#tell me if I should add a read more
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thelassoway · 1 year ago
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Jason Sudeikis as Ted Lasso Seasons 1-3 » T-shirts
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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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punch-love · 20 days ago
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I have a comment that I was idk I was not really inclined to share. But it’s been on my mind. Your last chap really fucked me up in the sense that it was super triggering to see Peter deal w so much inner turmoil. And I don’t really get triggered very often and I haven’t ever dealt w that much turmoil and I just was feeling overwhelmed by his thoughts and that they were super unhealthy… which I’m sure u know his thoughts were unhealthy because you are creating characters who don’t deal w things in the healthiest way and Peter and wades whole relationship is supposed to show how unhealthy they are but like it was also hard knowing people are mentally struggling that much daily and I couldn’t live within that head space for just the few minutes it took me to read the chap. And idk I was super reluctant to share this comment because I only really post positive praising ones and not that it’s not praise because you were able to make me feel peters thoughts just by your writing but idk it was still kinda hard to read. I’m sorry I hope this doesn’t offend it’s the last thing I’m trying to do
It was my intention for it to be hard to read. I want my work to be difficult to both read and process, because it's important to me that the characters I write about have brains that are genuinely not always pleasant to be inside. I think sometimes people write (and read) about characters as a means of escaping the horrors of the human experience, but personally: I write to highlight and sympathize with the horrors.
I don't write to trigger people, however. I will add a trigger warning to that chapter! It's people's choice to read my work, but I can see how you weren't given enough context pre-chapter to really understand what you were getting into with Peter's perspective. I took a long time writing this chapter, in part, because it wasn't really a fun one - just difficult. I'm going to always write works that have the potential to trigger people, that's just how I exist as a writer. I will take responsibility in being more intentional in preparing my audience for that though!
Also, I don't dislike this comment at all, if anything, it communicates that my writing does exactly what I want it to do - not that I want it to trigger you - but I do want people to have strong reactions to my work. I don't consider this negative feedback at all! You also mentioned struggling with processing, how people struggle with that type of mental process daily. I write a lot from my own experience. I have a very difficult brain, and writing is often the only way I can get people to understand the interior of it. It's absolutely not a fun way to live! I don't blame anyone for not wanting to sit with that.
To me, writing is a way that I can spread my own discomfort into something I can sympathize with/perceive outside myself. I also just really like writing about difficult and human people. I'm not offended that it's not everyone's cup of tea, and sometimes that difficult humanity actually has the capacity to be triggering. I am open to any and all comments of how people connect to my work: the good, and the bad.
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milimeters-morales · 6 months ago
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okay finally i know what Hobie mentally sounds like when he’s using “summat” in a sentence bc i’m watching this british(?) simmer and she’s just talking casually so she said that, and it sounds like “summin” or “summit” but it just surprised me because i was always reading it with a heavy emphasis on the “mat” part if i ever read a fic about him or i tried to read example sentences that included other british slang. so i would substitute it with “sumn” or “somethin” but now i don’t always have to. basically autism win my curiosity is satiated ^_^
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artheresy · 1 year ago
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I have not forgotten the draft regarding "How I would write Clouds Leave No Trace", it still lingers its still there
Im still thinking about how my least favorite parts are Yanqing's characterization, The way the world around Jingliu treats her like she's normal when clearly she's not, The way there's such an effort into putting Yingxing and Dan Feng on the same level of guilt for every single thing that it makes Blade's desire for revenge feel nonsensical and out of no where when he has good reason for it, The way that they don't do more to play up the HCQ's dynamic especially in the normal areas thus making caring about their tragedy a struggle if you haven't done all the "prerequisite reading" (even tho the quest should make the players care more and want to read instead of requiring the opposite), The way that they literally mention Bailu and Blade crossed paths but never show us that scene DESPITE all of the importance placed upon Baiheng and Yingxing's friendship, Did I mention My Massive Problems with my boy Yanqing's characterization in this quest versus what we see of how he's affected both before and after it?
