#team lead: oh dude that’s a cool design what’s the thought process

[doolallymagpie]

never talked about one of my low-stakes gaming conspiracy theories but like, that GLaDOS “concept art”, that’s obviously someone’s GLaDOS-inspired kink art that gets passed off as concept work for some reason

however, I could believe someone at Valve was doodling GLaDOS-inspired kink art, and someone else saw it and was like “oh that kicks ass, robot it up and let’s see how she looks”, thus meaning it technically counts as concept art

[authenticaussie]

What do you think the difference would be in a TMNT/OP fic with different collections of turtles?

oooooooo okay so I should be getting ready for class tomorrow but you have 100% captured me I’m so invested in this

mainly I know 2003, 2012, and Rise - well, at least, they’re my favourites and have the most distinct characterisation tbh bc they’re long-running series - SO I’ll do those guys :DD

THIS GOT LONG (because of course it did, I’ve never made a short post in my LIFE) SO FIRST: 

the main difference in fic would be tone!!!!!!!! The turtles are all really affected by the shows they come from so there’d be big differences in how they react to the new situation. Combining OP and 2018, they’re both such loud and bright shows that writing them sad would be kinda….disatisfactory to a reader. 2012 is the one where you could get kinda dark, and go down the genetic experiment and “oh wow these kids need a therapist” and Luffy being >:T wtf why are your lives so Fucked Up route, and 2003 would be hilariously awkward because they’re technically all in the same age range but they act so different wheezes

Second!!! Fun character analysis and Shenanigans under the readmore. 

2003

Probably the most responsible on this list, they’re like??? tbh, barely teenagers?? Or at the very least, 18 or 19, and they can be air-heads but 2003 goes feet-first into the whole plot and character and Everything Happens. I mean, literally in season one there’s this whole subplot about how you define monsters and genetic testing and Wild shit like that so they feel Way more adult than the Strawhats get at times. Even though One Piece covers some dark topics it….the characters - the strawhats, in particular, is what I mean - don’t feel like adults the same way the 2003 turtles do. 2003 also doesn’t feel as dark as 2012 gets sometimes, but I feel 2012 is also because they seem really young, and in 2003 at least they get to process their trauma. 2012…..kinda beats them up a lot akhsdg pft.

Sticking them with the Strawhats would be !! Honestly really funny? I feel Mikey would get along with them really well - in every iteration he’s very good at going with the flow, and hey, pirates? and they’re nice? and cool powers? - he’d have the time of his life. Donnie would try and figure out What Was Going On (as the resident “please fix this in case it’s dangerous” guy, that’s probably what his role would Often be) but I can see him being easily distracted by Franky and the whole devil fruits thing. GOD him and Franky is a thought and a half omfg. The level of tech in One Piece is so different when compared to the modern world, and it operates on rules but like, rules that are just ever so slightly different. 

Raph would be in debt Immediately. Mainly bc Nami’s manipulative like that but also because he’s just………..Like That. He’d be rude and insulting and if the strawhats were helping them out he’d be the team’s voice of reason. Or, distrust, I suppose. The one who hangs back, who’s prickly, who’s the last to offer his trust because his family needs him to be uncompromised, just in case. I think he and Zoro would clash for a bit, not like, in words but just in gestures, until the crew + turtles had been through their adventures, and gotten to the end of Whatever fic was being written, and then they’d be friends. Not best buds but like, healthy respect for each other. 

Leo……….absolutely does Not understand why Luffy is leader. It’s like making Mikey the boss; it doesn’t make sense to him, because Luffy is too trusting and he’s strong but strength doesn’t make a good leader, and in 2003 Leo’s kind of a pushover so he’d stay on the sidelines and watch with Raph. But, as everyone knows, Luffy’s magnetism is Pretty Hard To Deny, and the crew’s respect for him does a lot to show to Leo that he may be missing something but that he doesn’t have to understand. 

2012

I always……..feel so bad for TMNT2012 //weeps They’re just kids and they get put through so much like wow I’m only at season two but from spoilers there’s like?? their dad keeps DYING and being bought back to life???/ THAT’S GOTTA FUCK YOU UP!!! Plus all of them have all these different insecurities and they’re kinda mean to each other (Raph….has only given a proper apology for being a dick once so far, and I’m like. mid-way through season two. I’m sorry if this makes me mikey kin @@zali but pLEASE I cannot stand this LET THEM BE NICE TO EACH OTHER ;A; Like they’re still obviously a family but gosh they’re– so prickly)

Honestly depending on how the Strawhats meet them, like holy shit :o they might be Enemies. In 2003 I feel like they’ve been through enough to try and de-escalate a situation first, but 2012 are so Paranoid that unless they had April with them they’d be like WELP this is another mind-control alternate dimension thing, time to ninja vanish. And sure, after they ended up on whatever quest they needed to go on, Luffy would be fascinated by them (2012 definitely pushes the limits of what you can Actually do, in terms of hiding and shit, but I think that makes it fun !!) but I feel the turtles would be pretty paranoid at first. Mikey & Donnie would be the first two to be dragged out of their shells (snickers) because Donnie would be super curious (and also…probably kinda aggravated and confused) about how the one piece world rules work, and Mikey because…friends!! They already have a reindeer mutant on the crew, they’re obviously cool with mutants :D

akhsdg okay I mention that 2003 would hang back and assess Luffy’s leadership still but like 2012 would be such a dick. He never seems to learn the lesson that people have different strengths and different ways of doing things >:T and watching Luffy lead would drive him crazy. I bet he’d try and make plans and be all structured and in control and Luffy would wreck things and/or the strawhats would be like “lol no lmao, you’re not the captain”. Even if he did have a good plan, like….the Strawhats rarely follow plans if Luffy says they’re doing something different snickers. I feel a major part of this could just a nice subplot line of Leo learning to Chill and also like………give the 2012 a fun adventure I’m begging you sobs. Do a Long Long Island filler arc or smth, where it’s dumb and silly and barely dangerous because they’re all competent af. 

Also: Mikey constantly trying to find a devil fruit because “dudes, it’s probably not gonna apply when we go back home and think about how SICK superpowers would be!!!!!!!!”

He does not get one, to his disappointment. 

2018

These guys are IDIOTS and would fit in with Luffy’s brand of chaos p e r f e c t l y 

Okay so yeeeeah I’m probably biased because I think Rise may be my favourite (the family dynamics!! the character designs!! the animation!!! the stupid jokes!!! the sudden flashes of deeper plot!!!!!!!!) BUT. No-one can argue with me that Rise turtles are chaotic as fuck and they’d have the time of their LIVES with Luffy’s crew. Raph would fall in love with Chopper (Chopper would be terrified of him, continuing the terribly sad trend of Raph being Bad With Animals), Donnie would go wild glitter-eyed over the devil fruits and technology and immediately try and do a million mad scientist experiments (and look. SMILES are fucked up. But this boii would totally try and make one/figure out how they worked). He’s….a mad genius and maybe a little bit evil.��

Leo would either drive Sanji crazy or be INSTANTLY adopted and taught how to be “cool”, but I can also see Sanji and Zoro lowkey fighting over him SNICKERS. Because Leo has a sword so he’s obviously Zoro’s, but he’s suave and likes fashion so he MUST be Sanji’s, and it’s not an argument persay, until Leo says he thinks both of them are cool and then it’s a battle to the death. 

(The end of leo’s sentence was “not as cool as me tho ;P” only they didn’t notice that bit.)

April would absolutely fall in love with Robin. And also Nami?? But I feel mainly Robin like Oh Man Robin is so cool and both of them are hypercompetent??? April’s like teach me how to be a badass assassin and Robin smiles and laughs and absolutely does. 

Mikey’s so loud that he almost terrifies Usopp, and terrifying Usopp is kinda a no-no in Luffy’s book, but he likes these guys and Mikey’s just excited to have an artist friend and so both of them bounce around the ship like ping pong balls. 

There is………yeah. A lot of paint covering the Sunny after they’re through. I can’t decide if Franky would cry or laugh but I know one (1) single drop of paint got on Nami’s tangerines and she Banished them. Rise turtles probably have a really good time and the crew figures out they’re basically children really quick and make sure nothing bad happens to them. Leo promises to try and get better at portal-making so they can come visit New York sometime, and everyone is like “what the fuck is new york??” at the same time as Donnie says HEY WAIT, I THINK WE’RE ON AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION and they get teleported home :DD

THANKS FOR LETTING ME SPILL ALL MY TURTLE FEELINGS EVERYWHERE

[woildismyerster]

Hi can I have a Jojo x Reader where she is really quiet and he's really outgoing and she really likes him a lot and she doesn't know that he likes her back? (your Finch soccer fic has my dead I love it ❤️)

(Dude, thanks.)

The perks of going to a cider mill in the fall included, though were not limited to: pumpkins, corn mazes, apple cider, those cute little gourds that you saw kids carrying around, friggin’ bomb donuts, and the fact that JoJo was going to be there.

The rest of your friends, too, but JoJo.

The major downside to going to a cider mill was the fact that pretty much everybody in the country enjoyed all of those things, so you had to deal with a bazillion other people in the process.

“This is heaven,” JoJo said.  “It’s my favorite thing.”

“Totally.”

“If I see one more little kid in a giant sweater, I might actually die of happiness,” he said.

You grinned at him.  He had been stoked to come, but his delight only increased the longer you stayed.  He ate too much, bought too much, and smiled too much.  It was hard to be uncomfortable about the crowds when he was walking with you.

You looked back toward the corn maze.  “Do you think Race and Albert are out yet?”

“No,” he snorted.  “They won’t finish unless they cheat.”

The boys had never managed to get out of the maze without cutting through the rows of corn, but they were convinced that this was the year.  This was the year that they would actually win the maze, and it would be purely aboveboard.

You and JoJo had finished a half hour prior, and the boys hadn’t come out yet.

“We should go through again,” you said.  JoJo gave a slow, deliciously sly smile while you continued.  “I want to lap them.”

“I love it,” he said, and dragged you back to the entrance.

Race, JoJo, and Albert had always been as thick as thieves.  Since most activities were better suited for two people than three, you often tagged along on whatever fun they had planned.  Realistically, you knew that you were there to keep someone from being left out.  In practice, it was easy to pretend that you had been included on merit alone.

You ended up with a different boy in different situations.  Race would grab you when he needed somebody to make him look less problematic.  Albert was as suspect as Race was, and JoJo’s smile could convince anybody that some master plan had been executed.  If Race was standing by you, he just might get away with something.

Albert liked working with you academically.  Even if the two of you couldn’t figure out how to do the work, he stood a better chance at paying attention if you say with him.

JoJo stood with you during social situations.  It was strange; he absolutely adored socializing, and you always felt a step behind in large groups.  It would have made more sense for him to hang out with people who loved public situations, but he always ended up with you.

Maybe it was a pity pairing.  Maybe he just liked you well enough to choose you above all others.  You wouldn’t complain either way.

You ran into Race and Albert about halfway through.  “Hey, guys.  Having a rough time?”

Albert gave a relieved sigh at the sight of you.  “Man, it’s harder than usual this year.  I don’t know how they can expect kids to figure this out.”

JoJo gave a small squeak in his attempt not to laugh.  “Totally.  How long have you been at it?”

Race checked his phone.  “Over an hour.”  He frowned.  “What do you mean?  You’re still in here too.”

JoJo looked at you.  “This is, what, our sixth time through?  Seventh?”

You squinted at the sky.  “Let’s see - there was the first time -”

“The time we did it blindfolded -”

“Hopping on one foot -”

Albert took off his beanie and smacked you with it.  “You guys are the worst.”

JoJo laughed.  “Just because you guys don’t know how to read a map -”

“Using the map is cheating,” Race said haughtily.  “That’s why you guys finished so fast.”

“Well,” you said, “we didn’t use it the time we were blindfolded, so there’s that.”

JoJo linked his arm with yours on the way out of the maze, and you thought you could understand why couples liked going to cider mills together.  It was easy to imagine loving someone in a place like this.  

It was just as easy to imagine loving him later that night, when the atmosphere was different and JoJo was the same.

The fact was, JoJo was easy to like.  He smiled a lot, and laughed at most of your jokes.  He made you funnier.  He made you feel smarter.  He made you feel like you could probably talk to people more, if you really wanted to.  He made you feel like a much better version of yourself, and that was a dangerous was to feel.  Feeling that way was addictive, and hard to come down from.

