#teeny bit of canada and mexico

[have-you-seen-this-animal]

Eastern Spotted Skunk? 🦨 Florida?

Absolutely, these guys are one of my favorite mammals! Very elusive.

[something-tofightfor]

Ryan Brenner Headcanon List

This is for my Neon Lights/Just a Place Ryan Brenner. 

Tagging: @the-blind-assassin-12 @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @benbarnestongue @lexxierave @suchatinyinfinity @obscurilicious

Enjoy! 

Tell me something we should know about him, but you’re worried no one will ask or care or want to know. This is me asking, caring, and wanting to know.

Ryan’s middle name is Abraham. He was born on March 14th, 1985. He’s right handed. He sleeps on his right side or on his stomach when he’s really comfortable, one knee bent, the other leg stretched out. He’s used to sleeping fully clothed - sitting up - but is most comfortable sleeping in a light pair of pajama pants and nothing else.

Ryan’s favorite color is olive green. His favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip. His favorite meal is chicken and dumplings. Ryan prefers to sleep with a window open, even in the winter, because he’s used to fresh air from the trains. Ryan got his driver’s license the day he turned 16, and though he hasn’t always had insurance, he’s kept the license valid because he knew that he’d need it for potential jobs.

The only foreign country he’s ever been to is Canada, and that was just to get through to Alaska. He wants to go to Mexico and Europe, and getting a passport has always been a dream for him.

The only dollar he’d never spend is the one that was given to him as his first tip, and it’s folded into a teeny tiny square and he keeps it tucked behind a picture of his mom that he has in his wallet. 

What was middle school Ryan like? Was he in the band? Did he play trumpet? He’s got the lips for it. Did he play percussion? Was he a good student? Average student with genuine curiosity? Little too concerned with stuff at home to be a student? Did he play baseball? Football? Lacrosse? Did he wear polo shirts? Can he read music?

Middle school Ryan… this is a good one. Ryan was in band - well, he started out in choir, like the rest of the kids, because it was a part of the curriculum, and his mom couldn’t afford to buy or rent him an instrument. He could sing well, and the choir teacher - Ms. Mercer - took a special interest in him, giving him solos in performances and things like that. She caught him one day after school in the music room, sitting in front of the piano, playing random notes… and because she knew that he could sing, asked if he’d ever tried to play the piano.

When he said no, she decided that she was going to help him learn, and offered to teach him after school and during recess - with his mom’s permission, of course. She gave it, and Ryan learned to play the piano slowly but surely over the course of 6th and 7th grade, while also continuing to sing. He learned to read music during this period, too. And because he was really interested, he picked it up very quickly.

Occasionally, he’d play the guitar, too - but he didn’t pick that up until a few years later.

In school, Ryan was a smart, attentive kid. He liked being able to give the right answers to the teachers, liked to learn things, but didn’t like to read much - not because he wasn’t good at it, but because he learns better via hands on experiences. He catches on to things very quickly and retains information.

As he got older, and his home life changed (mom’s new marriage), Ryan’s focus became music instead of academics, because it allowed him to focus on something that he could create, something that would make him feel better.

He was not an athlete in school, but liked to play football with the neighborhood kids - and was always the first person to go in for the tackle, even though he was scrawny and had long legs. By the time he was 13, he’d grown into his speed and was actually very graceful.

Ryan Brenner has never once worn a polo shirt.

What specific thing is sure to be in the fridge and/or pantry when Ryan does the shopping?

Ryan’s not one to go overboard when it comes to grocery shopping, since he’s not used to being able to afford the things he truly enjoys - and is used to buying things that he can easily carry with him/will fill him up when he eats them. He’s used to things like tuna and canned chicken, crackers, protein bars, instant coffee and oatmeal, beef jerky (even though it’s pretty expensive and he only bought it occasionally)... but he’s not picky about his food.

So, now that he has a place to stay and access to a refrigerator, he’s been able to buy some of his favorite things again. He loves grilled cheese sandwiches - they remind him of being little, of the way his mom would always have one waiting for him when he got home from his half days of kindergarten. He’s a huge fan of swiss cheese, but when it comes to the perfect grilled cheese, he’ll usually buy pepper jack or provolone, since they’re super melty.

Along with cheese, another thing Ryan always picks up for the fridge is orange juice - which you’ve caught him drinking straight from the carton.

Pantry foods that Ryan always picks up? Popcorn and chunky peanut butter. Ryan loves salty snacks like pretzels.

