#telling it here because here is where i was when i went through
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pieofdeath · 3 days ago
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god. pacing. this is ROTD spiff so badly its INCREDIBLE.
so like. i DID intend ROTD spiff to be an asshole!! lord barkis is SUCH an asshole in the movie! he's visibly older than victoria by a good bit. he flirts with her in a way that just feels. sooo gross. there's a scene in the movie that I didn't adapt to the fic because I didn't want ANOTHER pov change where Lord Barkis (IIRC) talks to a portrait of Victoria and says something along the lines of how she wont have to suffer this union for very long. BRO. YOU'RE IN THEIR DAMN HOUSE STILL. I intended ROTD spiff to be similar! just rude and an asshole and unrepentant about his crimes!
and then he just. wasn't. and it's mostly my own fault jakdfjs.
My first mistake was that I made Spiff too young. I made him too close to my age, which made me keep thinking about how I would've felt- I'm turning 20 in march, and I made him 20 in Jan of 1877, which makes him 17 in 1874 when he murders Dan.
My second, and primary, mistake is that I thought about him for too long. When writing the final chapter, I went. huh. Spiff is 20 here, a few years younger than Kevin and Seán (who are 21 and 22-almost-23 in Jan 1877 respectively). and he killed a guy at 17. That's gotta fuck a guy up.
and then i couldnt stop thinking about it. ok. abstracted, we have a guy that has killed a guy and planned to kill another and is still literally only 20. age is not an excuse for Actual Premeditated Murder but you can't tell me that it didn't fuck him up, at least a little. and add that on top of the possibility that he killed the only person who genuinely, really cared about him. how long do you think he deliberated on if he was going to go through with his plan. do you think there was a span of time where he truly let himself love dan. do you think answering "yes" or "no" to those questions makes it worse?
i reblogged this post into the rotd tag back in April. i think that's a good summary of ROTD spiff. a guy who was unloved (woa what who said that) and couldn't handle being loved and made the worst mistake of his life. and proceeded to keep making it because then he could pretend he meant it. spiff can be summed up by "hubris and hates it" i think.
there's a lot of similarities between spiff and jim I think. interpret that as you will. there's actually a really rough idea for an alternative universe where everything turns out fine because jim or grim or someone finds out about spiff's plan to kill Seán before he goes through with it. jim and spiff are murder buddies and rtspiff reconcile- the trio shifts into a strange little polycule in that verse.
and while writing the finale I started toying around with the idea of writing his perspective, and then i listened to a few songs that gave me a few ideas for future events and it was all over. He hasn't left my head. I'm thinking about him ALL THE TIME. I'm only barely exaggerating.
hes a squeaky toy to me. im chewing on him. I'm making him cry. I'm making it better but I'm making him cry.
woa hold on i just rambled a LOT I'm so sorry aksjdfksa I need to go listen to his playlist maybe then ill feel better
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missadangel · 1 day ago
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The Heart of Rome (Marcus Acacius x Reader)
All Chapters List
Chapter 12: The First Kill (WARNING BLOOD AND VIOLENCE)
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Sic Semper Tyrannis
"Thus always to tyrants."
Brutus.
"You never forget your first kill," Marcus once said. One evening, you were sitting together in that meadow just after finished your knife training. "I've had to kill many, dozens, thousands. Some I felt no remorse for, some I thought they deserved it, some I felt pity for, but their faces are blurred in my memory in time. However, I could never forget the face of the first one. Although I was young, I remember it clearly, even now. For some time the silhouette of his face continued to torment me, even preventing me from using my sword properly.”
He took a deep breath as his fingers ran through your golden hair. “It's a peculiar thing, hard to overcome, right then and there, when you take his life, everything changes; the ground you walk on, the air you breathe, all of it becomes your enemy.”
As you looked at your own hands which were stained with blood and trembling, his words reverberated in your mind. You glanced at the man you had just killed, lying still on the ground. He was right. Everything has changed, and it will never be the same again.
Two days ago…
The atmosphere on Palatine Hill was one of palpable tension as the city awaited for the new dawn. You were trying to figure out the best way to extricate yourself from this troubling situation when you were involuntarily brought here by the guards, at the behest of your Emperor half-brother. Walking from the great courtyard into the great hall, accompanied by Flavius and two guards, you noticed that several soldiers were being forced to their knees by the guards. It appeared as though they were awaiting something or someone. They were attired in black cloaks over their armour, and you were uncertain as to why they were regarding you with concern. Might they be Marcus's men? Could this be the reason why he did not return home? Could he have been here too? As these questions continued to arise in your mind, you headed for the large door and entered as the guards opened it for you.
Once you had entered the great hall, the man called Flavius took his leave, accompanied by a few of his men, for some reason. You were not particularly curious about where he went, because the moment you saw Caracalla's face, your tension level spiked. You never thought that one day you would be judged by him in this hall. Caracalla stood in the centre, in his usual place, with Macrinus right next to him. What a surprise! You could imagine the strings he had woven around your brother, effectively turning him into a puppet. Geta and his mother Julia were on the left side of the hall. On the floor was the body of a slave, lifeless and bleeding, felt a chill run through you. You averted your gaze. As soon as he saw you, Geta uttered a silent curse and looked at his brother with a look of anger. “Really, brother? I told you, Aurelia has nothing to do with this!”
Caracalla stared at you, ignoring his brother. You swallowed when you realised he was holding the vial you had sent for Geta. He held it up as if he wanted you to see it. His face showed signs of fatigue and redness, which you knew could cause this kind of effect.
You were trying to stay calm. But your eyes kept drifting to the body of the poor slave on the floor. Caracalla noticed. “Oh, forgive us for starting without you.” He laughed like a madman.
“I have to tell you that you are making a mistake, brother,” you said calmly. You were hoping he hadn't noticed the quaver in your voice. “The things you accuse me of. None of that is true.” You turned your head to Julia, who was looking at you as she always did, defiant and angry.
“Lady Domna asked me to poison you, as she well knows. And I refused."
“Or are you going to tell me our brother Geta's lies too?” Caracalla snapped.
"Not lies, you fool, I'm telling the truth!" Geta shouted. He then inhaled. "Our mother is responsible for this. I can assure you that neither I nor Aurelia attempted to poison you."
Julia looked at her son, her eyes wide in surprise.
"What about this then?" Caracalla indicated the vial in his hand. "Last week, I had this dream that you were trying to kill me, and you were all involved." He pointed his index finger at each of you in turn. Macrinus stood silently beside him, weighing up the situation.
"As I said, my mother found a poison that will kill you slowly, which is why you killed this slave just now!"
Caracalla looked down at the dead slave on the floor. "That's right," he muttered. "I did." Then he grinned.
He looked like he was really lost, which made you almost feel pity for him. Geta approached him, seemingly used to this situation. "I asked Aurelia for help, for you, brother."
"Hah! So you admit that you plotted together to kill me!”
Geta sighed. “No you silly! You know that Aurelia is a medicus, so she found out what poisoned you and made a concoction that will cure you.”
“Lies, lies, lies! You're always lying to me!” He shouted at him, then pursed his lips. Geta rolled his eyes.
That's when you heard some muttering coming from outside. You figured it must be the soldiers. Before you had a chance to react, someone called out 'General', the great door opened, and Marcus walked in. You weren't sure which was more shocking. Seeing Marcus there like that, Flavius gripping his arm like he was a criminal, the bruises and blood on his face, or the fact that he was only in his burgundy tunic? Your chest tightened and your breath caught in your throat. It was as if someone was squeezing it.
“Marcus!” you cried out. Your ringing voice filled every space in the great hall.
Without a second thought, you strode towards him. You grasped his face in your hands and gazed at his bruises with concern.
"Aurelia, tell me you're alright." He asked, also concerned.
"I am. But you? What happened to your face?" You touched the edge of his eyebrow where the blood oozing from. You couldn't hold back the tears.
"There's no need to be concerned, my lady."
"General!" Caracalla said loudly. "Or should I just call you Marcus now? After all, you don't deserve the title."
"How do you mean?" you asked him, taking Marcus’ hand in yours.
"You are mad indeed, brother." Geta muttered. “General has nothing to do with this.”
“Shut the hell up! Enough with your lies!” Caracalla wagged a finger at him. Then he turned to you and Marcus.
"A husband and wife have decided to commit a crime together. That's quite romantic.” He gave a little sarcastic clap.
“What are you accusing him of?” you asked, a little sharply. “He's a general who's loyal to you. The person you should be accusing is right there with you!” You said, pointing at Macrinus.
“Aurelia,” Marcus warned, squeezing your hand.
Macrinus smirked smugly. "May I enquire as to the evidence on which you have based your conclusion, my lady?"
Caracalla butted in. "You're not in a position to accuse anyone." I'm the one who decides everyone's fate here.’ He turned to his mother. "I will commence with Lady Domna. Or should I say ‘Mother'?" he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Then he went to the slave lying lifeless on the floor, bent down and examined him as if he was seeing him for the first time. "You disobeyed me. As if that wasn't enough, you tried to poison me using this rat." He stood up and asked the guard next to him for his sword. Once he had it in his hand, he looked at its shiny surface as if he were talking to it. Julia tensed up. "I can't send you back there without knowing what you'll do. I'm sure you'll be back though. So you'll be charged under the Roman law.”
“Brother!” Geta protested.
"I must protest! I'm the Empress, I can't be judged! I am your mother!" Julia yelled.
"That's why you are still breathing!" Caracalla barked. "You committed treason! I could kill you right now, but I won't! So, try to be greatful and don't speak another word!"
"It's a fair judgement, Your Majesty," Macrinus stated, pleased. You were certain that it was his opinion. After all, he had the majority of the Senate.
"Take Lady Domna to her room and keep her there until the trial," he ordered the guards.
The guards forcibly took her by the arm and led her out, despite her protests and shouting.
"As for you," he said, pointing at you and Geta.
"It would be best to simply let Aurelia go. I'm the one who asked her for help," he said, stepping between you and Caracalla.
Caracalla laughed. "How touching! What have you done to my brother, Aurelia?" His eyes shifted to you. Marcus clenched his jaw. The atmosphere in the hall was getting tense. "Well, here's the thing; she's the one who made this concoction, after all."
"It's not poison, on the contrary, it's a herbal remedy that will heal you." You explained.
Caracalla approached you and handed you the vial, pointing the sword he held in his other hand at you. "Prove it, then. Drink."
Marcus became visibly tense. Geta turned his head towards you. You swallowed hard. There was no harm in drinking the concoction you had made, you wouldn't have been afraid to drink it, only if you hadn't been carrying a child. "I can not," you suddenly said, closing your eyes and bowing your head.
Caracalla laughed hysterically. You exchanged a look with Marcus, you knew he understood why.
Geta turned to you, leaned in, “Aurelia, what are you-“
"I can't because I'm with child." You said. "The mixture could harm the child."
Everyone looked at you, and there was a brief period of silence. "How can I be sure you're not lying to me?" Caracalla asked.
Geta shifted his gaze to your belly, then turned to Caracalla and snatched the vial from his hand. "Give me the damn thing," he said and uncorked the bottle and drank the whole thing without thinking.
Everyone was looking at him in surprise. He threw the vial on the floor and looked Caracalla in the eye, who stared back at him with his mouth open. Geta licked his lips, spread his arms wide. "Look at me, brother! I am still alive, aren't I?" He smirked.
Caracalla looked at him, then at you, narrowing his eyes. This time he pointed his sword at Geta. "You two, you must be playing tricks on me."
"That's nonsense!" Geta yelled. Caracalla shook his head as if he had heard something. "No, a lie is always a lie. I refuse to believe it." The sword slipped and fell to the floor as he covered his ears with his hands. He stepped back. Macrinus approached him and whispered something in his ear.
"I think that's all we need for now. As you can see, Aurelia is completely innocent." Geta said.
"No way!" Caracalla spoke up. "She'll be staying here until this is resolved." He and Macrinus exchanged glances. He then looked at you. "I've decided that she needs to stay under home detention here at Domus Severiana."
"I must protest!" you said, loudly. Marcus gave you a little tap on the shoulder to calm you down.
“My decision is final!” He yelled at you then turned to Geta. “So, you, I'll have you tried for high treason, and I'll have you deposed from the title of emperor."
“You can't do that!” Geta interjected.
“Just watch me!” He gave him a stern look.
Geta clenched his fists.
"As for you, Acacius," Caracalla said, pointing his finger at Marcus this time. "There won't be a trial for you. I've got other plans. "In fact, I should have you beheaded or thrown off the Tarpeian rock.”
(Tarpeian rock: A steep cliff on the south side of the Capitoline Hill that was used in Ancient Rome as a site of execution. Murderers, traitors, perjurors, and larcenous slaves, if convicted by the quaestores parricidii, were flung from the cliff to their deaths.)
"For what offence?" Your body was shaking.
"Treason of course!" He shouted.
Macrinus intervened. "Your Majesty, your people respect or General Acacius and they have made great hero out of him. It would be unwise to have him executed. You might draw the public's ire to yourself. Angering them will only work against you."
"How do you mean? Should I let him walk free, Macrinus?" Caracalla shouted at him angrily.
Macrinus looked at Marcus. "No, of course not. I just want to say that there are other ways that the public will be satisfied with. And you of course, Your Majesty."
"And what are those ways, I wonder?”
You were getting nervous as he spoke, what was he planning?
“Games,” he said. “We could set up some fighting games, and Acacius could fight in the Colosseum to win his freedom.”
“No way!” You let out a cry of protest.
"Why do you object, or you do not trust your husband's fighting strength?" Caracalla enquired with a hint of irony. "It is a good decision, Macrinus I liked it."
You looked at Marcus. But he was staring at Caracalla. "What about my men? I demand their release, Your Majesty. They have nothing to do with my treachery." Marcus said the word treachery through clenched teeth.
"I deny it, Acacius! They are as guilty as you are, and they will take their share of your punishment and fight along with you in the Colosseum!"
"Your Majesty, I suggest that you reconsider this!" Marcus said loudly.
"Shut up!" Caracalla approached him. "That dusty ground of the Colosseum will become your grave, you will lose your reputation, your name will be forgotten! I will burn your villa to the ground with your slaves inside! And your wife Aurelia..." He eyed you up and down. "She will be confined for the rest of her life! Do you hear me?"
He gestured to Flavius, who grabbed you by the arm and pulled you away from Marcus.
"Don't you dare to touch her!" Marcus lunged towards him but the guards grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back hard.
"Marcus!" You reached for him, but Flavius was holding your arm tightly.
"Take your hands off the Princess now!" Geta shouted too, but Flavius ignored him.
“My name may be forgotten, but your name will be remembered with hatred for generations to come!” Marcus roared. “You will face the hatred of your people! Your reign will come to an end!”
“Get him out of my sight!” Caracalla shouted. “Throw him in one of the pits in the Colosseum with all his men!”
"No, please! Brother please!" You begged. Tears welled up in your eyes.
He didn't care.
“MARCUS!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as the guards dragged him out. Flavius then released you, but couldn't feel your legs and collapsed. Geta crouched, put his arm around your shoulder, you rested your head on his chest, sobbing, crying.
“Lock them in their rooms, I want two men at every door!” You weren't looking at Caracalla, but you knew he was talking about you and Geta.
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First day of the games.
The Colosseum was host to a game that was somewhat unique today. The announcement of the accusation and sentence of General Marcus Acacius had been made public, and many people had gathered here in the early hours. It would be fair to say that the vast majority viewed this man as a hero. The loud shouts of the crowd mingled with the sound of drums and trumpets. For the first time, Marcus was not pleased to hear his name shouted by the crowd, despite being aware of their admiration. The reason was straightforward: his wife Aurelia was absent from the Imperial stand. They had taken her away from him. Caracalla and Geta were seated in their customary positions. It appeared that Caracalla wished to keep his brother, who had committed treason, close by.
However, Geta, like Marcus, was even less enthusiastic about being there for the first time. As Marcus and his soldiers saluted them before the fight commenced, Geta and he locked eyes. If only I could hear him at this distance, he thought. I wish he would tell me something about Aurelia. Then Geta nodded at him as if he could read something his mind. ‘She's alright,’ he mimicked with his lips. And that was it! That was enough for Marcus to feel strong and defeat everyone and everything in the arena. On top of that, he had his most trusted men with him this time, his soldiers. They'd fought side by side on the battlefield, and they were ready to do the same here.
"Octavius!" Marcus called out. He gave him a heads-up about the barbarian warrior coming up behind him. Octavius dodged the attack and, led by Marcus, they all took up an attacking position, targeting one barbarian warrior and quickly overcoming them. There were just two barbarians left. Marcus signaled to his soldiers to stay back and calmly took a step forward, challenging the remaining barbarians with his outstretched arm. They both charged towards him with their swords but missed. Marcus expertly dodged their attacks and cut them with his sharp sword. The crowd went wild. Geta laughed and applauded. For the first time, Caracalla responded to his laughter by cursing angrily. Marcus, with his sword bathed in a crimson red, made his way towards the barbarian, who was lying on the ground, apparently nearing the end of his life. He then looked at Caracalla.
Caracalla turned his thumb down. Marcus killed the barbarian with a swift move. As the crowd chanted Marcus' name, Caracalla sulked and sank into his seat. "Ugh! Too fast and too boring! Well, fortunately, this is a three-day game and we're only on day one."
"How exciting!" Geta teased.
Caracalla frowned and turned his head towards Macrinus who was already approaching. "Have your new gladiators arrived, Macrinus?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. They are preparing for tomorrow's game." He said, smiling at him.
"That's good. I hope tomorrow will bring the defeat of Acacius and his men." He looked at them with a hint of displeasure. Then he stood up. "Come, brother. It's time to leave."
Marcus was keeping an eye on them from a distance, his gaze shifting to Flavius, who was following behind them. He clenched his fists as he watched them until they were out of sight. He made a vow to himself. He was going to win these games, no matter what. He had to win the Emperor's approval to be free. Then he could leave here and get you to safety. After that, he could take care of Flavius and Macrinus. Even if he never became a general again, that would not matter to him. He did not believe that Caracalla would reinstate him, anyway. That night, staying in the same pit with the gladiators but in separate cells, he was thinking about all this and you.
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You spent the entire day in a state of mental and emotional distress, seeking solace through prayer. You were rather concerned about Marcus, eager to receive any news from him. However, the guards at the door of your room would never let you out. You hated this room. Never expected to feel this way about it, nor to return here in this way. While you watched the birds singing cheerfully outside the window, you felt a longing to be free like them. You were also concerned about those in the villa and you prayed for them too. However, Marcus was on your mind constantly. Nothing made sense without him. You were feeling lost, incomplete. In the evening there was a knock at the door. Geta's slave had brought dinner. The girl noticed that the food on the morning tray had not been touched. She looked at you with a concerned and sad expression.
"My lady, please try to eat a little."
"I do not feel hungry," you murmured.
She glanced at the guards and then looked back at you. "If you could do it for your child." The girl was a little too insistent in her tone. You turned to her. She gave you a nod with her head. She indicated the plate on the tray with a gesture. You noticed a piece of paper under the plate. Had someone wrote you a note? You looked at the guards. They were standing at the door and wouldn't let it close when the slave girl was inside. You had to come up with an excuse. "Alright then. I'll eat, but first you help me get dressed. I need to change my dress." you said loudly looking at the guards. "Close the door, I need to get dressed."
The guards nodded and obeyed. You immediately took the paper from the tray.
"Emperor Geta wrote to you," she said quietly.
"Or perhaps it is about Marcus?" you asked, opening the little paper.
"I am not quite sure, my lady. He's in a similar situation to you, confined in a way. I couldn't even speak to him properly." You could sense the sadness in her voice, you touched her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Do not you worry. I'm sure everything will be alright and we'll be released soon." You felt like you also convincing yourself desperately.
The girl replied with a smile.
You turned your gaze to the paper to read what Geta had written.
"My dear sister. I hope you're doing well. I'm really concerned about you, so it would be great if you send me a response. What do you think of this solution huh? You must think I'm pretty smart, you do not? Come now, be honest." -Even so, he still managed to make you smile- "Anyway, Acacius and his men fought well today. You should have seen Caracalla's face when they won the game. It looked like a little monkey's butt. Whatever. Acacius, he's fine, don't you worry about him. If he wins the next two games, he'll be free. And I'm quite sure he will. Oh, and you never told me you were carrying a child, which I'm still upset about. Well, take care of yourself and the child, and eat your food. I'm waiting for your secret response letter. We'll be free soon, I promise. Kisses.”
Sighing, you crumpled up the paper and put it in the wooden box, closing it up. Fortunately, he had some good news. You felt a little relieved. You then looked around your room for some paper and a pen. The girl whispered to you. "Here, my lady," she said, pulling out the ink, reed pen and paper she had tucked into her belt.
"You are really well prepared," you said, smiling at her. She giggled. You sat down and the girl helped you to write a reply for Geta.
"Brother, I'm alright, please don't worry.  I must say, this solution is really clever and I am very grateful for it. Many thanks for the good news about him. I hope we'll all be free soon. I know you won't get anywhere near Marcus, but if you get a chance, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell him I love him. Please look after yourself around Caracalla. I await your letter about tomorrow."
You handed the paper to the girl. She tucked it into her belt to deliver it to Geta.
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Day two of the Games.
The atmosphere in the Colosseum today was somewhat different from that of yesterday. It seemed that the crowd flocking to this giant structure was more enthusiastic today. 
Marcus and his soldiers were going over their plan of fight while sharpening their swords. A tougher fight awaited them today. The gladiators were well trained, but unlike them, this was their first time in the Colosseum. Before long, the drums started beating and they were announced.
“Honos et Virtus! (Honor and virtue!) For freedom!” They shouted together, tapping each other on the shoulder. With swords drawn, they made their way to the arena, accompanied by the sound of drums and  the enthusiastic cheering of the crowd. It was pretty unlikely that they could pull off a fight like this on such short notice. But since Caracalla had declared them criminals, he'd ordered that there should be no interruption, one day after another. No matter how strong or experienced they were, it wasn't something an ordinary soldier could take easily. However, losing wasn't an option for Marcus. He encouraged them accordingly and spurred them on. Before start, and saluting emperor, Geta and Marcus shared a look that was just like yesterday. Marcus smiled in response to Geta's positive gestures.
“Oh, this is so ridiculous,” Geta muttered. “I feel like I'm flirting with a girl.”
“What was that? What did you say?” Caracalla leaned in towards him.
“Nothing, just thinking out loud.”
“And you call me mad.”
“But you are,” Geta said. “You're treating me like a caged animal. Locking me when I've done nothing wrong.”
"Be glad I didn't kill you," said Caracalla arrogantly. "Since I've tried it before and I can do it again."
"What did you say?" Geta looked at him with wide eyes.
Caracalla laughed. "If Aurelia hadn't saved you that night, you'd be with the Gods now. You would be dead."
Geta preferred to look at him in astonishment rather than watch the game. Of course, he had thought about it, but he could not digest his cold-blooded confession. At that moment he realised that everything was in vain. That he still saw him as his brother, that he respected him a little. To go to Aurelia for him. Suddenly he found himself feeling guilty. Tasting these new feelings, he set himself a goal: to kill him. No matter what, today or tomorrow. He had to die.
While Geta was planning to kill Caracalla somehow, Marcus and his soldiers kept up the fight against the gladiators. Despite the gladiators outnumbering them, they were able to prevail over them by watching each other's backs and acting in a spirit of brotherhood. Caracalla gave a thumbs up, decided that the remaining gladiators be to live. That came as a surprise to everyone. Macrinus seemed really pleased, and Geta noticed. They all had some injuries, including Marcus himself, but they weren't too severe. Marcus had a small scratch on his cheek. Octavius had a cut on his calf, and the others had cuts on their arms and legs. They were also pretty tired. They were in need of a rest, but they knew that Emperor Caracalla wouldn't let them. That night, as Marcus examined his brothers' wounds, he was filled with concern for the following day. It was possible that Caracalla and Macrinus had something big in store for the final day.
It was just after midnight when the sound of the iron gates opening was carried away on the breeze that had picked up the dust from the stone walls. Marcus and the others were soon aware that Cato and a soldier were approaching, and they rose to their feet immediately.
"Cato! It's Cato, sir!" Octavius said in a cheerful manner.
Marcus grasped the iron bars. "Cato? What are you doing here?"
Cato looked sad. "Sir, I am very truly saddened by all this."
"Cease weeping now, Cato," Octavius chastised him.
"Have you heard anything from the villa?"
Cato shook his head slowly. Octavius was growing impatient and reached his arm through the iron bars and grabbed his collar. “Speak!"
Marcus touched his shoulder as a warning. Cato took a deep breath. "Sir, when I went to the villa, I found that it had unfortunately been plundered, the soldiers you had positioned there had been murdered.”
