#tfw when both your muses have terrible awful ideas of what they should do when they turn 18

[lovelornings]

Relationship with Fire / Plans for the End

Heavy Content Warning for Suicidal Ideation and Torture

Yumi has a bad habit of listening to those tapes her mother left behind. It’s not something done out of curiosity or pleasure. It’s a misplaced sense of guilt for what was done to them, and the self-inflicted punishment of bearing witness to the suffering they went through. 

So many sounds are left to the terrifying realms of her imagination, when she can only distinguish a telltale few from the others. The crackle of electricity, a blunt object striking, the cracking of bone. It’s hard to make out any details when desperate shrieks for mercy and broken sobbing seem to drown everything else out. 

Despite this, Yumi knows how it is that Ai choses to end things. When the girls lose their voices, their will to respond to anything done to them - her mother  leaves the ultimate terror for the killing blow. She can always hear the distinct sound of something being poured out of a container, the strike of a match, and then those terrible, gargling screams of someone already half dead. Like a dying animal or a wailing monster. 

  Yumi feels that ending her life in this way - through the process of self immolation - is the most appropriate end to her own life. Not just her own life, but to bring down the entire house with her as well- erasing all evidence of the hellish prison with her. On the night of her 18th birthday, she plans to lead a trail of gasoline across the first and second  floors of her house, and down into the basement.

She believes she owes the victims something - that maybe their spirits can gain some peace and satisfaction out of watching her endure just a fraction of the pain they had to go through. 

For now, Misato is the biggest hinderance to this plan - the only element that makes her consider executing it in four year’s time. That necklace of the poison bottle around her always reminds Yumi of the threat the other girl made to her:

“You want to protect me? Live. I’ll only give up if you do.”