#text on picture says “they go flying one by one my comrades

[ttte-yurishica]

"They go flying, one by one my comrades.

Dreaming that paradise existed

Softly, they are torn to pieces and rise.

Dreaming they were able to go far away."

Song: paper doll by kikuo

Gordon's design: @bruhstation

[moonlightreal]

This is the “author’s note” I found on the amazon pages for the pretty hardcover Night World books.  My memory is that it was just there, the book-blurb at the top by the cover picture, was this. 

Like a bonehead I just copied the text without grabbing a screencap or noting the date.  The amazon page now has the publication date is December 2016 so this bit of optimism was just before Ms. Smith vanished.  Of course we don’t know when it was written or whose idea it was.  Was Strange Fate really finished or was someone just feeling hopeful? 

NIGHT WORLD Dear Readers, It’s hard to tell you how much the re-release of the Night World books means to me. It has allowed me to come full circle, to complete a cycle that began with Secret Vampire. It has allowed me to finish Strange Fate, which grew into an epic that included roles for almost every Night World character. And Strange Fate allowed me to show the origins of the Night World, the apocalypse that threatens to destroy it, and even a possible future in which the evil side of the Night World prevails. I am often asked how I conceived the idea for the Night World series. It began when I wanted to write stand-alone novels that would combine horror and romance. But I wanted more: I wanted to do a series in which this Night World—a vast, secret world that exists within the everyday world—would slowly reveal itself to readers. That’s why the first book is called Secret Vampire: the inhabitants of the Night World, composed of vampires, shapeshifters, witches, and other supernatural creatures I wanted to invent, are hidden from humans. A vampire is necessarily a secret vampire … because of the laws. I also wanted to write about a new kind of forbidden love. That’s not easy—most good forbidden love topics were old by Shakespeare’s time. But with this series, I could create the possibility of forbidden love simply by saying that the laws of the Night World prohibit a Night Person from falling in love with a human. But I still needed one more ingredient. I needed the rise of the soulmate principle to actively force Night People to fall in love with humans, no matter how hard they fought against it. Voilà! Then it was just a matter of making up interesting characters and setting them loose in my head to see what they would do. I often begin like that: sitting in a quiet room and searching for a sparkle in my mind that could become my new heroine. Sometimes it’s easy and a whole character shimmers before me. Sometimes I only get the faintest firefly glimmer of a new girl, and I have to hold my breath and see if that glimmer will materialize into a three-dimensional person. Heroes and anti-heroes are easier. It’s just a matter of picking one that will be a true soulmate for my heroine. I have a whole collection of these characters in my mind, all trying to crash the party. And they’re usually bad boys. The settings and in-depth plot development are another layer of work. But often the characters just run off and do what they want, and I have trouble keeping up with their antics on my keyboard. One thing I always do is look carefully at my characters and plot from all angles to make sure I’m not plagiarizing a book or series that I may have read before. That’s just normal procedure for ethical authors: we make sure our stories aren’t too much like another story we might have read. Of course, there are many ideas that have been around since the Babylonian myths, and many characters that are archetypal. But, really, it’s almost impossible to take many things from the body of another author’s work—say, someone else’s character(s) or plot or story device—without actually intending to do so. I can’t imagine wanting to do that. I wish I could say every author felt the same. Poppy North is a character I examined very carefully. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t too much like Bonnie McCullough, another petite character of mine from The Vampire Diaries. I didn’t even want to plagiarize myself ! But Poppy convinced me that she was a tough little squirt who by high school had already planned out her future, which is very unlike Bonnie. Poppy was going to marry her mysterious friend James—she just hadn’t informed him yet. Also, unlike Bonnie, she had a fatal flaw in her small body. In Secret Vampire, I knew I was dealing with a serious issue: terminal cancer in a high school girl. So I did a lot of research before deciding on a type of cancer that would be truly inoperable and give Poppy only a month or two to live. I went to several hospitals to talk to nurses in oncology wards. I always brought toys for the hospitalized children, but the whole subject was so heartbreaking I was almost afraid to tackle it. Once I did, though, I found that Poppy was even stronger than I had imagined. In the book, she makes the only choice she can to go on living, and she never looks back. Poppy is one of my favorite girls, and she ushers in Ash Redfern, who quickly became one of my favorite bad boys. Ash has a murky past of womanizing and … well, more womanizing. Ash returns in Daughters of Darkness because he has been ordered by the leader of all vampires, Hunter Redfern, to bring his three runaway sisters back to their cloistered vampire island. But when Ash locates his sisters, he runs straight into the human stargazer Mary-Lynnette, and the sparks begin flying—literally. Mary-Lynnette is a character I made up when I was a kid, and I’m always surprised by how many people like her and Ash together. Mary-Lynnette spends most of the time expressing her feelings for Ash by kicking him in the shins, but their dialogues are some of my favorite passages in the whole series. Ash, in turn, escorts Quinn into the series. And Quinn (who does have a first name, though he rarely uses it) is one really scary guy. A vampire since 1639 A.D., Quinn is sharp, cold, humorless, and heartless. Unlike Ash, who is mainly guilty of an incredibly long series of one-night stands, Quinn enters the series as a human slave trader. That is, he provides vampires with young girls, and he doesn’t ask questions about what happens to the girls afterward. This led to a problem: How on earth was I going to redeem this villain enough to make him someone’s soulmate in The Chosen? I really sweated over that. My first task was to make Quinn more sympathetic. The best way to do it seemed to be by telling a bit of Quinn’s own tragic story: how he falls in love with sweet Dove Redfern, and how her vampire father decides to make Quinn his heir. Dove’s father is Hunter Redfern, one of the most important vampire leaders in Night World history. This is the same Hunter Redfern who, nearly half a millennium later, sends Ash to drag his sisters back home. The same Hunter Redfern who sends his daughter, Lily, after Jez in Huntress. The same Hunter Redfern who tries to turn Delos into a merciless killer in Black Dawn. But, as a boy, Quinn doesn’t know anything about the Night World, and he is deeply in love with gentle Dove. When Hunter makes him a vampire by force and then when Quinn can’t save Dove from being killed, Quinn’s heart freezes over. For four hundred years it accumulates ice—until he meets Rashel. That’s another favorite scene of mine: when Rashel, a dedicated vampire hunter since (guess who?) Hunter Redfern killed her mother, encounters Quinn. A group of Rashel’s fellow vampire slayers have captured Quinn and plan to torture him, and Rashel is left alone to guard him. Quinn, feeling old and tired despite his youthful appearance and great power, gives himself up for dead—and is a little glad to do so. Rashel, however, can’t stomach the idea of torture. When Rashel talks to this most-hated vampire and hears his story, she deliberately sets him free. And that astonishes him. But it’s the soulmate principle working its magic. I loved making two such strong-willed enemies succumb to the silver cord that connects them. I especially loved hearing Quinn warning Rashel not to let him go—and then protecting her when her comrades arrive back in time to see that she’s let him loose. I really loved writing about Quinn and Rashel’s soulmate sequences. As Rashel enters Quinn’s mind, she sees “thorny scary parts” but also “rainbow places that were aching to grow” and “other parts that seemed to quiver with light, desperate to be awakened.” She begins to think that people ask so little of themselves. If the mind of a slave trader can look like this, an ordinary person must have the power to become a saint. It is with this revelation (and much penance on Quinn’s part) that Quinn is redeemed. That’s the thread that binds all the novels together: redemption. The possibility of a second chance. Everyone has choices to make, but even the most evil of vampires can choose to atone and be redeemed. It may not necessarily stave off punishment in this world or the next, but redemption is possible. I’ve been asked who my favorite characters are, and the answer always changes because it depends on the book I’m writing. Right now my favorites are three characters from Strange Fate. As for my favorite couples in the published books? Morgead and Jez—I suppose. Who would find themselves at greater odds than a vampire gang leader and his onetime superior, a vampire who finds out she is half human? I learned some cool martial arts moves as a bonus for writing about them. Then there is Keller, one of my all-time favorite heroines, and Iliana, the beautiful Witch Child, and Galen, ruler of the shapeshifters: the love triangle in Witchlight. Keller starts out seeming brusque and businesslike, but the love of Galen and of the unselfish Iliana help to heal her inner wounds. And I can’t forget Thierry and Hannah, and Circle Daybreak. I created Circle Daybreak because the Night World witches had only two clans: Circle Twilight and Circle Midnight. Those, like Thea in Spellbinder, who belong to Circle Twilight are not-so-wicked witches (that is, they don’t want to exterminate all humans like the darkest witches, those who belong to Circle Midnight), but they are still wicked enough. So what was to be done with all these new soulmates, when Night World law said that they must be put to death? Someone had to make a place for them where they would be safe, and I decided it was Thierry, one of the oldest vampires, and Hannah, his Old Soul soulmate, who has lived hundreds of lifetimes without ever reaching the age of seventeen. They are the ones who revive Circle Daybreak, where humans and Night People can forget about past tragedies and concentrate on a brighter future together. Although Thierry is an old vampire, he isn’t the oldest vampire. There is one older, the one who Changed him. She provides another thread that binds the series: the pitiless Maya. Maya is the first vampire, the witch who finds the secret of eternal life—and chooses to use it for evil. But there will be plenty more about her, including a look at the young Maya, her sister Hellewise, and their mother, Hecate Witch-Queen, in the upcoming Strange Fate. And so now I’ve come full circle, back to Strange Fate. But I can’t finish until I add the other joy that the re-release of Night World has brought me. It’s brought me into contact with you by e-mail. Night World fans write so many intelligent, articulate, courteous, exciting e-mails! I love to get messages from “old” fans, who say my works “got them through high school.” Thank you for them! And messages from new fans, who say they have just read all my reissued books—and are impatient for more. Thank you! And the messages that simply demand: “When is Strange Fate coming out?” Thank you, too! With a full heart, all I can say is thank you, thank you, and thank you again! I never thought I would have a chance to write an open letter to all Night World fans, and I can only wish that you knew how grateful I am … for this second chance. Sincerely, (LJ Smith signature image) P.S. I love to get e-mail, letters, and messages. Visit me at ljanesmith.net!

[baked-potatoes]

Review - Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

January 8, 2019

*spoilers included*

Directors: Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman

Starring: Shameik Moore, Jake Johnson, Hailee Steinfeld

Distributing Studio(s): Sony Pictures Releasing

Runtime: 117 minutes

Rating: PG

US Release Date: December 14, 2018

Synopsis: Bitten by a radioactive spider in the subway, Brooklyn teenager Miles Morales suddenly develops mysterious powers that transform him into the one and only Spider-Man. When he meets Peter Parker, he soon realizes that there are many others who share his special, high-flying talents. Miles must now use his newfound skills to battle the evil Kingpin, a hulking madman who can open portals to other universes and pull different versions of Spider-Man into our world.

I’m going on a Golden Globes film review tangent, AKA awards season buzzy movies! Expect some reviews of Best Film nominees from the Golden Globes and SAG nominations. I’m still on the fence to review Bohemian Rhapsody, partly since it’s been a while since its release and also since I have a particular bias towards it that would color my review. I did promise to review the winners of best picture (BR did win, surprisingly), so Green Book and Roma are definitely going on my list.

Enjoy my review of the movie that won “Best Animated Feature Film” at the 2019 Golden Globe Awards!

I have to say, this was, above all, a very refreshing take on the Spider-Man cinematic universe (that’s what I’m calling it). Most focus on the recognizable and relatable Peter Parker that we’ve grown to know and love from the Silver Age of the 60′s. But this movie really changed that expectation and gave audiences a funny and relatable take on the Marvel Multiverse.

Voice Acting and Screenplay

These characters had every opportunity to sound cheesy and contrived, or shallow and awkward characters, but the voice actors who took on each role shone through and made each character their own. Shameik Moore plays a biracial, not-dead-family Miles Morales, and it’s these two aspects that contribute to a rounded character. They don’t define his very existence (as some films use with heavy-handedness), but from his mother giving him kisses in the morning like many relatives do, to an emotional spiel from his dad about (a very complex) Aaron Davis’s death, these little details gently influence the plot and make a character you can’t help but root for. This ingenious young man who intentionally fails a test to get out of school is brilliantly portrayed and reminiscent of that Silver Age of comics, when superheroes became more human and more believably flawed. He undergoes a moving hero’s journey to fight amongst his inter-dimensional comrades and defeats the villain in splashes of color-- and this is where his character falls a bit flat with the screenplay during the final fight. It really was a fun and exciting fight, punctuated by those nostalgic comic book “booms” and text boxes, but although they give Kingpin a little sympathy, I feel like it’s not quite right. Well, it brings a huge amount of nostalgia to the movie, and it’s pretty badass.