Marcus slammed his palm against the iron bars in frustration.
“What about the others? The slaves?” Octavius asked.
"I'm not sure, but none of them were there."
"They must have been detained." Marcus hissed. "Along with all my property, everything I have."
Octavius kicked the bars angrily.
“I was watching Palatine Hill, the Domus Severiana,” Cato said. Marcus looked at him. Cato continued. “Lady Aurelia, I couldn't see her, but I'm certain that she's there.”
"She's under home detention," Marcus said his voice cracked. "Keep watching there. I need to find out how often Flavius and his guards go there and what they do. I need you to keep an eye on things for me until I get out of here. Can you do that?"
He nodded. "Yes, sir!"
The soldier who'd been keeping an eye on the corridor during the conversation came over to them. "Sir, General, I need to get Cato out of here before the guards at the gate realise."
Marcus nodded. "I am indebted to you." He said, and the soldier nodded in respect. Then he turned to Cato. "Cato, be cautious. Whatever you do, don't let Flavius notice you.”
"Yes, sir. I'll pray for you to win tomorrow," he said, looking at each of them. He threw his arms up. "Hodie Ruditapes Leo!' (Today the lion roars!)"
"Hodie Ruditapes Leo!' (Today the lion roars!)" They all repeated, their smiles confident and assured.
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As you read Geta's note that evening, you noticed a difference in his writing style compared to the previous day. It seemed more serious. You were curious as to why and felt a little frustrated that you were not allowed to talk to him freely. Yet, you were really grateful to him for coming up with this solution.  It was like he'd given you a breath of air when you felt like you were stuck in this room. Fortunately, there was more good news. Marcus and his soldiers had won. The only thing left to do was get through tomorrow. If Marcus were to emerge victorious from the games tomorrow, it would mean that Caracalla would no longer have the authority to detain him. So maybe you could be freed and return to the villa together before the trial. You had to find out what happened there and see if everyone was well. In accordance with the law, everything you have to be confiscated, including your slaves. It might even be the case that they could have been sold to other people. The mere thought of that made your chest hurt. However, this is not a possibility at such short notice, and certainly not before a decision has been made by the court.
Sitting on the large bed, illuminated by the moonlight that filtered through the long window, you read the short note that Geta had sent you, thinking of him as you traced your thumb over the word 'Marcus'.
You sensed that he was thinking of you too. Actually you were certain. You implored Jupiter, as you rubbed your belly with a hand over it. "Please, my lord. I beseech you. I pray that you spare him to me, to our child. Be his constant companion and his strength in fight, refuge in every adversity. Guide him, my lord, that he may return to me safely."
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Day three of the Games.
Present day.
"Remember, we have to win no matter what. If we lose, we will not only lose our lives, but our families, their future and reputation."
They nodded, but their eyes betrayed their doubts. Some of them were exhausted and deeply wounded. Marcus knew that if one lost, they all would. He had to give them what they needed: strength and courage.
“Brothers, do you remember those words I spoke to you two years ago on the Libyan front?”
They looked at each other and nodded in aggrement. He went over to the soldier who was struggling the most and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I mentioned a dark place inside us, a place that can give you strength even when you feel you have none left. You're injured and you're feeling drained. It was just like that day. We were outnumbered that day and it looked like we were going to lose. I don't think any other army would have been able to win with such a small number of people. But we managed to beat the odds and find a way to win. We'll do the same today." He went over to another soldier and looked at him. He had a wound on his arm. "Now I want you to discover that dark place inside you. He turned to another soldier. "Felix. I see you're badly wounded in the leg. Does it hurt?"
The soldier looked at his leg. "Yes, sir."
"Do you feel that place? Do you hear that voice screaming at you that you're going to lose?"
He lowered his head. "Yes, sir.”
"Do you think you can run from here to the gate? Or will it make the wound in your leg worse?"
He looked at him uncertainly. "It could be a lot worse, sir."
"That's not the answer I'm seeking, Felix!" he shouted at him. “When you get to the arena, you'll need to run and be quick. The warriors trying to kill you there will jump on you to finish you off as soon as they realise that you're scared.” He gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Our mind rules our body and it rules this dark place! It cannot direct the body of one who is afraid! Because he is doomed to lose. When you die over there, you will only lose your life. Your family however, will lose their citizenship and be known as the family of a traitor. Your friends will lose a brother. I will lose a good soldier! Now, tell me, will you confront that dark place, face your fears, fight along with us to win?" Marcus looked into his eyes. Felix inhaled and nodded firmly. “I will, sir!”
Marcus smiled. "Good. I trust that you will. From now on, it doesn't matter what you like or don't like, what you're upset about, what you think you've been wronged, your fears, your anxieties, nothing matters." Marcus raised his index finger. "Only one thing matters: Survival. Now tell me. Will you fight by my side and survive? Are you with me?"
The soldiers looked at each other and nodded, and then they all drew their swords and raised them.
"We're with you, sir!"
"Yes sir!"
They all shouted in unison with enthusiasm. Marcus raised his sword. “Nec spe nec metu! (Neither hope nor fear!)”
The soldiers repeated it back to him. The sound of their voices echoed off the stone walls. A little later, the sound everyone was waiting for was heard! The iron gates opened with a loud noise as their names were announced. The sound of drums, pipes, the voices of the crowd, whistles and applause filled the air. Everyone was brimming with excitement as they sat in their seats at the Colosseum, eager for the final game day. Geta and Caracalla were sitting in their usual seats. Macrinus came up to emperor and whispered something in his ear. Geta tried to focus on what he was saying, but the noise made it difficult to hear.
"Today will be the end of Acacius." Caracalla said to Geta, in an excited tone.
"You speak too precisely, brother. They've only just begun!
“This is the end! There's no doubt about it." He snapped. "His end. He is going to die today.” His hands were shaking. Geta squinted at his hands then his face. “I will get rid of him no matter what.”
At that moment, Geta became aware that something was being planned. He was fairly certain that Macrinus and Flavius were involved. But what could it be? He considered the option of killing his brother at that moment. However, he was unable to give orders to the guards.  He knew his own end was near. Just after Marcus. Maybe even yours. Caracalla was completely lost. He has to be the one to die today, but how? Geta thought.
Marcus and his men were in fine spirits as they engaged in combat with the gladiators who had previously fought and whose lives Caracalla had graciously spared. However, before long, two hatches opened on the ground of the arena, and a loud roar was heard as two tigers suddenly appeared. Caracalla was visibly amused and expressed his approval with a hearty laugh and a clap of his hands. The crowd expressed their delight with enthusiastic shouts.
“Where did these tigers come from?” Geta was rather puzzled.
"Didn't you like my surprise?'"
"I thought we'd run out of wild animals?" Geta grunted.
"And I thought we could make do with these until the rhino was brought in. They were only brought in last week. Macrinus went to great lengths to get them from Libya."
Geta squinted at him. "I am sure he did.”
Marcus got his men together and gave them a few strategies. After all, none of them had ever fought tigers, so they tried to stay calm. The gladiators had a similar plan of action. The two groups were ready to attack each other, using the tigers as a dangerous tool. The gladiators advanced towards them with shields and spears. Marcus and his soldiers numbered six. Gladiators were four. However, one of the gladiators was so enormous that he could easily be counted as two men. Marcus had given his men another tactic about him: attack his leg first, so they could finish him off as soon as he fell to the ground. That was it. A moment later, Octavius lunged at his leg with his sword. And managed to cut deeply. Before long, the other soldier did the same, and the big man collapsed on the ground. But not before he'd punched them in the stomach and face. During the attack, Marcus lost one soldier, leaving him with five remaining. The battle was so intense that it was difficult to catch your breath. Everyone was exhausted and trying to outwit the enemy while dodging the claws and teeth of the tigers, which was harder than ever. After one intense battle, Marcus and his soldiers were down to four. As he saw the exhaustion on their faces, Marcus felt the first stirrings of fear. But he persevered and fought on. He managed to cut down one of the gladiators and one of the tigers.
The crowd went wild with excitement. His success gave the remaining soldiers the encouragement they needed to keep fighting with everything they had. And soon the cries of victory were heard in the arena. The gladiators were all defeated by the glorious Roman soldiers and their General. The crowd cheered his name with delight. They gave each other a big hug and saluted the crowd.
And, It all happened so quickly.
"Now!" Caracalla shouted angrily. Geta turned his head towards Flavius, who raised his arm and looked at something, then lowered it as he gave an order to someone in the crowd. Out of the blue, Marcus was hit in the arm by a bolt from nowhere. If Octavius hadn't been a bit closer, it would probably have gone through his throat. Marcus let out a cry of pain. The crowd fell silent. Geta got to his feet. Caracalla looked at him, his hands clasped in delight.  He laughed wildly. The soldiers called out to their general. Then they quickly looked in the direction of the bolt. It was someone planted in the audience. It was against the rules. It was completely unacceptable. Caracalla was determined to see Marcus dead, so he came up with this plan.
However, he was soon disappointed to see that Marcus had broken the bolt and pulled it out of his arm. He was seething with rage. The soldiers picked up shields from the ground and formed a protective circle around their general. The crowd caught the attacker with the crossbow and beat him up. Caracalla got really angry and swore as he saw his plan fail. Geta looked at him and laughed cruelly.
Caracalla looked at him angrily and stood up. The crowd was chanting Marcus's name.
“I think that’s enough. Now It's time to set him free, brother. He has well earned it.”
He was aware of it. He looked at Flavius and the other guards and, with some reluctance, gave the order to open the great iron gate. Octavius, who was holding Marcus's arm, looked at him with concern.
"Sir, it looks like you've got a bit of a rough injury."
"No need to worry about my wound, brother. We survived. We won! That's all that matters." He smiled.
The soldiers looked at him. 'We won, sir!' Marcus gave them a tap on the shoulder, one by one. "I'm proud of you all."
Before long, the iron gate opened and Caracalla entered the arena as his name was announced. Geta was right behind him.  Marcus' smile faded. He considered grabbing the pugio from the ground, as this could be his only opportunity to kill him. However, if things did not go as planned, it could have unfortunate consequences. Besides, he had to think about his soldiers as well. At his command, they all dropped their swords and bowed their heads.
“Acacius, you really are a hard man to kill. You put me in a dilemma.”
He also noticed the pugio on the ground, covered in blood and dust. If he could get to it, he might be able to kill his brother right there and then. But he shouldn't let on. He glanced over at Marcus. He could see right through what he was up to.  He looked at the guards, who numbered eight. Could he take them down? No, he'd have to be declared free first. He decided to wait.
Geta bent down and picked up the pugio.
“Would you like one of the tiger's teeth, brother?” he said, looking at Caracalla, trying hard to hide his intentions.
Caracalla gave a shrug and seemed confused. “Alright, but first I must announce the verdict the people are waiting for.”
Marcus and Geta exchanged glances. And the decision has been made.
Caracalla cleared his throat and announced his decision in a voice the crowd could hear. “Marcus Acacius! By the authority of Roman law, I declare you free!”
The crowd cheered and whistled. They began to chant Caracalla's name. Caracalla held up his hand and signalled for them to be silent.
"But you're not a Roman general anymore. You're not even serving in the military anymore. You'll be exiled. You'll lose all your authority and you'll have to live outside Rome for the rest of your life."
The crowd suddenly fell silent, and after a few murmurs, people started to protest.
“General! General! General! General! General! General!”
“Silence! You filthy rats! How dare you? I shall kill all of you!” Caracalla yelled at them.
It all happened so fast. Geta threw the pugio at Marcus while Caracalla looking at the crowd. He skilfully grasped the pugio and slashed Caracalla's throat with a move faster than the wind. Nobody even noticed for the first few minutes because it happened so fast. As soon as blood spurted from the cut on Caracalla's throat, he instinctively pressed his hands as if to make the wound stop bleeding.
His sapphire-coloured fancy toga, his golden necklace, all soaked with his own blood flowing between fingers through. He fell to the dusty ground as he collapsed lifelessly to his knees. His blood was leaking slowly, pooling around his lifeless body. Geta took the pugio from Marcus' hand and looked the guards in the eye, who had taken up their attacking positions.
"The tyrant emperor is dead! I am the only emperor! As a tyrant, his rules are null and void!"
This was indisputably the case. The rules of the emperor, who had been legally declared a tyrant with the approval of the Senate, were therefore legally invalid. Geta had planned well, and the people were happy about it. After all, they were now shouting his name. Even when the blood continued to flow from his brother's lifeless body. Now he has to convince the council next. Marcus and his soldiers bowed their heads to him. The guards too. Then Marcus's eyes shift to the imperial tribune, he tensed up when he couldn't see Flavius or Macrinus there.
"Your Majesty, I need to know if your sister, my wife Aurelia, is still at Palatine Hill."
“Yes,” Geta said, also looking at the tribune. He turned his head to Marcus, his eyes wide. “That cunt Macrinus and his filthy dog Flavius.” He hissed.
Marcus looked at his soldiers. “Octavius, you are with me. The others will remain with Emperor Geta to ensure his safety and protection."
Geta tapped Marcus on the shoulder. "Acacius, there is no need for concern about my safety now. Go and ensure my sister is safe."
Marcus nodded nervously. Quickly, he and Octavius made their way towards the iron gate to leave the Colosseum.
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Macrinus strode purposefully down the steps of the Colosseum, determined to catch up with Flavius. He looked around and saw that people on the streets were talking about Caracalla's death with great enthusiasm.
“Sir Flavius! Where do you think you're going?” Macrinus shouted at him.
They were both furious. "Tell your men to move now! We need to act fast while he's still in there."
Flavius grabbed his horse's reins. "I don't care about Emperor Geta! You told me Acacius would die there today!"
“Your man couldn't shoot him, so that's not my fault! Now is the time to take down Geta as we planned. We must finish him before he is officially proclaimed. Then, when I ascend the throne, I will finish Acacius myself, just as I promised you.”
"Your perfect plan didn't do shit!" He barked.
"I made you Prateon Prefect! I gave you  power!" Macrinus shouted.
Flavius shook his head. "I don't give a damn about your throne or the power you gave me! You promised you'd finish Acacius, but you couldn't. Our deal is off. "I'll finish him myself!" He leapt onto his horse. Macrinus was enraged.
"What the hell are you talking about? Where are you going?”
"I was wrong to go along with your stupid plan. I am going to do what I should have done all along. I'll take away what's most precious to him. Then he'll learn what loss means."
Macrinus was taken aback when he realised what he was talking about. 'No! You cannot!' "I need Princess Aurelia. Don't you dare touch her!"
"I will have my revenge with or without you!" He yelled, kicked his horse forward.
Macrinus called a few of the guards to his side and ordered them to follow him.
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It was the afternoon, you were resting in bed, nervously awaiting, hoping for good news. Then there was a noise, a clinking of swords, and you heard the guards at the door hurrying away. The sound of their metal armour echoed with every footstep. You approached the door to see what was happening. As soon as you opened the door, you saw Geta's slave rushing to your side.
"My lady. You must leave immediately. Come with me." She grasped your hand and pulled you with her.
"What's going on?"
She put her finger to her lips. "We have to be quiet. I'll tell you."
As soon as you stepped into the courtyard, she pulled you towards the corner and guided you to hide behind the wall. You peeked out and noticed Flavius.
“They're looking for you.” She whispered.
Before you could ask anything the girl tugged you by the hand again. The other slaves noticed, rushing towards you.
"This way, my lady."
"Why are they looking for me? Or has something happened to Marcus?”
"I am not sure, my lady. The Commander of the Guard has just killed three of his men. They attempted to prevent him from entering. I heard them talking about you. You must leave before he notices you."
Your heart was beating fast. Your throat felt dry. As you approached the entrance door, you saw three of the guards were lying on the floor covered in blood.
"My Lady!” A familiar voice called out to you.
You looked in that direction and saw Cato, who was waiting for you outside the entrance door, holding the reins of a horse. You looked around for Marcus, but he was not there.
“Stop right there!”
You gasped when you heard Flavius's loud voice.
"My Lady, get on the horse now!" Cato drew his sword, staring at Flavius as he ran towards you.
"Cato, I-" Your voice cracked.
"You are the one he wants! Just go!"
You nodded, tears in your eyes, and quickly climbed onto the horse, kicking it forward.
When you looked back, you saw Cato taking up a defensive position, you turned your head. You tried to hold back your tears and gripped the horse's reins tighter. You had no idea where you were supposed to go. But it seemed a bad idea to head into the city and the streets, after all he was the commander of the guards and they were everywhere. So you rode on a road that led straight out of city center. You turned your head and looked back again. It didn't look like anyone was coming after you, but you had to be sure. After a while you heard drums and an announcement: “Be aware! Emperor Caracalla is dead! He is dead! He is dead!” You slowed your horse down.
How? When? You asked yourself in shock. And what about Marcus? Why isn't anyone talking about him?
People were looking at you with curiosity as you were a little bewildered and trying to figure out what to do. Before you knew it, you heard the sound of a horse's neigh coming behind you and people screamed. You looked back and saw Flavius on his horse, your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest. As you pulled the reins in a hurry, your bracelet caught on the fabric of your dress and slipped off your wrist, falling to the ground, causing a tinkling sound. The bracelet was precious to you, but you had to keep going. You just couldn't let him catch you.
You decided to ride the horse into the woods, with the intention of disappearing from view. As Flavius followed you, he saw Cato catching up with him. He drew his sword, turned his horse around and struck Cato with the sword. Cato fell to the ground, screaming in pain. The sword had hit his armour, so he wasn't dead, but he was frustrated. The distance between you and him had grown, and you were feeling pretty tired, so you decided to get off your horse and go through the trees to get to the other side of the city and the Colosseum. But it was a long way to walk. As soon as you heard Flavius' horse, you started running. He saw your silhouette and grinned.
"So you want to play tag, eh, princess?" He dismounted. "You should be aware of that, though. It's my favourite game." He drew his sword, following the tracks you left.
It was really hard to move through the forest without making a sound, especially with the long stola you were wearing. You kept tripping over thorns and bushes as you walked. As he was good at tracking, Flavius was following you calmly, smiling at every crunching noise you made.He crouched down to observe a trail on the ground. "If you surrender now, I promise I won't hurt you.” He grinned cruelly.
You were shaking with fear and trying to calm yourself down. You grabbed the fabric of your stola, pulled it up and tucked it into the belt around your waist, exposing your ankles but at least allowing you to move forward without making a sound. You soon came across a large, thick clump of bushes right next to a puddle. A tree root had created a small cave-like hollow in the soil. You decided to take shelter there because you were really tired. You took your knife out, picked it up, remain still, waiting in silence.
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Upon arriving at Palatine Hill, Marcus was met with a gruesome scene: the guards and slaves lying lifeless on the ground. He was too late. Then he saw the slave girl running towards him. She was wounded, but managed to inform them and showed them the direction you were headed. Without a moment's hesitation, Marcus and Octavius mounted their horses and rode off in that direction.
"They must have gone out of the city. I think we should go that way," Octavius said.
"I will head there! We must split-up! You ride down the city, in case of the unexpected!" Marcus pointed down the street.
"Yes, sir!" Octavius rode his horse down the road.
Marcus was just about to kick his horse into a trot when he noticed some children playing with a gold bracelet. It looked familiar. He jumped off his horse, approached them and grabbed it. He knew this bracelet well, because he was the one who gave it to you.
"Where did you get this, child?" he asked one of them.
The child pointed ahead and Marcus rub child's head, then quickly got back on his horse and rode in that direction.
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“Princess? Where are you hiding? You know I'll find you eventually. And when I do…”
That sick bastard, you thought. You were glad he didn't sound close. You decided that going the other way would be a better idea. Waiting here was pointless. It made you feel like you were caught in a trap. Just as you were about to stand up, you heard a hissing sound and your eyes widened in shock as you saw a snake ahead. You covered your mouth with your hand to stop yourself screaming. You jumped back. You had to kill the snake before Flavius saw you. You knew he would see you if you stood up. You held your knife tight, aiming at the snake. You missed on your first try but stabbed it the second time. You felt sick, both from the blood flowing from the snake and from this overwhelming feeling of fear.
With your survival instinct, an idea came to your mind. The snake was a viper, which is known to be highly poisonous. Even though it was dead, there was still venom in its fangs. You knew how to get the venom since you'd already produced antivenom many times before, but it was too dangerous with bare hands. You tore the fabric from the hem of your dress, wrapped it around your hand and pressed the dead snake's head to open its mouth and extract the venom from its fangs. The venom was leaking out in a bright yellowish colour. You held your breath and applied the venom to the surface of your knife. You weren't sure how, but you had to cut Flavius somewhere on his body with this knife.
"Found you!"
You froze. His voice was right behind you. Just as you were about to run forward, he grabbed you by the hair and yanked hard. You let out a cry of pain. He yanked your hair harder, turning you to face him.
"I told you to surrender, princess." He grinned.
You lunged at his exposed arm with your knife. He wasn't expecting you to have a knife, so he was caught off guard and you managed to cut him. Flavius let out a cry of pain, and when he released your hair, you took the opportunity to step back. He realised it wasn't just a normal cut when he started rubbing it with his hand. The poison had mixed with his blood and caused him terrible pain as it spread through his veins. He groaned loudly and then looked at you angrily.
“You whore!” He grabbed you by the arm and hit you hard in the face. You stumbled backward and fell. You crawled away from him with all your strength. “I said I wouldn't hurt you, but I changed my mind.”
He grabbed your hair again, yanked, turned you around, so he was right on top of you.  His weight made it difficult for you to breathe. "I'm really going to hurt you. A lot." Flavius was running his pugio over your face. You felt the sharp edge of the knife against your skin as you fought against him.
A horse neighed loudly in the distance and you both looked in that direction. He uttered a curse and raised his pugio to stab you. Then, you heard footsteps running towards you and a familiar angry roar, then Marcus appeared and jumped on Flavius, pushing his body off you. They rolled on the grass. After his weight lifted off of you, you took a deep breath and looked at them. They were locked in a fierce struggle, punching each other with groans.
Marcus drew his pugio and stabbed him in the leg, then punched him in the face. He quickly got on top of him and started hitting him in the face again and again. Flavius was struggling to breathe, but he managed to hit the wound on his arm. Marcus groaned in pain. He seized the opportunity to kick him. This time Marcus was on the ground. You were shaking, but you had to think fast. As soon as you realised your knife was on the ground, you ran to it. You snatched it and forced yourself to remember the attack moves Marcus had taught you before. You lunged, aiming for Flavius' neck, who was punching Marcus in the face. Marcus hit Flavius with his elbow and realised you were approaching.
“Aurelia!” he shouted, holding out his hand as if to stop you.
Flavius had his pugio in his hand and could have cut you down in an instant. But you were the first to act. As soon as he turned his head towards you, you stabbed him in the throat with your knife. His eyes widened in surprise as blood gushed from the open cut in his throat onto your face, your clothes and your hands. He reached for the knife, grasping it as if he intended to pull it out. But he was wheezing and choking on his own blood as he tried to breathe. You stared at him, your eyes wide with shock. Marcus's voice sounded muffled to your ears. He shook you by the shoulders, but you were completely numb and paralysed. As Flavius' lifeless body collapsed to the ground, you looked at your hands. They were red and wet. Your gaze fell upon Flavius' body again. The blood flowing out of his throat was slow, the effect of the poison, you thought.
Marcus took your face in his hands. Seeing the faint smile on his face, feeling his touch on your skin, your body came back to life.
“Aurelia my love? Are you alright? Speak please, say anything.” He sounded concerned.
“M. Marcus, I... I killed him.” You mumbled.
Marcus wrapped his arms tightly around you.
“Shhh, I know.” He whispered. His hands ran through your hair which was smeared with blood in some places. He rubbed your head and kissed over and over, exhaling with relief. Then he looked at you once more, his eyes holding yours in a gaze that was both intense and unwavering. "It's over, my love. You are safe now." He wiped the blood from your face with his fingers. He kissed your temple and touched his forehead to yours. You stayed like that for a while. Then you heard horses neighing in the distance.
“Sir!”
Octavius and Cato leapt off their horses and ran to you.
"Are you alright, my lady? Sir?" Octavius asked. His eyes then travelled over Flavius' body.
“We are now,” Marcus answered for you.
Octavius moved towards Flavius' body and spat a curse at him.
"Cato, give me a hand," Marcus said, and he helped you to your feet, but your legs were shaking. He wrapped his arms around you and lifted you into his arms. Cato held the horse's reins to keep it still. He approached the horse and carefully helped you on. Then he climbed on and settled behind you. He pulled you against his chest and grasped the horse's reins. "Hang in there, my love," he said firmly. Accompanied by Octavius and Cato, he rode slowly toward Palatine Hill.
