#technically i don't even have my full stash here and what i have is already more than two trash bags full (temporary home)

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

It's that time of year again where I don't feel bad about buying discount yarn by justifying it as an birthday present to myself.

At least this time I had a strong idea of how I was going to use everything I bought. Keyword "had", now that I can see the yarn in person I'm not feeling as confident.

The orange hanks (Koigu Premium Merino in colourway 1113) look really good on camera but is much more peachy in person. Which isn't to my taste and not what I expected. I'm no longer sure what I want to make with it, probably something either purely practical (like a knee/elbow warmer) or a gift for someone, maybe a colourwork cowl? Or a hat for my dad to keep in his car during the winter time

The blue skeins (Paintbox Socks in Kingfisher Blue 1434) are a little bit more on me, I expected a lighter, brighter blue and didn't do enough research to double check. It's still very pretty so I'm not too disappointed, but I had planned to knit a shawl with the paintbox, the more teal blue hank (Cloudborn Fibers Superwash Sock Twist in Lagoon), and the light grey hank (Cascade Heritage Sock in Grey 5660). I still think there's a project in there somewhere, but I'm not happy with both blues together.

I've been trying not to just buy yarn because it's pretty and only buy when I have an actual project in mind, I have a big enough stash that I don't need to add more to it (arguably i need to give some away/donate it/sell it, a lot of it does not spark joy anymore now that i know what i like to create). Hopefully it doesn't take long for me to figure out what I would like to do with them.

[blarrghe]

This chapter of Strange Feelings in the Party camp got a comment about its ending, and on a re-read I remembered how this came out of a much older scene of just dialogue I had posted on here - probably one of the first things I wrote for this blog. And now with it fleshed out for the fic, it feels like a little ficlet in itself.

The full fic is here, but i just wanted to post this again.

“Well, I’m not going to try to steal from Morrigan’s secret cheese stash again, I just got the feeling back in my arm. So, truth.” 

Violet leans back with a wooden tankard of ale and allows Alistair his turn. She has taken mainly dares from Alistair, lightening the mood by acquiescing to his silly ideas. To Zevran she largely answers truth , and Zevran has asked about little of importance. 

He himself has opted for almost nothing but truths as well, which is surely a change for him. Violet asks about sexual proclivities with enthusiasm and bright eyes, Alistair asks mainly after his tattoos. 

Alistair, on his turns, has only been dared. Zevran has not asked him to do anything extraordinary, though he is getting temptingly close to daring him to allow him to give him that tattoo he so obviously wants. 

“Who was your… first time?” Alistair asks, rather timidly. Alistair has had two tankards of ale, and is finally beginning to get the point of the game. 

“A gardener at our estate. Her name was Vanna,” Violet shrugs, “broke her heart.” 

“I knew it,” Zevran says with a grin. “Slayer of dragons, breaker of hearts. It suits, no?” 

Violet frowns. “It was only one summer, but… left her on some bad terms. Said I’d never loved her.” 

“I’d be heartbroken too,” Alistair mutters through a grimace. Then he looks at Zevran guiltily, and then away. 

“My turn, then,” Zevran cuts the tension with another swig of his own ale and another bright grin. “And I have just the thing. So, Alistair, truth or dare?”

"Well I certainly don't like the sound of that." Alistair eyes Zevran's grin suspiciously. "Truth." 

"Shame. Not even just a wing of the Grey Warden crest?" He sighs dramatically as Alistair pulls a face. "Very well, I’ll let you have an easy one. Who was your first kiss?" 

Violet rolls her eyes, but Alistair nearly chokes on a swig of ale. 

"Boring," Violet declares, "we already know." 

Zevran levels his smirk Alistair's way. "Do we?" 

"Well... technically…"

"Hold on," Violet darts a betrayed glance at Zevran's growing smirk. "No gossip, hm?" she nudges Alistair, "what does he know that I don't? I thought it was me." Her pout is not really offended, but Alistair begins to stutter. 

"Well, Alistair?" Zevran intones with a waggle of his brows. 

"I suppose, technically, it was Zevran," Alistair manages to get the words out, slowly. 

Zevran grins. Violet spins from her pouty scrutiny of Alistair to flash wide, surprised eyes at him. 

"Zev!" She shouts, half a laugh. His smile widens and his cheeks warm. 

Sometimes she shouts his name like that, half of it and half laughing. He hadn't thought that she still would, after he'd caused her to cry, but sometimes she does. He reminds himself again that he is lucky to have such friendship. 

Violet turns back to Alistair, giving him one of her too-hard playful punches. "When?" She demands. 

"Do you want to tell it, or shall I?" Zevran offers, rising to take up their empty mugs and bring them to the cask for new pours of ale. 

Alistair stammers wordlessly as Zevran takes and returns his cup, so still standing, he begins.

'"Very well then. You see, we had just finished killing the revered saviour Andraste, reborn as a dragon, and all the pesky beasts up the Frostbacks—" 

" — we didn't kill Andraste —" Violet begins to Interrupt. 

"Hush, amor, let me tell the story. You were off doing whatever Warden business it is you get up to —" 

"Recruiting the dwarven forces to fight the blight?" 

"Yes, all that. And while you were away, the rest of us were stuck back at camp getting painfully bored. And poor Alistair, this was before the two of you figured things out, you see, well he was fretting so over this rose he wanted to give you. So, naturally, I wanted to help." 

Alistair is sinking down in his seat. "I’m sure," he groans. 

"Out of the goodness of my heart," Zevran continues, "and to see you two together and happy, of course." 

"He said," Alistair cuts in now, putting on a thick mockery of an Antivan accent, “you know, back in Antiva, I was known to be an exceptional teacher on the arts of love. A love master, if you will.”

Violet laughs loudly. "Love master?" 

Zevran had not actually said any of that, but he directs a proud smoulder at her anyway. "Hmm, do you deny it?" 

She keeps on laughing, waving him off. "Go ahead, go on." 

"I offered him some advice. But poor Alistair, he was still so nervous. So I offered to help him more practically. I suggested, since the poor man had never so much as kissed another, that he might feel more at ease if he could try it once without any attachment or expectation. He refused at first, of course, but as you well know, none can withstand the charms of this master lover for long." 

Alistair slumps over to hide his face in his hands. "Maker, kill me now." 

"He says to me, desperate and pleading. Zevran, I cannot sleep! I can think of nothing else! All I do is imagine kissing her and it all going terribly wrong! Our teeth will surely clash! My big honking nose is going to bash into her perfect face and give her a nose bleed! Help me, Zevran!" 

"That’s not what I —" 

"Hush, darling, let him tell the story," Violet interrupts, leaning in, her elbows at her knees. 

"So I offered again, 'I could kiss you, Alistair. I am sure it will not be so disastrous as you think.'" 

"It was a beautiful sunset, the forest was glowing... he said I had pretty eyes," Alistair defends himself in a pout.  

"You do." 

"Mhm," Violet agrees. "You do." 

Alistair resumes his shamed posture,  head in hands. 

"But yes, as he said, it was quite a romantic little scene." 

Violet is shaking her head in disbelief. She gives Alistair’s hunched back a gentle pat. "Alistair…" 

"I’m sorry!" He lifts his head, "I was just, I was so nervous." 

Violet is chuckling lightly. "That is the most adorable thing I have ever heard," she says. She appraises Alistair with affection in her gaze, and he smiles meekly under it. 

"And it worked out well, yes?" Zevran declares, "no nosebleeds. You’re welcome." 

Alistair drinks deeply from his new tankard of ale. Violet's eyes flash up to Zevran's, and he has known her too well not to know what she is thinking. 

"Well, my turn, right?" She smiles deviously. "Zevran, truth or dare?" 

"Dare." 

"Do it again."

[ducknotinarow]

03 MikeyYvonne  🍷💖

| send 🍷💖for my muse to drunkenly flirt with yours

"Don! Don please save me!" Mikey cried out regressing back to the little brother role he loved to take advantage of when ever it was well convenient for the orange banded turtle. As he ran over to his older brother making his desperate plea more apparent as he dropped to his knees and hugged them around their waist. "please Don save me and make her stop!"

Don't get him wrong he was pretty fond of Yvoone for a number of reasons. For one she seemed to make Donnie happy so that was reason enough to like her. But she also was pretty nice to him as well, even helping him out with his own business which he appreciated a lot. She also had a similar vibe to Don so she could be kind of claiming like his brother was. What he couldn't handle to much of? was the questions. Not the ones about Don, nah that was different. It was the ones about begin a mutant and such something research or whatever but once she got started? Boy could she talk! And Mikey had hit his limit a bit ago. Assuming Don was going to help him assuming she would listen to him at least he feel his bother pat his head and he offers a smile before moving to get back up no that Von caught back up to him. Mikey watched as his brother stood up from his chair and worked his way to the butterfly mutant. Relief already settling on his shoulders. So grateful to his brother, look Mikey could talk about himself for hours if asked but the questions she asked were more technical. And Mikey needed a break. Why couldn't she talk to one of the other mutant turtles in the liar today, or Master Splinter even hell LH was mutant they could talk. He was a brainy guy himself he might like it.

Mikey hummed when he heard Don says his name smiling expecting Don to have talked him free of his torment. Only to have a slight twist in his stomach when he noted how Don set a hand to her shoulder, gesturing his arm out towards Mikey. The followings words of 'go ahead ask him' had Mikey hanging his mouth.

"Traitor!" Mikey whines nearly, "I your only little brother by the way Donatello!" Full name being used as he walks over to his betrayer in the moment. "Come to you for help and you help in my pain!" HE wanted to add for a girl in there but he didn't want to throw in any wrenches between them. "I can't not believe you!" He huffs in a clear none dramatic move as he huffs his way out of the lair.

Well least his little stunt did seem to get Von off his shell for sometime. Still slightly hurt with his brother though in part he knew he was being a bit over the top here. But still the sting was there finally venturing out of his room after getting sometime to drift away into his favorite comic story lines. Having been going back over Civil War he understood the pain Capetian America felt being at odds with Tony Stark. Mikey found there little stash of alcohol it was mostly beer cans thanks to Casey. But didn't mean Mikey could add something with it to cut that bitter taste. Grapefruit juice was the usual go too since it was easy to get their hands on. Mikey went and made up his little at home attempt of a mixed drink as he settled himself at the table. Current issue in hand as he went about reading, never matter how often he read a series or issue alone he always got so wrapped up in what was going on.