“I’m telling you, we could be the best cryptid hunters,” JoJo insisted.  He made the pitch every few weeks.  After graduation, he said, the two of you ought to buy one of those Mystery Machine style vans and scrounge North and South America for creatures in hiding.  

If the suggestion hadn’t always arisen after he thought about things like college and careers, you might have taken him a little more seriously.

“You just want to be like Buzzfeed Unsolved,” you said.

He shifted in his chair to look at you directly.  “We’ll be better than that.  We’ll be straight up Ghostbusters.  But, like, without capturing the cryptids.  You know what I mean.”

You did.  “Which one would you be?”

“Which one is the cutest?”  He laughed when you threw a pillow at him.  “We’ll be our own thing.  No comparisons necessary.”

JoJo would be Bill Murray.  He would be the one who had no trouble talking to people, who people wanted to have answers for.  You wouldn’t be so good at that, but it was fun to imagine a life where you were.  If that life included traveling the world with your best friend, even better.

“Let’s do it,” he sighed again.

“Alright,” you said.  “You buy the van.  I’ll handle snacks.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

“If we do it long enough, I’m sure that I’ll match your expenses.”  He rolled his eyes at you, so you made a sound of defeat.  “Alright, I’ll design and buy our t-shirts, too.”

“Oh, big spender,” he teased.  

“Your plan, your losses,” you said.  “You’ll be lucky enough to have my company.”

“That’s the truth,” he said.  “JoJo and Y/N, dream team.  No doubt.”  When he said it like that, you believed him.  

You went to grab a drink from the kitchen, hoping that the break in the conversation would remind you that it was only ever like this when nobody else was around.  It wasn’t realistic to imagine a life with JoJo being exactly the way it was when it was just the two of you.  There would always be other people.  There would always be other plans.  JoJo would end up with somebody more like him, and you would end up hanging out on your own.

“You’re very quiet,” the old woman said thoughtfully.

“Yeah,” you agreed.  You weren’t sure that there was a good response to that.

“You should smile more,” she said.  “People won’t mind as much if you smile more.”

You winced.  There definitely wasn’t a good, kind response to that.

JoJo took a step forward, positioning himself so he was almost more of a part of the conversation than you were.  It was a relief to step away.  “Y/N only smiles when there’s something to smile about.  She’s great that way.”

The old woman made a few polite, mildly appalled sounds before excusing herself to talk to somebody else.

“Jesus Christ,” JoJo said, nearly impressed.  “Family friends are the worst.”

“Preach.”

“Old people birthday parties are supposed to be cute,” he said.  “She wasn’t cute at all.”

You laughed.  “She really wasn’t.”

“You aren’t too quiet.”

“I know,” you said.  That wasn’t quite true; you probably were too quiet, at times.  It just seemed like no matter how much you talked to people, you never got much better at it.  Your friends were some of the only people who made talking feel like less than a chore, and that was hard to explain.  It was easier to sit back and let other people lead.

“And you smile often enough,” he said.  “As long as you’re smiling at my jokes, you’re filling the quota.”

You nodded, nearly rolling your eyes.  “Totally.  As long as I hang out with you all the time, nobody can ever say that I’m not smiling enough.”

“Easy enough,” JoJo said cheerily.  “We’ll have to hang out more.  We’ll have to be literally attached at the hip.”

“Literally?”

“Literally,” he said solemnly.

“That’s gross,” you said.

JoJo laughed, and nobody could have said that you weren’t smiling enough.  Nobody would have thought that you were too quiet.

“Race is probably gonna, like, be one of those high school teachers that pretends that he can be best friends with the students.”  Elmer was laying on his back, taking his shot at imagining what everybody’s future would be like.  “The one that tries to use cool slang and rag on other teachers, you know?”

Race made an appalled sound.  “I would never be a teacher.”

“But you won’t deny the fake cool thing?”

“I would never be a teacher,” he said again, and you laughed.

Everybody thought that Davey would be one of those professors that had elbow patches.

Mush would own some sort of business, and his workers would be grossly overpaid because he’s too good for the universe.

Katherine would, of course, be a writer.  A scathing, world changing writer.

“JoJo and Y/N are probably going to get married someday,” Katherine said dreamily.  She took one of the cookie pieces off of her Oreo, careful not to peel up any frosting in the process.  “They’ll have normal jobs, and normal kids, and be the happiest of all of us.”

Jack applauded.  “Way to go, guys.  Mad props.”

You gave an uncomfortable smile, careful not to meet JoJo’s eyes.  “Yeah, no, I don’t think JoJo and I would work out.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Katherine scoffed.  Some of the guys agreed, and Katherine raised her eyebrows at you as though the consensus alone proved that you were wrong.  “You guys would be great.  You always make sure that the other person is happy.  What more could you want?”

“That’s not - I’m not saying that we wouldn’t make each other happy.  JoJo is my main man,” you said.  You grinned at him; maybe most of the words weren’t happy ones, but JoJo being your friend would always be a happy thing.  Whether you were satisfied with it or not, JoJo was always a source of happiness.  “He’s the best.  But we’re really different.”

JoJo leaned forward in his seat.  “How?”

“Like, you really like being around people.  I don’t like that at all,” you said.

“You’re people,” he pointed out.  “I’m just as jazzed when it’s the two of us as I am with thirty other people.”

“Everything makes you smile.  I’m hardly ever as happy as you,” you said.

He shrugged, nearly letting soda slosh over the rim of his cup.  “If I make you smile, that’s good enough.”

You threw your hands up, defeated and a little annoyed.  “If you’re so hellbent on proving me wrong, let’s just date.”  There was something scathing and sarcastic about the way you said it, but JoJo was unbothered.

“Okay,” JoJo said.  “Let’s date.”

A hush fell over the room.  You gaped at JoJo, and he stared back with no trace of humor on his face.

“Let’s give them some privacy,” Katherine said.  For once, nobody fought her.  For once, all of your friends managed to keep their heads out of everybody else’s business.  They left the basement, and you were alone with JoJo.

“I like you,” JoJo said.  “A lot.  I’m not saying that you have to agree to marry me now, but I think that you and I being You-and-I is worth a shot.”

“I had no idea that you liked - that you wanted -” you croaked.

“Everybody else did,” he said wryly.  “Seriously, everybody else knows.  People in China probably know.”

You didn’t know what to say.  This wasn’t how you imagined things going.  Really, you hadn’t imagined it much at all.  You hadn’t ever thought that there was a point to imagining this.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he said seriously.  “I know that the whole cryptid hunting thing is never going to happen.  If you don’t want to be together like that, I won’t be upset with you.”

“I really want that,” you said.  That, at least, you knew for sure.  “I do want to be together like that.”

“Really?”

“That would be my favorite thing,” you said, and he laughed.  He laughed, and you thought that maybe the two of you weren’t too different after all.

[tumblunni]

Current biggest priority as soon as i get my computer and internet all sorted out

Make a meme

Some guy: bunni can we listen to something else besides Yokai Watch Vs Mckraken Final Boss Part 2

And then i throw them out a window

Srsly guys i have now spoiled myself on all the final boss songs for all the games and this is still the best and most climactically badass one like srsly they never brought back the whole 'seagues into a remix of the main theme tune when you kick his ass' thing?? Im like already preemptively trying to plan out actual heavy rock songs i could do amvs to cos im pretty sure nothing else could top this goddamn squidman's grand tune

Oh but also i do still like game 2 grandma's song, it just doesnt have that same 'here have a sense of the character's personality and entire storyline despite the fact youve never seen them AND ALSO a big pile of giant headcanons". Instead this gran's song just feels more like her fight is gonna be like.. Fun? Its a song that says 'wow we had so much fun making this boss and its gonna be spectacular' but like in a gameplay way instead of story. Which is weird cos apparantly mckraken has the least story of all the villains so the song is kinda wasted on him, alas!

Also ive heard a lot about the villains of yw3 but i still know NOTHING about the yw2 ones? Except that theyre this group of colour coordinated funky kimono people led by The Powerful Grandmas, and i am already preemptively excited for grandmas but i can find NOTHING about them! Who are they and what is even the plot??

So just to throw out that my brain's random theory/headcanon so far just based on their designs and knowing that SOMETHING happens where you time travel and team up with your own grandpa. To fight these grandmas?? I dont even know if theyre related tl the time travel plot or if thats just a random sidequest or something.

SO THE THOUGHT!!

First off i think its a shame that even tho you have different designs for the grandpa based on which protagonist you picked, you dont get a grandma instead if you pick the girl. I WANT TO TEAM UP WITH GRANDMA TO DEFEAT GRANDMAS AAAAAAA!!! The Ultimate In Gameplay

So then i got started thinking about headcanon personality for my oc's grandma and i got the odd idea that maybe the kimono yokai crew has very personal reasons to be fighting you? What if Mallory's grandma actually was a very flawed person and she has to face the fact that she's been blindly idolizing someone who died before she was born and hoping she was better than her trash parents but maybe she really isnt. And this horrible realization comes via time travel so its all extra crushing! I wasnt necessarily thinking that gran is actually a villain or an abusive family member or anytjing, more like she just USED TO be awful and eventually developed out of it and spent the rest of her life trying to atone. Cos you time travel to meet her kid self and it turns out that she's actually a really stuck up asshole bully who's using the yokai watch for all the wrong reasons. Maybe she could be a shadow archetype to mallory cos she's also a kid with abusive parents and few friends but she reflects all the bad choices mallory could have made? When gran got the yokai watch she just saw yokai more as toys than friends, and forced them to entertain her, take revenge against people, make her famous, etc etc. Like she spurned the chance to make actual friends with people who cared about her, because she was already so far gone into cynicism that she felt that nobody really cared about each other and all you can do is cling onto whatever power you can find and use it to temporarily kill the loneliness for a moment. Even if it means stomping other people back down into depression in the process!

So yeah in this plotline the wicked tribe kimono yokau villain guys would just be.. Gran's team from when she was the watchholder. They used to be innocent nice yokai who just wanted to be this kid's friend but she used them for her own selfishness and abandoned them when she didnt need them anymore. And this left them vunerable to being manipulated into joining the evil grandmas group centuries later cos they had a very damn justified reason to believe humans are evil! And now mallory has to help fix the mistakes of her ancestor and maybe be able to redeem these dudes cos theyre not really evil, just hurting

Also maybe could verbally bitchslap time travel gran for her selfishness and prove her wrong? Thus setting in motion a self perpetuating time loop where meeting her future grandkid made her realise she was the bad guy, leading to years of atoning which would lead to becoming an actual good grandma and having this grandkid. And possibly a mega sad moment of meeting her ghost and her getting to finally see her childhood yokai again and apologise for all the pain she'd given them.

So yeh basically grandma is gary oak rival type and all the cool dudes are become catchable now and i gib them the friendship they deserve. THEY LOOK SO COOL I WANT THEM TO BE REDEEMABLE YO!!! Also especially the twin grandmas of gold and silver, like why wouod you even create such a cool thing and waste it on being the not good? No the true grandma villain will be human gran and i will hug away all the torment in your soul!!!!

But seriously i know NOTHING about what this game's plot actually is so its probably quite likely this headcanonverse wouldbt really work :/ oh well :/

[izzy-b-hands]

Murder House, Part One

This is my @mtl-trick-or-treat for @enydart! I hope you like it; I had a lot of fun writing it! I also started something for your Treat prompt, so if you like this and want that one as well, just let me know and I will finish it and post it asap!

This was for the Trick prompt, asking for ‘something gross with Murderface.’ I went to something that most people find gross (though maybe not the Dethklok boys, since they see so much of it lol)-murder. But I had to give Murderface some fun and happiness too since he gets shit on so damn often, so hopefully this is gross enough!

Fic under the cut because this got long; RIP and my apologies to mobile users if the cut isn’t working on the app. I was actually going to try and fit the whole thing in one post, but found out there is a post length limit (who knew!) so I have split this into Part One and Two! I will post Part Two by the end of tomorrow at the latest (it just needs a few final touches!)

The ads for the haunted house played constantly from October 15th on . Radio, TV, even billboards plastered all over. He did his best to ignore them, even though he wanted to take a flamethrower to any billboard or screen that had the ad on it for even a second. 

The rest of the band, however, was harder to ignore. By the fifth night of the ads playing during their favorite evening TV shows, he was ready to snap listening to them comment. 

“Look at thats; you ams the most famous of us now,” Skwisgaar snickered as the ad played. 

