#teja desai x reader

[peachesandlesbians]

Preference: First Date (RCD)

THOMAS HUNT: 

Thomas would take you to a classy (read: expensive) restaurant where only the finest food would be served—nothing less for you, of course. He would be quiet, instead preferring to watch you as you chatted on about your life. It was endearing, to see someone so free and happy, untainted by the horrors of Hollywood. And it was also nice, Thomas decided. Very nice. 

“My talking is probably annoying you, huh? Sorry—”

“No need. While insistence chattering is what I consider a vice, you make it a  virtue.”

ADDISON SINCLAIR:

Addison would take you somewhere flashy, to impress you, and what better way to do that then a fashion show? While all the clothes were glitzy, and there were so many famous people, you couldn’t help but ask Addison if she was enjoying herself. When she heard you, her eyebrows flicked upward. You promptly left, and Addison took you to a restaurant where you both talked without any interpretation. 

“Okay, I wanted to impress you because I like you. A lot. Tell me if I’m coming on too strong though!”

“You dork. We can go anywhere you want; you don’t need to impress me.”

HOLLY CHANG:

Holly would prefer something quiet, away from people, personal, but somehow she should be able to show off her knowledge. So, she would take you to an obscure—but still classy—pub that’s holding a poetry slam. You both would listen to the poems but Holly would open up. This is the place she goes when she has writer’s block; she found it by wandering around one day. 

“Hey, here’s my booth.”

“This little place?”

“Just because it’s small doesn’t mean it’s subpar or pedestrian! This place was built in—”

“Yes, yes, you’re a genius, we know.”

“Glad we could agree.” 

VICTORIA FONTAINE:

Victoria would make the date herself. There was no use to her for stupid people who couldn’t do anything right. It would probably be a nice dinner at her place, with fresh flowers and food. After your dinner, Victoria would hold your hand and take a nice, long walk. If you played your cards correctly, you might get lucky . . .

“This is amazing, Victoria.”

“Only because you’re here.” 

MATT RODRIGUEZ: 

Matt would take you to the great outdoors. Maybe hiking or horse-riding, anything that could you two alone and free. With him, it was a feeling of exhilaration and relaxation. Bliss, one could say. After the date, you would get a chance to bond, with Matt opening up a bit more. 

“Did I ever tell you why I like being outdoors so much?”

TEJA DESAI:

Teja, I think, would go for a classic first date: a trip to the movies. Of course, she would go see anything you liked. She would also be the person to hold your hand or put a hand on your thigh while pretending to focus on the movie. Teja would talk about the movie afterward, all laughs and giggles.

“This is the type of movie I want to make.”

“But better, of course.”

“Hah! Something like that.” 

SETH LEVINE: 

Seth would go for a more crazy, unique first date. Something like . . . the zoo. You both would go and feed the animals, while Seth cracked his best jokes. But it wasn’t all humour, though. He was honest with you about his aspirations and fears—and everything in between. Seth’s main goal was to put a smile on your face. Anything to make you happy, after all. 

“Hey, Y/N, listen to this!”

[ernestsinclairs]

I caved and just started Red Carpet Diaries, who should I be romancing? 😂👀

OoOf, this got lost in my inbox. Sorry!

I’m literally so torn between Matt and Thomas Hunt, and I don’t know your sexuality, so I just wrote up this handy dandy chart:

MATT: Rich, sweet and hot as hell, stays true to his roots, sadly has a weird mustache, but good overall. 8/10

SETH: Funny as hell, closest thing you’re going to get to Chris Pratt in the looks department in choices. 8/10

VICTORIA: Iconic as f***, Hollywood legend, super hot, I’m straight but goddamn wow, oh btw, she’s so paywalled it’s not funny. 7/10 (for amount of paywalling)

TEJA: Despite me mispronouncing her name for two books, she’s sweet, doesn’t take it against me, work ethic out of this world, mwah. 9/10

THOMAS: Super hot Bertrand. Thank u, next. 10/10

[peachesandlesbians]

Preference: When They’re Jealous (RCD)

THOMAS HUNT:

Thomas is the bluntest and rudest, out of everyone, hands down. He’s intelligent enough to know the difference between your friend and your suitor so he won’t bother you in most cases. However, when it’s a flirter, Thomas wouldn’t waste any time in striding towards you, a cold look in his eyes and a frown on his face. He would grasp your waist and utter a few words too quiet for you to hear. If they didn’t go away, Thomas would raise his voice and mock their flaws and insecurities. He’ll remain dignified and composed as he leads you away, but you could still see the smirk on his face.

“And what do we have here?”

