#texting; what i can't say to your face
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together
#The question about what makes a person themselves is super interesting#Is it the memories? Is it personality? Is it body? Is it resemblance? What about narrative reiteration?#Bronya is not Silver Wolf but they're both HI3 Bronya but also they're not#Is March the same person she once was? What about the Trailblazer? Welt looks at Himeko and Silver Wolf and feels like drowning#but he is looking at nothing other than something eerily recognisable#Vidyadhara are reborn anew as if washed clean but Dan Heng's process was skewed. What does it mean to Dan Heng?#He has the body he has the moves he has the stern haughty air he has muddy memories he can't quite recall but something stays#Is he or is he not the same? Where does one end and the other start? Where do they overlap?#Does how others regard him influence whether he is or isn't Dan Feng?#Does the memories of others weight more than your own memories and will?#What does constitute a person? How is selfhood constructed? What are the ontological implications of all this?#If you respond to these questions one way in one context when it comes to one character‚ can you confidently reply the same thing#in a different context for a different character? If not‚ why? What does it say?#It's not a straight up answer. The question is what's interesting and it's what makes Dan Heng's story interesting#Seeing it dogmatically negated mainly for the purpose of a ship annoys me a lot#It is a constant in HSR but it's even more clear after playing HI3. This problematic about what constitute identify and selfhood#and whether or not they're the same thing is a constant there too. With Kiana‚ with Otto‚ with Kevin‚ with Fu Hua‚ with the simulations#of the Flame Chasers most notably with Mobius but in general with the continuation of their goals and feelings‚ Klein as human and as ELF‚#the iteration of consciences of the Herrschers‚ the puppets of the Herrscher of Domination‚ the influence of the Herrscher of Corruption‚#the many times characters are found in different universes being slightly different yet recognisable‚ the amount of times characters seem#to reiterate existences in different eras‚ echoing past selves with past faces yet different‚...#And usually it's not easy to respond to all of them with the same answer‚ which only opens more questions. It's extremely interesting#and it's obviously a topic Honkai as a game cares about a lot. But no. Nothing matters. Dan Heng *is* Dan Feng yes or yes no questions asked#No problematic. No questioning. No doubts. All usually because of a ship. That the drive. I don't know... I'm all for shipping#but I quite dislike when shipping gets so out of hand it crushes and brushes off good writing or core motifs in a text. It's... shabby#And it saddens me haha. Why do you even care about these characters and their dynamic if you're erasing core traits of them as characters?#Abfkabdkkd anyway...#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#But I had to vent a little. It annoys me a lot this kind of approach to analysis what can I say
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Chapter 61 - The Worst Combo
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#OKAY I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW#THAT THE TEXT THAT'S BEEN EDITED OUT#SAYS#''stop yelling for once!! this is why we can never actually talk!!''#IZUKU. 3 PANELS AGO HE PUNCHED YOU SO HARD YOUR NOSE BLED AND YOU HIT THE FLOOR#WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIM YELLING IS THE ONLY REASON YOU TWO CAN NEVER ACTUALLY TALK#DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. TO THE CLASS. ABOUT BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE.#IS THAT NOT??? A REASON???#IZUKU LOOK AT ME. IZUKU.#MY SON. WHAT.#IZUKU MY SWEET SWEET BOY. IS YELLING REALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU TWO CAN'T TALK?? IS GETTING PUNCHED NOT AN ISSUE TO YOU#IZUKU#IZUKU.#*gets punched* ''lol! anyway.''#*gets yelled at* ''LOWER YOUR VOICE THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T TALK''
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not to be a hater on main but i just stumbled on a tik tok claiming that tsh both takes itself too seriously and could use more absurd comedy and it nearly made me punch a wall
#my quest to find agreeable creators on booktok and booktube leaves me v frustrated sometimes#!!! i accept no criticism of this book#but even without stan goggles on how can say with your entire chest that tsh takes itself too seriously#when it literally makes fun of 'dark academia' types TO YOUR FACE#which is ironic for the book that spawned the entire genre#it's a comedy of manners at the very least#'this book that contains copious amounts of absurdly comedic situations and makes fun of pretentious twits obsessed with aesthetics#could use more absurd comedy and is not satirical enough'#recognising those basic building blocks of the text does NOT even mean to have to like it??#i hate to be bringing the Reading Comprehension debate again but good lord. and this person claims to have a phd in literature too 🤦♀️#i am so over this pretense at criticism that basically boils down to 'i didn't like this thing so i can't be seen to admit it executes#anything well. so instead i'm going to pretend basic obvious techniques in the text don't exist and peddle it as groundbreaking critique'#stuff like recognising basic genre. what happened to that.#i don't like The Hangover either but it would be very strange to call it anything other than a comedy#the secret history#donna tartt#again you don't even have to like the book!!!#I'M SORRY BUT IT MADE ME WANT TO RANT SO BAD#livresque#booktok and booktube are satan's garden
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.
