#tempted to dress like this daily it just feels right idk

[kawaiigothcrypt]

[hvlcy0n]

EXPLICIT CONTENT UNDER CUT, ONLY 18+

writing this and immediately posting it no i refuse to come back to edit this

idk about the rest of yall but that one interaction between hiragi and banjo in chapter 130 snatched me up by my throat. plus hiragi with his hair down??? manga hiragi????? listen. stay with me now.

hiragi just oozes authority. STAY WITH ME. he possessed great leadership skills and commanded respect as a member of bofurin's four kings, and such attributes would draw you to him like a moth to flame even as he ages and consequently graduates from the high school. he exudes a casual dominance that makes your heart flutter, and you can't help but feel your brain go all mushy when he tosses his jacket over your shoulders to protect you from unwanted attention or when he nonchalantly drops to one knee to fix the strap on your sandals because you're wearing a dress or short skirt or when he offhandedly points out things that he'd like to see you in but "it's cool if you don't like it."

he takes such good care of you, he makes you want to suck him dry on the DAILY simply because you can. he isn't super well-versed in relationships and may be clumsy with certain situations, but he does his best, and you appreciate the effort. you crave his attention in a way that's almost embarrassing if you think about it for too long, but it's not your fault that almost everything he does leaves your skin flushed with heat and a dull ache throbbing between your thighs.

he may be a strong man, but he's not nearly strong enough to stay focused when you seek him out and invade his personal space, tempting him into your grasp with an alluring sparkle in your eyes and a soft plea for his assistance. sometimes, he may be able to resist for a while, but eventually, you'll get your way, even if you have to pull out all the stops to reach that point. the only exceptions are when you're intentionally acting out or there are pressing matters he must attend to, but that's a conversation for a different time. you're his sweet girl, how could he not deliver?

but, if you're going to demand his attention so often, you should be able to take what he gives you, right? it's only fair.

he's very much the type to crowd you against the wall and finger you until you're creaming all over his hand. his presence swallows you up, engulfing you so completely that it's nearly overwhelming; there's nowhere you can turn where he isn't already. the scent of his cologne wafting off his neck is dizzying, and the only thing grounding you is the low sound of his voice as you drift in and out of awareness. his free hand is braced next to your head for leverage, and you can't help but let your head loll weakly against it as you try to conserve enough energy to prevent your wobbly legs from collapsing under you.

you can't even remember how many orgasms he's pulled out of you with his fingers alone, nor do you care. the sticky squelch of his fingers as he curves them to bully your g-spot for the umpteenth time is obscene and makes your thighs tremble. you whine at the onslaught of stimulation and feebly try to rise up on your tiptoes to escape, but his touch simply follows you.

"nuh-uh, you don't get to suddenly decide to run. i'm not done." his voice, verging on a growl, vibrates in his chest. "i was gone for two hours, and i didn't even have time to take my fuckin' jacket off before you were all over me wantin' more. this is what you wanted, right?"

you nod, tongue too cumbersome and uncooperative to speak. you gasp sharply when the heel of his palm grinds against your clit, lidded eyes popping open attentively. "eyes open. answer me, sweetheart." his voice is firm but not unkind, searching for some type of verbal confirmation or denial that you're still with him.

"it . . . is," you can barely thread together the words. "feels s' good, toma . . . one more, pl--ease." your inner thighs are sticky, but you can't tell whether it's sweat or your own slick that's trickling down your skin. "jus' one."

"damn near insatiable," he grumbles, but regardless, his fingers sink back into you without hesitation.

he can't deny you. but, when he feels his cock twitch in his jeans when you lift your head to gaze at him with those hazy, adoring eyes and sweetly ask him for a kiss, he begins to wonder if he's just as bad as you.

[scatterpatter]

Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.

FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*

UNDER THE FUCKING CUT

1. What do they smell like?

Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.

2. What is their voice like?

Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Spite.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.

6. What do they like to wear?

He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

Alistair's cooking.

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.

12. How do they like to dress?

"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."

"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Denial :D

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Shrike: Killing his dad

Me: NOOOOOO

EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.

19. Are they right or left handed?

FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well

Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.

20. Fears?

The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him

21. Favorite kind of weather?

Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.

22. Favorite color?

Indigo!!!

23. Do they collect anything?

Books :3

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold weather by far.

25. What is their eye color?

Electric blue!

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*

In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee

27. Hair color?

Black!

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/

29. Are they a morning person?

NOPE.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

*motions to above question* Sunset.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

More organized, actually!

32. Pet peeves?

*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES

His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.

34. Least favorite food?

Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.

35. Least favorite color?

Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?

36. Least favorite smell?

He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.

37. When was the last time they cried?

Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

Torvid :D He was there to comfort

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN

40. Do they have any scars?

:)

Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

:)

Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Running away from his problems, definitely.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.

44. Why might someone love them?

He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

His party. Well- most in his party.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Nethyl :)

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*

49. Do they like surprises?

NO >:(

50. When is their birthday?

Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"

Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)

52. Do they have any family?

Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!

53. Are they close to their family?

... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/

54. What is their MBTI type?

FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.

55. What is their zodiac sign?

In Sekrezia: The eagle

In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/

57. What D&D alignment are they?

THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

:)

Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.

59. What are their views on death?

He's a necromancer lol.

Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Alistair :)

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

Dog time :)

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

... Ehhhhhh?

63. Do they have an accent?

Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?

Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."

66. How do they feel about sex?

I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.

67. What is their sexuality?

He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Bullshit.

73. Do they have a pet?

WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.

75. How patient are they?

More than he should be :/

76. Are they good at cooking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.

80. Are they trustworthy?

Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.

82. Do they exercise regularly?

Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Someone he can nerd out with :)

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.

87. What is their age?

43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"

92. What mood are they most often in?

"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.

94. Outlook on life?

Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)

96. What is their greatest weakness?

He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.

97. What is their greatest strength?

He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!

98. Something that they regret?

Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister

99. Biggest accomplishment?

Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.

100. Create your own!

FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #211

"i was told when i get older all my fears would shrink, but now i'm insecure and i care what people think."

