#terror of the umpty ums

[domwho11]

This is a short story by Steven Moffat that was posted on the Doctor Who official website in 2020. I feel as a neurodivergent person there are things to unpack here. My main issue with the story is that the neurodivergent main character (a DID system named David) is portrayed as murderous. And it's only the Doctor's influence (a so-called superior being) that stops him from burning down his orphanage. The Doctor in the story pokes fun at David throughout and is openly hostile to him at one point. I personally don't see the Doctor acting like this to anyone except obstructive bureaucrats, bigots and at times military personnel. There is however a moment when the Doctor empathises with David when she describes the cruelty and abuse he has been through because of his neurodiversity. I should note at this point that I am not a DID system (I'm autistic and have psychosis). I just find this ND character's portrayal somewhat jarring as he is pretty much puppetmastered by the Doctor into doing what she wants. (In fairness what the Doctor wants is to stop David burning down the orphanage) I find the ending sinister as the Doctor says "It won't be easy. None of it will be easy, ever. But I'll always be there." As well as the part where she says "A few of my hits (referring to David knowing the Doctor's nicknames). I'm glad you've been paying attention." These two exchanges put me in mind of Ada Hoffmann's novelette Fairest Of All. In which two autistic characters are routinely demeaned and insulted by two faerie monarchs. Who each demand that the autistic characters address them as "Fairest of all". I feel like this is a similar power imbalance that we see in Terror of the Umpty Ums. In which a person of greater intellectual power (the Doctor) strong arms (albeit gently) someone of ostensibly lesser intellectual power who is already stigmatised for being neurodivergent. Steven Moffat is a very great writer, don't get me wrong. But this particular offering of his has left a bad taste in my mouth. Moffat's intentions were possibly good (as the Doctor says at one point "I'm in your head now, keeping you right. Never cruel. Never cowardly. Always the Doctor.") I just can't help but be a little uneasy with how neurodivergence is handled here. If anyone has any comments I would love to hear them. Thanks a lot all.

[master-missysversion]

It was Things She thought While Falling (by Chris Chibnall) and The Terror of the Umpty Ums (by Steven moffat) 😁

I recently read two short stories about the 13th doctor, one by Moffat and the other by chibnall and its amazing hoe much you can feel who wrote each one

Chibnalss was just so classic 13, I felt like I could vividly hear every line in her voice. It had that sort of boisterous and bright feel that so much of 13s era had

And then with moffat, there was more references and callbacks to his era. Its has a sort of quieter feeling to it, a little bit darker. And i can feel a tinge of 11 and 12 in his characterisation of 13 which I honestly love. After all, they are all the same person

Overall, I loved both of them, i didn't know they existed before and it was an interesting experience to read them back to back

[planetofthedeaf]

Another treat from Moff, a new Doctor Who short story by him

[waitedforgarridebs]

“Drawing a moustache is not proper vengeance.”

Oh, I think Martin Freeman would disagree with you, Steven.

[the--sound--of--rain]

The Terror Of The Umpty Ums by Steven Moffat - A Review by A Lit. Student

Okay, I’m a little tipsy and very angry, but I’ll try my best not to make this into a rant and actually analyse critically. (Haven’t done that in a long time, since I’m procrastinating all my uni work atm.)

So, this is a short story. Like many short stories, it tries to bring across a certain message. What is this message? That stories can help us fight out inner demons. How do I know that? Right, because a character in the story states the message out loud.

“We’re all stories in the end. But do you know what a story is, David? It’s an idea. And do you know what an idea is? It’s a thought so big and so clever it can outlive you. It can fly out of your head, and into other people’s. Like I’m in your head, right now. Keeping you right. Never cruel, never cowardly. Always the Doctor.”

I’m just... how, how does he keep making this basic mistake? It’s the first thing they tell you in every writing workshop: show, don’t tell.