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juniefruit · 3 days ago
Text
☆ Caught in a Web ☆
☆ Spiderman! Jisung x fem! reader 18+
☆ Summary: Peter Jisung Han lived a double life. One, as your best friend since first grade. Second, as New York's one-and-only Spider-Man. For the past few years, his life has been... well, complicated. It only gets more complicated when you see something you weren't supposed to which, surprisingly, had some pleasurable consequences.
☆ Warnings: Kind of silly, monster encounter, friends to lovers, mutual pining, ji and reader are in college, piv, making out, fast progression, for mature audiences ONLY. MDNI.
☆ Word Count: 3.3k
☆ Notes: this has been a wip for soo long I thought about scrapping it. Posting it now to just finally get it out of my drafts. Couldn't decide on whether to keep the smut or not. But hey it's here so: smut readers, enjoy!
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Police sirens.
Cars honking. Incessantly. 
Subway cars screeching to a halt under your feet.
Skyscrapers towering above the crown of your head. 
That was New York. Your humble city, the one that never sleeps. You know who also doesn’t sleep? Jisung. Your best friend you met your first year of Uni. Attached at the hip, you could probably complete each other’s sentences– if the other would ever stop talking. 
University was its own battle, but having Jisung around made things that much easier. He lived in the apartment complex across the street, and sometimes you’d see the lights on in his window way past reasonable hours. But his skin was flawless nonetheless- not a dark circle in sight, not even on bad days. You could go on and on about him, his perfect hair, warm eyes, bubbly laugh. You would gush about him to your best friend- but you can’t, because he is that friend. So, you’re stuck screaming into your pillow from his astronomical charms. 
The news anchor’s voice cuts through the air, the TV against your wall flashing with another breaking news headline. When your eyes scan the title, you grin. Spider-man saves dozens in East Manhattan, it reads. With a sparkle in your eyes, you phone Jisung. He never picks up anyway. But you couldn’t stay mad at him, no– not when he flashes you a lopsided smile and promises to buy you dinner as an apology. 
7:53p.m:
You: Yo r u seeing this?? Spiderman’s on the east side!!
Missed Call
Missed Call
Missed Call
You wouldn’t call yourself a Spiderman fanatic– you just give credit where credit’s due. Try telling that to Jisung– In reality, you were enthralled with the masked man. He was just so cool and personable. He swung so gracefully through the city, catching everything from petty criminals to monsters even your nightmares couldn’t conjure up. You could see the outline of all his hard work under that skin-tight exo-suit, too. He handled news reporters like a champ- always knew what to say and how to leave you breathless. Until he swung off into a dark alley, until the next time his presence was needed. 
You had given up on calling Jisung, knowing he was probably gaming or sleeping and couldn’t reach his phone. It was only until the news had moved on to the next headline that you felt the buzz of your phone, which you threw onto the other side of your bed in annoyance. Of course you picked up.
“Hey, y/n! Wanna tell me all about it?” Jisung spoke, almost too enthusiastic for how out of breath he was.
“Uh, yeah! Did you see that spin kick he did? It was mid-air too! And he totally demolished that one—” Jisung zoned you out, back against the brick wall, hand gripping his mask. A drop of sweat rolled down his temple as he caught his breath, silently. “Where even are you?” Your voice raised in annoyance. “And out of breath too?” Jisung looses a breathy laugh. 
“Just went out on a run, cutie. Don’t you worry, I’ll be back soon.” 
You don’t sound too convinced. “Okay… Just don’t get mugged.”
“I’ll try. Still on for lunch tomorrow?” Your heart skips a beat for no particular reason. You agreed and said your goodbyes, but you didn’t sleep until you saw the lights turn on in Jisung’s apartment. The next morning, the crisp air had a slight chill to it, indicating the beginning of fall. Maybe you were imagining it, but everything had that autumn vibe to it. The streets weren’t overly crowded yet, as you waited in line at the coffee shop on the corner. Class was starting in a few minutes. 
“y/n, wait up!” You recognized Jisung’s voice from behind you. He had a scarf wrapped around his neck and shoulders in a warm brown color that suited him well. “Walk with me?” You nodded, sipping your warm drink. It was too early for this, you thought. You enjoyed the comfortable silence, and so did he. Class was okay… But it was always better when Jisung cracked a joke or two about that one kid who always raised his hand, or the typo in the professor’s slideshow. The day trudged along, until you were back in your brick wall apartment, Jisung splayed across your bed while you sat crisscrossed on your side. Occasionally, you mindlessly glanced over at the various band posters on your walls, or the fairy lights above your desk.
“Do you ever think we’ve walked past spiderman, not knowing it was him?” You spoke whatever came to mind. 
“Uh, I don’t know, probably.” Jisung put on his best unamused voice. 
“I hope he’s hot.” You sigh, dreamily. He chokes on air. “What?” You ask, turning to him, faking annoyance.
“That’d be great, yeah.” He laughed at the absurdity of the situation. 
“I mean, look at him! He’s got sooo many muscles!” You gesture to the TV, going through the daily Spiderman-appreciation segment. Jisung rolled his eyes. He really didn’t get the hype. All he wanted was to stop these dumb monsters and go on with his day. Maybe if the news didn’t blow him up so much, he would’ve told you already. But he can’t risk it. 
“I’ve got muscles too, you know.” He didn’t want you to like Spiderman, he wanted you to like him. God forbid he gets a little jealous sometimes, even if he is technically getting jealous of himself. 
“Yeah, but are you spiderman?” You ask, jokingly. 
“Uh-” Jisung stammers. He was never good with confrontation. His heart was beating too fast and his ears were getting red. Breathing was getting difficult.
“That’s what I thought.” You fold your arms in victory. 
“Goodnight, y/n.” Jisung got up from the bed in a hurry, shuffling over to where his shoes were by the door.
“Eh? Did I say something? Whatever it was, I’m really sorry-!” The sound of the door slamming cut you off. You raced over to your bedroom window, and waited until you saw the lights in his apartment turn on. It might’ve been stupid, but you tore a piece of paper out of your notebook, and in big sharpie ink, wrote, ‘sorry :(‘ and taped it to your window before getting ready for bed. 
The next morning, Jisung had to blow off some steam. Quite the overthinker, he was. He didn’t see your message posted on your window, practically jumping into his suit and pulling his mask on, the rising sun set a golden glow across his form as he swung between stone brick walls and fancy office building glass. Leaves were turning various hues of red, orange and yellow. They fell like confetti from the tree branches that lined the streets. Screw my morning class, he thought, he could always pull an all-nighter to catch up. His superhuman energy meant he rarely felt tired. In the corner of his vision, the neighborhood coffee shop caught his eye. He could really go for a bagel. It’s gonna be one hell of a morning for the people in there, he thought as he swung down, and opened the door with a chime. Walking up to the counter clad in his suit and mask, the barista was too busy writing on a cup to acknowledge him, but he could hear the hushed whispers and surprised gasps of the cafe patrons. 
“Welcome in, what can I get for you?” “Lemme get uhh-” 
Jisung got that sudden feeling across his skin, like a wave of electricity. Something was about to happen. 
BANG! 
A loud explosion right outside, some of the window panes cracked. The ground shook in a deep rumble. So much for that bagel. Sprinting outside, A large crack in the asphalt was billowing steam. A little farther down, A heavy creature made of stone and mud was stomping down the road, laughing maniacally. Attempting an ambush, Spiderman launched a web at its back. Almost instantly the web string got stuck in the mud and was enveloped by the creature. Oh. At that, the monster stopped trodding, and slowly turned around. It had a face of assorted rough stones, kind of like a snowman. Jisung sighed. Alright, plan B. 
“Oh my god!” You shrieked at the TV from your quaint living room, watching the fight go down on the live news broadcast. Sat in your comfy pajamas, you had decided to take today easy. Until now. Spiderman was leaping across building walls, launching strike on strike onto the monster. The cameraman was shaky, but you didn’t seem to care, as your eyes trailed every movement of spiderman’s agile maneuvers. All of a sudden you gasped, an idea striking you faster than a lightning bolt. If I leave now, I might have enough time to get there and meet spiderman in person! Frantically running to your closet, you changed into something lightweight and casual. Booking it down the apartment stairs and onto your bike, you recognized the location of the fight because that’s where you and Jisung would always get bagels after your morning class. The thought made you smile. Approaching the scene, you could hear the buzz of commotion. Right as you rounded the corner, you saw it: masses of mud and stone flying everywhere, shattering windows and denting cars. Steam was rolling off the creature, as if the sun was making it dry up. You abandoned your bike and quietly walked closer. They haven’t noticed you yet. That is, until one hit from the creature caught Jisung off guard and he tumbled onto the cement sidewalk, grunting on impact. You gasped in shock, covering your mouth. His mask scraped against the cement, ripping on the side, exposing his left side completely. The more he tried to fix it, the worse it got, until he angrily shoved the mask off with an annoyed look on his face. 
“Happy now?!” He shouted. There were little scapes littering his cheeks from the rubble. The monster grumbled in response. 
“Jisung?” His head whipped around at the sound of your confused voice. 
“Y/n-” Oh shit. Oh, this was bad. Of all people, he thought. “Y/n, get back-!” His voice was strained as the monster launched another attack. He jumped out of the way, closer to you. “Just- run, please!” He exclaimed. You stood there, staring at eachother for a few seconds to confirm that that was really him and that you were really you. Reluctantly, you stepped back before Jisung ran after the monster. Your knees felt weak and you could feel your lungs running out of oxygen. You heard fire truck sirens quickly approaching, and the rest was a blur. 
When you woke, the first thing your brain acknowledged was the plush feeling of your mattress under your fingertips. It didn’t make sense, but it was comfortable. Slowly opening your eyes, you took a deep breath in, mumbling something incoherent. The blinds in the window were only half closed, letting in the warm glow of the setting sun. Confused and tired, you tried picking yourself up, until a voice to your right interrupted your movement.
“Hey, take it easy,” Instead of making you feel giddy like it usually does, Jisung’s gentle voice made something like anxiety swirl in the pit of your stomach. He got up from his seat by your desk, walking over to lean closer. 
“Do you feel okay?” He asked, eyes cautious. You must have been out for a few hours, because the scratches on his face were cleaned up, and his hair was neatly done. His silver drop earrings dangled in the light. 
“No.” The anger was strating to set in. 
“Alright.” He figured it was better for him to be quiet right now.
“Care to explain?” Or not, Jisung thought. Your voice was slightly hoarse, not an ounce of humor in the tone.
“I’m, uh, I’m… Spiderman?” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled nervously. 
“You’re joking,” You don’t sound amused.
“You saw me yourself! You weren’t supposed to, but you did!” His hands waved in the air to defend himself. You groaned, running a hand along your face.
“Do you even know how embarrassing this is for me? I wanna die.” You whined in annoyance. All the times thirsting over him, screaming over him, and he means to tell you they're the same person? You’ve had a crush on two people, but it’s actually one? “You probably think I’m a major loser.” He loosed a breathless laugh at your confession. 
“You know I would never think that.” He spoke with certainty. And you believed him. Mostly. “You’re my best friend. I think you’re, like, the coolest person ever. And hey, I won't lie, you also give me the biggest ego boost when you talk about how much you loooove Spiderman’s muscles.” 
“Shut up!!” You swatted him away, but he didn’t budge. He snickered at your annoyed state. Teasingly, he pushed even closer, making you giggle. Your arms wrestled against his, until he tumbled onto the bed with you. Reluctantly, he let you catch your breath, laying shoulder to shoulder.
“You’re still my best friend, right?” You confessed. Truth be told, this was a huge reveal on Jisung's part. If he had to cut you off for your sake, it wouldn’t be easy, but you’d manage. You understood how troubling life in the spotlight is. He turned towards you, and you could almost feel his breath on your skin. It sent goosebumps up your spine. 
“Yeah, I am. Of course I am.” His voice was just above a whisper, but he spoke with confidence.
“What if the news thinks I’m your girlfriend? You know how they are,” You rolled your eyes at the melodramatic tendencies of American news media. 
“Would that… be so bad?” Jisung braced himself for the worst. He honestly wasn’t prepared for this, but if not now, when? You knew everything about him. Well, you do now. You were the one person he could truly let his guard down around and really be himself. You knew about all his favorite bands, his order at the corner shop, or even the route he takes to class that specifically avoids the news broadcasting station. He liked you. Like, liked you. There was really no other word for it. 
“I’ll never let anything happen to you, y/n. I’ll make sure of it.” 
He looked down at you with a wide, thoughtful gaze. His heart was racing. You finally let your brain catch up to your heart when you leaned in closer. He let you do so, but not moving an inch himself. Frankly, he was petrified. You carefully pressed your lips against his, measuring his reaction. It was only when you pulled away, your eyes scanning his face hesitantly, that he was thrown back down to earth from the euphoria that was you. He chased your lips as his brows furrowed in concentration, his warm palms coming up to cup your cheeks. You let out a hum in surprise, arching into him to feel his upper body against yours. The front of his body felt firm and defined even over the fuzzy sweater.
Jisung quickly became addicted to your body. He moved one palm lower, swiping over your neck and moving your hair out of the way in the process. He moved down; down your shoulder and to your waist. There, he squeezed you, trying to feel you through the barrier that was your sweater. Moving further down and stilling at your hip, he felt the edge of your jeans, wiggling his hand under the sweater to feel your soft lower waist. He let out a heavy exhale at the touch, and he didn’t even realize how big the tent in his jeans had gotten until you squirmed against him. He shifted your position so you were on your back against the bed, his hands exploring your body until they came to rest right under your bra. Jisung sprawled out above you, his sweater clung to his broad shoulders as he tried to regain his breath for the few short seconds his mouth wasn’t on yours. 
“Still wanna see Spiderman’s muscles?” He grinned above you, out of breath. The desire in his eyes was unmistakeable, but with a hint of playfulness too.  
“You’re insufferable.” You huffed, grabbing handfuls of the fluffy blue sweater and pulling it up and off his head. The planes of his chest overwhelmed your vision, his smooth skin driving you wild. His biceps bulged as he pulled your shirt off, his eyes drinking in your figure, scanning up and down. Impatiently, his fingers thread themselves into the belt loops of your jeans, tugging them down. You did the same to him. His hips were grinding against you in waves, like he couldn’t control himself. Your legs spread as far as possible to hold him closer. Jisung could feel the slow, aching throb spread through his dick, hissing through a clenched jaw. Your core felt his bulge, wetness sticking to your folds almost uncomfortably. Your hand glided against your hip until it reached the gusset of your panties to pull them to the side, holding them there. Pushing his boxers down, he finally slid his length through your lower lips, catching against your clit. One of his hands was balanced against your hip, thumb drawing circles against the skin. He leaned down to press a passionate kiss to your lips before his face moved to the side of your face, his deep breaths right by your ear. Pushing into your hole, he took his time adjusting. He moved slowly, shoulders shaking from the anticipation, whining through sealed lips. 
“Sungie, you don’t have to wait-” You whined, squirming slightly. 
“Shh, just let me have this moment,” He comforted you with a hand on your shoulder, his eyes closing from pleasure- Forcing himself to stay still despite the primal itch to just get on with it. The thrum of anticipation felt shockingly good. After a few moments pass, he drags the heavy weight of his cock out of your walls only to sensually thrust back in. Then, it was like the floodgates opened. Jisung gasped, starting to thrust in and out, his pace gradually speeding up. His hips rhythmically lift upwards to hit your lower belly, thighs slapping against your spread cheeks. Your moans kept him grounded, otherwise he feared he would lose himself in euphoria. His voice grew raspy the longer he groaned and moaned. His pace didn’t falter, even while your arms snaked up to wrap around his shoulders, bringing him closer. Your fingers wrapped around that little silver chain he always wears and tugged lightly. His dick reached deeper as he pressed himself against you, body hitting yours in all the right places. Your thighs lifted up to press against his outer hips, your walls squeezing with each push of pleasure from him. 
“I’m, ah, close y/n-”. He hummed, lips pressed against the column of your neck. When your core squeezed around him, he whimpered at the feeling of his impending release.
“You can let go Sungie,” Your palm reassuringly rubbed against his broad back, feeling up the hard working muscles at the same time. His sounds grew higher in pitch until he eventually snapped, his pleasure triggering yours like a domino. For what seemed like hours, the only thing you could perceive was Jisung’s heaving form above you, and the climbing steps of your orgasm that finally crashed down in one fell swoop. Cum and slick gushed out and coated your joined bodies as you caught your breaths. With a hum, you looked over Jisung’s shoulder to realize the muted TV was still on the local news channel. He gave you a short kiss to your spit slicked lips before rolling to the side.
“Jisung?”
“Yeah?”
“Your face is all over the news.”
“Oh shit.”
Check my masterlist for more!
Warning: Everything I post is 100% my original writing & thoughts. This also includes the moodboards at the beginning, that I create. Please do not plagiarize or copy. Tag for inspiration or add-ons. Reblogs are appreciated! <3
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alacants · 1 day ago
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if you saw the full video of carlos alcaraz and his team watching rafa's retirement announcement, perhaps you noticed that his coach seemed, dare i say it, reluctant to join in. if you follow juanki and/or jcf academy on social perhaps you noticed that amidst effusive tributes from across the spanish tennis establishment both were conspicuously silent. why the seeming reticence from one spanish great to the spanish great? well. WELL.
juanki, rafa, and the case of the green-eyed monster
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("but user alacants, in creating this post aren't you ignoring the vagaries of human nature in favor of imposing a narrowly crafted narrative onto a twenty-year relationship that is probably both more complex and less contentious than you make it out to be?"
of course i am. what are you, new?)
davis cup 2004
prior to 2004 juanki was Mr Davis Cup. he often cites the 2000 cup (where his win decided the tie) as the most meaningful title of his career, more so than roland garros. then 2004 rolls around, spain makes their third final in 5 years… and the day before the tie begins juanki is dropped from the lineup in favor of some 18 year old who's never even played a match at roland garros. (<- actually. isn't that crazy??)
"obviously i am not jumping up and down with happiness." and to be fair to him everyone else sounded baffled as well. and then… the 18 year old had the nerve to play andy roddick in front of a record-breaking 27k home crowd and win.
to twist the knife: at the last minute juanki got named to the doubles match alongside tommy robredo and they got CRUSHED, just absolutely destroyed, by the bryan brothers. held serve once in three sets. 
so it is maybe not a surprise that afterwards juanki does not exactly look happy despite nominally winning a major trophy.
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it's noticeable enough to make the news. rafa is forced to tell the press nooooo, it's not true that they don't get along. juanki then goes on the record to say that on the trip back from sevilla the captains were only paying attention to nadal and moya, the winners, and ignoring him and tommy, the losers. while this may be true there is no way to make it sound good that you're saying it, yk.
(if you click through you will see that in the same interview he describes himself and rafa as "good friends." rafa goes on to describe them as friends on several more occasions! juanki does not.)
three months later, spain went out in the first round of the 2005 cup, 4-1 to slovakia. juan carlos was not part of the team lmao. and indeed a qualification play-off in september would be his last taste of davis cup action for several years. (that last call-up was ferru's first btw. red string of fate. SORRYYYY I KNOW IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM.)
roland garros 2005
unfortunately if you're juanki it did not get better. here he is in 2005 "[accusing] spanish media of a nadal obsession." (that link will also give you a taste of the contemporary fan discourse lmao.) he was baited, but also, they baited him because they knew he'd rise to the occasion.
rafa nadal btw had just played his first roland garros, which he won. juanki at rg: "unlike the media-designated extraterrestrials i'm just a HUMBLE PLAYER trying to win matches. i'm not one of the favorites but maybe if i keep trying…" he was then forced to deny he was jealous.
(this was shortly after rafa beat him for the title in barcelona, resulting in this cheerful take: "when you're on a high like nadal is everything seems to go right - but it doesn't last forever.")
rafa, meanwhile, is not helping:
QUESTION: Other than Carlos Moya, were there any other Spanish players you grew up watching, admiring? Did you follow Juan Carlos at all when you were growing up? RAFAEL NADAL: No, my favorite was Moya.
rome 2008
the hits continue. by 2008 rafa nadal is THE spanish tennis man, he's the guy everyone thought juanki was going to be. (ouch.) and now they are about to meet in rome. rafa btw has been undefeated on clay since the famous federer hamburg final, for an overall record of 117-4 since 2005. he's never lost in rome.
so imagine the reaction when juanki actually wins.
—wait did you think it was something like "ferrero shocks king of clay in tantalizing return to form." lol of course it's not, it's "nadal suffers freak loss due to blisters." harsh? rafa didn't think so: "i congratulate juan carlos, but today for sure was not my best tennis."
never mind that juanki was also playing through injury, bad enough that it took him out of barcelona then functionally killed his roland garros. (safe to assume that after 2004 he's more or less always injured.) this is typical sports media syndrome, nothing new or particularly unexpected. but once again: juanki is not, like, shy about expressing his thoughts.
QUESTION: The fact that Rafa was injured - he complained about the foot injury at the press conference here - what does that take away from your win? Do you feel it takes a little bit of shine away from your win? JUAN CARLOS FERRERO: [...] When you go to the court and you decide to play, I think the injury is not reason to say yes or no… You know, at the end I play a little bit better than him. I don't know if it was big reason to don't play at his best level, the injury. QUESTION: How much do you think this loss and the injury is going to affect Nadal's preparation for Roland Garros? JUAN CARLOS FERRERO: I don't know. Maybe you have to ask him. 
fortunately (???) this match was immediately followed by an explosive spanish tennis row that ended with top players including juanki and rafa joining hands in solidarity to push the president of rfet out of his job, so this did not become the topic it might have otherwise. 
davis cup 2009
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it's now 2009. juanki hasn't played a davis cup tie since 2005. he's just dropped out of the top 100. and then… rafa and ferru get injured. juanki gets a dc call-up. he heroically saves the qf tie! he wins his sf rubber! his teammates are tossing him in the air, the crowds are chanting his name! he doesn't make the final roster bc everyone is healthy but he's a reserve, he's there with the team. they sweep the tie, the heroes are undisputedly his special friend ferru (epic comeback) + verdasco/lopez (deciding win over undefeated opponents). …and then they go for the obligatory meeting with the prime minister who's like, RAFA YOU WON THE DAVIS CUP FOR US THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH WE LOVE YOU.
a lot of people were unhappy about this, presumably (??) including actual rafa. afterwards, juanki says, "most of the team thought it was disrespectful." one wonders who was not included in "most."
(honestly? probably feli lopez.)
valencia 2013
speaking of actual rafa, did he notice and/or care about anything of this? i mean he definitely noticed. but i assume he didn't care. (rafa experts are welcome to chime in here.) after all, a couple years later rafa spoke at juanki's retirement ceremony. there was a hug and everything!
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so like, ok, they are cordial, they are friendly, rafa's place is cemented in history and juanki is retired anyway. THEN less than a year later rafa pulls out of juanki's beloved valencia open to enter a different more lucrative tournament instead and he is fully dead to juanki who is calling him out in the press like, i think it's his DUTY as a SPANIARD to support a spanish tournament.
which event did he choose instead, btw? Roger Federer's Basel™. which he hadn't played since 2004. and then he ended up withdrawing anyway. there was some conspiracy theory type thinking at the time that he only committed to basel so he had an excuse not to play valencia (well that and the $$$) which is almost certainly untrue but is also very funny.
meanwhile juanki sooort of backpedaled like i mean we don't understand his decision but we respect it… sure, juanki.
late-career detente (?)
juanki has since repeatedly gone on the record noting 1. the only player he ever felt inferior to was roger federer 2. who btw is the best player of all time. these are not neutral statements coming from a spaniard and no one is taking them that way.
now having said that, he has also had plenty of nice or at least diplomatic things to say in recent years about rafa's will to compete, etc. "i wouldn't like him to get [to roland garros] and not win matches." while also dropping gems such as:
q: which of the big three was the hardest to play and why? juanki: federer. but i'm just glad i managed to beat all three of them before i retired. :)
with all of this in mind, the aforementioned video of carlos and team watching rafa's message. is. so. funny. JUAN CARLOS GROW UPPPP. like presumably the academy at least will say something once the big moment rolls around but when literally every other spanish tennis player under the sun is posting their glowing tributes and you are Haughtily Silent it's so obvious!! son!!!
additionally: this makes juanki spending the olympics at home so fucking funny. yeah, i bet you DIDN'T want to watch your special friend and your beloved protege coo over rafael nadal for two weeks. like in the year 2024 there's no way it's that serious, nothing more than "my annoying ex-coworker i still have to be polite to." just, they're not friends. and ferru and rafa (and now carlos) are. and it's very funny to me personally.
in conclusion: "rafa largely to blame for ferrero's downfall" (espn, 2012)
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casteliacityramen · 2 days ago
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[Previous] [PART 2 OF 2]
“I flew around a bit." 