Gimme those weird tics. The stuff you notice about him if you spend enough time with him. Does he jingle the car keys when he’s ready to go? Does he only scratch his nose with his thumb or his ring finger? Does he let his teeth click together when he’s thinking hard? I need to know.

Ryan rubs at his eyebrows a lot when he’s thinking hard - or when he’s focused on something, usually with his right hand. 

He second guesses his words a lot, because he doesn’t want to speak out of turn or sound foolish, so unless he’s with people he feels really comfortable with, he isn’t usually the one to start the conversation.

He always puts his right shoe on first, and double knots the laces before he tucks them into the tops of his boots.

Ryan double checks the locks on the doors when he leaves the house.

He chews on his nails occasionally, but never actually bites them off. He hums to himself a lot.

He doesn’t sneak up on people.

When Ryan texts, he always uses punctuation, but doesn’t always use full sentences.

Though he can focus on things intently, little things often catch his attention - hearing music from across the store, the way things are organized, the intricacies of other people’s talents (the details in your pictures, the way people create art, the ingredients in food) - and he’s not afraid to question people about these things when he’s interested. It makes him forget that he doesn’t want to interrupt, because he wants to learn about what makes other people happy.  

When did he start playing music? Why? What did he think would come from it? Was it always a dream to record or did he simply jump at the opportunity like a train he knew he wouldn’t catch a second time?

He started playing the piano in school, and started playing guitar at home. His dad has a cheap old acoustic guitar, and Ryan would (at the age of 12/13) come home from school and make sure no one was home before he’d pick it up and strum it. He didn’t know what he was doing at first, but he liked feeling the connection to the father that he could barely remember.

He wrote his first song - about his neighbor’s dog barking at night - at the age of 12. His mom caught him playing the guitar one day when she came home from work early, and at first she was surprised, but when she saw that he was treating the instrument with respect, she allowed him to play it… and he never tried to keep it secret again.

He started playing for fun, because he enjoyed the piano and singing, and wanted to see if he could learn something else, too - and it turns out that he could. After he left home and started traveling by train, he found the Washburn in a pawn shop, forked over his last bit of cash for it, and it became his best friend. Ryan taught himself to play guitar during the long, empty hours on the trains, moving between cities in the dark. He played in gas station parking lots and empty parks.

He never really thought about recording until after he was already on the road and found Cowboy and Virginia. He just liked playing. When he met Georgie, he started thinking about what it would be like to record, to have a copy of his vocals and playing. By the time he was 21,  he’d been on the road for just under 6 years and had improved his playing to the point where he was almost constantly thinking about his own music… but not out loud, because the people he played with weren’t consistent, and he never felt as if he was good enough to sing and play his own stuff without a backing band.

I wanna know something he’s passionate about. When he gets goin’ he won’t shut up. Or maybe something that makes him really angry. Like a good righteous anger, you know? 

Not being taken seriously is one of the things that Ryan is very quick to get upset about. He’s more than just the way he looks - and people usually won’t take the time to get to know him. They hear him playing, see his face, think he’s just another good looking guy that wants to be famous, and don’t try to get to know him or see past what his appearance says. It frustrates him that he’s typecast, because he tries not to judge people based on the way that they look.

That’s one of the reasons that he’s so unwilling to speak a lot when he first meets someone. He’s used to people not hearing him or not caring what he’s got to say that he figures it’s best to say what he has to and nothing more. He’s got a lot to say, though, especially if it’s a topic he cares about - like encouraging others. Ryan HATES when people try to limit people, and will talk himself blue about why they shouldn’t hold back when they want something just because someone else told them they couldn’t or shouldn’t do it. (Which is funny because he held back on writing and playing his own stuff for so long.) He thinks that people should do what makes them happy and fulfilled, and will always go out of his way to help people out when they need it most, even at the expense of his own feelings.

I wanna know his mama’s name and what he misses about her and something he learned from her that is still a part of him.

Laura Mason met Ryan’s dad James Brenner when she was twenty, got pregnant at 21, and had Ryan just before she turned 22. Unfortunately, James got into an accident at work when Ryan was four, leaving Laura and Ryan alone. Luckily, they got a small settlement, and it was enough to keep the household afloat while she raised Ryan. She met her second husband, Thomas, when Ryan was seven, and for the first few years, things were great… until they weren’t anymore, and Thomas started abusing both of them - Laura verbally, and Ryan physically. (Ryan was always very grateful that Thomas’ anger was directed at him and not Laura, and he gladly took the punches so his mom didn’t have to.)

