, smiling weakly. “…It’s been a while, Steve. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get here.”

Finally lifting her head and glancing at the headstone, Jas felt her bottom lip wobbling. She took a deep, steadying breath before she continued speaking.

“I should have come sooner,” she admitted. “I should have come to see you while you were still here. I know you asked me to but I-” she paused, afraid of speaking the truth. “I wasn’t ready,” Jas finally admitted. “I hope you understood that. I hope you didn’t think I was being bitter or that I hated you because I-” she stopped, her voice cracking. “I know that was the last thing I ever said to you and I’ll never forgive myself for it. Because I didn’t hate you, Steve. I could never hate you. I loved you for so long and I was just… hurt. I was hurt and I didn’t understand why you were doing what you were doing. But I do now. I get it. I don’t agree with it, but I think I get it.” Jas reached out a hand, her fingertips tracing the engraved letters of his name carved in the stone. “I understand because of Bucky. Because I think I’d probably travel through time and space to find him again, if I ever lost him.”

Retracting her hand, Jas wiped underneath her eyes, sniffling and letting out a quiet laugh.

“I s’pose it’s because of you, isn’t it? That I love him, hmm?” she hummed. “He told me what you said before you left. About how I loved him but hadn’t realised it yet; that I would if he gave me time? You were half right - I knew I loved him when we lost him. That doesn’t mean I loved you any less though, Steve,” she promised. “And I hope you knew that. I hope you knew that I loved you just as much as I loved him, but it’s… It’s different. The way he loves me is different. He wants- he wants to marry me, can you believe that? He hasn’t asked me, but he’s talked about it. He’s surprisingly… open, with how he feels about me. Now, at least. He’s real affectionate, always has to be holding my hand or touching me in some way. He is not afraid of PDA,” she snorted.

“I’m stupidly in love with him. I’m so happy with him and I guess I kind of have you to thank you for that, even though what you did hurt. You broke my heart, Steve, but Bucky’s helped put it back together.” A small smile formed on her lips. “My family loves him, too. He’s Carter’s new hero. I can’t go visit my aunt anymore unless Bucky is with me because Carter will sulk for the rest of the day,” she rolled her eyes as she thought about the boy’s fixation on the super soldier.

Jas paused, closing her eyes and tilting her head up to the sky, the sun warm on her skin.

“There’s a rumour you’re living on the moon, you know?” she continued quietly. “This guy Sam and I know, his name is Joaquin, he’s convinced that’s what happened to you. That you’re living on a secret moon base set up by the government as some sort of colonisation experiment.” Jas let out a soft chuckle. “Sam hasn’t tried to set him straight; in fact, he actively encourages it, telling him he has to go take care of ‘moon business’. He’s a menace to society, but you’d be so proud of him. He’s doing so well, Steve. You made the right choice by passing the shield on to him. He's gonna do great things. I think Sam Wilson is gonna change the world and I can’t wait to witness it; I just wish you were here to see it, too,” she admitted, a few tears escaping as she wiped at her cheeks. Looking back down to the stone, Jas sniffled.

“I miss you, Steve. I still love you; I will always love you. But I have Bucky now, and we’re happy. We have a life together and when he eventually plucks up the courage to ask me, I am gonna marry him. I know that was something I said I never wanted, but like I said - it’s different with him. I want everything with him. Marriage, kids, a dog, the whole lot,” she stopped, feeling her phone buzzing in the pocket of her jacket and she pulled it out, grinning softly. “Speak of the devil. That’s Bucky right now, telling me we have plans and I’m gonna be late if I don’t get my ass home soon.”

Jas shot him a quick text, telling him she was on her way before tucking her phone away and standing up from the ground, brushing down her jeans.

“I guess what I’m trying to say, Steve, is that I forgive you,” she reached out, her hand resting on top of the headstone. “I forgive you for leaving, and I hope you had a good life. I hope you were happy. I hope she made you as happy as Bucky makes me. And I won’t leave it so long next time, okay? I’ll come visit you again soon,” she leaned down, pressing her lips against the cold granite. “I promise.”

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