#technically i didn’t do the one the day i went to nyc until after midnight BUT THATS BC

[starscelly]

i haven’t updated my daily miro drawings since the first one but i am happy to tell u all that i’ve been sooo good and stuck to it everyday* . everyone say yay cel

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author’s Notes: wow guys! Thank you so much for your support and for following this story! I never thought I would get so much acceptance so quickly! You are all incredible! ❤️

VIII.

“…he’s not in Japan, he’s gone to the Americas” Suguru arched his brow to Ijichi’s words about Satoru’s whereabouts “how come?” He asked “mission in New York, special grade curse in a school” Geto stopped on his tracks “New York?” He took off running to go get his phone without another word.

-

From: Suguru

To: Kitten

He’s in NYC! Get out of there!

-

You both agreed not to communicate through phone since Satoru for sure had his device monitored but this was an emergency.

It was 1pm in Japan which meant it would be around midnight back in New York.

“Fuck…” he didn’t have any time to lose, knowing Satoru, he had already found you. He had been there for about two days, plenty of time to locate Y/N.

Shit! He didn’t want Y/N to have to face Satoru alone. Well… so much for postponing his trip to New York.

“Shit!” Whispered getting in his car. He wasn’t about to let you handle Satoru on your own. Not that you couldn’t, oh no! Suguru was confident that if needed be you could hold your own just fine. But, you are his friend, someone who he loves. On the other hand, Suguru couldn’t just ignore what his own heart demanded. He didn’t want you to be alone anymore.

The past 6 months he had to stay behind just to keep Satoru from finding you but it was too late for that.

-

https://youtu.be/44mTGIotkWQ

|||

Each minute that passes feels like a lifetime… the clock falls off the wall…

|||

Defeated… that’s how Satoru felt now that he was finally able to face you. In his mind he pictured this encounter way different from this painful waltz of heartbreak.

He had been stupid to think you would jump in his arms, kiss him like there was no tomorrow and forgive him. He had been more like… delusional, thinking you would receive him with open arms (and legs) just because he showed up here.

Satoru thought you would see how hard he worked to find you, how much he suffered in your absence. He thought that would be enough to at least get a smidge of compassion from you.

Nothing was further from the truth…

You had always been a tough girl, stubborn, opinionated and bold. And fuck! He loved how you always made his blood boil with your passion! He could never get enough of you which is why he was so smitten.

But there was something different in you this time around… you had never been so… cold.

There was always a warmth that surrounded you at all times even when you were angry (specially then) a metaphorical and also a physical halo (not visible for non sorcerers) of luminescence that clung to your body enticing him and any cursed energy user to come closer. But now… standing here, before you. Watching you through his six eyes he saw that same halo much more opaque and cold. It was as if you had surrounded your heart with ice walls. A shiver ran down his spine.

What had he done to you!?

|||

Hold your breath… And pray for the world to end

Nothing's left… Some broken hearts will never mend.

|||

“Please… listen to me for 5 minutes and then I’ll leave you alone” (more like I’ll stalk you in silence and make you believe I left but I’m not gonna). Holding his hands in front of him as if trying to appease you, showing you he wasn’t hiding anything.

“You and I have nothing to talk about Gojo” your melodic voice was steady. Ouch… It hurt how you didn’t call him by his first name or any of the other cute and overly sweet nicknames you used for him; he haven’t heard you call him by his family name in about six years! No longer after you met you both were on a first name basis. He understood, it was a way of driving a wedge between the two of you, to distance yourself from him.

“There is nothing left for you and me to discuss… it’s over! Leave me alone” you stopped to take a breath trying to calm your heart.

“You know you technically are still a Gojo too… right? So it doesn’t make much sense that you call me by OUR name”. Yes, it was petty but he would be damned if he didn’t try and convince you to call him in a more familiar way.

She looked at him as if he was soft in the head for a moment “Sign the papers and forget I ever existed…” he had to cut you right there “NO! I refuse to forget about you Y/N! You are my wife! By law and by right you cannot just keep me away from you! I am not signing shit!” All those words tumbled from his lips faster than he expected. The rejection he felt for the idea of you never being with him again was making him lose his mind. You could not be serious! Could you? You couldn’t really be considering to move on… without him. (As if you hadn’t already done that).

“Just let me explain! Fuck!” running his hands through his hair in an exasperated gesture. “Please…” came a broken whisper, not a demand, but a request.

You straightened your back and folded your arms over your chest “you have 5 minutes and that’s it. At the end of that time I want you to leave and never come back!” Satoru nodded although he didn’t really agree to those terms but he thought if he continued to defy you it wouldn’t do him any favors to gain your forgiveness.

“I am sorry…” looking straight in your eyes started the handsome sorcerer, crestfallen and bleak “I know… I fucked up so bad… I know I hurt you. “ only words wouldn’t cut through the thick barrier you carefully crafted around yourself. You might as well be shielded by his infinity.

You looked at him with a mix of anger, pain and longing. You hated yourself so much for feeling your traitorous heart hammering away, getting lost in his crystalline eyes and deep voice. It wasn’t fair he held so much power over you.

“But I am fixing it Y/N… Sookie is not in my life anymore… I left her and haven’t been with her in a very long time, I don’t want anyone else but you…” assured the man desperately.

“How can you say that?!” You asked horrified “what kind of man are you that you would abandon your child!?”.

“He was not my son!…. Y/N. She cheated on me with someone else, the baby she carried was not mine. I confirmed that when the child was born…” admitted once more embarrassed about his stupidity.

Your expression was blank for the longest time, trying to process what Gojo had just said.

You blink a couple times, it’s almost as if he expected you to feel bad about his luck.

Fucking asshole! You knew he was trying to play the pity card with you but it wasn’t working.

“Well… I don’t care about your personal life, it’s none of my business” you reminded him. Satoru visibly flinched at the brutal retaliation. “let me finish! God damn! Y/N!” He felt like pulling out his hair.

“I know I fucked up so bad but please… please give me another chance… I will do whatever you say! Give you whatever you want just…. Don’t do this” he waited for an answer from you. He wanted to touch you and hold you in his arms, promise you he would take care of you and prove he was now worthy of your love.

“Goodbye Satoru…” you said turning around and getting ready to leave him standing there in the cold.

On instinct he warped in front of you and stopped you by wrapping his arms around your body, one went to your narrow waist and the other behind your neck pulling you to him.

Fuck it…. You already hated him, might as well give you a good reason.

He crushed his lips against yours in a passionate embrace. Your body froze in his arms and he took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, ever the opportunist he slipped his tongue between your lips and caressed yours, enticing you to taste him as much as he was tasting you.

It only took your brain a couple seconds to work but by then you were trapped. You tried to fight him, placing both your palms against his chest and pushing him away. Might as well have been pushing a fucking wall. Gojo fucking Satoru was the strongest living person for a good reason.

It felt like an anaconda embrace, the more you struggled the tighter he held you until you finally gave in yourself. A tear ran down your cheek by the time you started kissing him back. You both went from practically devouring each other, angrily fighting for dominance to sensually and tenderly exploring each other’s mouth with your tongues, little licks and nips until you separated. His forehead against yours, both of your breathing heavily.

Not a single word was exchanged. Both of you afraid to break the chasm of this frail truce.

—————

———> Chapter 9

@sleepyamaya

@cloudsinthecosmos

@jxvajxy

@satoruhooraaa

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

@jscarlet06

@fiona782

@thatsharklovingwoman

@heichoustheoryofcleanliness

@syynnaaah

@shaylove418

@coldvillainess

@vampgguk

@sukuna1stwife

[laughingupfromhell]

My Gillette Experience + Pre-Show M&G.  7.28.18 -- Extended Edition

I’m sorry this has taken so long to post, but it’s literally so hard to get my thoughts together because I’m still so overwhelmed by the fact that this even HAPPENED to me. I’d convinced myself it wasn’t in the cards, that Taylor didn’t know me, and that I needed to find a way to be okay with never meeting her. But then, IT HAPPENED. (I’m going to write the whole story from the time I got the DM and it’s going to be really long, so if you just want to read the Taylor part, I’ll write it in bold so you can skip to it easily. Just keep scrolling. I’m just posting the long version so I can look back on it whenever I want and never forget anything. I’ll post just the Taylor part individually too in case you don’t want to hunt for it.)