Oh and of course, to mention Jing Yuan not really feeling like he has as much significance being in this quest despite being apart of the HCQ and Jingliu's disciple because yet again, they especially don't do enough to develop on screen (but also not enough in the readable text too) his connections to the rest of the HCQ (which in general if you ask me, makes it a lot harder to be that sad at the moments they clearly want us to feel sad for him over the HCQ)
I could go on and on about the problems of Hyv not fully giving the audience a reason to care for the HCQ's tragedy by the way they are barely shown on screen, shoving it all in readables and character stories and relic lore. Even their legends get barely any screen time to build up to when we hear about the fall out.
Also again, not kidding about Jingliu and the world's perception around her. She is described solely in the beginning as bringing a chill to the room, but she's clearly very intimidating, if you ask me she seems very clearly unstable as well and yet when they waltz around in a populated area with no attention getting drawn to them or suspicion or anything. I also call Massive Bullshit on Bailu being like "Wow but she seems so normal and kind, there's nothing about her at all that could make me think she's marastruck 😲!!" When if you ask me, that whole scene could have been used in a much more meaningful way to make a connection between Bailu and her resemblance to Baiheng Specifically in a way I will further elaborate on in my full post about it BUT YEAH Jingliu deserved so much better with this quest, so so much better
And even just small details get me like Jingliu leaving first from Scalegorge Waterscale, then Jing Yuan, Yanqing and Ren leaving? Like if you ask me, let Jingliu leave with Jing Yuan and Yanqing like they're escorting her (idc about any "She was already turning herself in!" There are a number of reasons to be cautious, not solely of her, and keep her in their view) and then talk to and have Ren leave last.
I am still thinking about it, that post still haunts me daily, I have grown to like the quest but my problems with it are so strong and so clear that it's like AHA I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT
#I have so many opinions on this quest#And a clear vision in my mind#I still don't know why it exists in its own little bubble#Why is Yanqing acting so odd in this quest but then goes right back to his normal consistent point of character regarding his failures afte#Also even with the argument of it being Jinglius biased words#Having NO mention of Dan Feng while talking about Yingxing's fate at all is wild and weird#Not even a “His stupidity and loyalty to you got him turned into a monster” kind of thing#Where it doesn't even have to be explicitly all the fault on Dan Feng but treating it like he wasn't at all involved in that transformation#It's crazy to me#But yeah uh#I bet if I wasn't obsessed with Blade and the HCQ#To the point of going through the readables and little quests with any mentions of them and their character stories#That I wouldn't be as emotional as I was during Clouds Leave No Trace because they really don't do enough to give reasons to care#The reason I cried for Blade when I played it is bc I read VotU knew what Baiheng meant to him & the ChrStr to know what they meant to him#The game should do more to tell us those kinds of things upfront if they want us to be more likely to have the reaction they seek#ALSO#NOT ENOUGH FLASHBACKS#SERIOUSLY ADD SOME MORE !!!#Even just snippets and add little lines and moments or views of the past overlaid on the prescent?#Hsr#Honkai star rail#Jingliu#Baiheng#Dan heng#Dan feng#Yanqing#Jing yuan#Yingxing#Hsr blade#high cloud quintet
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lieutenant-amuel · 1 year ago
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Another day of me realizing that the Avaloran Royal Guard system makes no sense.
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yipfrey · 6 months ago
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is there a bingqiu/bingyuan modern au where shen yuan reads something and he is like “wait!! this is a book about current events!!” and then shenanigans began??
trying to keep it as low description as possible because i have a bad habit of raising my expectations so badly but anyways let me know if someone knows. it’s fine if it has reverse transmigration or no transmigration or magic or mafia or whatever else setting people can come up with just as long as it’s not the original setting
(sorry this post is long but if you are a writer and is like “wow i want to write that” DO IT!!! NOW!!!! i will support you as long as you tell me that you are writing it. thank you. goodbye.)
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nullsleepy · 11 months ago
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I’m writing such a depressing story for y’all(it’s basically a rewrite of a story I wrote on ao3) and I’m already having to take a break. I’m just outline the chapters rn 😭. Get ready for Trapped in Plain Sight, any sad story maribat people!
(Should I have worked on continuing to write my other stories instead of doing this? Yes. Yes I should have. But it’s too late and I have started making a new child.)
Hopefully y’all will enjoy it and it won’t take me a thousand years to update! (I AM WORKING ON THE OTHER FICS TOO, I SWEAR. I’m just slow. And busy. But mostly slow.) And if anyone wants to get a small preview/the “summary/short as heck prologue” TELL ME AND ILL SHARE!