Let’s continue with the same quote: “We’re all stories in the end.” Really? Come up with new lines, Steven, please. I know, he’s using an iconic line to make the reader feel nostalgic, but it’s just so typically self-indulgent. Same with the last three (or four?) sentences. Let’s say it’s okay to do it once, for nostalgia purposes, but twice in one paragraph? Ridiculous. Also, I can’t help but wonder if those lines were strategically placed at the beginning and end of this paragraph in order to distract from the sloppy writing in the middle. Besides the fact that it is typical Moffat writing, where he’s tries to make the idea he’s trying to express sound like the most important thing in the world, it doesn’t even make sense:

Look at those two sentences: “It can fly out of your head, and into other people’s. Like I’m in your head, right now.” What does this imply? That David’s hearing the Doctor’s voice in his head is comparable to someone reading or hearing a story and then, knowing that story, i.e. having it in their head? David, a child with dissociative identity disorder (Moffat calls it dissociative personality disorder, which I’m not sure is the correct term?), not being able to tell real from unreal, is on the same level as someone enjoying a story? I’m quite sure Moffat didn’t think this through, but that really is no excuse; it’s such a sensitive issue and he writes for children, for god’s sake. (I’ll go more into this in a separate post since I don’t want to make this one too long.)

In connection with this, we’ve got the twist. Many short stories use a twist toward or at the end to either hammer home a point or shock the reader. Moffat chose not to use the twist to hammer home his point, as he had already put it into words so neatly (read with lots of sarcasm please) for the Doctor to say out loud. No, he chose to shock us. (What a surprise.) And to be able to do that, he chose a mentally ill child as his focaliser. Now, I am not saying this is a wrong thing to do. You’ve got to be careful when you do it, but - as with all risky choices - if done well, it can be brilliant.

So, what can/should be achieved by making a certain character the focaliser of your story? The reader feels close to that character and understands how they feel in a quite personal way. Especially with mentally ill characters, I think, perceiving the narrative through their eyes can bring across a very powerful message. Let’s look at the way Moffat showed us how it feels to David to realise he’s only imagining the Doctor’s voice in his head:

It couldn’t be true. It simply couldn’t. And yet as he stood there in the cold and the dark he saw that it was as true as anything ever could be. He took another breath of the freezing air and said the words out loud. “I watched you on television.”

Can you feel the weight of the realisation? Because I can’t. David’s mental state is not explored, but used for shock value; a cheap twist that has nothing to do with the message.

And this ties into another thing every writer should know: The form hammers home the contents. Meaning, don’t tell your story from the POV of a mentally ill person if it’s not about mental illness.

I know Moffat would probably say that the story is about mental illness (and how stories can help you deal with it), which, I have to say at this point, is a beautiful concept. But it is executed so poorly that the perspective of the protagonist, who is dealing with the issue the story is supposed to be about, isn’t even used to add anything to it.

No, rather than actually trying to write well, let’s drop about 50 complex-looking technical terms to show that this is a Science-Fiction-Story, can you tell? (Except it’s not, because it’s all in David’s head) and then throw in another ‘The Doctor is so great, he is the greatest being in the universe’-speech, just for good measure. “The oncoming storm, the bringer of darkness, the imp of the Pandorica! The final victor of the Time War.” Uuh, wow, never heard all that before, have we?

And then there’s the fact that most of the dialogue is cringey and completely unnatural, which I understand it is bound to be, because the situation is unnatural, but then maybe it’s not the most brilliant choice to let the story be led by that dialogue. Although I understand why he did it, because the non-dialogue parts...

Karpagnon steeled himself and opened the door. The cold air filled his lungs. The wind rushed in the trees, and distantly there was the sound of traffic. The sky was packed with clouds but the moon peeked through.

Remind me of the way I used to write when I was about 13. I won’t go into detail on this, but just note that three sentences in a row start with “the” and the only two linkers used are “and” and “but”. For the sake of fairness, however, not all those parts are that bad.

But there’s another thing, that just made me go... What?

You see, that’s the story of the music, I always think. The Umpty-Ums, that’s the noise of the monsters. But then it goes Woo-Hoo. I think the Woo-Hoo is me riding to the rescue.”

The whole music-analogy. What does it add to the plot or the message? What does it even mean? And why, why, is it in the title?

He then proceeds to base the very last line on this same idea:

“I get very scared sometimes,” he said.

“Woo-hoo,” said the Doctor.

I think what he is trying to convey, here, is that the Doctor is riding to the rescue. But it seems so forced and strange, it reads a bit like the ending of a first draft.

To sum up, Moffat had a nice idea: He wanted to express that stories can help us through difficult times. And although he certainly isn’t the best writer with all the skills, I’m fairly convinced this could have been a touching story - were he not so insufferably arrogant. He didn’t take the time to think about how he could bring across his message in a meaningful way and instead wrote it out in a half-baked dramatic speech. Doing this, he did not consider the weight of the topic he was discussing, leading to implications that are outright insulting to people struggling with mental illness. He favoured horror over sensibility and far-fetched metaphors over a strong core, resulting in a difficult-to-read mess.

A piece of advice to all young writers (and this is more important than any other tip I’ve mentioned): Do not take your work - and yourself - too seriously and never stop trying to be better. Believe me I made this mistake too; when I was starting out, I thought I was the writer. I only started really getting better when I accepted that I wasn’t perfect; most of the time, I wasn’t even good. All art is flawed. If we accept that, we can create something beautiful.

Feel free to bring up anything to me that you disagree (or agree) with; I love discussing views and interpretations. Have a good day and stay healthy xx

[3lixir]

We’re all stories in the end. But do you know what a story is, David? It’s an idea. And do you know what an idea is? It’s a thought so big and so clever it can outlive you. It can fly out of your head, and into other people’s. Like I’m in your head, right now. Keeping you right. Never cruel, never cowardly. Always the Doctor.

[theangelshavethephonebox]

Short Stories:

You can find many of these on the BBC website here: https://www.doctorwho.tv (Just search the name of the short story that you want to read. Many are published here, such as "Things she thought while she was falling", "Terror of the Umpty Ums", and "Doctor Who and the TIme War (https://www.doctorwho.tv/news-and-features/read-doctor-who-and-the-time-war-by-russell-t-davies)")

Revenge of the Nestene: https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Nfoa5Ha_T/?hl=en

Nate Bumber posted the short story detailing the Cartmel Masterplan, 'Gallifrey - Notes on the Planet's Background' online here: https://doctornolonger.tumblr.com/post/690399381780856832/the-cartmel-masterplan

A lot of the smaller and more fringe who-related short story writers publish some or all of their stuff for free on their websites btw! I know Arcbeatle has some short stories available for free on their site- for example, here's 'a bright white crack': https://www.arcbeatlepress.com/news-and-updates/cwej-a-bright-white-crack-by-hunter-oconnell

Also, quick bit of shameless self-promo, the cheshire house stories: https://thecheshirehouse.wordpress.com/

The vast majority of Who and Who-related short stories are part of anthologies, which you will find on my 'Books' masterpost.

[isagrimorie]

Available on November 5.

Pre-order Paperback (Book Depository or Pea Green Boat Books if you’re in the UK) or Ebook (Kobo, Hive, Apple Books and Amazon).

During challenging months of global uncertainty and isolation, the Doctor and the TARDIS has remained a dream that drew many - allowing them to roam the cosmos in search of distraction, reassurance and adventure. This very special short story collection brings these epic tales together, along with three brand new stories and beautiful illustrations in support of BBC Children in Need.