Ryan misses his mom’s hugs, and the way she always made time to tuck him in at night, even when she was working 2nd shift and had to come home on her lunch breaks to do so - telling him a different thing that she loved about him before she turned off the lights. Unfortunately, this stopped right around the time Ryan turned 10, and Thomas thought that it was “unnecessary” for her to “coddle her kid”.

The thing that sticks with him the most is something that she told him when he started to go to school. They were on the couch, right before she met Thomas, and when he thinks about it, he can still feel her arms wrapped around him, smell her perfume. She told him “Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, Ryan. No one else is going to make the same impression on the world as you are.” Another thing she made very clear to him? Being respectful of the people around you is IMPERATIVE, even when they don’t give you the same consideration.

Does Ryan have any guilty pleasures?  What’s something he misses when he’s traveling? How does he feel about feet? What’s something he’s really picky about?

Ryan’s guilty pleasure is long, hot showers. He misses the feeling of being clean when he travels, and no matter how broke he was, two things that he always made sure to have in his pack were deodorant and a decent shampoo. Since he doesn’t like to cut his hair,  he always wants it to look as clean as possible, even when he can only spend a few minutes under the water. He knows what people think of people like him, so he wants to do what he can to ensure that he doesn’t fit the stereotype - and always tries to at least smell nice, even if his clothes are worn and his hands aren’t totally clean..

Ryan’s other guilty pleasure is ice cream. He doesn’t really like sweet stuff, but he’s a sucker for ice cream and will never turn it down, which is why he was so excited for the gelato in Vegas.

I want the story of his first meeting with cowboy. Why he hasn't tried to make his own music? his favorite city to visit and why? what is a must he carries in his pack?

The first time he met Cowboy, he actually met Virginia first. Virginia heard him playing guitar and singing, and stopped to talk to him. She asked him to play something for her, and he got a little cocky - which she laughed at. She recognized that Ryan was alone and needed some guidance or he wasn’t going to last too long out on his own, and offered to introduce him to Cowboy, her ‘good friend’ (they weren’t together yet… just traveling together). Ryan met Cowboy and they instantly clicked.

Though they didn’t stay together at all times, the majority of the next few years was spent traveling together, playing music and making connections before they went their own ways. Cowboy and Virginia introduced Ryan to more of their friends - Kenny, Georgie, a woman named Jen that Ryan always stayed with in Arizona because she reminded him of his mom - and Cowboy even mentioned the fishing gig in Alaska, sending Ryan up north for the first time. Cowboy (and Virginia) were Ryan’s closest friends for many years, and Ryan even stood in as best man when they got married by a woman they met in Louisiana. The ceremony wasn’t exactly legal, but it was enough for Ginny and Cowboy, and Ryan was honored to be asked to be there with them for the most important day of their lives.

Ryan’s always been very shy about writing and whether or not he actually possesses the talent to create his own music. No one specifically told him not to write or play his own stuff, just that he was more likely to be successful playing tried and true hits. Cover bands are much more likely to get booked and find work than original ones, so Ryan was more focused on making a living than he was about forging a path based on the things that he came up with. He’s always written stuff, but never thought that it was any good. PLUS, he didn’t have anyone super consistent to play with, which made it difficult to ever fully realize his music with anything more than his own vocals and guitar.

He loves visiting the southwest. Likes being in the desert, seeing the sand and the cliffs, loves the heat and the culture. He loves El Paso, because of the people and the vibe - and the food. Ryan LOVES Mexican food.

Along with his deodorant and shampoo, Ryan’s always got to have a notebook and a pen with him, just in case. Even though the recorder took over for the lyrical stuff, he still wrote things down quite a bit - putting pen to paper calms Ryan down. A lot of the things that he had in the pack that got stolen in Utah - letters, pictures - were stuff from home, stuff that he had sent to some of the more ‘established’ friends that he picked up as he passed through places - were really sentimental, but living like he did, it was best to only keep the essentials. His hat, though? That’s something that he got as a teenager, and it’s the only thing that he has to tie himself back to his home.

Tell me his favorite song to listen to that he would never cover because “it’s perfect how it is”

He’s got a couple. Creedance Clearwater Revival “Have You Ever Seen the Rain”, “One Headlight” by The Wallflowers (he loves the song, but thinks that Bob and Jakob Dylan can’t be touched vocally and won’t even try). He’s always very apprehensive about The Beatles and even “Hallelujah” is a song that he’s only going to pull out when he’s sure that he can nail it. Ryan strives to be authentic in everything that he plays and sings, so if he’s not feeling it, he won’t do it.