"I overheard some talks about an open gala in Sinnoh and I decided to attend it. I’ll tell you the whole story about what happened later, but...
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... Even when I was trying to relax, I couldn't feel comfortable with myself. Like… like wearing clothes that didn’t fit. The longer the night went on, nothing felt right. And I’m not just talking about the disguise.”
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“You felt like a caricature of who you used to be.”
“Yeah. I knew I was going to feel awful when the Continental War was done and over with. I knew we were going to be reprimanded, or worse, but…” Rio frowns deeply, trying to gather her tangled thoughts together.
“I didn't think it'd mess me up as bad as this. I didn’t recognize who I was by the end of the night. I’m worried there’s no going back to who I used to be. I miss the version of myself who could go to a gala and not be miserable in the corner. It feels like that part of me died--that optimistic part of me."
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“Do you get what I’m talking about?”
Rio waits with bated breath, only for Ray to curtly answer:
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"Yes. And no?"
Rio feels her temper quickly flare up as she lets out a frustrated huff, "Whaddya mean by that?"
Ray raises his palms towards her, slowly.
"It's not that I don't understand what you're saying,” Ray turns to her and gives her a faint smile, "I like to think my experiences are changing me for the better. That’s where you and I differ."
“What, that you’re becoming less of who you used to be and more of… whatever this is?”
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"A sub-par noodle penchant?" Ray laughed, throwing Rio's words right back at her from earlier that day.
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"You know what I mean, Ray," Rio feels her face get hot. "It's as if..."
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"... It's as if you're undoing yourself to make up for what you've done," Rio whispers out loud. The sudden conclusion steals her breath. "Ray, you're not doing all this to punish yourself, are you?"
"..."
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"Please say no.”
"It may have started out that way, but that's not the case now."
“Ray…” Rio whispered in disbelief, out loud. 
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“You may see this as me continuing a dead man’s legacy. But it’s more than that. This place was a gifted to me and came with a wish. I intend to honor that gesture.
Even though we can’t do any of our usual duties, that’s no excuse to stop acting like a shepherd.”
“If your version of helping the commonwealth is to further seat yourself into guilt, I can’t let you follow through with this.”
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“You’re still not getting it, It’s not like that."
"Are you sure about that? Because it's all starting to sound like you're doing this as some sort of messed up way of repenting for your sins."
"I'm telling you, it's not like that."
“Ray, there's a moment when memorialization for someone else turns into hurting yourself." 
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"Like how you visited your own gravestone in Johto? Do you really see all of your soldiers offering gifts in your memory and call that self harm? Didn't you just say that you're grieving over someone who you used to be? Is it really that wrong? To cling to what's left!?"
"For me, it is."
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"We aren't mortal, Ray. This entire conversation we're having? This argument? All of it? This is what happens when we can't move on. We drag everything with us for hundreds, maybe thousands of years whether we like it or not. This is only going to bring you pain in the long run.
I’m sorry I blew up at you earlier today, but I still stand by what I said. You have no right to continue Tai Ishikawa's legacy, even if all of this was a gift.
All of this? Hanging around Ingram's descendants, Ayumi and Jack? Working an ungodly amount of hours for a tiny bit of yen? The past guilt alone will eat you alive."
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"I'm aware of what happens to me if I stew in it. I've been here five years longer than you have,” Ray mutters. “Besides, do you think that I don't know how to live with all the pain I've gathered? Do you really think that guilt alone has made me stick it out this far?”
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Of course not. But... she can't simply admit that.
She’s seen him on good days, bad days, and worse days. She's seen him scraping by with little money to his name but continuing to honestly run the business with a straight back and taut shoulders.
She shakes her head, unsure of herself. After all, she's borrowing words that Ray used to tell her in the past. She's not used to being on this side of the argument, which begs the question: are they destined to swap places again somewhere, sometime down the future?
"I've seen what guilt does to you, Ray. I sure as shit know what it's doing to me," Rio shakes her head, sighing. "I don't think this is only guilt... But there's more of it than I want to see. I don't need any more reasons to lose sleep at night if I can keep you from hurting yourself."
“Then…
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... Are you willing to stop me? Stop all of this if I fly past that line?"
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"You're already dangerously close. Some would say that you're already past the line of hurting yourself."
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"I'm not."
Rio was hoping for any sense of weakness, any stumble over words, fumble in his convictions, but Ray continued to stare at her. Rio was the first to look away.
"All of this… It helped you?”
"It has. I’d love to have you here."
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"Okay."
--
The two sit in comfortable silence. As the sun fades, so too, does the tension between them. With no further words to be exchanged, the rest of the decanter behind the counter is emptied out.
Ray makes a disgusted face with every sip. One of the unfortunate effects of their blessings is the rapid processing of whatever toxins enter their body, like alcohol. If they wanted to get remotely buzzed, they had to drink the stuff that was barely safe for consumption.
Which reminds her...
“I thought I’d get you this as a peace offering.”
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“What is this?”
“Got it from the gala I talked about earlier. Wine from out of this dimension. Just like the guests."
“What?”
“Later. But guess what? I actually got drunk.”
“Bullshit. Why'd you make me drink the rest of that decanter? Pour me some.”
“You’re the one with the hands, you pour us some.”
Before Ray could reach behind the counter to grab the glasses once more, they are interrupted by the sound of a squeaky stool and a pained, muffled grunt at the end of the stand.
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Jack sits in the seat farthest from them, his eyes never meeting theirs. His mouth opens, but it takes a long time for him to slowly form the words. He shrinks as he whispers:
“I don’t know where else to go.”
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It's about time they get ready to open back up, anyway.
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morganski-19 · 3 hours ago
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Chills Right to the Marrow part 47
ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 44, part 45, part 46
The days pass by in a blur. Each day, the calendar marks a day closer to the fourth. Closer to the day that haunts him. The day that marks his mistake. His harmless curiosity that was so far from that, harmless. It was harmful. Where he dragged two people who didn’t need to know the secrets of Hawkins into his mess. And one person who jumps in front of danger like it can’t hurt him back into it again.
Dustin was fated to this life. When Will went missing, there was no question about it. He would always be involved in this. But Steve, Robin, Erica, they didn’t deserve to be dragged down with him.
There’s a letter on his desk from Susie, currently thriving at Camp Nowhere. Angry at him for breaking his promised return. Deciding to stay here instead of going back and spending time with her. He gave her the excuse he could, that something happened, and he couldn’t go. There was too much he needed to do here. People he couldn’t leave.
He couldn’t tell her why. She was far enough away that she never needed to know about this. Finally, Dustin could keep someone safe. Ignorant. Innocent. She didn’t have to know the darkest part of his life. He loved that for her.
It didn’t feel good, to keep a secret from her. But it was necessary.
The doorbell rings. Dustin stares at the ceiling for a few moments, hoping they’ll just go away. But the bell persists. Whoever is there pressing the button so fast, it doesn’t even stop ringing before getting cut off and starting over again.
Dustin groans. Standing and going to the door.
“Finally,” Max complains when she pushes herself through the door, Lucas following after her. “What took you so long?”
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t think anyone was coming over today.” The annoyance is clear in his tone.
Really, he didn’t want to do anything today. His bed was so comfortable when he woke up this morning, he barely wanted to leave it. Eyes fixed to the ceiling when they weren’t closed, feigning sleep. Body feeling weighed down. Impossible to move.
Max wheels herself into his living room, transferring to the couch. Clear that she isn’t leaving. Lucas looks at Dustin expectantly. Like he’s waiting for him to move.
Moving takes too much energy. All he wants to do is lie back down.
“We brought a movie,” Lucas finally says. “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
“I thought Max hated that movie.”
“I’m open to changing my opinion,” She calls out from the couch.
Lucas continues to look at him, with that worry sitting in his eyes. He’s trying to hide it, but fails. Dustin hates that look. He doesn’t deserve it. He can take care of himself, he has for this long. They didn’t need to do it for him.
His face must give away something he doesn’t realize, because Lucas nods and goes to put the movie in before Dustin can protest. Gesturing for him to sit on the couch next to Max. Refusing to start play, or God forbid sit down, before Dustin complies.
Like he’s waiting for Dustin to protest enough he’ll have to do something.
Dustin doesn’t give him a chance. Huffing out a breath before sitting on the middle of the couch. Only then does Lucas sit down next to him. Finding the remote on the coffee table and pressing play.
The opening credits roll, and Dustin forgets when the last time he’s watched this movie. It was one of his favorites since it came out. Replaying it so much he wore a hole into the VHS. It’s probably since then, he figures. Not having replaced it yet.
But the scenes play just as he remembers them. Like a comforting hug. Familiar warmth fills him, he didn’t realize how cold he was.
For some reason, he doesn’t know, tears start to form in his eyes. As the last scene of the movie ends, they start to roll down his cheeks.
He doesn’t hide it well; Max’s arms wrap around his shoulders in a hug. Her head leaning on his shoulder. Lucas mirrors her in his own way.
It hits him all at once why they’re here. With the movie he’s loved for years. Days away from one of the worst days of Dustin’s life. Of their lives. He hears Max sniffle. Hears Lucas’ breath hitch. They were all suffering from this in their own way, but they still showed up for him. They knew he needed this, even if he didn’t know that himself.
The sob breaks out of his chest without permission. Shaking his lungs. Their arms tightened around him.
“I’m sorry,” falls out of his mouth with a cry. “I’m so sorry.”
“I am too,” Lucas whispers.
Max sniffles again. “Me too.”
They sit there until the air calms. A light weight lifting off of Dustin’s chest. Letting him breathe just a little easier now.
He clears his throat, getting rid of the residual sobs. “Why are you guys sorry?”
Lucas shifts, pulling away from their hug. “Last summer, when you came back from camp, we were all wrapped up in our own shit. We didn’t know what you found, what you were doing. If we had just stayed on that hill longer, you wouldn’t have been the only one who heard the message. We could have gone through it together.”
Dustin was glad that they left him on the hill that day, in hindsight. That way it was just the four of them in that bunker. Less people to lose. But he’s right. It was the first time Dustin went through something completely without them. The core group. It was just him, Steve, a girl he barely knew, and a child who didn’t need to be brought into this.
“You’ve been really quiet lately,” Max whispers, sitting back upright. “I’ve noticed you pulling away, but I didn’t do anything about it. I should have made sure you were ok. So you didn’t isolate like I did. I should have let you know that I was here for you, no matter what. That you could talk to me.”
He didn’t realize he was pulling away. Or being quiet. Now that she says it, he knows what she means. The conversations he missed while sitting in the middle of them. The want to just lie down and stay there. Nothing even playing in the background. Just silence.
“We’re worried about you, dude.” The concern in Lucas’ voice is ripe. “We wanted to make sure you were ok.”
Dustin’s not ok. Not right now. Physically, he’s fine. But mentally, he’s all over the place. Flashbacks come in waves, nightmares keeping him from sleep that’s worth anything. He’s more terrified now than he was the entirety of that week. No adrenaline to mask the fear this time.
“How much has Erica told you about the bunker?” he asks, voice hollow.
“All of it. What she knew, anyway. I can’t imagine what it was like to be there.”
“It was awful.” Dustin’s never said that out loud before. After it happened, they all wanted to get away from it as fast as they could. They barely talked about it. There were other things to focus on. “I don’t even know what really happened to Steve and Robin. They never told me, but I could guess.”
“We’re making plans to get together that night,” Max says. “So we can be together for the fireworks.”
“I think that would be a really good idea.”
I feel odd posting this today, and I debated waiting until tomorrow to post it. But, this chapter I'm writing is giving me a lot of comfort, in a weird way. Seeing the community these guys have support each other, it reminds me of my friends, and we do the same. It is almost therapeutic to know that I am not alone in so many way. How, even in the darkest of times, there are people out there that love me, and we can walk through this together. I hope this brings you some much needed comfort, as it did to me.
tag list (closed): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,
@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,
@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,
@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,
@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,
@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,
@devondespresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,
@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,
@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,
@papergrenade, @waelkyring, @sweetheartprincess28, @katouasobj, @astercomoasflores
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rosieswriting · 1 day ago
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Barty Crouch Jr x Hufflepuff!reader
Summary: After the birthday of your dear friend, Pandora Rosier, Barty doesn´t seem as bad as he did before
Note: I took one of the request of reader "tutoring" barty not knowing he doesn´t need it by @treefairy-28 thank youuuu. And english is not my first language so it probably has some mistakes! And i will do a part 2 to where things get really interesting
Words: 3,2K
You’d always hated Barty Crouch Junior. Everything about him grated on your nerves—the way he spoke too loudly in class, yet still managed to top every exam; the infuriating pet names he used for you; his smug belief that being a Slytherin somehow made him superior, especially to Hufflepuffs like you. His walk, his talk—everything about him seemed designed to annoy you. Luckily, you’d always managed to ignore him. Until now.
You’d recently been paired with Pandora Rosier for a Potions project, and to your surprise, you’d quickly grown close. How had you not been friends before? She was sweet, caring, and easy to talk to—similar to you in so many ways. When her birthday rolled around, she invited you to a small celebration at the Three Broomsticks with her twin, Evan, and a few of his friends. Including him. You’d thought long and hard about it, knowing you’d have to deal with Barty, but in the end, you decided to go. After all, it was for Pandora, and you could always try to ignore him.
The Three Broomsticks was packed, busier than you’d expected. It seemed half of Hogwarts was out celebrating. Just as you were scanning the room, you heard Pandora’s cheerful voice calling your name.
“Happy Birthday!” you said warmly, pulling her into a hug and handing her a small box containing a silver necklace.
Pandora’s eyes lit up as she opened it. “Oh, I love this! Thank you so much,” she beamed, hugging you again. “Come on, we’re over here.”
She led you through the crowded room toward a cozy corner table. And, of course, as you approached, you saw Evan Rosier, Regulus Black and Barty leaning back in his chair, already watching you with that familiar smirk.
“Hi” you mumbled a bit shyly to the slytherin as you sat next to Pandora, and to your luck, Barty was seated right in front of you. Regulus and Evan gave you a slight nod of acknowledgment and continue their conversation.
“Look who decided to join us” Barty teased raising his eyebrows “Dindt think you would show up, Treasure”
“Barty” Pandora said with a warning tone to his friend, trying to shut him up. But he only raised his hands in self innocence and exuse himself with a poor “just trying to start a conversation”
“I wouldn’t miss Dora´s birthday just because I have to deal with you, Junior” you said with a fake sweet smile to him.
“Deal with me? You wound me Badger” he said and you rolled your eyes at the nickname.
“If its any consolation, im actually impressed that your ego managed to fit through the door” is the last thing you say before turning to talk to Pandora and ignore him.
You and your blonde friend talk for some time, she telling you about how her birthday has been and all the presents she got. At some point you start to get thirsty.
“Im gonna ask for something to drink, ill be right back” you say kindly as you stand up from the chair.
“I’ll go with you” you hear Barty says as he stands up as well.
“Great” you whisper under your breath as you start to make your way to the bar, him following behind you.
You ordered a butterbeer, and Barty, naturally, ordered the same, positioning himself so close that his shoulder brushed against yours. The warm, subtle contact sent an unexpected flutter through you, though you tried to ignore it.
“I must admit,” he began, leaning down just enough to speak directly into your ear, “when Evan told us Dora would invite you, my expectations for tonight went up higher.”
“Good for you,” you muttered, turning to face him with an eye roll, only to find his face so close that you could feel his breath on your cheek. You quickly turned your gaze forward again, pretending to study the bottles lined up behind the bar. He chuckled, catching the slight blush that had crept up your cheeks “When Dora mentioned you were coming, I almost declined her invitation” you continued, doing your best to sound unfazed
 “If you say so. But, can I just say, you show up here looking like this, put me in my place with that sweet, sassy voice of yours… you’re killing me here.”
Despite yourself, you feel warmth creeping up your cheeks.  Thankfully, the bartender hands you both your drinks before you have to answer. You turn to make your way back to the table, but Barty steps in front of you, forcing you to stop short as he smirks down at you, close enough that you catch the faintest spark in his gaze.
“You know, I think you secretly like driving me a little mad,” he murmurs, amusement flickering in his eyes. “It’s cute, really—seeing you pretend to be so above it all.”
“Pretend?” you scoff, raising an eyebrow as you try to sidestep him. “Trust me, Junior, I’m not pretending anything.”
“Oh, really?” he asks, following you smoothly, keeping pace as you try to dodge around him. “Then explain why you look so flustered.”
“I’m not—” You stop, realizing he’s caught you, the faint blush on your cheeks betraying you. You try to shrug it off, holding your head high. “In your dreams, Junior”
He grins, leaning in close enough that his voice is a murmur just for you. “Oh, Treasure. In my dreams we are doing more than talking. Belive me”
You huffed, finally brushing past him and making your way back to the table. “Idiot,” you muttered, though you couldn’t ignore the faint thrill left in the air.
Sliding back into your seat next to Pandora, you tried to steady yourself as she happily dove back into conversation, thankfully distracting you from the lingering heat in your cheeks and Barty’s lingering gaze across the table.
As the night wore on, you and the slytherins stepped out of the warm, bustling atmosphere of the Three Broomsticks into the chilly night air. The sharp bite of winter nipped at your skin, making you shiver as you wrapped your arms around yourself in a futile attempt to keep warm. You hadn’t brought a jacket and now you were regretting it.
Pandora was chatting animatedly with Evan and Regulus, blissfully unaware of your growing discomfort. Barty walked alongside you, his familiar smirk already playing on his lips. You knew he was about to make a comment, and you braced yourself.
Without warning, Barty slipped off his leather jacket and draped it over your shoulders, pulling it tightly around you before you had the chance to protest. “Here, wear this,” he said, his voice low and smooth, ignoring your startled expression. “You look like you’re about to freeze to death.”
You blinked at him, flustered. “You don´t have to-” you start but he cuts you off.
“Please, like I’d let you suffer while I stand here all warm and toasty.” He chuckled. “You show up looking all stunning, and I won’t let you ruin it by turning into an icicle.”
Your cheeks flushed at the unexpected gesture, the warmth of his jacket enveloping you like a shield. You tried to regain your composure, shivering slightly as you adjusted the jacket to fit more snugly. “Thanks, but I don’t need your charity, Junior.” You weren´t willing to give up that easily.
“Oh, is that what you’re calling it? Charity?” he teased, falling into step beside you again, his grin infuriatingly charming. “I thought it was more of a gentlemanly move, if you will.”
“Gentlemanly? You?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “You must be joking.”
“Why so skeptical? I can be quite the gentleman when the mood strikes me,” he said, leaning in closer again, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Besides, I can’t have my favorite Hufflepuff catching a cold now, can I?”
You felt a rush of warmth flood your cheeks at his words, and you tried to deflect, “You’re just doing this to annoy me, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” he replied, a cheeky glint in his eyes. “But I also happen to enjoy the view when you’re flustered. You should see your face right now. It’s adorable.”
“Adorable?” You repeated incredulously, fighting the urge to smile. “You really think you’re charming, don’t you?”
He leaned back slightly, feigning deep thought. “Well, I wouldn’t say charming. More like irresistible.”
You shook your head, biting back a smile as you shot him a glare. “Keep dreaming, Junior.”
“Trust me, I will,” he shot back with that devil-may-care grin.
Pandora turned to you both, her eyes sparkling with delight. “Oh my gosh, you two are so cute! You’re practically flirting!” she gushed, completely unaware of your desire to bury your face in your hands.
“Flirting?” you exclaimed, turning to Barty in disbelief. “This isn’t flirting; it’s sheer torture!”
Barty chuckled, his gaze locked on yours, mischief dancing in his eyes. “Torture? Maybe I’ll have to keep it up then. Can’t have you getting too comfortable, can we?”
As you walked back to Hogwarts, you could feel the weight of his jacket around your shoulders, and though you’d never admit it, the warmth was more than just physical. Despite the banter and the bickering, you couldn’t shake the flutter in your stomach. Barty Crouch Junior might drive you mad, but maybe—just maybe—there was something nice about having him around after all.
You arrive to Hogwarts and everyone makes their way to their common room, the boys to Slytherin´s, Pandora to Ravenclaw´s and you to Hufflepuff´s. You get into your dorm quietly, because even if it was a Friday night, your roomates were sleeping.
As you began to undress, you suddenly realized you still had Barty’s jacket draped over your shoulders. Great, you thought with an eye roll. Now I have to see him again. You sighed, folding it neatly and placing it in your wardrobe alongside your other clothes.
After a quick trip to the bathroom to wash off your makeup and change into your pajamas, you settled into bed. The comfort of your blankets enveloped you, but no matter how hard you tried to shake it off, the memory of Barty's teasing grin lingered in your mind.
You hated that the last thought before sleep was that goddamn smirk of his—so infuriating yet somehow captivating. With a frustrated huff, you turned over, determined to banish thoughts of him, but the image of his charming arrogance persisted, a playful reminder of the night’s events.
You woke up the next day, the soft sunlight filtering through the windows of your dormitory. The quiet of the weekend morning was a welcome contrast to the usual hustle and bustle of school life. You moved through your routine slowly, knowing you had no classes to rush to today. After freshing up, you dressed casually and made your way to the Great Hall for breakfast. You decided to take Barty´s jacket with you, so you could return it as soon as possible.
And thanks to Merlin, when you enter the Great Hall you immediately spotted him at the Slytherin table with his friends. You wave at your own friends and make them a signal to wait for you as you approached the green table, your friends staring at you like you had gone crazy.
“Junior” you call out softly from behind him.
Barty´s head whipped around, his grin widening when he saw you “Treasure!” his voice was full of amusement as he looked you up and down “Miss me alredy?”
You rolled your eyes and extended his jacket over him “Im here to return this, and to say thank you again” even if he was insufferable, you were always polite.
He raised an eyebrow, clearly pleased by your words, as he took the jacket from you “You know, I was hoping you would keep it for longer. You did look amazing in it. Not that I didn’t like you in your top, of course”
You felt the heat increasing in your cheeks at his words but try to hide it with a scoff, your hands instinctively moving to fold your arms across your chest. “Whatever” you muttered, stepping back and already starting to turn away “Goodbye”
Some days later you were sitting with your friends in the courtyard, laughing as you discussed the latest mishap in Potions class, when you noticed a familiar figure making his way toward you. Barty Crouch Jr, in all his swagger, had that unmistakable smirk as he approached your small circle, his eyes already fixed on you.
"Treasure," he greeted smoothly, nodding to your friends before focusing entirely on you. "Got a minute?"
You raised an eyebrow, a bit taken aback that he’d be seeking you out in broad daylight, in front of witnesses no less. “Depends. What do you want, Junior?”
He chuckled, unfazed by your tone. "Pandora said you’re somewhat of an expert in Magical Creatures. Thought maybe you could help a struggling Slytherin with a few... basics.”
Your friends exchanged glances, one of them biting back a smile as they elbowed each other. You tried to ignore it, focusing on Barty. “Struggling?” you echoed, skeptical. “You’re one of the top students. Why do you need my help?”
He shrugged, managing to look both innocent and mischievous. “Call it an off week. I could use some extra guidance.”
One of your friends couldn’t resist chiming in, “Are you sure you don’t just want to copy her notes, Barty?”
“Oh, I’d love to copy,” he said, giving you a pointed look, “but I think I’d learn more if we… studied together. Say, this afternoon?”
“Fine,” you said, ignoring the snickers from your friends. “The library at six?”
“Or my room?” he suggested, not missing a beat. “Much quieter. Comfier too.”
You rolled your eyes, even as your friends burst into laughter. “Nice try. The library will do just fine.”
He placed a hand over his heart, feigning disappointment. “Heartbreaking, really. I was hoping for a more… private lesson.”
“Guess you’ll just have to settle for learning in public,” you replied, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. “See you at six, Junior.”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” he said, his smirk widening.
With that, he turned and sauntered off, leaving your friends barely containing their laughter.
“Oh, Merlin,” one of them said as soon as he was out of earshot, “did Barty Crouch Jr. just ask you for a tutoring session?”
You sighed, trying not to show the flutter of nerves in your stomach. “Apparently. And he’d better actually need help with Magical Creatures.”
But even as you turned back to your conversation, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this “study session” was going to be anything but ordinary.
That evening, you made your way to the library with a stack of notes on magical creatures and a determination to focus—no matter how distracting your “student” might try to be. When you arrived, you saw Barty lounging at a back table, idly flipping through a book that looked suspiciously unrelated to magical creatures.
“Good, you’re here,” he said with a grin as you sat down. “I was starting to think you’d stand me up.”
You rolled your eyes as you sat in front of him “Almost did” you mumble under your breath as you opened your book and notes. The library was quiet as you huddled over a hefty tome on magical creatures, quills and parchment spread across the table between you. It seemed like he was genuinely focused—or at least, he pretended to be.
