#technically its modern au jizzie and they're there too

[deityoftherain]

(not) just a costume - Sapphic/Yuri Jizzie

Rating: Teen

Relationship: F/F

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 3,549

Summary: Joel planned to dress up as Heather Duke for Halloween with his fellow Bad Boys, so he committed and bought everything he needed for it, including the wig. He had expected it to just be a silly costume, but, when he tried the wig on, things sort of just start to... click. She started off confused and in denial, but, slowly but surely, she started to realize that it maybe it was never "just a costume".

Full fanfic underneath the cut! Please reblog, leave kudos on the AO3 fic slash notes/likes here on Tumblr, comment either place, and etc if you enjoy the story :D

It was just something stupid for Halloween. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything! Not anything like this. It was just a stupid wig and a stupid plaid skirt. It was just a costume! That was it!

But it wasn’t “just a costume”...

Not to him.

Joel stared at himself in the mirror, having just put on the long, brown wig he had bought to complete the outfit for his Heather Duke costume. It had come in the mail today, and he expected to put it on and laugh at how rubbish he looked like with it on, but that didn’t happen.

He… enjoyed it?

Now Joel would be the first to claim that he was sexy, hot, and extremely handsome, but his ego wasn’t that big. He certainly had one, and he was rather competitive, hot-headed, and aggressive at times, but that was partly a front. Joel was generally confident in himself, sure, but he wasn’t that vain. It wasn’t like him to stare at himself in the mirror, seemingly entranced with himself, but here he was, doing just that.

Staring.

Staring at himself in a beautiful, long wig and a short, black plaid skirt he had borrowed off of Lizzie.

What the hell am I doing?

Joel was unsure of how long he stared at himself and he didn’t really want to find out, because that would mean he had to confront himself on the reason he was staring. Luckily, the trance was broken as his phone dinged, alerting him of notifications. He had assumed it was something sort of unnecessary like a mobile game notification begging for him to come back to their app (he should turn those off), and he was only half wrong.

His phone lit up as it detected his face, displaying the mobile game wanting his attention, but also the icon used for his phone’s messaging app. He swiped away the mobile game notification  before tapping the screen to open his messages. In hindsight, Joel wasn’t that surprised that it was his fellow Bad Boys who were blowing up his phone. He tended to just hang out in person with most people over texting them, so he only received consistent messages from Jimmy, Grian, and Lizzie. Every few months, he and Scar would text for hours before promptly forgetting about each other's existence for a while, and then repeating the process.

Jimmy: wait which heather am i again

Grian: tim

Grian: really?

Jimmy: theyre all named “heatehr!!”

Jimmy: how am i supposed to keep them all straight

Grian: youre mcnamara

Grian: im chandler

Grian: joels duke

Joel rolled his eyes at the messages. They’ve only told Jimmy the characters’ last names a million times. He scoffed, muttering under his breath affectionately, “Dumbass.”

The Bad Boys, as they called themselves, had gone with this theme for Halloween mostly for the bit. Scott, Martyn, and Ren had talked about going as Mean Girls, which was some musical or movie or whatever that they all liked, for some weird throuple costume. From what he knew, Regina George, Gretchen Wieners, and Karen Smith (don’t ask why he knew their first and last names) didn’t typically scream “We’re all dating, by the way!”, but what did he care? To be honest here, it’ll be fucking hilarious to see people’s reactions when Reginia George starts flirting with Karen and making out with Gretchen. 

Either way, what those three did for their costumes didn't matter. What actually mattered was that someone (he couldn’t recall who) pointed out that The Bad Boys’ signature colors lined up with the main three from Heathers, and they, for some reason, committed to it.

Joel had to admit, he liked the idea. It seemed fun and he’s always adored matching costumes more than he would usually admit. Plus, Joel was confident enough in himself to put on a girl’s costume for a few hours. It wasn’t like he was some insecure child who couldn’t fathom breaking gender roles.

He just hadn’t expected it to feel this… good?

Joel shook the thought away, the false hair of the wig getting in his face. He tucked some of it behind his ear, but didn’t otherwise bother with it. The thought of just, ya know, taking the wig off never crossed his mind.

Joel: jim you’re the yellow one

Jimmy: ok thx babe

Grian: ???

Joel: np babe :)

Joel clicked off his phone and slid it into the pocket of the skirt because, yes, the skirt had pockets! He was actually extremely pleased that it did, having known that womens’ clothing was usually lacking in that department. He had heard Lizzie complain about it enough to have gone on several rants himself about how blummin’ idiotic it all was. Honestly, he probably cared about it more than he should.