Friday, July 27th, I had the worst day at work. I work in a cafe, and the AC was out in the kitchen which made the entire place SO hot. Literally, it was 92 degrees in the building and we had the ovens on. I live in Florida, so it was disgusting and I felt so sick. We were shorthanded, I was stressed out about my flight, dealing with some pretty intense anxiety about meeting people I had never met before because I’m shy af, and just overall feeling kind of bleh despite being so excited for the concert the next day. I found out as I was on the way to the airport that my flight had been delayed nearly three hours and that set me into panic mode, because it would put me in Boston around 2 in the morning instead of 10pm. Eventually it got pushed back to only an hour delay, which made me feel a little better, and I passed the time in the airport just walking around the shops and scrolling tumblr. Jaime @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes texted me to tell me that one of my best friends Meredith @meredithswift had just met Taylor and I was SO excited for her because I’ve known how much she wanted this since we started talking in 2008. Jaime was like “you next!” and I was like “noooo, it’s not going to happen for me.” Taylor was intent on making me look like boo boo the fool.

Right before I boarded the plane, around 8pm, I took a selfie at the gate because I was bored and tagged Taylor in it on tumblr and said “I’m coming for you, Taylor!” I didn’t even know she was online, and she never liked the post, so I didn’t think anything of it after that.

 I boarded the plane, but there was a RIDICULOUS thunderstorm going on so we sat on the tarmac for nearly two hours, and I had been DMing back and forth with Jeannine @it-feels-like-a-perfect-night all day, so when I saw a notification on tumblr, I thought it was her...until I opened it and it said taylornation. All of my internal organs came flooding out of my ass in that moment and landed on the plane floor beneath me, not clickbait. I literally didn’t believe it was real for a whole hot ass minute because things like this do not happen to me and I was LITERALLY sitting on a plane about to go to Boston so WHAT WAS HAPPENING??? I open it, and they asked for all my information, and when the best time to call was. I was like????!!!? I’m LITERALLY SITTING ON A PLANE LESS THAN 24 HOURS BEFORE MY SHOW AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHEN THE BEST TIME CALL IS???? YESTERDAY???? I ALREADY HAVE MY BAG CHECKED, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BUY ANOTHER OUTFIT, I LOOK LIKE A RAT!!!! So obviously I said “I don’t land until midnight but anytime after that, thank you so much!” 

At this point I’m in such shock I literally have no reaction other than to stare unblinking at the seat in front of me and go into full body tremors. I’m pretty sure the girl next to be me on this flight thought I was scared of flying or something, because I was literally shaking so hard I could hear my teeth chattering together. My heart rate shot through the goddamn roof. If you don’t believe me, here is a helpful graph from my Fitbit. I hit 117 BPM from 58 BPM. I’m pretty sure that is indicative of an actual heart attack.

I didn’t know what to do, so I immediately texted my mom and I KNOW it says the message is confidential and you’re not supposed to tell anyone but I needed my mother to know that if her only child died mid-flight, it was taylor nation’s fault and to tell Taylor I loved her. It was VITAL. The southern jumped out -- I literally haven’t called her mama since I was 10, I don’t even know. 

I also told my friend Lindsey @lskbe because I once promised her she’d be one of the first to know if it was ever going to happen and she was a GEM even though she DIDN’T ANSWER ME RIGHT AWAY BUT ANYWAY!!!! (screenshot provided by her). She made me a playlist titled 7.28.18 on spotify and everything for the occasion because she is extra and I love her. 

 I spent the next 2 1/2 hours literally trying not to pee myself with anxiety and excitement because then of course I start thinking WHAT IF THEY FORGET TO CALL? What if it’s just merch? What if I’m boo boo the fool? What if this isn’t real life? Then we hit turbulence and my thoughts turn darker like WHAT IF THE PLANE CRASHES AND I DIE BEFORE I MEET HER? I literally had to make Jaime reassure me multiple times that turbulence wouldn’t make the plane crash and that I would survive. We love her logical brain. So obviously now that I’ve stopped panicking it’s time to take selfies to post later.

 I finally make it to Boston and at this point I think I’ve dissociated because I just can’t even think about it anymore. My brain was on overdrive and I didn’t even know how to process. It was either shut it down or shout it from a rooftop and I COULDN’T TAKE THAT RISK. 

I got to meet my sweet honeys @straightlinedownx and @heypay FINALLY and it’s up there in my top ten best moments of life. They’d just gotten home from Night 2 so they were pretty spent and it was 1:30 in the morning, so we all headed to bed, but if you thought I was sleeping, you’re WRONG because I was literally peeing every half hour because I was so nervous and excited. I was like a chihuahua I swear to god. I was talking to Brittany @messthatuwanted for most of the night trying not to be suspicious and I guess I did a pretty good job because she NEVER FOUND OUT until I wanted her to. Which is what her snake ass deserves tbh. I literally didn’t get to sleep until 4:30 in the morning and then I woke up at 6:45 am and was like...well they said they’d call me in the morning, and technically it is morning, so I should stay up. Clearly logical. Obviously. We love anxiety. I couldn’t turn the ringer on for my phone because I was sharing a room with people and I didn’t want to wake anyone up so going back to sleep was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. 

I spent most of the morning internally exploding, and I eventually told @heypay because I needed someone to tell me I was being crazy and that they would call and she did a very good job at this, so thank you Paige, you’re the love of my life. We were all laying around, relaxing, watching Lejla and Liana’s pet rabbit eat a salad, you know...typical things friends do, when I got a call from a NYC number and shit my pants. I got up from the floor so fast and ZOOMED to the kitchen and Paige followed after me and practically shoved me out of the apartment door so I could have some privacy lol. It was Sydney from Taylor Nation and she was a sweetie and asked how my flight was and and rambled on about delayed flights and I was like....I literally do not care, I’m so sorry, please tell me what I NEED TO KNOW WOMAN I AM DYING!!!! Eventually she cuts to the chase and is like “have you ever had an opportunity before?” And I was like um...hehe..it depends on what you mean by an opportunity because I REALLY JUST WANTED HER TO SAY THE WORDS and she was like “have you ever met taylor before?” and I was like NO!!! I HAVEN’T!!!! At this point I’m shaking so hard I had to lean against the wall for fear of falling down the stairs because THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HUH? Then she asks if I’m going to the show with anyone who hasn’t had an opportunity before and I said YES, my precious baby Emily @straightlinedownx. So she asks for Emily’s information and thank god I had checked her facebook to find out her birthday before just in case they asked (since they asked for mine) because IT WAS A STRESSFUL TIME. So she tells me I’ll get a DM within the hour letting us know when we’re verified and where we should pick up our envelope between 4 and 5 pm and I’m just saying thank you over and over and over again because WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO LIKE WTF IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 

So in my head I had this beautiful thing planned for how I would tell Emily she’s meeting Taylor, but it turns out beautiful plans can’t happen when your brain is literally exploding, so instead of doing this elaborate thing where I filmed her reaction and everything, I just went over to where she was lying on the ground and kicked her. As friends do. She turns around and I’m like “Come. Here.” I was probably terrifying, I’m so sorry Emily, but I didn’t KNOW WHAT TO DO. So she follows me out to the kitchen and WHAT DO YOU SAY OTHER THAN WHAT IS HAPPENING???? SO I JUST SPIT IT OUT AND SAID “We’re meeting Taylor” and she deadass goes “No we’re not.” Just so casual.  And I’m like “We are. We’re meeting Taylor tonight. I got a DM on the plane and they just called me. I’m bringing you. We’re meeting Taylor.” AND THIS DUMB BICTH GOES “ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BRING ME????” AND I’M LIKE “BICTH YES????? OF COURSE I DO???” And then she just kept doing this the rest of the day and it was my favorite thing. Here she is in Starbucks ten minutes after finding out. 

So we spent the rest of the day obsessing over make up and hair and we headed to the stadium around 2 PM because we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to meet up with people and buy merch etc. Here’s us waiting for our ride (photo credit to angel @iknowplacesclean and a big thank you for letting me stay at your apartment spur of the moment!!!)