However, I will give credit and say that Kingpin killed Morales-universe, charismatic, and new mentor Spider-Man (Chris Pine) within the first 15 minutes or so. Yes, there are multiverse Spider-Men so the gut punch isn’t as rough, but the ramifications for his death are real in his universe. Mary Jane (Zoë Kravitz) is devastated yet stoic as a mourning wife, and later on, she makes another powerful, somewhat bittersweet moment with another multi-faceted character in the multiverse.

And then, the other Spider-Man incarnations? Wonderful. We have Spider-Gwen, a seemingly typical Badass with a Past (I’m coining these expressions now) played very sympathetically by Hailee Steinfeld. We have John Mulaney playing Peter Porker (some of the best chaotic pig humor in the movie), Kimiko Glenn of Orange is the New Black playing Peni Parker (a bubbly, Sailor Moon-esque stereotypical anime girl who’s a wonderful crowdpleaser), Nicholas Cage playing a noir, near-emo sort of crime fighting Spider-Man (whose cape, as Miles notices, always blows dramatically in the wind). 

And we come to the central multiverse Spider-Man, Peter B. Parker (as he notes tiredly), a depressed, middle-aged shadow of his former self. And once again, it could’ve been clichéd to another stereotype, yet uniqueness is what defines this movie. Jake Johnson plays this well. Peter B. Parker is wry and capable, but also exhausted and defeated. He narrates his life almost derisively, in that semi-humorous tone that defeated people feel when they’ve lost something in their life. When he comically stutters in front of Miles-universe MJ, he looks regretful yet reflective, wishing for something that he could’ve saved. It provides another soulful look into his character. 

The story is a little bit by-the-numbers hero’s journey (expected in PG), but with this wealth of character development and clever fourth-wall jokes, it stands out in its story. Like I’ve said so many times, these characters could’ve been very obvious cliché buddy-cop stereotypes, but they’re well-rounded, mysterious characters that I could definitely explore in a sequel. Happily, Sony is making one!

Cinematography, Animation, Soundtrack

Some of the best sequences in this film reminded me a little of Black Panther, I’m not going to lie. I mean it as a huge compliment. This film’s cinematography was painstakingly created and brought to life by 140 animators, the biggest team Sony has had for a feature animated film. It shows so incredibly well. And the decision to animate backgrounds in smoother ones (one frame per action) and characters in twos (two frames per action) creates a quirky comic book feeling to the movie. The animation styles vary between Peter and Peni Parker, obviously, but that specific unconventional stop motion strategy (most movies use ones for characters and twos for backgrounds) feels like flipping a comic book all the way through, complete with hilarious yellow text boxes and bubble letter onomatopoeia. 

And back to that Black Panther comment: why does Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse remind me of that? It’s the slow motion, brilliantly captured shots of Miles realizing what he can be and taking that leap of faith into the streets as the camera flips upside-down and “What’s Up Danger” plays. The result? As taken from the script, “he’s rising.”

What a film. What an atmosphere. The result is something I’ve never quite captured in any other superhero film. It’s not meant to be brutal or bloody or Superman-esque epic: it’s spellbinding and it knows what it is.

I could go on and on about this film and what a pleasure it is to watch, but I think I’ve said a lot. This is one of the most exciting animated films I’ve watched.

Summary and Rating

9.5/10 : Hot !

Sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_Into_the_Spider-Verse

[redsky123love]

Why do you have a Stripper Pole in your Room? Chapter 3: Alya on a strip pole!

"I can't believe this..." Chloe growled as she stares up at the ceiling of her classroom. She, Adrien, Nino, and Alya was stuck in class for detention after laughing at their teacher. The four sat in the first row, staring at their teacher who was grading papers. Out of boredom and annoyance, Adrien pokes Plagg who was sleeping in his book bag. The small Kwami looks up at him with an annoyed face.

"What?" Plagg whispered.

"Turn into a communicator." Adrien whispered. The green eye's Kwami just rolled its eyes before turning into Chat Noir's communicator. Adrien picks his communicator and sends a text message to the whole team. Before sticking the device into his bookbag. Seven minutes later pass, the teacher stands up from her seat, looks at the four and says:

"I will be back, don't do anything stupid." She growled before walking out the class. Once the door closed, Alya, Nino, and Chloe go into their book bags and pull out communicators. All colors of their Miraculous, a second later the three burst into laughter. It was then Adrien had figured it out.

(Marinette room)

"Oh my god!" Marinette shouted in shock and fear. She was walking around her room as she tries to wrap her head around the revelation she just had today. "Chloe and Nino are Queen Bee and Carapace! And Chat Noir is...oh my god..."

"You need to breathe and calm down." Tikki said as her master's eyes widen big to the point Tikki couldn't see her iris anymore.

"Oh no...what if they decided to come after me." Marinette said in horror. "I can handle Chat...Adrien...NO! Chat's constant flirt and stuff, but the other three. I can't...I just can't..."

"Marinette, you are going to need to calm the fuck down." Tikki said. It was rare for her to curse, but when she did it always because Marinette made her want to snap.

"Tikki I am scared. Oh my god, Adrien is Chat! I have been rejecting him for years! Oh my god, we could have been dating by now!" Marinette said. "What if Chloe lies and says she's me! Then he will fall for her and such!"

"I give up." Tikki said in annoyance.

"I'm sorry Tikki, I am just scared. I mean, I don't mind them knowing who I am and such, I am just worried how thing will be between the five of us. I mean...what if they are fighting as we speak?"

(Adrien's room)

"Why do you have a strip pole?" Alya asked as she walks over to the pole in Adrien's room. After detention, the four teens were driven by Chloe's limo to Adrien's house. Once there, Alya was fascinated at the sight of Adrien's pole.

"I work out." Adrien said.

"On a stripper pole?" Alya asked.

"How do you think I get these abs?" Adrien said with a smirk as he reveals his rock hard chest to the girl with glasses. Her fox Kwami flies out of her pocket and scans the area.

"You wouldn't happen to have anything with meat?" Trixie asked as her mouth (I think its a girl) waters. Pollen flies out of Chloe's bag.

"Oh, or maybe a salad?" The yellow fuzz ball of Kwami asked before flying over to Chloe's head. She then takes a seat on her master's blonde locks. Wayzz flies from Nino's bookbag and sighs.

"This is not the time to be thinking about food! This is the first meeting we are having! Focus!" The turtle Kwami shouted. In its tiny hand were Nino's MP3 player and headphones. "And as you have your meeting, I shall listen to music.

"So adult of you." Nino chuckled.

"But we should Focus, we need to find out who our leader is." Chloe said with a smile. "I wonder who she is? A princess with magical power's from the moon?"

"Yes Chloe, she's sailor moon." Alya muttered as she tries to climb Adrien's strip pole. "And I am Chat Noir, the famous cat stripper of Paris!"

"It might a career option..." Adrien muttered as he makes his way to his computer. Taking a seat, he opens a file labeled PRIVATE. Once opened, it reveals multiple pictures of Ladybug and his classmates.

"Okay, so what we got from last night, we can tell she's in our school." Adrien said.

"Great, now we have to look through thousands of girls." Chloe muttered.

"No!" Nino said. "Remember last night, she said in class when we were making fun of our teacher. She's in our class, which means she knows us!"

"Okay, so she's in our poetry class." Adrien said before pulling up pictures of the girls in his class.

"Anyone else finds it weird he has pictures of his classmates on his computer?" Nino asked.

"I HAVE THEM TOO!" Alya shouted as she dangles from the side of the pole. Nino's eye's widened at the sight of his crush holding her body up with her legs. "I can see how you got that sick pack Adrien. Maybe I should take a stripper class."

"NOT ON MY WATCH!" Nino shouted. His response surprised Alya that she accidentally loosen her grip and fell hard to the ground. She then looks had her hands with a sour expression.

"Why is it sticky here?" She asked. Adrien presses his thumb and index finger to the bridge of his nose as he thinks of a way to respond to her words.

"I don't know..." Was all Adrien could say while hiding his shame.

"Back to the research!" Nino said. Alya hops back on the pole for a second try, but was peeled off it when Chloe drags her by the ear to the computer. Once near, Adrien and the other's begin to scan random pictures of each other the girls in their class.

(Two hours later)

"Maybe it's Rose." Alya said as she points out the similar bang style the two had. The four teens had moved from the bed to the middle of Adrien's room. Pictures were spread out as the teens tried to figure out who their leader was.

"Yea, her miraculous also makes her taller, turn her hair blue and less annoying." Chloe said.

"I agree with Chloe, the Miraculous changes things but not that much." Adrien said as he stares at the picture of Ladybug.

"Were never going to figure this out, are we?" The blonde male asked. His four friends turn to look at him.

"Well, maybe it's for the best." Nino said. "I mean we still work as a team fine before we knew who each and everyone was. Well, you knew who we were since you gave us the Miraculous. (I am just going to say Adrien gave the miraculous to Nino and Alya since he has a close relationship with them. Don't know how it will be done in the series though) I think not know is fine."

"I guess." Adrien said. A second later someone's phone was ringing, Alya looks down at her foot to see it was her phone. Marinette was calling her so she picked up.

"Hey girl!" Alya said.

"Hey, could you send me a picture of your math notes. I don't think I wrote everything down." Marinette said on the other line.

"One second." Alya said before she goes to her phone photo gallery. The girl didn't take notes herself, she just took a picture of Max's notes. Seconds later, Marinette gets the pictures.

"Thank you!" Marinette said before hanging up. Alya smiles before setting the phone down near Nino. The young man looks at the photo ID of Marinette smiling. Her pearl white teeth reminded him of the crush he once had on her, and how sweet she was to him. He then looks over at the picture of a smiling Ladybug...Then...like the ocean breeze gently hitting you, the question was just answered.

"Oh my god." Nino said, gaining the attention of his comrades. "Marinette and Ladybug are one in the same."

(Marinette room)

*ACHOOO!*

Marinette sneezes as she writes down the notes Alya had sent her. Tikki was eating a cookie when Marinette sneezed.

"Oh, bless you!" Tikki said with a smile. Marinette rubs her nose as she nods her head.

"Thanks! Weird, I think someone is talking about me." Marinette said with a small chuckle.

[spyno41-2]

Tropical Heaven: Florida's Boogaloo

Prologue

They're in Cassandra's bedroom, which is surprisingly clean for Victor. He thought it would be less organized due to her...chaotic nature. He sits on the chair. Raymond is reading doujinshi of a woman being in a harem, while Cassandra is watching the television upside down on her bed next to him.

Cassandra is wearing a black and green shirt that has Jotaro and Jolyne posing with the text "To Daze or to Dawa? That is the question." She is wearing a brown skirt that reaches down to her knees.

Raymond is king of pussy slaying. If he ever called any number that he was given. See, he's a very attractive Asian-American. Black short hair and wears glasses. For some reason, he wears a tuxedo everywhere he goes.

As for Victor, he's a normal Hispanic. He wears his Miami Dolphins shirt and jeans.

"Rayyyyy." He ignores her. She places her foot on his face. He doesn't react. "I'm boooooooored."

"What do you want me to do about it?" He says without breaking away from his cellphone. She places her toes up his nose. This does not deter him.

"Help me not get booooooored." She whines still keeping her stone face.

"Are you both dating?" Victor asks.

"Nah. We're sadly soulmates." Ray replies, removing her foot. Victor is more confused. Then again, he can barely understand these two with how eccentric they are. He doesn't pry further and uses his phone to look up urban legends.

"What are you doing, Vicky?" She asks him.

"I'm researching urban legends of Florida for my project. I decided to do Robert the Doll since it's one of the well known ones." Cassandra sits straight.

"Where is this Robert?"

"He is currently in East Martello Museum down at the Keys." She quickly puts on her black stockings with white stars and crocs.

"Let's go."

"Woah woah. That's a three hour drive."

"Don't worry. I can pitch in for gas."

"That's not the is-"

"Get the car ready, Ray."

"All right." He gets up. She runs out of the room. "Don't bother trying to talk her out of it. Once she has her mind on something, not even the Goddess herself can stop her nonsense." He sighs and leaves. Victor hesitates, but figures this is a good opportunity for his research.

Way down in The Keys

"Woooooah. Stuff." Cassandra stares at the antiques. "You think if I become famous, they'll display my panties and stockings here?"

"Perhaps. Maybe once civilization falls because evangelicals are still in power and unleash nukes to the world out of greed, then the only thing left in the rubble would indeed be your panties and stockings. The aliens will preserve them as evidence of humanity." Raymond says with a straight face while watching porn of tentacles sodomizing legal femboys.

"Far fuckin out, man." She says.

"Uh guys? We're here for Robert, remember?" Victor reminds them.

"You cannot rush history, Vicky. We must appreciate and acknowledge their achievements to grant us the life we are currently living from their sacrifice." Cassandra stares intently. "Which is shit."

"Yes. One must wonder how much actual progress they made, considering things aren't any better about five decades ago. Then again, at least we're socially progressing with every generation. At a rate of a sloth, but progress nonetheless." Ray adds.

"I can see why you both get along." Victor sighs. He moves to the room where the doll is in.