Current showrunner Chris Chibnall, and former show runners Russell T Davies and Steven Moffat, present exciting adventures, alongside work from Chris Riddell, Joy Wilkinson, Paul Cornell, Pete McTighe, Sonia Leong, Sophie Cowdrey and Mike Collins. Also featuring three brand new stories from Neil Gaiman, Mark Gatiss and Vinay Patel, Adventures in Lockdown is a book for any Doctor Who fan in your life, stories that will send your heart spinning wildly through space and time…

The full list of stories included are:

A Message from the Doctor

Things She Thought While Falling by Chris Chibnall

The Terror of the Umpty Ums by Steven Moffat

Doctor Who and the Time War by Russell T Davies

Revenge of the Nestene by Russell T Davies

Rory’s Story by Neil Gaiman

One Virtue, and a Thousand Crimes by Neil Gaiman

The Simple Things by Joy Wilkinson

The Tourist by Vinay Patel

Fellow Traveller by Mark Gatiss

The Shadow Passes by Paul Cornell

Shadow of a Doubt by Paul Cornell

The Shadow in the Mirror by Paul Cornell

Press Play by Pete McTighe

Listen by Steven Moffat

The Secret of Novice Hame by Russell T Davies

And there is also new work by illustrators:

Lee Binding

Mike Collins

Sophie Cowdrey

Sonia Leong

Valentina Mozzo

Chris Riddell

Adrian Salmon

David Wardle

Richard Wells

Available on November 5. 

Pre-order Paperback (Book Depository or Pea Green Boat Books if you’re in the UK) or Ebook (Kobo, Hive, Apple Books and Amazon). 

[terryballs]

My favourite Doctor Who writers

10. Neil Gaiman

Neil Gaiman is one of the most talented people to ever write for Doctor Who. Of course, talent alone is not enough - Douglas Adams, Alan Moore, and Naomi Alderman all miss out on this list. What makes Gaiman special is his fairytale, fantasy approach to the show. He has big ideas, full of heart, and I am always delighted by them.

Why isn’t Mr Gaiman higher up on the list? Simply because he has only done four stories. One of them, “The Doctor’s Wife”, is an all-time classic, while the others are at least good. With a couple more stories, Mr Gaiman would surely be higher.

9. Paul Magrs

Coming in at #9 is one of the most important writers of non-televised Who. Paul Magrs has written nine Big Finish Main Range stories (most notably “The Peterloo Massacre”), three Companion Chronicles, and two Eighth Doctor Adventures, including the exceptional “The Zygon Who Fell To Earth”, as well as a huge number of spin-off adventures.

It’s in print where Magrs really flourishes, though. It’s quite hard to get across just how influential Paul Magrs has been. Firstly, his three books in the Eighth Doctor Adventures range - The Scarlet Empress, The Blue Angel, and Mad Dogs and Englishmen - are hugely ambitious metatextual delights. These stories introduce Iris Wildthyme and the Smudgelings to the Whoniverse, and have each inspired their own spin-off series, collectively called the “Magrsverse”. Iris’s parody of the Doctor is a rip-roaring delight whenever she appears - and as you know, she’s famous for it - and will prove a lasting legacy for Mr Magrs.

I suppose, at this junction, I should mention Lawrence Miles, who has had a similar influence, but I just don’t find to be quite as good a storyteller as Magrs.

8. Rob Shearman

You probably know Rob Shearman for “Dalek”, the first good New Who story. What if I told you that “Dalek” is Shearman’s worst DW story?

The titles of Shearman’s audio plays are enough to send shivers up the spines of those who have heard them. There’s “Jubilee”, the loose inspiration for “Dalek”, which explores the Daleks as fascist iconography. There’s “The Holy Terror”, where the Doctor and Frobisher the Penguin Shape-Shifter have a similarly horrifying experience with a religious cult. There’s “The Chimes of Midnight”, possibly the definitive Eighth Doctor story, and “Scherzo”, itself perhaps the most experimental story in Doctor Who history, and “Deadline”, in which the villain is Doctor Who itself.

Like many of the writers on this list, Shearman has an eclectic back catalogue full of obscure oddities. But few people have quite his capacity for knocking it out of the park.