“Alright, Junior” you said, pointing to a section in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, “why don’t you tell me everything you know about hippogriffs?”
He gave you a thoughtful look, scratching his chin as if deep in concentration. “Hmm… majestic creatures, proud, can be very dangerous if approached incorrectly… does that sound right?”
You tilted your head, eyeing him suspiciously. “So you do know about them, after all. That’s a decent start.”
“Well, I have the basics,” he said with a little grin, “but I wouldn’t call myself an expert. That’s where you come in, Treasure.”
You rolled your eyes but smiled anyway, nudging the book closer to him. “Alright, fine. Hippogriffs are proud, but there’s more to them than that. They’re highly sensitive and require respect—bowing to them before approaching is essential.”
He nodded, trying to keep a straight face, though you could tell he was amused. “Bowing. Got it. Sort of like dealing with you, isn’t it? Respect, admiration…”
You huffed, fighting the warmth creeping into your cheeks. “Keep it up, and I’ll leave you to fend for yourself next time we have a test.”
“Anything but that,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender, though his grin didn’t fade. “You’re far too charming when you’re lecturing me on magical creatures.”
You ignored him and went over a few more creatures, each time finding him surprisingly attentive. He asked questions—good ones, actually—and seemed engaged in a way you hadn’t expected. You started to think maybe he genuinely did want to learn more about the subject.
As the library began to empty, you glanced at the time. “We should probably get some dinner before the house-elves clear the tables,” you said, gathering your notes.
You started to walk to the Great Hall, still in conversation about the finer points of bowtruckles, when something slipped out from under his arm and fluttered to the ground. You instinctively bent down to pick it up, and your eyes widened as you caught sight of the parchment. It was an essay titled “The Lifecycle of Thestrals” with “A” scrawled at the top in red ink. The neat handwriting and the perfectly structured points left no doubt: Barty had known exactly what he was doing in Care of Magical Creatures all along.
You blinked, looking from the essay to Barty, who wore a guilty-but-unbothered grin.
“What’s this?” you asked, eyebrows raised. “You didn’t need my help at all, did you?”
“Guilty as charged,” he replied, his smirk widening.
You scoffed, folding your arms. “Unbelievable. So you wasted my time?”
He leaned in, voice dropping to a low murmur. “Come on, can you really blame me?” His eyes held that familiar glint. “When Pandora mentioned you were the go-to expert on magical creatures, I knew I couldn’t miss the chance. I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend a few hours with someone as pretty as you, Treasure?”
Heat crept up your cheeks, and you looked away, trying not to let him see how flustered you felt. “You are unbelievable,” you muttered, but your voice came out softer than you intended.
“Unbelievably charming? I’ll take it,” he said, grinning as you approached the Great Hall. “I had a great time, by the way. Maybe next time, we can have a... more private study session.”
He threw you a wink before sauntering off toward the Slytherin table, leaving you standing there, cheeks flushed, speechless, and—if you were being honest with yourself—a bit confused. Because somehow, despite his insufferable arrogance, the idea of spending more time with him didn’t sound half as annoying as you’d expected.
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vidavalor · 3 days ago
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I think that the two, specific times when Aziraphale feels the flashes of love in S1 tell us a lot about what, exactly, it is that he is picking up... especially when you also factor in how he describes that feeling to Crowley.
Aziraphale is hit with the flashes of love in two, specific moments: in The Bentley on the road at night on the way to Tadfield and in the moment when Crowley looks directly at Tadfield Manor again as the two of them are on their way inside. With these waves of love, Aziraphale isn't picking up Crowley's love in a general sense. If that were the case, he'd be feeling waves like this non-stop in Tadfield the whole time. Instead, he's picking up very intense waves of it-- flashes of it, as he said-- in specific moments.
Why the intense waves and why these moments? I think we actually have enough information to say why and look at exactly what Aziraphale is picking up.
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While, in S1's present, Aziraphale has never been to Tadfield before, Crowley has and we were there in the story with him in 2008 in the first episode. When we watch him and Aziraphale arriving in Tadfield, we are watching Aziraphale now go with Crowley to the place where we first watched Crowley deal with alone when they were separated in 1.01 on the night Armageddon started. As a result of us knowing what that night looked like for Crowley, we're able to know what Crowley is remembering when he and Aziraphale go to Tadfield in the present of S1 and we can then see why it is that, in these specific moments, Aziraphale is picking up intense flashes of Crowley's love.
Aziraphale first picks the flashes of love in The Bentley on the way into town. They're driving on a dark road to Tadfield at night. Crowley hasn't been to Tadfield since he had to deliver the baby in 2008. He did that alone, in the dark, driving there after being non-consensually possessed by Satan and almost hitting a person in an on-coming truck as a result. (To emphasize this parallel, it's seconds after Aziraphale starts talking about the flashes of love when, this time, there is a car accident when they collide with Anathema.) Crowley spent time when driving to Tadfield and back desperately trying to call Aziraphale, unable for most of the night to reach him until he found the phone booth on the way home.
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As Crowley is driving them to Tadfield in the 2019 present of S1, he's thinking about that night in 2008 when he was separated from Aziraphale and went through all of that Hell-related hell. What Aziraphale is picking up is Crowley's love for him radiating off him, as Aziraphale is beside him while Crowley is undergoing something that would otherwise be re-traumatizing. It is something Crowley can handle better, though, because he has Aziraphale quite literally going on the journey this time with him.
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The other moment that Aziraphale feels the flashes of love is when the two of them have arrived at Tadfield Manor. Specifically, it's when Crowley looks up at the entrance as they walk towards it. Why the flashes of love here?
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While Crowley knew about Armageddon needing 11 years to fully get going by the time he met up with Aziraphale in St. James' Park the day after delivering Adam, the earlier scene when he arrived at Tadfield Manor told us that Crowley didn't actually already know that information when he was first tasked that night with starting Armageddon. Mistaking Arthur Young for someone affiliated with Hell, Crowley asked him if he knew how much time they had left until the end of the world, indicating that this was the big question on his mind that night and what Crowley was remembering in S1's present that prompted the flash of love that Aziraphale felt.
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While this scene with Arthur is really comical because of all the misunderstandings happening here, it's also clear that Crowley is desperate here to find out how much time they have left or if it's all going to end this same night. He is this desperate because he began that evening thinking it was just a quick check-in with Hastur and Ligur before he could meet Aziraphale for their sushi date, only to then wind up separated from Aziraphale, having to start Armageddon, attacked, and having no idea how much time until the world might be over. He spent the whole night we were watching him in 2008 thinking it possible that the world was going to end *that night* and being unable to get through to Aziraphale on the phone.
He was worried he might not see Aziraphale again.
In 2019, all of that comes flooding back to Crowley when he looks at the entrance to Tadfield Manor and remembers asking the guy at the door if he knew how much time they had left. Aziraphale is hit with another wave of Crowley's love for him here because Crowley is feeling one himself as he remembers how desperate he was that night to get to Aziraphale at the same time that he is feeling relief at having him beside him in the present as they go back to this place from his past that Crowley would really rather not have to revisit.
Aziraphale is not feeling love that is tied to Tadfield Manor or the town of Tadfield; he is feeling waves of Crowley's love for him cresting in different moments when Crowley's feelings from 2008 collide with his feelings in the then-present of 2019. It's the past influencing and overlapping with the present. It's a story in the present about flashbacks to the flashback we saw first so we could understand what Crowley is remembering.
When Crowley asks Aziraphale to describe what Aziraphale means by the place feeling "loved", Aziraphale has a fascinating reply:
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Aziraphale could have described this feeling of love as the opposite of how he himself feels in a spooky place. Instead, he's describing it as the opposite feeling to Crowley's lack of peace and sense of unease. Aziraphale chooses to describe this in such a way as to say that he knows what Crowley feels when Crowley is ill at ease, as when he is, Aziraphale is affected because he loves him. Aziraphale is defining love as the opposite of that feeling of unease.
Love is the feeling of calm that comes from trusted, caring friends living life together without judgement and, as a result, making the world feel safer and more peaceful for one another.
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Loving someone is going together with them on whatever life brings and dispelling their sense of unease by not leaving them on their own.
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Love is a balm-- peace through connection.
It is the antidote to loneliness.
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What Aziraphale might not realize is that Crowley's flashes of love? They're also caused by Aziraphale's own love for Crowley. By him loving Crowley by going with him to Tadfield and soothing Crowley's anxiety and fear with his presence. Love is making someone feel seen and supporting them in their life without judgement.
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While Aziraphale might be being hit with particularly high waves of love in Tadfield in S1, it's not really an unusual event. After all...
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imtryingbuck · 3 days ago
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Nine
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader
Summary: Y/n L/n becomes Queen of Astoria not that she wanted to. Prince James of Winterfeld meets her and falls in love.
Word count: 3,026
Warnings: angst. fluff. swearing. my poor attempt at writing a battle scene. death. blood. reader is called barren and a cunt. beheading.
Masterlist   Series Masterlist
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Battles were no stranger to Y/n, nor she with them, she was in her element when she was on the battlefield. The thought of her death never scared her away from the fight, her only hope that she would die a warrior.
As the army prepared for the first fight that would be under their Queen, Bucky was trying to keep up with Y/n and Carlson as they talked strategy - even George couldn’t keep up with what the two were saying not like they were saying much, it was as if the two shared the same mind, one would speak then cut off looking at the other, the other nodding and saying what they thought.
George didn’t think twice in telling Y/n that his army would fight for her, Howard Stark told her that he would write home and get his army ready. But she didn’t want other kingdoms in something that was her fight, her mother called her mad for not accepting the help they were offering so she told George and Howard that their army could be there but they would be stood down until she said so.
Bucky and Carlson followed behind Y/n as she went into the stable where their horses had been prepared, two white horses were for them whilst the only black horse in the kingdom was hers. Her pride and joy, Storm.
With the crown upon her head Y/n made her way on top of Storm through the streets where everyone was waiting, her mum stood before her and pressed a kiss to Storms nose - an act she use to do for her late husbands horse Thunder, who happened to be Storms dad, it was her silent way of begging the large beautiful creature to take care of her loved one and bring them back home to her. Y/n smiled down at her mum as she moved aside to stand by her daughters and Winnie, as the gates came open Storm moved forward, behind her was Bucky on her left and Carlson on her right, George and Howard behind them and the army falling into line.
All was silent as they headed towards a battle that was about to happen all because a king didn’t like the fact that Y/n had turned his son down and agreed to marry another.
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Everyone froze other than Y/n and Carlson when whistling was heard from the woods on either side of them, Bucky frowned as his mad woman whistled back. A man jumped down from his hiding spot in the tree and smiled up at Y/n.
“What’s the password my Queen?”
“Password?”
“Yes, I fear I cannot let you pass without one.”
“Very well. Is it… apples?”
“Yes! How did you know?”
“I’ve known you since we were children, apples was the password to your fort.” She leans over to stroke Storms face. “How many?”
The man takes out an apple out of his sack and gives it to Storm, and another for Willow - Carlson’s horse - then another for Winter - who Bucky was riding. And another two for Howard’s and George’s horses. “Outnumbered.”
“Us or them?”
“Us.”
“Right.”
“I have found us a place to set up camp not far from here, a lake is nearby for the horses.”
“Thank you Gus.”
Gus nods and leads the way to the camp, it doesn’t take long for everyone to get settled and food in their stomachs. Bucky watched as Y/n moved around the camp making sure everyone was alright, a smile tugging at his lips as he watched her press her forehead against Storms face, he was too lost in watching his betrothed that he didn’t realise Carlson had snuck up behind him.
“Do you really love her?”
“Shit! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“Do you?”
“I do. I really do.”
“I know you’re a prince and soon to be my king but I swear this to you now that if I ever find out you have hurt her I will not hesitate to kill you.”
“I do not want to hurt her, ever.”
“I know.” Taking a bite out of an apple that he had stolen from Gus’s sack, Carlson smirked at the prince. “I knew you were going to be the one who changed her mind the day you jumped into the circle.”
“Change her mind on what?”
“Love. Marriage. Realising her worth. Take a pick really.”
Looking over to where Y/n still stood with Storm he looked back to Carlson. “What do you mean?”
“But do not confuse her kindness for weakness, that would be your downfall.”
“Wha- Carlson…” Bucky was left alone by his tent feeling more confused than he had ever been before as Carlson walked away and joined a few men sitting around the fire.
His confusion didn’t last long as Y/n made her way over to him. “Are you okay?”
“I am. Are you?”
“Yes. I must apologise to you Bucky.”
“For what?”
“Every time we are together you seem to be caught up in my problems, for that I am sorry.”
Bucky placed his hand on hers and gave a soft squeeze. “You never need to apologise to me, I am here for you and your kingdom, always.”
“Thank you.” Squeezing his hand in the same soft way he had, she smiled softly up at him. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“For when we go against an army that we have been told we are outnumbered by? Yes I am ready, are you?”
“Always.”
Bucky chuckles with a slight shake of his head. “Please be careful and safe.”
“Always. And you the same, please.”
“Always.” Winking at her, he pulls her closer and wraps his arms around her. “I cannot wait to marry you.”
“We only have to wait one more week.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Bucky smiles softly and leans down to kiss her lips, he had grown addicted to the feeling of her lips being on his ever since they shared their first kiss.
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Carlson found Y/n down by the river skimming rocks across the water, the sun hadn’t been up for long so he knew that she had either had a few hours sleep or didn’t sleep at all.
It was the latter.
Standing next to his best friend in complete silence watching as the stones slid across the water, the two turned to each other and nodded. It wasn’t a nod of greeting but a promise that if one of them didn’t survive the other would avenge their death, a silent promise to keep fighting even if they have to watch the other one go down.
Y/n carried a lot of guilt since the battle at Highland happened, one of the bloodiest and deadliest battlefields she had fought on, her father was losing and wasn’t listening to her when she told him she had a plan she begged and pleaded with him to listen to her and that they didn’t need to surrender like Jon was telling him to do. Half of his men were dead, the other half were struggling to stay on their feet. The sound of skin hitting skin rang out through the tent as everyone’s eyes went wide as they watched their kings hand collide with his daughter’s face. She looked up at her father and nodded the once before taking her leave, pushing through the men that were gathered there, if she couldn’t get him to listen to her, she’d make him watch.
Climbing on top of Storm she raced him towards where the battle was still raging on, a horn was blown on her side which signalled for the army to pull back, her father was surrendering. Y/n’s eyes found Carlson’s and the two shared a silent conversation, Carlson laughed before nodding, he waited for her to advance forward before joining her side, only a hand full of her fathers army joined the two crazy young warriors and carried on fighting.
Twelve warriors against over a hundred. Twelve warriors slowly winning. It wasn’t the plan she had in mind but it didn’t matter as they were winning. Pushing the enemy back she didn’t realise her father standing up on the hill watching in awe of his daughter, everything was going in their favour until Carlson cried out in pain. 
She faltered. Her heart dropped into the deepest darkest part of her body. When she turned around she watched her best friend, the other half to her, fall from his horse with an arrow sticking out of where it had embedded itself in his shoulder, without hesitating and thinking she turned Storm around slaying down the warrior who had his sword raised high as he hovered over Carlson, a sharp stinging pain came from her back and with a quick glance she saw an arrow in her.
“Y/n?” As she continues to skim the rocks across the water she hums then waits for him to find the right words. “Today- everything will be okay.”
“Today is pointless.”
“How do you mean?”
Cocking her head to the side she looks up at him. “People are going to die, on both sides, and for what? Because I decided to marry for love?” Gazing up at the sky watching as the birds fly towards the battlefield she smiles sadly. “Maybe I should call it all off to save many men from being killed.”
“No! No you cannot. Y/n, you cannot give up your own happiness and love just because a man cannot stand being told no.”
“Maybe I can learn to love him?”
“What about James?”
“I-I do not know.” Sighing as she picks at the skin around her nails. “He will find someone else I am sure of it.”
“It will not be the same, he truly loves you.”
Turning to face Carlson her hand comes up to tug on her braid. “So I just let so many men, good men, die?”
“Your men are willing and happy to fight for you, they know the chances of survival and yet here they all are.” Stepping closer to her he takes her hand in his and with his free hand he smooths out her braid. “Remember our first battle?”
“Yes b-but how is that relevant?”
“It was for a pointless reason, everyone knew that, but yet we all marched to the battlefield for your father and here we are doing the same thing.”
Trying to find the words she stares up at her best friend, their attention goes from one another to a voice from the side of them.
“You are our Queen, we all swore our oath to fight for you and to protect you. We are your soldiers, we know that we might not return home we just hope that our deaths will not be forgotten.”
Gus.
All her men were standing behind the man her and Carlson use to play with whenever she was able to get away from the castle, all of them nodding and smiling at her. Bucky was leaning against the tree with Steve and Sam next to him, a large smile on his face which only grows as she blushes when he winks at her.
“You are all crazy.” She laughs.
“All for our warrior Queen!” Gus shouted causing all of them to start beating their swords against their shields.
Bucky gulped at seeing Storm standing tall in front of Y/n, the large beast was covered in armour as he got closer to them he could see the spikes sticking out of the legs, even the head guard on his head had spikes. He truly looked terrifying.
“He looks ready. Can he even move?” Bucky chuckled.
“Of course he can.” She giggled. “According to Gus the army are already waiting for us.”
“We are ready whenever you are.”
“Please be safe.”
“Always. The same for you my love.”
Resting his forehead against hers he closed his eyes and imagined seeing her walk down the aisle on their wedding day, her dress being made fit only for the Queen herself - he would have the biggest smile on his face, that he was certain of. Neither one of them could fall today. He didn’t want to lose his mad woman and he didn’t want to let her down. Pulling away from her he gave her a soft smile then helped her up onto Storm before making his way over to Winter.
As Y/n led the way towards where the enemy was waiting for them Bucky noticed that it was only her and Carlson that was calm, their bodies were relaxed, he knew that they were in their element. He didn’t know whether to be worried or proud.
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“We do not have to do this. We can walk away and go back to our families.” Y/n shouted, a massive gap between herself and the enemies army, she wanted to give the king the chance to back down and stop this petty fight from happening.
Bucky couldn’t help but smile at how she was in front of her own army - like she had told his mother that night of the feast - whilst the king who declared this war against her was on top of his own horse hiding behind his soldiers.
“Are you scared, barren bitch?”
“Trembling with fear.” She winks at him. “Very well.”
Bucky had long lost sight of Y/n and Carlson as he fought alongside Steve and Sam, his arms were beginning to ache with each swing of his sword but like the enemy he wasn’t backing down. His head started to throb with each war cry, with each cry of pain, with each clash of swords against swords. His clothes stuck to him like a second skin, blood staining his face and in his hair. 
They were massively outnumbered yet Y/n still didn’t call upon George or Howard and their army, because despite being outnumbered they were winning, Bucky had to admit that he was in awe of her men - the way they fought as one, the way they weren’t letting the enemy push them back. He looked up and gulped. He didn’t recognise the woman he had fallen in love with, her face held no emotion as Storm charged his way through the enemy - the spikes on his armour catching them causing them to scream in agony. His warrior Queen, his mad woman, was covered in blood and going straight for the king who was screaming for his men to take her down.
“SHIELD WALL! SHIELD WALL!” He heard one of her men yell, through the gap he saw that Y/n didn’t flinch or even stop as a hail of arrows came flying down upon them.
When the shields were finally moved out of his sight he watched in horror and panic when a soldier from the other side charged towards Y/n, knocking her off of Storm, Bucky had never moved so fast in his life. His sword cutting his enemy down as if they were nothing as he pushed his way through the crowd in order to get to his love. Storm was running around in circles slaying the enemy down, trying to keep them away from his rider.
“Y/n!” Avoiding Storms wrath and spikes, he got closer to her, not knowing if the blood on her was her own or someone else’s. “Y/n? P-please wake up!”
“No, I am taking a nap.” She opened one eye and smiled up at him.
“In the middle of a battle?”
“Yes.”
“Can you move? Are you hurt?”
“Yes and no.” Getting up with a groan she stretched and smiled at him.
“Where is Carlson?”
“Doing his thing. Do not worry.” Getting Storm she nods up to Bucky. “Get on him.”
“What?”
“Do you trust me?”
Without missing a beat or with any hesitation he said. “Yes.”
“Then get on Storm and head south until you see Carlson. Please.”
“Okay. What about you?”
“I will be fine, I promise.”
Bucky does as she says, and with a heavy heart he leaves Y/n behind as he heads south until he sees Carlson with men he didn’t recognise. “James?”
“Y/n told me to come to you.”
“Shit. Shit!”
“What?”
Before Carlson could reply they heard a horn bellow from the other side of the woods. “Shit! Okay. Okay, James stay by my side.”
“What is going on?”
“The plan was for us to surround the king but Y/n was meant to be here.”
“What do we do now?”
“Go with the plan. Y/n is smart, she knows what she is doing. Let’s move.”
As they got closer to where the king was still watching the scene unfold, they saw a figure moving quickly towards the king, Bucky and Carlson shared a look - knowing exactly who it was. Once they surrounded the man who had caused this whole thing to happen all because Y/n had decided to marry for love, Bucky watched as Y/n made her way through the crowd with her head held high, blood covering her from head to toe, a smile on her lips.
“Get off the horse.” She told the king. Cocking her head to the side when he didn’t move. “I said get-“
“I will not bow down to you!”
“I am not asking you to bow down to me?”
“You are a barren bitch! A blood thirsty cunt!”
“And yet this whole battle was because I would not marry your son despite me being barren and a blood thirsty cunt. Funny that.” Swinging her sword around she smiles up at him. “Surrender or lose your head.”
“I will not surrender!”
“Then get off your fucking horse!”
He laughs.
He laughs like he just heard the most funniest joke.
He laughs and gets down off the horse.
He laughs as he takes his sword from his side.
He laughs as he comes closer to her.
Before he could raise his sword, Y/n swings her own, his laughter comes to a stop along with his life, his headless body drops to his knees before dropping down.
“His laughter was doing my head in.”
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Tags: @sapphirebarnes | @sebastians-love | @sidraaaaaaaaa | @mrsnikstan | @barnesxstan | @hi172826 | @alexdarkacademia | @supraveng | @baw1066
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sarathrwizard · 3 days ago
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7 Day Camp Stay. Breaking camp.
Yay! This is it! Got the art done and everything!
Kind of sad it had to end so soon...
Thank you all for commenting, leaving hearts and just reading it in general!
Hope you enjoy the last day! (Under the cut)
7 Day Camp Stay
Breaking camp:
Donnie woke up bright and early. 5:00 in the morning! ... just kidding he slept till 9:45. But this was it! It was packing day. He got out of bed and gathered his stuff together. Donnie checked his phone and the weather said it'd get pretty windy around 2:00 this afternoon. Best that they got the tents down before then.
Donnie went outside to find breakfast. I mean, his breakfasts have consisted of many things. But three times it had something to do with bread and cheese. Surely he would have something different,  right?
So there he was, eating cheese... and bread... boy there wasn't many choices, was there? He didn't care, he'd be home soon enough where he could eat whatever his heart desired. We all know what that is.
The others were starting to crawl out of their cocoons. There wasn't anything planned for the day. If anything, they planned to get home before supper.
About an hour later, unpacking was in full swing. Chairs were being folded up and sleeping bags were being rolled. Mikey spent his time making lunch so that everyone could have the energy. Donnie walked over to the restrooms one last time.
*Flush* went the toilet as he opened the stall door. We walked over to the sink to wash up. Boy, whoever was in here last left a huge mess around the sink. How can you even spill that much water? Donnie was practically stepping in an inch deep puddle in front of the sink. He pocketed the soap and looked underneath the sink to see one of the pipes leaking.
"That would do it."
Donnie confirming to himself. He would fix it if he had his tools. Donnie stood back up to see a giant garden spider right on the lip of the sink, slowly crawling closer to his hand. In a panic, he ripped his hand away with full force, throwing his body weight from one direction to the other way too quickly. His foot slipped from under him and he landed smack dab on the tiled floor. Right onto his bruised hip.
Donnie quickly got up and slid himself away from the sink. Leaning himself on the wall, he checked his hip. Whatever had healed from the last time he bruised it, just got reset. But this time it felt like it hurt worse. Maybe because tile doesn't give like dirt does. Tears were escaping his eyes once more.
"EVERY! SINGLE! DAY!"
Donnie yelled. The walls yelled back at him. Sobs escaped his throat as tears flowed down his face.
"...Why can't I go through one day without getting hurt?"
Donnies voice cracked. Tears dripping off his chin, adding to the already large puddle on the restroom floor. Just then, the door opened. An orange colored coat sleeve poked through.
"Hey, Donnie! I just came to tell you-"
Mikey cut himself off when he saw the distress on Donnie's face, the way he was slouched against the wall, and how he wrapped his hands around his hip. Mikey quickly came over and crouched down.
