#thank fuck it wasn't a group drawing.. i would cry i think

[biioniic-biiohazard]

!!!GIRL OF ALL TIME!!!

((click for quality, i am evil and use pixel art programs like a lunatic and most websites don't like that. REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!))

[ya-bug-boy]

What do you think the twins would think about a transmasc s/o who does martial arts?

Submas x Transmasc Martial Artist Reader!

Emmet and Ingo are an interesting pair of twins, to say the least. They're strong trainers, with strength comparable to that of the Champion Iris, with a peculiar personality that draws them apart from one another.

But you already know about them. This time, they're knowing about you.

The two know about you, you're a famous martial artist. At first you were a spectacle due to your gender which is still prevalent in some tiresome and irrelevant media circles, but otherwise you're known for your strength in both your physique and pokemon team.

In Nimbasa City, there was a world wide event that called forth the attention of the world's best fighting-type trainers. This wasn't just limited to just pokemon battles! The trainers themselves would be fighting against each other as well. This was a massive charity event!

You were a celebrity at this point because you weren't a gym leader or an Elite Four member unlike those in the roster. You've traveled the world and amassed a number of skills and Pokemon to create the perfect team.

But when you arrived to Nimbasa City, you were trying to be inconspicuous. You don't like attracting attention unless you're on the battlefield because you get the attention of a bunch of weak trainers who don't give you a challenging fight.

But that day you were in the subway station, you were very lost...the Unovan subway system is regarded to be the best in the world but you grew very accustomed to Galar's flying taxi's.

So Ingo got to meet you first. Being the gentleman he is, he escorted you to your next stop while talking to you. Without giving away your name, you mention that you're taking part of the fighting tournament. Ingo expresses an interest in that and wishes you luck, not knowing who you are until later.

When the twins get together with Elesa and Skyla to watch in front row seats, Ingo SHOUTS when he realizes you walk on stage. He's quick to inform the others that he's actually met you! You lightly laugh when you see him in the crowd and give him a wink. The cameras go fucking wild at this as you saunter onto the stage to fight.

The Pokemon fight against Bea was intense, your Toxicroak defeated Bea's Grapploct by wearing it down with poisonous attacks.

But your actual physical fight with Bea was beyond comprehension due to how fast it was. You were relentless and overwhelming, the young teenager never stood a chance.

You're quickly vilified in the spotlight due to how harsh you were. The corner of the audience that is Galarian are shocked into silence. You two walk off stage and aren't seen for a while.

Emmet gets a bit envious so he decides he wanted to meet you too. Since they all paid good money to get backstage access, they meet up with you after the fight you had with Bea. But they quickly pause when they hear light sniffles.

"Whoa, hey, you're gonna be ok," they hear you say as you apply another bandaid to her cheek. "You did good out there. Almost had me a good couple of times too. You don't gotta cry, girl, you got all of Galar rooting for you. You made everyone proud, you hear? That intense footwork, the way you move, you had me sweating bullets!" they hear Bea gently laugh at that and ask if you meant it, you confirm this. You eventually leave her room and exit into the hallway, where you see the group. Though they wouldn't say that they heard you, they take note of your protective kindness as you immediately close the door behind you and say, "You folks better give my girl Bea some time," with a glare.

but they immediately clear up the situation that they merely wanted to meet you! Now you're a bit bashful if it weren't for the bruise you had on your cheek. "Gee thanks! Never knew I had fans out there actually. Just been chugging along on my own, on my little destiny train, seeing where the tracks will take me."

You are strong, handsome, caring, AND you use train puns? Oh it's over for the twins the moment you turn your back to them, Ingo and Emmet are immediately fighting over who asks you out first.

[paperboy-pb]

Now that the prologue is done, I can't thank the fans of this series enough.

No, we haven't hit any particular follower milestone. The story has just begun. And most of you haven't given me any sort of financial support to help me out, either. (And that's alright! I haven't asked, lol.)

I'm thanking you for just being apart of the audience.

I started PB in a little blue notebook during the summer of 2015. It was originally meant for my eyes only. And a big part of the reason why was that, when I googled things like "Special Ed makes me feel bad," there wouldn't be much of anything coming up. There were Quora forums! A couple of YouTube videos. Articles here and there.

But it wasn't a lot. Not enough to help me out for long. And it only hammered the idea further into my head that I was alone in what I endured. As I got older, grew up, and away from the program and people who took my disabled youth, I constantly felt this urge to talk about it. What SpEd had put me through. What I'd lost. What I'd seen & heard. The things I did and didn't learn. Even though I was never a very open kid, let alone teenager.

I hated that no one was talking about it. And how nobody knew what happened to kids like me behind closed doors. At 13 and 14, almost none of the new friends I made had ever heard a life story like mine. And I've always found that wild: I had a LOT of friends! (Still do!)

So I kept drawing it out. Kept working on the story in notebooks, sketchbooks, my friends' DMs, and anywhere else words could go. Sometimes, my family would catch glimpses of the concept art. Sad sketches of Matthew crying, freaky drafts of Monster, or tense moments between what would become Class 7-C.

And one of my parents would be like, "Why is your art so depressing?" They'd roll their eyes. And they'd add on, "People's parents aren't gonna like it!"

No, I never told them what the story was about. I never even told them it was a children's media (because it kinda isn't! I'd personally put PB as 13+?) These were judgments made with just one glance at computer papers covered in pencil strokes; sketchy and shapey little kids who didn't look like they were having fun.

I knew they were wrong. But the audacity still pissed me off. There aren't many times where it's appropriate to boss somebody else around in how to tell their story, you know? Not only that, but I also worried about not having an audience back then. Sure, all my friends loved my work. But at the time, I was the only one who'd really experienced anything "Special Education" in life. Thus, these were General Ed kids watching it unfold. Able-bodied eyes and (as far as I knew back then) neurotypical minds, watching and learning from whatever I made.

And I liked that. But that wasn't the only group I wanted to be seen by. I wanted disabled people, especially youth in their teens and twenties, to see it. That's my primary audience. And shit like that made me wonder if I'd ever find it. Had me second-guessing myself a little, you know?

But I shook it off. It's like that thing teachers always say in class. "If you're confused or have a question, ask: whatever it is, you probably aren't the only one thinking it!"

And I searched for stuff like PAPERBOY, hadn't I? Yeah. I had. So by that logic, other people definitely would be, too.

So I stuck to my guns, and... check it! Y'all showed up!

One thing I've noticed ever since publishing part 1 is that the PB Nation is pretty damn devoted. You guys have been patient, passionate, silly, and unapologetically yourselves since the get-go. And the response to every old promotional comic or post I've made has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive and curious. I've gotten fucking fanart, man! More than once! I've had the honor of meeting a few of you in person already! And for the ones who haven't caught me out with my friends in New York, believe me, I REMEMBER who comments what.

By the way, you guys should spam my comments more. Fuckin' love that shit. SPEAK TO ME, lmao. Even if it's like, the most irrelevant PB question ever. Keyboard smash in my comment sections. Send me disability reels you like. Tell me what you wanna see from the story. Whatever, as long as it doesn't bleed into parasocial territory!

I've gotta have one of the best audiences out there. So thank you! For just... being around. Here's to hoping y'all enjoy the journey we're aboutta go on.

[thedragonqueen1998]

I have often wondered how others have a social life and such and i think i understand why i could never do it. Autism aside, i think it's because everytime i got comftorable with the people at one of the activities i participated in, i was removed from it.

Reasons are varied, to being too expensive to continue, being too old or the person hosting it quit. But it always happened.

When i was very young, i was supposed to have a person who would take me to the park or movies, just generally get me out and about and give my mom a break. I had one for a short while, but she moved away to keep studying and i never had another because all the people that was available was doing it inbetween studies, so they couldn't be permanent and my mom knew i couldn't handle it, so we stopped trying to get one.

Then, i had an afterschool activity where i helped on a small farm. I was there for a year or two i think, but then i had to stop going to that farm and started on another. The person running the newest farm wasn't supposed to tell us why we had to switch, but i assume me wondering why(and worrying it would happen again) made her do it. It was because the other farm was too expensive to keep paying for, so that was fun to learn about. Then after some time, i had to stop coming(think it was an age thing, but i am unsure), so despite my wishes, i had to stop participating.

I think during this time(when i was still going to the farm), i also started going to another group activity thing during the evening and it was awesome. It was 5 or 6 people and one of them was assisting the guy running it, by bringing his gaming console(i think a WiiU?) and games like Smash bros. They also bought chips, chocolate and occasionally pizza for everyone, so it was a fantastic time. I remember it took me quite a while before i started to play with the others, as i often sat in the corner by myself, either reading or watching Youtube and drawing. But when i did, i had such a blast playing Charizard and Bayonetta in Smash bros with them.

Then i was told i couldn't come anymore, because i committed the crime of becoming 18 and became an "adult". The group was meant for teenagers, but there was only 1 fucking guy below 18 there and they fucking singled me out and made me join the adult group. Even to this day, almost a decade later, i still get sad over it and cry.

So i was sent to the adult group and instead of snacks, pizza and gaming, it was no snacks, a normal dinner(with dishes i often ended up disliking) and fucking board games like scrabble. When i went to sit by myself because i didn't know anyone there and wasn't comftorable hanging out(you know, a very normal response among autistic people), they bothered me and forced me to be social. You know, the exact thing i hate about social gatherings.

I went there twice and then stopped. I think that was partly the reason i got depression during high school, so you know, fun having to suffer a life of depressive tendencies because of that. Thanks.

After that i kinda just stopped trying activities 'cause it never amounted to anything in the long run and i need stability.

A couple of years ago though, i got offered to try DnD as a weekly thing and it's been going strong since then. I even sometimes socialise after we've finished, so all that ends well and all that. 👍

So i guess in summary, after years of being forced away from people and activites for reasons beyond my control, i am finally, in my mid twenties, getting the socialisation i desperatly needed when i was a teen, so yay. Progress! 🤣

[riffaist]

innocent — riff x reader

warnings: childhood friends to lovers! taylor swift inspired imagine! riff being... riff ig. sex talk. some SLIGHT dirty talk but not much. anita's tauting scene. tried to make this a really angsty one.

i guess you really did it this time

left yourself in your war path

lost your balance on a tightrope

lost your mind trying to get it back

"riff, i don't -" y/n mumbled, feeling her body shrunken, her hands clapped together. "i don't think that's gonna be a good thing."

"well, sweetheart." the overly sweet voice made her sick to her stomach. the stern tone. seeing riff displeased was a pretty unusual thing. "we don't have that many options."

"you do have more options.." calling the rumble off was on top of her list. "but a gun? you know that tony's not gonna agree with it, and besides-"

"if tony would stop being a wuss, and came to the fucking thing," he cut her sentence in the middle. "then we wouldn't need the gun."

"you don't mean that."

"oh, i don't now?" he scoffed, slowing down once he saw they're both getting close to the location. "these sharks are sneaky as hell, y/n, and i don't want any of my boys-"

"hey! look what the cat dragged in." mouthpiece announced once the couple came infront of the bar they were supposed to get the gun from.

"the chicks should cut out, right, riff?" action confirmed, glancing sideways to velma, grazi and y/n.

"we might" the taller blonde said, crossing her arms. grazi wasn't going anywhere. "but then again we might not."

"the cops are already after us." ice took the floor. "i'm sure you don't want to be in the middle of it. it's dangerous stuff, you know?"

"we can deal with it," she replied. " 'cause we ain't stupid, and won't take shit from anyone."

some slight buzz started, between the blonde and some of the boys. y/n kept quiet, only turning her face to the side, feeling a familiar touch in one of her wrists.

"just promise me you'll go." riff said, quietly, once he pushed the girl aside, holding y/n's hands, with a serious look on his face.

"if you promise me to get the gun and go as well." she replied. holding her breath. "no funny business in the middle."

"promise." he touched his own forehead with hers. his voice merely a whisper. y/n could feel her boyfriend's shoulders tensing up. but she didn't even brought the fact up. not in a time like that.

"please, be safe." was her final whisper. interlocking arms with velma, seeing grazi storming off, hoping that the end of the day wouldn't take so bad of a turn.

wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?

always a bigger bed to crawl into

wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything

and everybody believed in you?

way before things started going downhill. y/n and riff had their own little story.

the little boy, who had just turned 10, lost a hide and seek game to tony, and found himself sitting at one the old school's outdoors benches. one knee completely scrapped, and the hope no one would find him there and take him away. no one, besides her.

the small girl, always dressed in lilac or blue, wearing tiny dirty sneakers with a big smile on her face, and way too big of a heart, who always gave him something for her lunchbox.

he wasn't used to the pain. not yet. but letting his tiny group of friends - the future jet boys - see him cry over some blood, was definitely not in riff's plans.

"i hope it helps" she said once the bandaid was carefully place on the wound. "i can draw a star on it if you want."

the dark haired boy kept quiet, shaking his head, making y/n nod, sitting right next to him.

"you know.. when people do good things for you, you should thank them?" she muttered, not offended by the silent, already opening up the pink lunchbox, taking half of her sandwich from there, giving it to him.

"shouldn't you be with you other girl friends?" the boy replied quietly, accepting the food, taking a big bite of it. he was starving.

"you're my friend, riff." y/n smiled, choosing to take a bite from her apple. "my favorite friend, even. i wished you were at school with me every day..."

wasn't it easier in your firefly-catching days?

when everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you?

wasn't it beautiful, runnin' wild till you fell asleep

before the monsters caught up to you?

"sure, y/n! good choice, huh?" the woman in the clear drunken state said a bit to loud.

"mom, please.." y/n wished she wasn't causing such a scene. being the center of attention was never her thing. "not here.."

"it's alright, darling. go hang out with riff-raff out there why don't you?"

"goodbye, mom.." y/n closed the door, and took a deep breath.

the fifteen year old girl turned around with an embarrassed smile on her face, shrugged, walking in the direction on the jet boy.