At some point he gone threw a few cans and the rest of the bottle of juice and he felt like words just no longer worded as they should. Staring at the same little panel for who knows how long he knew it was an explosion or he thinks it was on the panel when he heard the sound of heels against the floor he lowered his book. And slightly narrowed his eyes not meaning to look like he was upset he just couldn't focus his gaze enough to understand who he was looking at. Till Von stepped in closer. "OH hey Potts" He slurs a little he giggles a bit.

"I call Don, Tony Stark so thata make chu Pepper to his Tony." He soon snorts as he follow the explanation with a giggle soon after. "And leta me yell yous about your Tony though! He's a back stabber!" Mikeys tone soon switched his annoyance still on display, it seemed as he held up his cup and eyed it a moment soon tipping it back to finish The last of it in one firm glump. Before he lowers his chin to the tables surface. Bottom of his beak hung low in a firm pout. "He's a jerk. I'm like captain America and we're meant to be friends. Worse I'm his only little brother!" Slightly complaining over the lack of special treatment he felt that should automatically give him. Curly his arms around his head. So to rest his head in at the moment.

"I think you should be Peggy instead though, she fits better." He randomly suggests mostly out of his drunken hurt emotions towards Donatello in that moment. "She a take charge kind if gal, also you got brown hair like her." He knows Peggy's not in the comic he had laid out in front of him so he went and pulled out his phone trying to locate an image of the charater he's referring too.

"Oh there she's is! See with red lipstick!" He exclaims several octaves than what was needed for this conversation. Mikey smiles though proudly "I bet ya look real pretty with her hair style too oh and the blue blazer she wears! She'd a total babe." He indirectly compliments her. "Man I wish I had hair likes yours it's so nice and wavy and flower. Raph says Casey's got real pretty hair." He pauses a moment "you can tell people he said that, anyway, I think he's wrong I think your far prettier." Mikey says.

If this was someone else maybe it be easy to confuse it all as flirting but he wasn't even flirting not really in that sort of way. "Ya know I bet April's got rollers. Oh! we should have girls' night. But no Donatello talk he's rude. But I still wanna curl your hair mostly outta curiosity? Bicuiosity? Uhh I dunno the word whatever it means I'm using you to experience something I can't." He soon states in a moment of defeat.

"And then because you look so damn pretty well send a picture to Don, and then I'll tell him to bad you can't see her in person!" The plan completed now. Well maybe exposing something here in the open. "Cause he was mean and didn't help me." Then again should he also be upset with Von? Maybe but his mood was aimed at his brother. "Then we'll make him jelly cause im hanging out with you when your all pretty. Then we can can find Raph too and have him join us make Donnie double jelly at that point. Maybe Leo too he'll even casye everyone but Don basically. Well have a marvel party!" Mikeys mind was clearly moving at its own speed here. "You can the Peggy to my Steve!" He exclaims happily. "Sounds good let's do it!"

Mikey went to stand, having forgotten how his legs worked, though he soon found himself well aquinted with the floor of the kitchen. He's prettt sure he hurt something but he could tell as he laid on the kitchen floor. He slightly quirks his beak. "I should tell you to get my brother but im still upset so can you give me an ice pack instead?"

[mangodelorean]

Bad and Crazy – Episode 12 recap/musings [Finale]

Today marks one full week of us not being fed a full episode. I've broken with my lifelong tradition of: "If you don't watch the finale [of a currently running show] then, technically, it never ended!" So this post-show void is new to me. I don't care for it.

Anyway, where did we last leave Supernintendo Dickhead and Co.? For once, it's a scene we didn't leave behind in the previous episode, but a new one entirely:

Su Yeol: [o.s] I don't want to take it!

He's in a straitjacket, with additional restraint from three orderlies. A doctor yells at him that he must, to which Su Yeol screams crazily that he's not crazy. He looks, with all due respect, like air-fried shit. I didn't think it was possible for LDW to get any paler.

He's force-fed a tablet which he spits out. K manifests in his room's doorway to tell him to run. He does, and makes it to the end of a [barred] hallway where he's tackled and sedated by two additional orderlies. K watches in disappointed horror as Su Yeol is dragged – literally kicking and screaming – back to his room.

It's montage time! A vignette of increasingly competent escape attempts by our little meow-meow, ducking and sliding and unlocking gates in the world's dingiest-coloured RPG, as K cheers him on.

K manifests in Su Yeol's bed for a cuddle, where the two reminisce:

Su Yeol: [deadpan] I suddenly had this thought.

K: What thought?

Su Yeol: Out of all our moments together, what was the most messed-up moment?

K: [hyper] When was it? When? Tell me!

A po-faced Su Yeol runs through them by way of a mini clip-show: Gyeong Tae's Inferno, the three of them self-defenestrating, and, breaking into a smile, "getting beaten up all the time".

At this, the two laugh. K asks why the sudden trip down memory lane.

Su Yeol: Whenever I think about those moments, I feel like I can do anything.

Aww. He gets up [a slick shot of K disappearing as Su Yeol rises], and uses a towel and a mug to crush his stashed tablets into a fine powder. Next, he's carrying a kettle into his [not very useful] art therapy class, where K pops up to ask him what he's drawing. It's not just emo eyes: It's a map of the facility, marked with CCTV blind spots. By the time Su Yeol's finished explaining his masterpiece, everyone in the room has already been knocked out by the powder Su Yeol spiked their coffee with. Win!

Dr Hong Seok Gyeong, the shit doctor from earlier, finds Su Yeol at her office desk, joking that perhaps she didn't recognise him from his eyes being so "alert" [Sir, you have 200 eyelids]. Mr Alert Eyes holds up a file and says she's busted for selling prescription narcotics.

Dr Hong: [cornered] What do you want?

Su Yeol: You'll have to get me out of here. Transfer me to the nearest university hospital.

Dr Hong: And you'll escape once you're there?

To which Su Yeol responds with a smirk that even I can't resist finding a tiny bit cute. Muppet-faced dickhead.

In the ambulance [Why is its siren on if it's just a transfer?], K sees a message from Hong on a transport staff member's phone and pops up to warn a knocked-out, straitjacketed Su Yeol that they're going to kill him.

Su Yeol, awakening like a dumb vampire: "I've trained really hard for the past five months. I've been waiting for this moment." A mini scuffle ensues, with Su Yeol and K incapacitating both transport dudes.

Cut to Bong Pil screaming at the team that someone must know where Su Yeol is. He exits via a call from the Commissioner, to whom he promises to put out an APB on Su Yeol. The team laments the state of things.

Su Yeol, in biker leathers, watches from a distance as Dong Yeol walks Mama Ryu out of the pizza shop. I'm not a parent so I can't say whether or not this is a cliché, but I've always found it heartwarming wherever I see it: Mama Ryu, her mama-senses tingling, stops to look behind her, but nobody's there.

Back at the station, the team's frustrated at coming up empty. But it's Hui Gyeom that jumps up with a spark: What about the "quack" that Su Yeol used to see? Jae Seon reminds us he fled [for gambling and medical violations] and Gyeong Tae points out the office would now be empty. Everyone gets the same idea at the same time and fucking careen out of the door.

But wait! It's not empty! Doctor Heart Mender is on the phone to a shaman – Baby Prosecutor's mum, in fact, who tells him, from her son's desk, that her son does her finances and that she can get him a discount on legal fees should he ever have the need [I love this]. He's interrupted by a still-leathery Su Yeol, but can't quite clock if it's K or the dickhead. "I have no idea anymore," he giggles nervously, before Su Yeol punches him to the floor.

Amid apologies, Doc tends to his black eye with an egg. He explains that he fled thanks to "a connection in the police" [I can only think of one, and his weights are his babies], otherwise he'd have ended up in jail, too. Su Yeol blames his diagnosis and incarceration on the Doc's absence. Doc tries to bond with Su Yeol over their shared fugitive state, asking why he broke out.

Cut to: Ju Hyeok shooting hoops with Jeong Hun. As the two rehydrate, Jeong Hun expresses concern over Su Yeol's escape:

Jeong Hun: If he finds out that I got out of juvie, will he come and find me again? He must know that I refused to provide a statement.

Ju Hyeok: Did you have something to tell the police, though? I told the police everything, and it all proved to be true. Don't worry too much. That man, Ryu Su Yeol... He'll soon return to where he belongs.

After Ju Hyeok leaves with a shoulder tap, Jeong Hun opens up his phone and saves their recorded conversation. Yes!

Back to Doctor Heart Mender, who's been filled in by Su Yeol: He wants to find Ju Hyeok's psychological weakness to beat him at his own game. It's his only option, given that Ju Hyeok destroyed any evidence. Doc posits this: Prove that Ju Hyeok is Yun Ho:

Doc: Psychopaths who are obsessively meticulous often have psychological weaknesses that are fatal.

[Hello, Jong Woo.]

Doc: Mess with them a few times, and they just fall apart.

Su Yeol: I think I can figure out a way.

As he's about to lead them both in a mini meditation session [and it looks like Su Yeol is up for it], Doc wonders out loud who the real Ju Hyeok is, since Yun Ho claimed his identity. But before Su Yeol can respond, the sounds of shouting spill in from outside.

The team and Ju's team are literally clashing in the hallway, the latter having followed the former. There's a brief respite while they trade notes/insults, but it soon picks up again when Su Yeol bolts out the door. Both teams give chase, but Hui Gyeom heads in the other direction and catches up to him in her car. After THREE attempts because he's an undexterous fucking moron with Haribo foam gummies for hands, Su Yeol finally manages to open the door and climb in. With the face of an escaped lunatic, he asks Hui Gyeom how she is.

Cut to: Her flipping him on the ground again, this time at a junkyard. Ha. She's furious that he didn't trust them and that he fooled them all for months. His half-arsed apology enrages her further, but Jae Seon is impressed by Su Yeol's performance:

Jae Seon: Su Yeol, I didn't know you were such a good actor. Become an actor. Why did you become a cop with that face?

Hui Gyeom: Actor, my foot. He's a con man.

Jae Seon and Gyeong Tae hold her back. Su Yeol's about to launch into a much-needed explanation about proving Ju Heok being Yun Ho when K pops up and semi-shyly asks to be introduced to the team. Su Yeol does, as his "alter ego", but this makes K even more bashful and he hides behind Su Yeol. Gyeong Tae introduces himself to a patch of empty air.

K: [excited] Tell him we've met before. I saved his life.

Su Yeol: [deadpan] You two have met before. He saved your life.