Lights flashed and flickered on the big screen as it showed the haunted house actors depicting the murder-suicide that had sent him to his grandparents. There was even a chubby baby actor sat in the middle of the gore-’Baby Murderface looks on in horror!’ exclaimed the ad’s dramatic narrator. 

“Ams thats legal?” Toki asked, pointing at the screen. “To use your lifes like thats and makes a haunted house so...sads?” 

“Amn’ts even haunted really,” Skwisgaar replied. “Just sads. A sads house. What ams scary about thats?”

Pickles shrugged. “Well, someone sold their rights to their life story years ago. That’s scary, if you ask me. Cuz then they can do shit like this, and you’re shit outta luck to stop them. Ain’t that right, Murderface?” 

He wanted to just rage. To tell them to shut the fuck up, or he’d set fire to the living room just like he wanted to set fire to the haunted house and anyone who was involved with it. But he’d been upset constantly, since the ads had started. It felt strange, but he was almost tired of being upset and yelling about it. He just wanted to do something to get rid of it. 

“Whatever, juscht schut up about it. They were schupposed to make a cool movie out of my life,” Murderface sighed. 

Nathan chuckled. “You uh, you really thought they were gonna do that? Buying the rights to your life story; that was gonna make a really cool movie?” 

“Yeah, why the fuck not? People make movies about all kindsch of dumb schit; you can make a movie about anything basically!” Murderface spat back.

“Okay, Murderface, look--thing is, they gotta have a cool fun story, to make a cool movie. A movie about your life...that’d be pretty sad, dude,” Pickles said. “I mean, who the fuck would wanna watch that?” 

“Well, once he joins us, I mean...that’d be a cool movie,” Nathan said. 

“Yeah, but then that’s just a Dethklok movie,” Pickles replied. “And that ain’t what he wants; he wants a Murderface-only movie. But nobody’s gonna go see that, or if they did they’d like...I don’t know, cry themselves to death or something.” 

Murderface bit his tongue. They were in a rhythm now, going back and forth to talk shit about him. It was easier to try to stay quiet and ride it out. 

“Yeah, probably. Can you see it? ‘Saddest movie ever, millions cry themselves to death and stab out their own eyes’,” Nathan said. “Huh. Actually, that would be brutal as fuck. Murderface, you should call them--tell them to nix this haunted house bullshit and make the movie instead.” 

There were tears at the corner of his eyes, even though he didn’t want them there. He tried to look only at the TV, hoping no one would notice them. 

“Oh geez, look yous mades him cry now,” Skwisgaar tutted. “You eggs him on like this, when he ams already a big crysbaby, makes it worse. Ams you just a big baby Murderface? No, so knocks it off.” 

“He likes attention, that’s all he wants,” Pickles started. 

“Yeah, I says thats, like a big baby,” Skwisgaar interrupted. “Needings all this attentions.” 

 “Oh fuck you! You’ve got moviesch and booksch written about you!” Murderface protested. If anyone could talk about being an attention-needy baby, it was Skwisgaar. 

“Yeah, but I has to have them all takens down. Dids not authorize anys of thems, so they amnt’s accurate. I don’ts want them, but people makes them anyway.” Skwisgaar replied testily. “And does yous mean Toki’s book? Because that ams nots something I wanted either.” 

“Oh fuck yous, Skwisgaar,” Toki scoffed. “Yous ams just as bad. What theys calls an ‘attention whores’.” 

“Oh, and what ams yous, Mr. Gives-me-a-solo-rights-now-or-I-cries?” Skwisgaar shouted. 

It devolved from there, and he tuned it out. They’d forgotten to keep making fun of him, at least. But there was no watching the show with that much yelling over it; the cue to head in for the night. 

His boots thudded against the stone floors, and then against the wall of his room as he kicked them off and tossed them into a corner. 

“Schtupid executive asscholes. Schtupid Halloween. My life ischn’t scary, or schad, or anything--it’sch mine. How’d they like it if schomeone did that to them?” he grabbed an ancient dagger from its spot hanging on the wall and slashed in front of him. “Or better yet--Michael or Freddy or schomething could come and cut them down. Just schome creepy freak coming after them.”

He let the dagger clatter to the floor. “They’d never schee it coming...” 

And there it was. The perfect revenge, to make sure they’d never take anyone else’s life and turn it into some stupid attraction. To show them he wouldn’t take this lying down. 

Or that someone wouldn’t, at least. 

After all, Charles did have a few limits legally. He got them out of a lot of shit, but some of it was going to simply come down to being careful. There wasn’t too much work to do anyway--the website for the haunted house listed two main executives from the studio he’d sold his rights to, a team lead for the attraction itself, and if he could take out a few actors in the house too, well that was just icing on the cake at that point. 

It wasn’t a lot of murders for Charles to have to make disappear, but it was enough work if it was Murderface, famous bassist committing them. 

But a faceless, nameless boogeyman could get the job done. 

The outfit was easy to draw up, his ideas flowing like water. A little bit Michael with the black protective jumpsuit, and a touch of Freddy with the knives, all hidden in specially designed pockets so it wouldn’t look super bulky. The mask was fitting of any horror movie monster--blank and emotionless, unknowable.

Really, the mask was his masterpiece. Made of a flexible material so as to still be comfortable, with specialty coatings on the front to make it difficult for any victim to stab or shoot through it. It wouldn’t stop everything, but it would help keep him from getting outright killed. Not that he planned on giving them much of chance for that. Last, it would be painted a dark shade of blue, almost black, the color he figured would make it easiest to blend into any shadows. Only holes for the eyes and a few hidden ones near the nose--anything more felt too risky, too much of a chance to potentially be recognized. 

The bonus of being this rich was that no one would ask questions when he ordered weird shit. Hell, he commissioned random costumes for Planet Piss all the time. Charles would make sure the orders got processed as quickly as possible, and then his work could begin.

It was almost therapeutic, all of the planning and designing. It made falling asleep easier and quicker than it had been in weeks, and for the first time in awhile, he slept with a smile on his face.

                                          --------------------------

The three days that followed were all tense excitement. Excitement for waiting for the outfit to get there, excitement to get started. With the main businessmen taken out of the equation, it would be easy to get Charles to start the legal side of things--to file lawsuits for everything from defamation to claiming he never sold his rights at all. And then the thing would be shuttered for good. 

The suit arrived first. Thick material, meant for an industrial setting, slow to stain or tear. And it fit like a glove. 

“I’ll corner thosche asscholes in their penthousches, and paint the wallsch with their gutsch!” he crowed as he finished buttoning it. It was a bit weird not wearing his shorts, but some sacrifice would be required to pull this all off. 

Now he could only hope the guys wouldn’t question the deliveries he was getting. They almost always did--for anyone. Pure morbid curiosity, or hoping it was something fun to be shared. 

So of course, they asked. 

“Uh, you quitting on us or something?” Pickles asked on the morning of the fourth day after the Plan had started, as they all dug into their breakfasts. “Going into construction?” 

“Of coursche not,” Murderface replied. “How’d you find out what it was anyway?” 

Pickles shrugged. “I smoke up with one of the gals in the mail room. She lets me look at all the mail that comes through here. Kinda fun.” 

“What the fuck, how long has she let you do that?” Nathan asked, his fork still halfway to his mouth as he stared perturbed at Pickles. 

Pickles shrugged again. “Couple years now. Why, you ordering nasty sex toys or something you don’t want me to see?” 

Nathan flushed pink, and glared down into his pancakes. “Don’t be an asshole. Just don’t want you going through all my shit.” 

“Yeah, you’re ordering nasty shit. I’m gonna watch out for your stuff more now,” Pickles grinned. 

“Juscht fire her,” Murderface said, grateful the topic was drifting away from his mail. “Then he can’t get in there anymore.” 

“Nah, he won’t,” Pickles replied. “You guys all know her--the one with those green eyes.” 

“Damn it,” Nathan huffed. “She’s nice. Always leaves a little note on my mail when she brings it to my room with a smiley face. I can’t fire her.” 

“Told ya,” Pickles smirked. “So, ya going to your shitty haunted house or something? Making a spooky costume, Scaryface?” 

“Yeah, might use it for Halloween” Murderface snorted. “But, itsch really for Planet Pissch. Got a...concept album idea going.” 

“Ams it piss?” Toki asked. 

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes as he sipped his coffee. “Whats does you think, Toki. What’s else woulds it be?” 

“Wes should does a groups costume this year,” Toki said. “Then wes can all goes to sees the sads Murderface house!” 

“I woulds be ups for thats,” Skwisgaar replied. “Gots to be somethings cool though, Toki.” 

“No, no, what the fuck, no,” Pickles protested. “Thought you Swedes were antisocial, why the hell do you wanna do a group costume?” 

Skwisgaar glared. “Because I ams Swedish, I can’ts have friends? Wes can’ts have funs with a groups costume? Ams I meant to hates fun?” 

“I just figured you wouldn’t think it was cool,” Pickles replied. “Don’t gotta be a douche bag about it.” 

“Oh fines then, I goes as the personifications of nihilism,” Skwisgaar scoffed. “Ams that an acceptable costume for mes, Pickle?” 

Murderface ate in silence as the argument grew over the group costume idea. He’d get used to even more arguments if it meant they’d forget to ask him about what he was doing. 

Still, Pickles potentially seeing his mail made him worry. When the mask showed up later that day, he made sure the mail team knew to bring it straight to his room. 

But it was Charles who knocked on his door and had the package in hand. 

“Look it over, if you want changes made we’ll send it back right away,” he said, watching as Murderface tried to open the package without letting him see too much of it. 

“Serial killer...that’s a fun costume,” Charles continued as Murderface turned away to examine the mask.

“How would you know?” Murderface asked as he felt Charles sit on the end of the bed. “Can’t see you getting dressed up for Halloween much.” 

Charles only shrugged. “So...will it work?” 

Murderface turned and stared. Did he somehow know? How the fuck could he know? 

“For your costume?” Charles asked, an eyebrow raised. 

“Oh, yeah. Perfect,” Murderface replied, relieved. And it was, exactly the way he wanted it. 

“Good,” Charles said, a small smile on his face. “Have fun putting it together. I’m sure you’ll look great.” 

After Charles had left, he pulled everything on and stood in front of the mirror near his closet. The whole picture--suit, mask, boots, a pair of black leather gloves--looked good. 

Except...

His hair ruined it. Everybody knew his hair, the fucking curly triangle. He had to hide it.

A thick winter beanie didn’t help, and the mask fit funny then. Any other hats would likely be the same result. 

“You gotta go,” he told the reflection of his curls. “We’re ugly asch schit anyway, being bald ain’t gonna make a difference.” 

He called for a klokateer from the hairdressing department, and changed back into his regular clothes while he waited for them. 

The klokateer had to have run, she was so out of breath. “Sir, you needed someone immediately. How may I assist you?” 

He pointed to his hair. “Get rid of it.” 

Her eyes were only barely visible with her hood on, but he could see them go wide. “Uhm...maybe we could just try a different style? Going straight to bald is a big change, sir.” 

“I. Want. It. Gone,” he replied. She’d run to Charles in a minute, he was sure of it. 

“Uh, we’ll need the clippers, not these,” she said, holding up a pair of shears. “Just let me go get those.” 

He sat on his bed and waited for the phone to ring. She’d have run to Charles, begging for help as to what to do without being seen as being disobedient. A moment later, his Dethphone rang loudly. 

“Murderface, I’ve got a very scared and confused young woman in here saying you want to chop off all your hair. Is this true?” Charles asked. 

“Yeah,” Murderface replied. “Why’sch that a big deal?” 

“Well, it is a very sudden image change. We’ll have to do all new publicity photos, promotions. And it is a bit random--why do you want to do this?” Charles asked. 

“Want a change, that’sch all,” Murderface sighed. “Can’t a guy want to change schit up?” 

Charles sighed. “Of course. I’ll send another hairdresser to you. This one’s a bit too shaky to do the job now.” 

Murderface tapped the ‘end call’ button, and flopped back against his pillows. The guys would hate having to take new pictures, but they’d get over it. Besides, maybe they’d have to make a sacrifice or two to help his revenge as well. 

It was a male klokateer this time, silent as he sat down a chair and propped a broom and dust pan near the door. He was silent all the way through the cut as well, but that was just fine. 

When the klokateer had cleaned the floor of his curls and left, Murderface put the outfit back on. 

It made a world of difference. Now, he looked like a proper faceless killer. 

Now, all he had to do was start killing. 