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ekuns · 1 year ago
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twitter: https://twitter.com/icedsalt / https://twitter.com/riisports
pixiv: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/99329402
streamer stuff: https://www.twitch.tv/riimake / https://twitter.com/rii_make
youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@riimake_ch
original/oc 'LNs': this is a google drive link
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dearestaeneas · 2 years ago
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here’s another little section of this story! i’m having fun posting these out of order, maybe if there’s interest when it’s done i’ll upload the whole thing (most likely on ao3 and i’ll link it here, it’s a long boy)! but here’s a creation story of sorts- you guys know i love creating my own mythologies
<3
“Day and Night were brothers,” she began. “Each a king of his own domain.
They ruled their kingdoms justly, although had the opposite been true it would have hardly mattered.
For all their good work, their subjects still found cause for complaint: neither kingdom had found a fellow ruler. ‘You shall be unchecked!’ they cried. ‘You shall grow irresponsible with your power and our good fortunes will turn!’
The brothers consulted with one another, both surprised to learn of the other’s similar struggle. They wondered at how long their respective kingdoms had felt this way. ‘Do we not care for them well enough?’ Day cried. ‘Do we not love them well enough?’ Night lamented.
‘Why do they fear us so?’ the brothers wept.
The sun and the moon watched their kings from their perches high in the sky and whispered amongst themselves. Day looked up to them, his golden eyes overflowing with rays of light. Night followed his brother’s example, his own starry eyes leaking shadows to darken his face.
‘Do you mock us?’ Day asked.
‘Do you fear us?’ Night asked.
Sun looked to Moon before gazing down at their king. ‘Never,’ they replied.
Moon returned Sun’s gaze before gazing down at her king. ‘Never,’ she promised.
‘We are such a pathetic sight,’ Day sighed, brushing his own sparkling tears away. They reflected off the earth’s waters, shining bright enough to blind.
‘Why do you whisper?’ Night asked, as he brushed the shadowy tears away. The earth at his feet became a deep blue-black, forests and oceans and cities and farms becoming lost in darkness, those humans not already safe in bed filled with a fear they may never reach those beds again
‘Moon and I have heard your plight,’ Sun started.
‘And we think we have a solution,’ Moon finished.
‘Tell us! Tell us!’ the brothers rejoiced.
‘There is a pair of siblings, either kingdom would be lucky for rulership under either,’ Sun proudly proclaimed.
‘They are human,’ Moon said carefully. ‘And suffer from such a condition accordingly. You must be careful, for that luck could be fickle.’
Sun nodded gravely.
‘What do you mean?’ the brothers asked. This made sense, as the brothers themselves were far from human, despite the endless love they held for the creatures.
‘They are evil and cruel, stupid and self-centered, arrogant and dismissive,’ Sun said.
‘How would our kingdoms be lucky for their rulership!’ the brothers cried.
‘They are kind and gentle, mindful and creative, loving and helpful,’ Moon said.
The brothers looked to one another in distress. Before they could speak, Sun said, ‘They are human!’
‘And suffer from such a condition accordingly!’ Moon exclaimed.
The brothers allowed these words to settle, their minds racing with purest fascination. ‘Very well,’ Day said. ‘Very well,’ Night agreed.
The pair of brothers, with counsel from Sun and Moon, visited the human realm prepared to return home partnered with someone to share their kingdoms with.
‘We must look our best so we do not frighten the humans,’ Day said to his brother. Night readily agreed, and the brothers clothed themselves.
Day dressed himself in a golden suit and adjusted his crown, its golden arms radiating from his head like sunbeams. Night wrapped his cloak around his shoulders, his hands adorned with dozens of silver rings that shined like the stars.
‘You are dressed well, but there is something you’ve forgotten!’ Sun cried.
‘Yes!’ Moon agreed. ‘You must make your faces match those of the human realm if you wish for them to not fear you!’
The brothers nodded readily. Day, with his unobscured view of humanity, shifted his face easily to that of a man’s, his smooth head shining. Night, whose glimpses into the human realm were mostly obscure, changed his head to that of a deer skull, as the whiteness of the bone was able to glow in Moon’s pale light.