ADDISON SINCLAIR:

When Addison’s jealous, she’ll act naturally, accompanied with a bit of protectiveness. She’ll skip over to you, a smile plastered on her face—you can’t tell if it’s real or fake—and she’ll wrap an arm around your waist. Addison will stay by your side and make it clear that you’re dating her, and that she’s an up-and-coming fashion designer with the favour of many stars. 

“Hello, who are you? I don’t really care. I’m Addison Sinclair, friends with Cassandra Leigh and Ryan Summers. Oh, this is my girlfriend/boyfriend/partner, Y/N.”

VICTORIA FONTAINE:

Victoria, when she’s jealous, would immediately go over to you, a scowl on her face. She would be blatant with her affections, hugging you, kissing you on the lips, referring to you as “my girlfriend/boyfriend/partner”, things like that. If the other person didn’t back away, Victoria would rip them to shred with her words.

“You peasant. How dare you even try to talk to Y/N? She/He/They are much too good for you.”

MATT RODRIGUEZ: 

Matt would take a different route than everyone. He, as odd as this sounds, would try to charm the other person while making it clear that you were dating him. Matt would talk to the other person, distracting them from you. Surprisingly, this worked most of the time. They would be too star-struck and in awe to even focus on you. If this didn’t work, Matt would leave, with you right by him.

“Matt, don’t do anything stupid. Your reputation—”

“I don’t care about it. You’re more important.”

TEJA DESAI:

Like Addison, Teja would act subtly. She, at first, would kiss your cheek, call you pet names, or hug you, a smile on her (pretty) face. However, if they didn’t get the hint, she wouldn’t mind getting physical or acting tough, abandoning her sweet persona and smile. Teja wouldn’t punch them, but she would whisper for them to back off. Finally, Teja would gently steer you somewhere else, with you smirking behind their back.

“Listen, I'm going to need you to back off, please. I don’t want you and Y/N doesn’t want you.”

SETH LEVINE:

Seth, out of everybody, is the least likely to get jealous. His logic is that there are much more famous, richer, and desirable people than him. After all, he’s just a no-name wannabe comedian. So since you picked Seth, you must have seen something special in him. When he does get jealous, Seth will act naturally and be the most responsible. He won’t do anything in public—Seth will step in, of course, if they’re harassing you—but in private, he’ll explain his feelings, all humor gone.

“I’m not telling you to stop hanging out with them. I just wanna say that even if we’re together, I still get a bit jealous. And it’s not your fault.”

[ernestsinclairs]

The Downfall of Viktor Montmartre

CRACK/SATIRE FIC BECAUSE I HATE THIS MOTHERF****ER

Viktor Montmartre sauntered through the doors of his LA office and plopped down into his Versace alligator skin chair. It had been exactly $62,345.90 including tax, and he’d printed the price out onto a sticker and stuck it onto the chair to remind him of how rich he was.

Leland St. James suddenly popped up on the 60-inch Plexiglass TV. Viktor smirked, then turned the volume up.

“Stunning new allegations against Viktor Montmartre!” the annoying, weasel faced man squealed. “More allegations of sexual harassment, reckless endangerment, negligence, and all around, just being a total douche!”

“WHAT?!?” Viktor screamed, throwing the remote down on a panda skin rug. “HOW, HOW-”

Suddenly the phone rang. Enraged, he yanked it up, nearly ripping it by the cord.

“This is Edgar, your lawyer,” came a voice on the other end.

“I know who you are, Edgar! I’m the one who hired you! Now what is it?! And go sue that Leland St. James! He snaked me!”

“About that, boss, sorry.”

Viktor shut up for a moment, his jaw hanging open. He suddenly looked very very stupid.

“Edgar, what do you-”

“You ain’t getting out of this one Viktor. Damn, boy, you are screwed. There’s nothing I can do. Bye.”

Viktor Montmartre screamed in fury and threw the entire telephone on the floor where it promptly shattered into a million pieces. He felt slightly better.

“And more news about Thomas Hunt’s sexy new piece, The Duchess!” Leland St. James quipped from the safety of the TV. “It’s on track to outpace Double Agent by Tommy Phelps! It’s expected to open at $652 million, and . . . well . . .”

Leland looked down at a piece of paper.

“Well, Double Agent’s expected to make . . . you know what, I’m not even going to say that number. yIKES.”

A laugh track played. Viktor Montmartre screamed some more.

“TIFFANY!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. Almost instantly, a timid looking assistant appeared, clutching a clipboard.

“FIX THIS!”

“Fix what?” she stammered, looking very frightened. “There’s a lot of problems to fix.”