What is your favorite time of day? Morning. What is your third favorite color? Ummm maybe peach. Do you care what others think of you? In most contexts, very much so. How would you dress, if you were the opposite sex? Same style I do now, really. Though not tank tops and dance pants; I'm sure I'd mostly wear loose band or graphic tees and sweatpants. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think I might? I believe it was a blue one where the keyboard slides out from the bottom. Small and square-ish. What do you do to maintain your eyebrows? Nothing. What was the naughtiest thing you did when you were a child? I bit my sister's back so hard that I made her bleed, lmao. Sorry Ash. What, in your opinion, is the most thirst-quenching drink? COLD WATER. Who is your favorite character from Alice in Wonderland? Cheshire cat. Name the closest body of water to where you live: Atlantic Ocean. What do you like to put on toast? Light layer of butter and then cinnamon and sugar. The true cinnamon toast. Do you like art? Of course. How about theater? I don't have too much of an opinion... other than it has potential to be incredibly cheesy. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. She's way more than that, and we talk every day. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Loads of stuff. What was the last thing you bought? With my own money, I don't have a clue. Have you ever been considered popular? No. Your signature perfume? I don't have one. Favorite undersea creature? Sea turtles, seahorses, jellyfish... Describe your room with just 5 words. Small, crowded, zoo, artsy, and... idk. Favorite type of chocolate? Milk. What types of things would you plant in a garden? If I actually wanted one, lots of flowers. Maybe tomatoes because fresh tomatoes + bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches are fucking incredible. Favorite attraction at a carnival? Ferris wheel. What toys did you play with as a child? Plastic animals, Pokemon figures, and stuffed animals were common. Oh yeah, I loved Lincoln Logs too. What types of music do you listen to? Various kinds of metal and rock as well as indie. What, without fail, makes you cry? Mufasa dying lmao. What makes a movie really enjoyable for you? A cool plot. Usually fantasy elements. Favorite way to decorate a cake? *shrugs* What gift(s) did you get for your birthday last year? I don't remember. What do you daydream about the most? My future. Name a game you are really good at. Shadow of the Colossus probably, but considering how infrequently I play games now, I'm sure I'm nowhere near as good as I used to be. Whenever I get a PS4 and the remake tho, I'm getting that goddamn white Agro. I never did the timed challenges before, but I think I could do it. What kinds of snacks do you munch on? I don't really have snacks anymore; I try to keep them out of the house so I'm not tempted. If anything though, it'll probably be some kind of chip. What emotionally exhausts you? Socializing. What accessories would come with a doll version of you? A laptop, iPod, and medication lmao. Favorite thing to do when it’s night time? Sleep? I've sure grown into a fun person. How do you like to bathe/shower? With hot-ish water. The most childish part of your personality? I absolutely hate chores. Favorite type of fantasy creature? Dragons. Do your arms move when you walk? I... actually don't know and can't even visualize how I walk right now. Favorite photo search engine? Google. Are there such things as stupid questions? Depends on your age and some other factors, I guess. Do you celebrate April Fools Day? No. I hate it, honestly. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? Both. How do you cure boredom? I'd love to fucking know. I'm always bored. Ankle socks or knee-highs? Ankle socks. Do you know how military time works? Yes, but I can't comprehend the time immediately if it's passed 12. What’s your daily routine? Wake up, check the time, use the bathroom, have breakfast, feed my cat, sit on the laptop doing nothing, maybe or maybe not have a nap at some point, shower if I need to whatever time I feel like, also brush my teeth at some random point during the day (unless I have to go somewhere; then I'll do it before I leave), eat dinner, feed the other pets, and go to bed. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? I literally yelled "HOLY SHIT, I THINK I SEE A SHARK!" when we were all in the car driving over a bridge and I swear I saw a fin in the water, lmao. Mom was. Not happy. Ever made a snow angel? Yes. Are you short or tall for your age? I'm average. At what age did you learn the Pledge of Allegiance? Idk, early elementary school. What’s the longest you’ve gone without food? When my appetite was like non-existent and I lost a shitload of weight, I think I almost went a full 24 hours. What do you think about most? What's stressing me out. Are you honestly a good person? I don't think I'm a bad one. Where would you like to be buried? I'd rather be cremated. Do you use Bing or Google? Google. Last song you listened to? "Damage" by Fit For Rivals. Last movie you watched ALL the way through? The Shining. Howwww had I not seen it sooner. Last thing you wrote down? The time I was meeting with my job coach on the calendar. What was the last movie you saw in theaters? Detective Pikachu. What is ONE thing your fridge or pantry ALWAYS needs? My day will feel so off if I don't have one Mtn. Dew Voltage. Do you believe more in luck or hard work? That's a good question. Sometimes you can work your ass off and yet reap inadequate - or any - rewards, while some people pick up a lottery ticket once in their life and are suddenly a millionaire. Life's not fair, kids. But I like to think hard work usually prevails. Do you have any metal on or in your body right now? Piercings. What is your favorite thing to eat with dip? Plain chips with sour cream dip... yum. Do you consider yourself a heartbreaker? Nope. Who was the last person to tag a picture of you? Who even knows. I don't get tagged in pictures because I'm never with people to take and tag me in any lmao. Have you ever liked someone much older than you? No. Is there someone you always, secretly hope will talk to you? It's not a secret that I want to talk to Jason ONE last time to apologize on MY end. What was your first favorite band? Backstreet Boys. Are you friends with any bands? A local band, yeah; their guitarist is an old friend. Do you stay up ridiculously late for no reason? Very very rarely now. What’s your life motto? Idk, I've never really thought about it. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? A popular song? Oh boy, idk. I don't really know what's popular that I like... Well, guess I'll think of old songs I know were. Um... Oh well I love writing sad shit, so maybe "Runaway Love" by Ludacris ft. Mary J. Blige. I already had an RP plot that was kinda inspired by it lmao. Do you like 3OH!3? If I said I wouldn't belt "'CUZ I'M A VEGETARIAN AND I AIN'T FUCKIN' SCARED'A HIM" at a club at 2 in the morning I'd be lying. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? No. Do you have a long driveway? No. Anyone’s grave you visit, regularly? No. Who was your first kiss? First person who kissed me was Juan, first mutual kiss (which I consider my "real" first) was with Jason. What was it like? Were you disappointed? Juan's kiss I didn't want, and it made me confused at the time. I had no clue how I felt about him back then. With Jason, it was incredibly sweet. I was lucky to get like a fairy tale one and not a horribly awkward memory lmao. Do you have an older brother? If so, what’s he like? Yeah. He's super super intelligent and a deep thinker. Very mature and has a great sense of humor. Are you confident? hunty- Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Yes. Who do you want around you when you’re afraid? More than anyone, Mom. Had separation anxiety as a kid, obviously grew out of it, but if I'm seriously scared, I want my mom's presence. Like if I'm sick (I'm petrified of vomiting alskdfjaowie) or we're having risky weather, stuff like that, I want her with me. Have you ever mistaken something’s shadow for something else? Probably at some point. Indie, rock, electronic, techno, dubstep, or ‘crunk’? The hell is "crunk" music. Rock. Do you know how to read a map? I have no clue 'cuz I've never actually used a real one. Have a friend that looks JUST like a celeb? Not off the top of my head. Are you good at basketball? I used to be, but I haven't played in forever. It was probably my favorite sport that I ever played. Or softball. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not that I know of. How many times have you moved in your lifetime? Three. Are you good at Pac-Man? I was never exceptional. I haven't played it in yeeeaaars. Have you ever been called 'jail bate’? No. Have you ever been seriously addicted to anything? Technology oops like I barely know how to function without it, sadly. Ever lied to get out of going somewhere with someone? Yes. Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube. Do you like to eat pasta? Yes. Do you enjoy wine? Most bitter shit in the world. Noooooooot a fan. How long have you been driving? I've had my permit since senior year of high school (I think senior???), but I still don't have my license. What’s your lawyer’s name? N/A What’s the last thing you watched on Netflix? Good question. Do you play any video games? The only one I play regularly is World of Warcraft; it's the only "ongoing" game I play. Why were you last in the hospital? My sister got into a wreck. Would you ever get a face tattoo? Possibly something small and subtle, but I doubt it. Have you ever gambled? No. What has been your most epic cooking failure? I split a hot dog entirely in half in the microwave because I thought it'd take much longer to warm up than it actually did. Do you read other people’s survey answers on here? Sometimes. Do you agree with the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder?’ With my experience with Sara, yes. Do you know any transgender people? I knew someone who like... swapped back and forth five thousand times. Then one of my friends had a transgender "phase," if it's appropriate to call it that. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? Don't think so. In the morning, do you eat breakfast first or brush your teeth first? Eat. Why would you eat RIGHT AFTER brushing your teeth. What sort of window coverings do you have in your living room? Blinds. Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively? No. How long has it been since your last breakup? A year and a half. What’s the name of the amusement park closest to your house? Uhhh I think Busch Gardens in Virginia? Do you like The Rolling Stones? Yeah. What was the last single item you spent over $100 on? A plane ticket. Can you read tarot cards? No. What is the last non-fiction book that you read? I have zero clue. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. Do you prefer peppermint or spearmint? I don't think I even taste the difference. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yeah, I did in a book Jason lent me. Turns out it's a bad idea to write in pen a lil love letter on the back of the front cover to a book that was also for collection purposes lmao, but he wasn't mad. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? I like wood aesthetically, but I think eliminating wood housing would be a good idea, so brick. Brick also makes me feel safer. What is your favorite candy bar? Those big rectangle Reese's ones with individual blocks. I fucking love them. Have you ever thrown up in public? I know at least one occasion in I believe kindergarten where I did on the classroom floor, oof. Pepsi or Sprite? I hate Pepsi and I'm not a Sprite fan either, but if I had to, I'd drink the latter. How many video games do you own? We have an old CD case just about full of them. Have you ever stripped? No. Even if you are not Christian or never celebrated Christmas, do you think you will raise your (possible future) children to believe in Santa Clause? Why or why not? I don't want kids, but if I did, I probably would. It's just a magical, fun thing as a kid. Who has the most interesting phone cover you know or what was the most interesting one you have come across (in store or online)? Sara has a really cute chameleon one. Would you rather play a game such as World of Warcraft, League of Legends, or an app/Facebook game (Candy Crush, Bejeweled)? Y'all know. What’s the most amount of messages you either woke up to on a social media site or your phone? Idk, not a lot. When you have nightmares, do they normally have the same theme (ex. always being killed) or do they just relate to something going on in your life at the moment/random? They're very commonly either with me dying or about to be raped. Some surveys ask if you ever stepped in dog poop. However, have you ever stepped in animal pee? Yup. When’s the last time you or someone else has overstayed their visit? Whenever Girt last came over forever ago. He always does lmao. Have you ever consumed a full bottle of liquid medicine in one shot? Is there ANY medication you can actually do that with and not die???? Have you ever had a hamster? Yes. If you had a choice, would you rather eat chicken or beef? Chicken. What was your favorite birthday cake like? I don't remember any specifically. Would you prefer bacon or sausage? Tough call, but probably bacon. How many books have you read in the past YEAR? Zero. Do you type with all of your fingers, like you are taught in school? Yes. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair? No, grosses me the hell out. At what age were you the most physically attractive? The least? During high school; 2016. If you intend to get married, what are you looking forward to/dreading about wedding planning? I think planning the vows will be fun (I don't want references to God, fuck saying my dad has to "give me away," etc.) as well as the theme, and then I don't think I'm dreading anything about planning. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? Mom. What is the craziest thing you have done to lose weight? I haven't done anything "crazy." Which parent do you most resemble? Idk. What is the best job you’ve ever had? Never had one I liked. How do you feel about monogamy as a whole? It's definitely what I find to be the better option. You're minimizing the risk of spreading STDs, and plus I personally see love as a one-on-one thing, not open to multiple. What is the most exciting thing about your life right now? LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? Probably some life lessons from my favorite teacher. Have you ever lived alone? Do you prefer living by yourself or with someone else? No. I never want to live alone. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? I don't have a friend to discuss that with, but I also don't have a sex life. Has anyone ever criticized your appearance? What did they say and how did you take it? Yeah. It was typically about my piercings or how I dressed (particularly ripped skinny jeans), and neither of those ever got to me. I love my piercings and style. How common is it for you to get jealous in romantic or platonic relationships? It's rare. When someone asks you about your number of sexual partners, do you include oral sex partners? I probably would if there was anyone who fit that criteria but I wasn't "fully" sexual with. It's still sexual. Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there? No. What is the most serious injury you’ve ever sustained? When I passed out onto my chin and ended up with a really deep cut, broke multiple teeth, and got a concussion. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? None stand out for either end of the spectrum. List three people you’ve had crushes on. Just to make it interesting, I'll name people I had crushes on but never dated. Sebastian, Kyle, and Mini. How old were you when you were first head over heels in love? 16. Has loving someone ever made you miserable? Boy, have you heard about my Historical Breakup? How bad are your worst cramps on a scale of 1-10? They used to be easy 10s, but now that BC helps me, I'd say the worst are like... rarely 7-8s. Have you ever thrown up from cramps? No. What is the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? I 110% should've been under anesthesia when I got an infected cyst drained. I wanted to fucking die to get it over with. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Did your school allow you to have pain medicine on you? I think so? I do know you couldn't share it, though. Do you ever comfort eat? I get the urge to when I'm depressed, but I stopped doing it. If applicable, what form of birth control do you use? Pills and not being with a man. What is your sexual orientation? Bisexual. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yes. What gender do you identify as? Female. What gender were you born as? Female. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Can you still wear clothes from the children’s section? Pf, hell no. Are you lonely? Very. Do you have allergies? Yes. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? However old I was in 5th grade when we had family life class. Do you take vitamins? Only one I'm prescribed for for vitamin D. Do you like fantasy better than reality? Yep. Have you ever contemplated suicide? Yeah. Have you ever self-harmed? Yes. How many people have you known who were suicidal? Multiple, sadly. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Who has the cutest baby/babies you know? My acquaintance has an absolutely beautiful daughter. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I have no clue. I don't really know pricey brands that don't have the ugliest shit. How many pairs of flip flops do you own? One. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? One, yes. She's a family friend now. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? Black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Ever take Melatonin supplements to help you go to sleep? When I used to have AWFUL insomnia, it was the only way I could sleep. Do you like burning candles or incense? Incense especially. Ever throw a pair of your shoes in the washing machine? How did they come out? Not that I remember. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? No. Do you like to wear shorts or capris in the summer? No. I hate my legs, nor do I regularly shave. Does your phone have a keyboard, touch screen, or neither? Touch screen. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? Emo. Were you obsessed with the Spice Girls back in the day? Obsessed, no, but I liked them. Have you ever had an encounter with the paranormal? Yes. Would you do your own surgery so keep yourself alive? (ex. stitches) I mean yeah, if I had no choice. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? An ear piercing got an infection once. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Would you ever work for Google? I mean, I don't see why not? Do people that are ungrateful for everything bother you? Immensely. Are you popular on any websites? No, not really. If you ruled the world, what is the first law that you would make? Probablyyyy the banning of at least single-use plastics, but hopefully plastics as a whole if doable. When was the last time you played jump rope? Not since being a kid, probably. Do you hate it when people look over your shoulder? I can't do ANYTHING if someone is. Do you know anyone who has had a heart attack under 30 years of age? No. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? If I found something that didn't look dangerous, yeah, in order to survive. When is the last time you had your vision checked? Like two months ago. When is the last time you had your hearing checked? Some time last year when I had that whole ordeal with my ears. Do you know your blood type? It's A-. Do you donate blood/platelets/plasma/etc.? No, I don't drink enough water. Ever been in the emergency room? Way more times than I like. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Do you own any Burt’s Bees products? No. Dr. Pepper or Root Beer? Dr. Pepper. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? I have one of Mom I took for a photography course of her laughing, and I fucking love it. She rarely laughs. Dad, I'm not sure. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? No. Favorite flavor of cream cheese? ... It has flavors? Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? Yeah; they're at the top of a cabinet in the living room. Is there an ice cream flavor you don’t like? Of ones I've tried (I'm not very adventurous with food), I loathe strawberry. What’s the raunchiest thing you’ve ever stumbled upon? I don't know, don't wanna know. I steer clear of that side of the Internet. Hm, it was probably something on dA that had a mature content filter that I looked at anyway because it had an intriguing name. That site can have some wild-ass shit. How rude is it to snap your fingers at a waiter or waitress? Have you done it before? That is incredibly rude. They're not dogs. I've never done that. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep shit and philosophy. Discuss interesting, unorthodox topics. Show me you have an open mind. What is the first meme you remember seeing? BOY, I don't know. Maybe Overly-Attached Girlfriend? Suitcase, duffel bag, or backpack? Duffel bag. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite font? Out of the default options, Garamond. Favorite fairy tale? Fucking FIGHT ME if you say Shrek isn't one. Forget the memes and such, I genuinely love the movies. Favorite tradition? By this point in my life, we don't really follow any traditions... but I do know as a kid I would NEVER let Mom forget we had to make "reindeer food." When a Christmas light show was still here, we would also go there and grab hot chocolate and chocolate-covered peanuts. I miss that. Talent you’re proud of having? I think I'm an above-average writer. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz. :') Any good luck charms? Nope. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry. Least favorite pattern? Uhhh... I'm not big on animal print. Favorite potato food? Fries my man. Do you call them fireflies or lightning bugs? Fireflies. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? FAIRY LIGHTS. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Two lmao. Favorite historical era? The Renaissance. What are some must-have Google Chrome extensions? If you don’t use Chrome, how about on other internet browsers? AdBlock. What piece of stand up comedy (10 minutes or less) has successfully made you cry with laughter? Oh boy, a lot. I love stand-up. What little “Easter Eggs” on websites do you love? If you don’t have one on a website, how about in a game, TV show, or movie? Boy, got plenty in games. The secret Silent Hill 4 replica room in Silent Hill: Downpour I especially love; I had no idea it was in the game 'til I played it and found it myself. Then the butterfly barrel in the PS4 remake of Shadow of the Colossus in reference to The Last Guardian is awesome. World of Warcraft's Robin Williams genie tribute is lovely as well. Besides pornography, what is a website you frequent and don’t want anyone to know? Nothing. What GIF reduces you to hysterical laughter every time? Don't know about every time. What things that are legal do you think shouldn’t be? Smoking, but I understand why we can't do that now. What is the closest you have ever been to a major historical event? Idk. What is a skill someone can learn in 6 months that will impress employers on a resume? Microsoft Office programs. What are some meals that are simple to make, but easy to impress people with? Idk. I know nothing of cooking. What bizarre celebrity encounters have you had? None. What is your favorite picture on the whole internet? Oh don't make me go through my Pinterest of Mark pictures. What is a “dirty little (or big) secret” about an industry that you have worked in, that people outside the industry really should know? N/A What is the most outlandish (hilarious, surprising) thing you have ever seen go down in public? OKAY SO one day otw home from my psychiatrist appointment, there was a man dressed in horrid drag walking on the side of the highway in the middle of winter. It was. An experience. If you met someone who has never heard music before (born deaf or what have you), what music would you introduce to them first? Gentle, soothing instrumental things. Like let's listen to the soft SotC pieces, please. What’s a little-known site you think everyone should know about? I don't really know of any. What is a MUST SEE movie that is highly overlooked and is on Netflix? If you don’t have a Netflix, just say in general. Johnny Got His Gun. What quote gives you chills every time you hear or read it? From Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs: "I have stood knee-deep in mud and bone and filled my lungs with mustard gas. I have seen two brothers fall. I have lain with holy wars and copulated with the autumnal fallout. I have dug trenches for the refugees; I have murdered dissidents where the ground never thaws and starved the masses into faith. A child's shadow burnt into the brickwork. A house of skulls in the jungle. The innocent, the innocent, Mandus, trod and bled and gassed and starved and beaten and murdered and enslaved. This is your coming century! They will eat them, Mandus, they will make pigs of you all and they will bury their snouts into your ribs and they will eat your hearts!" Not even mildly exaggerating, I get coooovered in goosebumps every time I come to that point in the game. I just read it twice lmao. When was the last time you bitched someone out? A while back I lost it on Mom about Dad and his wife. Have you ever given a lap dance? No. Are you afraid of plane rides? No, not really. Do you like unique or common names? Unique. Have you ever made a turkey dinner all by yourself? As if. Do you prefer running or yoga? Yoga. What continent would you most like to visit? Africa. Who do you wish you were dating? I'm happy with who I'm dating. What did you always want to do as a kid but were never allowed to do? Hm. I'm sure there's something... What is your favorite ice cream topping? Hot fudge. Is your Bible falling apart? I don't have one. Would you rather have a tail, fin, or wings? Wings. If you live in an apartment, is your landlord mean? N/A What products do you sell, if applicable? None. Is abuse in your past? No. Is there trauma in your past? Yes. Do you know anyone who’s been raped? I don't believe so, thankfully. Of the many different American accents, which one is your favorite? New Yorker. What was the last thing you watched on Youtube? Watched and not just listened to, it was an 8-BitRyan gaming vid. Do you know anyone who had a kid before they were financially stable? Probably half the people I know or more. But I think that goes for everyone. What’s your phone’s wallpaper picture? Darkiplier rip. Have you read any of Shakespeare’s works other than Romeo and Juliet? Yeah - Beowulf and Macbeth. Maybe Hamlet? Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? My purse. Why did you move to where you’re living now? We got evicted and had to find something cheaper. What’s your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I sincerely don't care, especially if there is damage on the person's state. Like if you're suicidally depressed or very sick in another way and have to go out, don't be a fucking ass and force them to do something that can legitimately be hard for people just to appease the standards society set. A basic rule to me is never make assumptions or ask why they're in their pj's. I do it a lot, depending on where I'm going. Like you have clothes on at least, why the hell does it matter. What’s something you’re really bad at compared to others? Math. Knowing the names of cars. Giving directions and knowing where I even am in comparison to everything else. Do you know anyone who treats retail/restaurant employees poorly? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BOY DO I but she's been removed from my life. When was the last time someone betrayed your trust? What happened? Idk. But I can say with near certainty aforementioned friend posted our entire last convo on Facebook as she'd done previously, so there's that. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom usually does. What are some odd habits you have relating to food/eating? I hate eating biscuits in front of new people because I dissect mine to parts, lol. Like I open it and eat what's in it individually, the bread being the last. Do you like Oregon Trail? I love that shit. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? A house. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? Stem. Do you believe in the “innocent until proven guilty” idea? Depends. Not always. Do bats frighten you? No, I love bats!!! What’s a song that reminds you of your special someone? THERE'S SO MANY!!!! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah. Are you a KPOP fan? No. Do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be”? Nope, bullshit. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? June 2018. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I have to actually be romantically interested in you. Well, to kiss you on the lips. Kissing family on the cheek and such is different. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. Will you keep your last name when you get married? No, please take that shit away. Where was the last place you held hands at? I'm not sure. If you could live in any home on television what would it be? BITCH take me to the Addams' Family home. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? Mostly universal. Like just to give an example, some Christian religions forbid eating shellfish, so while avoiding shellfish is moral to you, is it really immoral to eat it? Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No. It's just... so inhuman. Regardless of what one has done, never lose your grip on being one. Be a moral human being. Don't succumb to that evil. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teaching. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? No, thank Christ. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really love both The Blair Witch Project films, The Shining definitely joined the top tier when I watched it recently, and The Crazies is great, too. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd say it's normal. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Oh boy, who knows. One of the billion things Colleen said and did. Something you feared as a kid but don’t fear anymore? Taking the last answer because it's like the #1 thing: death. It's inevitable, and immortality seems horrible. I just hope I go with the least pain possible. What is your opinion on girls who become obsessed with their boyfriends? lmaooooo been there sweetie, don't do it. Are you biracial? No. What’s the most unique pet you’ve owned? My champagne ball python. Do you have a fence? On either side and at the back of the house. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Just my psychiatrist. I feel bad for not including Dad, but nightmares fucked me up hard. Does your family use coasters? Is anyone in your family excessively tidy? No. Do you still have your tonsils? Yep. Do you think making out is slutty? ... No...? Well, at least if you're in a relationship and love the person. Just casually doing it, quite honestly yes, I think it's slutty.