“Joel!” Lizzie called loudly from another room, voice echoing through the halls. “Get over here! I slaved over this bloody difficult meal of boxed mac and cheese for ten thousand minutes, and you’re making me eat it all by myself!” He couldn’t help but chuckle at his wife’s dramatics, but he wasn’t foolish enough to keep her waiting. He changed out of the skirt– he forgot to take his phone out and would have left it there if he didn’t hear its weight hit against the floor when he tossed the garment– and threw on the pants he had on previously before exiting out of their shared room. He headed down the hallway towards the kitchen, not that it took long. They lived in a one bedroom apartment in a city and Joel could make long strides because he was quite tall, despite what his friends joked about.

…Fine, he was more average height, but he was still taller than Lizzie! And Grian! Not Jimmy, but two out of three wasn’t bad! That had to count for something!

Lizzie eyed him curiously as he entered, head tilted to the side as it rested on her hands. She idly kicked her feet under the dining table, already set for two to eat. Each spot had a bowl of mac and cheese, a fork, and a glass of water. Within the mac and cheese were little slices of microwavable sausage links that Lizzie frequently opted to stir in, claiming it upgraded mac and cheese to a high-class meal. Joel wasn’t about to disagree, quite enjoying the meal even though it was considered undesirable by some.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Joel asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he pulled the chair out and sat down.

“No reason,” Lizzie claimed, picking up her fork and stabbing some noodles onto it. She gathered more noddles than she should onto the prongs and shoved it in her mouth. Joel raised an eyebrow, non verbally communicating “Really?” and Lizzie just pointed to her stuffed mouth like it was an acceptable excuse.

Joel decided to drop the topic and focus on his dinner. He and Lizzie shifted the topic of conversation into chatter about what they had accomplished that day. At least, they did once Lizzie managed to get down the insane amount of noodles she had insisted on shoving (for some reason) into her mouth. They were almost finished when Lizzie inquired, “Have you ever thought about growing out your hair?”

“I mean, sometimes?” Joel blinked at her, face contorting with confusion. What brought that question on? “I’ve never thought too much of it, to be honest. Mum always kept my hair short, so that’s just what I’ve kept up. I added the green dye for fun, but that’s the most extreme change I’ve done with it. I suppose I’ve never been too into what my hair is up to. Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Lizzie clicked her tongue as her eyes wandered his body from the top of his head down to about his chest area, “you’ve been wearing a wig this whole time and you haven’t said a word about it.” “I am?” Now that she mentioned it, it was astonishing how he hadn’t picked it up before. Afterall, the wig reached halfway down his back while his natural hair was much, much shorter. Joel placed a hand against his head before combing his fingers through the false locks. “I must not have noticed. It’s for my Heather Duke costume I’m doing with Jim and Grian.”

“Huh.” Lizzie smiled at him knowingly, which was strange because Joel couldn’t comprehend why or how his actions sparked recognition in her. “Well, I think you look nice in it. If you want to wear it more often, you should.” A sense of pride overcame him at Lizzie’s compliment, though he wasn’t completely sure why. It wasn’t like the wig was actually his hair, nor was it like Lizzie didn’t compliment him sufficiently enough on a regular basis. “To get used to it for the costume?”

“Sure, it can be for that.” Lizzie shrugged as if the reason (excuse?) he gave didn’t really matter. She twiddled with the fork between her fingers. “Say, Joel, I had planned to go out and have a girls’ day out with Cleo tomorrow, but they had to cancel because their autoimmune issues are acting up really bad. We changed plans to go out after she was discharged from the hospital, and that’s still the plan, but I hadn’t canceled our appointments to get our nails done yet. Do you want to go with me if I decide to keep our time slot? Since we’re out there, we can make a whole day of it! I know that I’m running low on eyeshadow and my favorite makeup shop is in that plaza, and there is that game store you get all big eyed at.”

Joel glanced down at his hands, large and scarred on the knuckles from when he had gotten into far too many fights as a kid. That was from before he learned to control his temper and frustrations, letting it get the best of him. He liked to think he had more emotional control and intelligence nowadays.

His hands weren’t dainty little things, but that didn’t matter. Some gloss on the nails paired with the shimmering of his wedding band would look rather lovely, even on hands like his. Perhaps he and Lizzie could match, or maybe he’ll just go with green. He has always liked that color.