‘King, why do you not choose a human form?’ Sun asked.
‘Moon said we must choose faces that match those of the human realm. I’ve found faces such as this in forests, shining in the starlight. Is it not beautiful?’ Night answered.
‘Perhaps this will help me to win the hearts of either sibling,’ Day said to himself. ‘That way I will have my pick without competition.’
Night did not hear his brother, and the pair went arm in arm to the human realm, where they were greeted warmly by the king. Upon hearing the brothers’ proposals, he readily agreed to allow them to wed his children, on the condition that the siblings were to choose their partners for themselves.
The brothers consented, Day looking to Night without feeling discouraged. ‘The odds are still in my favor!’ He whispered. ‘They will be frightened of the skull!’
The king called to his children and into the hall came a set of twins, as different from one another as Day was from Night. The first, tall and haunting, looked to Night and the shock that went through his body was visible even as he attempted to suppress it. The second, bright and curving, looked to Day, the heat rising to their cheeks visibly.
‘Children,’ the king said. ‘The Lords of the Sky seek to wed you.’
Night and Day shared a look upon hearing such an introduction. How silly humans are! The brothers smiled at one another, charmed that the humans would so freely give them credit for the sky.
‘Our kingdoms each demand a second ruler,’ Day began.
‘It is of the utmost importance they remember we are not their enemy,’ Night finished.
‘Which of us do you choose?’ the tallest sibling asked.
‘Yes, which?’ the other echoed.
‘It is for you to decide,’ the king answered.
The siblings looked to one another before studying the brothers.
‘We have brought gifts,’ Day began.
‘If you would like to decide that way,’ Night finished.
The siblings consulted and returned to the brothers, nodding their agreement. Turning their backs, the siblings waited as each brother placed a gift on the ground before them. The brothers stepped back and the siblings turned to look at the gifts at their feet.
Day, who’d set his eye on the second sibling who stood directly across from him, placed his gift at the feet of the first sibling believing that each sibling would prefer his own gift and in the hopes of avoiding Night, assume a trick had been played and decide to switch places.
The siblings studied the gifts: a dead bird, with iridescent wings and a golden beak; and a small pouch containing several small polished stones, which on further inspection proved to be insects trapped in amber.
The brother beamed with pride, confident their gift was the most desirable. The siblings nodded to themselves, faces neutral, before turning to their father.
‘We would like to make our decisions separately,’ the first spoke.
‘We do not wish to know the other’s choice,’ the second added.
The king, baffled by such a request, looked to Day and Night. The brothers consented, and the siblings were led from the hall once more.
The first returned moments later, the weight of three sets of eyes heavy on their head. With care, they lifted the pouch and held it for a moment before nodding to the king. They replaced it to its spot on the floor. Never once turning to the brothers, the first sibling departed.
The second sibling followed suit, solemn and silent. They looked from the bird to the pouch, thoughtful. After careful contemplation, the pouch was lifted a second time. They nodded to their father and replaced the pouch before turning to the brothers.
‘They are both very beautiful gifts,’ they smiled. With a slight bow, the second sibling disappeared from the hall.
The king, who did not know which brother placed the pouch, despaired. Before he could speak, Night said, ‘We shall let the siblings pick us directly, but I would like to hear why their choices were made in such a way. We will not claim either gift until they have made their decisions.’
Day did not speak.
The king called for his children to return, and before long they stood before the brothers, the gifts at their feet.
‘Choose,’ Night spoke.
Day did not speak.
‘We do not wish the other to know what our choice was,’ the second sibling said.
The first sibling did not speak.
‘You’ve chosen the same gift,’ the king replied. ‘You shall pick your betrothed directly.’
Both siblings looked to their father in shock.
‘First,’ Day finally spoke. ‘Tell us why you chose as you did.’
Night looked to his brother, confusion parked upon his face.
‘The bird is beautiful,’ the first sibling replied. ‘But it is dead.’
‘Are the insects not also dead?’ Night asked.
‘Yes,’ the first sibling replied slowly. ‘But it is not obvious.’
‘The insects have survived,’ the second sibling stated. ‘The amber is old, one must imagine what those stones have seen.’
‘Does the bird’s youth make its experiences useless?’ Day asked.