Pfft. A near-tearful Gyeong Tae bows as far as his torso allows, with Jae Seon following suit. As for Hui Gyeom:

K: [doe-eyed] Shall I profess my feelings to Hui Gyeom?

Su Yeol: [yells] Profess what? Don't you know the situation we're in?

Hui Gyeom: Hey, I'm good. I don't need to meet him.

A crestfallen K looks like he's about to cry. Jae Seon steps up, but K just shakes his head. Su Yeol: "He has nothing to say to you." Aw. At this, Gyeong Tae looks notably smug.

Hui Gyeom turns the conversation back to the case. Su Yeol cites the bug painter as someone who knew Yun Ho's identity and that, even though he's dead, they might go back long enough for them to dig up some connections/proof. Hui Gyeom says that the autopsy found nothing, and that his intentionally damaged fingerprints will make it hard to identify him. But Su Yeol says he has to try, because it's his last chance.

In prison, Hui Gyeom visits Yong, who recounts with disbelief the promise that Su Yeol had made to her about catching Andrei's killer. Hui Gyeom admits it all went south but, to fix it, she still needs Yong's help.

Jae Seon and Gyeong Tae catch up to a lead we can assume Yong gave him, but the guy says he doesn't know the painter's name. The two cops make light of/threaten him with police brutality [ugh], which seems to get him to talk: He first met the painter when selling him drugs. The painter was wearing a patient uniform from a mental health clinic, but the uniform had a distinct, memorable angel logo...

...The same shape as the painting hanging in Doctor Heart Mender's office. He was the director of the clinic, but it shut down a decade ago. Jae Seon relays this to Su Yeol and Hui Gyeom in the car. Su Yeol tells him to meet them at Heart Mender's.

At home, Mama Ryu gets a call from Dong Yeol, who asks her to wave in front of the living room security camera. He says he'll be home soon. There's a knock at the front door and a letter slides through. She opens it.

On the phone, Doctor Heart Mender tells Su Yeol that he still has all of the records from that clinic, because:

Doctor Heart Mender: A mental illness relapse is very common. And it's not like my patients magically recovered when I closed my clinic, so I need all the records for reference.

Cut to: Su Yeol in the car, mouthing "YES".

Doc tells Su Yeol that this is just how you do business [In-fucking-deed; he knows what he's doing. He always has!] and Su Yeol agrees via a mountain of fawning plaudits before sending him a photo of the painter.

Doc trawls through some files and finds the file – and the painter's name is *(drum roll)* Sin Ju Hyeok! Speaking of which, Fake Ju Hyeok cuts a menacing figure under the neon glow of the Heart Mender sign. Doc doesn't know who he is, but soon catches on that things aren't looking good when Ju Hyeok 1. draws the curtains closed and 2. grabs a small spy camera from his shelf. Fake Ju Hyeok/Yun Ho: "I installed it over 6 months ago." Uh-oh.

Outside, Su Yeol leaps out of Hui Gyeom's car, saying he'll go in first. But he finds our poor Doc on the floor, stabbed. Outside, Hui Gyeom learns via a call from Jae Seon that Ju is pushing for an "aiding and abetting a fugitive" charge to fuck over the team. Seconds later, she gets a tearful call from a worried Dong Yeol.

Hui Gyeom finds a frantic Su Yeol calling the emergency services. She tells him to run and gives him her phone, Dong Yeol calling.

Su Yeol rushes home to find Dong Yeol sweeping up broken pottery. Big Bro immediately hugs Little Bro, who asks what happened. Dong Yeol says that Mama Ryu was doing well (taking her meds, avoiding the news – a suggestion from Hui Gyeom), but that she somehow found about his escape anyway and keeps saying she has to find and save him.

Su Yeol finds Mama Ryu in her room. He gently takes her hand and tells her he's here. But she doesn't believe him. She asks, fearfully, what he's done to Su Yeol and, becoming more and more terrified, asks who he is. She throws a cup at him and barricades herself against the door, crying out to Dong Yeol that she can't let him get hurt. She grabs a shard of glass from the floor and wields it, telling an increasingly worried Su Yeol she knows everything from "the letter":

Su Yeol: "Letter"? Eomma, what letter?

Mama Ryu: You impersonated Su Yeol and hurt people. You made people suffer. Where is Su Yeol? Where is my son? You scumbag!

[She swipes again; Su Yeol dodges it.]

Mama Ryu: Bring the real Su Yeol back! My son, Su Yeol! I want my son back!

A frantic Mama Ryu aims the shard up at a sobbing Su Yeol, who takes her hand in both of his and gently, firmly brings it down and takes it from her, but draws blood in the process. He tries to assure her:

Su Yeol: Eomma, I am Su Yeol. It's me, your son, Su Yeol! The boy who ran away to survive. You put your trust in me, remember? It's me. I am Su Yeol, Eomma. Your son, Su Yeol! You told me to pull myself together and protect myself. Eomma, you told me that, remember?

After a pause, she recognises him again, and the two hug. After such a gut-wrenching scene, it's a relief. He tells her it'll be OK. She blames herself, but he tells her he's OK, and that he's sorry.

He lets Dong Yeol in and takes a call from an unknown number. It is, of course, Yun Ho, who asks him if every choice he's made thus far has been "wrong" considering the hurt left in the wake of each one.

Su Yeol: Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?

Yun Ho: You just won't accept the fact that Jeong Yun Ho saved you.

Su Yeol: You "saved" me? You committed murder. You think you saved those kids? You just used them to justify the murders you committed.

[pause]

Yun Ho: I'd say it's about time we met.

He hangs up and looks across... at Jeong Hun, and tells him not to look so scared, and that he can stop recording their conversations now. Oh, shit.

Outside the gate of his burnt-out childhood home, K asks Su Yeol why here. Su Yeol says it's because it where it began, with him, and that he needs to fix it.

K: Trust is key.

Su Yeol: [short laugh] Of course, I have to trust you.

K: No. You, not me. [pause] Trust yourself.

[beat]

Su Yeol: [smiles] I do trust myself.

Su Yeol walks in the gate to find Yun Ho, who admits to being Yun Ho. Su Yeol asks again why he's doing this, but Yun Ho just reiterates that he saved him. Su Yeol dismisses him, but Yun Ho continues:

Yun Ho: You see, back then, did we have another option? Let's say I chose not to kill your father. Then do you think you wouldn't have been able to escape that misery? Really? Let's find out.

Su Yeol: What?

Yun Ho: Jae Hui. You really have to accept it, now: Killing your father was the only way to save you back then. Just like now.

He drops a lighter, setting the site ablaze. But the flames illuminate a bound Jeong Hun inside, who calls out for help. Yun Ho expresses mock regret that it had to come to this. Su Yeol is struck by a memory migraine: his father beating him, Yun Ho, in the yellow raincoat, stabbing him, and young Su Yeol running away.

The pain weakens Su Yeol and he drops to the ground. K manifests to try to snap him out of it, and reminds him:

K: Have you forgotten already? Fire doesn't faze us.

Su Yeol leaps into the house and starts to untie Jeong Hun, but Yun Ho appears behind him and sinks a syringe in his neck.

Yun Ho: It was because of K. The reason you believed that I wasn't the one who saved you, and the only reason you rejected my help. It was because of K!

As both Su Yeol and K slump from the drug, Yun Ho demands that Su Yeol acknowledge the truth: that only he can save Su Yeol. He screams for Su Yeol to beg him for help, but when he tells him to fuck off, Yun Ho stabs him in the side. He tells him this was "fun" and leaves, taking one last, expressionless look at the fire.

Inside, Su Yeol begs K for help in getting Jeong Hun to safety. As he struggles to stay conscious amid the suffocating effects of the fire, a string of memories run through his head:

Jeong Hun asking who will save So Yeon; promising Young Joo he'll catch her gaslighter but then holding her as she died; holding a pleading Bok Jun as he dies; K saying he's been here the whole time; K/Su Yeol punching Yun Ho when they were kids; Mama Ryu: "Back then, you were just a little boy who ran away to survive. And I still believe that. So you should trust yourself, too."; K: "Trust is key. You, not me."

It snaps him out of it enough to gasp some breaths: "I can do this." He lifts himself up, then Jeong Hun, and stumbles to safety into the front garden. He tells the boy he'll be back.

Yun Ho gets into his car but a lurching Su Yeol installs himself as a gremlin on the hood. The pair exchange evil sexy smiles:

Su Yeol: You must be sick of me by now. You're scared of me, aren't you? I bet that's why you're doing this to me. Because you can't control me.

[pause: Yun Ho is expressionless.]

Su Yeol: [points; smiles] Look at you, all scared. You see, this is proof right here, the fact that you're scared, now. It proves that you know you committed crimes.

Yun Ho: [voice trembles with anger] In Jae Hui...

Su Yeol: [sighs] I'm Ryu Su Yeol. Ah, you talk too much. Forget it. It's time for you to get beaten up.

With that, Su Yeol lunges. But it's a swing and a miss, and Yun Ho gets in several violent head punches that send Su Yeol to the ground. Su Yeol gets back up but Yun Ho repeatedly pummels Su Yeol's stabbed side. The pair continues to grapple until Su Yeol pins Yun Ho against the car, lets out a delightfully deranged Joker laugh and issues a series of increasingly bloody headbutts to Yun Ho's face. Finally, this leathery dipshit is using his head.

[There's no way he doesn't have a concussion after that, though.] As the sirens approach, he falls to the ground and looks over at Yun Ho, the two of them very bloody boys indeed.

Su Yeol: [smiles] I did... pretty well, didn't I...?

[I'll say.]

In Hallway of the Id, Su Yeol calls out to K. After a few seconds of nothing, K pops up from behind a random doorway:

K: Aish, it's you again. Why did you follow me all the way here?

Su Yeol: [smiles] I thought you were gone for good, but you were hiding here? [excited; mimics punches] You should've been there to see Sin Ju Hyeok get pummelled!

[pause]

K: It's time for me to leave.

Su Yeol: "Leave"?

K: [stoic] Heroes are never afraid to say goodbye. I can say goodbye and just be cool with it.

[beat]

Su Yeol: "Goodbye"...?

[beat]

Su Yeol: Why?

K: What is this, Su Yeol? Are you getting teary-eyed? Are you, seriously? [laughs; Su Yeol flinches] Oh, boy. This is why I was going to just disappear quietly, like the wind.

[pause]

K: Fine. Since you managed to find me, I shall give you a gift: My real name.

Su Yeol: Your real name? I thought your name was K.

K: [shakes head; wags finger] My real name. My full name! K, I, N, and—

Su Yeol: [deadpan] Don't tell me: It's "G".

K: Ding, dong, ddaeng! That is my name!

Su Yeol: [eyerolls]

K: King! Of the world! [laughs]

Su Yeol: [sighs] Just leave.

Pfft. K says he's about to choof off for real this time, but that if Su Yeol grabs him or hits him in the head the second he turns around, or if he gives him a wedgie, he'll pay the price. Su Yeol dismisses him with a hand wave.

K grabs Su Yeol's shoulder affectionately.

K: You're a good guy.

K gives him a thumbs-up, and Su Yeol gives him one back. This couldn't get any cuter, could it?

K walks away, and the hallway morphs to bring forward an exit door. Su Yeol tries calling out "King" but his inner anti-cringe won't let him, so, instead:

Su Yeol: K!

[K turns.]

Su Yeol: Thanks.

[beat]

K: I haven't heard that in a while.

He smiles and turns away, giving a wave as he faces the door. Then, a memory:

Young Su Yeol, terrified, barefoot and covered in blood, catches his breath against the side of a building. A hand gently reaches out to his shoulder: It's K, who asks if he's OK. The boy thanks him for saving him, but K says he should thank himself, "because I am you. It was all you. You saved yourself. It wasn't me." K offers his hand, and lifts him up.

Back to the present, and Su Yeol watches as K closes the door behind him. To the swells of bittersweet music, Su Yeol runs to open the door, and cries out for K, his expression lost, distraught, even, and looks down... to see K, crouched on the floor, biting his own fist to muffle his sobs. When he spots Su Yeol, his puppy face crumples into a heartbreaking mess; Su Yeol, smiling, extends his hand this time, and lifts him up for a big, dumb, warm, happy, wonderful hug.

In hospital, the team's voices talk about Su Yeol waking up soon, why he's smiling, and why he's also crying. As he opens his eyes, the team fills him in: Jeong Hun is fine; the team can prove that the painter's name was Sin Ju Hyeok (and that it wasn't the first time Yun Ho swiped someone's ID); Jeong Hun testified; Doctor Heart Mender is fine. Phew!

Jae Seon asks Su Yeol if he's OK since he was "smiling and crying" earlier in a bit of a scene. Su Yeol smiles: "That crazy jerk..."

He looks around, but can't find K, and remarks that he's "really gone". The word "crazy" triggers a memory in Hui Gyeom:

Hui Gyeom: K?

Su Yeol: No. He's not K. He's King.

The team laughs, but Gyeong Tae has to explain it to Jae Seon ("Wang").

Later, Su Yeol, in full dress uniform, is about to enter his own reinstatement hearing. He recalls Bong Pil telling him to lie that he never had a split personality, that it was just a ruse for the case. Inside, it's revealed that enough time has passed that Su Yeol's name has been officially cleared.

The committee asks about his split personality, and whether or not it was just a strategy. Su Yeol, of course, thinks of that glorious memory in which he thought K was "Gay", which makes all of us – including Su Yeol – crack a little laugh. Bong Pil tries to jump in to say that a psychiatrist cleared him, and showers him with praise. It's a pretty deft step-over of the question, and it works, because they've moved on from it without Su Yeol having to answer it or lie.

Memories flood in: K saving young Su Yeol; Su Yeol remembering it during the hospital fight with the painter; K reintroducing himself as Su Yeol's hero, Su Yeol's action star, Su Yeol's K.

The committee says they'll wrap up, having pretty much said they're going to reinstate him, but Su Yeol pipes up:

Su Yeol: He was real.

[beat]

Su Yeol: K's existence was real. And he was with me.

Bong Pil tries to interrupt, but Su Yeol continues:

Su Yeol: He was definitely crazy. [smiles] But he was a good person, too.

A committee member asks Bong Pil if he's sure Su Yeol was psychiatrically cleared.

Su Yeol: He was real. And I can't deny his existence. K was definitely with me.

[beat]

Su Yeol: And I liked him.

He thanks the committee, bows, and takes his leave.

At Yeol Yeol Pizza, Su Yeol, in casuals [hoodies suit him] pores over the restaurant's books:

Su Yeol: When I see this, it makes me think that we're really biologically related.

Dong Yeol: Why do you say that?

Su Yeol: Ryu Dong Yeol. You've gotten better at stealing money from the pizzeria. You almost fooled me.

Dong Yeol: [laughs nervously] Seriously, you're so good at revealing corruption...! [pause] And a lot of people thought that we were biologically related. You and I resemble each other.

At that, Mama Ryu smacks Dong Yeol with a dish rag, to which Su Yeol asks for her to slap him some more, tells Dong Yeol he has a week to replace the 200k won he nicked, and tells Mama Ryu to ask Dong Yeol about a woman he suspects he's been seeing. Actual Narc Ryu Su Yeol.

The door's bell rings: It's Jeong Hun! Su Yeol thanks him for his statement. The boy says he's here about the delivery driver job ad, since he's done it before. The two exchange smiles, and Su Yeol calls out to Dong Yeol to "introduce" him as their new part-timer. Dong Yeol immediately grabs him to feed him, calling him "Brother". Aww!

The next day, Su Yeol mopes alone on a see-saw, recalling that infamous time on one with K. [The bittersweet, self-mocking humour of this scene is peak this show, and I'll miss it dearly.] Hui Gyeom arrives, and offers to join him.

The two walk and talk; Hui Gyeom says that public opinion of him is pretty decent because it's sparked a viral debate about cops with PTSD not talking about mental health. She asks if he'll come back to work. He says he's not sure, but then stops.

Su Yeol: What else?

Hui Gyeom: What?

Su Yeol: It looks like there's something else. I thought you came here to talk about something serious. That's why you probably came here alone without the team.

Hui Gyeom: Right... [pause] Do you remember the day when we arrested Kim Gye Sik? You stopped by my house briefly because of your wound on the forehead.

Su Yeol: [deadpan] Oh, that day. I can't forget that day. [pause] What? What about that day?

Hui Gyeom: What? [pause] I'm curious about the thing that happened that day. Who were you back then? Were you yourself? Or were you K?

Su Yeol: What do you mean?

Hui Gyeom: What? Who was it? You know, the thing... [sheepish] The one who kissed me.

As Su Yeol's in the middle of making Surprised Pikachu Face, in swoops K – yay, he's back! – and immediately puts Su Yeol in a headlock:

K: I knew it!

Su Yeol: Let go of me, you jerk!

K: I already warned you: When it comes to justice and love, heroes go all out!

Su Yeol: Hey, let go of me! You crazy jerk! It's been a while! Say hi first!

K: "Say hi"? How can I be happy and say hello to you right now? You! Tell me what happened between you and Hui Gyeom that day. Tell me everything!

Su Yeol: Nothing happened! We just watched Amazing Saturday! Let go of me!

K: I will never believe you, jerk!!

The two's cries join in unison as Su Yeol, revealed to be visualising this entirely (instead of acting/speaking it out visibly/audibly), stares off into space until Hui Gyeom snaps him out of it. She asks if K showed up again, but he says that K "doesn't show up anymore" and that, if K had known about the kiss, he'd have killed Su Yeol. He asks Hui Gyeom what she wants to do and, before she can respond, asks if she's going to "stay with our team". She happily takes that to mean that he's coming back, and promises to keep an eye on him since K is gone.

In court, Yun Ho's lawyer suggests a defence based around his childhood trauma. In the bathroom, Yong incapacitates a guard, and attacks Yun Ho, who didn't even get a chance to wash his hands. He tries to fight back, but she has the upper hand throughout, and literally tears open his jugular vein with her bare teeth, killing him. Good. Fucking good.

A year later, Su Yeol struts the hall of (Ex-)Detective Lim's club, noting its "upgrade". In a private room, he refuses a drink from both Lim and Ju, who's also there, and showering him with compliments. Lim offers an envelope of cash, but Su Yeol balks at this, saying he's just there to catch up. Lim takes the hint and offers, as before, a second, fatter envelope (with another "ta-da!"), at which Su Yeol makes his previously seen "I would fuck this money if I could" face. The trio exchange naughty grins. But!

Su Yeol: By the way, if I keep digging, how far will I get? I can't help but get curious.

He laments that it's so obvious that Lim is bribing him, and takes out his phone to snap photos of the envelopes. He bats their hands away ("Don't touch it; it will only make it worse") and calls his "students" to move in.

In the hall, Jae Seon and Gyeong Tae fight Lim's cronies, while Hui Gyeom takes down Lim herself. Back in the room, Su Yeol cuffs Ju and jabs that it must feel crappy being arrested by him. Ju tells him that this goes all the way up to the commissioner, who's collecting bribes before he dicks off to the National Assembly. He warns Su Yeol that if he starts this fight, his career will be fucked.

Cue: Bad and Crazy theme music, that fucking banger of a choon, and Su Yeol walking down the station's steps. Wait – we've seen this before. We've definitely seen this before! To the familiar chorus of his team yelling "No! Don't do it!", Su Yeol descends the steps in his best running shoes, calls out to the commissioner and, with a maniacal grin on his face, runs, jumps and, with a cat-like, K-like leap, gears up for another Big Kick!

And, with a freeze-frame sandwiching a mini run-down of the show's greatest clips, we're done. For good. Thank you, Team Bad and Crazy x

-------------------------------------------------------

At the risk of clichés: What a ride it's been, huh? I wish we'd gotten more than just 12 episodes, but that might be my own greed talking. [I've never been a proponent of the USian-style 24-episode format, though. It always sounded exhausting.]

I'm happy with how all of this ended, especially the way it reduced Yun Ho's fate, after all of his self-important grandeur, to a mere narrative footnote: offed in the loos by a Russian vampire. And a sombre but fittingly violent note on which to end Yong's story. As for other arcs, I've enjoyed watching Jae Seon bond with an an increasingly confident Gyeong Tae, and Jeong Hun come into his own despite what he's been through. Another "found family" success story!

I also liked the subtle, implied duality of every conversation between Hui Gyeom and Su Yeol. While they were staunch professionals who kept their minds on the case at every turn, it was rather sweet watching the little moments that hinted at an "almost" conversation about their relationship, but you can tell that these two didn't need to have said actual conversations. It's a more grounded romance angle that lets both of these characters be realistic human beings.

As for Su Yeol himself, well, this dickhead endeared himself to all of us through his de-Grinchifying by way of spending more time with Hui Gyeom, Gyeong Tae and, most of all, his family. You can't be as much of a selfish wanker when Mama Ryu and Dong Yeol remind you, through food and love, of when you used to not be a shitheaded reprobate. His journey has been by turns both fun and heartwarming, as we watched various people repeatedly (and sometimes literally) shoving Su Yeol towards the direction he needs to be in to make himself into a better person. Especially K, that yappy little puppy of a human pokémon, and who's been such a consistent joy to watch yet also such a powerful metaphor for a topic that's still woefully under-discussed.

The show has handled a litany of heavy subjects – from gaslighting, to child abuse to Alzheimer's – but the take on mental health has impressed me. Su Yeol is routinely shown speaking to multiple doctors (admittedly, with varying results) about his condition and, to the end, never wavers from acknowledging the very real existence of K. From what I've read about Dissociative Identity Disorder, alters are genuinely real because they are valid parts of a person's identity, and they're neither inherently bad or good. There's no cure but, rather, it's a managed condition, and the fact that Su Yeol now internalises his interactions with K is definitely progress. It also fits in with Doctor Heart Mender's assessment that mental health conditions don't just go away (and can often relapse).

I don't know the state of things around mental health discussions in Korea, but I wonder if a lesser show might have had Su Yeol lie about K's existence. But he didn't – he stood up for K, for his own mental health, at the risk of his own job. The footnote about Su Yeol's case "going viral" on the agency's website, and how it prompted discussions around cops talking about their own PTSD, also signals a much more progressive take on men's mental health issues. I'd be happy to see this trend more.

But I'm still sad it's over!

Even with other shows threatening to fill the gap, this show has left a sizeable hole. I'll miss watching these two complete fucking idiots raise incompetent chaos twice a week. There'll be nobody else quite like them. [raises glass] To you, Supernintendo Dickhead, and his King.

<3

Stray thoughts:

The use of straitjackets is a generally outdated practice. There are far better tools (pharmacological, non-confrontational, etc.) to safeguard potentially dangerous patients. This article basically compares it to using leeches. But, given the standards that the episode's hospital (and that doc) seems to espouse, their use of it doesn't surprise me.

I've been enjoying the "eye" motif this entire series, particularly when set against things that the characters are either blind to by trust (Hui Gyeom/Gye Sik) or choice (Su Yeol being a dickhead and turning a blind eye to injustice).

I wonder what "artist" Moon Jo would think of Su Yeol's drawings.

You could measure this finale entirely in Su Yeol's cartoon faces.

I'm choosing to take Su Yeol disappearing from Mama Ryu's periphery as a SFH nod/Moon-jo-ism. [Nobody's stopped me yet from unearthing these from where I choose, no matter how much of a reach some of them are.]

I see Doctor Heart Mender has softened his stance on shamans.

Doc's summary of the show's core conflict is chef's kiss: "A lunatic has finally learned to handle a psychopath."

My Episode-3 prophecy about Su Yeol being shit at doors came true!

The Brothers Ryu reunion was touching. Lots of hugs, lots of asking if things are OK. As it should be.

I may be wrong, but it seems like we purposefully weren't shown whose hand was cut when Su Yeol was taking the glass from Mama Ryu's hand. Or, indeed, if it was both. Given the symbolism (family/sharing struggles, especially given they're not blood relatives [which doesn't matter]), I don't think we needed to know, no?

I understand we're watching the icily unflappable Yun Ho lose it/take off his "I'm not a psycho" mask but Jung Sung Il's OTT facial expressions in the fire scene were just too panto for me. I think this is down to the director rather than (just) the actor, though.

Yun Ho leaving the fire but hearing Su Yeol still call out for K in what he thought was his final moments. The man's made his decision, and it ain't you, Doctor McBastardpants.

During Su Yeol's recollections as he (almost) succumbs to the fire, the train of thought as depicted, from one memory to the next, is brilliantly, plausibly lucid. You really can connect the dots yourself.

Su Yeol telling Yun Ho he's scared of him but Su Yeol's own body language and posture saying the absolute opposite. In this situation, though, I wholly support fake-it-til-you-make-it.

Su Yeol: "Ah, you talk too much", he says, TALKING THE MOST IN THIS SCENE (Yun Ho literally said three words).

God bless the DP who decided to use POV shots for the headbutts. Derangement level definitely conveyed.

Hallway of the Id, now devoid of scary colour and lighting, and sound-mixed to record as boringly and non-threateningly as any other hallway. Su Yeol also looks taller when walking through it.

The bits of English in this show continue to be fun, especially K with "full name!"

K saying "Ding, dong, ddaeng!" (to mean "Correct!") – is that a Running Man reference?

The music, the emotional beats, the running, the lighting, the hug, the bloody overhead pyrotechnics. This is a romance scene. Specifically, a Bollywood romance scene. And I adore it.

Even on its own, K's crying, Su Yeol's warm smile and the two hugging would have been enough to make me sob. Two years into this pandemic and not having hugged my friends since 2020, this hits especially hard.

I already wanted these two idiots to win Best Couple at the Baeksang Arts Awards but after the abject purity of that hug and everything it stood for, I think they're in with a chance.

200,000 won = 123 GBP/167 USD.

As Su Yeol's become less of a piece of shit, his clothing has slowly gotten more comfortable and/or more practical.

Su Yeol: "K doesn't show up anymore." That doesn't mean he's not still there, just that maybe his manifestations are now something that Su Yeol can visualise entirely rather than play out their interactions for everyone else to see and hear.

Yong, episode 11: "Do you think I can see that scumbag in court?" Yong, episode 12: Sees said scumbag in court.

Between Hallway of the Id, the reinstatement hearing and the club, Su Yeol walks down a fair few corridors in the show's final scenes, with increasingly positive results.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Do you think I need to report or tip the deliveryman for taking advantage of the unlocked front door? Rio: can't decide Buster: Are you sure it was unlocked? Rio: Well I was sure I locked it actually but apparently not Rio: Indie also swears she didn't forget so must've been me Buster: Unless she swore on her stash there's no reason to take it as gospel, babe Rio: True Rio: thanks anyway 😚 they look really pretty in the kitchen window Buster: Hold on, I didn't send you anything Buster: What kind of delivery was it? Rio: Yeah, tbh, I didn't think it was you Rio: but I was hoping Rio: [the picture] Rio: they look kinda cheap Rio: cannot work out who they're from Buster: Is the address right? Maybe they're for next door but yours was open Buster: Fuck it, throw them out and I'll replace them for you Rio: There isn't one, there's like nothing Rio: Maybe Drew's planning to give 'em to someone Buster: Ask him Buster: Could also be one of Indie's friends, you said they were cheap, like Rio: Awh, how sweet Rio: yeah, I'll ask Rio: how are you anyway? Buster: Better before I was worried about your home security Rio: Don't be Rio: You've never forget to lock up before? Rio: Be Drew that'd be 😥 Buster: Course not Buster: My parents would kill me Rio: Guess you have more stuff to steal Rio: luckily we've just been gifted something so that's as good as you can hope I suppose Buster: No bullshit, are you okay? Rio: It just shook me up a bit Rio: but now I've had time to calm down Buster: You can stay here any time and for any reason Buster: You know that Rio: I know Rio: I promise I don't need that though Rio: even though I miss you Rio: wish you were here Buster: I miss you too Buster: I'll come and see you this weekend Buster: Move some shit around Rio: Can you? Rio: don't if you can't Buster: I can Buster: And I want to Rio: I wish they were from you Rio: not an unsubtle hint Buster: I don't need any hints Buster: I just ordered some Buster: But we can track the delivery on these, like Rio: I love you Rio: see who gets here first, you or the flowers Buster: I love you Buster: But they better or else we are gonna have to have a word with whoever the fuck delivers shit to your place Rio: 😂 Rio: its not quite that rough that the postie throws it and runs Buster: Says you Rio: What does that mean? 😏 Buster: It means I've only got your word for it since I can't exactly forgo the hotel and sleep over Rio: You'd prefer your hotel, I'm not gonna oversell it that hard, like Buster: I ain't gonna deny that either Buster: Unless you stayed there and left me alone at the hotel Rio: That just ain't gonna happen Rio: never ever Rio: least no one here is really keeping that close a check on where I am Rio: much easier Buster: Yeah fuck knows where I'm gonna say I am if anyone asks Buster: I'll obviously think of something as per but the standard excuses are gonna start sounding like they are exactly that one of these days Rio: I know Rio: be easier if visiting your sister was a little more in question Rio: but that would require actually doing that so Buster: As much as I love you, babe Rio: I know Rio: she's settled well though Buster: No need to try and make any friends when she's got Junior, is there? Buster: He more or less guarantees her an easier life Rio: Alright for some Rio: lucky he's such a nerd they let him skip Buster: Exactly Rio: Why you gotta be so overachieving, huh Rio: I'm so bored without you Buster: I didn't get put forward a year, I'm clearly not working hard enough actually Rio: Nah, you just don't have crazy genius brain Rio: which I think is probably a good thing Rio: and your school would never, doing everything by the 100 year old book Buster: Cheers Buster: For the compliment and the reminder Rio: You know you're still going to get everything you want Buster: Course I am Buster: I've earned it despite my lack of a genius level IQ Rio: Are you mad I called you not a genius? Buster: Like you said, it's a good thing Buster: Fuck being a weirdo Rio: Bit rude Buster: Come on Rio: You don't need to call anyone a weirdo if you're not mad Buster: You know what I mean Buster: I'm perfect as I am Rio: Okay Buster: Don't get mad Buster: Just 'cause I ain't Rio: 🙄 I'm not Rio: shh Buster: Convincing Rio: Well I will be if you keep going on Buster: Behave Rio: Come over and make me Mr. Perfect 😏 Buster: Friday afternoon Buster: Soon as school's over and done with Rio: 😾 I guess I'll behave then then Buster: Are you gonna be perfect? Rio: Aren't I always? 😇 Buster: You know you are Buster: But you also know I wanna hear you promise Rio: I promise I'll be perfect for you Buster: Good girl Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: You're so rude Rio: distracting me Buster: What are you doing that needs your full attention? Rio: I'm trying to cook Buster: I'll leave you to focus then, yeah? Buster: Wouldn't wanna be even ruder or anything Rio: Don't you dare Buster: You know I always dare Rio: Oh, so we're playing now? Buster: Yeah Rio: And you aren't playing nice Buster: I didn't make any promises to be Rio: Me either Rio: 'til Friday Buster: You can't help yourself though Buster: You're an angel Rio: For my sins Rio: and yours Buster: What sins are those? Rio: If I need to remind you, then its really been way too long since we last did a visit Buster: Or I need to remind you how heavenly everything we've ever done together is Rio: I wouldn't mind that reminder Buster: Call me Rio: [does] Buster: Tell me the kitchen ain't on fire Rio: It ain't Rio: Dinner is gonna be late Rio: but we'll all survive Buster: Well I'm not sorry about that Buster: I've gotta wait til Friday to have dinner with you Rio: I can't wait to cook for you Buster: Don't make me miss you more Rio: You wait 'til I have my own place proper Rio: treat you like such a 👑 all day every day Buster: I'm not sure I can wait, baby Buster: Jesus Rio: Next time your parents are away, tell me and I'll get the next flight Rio: never guaranteeing a free house here but we can play then Buster: Hold on, I'll check the calendar Buster: [a date] Rio: It's done Buster: Easily Rio: then when you go uni we can be together all the time Buster: Every day Rio: Can't we just be 18 now? Buster: I swear I feel older than that already Rio: Me too Rio: its crazy we've been doing all this over 2 years now Rio: never mind everything else Buster: Yeah Buster: Looking at their calendar only proves that my parents treat me like I'm older when it suits 'em Rio: Good for parties Rio: good for me and you Rio: but it must feel so big when its just you in that house Rio: my poor baby Buster: Technically not good enough though 'cause I can't move out or change schools Buster: But I ain't complaining Buster: Especially when I've got you to keep me company if it gets lonely Buster: Just one call away, like Buster: And like you said, the parties and visits mean I rarely am alone anyway Buster: We'd definitely have gotten closer to getting caught if I had different parents as well Rio: It won't last forever, even if it feels like it Rio: best place for you to be right now Rio: and I'll always be here Rio: no matter what Rio: sometimes I forget no one knows Rio: when I'm talking to you Rio: but then its painfully obvious again when we have to hide it Buster: I know Buster: Me too Buster: But that doesn't have to be forever either Buster: We can tell 'em when we're older Rio: We'll have to Rio: I can't just suddenly decide I wanna move to America when you happen to be going too Buster: And when I propose, you won't be able to hide a diamond that big Rio: You can't just say things like that Buster: Don't you wanna marry me? Rio: Of course I do Buster: Good Rio: You really want to marry me Rio: and be with me forever Buster: Of course I do Rio: Buster, I love you so much Rio: how are you real Buster: I could ask you the same question Buster: But I reckon whatever you think makes me unreal does the same to you Rio: You're just Rio: I'm just so glad you're in this as much as I am Rio: we want the same things Buster: I've never half arsed anything in my life, I'm not about to start with the most important part of it Rio: That's why I love you Rio: you're so dedicated and passionate and Rio: fuck Buster: It's for you as much as it is me Buster: I ain't forgotten the future you want Buster: I'm gonna give you everything Rio: Just marry me now Rio: Jesus Buster: Not until you can openly wear the ring every single day Rio: Okay Rio: deal Buster: I'll get you something else to wear in the meanwhile Buster: A ring that's not so obvious Rio: Baby Buster: I fucking love you Buster: There needs to be another word for it that's more descriptive or whatever Buster: Just more everything Rio: I get it Rio: I get you, you get me Rio: There's nothing I wanna do where I don't want you with me Rio: other people don't even register, never mind compare Buster: I feel that too Buster: Since I was a kid Rio: No one else could hold my attention like you Buster: 'Cause there's nobody else like me Rio: Not even close Buster: You won't ever regret choosing me Buster: I'll make sure you don't Rio: I know Rio: but it was never a choice really Rio: not in a bad way just in a Rio: I don't even know Rio: like we was meant to be from the start Buster: I know Buster: Like you said, we're the same in that and loads of other shit Rio: Plus you're the hottest boy to ever walk the planet so obviously, you're mine 😋 Buster: Yeah, that too, like Buster: But even if you weren't the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I'd still want you to be mine Buster: 'Cause you're the best in so many other ways as well Buster: And I'll never be over how perfect you are or what you make me feel like Rio: Stop being perfect and sincere when I'm just trying to live over here Buster: We've established I can't Buster: Or won't Rio: How do you do that Rio: cheer me up Rio: make me forget Buster: 'Cause I always get what I want Buster: And I want that for you Rio: You're the best Buster: I know Buster: So I deserve you Rio: What do you wanna do when you're here? Rio: Aside from have me be perfect, obviously Buster: We need to get you a ring, of course Buster: Unless you want me to surprise you with it Rio: 😁😁😁 Buster: If that's what you actually look like, show me Rio: [the most excited selfie] Buster: Baby Rio: Daddy Rio: tbh Buster: Tell me what you wanna do when I'm there Buster: Aside from saying that again, obviously Rio: 😏 and again and again Rio: Hmm Rio: just be with you Rio: I don't care what we're doing, as long as its what we wanna do Rio: makes a change from my routine Buster: Well that's the least I can do Buster: Don't worry Rio: I'm never worried Rio: not when I'm with you Buster: Good Buster: You're safe with me Buster: Even if you forget to lock every door Rio: I won't Rio: I'm not a total idiot Buster: I know how smart you are, babe Rio: 🙄 Buster: Don't Buster: I'm serious Rio: Its whatever Rio: I don't need to be smart Rio: just work it Buster: You are though regardless Rio: Whatever you say, babe Buster: You gonna listen to whatever I say? Rio: 🙉🤭 Buster: Alright then Rio: Awh, you mad at me? Buster: Is that what you're trying to do? Rio: Maybe Rio: has it worked? Buster: Try harder Rio: 😤😠💪 Buster: Come on Rio: . Rio: That's me not replying, 'cos nothing makes you madder than being ignored Buster: Well played Rio: Thank you Rio: If I do it for real will you call me again? Buster: How could I resist? Rio: Don't Rio: only me who's gotta resist talking to you Rio: which is really really hard Buster: I'll make your efforts feel worth it Rio: 😣 Buster: I promise Rio: Okay Rio: I can do it Buster: Prove it Buster: [calls]

[lefthologramdeer]

I Can’t Do This Anymore Part 2

Words:

Warnings: none

AN: I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write something. These past few months have been stressful and crazy.

It had been a week since Y/N had left Sam and Dean at the hotel. She took her time getting back to the bunker, stopping at every roadside diner and attraction that she happened to come upon. Every day brought at least 10 phone calls from Sam, a few from Dean, and a handful of texts from Castiel.

The only people she would actually answer her phone for were Jody and Donna. She would talk to them at least twice a day, updating them on where she was, how she was doing, and also reminding them both not to tell the boys they had spoke to her.

"Honey, you have to tell Sam that you are okay. Just tell him that you made it back to the bunker safe and that you still need time to think." Jody told Y/N as she sat outside in front of the bunker.

"Well technically I made it to right outside the bunker. I haven't been able to talk myself out of the car yet." Y/N answered while fidgeting with the door handle.

  Jody audibly sighed before answering Y/N. "Listen, you are the one who said that you were going to go back to the bunker to think about everything. You told him to go home so you guys can talk. You are the one who wanted this so get your ass out of that car, take a warm shower, then call your fiance and fix things."

Y/N rolled her eyes at Jody's words but she knew she was right. Damn her she thought before she took a deep breath. "Why do you always have to be right?"

Walking into the bunker alone was weird for Y/N. As soon as she opened the door, all the memories of the last time she was there flooded her mind, making her second guess Jody's advice.

"Come on Y/N put on your big girl pants, it's just the same old bunker that you've been in hundreds of times." She told herself out loud as she walked through the darkened hallway leading to the library.

The bunker was oddly warm for no one living in it for almost a month she thought to herself as she made her way through the library towards the war room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw that the war room light was on. Slowly, Y/N took her back pack off of her shoulder and placed it on the floor, then grabbed the knife she had tucked in her boot.

Quietly she placed her back against the wall next to the door way and listened for any sign of an intruder. After a few minutes or silence she figured it was safe enough to continue through the bunker.

The war room was empty, except for the books that Sam had left on the table the last time he was there. "How different things were only a few weeks ago." She thought out loud, placing a hand on the table and shaking the memories from her head.

Y/N pushed herself away from the table and started to head for the stairs when she heard a slight banging coming from the hallway. Turning into hunter mode, Y/N went to one of the book shelves lining the war room walls and grabbed the emergency stash of salt and holy water.

I really hope she likes this, Sam thought to himself as he made his way around the bunkers kitchen. He knew Y/N for years, knew what all her favorites were but after their last fight he didn't think he knew anything anymore.

He knew he had to hurry though, Jody called him half an hour ago to let him know where Y/N was which didn't give him enough time to finish getting ready so Sam put Dean on flower duty while he did the cooking, and Cas was on fluffy blanket detail.

"Dean, you go get a dozen white roses. Cas, you go get the softest and fluffiest blanket you can find. But both of you need to hurry!" Sam ordered them around.

Dean scoffed at his younger brother and rolled his eyes. "This situation calls for a lot more than just a dozen roses and a fluffy blanket. Don't worry about it, we got this, you just handle your part."

Slowly making her way down the hallway, Y/N checked each room silently waiting for another noise to give away the location of the intruder.

The only rooms left to check were the kitchen and the holding room where they usually kept Crowley tied up. She decided to check the make shift holding cell room, "maybe we forgot to cut him loose this time.." she thought out loud.

As Sam pulled the hot pan off of the stove, he saw his phone light up from the counter. He placed the pan back on the burner and walked towards it to see who it was.

Jody: hey just an fyi, Y/N is right out side. I just talked her into going inside. You might need to hurry!

"Shit!" He shouted and dropped his phone on the tiled kitchen floor.

The holding room was surprisingly empty, which meant that there was only one more room to check. She made her way out of the room and closed the door behind her. Taking a deep breath as she stepped into the hallway, Y/N tightened her grip on the knife in her hand.

"Dean, you both need to hurry. Jody just texted me that Y/N is right outside." Sam whispered into the phone that was resting between his ear and shoulder.

"Would you calm down Sammy, everything is already taken care of. Cas and I are waiting in the garage to hear the good news. Now take a deep breath and go win your woman back."

When Y/N got closer to the kitchen, she could see that the light was on. "Someone really broke into the bunker to steal our food?" She whispered to herself. She inched her way closer to the open doorway, stopping to rest her head against the door trim.

She tried to figure out when her plan of attack should be on the intruder in her kitchen but when she heard someone cough, her plan went out the window and she charged at whatever was in there.

