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thebibliomancer · 7 years ago

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #170: “... Though Hell Should Bar The Way!”

April, 1978

Oh, hey, Jocasta is back! Good ol’ unfortunately named Jocasta!

And this is a very good DC Silver Age-esque comic cover. Heroes acting inexplicably only to be sort of explained kinda on the inside. I can’t wait to see how this scenario does not even come about.

Remember the cover where Mantis was protecting Libra from the rest of the Avengers but inside she tried to beat him up for pulling a Vader on her?

Also, “The Return of the Bride of Ultron” is a very Hammer Horror-esque title. Drop the definite article and its basically one.

But enough admiring the cover. Lets get into it.

Last time: Back in issues 161-162, Ultron gave Hank Pym amnesia as part of a weird plan to trick him into turning the Wasp into a robot for Ultron to marry. It was foiled when the robot wife summoned the Avengers with ants and Iron Man threatened to destroy her, forcing Ultron to back off.

But also recently, there’s some unrest in the house of avenge. A series of overpowered foes have been battering the Avengers esteem and as a result one stalwart chums are at each other’s throats. Cap blamed Iron Man for his absentee leadership but then Scarlet Witch went OFF on Cap’s own performance recently.

The Avengers consist mostly of hurt feelings and bruised egos at this point, basically.

So we start with Cap taking his frustration to the gym.

Beast also tries to cheer him up, in his own inimitable way.

Problem: I don’t think Cap has ever been a fan of Beast’s sense of humor. There’s been several instances since Beast has joined the team where Cap has told him to stop clowning.

And he once again does so here.

So Beast tries a different strategy. He offers to tell him about some sexual escapades.

Because in the past, Cap seemed into it. It’s the closest they’ve come to bonding as teammates.

But Cap is in a Mood so he fakes a fall to freak out Beast before catching himself on the uneven bars.

Not cool, Cap.

He then angrily pumps some iron.

Because as someone pointed out to him, he’s been useless lately. And he doesn’t have superpowers unlike some people he could mention so he’s got to keep his few skills sharp.

Beast: “You know, Cap, you’re a lot like Witchy in a way -- you both take everything way too seriously! Now, me, I never take --”

Cap: “Get lost, Beast!”

Rude.

And then Iron Man shows up which just gets Cap more tightly wound.

Iron Man just wants to have a word with Cap in private.

So Beast, in his own display of pettiness, effortlessly picks up the 500 pound weight that Cap was working out with to put it away.

Savage.

Anyway, as soon as Beast is gone, Iron Man tries to start the word in private with Cap but Cap claims to be busy and passive-aggressively starts working out with the mobile stunblaster while Iron Man is trying to talk.

The mobile stunblaster is, of course, a work out machine that follows you around and tries to shoot you with punch beams while you have to block it with special gloves.

I expect that all gyms have one. Its basic workout equipment.

Cap isn’t really receptive but Iron Man manages to get out what he wanted to say.

Iron Man: “Look, Cap, what I came to say --”

Cap: “Let me guess, Tin Man -- you want to tell me I was way off base criticizing your leadership -- since I haven’t been earning my keep lately!”

Iron Man: “No. I came to apologize for myself and for Wanda! None of us have been setting the world on fire lately! She had no right to judge you!”

Cap: “It doesn’t matter! I’ve judged myself... and in my own eyes, I’ve fallen short! Maybe I’ve been lax lately --! It won’t happen again, Tin Man! Never again!”

Iron Man: “Fine! I want you to know Cap... I feel the same way about the job I’ve done as chairman! I’ve made some bad decisions... let other matters occupy time I owed the Avengers... and when I was around, I tried to do it all myself! I guess I felt guilty... and I kept trying to prove my worth! Just wanted you to know -- I’m aware of my failings! I -- I’ll try harder, Cap... or, if you think I should, I’ll step down! You can take over!”

Cap: “Wait! Iron Man, I guess my problem is that I’ve seen too many friends die in battle -- and when it seemed as if your job with Stark outweighed your Avengers’ duties -- as if you were taking your responsibilities lightly --!”

Iron Man: “I wasn’t! But... about Stark. Cap -- I should have told you long ago that --”

Cap: “No... keep your secrets, Iron Man! You lead... I’ll follow -- that’s enough!”

MmmMMMM. That is some good open and honest communication.

I love it. The me who first read this a couple years back was a fool to come off this run with the impression that it was just the Avengers getting their asses kicked and yelling at each other.

Its the Avengers getting their asses kicked, yelling at each other, and then having productive, emotionally honest conversations. It is my JAM.

Canonically, the first Civil War wouldn’t even have happened if Cap and Iron Man had set their feelings out like this.

I like that Cap passive-aggressively working out during this conversation keeps it from being talking heads because we get a bunch of unnecessary ACTION POSES as Cap works out.

But while Cap and Iron Man SOCIAL LINK GO or perhaps SUPPORT CONVERSATION depending on where your interests lie, out in the living room some other Avengers have less dramatic bonding.

Vision and Wonder Man play a game of chess together, Jarvis and Scarlet Witch admiring what good friends they’ve become off-screen. Much improved from existential angst causing Vision to try to punch him a lot and then they have to fight a gravity jerk.

They do, after all, have a lot in common. Like a brain.

But they get a phone call from Hawkeye who reveals that Two-Gun Kid has vanished. Disappeared even!

He tells Scarlet Witch not to bother coming. There’s nothing to find at the scene of the crime. So he’ll come to them.

Meanwhile, in Attilan, the Inhuman city in the Himalayas, Quicksilver is moody. But that’s nothing new, he was like that before.

He’s sitting on a balcony gazing beyond the city.

His wife Crystal asks if Attilan confines his spirit, having to stay in a secret city after all the glory and daring of being an Avenger. The battles, the thrills, the running full speed into a wall and breaking every bit of your skeleton bone.

But just as Quicksilver is saying he would never leave her, he vanishes mid-reassurance.

No, he didn’t run away in the most supremely dickish way ever. Like Two-Gun, he’s been disappeared.

What is going on here?

A story for later.

But for meanwhile we’re back to the Avengers Mansion where the Wasp shows off her new costume.

I don’t know what to say about it. Its not the worst she’s had. You don’t see as many superhero costumes that are orange and yellow. And Jan knows that branding is important because she put W for Wasp all over herself. Her gloves are cut to suggest Ws as are her boots. She’s got cleavage W and an abdomen W too.

Yellowjacket actually warns Wonder Man that if Wasp notices him in civvies, she’ll get him in a new costume so fast!

Wonder Man defers. He’s decided he’s not the costume type.

The thing about the Wasp is even if she makes a costume for someone else, she often makes it to appeal to her own tastes. Like when she made a costume for Angelica Jones, Firestar, with a pluuuuuuuuunging neckline. To Firestar’s lament.

So what I’m saying is that if Wonder Man let Wasp dress him, he’d definitely end up in thigh boots and with W’s all over his clothes.

Although, Wonder Man does become an actor later on who plays oiled up big muscles tiny shorts roles. So he’d probably rock it.

And then some colorful comic relief blue collar characters show up.

Wasp put her foot down and told Hank that she would not live with a Real Doll version of herself in the house so Hank hired Meyer and Mack to move her into his lab in the mansion.

Meyer is a real ‘seen it all’ type. Nothing impresses him. Avengers? Pssh. He moved Neil Sendaka’s ‘pianer’ once. Yellowjacket starts monologuing “[Jocasta] was conceived in evil, and yet while Ultron was transfering Jan’s life into her metal body, she unselfishly gave up her own existence by summoning us in time to stop the process and save Jan!” and Meyer all but taps his watch and reminds Yellowjacket that he’s on a flat rate.

Now Mack on the other hand? Mack is sure impressed.

And possibly discovering he has a new fetish.

Elsewhere in Saugerties, New York, the Guardians of the Galaxy secretly watch over a young Vance Astrovik. They’re sure that any day now evil cyborg from the future Korvac is going to try to knock off Vance to prevent the Guardians of the Galaxy from ever forming.

That is, if young Vance doesn’t manage to get himself killed first.