                                          -----------------------

The next morning, he was glowing. There was no other way to put it. He was excited beyond belief to get started. Granted, he still needed to do a bit of research to figure out where each victim would be. But there were multiple social media accounts for each person, so it would be easy enough. 

The biggest worry right now was the reaction to his hair, or the lack of it. The guys did not disappoint as he joined them at the breakfast table. 

“What in the fuck dids yous do?” Skwisgaar asked, dropping his fork. “And why?” 

“I wanted to,” Murderface replied. “Felt like something different. Not bad, right?” 

“Ugggghhh,” Nathan whined. “We’re gonna have to do new promos now. I hate promo photos.” 

“Yeah, but they moved that green-eyed klokateer to the makeup team,” Pickles said. “Charles found out she was letting me in the mail room and uh...look, it was either move her or lose her. But you could talk to her more now, since she’ll be at the promos shoot.” 

Nathan smiled a very small smile. “Would be nice to say hi...” 

“Yeah, cuz you think she’s pretty. Even with the hood,” Pickles teased. 

“She is,” Nathan said. “Don’t make it weird when she’s around us, okay? We don’t wanna creep her out.” 

“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin it for ya,” Pickles replied as he shoved a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “You’ll get your chance with pretty mail girl.” 

“Not ifs Murderface gets it firsts,” Toki said. “Ams almost normal lookings now.” 

They all stared at Toki, then at Murderface. 

“Huh...you do look decent. I mean, still weird to see, but I don’t know, it works somehow,” Pickles said, breaking the brief silence. 

Nathan nodded. “Still not getting her number though.” 

“I won’t even try,” Murderface replied, rolling his eyes. He could worry about getting groupies with his new look after all his work was done. Normally, he’d have been all over the idea right away, but this was different. 

“Nots going to beats my numbers,” Skwisgaar muttered. “But yous looks okay. Almost goods, even.” 

“What can I schay, I know what looksch good,” Murderface smiled. “I was right about my schorts being schexy as hell, now with thisch--I’m gonna be irresistible.” 

He shoveled his food in quick as the conversation moved on to some bullshit about Toki wanting more groupies at the end of each concert. He had more important concerns. He’d get the suit ready with all of the knives he’d set aside for the project, and figure out where to go for his first target. If he could, he’d head out for it tonight. 

As soon as he was done with his plate, he dashed back to his room and started putting them away. It was fun, with so many hidden pockets to fill. He’d never get caught without a weapon, and once he was done it would go back to its spot--no murder weapons to be left behind. 

“Perfect,” he breathed as he finished the suit and held it up in front of himself. 

“Is it?” 

Charles’ voice made him jump. He hadn’t even heard him come in. 

“How the hell...what the...you should learn how to knock!” Murderface yelled, carefully folding the suit in close to his chest, as if he could somehow prevent Charles from seeing it any further.

“Sorry,” Charles replied, a smirk on his face. 

Murderface felt sweat pooling on his face. Charles wasn’t supposed to know about this part of things. Just to know when the assholes were dead, so he could start the legal paperwork. “Uh...now you know my costume is really perfect! I’m gonna look great!” 

“You will,” Charles agreed. “Also, 4242.” 

“What does that mean?” Murderface asked. 

“The first executive you’re going to kill. The code to his penthouse door is 4242,” Charles replied matter-of-factly. 

Murderface knew his jaw was hanging open, but he couldn’t help it. How in the hell had he figured it all out?

“All the details for your orders lead to someone far away from here. Some ass in Ohio who keeps trying to scalp Dethklok tickets. If the worst happens, and they start tracking anyone down to nail for these killings, it’ll be that jerk. Not you,” Charles continued. 

“How did you--” Murderface started. 

“Does it really matter?” Charles asked. “Point is, you’re doing a good job of keeping your tracks covered--I’m just going to make sure they stay covered.” 

“How do I know you aren’t gonna fuck me over though?” Murderface asked. If there would be anyone to turn him in, he would guess Charles would be the first to do it. 

Charles looked genuinely hurt at that. “Look, I get it. I’m not fun, I don’t seem like the type to let you get away with this. Just--just know I’ve got my reasons for wanting you to be successful in this endeavor. I won’t fuck you over.” 

“What, you’ve got bodies buried out in a desert schomewhere too?” Murderface asked, snorting. 

Charles didn’t laugh. Didn’t chuckle. Didn’t move an inch. That was scary as fuck. 

“Uh, never mind. You don’t gotta anschwer that,” Murderface said quickly. 

Charles sighed. ‘Look, he leaves for the Bahamas soon. So we need to get you out to him by this time tomorrow. And to the rest fairly quickly too, if we want this thing shut down by Halloween.” 

“You...you don’t like the haunted housche either?” Murderface asked. He’d figured Charles honestly didn’t give that much of a fuck about it. 

“Of course I don’t,” Charles scoffed. “Makes you look bad, and by association, the band. You don’t deserve it, and neither do the guys. But I haven’t found a way to touch them yet legally, so this...well, it’ll be perfect.” 

Murderface was struck. Granted, he was just as concerned about the band as he was for him, but...someone gave a shit. Honestly, truly, cared. 

“I’ll let you know when the plane is ready. Get packed,” Charles instructed as he turned and headed for the door. 

“You know where they all are?” Murderface asked. “You’re schure?” 

“I wouldn’t send you if I wasn’t,” Charles replied as he left. “I’ll have an alibi for your absence, in case any of the guys notice. So just go with it, okay?” 

Murderface nodded, and rushed to pack as Charles footsteps faded down the hallway. 

In six days time, all the assholes would be dead, and everything would be good again. 

The excitement was delicious.

                                            -----------------------

The plane ride was quick, yet not quick enough. Still, before he knew it, he was in front of the penthouse building. It wasn’t too far from Mordhaus, only about fifty miles. He’d expected to have to travel longer, but was glad he didn’t have to. 

It was a busy enough place that crowds bustled around him, and he could drift past people through the doors without anyone glancing at him. The security guard was asleep, and there was no one else in the lobby. He didn’t want to jinx it, but it almost seemed like it would be easy. 

Then again, it wasn’t like there was much to stare at. He looked like any other guy coming to stay with someone in the building, in a black tee and jeans that Charles had waiting on the plane for him. The black duffel bag that held his suit and mask looked like any other travel bag. He was just a visitor, no one to look twice at. 

It was an incredibly freeing feeling. He’d never thought he would miss being anonymous, but it was nice for a short time. 

The service elevator wasn’t even hidden; he found it down a hall just off of the lobby. On the ride up to the penthouse, he changed, his hands shaking. He stowed the bag in the small room that housed the upper level entrance to the elevator, then started down the hall to the door of the penthouse.

The design of which was gross even to him. It might have been called a penthouse, but it was technically the first two top floors--in his mind, it was bigger than a penthouse then. 

But he wasn’t there to argue exactly what this guy’s home qualified as. He punched the code into the door panel, grabbed a large kitchen knife from one pocket sheath, and started into the dark home. 

A bachelor, and it showed by the state of the penthouse. There was still a pile of coke laying on the living room table, which was just showy and ridiculous to Murderface. Erotic art covered the walls, and while he owned a few of the same pieces himself, even this was a bit of overkill. You could barely see the wall behind the art there was so much of it. 

A light shone in the darkness, probably a bedroom. He moved towards it, as quiet as he could manage. 

“Jasmine?” a raspy voice called out. “I didn’t expect you tonight, baby. I’m not gonna pay you for a surprise visit; I hope you know that. But I’ll be happy to have some company.” 

This was it. Murderface gripped the knife tight, and charged into the room. 

The executive was in a open robe and boxers, and stared in shock at Murderface. 

“What in the--” he started.

Murderface stepped forward and shoved the knife into his open mouth. It was hard to yank back out, but the choking noises were incredibly satisfying to hear as he stabbed again and again--the man’s fat gut, his chest, slashing across his arms as he back up and fell to the bed, raising them to try and defend himself. Blood was splattered across his mask, and sweat dripped down his face, but he was enjoying the exertion--which would figure. The only exercise he’d enjoy would have to be illegal. 

Finally, the executive stopped moving. His intestines were falling out of him, and blood drenched the silver silk sheets and painted the walls. It was glorious. 

“One down,” he muttered to himself. “Two and how many extras to go.” 

He checked three times for a pulse before he left. The walk out was as easy as the walk in too--he changed again in the elevator, using a rag in the bag to wipe his boots clean, and walked past the same guard who was still fast asleep. 

The air tasted sweeter outside. It was cliche, but so true. He felt good--he always talked about doing shit, but so often didn’t. It felt amazing to finally do something. 

And he was excited to do more.

                                      ------------------------

He slept on the plane ride home, not bothering or caring to check the time. He’d get home when he’d get home, and deal with any questions from the guys if any of them were up. He hadn’t left too late, so they were likely to still be stumbling around watching TV or something. 

Sure enough, they were all squished together on a couch, seemingly half asleep. They bounced back to wakefulness once he walked in though. 

“You dog!” Pickles shouted. “We heard about her; Charles told us everything! Toki was right, the hair was the problem. Now you’re getting models!” 

He grinned as Pickles charged towards him and slapped him on the back. He kept a tight hold of his duffel bag as he was steered towards the couch. He didn’t want any of them getting curious and searching through it. This was a hell of an alibi that Charles had given him. 

“So?” Skwisgaar asked expectantly. 

“What?” Murderface asked. “The model?” 

“Yeah!” Nathan exclaimed. “How was she?”

“Uh, amazing, of course,” Murderface replied, hoping he sounded less awkward than he felt. “Juscht wild, you know how models are.” 

“Looks at him,” Skwisgaar chuckled, and gently patted his cheek. “Still all sweaty and disgustings. Goods for you!” 

Murderface just nodded and smiled. This was all good and fun (though it would be more fun if Charles also could supply him with an actual model to date) but he was still tired. And he needed to get his stuff into his room and clean it all up. 

“Look at that grin,” Nathan laughed. “God, are you finally gonna be fun? That’s awesome, if you are.” 

“Yeah!” Toki added. “Then wes all gets ladies for afters our shows, and everybody ams happy! Oh wowee, we gotta takes you out to celebrates!” 

“Yeah,” Murderface agreed as he stood from the couch. “Schome night later this week maybe. Or hey, what about Halloween? Big night out to celebrate!” 

They cheered. They’d never been this enthusiastic for one of his suggestions before. Was it the hair, the alibi and fake accomplishment, or the real confidence from the murder that he’d been missing all this time to get them to really like him? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he wasn’t ever going back to what he was before. 

“That sounds like fun, and I hate to interrupt the planning,” Charles said, suddenly in the room. They needed to put a damn bell on him. “Can I borrow Murderface for a moment though? After all, I’m sure he needs to actually get some sleep now!” 

Their happy laughter echoed down the halls as Charles gently pulled him away from the couch and to his room.

He shut and locked the door, and gestured to two plush armchairs at one wall of the massive bedroom. “Have a seat. You deserve the rest. Scotch okay?”

Murderface nodded and took in the room. It was very...Charles. Richly yet plainly decorated. All black and red, almost something out of Dracula’s castle with the velvet everywhere, yet nothing stood out about it to declare it as Charles’. The chair was comfy, if nothing else. 

He dropped his back by him as he dropped into the chair, and gratefully took the glass of scotch from Charles. 

“So...how was it?” Charles asked. 

He took a breath. “It wasch...amazing. I can’t wait for the next one.” 

He felt his cheeks flush as Charles grinned. 

“I’m glad you had fun. I figured you would, but I wanted to check in just in case. I’m proud of you for this, you know,” Charles said. “This is quite an undertaking. But you’re doing wonderfully.” 

Murderface nodded. “Thanksch.” 

The silence sat for a moment before Charles broke it. 

“You want to know why I’m so invested.” 

He nodded. “I mean...I get it. You take care of usch, and all our bullschit. But this...you’re really exschited for this.” 

Charles tossed back the scotch in his glass and smiled. “Well. I can’t tell you everything. In fact, there’s more I can’t tell you than there is that I can. But I--I had my own reasons to do this sort of violence you’re doing now. The why doesn’t matter so much anymore, not to me at least. But that’s because the people I needed dead are in the ground, rotting, and no longer a threat to me. And that is...very freeing.” 

“You feel safe,” Murderface found himself whispering, so quietly his speech impediment didn’t have a chance to start. 

Charles nodded, but his eyes were on his empty glass. “Yes. I suppose that’s the best way to describe it.” 