[beahina]

Dudeeeeeeeeeeeee do all the even numbers, for that ask game! XD your welcome, i love you!

oH boy ok here:2(Do you have freckles?): nope, but my brother has the prettiest freckles!!4(last song you listened to): the bunny hop because it was playing on the jazz station in the car lol6(relationship status): technically single but it's v confusing lol8(did you wake up cranky?): surprisingly no, even though i slept at 2am and woke up at 9am lmaooo10(zodiac sign): I'm the year of the horse! unless you were talking about the constellation signs (which is also "zodiac" why are they both zodiac??) i'm an Aquarius!12(take a vitamin daily?): usually but i forget 90% of the time14(what books are you reading?): actually i'm only reading one right now and it's Alice through the Looking Glass (i just finished reading Alice in Wonderland)16(favorite anime?): hAIKYUU 18(do you collect anything?): i collect pins and stuff like tickets, stickers, photographs, that i put on my wall! also tons of crap i don't need ALSO STUFFED ANIMALS YEAH20(do you dance in the car?): yes lol it's pretty dorky22(do you watch the olympics?): when they are taking place yes!!! i love the olympics :0 i got to go to the usa training center multiple times for field trips lol, my favorite is the winter olympics because of my old young lived dream of becoming a olympic snowboard competitor haha24(are you wearing makeup right now?): yes but it might have gotten wiped off when i blew my nose and i cry when my allergies r really bad rip26(favorite tumblr blog?): ok no i can't choose sorry i love everyone i follow!!!28(what makes me happy?): ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ im not really in that position to answer this right now lmaoo 30(do you study better with or without music?): with music!! 32(if you were a crayon color, what color would you be?): either a bright yellow (dodie yellow???) or a dark warm brown34(would you swim in the lake or ocean?): HELL YEAHS i mean, i might die so there's a plus (joking, joking) but yeah i live near like 20 different rivers, lakes, bays, and sounds lol36(what color tshirt are you wearing?): earlier i was wearing a white one but now i'm wearing a greyish black sweater38(do you save money or spend it?): spend it lmao no hesitation40(do you have any obsessions right now): i've been obsessing over what dress to wear for the graduation dance. i'm tempted to go in a suit because i already own one and i'll be perceived more masculinely and it's more comfortable but like dRESSES GUYS i want to wear a dress really badly!! (like it's weird i don't like forced femininity but i think i can wear dresses because boys can wear dresses so fucking watch me)42(are you easily influenced by other people?): yeah but in a bad way i'm only influenced by when hey say something bad etc ._.44(do you like going on airplanes?): yes yes yes???46(peanuts or sunflower seeds?): sunflower seeds, in very picky on when where and what to eat peanuts with lol 48(are you a picky eater?): only when it comes to mushrooms onions and seafood. i love stuff like Brussel sprouts and asparagus and tomatoes broccoli etc 50(do you fear thunder / lightning?): no actually i love them!! here was an oncoming storm a few weeks ago and i was waiting by my window for it to start and when it did it was so exciting!!!52(do you like your music loud?): it really depends, i don't like sensory overload 54(put your music on shuffle, what is the first song that came up?): Elenor Rigby by The Beatles56(what are you craving right now?): nothing for once, i'm not that hungry (i just had a slurpee and candy ok fite me)58(coffee or tea?) tea!!60(do you have any homework right now? if so, what is it about?): lmaooo yes i do! i gotta find visuals (print off pictures basically) for a social studies project and memorize some of my presentation script for same class, and my chromatic scale on my tenor saxophone for band which is a week overdue but i'm lazy 62(do you make your bed in the morning?): no it's so hard to make i haven't made it in over like 4 months no joke64(favorite social media?): literally tumblr because that's the only social media i have 66(do you get homesick?): i used to a lot when i moved but now it's really starting to feel like home! but of course i'm always nostalgic for when i was younger.68(what shampoo and conditioner are you using right now?): idfk 70(are bob of your parents still in your life?): yes i live w them lol72(do you miss your ex?): don't have one74(what eye color do you find the sexiest?): brown because it can come in so many colors! my eyes are caramel while my friends are obsidian black and it's pretty that they can all look different!!76(what was the last thing you ate?): cherry slurpee and mini recees peanut butter cups78(would you give a homeless person cpr? why or why not?): i mean probably because i'm cpr certified and i'd like to save their life80(stalked someone on a social network?): not actually stalked but yes i've looked far far down a person's account 82(do you wear rings? if you do, take a picture of them.): i will!! I'll attach it in the next post.84(what are three things you did today?) get flowers for a friend, go to the mall, be exhausted and want to die as usual86(list all of your beauty products right now): face foam wash soap thing, face cleanser, face cream88(list all your video games on your phone, console, etc): lmao let me sit you down:on my phone i have neko atsume, color switch, smashy road, the trail, pokémon go (i haven't played it in months), and deemo (12/10 reccomend v pretty music and sad storyline lol)wiiu: mario bros, luigi bros, mario cart 8 (i rock ass at that), just dance idk what year or version, wii party, probably some other stuff, nintendo switch: 1-2 switch, breath of the wild, some just dance game again lolxbox1: minecraft, destiny, overwatch, ps4: star wars battle front, destinycomputer: sims 4, minecraft my 3ds: pokémon x, pokémon omega ruby, pokémon sun, animal crossing new leaf, mario bros, scribblenauts or whatever lolgame boy: some kid games like dora and stuff, hello kitty party game, fire emblem, pokémon grass (yES I HAVE A GAME BOY and actively use it) it's a lot but it's mostly my brothers and dads lol90(favorite soda drink?): ROOTBEER92(do you wear jeans or sweats more?): jeans are my life i used to be really mad if i couldn't wear jeans when i was younger!! still don't like sweatpants that much lol94(name something that relaxes you): sitting by my open window during night listening to music quietly96(favorite youtuber?): dodie clark!! then tessa violet!!! and a bunch of other people!jfc that was a lot but really fun lol