Since he’s playing baseball in the middle of a dark street and if Charlie-27 hadn’t been there, a truck would have run him over.

How he survived in the original timeline without future people being his guardian angels is a bit of a mystery.

Charlie-27: “It’s a wonder anyone reaches maturity in this idiotic backward era!”

An era where people toss spheroids in the middle of the road and where strange pieces of paper can be exchanged for food items. What strange customs.

The takeaway here is that, yes, the Guardians are busy guardianing Vance Astrovik and even though Korvac actually has bigger fish to fry and their vigil over Vance is misguided, its not pointless.

But meanwhile, back at the plot, Meyer and Mack finish carting the Jocasta crate into Hank Pym’s lab.

And just as Mack is marveling at how ‘real’ Jocasta looks (presumably for someone made entirely of metal with silly metal hair tentacles and also robot eyelashes) the robot girl awakens and OH YEAHS through the crate.

Jocasta: “He has awakened me! He calls! I must go to him! Let nothing stop me!”

Meyer and Mack flee the lab and run into an unhappy Yellowjacket who heard the crash of the OH YEAH and assumes that they fucked something up.

Which is probably not the case.

After escorting the movers out, the Avengers (Vision, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, Yellowjacket, and Wasp) run towards the lab.

But listening to the voice in her head, Jocasta finds the button that locks down the lab and then obviously locks down the lab.

Yellowjacket and Wasp managed to slip through the door before it closed. Doors never really bothered Vision anyway. But that leaves Wonder Man and Scarlet Witch locked out.

And the door is really tough! Its made of a special alloy almost as impenetrable as adamantium. Although the fact that it doesn’t get a name here sort of implies its going to be back to the drawing board.

But either way, the whole lab has been reinforced with it. For security reasons.

Scarlet Witch is sure that if she concentrates her probability altering powers, she can get the door to crumble but in the meantime, Wonder Man is going to keep punching like it personally insulted him.

Inside the lab, the three Avengers discover Jocasta up and about and creepy. She talks with Jan’s voice except cold and metallic. (Its never discussed whether Vision sounds like Wonder Man but since his body was the Human Torch’s I think probably not).

Vision isn’t creeped out. Somehow Ultron activated the Jocasta robot from afar and makes her speak like Jan hoping the Avengers will hesitate. But Vision won’t.

Drama is passed down in the family and as Ultron loves breaking Hank Pym’s things, so too will Vision break Ultron’s.

Except apparently Ultron planned for this. When he does the thing he always does and tries to intangible inside the robot to disrupt her circuits, he discovers an anti-matter booby trap.

It fills him with deadly energies and also copious amounts of pain.

Meanwhile, Beast has arrived at the door. He’s been looking for Thor but Thorry no Thor to be found.

That’s not one of his jokes. I just couldn’t resist.

Scarlet Witch is finally ready to do the thing she do and make probability weep but apparently the door has personally insulted Wonder Man by now. He proclaims a grudge match and finally punches it down.

Maybe its because it didn’t initially fall when he reminded everyone that his punches are approximately on the level of Thor’s hammer.

He says that a lot. That and the fact that he was created to fight the whole original Avengers roster.

I think its to remind the audience what Wonder Man’s deal is. But it also fits in with him being insecure, especially since nearly every time he talks about his fists being on the level of Mjolnir, the fight goes bad for him.

Inside the lab, Wonder Man, Beast, and Scarlet Witch find the Vision who tells them not to touch him because of the deadly energies. But that they need to pursue Jocasta.

Who has left the lab and is in the courtyard.

...

So all that effort to punch down the really expensive door was for naught? Did they really have no one guarding the other exit from that room?

Geez.

In the courtyard, Wasp and Yellowjacket fail to do anything to prevent Jocasta from strolling away, punching random plants.

Wasp: “Hank, I’m afraid Ultron’s strategy is working. I can’t bring myself to hurt her! It’d be like hurting myself!”

Yellowjacket: “I -- I know what you mean!”

Lets ignore, for once, the obvious and terrible irony involving future events. Lets go right in and focus on Jan not being able to hurt anything bearing an image of her.

Her one weakness. She just loves what she sees in the mirror too much to ever raise a hand to it.