#nope this guy can't be real#(i've met him so i know he is)#but fuck#i think i found my real life book boyfriend fkskfks#(no labels yet i'm just saying he's acting like a book boyfriend lmfao)#like OOF the smile on my face when i get a message from him 🫠 embarrassING#like other people see it too#i told my mom that i met someone i really like and she was like oh yeah i've noticed you've been smiling a lot more at your phone#and my best friend told me the same thing#like excuse me??? am i really that obvious?? i need to kms#he just told me he misses me i'm-#me?? you miss me??? are you sure you mean me#i don't know what's happening i've never been here before but my heart goes woosh when i think about him#the things he texted me last night?? yeah i need 2-3 business days to recover from that#send help i'm overwhelmed dkgkskf
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Actually the funniest example of Megatron apologism (neutral) I've seen is when people call it biased and rigged for Optimus to be the judge for Megatron's trial, but have nothing to say about the fact that Optimus let Megatron on the Lost Light AS CO-CAPTAIN which is ALSO incredibly rigged and biased and no one wanted it and Optimus barely had the authority to even do that.
It just seems like a case where people will always take the angle/interpretation that favors Megatron as a victim of Autobot eeeevillll, so they harp on how unfair it was for Megatron to be put on trial, but completely skirt over exactly how and why Megatron even got to serve parole/not rot in prison in the first place. I guess because it would disrupt the ever-present fan wank about how actually Megatron is being victimized for being put on trial and those Autobots are "just as bad" (lmao).
#squiggposting#i hate it too like#bc i DO see and agree with their takes to a point. about how the autobots arent all good#but their evidence is often cherrypicked and taken out of context. angled in the most biased way possible#it's like. bro i could've maybe agreed with you but your argument/evidence kind of sucks#you could make that argument much more compelling if you turned down the impulse to go cons good bots bad#also ppl seem to not understand that a character claiming something doesnt mean it's true#whether theyre deliberately lying or having a knee jerk reaction or not privy to key information#it's just. characters like megatron and prowl are literally known for being skilled with words/propaganda#or for being manipulative as fuck#you can't take things at face value that are spoken by notorious liars/manipulators/propagandists#especially ones like M and P who sre incredibly self righteous with no self awarenezs#but like back to the text of the post...what i mean is like#ppl will use OP putting M on trial as the judge as an example of his bias and M being victimized#but when an example of OP being biased in FAVOR of M comes up they barely give it credence#they only present the evidence that presents OP as some conniving evil bastard and M as a poor victim#in this context ppl need the evil autobots narrative so they only bring up the stuff that makes OP look bad and unsympathetic#do i need to pull out the mtmte receipts of M saying that being compared to OP is a compliment#or him saying that when OP hurts others he hurts himself
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at my big age, i really try not to argue on the internet anymore because it's so rare that anyone is interested in hearing your point of view or having a conversation. it's usually the case that someone just wants to keep asserting theirs over yours again and again. so like, i know better.