“Did you enjoy it?” Murderface asked. 

Charles chuckled. “I think you know the answer to that already.” 

He nodded. “Yeah. Bet you’d be out here doing these yourschelf if you could.” 

Charles sat up a bit straighter. “I mean...it would be fun. To do it again. Even just once. But I don’t want to take away from your fun.” 

“I’ll need help at the haunted housche,” Murderface replied. “I’ve got to take out the team lead, but there’ll be a bunch of actorsch we can take down too...I don’t want to be overwhelmed by anyone fighting back. You could come with, if you think you can make it.” 

Charles looked happier than he’d ever seen him before. “If you really want me to; I’d love to. I don’t get out very often anymore.” 

“It schows,” Murderface scoffed before he could catch his tongue. He looked nervously at Charles, awaiting the lecture.

Instead, Charles threw his head back and laughed. “Fuck. It does, doesn’t it? All work and no play...Yeah. I’ll come with for the haunted house. You can have fun with the second executive on your own first though.” 

“I schuppose you’ll have all the info for me about him by tomorrow?” Murderface smiled. 

“Of course,” Charles replied as they slowly stood and went to the door. He unlocked it, handed him the duffel bag, and patted Murderface’s back gently as he walked out. “Get some good sleep--you’re going to need the energy.” 

“What? Isch this guy schome sort of Olympian-executive or schomething?” he asked. 

Charles shook his head. “But you should be well-rested before these, uh, little adventures no matter what. Better form, and then you won’t tire out halfway through things.” 

Murderface nodded. “Hey...uh, thanksch. For all of thisch. I mean, I’d probably be fine on my own too, but--” 

Charles just nodded back. “I get it. Have a good night, Murderface.” 

The door clicked shut behind him as he started down the hall towards his room. He was definitely ready to sleep some more. But the morbid curiosity was gnawing at him too--what other skeletons did Charles have in his closet, and what exactly had he done to put them there?

Maybe he’d find out after Halloween night, if he could get him to join them for celebratory drinks. He hoped he would. 

                                                 -------------------------

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Justice League

You Never Come Back Right

This official concept art first appeared here

Two Guest Reactors join Kris to talk about DC’s indisputably awkward but intermittently promising attempt to out-Marvel Marvel: Andrew, whom some of you may know from our Baby Driver reaction, and another of our film school buddies, Zack Snyder loyalist Justin.

KRIS: Unfortunately this is just a text post and we haven’t graduated to multimedia presentations, so we can’t properly reproduce JL’s cameraphone video opening, but let me ask you guys: What’s the best thing about Earth?

ANDREW: *Thinks for a minute*

It's-

JUSTIN: The best thing about Earth...

ANDREW: And my phone dies.

Did we ever get an answer??

I don't remember.

KRIS: Someone asked Henry Cavill about this in an interview and he said something about Superman believing in humankind’s capacity to be good even when everything is awful

But I’m 99.9% sure the real answer is Lois Lane

Which, fair

ANDREW: If you asked Batman, he would say Superman is the best thing about earth.

JUSTIN: LOL, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, I’ll agree

If actually answering for myself, I’d say the best thing is the uncertainty.

ANDREW: Of Life?

Of death?

Of coming back to life from death?

JUSTIN: Of life.

ANDREW: Spoiler?

JUSTIN: No no. You never come back right.

KRIS: I feel like if Whedon had made JL from the ground up there might have been a more coherent thread for that, but as it is I think the best parts of this were Snyder

Which I probably would not have said if you’d asked me a year ago

JUSTIN: I couldn’t agree more.

KRIS: I mean I’m glad that we’re probably not going to get the version of the story that they had in mind when they made the “Knightmare” sequence in BvS, because it felt like they were going to do an Injustice thing and kill off Lois

ANDREW: I'm actually not sure whose version I would prefer. But it is very obvious who did what scenes, and there is a bit of whiplash.

Why do you guys say Snyder?

JUSTIN: Well I’m a Snyder fan in general but if Whedon was on board from that start we’d have a good but much different film.

ANDREW: Out of curiosity.

We would have had Avengers 3z

KRIS: I think part of the reason Whedon’s stuff felt half-assed to me wasn’t really anyone’s fault, it was just the horrible luck and the tight timeline

But there’s also stuff like the sight gag of Barry falling into Diana’s cleavage, which a lot of critics have already called out as a repeated joke from Age of Ultron

JUSTIN: Exactly. This film release should have been delayed.

KRIS: It did sound like Snyder’s original version was going to be eight hours long with way too many supporting characters

ANDREW: Directors cut.

JUSTIN: Yeah those moments just had such a different tone from what we knew.

ANDREW: Oh, I forgot about that gag... sigh...

KRIS: Yeah, tonal consistency is a big part of it for me too

JUSTIN: I was wondering the same thing. The things I hear that were cut sounds like a lot of pages

Well the first act is just so rough for me, so rushed. But I’ll be the first to acknowledge BvS has the slowest, longest first act.

KRIS: I think I’m in between you guys in terms of how much I like Snyder’s DC movies, but I was invested enough in them, and especially in the characterization of Superman, that the course corrections in JL in terms of “more fun” and “less brooding” just feel too big

JUSTIN: Snyder’s cut sounds like a two parter.

ANDREW: But Kris, it's okay. Cause he was revived as a different character.

KRIS: I was honestly glad they abandoned the original plan for a two-part Justice League, but the ways in which the studio has reacted to both critical and audience feedback have been kind of nuts

JUSTIN: Yeah it’s more of 90 degree turn and needed maybe 45, if that makes sense.

ANDREW: I concur Justin.

KRIS: Like the Suicide Squad recut by the folks who made that really well received trailer

I think if Bruce hadn’t felt like such a totally different dude, Superman feeling pretty different might have landed better

What I did really like in Cavill’s performance was that even as an oddly happy dude, his Superman is still pretty restrained and quiet

ANDREW: There problem is that they're too reactive to what everyone says, instead of going with a vision anymore.

D.C. I mean.

KRIS: For sure

JUSTIN: My issue with Bruce was his sudden brotherhood with Supes and really odd when he mentions Clark. He didn’t know Clark Kent!

ANDREW: He looked it up.

With the... bat... Wikipedia

JUSTIN: Found him on Facebook.

KRIS: Even Diana suddenly knowing a bunch about Krypton felt a little weird

ANDREW: Yeah!!

KRIS: I do wonder why if Bruce felt so bad he didn’t reach out to Martha and/or Lois sooner

JUSTIN: Kal-El

ANDREW: I wonder why the first thing he thinks of when getting the magic box is team

JUSTIN: Martha lost her house! How did Bruce not go in and clear all her debts after he paid for the funeral?!

ANDREW: Reanimate the dead*

Thanks autocorrect

JUSTIN: Do you think the black suit was used and then cut?

KRIS: What’s kind of funny is that Bruce has (probably accidentally) been established at someone who doesn’t pay much attention to his finances -- no one ever realized those checks to the Scoot McNairy character in BvS were “returned”

ANDREW: Black suit?

KRIS: For Superman

It wouldn’t surprise me

It feels like a Snyder-y aesthetic choice

JUSTIN: True, he’s a one track mind

ANDREW: I wouldn't pay attention to my finances either if I were him.

JUSTIN: Cavill teases it too

KRIS: I did have to appreciate the “I bought the bank” line

JUSTIN: Yeah. And that was Snyder

KRIS: Which weirdly reminded me of Ken Watanabe buying the airline in Inception

ANDREW: It's a reflex!!

KRIS: I don’t know how much of it is deliberate but I kind of dug Bruce’s consistency in continuing to say things like “If there’s even a fraction of a possibility...”

JUSTIN: I surprisingly wasn’t bothered too much by how he was brought back.

KRIS: The idea and the process I thought were pretty cool

It didn’t actually feel like a big enough moment when Bruce presented that idea

I don’t know if that’s because it needed more setup, or it was just kind of boringly shot, or what

JUSTIN: I could see that. I really enjoyed the moments of friction in the group

ANDREW: It wasn't really how he was brought back. It was more of it coming up out of nowhere.

JUSTIN: Flash finishing Bruce’s thought was kinda like, “where did that idea come from?”

ANDREW: In think I did a literal double take on the theatre.

JUSTIN: For me I mean, I wondered

KRIS: They maybe needed to let Bruce, if not everyone, see the Mother Boxes in action

JUSTIN: That would have helped.

ANDREW: That probably would have worked.

Something!

Anything that could lead  this train of thought.

KRIS: They also hadn’t really established this Bruce as the polymath genius of some other incarnations

ANDREW: Not really, no. He's not dumb, but he's not a super genius.

JUSTIN: Yeah. He comes across as a brute

ANDREW: And tired of everything

KRIS: And I missed that -- maybe not how INTENSE AND ANGRY he was in BvS, but actually showing us a late 40s/early 50s Batman

ANDREW: Grisly! Has arthritis

I would dig it

KRIS: There’s some lip service dialogue about it, but Bruce being tired and worn out could have also fed into the arc of building a team and a legacy

JUSTIN: That’s what I liked in DKR.

ANDREW: Awww that's so good, Kris!

Especially if Robin is dead in this universe, which he is... right?

JUSTIN: And just preparing for the future

KRIS: Yeah, we see Robin’s armor in BvS briefly

JUSTIN: Well Nightwing is out there

KRIS: With the Joker’s graffiti

Caroline Siede, the culture critic, tweeted that with actually pretty light editing, the first act could have set this up as a Diana POV movie instead of a Bruce POV movie, which would have both been an actually appropriate response to outside feedback and also made more sense for the characters

JUSTIN: Jason Todd’s Robin?

KRIS: I assume Jason, yeah

ANDREW: Ahhh yes. Oh, so nightwing is out there. Probably?

KRIS: It’s around the time Bruce gets the invitation to the Friends of the Metropolis Library event

ANDREW: Ooooh Diana pov.

That would be sick.

Hey remember that brief fight scene where she blocked all the bullets!

That was one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

JUSTIN: Well Jessica pointed out Bruce should have asked Diana to talk to [Arthur Curry] since they’re both, you know, special.

KRIS: I’ll link to it properly in the post, but Caroline’s proposed edit was to start with the present-day Amazon sequence, then go to Diana[’s action scene then to] the museum seeing the beacon, then have her go to Bruce

Oh man, yeah

ANDREW: Sounds more straight forward to me, actually.

KRIS: Right?

JUSTIN: Ooh I like that.

KRIS: And that Amazon sequence had some really cool stuff in it, action-wise

ANDREW: I was actually really nervous, cause I was afraid they were all gonna die.

JUSTIN: I was just typing that. One of the best action. Just shows off how well they work together.

KRIS: The CGI for Steppenwolf was surprisingly awful, and the newly hypersexualized costume designs were pretty annoying, but the whole keep-away tactic for the box was great

ANDREW: Yeah... Magic Carpet Ride looked really really bad.

Like really bad

Like awful

KRIS: It was at the point where they should’ve just given him a full face helmet

JUSTIN: Not to start comparisons to Avengers but I like when the opposition is more intellectual in Loki than physical, like Steppenwolf

ANDREW: Is it sad if I keep wanting to make music jokes with Steppenwolf?

It's the name!

JUSTIN: It’s only natural

KRIS: You should give him a new name every time you mention him

ANDREW: On it!!!

JUSTIN: I think his mother’s name is also Martha

KRIS: WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME

ANDREW: That's how they should have stopped him.

KRIS: Oh there was this one Bruce-Barry character beat that I was really surprised they never actually concluded

JUSTIN: That brings up one of my Snyder complaints. He’s great visually but I don’t know that he directs the actor’s performance

ANDREW: That's not his strongest suit.

What's the beat, Kris?

KRIS: Yeah, Miri and I have talked about that -- he has pretty terrific casting instincts, but either he’s really hands off with the directing or just kind of bad with actors

It was the “Save one” thing in the sewer

JUSTIN: Yeah except for Lex I love his casting choices

KRIS: When Bruce gave him the pep talk I was totally invested in whatever mini-arc that was going to be

And Barry has like two seconds where he seems to realize whatever Bruce meant when he said “Then you’ll know”, but there’s not a third scene where Barry and Bruce talk about it again

JUSTIN: Oh yeah, I can see that. It was a great little speech.

ANDREW: I... forgot... all about that.