Robert is encased in a glass. Sitting on a wooden chair looking up. He wears a sailor suit of his era and has beady black eyes. Victor wonders why any children would own such a creepy doll. Especially when it's life sized to be a four year old. It's no mystery why Robert sprouted much history. It was designed to be an inspiration for many horror movies to come.

"Hey Robert. I'm Victor. Do you mind if I take a picture? It's for my school project." He asks. The doll doesn't respond. "I'll take that as a yes." He pulls out his phone and starts taking pictures.

"Were you asking a doll for consent? That's pretty cringe, not gonna lie." Cassandra enters the room.

"You have to. People who have taken photos of him, had misfortunes fall upon them. It's why there are letters asking for an apology to lift the curse." Victor points at the many letters in the wall next to the doll.

"Ooooh? That's a bunch of bullshit. Curses don't exist." She pats his head and takes a quick selfie with Robert.

"What are you doing!?"

"Testing the theory, thus hath speaketh Cassandrath." She does the crucifixion pose.

"This is serious, Cass! Legends like those don't spring out of nowhere. In fact, there's a chance that all those supernatural events could explain one thing."

"Are you saying th-"

"Yes. Robert might be an Estado User."

"...CHAJAJAJAJAJA!" She cackles. Victor is disturbed by such display. He is so used to her stoicism, that this comes out of the left field for him. "Vicky, Vicky. My bubula~! Objects can't have Estados. Only living beings can achieve such a feat." She pinches his cheeks. She has her usual creepy smile. Her coffee brown eyes are wide open so that it lets him see the slits. She is grinning to show off her sharp canines.

"It's only a theory." He says. She goes back to her stoicness.

"You are right, though. We can't disregard that possibility." She examines Robert and presses her face against the glass. "Hmmmm. Looks like a normal doll to me." She goes to the corner of the room and crouches. "Oooooh. This looks cool." Victor sighs and looks back at Robert.

"Maybe I'm just being too paranoid."

Beaches with bitches

The group is walking along the sands in Smathers Beach.

"Plenty of estrogen. Not enough testosterone." Raymond sighs.

"That's fine. Feminity is superior anyways." Cassandra looks out at the sea.

"Wow! This is very beautiful!" Victor takes a picture of the scenery. He is focused on his phone, that he bumps against a woman. "Ooof! I'm sorry about that, ma'am."

"It's okay. Though I'm not old enough to be considered a ma'am." She laughs. "Actually, me and my friends are playing volleyball, but we're short by one. Would you like to join us?" She leans forward, making Victor get a nice view of her cleavage.

"S-Sure. I'll play for a bit." She smiles and they both go.

"Look at that. Our son is going to get gangbanged by a bunch of hot MILFs. Almost makes me cry." Cass sniffles stoically.

"Proud of him." Ray goes back to his phone, watching a man being hypnotized to think it's a child and the woman around him having sex with him. "Seriously, who the fuck is into this?"

"We don't kinkshame fellow comrades."

"I know. The art is good though. Why must great artists divulge their talents into degeneracy?"

"Cause it's what they wanna do or get paid for. Who cares?" Cass shrugs. She takes a step and falls into a pitfall.

"The Pillows!" Raymond summons his Estado. She has pink hair and cat ears. She has a television for a head and a feminine mechanical body with an organic pink tail. She extends her arms in the pit to grab Cassandra and pull her out.

"I already accepted my death but thanks TP." Cass says, unfazed by her certain doom.

"NYAAA~!" A cat face appears on the screen and she does the Tokyo Mew Mew pose before disappearing behind her User.

"Try to be careful next time. Beaches are known to have pitfalls." Ray goes back to his cellphone.

"How peculiar? I remember there not being one a moment ago." Cassandra examines the hole, when a football hits her face. Hard.

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!" A hunk with blonde hair and blue eyes helps her up. "Are you okay?"

"Other than possibly having a concussion, I'm functionally fine." Cass is starting to have a headache.

"I have some ice that can help your bump, if you like? We also have water if you need." Cassandra gets very close to him and caresses his chiseled chest.

"Tell me, you think I didn't notice? When I first arrived, your other boys pulled the same stunt to other girls earlier. I also caught them putting something in the water bottles before passing it to the beautiful maidens that fell to your trap." The man is sweating profusely. "But your worst mistake was targeting me."

"Get off of me, you crazy bitch!" He pushes her.

"BOOM BOOM SATELLITES!" A being materializes behind her. She has a black and green jumpsuit with a motorcycle helmet covering her head. Devil wings adorn her back and has a tail with the tip being heart shaped. She punches the man's gut with such force, that it sends him flying and crashing against his cooler.

"What the fuck!?" The boys check up on him as he's convulsing in pain and pleasure. Then he ejaculates a heavy volume of semen. The police finally arrived.

"What's going on?" Victor runs up to Raymond.

"I called the police for the crimes that fill this beach. Seems Cass found another scandal in progress." He faces Victor. "I mainly called them because the woman you were with fits the description of an active serial rapist."

"You son of a bitch! And you guys let me go with her!?"

"Don't worry. I would've tailed you if you both left the perimeter. Plus, I trust in your ability to defend yourself." He goes back to his phone as the officers apprehended the woman and the group of boys. The police had to call paramedics as the hunk is completely dehydrated. "Cass! Let's get out here." Him and Victor walk back to the car.

"..." Cassandra witnesses the arrest and then back to the hole. "I'm coming!" She catches up to them. When they reach the car, the tires have been slashed.

"Victor." Raymond says.

"Yeah?" He looks at him and steps back. Despite still having a neutral expression, he can sense anger coming from him.

"I hope you find the perpetrator that did this. Because if I find them, there will be a memorial for their tragic accident. And everytime I come here, I will visit the site to remind them of their place."

"Raymond. Let's not get carried away." Victor tries to calm him down.

"There's no need to look for them. I already know who did it." They turn to Cassandra. "I've been thinking for a while now. All these misfortunes that have been happening in such a short span of time, while mathematically plausible, is improbable." She pulls out her phone. "I secretly installed a hidden camera in the room that Robert resides, while pretending to give a damn about the antiques."

"Are you implying the curse is real?" Victor says.

"As I said before, curses don't exist. Estados are another story. But that will only matter if my theory is true." She opens the app for the live feed. The group huddles together. The glass case that's supposed to keep Robert is empty.

"He's gone!" Victor reacts.

"I can see that, Vicky. No need to state the obvious. This is a clear indication that the doll is sentient." Cassandra puts away her phone.

"A Living Doll. Energy of deceased females that are trapped inside a doll. Most of the time, it's victims that are placed inside an object. Other times, the person who lost their loved ones projects it on the doll, giving it life." Raymond explains. "Or in this case, a legend that gave it sentience."

"I guess you were somewhat right, Vicky. Though no one would imagine Robert to be a Monster Girl due to his assigned gender. The question now is, how did it follow us and does it have an Estado?" Cassandra examines the car and finds scratches on the trunk. Raymond opens it and they find Robert inside holding a box cutter.

"Oh shit! It's Ro-!" Cass covers Victor's mouth.

"So you were hiding in my trunk. I don't care if you're a relic of history, I will ravage you for your crimes!" Raymond summons The Pillows. Robert lunges at him with the weapon.

"NYAYAYAYAYAYA!" TP punches him repeatedly. With the final strike sending him flying against the hood. Robert quickly gets up with no problems and scurries away.

"Get that mothafucka!" Cassandra commands. The crowd are focused on the arrest, that they fail to notice the Three Stooges chasing after a doll. They chase him all the way to a warehouse. Robert quickly gets in through an open door and shuts it. "Like that'll stop us." She summons BBS.

"Wait! Let me check something. Veltpunch!" Victor calls out his Estado. She is a humanoid bottlenose dolphin with a VR headset both on her head and where the tail should be. She wears the Miami Heat jerseys.

"OAO~!" She screeches. He puts on the headset and she places her hand on the wall. Using her echolocation, he can see the inside in white outlines from the darkness.

"That guy is fast. I can't see him. He must be hiding somewhere already." Victor says.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Cassandra commands BBS to bust the door open. They enter the building. The place is dark. She switches the lights on and they see stacks of inventory on the shelves. They walk around with caution, while Victor is echo locating. She notices a big box from the top shelf falling above Victor. She tackles him out of the way.

"There he is!" Raymond points him out as Robert runs away. He pushes more boxes. Raymond uses TP to punch the objects, but doing so causes the kitchen knives to fall on him. He luckily covers his head with arms as it slashes his hands.

"Kahahahaha!" Robert laughs and then goes deeper inside.

"Are you both fine?" Cassandra checks on Raymond.

"I'll live. Won't be much use anymore though." He rips part of his tuxedo to bandage his hands.

"Take care of him, Vicky." She says before chasing after Robert. He keeps pushing objects off, but she evades it. The entire shelf on her right is falling towards her. She runs faster and dives out of the way before it hits the ground. "You want to play that game, huh?" She summons BBS to push the shelf where Robert stands. He jumps to another, but she keeps toppling over the shelves. This process keeps repeating, until they reach the end of the room. Robert dives at her, ready to stab her with the box cutter. BBS repeatedly punches him in the air.

"A Crow is White!" He summons a white harpy with a head of crow. She has a sailor outfit like the User. She repeatedly scratches BBS with her sharp talons, causing damage on their arms and chest. Cassandra backs away.

"Hmph. It seems attacking you directly does nothing to you." She removes her shirt to prevent it from getting more damaged. Showing off her sports bra and fit body. "Now it's starting to make sense. The curse that the story tells is because you use your Estado to cause misfortune."

"Aren't you a sharp one? While I knew you had potential, I didn't expect your servants to have one too!" He flails around like a child.

"Servants? Are you talking about my friends?"

"Friends? You can't fool me, Succubus! I've been around way before I became a legend and I know for a fact your kind don't care about human relationships. It makes me sick! All that moaning, meat slapping against each other, exchanging each other's bodily fluids...IT'S DISGUSTING!!"

"Ugh. I'm developing a tumor by you speaking."

"Whatever! I'll make sure you and your boy toys are dead!" He pulls out a revolver. Cassandra hides behind the shelf, while Crow and BBS are fighting. Robert keeps shooting at her until the gun runs out of bullets. He quickly tries to reload, but only manages to put one bullet when Cassandra throws a vase at him, making him drop the weapon.

"Grab the gun!" She commands BBS. She has her hand on the cylinder, before Robert snatches it away and quickly points at Cassandra. He pulls the trigger, but the bullet explodes, causing his arm to be blown off.

"Aaaah!" He screams in pain. One of Crow's wing is detached.

"BBS can make anything it touches to overdrive." She walks towards him menacingly

"W-WAIT! You can't destroy me! I'm an important part of history. I'm the reason people go into the museum in the first place! Not to mention you buffoons are caught on cameras." He points at the security cam.

"I'm not worried about that. Ray is already altering the footage so we don't appear. As for you!" She stomps on him. "I'm sure they'll replace you with the many replicas. You think the staff will admit they lost their famous doll?" BBS starts rapidly punching Crow, dealing massive damage to both of them.

"FLY OOOOOOOUT!" BBS battle cries, finishing off by detaching Crow's head with an uppercut. Robert's head detaches as well and hits the ceiling. She catches the head.

"Que la Diabla te joda en el infierno."

Robert the Doll is out of commission

She collects his remains in a plastic bag and dumps it in a trashcan. They are at Raymond's car waiting for someone to fix his tires.

"I can't believe you actually destroyed him." Victor says.

"He had it coming for hurting my baby. I wish I was there to witness his demise." Raymond says.

"Overall, it was a fun day!" Cassandra stoically cheers.

"There's never a boring day with you guys." Victor sighs.

"All that excitement has made me hungry. When we get back home Vicky, I need your semen for my shake." She sits on the hood.

"I think I need to sleep before that." She stares at him intensely. "...Fine fine. Raymond, you got any good material for me?"

"As a matter of fact, I found a hentai about a Japanese man fucking his brother's foreign wife. I don't condone cheating, but the animation is sadly good." They talk amongst each other, while Cassandra put on her headphones to listen to her jam.

Kokomo - The Beach Boys

Everybody knows a little place like Kokomo

Now if you want to go and get away from it all

Go down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica, oh I want to take you to

Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama

Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go

Oh I want to take you down to

Kokomo, we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow

That's where we want to go, way down in Kokomo

[meatwad]

some more losers club twitter au, wherein reddie are so fucking obvious and stan is a lil shit

- bill, mike and richie are live streaming their cs:go game, richie screaming in a terrible russian accent about I NEED REINFORCEMENTS COMRADES, mike getting shot by a sniper when he loses concentration from laughing, bill focusing so hard you’d think they were really fighting terrorists

- when eddie casually walks past richie’s computer chair, sipping a beer, something cheap and disgusting bc richie has no taste (i have taste, my dear boy, but no money, richie explains patiently, like eddie doesn’t know he spends all his money on cigarettes and stupid anime figures) and it’s not weird for eddie to be there, but while mike is waiting for respawn, he notices that the shirt eddie is wearing is far too big and dingy for him

- “lovin that wardrobe eddie,” mike says over his mic, knowing that eddie can’t hear past richie’s headphones, and richie abruptly stops screeching long enough for his eyes to go a little wide before he says, “in russia, wardrobe wears you”

- bill scoffs loud enough to be heard over their game, gives a little smile. the next day there’s a screenshot from someone viewing the live stream of eddie wearing what looks to be a grateful dead shirt, dangling off one shoulder, along with another picture of richie wearing something awfully similar in a pic bev uploaded last week. stan retweets it.