"afternoon, princess." riff said with a smirk, already grabbing one of her hands. "did mommy want to lock you up in the tower?"

"something like that, yeah.." he passed his arms around her waist, kissing her cheek. "so, where are we going today?"

"well.." he spun her around, smiling once he heard the girl's laugh, starting to walk through the moving streets. "someone told me that watching the stars was super romantic.."

"oh, shut up, riff.." y/n covered her own face with one of her hands, shaking her head. "i can't believe you remeber that.."

a flushed y/n and a smirky riff kept the calm and soft conversation while walking to the secret place the boy insisted he had prepared for them.

once the sun was completely set, both of them laying down at the hill, holding hands. the moonlight shining on the girl's face made riff shiver, and the silence was comfortable. it always was for them.

"so, tell me." he finally said, looking at her, trying to not sound so worried. he couldn't deny the fear on his tone, but tried anyway. "what is it that's been bothering you?"

the jet girl took a deep breath. eyes still focusing on the night sky ahead of both. the stars always caught her attention, and that day wasn't different.

"my mom doesn't think you're a good influence.." y/n replied, taking some seconds to continue. "it's annoying 'cause it's not like she can say something about being a good influence, you know?"

"adults are complicated as hell, princess," the boy stood up by his elbow, turning to the side. "come here."

she quietly came closer to him, letting him hug her to the side. both of her arms wrapped around her waist, carresing the place softly, until the girl fell fast asleep.

it's alright, just wait and see

your string of lights are still bright to me

oh, who you are is not what you've been

you're still an innocent

y/n's head was peacefully resting against riff's bare chest. both of their body's almost completely covered by the sheets.

her fingers interlaced with his, and the warm bodies were comfortably glued together.

"thank you for waiting for me..."

she knew seventeen year old boys had needs. she had some of her own as well. ignoring the fact all of her girl friends had already done it. y/n wanted to wait. not for the right person - she had found her right person years ago - but until she was totally ready for it.

"don't even thank me, girly girl." a kiss was left on the top of her head. "i would wait the fucking eternity for you if i had to."

"eternity huh?"

"to see you like that again?" the teasing tone came to riff's lips way to quickly, causing the girl to roll her eyes. "to have a chance to listen to that little sounds you made? i-"

"please, my love," she cut him off, laughing quietly "don't even think about ruining this for me."

"you ready for a second round now or..?" the jet boy asked with a smirk on his face, eyes focusing on every bit of her face and bare shoulders. they couldn't stop at the sight of her perfectly translucent breasts covered by the sheets.

"god, riff, shut up."

did some things you can't speak of

but at night, you live it all again

you wouldn't be shattered on the floor now

if only you had seen what you know now then.

"he was left laying there." y/n said quietly. her boy. her riff.

he died. in a way no one thought he would.

the jet girl wasn't there. not to hug him. to see him for the last time. to stare at the dark brown eyes for ten more seconds. they took him away from here without a previous warning.

she was wearing riff's blue shirt, her hands couldn't stop shaking while she held velma's ones. the tears stains on her cheeks kept getting covered by new ones.

"that's bothering me too." ice muttered.

"they didn't let you see him at the hospital, y/n/n?" balkman this time. she could swear she never saw the whole gang in such a low energy.

"no, uh-" she shook her head. "i wasn't legally his family or, anything.." the last part made her swallow a sob.

the silence wasn't comfortable this time. it was almost sick and saddening. all heads turned to the door once bernardo's girlfriend appeared. she looked as miserable as the rest of every teenager in the room.

"i have a message for your friend.. tony?" she waited. waited like her life depended on it. but all of the jets stayed quiet. "where's valentina?"

the second the sneaky comments started to appear. y/n stood up, in a failed attempt to control her breath.

"valentina! és anita!" the woman started to walk into the store, making y/n feel her heart right on her throat. "puedes subir? que tengo que.."

"spanish?" grazi stood up this time, the raspy crying voice taking the floor. "you come here speaking spanish?"

"grazi, please.."

the boys continued to talk, but the girl could swear she wasn't assimilating anything. her head was aching, and her knees were shaking. anita tried to go, but some of them got right in front of the door.

"let her pass." graziella tried one more time. "no one wants you here."

"you hear that boys?" ice said. y/n was starting to feel like throwing up. "she wants to pass."

"numbers, stop it." y/n tried to get him away from the woman, feeling herself being held up, throwing out of the pharmacy.

the next second was a blur. a fucked up blur. the girls found themselves outside doc's, in a desperate notion, hitting the door in front of them. in a miserable attempt to stop the scene of happening.

"i'm so sorry." y/n sobbed. still trying to hit the glass door. she started to realize what was going on right beside her eyes. she lost balance. it was the rumble, the fights, the deaths.

things were failing apart. little by little.

riff wasn't there. to be the one to stop it, to control it, to be their leader. she didn't have him by her side now.

her best friend, her boy.

lost your balance on a tightrope, oh

it's never too late to get it back

[symphonic-scream]

Okay wholesome post time

So. This all started with like a little joking idea

"haha since Makoto is the group mom of the Phantom Thieves the others would joke about her kid being their sibling"

And we all know I'm Weak and Gay.

Oh hell yes I wasn't sure that was gonna work I've never done that before fuck yeah

Ahem. Anyways-

That got me thinking. Hey. That's funny. Hehe. And then I thought some more. Gay thoughts. Wholesome, gay thoughts.

And yeah. I think Makoto and Haru would be the most caring, loving parents ever. This is after days of spamming my dear friend with messages about how Haru would totally use the most sugary sweet pet names to fluster poor Makoto, who would totally read books over Haru's shoulder as they cuddled

(this of course all steming from a small idea of "hey what if Haru moved in with Makoto and Sae after losing her dad")

Anyways. I made them mom's.

At first it was this general "ah yes their kid" and then my good friend (@justanotherpersonsuniverse ) was like "if they have a daughter they'd call her their princess cause Queen" and I joked back "haha a son would be a little prince"

And then.

"...okay but what about both-"

And now I'm digging through hours of the fuckin sweetest hcs I've ever come up with trying to put together a post that makes any sense

Okay I forgot a piece of context Sae is boning down with Takemi. Maybe they're dating. Who knows. Not me that's for sure

Fuck uh lemme try to actually make this post ugh

So. I hate the idea of Cop Makoto bleh. So she's a defense lawyer of some kind. Known for taking underdog cases and such or whatever. Haru totally opens up her cafe though, and they live above it in a home that's theirs and warm and GAY ITS SO GAY and when they move in they set up their room, a guest room, and there's a spare room even after Makoto's little study-

And when asked about it, Haru just

"well, we should leave it for now. In case we want to have a little family of our own!"

And boy do they

(they get married first. Haru totally proposes and it spurs Makoto to immediately enter this frenzy that doesn't end until she's used every connection she has to get them legally married)

And later, when everything's settled down, they talk. About their families, parents, fears, hopes- and it all comes to a boil. They believe they can do it together. Be better. Break the cycle. Give their kid a good life.

Eventually, when Haru finds out she's carrying, she tells her big dumbass wife in the softest way possible

("Haru, Dearest, dinner's ready!"

"oh, Love, thank you so much!! Ah, do you mind serving me a little extra?"

"feeling hungry today?"

"hm, not really, but I have to eat for two now, silly"

"haha yeah-"

"..."

"what")

They launch into a frenzy. Haru starts up plans for a nursery in their spare room, and Makoto takes time to have a little chat with their kid each night, incorporating vitamins into her wife's meals, getting special lotions and creams

It's at one of their appointments with Takemi that the other shoe drops

"oh hey, congrats you two. Check it out, second heartbeat."

"t-two?"

That's right fuckers I gave them fucking TWINS

One little prince, one little princess

Yusuke is asked to come paint a mural in the nursery, and the other thieves get so excited for "their new siblings"

And, because I couldn't resist,

They go to have a little chat with an old friend.

("hey Boss. So, neither of us have any parents left, so our kids- they don't have grandparents. And, well, we thought we'd offer the position to you."

*gross Sojiro crying noises*)

Makoto starts doing bottle warming and diaper changing drills. She challenges the other thieves to races. She must be the best mother. Haru thinks it's cute, but draws the line when she notices her wife working herself to the bone. For fucks sake their babies aren't even born yet and Makoto's pushing her limits,

Ah, that's her dumbass though

The day comes eventually. It's a long labour, but eventually a nurse is holding out their first born to a jittery Makoto; "would you like to hold your son?"

So she softly takes the little bundle, stares down at her son- HER SON -with wide, awed eyes, and gently sits at an exhausted Haru's side to show her his little face

"Baby,, look- it's him,,, our son,"

"he's perfect, Mako-chan,,,"

And they're so caught up in their son, that they're jolted when another nurse glides over with another bundle; "are you ready to meet your daughter?"

And man if Makoto wasn't crying before, she sure is now. Everything feels so perfect, she's there with her wife, their son, their daughter; their own little family,,,, but something's missing, still...

Once she's made sure both twins are secure with their Mama, Makoto goes out to greet the crowd waiting in the waiting room

(Makoto: okay ground rules before you guys get to see Haru and the new babies. One, Morgana is not allowed to touch the babies

Morgana: WHAT

Makoto: you're a cat. Germs. Second, hand sanitizer. Everytime you go to touch any of them, apply three squirts. Soak your hands.

Futaba: yes mom

Makoto: 3. No flash photography. You can take three photos each, but no flash. Keep cameras and phones at least four feet from the babies

Ann: you gotcha momkoto!

Makoto: now, ready to meet them?)

It's very soft in that hospital room. The twins are gently passed around, meeting each "sibling". Ryuji breaks into silent tears, holding them like he's never held something more precious. Yusuke just has a look of awe, and mutters about understanding how his mother found such inspiration from him. Joker jokingly calls them the "littlest thieves of hearts" for already stealing all of theirs

Ann can't stop going on about how precious they are and how she's gonna spoil them absolutely rotten and "I need a photo for Shiho SOMEONE GET A PHOTO OF ME WITH THIS BABY MY WIFE NEEDS TO SEE THIS". Futaba, with Morgana on her shoulder, is hesitant to even hold them, instead hovering her fingers over them while Joker holds them. Sumire has this look of complete wonder on her face, even if at times her smile is a little bittersweet. She makes sure to tell both parents how special a pair of twins are

All the thieves agree to help out the new mother's as they adjust to parenthood, especially with twins right off the bat. A rotation comes through every few nights to give them (ahem. Makoto.) A chance to rest. Momkoto herself has three months away from her law office, spending time with her family and running Haru's cafe while she recovers from birth

Their little princess looks almost exactly like Haru, all curly hair and soft eyes. Their prince looks much the same, though his eyes end up a very clear red. Haru was so delighted when she saw them. "MAKO-CHAN HE HAS YOUR EYES"

Futaba buys them little gamer onesies while Sumire brings the twins little toys from the places she travels to for gymnastics

(origin of this screenshot)

Ann swoops in with Shiho to spoil her siblings rotten, with plenty of stylish clothes and fancy European treats. Even once she's got a kid of her own she still spoils the twins. "Uh, duh, I do it because im a great big sister!"

I have so many more thoughts but I'm gonna cut myself off here this is too long already jeez

Anyways. I can't stop talking about this. Talk to me about this.

[raggaraddy]

I'd Die Fighting

Request from @dramaclub-thin: Mafia BTS where the reader is shot for/because of them.

A/N: Thank you for your request! I really like the concept, and kind of got carried away with the stories and now they're too long. So I'll release them as individuals as I finish them. I hope you like them! ^-^

If anyone else wants to request you can here.

Mafia Bangtan Other parts:

Namjoon

Yoongi

Taehyung

Jungkook

Summary: Pinned down by the cops, you know you're the only one who can stop Jimin from getting himself killed.

Trigger Warnings: Police shooting, gun usage, blood, violence, death, ambiguous ending.

Jimin

Mafia! Jimin

You were in the middle of a scheduled pick up, collecting the gang's share of the profits for the month. There had already been 3 today and all had gone as routine as the times before. You're in a residential building site, parked in one of the driveways, and on a Sunday too, so it's nice and quiet and empty. There was no reason to think that this stop would be any different than the last.

That was until the lights and sounds of police sirens filled the street.

You could only watch on in dread as 4 cop cars sped into the driveway trapping you and the two men into a box. With a 10-foot foundation wall behind you and building walls on either side, you were now realizing that this location wasn't so much secure, as it was an obvious dead end.

Looking back in the side-view mirror, you can see Jimin with the dealer. The guy panics instantly, pulling out his gun without a chance to even aim it before he is blown away. There are dozens of deafening shots all at once and the guy, no older than you, drops down dead.

Barely able to contain your terror, you are not able to do anything but to watch helplessly as Jimin dives behind the rear of the car to avoid the stray bullets.

Slowly, the officers start down the concrete path, closing in tighter, all of them with their guns drawn, all of them looking alarmed and ready to fire. With this many cops, you know neither of you stands a chance. There is no escape here, not without a miracle. But you know Jimin. You know he isn't going to just give in. He's said it before, he's said it often. He might die, but he'll die fighting before he dies in a cage.

The officer coming closest to the car bangs on the hood to draw your attention making you jump. "Stay in the car," He mouths the words.

You can't abide. If you don't do something Jimin is going to get himself killed. He may be willing to die, but you're not willing to lose him. You shake your head hard, swinging the car door open, stepping out tensely with your hands upright. Your arms and legs are shaking with pure adrenaline, relying on nothing but a prayer that they don't shoot you right now.

"Get back in the car." "Stay in the car." "Miss, get back in the car." A sea of loud, demanding voices shout at you all at once. While your survival instinct is telling you to obey the angry people with guns, you ignore them all. Your instinct-your love for Jimin is greater than your fear.