 Listening to music in headphones or filling the house with it? Does he like Reader in dresses or jeans? Which movies do we watch curled up on the couch? How does he eat his steak? Would he go back to school?

He likes to listen to music, no matter how he does it. Now that he’s not traveling anymore, he likes to lisen so that it fills the whole house - usually on the radio, or through your laptop/computer. You’ve got a smart speaker in the bedroom, so he uses that a lot. But when he got his new phone, the first thing he did was put a bunch of music on it, so when he’s relaxing (and you’re not home) or he’s out walking or in public, he’ll use headphones and get lost in the music. For Ryan, a lot of the things that people take for granted are still pretty new and exciting to him - like having a portable way to play music.

It’s been warm whenever he’s been with you, so he hasn’t really seen you in long pants often, aside from leggings when you’re lounging around the house. He likes dresses better than shorts, but isn’t going to complain much about anything you wear, because he just likes looking at you.

Ryan enjoys comedies. Though he’d treat himself to an occasional dollar movie or cheap matinee, he’s kind of behind when it comes to new releases… so he’s definitely not opposed to curling up on the couch and binging Netflix - popcorn in hand.

Ryan’s definitely a meat and potatoes guy. He likes his steak rare to mid rare, burgers mid rare. He doesn’t like to overcook things, because the taste changes dramatically. However… when he eats grilled hotdogs? He likes them to be kinda crispy on the outside for that well-grilled taste. Ryan’s determined to learn how to grill properly, especially because it means that he can cook for you.

He’d go back to school, but it’s not really on his radar right now - he just wants to focus on getting used to a more settled life without worrying about taking on a ton more responsibility, especially since he’s working a few jobs at the moment.

Should he get a dog? Is he considering having kds someday? Favorite drink? Christmas or birthday? Does he watch sports? His pet peeves? Is there any part of his body he doesn’t like to be touched?

Ryan never really thought about having pets, because of the way he lived before. Traveling didn’t allow him to take another living thing with him. And with your schedule - the fact that you’re never really sure when you’ll be leaving also makes it difficult. A cat would be easier to handle for both of you, but at this time, pets aren’t on the horizon.

Kids… are not something Ryan’s thought seriously about. He doesn’t mind them, gets along well with them, and doesn’t have any issues with them, but again, his lifestyle wasn’t really kid friendly before.

His favorite drink is coffee.

He likes Christmas better than his birthday.

He doesn’t really watch sports, because he’s never had the opportunity to sit and follow a season or a team before, but he’ll pay attention to baseball or football when he’s in bars and they have the games on.

Ryan’s biggest pet peeve is being cut off while talking. He doesn’t like people who act like they know everything. He hates when people leave lights on in rooms that they aren’t in. He doesn’t like when people waste food. He doesn’t like people that seek attention. He doesn’t like when people ignore others - not letting them voice an opinion, not taking them seriously, etc. He hates when people go out of their way to make others feel guilty.

The only place that Ryan doesn’t really like to be touched is his feet - and there’s no reason behind it other than that he knows that he’s almost constantly wearing shoes (or was when he was traveling) and doesn’t want to subject people to that, especially if it’s been a while since his last shower.

 What is his morning routine? Zodiac sign? A story of his first kiss? Any allergies? Favorite Avenger?

I talked about his morning routine in JaP 5. He gets up, stretches, and has his coffee, this is the same thing that he did on the trains, but now he’s gotten to know (and love) the Keurig so much that he doesn’t remember what it’s like to not have one.

Since his birthday is March 14, he’s a Pisces.

His first kiss was when he was 15 with a girl named Erin that was a year older than him and lived four houses down the street. Her friend thought Ryan was cute and dared her to kiss him thinking that she wouldn’t do it - but Ryan was VERY into girls at that time, and thought Erin was super cute so he had no problem kissing her back.

He does not have any allergies that he is aware of.

Ryan’s favorite Avenger is Spiderman, because he’s just a regular kid that finds out that he can do good for the people that he cares about.

He’s not huge on comic books, though, and was much more into Saturday morning cartoons as a kid. He loved the Ninja Turtles when he was a kid, and also really liked Inspector Gadget.