 We met up with Steph ( @thesethingswillchange), Leyton, Jess ( @jtmaster13) , and Sammi (@slytherinraven13) and I got to tell them all what was happening and they were SO happy for us because they’re literal angels on earth.

 Once we made it to will call and gave them our names, THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT so I started to panic, naturally, but it was chill because they found it eventually and we immediately started taking pictures with the paper. Some nice lady offered to take one for us, bless her, because the struggle was so real. 

By this point I had told all of my friends but Jaime @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes and Brittany @messthatuwanted because I was planning on snaking them the way they snaked me when they met Taylor, and it brought me the greatest joy in life since they both thought I was incapable of it. Little did I know that Jaime was on her way to SURPRISE ME AT THE SHOW which was a MESS since I was in REP ROOM WHEN SHE WAS LOOKING FOR ME! But more on that later. So we met @ninetay89 at will call and we were all so excited for each other because honestly it’s what we all deserved and we just kind of hung out, waiting in line for the gates to open and that’s when Meredith @meredithswift came RUNNING towards me full force. Meredith and I met when we were 13 and 15. We were each others first online friends, and we became full blown stans together. She was the one that convinced me to make a taylor tumblr blog in the first place way back in 2010. We’d never, ever met before that moment and it was honestly one of the highlights of my entire life. I love her with my whole entire heart and it was one of the best hugs I’ve ever gotten. We didn’t let each other go for like 3 minutes. It was great. 

The gates finally open and me and Emily ZOOM up to the 100 level bathrooms to fix our make up because the humidity was KILLER and we were legitimately melting. Then we had to run back down the stairs to meet at the bottom of 129/30 and met up with @sunflowershealing and she was SO sweet! I’m so glad we got to meet! 

So a security guard comes up to us and tells us we’re actually supposed to meet at the TOP of 129, which isn’t what the paper said but it’s FINE, so we go up MORE stairs and it’s honestly beginning to feel like gym class now but it’s fine because I will do hours of cardio for Taylor Swift if need be. So we go up only to be told to go back down the stairs AGAIN because what is organization and they give us our wrist bands and we’re GOING TO REP ROOM BITCHES. 

Let me just say that I was chill literally the entire day. I was excited, yeah, but I wasn’t nervous or anything. Even when we got to Rep Room, I was totally fine. But when I saw the Rep Room doorway, I was jumping up and down like a five year old because how was this REAL LIFE? I never in a million years thought when Taylor shared the fact about Rep Room and showed us the inside that I would ever see it in PERSON. And here I was, walking through the arch??? SOUNDS FAKE. So we get in there, and there are three polaroid cameras sitting on a table next to the throne, but I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to touch them since I’ve heard that a lot of pre-show meet and greets weren’t allowed to do much in rep room. So Emily and I just kind of hang out next to them and hope for the go ahead, which Steph from Taylor Nation eventually gives us and then she has to help our dumb asses put film in them because we’re USELESS. But it’s fine. We take pictures on the throne first, and they came out so iconic honestly I will never take a better picture. 

Obviously I had to take a picture with the iconic rainbow dress.

My one singular complaint about the polaroid idea is that rep room is SO dark and it doesn’t really work well with the film. 

There was water, coke, diet coke, and sprite available to us, but not the booze or the cookies that were in previous rep rooms. Probably because it’s pre-show or because there wasn’t media that night, I’m not sure. Anyway, we’re able to mingle for about 8-10 minutes maybe? Maybe shorter than that, but Steph tells us to put the cameras up and line up. We were third from last to go in of about 5-6 groups. I’d say there were about 10-12 people in there. I’m pretty short, so  I couldn’t see Taylor when they opened the curtain to let the first group in, but I heard someone say “She’s wearing the purple Olivia shirt” and I was like...I literally hate her. Everyone keeps talking and I just wanted them all to shut UP so I could HEAR HER SPEAKING. Eventually, we’re a few groups from going in and I hear her laugh and that’s when it really started getting real. This was really happening. I was about to meet Taylor. Surprisingly, I managed to STILL hold it together. Right before we went in, “Type” by Todrick Hall comes on and I was screaming because I KNEW that would be her favorite song on Forbidden. 

So they open the curtain and she’s standing RIGHT there and she opens her arms so wide and goes “oh my god hiiiiii” and without hesitation I just go right into her arms and wrap her up so tight and said “Hi, I’m Megan!” and she starts laughing and goes “I know! I picked you last night, I see your posts all the time, I saw your selfie like I’m coming for you...and I was like I’m coming for you, I sent your post to TN and was like I need her, bring me her.” Literally I wish I could describe in detail the noise that came out of my mouth when she said I know, because it definitely wasn’t human. I was like “YOU KNOWWWWW???” But i literally growled it like some kind of rabid animal, I’m SO sorry, Taylor. That was the first time I lost my chill, which surprisingly only happened twice. 

As soon as she drops that bomb on me she turns to Emily to hug her which is what she DESERVES but I was so shook by what she said that I was leaning in for another hug but her back is to me now so I kind of halfway climbed her back I HATE MYSELF. Like my hand was gripping her shoulder and my other hand was pressed against her back and I had to physically talk myself off the ledge like BE COOL BITCH, BACK UP, DON’T BE WEIRD! So I just subtly slide my hands off of her and step back...only to embarrass myself further by stepping closer to Emily, aggressively rubbing her back and shouting “THIS IS EMILY! WE LOVE HER!!!!” Honestly what the fuck is wrong with me? She goes “Thank you guys so much for coming!” And I literally PANTED out “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME!” Literally I was malfunctioning. I needed to be rebooted.

She turns back to both of us and shimmies her shoulders because she clearly wants me dead and goes “Sooooooooo....” and without hesitation I go “We need to talk about ‘Look What You Made Me Do’” and she’s like “okay, what do we need to talk about?” And then...I did it ladies. I literally told her I didn’t get the joke when it first came out, it flew right over my head and I thought she was being serious about the old taylor being dead and I was so worried about her that I threw up in a parking lot. She goes “Oh my god WHAT? That makes me so sad!” But she was laughing so hard, she threw her head back and covered her mouth, and for a split second I’m like DID I HURT HER FEELINGS??? DOES SHE THINK I HATE THE SONG??? So I was like “NO NO BUT I LOVED IT!” and she goes “You threw up!” And I’m like “BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU! I WAS LIKE IS SHE OKAY????” And she literally can’t stop laughing, she’s doing that stupid dolphin laugh she does and I literally wanted to smoosh her face between my hands because I adore her so much and she is so fucking cute and GOD I WANT TO DIE. So she goes “I was literally climbing out of a grave dressed as a zombie, you didn’t get how that was supposed to be funny???” And I was like “NO, I understood it was a joke when the video came out but for a whole week before I didn’t get the joke!” And she goes “Ohhhh, when the single dropped and you listened you were like WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER???” And she just kept laughing like honestly what the fuck is my life? I made Taylor Swift LAUGH? ME??? (Emily said everyone in the room was laughing, like the security at the door and everything I literally want to jump off a cliff.) So I was like “YES EXACTLY! I was like is she okay? I’m so worried about her, I need to know that she’s okay!” And she like...touched my arm and goes “But you’re okay now, right?” and made the most INTENSE eye contact like...if there is one thing I will say about meeting her, it’s that she keeps eye contact with you the WHOLE time and you know she’s hearing everything you say, she’s paying attention to every word and you KNOW she cares. And I’m like “yeah! I get the joke now, I get it, I swear!” And EMILY GOES “I don’t think she’s okay...” like honestly... drag me.