- richie uploads a vine of him slowly zooming into eddie’s face until he lands on one of his eyebrows, whispering, “crickey, we got a live one here, a real caterpillar in the wild” in a shitty impersonation of steve irwin, to which eddie replies TAKE THIS DOWN IMMEDIATELY. stan retweets it.

- ben is tweeting about stranger things, doesn’t mike look just like @.YESIAMTRASH??? and bev retweets and adds, omg eddie says mike is his favorite. richie likes both these tweets and adds, no one can come close to my perfection, haystack. hours later, eddie tweets, i actually like lucas better. stan retweets it.

- eddie opens up snapchat while he and richie are walking to the quarry. richie is in front of him and eddie intends to shove him off the edge of the sidewalk where richie is trying to balance, when richie asks without turning around, “hey, can i sneak in tonight? i wanna-” eddie abruptly stops the snap, but in his haste to close it unsaved, posts it to his story (this new fucking uPDATE). it’s immediately saved and reuploaded on twitter, speculation flying like what does richie wanna DO??? stan retweets it.

- eddie texts stan like can you NOT, which stan screenshots and posts. all the losers retweet it.

- richie tweets a link to songbird. a week later, eddie tweets for you, to you.

- bev tweets a photo of all of them, a bonfire in the middle, the boys spread around. mike’s got his guitar, bill and ben looking deep in conversation, stan showing eddie something on his phone, richie sprawled out next to eddie, cigarette dangling from his lips and leaning back on his hands.

- stan retweets the photo and asks, eddie is that your jacket? looks a little big for you. eddie replies isn’t that mike’s necklace you’re wearing? which promptly brings stan’s retweeting days to an end.

[dixonspeaker-blog]

6th Grader’s Weren’t Allowed to Play Sports

By Dixon Speaker

For Paulette Speaker

6th graders weren’t allowed to play sports. That was the rule. Maybe they wanted us focusing on the radical transition from elementary school, where one teacher taught all subjects in one single classroom, to the middle school format where 8 different teachers taught their own specialized subjects in 8 different classrooms. This was difficult, especially for young boys who latch onto any new distraction like rodeo clowns to a loose bull. Or maybe the reason was something simpler, like they didn’t want us playing contact sports with 8th graders who were significantly more developed than us. In football, for example, the middle school league was called “The Unlimited League,” as in, wow, that guy who is about to hit Dixon looks like he weighs unlimited pounds. I did play Halfback in high school, and during one game a missed down block by our center created a free sprinting lane for Garnet Valley’s 315-pound nose-tackle. I’ve never been struck by a moving car but this was the closest thing to it. Anyway, regardless of the reasoning, the rule they had was no sports, so everyone in 6th grade had to find other things to do. For me this created a problem. I played a lot of sports growing up. You could say my life was made up of finding ways to pass the time between games. Most 6th graders just went home and played with their brothers or sisters. This wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. I still don’t. On top of that, both my parents worked full time: My Dad travelled 3-4 days a week selling purified natural gasses while my mother worked until 6 o’clock at night as an executive in a furniture company. So every day after school I took the bus to Mom Mom’s. Mom Mom’s house was located literally on the edge of a cliff, sandwiched on the other side by a busy highway that she would never dream of letting me cross alone to seek out comrades in the surrounding neighborhoods. I was therefore left to occupy myself at Mom Mom’s cliff-side abode, which had several acres of fenced-in backyard to run through, but no other children to share it with. There was only so much a 12 year old child interested in sports and videogames and a 70 year old woman who grew up with a pet raccoon could do together before they both got bored. I had to find something to do with my time, and what I decided to do was to try out for the school play (This was allowed. No sports, but any and all other after school activities were acceptable). The play that year- the “fall drama” as they called it- was an adaptation of The Little Rascals.  You can guess what the play was actually about, because I don’t remember. I was not an actor. I was never in a play before. No one in my family had any type of performance background. In fact, the only time I remembered stepping foot inside a theatre was once when I was very young. A bearded man in a yellow costume darted across the stage and terrified me down to the most central whispers of my being. I cried so hard my mother had to take me home early. A picture of that man remains vivid in my memory, even today. I joined the play anyway. I had a The Little Rascals movie on VHS tape that I would watch from time to time. Also, trying something foreign and failing badly still outweighed spending every day after school alone watching Disney in a dark corner of Mom Mom’s house. Now, before trying out for the play you have to think about trying out for the play, which was much more stressful than the tryouts themselves. Being in the school play was not considered “cool” by any standards, something I was very much concerned with in 6th grade. Middle school was a weird time for me. There was a lot of figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be going on, and I knew precious little about either. What others thought of me, how I appeared, was something that consistently occupied my thoughts. It was this type of thinking that lead to the events of this story. The day before tryouts I was approached by one of the deans, Mr. Sag. We locked eyes across the hall. I knew that I was toast. Mr. Sag was old, so old that he actually taught both of my parents when they attended that same middle school many years before. Pennsylvania teachers got generous pension benefits, at least they did back then, so it was common to see strange old men like Sag in schools throughout the state. He shouted my last name as he approached me. Speaker! I didn’t say anything, just stared up at him and blinked. He was a big man. His face was a slab of wet meat hanging in a butcher shop. I heard you’re trying out for the play he said. Well, I was, you know, just thought I. His eyes fired up and he took a step closer. His head blocked all the light in the hall. He took a deep breath before he spoke. Are you an athlete, or are you some thespian? Spit flew out of his mouth in all directions. He stomped off without waiting for a response. I turned slowly just in time to see the back of his enormous head bob down the stairs and out of sight. Students were walking all around me but I might as well have been standing alone on the moon. I was impressionable and crushed to pieces. I sat quietly through the rest of my classes without answering any questions or writing a single note. I went straight to the bus after school. At Mom Mom’s I ate a TV dinner and watched Disney in the dark until my mom picked me up at 6. In the car I told her I had changed my mind. I didn’t want to try out for the play anymore.

Halfway through school the next day I changed my mind again. Screw Sag, I was trying out for that damn play. When the 2:30 bell rung I talked a bit with my friends and by three I was headed to the auditorium. It felt strange to walk the empty halls. Like I was in the same place only very far away. Another universe, maybe another time. How the tryouts went is unimportant. I forget what it is they made me do. I don’t remember rehearsing any lines, so I probably just had to read something. I got a speaking role but it wasn’t a big role and I wasn’t even a real Little Rascal. My character was just called Dixon. When the thing was over I walked down the hill to where the busses picked us up. These were called the “Five O’clock Busses,” and they had and different numbering and routing system than the traditional busses that took most of the students home at 3. The Five O’clock Busses were for kids doing activities. I asked around that day and found out what bus dropped me off closest to my Mom Mom’s house. I had not thought about being dropped off on the wrong side of the busy highway. You’ll soon see why that didn’t matter. As I stood there, a bus which was not my bus careened into the loop and stopped abruptly. The door swung open. I looked up into the bus and saw a large woman with long blonde hair wearing a baseball cap. Her hair was flying all around. She scowled down at me. I immediately recognized this woman. Her name was Millie. I knew her because she drove me to preschool and I was her first pick-up of the day. We grew close and even had a song we would sing together until we reached the second pick-up. In elementary school I turned heinous one day and she had to pull the bus over. We never spoke again until this day. She shouted at me to get in. Silently seated on that bus, bumping forward, hands in lap, the few seemingly minor decisions and the radical consequences they created began to set in. It went like this: The night before I told my mom that I was definitely not trying out for the play. So, to her, life would proceed as usual and I would take the bus home after school to Mom Mom’s. The next day I changed my mind- now this is key- and didn’t tell anyone. If something like this happened now the change of plans could be easily communicated through a simple text message. But when I was in 6th grade cell phones were just starting to be widely distributed, and I didn’t have one yet. So I stayed after school without telling a soul. It’s also important to know that I never did anything like this. I was a thoroughly responsible child, exactly where I was expected to be at the time I was expected to be there. You can imagine the shade that descended over my poor Mom-Mom’s heart when the bus pulled up to her house that day and she watched the doors swing open, then swing slowly closed, without her precious grandson exiting. Slamming shut, they sent an impossible sadness throughout her house and therefore her life as well. This set off a series of events that moved very quickly, all while I was sitting in the middle school auditorium waiting to read my lines. Mom-Mom called my mother and told her I didn’t get off the bus, and probably that she suspected someone snatched me and that I was more than likely dead. My mom, trying to remain calm, thought to herself that I just changed my mind about the play. She called the school to check. The ladies in the office told her they could call for me on the PA system and tell me to come to the office and they would call my mom back and tell her that I was all right. In many cases that would have been the end of it, but for reasons unknown, the PA system in the middle school couldn’t be heard in the auditorium, something both of the ladies in the front office were unaware of. So, when they called my mother back 20 minutes later with the news that I had not shown up, the assumption by all parties was that I was not in the school at all. This was when my mother began to panic. She quickly flapped her arms at her desk, something she does when scared. She called my dad, then Mom-Mom again, then the school again, then several friend’s houses where I could have been. When these searches turned up empty she called the school again and it was decided that all they could do was wait to see if I somehow turned up at The Five O’clock Busses, and if I did then Millie the bus driver, who knew both me and my Mom Mom, would make sure I got onto her bus and make a special one-time drop off at a road near Mom Mom’s house. If I didn’t show up at the busses I guess they would have called the police. As I got off the bus I saw Mom-Mom’s  El Camino sitting on the shoulder up the road like a cop car on a stake out. When I got home later that night there was a newly purchased cell phone sitting on the kitchen table. . . . This was one of many events I lived through while I was younger but couldn’t fully understand until I was older. I needed distance before I could evaluate the true emotional recourse of the thing. What I immediately thought was a gross overreaction I now look back on and view as a reasonable response. Of course they were going to worry. I’m their only son. My mom still tells me to this day, “I don’t have a replacement.” Even when all signs pointed to a non-event, pointed to the likelihood that I was safe, when intense love is present, it makes perfect sense to be attracted to that worst thing, to losing that love. I believe that’s what my mom and dad and Mom-Mom experienced that day, and over time I’ve learned to love them back for it. . . . I don’t know much about life, but what I do know is that it’s something like a river. You may see different sizes, shapes, speeds, but what’s certain is that it’s always flowing forward. To resist is a temporary exercise. Water finds its way. What I have also learned about this river is that although a great distance may exist between points, it can look quite the same. The beginning can resemble the end, the end the beginning. What one experiences now is not the only time the river may break in that direction. It returns to itself. At least I think it might. This is what I mean. In 2015 my Mom decided to move to Spain for a month. She wasn’t feeling particularly happy with her job, or possibly even her life (she never said this explicitly), so in the evenings she would click through Airbnb listings in Barcelona. She would even click the heart buttons, relegating them to her “favorites” so she could go back later, look at the pictures of Spanish rooftops, and for a few moments imagine herself living in a foreign land, and by extension inside a life filled with slightly more adventure. An exercise like this is probably common inside of American homes. Perhaps your mom or dad is doing it right now. And it would have forever remained an exercise if my cousin and I weren’t living with my parents at the time. My cousin was taking nurse anesthetist classes at Penn, so Monday through Friday she would stay with us in the suburbs and commute into the city by train. She slept in my childhood bedroom with a floor to ceiling baseball mural on the wall. With Cait around we would sometimes get into the wine during the week if we were bored. One of these nights we all ended up in my mom’s office, cups in hand, ooh-ing and ah-ing over saved Airbnb pages. There was one we knew was her favorite because she had shown us before, it had the best reviews, and the host spoke English. A few moments later she had her credit card out and was asking us both if she should just do it, to which Cait and I responded with a resounding yes. So she clicked the button and just like that she had a flat for a month in downtown Barcelona. My father wasn’t present for the booking and didn’t find out until several weeks later, and even then not from my mom’s mouth but from a girl I was dating at the time. It’s not that my mom didn’t want him to know, it’s that she had never done something like this before. She was waiting for the appropriate time to break the news. Well, my father didn’t get mad because he is a sweet, sweet man. Instead he decided to support my mom’s leap of faith decision by joining her for a week of the trip. When that happened I decided to join too. How it happened was both my mom and her sister would fly over and stay for a week. This was a big deal for my mom. She had never been outside of the country except for her honeymoon in Mexico and one time to Canada, and those don’t really count. Even though she didn’t admit this to me until her sister had left and she was alone for a week, I knew my mother was scared. Making big changes when you’re older has got to be scary for most people. It’s probably because you’re not as dumb as you were when you were younger and therefore not as invincible. The second week my mother would be alone, and I would fly in for the third week. The fourth and final week my dad would come and we would all be together as a family. When my father arrived she arranged for a car to pick him up at the airport and drop him off in front of the apartment. It was the same driver who dropped her and her sister off on the first day of their trip. There was an elevator in the flat but it was old and small so he carried his luggage up the stairs. When he entered he was out of breath. Rooms are scaled differently in Europe. You can tell if you see it. It’s as if everything was measured with a different ruler, which I guess is true. These optics, coupled with his outfit, a nondescript athletic material shirt from Walmart, a blank hat, cheap sneakers, all made him seem like even more of a gigantic white person than he already was. Like Gandalf inside Bilbo Baggins’s house in The Shire. Sweat poured down his face as he unpacked his bags. When he was finally settled in my mom laid out some olives and cheese and we drank wine and talked about our trips. It was still early and I had a few places I wanted to see downtown. There was a café where Hemingway and other Ex-pats supposedly drank, some church with interesting origins. We decided to part ways. I would head out on my own while they finished unpacking. They would see a few things and we would all meet back at the apartment for a short siesta. So that’s what we did. A friend told me that everyone should travel by themselves at one point in their life, but I forget why he said everyone should do it. I remember the afternoon being extremely quiet in a city full of noise. I talked to no one. Soon enough the voices of the city began to fade. I felt light and detached, like when I would go sit in my car during my break and stare out into the brown grass moving carefully in the wind. After a beer and a long sit in an alley that I could never find again, I headed back to the flat. Honestly, I missed my parents here, even if it had only been a couple of hours. I had reached a period with my parents that would last for a while longer but not forever. Like two planets coming into view every night for a few days across a warm and cloudless August sky. This is a period I hope everyone gets to experience with their parents but I’m afraid too many seldom do. A time where you are no longer too young but they’re not yet too old. When you can drink together, make jokes together. When no one takes themselves too seriously. With this thought I bounded up three flights of stairs, heart fluttering in my chest, full of hope. I flung open the door and when I saw their faces it was this same hope that came crashing down.  