“Alright,” Joel agreed, raising his gaze up to meet Lizzie’s. “What time are we leaving?”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷’

Joel didn’t dress all too differently as he usually did. He put on some black jeans with rips at the knees, a dark green muscle shirt, and his wallet attached to a chain hooked on his pants. It added to the look and prevented pick-pockets from stealing from him easily. What was abnormal was that Joel had taken Lizzie up on wearing the wig out.

Taking it off before bed last night had been… he didn’t want to say wrong, but he wasn’t sure what other word to use. Strange might've been the best adjective, but he didn’t understand why it was strange. He had only had short hair his whole life, after all! And it wasn’t like the short hair bothered him! He just found himself preferring it longer? Ugh, it made no sense.

Nerves started to worm their way into his mind about wearing a wig out of the apartment. He wasn’t worried about it not looking good because he looked insanely sexy, wig or not, thank you, but because… well, he wasn’t actually sure. Why was he afraid? It was just some fake hair!

Joel fixed his posture, puffing out his chest and narrowing his eyes into slits. There was no reason to be nervous! That sort of emotion was below him. He was Joel, for fuck’s sake! If he wanted to wear a wig to go out with his wife and do stereotypical girly stuff, he would! Who cared?

“Who knew my husband could have better hair than me?” Lizzie teased, poking his shoulder blade. “If you look this great with a wig, imagine growing out your natural hair.”

“You overestimated my haircare skills,” Joel chose not to acknowledge the compliment as he turned around to face her, “and how absolutely stunning you are.”

And stunning she was! Joel may be biased, but Lizzie was always stunning, even if she had bedhead or was snot-nosed sick. No one was quite like his wife, and he had her all to himself.

Lizzie had her dyed bubblegum pink hair half twisted into space buns and half down. She wore a halter top that covered her front, but left her back exposed. She had bought several different designs after her back tattoo finished healing so she could show it off. To be fair, the tattoo was gorgeous and well-done, designed to look like she had fairy wings.

Joel whistled lowly, pulling her toward him until they made contact. She rocked forward onto her tiptoes, laying her arms over his shoulders, eyes sparkling mischievously as she playfully accused, “Flatterer.” “Am I a flatterer if it’s true?” Joel inquired rhetorically, allowing her to pull him down by his neck. Their lips met, exchanging a few easy kisses. Her lipstick mildly dyed his lips, but he hadn’t noticed until after they broke and Lizzie giggled. “What is it?” “Some of my lipstick didn’t transfer where it was supposed to.” Lizzie licked her finger and used it to wipe away the lipstick from the area around his lips. She rubbed her lips together and then popped them before instructing him to do the same.

“Did you just trick me into applying lipstick?” Joel asked, more amused than annoying. This wasn’t the first time she had done such a thing, but Joel found it endearing. It was like her way of telling others that he was taken, same when Lizzie gave him her jewelry or slipped her arm around his. Lizzie didn’t always show it in the most conventional ways, but she could be just as aggressively protective and possessive as he could be.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.” Lizzie flashed him a smile, feigning innocence. “Why? Do you not like it? You know, this way we match. And it’s more like gloss, than lipstick. It’s more shiny!”

Joel pulled out his phone for the camera function, using it as an artificial reflective surface. The shade of gloss complimented both him and Lizzie fairly well, he had to commend her for her expert choice. He smiled, pleased at what he saw, enough to snap a picture of himself. It was the same Joel he’s always known himself to be, but the gloss and wig were welcomed additions.

Lizzie stayed quiet, watching him observe himself. She would often tease him for being narcissistic and obsessed with himself, all lightheaded and jokingly, but she didn’t now. Instead, she just waited, allowing him time to process. Joel wasn’t sure how long she had planned to stand in silence, but Joel had certainly pushed the boundaries. Eventually, Lizzie took her hand in his and gently tugged. “Come on, we’re going to miss our appointment.” Appointment? What appointment? Joel was temporarily confused before connecting the dots. Right, he was going to get his nails done with his wife. That was the whole reason they were going out instead of staying at home, lazing around in their pajamas and watching random films. Joel allowed Lizzie to lead him out of their apartment, already daydreaming about glamming up his nails.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷’

Joel wasn’t sure what he had expected, but it wasn’t this.