So I attempt to change the subject and the bitch CUTS ME OFF and leans in to me, looks down at me with this smirk on her face and goes “....do you need me to explain the joke to you?” like she was TEASING me, but I was being DRAGGED. I was like “NO, I get it now! I get it!” BUT SHE EXPLAINED IT ANYWAY. She explained that the whole concept of the line came from how people were saying Taylor Swift is over, she’s dead, and she was making fun of the whole cancellation culture that social media and media in general has, so she decided to just be like “Ohhhh, cause she’s deaaaaaad” (and she said it in the funniest, whiniest mocking voice I literally can’t stand her) to show them all how stupid they sounded when they said things like that. To paraphrase because I don’t remember exact wording, she said that’s really just the whole tone of the album, reputation, itself. That there are a lot of things that go into building a reputation, but that a reputation isn’t real, it’s a perception that can be formed by any number of things, true and false, but isn’t always based on what is actually happening. It’s fake, just like the old taylor being dead is fake, it’s a joke. I think the entire time she was saying this I kept repeating “No I get it, I get it” because I wanted to be sure she knew that I got it, but I think she really just wanted to explain it in general and I’m so glad she did, because I loved the insight. And then she goes “BUT IT’S SO FUNNY NOW because they’re like ‘What is she doing with the snakes? Why is she doing that? She’s so annoying!’ And I’m just like BECAUSE YOU TWEETED IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY! YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME ANYMORE!” And I shit you not, she was literally screaming this in my face, and acting like she was scrolling through her phone and laughing like...I was scared lmao. I just kept saying “I’m so proud of you, you just took it back, it’s what you deserve!” God, she’s so pretty when she laughs I can’t stop picturing it and hearing it and I don’t know where I could possibly go from here, I’ve peaked. 

She turned to Emily then, and I’m not going to share what happened there because it’s Emily’s story to tell, but I’m literally so happy that she gave her the love she deserves. The moment they shared touched me so much. 

When she looked like she was stepping into position for a photo, I suddenly flashed back to everything my friends who had met her already told me -- that if you stop talking, the M&G will end, but if you keep talking, so will she, so I sort of side stepped and started talking to her about how I’ve dealt with some pretty toxic relationships in the past couple years, and how it breaks my heart to think she’s ever felt the same way as I have in those moments of vulnerability and hurt, but that I was so thankful for songs like Dear John and Better Man because it made me feel less alone. And she goes “it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do, I totally get it. But that’s why we’re all here, isn’t it? That’s why we come to a stadium and we sing and dance and cry (we said cry at the same time, what kind of shared brain bullshit?) with each other, because we understand each other. We have that connection.” 

From there it got a little personal for me, and I want to keep that for myself, but she gave me the biggest, tightest hug and said some of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me and I’ve never felt more loved in my entire life than I did in those few minutes in a room with her. She said “I love you sooo much” and I said I loved her too, and then she asked what we wanted to do for a picture and Emily goes “I wanna do a smoosh...” because she’s the cutest person that has ever BREATHED and Taylor looked so confused so we both said at the same time (at the suggestion of Paige) “Can we do a Taylor face sandwich?” and she got so excited and was like “YEAH, I’ll smoosh your faces to mine!” So we got in position for that I knew I grabbed onto her, but I didn’t actually know what part of her I grabbed, I think I was reaching for her hand forgetting that her hand was on my face LOL. 

Anyway, we got our picture, she told us she loves us and hopes we have fun at the show and that she was so happy we were there and Emily manages AT THE LAST SECOND to go “CAN YOU PLAY COME BACK BE HERE.....please” and I’m like “Yeah, like....tonight.” And I felt so bad because I know I sounded so forceful and I DIDN’T MEAN TO. And she goes “Well, I can’t tonight because I promised someone else I’d play a different song, but I promise I will play it at a show soon, I know how much you guys want that one, I promise.” And we thanked her and told her we loved her and took our autograph and our dignity and got the hell out. 

I remember I was shaking when I came out of rep room, but I wasn’t freaking out really. I was still pretty chill. Chiller than I expected to be. We got about halfway back to her seats and I screamed “WHAT DID SHE SAY???” because for about five minutes, I blacked out completely. It was such a whirlwind of emotion that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel again. When we got back to our seats, the sweet angel that is Steph came over to me and asked how it went and I managed to get out “I said Hi, I’m Megan and...and....and...” and then I completely LOST MY SHIT and started SOBBING in Steph’s arms. I literally could not process that she KNEW WHO I WAS! I’M A LITERAL GARBAGE CAN! WHY DID SHE KNOW ME??? WHY DID SHE LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT? WHY DID SHE LAUGH SO MUCH? I COULDN’T PROCESS!

Steph: Meg, Taylor wanted to meet you, how do you feel?  

 The sobbing didn’t last long and I recovered just in time to meet my sweet baby Lauren @iknowplaces13 which I was SO EXCITED FOR! She was so happy for me and such an angel BUT THIS WASNT THE END OF THE ANGELS because JAIME APPEARS OUT OF THIN AIR TO SURPRISE ME (even though Dani @screamedsooloud ruined the surprise by accident but it’s FINE) and at this point, I still haven’t told Jaime that I met Taylor and I’m squirming trying to get out of the vice like hug she’s giving me so i can pull up my sleeve and show her my wristband LOL. Eventually she lets me BREATHE and I yank my sleeve up and go “SURPRISE, Snake!” and she literally is the blinking man gif, just no actually expression, raises her eyebrows, looks down at it and back at me and just goes “....when?” and then LAUNCHES herself at me because she is the sweetest, purest bean on the planet and was so genuinely happy for me. She’s listened to me cry about how I was sure this would never happen for so long and she kept telling me she was sure it would happen in Tampa and it was SO fun to outsnake her for once. I started telling her the story and every time I’d tell her something new, she’d tackle me again, it was so PURE. I love her with my entire heart.  Here’s a picture after I’ve cried all my eyeliner off. 

And then I snaked Brittany @messthatuwanted for snaking me because it’s what she deserved: 

The show was obviously amazing and we had great seats near the B stage and were able to make it to barricade, which was such a highlight to an already amazing night. I danced so much and sang at the top of my lungs and had a full on breakdown during long live that Emily the angel had to hold me through because I literally could not cope. Just full on sobbing for half the song. I had so much fun with Emily, Steph, Jess, Sammi, Leyton, Lejla, Sarah, Paige, and everyone else I spent time with this weekend. I’m forever grateful to Taylor for bringing so many amazing people into my life, I don’t deserve any of you and I can’t wait to reunite with 99 percent of the people I met at Gillette in Nashville. 

I quite literally had the time of my life with you, @taylorswift. Thank you so much for loving me like I love you, thank you for loving my friends and for bringing them into my life. I’ll never forget you as long as I live.

[attract-mode-collective]

An Arcade Grows in Brooklyn (Or At Least Is Trying To)

Perhaps it's still the case... perhaps it has always been the case.... all I know with absolute certainty is how, during a certain point, circa the early 2010s, a decent number of people were very much interested in opening and operating their very own arcade around these parts. These parts being New York City and surrounds areas.

Said individuals would, understandably, seek advice from an expert. And for reasons that may seem obvious to some, one person who was often enlisted was Kotaku's editor in chief, Stephen Totilo. And cuz it ain't quite his domain, Steve would then pass everyone along to someone more knowledgeable, that being me.

I spoke to a variety of individuals, each with their own unique vision...or so they thought. In reality, they were all essentially identical: everyone just wanted a place to hang out and play video games with their friends. They also figured that there would be enough other people wanting to same, enough to quit their day jobs and make a living off of them. To each and every one I said the same basic thing: don't do it.

Hey, I love arcades, I really do, and wish there was more of them. But I also don't like the idea of someone completely wasting away his life savings, just for a place for him and his buds to play Halo 3 or Rock Band 2 all night long. To be more exact, I don't like the idea of being someone who could have prevented such a thing from happening.

Just the other week, My Life In Gaming was in town; before swinging by Connecticut for some retro gaming con, there was a pit stop in NYC. Am assuming Coury wanted to catch up with family, being a Brooklyn native and all; perhaps to maximize his time, a meet-up was also planned. At an arcade. One that I had never heard of before.

The oddly named I Fix Machine Arcade was located in my old stomping grounds of Sunset Park, around three of four blocks away from a former residence; when I left in 2007, that part of Brooklyn was just starting to become gentrified, so I was hardly shocked to discover that the location was inside some freshly erected and ultra-trendy office loft space.

Once inside the front door, I was immediately lost; as with similar spaces, you’ve got an ultra-chic decor with zero signage, cuz that would either clash or something. A guy then walked in after me, saw that I was clueless, and pointed towards the fourth floor. Where there was no arcade. This led me to going up and down the entire building (via stairs since I feared the lack of security codes would impede my search), until I finally came across it on the first floor. The door was manned by the proprietor... the same guy who led me astray. Guess I didn't look like an arcade goer or something.