Ryan’s Tattoos

Ryan’s got a lot of ink, and will probably end up with more. For starters, here are the two that we *know* he’s got: the bird on his arm and the lines and dots on his fingers.

The bird tattoo on his arm (I believe it’s a hummingbird based on the wings and the glimpses we see of it throughout the movie) is for his mom. It reminds him to be open to and accepting of change, to pursue his dreams and to remember that small, simple ideas can become great things in time. ALSO. The hummingbird, to Ryan is a constant reminder that his mom was there - and she loved him - and that he’s got to do what he needs to do in order to create his own happiness. He got it as soon as he turned 18 and it was his first tattoo.

The lines and dots on his fingers were done by a teenage Inuit girl in Alaska while Ryan was up there working on the fishing boat. She was learning to tattoo, and wanted to practice, and even though looking back, it probably wasn’t a good idea to get hand tattoos while in such a cold environment, he got them between trips, when the boat was docked for a little over a week for repairs and to unload. The girl that he got them from was very shy and unsure of her skills, and in an attempt to raise her confidence level, Ryan volunteered to be her test subject. They were the second tattoo that he got.

The third one is the tattoo on his ribcage - it’s the constellation Lynx (see attached image) - but also included below and to the right of the center of the constellation is NGC-2419, which is a deep sky object referred to as “The Intergalactic Wanderer”, and is one of the objects in the Milky Way that is furthest from the center of the galaxy - and is 275,000 light years away from our solar system. It’s lonely, and it’s separated from the rest of the galaxy, but it’s still a part of everything, and it’s kind of how Ryan views himself vs. the rest of the world - but it’s visible in areas that don’t have a lot of light pollution, and Ryan saw it often when he was in Alaska, on the boat… and has even been able to find it sometimes using telescopes or binoculars while on the trains or in the desert.

He’s got a tattoo on the back of his shoulder, too. It’s a geometric design, roughly 6-7 inches in size, and is a mess of lines and dots and circles. The story behind this one is actually a lot of fun - and Ryan won’t hesitate to talk about it, even though it features a woman, it’s not what you might think.

When he was 28, Ryan was staying in Chicago with Georgie and some other friends, and ended up going out with a large group. Someone in the group wanted to get a tattoo, but no one wanted to go to the shop with him. Ryan went, thinking it would be a good way to pass the time, since it was snowing pretty heavily outside. So he went to the shop, and the girl doing the tattoo for his buddy Sean couldn’t keep her eyes off of Ryan the whole time, which led to a conversation about his tattoos. After explaining to her that he had a few, but hadn’t had the money to get any new ones for a few years, she offered to give him a tattoo - in exchange for a date. He agreed, and they went out (twice), had a good time and she designed the tattoo for him and did it in the shop after they were closed one night. He looked her up the next time he was in Chicago, but she didn’t work at the tattoo place anymore, and he didn’t have any other way of finding her.

The other tattoo is the one on his wrist of the Bellagio fountain coordinates, and getting it allowed him to have a lasting, meaningful connection with you, even though he never thought he was going to see you again. The way you felt about your parents and having that date on your body is the way that he felt about you, even then, and it wasn’t enough - but it was going to have to be.

 What’s something he would tell you if he had the right words?

As I said before, Ryan doesn’t think that he’s very good with words, so instead of telling you things, he tries to show you. But:

He’d tell you that he never wants you to compromise your own dreams for his. That he wants you to do what makes you happy - that if it doesn’t involve him, he gets it, but that he wants to involve you in every part of his life. He’d tell you that he feels like you’re a missing piece for him, that he was looking for you - and what you represent - for longer than after Vegas, it was before, too. The wandering and the learning and the life that he led before you was necessary, and he wouldn’t change much of anything (though he would have liked to go home before his mom passed to say goodbye), because it meant that he was more than prepared to make the decision to stop. Ryan would do anything to convince you that even though he might still go occasionally, he’d never leave you willingly.

 What’s something he’s always wished he could do?

Ryan wishes that he could paint or draw. He’s happy with playing guitar and piano, and he can admit that he has a decent voice, but he wishes that he was able to visually create things, too. That was one of the things that he and the tattoo artist talked about while she was inking his shoulder; she freehanded the design onto the transfer sheet, and Ryan was really impressed.

Another thing that Ryan wishes that he could do? Cook. He’s never had the opportunity to seriously learn before (aside from short-order stuff in the diners that he’s worked in and simple recipes) … but now that he’s finally got a ‘home’, maybe this will change.