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"Hey, what's wrong, Donnie? Does your hip hurt again?"
Donnie being babied by his baby brother? This was priceless. Donnie needed to keep it together! Cause if he continued to cry, Mikey would start crying too! He tried, he really tried! But he didn't have the energy to tough it out. More tears started dripping from his eyes. He could feel his little brother getting worried. Mikeys fingers tightened, gripping harder to Donnie's coat sleeve.
"I'll be fine."
Donnie said through a sigh.
"Just, please help me get up, okay?"
Donnie asked as politely as he could. Mikey grabbed onto his arm and helped pull him up. He put some weight onto his leg and, yup! It hurt like the dickens! Whoever they are...
Donnie and Mikey slowly made it back to camp, limping along the way. They turned the corner to see the others finishing their lunch. Donnie looked over at Mikey.
"Don't tell the others about my hip."
Donnie whispered. Mikey creased his brow. But Donnie's eyes had a sense of pleading in them.
"Please."
Mikey gently nodded. Donnie got onto his own two feet and tried not to limp as much as he could. Mikey and Donnie made it to the picnic table and sat down to eat. It looked like it was turkey sandwiches one last time. There was so much running around in Donnie's head, he could barely eat. Every bite felt like it was going to choke him.
Mikey must have seen him struggle. He reached out and gently grabbed Donnie's hand. Donnie gripped back harder every time he swallowed. Mikey had finished his sandwich already. He grabbed a cup and filled it with drinking water, then handed it over for Donnie. If Donnie couldn't swallow the food, then he'd wash it down instead.
Lunch felt like it took twice as long to finish. But he got it done, with some emotional support on the side. Leo and Raph were getting more of the stuff packed away. Donnie lifted himself from the table.
"Let me do the dishes."
Donnie said as he got back onto his feet.
"Are you sure?"
Mikey asked, tilting his head slightly. Donnie nodded and got the stuff ready. He started scrubbing, feeling his hip scream in protest. He tried his best to ignore it. He had to ignore it! He wanted to be useful! To help with packing up anyway he could.
The winds started to pick up. Was it 2-o-clock already? Donnie picked his phone up to check the time. It was only 12:40. The winds came early! Donnie looked up to see the others having a heyday with folding up the tents. As Leo and Raph were trying to fold up the tent, Mikey was just having fun wearing the tent fly as a cape.
The pain in Donnie's hip was only getting worse and worse. He could barely stand anymore. Raph was walking by with the tent all folded up and packed tightly into it's zipper bag. Raph must have gotten the big brother tingles again cause he stopped and looked over at Donnie.
"Hey, you doing okay?"
Raph asked as he placed the tent bag down on the picnic bench.
"Yup! Just peachy! Totally not in excruciating pain right now!"
Donnie said through gritted teeth. Raph looked down to see the bruise on Donnie's hip had spread down his leg and looked much darker than it did yesterday. Raph grabbed Donnie under the arms and lifted him up. Donnie wiggled his legs and flapped his hands.
"Hey- no! I'm almost done with the dishes anyway! Just let me finish them!"
Donnie argued, though it wasn't very convincing. Mikey quickly took over doing the dishes. Leo grabbed the tent bag and brought it to the Taxi rockets trunk. Raph carried Donnie over to the car and sat him down in the back seats.
"When did your bruise get that bad?"
Raph asked, his brow creasing. Donnie looked at Raph. Dang, he just wanted to cry again. He hated it when Raph acted like their Dad. But telling Raph what happened was probably a better idea then keeping it bottled up.
"Earlier this morning. Slipped in the bathroom."
"Why didn't ya say anything? I could have handled the dishes!"
"I wanted to be useful! I wanted to help with packing! Not sit on the sidelines because my hip hurt again..."
Donnie hugged his stomach. These emotions were just churning inside of him today! Practically building a home in there! He rubbed his hands together. He felt a hand lay on his shoulder.
"I get it. But there's no harm in asking for help when you need it. That's what I'm here for!"
Donnie looked up at Raph and wiped away a few stray tears with his sleeves. Raph gave him a few pats on the shoulder.
"You can hang tight, we're about done with the packing anyway."
Raph got up to finish breaking camp. Donnie got into his seat properly and leaned his head back. He got some of the dishes done. At least he help with something.
...
The four of them were in the car and had just started on their journey back. Raph was driving, Mikey got the front seat cause he called dibs, so Leo was stuck in the back with Donnie. Donnie was reading on his phone while gently laying his hand onto his bruised hip.
Drip! Drip! Drip! Water sprinkled onto the windshield. Rain? But there was no rain predicted for today? The trickle got heavier and heavier. All conversations stopped. The cabin went silent as all eyes were glued onto the road. The rain was so heavy you could barely see 3 feet in front of you, and it was still daylight!
Donnies stomach clenched as he nervously clung onto the back of the front seat. Raph seamed like he was going to power through it! The Car suddenly swerved. Donnie's heart dropped into his stomach. Oh, the adrenaline was kicking in now!
"What did you do that for!?"
Leo asked as he leaned forward.
"There was a big tree branch on the road. I didn't want to hit it."
Raph said as he kept his attention on the road ahead. Donnie groaned nervously. Leo looked over to see Donnie gripping onto the front seat with his head leaning against it. Donnies cheeks were pinker than usual. that wasn't a good sign.
"Raph, pull over and turn on the hazards."
"Don't worry! Raph's got this!"
"Raph! Please...!"
Raph gripped the steering wheel. He did as told and slowed down to pull over, Flipping on the hazards. Leo unbuckled himself to get closer to Donnie. He wrapped his arms around Donnie and let him lean his head onto his shoulder. Donnie knew it was a mistake to read in a moving vehicle. It always make his stomach turn. But that sudden jolt only made it worse.
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The wind knocked against the car, making it slightly sway. Donnie could hear Mikey start to whimper. But Raph was already on top of it. Raph adjusted the seat back to make room for Mikey. Mikey unbuckled and hopped into Raphs lap.
The rain consisted of a shower head on full blast and literal buckets being dumped. Donnie's heart felt like it could start a moter. Fear was creeping around him again. Donnie folded his hands together and closed his eyes. He began to pray. He prayed for so many things. He prayed they would get back home safe. That no one would get hurt. That the roads wouldn't be flooded. He prayed that the pain in his hip would go away. That his stomach would settle down. He just kept on praying.
After a few minutes, the rain began to slow down and the wind calmed slightly. Donnie opened his eyes when he heared the engine starting. He looked around to see the rain was much more gentle now. His stomach felt better too. Leo buckled himself into the middle seat to stay near Donnie. Mikey had crawled back onto his seat and got secured.
They got back onto the road and continued on their way. Donnie sighed and released his hands from his death grip. Boy, his palms were sweaty! Donnie couldn't wait to get home and have some pizza. Donnie's sure the others wouldn't deny him of it. He laid his head a little further on Leo's shoulder and got more comfortable for the journey home.
The end.
_____________
Oh my goodness, that camping trip was relaxing and exhausting all at the same time!
I hope you enjoyed reading, 7 Day Camp Stay!
Lord bless all of you! And thank you again for you comments and likes!
*little happy dance!*
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b5withextrachicken · 1 day ago
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FALLING IN LOVE? - JAMAL MUSIALA
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pairings: jamal musiala x fem!reader
summary: they were seen kissing at a party but she can't quite remember. now she wants to find out if does.
(i hate this and also english isn't my first language.)
(pictures are not mine)
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Perfection. Pure perfection. That was probably the only word that could describe his performance today.
My eyes were practically glued to the pitch as my gaze followed his every move. He was at his best today, making his way through the defenders, dribbling out every single one of them. That man was sickeningly good on the field, I had to admit as I watched from the stands. The atmosphere was loud, cheering and addicting. Not where I usually spent a friday night but I could get used to it. Especially when the view was this good.
At a party several weeks ago I had befriended another peer group of athletes, temporarly increasing my number of close friends from 2 to 7. Normal, right? Well, no, because when I woke up with a headache the next morning and checked my way-too-bright phone on the nightstand, it was blown up with messages. Whatsapp, Insta, TikTok... even Facebook. Photos, low-quality videos, theories. There were strangers on the internet speculating about me and a boy. That boy. The boy i later found out was Jamal Musiala. The pictures clearly showed me and him. Way too close. But the worst thing was: I couldn't remember what happened that night.
And that's what brought me here today, to the front row of the Allianz Arena. Because since that night, I couldn't help but wonder if he remembered me or anything that happened. I needed to see him.
The game was heated, the tension could've been cut by a knife. A winner wasn't yet clear when the ball made its way to Jamals feet again. Even from across the pitch I could see his expression fall into concentration as he skillfully turned and sprinted through the opposition towards their goal. It was like the whole stadium went quiet as the fans and rivals realised his chance. He moved to a perfect position to aim. Shot. Scored.
The south curve went wild. Fans spilled their beer. Plastic cups flew. Bayern took the lead in the 87th minute, now so close to a home win. The scorer wearing the number 42 on his back ran over to them to celebrate his goal. He was ecstatic, smiling as he got closer to the barricade.
That's when his gaze met mine.
It was sudden. Fast. But for that minuscule second I could see his eyes light up. A telling spark. Was it recognition? Our momentary connection was severed when his team mates finally caught up to him, engulfing him in a wild hug almost sending the young man to the floor. I smiled, deciding to push the heavy thoughts to the back of my mind for now and embrace the warm atmosphere.
..........
The game was over, proudly ending in a 2:1 for Bayern Munich. The masses hurried to the exits, hoping to avoid the cramped traffic after the win. I lingered around, taking my time to collect my things and also to circumvent the crowded halls of the stadium for a little longer. My mind was racing as the stands cleared out, only leaving trash and spilled beer behind. I was about to sip up my jacket when-
"Y/N?"
I practically whirled around at the sudden voice and my gaze (once again) was met by those chocolate brown eyes that belonged to no other than Jamal. He took a small step back startled by my movement and send me an apologetic look for the scare. Now there was a litte more than an arms-length between us.
"Uh-hey!" I answered nervously, a shaky smile painting my lips. This wasn't at all how I imagined our encounter. My eyes scanned his appearance, he wore a baggy tracksuit jacket over his kit, the grass residues on his shorts still evident from the many fouls he had to endure. He hadn't even made it to the locker room. My gaze lingered on his lips before locking with his eyes again.
His mouth stretched into a sweet smile "Hey..."
Awkward silence. A few beats passed. I looked around nervously, my eyes now darting to anywhere but him. What was I supposed to talk about now? The weather?
Jamal also shuffled around nervously, looking down at his cleats. It was clear we both beat around the bush. He looked back up at me, his gaze resembling that of a deer. "So...Why-I mean, what brought you here, I didn't think I'd see you again..." he asked carefully. A blush tainted my cheeks "Uhm, I just... wanted to see you." I started, embarassed "You know, after the party." pausing for a moment, I thought back to the pictures of us kissing, contemplating if I should ask the question and just get it of my chest. Yeah. Best option.
"Do you remember anything about that night? Like what happened exactly? Did we... do something?"
It tumbled out of my mouth, one ask fused to another. I watched as his posture shifted, his eyes slightly widening. "What? No,no,no." he shook his head. A small wave of relief washed over me but it couldn't tame the burning lack of knowledge about that night. "Then what happened, the only thing I know is that I woke up with a headache.". He took a step back, processing my words before answering. "We had a good night you know, dancing, drinking...kissing. It went well until some drunk incel pushed you and you hit your head on a door frame..." the man paused, anger flashing in his eyes for a second. "He knocked you out. I drove you to the hospital. Your friends picked you up."
My mouth opened to reply, but quickly closed when no good answer formed on my tongue. It wasn't what I expected, but I still didn't know what to think about it.
"You waited at the hospital?" I asked, now completely catching up to what he said.
"Yeah." Jamal looked down to the floor again, hiding the faint red that now tinted his cheeks. "I wanted to ask for your number but... after everything happened I didn't think it was appropriate..." He trailed off.
"Oh-OH..well..." I was taken aback. Caught off-guard. Then I suddenly felt confidence seep through my body.
"You could ask me now."
He looked at me, a beat passed, then his face lit up. He took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me, ready to enter the digits. As I was about to give him the phone back, he cleared his throat.
"Are you free next friday? It's my free day and maybe we could meet up at a café?" He asked, also growing more confident now. I blushed, and nodded, still a little overwhelmed by what just happened. "Yes, yes I'd love to. 5pm? Hopefully this time I'll remember..." I chuckled and Jamal quickly joined in. The situation now blurred into a sweet moment as we stood in the stadium that was completely empty. I smiled as I looked up at him. His eyes drifted to my lips before they met mine again.
"You better stay away from the door frames."
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my first piece on here, yayyy ig
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bomberqueen17 · 2 days ago
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aight poll results
Huh I haven't really done a poll before, I kind of thought there'd be somewhere you could like, see the results. But no. I just have to scroll back and find the post. And since I made it not rebloggable I can't reblog it either, LOL.
So anyway. It's not quite-quite closed but there's more votes in it than I thought there would be, and I'm going to discuss it behind this lil cut here.
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[Image ID: a screenshot of poll results showing 14.5% for the sweet summer children era, 85.5% for the older sea-dogs, 55 votes cast, almost four hours left in the poll.]
After making this poll I went back to my Just Write Some Scenes approach and noodled around some more. My first attempt had been to come up with this whole elaborate Save The World plot, and then try to introduce the crew to each other right at the start of it, and after tripping over that and falling flat on my face, that's when I reconsidered and made the poll. Mostly I just. Need other people to remind me that I'm not alone in the wilderness here, LOL. And you know the quite-contrary "I need advice but mostly so I can identify that when someone tells me to do the thing I don't wanna, that means there's a thing I didn't want to do, which means there is a thing I DO want to do, and now I can narrow down what it is" impulse, yes?
But it's gratifying to find that I've voted with the majority here.
So my main consideration here is that while I cannot really reuse any of the scenes I wrote as fanfic, I can absolutely carry over every bit of the character dynamics. The canon events, I can't translate. The fanfic character work, yes. (What that means to you, dear readers, is that I thus can totally just publish the fanfic at some point LOL, so I'll... try to do that if I can ever manage to become sane about it.)
I don't know that I've fully explained, here-- I fully have a 125,000-word fanfic already complete for this fandom. Like, it is 125,000 words long, and goes from before Master and Commander to... I'm at about the middle of Ionian Mission. That's book nine. And it's all the gapfills and everything from Tom's POV. And I have a few more scenes I'm still writing, but what I have is quite a novel already.
If I took the characters from their Master & Commander Book 1 era and file the serial numbers off and try to instead give them this plot, then I have to cram in every bit of the getting-to-know-you shit, and also worldbuild the whole setting, and then also have them save the world. It's not that I can't do this, but I have this huge shortcut where I've already been working with these guys (and you know how fanfic works, I've subtly warped them from canon because these are side characters the canon author did not devote all that much time to. There are several times when Mowett did something in the first book and by the eleventh or twelfth, Stephen firmly remembers it as something Pullings did, and the narrative treats him as correct, and I genuinely think that O'Brian forgot, unless he was trying to make a point about Stephen's memory issues that he then didn't entirely follow through on. It happens more than once. Also there are a number of occasions when the narrative asserts that Mowett was present for books when he was not; he does not appear in book 3 for example, but is afterward treated as though he'd been there. "They've been together since their youth!" they haven't been in the same hemisphere in six years. Anyway.)
I've been working with these guys for the length of a novel already. So what I can do, and what I think I'm going to do, is that I'm going to just pretend that I've already rewritten a serial-numbers-filed-off version of the first volume, and dive in at circa the book 5 section of the fic, and insert this adventure at that point. Which gives me a certain rank for each character-- Pullings and Mowett would be lieutenants with some seniority, Babbington would be a newly-made lieutenant, Aubrey has moderate seniority, his relationship with Maturin is fairly mature and has weathered some storms and come out well, he's rescued Maturin from torture, Maturin is slightly washed-up with the intelligence people and is addicted to drugs but recovering-- and from the fanfic side (spoilers for the as-yet-unedited-and-unpublished fic!), I've established Pullings in his marriage, given him his checkered career (Indiamen and transports), he has two children, and also he and James and Mrs. Pullings have worked through a bunch of their shit and figured out that they should all have a threesome sometime. But, crucially, they have not had this threesome yet.
So it's like-- a ton of deep character work, that I can just plunk us into.
(I haven't figured out a new naming structure yet so I haven't find-replaced and I'm just writing with the old names, which is hilarious the more I diverge from canon.)
It's not that I don't want to tell that first story, of them all meeting up initially, but I think it would be easier to go back and write a prequel after having done the Big World-Saving Plot.
Anyway-- some serial-number-filing notes here:
Aubrey is going to be a woman because then if I write her exactly the same it comes across wildly differently and I am absolutely dying to see what effect it has. Translating Jack's particular confused helplessness around women makes this new Aubrey into an extremely awkward lesbian and I love it. (Still fat, crucially. Still six feet tall. She might not be blonde, though, depending what I do with racial dynamics in this 'verse. Doesn't matter, as calling a woman Goldilocks is less hilarious than a man.)
Maturin is still a dude. They still have absolutely zero sexual chemistry, but profound deep interpersonal love. (This is bookverse, guys. Sorry the gay movie version is great but that's just not where I'm going here.)
Instead of having a lower-class accent and antecedents, I'm translating Tom into being somehow visibly biracial, which can give the same impediment to his being taken seriously for promotion as in canon, but also lets me tie this into the other books I've started in the land-based part of this verse. His mother is descended from mainland mammoth-herders, and I haven't decided what visual characteristics that gives him but it's enough that he gets called racial slurs occasionally. As in canon, Aubrey doesn't particularly notice these things, and cares only that he is competent.
Babbington is a trans dude so I have to figure out how that works in the worldbuilding but this is an extremely useful thing to have and will illuminate all kinds of awesome things for me. As a bonus, it can just be background established fact in the first book I write, and can be a plot point in the prequel if I do come up with anything cool in the worldbuilding, but if not it can just be a like low-key background thing in the prequel too. Who knows! It gives me a ton of material either way. Has potential to establish vivid character dynamics in a minimum of words, I think.
I was trying to solarpunk-ize solid-shot cast-iron cannons and seem to have independently mentally invented electromagnetic rail guns, so I have to research that somewhat but I think I have some good worldbuilding foundations based off that. !!! Exciting. I especially love the idea that the ships can collect and store potential energy that they can use either for propelling the ship without wind, or for firing guns, and so manoevering with sails still carries enormous tactical value because if you can get in position to fire your shots without having expended your generated power, you'll have much more success in battle; conversely, if you realize you're in a poor tactical position, instead of throwing your guns over the side as in the napoleonic era so you can flee faster, you simply empty your power generation banks into your propulsion to get the fuck out of there. And it makes it more solarpunk post-collapse-friendly by having tactics that can prioritize things other than massive loss of life, which doesn't hold with the dynamics of precarious population levels in the other books in this 'verse. Life was cheap in Europe in the 1800s but that doesn't work here. I love the idea of the "battles" being almost entirely manoevering, and it being plain impossible to have just yardarm-to-yardarm prolonged hammering except by rare circumstance.
So anyway that's where I'm at. So far. Stay tuned i guess? Thanks for reading this far, anyone who does. <3
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gothcsz · 3 days ago
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𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / Chapter XX.
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GIF by bestintheparsec
PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character
SUMMARY: The night of the ritual.
WORD COUNT: ~9.1k
RATING: 18+ Explicit topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. Minors DNI.
CHAPTER SPECIFIC TAGS: dead dove: do not eat!, kidnapping, mc is held hostage, allusions to SA (nothing explicit. will be explained later on), hallucinations, humiliation, wound care, hurt/no comfort, crime thriller vibes are vibing, demon worship, cult ritual, supernatural elements, non-consensual drug use, angst, whump, any typos/grammar mistakes are of my own doing and i apologize in advance, if i'm missing any other tags please let me know.
DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS: The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized.
A/N: i’m going to hold y’all’s hand when i say this... i am putting paloma through it 😓 i was initially going to just bang everything out and post it in one big chapter, but as i was writing... i just felt like it would be better if we let the suspense of it all do its thing and end with a cliffhanger. i am a sucker for ‘em, even if they’re so frustrating (in the best way possible) 😭 i hope that all the lore revolving the cult has been concise and strong enough to hold up during the ending bit of this. i wish i could say things are going to get better from here but they’re not… they’re actually going to get worse 🤠 as always, feel free to drop any type of feedback/support on this blog or on ao3. i'd really appreciate it 🖤
♰  read on ao3. ♰
♰  playlist | pinterest | series masterlist ♰
When ten minutes pass, Javier brushes it off. She’s probably just caught up in something. It’s nothing to worry about.
But when twenty minutes roll by, that’s when the unease creeps in. He starts pacing the living room, fighting the urge for a cigarette, glancing at the clock.
Where is she?
By the time half an hour has come and gone, he’s dialing the library, wondering why Paloma hasn’t come home yet. The phone rings and rings, but no one picks up. His stomach tightens, and he wills himself to remain calm. She’s probably fine.
At the hour mark, Javier’s behind the wheel, speeding into town. Maybe she’s still upset from the argument they had earlier, and instead of coming home, she went to Tammy’s.
But when Tammy tells him she hasn’t heard from Paloma for a few days now, a knot twists in his chest.
Panic threatens to take hold, but he pushes it down. He can’t let it consume him—not yet. Not until he has a real reason to worry.
But she has that damn habit of disappearing to sulk in random places when she’s upset. And that habit is gnawing at him now.
He drives to every spot he can think of, the abandoned tracks, the clearing behind the cemetery, the creek—but there’s no sign of her.
That terrible feeling grows, heavy and unshakable. He marches into the sheriff’s department, jaw set, not caring who sees the frantic look in his eyes.
He storms the file room, ripping through boxes. His hands tremble as he plucks out the file he’s searching for.
“Fuck!” He curses under his breath, jaw tightening as the photo of Paloma’s mother stares back at him.
Now, he has a reason to panic.
He should have known when he first laid eyes on it. The familiarity of her features—her eyes, her hair, her smile; it was all too close to Paloma. Too close to ignore. But he had, all because his mind was completely elsewhere at the time. Now look where that got him.
It’s like a scene from a horror film, where everything snaps into place too late.
The recent victims; brunettes in their mid-twenties with similar features, similar backgrounds—they resembled her.
The staged chamber, the gore, the man who killed himself.
All of it was leading to this, tying up the gruesome mystery with a neat little bow, like a gift Javier wishes he could burn. They had been played—manipulated, distracted from seeing the bigger picture.
Whoever orchestrated this whole thing has been after his girl from the very beginning.
He fights the urge to smash his fist into the nearest wall, to tear down every shelf in the room in a fit of blind rage.
But what would that solve? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Rage won’t lead him to her. Fear won’t undo what’s already been set in motion. All he can do is cling to hope, even if it’s slipping through his fingers.
The ultimate goal of this fucked-up cult—their twisted mission—is to birth the flesh reincarnate of their so-called, bullshit deity.
His blood runs cold at the thought of Paloma being used in some horrific ritual, being touched, violated, forced into madness.
He’s shaking, on the verge of a panic attack, his heart slamming against his ribcage like it’s trying to escape. But he forces himself to breathe—slow, deep, steady breaths, locking the perturbation away. 
Javier puts out an APB, his voice tight as he details her car, her appearance. Every word feels surreal, like it’s not really him saying it, like he’s watching someone else’s nightmare play out.
Romeo’s going to hear this, and he’s going to have to explain how they missed all the signs, how Paloma has been in danger this whole time.
The weight of it presses down on him like a thousand pounds of guilt.
Gathering what he needs and delegating some of the overnight officers at the station, he frantically drives to the Leighton house.
He’s already chain-smoked half a pack. That nasty habit he’s been trying to shake is clinging to him. The file in his hands feels too light for the bomb he’s about to drop.
How the fuck is he supposed to do this? How do you tell someone their wife’s past is tangled in a nightmare, and that their daughter—a woman they both love—is at the heart of it? How do you stay composed when you’re barely holding yourself together?
“Where the fuck is my daughter?”
Javier’s barely set foot out of his truck when Romeo’s fists twist in his shirt, shoving him hard against the vehicle.
The impact rattles through him, but all he can see is the wild, desperate look in the sheriff’s eyes—a terror that matches his own but runs even deeper, cutting into every line on his face.
“Romeo, listen to me!” Javier’s voice is authoritative, that familiar guarded wall of stoicism building as his trademark defense mechanism to the absolute anxiety that’s gnawing away at his body. “This is gonna be hard to hear—I’m barely making sense of it myself—but I need you to listen if we’re going to figure this shit out.”
Romeo’s grip tightens, then slowly loosens, and Javier seizes the moment, shoving the older man back, no longer giving a fuck about keeping the peace.
He yanks the folded photo from his jacket pocket and holds it up, letting him get a clear look. “Tell me. Is this Paloma’s mother?”
Romeo’s gaze flits to the photograph, and the recognition that floods his face is immediate.
His fingers snatch the photo from Javier, and his expression cracks, aging him in just a matter of seconds. “Where did you get this?” His voice is barely a whisper, “What the fuck is going on?”
Javier’s own dread deepens. “From the old files,” he says, voice hollow. “The ones from the original group. She’s connected to all of this. They both are.”
He takes a breath, then begins to explain everything he knows. He lays it out, bit by bit—the tangled web of what Paloma had uncovered, the twisted threads that pointed to this cult, the fake leads that had kept them chasing shadows. Every word feels like glass in his throat.
Confusion, fear, anger—every emotion etched on Romeo’s face makes Javier feel like he’s the one who has failed. 
“Did you know about any of this?” he asks, though he already knows the answer from the lost look in Romeo’s eyes.
His mouth opens, then closes. He seems to gather himself, shoulders dropping under a weight he’s only just begun to grasp. “None. When I met Abby… she was just a woman startin’ over. She’d moved into a small house near the church. Said her parents had passed and she needed a fresh start. Picked a random town—that’s how she ended up here.” The sheriff’s gaze drifts to a place Javier can’t reach, caught in the bittersweet memory of his late wife. 
“Paloma said she found this out by going through her mom’s things,” he says carefully, each word a stone dropping into his gut. “But I don’t think she was telling me everything.”
Silence stretches between them, heavy and loaded as they lock eyes in an unspoken understanding.
They need answers, and every second they waste is another second Paloma could be slipping further away.
“Before we make accusations,” Javier says, forcing himself to stay grounded, “we need to dig through their belongings. There has to be something there—a lead, a hint—something that’ll tell us who’s behind this.”
“But you already know who it is, don’t you?”
Javier’s eyes darken, and his jaw locks as one name barrels into his mind, clear and hateful: August.
The red flags he had dismissed, convinced they were just a byproduct of his hate for the guy, now stand out like beacons.
He meets Romeo’s gaze, a grim certainty settling into his features. “I believe it’s Augustus Dixon and his group.”
Romeo’s face twists with anger, and he grits out, “Motherfucker—” His fists clench, his whole body radiating fury.
“Be pissed off later. We’ve got a job to do.”
They stalk up the stairs, both men moving with purpose—Romeo heads for his wife’s things while Javier makes his way into Paloma’s room.
It feels surreal, even wrong, to be rummaging through her life like this. The last time he’d been in this position, it was in Jessica’s room, and even then he could see the resemblance her space shared with Paloma’s—but he’d never thought he’d be here, seeing his girl as a victim.
His fingers skim over a leather-bound book tucked away on the top shelf in her closet, hidden behind a jewelry box. It’s as if she’d placed it there purposefully, stowed away out of reach.
When he pulls it down, he realizes it’s a scrapbook brimming with photographs and clippings.
Inside, he finds images of Calmana, surrounded by groups of men and women, all dressed in matching, traditional attire. A towering cathedral looms in the background, religious iconography scattered throughout—symbols he now recognizes from his research.
Maps, faded with time, span several pages, and in the center lies an intricate, sprawling family tree with Paloma’s name written at the bottom.
He spots envelopes tucked between the pages, each one addressed to her in cursive hand.
He calls out for Romeo, and the sheriff is by his side almost instantly, his expression a twisted mix of hope and dread.
“What’d you find?” 
Javier silently hands him the scrapbook, keeping the envelopes for himself. 
One by one, he opens them, unfolding each paper. His breaths come out ragged, and he feels his stomach drop as he reads.
They’re love poems—explicit, filthy in their adoration. Line after line, they detail all the things August wants to do to her, each word penned with obsession.
The praises he lavishes on her, how he calls her a spectacle, the power he insists she wields—it’s like poison seeping into Javier’s mind. 
His hands start trembling, and the implications tighten around him like a noose.
Romeo, sensing his agitation, reaches out, his voice rough. “What’s that—what did you find?” 
Javier jerks the papers away, swallowing hard. “Trust me. You don’t want to see these—not now.”
“Let me see them, Javier! Goddammit, my daughter is in danger!”
Before their back-and-forth can spiral any further, Javier’s walkie talkie crackles sharply, an officer’s voice coming through:
“A dark green, 1970 Buick Electra matching the APB put out an hour ago has been found in Lake Fraiser alongside an unidentified female body.”
The air thickens and shatters as Javier and Romeo lock eyes, both of them wearing the same look of wide-eyed horror. 
“Romeo—” Javier tries, reaching out, but the man is already out the door, the scrapbook falling from his hands and hitting the hardwood floor with a hollow thud that reverberates in Javier’s chest.
He mutters a quick fuck and scoops it up, rushing after him, yet the sheriff is a blur, tearing down the driveway with the kind of desperation only a father can muster when everything he loves is on the line.
Now that he’s left alone, Javier grips the railing, and the weight of it all—of losing her—comes crashing down. His heart’s splintering, his chest tight, mind skidding out of control.
This is what he’s been running from all along—failure… loss… grief. Now it is all coming back, circling like vultures, ready to take the one thing that’s ever brought him true happiness.
But he forces himself to breathe, to anchor his mind to the one cold comfort he has left. “He wouldn’t kill her. He needs her.” The words taste bitter, chilling him, but they hold him steady.
Paloma is at the center of this plan—there’d be no sense in taking her, just to end it so abruptly.
Despite everything, he finds a sliver of reassurance in that cruel logic. He clings to it with everything he has, because right now, it’s the only thing keeping him from falling apart.
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Javier pulls up to Lake Fraiser, where the scene is a flurry of first responders, flashing lights reflecting off the water’s dark surface in sharp reds and blues.
He parks haphazardly, barely cutting the engine before he’s out of the truck, heading straight toward the area cordoned off by yellow crime scene tape.
His heart slams against his ribs as he spots Romeo, kneeling by the edge of the lake beside a body draped in a white cloth, his face blank, almost empty.
Javier’s eyes dart to the surrounding officers, scanning each one, trying to get a read on the situation before he speaks.
“Is it her?” His voice breaks the stillness.
Romeo doesn’t look up, his gaze locked on the covered body. “…No.”
Relief floods through him, dizzying him for a moment before his gaze lands on a tow truck pulling Paloma’s car away from the scene. 
He clenches his jaw, forcing himself to swallow back the bitter uncertainty rising in his throat.
Romeo stands slowly, brushing the dirt off his hands, his expression hardening as he relays, “Just got a call from the hospital. Our girl from the woods finally woke up. Tonight of all nights.” He chuckles dryly. “Asked to speak with me specifically. So I’ll head that way tomorrow after she’s been stabilized properly… which means you’ll be in charge of all this.” He gestures around them vaguely.
The pulsing emergency lights cast fractured shadows over their faces.
“It’s best for you to step back momentarily. Clear your head. You’re too close to this,” Javier adds quietly, “She’s your daughter.” And while Javier is her lover and every inch of him is fraying at the edges for her, he understands that his pain won’t amount to the agony that Romeo is drowning in.
The sheriff’s silence stretches, words hesitating on his tongue, until finally, with a quiet confession, he murmurs, “I was too harsh on her. On you. I was an asshole, and if it’s any reconciliation—thank you for tryin’ to get her out of this shitty town.”
Javier’s caught off-guard but doesn’t show it, the self awareness on his behalf is appreciated. “I’d do anything for her.”
Romeo studies him for a moment, as if measuring the resolve behind his words, then he nods, his expression taut, “Gonna start combing through everythin’ back at the station. Probably call Olsen, see if he’s got any cameras ‘round the library so we can get a timeline goin’.”
These two men are similar in that regard, backing themselves into their jobs to mask the turmoil inside. They talk through some of the procedures before Romeo is pulled away by other officers, leaving Javier to handle things here.
He forces himself to switch gears, to summon every bit of authority he has left to do his job. He’s got a dead body to assess, a team to command, and then—then he’ll focus everything he’s got on finding Paloma.
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Paloma stirs awake, the pitch darkness of the early morning pressing in from all sides.
She’s disoriented—a dull ache in her head and the sting of thick, abrasive rope biting into her wrists.
Her hands are suspended and bound above her, tethered tightly to an old, rusted pipe overhead, which creaks slightly as she shifts her weight.
She can feel the grit of dried blood matting her hair against her temple, the aftershock of Sloane’s vicious hit with the bat ringing sharp behind her eyes. Her boots are missing, leaving her barefoot against the cool concrete ground.
As reality sharpens around her, she realizes this isn’t a dream and it nauseates her, instilling panic in her heart.
She barely remembers the car ride or the way they dragged her down here, everything muddled from the hit she’d taken until she’d finally succumbed to unconsciousness.
Now, the throbbing intensifies as she tugs instinctively at the ropes, her wrists burning, but no amount of pulling loosens her bonds.
Frustration and terror mix, unwieldy coiling in her chest and tears sting at her eyes despite her attempts to fight them back. She doesn’t want to imagine what they plan to do to her.
She knows Javier and her father have to be looking for her. They must be tearing themselves apart with worry. She can almost hear her father’s harsh reprimands and Javier’s quiet, determined rage—they’re relentless when it comes to protecting her. 
They’ll find her. They have to.
The cellar door creaks open and she freezes, her pulse skittering as August, Sloane, and Gabriel descend the stairs.
The dim light barely touches their faces, but she doesn’t need to see them clearly to know what they’re capable of.
She tries to hold her head high, pushing back the tears, refusing to let them see the fear that’s boiling inside. She won’t give them that satisfaction, not if she can help it.
Their footsteps echo against the walls of the basement. August stops just close enough that she can feel his presence invading her senses, suffocating, his familiar smirk tugging at his lips.
“Good morning, P,” he drawls, voice dripping with the charm that managed to slither its way into her heart.
What she once found magnetic in him is now hollow, a mask that hides something so unfathomable. 
“Pretty nasty cut ya got there.” Sloane’s voice drips with fake sympathy. Her eyes glint with that special brand of cruelty she’d always kept hidden behind a guise of friendship.
The satisfaction in her tone is unmistakable, like she’s savoring every moment of seeing Paloma in such a vulnerable state.
The urge to spit in their faces, to lash out, is almost unbearable, but she remembers her daddy’s lessons, advising her to stay calm, to never let them know how afraid she really is.
Every word of advice he’d ever given her about self-preservation hangs heavy in her mind. 
She keeps her face blank, her mouth a hard line.
“Silent treatment, huh?” August steps closer, his hand reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from her face. His fingers are inches from her forehead when she sees the sick satisfaction in his eyes, and she can’t suppress the involuntary grimace as his fingers hover over the gash near her forehead.
The moment of weakness feels like a win for him, his smile widening as he grazes her wound, pressing just enough to send a wave of pain radiating through her skull and a fresh stream of blood to trickle out.
Sloane watches her reaction, faux innocence weaving through her sneer. “You make for a pretty damn good damsel in distress. Thought you’d put up more of a fight, if I’m bein’ honest. You really disappointed me, doll face.”
Paloma’s grip tightens around the rope until her knuckles ache. She wants to tell her off, to fight and scream—but instead she just turns away, refusing to even look at them.
August’s hand cups her chin as he forces her to meet his eyes, eyes that once held promises of affection and loyalty now filled with something so dark and consuming.
His fingers dig into her soft skin. ���I need you to look perfect, little dove. All stitched up and pretty.” His thumb trails along her chapped bottom lip. “Gabriel,” he calls, not even glancing back at the other man, “Tend to that. Tonight’s a big night, after all. Lots to prepare for.”
There goes that trepidation again. Her mouth twitches, half-ready to break her silence and demand to know just what the hell he’s talking about. But she’s already committed to keeping quiet.
Gabriel lingers behind them, shifting uncomfortably, the first aid kit clutched tight in his hand.
He doesn’t say anything, just stands there as usual, eyes flicking from Paloma to his partners, some part of him clearly unsettled yet too cowardly to intervene.
He’s her best shot of getting out of here, she just knows it.
“‘S’okay, you ain’t gotta talk,” August’s coos. “I actually prefer you like this—makes things a hell of a lot easier. The others…” He snorts, shaking his head.
How many other unfortunate women had been dragged down here, suffering at his hands?
“Too squirmy, too squeamish—like fuckin’ pigs.” His laughter is mirthless and Sloane joins in with loud, exaggerated snorts that mimic a pig’s squeal. The sound claws at Paloma’s ears.
There’s this twisted admiration in his stare as he studies her. “That’s why I knew I needed to have you. No one else on this planet holds a candle to the magic you have, Paloma. You should stop bein’ so scared and embrace it.” He murmurs, dropping his voice to a whisper.
His hand snakes down from her jaw, tracing her neck, lingering in an unsettling crawl between her breasts before settling at her hip.
His fingers dig in, and she flinches, her body stiffening in revulsion. He smirks at her reaction, savoring her discomfort like a fine wine.
“I’ll be back to check on you later, alright?” His tone is falsely tender. "Gotta make sure everythin’ is perfect. Can’t afford any fuck ups now—I’ve been way too patient for this."
He steps back at last, allowing Gabriel to shuffle forward with the kit in hand.
With a jerk of his chin, August motions for Sloane to follow him. She blows Paloma a mocking kiss and winks with a saccharine sweetness that really piles on the hatred that burns a little hotter for her specifically.
The heavy cellar door slams shut, casting them back into dim silence as the first pale light of dawn begins to creep through the basement windows.
Paloma’s heart pounds as their shadows disappear, leaving her helpless in the creeping morning light.
“What are you goin’ to do to me?” Her voice is hoarse, each word scraping her dry throat like sandpaper, but she can’t keep quiet now that they’re alone.
Gabriel wordlessly drags over a stool, placing the first-aid kit on top. He opens it, sorting through supplies as though she isn’t even there.
Paloma yanks at her restraints, the old pipe groaning in protest. “Fuckin’ say somethin’,” she snaps, anger edging her desperation. “It’s the least you could do—just… tell me.” She hates the pleading tone that slips through, the last thread of her control unraveling as she imagines what fate awaits her.
His gloved hands move to clean her wound, and she clenches her jaw against the sting, glaring at him as if she could force him to talk through sheer will. He’s careful and practiced, clearly having done this before.
“The Crimson Rite,” he mutters, brows furrowing as he concentrates, his voice a barely audible murmur. “It’s where the conception will happen… on the altar of incarnation.”
Paloma’s heart stumbles, her mind racing to piece together the fragments. “What the fuck are you even sayin’?” Her voice wavers, but there’s no denying the chill in her spine.
She knows what those words mean on their own, but together, they paint a picture she’d rather not face—the harrowing reality of how August truly plans on using her.
“August’ll explain,” he replies, brushing her off with the indifference of a man following orders. “He’s better at that shit than I am. I just do what he asks and stay outta the way.”
“Like a fuckin’ coward,” she spits.
The needle pauses, its sharp tip hovering an inch from her skin, and he raises his eyes. “You get all lippy with me, but keep your mouth shut around them? What, I ain’t intimidatin’ enough for you?” 
She holds his gaze, defiance simmering behind the exhaustion in her stare. “Nothing about you’s intimidatin’ enough to keep me from tellin’ you exactly what I think.”
His lips twist downward, a muscle in his jaw ticking as he resumes stitching, each tug at her skin rougher than the last. 
“At church that day, you were warnin’ me, weren’t you?” Her voice is barely a whisper, the memory of that awkward conversation rattling in her mind. “S’not too late, Gabe. You can still help me outta this… We both can be outta here ‘fore the sun comes up.”
There’s a lapse, just for a second, in his eyes—something she wants to believe is regret, a part of him she hopes she can reach.
The sliver of optimism she’s mustered might awaken that dormant part of him buried under layers of August’s bullshit and the bitterness life has forced him to swallow.
But he shakes his head slowly, avoiding her gaze as he finishes stitching her wound, his hands deft. “You don’t get it. Don’t matter if I do the right thing. He’d find us—he always does.” He sprays her wound with a numbing mist then covers it with a small gauze.
“He wouldn’t find us,” she insists, her voice fraying. “Daddy would protect us. He’d make sure we’re safe.”
He lets out a low, humorless chuckle. “Yeah? He promise you that or somethin’? ‘Cause from where I’m standin’, you don’t look all that safe.”
A bitter, frustrated cry escapes her as he begins to pack up his kit, her pleas bouncing off him like stones against steel.
“Please, Gabe, don’t leave me down here alone,” she chokes out, and the words twist something deep inside her, pulling her further into a desperation she’s been trying to keep at bay.
“Breakfast’ll be down in a few hours,” he mutters, almost as if talking to himself, keeping his voice low and detached. “Probably get you a shower at sundown so you ain’t all sweaty and grimy. Needs you all fuckin’ pristine.” The last words slip out like a hiss, a disgusted edge in his tone. “S’gonna be a long day for you down here. Scream all you want; ain’t nobody around worth a damn to hear it. You got a better shot at rubbin’ the skin off your wrists than gettin’ out of that rope.”
Paloma snaps, her control breaking in a flood of panic and fury as she yanks at her restraint, her wrists burning as she curses him, calling him every name her mind can summon.
The words pour out in a desperate torrent, trying to cut him, to provoke something human out of him, anything.
But he stays silent, barely flinching, his face a mask as he gathers his things, turning his back on her without a word. 
When the cellar door finally slams shut, it echoes through the basement, and her last shreds of resolve crumble as she sinks into sobs.
The thoughts come in fragments, jagged and bitter, cutting her deeper than any wound.
The way things were left with her father—how they’d argued and he looked at her with that final, dismissive silence, like she’d become a stranger for daring to chase her own life beyond their town.
The love that took root so unexpectedly, so completely with Javier. He came into her life at the perfect time, pouring a rare, tender kind of intimacy into her soul; the kind that made her feel seen for the first time in her life.
He was a good man who’d endured his own share of hardships —and she let their last conversation end in anger and frustration. She’s just like her father.
Perhaps if she had told him the full truth about how she came across her mother’s past, she wouldn’t be in this mess at all.
This mess—it’s her inheritance. Not a blessing like August wants her to believe, but a curse Calmana left behind, the forced sins of her mother she didn’t choose but can’t escape.
Her suicide is starting to make more sense.
It all makes her feel like a lamb at slaughter, her life never really hers, and now her blood and body are an offering to feed whatever he believes she’s meant to bring to life. 
The promise of an explanation later on hangs over her like a guillotine. Does she even want to know? Will it make a difference?
She got herself kidnapped by trusting them all, falling for August’s romantic words and impressive knowledge. All of his lies. She’d thought she was smart enough to see through him, to keep a grip on her own heart, and instead, she’d unknowingly let him manipulate her.
Sloane was right—she is the helpless damsel she always denied being, someone who hadn’t fought hard enough to save herself. 
Paloma has to believe she’s got people searching for her, that they’re smart enough, relentless enough to find her before night falls. She has to cling to that hope, however fragile, because right now it’s all she has.
Her cries fill the empty space around her until exhaustion claims her in silence.
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The basement is her prison as the sun traces its lazy arc above.
The day drags on in a haze of stale air and the natural sounds of bugs chittering about. On occasion, she’ll hear people walk by or see their shadows through the small windows.
She's trapped here, the only visits marking the hours coming when Gabriel brings a bucket for her to relieve herself—like she’s some kind of animal—or sets down a tray of food she refuses to touch.
“You need to eat,” he says, setting the tray with her dinner on the floor. His hands working on cutting the thick rope binding her wrists, each tug and scrape freeing her a fraction at a time.
“What’s the point? M’gonna die anyway,” she mutters, exhausted but still pissed. “Won’t matter if I’ve got a full stomach or not.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not goin’ to die, Paloma. You’re too important to all this. How haven’t you realized that yet?”
“Oh, forgive me if I haven’t picked up on all your twisted bullshit,” she snaps. “You all speak in fuckin’ tongues and riddles. No one’s told me a damn thing that makes any sense.”
At last, the final fiber of rope snaps, and the weight drops from her wrists. She lets out a low, relieved sigh as her arms fall to her sides, stiff from the hours of suspension.
The ache in her shoulders is intense, and her wrists are lined with red from the coarse bondage.
“Don’t try anythin’ stupid,” he warns, his voice low. “They might not kill ya but they’ll hurt you in ways that’ll make you wish you were dead.”
She doesn’t doubt it, so she reins in her impulses and instead glances at the food, the bitterness slowly giving way to resignation.
If the chance to escape comes, she’ll need her strength. She takes the cup, drinking greedily, barely noticing the water spilling down her chin—it’s just a relief to feel the dryness ease, something grounding in a nightmare that feels endless.
The meal tastes dull, but she swallows it down anyway, each bite a fight to hold onto her sense of self, to stay sharp.
Gabriel watches her with that quiet, unreadable expression.
“I tried leavin’ years ago, when August first started buildin’ the group.” He looks down, his mouth pressing into a grim line. “But he caught me at the train station. Gave me the ass-beatin’ of my life. Locked me up in a shed in the middle of the woods for days, left me there until I learned my lesson. I swear, I lost every bit of myself in that dark place.” His voice lowers to a whisper. “After that, I never thought ‘bout leavin’ again... not until he got his sights set on you.”
Paloma’s chewing slows, her eyes flitting over to him, reading the conflict etched in his expression.
For August to treat Gabriel, his so-called “brother,” with such brutality to keep him in line... it makes all too much sense now, why he is August’s silent shadow, obeying every command.
“His obsession with you is different. Everythin’ suddenly became different. He has this way of makin’ you submit to him that gets me wonderin’ if all this Eurynomos shit is actually real.”
The twisted loyalty, the deep-seated fear that’s tangled around them like shackles, intertwined with stories of divinity.
She’s barely scratched the surface of what August is capable of.
“That’s terrible,” she whispers, sympathetic to what he’s been through. “I’m sorry... ‘n I get why you’re scared, but there’s two of us now. We could make a run for it, slip away while we have the chance.”
Her food is forgotten as Paloma edges closer, her gaze steady and imploring. For a moment, he genuinely considers their escape.
But the heavy, thunderous creak of the cellar doors breaks through the moment, both of them jerking apart.
She scrambles backward until her back presses against the cold, damp wall, her heartbeat racing as Gabriel stands abruptly from his stool, his face hardening again. 
It’s only August this time, his usual shadow—Sloane with her biting sneers—thankfully absent.
He strides down with a bag in one hand and shower supplies in the other, eyeing her like she’s some prized possession he’s been itching to inspect. 
“Unrestrained, ate her dinner, and didn’t even try to run? My, my. Little dove, you’re such a good girl.” He passes the items to Gabriel as he steps closer, and she hates the way she’s wedged in a corner, wishing she could melt into the wall or skitter away like a mouse.
He crouches, gently moving the gauze out of the way, his sharp gaze examining the stitches worked into her head wound. “S’lookin’ better already. Now, let’s get you a shower. I can smell you from here, and, sweetheart, it’s not exactly appealin’.”
“Fuck you.”
He smirks, the cruel curve of his lips almost congratulatory. “There she is. Glad to see that fire hasn’t died just yet, my love.”
With a vice-like grip, his hand latches onto her arm, dragging her up to her feet and across the basement to a sad excuse for a shower—no curtain, nothing remotely resembling privacy, just exposed plumbing and mildewed tile. He shoves her into the cramped space, gesturing at her with a command that chills her: “Strip.”
Her stomach tightens, and she squares her jaw. “Turn around.”
A laugh bursts from him, sharp and mocking. “You think you’re in any position to make demands? You may be special, darlin’, but that don’t mean you’re runnin’ shit. Now strip, or I’ll tie you up and rip that little outfit off myself.”
She grits her teeth, fists clenched. “No.”
His smile vanishes, replaced by a darker, crueler expression.
In a flash, his hand is around her throat, shoving her harshly against the slimy tile, the back of her head meeting the hard surface making her cry out in pain.
Her breath snags as his grip tightens around her neck, the cool press of a switchblade grazing the scar on her hip, making her pulse hammer in her ears. “Don’t push me,” he growls, the blade’s edge nicking her skin just enough to sting. He knows exactly where she’s sensitive, and he revels in her flinch. “I’ve told you—I don’t like hurtin’ you, but I will if I have to. Strip. Now.”
He releases her, the air rushing back into her lungs, making her cough.
Her hands tremble as she peels away her clothes, starting with the long, flowing skirt that puddles around her ankles, leaving her in just her underwear and camisole.
August’s eyes rake over her, and his silent demand pulls at her last nerve.
She swallows back her tears, fingers shaking as she slides the straps off her shoulders, letting the fabric fall to the floor and then stepping out of her underwear, kicking the pile aside.