‘No,’ the second sibling stated slowly. The words appeared caught in their throat, the thoughts themselves trapped in their head. ‘But…I’d like to last. There is undeniable beauty in the temporariness of the bird, but if it were me…I’d like to be remembered as I was.”
The brothers nodded, looking on the siblings thoughtfully. A quiet settled.
‘Choose,’ Night repeated.
‘We have,’ the second sibling spoke.
‘My sibling has made an argument for the insects that I cannot compare to. I choose the bird,’ the first sibling said.
‘Are you sure, my child?’ the king asked, concern in his eyes.
Day and Night remained silent and watched with great interest.
The first sibling nodded. ‘Yes, father.’
Two sets of siblings stood facing one another in that hall, before the brothers stepped forward to claim their gifts.”
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johnbronze · 2 years ago
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ok for real I know they were limited in their options for explaining Stiles’ actions because DOB didnt come back but like SERIOUSLY. I have so many questions and complaints and not even all of them are Stydia related….. spoilers obviously
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Uhhh I can’t figure out how to add a read more on mobile sorry folks hopefully this is a good enough buffer !!!!!
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Did…. Did anyone bother to tell Stiles that Allison is alive?  are we meant to believe that nobody did?? or what’s worse, that he was told and he just didn’t come to Beacon Hills or call or anything?
On that note, are we actually supposed to believe — and I am not a Sterek girlie by any means, love and light to y’all but it’s just not my cup of tea — that Derek fucking DIED and there was a whole ass memorial service that Stiles just didn’t bother to show up to???? HELLO????
I mean it’s also nearing levels of ‘spn finale Dean Winchester ending’ stupid that Derek died in the first place, given that his whooooole character arc (by my book, anyway) is springing from the place of his trauma, and the way that he has blamed himself, struggled with guilt and loneliness and has been atoning for all of the pain of what he perceives to be personal failures the ENTIRE TIME, never letting himself get too close to people, never asking for help, and instead sacrificing for and nurturing Scott as the ideal alpha that he feels he couldn’t be… I don’t know. It just feels like a needless sacrifice to me, like there are so many ways that you can restrain someone and prevent them from moving from the place where you need to. Oh I don’t know burn them alive ?maybe? Which don’t involve sacrificing yourself and burning alive yourself, right in front of your son and the rest of your loved ones. I know again there are production factors at play, maybe it’s likely that they knew damn well Tyler H wouldn’t or couldn’t come back for another movie so they decided to kill off his character?? but suffice to say I was not happy with that at all (and not in the way I think it was INTENDED to upset me.)
Anyway, I know that Stiles needed to be absent because Dylan O’Brien was not a part of this movie, but if I’m being honest, I kind of would rather that Stiles had died ! Obviously I love Stiles’s character and it’s not that I want him dead at all!! it’s just. if they were going to fully send it, and they know he’s not coming back, and they knew that they were going to make up this premonition dream to break up Stydia and (poorly) explain his absence, then it would’ve done a lot better to make that separation as permanent as in life and death. The Stiles we know would never want to be separated from the people he loves as much as he has been now because of all of the external, real life factors. In fact, the season arc with the ghost riders proved to us just how far Stiles can and would go to be present! It was aaaactually a whole thing ! So, if I’m being honest… (1) the way that he and Lydia parted, (2) the way that he isn’t present or even mentioned in the light of his loved ones dying/being resurrected, and (3) again the fact that he wasn’t even at Derek’s memorial … it all feels like a silent character assassination to me. It feels like the mentioning of “Stiles” in this new canon contains less essence of Stiles than it would’ve if he had died. I know it’s easy to have a hater moment and make criticisms and piss and moan about how I would’ve done it better, and I know it’s not always as easy as it sounds… but JESUS CHRIST
Also congrats to the sterek girlies on your own personal y yo a ti moment……that jeep shit was CRAZY
