#tf2 dadton hale au

[bitchapalooza]

And so what if I brought back the Dadton Hale au because of this page huh?

[sunnixsunshine]

AU where Saxton Hale dates and then marries Scout's Ma, making him Scout's stepdad. He's made him the Mann Co. heir apparently because "if I make him the sole inheritor maybe he'll start growing some proper muscles!"

Meanwhile Spy is off to the sidelines wondering what his ex sees in him. He's constantly asking Scout what he's like without giving away that he's his REAL dad. Scout was like 14 when Hale became his stepdad. And Scout thinks Hale is absolutely embarrassing. Hale is constantly trying to connect with his wife's boys, especially Scout since he was the one most against the marriage. He fucking takes Scout to the jungle to wrestle jaguars and Scout does not like it one bit.

The very first day of work went like....

Sniper: Hey you're Saxton Hale's boy, ain't ya?

Scout: No. Don't know the guy.

Sniper: No yeah! You are! I've seen ya in the news reports and such! Your Jeremy Hale!

Scout: My name is Jeremy Baker. I don't know a Saxton Hale. Is it some kind of sunscreen brand?

Saxton Hale: JEREMY! YOU FORGOT YOUR TEDDY YETTI AT HOME! I'VE TAKEN THE FAMILY PLANE TO DELIVER IT! YA MUM SAYS 'HI' AND SHE LOVES YOU BY THE WAY! I'M JUMPING OUT WITHOUT A PARACHUTE NOW!

Scout: Oh my god dad you are SO embarrassing!

[bitchapalooza]

Mugs I think the boys would get Saxton in the Dadton Hale au

[bitchapalooza]

Fuck it. Poly Saxton. He's got two hands. One for Ma. The other for Bidwell.

[bitchapalooza]

Actually fuck it here it is uuuuuh

Saxton just gave Scout his job hoping it would toughen him up and get him further prepared to take over Mann co.— and also because Scout had been fired from 3 different grocery stores within 8 months, one reason for firing was because he punched a guy, for which Saxton praised him for.

And he does pretty frequent check ins on him too, seeing as he has the luxury to not only call in, but also fly in whenever he wants, or at least he does so within the first couple years Scout's employed at RED. He says its because Susan, his Ma, is worried about him. But in reality, Saxton just misses him! He'd never thought he'd have a son much less a step son. He didnt think he would be a father at all. Yet he's got 8 of them now, and Scout's one of the boys he got to see note of because he's the baby. He got to watch the kid grow up before his very eyes and it was a wonderful experience. In the 13 years he's known Scout and his brothers, Saxton's really come to love being a dad. Especially teaching them how to wrestle a yeti, he enjoys those bonding moments.

[sunnixsunshine]

Sniper: Wait so you're due to take over the company after Hale either retires— unlikely given his nature— or dies— likely because he's fucking Saxton Hale.

Scout: Well.... Yeah.

Engineer: No offense but you don't seem smart enough to run a company.

Scout: Neither is my dad but here we are. Bidwell pretty much runs the company at this point. The only cool thing I'm looking forward to is the grill-desk. Oh and Bidwell. He's apart of my inheritance.

[sunnixsunshine]

Things Saxton Hale does as a dad

• Dad jokes both on accident and purpose

• Father-son fishing trips in a crocodile infested pond

• 100% knows Spy is Scout's real dad and 100% flaunts his role as Scout's father around just to piss him off

• They have some kind of unspoken dad rivalry with each other

• Its... Very intense sometimes....

• Has #1 dad hats because shirts are overrated

• Teaches Scout life lessons

• Like don't taunt the kangaroos when they're already visibly pissed

• Or don't make a bet with your pilot that you can go without a hat and sunscreen on the hottest day of the year

• "Hydrate kids. Don't die for a couple candy bars like Jerry did. Poor bloke made me have to save him and now look at me. In hospital hooked to these machines. Damn you, Jerry. Damn you."

• "I.... Okay. Yes sir. Damn me."

• And don't break into Charles Darling's house through the front door while he's clearly in the foyer

• Smash through his bedroom window instead

• And ESPECIALLY don't punch the hippies in the middle of a press conference

• Tries very hard to get along with his hippie stepson for his wife's sake

• "So uh.... Guns, amiright?"

• "I'm against those."

• "Oh right. How about tiedye and... Cults? You guys have cults right?— hey! Where are you going? I'm really trying here! What if I took this 'hippies off limits' sign down? Malcolm? Was that finger a sign that you'll be back in a minute? Son? ...He'll be back. I know it."