Now entirely naked, her arms wrap protectively around herself to shield what she can. She looks away, the sting of indignity making her skin crawl, willing herself not to cry.
August steps forward, adjusting the shower’s dial, and the pipes clank and groan as water finally bursts out of the rusted shower head, icy at first. She shivers, her teeth clattering, and only once the water turns warm does the chill ease up.
A snap of his fingers brings Gabriel closer, setting the shower supplies within reach. August then places them at her feet, his mocking gaze never leaving her as he drags a worn wooden chair up, seating himself like a perverse audience settling in for a show. 
Paloma doesn’t move, clinging harder to her body, her nails digging into her own skin, praying he’ll lose interest and turn away. But he just smirks. “Don’t be shy, P. Not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” His tongue drags over his lips, blue eyes glittering darkly, drinking in her discomfort.
She would rather die where she stands than have him touch her, lingering his hands over her body like a wolf savoring his meal. Slowly, reluctantly, her arms fall to her sides, shoulders curling inward, as she begins to wash herself.
The hot tears mix with the water streaming down her cheeks, each drop hiding the sobs she’s swallowing.
August’s stare trails over her figure, his smirk deepening every time she flinches under the weight of it.
He doesn’t hide his hunger, watching her every movement—the rise and fall of her breasts, the curve of her hips, the sway of her shoulders as she soaps herself in silence.
Gabriel’s eyes stay firmly on his boots, shame evident in his posture. 
Finally, she shuts off the water, chest heaving as she swallows down the humiliation, covering herself again and feeling his satisfaction lingering in the room like a toxic cloud.
A towel lands at her feet, and she grabs it, pulling it around her trembling frame, feeling like her skin might crawl right off her bones. 
“Got this dress made just for you,” August says casually, standing then pulling out a white dress and red flats from a worn bag. He tosses them onto the chair he’d just been sitting in, not making any effort to move or look away, and she swallows back the lump in her throat.
She’s barely holding herself together, her fingers fumbling with the towel as she dries off, eyes darting between the two men.
One won’t meet her gaze, too timorous, and the other stares at her with lecherous eyes.
She slips on the dress, it’s something she would’ve picked for herself under different circumstances; calf-length, delicate ladder lace along the trim, cap sleeves, and three charmeuse red ribbons that match the shoes.
But the beauty of it feels like a cruel mockery against the ugliness of this moment. 
“You look so beautiful,” August purrs, “Get a good look at yourself.” 
She’s forced in front of an antique mirror, the glass warped and cracked, but she can still make out her reflection. 
The dark circles beneath her eyes, bruised skin, the way her hair clings to her damp skin, the faded pallor of her face against her outfit—she looks like a ghost.
His hand slides to her shoulder, pushing her hair aside as he leans in, trailing his nose against her skin and inhaling deeply. “You smell like summertime.” He presses his lips to her neck, and bile rises in her throat.
Then, he pulls back, her mother’s cross pendant in hand, fastening it around her neck with a satisfied smile.
Her heart clenches once she sees it. She’d left that at Javier’s, tucked away safely with all the other things she moved out of her childhood home in preparation for their big trip.
The thought of August being in his space, doing God knows what, gets her alarmed. “What did you do to him?”
August looks momentarily confused by her query, but then his smirk grows as he eyes the pendent and sees that look in her eyes. “Don’t worry, I didn’t touch your precious narc. He ain’t been home all day. He’s out there, sniffin’ around for you like a lost dog. Thought about killin’ him, but… I think he’d suffer more thinkin’ he failed you. Just another life he couldn’t save, huh?”
The words press against those bruising, sore spots on her heart. She scowls, throwing back as much defiance as she can muster. “You wouldn’t get close enough to try.” Her voice trembles, but she knows Javier and what he’s capable of. 
He just shrugs, the malicious glint in his eyes unwavering. “Maybe not. But Sloane?” He grins, knowing how even mentioning her gets under Paloma’s skin. “Now, I think she could.”
He doesn’t give her time to respond, moving to bind her hands again, this time in smooth silk restraints that feel uncharacteristically gentle against her wrists.
Time moves in slow motion, she becomes unresponsive, like a melancholic statue, as he brushes her hair, fussing over her appearance as if she were some doll, changing the gauze over her stitches.
Her hope of getting out of this has diminished. Gabriel won’t help her and August has run the two men competent enough to figure this out in circles, so tangled up in deceit to find her.
The evening melts into night, shadows deepening when he finally leaves, just to return moments later with a steaming cup of tea that smells rancid and earthy, like decay.
“Drink up.”
She shakes her head, refusing it, but he pries her mouth open, forcing her to swallow the scalding liquid. It’s bitter and burns her throat, her tongue singed as she swallows unwillingly. 
“See? Wasn’t so bad,” he taunts her, wiping away some of the remnants that spilled from the corner of her mouth.
The effect is immediate; her mind hazes, thoughts swirling, until her body feels sluggish, as if it is no longer tethered to her.
Just as her vision starts to fade, a red, body-length veil is draped over her, the fabric casting her world into blood-hued darkness.
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“I need to see it again.” 
Javier pinches the bridge of his nose at Romeo’s request, fingers then pressing hard against his closed eyes as the footage gets rewound. 
It’s the only evidence they have—a single security camera capturing what transpired. The grainy video shows her crossing the street, pausing, and then August and his accomplices stepping into view. She runs, disappearing off-camera for what feels like a lifetime, before being dragged back and shoved into the bed of the truck.
Each time Javier watches, another shard of him breaks away.
Romeo shifts beside him, watching the screen with unrelenting focus. He’s insistent, searching for anything, some small clue to pinpoint where they went.
Javier, though, is at his limit, fighting the urge to hurl the screen across the room.
“Romeo,” he begins, a little strained, “we’re not going to find anything new here.”
“We missed shit before. Can’t afford to miss anythin’ now.”
They’d spent the whole damn day combing through the trio’s hometown, hoping for any piece of intel, some breadcrumb that would lead them to the group’s hideout.
The search had been maddeningly fruitless. Fayette’s local authorities helped spread the word, but there was nothing, no tracks, no whispers, no real leads to follow.
Every registered address tied to the three was a dead end. Their only childhood homes, a trailer park, had burned down over a decade ago, leaving no trace, no history to sift through.
Everyone close to them—parents, guardians—were either dead, in prison, or admitted. The few family members with any sense had cut ties long ago.
“They were hellraisers,” the retired sheriff had muttered. That’s all the town could say, the simple acknowledgment that the trio had always left destruction in their wake.
The only useful piece of information they dug up was that August had left his job at a local grocery store to work for some woman, an outsider no one really knew.
She’d shown up, taken August with her, and he’d returned a few years later with a more hardened resolve, recruiting Sloane and Gabriel.
After torching some local acreage and serving time for arson, they’d vanished from Fayette until the recent spree of murders started.
“He’s been planning this for a long time, Romeo. They knew how to hide; they’ve done this before.” Javier mutters, frustration simmering in his tone.
They’d tried running a partial plate of the truck, only to come up short once again.
Javier moves near the blinds, unable to keep watching her kidnapping, glimpsing the sea of people that make up their search parties gathered in their too small department.
The faces blur together, civilians and first responders alike, all waiting for direction.
“It’s probably best if you go to the hospital and get Harper’s statement. She’s cleared to talk, right?” 
Romeo takes a beat longer to respond, clearly grappling with his own anguish. “Yeah. Got the official call ‘bout ten minutes ago.” 
“If anyone’s got something to give us that can break this open, it’s her.”
The room is quiet except for the low murmur of voices spilling in. The tape finally ends and Romeo’s gaze falls to the corner of his desk, where a lone photo of Paloma sits; she’s grinning with his cowboy hat perched high on her head, radiating joy.
He stares at it like he’s trying to draw strength from that moment, then he slowly picks it up, pressing his lips together in thought, handing it over to Javier.
“Here. This is the one I used for the flyers.”
Javier swallows hard, taking it, his thumb grazing over the image, his own heart sinking. This is the Paloma he can’t let slip through his fingers, the one who belongs right here, laughing and safe. Not wherever she was now. 
Romeo’s tone holds firm determination. “Do what you gotta do. For her. You understand me?”
Javier just nods, no words left to offer in the face of everything unsaid.
The sheriff lets out a long, heavy sigh, the kind that speaks of too many hours awake, too many close calls, too many second chances lost to bad luck or timing or whatever fate is left to them.
He grabs his jacket, slinging it over his shoulders, steeling his expression as he leaves the office, moving through the throng that instantly swells around him.
They close in with questions, worry, and hope—all of it colliding in one tense space.
Seeing them converge on Romeo, Javier takes a steadying breath and steps out right behind him, his presence commanding even in his silence.
He straightens, letting the authority in his stance speak for him, his gaze hard as he begins relaying their plan with swift, unyielding precision.
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The world tilts and sways as Paloma returns to half-consciousness, vision still muddled from the drugged tea that has her head feeling like it’s filled with lead and limbs sluggish.
She’s seated upright in an ornate, over-decorated chair with her hands still bound in front of her. She tries to blink away the fog clouding her mind, but the red veil over her face continues to shroud her vision.
Her stitched wound throbs faintly, then suddenly, she’s being lifted and carried by four indistinct figures.
The swaying motion makes her sick, but she’s too weak to cry out, her voice nothing more than a ghost lodged in her throat.
She starts to feel the dampness of the humid Texas night pressing into her skin, the scent of flowers floating in the air, sickly sweet as it mixes with the distant smell of incense.
She’s paraded down a candlelit path where kneeling figures line the walkway, bowing in silent reverence. The sound of murmuring voices hums around her like a distant, dreadful lullaby. 
Finally, the procession stops, and her chair is lowered to the ground.
Her surroundings feel unreal, like a fever dream she’s trapped inside. A dark shadow moves in front of her, reaching to pull her to her feet. She tries to make out their face, but it’s just a dark, hollow blur.
Her legs tremble as she takes a few shaky steps, guided by an iron grip that steers her from the soft earth to a hard surface. Somewhere to her right, she hears a voice—August's—so sharp that it almost makes her ears bleed.
“We have to capture this moment.”
Paloma’s body is positioned, hands adjusting her like she’s an ornament rather than a person. She can barely keep her knees from buckling, her body swaying as they try to hold her up.
Her mind is a mess, every thought tangled, every movement slow, as if she’s moving underwater.
She falls, just as she hears the flash of a camera, her legs finally giving way, but hands grip her before she hits the ground, lifting her, steadying her as her head lolls to the side.
Then, in one swift motion, the veil lifted from her face.
August stands there, close enough that she can see every cold line in his face, conforming into possessive delight. 
He’s dressed to match her, red bows on his collared shirt, the same lace design on his pants.
Her skin crawls as his fingers trace the side of her face, his voice a leering purr. “My special little dove.”
He pulls her close, spinning her so that she faces their creation in her honor. The white marble gleams in the halo of the candlelight, surrounded by a sea of blood-red spider lilies, their spindly petals stretching out like claws.
Candles of every size and shape cast their shadows over the altar, illuminating the intricate carving of their emblem, miniatures and other offerings strewn about.
“All for you,” his lips brush against her ear.
The hands surrounding her are unyielding as she’s lifted and maneuvered onto the cold slab, the hard surface unforgiving beneath her back.
Her wrists are freed only to be tied again, the silk binding each one to a small stone pillar at each side.
Her ankles follow, strapped to the pillars near the end of the altar, legs bent slightly and spread, leaving her trapped and exposed.
Her breath quickens, each ragged inhale catching in her throat as the reality of her fate crashes down with brutal clarity. The red veil is drawn back over her face.
Tears blur her sight, mixing with the snot and sweat as she starts to sob, desperate cries spilling from her lips, pleas tumbling out in a desperate stream that echo out into the vastness of the field.
“Please… please, let me go. You don’t have to do this, please.” Her words come out strangled and slurred but she’s ignored. She jerks against her restraints, each movement growing weaker as the drug saps her strength.
August stands before his followers, his voice low yet electrifying, every declaration steeped in reverence and simmering triumph. 
“For centuries, we have waited in the shadows, prayed in whispers, bound by oaths that our forebears swore. Those before us dreamed of this moment, yet they were weak, too fearful to claim what was rightfully theirs. We will not repeat their mistakes. The bloodline of the first, the birthing bloodline, flows through her veins, and she is ours. Eurynomos will have a body made of flesh and bone, a place in this realm, because of us.”
Paloma shakes her head side to side, desperate to block out August’s devious words. Just as a surge of strength flares within her, sharp fingers dig into her shoulders from behind, pressing her back down, anchoring her in place.
Through the haze of drowsiness, her blurred vision lands on Sloane, looming over her with a short, black veil shrouding her face. Beneath it, Paloma can make out an expression as evil as it is watchful.
“No more dreams. No more consuming or offering flesh that rots before dawn. Our devotion, our patience, has led us here. We are the last of our kind—the ones who bring forth the new age. Now is the time for fulfillment. Now is the time to step into the eternal night and bring our deity home.” 
His gaze sweeps over the bowed heads, the flicker of candlelight dancing in his eyes as his words coil around them like a vow.
Sloane relinquishes her hold, seemingly fading away.
He approaches her slowly, each step deliberate, his hand drifting up the length of her body. His fingers come to rest on her cheek, stroking gently, almost reverently.
August leans in, his nose brushing against hers, and without a word, he presses his lips to hers, a slow, possessive kiss over the sheer material of the veil.
She wants to pull away, to resist, but she’s trapped within herself, her will slipping as though he’s holding the reins to her very soul.
When he pulls away, his voice lowers to a rhythmic timbre, the words twisting together in an incantation she can’t understand.
Each syllable makes her sink further into delusion, the compromising position heightening her vulnerability. 
The weight of her own helplessness crushes her as she lies there.
Suddenly, the speaking stops. An unnatural silence blankets the moment, thieving sound until it’s just her shaky, pitiful cries. Even the cicadas quit their insistent chirping.
Paloma blinks, barely able to see through the veil, but she watches August step back until his figure is swallowed by the darkness beyond the altar. 
She shivers as a chill wind flows over her body, extinguishing the flames around her and plunging her into the night, save for the heavy, luminous moon hanging full and merciless above.
Two glowing eyes flicker into view at the far end of the clearing. They hover, eerie and inhuman, watching her with a predatory patience.
A twig snaps in the shadows. Her breath catches. Another snap, closer this time.
Blood rushes in her ears, but above the pounding, she hears something else—labored breaths, thick and wet, the sound too guttural to be human. 
Her body locks up and quivers as a shadow casts up to the very heavens, emerging from the backdrop of trees, its form towering and monstrous. It seems to stretch endlessly, merging with the dark sky above, as if it could reach out and seize the lunar sphere.
Paloma tries to scream, but her body is frozen, paralyzed in a state of unholy dread.
Her eyes widen, tears leaking silently, her throat closing tight as the figure moves forward.
The dark, hulking mass leans over her, and she feels something press down on her belly, then sharp claws caress her bare legs, creeping upwards, scratching at the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. 
Her chest tightens as if she’s having a heart attack, fright coursing through her like poison. She can’t breathe, feeling herself teeter on the edge of consciousness.
Black spots swallow her field of view as her eyes roll to the back of her head, and in that instant, she’s slipping away, her mind yanking her away from this horror, casting her into the darkness of her own making as she loses herself, the terror too great to bear.
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miffy-junot · 1 day ago
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An anecdote about young Napoleon
Here is a story from the memoirs of Antoine-Romain Hamelin, a man who, through various circumstances, ended up witnessing a lot of Napoleon's Italian Campaign. Hamelin had travelled with Josephine Bonaparte from Paris to Milan to meet her husband (more information here), and Josephine promised to introduce Hamelin to Napoleon to help him get a position in the army.
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Finally, we arrived in Milan. A short distance from the town, I saw the brilliant staff approaching, escorting the general in chief who was already repudiating republican simplicity. He placed himself near the gate, and this is how Madame Bonaparte made her entry into Milan. I had my carriage stopped so not to get involved in this triumphal march and I went to stay at the Albergo Imperiale.
Madame Bonaparte told me to come one evening after dinner, so that she could introduce me to her husband. So I went to the Palazzo Serbelloni and, after having wandered through the decorated galleries of trophies, I arrived at the salon. As soon as I had greeted Madame Bonaparte, she took me by the hand and introduced me to the general. She had already spoken to him about me, and she told him in a few words who I was, the motives which brought me, and the desire she had that I might be useful to him. While she spoke, he fixed his eagle eyes on me, so as to make me lose my composure; then he said to me “Who is this man?" My embarrassment redoubled. However, I replied that I had nothing to add to all that Madame Bonaparte had just said kindly about me. “That’s good,” and he turned his back on me. It's bad, I tell myself, very bad, and if it hadn't been for my 230 louis, I think I would have taken the road back to Paris. Madame Bonaparte, who had sat down again, beckoned me to come and speak to her. “Ah that,” she said to me, “now that you’ve been introduced, you have to come and have dinner with us tomorrow." "By God not," I replied, "if I was introduced, I was not received. I will wait.”
Despite my reluctance, I returned to the General Staff two days later. When I went to greet the general, he said to me, "Why didn't you come to dinner yesterday?" -"General,because you didn't tell me." -"Madame Bonaparte hired you." -"I'm not here at her house." -"Come tomorrow.”
Things got better, I took courage and went to the invitation. When I arrived, Bonaparte did not return my greeting, and did not speak to me once during dinner, nor afterward; Madame Bonaparte, who saw my discomfort, said to me “Don’t lose courage, he is like that with all the people he doesn’t know; and then I think that you don't please everyone here."
I therefore continued my visits interspersed with a few dinner invitations. One evening when there were few people there, the general seated on the arm of an armchair and surrounded by a circle who listened to him respectfully, spoke about astronomy with Monge and Abbot Oriani. In the discussion, he came to talk about the parallax of fixed stars. Everyone was silent, but me, like a stunned frank, I interrupted him by telling him that he was in error, and that we did not know the parallax of the fixed stars, because of the length of the sides of the triangle, proportionally to which its base was not appreciable. Everyone lowered their eyes, and I had not finished my argument when I felt that I had done something stupid, and that I would have much better to keep quiet. Bonaparte looked at me with eyes which did not announce anything good, but a moment later he approached me and “So you have studied astronomy,” he said to me. -"General, I have always sought to educate myself." -"I wouldn't have believed it."
From that day on, he treated me politely, chatted with me about Paris, about my family, about the society I saw and had great fun at the expense of the beauties of the time. Finally, one day he said to me, “Where are you staying?” -"At the Albergo Impériale." -"You don't belong there." -"General, it is accommodation." -"Come and stay at the General Staff, I will notify Berthier, and you will eat with us." And here I am in an unexpected favor for having committed an imprudence.
After lunch, Madame Bonaparte often took me to her apartment so that she would have someone to chat with at ease. The general seemed to find this good, and there, I saw him in his most intimate interior. He loved his wife passionately. From time to time, he left his office to come play with her like a child, tormenting her, making her cry out, and lavishing her with big caresses that sent me to the window to see what the weather was like.
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Angel popped up out of nowhere: You know what I think?
Vaggie: Jesus! Where did you come from?
Angel: I live here. If they are so bummed about not getting boned, why don't they just fuck?
Charlie: Angel that's my dad.
He went over to the fridge and grabbed a soda: Yeah? Your daddy's got needs toots. And you can't tell me you haven't seen them eye fucking?
Charlie wrinkled her nose: No.
Adam came down in fresh clothes all nice and showered, he was so nervous but he didn't know why. He's rizzed up all kinds of women in heaven and his plan to live is always fool proof.
Maybe because Lucifer's not a woman or just anybody.
Adam ran his fingers through his hair, wincing when he wacked a knuckle on one of his horns. He still wasn't used to them.
Adam: Aw, fuck me....
Okay so we do a lot of Lucifer wooing Adam stuff. But imagine if Adam and Lucifer are arguing it get aggressive but Lucifer leaves and Adam’s left standing there going, “why aren’t we making out right now?” Cause half of his sexcapades happen because of an argument and he thought that’s where it was headed.
Adam trying to wrap his head around an argument he thought was sexually charged as Vaggie tries to talk sense into him. That no, that’s not how normal people have sex. And trying to give him common sense advice like, Charlie says her dad is super romantic, ask him out on a romantic date. But Adam’s like, so rib contest and rock concert? Vaggie is just
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“Come on man, work with me here. That’s like, a fifth date. You’re the one that taught me this shit.”
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casteliacityramen · 2 days ago
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Previous post (mini recap)
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"Can we talk?"
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"That depends if you'll yell at me and take off again."
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"Depending on what you say, I just might."
[PART 1 OF 2]
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"... Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how to, without... that... happening. It was sheer coincidence that led Ingram’s descendants to keep coming here. I didn't think you'd believe me," Ray responded telepathically.
"I still don't."
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"I have nothing to gain by lying to you."
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She hates that part of him, how he manages to sound so disingenuous while still telling the truth. There's always something underneath the surface, but he never goes there unless she pokes and prods. She could have ended that explanation right then and there, but she continues.
"But not telling me that the Dewott that I've seen every other night was a Matsumoto this entire time? Keeping that to yourself is okay?"
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One of the many problems of an infinite lifespan means that there's no longer agency to anything. There's no immediate need to address any personal matters when they theoretically have all the time left in the world.
He figured that he could have talked to her further down the line, when they both settled down and processed all of their feelings... Or so he thought. 
Touchy subject or not, it was starting to sink in that he should've talked about this sooner. Granted, he never would have guessed that the circumstances would have led them to where they were now. Neither of them imagined that today would’ve gone like this.
"Of course not...
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... But can you blame me when you reacted like you did?"
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"Alright, asshole, I came to apologize but if you’re going to-"
"You scared me."
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"Rio, when you were released, when you found me again, you sat on that seat and you said…”
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“... Nothing.”
The two of them sit still, time grinding to a halt while Ray’s eyes roamed the space underneath his hands–as if the grain in the wooden countertop was magically providing him instructions on how to organize his words.
Gods, he wished.
"You were so quiet, it was unsettling. You’ve never been one to shy away from talking about how you feel, so I know that something went terribly wrong. A Matsumoto stopping by every now and then seemed so inconsequential at the time. But… the more I thought about telling you, the more I second guessed myself.
So I left it unspoken. I had a feeling you would be angry with me and I was right... But I never thought you'd be furious.
We carried on quietly for the past six months because I wanted you to take the first step. I figured that you’d be ready whenever you felt like you it, but I should have told you about this without having to make you dredge up the past by yourself."
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I'm sorry."
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"This is supposed to be my apology about yelling at you, you prick." Rio telepathically mutters, not expecting this level of genuine introspection from him. "How am I supposed to follow that?"
She watches as Ray visibly laughs off the tension in his shoulders. She lets out a short huff in response, turning back to the counter.
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"I thought I was fine. I thought I was better than this–above it all. We went through something like this before, back when we first started. I thought we’d shrug it off like we did last time, but then I snapped like a toothpick today."
Ray watches as her face scrunches up in a cocktail of negative emotions. She seems like she's physically struggling to get anything out, which is an effort that didn't go unnoticed by Ray.
"I think running a ramen stand as a rockruff is exactly how I am now: absolutely useless. I'm not allowed to be useful. I'm not allowed to do my job as a Shepherd.
And that's a good thing, because now I can't stop thinking about all my mistakes--all the people I failed to protect. There's no use in a guardian angel that loses faith in herself."
She turns, facing the street, thankful that it was relatively empty at this time of hour.
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“So... I sat here, on this very stool, watching every day as everybody moved on with their lives without a care in the world. Ordinary people who seem to be doing fine without me.” 
Rio shakes her head at the term "ordinary people,” laughing bitterly as she turns back around.
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“I know I’m being stupid. A carefree life for everyone is what we work so hard for, yet I feel so… so pissed off at them for being none-the-wiser.
Imagine that: being mad that peace is the new ‘ordinary.’ Angry that these people don't know what it's like to live with the constant threat of death, even though none of them deserve it. It makes me feel like a shitty shepherd.
I thought it'd be easier if I slept through those moments, but every other time I fall asleep, I have a nightmare. When I try to think of anything else, all I can think about is how this all started. I thought about all the things we did to get to this point. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about everything I did wrong back then and now.”
Ray heaves a heavy sigh, partly because he feels relieved that she's opening up to him, but another partly because he knows exactly what she's talking about.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t need him to say anything else. She knows that he knows. She'll tell him the full extent of what she went through and what she's going through, but that's for another day. That isn't the purpose of this specific conversation, after all.
She paws the empty glass around on the table sheepishly for a long moment. Finally, she gathers herself and turns to him.
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“I’m sorry I made you cry.” 
“I know.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
“You’ve been there for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.”
[Next]
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