KRIS: I loved it because they didn’t do the first-choice thing of having Bruce just get annoyed and tell Barry to Man Up or whatever, and it was such a great Elder Statesman thing, and even on-brand for the animated Batman

JUSTIN: A line with Bruce joking, “you caught on fast.”

KRIS: But they didn’t pay it off

ANDREW: Dang it!!

KRIS: I wonder if it was a cut Snyder scene, or an unfinished Whedon rewrite

It feels more Whedon-y but I could see it being either

JUSTIN: We probably won’t find out for another 5 years.

ANDREW: I could see it being either too.

Speaking of whedon-y, my favorite part was the moment after they resurrected superman.

KRIS: That big Flash moment with the slow motion and the sword was pretty great and almost definitely all Snyder

JUSTIN: Oh god that was awesome!

KRIS: Not quite as amazing as “Time in a Bottle” in Days of Future Past, but way cooler than anything Whedon did with Quicksilver

ANDREW: I also liked when the flash and superman fought, and Flash realized that he could see him

Yeah, he did like nothing with quicksilver!

KRIS: YES. I tend to think Barry should be definitively faster than Superman (if not necessarily WAY faster), but the eye contact in that post-resurrection fight was great

Ezra Miller was really great in general

ANDREW: Ezra Miller was fantastic.

JUSTIN: It was great with Barry still being able to dodge him but his shock on how fast Supes was.

The characters and interaction are what really made this movie enjoyable for me.

ANDREW: Same, actually.

KRIS: I think individually most of the performances were a lot of fun, although as a team the cast doesn’t yet have the same chemistry as the MCU Avengers

Cyborg seems to have been a victim of the rewrites

ANDREW: And exposition

KRIS: I don’t know if we saw enough to even judge whether Ray Stone is a good actor

ANDREW: Not really.

JUSTIN: And that’s a product of not having individual films leading up to this.

KRIS: Right

Does either of you guys know much about Aquaman?

ANDREW: I'm in the same page with Aquaman. I think he did well, but I don't  he had enough to do? Or say?

I don't know much about him from the comics.

JUSTIN: Not a ton. And now I really want to read some more.

KRIS: For me Aquaman definitely felt like everyone just sort of dusted their hands off after casting Momoa, like “Our work here is done”

ANDREW: Pretty much.

JUSTIN: I think his performance definitely drew my interest for the movie next year.

ANDREW: But sadly, it wasn't enough

At least for me

KRIS: I feel like this Aquaman is just as different from comics Aquaman as Snyder/Cavill’s Superman is different from more classical versions, so it kind of annoys me that the general consensus seems to be loving one and hating the other

I mean I get that part of it is about tone and theme and not just about fidelity to the comics, but still

And I did like Arthur a lot

JUSTIN: I read some comments from Momoa about how he and Zack worked on this outsider on land and sea who is just a loner. That annoys me knowing there was more to his story.

ANDREW: I think people just really like him from Game of Thrones, and they aren't thinking about tone or theme.

Ya! Khal Drogo is playing the character that people make fun of!

Etc

JUSTIN: I haven’t seen GOT so I only know him a few other things.

KRIS: He was Conan in that 2011 remake that was not great, although he was good in it

JUSTIN: But I appreciated his enthusiasm for the character

KRIS: And I LOVE the casting choice of a Pacific Islander

ANDREW: Me too!!

JUSTIN: Oh yeah, I get that and The Rock’s Hercules confused.

KRIS: Hahahaha

Not unfair

JUSTIN: Both roles Arnold played back in the day.

KRIS: A few years after that movie he was pretty candid in a spotlight thing at C2E2 in Chicago, about most of the top leadership on Conan just not really knowing what they were doing

That’s another character he actually seems to know really well and care about, so it was a bummer

I do have high hopes for Aquaman

JUSTIN: Just trying to cash in on the IP

KRIS: Though I wonder what the financial situation is at Warner now, in terms of going beyond Aquaman and the Wonder Woman sequel

ANDREW: I do too. I want it to be good.

JUSTIN: And with James Wan directing

ANDREW: Oh yeah; JL didn't do as well as they wanted, right?

JUSTIN: Did the air bubble bother you guys?

KRIS: The air bubble surprised me but I didn’t hate it

JL didn’t break 100 mil domestically for opening weekend

JUSTIN: Me either. Wan said his movie wouldn’t have bubble conversations

ANDREW: Why do they need that though? They live under water!!

Is that bad for them? Box office wise?

JUSTIN: I like to think that’s how they have a private conversation

KRIS: Everyone seems to think it was pretty bad, yeah, although I think it had a decently strong Chinese opening

ANDREW: They can whisper! Under water!

JUSTIN: Yeah Box office was projected at 110-120

ANDREW: Ouchie

KRIS: Budget was supposedly 300 mil before adding marketing costs

ANDREW: Oh my god!

JUSTIN: Yeah international will be the thing that saves it

ANDREW: Including re shoots?

KRIS: I assume/hope so

ANDREW: Oooooh boy

Reboot

JUSTIN: I think reshoots brought it to 300 mil. Marketing 150-200 million

KRIS: It’s wild, considering how mediocre most of the VFX were

ANDREW: Yeah man! Born to be wild looked awful!

KRIS: Another thing Snyder does really well, or at least did before BvS, is the sheer scale of superhuman action sequences, and you really miss that in the Superman scenes

(He had a different DP on BvS than on MoS)

ANDREW: I know we talked about it. I just wanted to make another joke.

JUSTIN: And a different one for JL too right?

KRIS: Yeah

Looks like a lot of TV credits, including some major GoT episodes

JUSTIN: MOS is still my number one.

KRIS: Same

JUSTIN: Yeah

KRIS: I mean Wonder Woman is objectively better crafted, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how much I still like MoS on rewatches

ANDREW: Yeah, but in the supermen scenes he just... dominates. In fact, you didn't really need anyone else in the climax. He saves people faster than Flash. He easily subdues Who Needs Ya, more than Wonder Woman or Aquaman. And he helps cycborg with the unboxing.

It makes me mad...

KRIS: The thing with the Russian family was I guess a Whedon add-in, which makes sense, and I did like the punchline of Superman carrying an entire apartment building

ANDREW: I liked the punchline, but it undermines everything about them working together

KRIS: Yeah, it’s interesting and frustrating at the same time -- there’s a way they could have actually played Superman DRASTICALLY altering the balance of power as this huge, amazing thing

But they ended up in this awkward middle space

JUSTIN: I feel you Andrew. It’s like, “we need Superman back so the rest of us can go back to our regular lives.”

KRIS: On paper Superman changes everything but it’s not directed in such a way that you really feel it

ANDREW: Well, he does change everything. Everyone else can go home.

KRIS: I don’t for a second believe this will happen, but I think what would make the most sense is for Diana to remain the leader of the team and Clark to be basically the Thor-esque muscle

I did like Bruce explicitly acknowledging that he wasn’t cut out for leadership, but it also draws attention to the point that the movie would make more sense from Diana’s POV as she takes up the responsibility

A detail that I’m irrationally annoyed about in the climax is the use of Superman’s freezing breath

Which I’ve always thought is kind of a dumb power, but they also hadn’t established it in MoS

ANDREW:  What you're saying is, it should be Wonder Woman 2: Wonder Woman and Friends. Which I support.

He had some winter fresh gum in his pocket.

It's in a deleted scene.

JUSTIN: Wonder Woman should be the leader, at least for now. I like that in MOS he doesn’t know to take his fight out of a huge city and Batman knows that in BvS. And now they both can guide Clark to be better at what he does.

KRIS: Something that wasn’t set up well in the previous movies is Bruce’s idea of Superman as a beacon of hope

ANDREW: Yes! That was... odd.

KRIS: You can sort of connect the dots from the world’s uncertainty about Superman to feeling bad after he dies, but JL doesn’t do the work for you

JUSTIN: Yes!!! The whole hope thing bothered me from the first trailers

KRIS: I do kind of like the idea of Bruce being guilty

ANDREW: But there is a line between grief and total admiration.

KRIS: Right

It’s also weird that Bruce understands that Diana is an inspiration

It’s not like Steve Trevor had a journal we know about

To be fair there’s no way that was going to feel anything other than transparently reshoot-y

JUSTIN: I feel like it would have been better if Bruce had said that after Superman’s death he’d become a sign of hope, or something

ANDREW: Why is batman putting these things on other people? He can be a symbol of hope!

He can be the hero we deserve! And need!

JUSTIN: He’s a symbol to fear

KRIS: I would have bought and maybe even preferred a more personal angle that emphasized Bruce trying to fix his mistakes, which is sort of hinted at

ANDREW: Like Stark post- age of Ultron?

KRIS: I guess, yeah

ANDREW: But hopefully not as catastrophic.

Or civil war-y

KRIS: Bruce as Tony, Diana as Steve, Clark as Thor -- it’s a little too convenient but it’s all there and it would work!

Bruce wallowing in his guilt might have also been an interesting counterpoint to Diana (and I guess to some extent Arthur) taking on the big-picture concerns

JUSTIN: If this were from Diana’s POV definitely

KRIS: I think ultimately the idea to get Bruce on a healthier track of mind was right but it could have used an actual arc

ANDREW: Right.

Through friendship

And justice

JUSTIN: Of course

KRIS: Oh my god, Clark having the title-drop line was so corny

ANDREW: Title drops are my biggest pet peeves in films and shows.

No lie

KRIS: “I’m also a fan of justice” doesn’t even make sense in that context

ANDREW: Or for him to say in context!

JUSTIN: Makes no sense except if kind of fit in with some other cheesy dialogue. You just knew it was coming.

KRIS: So much Whedon dialogue

“Yeah, something’s definitely bleeding”

JUSTIN: I did get a chuckle out of  Arthur sitting on the lasso

KRIS: “I know you didn’t bring me back because you like me.” “I don’t... not.”

ANDREW: That was also very out of character.

He had to be sitting on the lasso for any of that to make sense.

And he hit on Diana, which was weird.

JUSTIN: Yup

KRIS: I did like the lasso gag (which had an actual setup! when Diana helpfully explains it in the bank scene), although I also was not of fan of the hitting on Diana

JUSTIN: I do like Supes asking Batman if he bleeds.

KRIS: Even if it wasn’t creepy it’s just such a too-easy joke to go for

And I did love Gadot’s delivery of “Well I thought that was beautiful.”

JUSTIN: She makes it work.

ANDREW: Cause Gadot is awesome

KRIS: Let’s talk a little about Lois

ANDREW: Sure?

KRIS: She’s very... un-Lois in this

Explicitly, which is interesting

JUSTIN: The scene at the planet was odd.

KRIS: So odd

ANDREW: Soooo odd

KRIS: “You’re the thirstiest young woman he’d ever met”

ANDREW: Oh god! I forgot about that joke.

JUSTIN: I wasn’t sure why I was supposed to be laughing

KRIS: Amy Adams can do no wrong and she sold the reaction shot about as well as she could but geez

So, I think it would have been more in character for Lois to grieve, or more accurately sidestep grieving, by throwing herself into her work

But for the sake of argument, is there something to the idea that even a Lois Lane should be able to just sit with her grief for awhile?

JUSTIN: Sidestep grieving with Work and that’s why she hasn’t been in touch with Martha

KRIS: God, yeah

I feel like there’s an abstract idea about #feminism, and in general the idea that a person can be more than one thing, that the movie gestures toward there, but like so much about this it’s never actually developed

Lois Lane as Grieving Sort-of-Wife would also obviously play better if the gender ratio in the cast was different

JUSTIN: I feel that Amy Adams portrayal of Lois has had strong feminine presence.

*always has a strong feminine presence

KRIS: She’s a strong presence by virtue of being Amy Adams, and her characterization in MoS is mostly pretty good, but here the character suffers for having to just be a stereotypically feminine archetype

JUSTIN: The ratio does lead well into the comment Diana makes about working with children.

True.

KRIS: I mean in a literal sense Diana would still be working with children if there were more women

ANDREW: Her presence is negated by lack of screen time as well. Though I don't know if it would have helped shake the archetype she was stuck in.

JUSTIN: Yeah but I guess I’m just referring to her as mother figure.

ANDREW: Amy Adams, I mean.

JUSTIN: I agree. She is one of my favorites in BvS and in this we just don’t get enough.

KRIS: The specific nature of Lois’s relationship with Clark has been a little bit of a problem for the universe of these movies from the beginning, actually

I mean to be clear, I love her in Man of Steel

And I even kind of like the idea that she’s the first person outside the Kent family to show Clark the best of humanity

ANDREW: But then she's only there to show that to Clark.