[itsoundsbetterinmyhead]

A Journey of Acceptance, Chapter 5

Can someone pop that champagne, dress up, and book a restaurant because we are heading to our two months anniversary!

Well but in my case the water ran out, I binge-watch Schitt’s Creek a whole day, and having a flu so that’s neat!

Ok so exciting news, I finally went to see a therapist this week! I’m just so proud with myself to finally taking that step, it was huge and really frightening at first but working out so good.

So last Friday I was having an intense overwhelming emotions and I felt like this time I can’t handle it by myself anymore. So again after like 10 times I’ve googled a therapist in the city I was directed to a hospital database website of sorts and there’s a new hospital and really upper class however they only have a psychiatrist. I mean I try not to take any meds, well I could choose not to but it’s also very tempting so I just close the gate altogether but I don’t feel any better on Monday and the thought of not exercising the shot was frightening enough so in the afternoon I called the hospital and turns out there’s just a new psychologist in the hospital and I book a session for the next day but then it was rescheduled to Thursday but it’s fine!

Oh ofc it’s not fine I have a series of bad days until Thursday but ok what’s new.

Right so I was so nervous but still I didn’t even thinking bailing because I really need it. So I’m still pretty nervous but when she said “ok what’s brings you here” everything just went out like that.

And she also makes it easier because she had lived in Jakarta for like 10 years so she understands the struggle I’m currently facing.

Anyway after I monologued for about 10 minutes, she said “you know why you are in this situation right now? It’s because you love to plan everything so much. From the pieces that I put together anytime you want something, you make a plan and execute it, and you get that thing. And now everything goes sideways and more importantly this doesn’t goes with your plan. That’s why you felt this way. This is a new things for you.”

Holy. Mother. Forking. Shirtballs.

Just so you know I never said my concept of relaxing is making a calendar and do financial budgeting, I mean I knew therapy could surprise you but I didn’t think I would be that surprised you know.

Like I always said I’m a man with a plan. I always have a plan. I even plan on how long should I take a shower everyday. It’s like if we hang out and I ask you “where are you” I need a specific data like road name, ETA, coordinate if you have, and how’s the traffic there so I could know should I order for you, should I just wait, or should I order an ice tea so it’s not like I just sit there and not plan on ordering anything. Not to mention people trusting me on planing and splitting bills because I’m very good at it. Now you see why I’m so surprised to hear that my strong suit is actually my demise.

So basically she suggested that I need to stop planning ahead, not even planning for what tomorrow would be like so just focus on what I should achieve daily. So just stop looking at what future holds because we can never know what future might be. She also said “whenever you are overwhelmed by your emotions, just stop physically and mentally and acknowledge the emotions and now it’s up to you if you want to feed it or not. After you acknowledged it instead dragging it, because that’s what you have been doing, try to think something more positive. Since I feel like you like being praised and seen I suggest you try to think people around you really proud of you. Then if you do it so often your brain would automatically swift to happy thoughts whenever you felt any negative vibes.”

First of all I never told her about my narcissism but that’s just how good she is!

Alongside those suggestions she also suggested me to join any clubs like running and dancing so I could get busy and make everything as close as how it used to.

I mean it’s true, it’s a blessing in disguise. A lot of people probably will get through things that I go through but not in better circumstances (maybe when they are older or have kids/liablity or idk) and I get to experience it today! And if I survive this I could survive anything else. I mean I know that, I’m just glad whatever I’m feeling is so justified. And I’d be lying if I said I don’t and/or won’t have any setbacks I mean it’s still process.

All and all, go to a therapist is really like if you’re drowning and therapy is basically a rope, it’s up to you to use it or not. You still gotta do all the work but at least there’s help, there’s guidance to help you save yourself. And I would use therapy as an option that I will use more often.

So raise your glass everyone. May this milestone is the beginning of a healing process, happy two moths anniversary you sly benches!

[purplesurveys]

371

Doing another one of those looking back surveys ‘cos it’s fun to do that sort of thing as a way to cap off the year. This is one of the first surveys I took, all the way back in 2012. Let’s gooooo. [Edit: I wasn’t able to finish this by the end of the year, so I guess I’m opening this year instead with a throwback hahaha]

Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? Closed. I’m pretty OC, so if I leave them opened I’d only end up irritated. Now: Closed. Why the hell would I leave my closet open?

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? My mom does. Now: Dear 14 year old Robyn, I don’t know what you were observing but your mom definitely never took anything from the hotel??? But to answer the question, no I don’t. The most I’d take is probably a notepad. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? No. Now: Six years later, yep.

Where is your next vacation? My family haven’t decided yet! Now: We’re flying over to somewhere in Bicol a couple of months from now.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Nope. Now: No, that’ll never serve me any sort of purpose lmfao.