Lizzie had guided Joel through the nail process, helping him pick out the nail polish and simple little designs they could do for a slight upcharge. Joel ultimately went with plain green nails and Lizzie decided to match, but she requested little white hearts overtop hers.

The nail techs had been nothing but accommodating, though something bizarre kept happening. Not bad bizarre, just… bizarre.

They kept referring to him as a girl.

It was understandable, he supposed. Maybe they weren’t used to men with long hair? And it’s not like it bothered him! Besides, he was wearing lipstick and a wig, and was getting his nails done. Again, their assumptions didn’t offend him– he was aware he was presenting femininely– but what was strange was that he never actually corrected them. He just… allowed it. More than that, he liked it?

Joel wasn’t sure if he was ready to confront that idea yet.

It would have been one thing if it happened only at the nail salon, but it continued throughout the day. Each store they went in, he was addressed as “ma’am” and referred to with she/her pronouns. Lizzie noticed, he knew, because she kept glancing at his direction after each time it occurred. Still, she didn’t say anything to correct the employees, and neither did he, and that was that.

Joel was just going to leave it alone and not acknowledge it, letting the memory rotate in his brain and probably visit him in his dreams, but Lizzie had different plans.

“Do you want to be a girl?” Lizzie blurted out once they arrived home, speaking as if it had physically pained her to keep the words contained. Joel had barely taken off his shoes and hung up the car keys when he was met with that question.

The answer should immediately be “No, of course not!” because that’s all he’s ever known. He should deny it, saying it was just for practice for Halloween! Because that is all it was, right? Joel knew that was wrong in her heart, when she actually accepted that there was something right about what had happened today. Part of her had had a hunch– of course, this feeling wasn’t exactly new– but, for some reason, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about it properly until now. Maybe it just took someone genuinely asking for her walls to break down.

“Oh, honey.” Lizzie’s features softened as she reached out to wipe away tears Joel hadn’t realized started to travel down her cheeks. “You know it’s okay if you are, right? I still love you either way. Boy or girl, I am still madly in love with you, as you are with me. We’re still Lizzie and Joel, ultimate power couple! You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Joel cracked a weak smile at the humor she paired with her comforts. She rubbed her palm against her eyes to try and clear her vision while Lizzie took her other hand to lead her to the couch. They sat down and Lizzie pulled Joel into a hug, rubbing circles against her back and murmuring soothing words of encouragement and affection into her ear.

“Do you mean it?” Joel whispered, voice cracking in a way she hated. She despised being seen as weak, but if anyone was going to see her this vulnerable, she was glad it was Lizzie. Maybe… maybe this wasn’t just a costume. Maybe it was something real.

“Mean what? That I love you no matter what?” Lizzie frowned, tucking Joel’s hair behind her ear to get it out of her face. “Of course I do. I love you, hun, not your gender. If being a girl makes you happy, then I will proudly introduce you as my wife. Wouldn’t you do the same if I felt more myself as a boy?” Joel considered Lizzie’s words for a moment before nodding. Girl or boy, she loved Lizzie, her wife, her reason for getting out of bed each morning. If her wife were her husband, she would be okay with that, and Lizzie was expressing that she felt the same. “Well, aren’t I a blummin’ idiot?”

“Maybe just a little bit,” Lizzie teased with her typical mischievous gleam returning, just the way Joel liked it. Unable to think of the proper words, Joel closed the gap between them once more, initiating lazy kisses. 

They two managed to position themselves as they kissed so that Joel was leaning against Lizzie, practically against her chest. Wig discarded, Lizzie scratched her fingers in Joel’s natural hair as Joel listened to the sound of Lizzie’s heartbeat.

“Do you want to try out a different name or do you want to keep Joel?” Lizzie murmured barely above a whisper as if she was afraid of bursting the peaceful bubble around them.

Joel didn’t answer it at first, considering the idea of choosing another name. Unlike other things she’s wondered about, the answer came easily. “No. I like Joel. I would like to keep it.”

“Then you can.” Lizzie peppered a few kisses against her hairline. “I can’t wait to brag about being able to spend all day with my cute, little wife.”

“I’m not little!” Joel protested, wrinkling her nose in disgust. Still, she didn’t remove herself from Lizzie’s hold.

“I know some people who say otherwise.” Lizzie giggled at Joel’s grumbles, but they both dropped it in favor of simply existing in each other’s presence. It had been a long day out, after all, and they were sort of sleepy… mm, it wouldn’t hurt to take a little cat nap on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, cuddled together as wife and wife.