KRIS: I think where it becomes a problem is the second half or so of BvS, with the “You are my world” thing

I do think Lois has a fair amount of agency in MoS, in addition to being a lens to the wider world for Clark

JUSTIN: I wasn’t a big fan of them already living together in BvS. I wanted to see them develop in a sequel

KRIS: The problem is that we never see Clark develop a relationship with other people, or with humanity in general

So if nothing else the idea that only Lois can pull him back from the brink post-resurrection is consistent, but this is where the “What’s the best thing about Earth?” thing doesn’t work -- it’s just Lois, again

JUSTIN: That’s a good point.

ANDREW: You just brought this full circle.

You son of a bitch!

JUSTIN: Haha

KRIS: I have my moments

The other thing that will annoy me about the Lois and Kansas scenes until I die is that they don’t use the “This Is Clark Kent” music

JUSTIN: And that’s why he runs the show.

KRIS: I get, on a really abstract nostalgic level, why Danny Elfman would want to bring back John Williams’s Superman theme

(and his own Batman theme)

ANDREW: I liked that touch. It was nice, albeit distracting.

JUSTIN: I found the score brought me out of the moment sometimes. The bank robbery scene was one.

KRIS: Me too

JUSTIN: I liked John Williams’s when Clark first came back

KRIS: It was a weird score -- when it wasn’t distracting because of those callbacks, it was mostly forgettable

I also don’t like Wonder Woman’s electric cello theme, which seems to be a minority opinion on the internet

JUSTIN: But to be honest Danny Elfman’s comments about his score for Batman being the only one annoyed me.

KRIS: I loved Zimmer’s MoS soundtrack, and the parts of the BvS soundtrack that use his Superman themes, and I really wish more of those had been brought back

Oh I didn’t even see those. Will Google.

ANDREW: I don't like the cello thing either for Wonder Woman. I never did.

Kris! I'm glad you said that.

KRIS: Lois’s VO at the end is kind of lame and nonsensical, but the TV writer/producer Kevin Biegel tweeted that the “What Are You Going to Do When You’re Not Saving the World?” cue from the end of MoS would have been a great fit for that ending montage, thematically

JUSTIN: Oh I have to disagree. I loved WW’s theme from the start

ANDREW: Ooooh yeah... there was lame voice over.

KRIS: I think I’d like it better if its first appearance in BvS wasn’t SUPER weird -- it just blares out of nowhere when he finds the World War I photo

ANDREW: Fuck

JUSTIN: It does just come out suddenly.

KRIS: I also really love the orchestral music in Wonder Woman

JUSTIN: Yes, it fit the feel of the movie.

KRIS: It’s a little less memorable, melodically, than some other superhero scores but it’s so well composed for the images it accompanies

ANDREW: The score I Wonder Woman i like. Her theme, not so much. Your right, it does kind come on at the loudest volume.

KRIS: Man I just really love that little piano theme for Clark Kent and it seems like such an obvious thing to do in the Kansas scenes

It must have been there before Elfman replaced Junkie XL, whom I admittedly wish I didn’t have to refer to as Junkie XL

JUSTIN: Isn’t it in the last trailer?

Haha

KRIS: Side note: I love the less-than-a-minute-long “Four or Five Moments” cue he did for the Deadpool soundtrack

(I think the reason undercutting Colossus’s traditional hero speech works so well is that it’s actually a pretty good hero speech)

Any other lingering annoyances or unmentioned high points?

JUSTIN: That opening Batman scene, with the robber

KRIS: Holt McCallany!

ANDREW: Not that I haven't mentioned... I think.

JUSTIN: I like him but the whole thing was too on the nose.

KRIS: ���FEAR”

ANDREW: FEAR

KRIS: It’s a weirdly unnecessary scene

JUSTIN: “It’s because he’s gone isn’t it?”

KRIS: Especially now that we can’t shake the Diana POV idea

THANKS A LOT CAROLINE

It was fun to see a Green Lantern

Although I also appreciated the “isn’t this just the Lord of the Rings prologue?” jokes that went around

ANDREW: You think they would make Superman a black lantern?

K: I first misread this as Andrew asking if DC/Warner would go for a black Green Lantern, i.e. John Stewart

KRIS: I think Geoff Johns is personally too much a fan of Hal Jordan

for them to do that, I mean, not just in an abstract sense; it’s fine to love Hal Jordan

ANDREW: Awwww but then they could do a blackest night thing.

KRIS: I vaguely remember an announcement that the GL movie would be a Corps movie rather than a solo thing but who knows now, if the financial hit is too big

ANDREW: Who knows!

KRIS: Ohhh sorry I just misread that

ANDREW: Just don't do cgi suits!

Oh god!

JUSTIN: I believe I keep hearing Lethal Weapon in space with John Stewart

ANDREW: Oh my god do it!

Now

KRIS: That would be great

JUSTIN: Get Shane Black to write it

KRIS: I’m fine with flying in Shane Black to fix any superhero franchises

JUSTIN: Well it depends on how you feel about IronMan 3

ANDREW: I'm on board.

I like iron man 3!

KRIS: I LOVE Iron Man 3

JUSTIN: Me too.

KRIS: I guess to end this, just for fun do you guys have quick pitches for what you would have done post-MoS if you were in charge of the DC movies?

ANDREW: Booster gold and blue beetle buddy cop movie.

KRIS: I would’ve made the Man of Steel sequel promised by that great ending at the Daily Planet, partly because I want more of Lois and Perry arguing with each other

I also would’ve just not immediately introduced a new Batman

ANDREW: Same.

Or perhaps... Nightwing.

Instead of Batman?

Or GASP

A Batman... Beyond.

KRIS: Now that you mention it I’m kind of surprised they haven’t revisited Batman Beyond in any of the animated movies

JUSTIN: MOS sequel and WW.

KRIS: I have to admit that I’ve never really liked Lex Luthor

So I’m not sure who my MoS 2 villain would be

JUSTIN: Eisenberg as Lex?

ANDREW: I don't think it has big enough of a fan base to be honest. Batman Beyond; I mean.

KRIS: Lex in general

I also would’ve been fine with never introducing kryptonite

ANDREW: How so?

JUSTIN: I once wrote a Superman origin and used Metallo

I actually like how they introduced kryptonite.

KRIS: I guess I’ve rarely felt that kryptonite outgrew its origins as a convenient way to depower Superman (I believe in the old radio plays?)

If they had to intro kryptonite I did like how they did it

ANDREW: I also like the song.

Oh my god! He went crazy... and they still called him superman!

KRIS: MALOY

ANDREW: Damn it!

KRIS: That might be hard to beat as an exit line

JUSTIN: No no no stop it right there Andrew

Coming soon: One of our epistolary Reactions, on Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

[thebeautifulmountain-blog]

Thoughts on the BlizzCon news?

Oh geeze, where do I even begin.Let’s try, least to most.

Nothing for Diablo, again… maybe one day. (though I’m assuming it’s because they’re actively all off working on something big - which probably isn’t Diablo related)

Starcraft 2 going free to play. - sure, but it isn’t a new single-player experience so why should I care? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good game and you should definitely play it, but I’m not good enough to play against other people any more so yeah… means nothing to me.

Hearthstone got a new expansion and it’s… kobolds? The trailer for it is as awesome as ever, and Matt Mercer singing is just beautiful. I really hope the K&C expansion is literally just the team going “you know what is fun. Dungeons and Dragons, lets just do a Warcraft version and get Matt Mercer to do the trailer.”. I really hope that was the creative process. Plus it has a PvE Arena mode - which if it is a permanent feature to the game, I’ll definitely probably get into it.

Heroes of the Storm got new heroes revealed - we’ve all seen the spoilers, so no huge shock here. The trailer was a little meh, but Alexstrasza is #1 dragon bae and clearly the best choice for the first dragon aspect into the Nexus. We’ve got two dragons and two shimadas now, but still no proper Gnomes.Feels bad.

Overwatch is finally getting an Irish terrorist. FINALLY! She looks cool to play but her actual design and the fact she kind of came out of no-where without any kind of teasing or cinematic, considering what her backstory is and how crucial it actually is to Blackwatch.Her character design is not my favourite - I don’t think every agent of talon needs the terrible black trench-coat school-shooter vibe. She’d look way better in her Mercy-esque outfit that doesn’t wash out her already pale face and clash with her red hair. And there are other colours that would work well with the whole glowing chemical tubing (which is the only actual cool part about her outfit) and they really could have played up the bioshock alchemist vibe that she seems meant to have. Because honestly, if she doesn’t have a “would you kindly” voice line I’ll quit.I think if she was more monstrous and less just generically pretty like all the rest of the Overwatch characters, she’d be far more interestingly designed. Blizzard obviously knows how to make a good sexy monster - I mean, look at dragon-demon Symmetra, or the Queen of Blades, or Sylvanas Windrunner, the Banshee Queen, Lady of Darkness, Breaker of the Scourge, Reaper of Souls, Bane of the Alliance, Queen of Lordaeron and the Northern Kingdoms.Kit wise, she is absolutely interesting and should be heaps of fun to play. I’m not a massive fan of the beams, but the bouncing orbs, the teleport (as if we needed another one) and the kamehameha wave heal/damage ult is pretty tasty.The cinematic though, I was kind of disappointed in at first because we’ve got a new character and I was hoping it’d shed some light on her and get me invested in her as a character. I’m guessing they’ll do an Ana style thing on her (though I’m still waiting to give a shit about Orisa). But that it was Reinhardt’s backstory was pretty interesting. Turns out Reinhardt was a complete and utter toolbag who left his friends to die because of his own selfish glory-hounding.What a fucking piece of shit.That hair though really was glorious.

They should have given us Balderich. He was a beast, and a team player.Seriously though, fuck Reinhardt - I lost all respect for him.

Warcraft… oh geeze, where do I ever start. It’s all lore for me. It’s all amazing and depressing and happy and dark and fucked up. I was going into it expecting a massive Old Gods mess with major characters dying off and Sylvanas probably getting retconned into some evil monster and maybe Jaina actually ending up an Old God puppet.

Nope, we’re getting Mists of Pandaria 2.0.Lorewise, I’m livid because there is absolutely zero reason so far as to why the Horde and Alliance are so out for blood against one another - but I’m going to assume that that amazing trailer is depicting the Alliance being their usual evil-masquerading-as-good selves and attacking first.Yeah guys, we get it, the original Horde got in one sneak attack, doesn’t mean you get to do it for the rest of eternity.And we might lose Lordaeron - which also makes zero sense. The currently strongest part of the Horde getting driven out of their heartland is like if a group of uncultured Orcs sacked Stormwind - actually nevermind…Doesn’t matter, we’re taking Ashenvale, which means the Orcs will finally have unfettered industrial growth and land to farm. Finally Thrall’s dumb fucking decision to found a city on a desert will be righted. And I’m hoping the Forsaken get Tel’drassil, can you imagine how cool an undead world tree would look? Geeze.

The features of the expansion are cool as well, two new continents, one per faction - which is a real kick for people like me that super heavily invest in one faction over the other. Kul’tiras is kind of like a lore shangri-la, to finally actually have it and that it is Alliance gated (by the looks of it) is salt-inducing, but if I ever manage to pay for that sub again I’ll definitely roll through on my druid.Even better though, the Horde is finally moving to make reparations with the Zandalari - who really are natural allies now that that Old God loving self-proclaimed prophet Zul is defanged.

Plus other stuff, blah, blah. Oh, and Classic WoW servers.

Anyway, about that trailer.That is what the Warcraft movie should have been. I don’t even care if it ended up as Michael Bay-esque single-scene war-porn, watching the Alliance and Horde battle it out for an hour would be bliss. The Alliance are actually wearing armour like they’re meant to - while slowly morphing into the obvious villains they are.

I really super appreciate it as a lore-nerd, a real-world lore-nerd, a military-science nerd and a political lore-nerd. Just that cinematic really underpins why I find Warcraft a compelling setting despite all the flaws of the writing team.

It is a melange of cold-war ideologies clashing, between two imperfect empires with completely different world views and philosophies despite the similarities in their overall structure.You have the Alliance, whose prime goal has always been the destruction of the Horde and establishment of Alliance supremacy, finely honed and heavily armoured. They form up in neat lines and integrate their armies using mixed-unit tactics - the human shield wall and the dwarven rifle volley. With kaldorei archers supporting in the back and siege engines rolling up from behind. Draenei shock troops waiting for the break through and just one Worgen gude (fuck Genn so much) being all like “yeah, Gilneas is totally here as well my dudes.”