and yet i feel this unrelenting need to clarify why certain remarks about lewis this past weekend upset me bc they're not the ones i see most people discussing.
the implication that lewis has always simply been handed the best vehicle, throughout his entire 30-year motorsports career, and that he's not actually talented and he's never had to fight for anything is an insidious and racist but infuriatingly pervasive narrative that i am allowed to be upset about when i see it being reinforced.
reinforced by quips such as "try racing in 19th and 20th. he's never done that in his life. so that's the only thing that lewis hasn't done in formula 1."
if your entire personality is "little bitch" then that's fine. and people can like you for being a little bitch. it's not the type of person i like but it sure seems entertaining for some. regardless of personality, i'm not here to debate one's value as a person or a driver. what i really care about is when you're a little bitch who is also wrong and lying. i can ignore one or the other but not both together. you can't be a bitch and tell a lie and then be shocked when it upsets people.
especially a subset of people who constantly have to deal with such revisionist history as this from, oh, i don't know, a majority of the entire sport's industry.
especially when if it were vice versa y'all would be crucifying whoever spoke a lie about your driver. never mind if they did it with a little spice. we'd all never hear the end of it.
i haven't read all the defense discourse bc who has the time but honestly it's weird and creepy to me that so many of y'all are looking down your noses at people for reacting to this. if the drama is as foundational to the sport as you say it is, and if it's as entertaining to you as you say it is, then shouldn't you just be slurping all this reaction right up alongside your tea? or wait, it's only entertaining sports when it's not against your driver? ope. be serious.
#you're all strange.#i can't even say what i really want to say about all the condescending attitudes i've seen that's a separate post#no i'm not posting anons about this#if you're so fucking tough say it to me with your face#f1#text post
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This Blog is Anti-AI
I know I have very few followers, but as more of you become aware of new setting allowing AI to scrape art from blogs and reblogs, I want to make my stance on the issue extremely clear: If I wanted to feed an artificial intelligence algorithm my art, I would have done so myself. Until the AI is fully removed from Tumblr, I will not be hosting my art here. Until the AI is fully removed from Tumblr, I will not be using the site or the app. Until the AI is removed from Tumblr, this is not a safe place for me to exist or express my ideas. I'm sorry if this inconveniences you. I genuinely appreciate all the follows and reblogs y'all have blessed me with. I still have art available on my Patreon, Ko-Fi, Discord, and Twitch. You can find those sites in my pinned post and you can follow my Patreon for free. I'll be restructuring my Patreon in March to allow people to access my SFW art for free, so if that's an option y'all are interested in, feel free to drop a follow there. This is a topic I feel very seriously about. I always said that I wouldn't leave Tumblr no matter how bad things got, but I guess I'm eating my words now. To me, the ability to create art is a quantifiable aspect of the human soul and to have it stripped down and sold for corporate use like this (specifically: without the consent of the artist for data mining and ai training) is indescribably vile.
I think that AI can be used ethically, but this? This ain't it, chief.
#my own art#text post#open ai#artificial intelligence#tumblr news#artists on tumblr#ai art#this whole thing makes me sick tbh#i can't make support myself with my art but open ai wants to come in and train their ai on my art? fuck that#fuck open ai#fuck ai scraping#why the hell would i allow someone to train their ai on my art when i can't feed myself on it?#and they don't just use it for one illustration either#they use your identity your art style in that ai forever#what made you unique you special belongs to them now#they're like face stealer koh from atla#out there stealing faces and saying “why are you so mad we stole your face?”#“all we did was steal your face and then commit a heinous crime in your name? why are you mad you're in jail now?”#who would allow that to happen? would you? let me steal your identity and use your money for a bit then answer again#it's the same
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my mother is batshit insaneeeeeeeeeeee
#your self importance in your son's life is crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyt#her telling me all day that 'IF your dad can't go down there i MIGHT have to go down'#(cause my brother needs a babysitter he also lmao LIVES IN TEXAS) but now she's telling me#that she's mad at my dad because he just started looking into booking flights#and is intending to be the one to go down when she KNOWS that she's my#brothers first choice and that she was always planning to be the one to go and drive down#AND SO SHE CALLS MY BROTHER TO COMPLAIN THAT MY DAD JUST SWOOPED IN WHEN SHE LITERALLY WAS SAYING SHIT LIKE 'i might ONLY IF your cant' TO#ME LIKE WHAT A FUCKING INSANE PERSON#and when she got off the phone she looked at me and said 'i think he's annoyed because your dad was his second choice' like babe#i think he just wants his child taken care of without his soon to be ex wife throwing in his face that he found a stranger to babysit#get OVER yourself! please!#eris: text#[redacted]
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One of the things I really appreciate about Dungeon Meshi is how the text is so clearly full of love for animals. Like the true kind of love Laios feels for the monster where he wants to know everything about them, but most of all he respects them and loves them as animals.
One of the chapters I can't stop thinking about is the one about Anne the Kelpie. It's kind of impressive how well it illustrates the different kind of love people have for animals. And how someone that loves an animal isn't necessarily an animal lover. If that makes sense.
When Senshi calls out Anne what he says is "Don't worry Anne's Harmless" but she isn't, she's a wild animal.
Marcille immediately reacts positively about it thinking it's cute she accepts the treat Senshi has for her. And hers and Chilchuck's reaction to Senshi wanting to cross the river on her back is more surprise while Laios immediately realizes how bad of an idea it is.
But Laios is the animal monster lover so how come when he finally is faced with a "docile" monster he doesn't react positively like the others? Marcille even calls him a monster. That's because Laios loves monsters, and Senshi loves Anne.
I've seen this attitude around me several times, where people love a specific animal but what they love is their idea of that animal, they don't really know them because they don't love the animal part of them.
It becomes a "this one is special because I love them" that can quickly become an issue for the animal as much as it is for the person. It's something unfortunate I see time and time again irl.
Anne wasn't wicked, Anne wasn't mean, Anne didn't trick him. Anne was a wild animal and Senshi loved her as Anne but not as a kelpie.
She acted on instinct, maybe she did love Senshi in the way kelpies can love, but animals are still animals and must be respected and treated as such. Climbing on top of Anne's back was the equivalent of putting your arm inside a alligator's mouth, the mouth is gonna close because that's what they're designed to do.
The real life equivalent I see the most of "I love this animal but I don't love the animal part of them" is with dogs. If you insist on loving an animal without acknowledging they ARE an animal they might hurt you, you might hurt them, it will only end in grief.
The best way you can love an animal is by understanding they're an animal.
That is all to say I don't mean that the love Senshi felt for Anne wasn't real or that it's all his fault. He couldn't have known with the information he had and unfortunately it came down to the worst outcome.
I just love dungeon meshi dearly.