Walking paced steps backwards, you're watchfully eyeing them. They're still pressing forwards, but they have slowed substantially. Half of the group aiming more aggressively, and the other half pointing their guns at you more hesitantly. Calls of stay in the car turn into orders to get on the ground. But you can't, you won't.

Coming in line with the back of the car, Jimin is knelt behind it his gun in hand. "Y/n! What the fuck are doing?!" he snaps, eyes full of worry.

He may bluster to everyone else, but you know the full expression. In private he'd whisper the ending to you and only you. 'I'd die fighting before I ever die in a cage. And I'll spend my life locked up before I ever see you hurt.'

"Get back in the car!" He growls.

"No," you whisper.

"Get back in the car!"

"No."

"Oh for fucks sake, will you just listen to me for once!" He growls, running his hand back through his hair, about to lose any composer he has remaining.

"No!" You shout, your eyes darting from the cops to Jimin and back.

He roars, grabbing your shirt, yanking you down the ground beside him. The commands of the police heighten and start coming more frequently as they steadily begin to entrap the two of you again.

"I'm gonna beat the hell outta you after this." He shouts, reaching over the top of the car to fire a slew of shots, not aiming to hit anyone but just trying to keep the cops away.

"Fine. Do it. But just let there be an after." You plead, eyes filling with tears. "Put the gun down. Please!"

"What?! No!"

"Come out with your hands up or we open fire." A far off voice, coming through a speaker, gives a sickening order.

Jimin's harsh defiant look turns to one of pure fright and frenzy. He knows if they're shooting at him, they're shooting at you.

His hand scrunches in the scruff of your shirt, dragging you flat to the ground further out of harms-way, using the same momentum to launch himself into the open, weapon ready. He gets only 2 shot off before they retaliate with more than half a dozen. Not all connect, one catching his leg, another his shoulder. The hits double him over, making him drop the gun.

It all happens before you are able to even turn back over. The sight of him struck has you screaming, acting rashly and impulsively. You wail his name clambering to your feet, wrapping your arms around his neck. Lifting him upright, you're covering him with your body as much as you possibly can. You don't pause think what might happen right now if the officers began to fire again. You only know you need to save him from them. Save him from himself. Pushing him with your chest, you force him back more and more until his body hits the foundation wall. You turn yourself around towards the encroaching men and women, shoving your weight roughly against him. To shield him, and trying your best to keep him pinned to the bricks so he is unable to act suddenly or foolishly.

Thankfully the cops still seem hesitant to shoot at you. Although you don't trust it for it to last much longer.

Your stomach drops, feeling a warm wetness dripping over the exposed skin on your upper back. Jimin's shoulder is bleeding heavily down you.

This is so fucking bad.

"Stop, please stop, Baby!" You whisper to Jimin, nearly unable to form the words due to the shake in your voice. It's just the two of you opposing 7 armed police officer. You know he hates the thought of defeat, he may even hate you for this, but neither of you has any way of winning this standoff.

His forehead presses to the back of your head, his hot breath fanning down your neck. In the smallest motions, you feel him nod against you.

Raising them in surrender, his arms come out from behind you. There's a sharp pain in your side with a sudden booming sound. It knocks your breath away. You whine, your hand squeezing tighter against his legs, into the fabric of his jeans.

"Y/n?" Jimin knows what's happening before you do.

One of the officers mistook Jimins actions as hostile and got twitchy with his gun.

You gasp slumping back into him, your legs weakening. He catches you, lowering with you as you fall to the floor. "Baby!"

Jimin looks up to the cop who fired. He's memorizing every detail of their face. Already having resigned to hunt them down and make them suffer.

Finally able to inhale, you cry out a low scream, pain spreading from your stomach up. "Jimin," you cry clawing his arm, fingers wrapped in his sleeve.

The swarm of police starts to move more frantically. A knee flies at Jimin sending him into the wall, separating him from you. Without him, you fall flat into the dirt. To your right one of the men is forcing Jimin to the ground with a knee trying to flatten him. But he isn't giving in, fighting and struggling against the weight, desperately trying to get back to you.

Even as there are three of them versus only Jimin, he is still putting up enough resistance that they are unable to fully hold him.

"Y/n!" He yells, as one of his arms is pinned behind his back, driving him heavily into the dirt. "Get the fuck off!" he snarls.

Your throat feels full. You're starting to choke, spluttering blood out and down your cheeks. Your hands clutching your stomach are wet and slippery from blood. The heavy amounts of it pouring from you making you weaker with each passing second.

"Alright!" There's a heavy thump as Jimin stops resisting and is plunged aggressively into the floor. "Just help her! Help her!" With all of the pain and fear you're feeling, it's the pure panic in Jimin's voice that finally brings you to tears.

Rolling your head towards him, his chin is dug into the concrete floor, his skin and clothes red with blood, his face pale and flush, his eyes red and teary with emotion. With him no longer fighting they are able to cuff his hands. They haul him to his feet, carrying his weight. He yells in pain, his cries turning into pleas for you, calling again and again for someone, anyone to help you.

One of the officers comes to your side pressing firmly on your wound making you shriek, spitting out even more blood. They speak into their walkie-talkie describing your state and injuries calling for an ambulance. Explaining that a male will be coming to the hospital by a police cruiser.

In front of you, the others are dragging a limping Jimin away. Being pulled from you he begins his fight again, battling to not leave you. But he's too injured and restricted to combat them much more. Only able to call out to you over and over.

Even as the car doors close on him, you can still hear him shouting your name. Even as you lose consciousness you can still hear the echo of his voice.

[freakynct]

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: sub college student!yangyang, mentions of bullying, slight angst, oral sex, very slight mommy kink, fingering, pegging, praising, slight degradation

"hey beautiful, looking real good today." yangyang said, chuckling along with his asshole group of friends while eyeing you down as he passed by you in the hall. you never understood why he wanted to be associated with people like that, going around pretending like he only had two brain cells. you knew him since middle school. you grew up in the same neighbourhood and everyone saw him as the sweet cute kid that always helped and befriended everybody. because he really was. but once he got into college everything changed. you guessed the pressure of wanting to fit in and being afraid of getting left out scared him and he felt like he had to mold to the likings of the college assholes to be somebody. but you knew better. you knew who he really was and you were the only person he could not fool. and all thanks to the tutoring lessons you gave him in algebra. he could be as much of an asshole as he wanted on campus but once he was inside your dorm, you made the rules. and that cheesy line from earlier would serve him right tonight.

you looked at the clock, marking a quarter past six. normally at this time your roommate would be studying in the library, which would give you some privacy for yangyang's tutoring lesson. and only a couple minutes later, there he was knocking on the door. you opened up, revealing a wet haired yangyang, fresh from the shower, carrying his basketball equipment bag on his shoulder still.

"you're late." you simply said as he kept his head low, his wet bangs dangling over his forehead and hiding his eyes under them. 

"practice ran late. not my fault." you liked this. he was still trying to put up a front and act tough.

"just come in." you stepped aside, letting him enter your room and set his things on the bed. now that he was standing a little further away you could take a closer look at him. he wore baggy basketball shorts with an oversized sweater that gave him the cutest sweater paws, white ankle socks and his black and white skechers d'lites. you never got tired of seeing him wearing this. it was in fact your favorite outfit on him, made him look even tinier.

"brought your books?" you asked, setting yours on your desk as yangyang sat on your bed.

"mhm." was all he murmured as he unpacked his books from his backpack. you chuckled at his behavior, stepping closer to him slowly, watching as he followed your footsteps with his eyes, his body frozen in place until you were standing right in front of him and that's when his head lifted up carefully, his big shiny eyes looking up at you in a mix of confusion and neediness.

"i liked that line you used this morning. very charming." you smirked, watching him quickly look away but being stopped by your hand on his chin, squeezing his cheeks together and forcing him to look at you. "what is it? you're getting shy now, xiao yang (little sheep)? you were so confident with your friends, what happened?" you could see the red tone building up on his cheeks and even though you were holding his head in place, his eyes still couldn't look at you, wandering around the room and shyly avoiding eye contact. you chuckled, finally letting go of his chin and dropping to your knees so you could be at the same level with him. your hands slowly raised up his thighs and you felt him squirm and shiver, noticing how his eyes would look down at you and immediately drive away as soon as you made eye contact, his bangs still hanging freely on his forehead.

"can we start studying?" he mumbled, almost inaudible if the room wasn't so quiet, his stare fixed on the dark wooden floor.

"well that's a first." you answered surprised, your fingers dipping under his shorts and caressing his thighs. "you always prefer to do something else. what's wrong, xiao yang?" you cooed at him sweetly but was caught by surprise when yangyang suddenly moved your hands away, getting up more quickly than you could react.

"can you stop? lets just study, ok?" you could tell that he was angry but his voice was weak, almost breaking at the last part and you realized that he was on the verge of tears. your heart ached inside your chest and this was the first time that you didn't know what to do. he stood by your desk with his back turned to you, flipping the pages of the algebra book as if looking for something but only paying attention to not letting you see how red his eyes were turning.

"yang..." you softly called out, getting up and walking slowly towards him. "really, what happened?" you didn't dare touch him or come any nearer, afraid that it would only make him more upset.

"it's just... it doesn't matter what i do, it's never good enough." his voice trembled and you saw the wet mark on the white page where his tear had landed and suddenly you felt like crying too. "i'll never be one of them." he sniffed, his finger nervously playing with the edge of the page.

"what did those jerks do?" this time you moved forward, placing your hand on the back of his head and gently caressing his hair while you stood by him, your eyes trying to read any facial expression from him. he stood quiet, a knot forming on his throat and all he could do was stare at the useless book in front of him. "yang... have they been bullying you?" you tried to be as gentle as possible, your hand sliding down his neck and your thumb caressing his cheek lightly, not letting another tear fall from his face. he just nodded at your statement and you sighed. it was as if you could feel his pain and nothing could hurt you more than that. "xiao yang, look at me please." you asked softly, drawing him closer to you, his red shiny eyes looking shyly at you. "you're so special. and sweet... so sweet." you whispered the last word, yangyang's eyes closing as he felt your hands gently grabbing the sides of his face and the tip of your nose touching his. "they don't deserve a boy like you." his warm breath made you feel at home and you felt him relaxing under your touch, placing his hands shyly over your waist. not another word had to be said as your lips softly touched each other, feeling each other's presence before connecting in a passionate yet slow kiss.

as you moved away you saw his eyes sparkling back at you, this time not from his tears but from excitement. "please." he whispered, his head leaning forward in search of your lips again but you just gave him a warm smile, your hand coming up to run through his brown hair.

"are you sure? don't want you to feel like we have to do anything." you reassured him but he just moved closer, his arms tightening around your body and his head nodding softly.

"yes... i really want you... please." his words were getting desperate and you could feel his fingers pressing harder over your waist in anticipation. if it was any other day you would’ve teased him for longer but after what he had told you, you decided he deserved to get exactly what he was asking for so sweetly. 

“come here.” you smiled warmly at him, taking his half covered hand in yours and pulling him gently towards your bed, inviting him to sit on it. in just a matter of seconds you were both back in the position from earlier, yangyang sitting shyly on your bed as you kneeled in front of him, your hands caressing his thighs as his eyes wandered in excitement. 

you chuckled as he reached down to kiss you one more time and you loved how desperate he gets when you touch him and the deceiving innocent look on his eyes that makes the little puddle on your panties grow.

"what if we try something new today?" you smirked up at him, your fingers slowly wandering under the hem of his basketball shorts, feeling his thighs tensing up at the question. 

"uhm, like what?" his voice was unsure but deep down he was just as curious to find out what you had in mind. 

you dragged your hands over his stomach and chest until you reached his neck, cupping his face with both of your hands, and you noticed how his breathing got heavier as you moved your face closer to his. "have you ever been fucked, xiao yang?" you couldn't help but chuckle as you felt his cheeks burning up under your palms and his eyes immediately trying to avoid yours. 

"y-yes, you do it all the time." his voice came out as nothing more than a whisper and you held his chin in your hand, prompting him to look at you. 

"no yang, not like that. i mean, actually being fucked." you raised your eyebrows in a playful way and even yangyang couldn't help but smirk at your comment, chuckling softly as his cheeks turned a bright red color. 

"oh… in that case no, i haven't." you bit your lip in excitement, he looked so cute like this in front of you, the tips of his bangs still wet and sitting shyly on your bed, at your mercy. you could tell he was a bit nervous but he was intrigued by your idea. 

"do you want to?" you asked as your thumb slowly ran over his bottom lip, always so soft, and you had to fight against the urge to kiss him. he hesitantly looked at you and nodded his head softly. “you know nothing happens if you don’t use your words.” you said as you moved your thumb to caress his burning cheek.

“i want to.” it was his turn to bite his lip but this time more in nervousness than in excitement. “do you think it’s gonna hurt?” his fingers fidgeted with the hem of his shorts as he looked down but you were quicker to hold his head up.

“you know i would never hurt you, xiao yang. and we can stop whenever you want to.” you lifted yourself from the ground a little, planting a sweet kiss on his lips before looking in his eyes and murmuring “but something tells me you’re gonna love it.”

you smirked as you stepped away from him, leaving yangyang with his mouth slightly open examining your next move. 

“take your clothes off baby.” you said as you moved closer to one of your drawers, shuffling between your clothes as you heard yangyang behind you quietly removing his clothes as you asked. you turned around to be met by a half clothed yangyang, patiently sitting in your bed waiting for you, his hair all messy from undressing. “are you getting shy now? i meant all your clothes.” you chuckled as you slowly moved closer to him again. “or are you leaving that part to me, hm?” as he was about to answer your question, he was quickly distracted by what you held in your hand.

“is- is that a strap-on?” he almost whispered the last word as if it was a sin to say it out loud and you couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh at his innocence.

“of course. how do you pretend me to fuck you? i don’t have one of my own.” you chuckled and you watched as his cheeks returned to the bright red color that suited him so well.