The Horde though, they’re messy, they’re all fury and bluster. They don’t need armour, they’re already all like tanks. Saurfang leading at the breach, Sylvanas standing on the walls directing her archers. The Horde doesn’t integrate, they just are. They’re brawlers not soldiers, they’re fighting for survival not some revanchist notion that all Alliance land is their own.Their leaders don’t send in their pawns to die, they’ve always lead from the front - they do it through honour and not a sense of nationalism.You see this when Saurfang stands against the fallen rampart, taking arrows instead of retreating to led his men die. When he personally leads the charge out into the melee. When Sylvanas, realising she can do better elsewhere unleashes her fury on the siege engines and fucking melts an entire squad of alliance footmen.

As factions they stem from the same place but grew to have very different conclusions. The Horde revolutionaries against the Alliance reactionaries, collectivism versus integrationism. Individualism fighting against bureaucracy.

I haven’t always agreed on some of the decisions that the lore team has made in terms of growing these two factions; be it introducing a greedy randian libertarianist Goblins into the largely socialist Horde, or the introduction of the rather obviously communist Draenei into the monarchist alliance. But the fact that they’ve worked on integrating those kinds of problems into the fabric of each faction really makes it feel far more real.

I kind of think it is a shame that it didn’t include at least one Gnome though. Mekkatorque in his battle armour looks pretty friggin’ boss.

I think that mostly covers it.

[fuck-customers]

it's sad how many shitty people stories i've collected over the span of like two weeks

Some gems of a customer I have had recently:

The lady who comes up to my counter with a couple of basic-ass mechanical pencils and DEMANDS the date the sale on them ended, since ofc, “these were on sale just a couple of days ago!!!!” Our sales mostly run weekly, so I explain they had ended the night before (Saturday) and we had put out new sales for this week already (Sunday). Lady gets huffy, refuses to buy full-price mechanical pencils. Whatever.

The old cranky lady who is shocked by the obscene .14 cents a page charge for full-service black and white copies, and says as she’s flouncing her ass out the door, “Next time I’m going to [competitor]; they’ll do it for free!” Like, good, we don’t want your cranky ass and also that’s probably why they’re going out of business?!?? Also it’s cheaper if your dumb ass could figure out how use the self-serve machines.

The lady who tells me she has a tax-exempt code for our local university AFTER the transaction has processed and I can no longer go back. Of course, she that means she also has contract pricing she neglected to mention. I tried to do a “return” and re-apply the code, took me two tries due to how the system is set up, but didn’t seem to work, manager came and got it figured out in the end. THEN she comes back like a day later and says she got the contract pricing but not the tax removed after further receipt inspection, needs it removed per her employer. Very snippy the whole time, as if it wasn’t HER fault she didn’t tell me about her exemption at literally any stage in the transaction until I couldn’t do anything about it. Different manager was working when she came back, and I don’t know what he did, but after I figured out how to fix the problem, had to do a bunch more fixes because he somehow made it worse until I had explained what had happened initially, because Lord knows, the dumb lady didn’t fucking understand anything, so I’m sure she couldn’t explain properly.

Annnnnd this one made me and my manager laugh so hard we couldn’t stop for a solid minute: lady calls just before 2pm, asks about having flyers made. I tell her we do make flyers, and she asks if we could bundle them by grade level for this event. I tell her probably, but it might take longer if so. She asks how long, because she needs them done by 4pm that day. I’m already thinking it’s not happening since a) both our full-time regular print employees are no longer employed and b) I know they’ve been swamped back there all day. So I ask how many she needs, saying, if it’s a small amount, we might be able to do them by four. She says, oh it’s not a small amount. I ask again how many. She says five or six…THOUSAND. That’s right, she thought we could do 5 or 6 THOUSAND flyers in 2 hours with no notice or prior design work or anything. I told her, definitely not happening, sorry. She says okay, hangs up, and I die laughing at the sheer IGNORANCE. I knew she’d probably be calling every print shop in town asking and they were all gonna tell her IMPOSSIBLE in that timeframe. AND THEN SHE CALLS BACK. Maybe 10 minutes later. Asks if we could do 400 flyers…I check with the print people, they say no not with what they’ve already got going on and with her not even being there yet or anything. She then sighs very heavily, asks about 200…we probably could have done, but my manager said to tell her no, since we did have four fairly large projects ahead of her and it was such short notice. It’s just so wild she thought she could have hundreds, or even thousands, of flyers printed in two hours anywhere. Serves her right though, for leaving something so heavy to the last minute. Also, she was with a swim team, and I don’t know why any high school/middle school swim event in this small city would need THAT MANY DAMN FLYERS.  Like 200 probably would’ve been a lot.

Dude comes in wearing straight-up white suspenders, red and white gingham shirt, and the classic turned-up-end mustache and hipster beard combo. I was cringing internally watching him walk in, because he was trying SO HARD TO BE COOL. But whatever, you wanna be a hipster douche, be a hipster douche. He comes up after a while with a basket full of envelopes, and I ask him if he found everything okay. He starts asking me about fancy, large size paper, but I can barely pay attention due to his put-on faux-British accent. I was stunned, because I could tell it wasn’t real from the first few words, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I send him back to the paper aisle, where my manager is waiting to assist him, and after he leaves, I ask over the radio, “That guy’s accent was totally fake, right?!” and she starts agreeing immediately, and laughing, of course. The best part? He didn’t even buy his “AHN-vehl-lohpes”!

Old dude comes in asking where our paper is, and I immediately offered the 2 for 10 paper that was right there at the register, since a) it was there and b) we do get spiff money for it. He says his wife wants something thicker than a regular piece of paper, so I proceed to tell him aisle one and watch him head that way. He pauses and looks confused right at the aisle, so I go and try to help him. Even though the aisles are numbered and aisle one is the last aisle before the end of the building, he couldn’t tell the difference between aisle 1 and aisle 3???? Anyway, I lead him to all the paper, and explain how 20 is the standard weight (and what was up front) so he probably needs the next weight or two up, like a 24 or 28 if he wants something slightly thicker. He of course, hears only the word, “standard” so he’s all, “well if it’s the standard, that should be fine,” despite my explanation to the contrary. He doesn’t know what the specific weight his wife wanted, doesn’t even know if he has an inkjet or laserjet printer, claiming it doesn’t matter (um yes it does?? If you buy the wrong kind your prints won’t work or will look like shit????). Explain the weight thing to him like three more times. Finally he goes back up front and buys the spiff paper, which probably wasn’t what his wife even wanted but whatever. I tried.

A lady comes up and asks for a price check for a large, plastic desk calendar. I scan it, tell her it’s 29.99 or something like that. She asks if the price is wrong, if it was supposed to be on clearance since she “found it on the back wall.” Now we do have clearance back there but also regularly priced stuff and it’s pretty clearly marked. I try to check using my mobi (scangun thing) but it of courses freezes so I just ask my manager over the radio. While I’m waiting for a response, I try to explain that it’s probably not on clearance, which pisses her off because it had like July 2016 through 12/16 on it, even though the other side had all of 2017 also?? She says, “If you want to sell it to me it better be, because I’m not paying that much for half a year!” even though I really don’t care whether she buys it (along with like 3 other calendars) and it does have all of this year and if you put it on a desk or a wall you wouldn’t even see the 2016 bits. Ended having the manager take off 50% for her–sooooooooooo not worth it.

Dude comes in, and he’s been in before and kind of hard to deal with ‘cause he can’t really hear and gets mad that I have to explain things a few times before he gets it, but whatever. He asks for a part for his Kodak camera. Now, we sell like 3 digital cameras and almost no accessories, all of them are Canons and we don’t sell parts for anything electronic that isn’t like a universal charger or an hdmi cable or something. Also, I think Kodak is like out of business now???  Or at least they don’t make or sell cameras anymore, let alone parts for what is probably a fairly old model. So I explain, as best as I can, that not only do we have nothing like what he’s looking for, and we don’t sell any Kodak brand stuff, but Kodak may not be able to help him due to their phasing out of camera selling. Of course, I have to explain several times, with interruptions as he keeps trying to explain what he needs even though I already had listened to him tell me several times as well. Then, once he understands we don’t sell his product, asks me to contact Kodak so they can fix his camera, and I’m just like, dude. I don’t have Kodak’s number or any contacts and we don’t send stuff to them. I have no way of helping you and I’m sorry about that, but did you really expect your local office supply store to have direct contact with a bankrupt company whose headquarters are who knows where so your camera can get fixed????

Lady comes up and sets her kid on my counter, dirty shoes and all, a kid who is definitely old enough to stand up for a minute while she pays, at least three or four. He keeps trying to grab stuff we have for sale at the register, my phone, etc., and she snaps at him a few times but is completely ineffectual. I’m already just annoyed about that, then she chooses to pay with Paypal, and like everyone else who tries that, gets mad when she doesn’t know her PIN and therefore can’t use Paypal. Acts like it’s my fault I can’t bypass it somehow. Mumbles “that’s r*tarded” under her breath, which is not only offensive, but it’s like, hon, you gotta have some way to verify your Paypal account/identity so your shit doesn’t get hacked/stolen. Get a Paypal card or learn your PIN.

Dude who tries to buy some Quickbooks software which is expensive, pulls out a card that’s clearly been through the wringer–completely faded, worn out looking strip, etc. It doesn’t have a chip, so he must swipe. It’s not really working but he’s getting angry and just repeatedly swiping really fast over and over before the machine even beeps and says it can’t read it. Asks if we can input it manually, I say no. Tries swiping again, doesn’t work asks again about inputting it by hand, asks if a manager can do it. I explain we don’t have any way of doing it, manager or no, because the pin pads or system or whatever have removed that functionality completely, which was definitely something handed down from corporate. He gets red in the face and says, “well you guys just lost a 350 dollar purchase! I’m going to [competitor]” I’d be willing to bet his shitty, maltreated, obviously in need of replacement card didn’t work there either. What kind of grown ass adult tries to blame that shit on a cashier/store when it’s obvious you just are too lazy to get your card replaced. IIRC, it was a local bank, too, so totally easy to do.

Lady comes in asking for sheets of printable personal checks. She has some generic brand box of her old product with her, which we don’t carry, but we do have exactly the same thing, compatible with the same softwares, just under our store’s-own brand. I tell her like 5 times it’s the same thing as what she has had (comparing the two boxes directly and pointing out the specifics), but of course she doesn’t really understand or know what she has/wants and doesn’t believe me. Makes me open the package and show her before she finally is satisfied, but ofc, the moment I show her our product she goes “oh! That’s exactly what I need!” Like yeah, I know, I just spent five minutes telling you it’s the same thing.

Dude comes in asking for 30-day notices, I run to grab one and realize there’s a few different varieties, run back to ask what kind, get a vague “tenants” reply and have to guess. I luckily grab the eviction warning one which is the one he wanted, but then he gets upset that it only comes with one in the package. Now, I’m not sure of the legalities of photocopying those types of things, since it’s kind of an official thing or whatever, so I don’t mention copying it in-store, but I do let him know it comes with a digital download so he can print as many as he needs. He doesn’t have internet, apparently, so I explain that the one I brought is all they’re sold as, singles + the download but he could maybe use the library and print for free there? He did buy it but it’s like, dude…figure it out or don’t buy it but don’t get upset over something digital because it’s 2017 and that is a thing. Also how many tenants are you sending 30-day eviction warning notices to at a time anyhow???

The old dude who interrupted himself halfway through telling me his phone number rewards to tell me all the things he’s bought recently while I stood there with a fake smile waiting to input the other four digits while he rambles on.

And I swear to whoever, if I hear any more complaints about the price of faxes, chair mats, or ink, I am gonna Do a Murder. Learn how to email if you don’t like paying for expensive faxing! If you can afford an expensive chair (i.e. the ones that actually need the mats) then you can afford the mat. Otherwise, you probably don’t need one. And yes, ink is expensive–so print at the library for free! Or buy a cheaper printer that takes cheaper ink! Or get a freaking laser printer so you only have to buy toner once like every nine months so even if it’s expensive it’s more worth it! But I don’t set prices! Nobody does! It’s all corporate controlled! We don’t even get to pick our own air conditioning levels! Stop complaining to me and arguing with me, a part-time cashier who works in a store over two thousand miles away from headquarters, about the damn prices!!!!!!!!!