Anyhow, once again: it's an arcade! In an office space! Most of the games are running off of Japanese candy cabs, Versus City machines to be exact. You also have a Neo Geo MVS, an exposed NAOMI 2 attached to a Raspberry Pi (supplying the roms) and a Sega Saturn (doing what I have no idea), a high-end PC running Steam, plus more. There's even an area for live-streaming... quite the impressive set-up.

And near the entrance is a table, where the aforementioned proprietor had an open PC in front of him. Christopher is an energetic, buoyant fellow, whom I had a hard time understanding, though his enthusiasm clearly came across. I asked quite a few things and received many answers. Kinda, sorta.

My first question, of course: what's this arcade about? Christopher immediately went into his sales pitch, about it being a home for gamers, hearkening back to a time in which arcades ruled supreme, before the internet & online gaming, where you breathed the same air space with other players, yada yada yada, the same thing I've heard legit a hundred times before. I then asked, seriously, what's the deal here.

First, a bit about Christopher: I was surprised to learn that he was in his mid-to-late 30s, given his youthful appearance, though even more impressive is how he taught himself to repair computers in the late 90s, before the advent of YouTube.  I'm not sure what came first, the computer repair business or the arcade, but I did discover out that he owes everything to a guy named Jose Cruz. The way Christopher reverentially addressed Jose, it was like hearing the Pope refer to Jesus Christ Himself.

At the very least, Christopher acted like I should have known who Jose was... cuz I guess he's kind of a big deal? A combination of clues and blind guesses led to the assumption that the legend of Jose Cruz was somehow connected to local fight game scene and associated territories. Specifically the original Chinatown Fair crew, which later made a home for themselves at Next Level. Speaking of, I asked if there was any competition between I Fix Machine Arcade and Next Level Arcade, and the response was a somewhat sheepish "no... not anymore”.

Not long after my visit, I would discover that I Fix Machine and Next Level are in the same neighborhood, just a block away (the latter had initially chosen Brooklyn’s Chinatown as its new home-base). Again, no idea who came to the area first, but after some unspecified turf warfare, it would appear that everyone is friendly for now. I get the impression that one will go to whichever Arcade depending on one’s interest in a particular fame and the associated community built around it. I got the impression that I Fix Machine was the place for Tekken devotees.

Back to Jose: I would also discover that much of his fame... from what I was able to discover after the fact myself... is due his technical prowess. He knows his way around the back of an arcade machine and has produced a number of noteworthy mods. As such, Jose also taught Christopher everything he knows about servicing arcade cabs. I asked if, in addition to PCs, arcade games could also be repaired, since I know a few owners who might appreciate such a resource… didn’t get a straight answer. I then asked what the hours were: “2am to midnight”. I assumed he meant 2pm to midnight. Days of operation? Wednesday through Sunday. Cost of playing games? $10.

While asking questions I noticed a steady stream of patrons trickling into I Fix Machine Arcade, all clearly regulars. It then hit me, the similarities between this place and all the others that had been proposed to me, which I had nixed: these customers all seemed to know each other... they were all friends, friends who were paying to hang out with each other. I suppose seeing it in action made me realize that such a business model wasn't that insidious after all. Or entirely unique; it's no different than a club house or lodge, where the members pay dues to help keep the lights on. It just so happens that the doors are opened to the general public.

Yet the question remains: how many more friends can such a place attract? I was also reminded of my initial visit to Next Level several years ago, when Henry Cen had just begun operations. Someone close to Cen at the time divulged to me plans for a Next Level in Queens after the Brooklyn location. Then another one in the Bronx. Of course there would be one in Manhattan, with NJ to follow. I wondered back then if Cen had enough friends to fulfill such a master plan. Last I heard, the move from Brooklyn Chinatown to Sunset Park resulted in a reduction of square footage.

Back to Christopher: I asked how long I Fix Machine Arcade had been in business: about 6 months. I then asked how promotions were handled, and Christopher explained that he had been extolling the virtues of his haven for hardcore gamers “everywhere”: Twitter, Facebook, Twitch, Discord, etc. It’s at this point in which any objectivity as an investigative journalist began to wash away and my years as a promoter for events began to take over. I explained that online forums can only go so far… to really get the word out, especially on a local level, one had to do it the old fashioned way. And that’s the plaster the city with stickers and flyers, as well as make appearances at events. In the flesh. Places like Penny Arcade Expo, New York Comic Con, AnimeNYC, and especially MAGFest.

Christopher admitted to me that he had heard of those places, but never been to them (at least to conduct business). At that exact moment, a person who had just put down his $10 for the entrance fee also noted that he had just put down money for a MAGFest hotel room, which had just become available to the pubic earlier that afternoon. This unidentified individual told Christopher, “Hey man, it’s hype; you need to go there, tell everyone about IFM!” Christopher smiled and nodded in agreement.

I figured it was time to ask the hardball questions. First… any trouble with the neighbors? Not surprisingly, other offices in the building have called the cops to complain, resulting in several visits. But Christopher glossed over the details and offered a positive spin, by saying that each visit ends with cops hanging out and playing games. Quite the positive outcome, far more so than similar visits by the fuzz to other DIY venues I’ve been at or associated with.

I asked other questions, like what was the age range of his customers (Christopher claimed between 6 to 60, which I found a bit hard to swallow) and what was the average number of customers on a given day (he stated about 10, and given the number of regulars present, I found that to be a tad bit more plausible). Eventually, it was time for the hardest question of them all: is I Fix Machine Arcade making any money?

The answer was surprisingly honest and to the point, given the numerous canned responses I had been give: no. Yet... he and Jose (who I believe is the co-owner) know that it takes a year or two for any business to get its footing... or so they say. And I was told that they were ready for the road ahead. Now, given the surprise response to my inquiry about MAGFest, I have to wonder about that. Then again, I suppose things are truly only getting started.

Objectively speaking, the pieces are all there: I Fix Machine Arcade has the space, one that’s fairly accessible (it’s close by a major subway hub in South Brooklyn), it definitely has the gear (I honestly can't recall a larger assortment of Japanese arcade hardware in the Big Apple), and thus far, it has a loyal legion of customers. I hope I Fix Machine Arcade, I want it to survive, but do I believe it will when all is said and done? Well…

I almost forgot: the meet-up. It was actually a combination My Life In Gaming/RetroRGB gathering. Which is also when RetroRGB sat down with Jose Cruz himself for an hour long chat, for those interested...

... I was expecting an Antiques Roadshow-type gathering, but with modded retro gaming hardware, and that's basically what I got. Here's my buddy Jessen showing off some wacky RGB mod for the Super Famicom that sends its signal via the cart?

Eventually, when the party was officially in full swing of course, I remember how long my subway ride back home to the Bronx would be, so it was time to head out...

[pagegoat]

I was tagged by @hummingbirdcas (yay does this mean we can be friends)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people (lol I don’t know 20 people on here to even tag so it’ll probably be like 1)

1. Last drink: Diet Coke

2. Last phone call: my friend Sumner

3. Last text message: a video of a really cute dog to my mom and uncle

4. Last song you listened to: the final song from pitch perfect 1 (I’m working on learning the dance to it)

5. Last time you cried: surprisingly I don’t remember, it’s been a little while

6. Dated someone twice: nope no thank you

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: well not like right after but now I just generally regret having dated 2 of my exes so I guess yeah

8. Been cheated on: nope

9. Lost someone special: by death, no; by end of a friendship, yeah

10. Been depressed: I mean not like medically so no I guess? Not sure exactly what this is asking

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: twice. It’s not pleasant. The mere thought of redds apple ale makes me nauseous now

Fav colors

12. Emerald green

13. Dark teal

14. Dark purple

(basically I just love jewel tones ‘kay)

In the last year have you...