“lock the door.” he quickly said, almost startling you and you rolled your eyes as you placed the strap-on next to him on the bed and walked to the door to do as he asked.

“you can relax yang, i already told you we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” you explained softly to him as you stepped in front of him again, smirking as you noticed the little bump under his underwear. “but it looks like you’re enjoying it already.” you smirked and as soon as he realized what you meant, his hands moved as fast as light to cover the evidence of his excitement, causing you to laugh.

“no one can know about this, ok?” he warned as he watched you start to strip away from your clothes until you were standing naked.

“why? are you scared your friends will make fun of you for liking to be fucked like a little slut?” you chuckled as he let his bangs cover the clear look of lust in his face but the growing boner inside his boxers gave everything away. 

before he could even say anything you moved to straddle his lap, your lips finding his in a passionate and intense kiss as if you hadn’t done it in a really long time. his hands shyly touched your thighs, his fingers although warm creating shivers down your body. his lips slipped from yours, hungrily kissing the skin of your neck, down to your collarbones until you were feeling his warm tongue evolving one of your nipples, sucking it in his mouth. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes back as your fingers intertwined with the freshly washed locks of his hair.

“hm, you’re such a good boy, i don’t even have to tell you what to do, do i?” he only hummed in response, too fixated on your breasts and how good they felt in his mouth. he had been thinking about this exact moment since last week when you were still in spring break but his mom had insisted he invited you over to his house to study but it’s needless to say you both ended up fucking in his childhood bedroom instead. his poor mom is probably still wondering how her son’s grades are still  so low when you two join up to study so much.

“i missed you so much.” he gasped as he finally let go of your nipple to look up to you, lips just as rosy and plump as his cheeks.

“i know you did xiao yang.” you pulled him in for a kiss before you stood up to grab the strap-on that patiently waited next to both of you. “and we’re gonna have so much fun, aren't we?” you smirked as you put it on, yangyang following your every move with his eyes and you were caught by surprise when you saw him falling to his knees in front of you, his eyes big and shiny and his tongue running through his lips. “what is it baby? you wanna suck it?” 

“yes please.” nothing could sound sweeter than yangyang begging and how could you say no when he’s kneeling so pretty in front of you. you didn’t need much convincing and he didn’t give you much time either as he stepped forward, his tongue shyly catching the tip of the strap-on, sucking it into his mouth and it didn’t take much time for him to have more and more of it inside is mouth, his cute little eyes fluttering shut as he tasted it and as your hand locked in his hair once again, incentivizing him to continue.

“i didn’t know you liked sucking dick this much.” you said biting your lip and you watched as his eyes opened for a little bit and he let the dildo slide away from his mouth.

“i like it when it’s yours mommy.” it wasn’t exaggerating to say that those words almost made you cum right there. he always had an impact on you that you couldn’t explain and before you could say anything in return he was back to wrapping his lips around the strap-on.

you let him have his fun for a few more minutes until you were pulling his hair back, ripping a whine out of him as the dildo fell from his mouth, a string of spit still attached to his bottom lip. you looked down and you chuckled as you noticed the little wet stain in his boxers.

“is that all excitement xiao yang? i bet you can’t wait to be fucked.” you helped him get up and moved him to the bed, laying him down gently as you kissed his now wet lips. you couldn’t help but move your hands down his torso until you were palming his boner over his underwear, causing him to softly moan against your mouth. “i think it’s my turn.” you smirked and lowered yourself, hooking your fingers on the hem of his boxers and pulling them down slowly, his cock hard and leaking pre cum. he had the prettiest cock you had ever seen. 

yangyang’s eyes rolled back and he let out the cutest moan as soon as you wrapped your lips around him, bobbing your head slowly and swarling your tongue around the tip of his cock. you watched him try to grab to the sheets as he moaned softly, his eyes closed shut and his chest rising up and down heavily as you felt the pre cum leak more and more onto your tongue.

“i’m not gonna last like this.” he moaned out, his hand weakly trying to grab you to stop you but he was way too out of it to do anything and you gave him a last suck before taking his cock from your mouth, watching it glisten against his tummy.

“i’ve barely started.” you said before reaching over to your bedside table, opening the drawer and taking out a small bottle of lube. as you leaned over him again you saw him biting on his bottom lip hard, his eyes wandering between the bottle in your hand and the strap-on you had attached to you. you ran your nails softly over his thighs, his cock twitching at the touch and you chuckled. “lift up your legs, xiao yang.” and you didn’t need to ask him twice as he eagerly lifted them, giving you a full view of his ass. 

you opened the bottle, letting some of the thick liquid fall over your fingers. you heard him hiss as you slowly rubbed the lub on him.

“is it cold?” you chuckled and he resorted to nodding his head, biting his bottom lip and letting his head fall back and sighing as you slowly started easing a finger inside him. 

“you think you can do two?” you asked and he quickly nodded his head again causing you to smirk at his eagerness. you slid a second finger in and this time yangyang could not hold a moan that sweetly fell from his lips. “that’s my good boy.” you cooed as you started moving your fingers slowly inside him, stretching him out and preparing him for what was coming next. 

you watched as the pre cum dripped from the tip of his cock and stuck to his bare tummy and you suddenly had the urge to have him in your mouth again but this time you had to focus on something else. he whined as you retracted your fingers from him and you grabbed the small bottle again, this time letting the liquid fall on top of the strap-on and you used your hand to spread it all over it. you lowered your body down and gave yangyang something he was craving so much since the beginning, evolving your lips with his in a intense and wet kiss, noticing how his breathing picked up pace.

“you think you’re ready baby?” you asked softly as you stared into his eyes and you couldn’t help but melt at the sweet smile he gave you, murmuring a small “yes”. god he was so cute, you couldn’t wait to destroy him.

you gave him one last kiss before positioning the tip of your strap-on at his entrance and slowly starting to make your way in. you could see his chest moving up and down as his breathing got heavy and his hands trapping the fabric of the sheets between his fingers. you gave him a moment to adjust to the new object inside him before starting moving at a slow pace, examining his every expression to make sure you were not hurting him but he was always so good for you and you weren’t surprised at how well he was taking your cock. eventually small moans started falling from his soft lips that he couldn’t hold back anymore, his head thrown back and small little droplets of sweat starting to form on his forehead and neck. 

“you like it? hm?” you smirked. “want me to go faster?” he tried answering you, you heard the start of the yes word starting to form on his mouth but there was no way he could say it, he was way too far gone into the new feeling he was experiencing. 

you picked up the pace of your hips, thrusting faster into him. you held his cock in your hand and ran your thumb over the tip, ripping out a whine from him that made your clit pulsate. you stroke him at the same time you fucked him and that seemed to hit the spot for him. his moans turned louder and his cute little hands found place on the back of his own thighs, holding his legs in place as he let you use him in every way.

“you take it so well, xiao yang. such a good little fuck toy.” you bit your lip as you watched the flustered yangyang in front of you, cheeks redder than before, his lips plump and his mouth slightly opened, letting escape the sweetest moans, his bangs now wet from the sweat, sticking to his forehead, and his cock hard and leaking in your hand, as you stroke him faster.

“f-fuck…” he moaned out, his body squirming as you realized you had found his prostate and that was your queue to not stop no matter what. 

“you can cum baby, don’t hold back.” you said as you hit his g-spot over and over again and moved your hand up and down on him, running your thumb over his red and now swollen tip and it didn’t take long until he was moaning out and cumming over your hand and his tummy.

“good boy.” you said as you slowly stopped your movements, letting his cock rest against his stomach and carefully removing the strap-on from him. yangyang’s legs slowly fell on the bed, his body tired and you smirked at him, quickly removing the strap-on from your body and discarding it somewhere next to you.

“you’re ok, yang?” you asked softly, placing a kiss on his still burning cheek and he was prompted to finally open his eyes as a cute smile appeared on his lips.

“that was the best thing ever.” you chuckled at his response, running your fingers over his messy hair. “wait.” he suddenly said, startling you. “did you cum?” you couldn’t help but laugh at how concerned he looked but that still didn’t seem to relax him.

“no. but don’t worry, seeing you like that made up for it.” you reassured him and kissed his lips but as soon as you looked at him again he still had the concerned look on his face. “yang i’m serious, it’s ok.” you chuckled as you got up from the bed, extending your arm out to him. “c’mon, let’s go take a shower.” you smiled and that seemed to finally make him let go of his worry. 

he held onto your hand and both of you walked to the shower. you loved these moments with yangyang too. the hot water running through your bodies while you kiss, washing each other up, laughing when one of you almost slips, those were always priceless moments.

“what are you doing?” you asked as he pressed you against the shower wall and started running kisses down your body.

“what does it look like i’m doing?” he said as he looked up, now kneeled in front of you, his lips placing a kiss over your hip bone. “i wanna make you feel good too.”

[missgeniality]

Are you fucking ready? Because I wasn't.

My reviews are just raw commentary/reactions so don't expect anything logical lol...

“Query: Might this be a continuation of our night?”

she's got some nerve

It’s not like anyone else is paying attention, but in that moment, it feels like the weight of the world’s eyes falls on you.

i'd be anxious too

When you look up, intending to check whether your message has been received, you see Hoseok walking away from it, the chit still on the plate, but folded very differently.

he's eager pls

"[...] we could also discuss the stock market and world affairs if that is up your alley. ”

uh, no? HAHAHA

[...] the penmade heart between the lines is making your own flutter in delight.

hoseok drawing a heart is just :(((((((((

Will he demand for your underwear in public again? Will he command you to commit filthy sins in some dingy corner, slapping a hand on your mouth to shush your brain dead moaning? Will he drag you out to some other place all together…

i squealed

Blasphemous horror permeates your chest when you realise there’s not a lot of protest in your brain at all those ideas.

i wouldn't protest either but we definitely need another one-shot of him fucking her somewhere public

“Next time, I want a bigger mess on you darling… gonna release all over your pretty face, your breasts, your thighs. I want to watch you lap it all up without waste, make you show me how hungry I’ve left you.”

i'll be thinking about this for the next 5 weeks

you don’t waste a second, racing ahead and filling the space he left empty a moment ago.

BE DISCREET, WIN THE FIGHT

“If you’re really that wet, soak my ring. Let me see, maybe we’ll throw in some consideration…”

IM CHOKING AND SOAKING

No. Sucks on the ring. While directly looking at you, and not saying a damned word.

shIT SHIT SHIT

[...] you pretend to be a functioning member of society who does things other than desire to be raw dogged by your boss’ best friend.

im crying in laughter sjcsajff

[...] and scribble your number into it in haste.

Armed with it, you slide across towards Hoseok’s table, where he is standing around a large group, with people talking over one another...

YOU GO GIRL

unknown number: Get yourself alone. Right. Now.

sdjcifdjidjfiw YES SIR

But right now? When you register the sound of spit, all the trains in brain central have gone under repair, the tracks have fallen off, and chaos has descended on the station.

same

“Good thing, I don’t need to be there to tame you, right?”

haha shit use me sir

“One day,” with a deep sigh, he starts, “ one day. I’m going to turn my office into my playroom…”

You swallow a bubble of lascivious greed.

“… and you, my plaything.”

HERE I FOUND IT UGH AAAAAAAAAAH

“Let’s just say,” Hoseok pauses in a moment of distraction, then continues, “these pants aren’t exactly stain proof.”

OH NOOO :( hahaha

The issue with that intention is, neither of you truly intend on it. The respectful distance is soon cut down by many, many metres. The ruler between your feet would show a reading of bare inches.

Y E S, FUCK DISTANCING.

His fragile touch on your arm, not wanting to hold you unless you give the okay.

How can you make me go from "use me, sir" to "i fucking love him" in a matter of seconds

Without delay, you smush yourself against his awaiting lips.

I SQUEALED AGAIN - I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE, TURN IT UP.

“Look at meee ,” Hyejoon sings, swaying from one side to another like a dancing flamingo, “I’m steady like a bu uuulll !”

PLS HAHAHAHAHA

“Get home safe, everyone!” he addresses the whole group, but his focus is on you.

AW :(

“Yes, Sir .”