#I think about this chapter so often#dungeon meshi#anne#anne the kelpie#anne dungeon meshi#Laios Touden#Senshi#Senshi of izganda#dunmeshi thoughts#Laios acknowledging he doesn't know how monsters think is also so chef's kiss#so good!!#tw animal death
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i miss You already
#🕸️#I'd like this to just be temporary so I'm putting it here. (ghost train!) a slight reset ig maybe. I just can't keep spilling my heart out#w.o the ability to move forward w it. I'm sure you understand by experiencing the rollercoaster yourself. I can't do this every weekend#I'm already in a perpetual cycle of burn out due to my everything#not that that needs explaining#I already miss voice messages. I hope we get those back w a movie night soon :/ idk how tf I would tho cuz. it's You. 😫#please don't take me as cold as work now I'm just gonna be struggling w the shift of us and how to keep myself together..#you should text me and remind me what your favorite candies are so I can bring you some chocolate for your heart..#hard to say all that like I'm assuming we're in the same sad sap boat together but fk it at this point I guess#I'm assuming you understand what I meant by saying I didn't think we were using that thing the same way. hopefully cuz#one day I hope to actually say it to you face to face once we've figured all this out. ideally. a heart can hope.. despite 😫💔#you still have to find a place for me to leave you things. text me that when you tell me about your fav candies again? today? please? :/#i/Y#😭#🙄
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it should be studied the way i immediately start crying after masturbating like girl where is the serotonin i was promised
#i just. the memories won't stop one after the other like a messy movie#all that talk about sex and love and a future together#all that teasing at night like oh think of me when you do it#and actually thinking of her for a whole year. how do i just forget#and the teasing the joking about who would play what role but both of us knowing exactly what would happen#but it was fun to tease#and the quiz the teasing referencing the quiz to make a point#and sometimes the honest convos truly vulnerable ones no teasing pure love and want#and sending clips on pinterest and them saying one day#and just. the full comfort and safety. and imagining your whole life with someone and suddenly you have to think aboit other people becaus#well they're gone. and they always said don't have hopes for the future i can't promise and i didn't listen#i think ive moved on but really i don't think i have just have gotten good at suppressing distracting#it's been. a little over a month and still it feels like everything is falling apart my house of dreams and hopes is falling apart around#me slowly and im just sitting in the floor crying#i shouldn't have listened to that gracie song i just. i saw her story and i thought she was going to release it and idk wanted to listen#one last time the youtube live version#ab aise lag raha ki back to square one#i keep having these thoughts involuntarily i don't know how to mske them stop#i remember few weeks ago i was hanging out with my bestie and i miss you im sorry started playing on shuffle from her playlist#and i was like fuck this song she told me about it we loved it gracie was like our artist#and i was like ok ill be brave and listen to it i have to one day na she's one of my fave artists#but we hadn't even reached the chorus and my bestie was like no and changed it immediately she must've seen something on my face#cause a hundred memories flashed before my eyes in those 10 something seconds#can u believe. having so many memories with someone you just text. what the fuck man i can't even remember my syllabus they should fade#okay goodnight
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Warning: Long Post No one reads long texts anymore, but despite everything I've been through with my country, my family, and recently my son, I need to get this off my chest. It's completely unbelievable to me that so many people still don't understand the background of the genocide in Palestine. What kind of journalists or influencers do we have today? Are they too afraid to report and remind their audiences about the real story behind what's happening now? No, it's not just one year of suffering! It's outrageous how the media consistently ignores what Palestinians have been enduring for decades. Have they, or you, even bothered to look at the statistics of how many Palestinians have been killed by Israel since 1948? How many children have been killed? Who holds the responsibility for what's happening now? I often wonder: what if the situation Palestinians face was applied somewhere else? For example, what if, after World War II, the West had decided that all Jews should have a state in the USA—let’s say Chicago—how would the people of Chicago have reacted? Imagine the people there being driven off the land their families had worked for generations, stripped of their rights, and harassed or persecuted if they resisted. Do international laws simply not apply when ### is involved? Do you know that people in Gaza are killed simply for fun? Yes, for fun! Israeli soldiers have been known to shoot women, children, and even animals on the spot, then walk away. Did you feel the wind when those shots were fired? Or was it too far away for you? Do you understand what death means? Good. Do you know why there are so many Palestinians living in different countries, or maybe even right next door to you, even though they smell like hummus, garlic, za'atar, and other traditional foods? Do you know why your neighbors are Palestinian and not Israeli? It's because we've been forced to flee since 1948. Our cities were erased then, and more are still being erased—through violence, through apartheid laws, through genocide, through different methods. Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian, wrote a book about hundreds of Palestinian cities that were erased to create the Israel you know today. This isn't a war that started a few days ago or even a year ago—this has been going on since at least 1948. More than 45,000 have been killed in Gaza just in the past year alone. 17 000 of them are children, and 13 000 are women. Do you even know what that means? How it feels to lose your children or part of your family? Are you going to tell us how it feels? Do you have no empathy? Is your heart so closed that you can't see the pain around you? Are you really so blind to the suffering of others? How can you ignore these realities? Do you know that the Israeli military has cut off all electricity and completely halted the import of food, water, fuel, and other necessities? There are no hospitals and no medicines left, and 85% of people in Gaza are living in makeshift tents. Yes, tents—but not like the ones you see in movies. These are handmade from plastic scraps. Do you know that my family is suffering from all of this, and I will lose them in this cold weather if you don't act now? Please help us and donate now!
Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.
Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link
Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link
Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link
Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link
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#palestine#humanity#charity#gaza#donate#humanitarian aid#help gaza#free gaza#gaza genocide#pray for gaza
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Loustat short comics - There is nothing else until the storm is over - Interview with the Vampire TV Series
text transcription under the cut ⬇️
Fake magazine illustration
Page 1 Daniel : So, tell me... Did you see Lestat again?
Page 2 Louis : When he's not on Tour, he would occasionally visits.
Page 3 Daniel : So you're what, now? Friends?
Louis : [Hello Lestat.]
Lestat : [Hello Louis.]
It would be too simple. You know us.
Louis : [ That's new. Still enjoying the glitz and glamor?]
But there is this arrangement we are both fine with.
Page 4 When two people hurt each other so deeply, what is left afterwards?
Page 5 Things like that, it seals doors once still unlocked at the time. Can time really heal everything?
[Mets moi dans mon cercueil, Louis, Louis...]
Page 6 [Stay down chéri, I don't want to fight like this. I'll stay. I'll stay, I'll never leave you ever again. I promise. I'll be happy. For you. For her. Please please please please]
Some things were flipped over to show the truth. Others, I learned to see differently. I faced my wrongs.
[I'll be anything please please please please please please. I didn't know it was a gift. I wore it like a curse. I was selfish. I wanted you to suffer. Because I was. Suffering. I came to thank you.]
Page 7 Do we love each other still? Yes. Can we live under the same roof, share the same spaces, the same bed, for an extended period of time, again? No. But this raging, all devouring passion, it is now replaced by something that can never be altered. Is this the price we had to pay to finally be equals?
Page 8 We have never been more understanding of each other. A shadow of something that could have been from the start. Friendly jokes. Bickering I will never admit enjoying. Respect. And then, the always surprising softness. So eerie after all that happened. Yet, we always welcome it.
Page 9 Daniel : [How dramatic. Not ready to live together again, yet he's all over your coffee table.]
Louis: [I didn't buy these.]
Daniel : [Sure. Will you let me know the next time he passes by?]
Louis : [Well I can't. This is his safe place. You will have to find him by yourself I'm afraid.]
Daniel : [Of course. He can't make anything easy. As if he didn't have enough safe places with his ten properties.]
Page 10 Louis: [Nice chat. Bye, Daniel.]
Lestat : [Only when I'm not on Tour, hm?]
Louis [Approximately.]
Lestat : [Thanks.]
Louis : [Did you really just say thank-]
Lestat: *kisses Louis* [...too soon?]
Page 11 Louis : Almost a century is enough waiting.
#HERE IT FINALLY IS#one big month of work#I hope you peeps enjoy!#also please excuse any mistakes in my english#it isn't my first language#loustat#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#claudia de lioncourt#claudia de pointe du lac#daniel molloy#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc iwtv#comics#my art#iwtv fanart#amc interview with the vampire#sam reid#jacob anderson#delainey hayles#eric bogosian#lestatcore
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Something that pops up in my notes from time to time is folks thinking I'm being excessively kind in my criticisms of Dungeons & Dragons, and I'm going to spin this off into a separate thread to address that without putting anyone on the spot.
First, if your own critique of Dungeons & Dragons is rooted in the idea that it's the Worst Game Ever, that speaks more to the limits of your experience than it does to anything else. Dungeons & Dragons in any of its iterations is far from the worst the tabletop roleplaying hobby has to offer – like, you have no fucking idea!
Second, I tend to be even-handed in my discussion of D&D's rules because, fundamentally, the rules are not the problem – or, at least, not the principal cause of the problem.
In many ways, the indie RPG sphere has never escaped the spectre of Ron Edwards, sternly pronouncing that the mechanical process of playing traditional RPGs causes actual, physical brain damage, and that this brain damage is responsible for the bad behaviour we often observe at the table. We don't say it that way anymore, but on some level a lot of us indie RPG designers still kind of believe it.
This is understandable. As game designers, we're naturally inclined to think of problems at the table as game design problems. When we see a problematic culture of play, our impulse is to frame it as something which emerges from the text of the game, and which can therefore be mitigated by repairing the text of the game.
Confronted with the obvious toxicity of certain facets of D&D's culture of play, we go combing through its text, looking for something – some formalism, some structure, some piece of rules technology – which we can point to and say: "this is it; this is where the brain-worms live."
The trouble is, this is not in fact where the brain-worms live. Certainly, the text of a game, particularly a very popular one, can have some influence on the game's surrounding culture of play, but that text is in turn a reflection of the culture of play in which it was written. The Player's Handbook isn't an SCP object, spewing infectious infohazards everywhere when you crack open the cover – hell, I'd go so far as to say that many of the problems of D&D's culture of play operate in spite of the game's text, not because of it!
Basically, what I'm saying is that I don't see any contradiction between being the sort of pretentious knob who writes one-page indie RPGs about gay catgirls talking about their feelings (which I am), and speaking favourably about this or that piece of rules tech from whatever flavour of Dungeons & Dragons is in favour this week (which I do), because I recognise that you can't game-design your way out of a problem you didn't game-design your way into.
The fact that one of the biggest problems facing the tabletop roleplaying hobby is something that can't be repaired by fucking around with dice-rolling procedures is a bitter pill to swallow for a lot of indie game designers, and I won't say I wasn't resistant to it myself, but it's something that's both useful and necessary to accept.
(None of this means that the text of Dungeons & Dragons in any of its incarnations is beyond criticism on other grounds, of course, and I've never been shy about highlighting those criticisms where they're warranted. The only way you're gonna arrive at the conclusion that I'm some sort of D&D apologist is if you're starting from the presumption that The Real Problem Is The Rules.)
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Toji who got really drunk after a misunderstanding you left him to ponder upon one morning when you left for work. You missed a part of your routinely goodbye to him and at first it didn't bother him. He understood that you were running late, but once he started chugging the cold drinks and he sat with the sentiment, he realized it did strike him.
He hated the entire process of getting drunk, hated that drinking was unbearable unless it was chased with sweet kisses from you, but there he was, downing bottle after bottle. He was starting to feel liquid full but even in this intoxicated state he didn't want to put down the bottles. At some point he starting feeling uncomfortable being by himself and didn't want to feel that way anymore, so he called and texted you. Multiple times. You finally picked up after the eighth call.
-Hi, baby! Sorry, I missed your calls. I just left work and i'm heading home.-
-Baby? Who are you calling baby?- He scoffs, a roll of his eyes following.
-You... Toji. It's you. Who else would I be calling baby?-
-Honestly, I...- He laughs, the sound not coming off as one of joy with the next words he speaks. -I didn't think you even loved me enough to give me stupid pet names. I feel very unloved by you and... mhm, just want you to know that.-
Now, that's just entirely untrue and it hurts to hear. You prove your love for him every day. What is this sudden false claim against you?