She told me the story backwards, starting with the result: My father had been robbed. It happened right away. The entire afternoon while I was meandering narrow streets buzzed on pinkish wine, they had been dealing with crisis. After he unpacked they left the flat for the subway. They were going to the city center, possibly following the same route I had taken just one hour before. To get there you had to transfer lines at one of the busiest stations in the city. They boarded a car on the yellow line and were followed by a throbbing mass of bodies. Person after person squeezed into the car, bumping them, touching them, limiting the space in which they could not only stand but also even breathe. My mother was wise to the thieves of this city. She had all of her belongings inside of a zipped and clipped handbag lined with mesh steel. She could have used it to block a bullet. She had it tucked up into her armpit. Now, the extreme caution she took on her part she transferred to my father, but the focus fell on his physical well being instead of his belongings. As people smaller than him piled into the car, he stood there swaying like some giant who misplaced his mammoth. He looked at my mother and smiled. Hold on to something, she shouted, just before the train jerked forward. I’m sure she envisioned him toppling over as the car took motion. He was in the middle surrounded by bodies, so he grabbed onto the only thing he could, the ceiling rack above his head. The car rounded a soft curve. Bodies and limbs pressed against him like a lung. The car came to a stop, the doors opened, and the throng of people leaning against him (all small women, incidentally) filed out of the car. The doors closed and the subway continued. My father’s wallet, which had been held in a zipper pocket of his cargo shorts, was gone. He felt its absence as the car left the station. And that was that.   My dad alerted my mom, who stood in shock as the last week of her trip exploded in her mind. They rushed not home but to the Barcelona Crowne Plaza. My dad had memorized its location before stepping foot onto the plane. He was a Holiday Inn rewards member, and inside a network hotel he felt more comfortable, he felt at home. Without acknowledging those working at the reception desk he marched directly to their business center where he used their phone and internet services to cancel his credit cards and place alerts on all of his accounts. He printed out pictures of sensitive documents he had emailed himself before the trip. On his way out he did acknowledge the staff, but only to ask them to call a cab for him and my mother who had been sitting quietly in the lobby, still very much in shock. They bought several bottles of wine next door before both trudging up the steps to the flat to drink and forget. To try their best to, anyway. This is how I found them. As they told me this story emotions grew inside of me. Not sorrow, not fear or panic. What grew was an overwhelming sense of frustration. Not in them, but in myself, at the thought that if I wasn’t off on my own, if I was just with them watching, this could have all been prevented. And as we sat there for a few more hours, as my mom and I poured glass after glass of wine, as dad moved from counter to couch and slowly fell asleep, whatever energy or forces that existed between the three of us changed. What I saw and felt were not two people who for 25 years existed as protectors. What I saw for the first time were vessels of some new responsibility. . . . My father recovered from the robbery and was able to enjoy the rest of the trip. I was extremely proud of him for this, another new emotion. Two days later they were off on their own again. We were to meet in a central plaza at two o’clock. At 10 minutes past they still hadn’t shown up. I began to sweat. I kept looking at my phone even though I had no service. Dreadful scenarios formed in my head. But as my mind raced I saw them turn the corner, smiling and holding hands. I told myself to relax. I told myself that they would be okay and I began to believe it. Would I continue to worry? Of course. But I knew it was an emotion I could learn to accept. On the second to last day of the trip I took the subway to the far north end of the city, the last stop on the purple line, and I went to the beach. I spent the day laying in the sand reading Charles Bukowski stories on my Kindle. A very old couple placed their bags next to mine. The woman put on a white swim cap and they waded into the shallow waves to perform calisthenics. I finished my book and when I looked up again the old man and the old woman were dancing hand in hand along the shore. There was no music, just the roar of the breakers slowly crashing at their feet. I looked at the couple and I thought that to worry was not so bad, because behind that worry were embers of love. As I looked down the beach I saw myself dancing, real slow, very old. And what I felt again was hope. Hope that one day, when my parents are gone, when my aunts and uncles are gone, there may just be some youngster sitting on some faraway beach, listening to the sounds of the same waves, worrying about me too.  

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Secret Wars chapter 2: Assembled We are Strong (originally posted on December 4, 2017)

AN: Hello once again loyal readers! This is your esteemed author Lightyearpig coming back to you with another chapter of Steven Universe: Secret Wars. Today, we finally see the debut of the Crystal Gems themselves along with the rest of Earth's Mightiest Heroes and a certain trickster god. We will also see our grand villain Thanos begin to put his plan into action by targeting one of the Infinity Stones in Beach City, but I don't want to give too much away! Now then, let us proceed.

Steven Universe couldn't believe what he was seeing. Tony Stark, aka the Invincible Iron Man, standing right before him at his front door. He didn't know what to say, even when the superhero got his name wrong. "N-no sir, m-my name is Steven uh-Universe." he stuttered blushing.

"Nice to meet ya too kid." Stark greeted looking behind the boy's back to examine the interior of the house. It looked like a basic beach house, except for the fact that there was a large crystal structure in the back in front of a door with a five-pointed star on it, each point featuring a colored circle on it. "May I come in please?" he asked. "Oh sure, what can I get you?" Steven offered leading the adult inside and sitting him down on the couch. "Just give me something to drink, I'm a bit parched after flying here."

Steven cheerfully poured Tony some lemonade and pulled up a chair to sit down on. "So, what brings you to Beach City Mr. Stark?" he asked. "Actually pal, I've come here to speak with you about recent events concerning alien activity. Do you happen to know anything about talking raccoons and giant trees?"

As if he spoke of the devil, a beam of light burst from the pad as three colorful beings emerged from it. "Oh man, been so long since we've been on a mission!" the short one exclaimed stretching her back. "Don't be so worried Amethyst, it was just retrieving a Gem artifact." the taller one with a pointed nose replied. "Doesn't matter anyway, thankfully we got this before Homeworld could." the figure with glasses stated carrying a mysterious object in a bubble before sending it away to parts unknown.

"Hey guys, good to see you back!" Steven happily greeted the trio. "What up dude! Say, who's the bearded guy sitting down?" the short one, now named Amethyst, greeted the boy before gesturing towards Tony, who just stared at them before looking between the picture on his phone and the three standing before him. It took a bit to comprehend it, but he just found the Crystal Gems. "I can't believe it, it's you!" he shouted. "Uh, what's he talkin' about?" Amethyst wondered. "Fury was right, you do live here!"

"Can anyone make heads or tails about what he's saying?" the skinny one wondered raising a brow. "Just let me talk here, my name is Tony Stark and I'm here for your boy he-" Before he could finish, the glasses woman punched him hard in the face, sending him flying across the room. "Okay, that was kinda rude." he stated as he pushed a button on his wristwatch which covered his hand in metal plating.

"Garnet, what're you doing?" Amethyst shouted. "We already dealt with one intruder, we don't need another!" the glasses girl, now named Garnet, replied winding up another punch before being blasted in the face by Stark's glove. "Aren't you being a bit short-sighted Garnet? Maybe he's friendly like what happened with the Guardians." the skinny one asked before summoning a spear from her forehead. "So you three wanna play hardball, huh? How about we make this even?" Tony challenged the three. "J.A.R.V.I.S, send in the Mark XLVI!" he commanded to an unknown figure. "Right away Mr. Stark." the voice replied as several pieces of metal fell from the sky crashing through the roof of the beach house and assembling on his person, forming a suit of red and gold armor.

"WHOA!" Steven gaped in awe at the man in armor before them before turning to his guardians. "Guys, don't fight him, he's a superhero kinda like you!" he shouted to the three women. "Wait, a superhero?" the tall one wondered. "Yeah Pearl, he's..." he began before Tony interrupted him. "Just let me do this one sport. I am Iron Man."

Sitting down on the couch, the Gems and the Armored Avenger took time to apologize to one another about what had just happened. "Anyway, I am terribly sorry for punching you." Garnet said in her usual stoic tone. "It's okay, that's happened to me way too many times." Iron Man responded. "And I'm sorry for blasting you in the face."

"So Steven, who did you say he was again?" Pearl asked Steven. "He's Iron Man, a member of the Avengers alongside the Incredible Hulk, Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow and my personal hero, Captain America!" the boy exclaimed, to which the genius billionaire replied by waving. "Oh, you mean like the heroes in your comic books?" she added. "No, I'm the real deal. And I've come here to speak with you about recent events." Tony stated. "You know a bunch of a-holes calling themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy?"

"Oh yeah, we know them! They came here trying to capture a friend of ours before we became friends and kicked evil butt!" Amethyst replied. "But speaking of which, if you're superheroes then where were you when Lapis Lazuli stole the ocean, Jasper invaded or when the Cluster was about to form?" she asked Stark. "We were willing to step in, but we had our own fish to fry like Loki, Ultron, Baron Zemo & the Masters of Evil and especially Thanos."

"Who's Thanos?" Amethyst wondered. "I think I may vaguely remember him, but my memory is a bit foggy." Pearl replied. "Mine too." Garnet added.

"Basically to jog your memory, Thanos is a galactic tyrant that wants to get in the pants of the personification of Death by uniting the six Infinity Stones to conquer all life in the universe." Tony explained before they all heard a ringing noise. "Hang on a sec." he apologized pulling out his phone to read a text message from Pepper saying she and Happy have returned to New York. "Oh never mind everyone, just a text from my colleague/girlfriend." That was when they heard another noise before Tony picked up an ID card with the letter A on it. Tapping it, a hologram of a muscular blond man appeared.

"Comrade Stark, thou must heed my words!" the hologram exclaimed. Steven immediately recognized the voice as Thor Odinson, prince of Asgard and God of Thunder. "Hey, that's Thor!" he smiled. "Excuse thy but was that a child's voice I heard?" Thor wondered. "Not important right now Hammerman, what's the big news?" Tony asked. "Anyway, Loki hath returned to Midgard and this time he is headed for your location!"

"Awesome, we get to fight Loki!" Steven cheered before Tony stopped him. "Slow down there kid, this guy might be a bit too powerful for you." Tony calmed him down. "It's alright Mr. Stark, he can handle himself and we've covered threats like this Loki before." Pearl reassured him. "Okay, you can come. Avengers, a-" he began to say the Earth's Mightiest Heroes' famous battle cry before Steven stopped him. "Can I say it?" he asked with stars in his eyes. "Alright, knock yourself out."

"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Oh, that felt so good."

Mere minutes later, a jet touched down right outside the beach house as Iron Man and the Crystal Gems rushed outside. Five figures had stepped out of the vehicle, each making Steven more excited and the Gems more interested.

The first to exit were actually a pair. One half of this duo was an attractive red-haired woman clad in a skintight black bodysuit with an hourglass-shaped belt buckle while the other wore a purple-and-black uniform with sunglasses and carried a bow-and-arrow on his back. They were Black Widow and Hawkeye.

The next was a giant green beast of a man clad in nothing but torn purple jeans. He was the Incredible Hulk.

After him was another muscular man clad in chainmail battle armor, a silver helmet with wings on each side, a red cape and carried a small hammer. He was Thor.

Finally, a man clad in a full-body suit bearing the colors of the American flag and wielding a shield that had a white star in its center. This was Captain America.

"Tony, we got the message!" the good captain called to his armored teammate from the sand. "Wait a second, is that..." Pearl stared in awe. "STEVE!" Amethyst cried with joy before dashing down toward the Star-Spangled Avenger. "Are those the-" Captain America wondered before the undercooked quartz pounced him and they landed on the sand. "Steve, I can't believe it's you!" Amethyst said hugging him tight. "We thought you died you big red, white and blue lug!"

"It's good to see you all again too Gems." Cap responded getting up before hugging her back. "We all thought you perished saving the country from Red Skull, but here you are!" Pearl added joining in on the group hug. "Aren't you going to join in Garnet?" Their leader stood there for a bit before picking them all up with just her two arms. "I can't believe it, first Iron Man comes at my doorstep and now the Gems know Captain America! MY MIND IS BEING BLOWN SO MUCH TODAY!" Steven screamed before fainting.

"Tony, I suppose thou is the child from earlier?" Thor wondered pointing at the boy. "Pretty much Thor. Excitable squirt too." Tony answered. "So guys, how do you know about my favorite superhero ever?" Steven asked getting up. "Looks like I have a fan here." Cap said releasing himself from the group hug to meet Steven. "So little one, you know these girls?" he asked. "Yeah, they're my guardians and we go on missions to protect humanity and stuff!" Steven replied smiling. "Kinda like us. So how's Rose been doing?"

"Oh yeah, about that." Amethyst said rubbing her neck. "She married a human and had to give up her physical form to give birth to Steven." Pearl finally answered. "Well I'll be." Cap sighed. "So is pink boy same person as his mother?" Hulk asked. "Well technically. She's like half of me." Steven replied pulling up his shirt to show his Gem. "Wow, that stone must be worth billions." Hawkeye stated examining it. "Clint, what did we say?" Black Widow stated. "Okay, I'll stop."

"Natasha Romanoff, former agent of S.H.I.E.L.D and Avenger. This is my partner Clint Barton." Widow introduced herself and Hawkeye to the Gems. "Wassup?" he said. "I am Thor Odinson, crown prince of Asgard!" Thor boomed holding his hammer aloft. "Name's Hulk, and you better not make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry." Bruce Banner added. "So what's the gimmick behind these heroes?" Pearl asked Steven.

"That's a very good question Pearl." Steven replied trying to look smart. "Thor is a god of thunder who wields the mighty Mjolnir to do tons of awesome stuff. The Hulk is just an average scientist named Bruce Banner who was exposed to gamma radiation and can transform when he gets angry. Black Widow & Hawkeye are secret agents that worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. Hawkeye is really good with arrows while Widow has super cool spy skills. And finally, Cap-"

"We already know Cap's story Steven. And I kind of guessed he could've been alive with my future vision." Garnet stated. "Now then Mr. Rogers, tell us your story." she offered to the super-soldier. "With pleasure Garnet."

Germany. August 4, 1944.

HYDRA was on the move, preparing their next attack. Captain America & Rose Quartz led both the Howling Commandos & the Crystal Gems into combat against them. "Rose, any word from Amethyst yet?" Steve Rogers asked to his sister-in-arms. "Not yet, but hopefully soon!" the leader of the Crystal Gems answered as she dodged enemy fire.

Meanwhile in a HYDRA outpost, their leader was making a speech to a platoon of armed soldiers. He was clad in basic military garb, but his most distinguishing feature was his crimson skeleton-like facial features. This was Johann Schmidt, the Red Skull. "Soldiers of HYDRA!" his voice boomed for all to hear. "Today, we stand here on the brink of victory against the Allies! Thanks to technology from thousands of years ago we recently recovered, the odds are most certainly in our-"

Before he could finish his speech, a purple bird pooped on his face, humiliating him and making the soldiers laugh loudly. "WHAT THE?!" he screamed turning his attention to the bird who stuck its tongue out at him. "Don't just stand there you idiots, KILL THAT BIRD!" he commanded the soldiers before they fired their weapons at the bird who turned into Amethyst and landed straight in the path of a tank. "Aw geez." she groaned before Garnet took one out with her gauntlets. "Nearly lost you there Amethyst." she said punching another tank into a tree. "Yo, thanks for the lift G."

"Garnet, Amethyst, air raid at 3:00!" Jim Morita of the Howling Commandos shouted to them as he, along with Gabe Jones, Pinky Pinkerton and Happy Sam Sawyer began shooting down biplanes carrying bombs. "You ready for this?" Garnet asked her shorter companion readying her gauntlets. "I was produced ready!" Amethyst exclaimed as he pulled down planes with her whip.

Pearl was currently dodging enemy fire along with Bucky and Dum Dum Dugan, trying their best to swiftly dodge the swarm of bullets. "Quickly everyone, behind those trees!" she ordered as they fled deep into the forest, only for Bucky to get shot in his left arm. "Oh my goodness, Bucky!" Dugan cried out to his comrade as they rushed to his side. "Tell me Bucky, are you alright?" Pearl asked trying to patch up the wound. "It's alright Pearl, just a little bullet hole." Bucky said as the Gem pulled out some gauze from her gemstone and patched him up. "Those riflemen are catching up to us, what do we do?" Timothy wondered as the men crept closer to their location. "Boys, I think I have a plan." Pearl declared.

"So what do you plan on doing if we win this?" one rifleman asked to the other. "I don't know, maybe retire, settle down with a nice wife and kids to tell war stories to." the second gunman answered before they spotted Pearl. "It's the bird lady, prepare yourself!"

"Okay you two, I surrender." Pearl announced. "Just take me to your commander so that I may spill our secrets." she stated with a hint of snark in her voice. "I can't believe it, one of those rock ladies is actually surrendering! What do we do?" the first sharpshooter exclaimed. "I say we just take her to Skull and maybe have a little 'fun' with her, if you know what I mean." the second one answered wiggling his eyebrows. "Hey, didn't you say you wanted to settle down with a nice wife?!"

"NOW!" Pearl shouted which led to the two being knocked out by Barnes and Dugan. "Excellent work you two." she congratulated the men. "I can't believe they actually fell for it!" Bucky said. "Great plan there Pearl." Dum Dum said to Pearl. "Makes me wonder how Cap and Rose are doing."

Speaking of which, the two were plowing their way through HYDRA forces like a herd of elephants stampeding into a china shop. Rose Quartz was slashing down unfortunate soldiers with her trusted sword while Captain America was deflecting enemy fire with his mighty shield. The two of them arrived at a compound with its front door bearing the red-and-black symbol of HYDRA looming in front of them.

"This is it, this is where we dismantle Red Skull's latest scheme once and for all." Cap declared preparing to open the door before Rose stopped him. "I'm not sure about this Steve. HYDRA may have weapons beyond our comprehension. What if you die?" she said. "It doesn't matter if I lose my life here, there will always be someone to defend the country."

Bursting inside, they were immediately cornered by Red Skull standing by himself applauding the duo. "Well well well, the Star Spangled Man with a Plan and his pink compatriot." he calmly greeted the two with a devilish smirk.

"Your madness ends here Red Skull, release the people you have enslaved or else we will have to end you ourselves!" Rose shouted fiercely to the terrorist. "Ah Fraulein Quartz, it shall be you two who will end." Schmidt revealed, snapping his fingers to reveal more HYDRA foot soldiers armed with technology that seemed familiar to Rose. "We have recently recovered weaponry created by a place known as Homeworld created to destroy your kind." the leader of HYDRA explained.

"Wait, what's Homeworld?" Cap asked Rose. "I'll explain later, but right now our problem is them!" she replied. The two shield-wielders stood firm as the soldiers prepared for combat while chanting "Hail HYDRA!"

Meanwhile, the Commandos and the Gems rushed to the compound to find it locked down. "Rose, are you in there?!" Pearl cried pounding on the door. "You alright Steve?" Bucky added joining her in pounding the entrance. Suddenly the door finally opened and out came their respective leaders badly beaten but still alive.

Mere hours later, the heroes were all taken back to Washington D.C to be congratulated by none other than President Franklin D. Roosevelt. "In our darkest hour, you were the light that gave us hope." he spoke shaking each soldier's hand, including the Crystal Gems. "When our country and allies were faced with a calamity of unimaginable proportions, you stood tall and prevailed over the threat that was HYDRA."

The crowd grew more wild as they started taking pictures of FDR standing with Cap and Rose. "You're not only America's heroes, but heroes of the whole world." he continued saluting them. "On the behalf of the people, we salute you Captain America, the Howling Commandos and especially your new companions Rose Quartz & the Crystal Gems."

"I still look back fondly on that day." Pearl became wistful for the old days as Steve finished his story. "In fact, the reason why you're named Steven is partially because of the good captain here." Garnet revealed putting her hand on Cap's shoulder. "Come on Garnet, you're making me blush in front of him."

"My friends, I hate to interrupt but LOKI IS HERE!" Thor exclaimed pointing to a mysterious portal appearing in the streets of Beach City. "Well whadya say everyone? Kick some Asgardian ass?" Tony asked. "With pleasure." Hulk replied pounding his fists. "Let's go." Garnet added. "Woo, fighting a supervillain!" Steven cheered. "All right everyone, let's move out!"

Meanwhile within Beach City, a portal had appeared and out of it walked none other than Loki, adopted brother of Thor and the God of Trickery. Alongside him were a muscular man clad in black-and-white striped pants & carrying a ball on a chain and a blonde woman clad in a revealing purple leotard with spikes on the arms. They were the Absorbing Man and Titania. "Ya sure this is the place Horns? Doesn't look like much to me." Carl Creel wondered. "Of course I'm sure my friend, he said the Stone would be here." Loki replied with a smirk.

"Hopefully he's right, cause that stupid brother of yours is here." Mary MacPherran stated spotting the Avengers and the Crystal Gems headed toward them. "Oh goody." Loki grimaced. "It seems wherever I go, he always manages to follow me."

"Actually brother, you followed us here." Thor quipped before pointing his hammer at the trio. "Now then, what brings you here?!" he demanded. "I bet you're here to kidnap Steven, and if that happens again we will end you!" Garnet added. "Kidnap who now? HA! I have simply come here for a certain item you may have." Loki claimed. "Wait, what's he talkin' about?" Amethyst wondered.

"Carl, crush her." the Frost Giant ordered. "With pleasure boss." the Absorbing Man affirmed with a smirk before charging at the wannabe Quartz soldier. "Amethyst, run!" Steven called to her, but she was too late and was uppercutted into the air by the villain, causing her to spit out an glowing orange nugget. "By Odin's beard, it can't be!" Thor exclaimed in utter shock. "Please tell me we're seeing things!" Hawkeye added as the other Avengers gaped at the sight before them while the nugget fell into Loki's palm.

"Well, who knew getting the Mind Stone was going to be this easy?" smirked Loki. "You had Mind Stone entire time?!" Hulk wondered. "Wait, the what now? I thought it was a chicken nugget." Amethyst responded getting up from Creel punching her. "You mistook one of the Infinity Stones for a chicken nugget?!" Tony shouted groaning. "Infinity Stones? You mean-" Pearl exclaimed before covering her mouth in fear. "We can explain later, right now we stop Loki!" Cap ordered. "Avengers assemble!"

The two parties charged into battle, the Crystal Gems taking on Absorbing Man and the Avengers against Loki & Titania. "Don't think you can win just because you're aliens babes!" the criminal boasted getting into a fistfight with Garnet. "Steven, you're the superhero expert here! What even is he?!" Pearl shouted. "Well let me think for a moment." answered Steven. "Oh yeah, Carl Creel was an average crook that was given the power to absorb any material he touched through Asgardian magic!" he explained. "And Titania was just an average woman from Denver who got super-strong thanks to alien technology!"

"Thanks for expositing our powers brat!" Carl snarked as he grabbed Garnet in the gemstone on her right hand and his skin suddenly turned as blue as the ocean. "No way!" the fusion gasped. "Fancy! Loving the new skin!" he boasted examining his body before punching Amethyst in the face, freezing her. "Wait, why did Wrecking Ball Man turn blue after touching Square Woman when Square Woman red?" Hulk asked. "We can discuss later Hulk!"

"Okay team, our current mission is to get the Mind Stone out of Loki's hands!" Steve ordered. "Clint, Tasha, I'm gonna need you to handle Titania! Hulk, you try and distract Creel while the rest of us take care of Loki!" The other heroes immediately did as they were told, with Hawkeye and Romanoff first going after Titania.

"Hey babe, wanna see some tricks?" the archer offered to the villainess. "What kinda tricks Robin Hood?" his opponent wondered before she grabbed an arrow fired by him that started beeping. "Tick tick boom." The arrow then exploded in her face knocking her back. When she got back up, she looked furious and charged at the duo.

Meanwhile, Bruce had stood his ground against Absorbing Man who had already put Pearl literally on ice. "Hey Wrecking Ball Man, you leave Bird Woman and friends alone or else Hulk smash!" he roared. "That's what you always say big guy! Y'know, maybe I should start counting how many times you do it whenever we fight." Creel fired back before Hulk punched him in the face and started smashing him. "Hulk gonna break you to tiny pieces and turn you into fancy rings!" the gamma giant shouted continuing to crush him with his emerald fists.

"Banner, calm down! We just need you to take him out, not kill him and turn his remains in jewelry!" Iron Man said. "Yeah, the better to SMASH YOU with!" Crusher cried as he picked up his wrecking ball and smashed Hulk back. "Hey, you leave him alone!" Steven demanded summoning his shield to protect the scientist from the supervillain. "What the?!" Absorbing Man exclaimed before he was instantly knocked out by none other than Mjolnir. "Good work there defending Bruce young one." Thor thanked Steven retrieving his trusted hammer. "You're welcome Thor." the boy replied beaming.

"It's always got to be him, doesn't he?" Loki moaned facepalming. "Titania, please pick up where Creel has failed!" he ordered to Mary only to discover she was already beaten by Natasha and Clint. "No matter, I still have the Mind Stone on me!" he declared before it was immediately snatched out of his hands by Amethyst's whip. "That's what you think sucka!" she bragged before changing her form to resemble that of a pro-wrestler and knocking Loki to the ground with a clothesline attack.

"It's over brother, your cohorts have fallen and the Mind Stone is ours. Any last words before we have to bring you in?" Thor declared before his arch-enemy finally rose from being beat up. "Don't get too cocky fools! You may have defeated me now but I am nothing compared to what's next! He will put an end to you once and for-"

Hulk had finally got sick of the Frost Giant's talking and grabbed him tightly before jumping high up in the sky. "HULK SICK OF PUNY GOD TALKING! HULK SMASH PUNY GOD!" he roared for all to hear as he let go of him and started punching him while falling down.

Loki landed first and was about to flee before he noticed the strongest there is still charging toward him. "HULK CANNONBALL!" He utterly crushed the brother of Thor, leaving him lying on the ground only letting out a small, pained squeal. "Still a puny god."

"Good work team, we saved the town and stopped Loki." Cap congratulated everyone. "Now, let's hand these two over to S.H.I.E.L.D and reconvene at the Gems' temple."

"You all did great there Gems, especially you Steven for defending Bruce from Absorbing Man." Tony said to Steven, who was utterly ecstatic. "Thank you Mr. Stark!" he smiled. "Uh, hey guys I hate to be a party pooper but Loki is getting away!" Hawkeye exclaimed seeing the mangled Frost Giant escape through a portal before giving one last hateful look at the heroes. "I will be back soon fools." he uttered before finally retreating and the portal closed behind him.

Later at the Crystal Temple, the Avengers and the Crystal Gems begin discussing the Infinity Stones while Steven made them all snacks. "So if this apparently an Infinity 'Gem', why isn't it reforming yet?" Pearl wondered.

"Actually my pointy-nosed companion, these are not the types of Gems you are familiar with. Tony, if you please." he said to Stark who created a slideshow with his repulsor lasers. "Before creation itself, there were six singularities. When the universe exploded into existence, these singularities were compressed into a group of ingots known as the Infinity Stones." he summarized.

"Each of them represent an aspect of our universe such as space, time, power, the soul, reality and of course the mind. A mad being known as Thanos constantly sought to obtain these Stones to gain ultimate power over the universe and win the love of the personification of Death herself."

"We nearly lost our lives against Thanos before, but we were always able to defeat him and separate them across the cosmos." Widow followed up. "And it seems one of them landed in the hands-or rather stomach-of you four." Amethyst just glanced around before turning her attention back to the Mind Stone. "So what do we do now?" she wondered. "Simple, we go to space and find the Stones before Thanos does." Cap declared.

"Whoa whoa whoa, are we really going to space?!" Steven exclaimed. "The last times we were there didn't end very well for us." Garnet added. "We understand you may be a bit uncomfortable with going to space, but it's for the good of all life." Thor said.

"Before we leave, Hulk still got a question." Hulk said before he regressed back into Bruce Banner. "How is it that Garnet has sort of a reddish color yet when Absorbing Man touched her gem, he turned blue?" Bruce wondered. "Funny you should ask that Doctor." Garnet answered with a smile before glowing brightly and splitting into Ruby and Sapphire. "Wait, what?! You mean to tell me this badass square afro lady with the hilariously oversized hips was actually two little girls in a trenchcoat?!" Bruce shouted.

"You could put it like that Doc. We're a fusion." Ruby said. "A special process when two Gems are completely synchronized together to form something entirely new." Sapphire added before they finally merged back into Garnet.

"Good news everyone, I've already arranged a Quinjet that'll take us into space and I also got some extra firepower coming with us." Iron Man announced. "But who will protect the city while we're gone?" Widow wondered. "Right, almost forgot." the Armored Avenger responded pulling out his phone to make a call. "Hey, is this Reed Richards?" he spoke. "Good to know, thank God you haven't been replaced with a Skrull. Listen, the Avengers and I are going to space to find the Infinity Stones again, so I'm gonna need you and your fantastic friends to pick up the slack while we're gone."

"While Tony is talking, I think we should still prepare for what's to come." Rogers stated. "The Quinjet should be arriving in a few minutes, so best to say your goodbyes before we leave."

Meanwhile in a far off part of the universe, Loki had finally fled from the Crystal Gems and the Avengers to an asteroid field known as Sanctuary. It was infested with alien races preparing for battle at any moment from Chitauri to Outriders and much more. "Lord Thanos, I wish to speak with you." the god declared to a figure with his back to him. "Speak Loki." the figure boomed. "I hate to say this, but I failed to acquire the Mind Stone, plus I have ran into some...problems along the way."

"Problems Loki? What kind of problems?" The figure turned to face Loki, revealing himself to be a purple humanoid creature clad in blue and gold armor with a golden gauntlet that gave off an eerie purple glow.

It was Thanos.

"I ran into those so-called 'Avengers' during my quest along with a group calling themselves the Crystal Gems." Loki explained, which made Thanos furious as he grabbed him by the torso and hoisted him up to his eye level. "Not only have you failed to bring me one of the Infinity Stones, but you were once again foiled by those heroes?!" he shouted. "Enjoy these last moments while you can boy, for I will bathe the starways in your blood!"

"WAIT!" a voice called out, charging to Thanos's side and whispering into his ears. This was Ebony Maw, another one of the Mad Titan's minions. "Very well then. I shall let you live." he stated dropping Loki to the ground. "But you won't bring me the Stones anymore."

"Oh really, and who have you nominated to replace me?" Loki wondered with a smirk. Thanos simply grinned and turned his gaze to another being clad in red clothing pressing his fingertips together behind him.

"Mephisto."

The plot begins to thicken true believers! What adventures will our united heroes go on? Who will protect Beach City while they're gone? Will they encounter a certain bunch of a-holes along the way? Find out next time on Steven Universe Secret Wars chapter 3, The New Crystal Gems: Rise of MODOK!

[thecoroutfitters]

Written by Guest Contributor on The Prepper Journal.

Editors Note: In the “spirit” of the holiday, with tongue firmly in cheek, here is an article from the writers at Company Essaylab, with just a few tweaks from TPJ. Blame it on the sugar-spike from all the candy being left about like clues in a scavenger hunt!The Prepper Journal will return to serious matters tomorrow, on the Dia De Los Muertos.

As always, if you have information for Preppers that you would like to share and possibly receive a $25 cash award, as well as being entered into the Prepper Writing Contest AND have a chance to win one of three Amazon Gift Cards  with the top prize being a $300 card to purchase your own prepping supplies, then enter today!

THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE

Don’t delay. Prepare now for the zombie apocalypse. Your life and the lives of your loved ones depends on it! Don’t think it is possible? Have you NOT seen what colleges now call graduates?!?!?!?!

The Apocalypse

Here It Comes… Are you ready?

The Zombie Apocalypse is a phrase used to describe the inevitable breakdown of society as we know it due to a zombie infestation.

Precise details of when and where the zombie outbreak will originate and what will cause it are largely unknown at the present time, but we do know that it is coming sometime soon and will affect the entire planet. Traces of evidence appear hourly, if not more often on social media, and in the “Media”. Mindless drones are now a thing…..not the ones that fly but the ones that the media always seems to interview at rallies.

Regardless of its exact nature, the zombie apocalypse is expected to follow these predetermined steps:

Outbreak The first zombie (or zombies) are brought into existence. Causes include magic, a virus, extraterrestrial interference, sun spots, climate change, an overdose of FaceBook, just one more cable-news channel, and Russians, always Russians

Ensuing chaos, death and destruction – like Chicago on a weekend The pioneer zombies forge an assault on the uninfected human population, resulting in more zombies and less humans due to either infection or the recently killed rising as undead, like the Rolling Stones doing “one more tour!”

Fall of the authorities Despite their best efforts, local law enforcement and the military are unable to contain or combat the zombie threat and quickly become overwhelmed by the walking dead. The city of Berkeley has already documented this phenomenon.

Formation of isolated groups Small groups of individuals band together for survival. Disputes and conflicts will often break out among the living despite the increasing zombie threat, a trend first noted in the Republican Party

Group mergers These isolated groups will increase in number as straggling survivors join them and groups merge into larger communities, the birth to the repeat of history that brought us to the apocalypse in the first place

Rebuilding of society Large dense populations of humans will reform as they formulate plans to combat the zombie infestation and rebuild society. The rise of the feudal “City state” furthers the case for history being repeated.

Zombies

Know the enemy… before he recognizes you as it’s prey

If you want to survive the forthcoming zombie apocalypse, you will need to learn about zombies. Whether you plan to fight, flee or hide, an intimate knowledge of the zombie’s body and mind will increase your chances of staying alive.

Because the zombie outbreak has not yet happened, the exact nature of the zombie is still an unknown quantity, though social media warriors provide valuable insight. Fortunately the greatest minds of science and Hollywood have combined to give us an idea of what to expect from our eventual undead foes.

The ‘classic’ zombie (pictured here) will be your most likely threat post-apocalypse. “Acting like teenagers” will be your first clue that they are now devoid of all previous human traits.

Their brains are only able to provide the body with the very basic motor functions. These include:

A slow lumbering walk

The ability to reach out with their arms (although their hands have almost zero dexterity)

A primeval bite or scratch

Eating human flesh

Voting for Democrats since their death

Texting while driving, paying $7 for a cup of coffee and never looking up from their phones…

If the cause of the zombie outbreak is an infection of some kind, it may only take a small scratch or bite from one of these guys to pass on the contagion. This is not to say that the launch of the latest iPhone, a Star Trek Convention, a ComiCon, or a Justin Timberlake concert can not produce the same behavior temporarily.

Due to their lack of speed, they can easily be outran but their strength lies in their numbers and it is almost impossible to get away from a hoard of these zombies without the aid of massive firepower or a vehicle that won’t start until the very last second.

Despite the lack of cognitive ability in the Classic Zombie, they have a blood-lust for human flesh and this is their main driving force, along with getting an autograph from Ariana Grande. It may be the case that their insatiable desire to eat humans hones their senses to much higher levels than when they were alive as they may be able to smell living human flesh over long distances.

If they have a pain threshold, it is astonishingly high and they will continue to gravitate towards their living sustenance even if they are suffering from wounds that would immobilize a living human. Even with severed limbs, they will still attempt to locate, approach and eat the living, as well as get to the next map/mission in Call of Duty.

The single wound that they cannot recover from and which will ultimately kill them once and for all is severe brain trauma. Your greatest chance of stopping a zombie in its tracks is by concentrating your firepower at its head.

BUT, the worse is yet to come as you must also learn how to deal with so-called ‘special’ zombies. Special zombies have particular skills or abilities, which make them deadlier opponents. The root of these will be politicians, Hollywood elites, and the already brain-dead who fawn over them currently. Their knowledge of makeup, dress, style and gab may facilitate them penetrating your defenses. Be vigilant in your assessments of these undead.

Humans

There’s No ‘I’ in Team

Taking on hordes of zombies is not a one-man or woman (or any of the other 53 genders) job – you will need to assemble a team of crack zombie killers, preferably not on crack. Once the panic and destruction of the initial zombie outbreak has died down, those that survive will be cut off from one another, maybe alone.