She def has some nERVE

Thank you, beautiful Siya, for making my week better with this!!!!!!! I look forward to future works from you and from this couple. LOVED IT.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS WHOLE MESSAGE IS LOVEEEEEE

omg she was a nervous WRECK throughout but bad bitch gets her nerves here and there

his heart <3 and the messages before the storm <3

fucking somewhere in public? HMMMMNNN *vigorously notes it down*

BE DISCREET WIN THE FIGHT HAHAHAHAHAHHHA I LAUGHED SO HARD LMAOO

LMAOOOO i read this like 5 times last night but i couldnt reply because of the stoopid app - but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! i hope the next few chapters that im planning only take this up and up and up <3 i reallly appreciate this!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[sukumen]

YEEEEES i'm glad u like it 👀like can u imagine how elated he is to have her FINALLY look at him after yearning for a thousand years and having to pick up the pieces of her twisted relationship with sukuna during their first life? because she was probably hurting all the time struggling between loving sukuna and being obligated to fight him. imagine they were best friends so she cries into his arms and bares her soul but he couldn't!! do anything!! except comfort her bc her heart wasn't his!! 🥴

ok back AGAIN bc i deadass have been thinking abt a reincarnated sorceress / gojo / sukuna for DAYS so when i saw u drop those drabbles i was like oh my god someone to talk to jakdslfjs 🤪but i always thought about how sukuna probs used to be a rlly powerful sorcerer who turned into a curse?? like maybe a group of humans hurt the reader and he just got so pissed he cursified himself which is y the reader's gotta exorcise her husband now 😔at one point i was like "lmao what if she's pregnant too"

like sami imagine hotshot sorcerer!sukuna and michizane (it's what i've taken to calling pre-reincarnation gojo 👀) competing over our sweetheart priestess in their og lives and how that translates to pettiness in their current lives lmaooo. plus the outfits from that time (~heian era) are so pretty, the three of them paint such a lovely picture!! anyways more angst: sukuna and the priestess never being able to fight 100% against each other bc "fuck that's my wife/husband" SORRY for the spam 💋

omg don’t worry at all about the spam, i’m living! i have so many thoughts about this highkey, so i’m just going to ramble haha. read more for slight spoilers!

ok i’ve always been so curious about sukuna’s origin story; all we know at this point obvi is that he was a human sorcerer originally, so i’m right there with you re: some major turning point between that and him being a curse. and i think it would provide some valid background for why reader, as a priestess at that time, would even be around him enough to fall in love. like god can you imagine them having the type of dynamic that gojou, getou, and ieiri had in school? a trio growing up and realizing their powers for good side by side until one strays?

michizane and sukuna don’t necessarily like each other, but there’s a clear respect for each other’s power and skill. the real glue keeping them together, though, is the reader who’s been in both of their lives as long as they can remember and is the only other sorcerer around that rivals their skill.

they’ve both loved you for as long as they can remember too, but there’s always been something about sukuna in particular. he’s rougher around the edges, and is more inclined to make you mad than michizane is (you have that regal upbringing to thank for that), but for every argument, there’s a tender touch. For every eye roll, there’s a longing glance.

you’re so caught up in his that you never notice the ones from michizane too.

your relationship isn’t really a surprise. nor is the engagement or pregnancy announcement that follows. it causes a lot of stir all the same though - two of the most powerful sorcerers coming together is bound to send ripples in friendly and enemy circles alike.

unfortunately for you, the returning tide is too fast for you to see coming.

can you imagine if it wasn’t even curses that attacked you? but cursed users of a different sorcerer faction trying to break your union because the two of you together would ruin any plans they had for taking over the jujutsu world?

you manage to survive the attack, but your unborn child does not and the loss sends you both in a spiral. with everything you know about how curses are created, you do a good job of accepting the loss without denying yourself a period of mourning. sukuna, on the other hand, just...spirals. He can’t see you sad, hurt without feeling rage --- add to that the loss of a baby and you get hatred, fury, bloodlust.

he becomes so obsessed with revenge and retribution that he slips further and further away until he’s gone altogether. 

he swears he’s doing everything he is for you though - this crusade against jujutsu sorcerers. he tells himself it’s the only way you can be happy together, the only way he can know for sure that no one else will hurt you: to kill them all.

and even when you plead with him otherwise, he has his mind set. he will not stand down.

shift gears and that’s where you get you and michizane growing closer in this rough time - you crying to him about how to draw sukuna back from the edge (though, really, he’s already long past it). He doesn’t say it out of care and love for you, but he can’t understand why you’re even trying anymore. it’s like an unspoken agreement that sukuna has to be stopped before he ruins the world as you all know it.

but you just don’t agree. you know the man you love and you know his motivations - you think he can still be helped. 

which just makes it so upsetting that in the end, the war Sukuna starts is what kills you --- and that he has to be the one to take that light out of your eyes. :(

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

₮ⱧɆ ĐɆ₳₮Ⱨ Ø₣ ɎØɄ

Being Giyuu's daughter you save him from an upper rank demon.

Usually fights were lightweight, simplistic and the end of a demon's bloodlined life. Yet this one was diffrent. Pillars were injured, lower rank demon slayers were injured and she wasnt there. Giyuu was only slammed against a tree as he fell to the floor, his face cut and filled with blood the ends of his Haori in shreds as he laid on the ground. His eyes shook as he reached out for his sword only for it to be kicked away by the demon.

"You pillars really need some work."

Giyuu's face tensed as his eyebrows knitted together and he gritted his teeth. He was going to die and he knew it, it wasn't what he was scared of. It was you- the arguement you both had before he left.

"I'm coming with you!"

"You, will listen to me. No questions asked Y/n."

"Otōsan please! I have to protect you!"

"You protect me?! You have no idea what it means to protect someone! I know why your doing this! You only want the recognition!"

Her eyes shook as she looked at him, tears brimmed in her eyes, he was right. "All I want is recognition! From you!" She screamed at him.

"I do battle! after battle! After battle! Everybody praises me! And I know that! Even Kagaya-sama! But never you! That's all I want! Is your fucking recognition! I fucking hate you!" She shouted storming away but Giyuu grabbed her arm.

"Y/n! You will not speak to me that way! You want recognition yet you act like a child!" Giyuu shouted at his daughter.

"And yet when I act like a child you recognize me." Y/n stated sternly. "All I ever wanted is your damn acceptance. I guess you were right before, you really can't trust anyone."

Giyuu let his eyes water as he tried to crawl away. Was this being a coward? Maybe. But one time. He had to see you again. And apologize. One more time. He reached out to grab something yet nothing was there, the demon stood on his back.

"I would grant you a last wish, but that would be so merciful of me. I can tell your praying for your daughter." The demon smirked. "You'll se either soon, all family leaves if you ask for it or not into he end!"

Giyuu felt the clawed hand grab his hair and lift his head up.

No, one more time. One more time. One more-

"Y/N!" He screamed out loud as the tears fell down his face.

The demon lifted a sharp clawed hand up.

"I recommend you leave my father alone. Now."

"Oh Y/n's joined the shit show." The demon smirked dropping Giyuu to the ground as Giyuu looked up from the ground and at his daughter.

"Y/n...you have to leave. I need you to live! Leave now!" Giyuu shouted as Y/n stood still, using her thumb to pop up the sword from its hold.

"It's okay Otōsan, put your trust in me. I will protect you." Y/n smiled lovingly at the end of her sentence as she grabbed the hilt of her sword pulling it from its holder completely.

"Another pillar to kill! This'll be fun!" The demon cried as he ran at Y/n.

The two went into an immediate fight. Clashing back and forth constantly. When. When did she get so fast? So strong? Giyuu laid in shock as he watched the fight play out. The demon being slammed away and into a tree a while distance away. Y/n held her sword as she walked forward.

"Do you remember? My friend? The cards we played in the realm where no hurt can reach." Y/n asked as she walked forward, the demon getting up in the process.

"How did the game end up?" She asked with a sweet smile.

He laughed deeply. "With a tension filled draw."

"I wouldn't call it a draw. I would call it a canceling out. Our cards were to powerful for each other, and simply we killed each other, no one gained anything, in that momment but a smile as we knew our fate." She smiled softly as the demon growled.

"Like I'm dying because of you!? It was a card game!" He shouted frantically as he ran at her.

"I release my blood to the cards. Tenth form: Cancellation."

The two clashed, and with a swift motion the two cut each other. So cleanly and swiftly it was unknown where they cut, yet the demon fell first his head cleanly sliced off as she shivered.

Giyuu struggled to stand up as he caught himself against the tree.

"Y/n...Y/n...turn around-"

She only dropped to the floor on her knees and then fell forward. His eyes widened as they watered.

No

No

"Y/N!" he screamed as he attempted to rush over, falling once or twice but contious getting back up. He finally fell down next to her body as he rolled her forward, now her nose pointing towards the sky.

He looked at her body seeing her chest slowly rising and falling.

"Otō...." Y/n spoke weakily.

"I'm here!...I'm here..." Giyuu spoke frantically trying to calm his breathing as he watched you.

He pulled off his Haori and laid it ontop of you for warmth. There she was, his baby, his world, his daughter laying there, in pain and barely living.

"Otōsan, I'm tired..." She spoke as she let her blue colored irises look into his broken water filled ones.

"I know...just stay for a bit longer." He spoke and shakily kissed her head. "I love you so much Y/n...so...so much..."

She smiled. "I know...but these are the cards..." she spoke her voice fading as her eyes started to close, he only started to cry more tears as he grabbed her hand, she grasping it weakly as he felt his knees become wet. Looking down he looked at the pool of blood that spread onto the ground, looking at his Haori seeing it stained with blood.

"He got me good..." Y/n admited with a soft smile.

"Please."

She raised her hand up holding his cheek with her hand as his tears escaped his eyes and the water ran down her arm then dripped onto the dirt floor.

"Thank you...I love you..."

"Please! I was wrong! I was wrong alright! Please just don't-"

Her hand went limp and her chest stopped rising.

"No...please..." he begged. "Don't leave me alone!" He cried out as he let his head fall to her chest as he held her cold hand.

"Y/n...please."

"I can't be alone anymore..."

When the time had come. He picked her up, his bones didnt feel broken anymore, he knew he had to get you somewhere safe. He fourtantly got to the group in time from fighting there own battles.

"Ah, Tomokia-San, how did your battle-"

Tanjiro was the first one up to him with the dead girl in his arms.

"I'll get Shinobu- San as quick as possible!-"

"Don't." Giyuu spoke and Tanjiro froze. "She's gone already....and all I ever did was fight with her...."

Tanjiro frowned as he held his arms out. Wanting to take Y/n from him.

"I won't hurt her."

Giyuu slowly handed her over to Tanjiro. "She was always so pretty..." Tanjiro spoke honestly as his eyes started to water as he sat himself on the floor the girl in his lap.

"She never left anyone alone, it's one of things I think everybody loved about her." Tanjiro spoke as he started to cry as well.

Giyuu watched as Tanjiro cried over his daughters death just as he was doing and it was true, she never did leave anyone alone, yet he always left her alone, he closed his eyes trying to calm himself down until he felt a hand on his cheek.

"Otōsan? Otōsan, hey...."

Opening his eyes again he spotted a blurry brown roof above him. He sat up looking to the side as tears cascaded down his face.

"Y/n?" He asked.

"Yeah, well duh you old fart, who else would be calling you Otōsan?" She asked.

He immediately pulled her into a hug as Y/n was shocked.

"I'm so sorry..."

"For what?"

"For not being there for you. You've done great in the demon slayer corps." He spoke honestly his tears silent.

"Oh...thank you...I...I love you." Y/n smiled hugging him back.

"I love you too, Y/n."

[springwritess]

mr.cook | sanji vinsmoke

anime: one piece

word count: long, but not as long as zoro’s

note: im going to write mini fics for each strawhat (including my boy jimbe hopefully) which is gonna be a zombie apocalypse au. not all of them will be romantic bc some characters are hard to write romantically. i doubt you’d really fall for someone you just met right? anyway either luffy or usopp is gonna be next.

tags: zombie apocalypse, sanji fluff, cooking, hunger, dehydration, sanji being the dork he is, recruitment (sorta)

****

The hunger was ever-present; from dawn to dusk it gnawed at you. Food was your constant obsession. You couldn't look at an animal or plant and wonder if it was edible. You didn't care if the food was tasty, just as long as it could make the stomach pains go away for awhile.

You sat there still, like an elderly person. You started to wonder whether you were going to die from starvation or from the zombies. You were too tired to move, or do anything really. You ran out of water and there was no fresh water source. It was only time for your death to approach. You couldn't even sleep either, because sleeping meant a chance for zombies to attack and devour you alive.

You were in the middle of the forest. You were camping in there after being driven out of your home. You took what you could find and left the city as fast as possible. You needed to get away from people as much as possible. Staying alive was horrible, you ran out of the food you stole from the city. You didn't possess the abilities or tools to be able to hunt or cook animals. You were such a shifty cook that you didn’t know how to make fucking tea. You couldn't stay there forever however. You needed to get off the island soon. Your stomach rumbled again.

First however, you needed food.

There was a crunch of leaves and twigs behind you. Each footstep crackled. There was someone coming. You dove behind a tree that was close by. You grabbed a large stick. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was enough to try and knock the person out to steal their food. You closed your eyes and waited for them to draw near. Each step felt like a ripple in the ground.

You jumped out behind the tree and lunged forward. It was a blonde-haired man who was idly walking by. You attempted to land a strike across his cheek, but he jumped back. You tried again, but he dodged it. He was fast on his feet.

“What's going on?" He asked as he continued to dodge all of your attacks. "I don't want to fight a women."

"Give...me your food!" You growled as your grip tightened on the stick.

You lurched forward again and landed a blow across his left cheek. The man fell to the ground. He didn't get up after that. You ripped the bag off his shoulders and shifted through it. Your pupils dilated.

"No..." You said with a hint of panic in your voice.

You went through it again, this time your hands were fumbling. Your fingers jumped rhythmically, as if in a spasm. Your bowels suddenly churned. Please let there be food in there, you prayed. This couldn't happen...not now. Your heart was in your mouth. You couldn't speak.

“No! No! No!" This time you said it much louder, "please...I just need food."

Your heard some shifting and then a grunt come from behind you. Blood drained from your face as you turned your head around. The man was getting up. He took a cigarette box and a lighter from his breast pocket. He lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth.

You grabbed the stick and gripped your two hands on it. You held it up in the air in front of you. You glared at him.

"S-stay...a-away or I'll hurt you!" You warned. Your hands were shaking as you fumbled on your words.

He took a breath and smoke floated up into the sky. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're hungry right? I'll make you something. I'll never let someone stay hungry."

You felt your stomach grumble again. "Liar! Y-you're going to kill me!"

He gave you a grin. “I'll never hurt a women. That's what a shitty old men taught me."

Your stomach rumbled again, this time loud enough for him to hear it. You fell to the ground and clutched your stomach. It felt as if someone pierced your stomach with a sword. "It hurts....I'm going to die."

He ran over to you. You didn't have the energy to run away. "Shit...you're malnourished and dehydrated. Is there no fresh water source here?"

You didn't have the energy to answer him, so you simply shook your head. He picked you up with his arms and started to run through the forest. You had no energy to protest or push him off. You were barely conscious at this point too, as the trees were starting to become a blur too.

After what seemed like forever, you started to smell cologne mixed with the smell of cigarettes. Your eyes fluttered open. You were still in the forest, but instead in a part that wasn’t covered in trees. There were no creatures around. The light from the sun hit your skin. Your eyes shifted to the side. You were laying on a black jacket. Ah so that’s where the smell was coming from.