#this is only like an iceberg tip of the things I have to say about this movie#like there’s a clear estrangement between some of the main characters that honestly..stiles feared! we know he did#and we know how hard he fought to hold onto everyone#like he was the glue between them and it would’ve been so sad to see that confirmed. he really WAS the glue#seriously. stiles dies. they all fall apart into little groups and fragments pieces of my HEART!!!! I would’ve bawled.#we could’ve had a closed casket funeral flashback! Scott tries to take Malia’s hand and she pulls away. boom Scali breakup explained!#*​scalia (obvi)#and I feel it would’ve been more evocative emotionally to see Lydia grapple with guilt#that stiles died (in her mind at least) because she was too selfish to heed her power’s warning and keep away from him#it would’ve made the moments where Eli is SOOO similar to stiles HURT more for us as an audience AND to the characters who would see it too#like. raise the stakes! heighten Derek’s (and all of their) fierce protectiveness for this baby !!#make us ACHE thinking about the cycle of it all. how this kid is Scott but he’s also stiles and he’s (literally) a little bit of Derek and—#also this is another thing but I’m also pissed that Liam and Mason had like ZERO interactions lmfao theyre fucking besties ??? or#if they’re not anymore then you should TELL US THAT!!!#I wanna know why Scalia broke up and why she’s fucking Parrish FR#for REALLLL it’s so left field and don’t get me started on what they did to her character and how it highlights Stiles’ absence further#also I miss Theo. to ME he’s under the Hale’s wings. to ME he’s a mechanic and an artist and him and Liam are boyfriends. haters stay mad#TAKES A DEEP BREATH.#okay I think I’m done for now#I can’t figure out how to add a read more on mobile so I hope tagging for spoilers will be good enough (!)#teen wolf#teen wolf movie#teen wolf movie spoilers#teen wolf spoilers#tw#…. I mentioned Dean so.#supernatural finale#supernatural spoilers#alright. bases covered?#long post
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danielnelsen · 1 year ago
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when given the opportunity, my sleep cycle always reverts to being completely nocturnal (around mid-morning to mid/late-afternoon) and a year or two ago i finally decided to try to follow that and it's the first time in more than a decade that i havent had severe, disabling insomnia. ive tried every suggestion to sleep 'normally' and all it's done is make me get 3-5 hours of sleep per night, no matter how tired i am (which is very).
my nocturnal schedule isnt sustainable; not because i dont like it, but because i cant do anything at those times. everyone's constantly on my case insisting that i change it back to 'normal', no matter how much i explain that years of trying that just didnt work. they'd rather i be taking all the sedatives i used to rely on than just sleep naturally. it's always seen as a temporary solution until i can 'sort it out properly'.
i recently started seeing a new psychologist and she's the first person ever in my life to ask if id rather try to change to a 'normal' schedule or if id like to try to adapt my life around being nocturnal. i was so surprised by the question that i wasnt even sure how to answer. i know what i want, but it's so at odds with what everyone else expects that i couldnt give a firm answer. and even then, despite asking the question, she still clearly has a preference and wants me to work on pushing back the time i go to bed.
the limited research ive read on dspd/dsps is that there isnt a 'cure'; sometimes people can maintain a slightly earlier rhythm, but it takes ongoing effort and most people cant sustain it. as someone who's had a terrible sleep quality for more than half my life, i can say definitively that getting a good sleep is so much better for you than sleeping at a 'normal time'. and when your best health outcomes come from not intervening and everyone else just having to deal with it, that's not a disorder, it's just a social expectation.
if only everyone else would just deal with it.
i fucking hate
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this is literally just labeling someone’s natural circadian rhythms as disordered.
“may fall asleep later than intended and feel sleepy during the day”
WHAT IF
hear me out
WHAT IF
WE JUST LET PPL LIKE ME W NATURALLY “DELAYED” CIRCADIAN RHYTHMS SLEEP WHEN THEY NATURALLY WANT TO AND STOP FORCING THEM TO CONFORM TO A BULLSHIT CAPITALISM-FUELED NIGHTMARE SCHEDULE!
like!!!!!!!!! WHY is this a DISORDER!!!
i remember during lockdown when i had nothing to do and i just started naturally letting my sleep return to what felt most natural, and that happened to be around 3am-10am ish. and i felt fucking fantastic!!!! i felt the best i’d ever felt!!!!!!
and now i’m back to bullshit trying to knock myself out using nyquil or weed or benadryl so i can wake up at 8am and get to work at 9am which is apparently “late” and i feel like shit all day and can never find the motivation to work on my books!!! during the pandemic i wrote an entire fucking book!!! usually between the hours of 11pm and 3am!!!! and now when i start to feel that itch to write i have to ignore it bc i have to go to bed at a time that feels so unnatural!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!
i hate everything!!!!!!!!