Her body met the intruder's with a hard thud as they both lost their balance and fell to the floor. As they both fell   Y/N's knife got knocked out of her hand and went crashing to the floor. She cursed under her breath and braced herself for the fall.

The intruders body hit the ground first, causing Y/N to slam right into their chest. "Fuck!" She shouted as she felt one of her ribs crack and she fumbled to get herself up off the floor.

Finally gaining her balance, she stood over her intruder, placing a boot to their chest. "Who are.....Sam?"

Sam realized who it was as soon as she charged threw the door way. He felt bad for not saying anything as soon as he heard something crack but as soon as she stood up, the kitchen light enveloped her head like a halo and he was too mesmerized to speak.

"Sam?" Y/N asked confused. "Why are you sneaking around the bunker like you broke in?"

"Surprise." Sam answered as he pushed himself up onto his elbows.

Y/N rolled her eyes and backed away bringing her hand to her side. "Surprise, really? Surprise what? Surprise here's a heart attack!" She yelled down to him.

"Can you at least help me up before you start yelling at me." Sam laughed and he out stretched his hand for her to grab.

Y/N stared at his hand for a second before she grabbed his hand, letting him pull himself up. "I'm pretty sure my rib is broken, so thank you for that." She told him after he was standing right side up.

"I thought you would realize it was me before you attacked, but I should have known the hunter in you would attack first and ask questions later." Sam chuckled.

"Yeah, you should have." Y/N answered him, slight annoyance in her voice.  "So why did you decide to give me a heart attack and break my rib?" She asked as she leaned against the counter.

"I'm sorry you got hurt, that wasn't my intention at all. Jody has been calling me with updates and told me that you were on your way home.  So we raced home to get here before you. I wanted to surprise you with dinner, and then talk afterwards."

"Jody told you? I asked her and Donna not to tell you guys anything."

"Don't be mad at her, I begged her to tell me." Sam answered, taking a step towards her. "Why don't you go get changed into something comfy while I finish dinner. We can eat and then talk, okay?"

Y/N grabbed the bag she said left in the library and headed up the stairs to her room. It had been a long week of driving and she couldn't wait to peel off her jeans and throw on some sweats. 

As soon as Y/N reached her bedroom door, she saw a faint glow coming from underneath it. She pushed the door open slowly and her jaw fell to the floor. Her entire bedroom floor was covered in white rose petals, tea lights outlined her bed and a basket full of candles and a giant fuzzy blanket laid on the corner of her bed.

"Oh my Chuck." She whispered as she tried to take everything in. She dropped her bag on the floor and stared at the scene in front of her. "He's really trying hard isn't he?" She asked herself out loud as she headed for the bathroom to wash her face. 

The same faint glow came from under the bathroom door, causing herself to giggle. "Oh yeah, he's definitely trying hard." She added as she opened the door.

Floating candles were lit and waiting for her in an already drawn bath. "I swear, if that water is still warm..." she trailed off, bringing herself to the edge of the tub.

She placed a hand in the tub and quickly pulled it out. "How the hell?" She yelled as she pulled her hand away.

Y/N heard a muffled laugh in response coming from downstairs, causing her to smile. "Maybe I should hear him out."

"Dinner was amazing Sam, thank you for cooking." Y/N smiled as she took both of their plates off the table and walked them to the sink.  And thank you for the bath...and the rose petals." She giggled.

"Don't thank me, your room and bathroom was all Dean and Cas. I haven't even seen it yet." Sam replied as he went to go meet her by the sink. "I uh..have been wanting to apologize to you since the night you left." Sam started, watching Y/N for any sign of her not wanting to have the conversation right now.

Y/N hopped up on the counter by the sink and nodded her head for Sam to continue.

"I know I should have called you that night and told you how the hunt was going. And not just that night, every night. I know you get worried when Dean and I go out on a hunt. I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Thank you for your apology."Y/N said, as she took a deep breath before continuing. "Honestly, that's all I've ever wanted from you. I know that hunting is what you have been doing since you were a kid, I'm not doubting your skills at all. I know you can handle yourself out there, but I still worry about you both. You don't even have to call, just a short text saying that you are okay is all I need and then we can talk about the hunt when you get home."

Sam took a step towards Y/N, moving her legs so he could stand in between them. "I promise to text you hourly updates while we are on a hunt. I promise to call you if things are really bad." Sam told her, moving closer to Y/N and resting his palms on her thighs. He felt her legs shudder under his touch, and moved his face closer to her.

Y/N could feel Sam's hot breath on her lips, and it took everything in her not to jump off the counter and onto him. "Do you promise to never have to share a room with Dean and Cas again?" She winked at him.

"I can definitely promise that."

Y/N couldn't take the tension anymore, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his middle.

"Does this mean that we are okay?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh, we are more than okay." She answered before she attacked his face with kisses. "Now let's go put that warm bath to good use." She winked playfully.

Sam lifted Y/N off of the counter and into his arms, heading for her bathroom. "One more question though." Sam said. "Are you still my fiance?"

"I never stopped."

Tags: @coffee-obsessed-writer @kazosa @padasteph-nie @sorenmarie87 @waywarddaughter @xxdragonagequeenxx

[bewareofchris]

I don't actually trust you to write a strictly happy story or commentary or any kind of writing. However I enjoy your stories and writings too much to leave unattended and I do want more information. So, on to the obvious year, 2017.

1. rude (but true.  I mean, I wouldn’t trust me either).

PG-13?/R | Altmal | sexual situations off and on, mostly fluffy baby-related things

2017 is the year Kadar gets married (in June) and the year that Maria would be pregnant with Jaida.  It’s a good year.

(April)

“All I’m saying,” Maria slurred in the space between her mouth and the glass of liquor she was holding, “is that I’m about to commit myself to nine months of hard physical labor with a list of agreed upon restrictions, I should get some compensation.”  (At least, Malik thought that was what she was saying.)  It was hard to know with the English accent and the drunkenness if that was exactly correct.)

“Like what?” Altair asked.  He’d tried arguing her into taking money and she’d countered him every single time, saying that he’d done her a favor and she wanted to repay them.  (When pressed, she would admit that she liked the idea of a child but she didn’t want to be bothered with the care and feeding of one.)  “More booze?”

“Sex,” Maria countered.

Malik laughed (bright and loud, and a little tipsy) at that.  “You’e a lesbian.”

“So?” was indignant.  “Look,” and she slid out of her chair to come sit next to him.  Her drink spilled on his shirt as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders.  Her voice was close and warm.  “We can share, you can go first.”  Her fingers were working their way through the spaces between his shirt buttons.  Her nails scratched across his skin in a way that wasn’t anything but promising.  

Altair leaned forward to glare at them, working up to being offended about Maria groping his husband (most likely), but Malik said, “you should give us head,” because those ideas Maria was whispering into his ear were practically perfect.  

There was his husband, all but stripping off his clothes in joy, staring down the offer like working out how much it would cost him.  Thinking it through didn’t stop him from easing off the couch, or pulling his shirt off or dragging Malik forward so he could get easier access to his dick.  But once he was there, warm and real and comfortable between Malik’s thighs he said, “this counts as something off your list.”

“Fine,” Malik said.

Maria was delighted with soft little kisses against Malik’s cheek.  “Can I kiss you?” she asked, and then louder, “can I kiss you husband?”

“You can try.  He gets mouthy when he gets head,” Altair said.

(May)

It wasn’t that Altair had forgotten.  Because he didn’t forget things that Malik remembered (although it was hard to know what Malik would choose to remember and at which time).  In fact, he had been standing in the kitchen spinning his wedding ring on his finger while he considered doing some sort of landscaping with the muddy hellhole of the backyard when he very suddenly was reminded that he needed to remember:

“So,” Malik asked across the kitchen island.  He had appeared with bedhead and a surly frown, as if summoned from the discontent Altair felt about the dirt that refused to grow grass staring him down through the back windows.  Dirt was not a proper substance on which his child could play.  It would have to be replaced.

“So?” Altair repeated.  (He began the mental review of important dates and arguments they may have had recently to see what he’d misplaced.)

“So, its our anniversary,” Malik prompted.  “The anniversary of the day we were married.  The first anniversary.”

“Are we celebrating that?” came springing right out of his mouth before he could think.  “I thought you said we couldn’t celebrate more than one anniversary a year and I already made you go with me to London for our we finally met again anniversary.”

Malik was glaring at him.  “You’re cute.”

“I would prefer the term gorgeous, I’d settle for handsome.  I don’t have the right face for cute.  Kadar’s cute.”

“What is it?  What did you get me?”  Malik didn’t sound like the sort of person that should receive a present or even the sort that would enjoy one.  He sounded much more like Lucy who was still working through the notion she was wealthy beyond reason.  Malik started drumming his fingers on the counter top to really punctuate his point.

“I didn’t get you anything,” Altair said.  “You told me that I couldn’t buy or make you anything.  You said if I tried to celebrate more than one anniversary a year that you would divorce me and take half my net wealth.”  (Those were, in fact, Malik’s exact words.)  “I like the we met for the first time anniversary.”

So when his husband smiled at him, it was a surprise.  Malik reached behind his back to pluck an envelope out of the waist band of his sleep pants.  “I got you something,” he said.  He set the envelope down on the counter but didn’t push it forward where Altair could get it.  “The first wedding anniversary is paper and I wanted this to be meaningful.”

“You did?” Altair said.

“Yes, so, here.”  Malik slid the envelope forward and then just stood there watching him (very carefully) as Altair opened it.  The paper inside looked like any other folded over sheet of printer paper.  It was otherwise entirely unremarkable.  When he flattened it out, it took him a few tries to fully understand what he was looking at.  

“Maria’s pregnant?” 

Malik was smiling at him from the other side of the island, as if he hadn’t masterminded the deception that the doctors Altair had been paying (for too much) for hadn’t just been ignoring his inquiries.  As if the bastard hadn’t literally, two days ago, been telling him that it might not work the first time.  Fertility was a touchy thing and neither him nor Maria had ever tried to have a child before.  And the bastard had known.  “Congratulations,” Malik said. “You’re going to be a Dad.”

There were simply no words.  He went around the island and pulled Malik into a hug and kissed him and held onto him while he reread the whole paper again (most of it was medical jargon that he didn’t understand) and Malik leaned against his body.  “We’re going to be parents,” Altair repeated.

“Yeah,” Malik said.  He kissed Altair again, “we are.”