You sat up. Your throat was extremely dry too. Your stomach was still hurting, but you ignored the pain. You looked around and the man was nowhere to be seen. You weren’t in any mood to talk to him anyway.

Your lips were cracked from dehydration. Your hair was matted with dirt and your clothes were were smeared with grass stains and dirt. You looked terrible. You needed a shower and some fresh clothes. You felt the bottom of your lip quiver. Will this be your new life? You no longer had the same luxuries you used to have. You took them for granted, and you only realized how lucky you were when they were gone.

You laid back down and turned to the side. You couldn’t afford to cry, because that would just make you even more dehydrated. Drowsiness overtook you. You closed your eyes and eventually fell asleep.

***

You were greeted with a sweet, savoury aroma that wafted through the air as you started to wake up again. The smell mixed in with the fragrance trees and grass. Your stomach clenched with hunger at the thought of devouring whatever food that was creating the smell.

You sat up and saw the blonde man making stew using ingredients from the forest, plants and animals you’ve seen before. He somehow was able to find bowls to give pour your stew in. You stated at him for awhile, transfixed by his ability to cut various vegetables and plants. He was so swift with his fingers.

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the soft tendrils of smoke. His gaze shifted to you. The man gave you a smile.

“I’m so glad you’re awake.” He said softly. He came cover with a bowl of water. “I’m glad I had utensils and bowls in my bag. The water is still hot too because I boiled it. Please be careful.”

You moved the bowl of water around. The water swished back and forth. There was steam floating from it. It was definitely still hot. You sniffed the bowl of water. There didn’t seem to be any poison. Immediately after examining it, you guzzled down the water within mere seconds. You ignored your throbbing lips and your throat which felt like it was on fire. You sighed in relief. It was nice.

He finally handed you a bowl of stew. Taking in the sweet aroma, your stomach rumbled again. Every part of you wanted to lurch forward and devour the bowl. You couldn’t however. It didn’t feel right. You clenched your fists.

You spoke up. “I don’t understand.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “You don’t understand what?”

“Why are you doing this for me?” You asked again. This time with your voice shaking. “Why are you helping a complete stranger? I don’t know your name. I don’t know where you’re from or who you are. I..I don’t have any money if that’s what you want.”

He took the cigarette out of his mouth and breathed out. “My name is Sanji. I’m a cook on a ship. I already told you. It’s because I can never ignore someone is hungry. I don’t need money from you, so you can eat up. Besides....”

“Besides what?”

He gave you a smile. “Your cute face is enough of a payment for me.”

You rolled your eyes but felt a smile creep up onto your face. “Thank you Sanji.”

You ate your food in silence. You quickly finished it in mere minutes, but you were too embarrassed to ask for more. Much to your surprise, Sanji took your bowl and filled it up to the top. He handed it to you. He lit up another cigarette and sat next to you silently. Your cheeks flushed up in embarrassment.

You cleared your throat. “Aren’t you going to eat to. I’m fine really...”

Sanji shook his head. “I’m fine. I ate before I came to this island. I also have a few questions about it, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh sure. Also I didn’t introduce myself yet. My name is (f/n). I worked as a mechanic in my mother’s shop. It was apart of the family business.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly. “I’m not the greatest cook, so you saved my life. Thank you so much. I’ll help you with anything you need.” You said. You gave him an awkward smile.

“What’s happening on this island? The city I was just in, it was a wreck. Did something happen? I was also attacked by a group of people. I need answers. I was separated from my crew too, so I also need a map.”

The smile from your face immediately vanished. You managed to forget about everything that happened for awhile, but the reality didn’t change.

“A group of pirates brought this virus to the island. Their crewmate was dumped here. He was rushed to the hospital.” You explained. “He survived, but the virus seemed to induce range and the need for human meat. He bit the nurse that was treating him and she started to act the same. I’m not sure, but I think the virus probably travels through saliva.”

“They’re like zombies, but still alive?” He chucked. “They aren’t as smart as the ones on Thriller Bark.”

You cocked your head in confusion. “What? You aren’t scared?”

Sanji shook his head. “I have a damn skeleton who can walk, talk, eat and even take a shit on my ship. There’s nothing that surprises me anymore.”

Your eyes narrowed. You weren’t sure if he was joking or not. The Grandline is full of surprises, so anything could happen. Speaking of which, why was this man traveling on the Grandline? Is his boat a restaurant ship that floats around by any chance.

“What kind of ship do you work on..?”

“A pirate ship.”

Your stomach dropped. Of course. He’s a pirate. You felt anger churn deep within you. A pirate was the one who destroyed this island. You tried your best to ignore it. He did save your life. Perhaps he wasn’t like the others.

“What about you? Why are you here in the forest? Where’s your mom?” He asked.

You were silent for a moment. “She died three years ago. After she passed, I took over the business. My shop is probably rubble right now.”

“That’s a shame. Do you want to go take a look to see if there’s anything left? There must be something.” He asked.

You shook your head and chuckled. “It’s whatever I guess. I gotta get used to how I’m living now.” You got up from where you were sitting. “Also, I should have a map in my bag. Let me go check.”

You got up and went to grab your bag. There were mostly essentials: empty water bottle, first aid kit, a change of clothes. You let out a grunt. There was no map in sight.

“Sorry about the map. I don’t seem to have any.” You rubbed the back of your head sheepishly.

“It’s fine.” Sanji stood up and stretched. “We should get going then.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Going where?”

“To your home of course. Seeing it might give you a sense of relief. You’ll never regret not taking the chance to see if there was anything there.” He replied. He lit another cigarette into his mouth.

You were at a loss for words. “I...”

“Hmm?”

You shook your head. “I can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“Even if I do get a sense of closure from seeing my home, where would I go?” You bit the bottom of your lip to stop from crying and took a deep breath, “I have nobody left. I don’t have a ship nor do I have the skills to travel to another island. I also don’t trust you. You’re a pirate. What if you try to hurt me?”

The tears splashed forth and trickled down your cheeks. The thought of your home in rubble and the memories of your mother came flooding into your head all at once. You tried to quickly wiped your tears away, but they kept coming.

“Shit I’m crying. I’m sorry about that.” You chuckled.

Sanji gave you a smile. “It’s okay to cry. Everyone cries. I also won’t lay a finger on you.” He looked up into the sky. “Regarding your future, it’s up to you. You can do whatever you want. I won’t try to stop you (f/n).”

Hearing him call you by your name caught you off guard. You got up. “Let’s get going then Sanji.”

[emoyeosang]

sunsets ♡ (san fluff)

you guys this is my very first fic, please be nice to meeeee ~

Word Count: 1,815

♡

It had been quite literally the most stressful week you've had in awhile. You've been working overtime at the cafe and spending wisely to save up and move to Seoul to be with your best friend who left 2 months prior. You were both offered to be accepted into an amazing dance company but you unfortunately didn't have enough money to leave right away like your best friend, Miya did. She offered to stay behind and wait until you could go together but you refused in fear of holding her back just because you weren't the best at managing your money. So here you were two months later working yourself too hard and barely enjoying anything you used to. No dancing, no painting, no listening to music or just walking in your favorite park as the sun was setting.

It's was about 5 pm and though you wanted to stay on the clock longer, your manager who was usually very strict, noticed that you looked extremely exhausted. She told you to take the rest of the day off and take it easy so you would be well rested and energized for your next shift. It was very unlike her to do something like this so you realized it was probably for the best. You finished your side work duties, clocked out and made your way outside for the short walk home.

As you began walking, an overwhelming urge to stay out a little longer came to you when you noticed the sun was soon to set and the sky was a mix of orange and soft pink. Though your feet disagreed to a longer walk, you ignored the soreness and began a different path to your favorite park.

The air was cool and soothing to your skin and you felt yourself starting to loosen up and relax with every step you took. As you arrived you noticed that it wasn't very crowded as usual and your favorite spot under a tall oak tree was calling to you. The spot was on a small hill and always made the best view for sunsets. You'd find yourself at this spot often when you needed to get away from everything or when you wanted inspiration whether it be for your paintings or dancing. This was the place that felt so much like home to you. As you sat down on the soft patch of grass near the tree you all of a sudden began to feel emotional. You were drained and unhappy. You had been avoiding those feelings for months but something about sitting there made you feel everything at once and so heavily. Maybe it was because this was the only place you felt at ease, even if it would only last awhile.

The sun was beginning to set and the sky never looked so beautiful. The wind gently caressed your face as you sat quietly feeling waves of emotions come and go when you sensed someone approaching near you. Being someone who mostly traveled alone you felt a surge of anxiety for a split second before you turned to face the stranger. He seemed to be nervous and held a quite worried expression on his soft features. As he slowly bent down to your level you noticed just how beautiful he was. You could barely process what was going on when he finally spoke.

"I-I'm very sorry to bother you but I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

For whatever reason you suddenly didn't know how to speak words. All you could focus on was how soft he spoke and how handsome he was. When you saw his worried expression grow you finally answered

"Ah...yes i'm okay. It's just been a tough few weeks."

After hearing you finally speak his features began to soften.

"Do you mind if I sit here with you for awhile? The view looks the prettiest from this spot but if that makes you uncomfortable, I will leave you alone right away."

"No, that's okay. I don't mind at all." you managed to get out. Something about him made you feel at ease and you couldn't seem to stop looking at him. He seemed to notice and smiled softly at you. That's when your heart fell into the bottom of your stomach. His smile. Dimples so prominent and his eyes smiled along with the curve of his lips. The sunset truly had nothing on his smile.

"What's your name?" he said still smiling at you.

"My name is Y/n."

"Ah, what a cute name. I like it. It fits you well! My name is San." he replied shyly.

"I apologize again if I'm bothering you but you just... I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I usually don't just walk up on strangers, I promise."

"You're not bothering me, I just wasn't expecting it. Thank you for checking in on me and I-I like your name too." you smiled softly but mentally cursed yourself for stuttering. He seemed relieved that he wasn't intruding and turned to look at the sky for a moment and then he looked back at you.

"I also apologize for my english. I'm not fluent but I've been practicing everyday." he said hesitantly. You hadn't really noticed because he spoke so well but he did have a tiny accent you were unfamiliar with and you thought it was cute.

"You sound really good though! Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?" You wanted to know more about him but didn't want to seem too eager.

"I'm from South Korea. I'm here with my group members for a week to train. Today we managed to finish a bit early so I thought I would explore around a bit."

"Group members? Are you guys dancers?"

You were really interested to learn more about San. He was making you feel something you couldn't quite understand yet.

"You could say that." he smiled cutely and you felt your heart do that thing again. His expression quickly changed to a more concerned one and he seemed to think carefully before he spoke.

"Y/n...I was wondering if I could learn more about you or maybe just listen. If you need to talk. I thought you were crying earlier and I didn't want you to feel like you were alone. Even though I'm a stranger I'd like to make you feel better if I can."

"I'd like that. You can ask me anything" you said smiling warmly at him letting him know you really meant it.

"Hmmm, tell me your favorite f-" he began but was cut off by his phone going off. He looked at his screen, seeming a bit disappointed before looking back at you.

"My members need me to head back for dinner soon." he sighed and you could tell he didn't want to leave.

"That's okay. I should probably head home before it gets too late."

"Should I walk with you? It's getting dark and you shouldn't be walking alone this late." he said worryingly.

"No that's okay! I was actually going to take a cab just to be safe." you smiled at him.

"Okay then I'll wait with you until they get here." You nodded and for the next ten minutes you two walked around as he tried to get to know you. You told him how you wanted to be a choreographer in the future and how you loved to paint and draw. He listened to you so intently never looking away and smiling at how you spoke with so much passion about the things you wanted to do. You were just finishing telling him some of your favorite foods when your cab arrived. As he walked you over, you began to feel a little worried. Talking to San made you feel light and at ease. He was genuinely interested in what you were telling him and every time he smiled at you, you thought you might melt. Is it normal to feel this way towards someone you just met? What if you never see him again? He seemed to notice that you were thinking about something and softly called out to you.

"Hey," he said as his eyes carefully studied your face "I was wondering if...if I could maybe give you my number? I won't be here much longer but I'd like to spend more time with you before I go." He was being so shy. It was fucking adorable.

You smiled and gave him your phone so he could type in his number. Before he gave it back to you he lifted it in front of his face and took the cutest selfie and you thought you might stop breathing right then and there.

"Will you text me when you get home so I know you're safe?" he smiled as he handed your phone back to you.

"Of course I will. Thank you for listening to me. I don't talk about myself much so I hope it wasn't too..." before you could even finish he gently grabbed your hand.

"Seriously Y/n, I could listen to you talk for hours. I'm glad I had the courage to speak with you and see you smile. You looked so sad earlier and I just felt like I needed to listen to you." You could barely remember how to breathe. His hand felt so soft and warm and he looked so genuine. He meant what he was saying to you and you couldn't help but smile.

He opened the cab door for you and didn't let go of your hand until you were fully inside. "Don't forget to message me when you get home safely." he smiled. Why was his smile so bright?

"I won't forget, I promise" you assured him as the driver started the car. It was time to go but you didn't want to. You were just looking at each other for a moment before he softly said goodbye to you and closed the door.

As promised once you got inside your apartment and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, you pulled out your phone and searched for his contact. He put his name in your phone as 'San☀️' and you thought he couldn't get and cuter until you saw the selfie he had taken for his contact picture. It was a good thing he couldn't see your face because you were positive you were smiling dumbly and your cheeks were burning.

"Hey San :) it's Y/n. I'm home safely! I hope you got home okay as well."

Not even a minute later and your phone buzzed making you jump a little.

"I'm so happy you got home okay. I did as well, don't worry :)Thank you for today. Please get some rest and I'll message you tomorrow okay? I'm glad I met you, Y/n. You have a beautiful smile. Sweet dreams."

[sockatine]

The Scent of Lavender

((My first self insert fanfic to be posted here! I'll be using the name Califia "Cali" Morales for myself. Paired up with Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead. Takes place in season 2.))

