#teetering on; the SA never happened and I jumped the gun or something DID happen and I need to know N O W
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...I went onto tiktok and triggered myself with Hazbin hotel stuff and not I'm stuck on the verge of tears
#I really don't wanna cry alone#but not crying is literally why I have such bad chronic pain#teetering on; the SA never happened and I jumped the gun or something DID happen and I need to know N O W#I'm scared that I let tiktok convince me I was abused#but at the same time my feelings are real and predate tiktok#what the fuck is wrong with me#I wish I could fix myself into a good person :(#God I really need a genuine hug#I hate having to ask for hugs or hugging the person first it never feels the same#I shouldn't relate to Angel Dust my life is so fucking cushy.....and yet#my dad will be mad if I cut myself but I'm spiraling#I wish I could remember if anything bad happened to me or I wish something bad would happen to me now#I don't wanna be a bad person please I don't wanna go to hell :(#being a genderqueer hypersexual Christain SUCKS :(((((((#I hate myself so much rn why do I do this
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