Whatever you decide to do next, whether it’s search for a loved one or go on a zombie killing spree, or look for companions, your best chance of survival is to find other like-minded individuals – and if like-minded individuals are sparse, living individuals may be the next best thing, though they are always the most dangerous on TV and in the movies.

Safety in numbers may be the key here. Whether you like them or not is unimportant (and when you’re making group decisions, disputes will inevitably break out). Your most important task right now is to have people watching your back, as you watch theirs.

Your ability to locate and befriend other survivors will be paramount to your survival, so make no small task of working on your social skills pre-apocalypse. Develop the ability to text and sight-in simultaneously, to drive a vehicle, play a game on your smart phone, and find a Red Bull at the same time. Knowing how to cook a meal over a campfire while cleaning your weapons and stitching up a wounded comrade will be a life-skill that others will seek.

Training

Your Body is a Temple

   To survive in a post-apocalyptic zombie-ridden world takes training and hard work. Yes, you may be able to learn “on the job” without any prior preparation but your chances of preservation will be increased if you have trained your body and mind beforehand.

Not only should you keep your body in tip-top condition, but you will also need to learn a plethora of skills to ensure your longevity. Remember that natural selection favors those that are best equipped to survive in their environment. Darwin.

Weapons

Tool Up! Choose your darlings…

  To be a successful zombie apocalypse survivor, you need to familiarize yourself with a wide variety of weapons. The rule of thumb at first should be “anything I can get my hands on”, followed by a better approach, time permitting.

As we stated above the only way to effectively kill a zombie is via brain trauma. This can take many forms including shooting, decapitation, bludgeoning, stabbing, burning, freezing and exploding. The important thing is to always aim for the head. While methods of forcing them to watch marathons of “The View”, “Good Morning America” or “Full Frontal” will eventually turn their brains to mush, as it has already done to your fellow citizens, it is not fast enough to save you from them, and their attention spans are shorter than the people on those shows.

That said the weapons below are a good “starter kit”:

Close-Combat Weapons

Baseball Bat

Cricket Bat

Golf Club

Wooden Stick

Metal Pipe

Guitar

Sword

Knife/Dagger

Hammer

Fire Extinguisher

Chains

Axe

Chainsaw

Power Drill

Ice Pick

Chop Sticks

Silverware, excluding the spoon unless your are a full on “ANIMAL WARRIOR!”

Ranged Weapons

Sling

Pistol

Shotgun

Bow

Crossbow

Minigun

Machine Gun

Paint ball gun shooting KFC chicken (?) nuggets

Long-Ranged Weapons

Rifle

Sniper Rifle

Mounted Machine Gun

C-Span blaring on speakers

Explosives

Molotov Cocktail

Grenade

Dynamite

Landmine

Sour mash still

Kit

Be Prepared!

To stay alive after the zombie apocalypse in a world where the mod-cons of modern society no longer exist requires supplies and equipment that will be essential to preserving yourself and your team in the post-apocalyptic world.

Ideally, you will want to prepare your survival kit prior to the zombie uprising and store it somewhere safe and easily accessible. If you have teenagers hide it where you keep household cleaning supplies. If you have in-laws staying with you NEVER hide it where you keep the liquor!

There is no reason for you to not start building your zombie survival kit today. Although some of the items on the list below may be impractical to obtain pre-apocalypse, like a rifle if you live in Europe, or Canada, or Cuba, or Mexico, or, well, you get the picture.  On the other hand many of the items can be gathered quickly and inexpensively once the SHTF, like a rifle in France.

In addition, items that may seem difficult to acquire today will be easier to procure after society has broken down, when looting will become widespread, because, you know, everyone needs a 60″ flat screen for their bunker.

A typical zombie survival kit should consist of:

Essentials

Water – 1 Gallon per person per day – assumes hygiene is toast

Non-perishable or canned food (enough to last a week) – yummy

Can opener – really? Can’t make it without a can opener? You get “point” on patrols

A stockpile of any prescription medicines required by your family – and drugs family members are addicted to…

A first-aid kit, and knowing what it is and is not for

A knife

A clockwork or battery-powered radio

Duct tape (can fix anything)

A change of clothes – just one, same comment as water above

Blankets

Highly Desirable

Hammer and nails (for fortifications)

A hatchet

Matches/lighter

Weaponry (see previous chapter)

Flashlight/torch

Local maps

Desirable

Wet wipes, bin bags & toilet paper – the last one so needs to be on the first list!

Surgical mask/dust mask

Fire extinguisher

Bleach

Binoculars

Compass

Let’s Get Outta Here!

Transport

Medium to long distance travel following the zombie uprising will, at some point be a necessity so acquiring, controlling and maintaining vehicles will be fundamental to your survival.

There is a single criteria in play here – works, has keys, has gas. Move on!

Bases

Let’s Hold Out Here For a Few Days

Following the zombie outbreak, you will want to secure a base of operations, where you can eat, sleep and plan your missions in relative safety.

If you are in your home when the dead begin to rise, this will be your most likely first base. However, as time goes by you will almost certainly decide to move your base to a more appropriate location that has better facilities for the long-term.

Typical bases as used in movies include:

Others Homes

Indoor Malls with crappy shops

Gun stores with working bathrooms, good luck

Farmsteads – only if you are NOT from a city as you will be lost

Caves

Hotels

Warehouses

Prisons, hmmmm…

Castles

Airports

Police Stations

Islands, especially on fresh water lakes

Okay, all that is left now is to Have a Happy Halloween. Be safe. Let kids be kids even though it is a school night! And keep the sugar intake down….isn’t the day after Halloween called “assault your co-workers with the junk candy day?” It should be.

The post Well, It is Halloween After All! appeared first on The Prepper Journal.

from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[redsky123love]

Why do you have a Stripper Pole in your Room? Chapter 7- Getting that bod on the stripper pole!

"I am staying home today." Marinette moaned as she remained in her bed. Her alarm clock was beeping loudly, causing her to swing her body to the side and turn it off. Once off, she turns to the side and sighs. Tikki, who slept in a box above her head, floated down next to her and pats Marinette's nose.

"Take a day off, I bet you will feel better in the afternoon." Tikki said with a smile. The tiny creature then flies up into her bed box and falls asleep. Marinette picks up her phone, texts her parents, then snuggles back into her original sleep position. An hour past, an hour of pure silence silence past...then it was destroyed when her four comrades came barging into her room.

"Oh bug-a-boo!" Adrien shouted as he walks into the room, but falls to the ground as Chloe comes running in.

"Oh my god Mari, I never thought I would say this but your room looks amazing!" Chloe said with a smile.

"GO AWAY!" Marinette almost screamed before throwing a pillow over her head. She was in no mood for this, but still, her comrades did not leave.

"Come down my lady and come have some food with us. I bought your favorites." Adrien said as he gets to his feet.

"Yea! That I bought food as well! Come on, let's have a meal outside in the park!" Chloe said in a sweet voice. Nino and Alya were watching from afar as the two blonde fought over Ladybug's affections. Marinette was sighing in annoyance as she pulls the covers over her head.

"Come on buggy, let have a roma-I mean lunch with our comrades!" Adrien said. "Arent you hungry!?"

"How did you get in here!?" Marinette cried in pain.

"The back door." Nino said.

"We don't have a back door!" Marinette shouted. Nino and Alya looked at each other for a second in worry.

"Then what was..." Alya asked as she turns her head to Marinette's doorway.

"Let it go..." Nino muttered.

"I just want to sleep! Why are you here!?" Marinette shouted.

"Why are you sleeping, My Lady? Today is such a beautiful day outside." Adrien said, using his charming voice to melt Marinette's heart...and possibly make her panties wet in the process.

"No, you are not allowed to use that voice!" Chloe growled.

"What Chloe? Don't like it?" Adrien asked in that husky voice. Marinette face was turning her bright red at this voice Adrien was using.

"Dude, he hit puberty." Nino whispered to Alya. Looking at her, he saw her blushing a bit. "OH COME ON?!"

"What!? This voice is hot as fuck! It's like listening to Joseph Levitt Gordon in Sin City! God I loved that movie." Alya said in shame.

"I can't come down..." Marinette moaned.

"Come to me my love, I will make this the best day of your life." Adrien purred to her. Marinette's heart was beating like drummer banging a drum. Her face was pure red but she refused to leave her bed.

"I can't..." She moaned.

"Oh my love, is it bed hair? No bra? morning breath?" Adrien asked in his husky voice before walking toward the staircase that led up to her bed. Only to be stopped by Chloe grabbing him by the shoulders and yanking him down to the floor. She then climbs on top of his, pressing her purse to his face.

"STOP USING YOUR CHARM!" Chloe shouted, making Marinette remove her blanket and sight. Sitting up, she looks down at the two fight and said:

"Please just get out, we will talk tomorrow." Marinette growled.

"But why not now?" Chloe asked.

"IM ON MY PERIOD!" Marinette shouted in shame and anger. The room goes silent for a few minutes, not even a Kwami made a sound. Until Adrien smiled and said:

"Oh Mon Amour (French: My Love) I don't care for the sauce, your still my favorite meal." Adrien said in a seductive and just plain HOT voice that made preteens want to give their virginity to him. Marinette, blood was currently pumping through her face. Making her feel dizzy and light headed. Alya, knowing how Marinette is when she's period, comes to the rescue by helping Adrien to his feet. She then pushes Adrien and Chloe out the room before grabbing her Nino to go. Once out, she peeks from the other side of the door and said:

"See you tomorrow girl, we are going to talk."

"Fuck you..." Marinette moaned in annoyance. Alya just chuckles at her friend's reaction.

                                                (Adrien Room)

"I must say, this is interesting to watch." Plagg said as Adrien twist his body around the pole in a slow manner.

"Yep, it's easy to grip now that it's not sticky." Adrien said. He was wearing nothing but a black pair of shorts that went to his knees. His body covered in sweat and his blonde locks sticking to his cheek, Adrien twirls around the pole for a bot before grabbing onto it and spinning his body.

"I need to get into top shape to impress Marinette tomorrow!" Adrien said. "I saw those pictures, I know my bug-a-boo wants me!"

"And you're going to use your body to get her?" Plagg asked.

"Yep, I know Marinette wants me. And it would be easy to get her, but Chloe is an evil genius! I have to pull out all my assets in order to defeat her."

"You sound like a Disney character."

"Then I shall become Disney! My mom is dead, so that's a start."

"Dark." Plagg said before flying away. After a few more spines, the blonde male jumps down and makes his way to his father's room. Once inside, he saw his dad staring at his phone. Adrien takes a seat in front of his father before saying:

"Just call Nat." Adrien said, making his father glared at him.

"What?"

"Call Nat." Adrien said again, only this time with a more stern voice.

"I'm not calling that woman." Gabriel growled at his son. TO this, Adrien responded:

"Don't be a pussy!" He shouted at his father. A second later, his father looked right into his son's eye.

"Don't be a pussy?" Gabriel asked as he stands up from his seat. Placing his hands behind his back, he walks from behind the table and said:

"Don't be a pussy son. Do you realize how much power the pussy has?" Gabriel started. Suddenly Adrien regrets insulting his father.

"The pussy is something I have come to realize is one of the most powerful things on this planet! The pussy can start and end wars! The pussy can suck your very essence and give new meaning to your life! Even on a physical level's, the vagina is one of the powerless things that ever existed! There is a reason we men oppress women, and that my son is because of the pussy!"

"Is that why you won't call Nat...your scared of her pussy?" Adrien asked both dazed and confused.

"Did you not hear me? The pussy is powerful beyond you and I comprehension! It is the most powerful thing in the world my son! TO call someone a pussy is a compliment! People come out of pussy's and the vagina still functions the say way the next day!" Gabriel explained to his son.

"So...your not calling...OH MY GOD!?" Adrien shouted in shock at the realization of what his father was trying to explain. "You...Nat...didn't?"

"We what?" Gabriel asked.

"Had sex?" Adrien asked, making Gabriel gasp.

"NO!" He shouted. "I would never touch that woman!"

"Then why are you explain the uses of a vagina to me!?" Adrien asked.

"I notice you have been on the dance pole..." Gabriel said. "And I think...we should have the talk and I wanted to explain it...in ways from experience."

"Mom's vagina changed you?" Adrien asked. A second later he gags at the words that just came from his mouth.

"Never say that again." Gabriel growled.

"Sure!" Adrien gagged. "But back to the Nat situation..."

"I am not calling her back."

"Dad!"

"No, and we shall continue this conversation on sex." Gabriel said. It was at this second, Adrien had to use something he never thought he would use to get him out of a problem like this.

"Dad..." Adrien started, making his father look at him.

"Red is not your color, it makes you look fat." Adrien said. He knew his father! He knew his fashion sense would kick in, but not strong enough to kill the boy in his sleep. Adjusting his glasses, he opens his mouth to say:

"Get out." He ordered his son. Adrien nods his head before standing up from his seat.