Light. Sunlight? Yes, that's sunlight. The room is white. Why is it white?

Voices are talking to her. Who are these voices? Obviously they must be her family; mom and dad, to be precise. Sitting up and rubbing her eyes, yawning and stretching, still not completely awake or aware. Even as her eyes fully opened, she had to rub them again. These people's voices still washing over her like white noise, or nighttime ambiance.

Nothing was registering quite yet, until an old man sat at her bedside and asked, in a comforting and gentle tone. "Can you tell us your name?"

That's when it all hit her. With watering eyes, she asked: "Where am I?"

...

When they found this girl passed out in the woods, it was nothing short of strange. She'd fallen out of a tree at Rick's feet, startling him. He checked her pulse, shook her in attempt to wake her up, but nothing. She was still perfectly alive, minus perhaps starving and bruised. And he carried her back to the RV, deciding it was the right thing to do. After all, Rick himself had been in a coma and woken up to an apocalypse. This was a personal sense of sympathy in him.

Needless to say, after much argument, she was allowed to stay. They put her in the bed of the RV and hoped that at some point, she'd come to. Enter their arrival at Hershel's, having one kid shot and the other still missing, along with the mysterious coma-girl. This was enough to get Hershel to allow them all to stay until everything with the group was a-okay.

Now, that she had finally woken up, she'd have to be comforted a bit before getting any answers. It's not like anyone would take it very well when they find they've been in a coma in a tree for god knows how long. "I'm gonna ask you again, and I want you to take a deep breath or two before you answer; What is your name?"

She did take a few deep breaths, as needed. "Califia..."

"Califia?"

"Yes... Califia Morales."

"Alright, Miss. Now, I'm gonna call in the people that found you, so you can give them the answers they want. Is that okay with you?"

"... yes."

Really, it wasn't. None of this was okay, but she knew she needed to give answers to the people who potentially saved her life. The memories were flooding back to her once Hershel called in Rick and some others to meet her. Rick was of course, the one to ask questions and recieve answers.

"Do you remember what happened before you got yourself up in that tree?"

"... There was a crash. A bus crash. A-and I... I don't remember what happened after. I-I know my family wasn't with me, they... don't live in Georgia..."

"Alright. What else do you remember?"

"I... was by myself. Out by myself... dead people were walking a-and hunting me..."

"Uh-huh..."

"I killed some. I tried calling my parents a-and... and-and-"

A deep inhale, and a pause.

"... I kept walking. I lived off what was in my bag, and gathering wild plants. More dead people came and, I went up the tree... but I don't know why I was asleep... I don't..."

"Hey, hey. Don't worry about that. We'll... we'll get you settled. Once we leave, you'll be coming with us."

"I... thanks. Can I go outside now?"

"Yeah, yeah sure."

...

She was sitting by herself, gathering some lavender after a nice, long cry. It was a lot to take in, really. That she had no idea how her family in California was doing. And it would be easier for her to cope with having been all alone, than to realize she'd been completely useless to a group of people who were kind enough to save her. How long had she been dead weight? Was it ungrateful to believe she should've died.

"What's that 'cha got?"

She almost flinched, turning to see some guy looming over her. Must've been one of the group. "... Lavender."

"You always go 'round pickin flowers?"

"It's for tea... I'm sorry, have we met, or...?"

"I'm Daryl."

"Califia. But call me Cali. It's, uh... nice to meet you."

She stood up, holding her hand out for a handshake. Better than just awkwardly talking, crouching over a bush. Daryl shook it, to at least adding something to keep the conversation from getting too awkward. "So, we found you in a tree..."

"Uh, yeah. I... eheh. I guess I figured it was a good way to avoid walkers. They can't seem to climb for shit, really. So, uhm... is there l-like a job or something I should be getting to, or-"

"Hell if I know."

"O-oh. Well, if you need anything... like, anything at all, I'm right here..."

"Right..."

Daryl left ger to her business.

"Oh, uh... it was nice meeting you!" She added. He didn't respond.

Daryl hadn't much of an opinion on her. She seemed nice enough, but frankly he hadn't any idea how good or bad of an addition she'd be. And frankly, nothing she did or said was anything remarkable, noteworthy, or eyecatching. Cali, as she insisted on being called, was short, pudgy, baby faced, and from every other angle Daryl could see, she looked like walker bait. At least she was smart enough to get in a tall place to avoid them, but perhaps she might not be much for fighting back or wilderness survival.

Nonetheless, he'd be willing to see if she could prove herself. It's not like she's useless.

A few days went by, and Daryl noticed a pattern. When given chores by the other members of the group, Cali would attend to them quietly without ever wanting help. Her voice was always soft and meek when she asked for anything, which was rare in itself. Without fail, around dusk, Cali was always sitting at the lavender bush. Either to pick more, or to sit with a notebook. A diary? And she was drinking that tea she said the lavender was for at night, but also in certain times in the afternoon.

Lavender tea was for sleep, and calming nerves. Daryl knew this because of his mom's old remedies she'd use, when he was just a kid.

So far, he'd deducted that Cali was dead meat if she were to go out on her own. She could make it for a certain amount of time, but her nerves would get the best of her and make her clumsy. Ergo, she's walker bait.

...

It was getting lonely, for Cali. She fancied being alone, but not being lonely. But she was tragically insecure; unwilling to talk about her interests with the other ladies, unable to even approach any of the men. The closest she could get was watching Carl when Lori wasn't, and neither one of them actually talked much to her. So logically, Cali wanted some validation out of being useful.

To be frank, the only person Cali really considered approaching and making friends with was Daryl. He also seemed to be partial to being alone, after all. But it's not like he would ever want to activately be friends with her anyway, right? Cali wrote and drew, she was into books and fantasy and mythology. She was a nerd. A total geek. And what was Daryl? Manly as hell, outdoorsy, and a goddamn hunter.

That didn't change the fact though, that when Daryl finally came back with Sophia's doll, Cali was most certainly concerned. She could see him from her lavender bush, he looked absolutely terrible. And it didn't help that Andrea shot him, to which Cali promptly responded with a "What the fuck!?" of disbelief.

As everyone rushed over to help, Cali wasn't really needed. She asked, but Rick told her that all too familiar phrase: "We got this, thanks." But no, she didn't want to be excluded. She wanted to at least do something. To overtly express that she wanted to help and be part of the group; but so far it had all gone from her being too afraid to talk to anyone, to everyone excluding her by assuming she didn't care for anyone.

So Cali decided to do something about it. At least one thing. One nice thing for someone.

So she visited Daryl, inside Hershel's house. With a small gift. Some lavender, with a paper wrapped around it. While he was asleep, she slipped it onto the nightstand.

...

"Hey, Cali!"

She was at the lavender bush again, with her notebook, whipping around to see Daryl holding her gift. "Y-yeah?"

"... you wrote this? Daryl unfolded the paper. It was a poem:

You carry us far Through all your scars Of old and new, Through sun and stars

Take your rest Feel happiness For it's worthwhile to us all

"... Is it bad?"

Daryl sighed in disbelief, taking a seat next to her. "Nah, that ain't it..."

"I didn't mean to bother you, I just wanted to get you a get well-"

"Why though?" "Huh?"

"You're always sitting out here. You got you're notebook, your head in the clouds. Ya don't talk to nobody-"

"I'm sorry."

"-and you apologize for it. What the hell do you do out here?"

She paused, stuck between just dying on the spot or coughing up the notebook. "I... draw. And I write." She handed the notebook to him, so he could go through it himself.

In it were various practice sketches, poems, characters, and unfinished stories. It was a chaotic mess of creation, full of concepts and ideas that may never be fully fleshed out. "It's just weird nerdy stuff... I-I really like mythology, and uh... comics..."

"... This is what you were hiding all this time?" "Yeah..."

Daryl closed the notebook, handing it back to Cali.

"... What use you think any of that has, anyway?"

"I... wait, what do you mean?"

"I mean now that dead people are walking around eating people. How's any of that gonna help?"

Cali paused, thinking for a moment. Not necessarily on what to answer, but rather how to word the answer out. Such a question wasn't one that confused her very much.

"... Well, we got survival down. If we're hungry, we can pick plants and kill animals. If we're tired, we can make a shelter that's safe. But... what's the point of it all?"

"... That doesn't answer my question."

She gave him a look. For once, it was a more assertive look; like what she was about to say was something painfully obvious. Like he should have known, by now. "Animals survive. Humans live. And what's the point of surviving if you can't live?" She tapped her notebook. "This here is... how I live."

Cali opened up the notebook, flipping to a page in which she was drawing a kraken. "So that's why I'm always here with my notebook. It's quiet so I can focus, and it smells nice with the lavender here. So there."

The conversation ended there, and she expected Daryl to once again take his leave. But, he didn't. He was still sitting there, watching her doodle away. Her drawing wasn't particularly amazing, but... it was okay. He could tell she wasn't actually paying him much mind. Just, focused on her work. But Cali knew he was there, watching. She just had yet to realize she was fine with it.

And they just kind of stayed like that for a while. Sitting in silence at the lavender bush.

((Special thanks to @kiksselfships for encouraging me most to embrace my self insertion, and @skollwriting for giving me the match up that inspired this new ship))

[justcallmemav]

7/20/18

--------------------------

Pt.20

--------------------------

“You didn't get along with her, so this shouldn't be affecting you this bad.”

(She saw how you treated me and wanted to adopt me.)

“You trust people too easy, girl.”

( I had known him for 13 years. I built that trust. )

“You put yourself in this situation.”

( I didn't ask for it.)

“I never liked him anyways, trash grew legs and took itself out.”

(I loved him for five years.)

▪▪   ·I love you, mom. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be.

---

▪▪   ·I'm at work I'll message you when I'm off. Ly2.

---

▪▪   ·I could use a call right now.

---

▪▪  ·Can't talk right now, will call tomorrow. You'll be fine for a day.

--------------------------------------------------

▪  You're my best friend. I love you. I can't take it anymore.

---------

▪   I think this is it.

--------------------------------------------------

▪▪▪  Thank you for always loving me unconditionally. You're the greatest sister anyone could ask for. I love you. You're better off without me.

--------------------------------------------------

      You came to visit me two days after i was taken into the hospital on july 20th at 9 o'clock at night.

      I was drinking an excessive amount within the matter of two hours.

     Within the last few minutes of the second hour, I saw the walls of the world around me collapsing.

This is it.

I have nothing left.

     My mind wouldn't rest. I took a xanax but it didn't help ease my mind.

     It sure couldn't mend my broken heart.

                  This was the last time.

It didn't work before.

           It has to work now.

                          So I begged, and I cried.

I prayed to a God I wasn't even sure existed.

Please take me now.

        I want to come home.

                      I think I'm ready now.

JUST TAKE ME NOW. I AM READY. PLEASE FUCKING TAKE ME. I'M READY.

      I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I made the choice to give into my thoughts and my depression. I made the choice to finalize this shit I consider living. This existence. This truly was it. This is the end.

      I let my hands trace their way to my fate. To my drawer. Opening the pill bottle. Where the palm of my hand met my lips to fill my mouth with what I knew would make everything better soon. Next thing I know, my body was lured to the bottle of vodka as it stands at the end of the bed. I wrap my fingers tight around the neck of the bottle, lips to the glass. Down the hatch and into the rabbit hole I go. I feel my body spiral. Down...down...down...down…

                      Boom

                         So bitter.

                        Yet so good.

Was this the only way i could be happy again?

I will reach the numbness I yearn to undergo.

I've heard the rumors.

Does it seem as free as they say?

            Then along came the thump.

                       ALAS~

Nothingness.

Darkness. No voices, no pain, no criticism. Just the echoes of my heart beat.

Thump.. Thump….. Thump….

After what felt like days… the darkness fades steadily. The numbness dissolves like ice through my fingertips.

               Off in the distance I hear something. A cry? A car? A siren? A siren.

I struggle to come to consciousness.

                 I find it nearly impossible.

Then out of the blue, I hear a voice.

                A voice so faint and familiar.

After some time, I can open my eyes half way as I slip back into consciousness.

My vision is hazy. I managed to come to when I hear her voice.

“Cayley, there's some people here who need you to get up and come outside. They need to check on you.”

I see the pigments from the lights spinning on their vehicles, bouncing off of the brick walls on the outside of my home, but it's all blurry.

       I struggled to stand as I stepped through my threshold to go outside.

Who needs to talk to me? About what? Why?

I look up and see two policemen and a paramedic. I begin to hyperventilate.

“Is my dad okay?”

Ma'am, we received a call stating that you may be a harm to yourself, so I ask that you don't resist help. Are you able to follow us to the back of the ambulance, ma'am?

·I haven't done anything and I'm not a harm to myself.

·For your own safety we need to make sure that's true. We can't take risks, miss.

·I'm sorry, please ma'am let go of my arm, I don't need help. GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME I AM FINE.

I hear my father talking to the police officer but couldn't make out what they were saying over dad's coworker crying and all of the sounds around me. I panicked. I heard my dad speaking once more, only this time it was directed at me.

He asked me three things.

“CAYLEY BABY WHAT’D YOU DO?”

“WHAT DID YOU TAKE?”

My hearing began to fade slowly, as I focused on the ringing gradually developing in my head. I could ever so slightly hear the walkie talkies and daddys office keys jingling in his pocket. I heard Sues charm bracelet that she loves so much.

I felt my heartbeat through my chest, as if it was trying to escape. I feel my heart rate descend,  I look up to see what was around me. Everyone was there.

I saw my father crying and shaking.

 I saw his girlfriend crying.

    I saw my father's coworker crying.

          I was embarrassed.

Yet, too weak to care.

I muttered to the medic under my breath;

“I'm ready to go. Ma'am please take me.”

I collapse, but the woman was quick to catch me. She definitely had motherly instincts. Not even 2 seconds after i collapsed, I lose consciousness.

