#tfw i can't remember the last time i truly felt like a person

[yuyu-bubu]

autism sad feed it void

[verobatto]

Almost "I love you"

Destiel meta. Visual Narrative Meta. 15x09 meta. The trap.

Okay, we didn't have much visual elements in this episode, I infer because it was directed by Singer, but because now I'm counting with my talented friend's gifsets, thank you @agusvedder ! I'm able to write more about these two in love.

If you want to read my previous metas From this episode, here is the first Destiel meta and here the TFW meta.

Visual Narrative

I just will point here a couple of things. One I already said it in my first meta. Let's see...

Mourning! Dean like a widow.

Inside Sam's visions of the future, we had a jump into the 2021, Dean was mourning Castiel, as my friend @mrsaquaman187 marked us in our discussion, his facial expression and voice tone was just like that time in episode 13x03 when he was yelling to Sam about Cas being dead. And if you pay attention to his wardrobe, he had a black plaid and his usual black t-shirt. Just like a widow. Giving the visual context to his pain.

Destiel colors

Agus pointed me this scene...

Dean with blue sky and Cas with green. A beautiful Destiel scenario.

But now, the most meaningful scene were Eileen and Sam, again, mirroring Destiel (remember I mentioned they are the guide for the steps Destiel will follow?) Well, now they were recalling the WE ARE scene, dressed with Destiel colors...

And we even had a kiss there!!!

Castiel will be the one avoiding Dean's love confession

And this is a huge spec my husband has since season 14, and I didn't want to believe, but last night's episode gave me clues to admit... Maybe he's right... (But don't tell him 🤣).

My husband said Castiel will reject Dean's love confession, or avoid it. Because his deal with the Empty.

Obviously, the sauce on this dish is Dean won't know about that deal till Cas maybe will be taken by him? IDK, but, yeah, that's a very angsty sauce.

But let's check why I think Dean is ready to say the L word to Cas ...

First...

My first sensation he was about to say it was in the prayer (I know there's a lot of people than hears an drowning I love you in the middle of a gasp, but I will say, I really truly believe Dean's I Love You to Cas will be loud, and meaningful, and it will be face to face. Because is the most important thing for him and Cas. So... I can say too maybe they filmed that on purpose that way, so we could be like crazy persons asking each other did he said it?? As we are now, and each time I hear it it seems like if he was saying it... But really, for me, it looked more like... He almost said it.

The prayer began with a very desperate Dean, he was maybe imagining that Castiel could be dead. The despair in his face was immense. He couldn't lost his angel again!

Realization in Purgatory for Dean : Castiel is everything to him.

So... Before asking for forgiveness, Dean kneeled. If praying was like begging to him, then, he will beg to the love of his life, for forgiveness. He cried. Honesty all over, and I truly thought he will say the L word, because I felt he was ready.

The second time I thought he will do it was in this scene...

When Cas was talking how he escaped and got the blossom, Dean made this face... This is a face of someone about to jump to the pull. Anxiety, heart eyes, and tryin to encourage himself to do it. Do what? A love confession.

He repeated two times YOU DID IT, CAS. And after that, he goes for it...

Here... What was Dean about to say? I'm sorry again??? I don't think so, he had let that very clear in his prayer, and he knows Cas heard him, because he always hears his prayers... Then? What was he about to say?? Adding the previous face we already analyzed... First the jumping into the pull face, going through some heart eyes session, now is time... For the love confession... But.. Cas avoided it...

Cas thought Dean wanted to say I'm sorry again? No. I truly believe Cas knows what was Dean about to say.. because look...

Dean looks disappointed... Almost hurted.. Cas picked that, and blinks nervously. Yes. He knew what Dean was about to say. But he can't hear it. He can't allow himself to be happy and being dragged by the Empty. Not yet. The mission goes first.

Dean is like Ok, ok... You don't want to hear it? Okay... And he swallowed his very words.

And Cas face is suing I'm sorry, here... Damn... This scene was... So angsty, look how Dean lowered his face! Is this a fic? Someone in this fandom wrote this, come on Berens!

Dean is dad now. Maybe the doubts? Maybe more fears? I don't know. But what I do know is, DEAN IS READY AND DETERMINATED TO SAY I LOVE YOU, AND HE WILL. BUT THIS TIME CASTIEL IS THE ONE AVOIDING IT, BECAUSE HE CAN'T ALLOW HIMSELF TO BE HAPPY.

Miscellaneous Observation:

Talking about Profound Bond, as I did in my first meta (the YOU MADE IT, to Dean was an indicative of Dean finding Castiel through their connection), I will add something I noticed... When they were about to leave Purgatory, Castiel pointed with his head to his left, we presume is the direction to the rift and the exit, but at the beginning of the scene, we saw Dean walking straight, and not to that direction, yes, he was searching for Castiel and the profound bond and his huge longing for his angel, lead him to Cas.

To Conclude

I could talk about this episode the whole day, but basically, Purgatory did what he did before, he gave Dean the certain, the acknowledgement of what was pure in his heart, what he really wants: and like he did in season 8, he wanted his angel back.

Dean is ready to confess his feelings to Cas for all the reasons I gave here and many more in my first meta: He realized he can't live without Castiel, he realized he loves him deeply, and he can't lose him again.

Now that he knows and he wants to confess his love for the angel, is Cas who can't allow it. Because they have a mission and a love confession from Dean would mean the happiness for him, and he just can't let the Empty to take him, he is afraid and he is focused on the mission.

So yes, my husband was right, it looks like...

Thanks for reading! See you around! And you can ask me anything! My inbox is open!

Kisses!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @liwos-rabithole @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @breathing-oxymoron @a-bit-of-influence

@dwstiel

Buenos Aires January 17th 2020 4:00PM