#tfw you spend your life carrying a grief with you that is impossible to define

[downtilts]

kyle and johnny during their ig live talking about “oh here’s an interesting question, does randy miss benson?” “oh that’s tricky, that’s such a tricky question” well i think randy is 24 and graduating with his associates degree from a local community college and he sees someone wearing yellow out of the corner of his eye and for a second he thinks its benson here to congratulate him to touch his neck and say good job kid and then randy catches himself because benson’s been dead for three years now, but it’s the third time this week he could’ve sworn he saw him. and i think randy is 27 and he’s out on a first date with a guy getting brunch and his date orders the western omelette and randy says excuse me and goes to the bathroom and cries and cries and texts his date saying im sorry but im not feeling well i have to go home. and i think randy is 31 and looking through some old things he left at his mom’s house and he finds benson’s Jacket in a box and he pretends to be surprised like oh i forgot this was here but he knew it was there, he put it way in the back on purpose, out of sight out of mind, but he still thinks about it every day, still wants to put it on every day, is so sad it doesn’t smell like cigarettes anymore