• Constantly calls the base to let Scout know he accidentally sent a box of explosives and NOT his mom's homemade cookies

• Tries to give the boys a quarter of a thousand dollars for their birthdays but Bidwell keeps saying "don't give away money, sir. We're still in debt with NASA. Finally pay them then you can spoil your children."

• Camping trips to hunt down Bigfoot and other creatures to fight them

• Makes his sons film his fights if Bidwell gets knocked out by chance

• Used to do PTA meetings and threaten to throw hands with Debra

• Tries to get Tom Jones for Scout's birthdays every year but recently he seems to of died

• Doesn't believe Tom Jones is dead so he keeps contacting his agents

• He wont fucking back down someone stop him

• Plays favorites

• Scout

• Scout is his favorite obviously

• Tries to make at least one of his step sons interested in what he's interested in

• Why doesn't any of them like to jump out of a plane without a parachute or any guarantee of living?

• Are they not adrenaline junkies too!? All Hale men are adrenaline junkies dammit!

• They may not be Hale men by DNA but goddammit he can't have biological children after the beluga whale incident! These boys were best he's ever gonna get!

• Learned baseball for the boys

• He's horrible at it but he tries

• In turn he tought them rugby and cricket— Hale edition

• He still apologizes for the cheeta bite Richie got during their game of rugby

• Loves his family more than punching hippies or wrestling jaguars

[sunnixsunshine]

Scout: Ugh! My dad is so lame!

Medic: How in the world is your father "lame"? He's literally the third richest man in America.

Scout: You only know half his personality! At home he calls me "Jerry" and gives me yeti nuggie tips! He's so lame that he's forgotten he made all the yeties extinct!

Medic: I think you and I have an entirely different idea of "lame"....

[bitchapalooza]

I LOVE DADTON HALE ITS SO ENTERTAINING DO YOU HAVE ANY HCS

OMG HI THANK YOU, ITS LIKE MY FAV SILLY AU OF MINE! AND YEAH, I DO!

So like. Saxton KNOWS Spy is Scout's biological father. And he makes it a point to call Scout son right in front of him, mentioning nostalgic stories of things Spy missed out on— just overall being so fucking petty. And it all goes over Scout's head because Saxton is a "gigantic weirdo" anyway. Spy doesn't show it, but he does hate it. He isn't the type to get easily jealous but boy does the switch flip when Saxton is basically bragging about having the honor of being his father, for being there for Scout's detrimental teenage years.

Saxton has a scheduled annual family hike that he has to bribe many of the boys into going on, but strangely enough, Scout is 100% on board to begin with. In fact, Scout looks forward to it. I mean, it is usually in an area infested with things that wanna kill them, but it is pretty and relaxing when those things aren't around. Saxton usually takes care of them quickly anyway. He carries Ma on his back because she's a queen :)

The amount of times the boys have walked in on Saxton talking to his beloved grill-desk even DIRTY TALKING about how he's going to make such sexy steaks of all kinds on it is.......... Traumatizing to say the least.

Socks and sandles and hawaiian shorts. Boy does he enjoy their eye searing suffering on family vacation. He's comfy AND putting the boys through hell! A win-win!

For the second youngest's, Terry, birthday, Saxton bought him a fucking rhino because its his favorite animal. He appreciates the sentiment, but what the fuck is up with rich people, he just wanted some baseball cards and a new bike—

Spy tried telling Scout who he really was and Saxton threatened him! No way in fucking hell was he about to ruin the good mood his son has been in for so long, no longer that hung up on not knowing his biological father and all that. Still obsessed with Tom Jones, but eh, not that big of a problem. Its whatever.

The two oldest, Richie and Roger, were so weary over Saxton at first. No way was the most important man in all of Australia actually in love with their mother— NOTHING against her, its just. Its Saxton fucking Hale! How did he even meet their Ma! Until the engagement, they really fully believed Saxton was just out for something. But over time, Saxton earned their trust. He's annoyingly overzealous, but he has their trust.

In the events of the comic, I like to think Scout was less obsessed with Tom Jones, but still just enough for Spy to disguise himself as him, telling him he's his dad. But in the heaven scene, I feel like he would actually stop mid sentence and finally stop believing his own delusion. The things Saxton has done for him and his family just sinks in and he starts to appreciate it more. But god is like "i brought you down there for the ladies, what the fuck is this sappy crap!" but Scout pays no mind. He wants to go back so he can tell Saxton thank you. But not immediately. Maybe on his deathbed. He isnt admitting shit unless he absolutely needs to lmao.

All in all, Saxton is so happy to be a father. He didn't know he would be, but he's so thankful he is. He tries his best to show his appreciation as much as possible, even if the boys, and Ma, say its over the top. He means well.