7. Chris Chibnall

It’s true that Chris Chibnall’s work before becoming showrunner is inconsistent at best. “42″ is bad and “The Hungry Earth” is uninspired. “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship” is a fun romp, while “The Power of Three” is a great story that is let down by the ending which had to be re-written hastily due to unforeseen production issues. And Chibnall’s contributions to Series 11 range from “fine” (”The Woman Who Fell To Earth”) to “bad” (”The Battle of Ranskor Av Kolos”). But in “Pond Life” and “P.S.”, Chibnall shows that he knows how to write affecting character beats.

It’s in Series 12 that Chibnall really takes things up a step. His stories become sprawling and ambitious: globe-trotting thrillers crammed full of ideas. He’s still occasionally guilty of trying to throw too many ideas in, but his love for the story really shines through. There’s barely a weak moment in Series 12, and that’s largely because Chibnall himself steps up to write or co-write hit after hit after hit. It all culminates in the epic three-part finale, “The Haunting of Villa Diodati”/”Ascension of the Cybermen”/”The Timeless Children”, a hugely ambitious story that crosses space and time and pulls together disparate elements from the history of Who. It’s a million miles from “The Battle of Ranskor Av Kolos”: a fan-pleasing story that is truly epic.

6. Vinay Patel

Why is Vinay so high? Good question. Thinking about it, I can’t really justify this placement. Patel reliably produces great stories - “Demons of the Punjab” alone marks Patel out as a great, and to follow it up with “Fugitive of the Judoon” shows that it wasn’t a fluke. But Mr Patel has only got four stories to his name - the aforementioned TV stories plus “Letters from the Front” and “The Tourist” - so for similar reasons to Mr Gaiman, a high position is difficult to justify.

So instead, let’s give this position to Terrance Dicks. Mr Dicks has a bit of a reputation as more of a “jobbing” writer than someone like Chibnall or Shearman, Terrance Dicks was, first and foremost, a script editor. Yes, he co-wrote “The War Games” and was the sole writer for “Horror of Fang Rock”, but he’s best remembered for script editing the Third Doctor era (and part of the Second Doctor era), as well as producing an absolute mass of Target novelisations. But that’s not all - Mr Dicks has written original novels (VNAs, EDAs, and PDAs alike), Quick Reads, audio stories, two stage plays, and even the Destiny of the Doctor video game.

Sure, Mr Dicks didn’t burn as bright as Mr Patel. But his contribution to the Whoniverse is unparalleled.

5. Nev Fountain

Comedy writer Nev Fountain has written several of the very best Doctor Who stories. For some reason, these stories tend to centre around Peri (Fountain is married to Nicola Bryant). “Peri and the Piscon Paradox” is the best Companion Chronicle by far, due to a combination of great acting by Bryant and Colin Baker and Fountain’s sizzling script. “The Kingmaker” is an outrageously funny historical with incredible dialogue and multiple ideas clever enough to carry a whole story.

Frankly, those two alone should be enough to convince anyone of Fountain’s brilliance. But there is so much more - “The Widow’s Assassin”, “The Curious Incident of the Doctor In the Night-time”, “The Blood on Santa’s Claw”, “Omega“... if you like Doctor Who, make yourself familiar with Nev Fountain.

4. Robert Holmes

More than anyone else, Robert Holmes is responsible for the esteem which the Fourth Doctor is held in.

Holmes first wrote for the show all the way back in Series 6, with “The Krotons”. He wrote the very first Third Doctor story, “Spearhead From Space”, in which he also introduced the Autons. They reappeared a year later in “Terror of the Autons”, which introduced Jo Grant and the Master. In “The Time Warrior”, Holmes introduced the Sontarans, a pastiche of imperialism.

It was in the Fourth Doctor era that Mr Holmes really made his mark. He took over from Mr Dicks as script editor. In his own right, he wrote “The Deadly Assassin” and “Talons of Weng-Chiang”, but he also turned “The Ark In Space”, “Pyramids of Mars”, and “The Brain of Morbius” into usable stories, even appearing in “The Brain of Morbius” as the Doctor.