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mirrren · 2 months ago
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Going back to straight fanfiction after years of gay men making out on my screen at all times of the day is kinda like going back in the closet for a few months. Or like. Reading a book and then watching the adaption
It’s like. I know this. I used to read this all the time but now it’s different? There’s something missing. Not enough tension
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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Y'know now that I'm seeing a small handful of ppl actually giving a shit abt oni lore it's making it so much harder to not become a nerd emoji every five seconds anytime I see someone talk abt oni because I forget that every source of oni information is comically outdated
#rat rambles#oni posting#I have had my fair bit of mistenteripitations as well I have to fight myself every day to not go and delete a bunch of old posts#I wont delete them because they are a catalog of me getting into oni and thats rly important to me but also aghhhhhh#I was wrong abt so much shit that wasnt even because of misenterpretation just me being bad at reading lol#Im still learning new things every time I revisit the logs because I am that prone to misreading and glazing over things#which is why I Really need to finish up and post all the logs so that other ppl can double check with me lol#well in theory theres still not That many ppl interested in lore and Im not even sure if said ppl would see my catalog#but I still want ppl to have an actually complete source for this stuff so Ill probably start cleaning it up more tomorrow#I also will have to go double check that I didnt miss anything because it's very likely I did#it wont be too hard to clean up just annoying since its copy and pasted from the code#again its just abt cleaning it up so that its a bit more readable#I will keep in the name of each log in the files because I think thats information that ppl should be able to access#yknow in case you wanna read it in game without having to hunt it down#for context you can manually unlock a log in one of the oni folders where log unlocks are stored#you can just open it on a note app or smth and add the logs you wanna unlock and it should add them#I haven't done it myself but Ive done similar stuff and its not hard as long as you know the file names#not saying ppl Should cheat in the logs just that I want those who want to to have the option#now my biggest problem is that I dont actually know which logs are spaced out logs#idk maybe theres a way to tell in the files but chances are Ill just have to leave it unspecified for now#I also might end up digging up any set piece item descriptions since while the vast majotity of them are very much not lore relevant#I know at least 2 (3 To Me) are and if I include those and not others thatd just feel weird#its a similar thing I had with the artifacts where the line between lore relevant and not gets blurred the more I include#so yeah Ill start with just logs and artifacts and Maybe do setpiece building descriptions if I feel up to it#but if any of you find the jackie's office setpiece in your saves then know that you have access to both my favorite setpiece and one of my#favorite lines of text in the game Period#its maybe not that big of a deal but it is 2 Me Ok#and to be clear its not jackies desk although I do love that one too girlie is not over her divorce#anyways time to shower and think abt sploon toon some more since well yknow
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yourcutelittlegayfriend · 3 months ago
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Imagine this
I've been reading some of this good fics about Yandere Batfam x neglected Reader and it got me thinking.
In some of this fic, usually it's Alfred that has given the reader some love and have not neglected the poor thing and I was like,
What if Reader is still neglected by the batfam but Alfred gave them enough love so much that reader just decided to stay just for Alfred and Reader really just treated Alfred as their real Father or Grandfather.
Where Reader just let go of any expectation from getting attention from the others and just strive to make Alfred proud and happy.
How the turns have table
Imagine reader walking pass the others not bothering to greet them as they look for Alfred instead and other stuff.
Dick seeing them practically skipping as they clutch on a medal hanging on their neck.
"Woah hey!-...um whatcha got-". He tries to say but doesn't get any answers because you were busy muttering to yourself 'I got first place! I have to show this to Alfred!' as you giggle while looking down at the medal and sprint away when you see a glimpse of the butler at the distance.
How instead of begging for the others to train you and become a vigilante, you ask Alfred to train you for self-defense (especially the stuff from his spy days).
Jason was the first to arrive at the manor when the team heard about some intruders getting in but halted when he sees you tying up the unconscious thugs on the floor.
"Hey Alfred is this right?". You didn't pay them any mind when some of them pile in as you pay attention to Alfred who was praising you and giving you more good defense tips while you and him pull the unconscious people out.
How you spend healthy family time with Alfred by helping him in cooking and chores that earns you some knowledge of the recipes from his famous dishes.
Tim was trying to grab a coffee when he sees you having a fun time with Alfred as you skillfully prepare for dinner and actually have good laughs with him.
"Okay, then after I fold this I should add some paprika, right?". You ask the butler as he smiles at you while sipping on the tea that you made for him.
"Yes, you're correct once again young miss/master". He said while humming after drinking the tea indicating how good it is.
Tim can practically see you lighting up as you cheered a 'yes!' from Alfred's confirmation.
How you revolved your time and passion to Alfred and actually deciding that only Alfred is the one you should waste your time on.
Damian wonders around the manor when you and him bump into one another.
"And what are YOU doing walking around MY Father's manor?". He asks while glaring at you.
you just sigh and turn while clutching away the art supplies you bought so you can paint in the garden with Alfred.
"Walking away from you that's what I'm doing". you tell him as you turn the other way not even bothering to argue with the boy anymore.
How you do well in your studies and aim to get a good degree/phd and act like a proper man/lady but not because you want to keep up to being a Wayne but to see Alfred's proud face as he watches you stand on the stage as you show him your diploma/degree certificate.
Bruce decided to take a walk from sitting down for too long when he walk pass a framed picture on the hallway near Alfred's room and double takes when he sees you and Alfred standing together with while you were wearing a toga and cap holding not just any graduation certificate but a college one as the both of you look so happy and him seeing Alfred having that loving and well pleased expression something he rarely sees from Alfred after becoming the crusading dark knight.
Looking at the date he couldn't believe that it has been more that a few years since the graduation happened.
All of the family who used to ignore you suddenly took a different turn and started to try and get your attention but they fail to see that you already moved on from them and only cared about the one person that have literally loved you from the beginning.
Bonus:
Imagine Thomas and Martha Wayne was mysteriously revived for a day and met the family but was deeply disappointed to the others and took a special liking to reader because Alfred has said many good things about them and them especially getting many good degrees something that the rest haven't gotten yet or never bothered to get (this is my hot take because my family are hellbent on us cousins to finish school) and you know for a fact that Alfred is really REALLY proud of the kid that he raised preciously
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Because I don't care how or what I eat (moldy grapes/bread, paper, uncooked pasta, ants, undercooked foods, stale cereal, freezer burnt foods, pineapples, burnt foods, suspicious meat, raw potatoes, pinecone (only a bite dw), dandelions, expired foods, foods covered with sand/dirt, grass, marrow) I like to traumatize my friends and family with what I'm willing to eat. Now I get an excuse to traumatize tumblr :D
Frozen milk. Thats the weirdest thing I've had and I'm not willing to so that again. It doesn't really freeze like water so it's really similar to a slushie, but the slushie is frozen. If that makes sense.
#theres some more stuff i left out that ive eaten/still eat#but i dont think i want to really get into that unless someone asks lol#this is what happens when youre starved as a kid#your standards for food lowers a lot#for financial and criminal reasons the adults couldnt/wouldnt give me food#i do draw the line at insects though#doesnt mean that if i accidentally eat that ill care though#especially given what the fda allows#talking about the fda#guess i should add lead to list because of the lunchables and applesauce thing#but the government has fed me worse foods than lead so i cant really complain about it#did you know that class d food exists and is legal to be sold?#class c food is what inmates are given btw#people who have commited crimes got better food than i did because the goverment didnt want to waste money on those with government jobs#i dont work there anymore but lets just say that suicide is one of the highest causes of death for a reason#its heartbreaking to look at those group photos and know that some of those kids are dead#im just really tired of being told another kid i knew killed themselves#god its so heartwrenching#eight deaths in three years#have you ever given the keys to a room of someone your age to their friends#because those friends are there to clean out that dead kids room and send his stuff back home?#sorry about that but i just needed to get it off my chest. my family and friends dont understand everything that i talk about#nor do i want to tell them everything that ive experienced and lived through. i cant do that to them.#i just. i cant do that to my family and friends. not how ive seen others react to those whove died.#but oh my god it is worth it to live.#if youre suicidal please wait a week before making any big decisions and have a heart to heart with anyone and call a hotline#if you think you have no one. i promise that you do. go watch the sunrise or people watch or go to a park and read a book#please#youre worth it
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