15. Made new friends?: yes, tons, because I came to college

16. Fallen out of love?: nope

17. Laughed until you cried?: this basically happens every time I laugh so yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you?: nope

19. Met someone who changed you?: I mean I became a partier when I came to school and met my friends here and I didn’t think I would so I guess kinda

20. Found out who your friends are?: yep definitely

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list?: nope

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: all of them

23. Do you have any pets?: a dog named Bob Wiley

24. Do you want to change your name?: nah

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: went to the beach with most of my best friends, saw dolphins, ate cake, it was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had

26. What time did you wake up today?: 7 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night?: getting back to my dorm from my weekly trivia night

28. What’s something you can’t wait for?: being in a stable job that I enjoy

29. What are you listening to right now?: nothing but I’m watching the office

30. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: yes

31. Something that’s getting on your nerves?: when my roommate watches Netflix out loud while I’m trying to do homework (it doesn’t happen often but when it does it drives me nuts)

32. Most visited website: tumblr or Twitter

33. Hair color: dark brown

34. Hair length: it’s pretty long rn

35. Do you have a crush on someone: yes

36. What do you like about yourself: uhhhh I like my acting talents, I like my hair usually, I like my makeup skills, I like my baking and cookie decorating abilities

37. Want any piercing: well I passed out just getting my ears pierced so it’s a no from me

38. Blood type: O-

39. Nicknames: well maggie is a nickname for Margaret, mags, magg-o, tiny mags, pagegoat, marijuana maggie (that’s just from 2 of my friends and it’s a long story)

40. Relationship status: it’s complicated

41. Zodiac: Gemini (I know everyone hates us)

42. Pronouns: she/her

43. Fav tv shows: supernatural, Sherlock, the office, friends, psych, monk, Smallville, lost, probably something else I’m forgetting

44. Tattoos: none yet but I’m getting one sometime soon hopefully

45. Right or left handed: right

46. Ever had surgery: I had a cyst removed from my neck when I was 8, and I had scoliosis corrective surgery when I was 16 so I have a pretty rad scar all the way down my spine

47. Piercings: just regular old earlobes

48. Sport: uh....... choreography for musicals??

49. Vacation: basically anywhere in Italy, NYC, Germany, Austria

50. Trainers: no clue what that means

More general

51. Eating: just had some chick fil a and a donut

52. Drinking: still my Diet Coke

53. I’m about to watch: well I’m currently watching the office so

54. Waiting for: this is very vague but I’m gonna go with Thursday for the next supernatural episode

55. Want: for every store and restaurant and website to accept PayPal to make my life easier

56. Get married: I mean not anytime soon but someday

57. Career: work in NYC for either a publishing company or a magazine in editing

Which is better (I’m assuming these are in relation to a potential SO)

58. Hugs or kisses: depends on the person I guess?

59. Lips or eyes: eyes

60. Shorter or taller: enough taller that I can wear heels

61. Older or younger: within a year younger or 2 years older

62. Nice arms or stomach: both please?

63. Hookup or relationship: def relationship

64. Troublemaker or hesitant: little of both depending on situation

Have you ever

65. Kissed a stranger: nope

66. Drank hard liquor: yep

67. Lost glasses: maybe when I was little but not recently

68. Turned someone down: yep

69. Sex on first date: nope

70. Broken someone’s heart: yep

71. Had your heart broken: yep

72. Been arrested: nope

73. Cried when someone died: not that I recall

74. Fallen for a friend: yep, several times

Do you believe in

75. Yourself: yes? Most of the time?

76. Miracles: depends on definition of that but tentatively yes

77. Love at first sight: nope

78. Santa clause: sadly no

79. Kiss on first date: I didn’t realize that was a belief but yeah

80. Angels: yes

Other

81. Best friend’s name: tim

82. Eye color: technically hazel but they’re really green with just a little ring of brown around my pupil

83. Fav movie: uhhh all the back to the futures, o brother whereart thou, beauty and the beast new and old, Chicago, Groundhog Day, what about bob?, HP and the half blood prince

84. Fav actor: misha collins, cole sprouse, Alan rickman, Martin freeman (and not just cuz of Sherlock I swear), bill Murray, Christopher Lloyd, Tim curry, I know there are others I’m forgetting

hey @southerntinkerbelle if you wanna do this knock yourself out it literally took me like a week to actually get all of this typed out cuz I kept not having time to finish it

[nickgoesabroad]

2 - New York City

Song of the Week: Perfect Places by Lorde

People tend to be weirdly surprised when I say that I’ve never been to New York City. “You have to go,” or “There’s nowhere like it, it’s incredible.” or “Nick, when are you going to come visit me at Barnard I need to show you New York.” When I say people, 90% of them are Sophie Kreitzberg.

Sophie and I met in 7th grade, technically pre-Algebra but our ~connection~~ didn’t form until we were both cast in equally important roles: her, the female lead, and me, the Rabbi’s son, in our school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof, Jr. (yes, it was the junior version). I had 7 lines and Sophie had 100+ and a few songs, so, you know, equal. We had a natural bond that came, I think, from the fact that Sophie seemed to be everything I wanted to be but was scared that I couldn’t: fearless, loud, wore stripes with polkadots, could sing, could act, took the classes I wanted to take, a confidence that warmed up every room she was in; I had a deep admiration for her, and she, inexplicably, wanted to be my friend as well (I’m not being self-deprecating for the fun of it, I was a gross, pimply, had-never-shaved-but-really-needed-to, wore Crocs unironically, wore fleece gray sweatpants, had bangs, my voice was cracking, deodorant was something I put on for ~special~ occasions, you get the picture, and if you don’t, here are some actual pictures)

I’m not sure what was happening, either.

Anyways, we quickly became fantastic friends (2 screens, 1 computer) and 7 years later it’s only strengthened. I decided that since I was already on the East Coast visiting Danny, it only made since to also visit Sophie. Just kidding, we bought tickets to Lady Gaga’s Joanne World Tour back in February so this was a long time coming. I got on a train in Boston, headed south for New York.

(This was also the moment I realized I left my laptop at Danny’s apartment) 

The train let me see a good portion of the Northeast: a view that I rarely get an opportunity to see. It was very green, lots of boats, open spaces, and two men sitting in front of me discussing the stock market. After four and a half hours, we pulled out of the lush green countryside of the Northeast into New York.

I felt like I’d been to New York due to how many movies and TV shows (like, every single one) taking place there, but it still felt surreal pulling up to the city, seeing the skyline, and realizing that the city actually exists.

I don’t want to sound like a BFA-guy-trying-to-impress-everyone-with-his-sense-of-the-world, but when I stepped off the train, it felt like nothing I’d previously experienced. The city was moving at a pace at least ten times that of what I’m used to. Everyone was going somewhere, had a goal, someone to see, hopes, dreams, ambitions (not to say that only people in New York have those things, but it was uniquely tangible). I got in an Uber headed straight for Barnard College. My driver told me about nearly every building we passed and its relation to his family (oh, I was in that building once, etc.), including a long strip of buildings that he identified as, “All owned by Trump!”

“Wow.” I said.

He dropped me off outside what looked like one of those places that’s a Taco Bell but also a Pizza Hut at the same time except instead of Taco Bell and Pizza Hut it was a FedEx and a ShakeShack which was an even weirder combination than Taco Bell and Pizza Hut and legitimately my first thought was, “Oh, I guess this is what Barnard is...”

I thought Barnard was a Shakeshack/FedEx.

I was then greeted in the lobby of her building by Sophie who guided me upstairs to her shockingly large apartment. I was under the impression that every place to live in NYC was the size of a glove compartment, but this apartment had hallways, a decently sized bathroom, a great, bright kitchen, and nice rooms. I met Perry, Sophie’s then-girlfriend, who I’d heard so much about but had yet to meet. Perry was holding on to my Lady Gaga ticket, and after discussing how high school theater is pioneering the gay-rights movement and doggo culture ruining modern society, we were on our way to the concert.

I’d always heard about New York pizza and was slightly skeptical about how good could it really be. We walked across the street to a place that claimed to have the largest slices in the city, and I’m inclined to believe them.

That’s a really big slice of pizza.

Sophie and Perry informed me that the pizza there wasn’t known for its outstanding quality, but rather as the best place for Columbia students to go on drunk nights. It tasted great to me, so I can only imagine what some alcohol would do to enhance the experience. Sophie (despite being lactose intolerant) and I contemplated getting a second slice because we’re insane, but Perry reminded us that the concert was in 30 minutes so we should probably get on the 45 minute subway ride.

Riding on the New York subway system felt like a rite of passage and I was a little anxious the entire time that I wasn’t “riding the subway correctly,” as if people were looking and judging me. As we got closer and closer to Citi Field, the subway car got gayer and gayer with more extravagant outfits coming in by the stop. 

Me and Sophie went to a Lady Gaga concert in January of 2013, our sophomore year of high school. I wasn’t out to anyone except 3 friends, my sister, and my therapist, but as Sophie and I discussed on the subway, she was expecting me to come out to her at that concert (during Born This Way, specifically). I had no such agenda planned, because, hey! Straight dudes go to Lady Gaga concerts when they’re 16 with their friends who are girls!! Right? Right. 

I rarely talk publicly about my sexuality (except for that time it was the subject of my high school graduation speech), but I have to say, going to a Lady Gaga concert as an out gay man is so much more enjoyable than being in the closet. It’s a legitimately accepting environment where no one’s looked down on for being themselves, and everyone’s just there to enjoy the music.

The concert was, as expected, spectacular and everything I expected. My voice was hoarse and my spirits soaring when we left Citi field and made our way to a (possibly?) 24/7 diner. 

This place had a neon sign that said “Open 7 Days a Week, 24 Hours a Day”, which would, you know, imply that they’re always open. So, we sit down, really hungry after expending all of our energy on Gaga. I order a somewhat absurd amount of food (hashbrowns, pancakes, eggs, bacon, cranberry juice, coffee, etc.), and after we order, the waiter (65+, Eastern European, frown etched on his face) goes to take our menus.

“Oh,” I said. “I’d actually like to hold on to it, if that’s ok. In case I want more later.”

“If you want to order later you have to order now.”

So he takes my menu and the three of us are doing our best to not burst out laughing at being told that this place that never closes will not be taking orders later. It was really bizarre.

The waiter returned with my coffee after forgetting to bring it out with everyone else’s drinks (at this point we’re ~99% sure he hates me), and I kid you not, he doesn’t stop walking while putting my coffee on the table. He was walking at a steady pace and did not slow down at the rest stop that was our table. At this point we’re laughing hard, the kind of laugh you can only achieve past one in the morning. 

We went to (I think?) Brooklyn Bridge park to look at the skyline, which was irritatingly, beautifully, cliché. It was exactly and nothing how I imagined it would be. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and I remembered a scene from Kate & Leopold, a Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman movie I watched with my family several times when I was younger. Characters who jumped off the bridge at a certain point exactly at midnight were transported through time. And I was walking across this portal. 

Sitting at the subway platform, trying not to pass out, Sophie, Perry, and I were greeted by a 10-minute rant-but-possibly-performance-art-I’m-not-quite-sure-what-was-happening from this lady who seemed to be asleep when we sat down but was awoken by some external, ethereal force that summoned her to impart otherworldy wisdom on us; topics ranged from Crony Capitalism, Prostitution, to the, as Perry hilariously put it, less original content such as, “If Facebook told you to jump in front of the train you would do it.” 

As we were walking away, Sophie said, “I kind of loved it, it was like spoken word, you know? It had like a refrain, changed narrative perspectives a few times, really kept me on my toes.”

I think about that woman daily. 

We got three hours of sleep that night (morning?), and Sophie and I said a flash-goodbye since she was running late to a meeting. I sat in Starbucks for like 5 hours before making my way back downtown to the bus station that would take me to Stewart International Airport, where a Norwegian Airlines’ plane was waiting to take me across the Atlantic... 

[weareallkosh]

tagged by @lurkz

The last 1. drink: creme soda 2. phone call: a technical review for one of my parts at work. 3. text message:  Sent? “This cat is the only thing I have ever encountered that expresses affection by buzzing loudly and nibbling on my elbow.” 4. song you listened to: "Angel of the Morning”, apparently. Go Deadpool soundtrack? 5. time you cried: I can’t remember. I’m absolutely certain I have since then but the last I can remember clearly is the first time I saw GotG2. Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: If you mean got back together with somebody after breaking up, no. If you mean had precisely 2 dates with somebody and never again... well you just described high school. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nope 8. been cheated on: I doubt it 9. lost someone special: Yes 10. been depressed: I mean, right now. But definitely worse 2013-2016, I was on medication for it and all. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Only once, never again shall I be so drunk. 3 favorite colors 12. blue 13. green 14. gray                                                                                  

In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: Indeed (we’ll assume Tumblr mutuals count) 16. fallen out of love: Nope 17. laughed until you cried: definitely 18. found out someone was talking about you: Well, I know @sithwitch13 shares the dumb shit I do/say with @lurkz, but beyond that not really. 19. met someone who changed you: everybody I meet changes me a little, right? 20. found out who your friends are: In the sense that I found out who a few of them aren’t. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: I should think so, I’m married to one of them, she’d probably be upset if I hadn’t kissed her in year. General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 91.3% of them, and the others are friends-of-friends I just haven’t met. I keep my FB friends list pretty neat. 23. do you have any pets: two cats, Tonks and Fatty (who is not nearly so fat as he was when we took him in, and doesn’t really deserve the nickname anymore) 24. do you want to change your name: Not so long as people respect my desire to go by my middle name. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: @sithwitch13 and I went to the Hobbit Cafe up in town (exactly what it sounds like), then we went to Dave and Busters with a few friends - @kivat, her BF, some local buddies. 26. what time did you wake up: 6:40 AM, with the alarm and dreams of Tumblr discourse echoing through my brain. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: For once, I was actually asleep I think. 28. name something you can’t wait for: The Last Jedi 31. what are you listening to right now: Typing from the next room, a noisy dog upstairs. When I’m done with this, maybe an audiobook for a while. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I have a good friend named Tom, though we haven’t talked that much recently.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the executive and legislative branches of our government (just gonna leave this because truth) 34. most visited website: lately, Tumblr. I also check Jezebel, Kotaku, and RockPaperShotgun way too much. 35. hair colour: light brown, where it’s not starting to go gray from stress. 36. long or short hair: short, but due for another trim. 39. piercings: That’s a hard nope... 40. blood type: Blue (sorry, bad joke, I’m Evangelion trash). I don’t recall the real one, AB+ I think? 41. nicknames: Don’t really have one. We’ll see if @lurkz, @sithwitch13, or @kivat decide I need one after seeing this. I use Ragnarok or Echani as a screen name a lot of places but that doesn’t count. 42. relationship status:  happily married, but more romantic partners might be a possibility depending on the circumstances and the right woman or guy. Also... hasn’t been discussed to the point you’d say it’s a QPR or platonic partnership or the like, but she’s family as I see it and that means a lot. 43. zodiac: Capricorn 44. pronouns: he/him, though some days they/them would be fine by me too. 45. favourite tv show: Oh man. Babylon 5, The Expanse, both Star Wars series, Farscape, Neon Genesis Evangelion. 46. tattoos: several planned, haven’t found the artist to do them yet. 47. right or left handed: sinister (left) 48. surgery: appendectomy

49. piercing: only if stabbed                                           

50. sport: to watch? Football (American that is), but only really college ball and only rarely. Playing? I don’t really anymore but I like archery and fencing, and really need to get back into a martial art. 51. vacation: Badly needed. Last that wasn’t just a weekend jaunt was up to NYC to visit. Next might be to Vegas or such. Really want to go back to Hawaii or Italy, or make a nice tour of the UK or Germany. 52. pair of trainers: Hans and Franz? (not sure what this is really asking, but I guess the Sketchers crosstrainers I work out in? Not favorites exactly but I have them so...)

More general: 53. eating: I recently ate some cheese. Before that, fajitas and a popsicle. 54. drinking: water 55. i’m about to: embrace sweet oblivion until another work day tomorrow 56. waiting for: maybe doing character generation for an RPG this weekend 57. want: to hopefully not see the start of WW3 (left because accurate) 58. get married: Already did, so the “get” part is an issue because the government won’t let me do it again unless I get rid of my current marriage first and... no. I could potentially see a commitment ceremony or something though if circumstances merited it. 59. career: rocket scientist (though technically I don’t work on the rocket part, I work on the astronaut part, and I kind of want to stop doing it) Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: Hugs generally speaking, though sometimes nothing will do but a kiss 61. lips or eyes: Eyes, so very much. 62. shorter or taller: Yes.