-Toji, love, what are you saying? I'm coming home, already. Maybe we should talk in person. This is hard to discuss over the phone.-
-Uh-huh, you do that.- He sighs, heavily, his eyes lidding with sluggishness. -Can't win a verbal argument, s-so you're gonna come over here and try to seduce me with your pretty face. I'm just gonna say no when you try to touch me. Just no.-
-I'll see you in a bit, Toji.- you say, before abruptly hanging up.
He sounded off. You knew something was up the second you saw his eight missed calls and a stack of messages just saying 'hey'.
Your keys jingled as you pulled them out of your bag to unlock the front door. The house was steady, no sign of Toji watching TV in the living room or of the shower running. You walked further in, calling his name. It was kind of eery walking through your silent house. You also knew of Toji's tendency of scaring you, so you were on guard for that as you paced around the house. You had one more room to check and it was the bedroom. You dragged your feet over to the room, knocking when you noticed the door was closed. There was no answer after two more knocks so you just opened the door.
The sound startled Toji who was lying against the headboard of the bed, almost falling asleep. The second he saw you his demeanor changed. He perked up like a dog when their owner comes home, before melting back to the stoic state he had been sitting in.
"Hey," you say, almost tentatively, as you walk towards your shared bed, sitting down on the edge. You're met with an acknowledging hum of a response. "What's wrong, baby?"
"There you go calling me baby again. Baby is for people who love each other, so stop it."
You look over the bed, spotting the evidence that led to the bite in his attitude towards you— those bottles that spill the remaining drops of their content and Toji's backwash onto the bed, making the sheets reek of alcohol.
"Well, I love you, so no, i'm not gonna stop calling you baby."
He crosses his arms over his chest, huffing like a child. "That so? It didn't seem that way this morning. I've never felt so forgotten about by you."
"I told you I was gonna be late for work, but you insisted on keeping me trapped beneath you. Bring that part to light, handsome." You can see the corners of his lips twitching. He's holding back the most wicked smirk at the short burst of memories from the morning. "Plus, I still gave you your goodbye kiss, so what are you on about?"
"You didn't say 'I love you'. That's part of goodbye with you, so you can't blame me for feeling this way." His eyes express something of hurt. Maybe it's enhanced by the drinks he had, but you can't leave him that way.
"You're loved, baby. Very much so. Me not saying it this one time doesn't diminish the actual feeling." He's been reduced to a cub over this, so as his lover, you step in to mend the feelings that were grazed.
"Can you..." he rasps, patting his thigh, signaling for you to sit. You drag yourself towards him, and plop yourself onto his lap. You can smell the alcohol on his breath as he rambles on about how you can't forget to say 'I love you' to him ever again, even if it's a blurted, rushed one that he doesn't get a chance to respond to as you rush out the door.
The look he reserves for you is entirely soft, his hands are hot against your clothed back as they feel the warm body he's missed for hours. "I still..." he pauses to sigh, tiredness imbued into the sound. "Still want you to call me baby," he starts again. "I was just bummed. Don't stop calling me baby. Don't ever do that." He's letting his hands roam all over you. Your back, your waist, your hips—everything.
"Are you gonna let me touch you or are you gonna say 'no'?" You grin, remembering his words, verbatim, just incase he tries to tell you he never said them.
"Why aren't you touching me? Why would I not want you to touch me?" He looks insulted by the question and you have half a mind to remind him of what he said to you on the phone, but the heat in his eyes dies out as quickly as it appeared. "Really need a hug, mama. Please, hug," he says, the last part muffled by your chest as he keeps his face buried into it.
You held him tight and murmured 'I love you' countless times, while he hummed in response and groaned quietly as you ran your fingers through his hair.
#toji#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu toji#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x reader#toji x you#toji fluff#toji fushiguro x you#jjk fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#jjk x y/n#jjk drabbles#jjk scenarios#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk
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