After stepping back from script editing, Holmes returned as a hack to write stories like “The Caves of Androzani” (probably the most popular story in Classic Who) and “The Two Doctors”, before dying shortly after his 60th birthday.

3. Jamie Mathieson

Putting Mr Mathieson above Mr Holmes really shows my bias towards New Who, but honestly, I’d rather re-watch “Mummy on the Orient Express”, “Flatline”, or “Oxygen” than any of Holmes’ stories. Mathieson is very inventive and extremely good at maintaining pace and tension. I’m sure we’ll get more stories from him in the future, but the ones we have so far should be used as inspiration by anyone wanting to writing exciting Who.

2. John Dorney

It is hard to exaggerate Mr Dorney’s contributions to audio Who. He may lack the external fanbase of Mr Gaiman, the influence of Mr Magrs, or the legendary status of Messrs Dicks, Chibnall, and Holmes, but make no mistake, Dorney is exceptional. In almost every range he tries his hand at - Lost Stories, Novel Adaptations, Third Doctor Adventures, Fourth Doctor Adventures, Fifth Doctor Adventures, Dark Eyes, Doom Coalition, Ravenous, Time War, Companion Chronicles, Short Trips, Jago and Litefoot, Missy, UNIT, Diary of River Song... Dorney reliably writes the best story in the set.

In particular, Dorney’s stories are notable for the way they focus on character drama. Look at stories like “A Life In A Day” or “Absent Friends” for particular examples of stories that use sci-fi concepts to draw emotion out of characters, particularly the stoic Liv Chenka. Other highlights of Dorney’s include “The Red Lady” and the “Better Watch Out”/”Fairytale of Salzburg” two-parter.

1. Steven Moffat

What more is there to say? Moffat is truly exceptional, reliably writing the best stories in TV Who for several consecutive years. The classics are too numerous to list, but the stand outs amongst the stand outs are “Blink” and “Heaven Sent”/”Hell Bent”.

Some of Moffat’s best work comes away from TV. The minisodes “The Inforarium” and “Night of the Doctor”, the novelisation of “Day of the Doctor”, the short stories “Continuity Errors” and “the Corner of the Eye”, and lockdown stories like “Terror of the Umpty Ums” are Moffat deep cuts which deserve to be held in the same regard as his great TV stories.

Moffat’s imagination lead to him creating multiple iconic monsters - foremost amongst them, the Weeping Angels and the Silence. Moffat emphasised the use of time travel within the stories themselves; other themes in his work include memory, perception, paradoxes, identity, sexuality, and responsibility. He is, without a doubt, the greatest Doctor Who writer, and I am so lucky to have lived through the period where he was active.

[jeremybearimyenby]

Steven Moffat’s “The Terror Of The Umpty Ums”

Some brilliant quotes in this one! Would highly recommend giving it a read!

[aquelemarciomoreira]

“The Terror Of The Umpty Ums”, Steven Moffat

https://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/doctorwho/entries/a094ba61-81b2-465b-9b87-2f509fe2a117

[oneman]

Lovely 13th Doctor short story from ex-Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat: The Terror of the Umpty Ums.

He nails her voice perfectly.

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

Goddammit, Moffat!

[thedoctorwhocompanion]

Steven Moffat Writes New Short Story Starring the Thirteenth Doctor

Steven Moffat Writes New Short Story Starring the Thirteenth #DoctorWho

Former Doctor Who showrunner, Steven Moffat has penned a new short story starring Jodie Whittaker’s Thirteenth Doctor – the first, and perhaps only, time he’s written for this incarnation.

The Terror Of The Umpty Umsis an uplifting tale written specifically for fans who are finding the current situation a great strain. No spoilers, but it’s optimistic and honest, encouraging people to reach…