(June)

Malik was just as happy to erase the entire clusterfuck that was the month of June from his memory as to try to recall any series of events from that month in order.  It was easiest to refer to it as ‘Kadar’s wedding’ and not thing about how they had been stuck in Delaware (the first state to ratify the Constitution) with half of Italy for almost an entire fucking week.

The only good thing to come of it was his stupid brother’s decision to gift every close male relative with single pack Viagra.  Not just for the obvious reason, but also because Kadar had somehow managed to fill an entire bowling bag with the stupid little packs and snuck it into Altair’s luggage.  So Malik had the absolute delight of watching his husband freak out about trying to hide his unwanted stash of dick drugs for three straight days.

The rest of the wedding was shit, Altair panicking and protesting how he hadn’t bought the Viagra had been the only memorable event.  (Never mind Malik had been laughing too hard to participate in the conversation.)

(July)

Altair was good for frightening statistics.  He’d memorized all kinds of numbers about how pregnancies could go bad and when and how they shouldn’t make plans or make purchases before a certain point because it was bad luck.  He wasn’t superstitious by nature.

Malik was good at pushing his fingers through Altair’s hand when he wandered off in his head, “if I tell you that it’ll be okay, will you believe me?”

“Will you make it sound believable?” Altair asked.

There was a pause, Malik moved so he was standing right in front of him.  They were out-in-public (shopping with Peyton, meandering past the baby section).  “I do not believe any rational argument could counter an irrational fear.  What if I promised that we can have completely filthy sex when we get home?”

Altair shrugged, “I like filthy sex.”  

“I know,” Malik agreed.

But the baby section was just staring at him.

Malik looked over his shoulder at it.  “What if I promise you that I’ll let you drag me to every single unreasonably priced baby store in the country to buy far more supplies than can ever be used for our first child?”

Altair stopped staring at cute outfits and bibs and looked at Malik’s perfectly patient face.  He was smiling at a technicality long before Malik realized what he’d said, “first?” he repeated.

“If you survive this ordeal, we’ll talk about having another.”

“You said first,” Altair repeated.  “Deal,” before Malik could take it back.  

(August)

Maria looked distinctly uncomfortable.  Pregnancy had not given her (what Malik would consider) a glow but exaggerate the paleness of her skin.  She had a bag full of snacks (fully approved to be healthy for the baby) at her side that she was picking at now and again while they waited, but mostly she shifted in her seat and grumbled under breath.  

“Is there anything I can do?” Malik asked.

“At this juncture, I do not believe there is,” Maria snapped back.  She didn’t look even slightly repentant about it either.  In fact, when Altair was not there, she was more or less a fire-breathing demon.  

Malik didn’t fight her.  His Mother would have shown up just to slap him if he’d tried.  Instead he said, “it’s only a few month months.”

“Yeah, I’ll shove a watermelon up your ass and tell you it’s only a few more months.”  She shifted again and found that it did nothing to make her more comfortable.  “Is Altair going to show up?  I don’t like these clothes.”  She plucked at the dress she was wearing.  

“Yes,” Malik said.  

Maria let her head fall back and mumbled something under her breath.  When she turned to look at him, she said, “this is just more uncomfortable than I thought it would be.  I’m not unhappy to have your baby.  I just,” and there was the important bit, “I feel like it means to much to the idiot.  You understand, I say I hate you, I mean I’m uncomfortable and you understand.”

Malik nodded.  “I do.”

“Altair would think it meant I don’t want to have the baby.”

That was true.  “It’s okay.  You can vent all your anger at me.”

Maria smiled and (thank God) that was the moment Altair chose to walk in.  He sat in the chair between them, falling into a conversation about any updates he might have missed and somewhere in the middle of Maria saying everything was good (again) and being called back to to the ultrasound (at last), Altair remembered Malik existed long enough to kiss him.  

(September)

They were having a daughter.

“What are we going to name her?” felt like it had been punched straight out of his chest.  They were sitting at the breakfast table, Malik sipping coffee and looking over the morning paper as if life could continue to be so mundane in the wake of such news.  It felt like they’d been whispering ‘the baby’ for months, ever since Maria was confirmed to be pregnant and all that time it had been an abstract notion.  A baby.  A formless sort of thing, devoid of personality or future, just a notion.  It shouldn’t have mattered, and who cared about the sex of the baby, but it seemed to drown him regardless.  

They were having a daughter.

“I’d prefer not to name her after a fruit or vegetable,” Malik said.  He even looked up from his paper long enough to join the conversation in progress.  (Not that there was much of one.)

“So, Cucumber Jane is a no go?”

Malik narrowed his eyes at him, like he did when he didn’t want to smile, and then said, “why not name her Michelle?”

That was a callback, one might say, to a previous argument.  About the girl in Paris that had done her very best to flirt with Altair in open view of the whole world (and her parents who disapproved of the whole thing almost as much as Malik).  It had been a friendly argument over an absurd but delicate matter of extracting himself from the lovesick gaze of a teenager mooning over him.  (And that, Malik said, is why you shouldn’t go to the pool shirtless.)  “I’d prefer we not name our daughter after our affairs.”

“I suppose Leona is out then,” Malik said so very calmly one might have mistaken him for being serious.  But his lips were coiled up in a sly grin.  

“Lenora isn’t a bad name,” Altair said.  “Although if you name our daughter after the guy Ezio is still fucking, it’ll make Christmas more complicated.”

Malik snorted at that.  “Heaven forbid.  Alright,” was serious, “I’m sure you have a list.”

“I’m sure you have one,” Altair countered.

“Of course I have a list.”  And it just so happened, he had that list on his phone.  As it happened, so did Altair.  

(October)

Malik was not annoyed by how easily Altair was distracted by baby things.  It was charming.  When he seemed annoyed by it, it was only because they were trying to shop for Peyton’s Halloween costume while the girl in question was two and a half breaths away from a full meltdown.  Her Mother, Lucy, and her Uncle, Altair, were over in the baby section of the costume aisle, awwing over babies in sheep costumes.

“LIttle Baby Jaida can be a sheep and you can be Little Bo Peep!” Lucy was saying.

Altair was delighted, full of light and laughter and love, “I’d have to get a longer skirt though.”

Peyton was filled head to toe with hateful spite, glaring at them while she held onto Malik’s hand.  She turned her face to look at him (accusingly), “who is baby Jaida?”

“Oh!” Lucy said, “look at this one, it’s an owl.  Look at how cute this.  If she comes out with Malik’s skin it would be adorable on her.”  And she let her hand move away from the costume to add, quieter, “and if she comes out with Maria’s she can be this,” and she held up a baby vampire costume complete with exaggerated black widows peak.

Altair cracked up.  Peyton started making the noise that preceded a fit.  Malik cleared his throat to call back Lucy because he loved his niece well enough, but it was his last Halloween before he was obligated to dress small children in colorful costumes and he was going to spend it not consoling a screaming child.  He traded Peyton for his husband.

Altair slid an arm around him when he was close enough and said, “the sheep is cute.”

“It is,” Malik agreed.  Because it was.  All the baby costumes were cute.  (And would be made cuter by the addition of their child.)  “But you cannot wear the sex costume outside.”

Altair smiled with pink all in his cheeks and pulled Malik in so he could kiss him.  “What if I wear it tonight?” was whispered very quietly against his cheek.  Malik pinched him (but he didn’t say no) and Altair laughed again.

(November)

Maria had shown up at the start of November looking like she had finally reached the point at which she could no longer pretend not to be uncomfortable (for his sake, he understood).  She dropped her bags at the front door and slapped her purse on the table and said, “make me a fucking apple pie or I’ll have to cannibalize someone.”

Altair had not had the things to make a pie in his house because he did not usually make them except at Thanksgiving but he went on a brief trip to the store and returned with what he felt was plenty of supplies.

That was before Maria asked for another two days later, and then another two days after that.  By Thanksgiving he had gotten so practiced at making the pies that Desmond (who liked his pie before he was an expert) remarked, “this is amazing.  Did you do something different?”

Maria was dangerous enough even without a knife in her hand but as she happened to have one in her hand when Desmond asked, Altair just smiled, “nope.  Same pie as always.”

(December)

Maria cornered him (literally, in a corner) to say, “we need to throw your stupid husband a baby shower.  I know he has everything he thinks he needs but my understand of baby showers is that it’s not about gifts.  Find a way to make him go to the mansion, I’ll take care of the arrangements.”

Malik had only said, “you need his permission to hold any sort of gathering at the house, it’s impossible to get anyone to go there if he hasn’t agreed to it.  Not the family, but caterers and event planners also won’t go near it.”

Maria smiled at him, “you’re his husband.”

“I don’t own his Grandmother’s house,” Malik countered.  (Because he didn’t and it was simply one thing he had no interest in ever challenging.  Altair owned the house, Malik visited it once in a while.)  “I could maybe get him to agree to a Christmas party there?  An early one in case you have the baby early?”

“Good,” Maria said.  “So do that.”

–

Altair had been dragged to the mansion under false pretenses.  He had been dressed in a holiday sweater, shoved in a car and driven to the mansion under the guise of early Christmas. 

But the ballroom in the back was filled with tables covered in pretty pink table clothes.  Maria met him at the door with a baby bottle on a string that she offered to him and said, “if you say the word baby, you have to give up the necklace to whoever catches you.  Whoever gets the most at the end of the party gets to keep this baby.”  And her smile was pure evil.  (That couldn’t possibly be the real reward.)  Then Malik threw a T-shirt at him that once unfolded said ‘new Mom’.  

“It’s your baby shower,” Maria said.  “Eat cake, open presents, watch the morons try to chug alcohol out of baby bottles.  I found a lot of games, I couldn’t decide which I liked.”

Altair hugged her and Maria hugged him back.  “Thank you,” he said.  She shoved him back when she was tired of being held onto (because she got hot, she said, all the time).  “Who’d you invite?”

“Everyone,” Maria said.  

(January)

Malik had thought, despite what he was told, that there was simply no way to love anyone on sight.  It was as impossible a notion as any, but there he was, leaning up against his husband’s body, the pair of them looking down at their brand-new-daughter.  She was discontent at her living conditions, surly as her Mother had been all through labor, pink and healthy and beautiful.  

“I love her,” Altair whispered.  Like a revelation, like he hadn’t thought it was possible.  There were tears in his eyes as he smiled and Malik ran his finger down her perfect little cheek.  “This is our daughter,” Altair whispered.  “We have a daughter, we’re fathers.”