63. older or younger: Doesn’t matter, though close to my age is nice.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: matter less than the person, but both are... well, nice 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, at least as regards me :-P Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: No, not my scene 68. drank hard liquor: Prefer it; only have a drink or two a week though

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: surprisingly, no 70. turned someone down: In retrospect, yes, though I didn’t know at the time that’s what I was doing... 71. sex on the first date: Extremely unlikely 72. broken someone’s heart: Hah, I doubt it. 73. had your heart broken: seemed that way at the time, but I was young and stupid so maybe not 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: You betcha. Do you believe in: 77. yourself: I believe in the me that believes in me. 78. miracles: Not really, no. 79. love at first sight: Attraction and chemistry? Yes. Love? No. 80. santa claus: Not since I was very small indeed. 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: Shinji and Asuka took care of them.

Other: 83. current best friend’s name: Mary 84. eye colour: Kinda shifts between blueish and green depending on what I’m wearing. More green I think. 85. favourite movie: I can’t pick just one. The Matrix, Return of the Jedi, Dr. Strangelove for the top 3 maybe.

tag you’re it: @kivat if you want to, otherwise tag yourself (you’re it!)

[travelingfrenzy]

NYC 2017 - Birthday Celebration

This post is a little delayed but I told my aunt that I would blog about our trip so I will. One of my best friends, my sister and I decided to go to the Plaza in honor of our 25th birthdays a few years ago. We love doing tea parties so going to the plaza for afternoon tea seemed fitting. Now that we all have full time jobs we can afford to splurge every once in a while and we decided to make a weekend of it. 

Living so close to NYC (about a two hour drive), this wasn’t our first time in the big city by far. However, we did take the bus which is something I have never done before. Getting on the bus from our hometown was easy, getting on the bus at the Port Authority in NYC, not so much but more on that later. We got on the bus at around 6 pm on Friday so we didn’t have to take anytime off from work. Once we got off the bus, we were tired and ready to get to our hotel so we did the non-local thing and got in a cab. It was a good reminder of the crazy drivers of NYC. I’m pretty sure our cab driver wanted to be a NASCAR racer or in fast or furious or something. He drove so fast, cut off so many cars, and almost killed us a few times but somehow we made. Actually, he past our hotel and dropped us off two blocks past it but we didn’t want to pay for him to loop around the block and his english wasn’t great. Checking into the hotel was pretty easy and we wanted to find somewhere to eat once we dropped our bags. It was late and in the city that never sleeps, a good amount of the restaurants were unfortunately closing soon. We found the cutest little Italian place with the nicest chef/owner ever. If you’re ever in Midtown East, I recommend you check out Fabio Cucina Italiana (214 E 52nd St). The food was so good, so fresh tasting/authentic (I’ve been to Italy so I know, kind of ;)), the atmosphere was fantastic and the staff and chef were so friendly. We were there a little after close and they didn’t make us feel rushed at all. They even suggested we try the dessert. After we told the chef that we were in NYC celebrating our 25th birthdays, he gave us the desserts for free. After we left the restaurant, it was drizzling a little so we went back to our hotel and drank a bottle of wine that we brought. We had a corner room at the hotel with windows wrapping around the building so it was nice to relax with my friends, drink some wine and watch the hustle of the city. 

The next day was the day we’ve all been waiting for... Plaza day. We were in NYC and we didn’t have afternoon tea until 1 so we had to have a bagel in NYC. Luckily there was a bagel place a block away (we could actually see it outside our window). It was called Ess a Bagel and it had all the cream cheese and bagel flavors you could imagine. The line was kind of long but it was definitely worth it. Actually, we got lucky since the line was long but it was inside the building. Later and the next day, we looked out the window and the line was wrapping around the block. After we ate our bagels it was time. Time to get ready for the day we have all been waiting for since high school. We started showering, curling our hair and doing our make-up. While we getting ready, we were drinking a rose bottle of sparkling wine. We were living the high life people. Something really unfortunate happen while we were getting ready. Something really unfortunate indeed. While getting ready, I stepped on the curling iron. It burnt the bottom of my foot pretty badly but it was Plaza day. Nothing was going to stop me from going. My friend freaked out though and ran to Duane Reed (Walgreens in NYC, I’m not sure why the name is different) to get something for my foot while I put it in cold water in the tub and continued to do my sister’s make-up. It is semi funny to look back on but it has been a week and I’m on crutches so only semi. It’ll probably be funnier as time passes. Anyways, it was time to go to the Plaza. Our hotel was only a ten minute walk and we had planned to walk down 5th Ave on our way and see the fancy stores but burnt foot so... also it was raining so it was fine. We were going to take a cab but Uber was so much quicker and honestly cheaper so. However, there was a science march in central park that day so our cab driver dropped us off about two blocks away from the Plaza and we walked/limped the rest of the way. Even though I’ve been to NYC many times, this was my first time in the Plaza I’m pretty sure. It was beautiful. Afternoon tea is at their Palm Court restaurant and its pretty much in the lobby so it isn’t hard to find. We sat down and we were in heaven. It was so nice and we couldn’t believe we were there. We got the New Yorker afternoon tea. They let us switch out sandwiches we didn’t want which was good. We all got to pick a flavor of tea and the pots were huge. They have you a good amount of sandwiches, a lot of cute mini desserts and scones. We even got champagne because ya know, Treat Yo Self!! The waiter forgot about our champagne so he gave us all another free glass which was totally unnecessary because we were preoccupied with tea and food but we weren’t going to turn it down. We were so full. We didn’t finish it all. We were there for about two hours. Honestly, I think we could have sat there all day and just enjoyed the moment but we were meeting up with our friend Nina so we had to move on... to the Empire Hotel.

Nina said the Empire hotel was right around the corner and I guess technically it was but it was about a 10 minute walk in the rain... on my burnt foot so that was a little rough. Nina suggested the Empire Hotel since they filmed some scenes from Gossip Girl there. It was cool. We all got the ‘Chuck Bass’ drink which was vodka, champagne, honey and lemon water. I don’t drink vodka so I replaced the vodka with Gin. The drink was really good. We just sat there and drank our Chuck Bass drink and caught up with Nina. There was some kind of party for professor at Columbia University so at first it was hard to find a spot to sit but once we did it was good. 

After the Empire Hotel, we took an Uber back to the hotel (well to the McDonalds a block away) and got changed and went out. Nina suggested a place close to the Empire Hotel to check out but since my foot was burnt we decided to stay close to the hotel. There was a place Alicia found that had Karaoke at midnight but before that it was just a normal bar. We walked by a bar that had live music so we decided to go back there for a little and that was a lot of fun. Then we went back to the bar with Karaoke and it was a little strange. They kept playing songs we didn’t know but we sang along for a little until we were ready to say goodnight to the night. 

Sunday, we didn’t have a ton of time before the bus so we went to brunch at The Redemption. We picked it because it had unlimited mimosas (are you seeing the theme of the weekend, not intentional..kind of). The food was really good too. It was definitely what we needed since we had a long bus ride. So after brunch we headed toward the Port Authority to get on our bus. Unfortunately, we were dropped off on the opposite side of the Port Authority but we were able to get tea/coffee for the bus ride so we thought. We got to our bus at 1:50-1:55 and the bus driver informed us that he had one seat left on the bus. We were so confused since we had tickets for the 2pm bus but yet there weren’t enough seats. So we didn’t get on since we had to stick together and went to the information center where the guy said that the driver was suppose to wait until 2 to let the standby line on but he didn’t so we lost our seat. So if you ever take a Greyhound to NYC, remember to get there early, otherwise you might lose your seat. The next bus that had three seats available was at 5:30pm. This would have been alright if my foot wasn’t burnt. There’s plenty to do in NYC to waste 3 hours, Time Square was only a block away but I couldn’t walk. So we honestly sat around on the ground since there were no seats, complained then waited in line for the bus back home at 4 where there apparently wasn’t enough seats. Honestly, we were tired, my foot hurt so we didn’t do the best thing. We gave the driver our tickets and he didn’t look at the time I guess and let us on the bus. I was so nervous that we would be kicked off but we didn’t. The bus started moving and no one said anything. NYC was so much fun. I wish we could always live the high life but you know, you need money.