Who do you think reads these? Meh, no one. Now: Surprisingly, both my old survey blog and this one have earned its share of followers, so I guess at some points my surveys are being read. I say ‘surprisingly’ because both blogs were just meant to be a feelings dump for myself, and I never expected anyone to read my posts. 

Do you have a calendar in your room? Like, one that’s hanging on wall? No. Now: Nope. I have one on my phone, which is more convenient. 

Where are you? I’m in my house. On a bed. In my room. Now: ^ Literally the same answer. I guess little has changed when it comes to this.

What’s your plan for the day? Finish Romeo and Juliet and start on that Friar Lawrence essay. Now: Hahahaha freshman year. Well it’s New Year’s Eve, so my crazed mom is gonna take us to church to idk I guess ~commemorate the end of the year because apparently god still has to be involved in that. We normally celebrate NYE at home since our rooftop has the best view of the fireworks, so I’m guessing we’ll have media noche and then wait for the clock to strike midnight.

Are you reading any books right now? Yeah. Romeo and Juliet. Now: I’m reading Bret Hart’s Hitman: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling. I’m also reading AJ Lee/Mendez’s (I never know what to call her anymore) Crazy is My Superpower, and sometimes I’ll skim through Chris Jericho’s The Best in the World: At What I Have No Idea because Jericho’s always a good read. Obviously, wrestling autobiographies are my thing.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Occasionally. Now: I literally never counted my steps. What the hell was young Robyn so loud for?

Have you ever peed in the woods? No. Now: Nope.

Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Yes…maybe it’s why I have no friends? Now: ^ Stop trying to sound cool, you hate dancing with every atom in your body. I don’t dance, even if there is music playing; but the grand exception to this is when I danced my soul out at my Paramore show last August. I’d be crazy not to have.

Do you chew your pens and pencils? Uh. Yuck. Now: Never did. I liked chewing on my lollipop sticks though.

What is your “Song of the Week”? Night On Earth - The Bouncing Souls Now: Haven’t listened to a lot for this depression break, but let’s go with Paramore’s Franklin. Night on Earth is a fucking banger though.

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Of course. Now: Of course.

Do you still watch cartoons? You bet I do. Never letting the kid in me go. Now: If I catch a rerun of Spongebob then yeah. But I generally still agree with the answer I gave. We Bare Bears is a favorite.

Whats your favorite love movie? Titanic, Love Actually, Friends With Benefits. Now: The Proposal, Love Actually...do Revolutionary Road and Eternal Sunshine count?

What do you drink with dinner? I drink water most of the time. Now: Water’s still my bet.

What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in? Barbecue sauce. Now: Whatever’s available, but barbecue seems to be the default dip.

What is your favorite food/cuisine? I enjoy pizza and fried chicken. Now: Indian food for days. Also sushi. I’m not much of a pizza person anymore; I’d get it while on a date with Gab but my heart belongs to sushi this time around.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Titanic! Now: Yeah...Titanic’s still That Bitch. But also Ferris Bueller’s Day Off! That’s a fun movie to see if I just want to spend a fun two hours watching something.

Last person you hugged/kissed? Last one I hugged was Gabie; I’ve never kissed anyone. Now: My five-year-old cousin went in for a hug when I came over to see her the other night. My girlfriend was my last kiss.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Nope. Now: Never been.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Never. Now: Never.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Last month during my class’s recollection. Now: One of my friend groups did a secret Santa, but we also required everyone to write a letter alongside our gift/s. That said, I wrote a reeeeally long, handwritten letter to Laurice, who I happen to have grown close to this year.

Can you change the oil on a car? No. Now: Nah. I leave that to my dad.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No; I can’t even drive yet. Now: I dunno if the Philippines actually has a speeding rule? People here drive like death when the roads are miraculously clear (they never are except for Sundays and holidays) because it’s bumper-to-bumper traffic in the city 24/7, but they’re never pulled over. There are speeding rules on the expressways but people don’t seem to mind that as well, so I doubt getting pulled over for speeding is actually a thing here.

Run out of gas? Nope. Now: No that’s like one of my biggest fears. What happens when your car runs out of gas? I imagine it to be like that scene in Toy Story where Buzz and Woody are trying to chase the moving truck, so they use RC to move faster, but then his battery dies and he just kind of slows down lmao.

Favorite kind of sandwich? Chicken/gourmet. Now: Sandwiches aren’t my go-to so I don’t really have a favorite. I don’t know what I was talking about when I meant ~gourmet sandwich, what a feeler haha.

Best thing to eat for breakfast? BACON. Now: I like eating waffles with bacon inside. Omelettes with everything put in is great too, and so are scrambled eggs.

What is your usual bedtime? On school nights, 9 PM. On Friday nights it ranges from 10 to 12. When I’m on summer vacation I don’t sleep at all. Now: Yeah, I pretty much still sleep at 9 at the earliest on school nights. A bitch needs to function the next day. On Fridays and weekends I’d sleep at 1 AM at the latest, but that depends because sometimes I’ll have school stuff on a Saturday.

Are you lazy? The laziest. Now: I have my periods but when I do work I bust my ass off.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Tinkerbell! Now: Various stuff...I was Tinkerberll, I was a pirate, I dressed up as my former best friend, I was AJ Lee, I was Daria. I’ve had a lot of costumes through the years.

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope. Now: No, I was never subscribed to any. I did buy Total Girl every month when I was like 6 up until I was maybe 11 or 12. It’s an Australian magazine for girls, or, as they liked to call my age group at the time, ~tweens.

Which are better, legos or lincoln logs? LEGO! Grew up playing those. And I’d end up crying after I stepped on them. Now: I was never familiar with Lincoln logs. We had crates of LEGO blocks though.

Are you stubborn? Very. Now: Yep, ‘very’ sums it up nicely.

Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Dunno. Should I give a crap about them? Now: I definitely don’t give a crap about either now...I mostly watch Fallon if I want to see celebrities doing silly gags, cos he does a great job making his show super entertaining.

Ever watch soap operas? Yes, when I want to laugh at horrible acting. Now: 14 year old me didn’t have to be so mean. No, I’ve never been into soap operas.

Afraid of heights? Yes. Now: No, only when I’m in a ride, which is partly why I stopped going to amusement parks altogether.

Sing in the car? Don’t we all? Now: All the time, but only when I’m alone.

Dance in the shower? No. Now: Just really rarely.

Dance in the car? When there’s enough space yes. Now: Literally never. Wtf was I lying so much for??

Ever used a gun? No. Now: Never, but lately I’ve been really interested in the idea of going to a shooting range for funsies.

Do you think musicals are cheesy? No. I think they’re the best. Now: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What the fuck Robyn!!! You’ve hated musicals ever since and you hate it now. Stop lying and stop trying to sound cool!!!