          I woke up in the back of an ambulance. I'm being hovered by two men with papers on clipboards and the medic who stopped me from busting my ass on concrete. They're bombarding me with questions and demands.

“Your oxygen levels are low, ma'am. I need you to inhale and exhale on ten. The oxygen being distributed through the tubes in your nostrils is a bit cold. Just a fair warning. Are you physically capable of removing your tunnels, lip piercing, your engagement ring, and whatever else pierced or on your person that could be a threat to yourself of me?”

“Do I have to take off my ring?”

“Yes ma'am, unfortunately it's code. We'll put it in this bag. It will stay unbothered. Please remove your piercings.”

Shortly after I began hyperventilating because I couldn't stop crying, and boom.

All consciousness was lost.

How could I harm anyone with a ring?

She should have been patient, anyways.

~Don't rush me.~

       You asked me why I did it. It took you two days, it took my father less than 60 seconds to get to me when he saw the ambulance at the door.

       You took 48 hours to muster the pride to visit me, and when you did, you showed no emotion at all. You hugged me that day and I felt no love.

        I was barely aware of what was going on, yet I somehow sensed tension coming from your end. As if you were forcing yourself to care when deep down you knew you didn't.

I felt like I was being smothered by a well maintained, ‘JLo Glo’ scented greeting mat.

          Even when I was much younger and you would stay in and drink, you'd hug me and I felt this giant strange force field of motherly love surrounding me, if that makes any sense. There was a step by step process of your home drunk persona and it went the same way every time.. but I'll get to that in a moment.

    Anyways, I'm still thankful you showed. Even two days late. You had me slightly convinced that you actually cared.

ALMOST. I was informed of the insensitive remarks you made to my father about me.  You really had the audacity to turn around and say I was wanting everyone to be worried about CAYLEY because ‘everything has to be about CAYLEY and CAYLEY was just looking for attention'.

         Like I didn't come home from school and take two steps through the threshold only to see you crying because you got dumped. You threatened to end your life. (Because you loved this man so much. The man you are with now. 9 years later. The man you use for money. Whom you cheat on)  Me and your biological daughter took you and admitted you.

         I felt like i betrayed you, but i needed you to be alive. For...whatever reason. I guess cos y'know.. a 12 year old needs a parent. You came home and the meds they gave you calmed you down, but you liked that too much. You quickly became dependent, actually you still are. You contradict yourself too often.

         Don't you remember what I have been put through..? By you, mostly. You were and still are so hypocritical that it makes me chuckle. Sigh- anyways, I couldn't fully comprehend anything you said during our visit. I couldn't gather the energy to move nor look at you, let alone reply to your bullshit motherhood quotes.

        You left when the time was up, two weeks go by in a blur still ever so slowly, and they transfer me. People were able to reach out to me. A handful of people I love and cherish which includes my sister, my father, his girlfriend... the woman who has been more of a mother to me than you ever were.

       It didn't take much time after me being in that God forsaken inpatient facility for me to be pulled aside by a nurse in a confidential manner. My brain threw around every possible reason as to why she was doing this.

--------------------------------------------------

Am I going home?

Are they moving me again?

What did I do wrong?

--------------------------------------------------

  ~ Nothing, stop with the assumptions~

    She informed me that I had received multiple calls from a woman saying she is my mother but she couldn't pass it through because another woman, who ALSO claimed to be my parent/caregiver, had requested that this number (she was giving me )go on a restricted no contact list. She handed me a sheet of paper with with a number on it. Buttttt, it wasn't yours. So I had no idea what was going on. Who's my caregiver? Did my sister put you on the no call list? Nope. It wasn't your number and you never do wrong, so you denied having anything to do with that whole thing. I decided to call the number while the addiction groups were in the other room. I had no reason to be there so I had time to meditate, draw, socialize, or find out who was on the other end of that phone line.

It's obvious what I chose.

It took a few tries until someone finally answered. When they did I felt like an idiot. How could I not know.

You hated her because of how hard she tried to see me and my siblings. You had so many hateful things to say about her, yet no validation. It made you angrier when you told us about her then made her out to be a bad guy and we still got in touch with her. You hated that, didn't you. You hated it because the truth was going to come out if we found her.

Lady, I met my real mother when i was 11 years old. That was the day my father bought my favorite hat… a black fedora with a blue stripe inside of a purple stripe in the middle (which I still own). I was wearing this black shirt with a red graphic design on the front and back that was WAY too baggy on me and a pair of cuffed blue jeans, I do believe. It's been eight years, I have great memory but I'm not special like that.

If it weren't for daddy, my sister, and my brother... I would've never known who she was. Well, when I finally got ahold of my biological mother on the phone the day after I received the number by the nurse… she was genuinely upset. She said one thing that will stick to my brain for the rest of my life.

“I lost you once I can't lose you again”

You won't have to.

[quack-and-yellow]

A Change of Heart - Niklas Stark One Shot

This is supposed to be a drabble, but I got carried away. :))) My mind wandered to potential scenarios so I’m dreaming of a mini-series! I don’t trust myself with consistency right now though. :)))

Inspired by S2016-2017 Matchday 21 | Photo: x

Special thanks to @nosequeurlusar for the lead’s name! <3

—

I knew it was over. Somehow in the middle of the commotion on the pitch and the jeers from the stands, the final whistle blew and ended all hopes of a win for Berlin. I didn’t remember hearing it. There were two things going on in my mind that time that were much louder. One, my heart is still healthy to withstand that kind of stress (thank you). Two, I will never fall in love with a football player (no thank you). It was one thing to stand there, cry your heart out, and get on with your life as soon as you leave the stadium. It’s another thing to stand there, cry your heart out, and go home wanting to cry some more – but with the obligation to comfort your partner. And I suck at comforting anyone, myself included. Hell, I could cry for a whole week because of something like this!

Tempers were still pulsating inside the Olympiastadion from the resulting last-second draw. My friends were cursing and booing along with the fans. Down the sidelines, there was a tangle of arms and fists between both sides’ subs and staff, with officials stepping in to stop the fight.

For me, it was all a background blur that I couldn’t be bothered with. I was staring ahead on the pitch where a lone figure was hunched amid the other players halfheartedly shaking hands with anyone within reach. I turned my attention to the huge screen, which focused on him just when he lifted his head, revealing a glazed look in his eyes. My own tears threatened to fall.

Niklas Stark. His handsome features clouded by pain and disappointment. I wasn’t used to seeing him like this. I mean, I’ve seen him sad before. I’ve seen his team lose before. But he wasn't this sad. Like he wanted to cry but somehow he couldn’t. Like he was trying to stay strong.

I was used to the happy Nik. The one who always returns my smile when I see him in our building. The one who politely nods and thanks the neighbors when they greet him and wish him luck. The one who couldn’t help smirking when he caught me dancing while waiting for the elevator. I wanted to die that time from embarrassment, and it would’ve been worth it. The way his whole face lit up even when he’s trying to hide his smile. It would’ve been worth it.

I was brought back to reality by a nudge from my friend Paulo as our group fell in line for the exit. “Let’s go, Mari.”

I nodded meekly. When I looked back, Niklas was already trudging towards the tunnel.

My friends were still talking about the match during the long walk back to the parking lot. I had nothing to contribute because I couldn’t focus on a single thought. I walked a few steps ahead of them and kept silent instead. By the time we reached Paulo’s car, they switched to discussing dinner. Lucy still voted for our traditional victory dinner – quesadillas – even if the game was a draw. Omar said it’s pointless to call it “traditional” if we would eat it with just about any result, to which Paulo agreed.

“Because I’m fucking upset,” Lucy snapped, rolling her eyes. “What do you think, Mari?”

That’s when I spotted Niklas walking towards his car parked not so far away. I knew it was him because I knew his walk. And his hair. And his car. I think I could recognize him anywhere.

“Mari? What do you think?” Lucy repeated.

I looked at her, feeling a surge of anxiety. “I think you should go ahead without me. Sorry!” And then I shut the door at her puzzled face and sprinted towards Niklas.

He was typing on his phone, his face half-hidden by his scarf and hoodie. I halted when he looked up, just a few steps separating us. Panic rose inside me. I forgot why I approached him. Maybe I never had a reason in the first place. I couldn’t turn back now, unless I wanted it to become another awkward encounter between us. 

I forced a smile. “Hi… Nik…”

Niklas continued to eye me suspiciously. He also had that I’m-having-a-bad-day-please-don’t-ask-for-a-selfie look, which I totally understood. 

I live three floors below your flat, my mind screamed at him. I own Herthinho the choco lab, the one you pet on your way out of the building last week. You even laughed at his name!

Obviously, Niklas couldn’t read minds. And I knew I looked stupid – even creepy – just standing there grinning at him. I took a deep breath. “I…” I began. My mind went blank. Nothing followed. “I…”

Niklas’ eyes squinted, which scared me. He looked mean.

“I- I just want to say hi!” I said in a hurry. I waved goodbye rather enthusiastically. 

“Wait,” Niklas said, and hope sprang up from my chest. “I know you. Starboy, right?”

I wanted to die again. He even remembered the song I was dancing to while waiting for the elevator!

“Ha,” I said wryly. “It’s Mari, actually.“ Short for Mariana, but not that it matters.

He could have remembered me as the one who named her dog after his team’s mascot for god’s sakes. How many funny moments has he seen in his entire life? Not many, I guess, if my stupid dance got stuck in his mind.

Niklas leaned against his car with both hands on top of the roof. “You’re going home?”

“Yes,” I said chin up, mustering any dignity I have left. I turned to leave but couldn’t find Pau’s car among the few remaining in the parking lot. They left me. For real. No problem. I’ll take the train. I started walking towards the exit.

“Do you need a ride?” Niklas called after me. “I’m going home too.”

I hesitated at first. But what the hell. It’s not everyday that I get to ride in a sports car. Or have a footballer drive me around. I shrugged and walked back towards his car, making sure not to look too eager.

***

Niklas’ car smelled of Irish Spring, which surprised me. I was expecting leather or pine. I like the scent though. It reminded me of my childhood, when my mom used to put the bar soaps in our closets, and our bed sheets and blankets would always smell like, well, Irish Spring.

When I was sure he wasn’t looking, I ran a hand along the smooth leather seat and studied the tiny lights on the dashboard. Everything still looked and felt new. And neat. Orderly. Like Nik’s hair. His fashion style. His driving. Niklas drove carefully and never peeled his eyes from the road. I stole a quick glance at him and noticed his serious expression. His jaw unmoving. No trace of the pain or disappointment from the game. I opened my mouth to speak, badly wanting to lash out. But another glance at him told me it’s not a good idea.

I shifted in my seat and looked at the window beside me. Berlin was starting to light up. I wonder where my friends decided to eat, if Lucy got to eat her victory quesadillas after all. I would have to explain in our WhatsApp group later.

Another stolen glance at Niklas, because I don’t know when I would get to see him this close again.

“If you look at me again, I will start to think you’re planning something bad,” Niklas said. His eyes were still on the road, but a smirk tugged the corner of his lips upward.

I slid lower on my seat, burying my blushing face in my scarf. Thank god it was dark. But just as quick, I sat right up and faced him. “I’m not planning anything,” I retorted. And before I could help it, I blurted out, “I’m just wondering why you’re not saying anything about the game.”

Nik’s expression didn’t change. He didn’t even bother looking at me. Or answering me for that matter. 

“You could scream and curse, you know. You could cry and I would understand because it’s so unfair,” I pressed. “I would’ve done the same.” Tears began to sting my eyes when I remembered their resigned looks. His, most of all.

Niklas kept driving. I leaned back on my seat with an exasperated sigh. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” I muttered in a last ditch effort to save face.

We drove in silence until we reached the parking lot of the residential building. I avoided his gaze as I waited for him to get his bags from the backseat, and even as we walked towards the elevator. I didn’t want to be rude by ditching him right then and there. He drove me home after all.

It was only the two of us in the elevator, and Niklas pressed his floor and, to my surprise, mine. He knew mine. I mumbled my thanks, and then we’re back to not talking again. In my mind, I was counting the times we shared the same elevator for him to remember my floor. When it dinged on my floor, I reluctantly glanced at him to say thank you and goodbye, but he walked past me and stepped out. The door almost shut at my face because I was still standing inside just gaping at him. I skipped out hurriedly. Nik would still not meet my eyes as I started walking to my flat. What the hell is wrong with him? Did I offend him that much? I was only trying to comfort him!

I walked ahead and stopped at my door. When I turned to face Niklas, he was already looking at me solemnly.

“I didn’t want to cry or get mad about the result because it’s not worth it. It’s already over,” he said quietly. “I have to learn to move on fast. Otherwise, football isn’t for me.”

I saw you collapse on your knees and almost cry after the game, I thought. Why hide it now?

I bit my lip and looked down instead. I didn’t understand what’s stopping him from crying or expressing his emotions. But it was useless to argue, not to mention rude. I wasn’t the one who worked my ass out on the pitch anyway. I wasn’t the one being blamed or criticized.

Niklas rummaged through his bag and fished out a jersey. “Here,” he said, handing it to me. “Don’t worry, it’s clean.”

I looked down at the jersey I was wearing – his jersey from the season he joined Hertha. “Thanks,” I said, forcing a smile.

Niklas nodded and started walking back to the elevator.

“Hey, Nik,” I called after him. He turned to face me. “If you ever want to cry or scream, just let me know. Not that I’m hoping for it, because it means a loss…" God I was babbling. “But I can do it with you!”

I said the last sentence with such determination, it made him smile.

“Thanks,” he said as he got inside the elevator.

When he was finally gone, I looked at the jersey in my hand. I closed my eyes as the soft fabric touched my flushed cheeks, its scent filling my nostrils. I can feel the quick, steady flutter of my heart.

I said I will never fall in love with a football player. I’m afraid I just did.