The two heroes try to use their respective ranged attacks at low power to drive Jocasta back into the mansion but then Yellowjacket makes the mistake these two heroes always make and flies in too close.

She nabs him out of thin air and starts squeeeezing

Then Beast do what Beast do. DYNAMIC ENTRANCE, BOOT TO THE HEAD!

Then because Yellowjacket distracts Beast asking him not to smash Jocasta if he can help it, Jocasta shoots him in the face with eye lasers.

Because, of course, Ultron built her with eye lasers.

The family that slays together, right?

Wonder Man goes to punch her to scrap but she has a force field. Of course she does.

And even though he could punch through it eventually, in the here and now she shoots him in the face with eye lasers.

Scarlet Witch uses her power over nature (I guess she does just have both skillsets interchangably. Neat) to wrap Jocasta up in a tree in much the way a tree does not and cannot do.

Jocasta just flexes her way free. Because she has robot super strength.

Ultron, your wife is too powerful. You’re shaming the rest of us with your unstoppable killing machine wife.

The Avengers regroup and think about this. Maybe if they use teamwork and work as a team, assemble if you will, maybe if they strike as one they can overcome this robot lady.

Before they can, Iron Man comes in blasting.

Not at her, at them.

Iron Man: “Leave her alone! The first Avenger who harms her answers to me!”

And then Thor appears out of nowhere, calling it a long-delayed return (weird time stuff is still going on with him). Instantly deduces a battle is happening and decides that it would be a really cool way to enter the battle if he smashes this mysterious robot woman with his hammer.

I’m not saying that Thor always goes for the move that will fit best on an album cover but I’m sure that it runs through his mind sometimes.

Captain America is confused that Thor doesn’t recognize Jocasta since he was there when they stopped Ultron from putting Jan’s soul in her. And he’s not sure where he’s flying in from since he was just in the mansion minutes ago.

BUT HE HAS TO SAVE ROBOT GIRL!

And he throws his mighty shield and even Mjolnir must yield.

Also, after their little talk, Iron Man and Cap are back in the whole friendly pal/chum kind of thing. Like. Almost exaggeratedly so. Like Cap is making a real effort.

-Iron Man catches Cap after he jumps off the roof to throw his mighty shield-

Cap: “Thanks, Iron Man!”

Iron Man: “Good work, Cap! Took a heck of a chance, though!”

Cap: “Not really. I figured someone would catch me! After all, teamwork’s the name of the game!”

It practically screams I’M GOING TO BE POSITIVE!!

The other Avengers criticize Iron Man and Cap for letting Jocasta go. Which she does by literally walking through the wall. Geez. Ultron your wife is so strong.

Anyway. Iron Man explains the obvious thing. His armor sensors have locked on to Jocasta’s electrical patterns. Obviously they’re going to follow her and she’s going to lead them to Ultron!

Hot damn! Avengers being proactive! Kinda! I mean, Jocasta waking up was on Ultron but instead of just letting the killer robot lurk around somewhere and make a new plan to be murdery and oedipal, Iron Man is going to do something about it!

Unless this is a trap!

But that’s just the hazards of the job.

Also, I guess the cover was more or less accurate. The exact scene didn’t exactly happen but the spirit of it basically. Although Iron Man never blasted Wonder Man. In fact, he apologized that he had to blast near him to stop him.

So this is my second read through this run on Avengers. So like the brown bear I know ALL. But the first time around, I’m pretty sure I didn’t see Jocasta coming back.

I mean, it was only eight issues back. But that’s over half a year. Generally a loose end like Jocasta either comes back in the next issue or is teased throughout to remind the readers that its totally going to be a plot device.

If not, usually the loose end doesn’t come back so soon. And just gets brought back by the first writer who remembers it was a thing.

Apparently Jocasta has just been propped up in Hank Pym’s living room the whole time with Jan growing more and more disgruntled with it.

There’s not much to say about Jocasta herself. She’s kind of like the Wonder Man zuvembie. More plot device than character right now. But an intriguing one.

So next time: more of this. The Revenge of the Return of the Bride of Ultron. But it won’t be called that, alas.

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