Is Christmas stressful? Yes. Waiting 25 days to open that awfully tempting, beautifully wrapped present under the Christmas tree is really stressful honestly. Now: Buying gifts is stressful. Receiving gifts and opening them have leveled down on the excitement factor these days. Such is getting old.

Ever eat a pierogi? A what? Now: Nope.

Major annoyance right now? The fact that I have to write an essay about Friar Lawrence from Romeo and Juliet. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy writing but when you’re forced to write something you’re not really enthusiastic about, it’s just. Not. Fun. Now: I have to go back to school by next week and I just want to be on a much longer break.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A fireman. Now: Fireman, astronaut, veterinarian.

Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Now: I’m always open to the idea.

Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Like once a week. Now: Pretty often, yeah.

Do you take a vitamin daily? No. Hardly do. Now: Nah, not anymore.

Wear slippers? Occasionally. Now: Only when I’m at the beach or a pool.

Wear a bath robe? Yes. Now: Sometimes.

What do you wear to bed? Tank top + shorts. Now: I wear t-shirts more now, but yeah I woul wear tank tops on warmer nights.

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? None of the above. I haven’t entered any of these stores yet, because I live in boring, old Philippines. Now: I don’t care about any of these.

Nike or Adidas? Nike. Now: I like them both and have sneakers from both.

Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos. Now: Fritos.

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts! Now: Peanuts. I’ve never had sunflower sees.

Ever hear of, “gorp”? Never heard of it. Now: No, I’ve still never heard of it seven years later.

Ever taken karate? No. Would love to! Now: Nah. I think I’m too unathletic to even try.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? No. Now: Yes.

Can you curl your tongue? Yes. Now: Yep, but only in two. I know some people can curl it even more.

Ever won a spelling bee? Dude, I always get first place. Probably the only thing I’m good at besides writing. Now: Before.

Ever cried because you were so happy? Countless times. Now: I cry more because of wholesome videos or instances that make me happy, but not because something so huge that made me overwhelmingly happy happened to me.

Own any record albums? No. Now: I’d collect them if I actually had a turntable.

Own a record player? I sadly don’t D: Now: See above.

Regularly burn incense? No. The smell is annoying. Now: Yeah I’d still find the smell annoying, but only because it reminds me so much of church.

Ever been in love? Maybe. Now: Yes.

Hot tea or cold tea: Neither. Now: Hate tea.

Tea or coffee? Coffee. Now: Coffee for daaaaaysssss.

Favorite kind of cookie? Burnt chocolate chip cookies. Hnnng. Now: ^ Well...still that...except remove the ‘burnt’ part? Idk what I was thinking but I just enjoy chocolate chip cookies period. Anything with peanut butter is also a yes for me.

Can you swim well? Oh, no. I look like a dying fish when I swim. Now: I know basic stuff, but I know I don’t look good when I do the strokes, especially the backstroke eugh.

Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? Yes. Now: Sure.

Are you patient? NOPE Now: In some aspects. But I hate waiting in traffic or in lines.

Ever won a contest? Yes. Now: Here and there.

Ever had plastic surgery? Never. Now: Never.

Which are better black or green olives? No idea. Now: Olives are the worst.

Can you knit or crochet? No, which is the reason why I failed Home Economics last year. Now: Home econ was “LAST YEAR” at that point??!!?! That’s absolutely crazy. And no, I still don’t do either. I still wouldn’t even if it were graded.

Wash room or bathroom? Bathroom. Now: I use both.

Do you want to get married? Someday! Now: ‘S all I’m looking forward to.

Who was your High School crush? I’m only in my freshman year, but I’m having this crazy, suicidal infatuation with CM Punk. Now: I wish I could talk to 14 year old Robyn and tell her how delusional she sounded in her first few surveys. This is why Punk blocked you on Twitter sis. Anyway, Gab was my high school crush through and through, but I didn’t start liking her til about halfway through sophomore year.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? I don’t, but when I want things to go my way and they don’t, I give everyone the silent treatment and roll my eyes every like, two seconds. Now: No I don’t, I just keep quiet until it fizzles out.

Do you have kids? No. Now: Nope.

Do you want kids? Yes. Now: Yep.

What kind of mom are you? …I’m a mom!? Now: ...Still not a mom.

Do you miss anyone right now? Sure. Now: Always do.

Who do you want to see right now? No one really. Now: My girlfriend.

[no-zaku-boy]

Good things on a lazy, gray day.

I haven’t been doing so well at staying on task during these first two weeks of 2017, and I’m frustrated with myself. It’s in part because I’ve been struggling with insomnia on and off and have been sick for a couple days, but I want to do better from here on out. So here are some good things that I’ve accomplished lately and things that will be coming up to pep myself up!

I ran half a 5k straight yesterday, and I wasn’t terribly winded by the time I stopped. I’m going to push to try to get up to running a complete 5k at a 6mph pace by the end of the month. The most important part of this, I guess, was that I went into the gym ready to run my standard mile straight, but once I had gotten started, I decided fuck it, just run, do better, keep going until it feels like it might not be good to continue. And it was fairly easy. It was just a nice perspective shift, I guess, a nice surprise.

Made my first JSK sale! I’m hoping lolita sales will pick up soon so I can get this stuff I don’t wear anymore out of my wardrobe and try to make it more cohesive. I would say yay extra money, but there’s a vest I’ve been looking for for almost two years up secondhand right now, and I’m severely tempted to spend about half of what I got for my dress on it. Damn you, international shipping costs.

A friend of mine has been dealing with some personal stuff, and I’ve done my best to be there for him through it. He recently said some sweet things about my friendship and my ability to not only give solid advice but make him feel heard and understood. I don’t mean to boast about this; I’m always happy to be of help to the people I love, and this is just meant to be, idk, recounting a good thing rather than bragging. Boy, I need to learn to be happy and proud of things without feeling like I’m an egotistical showboat if I ever mention them. Anyway, a friend said I’m a good friend and that I’ve done a good job being there and that feels nice the end.

Tiny victory: found a decent bacon substitute. I’m still searching for something better, but at least I can have BLTs again, hot damn.

PAX SOUTH PAX SOUTH PAX SOUTH PAX SOUTH. I’m super pumped! I probably will only have Velanna unless I can get my ass into gear or pick something to churn out quickly (mainly because I don’t want to pay a stupid amount of money for last minute wigs that I could have gotten for a fraction of the price had I planned ahead), but it might be for the best that I’m not going cosplay heavy.

Lots of actions coming up next week. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but I’m getting more prepared for them mentally as they draw closer. I need to get myself in order and ready to be far more active in the things I care about in the coming months.

WRITING!! IS!! HAPPENING!! It’s always a great feeling when ideas come easily. I need to force myself into the habit of writing daily, though.

Annnd that’s about it. My goals for this week are to get myself on a good schedule (even if that means trudging through a sleepless fog until my sleep schedule...exists), finish everything I want to get done on Velanna, and get noticeably closer to being ready to reschedule my boot camp interview. Leggoooo~