“LIKE WHAT?!” Viktor roared, launching a Grammy award that was nearby at his Oscar award shelf. It missed and took of the head of the Chris Hemsworth cardboard cutout instead.

“There’s really no good way to say it, so . . .”

Tiffany paused and braced herself.

“Sir . . . your nudes leaked.”

“MY WHAT?!”

“Your nudes? Remember you sent them to that Playboy model? Yeah, well, she leaked.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?!?” Viktor howled, launching another Grammy award. This one found its mark, and an entire shelf of Oscars tumbled.

“And the police might be here. I thought I’d let you know.”

“AND WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT THAT?!” 

“Oh, I brewed them some coffee. I told them I’d add some creamer if they backed off.”

“Did they?” Viktor Montmartre asked hopefully.

“No.”

An entire of squadron of police suddenly burst in, a siren blaring behind them. Somehow, they had managed to get a police car all the way up fifty floors.

“HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET HERE?” Viktor shrieked, pointing at the police car.

“You had the elevators modified, sir,” Tiffany answered quickly. “Remember? When Priya Lacroix came to visit and she wanted the elevators bigger so she could have orgies in them?”

“Oh, right,” Viktor said, remembering. “She was hot. And scary.”

There was suddenly some commotion from the back, and the police parted like the Red Sea. Thomas Hunt rolled in a skateboard, sipping a glass of scotch, oozing sexiness like a beehive oozed honey.

“So nice to see you, Viktor,” he drawled. Tiffany looked at him and sighed lustfully.

“Just wanted to give you this.”

He took out a bundle of ‘The Duchess’ premiere tickets out of his pocket and proceeded to make it rain.

“I hope they’ll let you out of jail for this,” he drawled some more. “Only entertainment, now that you’re going to prison.”

Viktor burst into angry tears and Thomas Hunt rolled away without a care in the world.

“Viktor Montmartre, you are under arrest,” said a rather stupid looking brunette police officer. Viktor looked at him. His name tag was backwards and said “Yffud”.

“YFUDD? I’M GETTING ARRESTED BY A GUY NAMED YFUDD?!” Viktor wailed.

The policeman cowered, awkwardly handing the handcuffs to another officer.

“It’s Duffy, sir, Duffy.”

A slick looking man in an Armani suit and a lawyer’s briefcase than strode in, flashing a white business card with silver lettering at everyone.

“I’m the lawyer from Raines Corporation,” he stated flatly. “Viktor, we’re suing you for copying our lobby design.”

Viktor screamed in rage and proceeded to hurl a bonsai tree out the window. A policeman attempted to catch it, but happened to fall out with it.

The police marched the screaming man out the main lobby, with the Raines Corp. lawyer taking photos of every single lobby detail, every single chair, every single streak of window polish.

Outside, the media had gathered like a swarm.

“Mr. Montmartre, is it true you sexually harassed women?” Ana de Luca demanded, pressing a microphone to his mouth. Viktor just cried as he was hauled off to jail.

All around the country that night, the country rejoiced. Matt Rodriguez rejoiced right before the surgeon put him under. Rising director, Teja Desai, danced so excitedly she knocked coffee into the face of comedian, Seth Levine. Harvey Weinstein’s lawyer cursed and said, “Goddamn, there’s two of them.”

Leland St. James and Tiffany the assistant continued their torrid love affair, having threesomes with a local waiter named Daniel. Officer Yffud went looking for a new job. The lawyer from Raines Corporation went off for his meeting with Senator Vega. He didn’t return, but it was okay. Everyone hates lawyers. No one cares about lawyers.

All was good in the world that night. 

@katurrade

[peachesandlesbians]

Preference: Romantic Quote (RCD)

THOMAS HUNT: 

“This poem is endless / the odds against us are endless / our chances of being alive together statistically nonexistent / still we have made it” — Lisel Mueller

ADDISON SINCLAIR:

“Show me / the most damaged / parts of your soul, / and I will show you / how it still shines like gold.” — Nikita Gill 

HOLLY CHANG:

“Although they are / Only breath, words / which I command / are immortal.” — Sappho

VICTORIA FONTAINE:

“So many people advised me against you. How glad I am we could not resist.” Lee Ann Brown

MATT RODRIGUEZ:

“This is my confession. / As dark as I am, / I will always / find enough light / to adore you to pieces, / with all of my pieces.” — Johnny Nguyen

TEJA DESAI:

“Coffee is / all well / and good / but I would / rather / have your / lips / kiss me / awake / every / morning” — kpk

SETH LEVINE:

“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known — and even that is an understatement.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald