#tbh this past little while has been some of the most exhausting and tiring shit i've gone through in a while

[silverselfshippingchaos]

heck- this crush... yeah I have it bad.

[spdrvyn]

reader (an average human) is the owner of spider cat (who does not know the cat has spider abilities) and accidentally enters a portal into 2099 only to get in trouble with miguel for trespassing and it escalates into a brawl of who knows the cat more (this goes on for weeks) and eventually is resolved by a date and co-parenting the fur baby like its their child SOBS (ill let u the name the cat whatever u want it to be tbh)

tooth and claw — MIGUEL O'HARA

SUMMARY: you love your cat more than anything else in the whole world, the whole multiverse possibly. however, your limits are tested when you find out that he's been hiding a huge secret from you.

THIS FIC CONTAINS: silliness. fluff. lotsa romance. a grown ass man tussling with a little cat. gender neutral reader.

NOTES: i love this request so much!!! i fucking love cats yo!!! sorry for getting to this request so late, but i hope you enjoy it anyway!!!!! not proofread because it is LATE as i post this but ya 🙏 this was so much longer than it needed to be holy SHIT

Pawker was a good kitty. Most of the time.

He was polite to you, in his own special little ways. While being a complete, irrevocable asshole to literally anybody else that just so happens to cross paths with him.

But at the same time, that's what you enjoyed so much about being his owner. He was special, loyal to you and you only. All the affections, purring, soothing pets were reserved for just you.

He also doesn't weirdly abide by regular cat law, he enjoys being groomed. At least, by you. He enjoys taking baths if you're in the tub, whenever you have to give him a nice bath every once in a while he'll always be patiently sitting still and giving you the cutest look ever as if he's expecting you to get in with him. It made your heart melt.

That's not what most of your family would think anyway, you still remember the messages of unmistaken horror that practically sent your phone vibrating off of your desk when your mom sent you picture after picture of her arms littered with scratch marks after she tried giving your precious cat a bath.

Whenever you had people over, it would be a challenge. Pawker would normally stay in one spot that seemed always designated for him while he tried to jump anyone that walked by, or he'd hide under the couch and you'd always have to pry him out, soothing him by placing him on your lap and giving him scratches on his ear while repeatedly apologizing to whoever you were talking to.

You still loved him all the same.

You've built your whole lifestyle around him, your sleep schedule could now be compared to that of a literal vampire because of how often Pawker would run around your now shared bedroom, accidentally knocking things over in his wake.

One time, you had passed out on your bed after an exhausting night of typing your soul away on your laptop that you had mistakenly left open from how tired you were. Pawker got zoomies, and you were spending money on a new laptop the next morning.

This night was no different, maybe a little as you were up by choice. The only part that really hadn't changed was Pawker's frantic zooms across the room, over your bed, bouncing off of your feet at the end of it. It made you giggle at the sight, he was so cute.

Your thumb was working hard, scrolling endlessly through the never-ending posts popping up on your social media. Watching people you barely knew live sad, cat-less lives unlike you who was blessed with this spawn sent from above made you feel better about having Pawker in your life.

It also made you sleepy apparently, your eyes growing heavy from looking at a screen for a concerning amount of time. You fall asleep with your phone still in your clutches, light snores sneaking past your mouth while Pawker still remains as lively as ever.

Weird dreams were also a common occurence for you. This time, you were falling. From a really great height, you've been thrown off by some villain that you couldn't recognize that was in a fight with your city's vigilante, Spider-Cat.

Spider-Cat let out a drawn-out meow when it caught sight of you being thrown off of the skyscraper, running to you on it's tiny four legs before falling off itself to catch you. It reaches out an itty bitty and a web shoots out, attaching to your chest however it doesn't break your fall as you hit the street of New York City with a hard, resounding, bloody—

You jolt awake, in a pool of your own sweat. Eyes blown wide, like you actually met your own demise on that street in your dream. Rubbing your temples, you groan. It was still relatively early in the morning, you could get a peek of the sky brightening up from your window but there was no sun. Not yet. It was too fucking early for this.

You set aside your phone on your bedside drawer, grabbing hold of your blanket, and getting ready to pass out again until you hear it.

Loud meows ringing in your ears, those familiar loud meows that keep you up at night. With a sigh, you throw your covers to the side and get up from the bed. Opening your door, you walk into the living room of your apartment, and are met with an unexpected sight.

Pawker— your Pawker— in Spider-Cat's get-up. His attention seemed to be drawn on something that he was wearing on his wrist, a tiny little watch that had a small hologram talking to him?

What the fuck was going on exactly?

"Pawker?" He jumped in place, turning his head back to you. The lenses of his mask, combined with his mouth contorting into a more than guilty expression. You put your hands on your hips, looking him up and down like a father who caught his son with a hand in the cookie jar.

"What are you doing? What's that?" You continued to question the fluffy fiend as if he could grow the ability to speak at any given moment. He hid this from you for so long, so who knows? Maybe there were other abilities that you just didn't know about.

Step-by-step, you slowly approached Pawker. Ready to scoop him up into your arms and rip that watch off of his cutesy little paws, his ears move to what you're used to calling 'airplane ears', which means he's ready to fight you. Challenge accepted then.

Before you could even think of snatching him up, Pawker manages to somehow press a few buttons on that goober of his and it opens up–

A portal?!

A portal that he looks like he's about to jump through and he does, "Pawker, wait!" You yell out, but no. You're just met with a dizzying array of colors from the portal, and the miscellaneous items in your home floating all around you.

Where was your cat even going? You wanted to follow him so badly, see wherever this thing took you, but there's a chance that without that gadget he had on his wrist that it wasn't safe for you to do that at all. Maybe you'd lose Pawker forever at this point.

No, no. You were not going to lose your cat. Even if it meant hopping from portal to portal, from dystopian landscape to dystopian landscape to do so. You were going to get that fucking kitty back.

You jump in without a second thought, your only motivations were getting your vigilante feline back even if it's with a fight.

Your first impressions of traversing the multiverse were a lot more different than what you experienced in reality. Instead of ending up instantly in the dimension that Pawker had went to, you were flown straight into what appeared to be a tunnel?

You'd look around aimlessly as you continued to be surged through this strange pathway, a burst of pain shoots through every single part of your body, and it feels like you're dying and being resurrected all at the same time. It was madness.

There was so much going on, in the distance you could see webs strung together like they were all connecting somehow. Octagons it looked like you were flying through, but it all passes quickly once you're thrown once again into something.

Rubbing your head and groaning in pain, you try to reassemble your bearings and your thoughts after trying to piece together what the fuck just happened. As you looked around, taking around your surroundings even more. You sigh of relief when you're not completely swarmed by eye-bleeding colors, but rather met with the darkness of an empty hallway.

It's as empty as it can get anyway, there's tech literally everywhere. Some gadgets and gizmos a little too complicated and advanced for you to understand, it didn't help that you already had a searing migraine boiling to the surface because of what just happened for you to get here too.

To the best of your ability, you walked through the hallway, occasionally tripping over yourself from the absurd amount of tech junk that littered each tile that you walked on. You were probably going to kill whoever let it get this messy, your body had suffered enough in such a short amount of time, and you were still clad in your pajamas because why would you even think to change?

You had tripped over one final wire before ending up at— god, how could you even begin to describe what this place looked like? There were multiple brewing strands, different kinds of messes that you'd probably kill yourself to try cleaning, but the most eye-catching of all in this cave is the elevated platform in the middle of it all.

You'd inspect even further, maybe even try to climb the damn thing, but for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, you're caught off-guard when you feel something attach to your chest. You look down, red neon ropes stuck to your torso.

Of course, you were too caught up in your investigation to even notice the pair of red lenses peering at you in the darkness of this mad laboratory. You gasped as you were tugged harshly, way too harshly to the point where you were pulled onto your knees. Two more shots of that strange red rope were on your hands, effectively pinning you to the ground as you continued to struggle.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was not how your night was supposed to go!

Whoever attached these webs to you seem to walk out of the shadows, your eyes train on to each detail of this guy's suit. A Spider-Cat, Spider-Man? logo that looks so edgy that you'd mistake it for a skull, futuristic lights emenate a small glow and they decorate different parts of his suit.

He had broad shoulders, which made his waist look absolutely criminal. His wrist was held out and as he walked closer to you, you understood where that webbing was coming from now. He was also tall, impossibly tall as he towered over you while you were on your knees, presumably on the floor of his office.

Hello, sailor!

Your gaze trailed to his other hand, under the faint gleam of the monitors of the platform above, you swore you could see claws. It only convinced you to keep tugging at your bindings, otherwise you were going to get completely shredded to bits at this point.

Your heart bounced off of the walls of you ribcage, you could practically hear it in your ear. Loud, repetitive, rapid thumps as from the corner of your eye, you can see him getting closer and closer.

However, he stops. Just in front of you that you practically have to crane your neck up to get a good look at his face.

"You know them?" His voice is rough, gravelly, his claws retract and he puts a hand on his hip before turning his head sidewards and out from the darkness strides Pawker.

Your face brightens up at the sight of him, your pounding heart doesn't slow, but now it's for an entirely different reason as you relish in the familiar and fluffy feeling of Pawker rubbing and purring up against your restrained arms.

"Pawker!" You all but squeal, cooing at him especially as he begun making biscuits on the webs that stuck your hands to the ground. The noise makes the other, less important man in the room flinch and he puts his wrist down. Bringing his hand to rub his head.

Still, even once you were reunited with your cat. There were still a lot of unanswered questions, who was this man that he was just with? Was he a threat? Maybe Pawker is a supervillain rather than a crime-fighting vigilante and this guy is apart of the whole operation? Although, judging from the awfully snide face that Spider-Man carried even with the mask covering his face, it seemed he had his own suspicions towards you as well.

You were the first to break the silence, the assumption that you were your cat's owner had already been confirmed so it was safe to assume that he wasn't going to kill you. "What were you doing with my cat?" You tried to keep your tone level with his, but it was so hard. How could you when your pet was confiding with him?

Your question probably pissed him off from the way that a nearly silent groan slips past his lips, curses uttered under his breath. He kneels down before you, retracting his talons again, and cuts you free from the webs. A pang of relief crashes over you as you rub your wrists - still looking at him, eyes filled with curiosity.

He stands up once more, outstretching an arm to you. "Get up, you're going to have to pay a lot of attention to understand."

Once he was able to get you seated and able to get some sort of wristband on you, he had finally explained exactly what was going on. You understood a little more than half of what he was saying, one would assume that he was a scientist of some sort from the extremely fancy, almost pretentious choice of words he has.

Down to the basics though, his name was Miguel O'Hara. He was the leader of an elite strike force that apparently your cat was apart of, the same cat that you've grown to love over years of being and living with each other that would practically yodel for your attention after five fucking seconds of not getting pet.

You almost couldn't believe it, yet you were also so impressed. Who knew your little baby was a superhero?

After finishing the long-winded discussion, Miguel waited for you to ask your share of questions, and you had plenty. Some of them were miniscule, just idle queries that he begrudgingly answered - although one that you had in mind was Pawker's schedule.

He was a fat cat, there was no denying that. Constant check-ins with the vet, scheduled meals (you had no money for a fancy automatic feeder), and not to mention regular pet care stuff.

You were quickly dismissed by Miguel after a short amount of time though, something something anomalies something something. You weren't able to catch most of it. Again, fancy language and scientific terms you couldn't bother understanding.

Before you left, Miguel promised that he'd probably drop by your apartment sometime in the following week to discuss details on your cat. You didn't know whether to be excited or intimidated. But it was best that you pondered on that once you were done being sent back through the tunnels of multiverse travelling, which was less painful now that it was back to your dimension.

A few nights pass, almost too many nights, and you almost think that he's not gonna come. It'd make sense, he seemed very busy. Hell, that was the reason why you weren't able to stick around his 'spider-cave' any longer.

Soon enough and just as you're about to switch the kitchen lights off, the scattered papers and calendar that you'd set down on the counter hours ago begun to float. Yellow, pink, purple, and so many other colored hues shined against the surfaces of your kitchen. Next thing you knew, Miguel was here.

He was still clad in the exact same suit that he wore the night that you met him, mask on and everything. You thought that you'd get to at least meet him again with his face shown, but it was fine. Mostly.

The discussion went as smoothly as you thought it would. Awkward silences were common throughout, it was to the point you faked bathroom breaks just so that you didn't have to sit through it all. At times, Pawker even had to interrupt by hopping on the counter and knocking things over.

Throughout it all, Miguel kept his mask on. Even as you offered him a glass of ice cold water, considering how it was going to be a long night, he declined. You set it on the counter for him anyway, just in case he'd change his mind later.

It's an hour and a half into the night, he had to drink something.

"You're going to get a headache if you stay dehydrated," You bluntly pointed out just as he finished explaining only god knows what, you could feel the stress that'd built up from his job in the sigh that he lets out. "I'm fine." He insists.

Rolling your eyes, you lean forward on the surface of your counter and a little bit forward to him. Seeing if there's any signs that he's going to pass out soon, "If this is about your secret identity, you already told me your name. How shameful is showing me your face?"

You don't get much of a response from him besides an annoyed huff, that is it. You grab the glass of water on his side and slide it over to you, taking it in your hand. "Just a sip, and I'll drop it. Okay?"

He doesn't seem to relent, you want to raise your voice but Pawker is napping. "I think I reserved the rights to see the face of my cat's dad."

Miguel pauses his scribbling on your calendar, lenses of his mask noticeable widening as he slowly turns his head to you. The marker in his grasp tightens as well as he says, "What?"

You want to chuckle at his reaction. "Am I wrong?"

He seems to just stare at you like a deer in headlights, before his eyes narrow at you once more. You raise an eyebrow, a playful smirk erupting on your lips. "Why? You think you're too pretty for me or something?" You tease.

Even as he's masked, you could feel him roll his eyes. "Yes, my face is too handsome for mere mortals." He quips sarcastically, and before you're able to get out any more smartass remarks, he reaches a hand out to yours. "Give me the shockin' glass."

You move your hand towards him just a few more centimeters before he snatches it from you, holding it in front of him as he takes off his mask. It fades out, pixel by pixel.

Now you're the one in headlights as you slowly take in every detail of Miguel's face. He looks like a marble statue, you think. Slicked back, dark brown hair save for some messy strands that fall onto his forehead, ones that he has to run his hand through to fix. Cheekbones sharper than any knife that you probably have in your kitchen, a refined jawline, thick eyebrows, plump lips, and his nose-

Hello... sailor...

"Happy?" His voice cuts through whatever thoughts were running rampant through your mind as he takes a sip from the glass.

Your composure slips. "Yeah, very."

The night passes quickly, so do the next few nights. With that time, you get to know Miguel and Miguel gets to know you.

If you were lucky, you would be able to hear more about the nature of his job past the missions or operations that your cat was involved in. Sometimes you'd get to hear small utterances from under his breath about canon events and anomalies.

Your job wasn't as important as his, just a simple desk job that you were allowed to work from home sometimes. Which was beneficial for you because that meant long and peaceful afternoons with Pawker on your lap, purring away.

Even if you felt that your occupation wasn't as life-saving as Miguel's every time you remotely even brought up your personal life, talking about plans you have later in the week or dinner dates with some of your friends, he always seemed so intrigued.

Leaning forward in his seat, dark crimson eyes concentrated on yours as you went on long rambles about random niche topics, with his head resting in his palm. He'd think you haven't noticed, but you most definitely have.

You mostly only talked about yourself though, it made you feel a little entitled. You didn't know if you were just self-obsessed or if Miguel didn't want to even talk a single peep about his personal life.

But after a while, batting your eyelashes, encouraging teases, he relented. It felt like all hell broke loose.

There was definitely something more in this partnership, if you could even call it that anymore. That joke you made about Miguel being Pawker's cat dad started to feel like less of a joke as time went on.

It started with more visits, sometimes even in the middle of the day rather than the dead of night like usual. He (and his A.I. assistant that you only found out about a couple days ago) found a way to hack into your phone so that you could receive direct messages from him.

It moved on to treats for Pawker. Whenever you begun to run low on cat food for him, a fresh supply would enter your pantry mysteriously followed by a text from Miguel minutes later asking if it was okay.

The gifts continued to upscale in size and expense, going from cat beds to a new, advanced automatic feeder.

When you thought that Miguel was done emptying his wallet for Pawker, the gifts started to direct towards you instead. Although, they were still cat related. Sometimes, little phone charms with a polite looking ginger cat decorated at the end of it would end up on your nightstand. Once you two settled down on the stools behind your kitchen counter, he'd even pass you small tokens moving from cat to more you related.

His excuses? I happened to be shopping in this store and I thought of you. There was a great deal and I just couldn't pass it up. They gave me an extra one for free.

And as he dished out each one, the least convinced you got. It was so hard for you to try returning the gestures as well, but when you could you saw in his eyes how much he appreciated it.

Love was a constant feeling in your everyday life, seeing Pawker curled up at your side after waking up from a long night always made your heart squeeze. However as you continued to talk and talk and talk with Miguel, there was this unfamiliar ardor that grew and grew and grew in your heart.

It was undeniable, you were in love.

And you were going to do something about it.

Miguel's schedule conflicted with yours most times, even if you tried being sneaky with finding out what days he was free, it was like fighting a losing battle. Which meant that there was only one option left for the both of you.

You knew that Miguel was going to be coming over again tonight, which meant that it was time to spruce up your apartment. You had cleaned the moment you got home from work, dug a little deeper in your wardrobe for your better items of clothing, and brought out the good wine.

It seemed that you weren't the only one excited for this surprise date, Pawker was oddly more well-behaved tonight compared to any other night. Staying inside your room, and you haven't heard any claws scratching at the door or vocals for the past thirty minutes.

You waited for midnight to hit as you anxiously clutched the bouquet of flowers that you bought on the way home, you basically feel the petals falling out from how tight you were holding it.

When you sensed the shift in gravity, saw the colours light up the dimness of your apartment, and smiled once Miguel walked through, you'd prayed he wouldn't jump hack into the portal once he caught sight of you.

And thank god, he didn't.

"Hi." is all you're able to say as you hand out the flowers for Miguel, it seems that he dressed up for the occasion. Partially at least, you could still see his suit from under the long sleeve shirt and sweatpants. His large hands take the bouquet from you, eyes darting back and forth as if he was in a dream.

"What's all this?" He asks, tone dripping in absolute disbelief at what's happening right now. Perching himself down on one of your stools like he was about to pass out. God, you were amazing.

"I know you don't have time for things like this so, I took matters in to my own hands." You sat down beside him like you always do, pouring wine into his glass then into yours before taking a big sip.

The look of wonder and awe as Miguel admired your little date set-up made you feel absolutely victorious, he had to put the flowers you got him on the counter otherwise they were going to fall out of his hands from how stunned he was.

"I thought I'd take initiative, you know before you go bankrupt from constantly buying me and Pawker gifts." Miguel chuckles at your witty comment, taking your hands in his, brushing his thumbs over your knuckles. This is probably the happiest you've ever seen him, and you took even more pride knowing that you'll be the only person to make him feel this type of way from now on.

"I've– I've been wanting to ask you out for a while, with the gifts and all, but our schedules and I wasn't a hundred percent sure that you liked me."

As he says that, one of your hands slip out from his grasp and your fingers cup his cheek. He leans into the touch, hearts in his eyes as he does so. You were addicted to him.

"I think you'd have to buy me a new heart too because there's no way that I wouldn't like you back," It was strange to think that all of this happened because you found out that your cat was a vigilante, you never could have imagined that your first love would be a grumpy, emotionally constipated, superhero from another dimension, but you were more than happy with what you got now.

After your words sat in the atmosphere a little longer, Miguel brings your hand to his chest where you could feel his heart beating faster than a race car. "I want to kiss you, please let me kiss you, cariño."

You frantically nodded your head, standing up from your seat so that you could be on par with his height as your arms move to his shoulders for support. "Okay."

Then he kisses you.

Bold, passionate and those two are words aren't even enough to describe it. Your fingers find his curls, tugging at them softly to try getting him closer to you and he moans into your mouth. His hands paw at your waist, digging into the sides of your body so that you can slot in-between his legs.

Once you two separate, it's hard to catch your breath. You pant heavily, head lolled against his shoulder before small snickers slip past your mouth. You couldn't believe you just fucking did that.

Miguel pulls you off of him, but still keeps you close. Looking you deep in the eye, thinking that he's going to pull you in for another kiss until—

Meooooooowwwwwww...

You freeze in place, brows furrowing as you quickly turn your head to your bedroom door, waiting for a few seconds before that grating sound of claw marks against wood rings in your ears again and you sigh. Miguel doesn't seem entirely fazed though, his grip on your waist loosens as he allows you to step back.

"Someone's upset." You state, taking slow strides over to your door. You don't want to leave Miguel yet.

"You can take it if you want," He shrugs his shoulders, spinning the wine in the glass then taking a sip. "Then we could continue where we left off." A wolfish grin curls at his lips.

Without hesitation, you open the door. Cooing and reassuring Pawker that you still loved him even though Miguel's tongue was down your throat not even a minute ago.

What a cat he was.

requests closed, masterlist here

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

[angeltrapz]

helo beloved mutual connor, im sorry ur goin thru it rn but i come bearing asks n a heart emoji (💗): bcuz i have had this thought floatin around for a lil bit, wld love 2 hear ur takes on an Adam/Eric/Mallick (+ Art too if u want!) road trip vacation! how long wld they go, do they get motels or camp or just sleep in th car? whats everyone's favorite road trip snack? what sorta shit do they like 2 stop for? (weird tourist traps like giant balls of yarn etc, small town main street stores, cool looking restaurants, nature sites, Actual Destinations, so on n so forth!)

fjkdsd thank u beloved mutual adam,,, <3

ohhh I love tht idea!! road trip fics/hcs are one of my weaknesses,,

but um!! I rly like the idea of th four of them going camping a few hours up north!! (we... don't rly know where. SAW is set so just. imagine a vaguely rural campground lmao. I'm used to camping in th upper peninsula of MI so) it's smth tht Art did a lot w his family when he was growing up, so he's th most familiar w it - Eric went a few times as a kid too, Mallick went Once, n Adam has never rly been camping, w his family or otherwise (he's slept on a trampoline at one of his friends' houses once tho). Art is p excited abt it tbh, it's not exactly smth he gets 2 do often so he's got this whole list planned of things he wants 2 show them!!

it's easiest 2 just take a week in late August, bc they can head back home on a Friday n have the weekend to settle n readjust b4 th coming week + they have to go back 2 work. so they head out around ten on a Monday morning 2 kind of get ahead of th traffic (or at least try to). Art drives both bc he insists and bc he knows they can switch if he needs to, which he does later w Eric. it's a good couple hours (at least 3) b4 they get 2 th campground Art wants to take them to, so clearly it is Music Time + Adam made sure 2 bring CDs! a lot of that time is just spent vibing 2 th music and singing very, very loudly (ESP on Adam + Mallick's end). Art's up front like u three are so fucking goofy (affectionate), but eventually he starts singing too lmao.

Mallick starts th Colour Game, where they try 2 find a car fr every colour of th rainbow. it's smth Eric is familiar w as well bc he used 2 play it w Daniel sometimes, and it's good until they come to purple bc how often do u see purple cars??? so Adam's just like "we're not gonna find pink either" n tht's when this fucking pink pickup truck (noticeably spray-painted, + not done well) passes them n Adam just groans n thumps his head against th window. Mallick is like, trying rly hard not to laugh by pressing a hand over his mouth + Art is biting his lip, but Eric is very openly cackling bc "u see what happens when u assume???" (he gets a very light slap 2 th shoulder but it's still very gentle)

ANYWAY. favourite snacks!! Adam can eat Way Too Many Sour Patch Kids. sour anything, actually, as long as it's candy. yes his tongue hurts and no he doesn't regret it. Eric just gets goldfish bc he tends 2 get a lil carsick + bc it's a food tht's familiar n comforting, n he doesn't rly want 2 be eating anything Too heavy (he's up front w Art, so he can sit by a window in case he needs some fresh air at any point). Mallick likes m&m's, but he switches fr cheez-its every once in a while bc he can only eat so much chocolate. Art likes those peanut-butter filled pretzel bites! he's also partial 2 animal crackers tho. they also bring a good amount of snacks/things they can b sure th four of them like, bc yeah there's a lil store abt a half hour away frm their campsite + they can go there to pick up things if they need 2, but it's easier 2 bring things they like, too. (there's also a mcdonald's in tht town n. they do go there at LEAST twice.)

th campsite they stay at has a lake + a beach, n one of Art + Adam's fave things 2 do is walk along it to see if they can find anything interesting! Mallick goes sometimes too, but mostly he stays w Eric bc Eric can't do tht fr as long as Adam + Art can (not tht he's resentful of it tho). he n Mallick chill on th beach w a blanket (it's kind of like. not necessarily sandy?) n just kinda sit against/lay on each other n read sometimes. Adam + Art come back 2 where they're set up to find them sleeping n Adam has never been more thankful he thought 2 bring his camera!!

on th second day Art + Mallick want 2 go swimming, so th four of them come back out to th beach, but Adam stays out of th water + Eric stays w him. they both know th water will be cold, even if it's late summer, n Adam rly doesn't like being in cold water ESP if it's over his head/he can't touch th bottom. fr Eric th cold can b kind of painful, so they chill n walk along th beach fr a little bit n just talk. Adam gets some good pictures n even gets some of Eric! he also does take a selfie of them, he can't help it. he gets a couple of Mallick + Art too. it's honestly such a nice thing fr them n it just feels like they can breathe easy, not having 2 worry abt looking over their shoulders constantly (tho they're all getting better abt that).

th third day they spend around th campsite to kind of unwind n relax. they might walk th beach a little bit again, but mostly they just sorta chill n walk some of th trails around the campground itself. when night falls they light a small bonfire (Mallick is still iffy around fire, understandably) n they sit around it in their folding chairs w th cupholders (Adam gets red, Eric has green, Art gets blue, + Mallick gets dark green) n make s'mores. they talk abt anything n everything until they're barely able 2 keep their eyes open, n then after making sure th fire is pretty much out they kinda just stumble into th tent n none of them r awake for very long after (they specifically got one tht cld comfortably hold th four of them).

fourth day!! they pack up n head into another little town about 45 minutes away; it's bigger than th one around th campgrounds. after they get situated in a motel room w two beds, they do some window shopping + going into lil stores that interest them! Adam def buys some niche graphic tees tht aren't going 2 make sense to anyone other than th four of them n he's delighted abt it. I like 2 think Eric gets a worry stone, specifically made out of rose quartz. Mallick too, but his is made of amethyst! he also gets a rly cool multicoloured jacket in a thrift store they duck into. Art gets a hoodie w th town's name on it n he's pretty happy w that. they get a few more lil things, just little knick-knacks while they're there, n then they have dinner in this lil diner they'd walked past earlier bc it's inexpensive + the atmosphere is very lowkey n honestly just Nice. there's not a bunch of ppl, the servers r rly kind n the lights aren't too bright, which Eric rly appreciates. it's such a tender moment bc they're squeezed into a booth, Adam + Mallick on one side n Art + Eric on th other, n they're talking n laughing n stealing bites of each other's food n it's Comfortable.

then they head back to th motel n channel surf while unpacking enough 2 get to their sleep clothes. Adam + Eric r sharing a bed n Art + Mallick r sharing th other one, tho Adam is very tempted 2 just push them together so they're all close by (th distance btwn th beds isn't tht big to begin with, but it's the principle of th thing). mostly tho, until they go to bed, they're pretty much just all stretched out Everywhere. Adam is only discouraged frm jumping across th divide btwn th beds bc Art breaks out his Lawyer Voice, despite trying rly hard not to laugh, to say Yr Going To Hurt Yrself, Don't Do That. he grumbles n whines abt it but Adam knows he's right jdhjks (th way he sees it is like. he can b silly sometimes. he's Earned It, but he also trusts Art + wasn't super serious abt tht idea). eventually tho Eric can hardly keep his eyes open n Mallick is just straight up asleep while he's still sitting up so tht's when they all go to bed after making sure every1 is comfortable. they leave a lamp on.

fifth day they pack everything up again n stop 2 walk th trails of this lil park b4 they head home! there's a lil shop near th parking lot so they spend a lil bit of time looking around in there first. they probably pick up a few lil things, souvenirs, n Adam walks around 2 get some pictures. he gets this rly cool one while they're on a bridge, th sun peeking thru the clouds a lil bit n shining down on th water. he's super excited to develop tht one (but he's excited to develop All of them, bc this is his family!!!) + he n Art discuss whether or not they're gonna need another cork board lol. eventually tho they round back to th parking lot n on th way home, they stop at another lil hole-in-th-wall kind of place, but it's just as nice as the first one they'd been to. after tht Eric switches spots w Art n he drives them home!!

they're all exhausted when they get back but they have room to crash w each other while they nap so tht's what they do. they fall asleep all tangled together, Art stretched out w Eric's head on his chest, Adam curled against Eric's back, n Mallick w his head on Art's stomach. there r arms n legs everywhere n tht is okay. they're happy. they love each other. they had a lot of fun on their trip n they're tired, but they're comfortable!! tht's what it's all abt!!! it's just such a good n relaxing experience fr them after all th shit they've been thru.

[eponinemylove]

aftg tattoo/flower shop au

@essence-29

so it’s wymack’s parlor and he still technically runs it and everything but he’s tired most of the time and he lets kevin pretty much take over

kevin has almost no tattoos himself except one he got that he deeply regrets (in my mind it’s bc riko was his piece of shit ex boyf and pretty much made him get it, but however u want to imagine the backstory of this tattoo is up to you)

anyway he runs the shop with his dad. matt, renee, and seth all work there

andrew runs the flower shop around the corner (managed by betsy). he could not give less of a damn about the parlor tbh. he barely noticed it existed

he’s more of a piercings guy anyway but it’s not like he’s against tattoos

at least, he didn’t care about the parlor until him and renee became friends

i imagine they met at the flower shop when she came in and ordered some for allison. maybe they started seeing each other around more and more, and you know how andrew makes friends. he probably followed her to work one day and they went from there.

either way they’re besties and they work on the same block. so andrew goes in and out of the tattoo parlor fairly often to pick up renee or have lunch.

him and kevin obviously run into each other at some point, probably more often than not

at first they ignored each other’s presence but then andrew started to notice kevin

tattoo artist without (many) tattoos? interesting. he won’t talk about the tattoo he does have? very interesting. he flinched when someone dropped a glass of something and it shattered? now you have his attention

and of course kevin can’t help but notice the hot, 5-foot-nothing guy who comes in at least once a week to harass his patrons and distract his employees

both of which are definitely crimes andrew commits regularly around the parlor

andrew invites kevin out for drinks one night after they’ve been noticing each other for a while. it’s not flirtatious or romantic, but it does feel... weighted. kevin goes. renee and the others are there too, vaguely, but he still manages to end up spending most of the night alone with andrew

they talk. a lot. it’s really slow going because neither one of them particularly feels like talking, but they do. or they come to a mutual understanding at least

they have a weird relationship after that that none of kevin’s friends or andrews relatives can even pretend to understand, but you know what? whatever. they’re KevinAndAndrew

i don’t want to say they’re attached at the hip, but they totally are. anywhere kevin is, andrew follows, especially if kevin is drinking. and they’re not even nice to each other. that’s the confusing part for the others. just looking at them, you wouldn’t even think they were friends, much less maybe-kind of-dating?

so this goes on for a couple of months, and just when everyone thinks they’re getting used to it, neil comes in

literally no one was ready for him. he shows up at the tattoo parlor one day and just applies for a job. no resume, no interview. straight up walks up to the front desk and asks for a job

kevin wants to throw him on his ass but matt says the least they could do was interview the guy

(neil probably looks all kinds of a mess. not like insane or dirty, but just generally disheveled and exhausted and... neil. he looks like neil)

kevin still thinks this is a waste of time, but he lets neil show him what he’s got

no one was expecting neil, but they definitely weren’t expecting him to be so goddamn good

it’s hard to tell if he’s a natural or has actually had years of hardwork and practice, but he’s an amazing artist and he knows his way around a needle

so they hire him.

matt becomes quick friends with neil. seth and neil don’t get along, per se, but they’re almost the exact same brand of asshole so there is a sort of solidarity between them

renee obviously is nothing if not entirely pleasant to neil, but he still has issues trusting her

and kevin? well kevin kind of hates his newest hire

he complains to andrew about him nonstop. about how he’s stupidly talented and a complete bastard and gets along with people but in a chaotic sort of way that makes kevin anxious and annoyed and

kevin has a lot to say and andrew is more than inclined to listen

it’s a surprise to no one when andrew is in the parlor the next day, scoping out neil for himself

oh, and i should mention that neil has literally NO tattoos. not even one. (his mother would never allow something so easily recognizable)

neil barely notices andrew until he confronts him after his shift. i don’t know what he would say, but it would go pretty much like how their meeting went in the books, just probably without the racquet

a fight immediately breaks out that matt and kevin have to break up. renee knows better

yeah neil and andrew don’t get along

andrew is very interested though. so he does what andrew always does. he gets nosy. and personal. and mean

it takes him a surprisingly long time to find any information on neil. he thinks it might be a fake name and kevin assures him that it’s definitely likely, which helps exactly none.

eventually the only thing he manages to gather is that neil has one hell of a temper and could start a fight in an empty room. he also won’t take any shit from anyone, whether it’s from andrew or some random Karen screaming at one of his coworkers for giving her daughter a tattoo she didn’t approve of. he can and will tear someone to shreds, and as much as kevin hates it (“Neil that’s bad for business, you can’t verbally abuse the clients”), andrew is very amused

kevin secretly also really likes neil. it’s hard not to—he says everything kevin wouldn’t dream of and sees through all of kevin’s bullshit. also he’s ridiculously hot and incredibly good at his job, and there’s nothing kevin appreciates more than talent and competence

after, idk, a month? of getting nowhere to unraveling neil’s past, andrew invites him for drinks.

kevin is there of course and pre-approved the decision. matt comes along bc he doesn’t trust andrew in the slightest and he loves neil. renee is there to make sure no one actually gets murdered. seth just shows up bc he thinks something funny might happen, like another fight

not strictly relevant, but allison, dan, and nicky working at the bar/club they frequent??? a Concept.

andrew and kevin are both pretty surprised to find out that neil doesn’t drink. they try and “convince” him otherwise, but neil refuses and short of drugging him, there’s not really anything they can do

nothing really happens the first couple of hours. nicky flirts with neil a couple of times, neil doesn’t notice, the usual. things take a turn when neil spots kevin’s tattoo. other than that, the night was a bust

since this is an au, idgaf what’s in their past. reader interpretation, use ur imagination, go crazy. however, whatever kevin was involved with, neil was somehow tangled up in too. that part stays the same

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

he doesn’t mention it

and then, of course, he mentions it

it’s not on purpose or in anyway eloquent. they probably get into some sort of fight while closing up and it just slips out

there’s a moment of “oh shit”, the complete understanding that passes through the two of them

they don’t mention it

except they do, because andrew finds out

he and neil have a another “talk” bc yeah andrew might run the flower shop, but if neil brings trouble from kevin’s past back to him now, when he’s doing so much better, andrew can and will actually commit homicide

and that’s the start of their relationship!

well, no, not really. neil still takes a while to warm up to them, and a while longer to start feeling any sort of romantic attraction to them. and of course that’s after he realizes they’re even a couple, because trust me, with those two is always questionable whether or not they’re even friends. or acquaintances. or on speaking terms

also they have to eventually talk about everything. set boundaries, clear the air. neil gives them piece by piece looks into his past. it’s slow work, but it’s a little bit of trust given by someone who has never trusted anyone before.

yeah so anyways everyone thought KevinAndAndrew was confusing? well they don’t know what the fuck is going on with KevinAndAndrewAndNeil

what they do know is that kevin and neil do some of the best tattoos in the country. what they do know is that andrew and neil take smoke breaks together in the back alley, halfway between their two shops. what they do know is that andrew and kevin have adopted neil into their relationship and the three of them are so close-knit, it almost becomes impossible to find one away from the others at any given moment

what they do know is that at least twice a week, the short, blond, very scary flower-shop guy walks into a tattoo parlor and a 6-foot tall intimidating tattoo artist and 5’3 ginger with a sharp tongue and sharper attitude immediately stop what they’re doing and go meet him

that’s pretty much it. scary blonde who sells roses for a living falls for scary tattoo artist who doesn’t seem to believe in tattoos. both these idiots then fall for the (not at first glance) scary new guy who is obviously trouble, because this is a tatto/flower shop au, and everyone loves the broken badass with a heart of gold.

there’s something to be said here about the most intimidating and kick-ass power couple (throuple?) ever

also it’s funny bc based on appearances alone, everyone expects neil to run the flower shop, and kevin and andrew to do tattoos. boy are they in for a surprise though, because andrew knows every single flower you could ever think of sticking in a bouquet, and neil could operate a tattoo gun blindfolded

ALSO they all get matching tattoos at some point bc they’re idiots and in love and it probably has a whole crap ton of heartfelt meaning that i don’t want to explain bc i feel like i’ve rambled forever at this point and still said nothing significant

oh and neil 100% gives kevin a coverup, replacing his old tattoo with something else.

there’s all kinds of plants decorating the parlor courtesy of andrews shop, and neil and kevin design andrew’s logo

and betsy makes everyone flower crowns at some point. andrew refuses to acknowledge it i’m any way, but dutifully wears it regardless. neil wears it to work the entire day, and after hangs it in his office-thing. whatever tattoo parlors have. kevin straight up refuses to wear it but neil wears him down and he puts it on for like 20 minutes. there’s even pictures to prove it

[thotantics]

⚤   pairing — reader + Park Chanyeol

✎ word count — 6,699

✦ genre — smut, pwp

✗ warnings  — graphic description of sex, public teasing (lowkey), panty kink/smelling (is this even a kink? maybe it’s just My kink but im sure chanyeol would share it tbh), sex in a parking garage, fear of getting caught, switch!yeol, slight choking, gagging, oral sex (male and female receiving), unprotected sex (always be safe pals), lots of talk ab body fluids

[requested] —  If tumblr ate it, I was suggesting a reaction from Yeol from you discreetly stuffing your panties(that you just slipped out of) into his pocket during a break at the group’s dance practice, right before they get back to work lol everyone’s reactions would be fun if you’re in a mood for them all but Yeol is our baby so I’m most curious about him 💜💜💜🤤💜 @kimkaijong-in

[A/N] — this was supposed to be like under 1k words but clearly a bitch got carried away. im so sorry sdlfkkjdfk but i love this a lot, i think it came out rly great and im so proud i was able to keep coming back to this so easily :’)

_____________________________________________

Standing in the bathroom stall, cheeks flushed with heat, you couldn’t stop yourself from dipping a hand down the front of your panties. Watching your boyfriend rehearse always got you all hot and bothered - his big body was a sight, long limbs toned and his hair sticking to his forehead from sweat. He’d been so focused he hadn’t paid you much attention since you showed up early to pick him up. Naturally, practice was running late, but that was fine by you. You were enjoying the show. Clearly. Perhaps a bit too much.

The slick between your thighs was surprising when you pressed your fingers between your lower lips. You knew you were turned on but, god, was this just how worked up Chanyeol could get you? Entirely unbeknownst to him, too. It was impressive. You didn’t tease yourself too much, just enough that you could gather some of the flood from your heat and press your sticky fingers into your mouth. You smirk to yourself as you suck the taste of your arousal from your fingers, stepping out of your underwear and discreetly tucking them into the pocket of your hoodie.

If you timed it right, the guys would be taking a water break whenever you came back from the bathroom. Sure enough, the last few seconds of the song could be heard through the door as you reentered, and when it shut off and started to repeat again, you spotted Chanyeol in position, double over from exhaustion, hands on his knees to catch his breath.

“Let’s take five,” Junmyeon calls, breathing heavy as he thumps Sehun briefly on the back. “Just a bit more and I think we’re done for the day.”

As the group started to disperse, members flopping heavily onto chairs or sprawling out across the floor or rushing over to get water, Chanyeol headed in your direction, one large, sweaty hand coming down on your shoulder as if he needed you to keep him upright.

“You ok?” You ask, smoothing a hand up his chest, his shirt damp with sweat.

“Grab me a water, will you, babe?”

“Sure.” He slumps down against the wall and you cross over the mini fridge, grabbing a chilled bottle of water and handing it back to him before you sit down against in the floor next to him. He drinks deeply, chugging the entire bottle in record time, chucking the empty container to the side carelessly, taking in a lung full of air before he glances over at you with a tired sort of smile.

“You wanna grab dinner somewhere later?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” You smile up at him innocently, tucking an arm into the crook of his elbow, your free hand rummaging discreetly in the pocket of your hoodie. You press your damp panties into the pocket of his shorts, snuggling up against his side so he doesn’t realize what you’re doing.

You know you’re successful when he tilts his head down to make eye contact with you, leaning in for a kiss. He’s only after a brief meeting of lips, but you tuck your free hand around to cup the back of his neck, keeping him close enough that you can dip your tongue into his mouth, giving him a taste of what you had in store for him.

Chanyeol pulls back after you swipe your tongue along his lips, leaving the taste of something familiar on the tip of his tongue. Something very familiar. He smacks his lips, tasting the remnants of your arousal that had lingered on your taste buds, brow furrowed ever so slightly as he gauges your impish expression.

His mind is reeling. For half a second he humors the idea that you had some elicit affair in the bathrooms, and blood rushes to his face but he knows that’s not the case. The way you arch a brow expectantly at him, biting playfully at your lip tells him this is something very deliberate on your part, something intended to torture him.

Maybe Chanyeol can be a little over dramatic at times but the very idea that you would slip away just to finger yourself and come back with the taste of your delicious cunt lingering on your lips just to tease him felt like torture instantly.

His face crumples into a silent plea, lips full and pouting, his eyes wide and imploring. “Jagiya?”

“Yes, Yeol?”

He glances around you, making sure nobody is within earshot, and he leans in, forehead bumping into your own, eyes squeezing shut, “Don’t do this to me..”

“I shouldn’t kiss you?” You giggle.

“Not with that dirty little mouth of yours.” He hisses, “Not now.”

“One more kiss and I’ll be on my best behavior until we get back home.” You promise.

He sighs as he tilts his head and leans in with his lips leading the way, crashing down softly against your mouth and pressing his tongue past your lips all too eagerly. It’s faint, but the taste and scent of your pussy juice is undeniable after that first kiss, and the fact that it’s faded so much has him groaning in desperation as he pulls back from your mouth. Already, he’s starved for it.

Sitting there next to you, Chanyeol tries as hard as he can not the think about your wet, tight little cunt, just inches away from his hand resting comfortably on top of your thigh. Luckily the break doesn’t last long, and he’s called away from you to rejoin the others. He’s visibly sulking as he leaves your side, and out of habit he crams his hands into his pockets, dragging his feet as he makes his way to his position in the group before the music starts up.

You can’t help but to smirk to yourself watching as his left hand fumbles for a moment with the present you had stuffed into his pocket. It’s with an innocent frown on his face that he turns around to face the front wall of mirrors, but he’s not looking at you. Instead, he’s looking down into his left pocket, and he’s starting to pull out what he’s discovered.

The lacy red fabric immediately sparks recognition on his face the moment he pulls just half an inch of it out into the light, and you almost laugh at loud at the comical look he gives you - panic mixed with disbelief as he crams your panties back into his pocket in a hurry as the music starts to play. He’s so distracted he’s off beat not even 20 seconds in and gets immediately called out by Baekhyun, who bumps into him. You sit off to the side trying to stifle your laughter, watching as he continues to fumble his way through the choreography.

Eventually, Junmyeon stops and takes him aside, and Chanyeol meets your eyes from across the room as Junmyeon talks to him. He’s seething at this point, pissed that you’d distract him to this extent and especially when he notices the demure smile you offer him from across the room.

“Hey, what’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” Chanyeol insists, hands shoved deep in his pockets, left hand fidgeting with the underwear you’d slipped to him, shoulders squared defensively, “I just need a second to head to the bathroom, my-my stomach’s just off and I’m- I can’t focus. Just…one sec.”

Without waiting for Junmyeon’s response, Chanyeol storms over in large strides where you’re sitting. For a second you think he’s going to yank you up by the arm and drag you off with him, but instead, he waits until he’s close enough, and you stand, and he tells you under his breath, “You’re going to pay for this.”

“I hope so.” You murmur in response, watching his back as he continues out the door.

Chanyeol’s breathing is ragged as he wretches open the nearest bathroom door. He tucks himself into a stall and hurries to pull the offending garment out of his pocket. As if it’s not bad enough that you managed to slip a pair of panties into his pocket, it just had to be these specific ones? Chanyeol had purchased the set for you last Valentine’s Day, a scandalous, skimpy, lacy thong with a matching bra, both see through and blood red. Any time you wore it drove him absolutely mad with desire.

He can feel the dampness in the cotton strip that would settle between your legs, and his mouth goes dry, mind reeling as he recalls the taste that had lingered on your tongue when you kissed him earlier. Chanyeol can’t shake feeling like a pervert as he does it, but he lifts the panties to his face and inhales your scent from them anyway, rubbing his nose against the damp cotton middle, groaning softly to himself as his cock throbs painfully hard against his zipper.

“Shit.”

It’s tough, but he gets his erection under control and manages to leave the bathroom without feeling too awkward. He notices as he reenters the practice room that you’re doing a very good job of playing it cool. You’re sitting in the same spot he left you, fiddling around on your phone while the others wait for him. In his left pocket, he’s got a death grip around your panties, his gaze fixed as he rejoins the group and they move back into their starting positions.

You lock eyes with him as he dances, and Chanyeol barely blinks, he’s watching you so intently. He manages to stay on beat and he doesn’t miss any moves out of sheer determination. The faster that he gets this choreography down, the faster he can be alone with you.

You can see it in his eyes, the urgency that’s building with every passing second, the desperation that consumes him to the point that his body is running on auto pilot. Luckily you had only thought to torment him like this right at the ass end of practice, and the moves he needed to work on were burned into the forefront of his memory. Plus, after the first mishap, running off to the bathroom to inhale the scent of your arousal still clinging to your panties, Chanyeol would have done just about anything to finish up practice so he could just take you home already and punish you for the torture you’d put him through for the last hour and a half.

It’s out of sheer will power and determination that he manages to muscle through the choreography for the last leg of practice. They have a lot more to do but Chanyeol doesn’t have it in him to focus any more on what needs to be done the moment he’s allowed to stop dancing. That’s tomorrow’s problem. Instead, he stalks over to you like you’re his prey, collecting his things and stuffing them into the opposite pocket that your panties are in, then he grabs you by the wrist and tugs you out the door, nodding wordlessly as a goodbye of sorts to the others as he goes.

Chanyeol has every intention of taking you straight home and fucking your brains out but the moment you press your breasts up against his arm as you walk hand in hand, lacing your fingers daintily through his own, much larger ones, he glances down at you only to see sweet, innocent eyes batting up at him adoringly and he throws that plan directly out the window. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to make it another minute, let alone the short drive back to his place.

He doesn’t make it easy to follow after him, making huge strides with his long legs before he makes his way to the parking garage exit, shouldering it open and making a bee line for his Mercedes. He glances around over the tops of the surrounding vehicles, hand clammy as he holds your wrist, still, a bit too tightly in his haste to get you hurry along with him. When he’s sure you’re alone, he turns, stopping you mid-protest.

“Chanyeol, wait, I don’t wanna-”

His mouth crushes against your lips, your protest falling on deaf ears, breathing heavy into your mouth as he drops his duffel bag to the ground, uncaring, cupping your face with both hands and backing you up until you hit the rear door with a thud. Chanyeol presses his tongue into your mouth, prying open your lips by thumbing at one corner of them until you submit. He crams one leg between your thighs, effectively pinning you against the vehicle, tightly against him, and then his big hands move down the front of your body, brushing over your breasts through your clothes, pawing at you.

“There’s no way I’m gonna last another minute without having you. I just need to see how wet your tight, little pussy is.” He whispers, mouth trailing hot down your throat. “I just need a taste, baby.”

Before you can protest, he’s on his knees and shoving your jeans down your thighs. It doesn’t give him very easy access to the part of you he’s after, your thighs smushed together but you’re aching for him, soaking wet and he’s staring you down like he’s going to eat you alive right here out in the open.

Breathing heavy, you watch as he spreads you best he can with both thumbs despite pinning your thighs together with your jeans, parting your lower lips delicately with his thumbs, his lips pressing a tender kiss at the cleft of your pussy before he licks a fat stripe up your center.

“Fuck..”

He grunts, diving in deeper, licking you more fully this time. You watch, a hand flying up to clamp over your mouth to keep yourself quiet, as he licks, greedily swallowing the taste of you. His eyes, previously shut, fly open and meet your own, and he pulls back a breath away from your cunt to murmur huskily up at you, lips brushing your throbbing, slick skin as he speaks, “You fuckin’ taste so good, baby. I can’t wait to fuck this pretty pussy, split you wide open on my big cock.”

His tongue laves out against you again, slurping obscenely, so loud you know if anybody’s in the vicinity, they could hear. The sounds are echoing around the concrete walls, and he’s shameless in his venture, mouth open and tongue flicking slow and precise right against your most sensitive spot.

“Ch-Chanyeol,” You hiss in warning, voice trembling. “Take me home.”

“You little tease,” He pulls back again, lips and chin glistening, to stuff a finger up into your cunt roughly, the single digit so long and thick, your muscles clamping down around it. “You think I’m just gonna do whatever you say? You think you deserve that?”

You’re about to argue that someone, anyone, could catch you in the act but before you can open your mouth to speak, the unmistakable sound of voices growing closer cuts you off.

Chanyeol reacts faster than you, frozen in fear, eyes wide and pussy exposed. He stands and hurries to fumble in his pocket for his car keys, unlocking the Mercedes and manhandling you safely into the spacious back seat. He follows after you just as a group of three young men walk past his car, not paying him any attention as he shuts the door, and you’re so thankful his windows are so darkly tinted to keep you hidden in this moment.

As the three people walk right on past, heading to their destination, you stare wide eyed at your boyfriend, who’s breathing heavy and trying to keep himself in check. The change in lighting now that you’re in his car makes the slick on his lips shine at this angle, and you reach out affectionately to wipe his face off with your hand. He catches it, one massive hand wrapping around your wrist once more and he presses your first two fingers into his mouth, silently sucking while you watch, eyes lidded, heart thundering.

It’s debauched and far too risky, but Chanyeol doesn’t care, moving to lean over you, effectively forcing you onto your back in the backseat, his big hand forcing your fingers, slick with his spit, down the front of your panties.

Mouth falling open in a silent moan, you maintain eye contact as the sound of the people you heard finally fade away. Chanyeol drags a heavy finger down your slit from your sensitive nub, pressing two of your own fingers inside of yourself.

Chanyeol smirks at you, entirely amused as he encourages your movements with pumps of his fingers steadily drawing your own in and out of your wet cunt. He bites at his lip, chuckling darkly at the look on your face, then he murmurs to you in the silence, “I’m gonna fuck you, baby. Right here.”

You shake your head rapidly. He nods. You pout.

“Just take me home.”

“No. You did this, now be quiet and take it like a good girl.”

He presses a finger of his own inside of you along side the two of yours, effectively stretching you open and shutting you up. Nearby, someone’s car starts and Chanyeol leans in after you jump in surprise at the sound being so close by, mouth against your ear.

“You’ve been bad, baby. Consider this your punishment.”

You mean to tell him again to just take you home and fuck you, because you know this parking garage is about to get busy with the evening shift ending. More voices come from farther away and you squeeze your eyes shut tight. You’re doing your best to completely block them out, blushing furiously as Chanyeol easily tugs your jeans the rest of the way off and exposes your tits from over the top of your shirt.

Chanyeol runs a circle round one of your nipples with his tongue, mirroring the movement of his fingers circling your clit at the same time. He smirks up at you, grazing your nipple with his teeth.

“You’re the worst.” You groan down at him quietly.

“You deserve it.” He huffs in response, “Making me crazy like this.”

Pressing at your entrance, he teases you with shallow dips inside, flicking his two middle fingers back away from you, teasing you with the least amount of pressure he could manage while his teeth sink into a sensitive spot at the center of your cleavage.

Your hips buck up into his hand, seeking to draw his fingers into you deeper but he continues to tease, dipping in not even to the first knuckle and withdrawing while he sucks an angry red hickey into the center of your breasts. You gasp and moan, hips rolling under him, your hands flying up and gripping onto his hair, holding him close while you writhe under him.

“If you keep making noises like that someone’s gonna hear you.” Chanyeol mumbles against your skin, placing a tender kiss over his love bite before he drops down lower. It’s a cramped area but his backseat is large enough to accommodate even his long limbs as he shifts down half way into the floor, half way leaning over the seat he has you sprawled on, and he kisses the inside of your thigh.

Each hungry press of his lips on your skin draws him nearer and nearer to where you’re aching for him to be. His lips graze the fold of your leg, tongue coming out and licking up it in such a way that has your pussy throbbing. He hums, nuzzling closer, but the moment his lips touch your core, he pulls his head back, eyes blazing.

“Hey..” You protest weakly, watching in confusion and disappointment as he sits upright, his hands moving to the front of his baggy shorts. It’s a little bitter, the way you accept him right away, denying you oral sex. Maybe you did deserve it. A little. Besides, it’s not like you’re really going to protest if he wants to stick it in you really quickly. Your muscles clench just thinking about it, and god knows you’re already wet enough to take him in easily.

Chanyeol’s thick palm rubs over the tip of his dick, smearing precum down the shaft and lubricating himself with it, his eyes locked on yours, chest heaving. You grab onto your breasts, fingers toying desperately at your nipples, hips thrusting up to graze the head of his dick as he strokes it slowly.

He always makes you feel small when he mounts you like this - big body hunched over, one hand tucked down to guide his cock home towards your center. His shoulders shroud you in darkness, concealing your almost fully nude body in shadows, protecting you from anything that it’s the backseat of his Mercedes. You forget all about the parking garage, about any other people coming or leaving, you forget about everything except the way he’s dragging the blunt tip of his cock through your folds.

Rubbing your wetness top to bottom and back again, he slicks your puckering asshole and your swollen clit alike before he lines himself up at your cunt, letting his upper body fall over you some as he moves both hands on either side of your head. It’s with practiced precision that he enters your heat.

Chanyeol groans like a grizzly as he sheaths himself, and he doesn’t give you any time to adjust to being speared by him before he’s moving within you. It’s a deep push inward and a slow drag out with his hips, like he’s unable to stop the movement, his lips falling into the crook of your neck to fog up your skin with his breath as he gasps against you.

“Shit,” He hisses, “Feel so good, baby.”

He pushes himself up away from you, keeping most of his weight on his legs and lower back so he’s buried heavily and deep inside, and he lifts your outside leg, hooking your knee over the inside of his elbow.

“That ok?”

“Yeah.” You murmur, fingers dancing along the muscle in each of his thighs, taut and flexed as he begins to move again, this time quicker and harder. You’re so worked up, you feel the beginnings of an orgasm fluttering in your lower belly embarrassingly fast. Chanyeol grunts and his jaw flexes as he stares down at the way his thrusts make your tits bounce enticingly. His free hand reaches for one, gripping one nipple between two fingers as he massages the fullness of your breast.

He’s relentlessly driving you towards an orgasm, you feel it building and building and you’re about to burst, cunt pulsating around his pistoning cock until you’re unable to keep yourself quiet anymore. Moans fall from your lips uncaring who could hear, who could be walking right past his Mercedes.

“Hngh, Chanyeol, fuck! I’m gonna cum, I’m-”

He cuts you off, a hand smothering your desperate cries with his palm, covering half of your face with his big hand. “You gonna cum on my cock, baby?” He asks you quietly, voice dropping an octave as his eyes flash down at you. You nod, clinging to his forearm as you breathe desperately through your nostrils.

“Yeah?” He asks, slamming his hips harder, driving you euphorically towards your end. “You don’t fucking deserve to cum on my cock yet, baby.”

You don’t even register his words until after he’s withdrawing himself from you and stuffing his slick, throbbing cock back into his underwear and pulling his shorts back up around his waist. He’s breathing heavy and avoiding eye contact with you, glancing around the parking lot to make sure the coast is clear.

You’re left laying on your back, leg cocked up, foot resting against the headrest of the passenger seat, pussy leaking and mind spinning with ravenous thoughts of need and desperation.

He opens the door of the car and shocks you to your senses, and it’s as you bolt upright, trying to save your decency and hide your nether regions that you realize what it was he had said to you. Chanyeol walks around the back of the car, adjusting himself, wincing as he walks, and you follow him for a moment before your head whips around, paranoid, looking to see if anybody is near. There’s not a soul in sight besides the two of you right now, but you feel shame sinking into your stomach at the thought that there were very likely any number of people nearby when you were being loud just moments earlier.

Chanyeol hops into the passenger seat and buckles his seat beat, his eyes meeting yours in the rear view mirror. “Are you gonna ride back there? Buckle up.”

“What?” All the blood has rushed completely out of your head, your brain feels hung over and foggy and oh, so frustrated.

“Get up here, then, babe.” He chuckles at you, fishing his keys out of his pocket and starting the car. He turns the air on, blasting you in the face with coolness that seems to help wake you back up a little bit more. You shimmy into your jeans, trying to ignore how uncomfortably slippery you are between your legs as you climb over the middle console and into the passenger seat awkwardly.

Chanyeol waits, watching carefully until he sees that you’re safely fastened into the car before he throws it into drive and pulls out of his spot. You don’t speak for a while, staring out the windshield and ignoring the throbbing in your core, until he’s out of the garage and on the main road heading towards his place.

“You seriously did that to me?” It’s rhetoric question, you don’t need an answer to but Chanyeol speaks up, laughing in a mischievous, croaky sort of way.

“Yes, I did. Don’t you think you should earn the privilege of cumming on my cock?” He comes to a complete stop at a red light and turns to look at you, expecting an answer, but you scowl at him in silence instead. He smiles.

The light turns green and he pulls out onto the main road. It won’t be too long of a drive before he makes it to his place, but you’re angry and there’s only one thing on your mind, that just so happens to be laying thick and rigid in his lap.

He’s not at all expecting it when you unbuckle your seat belt, the little “ding! ding! ding!” alerting him to the fact that you were taking it off before he glanced over to see you shifting up to sit on your knees in the passenger seat.

“What are you doing??” He’s instantly argumentive about it, frowning in your direction every couple of seconds, trying to focus on the road. “Put your belt back on!”

You don’t listen, hands shoving down the front of his shorts just enough that his cock springs free, and even in the midst of him chanting, “Aish! No, nonono, stop! Jagiya~ don’t, it’s not safe, heyhey no don-”

His protests stop the moment he feels the velvety warmth of your mouth around his cock. He lets out a choked groan, thankful for the upcoming red light that he’ll be able to stop the car for a few seconds. You feel the deceleration and take the opportunity to position yourself so you’re more comfortable, leaning over the middle console is painful on your tits no matter how you lay, so you opt to lean across one of your arms to cushion yourself, mouth drooling over his dick as you reposition.

Chanyeol stares down at the back of your head, leaning down further in his seat in an attempt to see your mouth around him but before he can get a good view, the car behind him honks, and he glances up in a panic to see that the light had turned green. He pressed a little too heavy on the gas and floored it on accident, causing you to lurch down farther on his cock, gagging as his length crammed farther down your throat than you were prepared to take him.

He moans loud, throbbing and leaking precum that drags across your bottom lip as you pull off of him entirely to take in a ragged breath. You glance up at him, murmuring in a patronizing tone, “Be careful, Yeol.”

“You fuckin’ be careful!” He snaps, hand shaking as he moves it from the steering wheel to signal a right turn.

You know that means he’s nearly home, so you grin, ducking back down and attempting to swallow him whole on purpose this time. He reaches the back of your throat and you begin to gag, but you relax your muscles, opening up to slide him farther back until your nose is against his pubes. Your eyes are watering and Chanyeol’s hips buck just the smallest bit.

You’re going at it hands free, bobbing up and down in his lap, trying to avoid bumping your head on the steering wheel, but Chanyeol graciously shifts his seat back a few extra inches to ensure your safety at least in whatever way he can manage. Once he’s off of the highway and driving on smaller roads he’s more comfortable in, he threads one hand in your hair and drives easily with the other. His grip starts off tender but it’s as you get him nearer to busting down your throat that his touch is forceful and almost mean.

“Fuck, you’re such a slut.” He groans, making another right turn into his usual parking spot outside of his apartment. Once he’s safe in another parking garage, shrouded by almost complete darkness save for the street lights flooding in from outside, he leans his chair back even more, his grip on your hair punishing as he drags you off his cock and to his mouth, kissing you wet and sloppily before he shoves you back down on his dick, gagging you on purpose.

You’re fully prepared to let him cum down your throat, sucking him in earnest and for some reason, now that he’s not where he works anymore, perhaps? You feel less exposed now that he’s so close to home. You’re noisy as you go at it, slurping and sucking, moaning around the shaft of his dick, leaning farther over the middle console and reaching one hand out to press forward into the front of his shorts and massage his heavy balls. He needs to cum, you can tell by the weight of them. He needs to empty himself bad and it’s all you care about, to drain him until he’s sated.

It takes a lot of self restraint, but you pull away from him and wipe your mouth on the back of your hand, locking eyes with him, “Do I deserve it yet?”

His eyes flash like he’s gonna get pissed for half a second but you smile and he softens immediately, shoulders slumping, cock throbbing in his lap, still exposed. “Let’s go find out.” He chuckles, stuffing himself back in his pants and hurrying out of the car.

Once again, you find yourself being dragged along behind him. He’s like a kid almost, the rush of excitement coursing through him so intensely that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find yourselves giggling and playing along the way, teasing him with tickling hands across his torso as he tries to key in the code to get in the apartment, bumping into walls as you round the corner and head for the stairwell that leads to his apartment. He keeps shushing you, but in doing so he’s louder than your laughter, so you clamp a hand over his mouth, laughing breathlessly into the front of his shirt, leaning heavily against him while he fumbles to slip the key into the lock and open his front door.

You duck under his arm and dart inside in a flash, hands moving to the bottom hem of your shirt and lifting it over your head in a quick motion. Chanyeol barely has time to lock the door behind him before he’s turning eagerly to watch you strip. You’re bent over, shimmying out of your jeans, when he dramatically staggers back into the door with a thump.

He hits his knees and scoots over to you on them, eyes big and pleading as he looks up at you, hands reaching to grasp your hips, smoothing them around to grip your ass.

“Oh, baby..” He groans quietly, burying his face into the softness of your stomach. “Finally.” He nuzzles a few kisses against your skin, sweet in contrast to the way he gagged on you on his cock moments ago, or the way he cruelly denied your orgasm.

Smiling, you thread your fingers through his hair affectionately as he kisses his way down to your pussy, moaning in between each kiss before he kisses right at the cleft of your sex. You tug lightly on his hair, making his eyes look up at you, tongue coming out to stroke flat against your clit.

“I think it’s time you stop playing around, babe.” You tell him, biting at your lower lip while his tongue spreads you open, mouth sucking and swallowing the taste of your flooded opening.

He nods his head against you, but otherwise doesn’t respond verbally except to moan when you tug on his hair harder. You pull him back away from you, ducking down, capturing his glistening lips in a searing kiss. Regardless of how tortured he felt by your little games today, you had felt just as tormented, just as needy and desperate for him as he had become for you. The tension building in your lower stomach thrumming, throbbing in your core and you were over playing games and teasing at this point.

After a brief, messy kiss, you tuck one hand around his throat, feeling his adam’s apple bob as he swallows, eyes wide as he stares up at you. “Fuck me, Yeol. Now.” To emphasize the final word, you squeezed, just enough to have his mouth falling open in a silent gasp, just hard enough to take his breath away for half a second before you let him go.

“Yes, baby.” Chanyeol’s voice is breathy as he scrambles to stand, following after you like a lost puppy as you turn on your heel and head to the bedroom. He catches up easily with his long legs, arms wrapping around your middle, holding your back to his chest, pressing his erection into your lower back with a groan before you turn in his embrace.

You both make quick work of getting him out of his clothes; he lifts his shirt while you shove his shorts and boxers down all in one sweeping motion, and when you straighten back up, he lifts you, tucking you around his waist as he crawls onto the mattress with you under him, kissing at his neck.

He manages to roll his hips and angle you under him just right so that he can slip inside of your cunt easily, hands free. You both groan in tandem as he bottoms out.

Your body responds to his instantly, clenching around his cock as if you were afraid of losing this feeling before you reached your peak. Chanyeol’s hips press forward, dragging out to the tip before diving back in and then snapping against you, sticking you hard each time with his rigid, throbbing member.

He’s quicker than usual in this position, slumped over you, back hunched, face buried in your neck. Usually he fucks deep and slow but the desperation has built in him and he’s rocketing into you with as much speed and force as he can generate, grunting and panting and fogging up your skin.

You hold your breath, focusing on the way he feels and the way he sounds, losing yourself in the feel of his body weight crushing down on top of you slightly, constricting your lungs from filling up all the way, aching in your ribs and aching deep, deep in your womb.

He pulls back before it gets to be too much, as if he senses your discomfort long before it comes to you, hands caressing your face, lips pressing against your eye lids before he tells you in a low tone, “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too.” You gasp.

Chanyeol pulls back enough to look down at your eyes, never ceasing his movements as he asks, “Can you ride me?”

You’re more than happy to, albeit unwilling to let him slip out, so you tuck your legs around his waist, locking his feet at the top of his ass and he flips you over and sits up, keeping himself in you until you adjust your legs on either side of him, then he scoots, dragging you on top of him up the mattress until his head is rested on the pillow, stacking both of them up so he’s propped up into a more reclined position.

The moment you start to grind on his cock, hands planted on his chest, Chanyeol gets loud. He loves watching you fuck him, but after a night like this one it feels particularly desperate, the way he moans and ruts up against you. You relish in the sounds he’s making, fingers threading in his hair, drawing his mouth to your breast. His lips kiss gently at a puckered nipple before his tongue lolls out, licking a tight circle around the bud before he latches onto it and sucks.

You keep fucking him, the walls of your pussy clenching him tight while you grind down hard, giving friction to your swollen, needy clit. Alternating between grinding and bouncing on his cock, you focus on his mouth, watching the wet licks of his tongue on your nipple, the way his lips pucker and look all the more pink and delicate as he sucks your breast. It’s overwhelming, and sends you hurtling, once more, straight for a much needed orgasm.

“Aish!” He cries out, squeezing his eyes shut, hips bucking up to meet your thrusts but he’d wild, sloppy, so very desperate that he throws you off rhythm. “Fuck, fuck, just like that..” He gasps, words spilling out over your tit, bruised by his insistent kissing, licking, sucking, one hand gripping your opposite breast while the other squeezes your ass, keeping you tight against him.

“Make me fucking cum,” You gasp, “Fuck, please…please..” Your eyes squeeze shut, focusing on the wet slap and squelch that fills the room, the way your boyfriend is desperate panting, wheezing each breath that comes out in hot puffs against your tits, tongue still stroking, lips still sucking. It’s a desperately animalistic meeting of skin, quivering and clenching and throbbing, sloppily coming together in rough, pulsating waves until the tension finally snaps.

You cum first, blood rushing through your ears, pounding in your veins as your pussy rhythmically squeezes and releases in hot gushes over Chanyeol’s cock. You roll your hips, jerky and simpering, your whole body responding to the orgasm, head throw back and toes curling.

The feel of you cumming on his cock sends him over the edge, mouth still on your breast and half way sobbing, “I love you so fucking much..”

It’s a euphoric laugh that sings out of you, your eyes opening to watch as he cums noisily, head falling back on the pillow, planting his feet and jerking up into you to fill you up to the hilt with his cum.

“I love you, too, baby.” You coo down to him, rocking your hips nice and slow to ride out both of your highs together, a hand stroking soothingly down his chest. “Did that feel good? Hm?” He nods wordlessly at you, eyes squeezed shut, “You came so much.” You giggle.

“Did I fill your pussy up?” He asks, voice hoarse as his eyes open, bleary and tired, to see you nod your head, looking down at the mess of sex fluids leaking between where you’re still connected. He smiles wearily, eyes fluttering shut again, “Good. You definitely, definitely deserved it.”

[destiny-smasher]

(Music by Samantha Pena, soudncloud user spena1989) Not gonna lie, I'm at a point with All Wounds where I'm like...oof, I wasn't able to envision everything I wanted to a few years back (by a long shot) but I'm kinda...wanting to be done with it. Even though I don't want to be done with it. 😅All Wounds was created from the get-go to be a visual novel - that's why the initial demo released so early into the project's life. My original intent was to go back and forth between fic and VN. But my original intent was also to end the story during the Portland road trip (Chapter 7). And while you could certainly make a case that the story is technically stronger up until that point, and becomes less potent and more dragged out for it's post-time-skip stuff, the latter stuff was also just...a lot more fun to write. And when I look back, if I had committed to the visual novel as intended, we'd not have gotten, like, ANY of that post-time-skip stuff, which includes Other Max being as fully fleshed out as she became. She'd have been stuck being a ghost in Max's head, pretty much. At this point, though, it's been so long, the fic I made INSTEAD of working on the visual novel is SO long, interest in the project peaked back while it was being written, working on this by myself is DAMN exhausting in terms of time spent, emotion and mentality drained, etc. Whenever I go back and listen to all of the amazing music made by people in the LiS it reinspires me to keep working on All Wounds but that's had diminishing returns as my life has changed drastically this past year. I love Max and Chloe. But, tbh, I just moved to a new country and got married, and I love my wife more than Max and Chloe? ^_^;; I’m not depressed and stuck in retail hell anymore, relying on staying up late working on a LiS fan project to channel that depression. I don't wanna completely shut the door on the visual novel and there's a chance I may still try to keep pushing to at least get to that road trip and maybe fudge it a bit. After all, a LOT of work has been done to the project that isn’t apparently or accessible in the public version; and I was able to add pretty well presented versions of Chapters 3 and 4 recently. So it’s entirely possible I could at least push it a little bit further if I end up inspired to do so. Either way, regardless, I still want to try some kind of epilogue, end-cap, etc, maybe even in VN form (Jenny and I had envisioned an epilogue where the characters play DnD). Max and Chloe mean the world to me, and exploring a version of events where both endings of the original game are expanded and tied together felt very cathartic. I'd rather that exist in SOME form (fic) than none at all; I think I'd still have done things this way a second time. But All Wounds inherently was a story about processing pain and grief and trauma and figuring out how to cope with it and heal and move on. And when I was at such low points, that made sense to write and steep myself in. But now? It just kinda doesn't. More than anything, though, is the fact that it's still a fan project - one that has had a lot of its interest evaporated for multiple reasons. The game’s ending is over four years old now; a prequel AND a sequel have both come out, further fragmenting the fandom; people have moved on. And it’s easy for outsiders to not realize how emotionally exhausting and sometimes painful All Wounds was, has been, and can still be for me to work on. Even things like pieces of music or art made by people who hurt me, who I hurt, that shit isn’t easy to work with. I could be spending all of this effort and energy on something less emotionally painful that isn't complete in ANY form AND is original. It feels bad to seriously consider dropping it when I'm sure there are still SOME people out there waiting for it, but I have other stories that I really need to work on. I can't keep myself locked in this cage forever when the work is such an unreasonable mountain to surpass. What I HAVE created is a fleshed out and substantial story and a chunk of it imagined in VN format which all kind of acts as a love letter to PriceField as well as an ultimately cathartic way to leave that original game to rest, I hope. Going forward I really think I'd like for Arcadian Rhythms to function as my one sole fanfic project I do inbetween original works, with one-shots or other bits (like the Butterfly Soup fic) just being other, far less intensive ways of working out those kinds of inspiration. It would probably do me better to also not talk about what I'm working on (aside from AR I suppose) in much depth or detail until I have something finished to really show for it. 😓 So if you want to see what I’ve been able to make of the visual novel so far, you can find that here.If you want to read the prose fic version of the story, which was finished quite some time ago (and which is where I want to update with an epilogue eventually), you can find that here. My newer fandom project, Arcadian Rhythms, which actually does feature Life is Strange characters, can be checked out here. You can follow our Patreon over here - we’ve been on hiatus as we deal with immigration but that should be all sorted soon. Regardless, any major updates to projects will be getting posted there once we’re back up and running. And you can follow me on Twitter over here; or just check back on my personal Tumblr here as I’m sure any meaningful thing I complete, fanfic or otherwise, will get posted here. So to clarify, current creative plans for the future on my own time: - original fiction projects (I’ve actually started work on an original VN for ex.) - Arcadian Rhythms for fun - some kind of epilogue for All Wounds - some kind of conclusion to Runners at the Corners (Butterfly Soup)

Interest in AW severely declined after the fic was done, no one else seems interested in working on it, either, it'd be SO MUCH work still. Sunken cost fallacy is a thing and tbh that’s part of why I even pushed myself to finish the update I did a few weeks ago. I am sorry to anyone who’s been waiting all this time for it - what I managed to produce is still a multi-hour visual novel, and I am still contemplating trying to at least get it to the end of the pre-time-skip. At the very least, there is still a complete story that can be read in fic form, the project just floated up and away from a reasonable grasp for one person, mainly because I just...wrote way more than I originally intended to. When I started work on this prokect, I also didn’t expect to fall in love, struggle to make ends meet, move across an ocean, and get married. And as important as All Wounds has been to me, I did at least finish telling the story I started, and the story it became, but I’ve learned all I can from it at this point and am so tired of trying to drag it out on my own. In the same way All Wounds sees Max and Chloe needing to accept their losses and let themselves move forward despite not everything going how they wanted, I guess I have to do the same with this project. Max and Chloe start a new future together, and it’s that time in my life where I probably should start doing the same. I need to start focusing on telling my own stories with my own characters more than I have been, as well as making more space for this new future with my new wife. And to All Wounds, the most difficult project I’ve worked on to date, as someone I once knew once sang, "I know, I know I made so many promises I know I left you such a mess; Gotta let go, gotta let go, and move on Been walking in a circle for too long"

And as another musician put it,

“Come and see the light of day out in the open It’s like I’m waking from a dream, oh Many days since I have seen the end unfolded Many times that I’ve looked back on all the times that we have had”

[perpetualxfire]

ooc - explaining my absence

 I’ve been putting a lot of focus lately on outside story-writing projects, mostly to maintain my sanity; I’ve expressed this a bit to some friends (one friend) but I’ve been a little leery spending too much time here for... Historical fandom reasons, I’ll say, and what happens in fandom this next season is probably going to determine a lot whether or not it’s time to finally shelve a blog that I’ve been running in some iteration or another for about eight years now, so... It’s kind of a big deal.

 (Pre-post Edit): Sorry, This post is going to jump around a lot, aha, sorry; it’s tkind of stream of consciousness and I just don’t have the emotional energy left after writing it to go back and try to make it more coherent. I promise if this weren’t bothering me so much I wouldn’t have said anything at all - I’m the kind of person who tends to keep a lot of these issues to myself.

 I don’t know if there’s anybody left here who particularly cares about the details, as I know I’m both apparently a very intimidating individual to contact and then very difficult to maintain a conversation with once you have (sorry;;; i’m just... not much for talking, aha) but honestly at the end of the day that only peripherally contributes. This isn’t a post meant to say “nobody cares about me and why am I here”, don’t get me wrong - I know that I’m difficult to communicate with and I’ve accepted that for eight years in this space now. The fact that it’s been dead as hell after S14 and the last three seasons in show... weren’t the miracle the series needed, tbh (they weren’t BAD they just weren’t FANTASTIC, you know?) certainly hasn’t helped.

 My issue goes back into the early days of S9 and S10 fandom - my character has always been an incredibly controversial character to people, and I love her very very deeply and am more than happy to express how various misconceptions are wrong - or... I was. But it gets exhausting to get hit with vitriol over and over and over all the time, and a lot of well respected members of fandom have developed some... Not great ways of coping with what I can only describe as trauma from having stayed attached to such a controversial character. Trauma might seem a stretch, but when just the thought of some of it makes me start getting aggressively defensive, I don’t really know what else to label it as.

 There were a few years - a sweet spot - where people were finally receiving the message, were finally realizing just how deep and well written C.arolin.a is; S13, after the disaster (for Carolina, at least) that was S12, was practically her golden age. All of the good, and bad, the learning, the depth of her character - all of it was perfect. For once, it felt like everybody was on the same page, and while I didn’t get a lot of blog activity (not nearly the activity I had back during S9-11) it was nice to feel like I didn’t have to defend my right to love my character.

 The issue is, however, that S17 opened a wormhole. Don’t get me wrong - I love Lina’s arc in the past three seasons, even if I hate the tone they’re setting and converting S9+10 into (it feels like they’re bastardizing some of the most complex story-telling in the series, but that’s just my take); I even love the concept of her labyrinth scene - she’s literally physically fighting her interpretation of the person she was in the past. But, you can ask my friends, I knew the Instant I watched that episode that the way they handled it was sloppy and was going to be bad for fandom, and I’ve only been proven right. We’ve seen a consistent uptick in exactly the kind of thought process that I was terrified of, and exactly the kind of process that I simply do not have the energy to engage with again.

 Sorry if I start to lose coherence, this is honestly a very very emotional thing to write about - I can’t express my love for my time with this character and community enough, and the idea that I might have to deal with every a very faint fraction of, a faint hint of the vitriol I dealt with back in the day again has me literally shaking, so I’ll try to be fast.

 I’ve seen, in increasing numbers, the idea that C.arolin.a now is a much better and more loveable character than C.arolin.a back then was. And, on a surface level, you aren’t wrong; she’s softer, and easier to process. But the idea that you can have the C.arolin.a now without the C.arolin.a then is literally painful to me. I’ve spent hours upon hours taking apart how she’s such a powerful feminine figure in a dominantly male show and community, and to this day I’m convinced that that’s why she’s hated on, even if the people doing it don’t realize. She’s a woman who’s allowed to make mistakes, who’s allowed to make bad decisions that affect others as the result of deep manipulation I’d like to add, and who’s allowed to feel remorse for them when she learns. She’s allowed to be a full person, to explore the full range of a powerful emotionality and the impacts thereof, and the entire time she honestly believes that she’s doing what’s best (and that’s a hill I will die to defend, but I can’t really get into that right now).

 But now that the vast majority of her story arc has reached resolution, the issue we’re running into now is in a couple of different parts - namely, the 100% villainization (i know, not a word) of her past self (we should note that that scene was her interpretation of her past self, but god knows the people looking to dunk on her can’t appreciate that subtlety) and then the hanging idea that C.arolin.a did nothing but use and abuse the people around her - an inherently false idea that she proposes that the narrative allows to leave hanging.

 And, as I’ve predicted, I’ve only seen the people who hate everything who made her who she is today explode in numbers, and I just do not have the emotional energy to cope with that. If I have to see one more person say that they love her now but didn’t during the project I might explode. For a very very long time I was patient with people who didn’t like her during the project, because, to be fair, the writing did her no favors there, either; two seasons that were supposed to focus on her story (words of RT themselves, not me) managed to frame her as an irrational and irredeemable bitch because RT chose to focus on the dude squad (TM) to a point that it was detrimental to C’s character. All the pieces you need to put her rational and thought processes are there, but most people don’t take the time to see them and put them together. I can’t blame people for that. That’s why I’ve been so patient.

 But I can’t do this anymore.

 I can’t.

 Every single time I see it I start to get defensive, realize that’s not helping, and just shut down. I no longer have the patience necessary to help people put together the puzzle pieces that RT did a shit job of providing. I can’t handle people talking about how C is OBJECTIVELY worse than Wash again (I’m not going to argue here, don’t FUCKING make me), I can’t handle people claiming C did shit just to push her authority, or because she couldn’t stand being one-upped, because that’s inherently untrue and I just want to grab the community as a whole and scream how can you not see this after all this time.

 I just.... I’m tired of hurting for something that used to bring me so much joy. There was a time I didn’t mind fending off the haters because I had a close community of friends who would gush with me, some of whom I even converted from hating on C’s character, who were only just realizing the complexity of not just C but of those two seasons and all of the dynamics wherein as a whole. I loved going over just how complex freelancer was, if you can find the pieces, I loved forging new narratives within it, and since all of the freelancers have left, I’ve mostly hung on, because while the avid community that I like to think I helped foster was gone, so was the hate.

 But now, even if in a lesser form, that old mentality is lurking again, and I literally cannot handle it. I just can’t.

 So... We’re going to sit back. And lurk. And wait. And see what this next season (and the potential RP Com. Boom that comes as a result) has in store. And if it’s as bad as I’m worried it might be... It’s time for me to leave. Because I can’t put this much energy and love into something just to have to explain my right to do so anymore. There are people who love much more controversial characters who are accepted far more than there are people who love Ag.ent C.arolin.a, and at the end of the day, I just... I can’t accept that anymore. I like to think that I contributed at least a decent amount to the RPC over the years. Maybe I’m overstating; maybe I’m just tooting my own horn.

 But maybe it’s time I moved on.

[heoneyology]

Monsta X "We Are Here” in LA

I’m doing this before I completely lose all memory of the concert!!! askljafsdf I actually had an audio recording of me going through the hi touch line that I was attempting to normalize before posting this so I could kinda do it together?? but unfortunately the audio is kind of funky and I can’t get it to work :’)) literally the only interaction you can make out is between me and wonho.

anyway of my concerts I’ve been to this year, I would rank monsta x as the best overall performance-wise, and second in management. there were some hiccups on the side of powerhouse that left me waiting in line 4+ hours which was not the greatest but at least monbebe are the sweetest people in the world and I made 5 friends that day to a concert I went to alone and was kind of anxious about. by the time management came around and said we could come back later to pick everything up, we were all pretty dedicated to just waiting in line... basically management didn’t have tickets for ult vip and vip + all the freebies ready so despite being a numbered queue I still spent all but like 2-3 hours of my day in line, something I was hoping to avoid this time around.

uhhh so I’m just gonna go through what I remember, below the cut is a concert recap and hi touch recap! sorry for how long this is!

concert recap

the announcement about kihyun having injured himself started to circulate when we were all in line around 4-5pm waiting to get back in to the venue, and the hashtag for kihyun immediately picked up after that but it kind of shifted the energy of a lot of people waiting in line (which was weird to experience in a sense, it was kind of surreal, everyone was really worried about him)

of 21,000 people in the stadium, of a sold out concert, I ended up with one person in front of me I wanted to cry :’))

I literally, in my life, have only ever left one concert before this one (and it wasn’t a kpop concert) practically deaf.

they opened with shoot out and idk who decided to turn down the bass but being right in the pit next to the speakers you could literally feel the floor rumble as soon as the music started klajdlkfjsf

seriously the concert ended and I felt like I was underwater I couldn’t hear worth shit, I couldn’t hear clearly until halfway through the next day I literally thought something in my ears got fucked up

the screen rose and my eyes found jooheon immediately and I’m not sure if I lost all sense of self when they performed hero, the second song, or when I saw the screen lift and reveal him to be quite honest

watching kihyun separate from the boys and walk over to a chair on the other side of the stage almost fucking broke my heart at the start of the concert but oh my god if I could explain the look on his face? he didn’t seem to mind that he was injured, he was living out his dream and he was in a state of bliss and his smile and the way he was looking at the crowd... seeing him that happy made me want to bawl...

kihyun’s eye smile in person is probably the purest thing on the planet

hero is one of my favorite songs and hearing it live oH MY GOD- also the energy during trespass holy shit I can’t even explain it??

jooheon’s rap for trespass live is on some other fucking level

minhyuk, kihyun, and jooheon spent a lot of their time on my side of the stage so I have a lot of videos of them

sometime between the end of party time and start of play it cool I decided to stop recording and just kind of focus on cheering for the boys because kihyun kept walking by and I was trying to give him lots of love but uh jooheon was walking back towards the main part of the stage and I was holding up my lightstick against my phone (with my photocards of jooheon facing the stage) and uH JOOHEON SAW BRIEFLY AND POINTED AND WAVED AT ME I DON’T THINK I WAS COHERENT I ASCENDED-

jooheon also told a girl in our little area of the pit that he liked her headband it was the cutest interaction aklsdjfsk (there were a lot of jooheon stans in our area I chose the perfect spot tbh)

I forget what song it was after but streamers fell from the ceiling and at the end kihyun bunched all the streamers on stage up together and his small frame was carrying this ball of streamers almost as big as him and in front of my area of the pit he decided to throw the streamers and they didn’t go very far and he just... paused... and stared at the ball... then continued on his way... it was really funny akjldskfj he’s the cutest boy alive??? probably?

minhyuk is rude as fuck and his hips don’t lie he came over multiple times during fallin to fucking just... with his hips... in front of us... wheezes-

sambakja was my favorite unit stage for obvious reasons aklsdjdfjsdf jooheon came out and I realized what time it was and my only thought was uh oh here we go like fuck can he fuck up my bias list any more he’s my bias how does he keep?? doing shit???

I don’t really remember if he just dropped it or like it flew into the air or something but jooheon dropped one of his drumsticks and the little gasp that left me in the middle of this loud ass crowd it was laugh-worthy

jooheon had me convinced he was gonna crack a cymbal please calm down boy-

the VCRs were amazing shownu’s was an asmr mukbang and he kept shushing it was adorable and jooheon... jooheon cooked... that domestic au, wow, I love him...

myself was my second favorite unit stage, or tied with the maknae line’s tbh I was super sad when kihyun was sitting but god hyungwon, minhyuk, and kihyun in those suits and the song and the choreo alkjdflkjsdf

for all the photos of wonho during the mirror stage I’m surprised there aren’t more of shownu?? he was absolutely stunning I can’t even put it into words, wonho looked great but... shownu... had my full attention...

DJ H.ONE’S SET WAS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING EVER THE ENTIRE STADIUM WAS JAMMING OUT

hyungwon stopped and stared at monbebe’s a lot in awe and I stared at him in awe it was the sweetest thing, it melted my heart

jooheon did a lot of funky dorky things going back and forth across the stage I can’t even sum them all up??? like at one point he was doing this kind of crab crouch thing idek- and then at one point coming back toward the end I think minhyuk? asked him to show his abs and he teased lifting his shirt right in front of our section, I almost died-

monsta x and the fucking bottle flip was a kind of chaos I can’t explain

at one point minhyuk was chanting, “if I’m success, I am king,” and changkyun had to tell him to watch his pronunciation because it sounded like “if I am sex, I am king” like that’s the kind of chaos it was-

minhyuk pulled up hyungwon’s shirt to expose his abs at one point but all I really saw was his back from where I was but hyungwon’s reaction as minhyuk ran for his life aklsjdkfjs

my favorite interaction of the night had to be when minhyuk, hyungwon, and kihyun were discussing the myself stage and minhyuk was prompted to explain it in one word and he started to very very very slowly spell out “sexy” and he only got to s-e-x and paused long and dramatically before saying the y and monbebe were literally losing it screaming and he just kind of glanced at the crowd taken aback and then hyungwon just goes, “I think today he’s a little drunken, sorry!”

also during that interaction they made kihyun laugh and the poor boy was like, “don’t make me laugh, it hurts!” and I was ready to jump on stage and fight minhyuk tbh for making him laugh

I don’t remember what stage we were waiting for, I think it was h.one, but there was a very long pause and THE MONBEBE IN THE STADIUM STARTED DOING THE WAVE WITH OUR LIGHSTICKS AND WE GOT IT TO GO AROUND AT LEAST 7 TIMES, COOLEST FUCKING FANDOM EVER-

kihyun, jooheon, and changkyun’s ending ment made me cry. kihyun explained how standing on staples stage was his dream and it was so hard to stay mad at him for performing while he was injured. jooheon just... the love he has for everyone god that boy my heart... and then changkyun explaining the staples dream since their first kcon made me tear up and wow I’m so proud of them-

meanwhile shownu’s ending ment was him telling monbebe we’re an in-n-out burger LOL I love a simple minded intellect

hi touch recap

okay so for hi touch I was fucking exhausted, as I said I’ve only ever been to one concert that completely drowned out my senses and so by the time I got to the boys I wasn’t really coherent. in comparison to my past hi touches I wouldn’t say I fucked up because I wasn’t nervous but... I was just too tired to form words... maybe someday I’ll get this hi touch thing right!!!

for reference of my descriptions of them: I’m 5′7″ with small hands. all the boys were taller than me, so I did look up at them a bit.

kihyun wasn’t present due to his injury. this list is in order of how they appeared in line:

SHOWNU: I saw shownu and my heart melted, although I was very confused for a split second walking up to him (which probably messed up my train of thought more, because I wanted to simply just say to him “best leader!!”) because a staff dude that was ushering the line forward stepped in front of me to grab something off the table like dude wtf is with your timing-

anyway... shownu... is literally a god among men. the pictures don’t do him justice. he’s so handsome, so beautiful. he glows. he’s tall, I remember actually tilting my head back just a bit to look up at him. and he’s so tan and beautiful and his persona glows!!! he had on his trademark crinkly eye smile, which gave off a very reassuring, calming, and dorky air which really made me less nervous if I was nervous at all (I just remember being exhausted). he feels calm and safe.

I saw him and my heart melted and immediately I just blurted out, “hi!” in the most awed and amazed tone. I don’t remember if he replied but he smiled really cutely and he looked like such a boyfriend with his snapback on backwards and his concert shirt on, like you could literally hug the boy and with the air he gives off he feels so safe and comfortable and wow I love son hyunwoo!! he has really nice arms too, he was standing up straight and tall with his broad shoulders oof, and his hands were cold, kind of broad with long fingers.

CHANGKYUN: pictures don’t actually do changkyun any justice either, to be completely honest? he’s perfect in real life. he looks like a sculpture. him and shownu have to be the most handsome men in the entire world, I swear. his features are so defining and up close they’re that much more prominent. he’s literally drop dead gorgous. I don’t know how to explain it-

despite the intensity this boy gives on stage he’s really soft and intense in a more private way. I was already putty after seeing shownu up close but he was just an absolute sweetheart. I think he knew half the people going through the line were insanely nervous. the girl in front of me (who I ended up making friends with earlier in the day) biases him and managed to tell him she loved him and in reply he actually said, “I love you, too.” meanwhile my tired ass simply said “hi” to him and he said it back and his voice is so smooth and raspy and like... his voice is so soft and comforting. he was speaking quietly and kind of privately to each monbebe and making it sort of personal he’s so thoughtful and kind.

he was also half sitting on the table, like he had a leg up and was leaning against it and would kind of lean forward just a bit every time he high-fived someone. his hands were probably the coldest of all the members and he had long hands and a slender wrist. he also was very small and like... slender? overall?? he was still taller than me, though, so not small in that way.

HYUNGWON: is he... is he a fairy?? he didn’t even seem real. like I can’t even process that I saw and touched his hand... is he really real... hyungwon is so freaking pretty in real life and he’s tall and kind of lanky but he’s beautiful! he’s so tiny though a good strong wind could blow him away he was so freaking petite? and his hair was so fluffy!!! his hands are also very petite and long, and his fingers are so long. like my hands felt extra tiny high-fiving his...

but oh my god the way he looked at every monbebe though like?? he was so insanely happy to be there and to be saying hi to all the monbebe coming through the line. that look of awe I said he looked at the crowd with a lot during the concert? that was on his face during the hi touch. and each time a new person stepped up to him a little light lit up in his eyes and they sparkled, he was the cutest boy ever!

WONHO: okay so rip to any wonbebes that went through the line because if I had any sense or if I hadn’t been as exhausted as I was, I probably would have died. wonho. wonho literally was sitting half on the table, leaning across the table, with his hand stretched outward and I swear to god if there hadn’t been a table there he probably would’ve been in every single monbebe’s face. that table needed to be there. it was holding wonho back from monbebe, not the other way around kaljsd;lkfjsdf.

this boy though. I love him. the love he has for monbebe. it emanates from him. literally rolls off him in waves. from the way he was leaning forward and greeting people as they stepped up to him to the way the light shone in his eyes. he makes eye contact with you and he looks at you like you’re the entire center of the universe. and the soft, yet awed smile that was on his face. he literally looked like he was in love?? wonho’s pure love for monbebe never ceases to amaze me and seeing it in person, just... wow. but honestly rip to wonbebes because having him lean across the table with how buff he is can be slightly intimidating.

he’s the only one I remember my interaction with clearly, besides with jooheon. as I said hi, at the same time he blurted out, “nice to meet!” (not even a you at the end, just “nice to meet!”) in such a singsong, happy voice!! he was the only one with a warm hand of all the members, and they were broad, a bit meatier? idk if that’s a good word? with thicker fingers. they were smaller than other members but bigger than mine still. also his biceps are... and his broad shoulders... his muscles are no joke. that close it’s intimidating yet he’s the softest teddy bear I could cry.

MINHYUK: oh my god I have tunnel vision I am so fucking sorry I... don’t remember minhyuk. or my interaction with him?? I said hi, I think he said hi back??? he was loud, too, like his whole personality is loud... I remember him being taller than me, I remember very clearly his bright red headband and his fluffy mop of hair, and the fact that he literally had a :D smile on his face. but jooheon was on the other side of him and??? I have fucking tunnel vision I’m so sorry minhyuk-

minhyuk’s hand was really cold next to changkyun’s, but he has really long, broad hands with long fingers... his hands were huge... I remember his hand being in front of my face and him being on the other side of his hand and I remember looking at his hand to make sure I high fived him correctly but I was hyperaware of jooheon at this point, sorry to any minhyuk stans I have let down kalsjdfljdsf I’ll do better next year...

JOOHEON: okay so part of the reason I was hyperaware of jooheon while interacting with minhyuk was the fact that I saw jooheon smile at my monbebe line friend in front of me and I saw dimples and my eyes and heart practically lept out of my chest for him I really am so soft for and love jooheon akljsdkfjs. I stepped up to jooheon and at that moment my exhaustion went away for the split second to remind myself of all my previous hi touch mishaps and not to fuck it up with jooheon.

he looked so jooheon alkjdfsf he had on his hat and rag from the end of the show, and he was casually sitting on the table leaning against the wall behind him. his hand was also cold, and he has very slender and long hands and small wrists and long fingers. my hands were tiny... as soon as I high-fived him, I made eye contact with him and told him and I loved him, and jooheon literally went, “Yeee!” and smiled at me and his dimples poked through and he did that thing where he widens his eyes and raised his eyebrows?? here’s a gif for reference, it’s the third one in the set. he kept eye contact with me and I think I fucking shut down at some point because I giggled like a damn school girl as I walked away and almost collapsed in the lobby of the staples center when I caught up with my line friends.

also to any joobebes, guard your heart carefully because that boy’s eyes actually sparkle in person. I held eye contact with him so long that I noticed his little eye mole and his eye sparkle? his face is a little bit thinner up close but he still has those pudgy cheeks and full lips and he borders somewhere between absolutely fucking gorgeous and the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on? and he’s a lot tanner in person??

anyway yes I love jooheon can you tell he’s an ult-

if you stuck around this long thank you for reading :’))

[peantbuttr]

meet  ASTRID NILSSEN,      the  twenty three  year old waitress who moved to dayton three months ago.  she’s known as  playful  &  selfish  in equal parts.  astrid  uses she/her pronouns & identifies as bisexual.

hello all !! i’m tea, and i’m in the discord chat if y’all wanna plot or talk !! astrid and i are excited to be here !! sorry this got a lil long. hopefully it’s okay kjgsfgs

i do have severe rape trigger, so while we’re all adults here, please warn me before mentioning and/or refrain from going into detail about plots involving these things so i can manage my shit, you know? you do you, but i also do me, and i just don’t have enough booze to field a panic attack today fgkdfgsg

otherwise pls hit me up and plot. i’m a shy person but if you want plots, i’ll bust my booty to get em for you : ‘)

                     * /  intro. 💋

name:   astrid nilssen

nicknames:  n/a, but if someone gave her one she’d fucking melt

age, bday:   23, june 7th

zodiac:   gemini 

sexuality:    bisexual, no preference

gender:  female, using she/her pronouns

character traits:  flighty, playful, aggressive, intelligent, creative, ambitious, spoiled, selfish

alignment: chaotic neutral, esfp, slytherin

                      * /  past. 💋

tw verbal abuse, age gap, abortion

born in europe from a loveless marriage between a well-bred british socialite and the young heir of an american corporate dynasty, astrid spent most of her life jumping between boarding schools and holidays foisted off on either set of grandparents

all this served to do was isolate her more: she couldn’t fit in with european girls, and she wasn’t familiar enough with america to fit in there either. the isolation grew.

her grandparents didn’t love her any more than her parents did – old money with old values, they ridiculed her for being not skinny enough, too skinny, not pretty enough, too girlish, too stupid, too smart – nothing she did was enough… nothing she did would ever be enough

their constant demanding and belittling left astrid bitter, tired and constantly trying to do better, so much so that it was exhausting, and she felt like she was tiptoeing over glass

she hardly ever saw her parents, let alone saw them within the same room as one another – and quickly she learned that the easiest way to get positive  attention was to demand it. she grew from acting out in class to shoplifting to getting high during the school days

each time she got a final warning from yet another school, her parents would show up, lavish her in gifts to bribe her into obeisance, and for once astrid would feel loved

it escalated and escalated, however, as astrid started pushing further and further in order to earn what she craved, the attention & validation from her family that drove her to just about every extreme she could think of

so it’s no wonder that astrid, a narcissistic little daredevil, fell in love with the first person that showed her the attention she craved. within six months she was devoted to her partner: a much older, and much more controlling person than she’d ever imagined herself with.

it lost its shine, however, when astrid found out she was pregnant just after turning twenty two. she panicked. she knew somewhere in her that she could not trust her partner to take care of her, and she knew that she could not be, and desperately didn’t want to be, a mother.

so she got an abortion. to hide it from her controlling parents, she bought herself expensive trinkets and sold them at pawn shops, and afterwards, nothing felt the same. 

it opened her eyes -- and, after withdrawing several thousand dollars from her trust fund, she disappeared and left home to find a future in dayton.

                     * /  present. 💋

of course her parents keep tabs on her: she sees familiar faces lurking outside her apartment almost daily. still, no one has harassed her yet, and at the moment that’s all she can hope for.

although starting fresh and without a constant family fortune to guide her, so far she’s found working to be mostly agreeable. she waits tables at a little dive club in dayton, using her girlish charm to wiggle tips out of even the most tight-fingered bastard

she’s still selfish and wild, difficult to control, and interested in little else but her next thrill. hell only accentuated her headstrong unruliness, and this is sure to be a problem for her.

muleheaded and relentless, when she gets her teeth in something and decides she likes it, it’s almost impossible to get her to let go.

still, one can earn a semblance of comfort and friendship with her, as much as any narcissist can offer; she’s endlessly loyal to those who earn it, and although her capacity for true effortless kindness has never been nurtured, she makes a needy, protective and attentive friend

                    * /  specific wanted plots. 💋

an old and familiar friend —  she leads an isolating life, though somehow has found a relic of her tumultuous past. this person knew her as a spoiled little rich girl, and knows her now adjusting to hard work and the realities of life as an average person -  open to any gender

a mentor —  rarely does astrid trust anyone with asking for advice and help in her life. still, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and has been raised in a guilded cage: she has to open up to someone and ask what the fuck she’s supposed to do with her taxes. this person is the most trusted friend and ally she has, and the only person who has so far been allowed to see that she really is still just a scared little girl in need of attention -  open to any gender, though preferably a little older / more experienced in life than she is

                   * /  plot ideas. 💋

sexual

i’m open to literally anything .... the standard fwb, hookups & one night stands 

ppl who want a tiny, angry girl to boss them around idk

u need a wlw eightball? astrid is here to help

u need a third to spice things up with ur girl? astrid is here to help

someone she’s uhhh trading favors with cause she’s got Ambition and one of them is a lot of money of her own

romantic

hedonism is her jam so there’s only a few of these i’m putting down

although yooo imagine the drama if someone objectively better than her did catch her eye.... nice

unrequited crush  —  someone astrid caught feelings for and knows they don’t feel the same. she’s trying to work through it, but this person gives her butterflies, she can’t help it. highly undignified for her. wtf is this feeling, get it away from her -  /lays down reverse card  —  someone who wants some angst in the form of unrequited feelings for a tiny brat. unwise, but it happens

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored  —  a friend to whom astrid played side-chick while they figured out shit with their girl... then made the mistake of getting attached. it’s going to end terribly, she knows, but why not enjoy it while it lasts?

platonic

other people who work in the service industry like a co-workers / boss (still deciding where she works, so if ur muse needs an employee hmu ok), people she’s met at a bar, people she’s known for years somehow, etc.

yin to yang ; someone who is calm and shy, matching astrid’s small, fight-me, wild child energy and balancing her out. astrid’s not sure what she should do with them, but also can’t stop bothering them

heart-to-heart friend ;  someone who sees through all of astrid bullshit, aggression and drama and sees that even through the dramatic haze of brattiness and selfishness , she’s genuinely fuckin... sad underneath it all. they don’t take her shit and coax honesty out of her

ex roommate ; someone whose couch she crashed on when she first arrived, before she got herself her own place. she probably didn’t really ask before deciding she was staying with them and tbh prob was annoying as hell. so it could be a fun connection

negative ; someone who hates her and has tried to fuck her shit up, someone she’s had a falling out with, someone she was Too Mean To, someone she plays mean pranks on, someone who annoys the shit out of her, oo even an ex could exist.... idk fuck me up fam

[fuck-me-up-buttercups-blog]

The "Hellish" 8th Grade School Trip to D.C.

When I was in Middle School, we had a trip to Washington D.C. at the end of 8th grade. To say the least the trip was utter and complete chaos.)

When we showed up to the airport, we were told to not talk about bomb threats or bombs in general. We were 8th graders, they put this in our heads before we could have and as should be expected we went against this. So before we had even gotten past security there was around 40 or so 12-14 year olds running around yelping out "Allahu Akbar" so they wouldn't get caught.

After we got through security we had to wait an hour or so for the airplane to ready up(idk what to call it). There's usually a gift shop in the airport, there was in this one at least, and we did what any hooligans would have. My friends, (MB), (CJ), (MT), and I all go at it. (CJ) has been looking at the shot glasses for a solid 12 minutes and is scaring the employees. (MB) and I have asked (MT) to distract the other employees, she does so without question because she knew what we were going to do. So then (MB) and I began to drift toward the condoms, and as we were the kleptomaniacs of the group we stole like 3 packs of rocket-shaped condoms. REMEMBER THIS, IT COMES INTO PLAY LATER.

So we board the plane and (AM), (MT), (CJ), and I are all sitting in a pretty close proximity to one another. We all noticed that there was little bottle of alcohol(cheap vodka and whatnot) so throughout the rest of the plane ride we tried to yoink it off the cart. (CJ) was able to yoink what we all thought was a beer off of it, turned out to be ginger ale. We were all somewhat disappointed with our lack of skills. That was the only real event that happened on the ride there tbh.

Then we we're just supposed to get out suitcases and GTFO of the airport and onto the bus. Reasonable right? WRONG! Rather than follow the game plan, everyone grabbed their luggage and ran to the bathrooms. There was around 6 stalls in the girls room, so just imagine this, around 20 8th graders are stripping down and changing in the bathrooms. All the sinks are occupied by 8th grade girls applying skincare, sunscreen, and makeup in that order. Needless to say that bathroom smelt like perfume when we were done with it.

NOTE:KEEP IN MIND THE CONDOMS FOR THIS BIT

We were all boarding the school bus that was going to drive us up and down the east coast...AND THEN THEY GAVE US ORANGE JUICE, and an apple or something. Now instead of drinking the fucking orange juice, (MB) fills a condom full of it and before I knew it there was A FUCKING CONDOM FULL OF ORANGE JUICE BEING THROWN AROUND THE DAMN BUS. It eventually popped on some poor kid, what happened to the next condom was some kid jacked off into it in the bus's bathroom,(NC). He's a creep. We have no idea what happened to the last one, and quite frankly I don't want to know. It gets worse though; (CJ), (MT), (AM), and I decided to make prank calls on (CJ)'s phone. He told me to pick and unknown number or something, so I did. I began flirting with whoever was on the line and she suddenly responded with, "(CJ) I know this is you, I'm (L)'s mom. (CJ) grabs the phone and apologies profusely before hanging up. What makes this worse is that (L) was on the trip with us. (CJ) had a shit eating grin when he yelled across the bus that I was flirting with him mom...he LOOKED FUCKING MORTIFIED...I couldn't stop fucking laughing for the life of me.

We all eventually took us to get checked into our hotel rooms, while doing so I had snagged a bag of popcorn frome the lobby so my girls and I could pig out. I stole popcorn, hoping to watch a wholesome Disney movie or something like that, BUT NO I WAS FORCED TO WATCH FRICKIN TWILIGHT.

The next morning we all ate from the hotel's buffet....little did we know the hotel buffet breakfasts were going to be the only edible thing THEY WOULD GIVE US!? I don't remember much about the random landmarks and shizzz.

I do remember the food tho, they gave you the option of chicken(that looked like it came out of a tuna can), some sort of greens(pees? spinach? Probably string beens), And Mac and cheese(it was like they made it and let it sit for a week before serving). For most of the trip my friends and I were FAMISHED, OK LIKE SERIOUSLY IN NEED OF NUTRITION. Two of my friends (CJ) and (JM) didn't eat for 3 of the 5 days after the first couple of meals...if they could even be concerned that.

I remember that in a Pennsylvanian(?) gift shop, I stole a key chain. From Pennsylvania we were on our bus trip back to the airport. On the way there we stopped for another meal from hell, most of us were refusing to eat. I began making a cocktail of Tabasco, pepper, salt, orange juice, and something else I don't quite remember. I told my friend whoever downed it would get a 20. (CJ) did so willingly, said his tongue burnt like a mother Fucker(I'd say most if not all of it was Tabasco sauce) the whole ride back. He got his 20$ tho, respect that shit. He's my niece and he always will be.

When we were getting to the airport, we were all hungry and tired. I bought(AM) some pizza, she ran out of cash earlier in the trip. I bought myself one too. We boarded the plane peacefully (exhausted).

After we got off the plane and headed back to our school to be picked up, I figured out that the kid who jerked off into a condom, (NC), had done something really fucked up to my niece, my lovely niece, (CJ). He was really fucked up, he got (CJ) to cry so once we were on the bus I glared him down for the whole ride. Once we got off the bus to get picked up, I manhandled the guy, told him to "stay the fuck away from (CJ) or I'll fuck you up." I made sure to stay quite and calm, make it look casual, either way he was horrified. I reported him later in the week.

Once I was picked up, I could rest assured that I could eat, and sleep, and go out whenever I wanted again. I was free from the hellish hot summer school trip...

[memories-are-mine]

A Thousand Promises

I was just gonna post this on AO3 so if you wanna read it there go for it, but I've decided to post it here too, just out of habit. 

TWs: Implied child abuse, attempted kidnapping (because this is me here)

Minor spoilers for crimes of Grindelwald but who am I kidding you’ve probably seen it already,,, and tbh its barely spoilers.

Summary: Corvus Lestrange catches Theseus and Leta together, and things gradually get worse, but, it ends with a happily ever after. 

Alternate Title: Theseus is a self-sacrificing idiot and Leta isn’t taking any of her dad’s shit, then a bunch of cute promises are made. 

Anyway, enjoy my kittens!! <3

Leta had just finished topping off the champagne into two glasses sitting on the coffee table at the apartment she had moved into just a few days prior. Theseus had helped her find it, helped her move in, even offered to help with rent if she needed it until he could secure her a higher ranking job at the Ministry, instead of the glorified secretary position she had now. The moment she had confided to him how scared she was of her father, and what he would do if he found out about Theseus and Leta seeing each other, Theseus, ever the storybook hero, immediately began seeking other arrangements for her. Now that she was away from her father and her family home, Leta had felt a thousand pounds of fear lift from her shoulders, and she felt so light that it was almost like walking on air

It was only a few months into their courtship, and in all of Leta’s years, she never imagined she’d be in a relationship with Theseus Scamander, but when the doorbell rang, Leta’s heart did a little happy dance in her chest. As it always did when Theseus was around. He was later than he had said he would be, as he often was, but Leta knew firsthand that his job wasn’t an easy one.

She tried to retain her composure as she set down the half-full bottle of champagne on the table between the two glasses but ended up practically skipping to the door like some lovestruck schoolgirl ready for a date, part of her felt ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to be close with anyone, to care about anyone even just a little bit, that she was almost drowning in the feeling of it.

The door swung open at Leta’s touch, and Theseus came strolling into the room, still in his work clothes, but with his suit jacket folded over his arm and his tie loosened. Leta couldn’t help noticing how tired he looked, the bags under his eyes, the slight hunch of his shoulders like someone had tied a hundred pounds to his back. He was still a knockout despite that, and Leta almost lamented how unfair it was, how he could look so good while obviously being so exhausted, while when Leta didn’t get enough sleep, she looked like she was emerging from a tornado.

When he smiled at her, Leta’s heart soared, though she tried not to show it. But with the soar, there was that leftover apprehension, the leftover fear that had kept Leta Lestrange from being with Newt. The fear that had kept her from being with Theseus for quite some time, however desperately she had wanted to pin him against a corridor wall and kiss him senseless (A hobby she now very much enjoyed). That fear that washed over Leta every time she had broken her family’s strict rules in secret, and she wondered if her father would find out, and she would have to taste his violent wrath.

Leta rose to her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek hello as she took the coat off his arm. “You’re late, again,” she teased with a smile. “Is seeing me really so dreadful?”

“Leta, I’m so sorry,” Theseus said, and he sounded truly guilty. “I was about to leave to actually get ready and be on time for once, then Travers pulled me into this bloody meeting about magical tax evasion…”

Leta let out a little laugh. “Theseus, I’m only teasing you.” She dumped his coat on the chair as she turned from him. “Though I’m sure Travers droning on about taxes was quite riveting. Must’ve been awfully hard to tear yourself away.”

“Truly, it was the most exciting hour and a half of my life,” Theseus said sardonically as he let out a small laugh, pulling his tie off his neck and tossing it on top of his coat, on the back of one of the three dining room chairs,  leaving him only in a white button-down and navy slacks. “I really am sorry I’m late.”

Leta shushed him as she turned back to face him.  “None of that. I know how important your work is. I don’t mind waiting half an hour if it means your helping to keep people safe, however much I enjoy your company.”

“The problem is, I wasn’t keeping anybody safe unless what seems to be Travers’ greatest fear comes true and turning into an angry badger to avoid paying taxes suddenly becomes the new trend. He talked on for quite a while about that.”

“Has that ever happened before?” Leta laughed.

“Apparently, once, about twenty years ago.” Theseus let out a mirthless laugh as he sank down on Leta’s new sofa, suddenly sounding frustrated. “We have Grindelwald on the loose, and he’s gaining followers every day, and instead of trying to apprehend him, Travers just wants to just pretend he doesn’t exist. Sometimes I’m tempted to just go after Grindelwald myself, no matter how risky.”

Of course, Leta would never betray the Ministry, but punching Torquil Travers in the face became more and more tempting by the minute.  But the declaration about Grindelwald, a statement Theseus made sometimes, shook her no less than it had the dozen other instances in which he’d confided it to her.

“Travers can be so stupid,” she muttered, shaking her head as she sat beside Theseus, who already was halfway through his glass of champagne.“But you can’t go hunting for Grindelwald yourself, Theseus, if he were to get his hands on you…”

“I know, Leta,” Theseus replied, looking thoughtful. “Enough about me.” He looked around the small apartment, slowly taking in a breath. “I haven’t gotten to talk to you as much as I would’ve liked to these past few days. How are you? Your father hasn’t bothered you has he? Is he angry  you’ve left?”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” Leta said, involuntarily tensing at the mention of Corvus LeStrange. “He’s been traveling for the past two weeks, coming back tonight, though I suspect that my father’s servants have informed him already. I don’t think he’ll have anything to say about it.” She hoped not, anyway.

Theseus must have seen the look in her eyes, and leaned toward her on the couch, holding her hand in his. “However he may feel about your leaving, I can promise you that he won’t be taking it out on you. I swear to you I’m going to make sure that he never harms you again.”

Leta wondered what she’d done to deserve Theseus. A man so heroic, so ready to save the world, and so willing to protect Leta. She wasn’t used to having people look out for her. It felt good to be looked out for. She wished she could repay his kindness.

She figured a passionate kiss on the lips was a good place to start.

Theseus returned it eagerly, his hands finding their way to her waist as Leta ran her tongue over his lips, taking pleasure in the gasp that involuntarily formed in the back of his throat. Experimentally, she pressed on his shoulders and he leaned back obediently, his head landing on the decorative pillows of Leta’s sofa.

When Leta broke the kiss, she was practically on top of him, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt as they gazed at one another, Leta was so caught up in the ecstasy of romance that she almost didn’t hear the soft thump that came outside the door. But Theseus heard it too, which meant she wasn’t going crazy.

“What was that?” Leta climbed off of Theseus immediately as he grabbed his wand, which sat on the coffee table next to the champagne. He rose to his feet as the door swung open.

Theseus and Leta looked at each other fearfully, as together they edged toward the door. Theseus’s wand still pointed at the opening. There didn’t appear to be anything or anyone in the doorway, but Leta knew that the door hadn’t opened just because of the wind.

Theseus turned his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow. “What do you think - “

“EXPELLIARMUS!”

Theseus’s wand immediately flew across the room, unattainable as Corvus LeStrange barrelled into Leta’s apartment, the tip of his wand leveled right at them.

Immediately all the thousand pounds of terror came rushing back, making Leta so dizzy that she sank back down on the couch. Theseus went with her, pressing her into his arms.

“LETA LAURENA LESTRANGE!” Her father bellowed, and Leta flinched violently, all thoughts of self-defense suddenly gone. She was unable to think, move for her wand, unable to even scream. “How dare you disobey the rules of my house and my family?” He started toward them and Theseus stood, glaring,  ignoring Leta’s grip on his arm. “First, you leave my house without my permission after refusing to join our family in Grindelwald’s cause. Then… then I find you here… consorting with….with him?” He gestured wildly at Theseus as if he were some kind of disgusting snake. “Theseus Scamander. The enemy, no less! You are a disgrace, Leta, you -”

Theseus started to go for his wand, but Corvus pointed it at Leta. “Try it, Mr. Scamander, and you won’t like the consequences.” Theseus stopped, cut him off, standing protectively in front of her. “You will not speak to her like that, leave her alone!” he snarled. Leta had seen him angry before, but this was different. There was a desperation behind it, like he was ready to try anything to keep her safe.

“Mr. Scamander,” Corvus LeStrange stopped shouting at Leta, moved his wand away from her, which he never would have done under any other circumstance, but this time there was someone else to point it at. Leta choked back a scream as Corvus leveled his wand at Theseus’s heart. “When I first saw you with my daughter I wanted to kill you there and then.” He took a step towards Theseus. “But now that I’ve collected myself a bit, and I recognize you now, I’ve realized that this is a bit of a blessing in disguise. But make no mistake, child.” He whipped back to Leta, careful to keep his wand at Theseus’s heart. “After I deliver your beloved Mr. Scamander you and I will talk.”

“What do you mean?” Leta burst out. “What do you want with him?”

“Shut up!” Corvus shouted at her, and Leta sank back into her silence, her childhood instinct to obey her father and avoid punishment washing over her. “You should be happy, Leta. I recognized him from the photograph I saw at Nurmengard. If I bring Theseus Scamander, the war hero, the Auror, to Grindelwald, he will reward us bounteously. The LeStrange family name will live on forever in legend, among the greatest heroes.”

“You’re not taking him!” Leta gasped. “I - I won’t let you!”

“Hush, Leta, it’s alright,” Theseus said gently, turning away from Corvus for a moment. His gaze lingered on her for a heartbeat, then two. Then, lifting his head and straightening his back, he turned back to her father. Taking another few steps closer, he took a breath and said, “I’ll go without a fight, but you have to swear on your life that you’ll leave her be, or I swear to Merlin that I will -”

“Theseus!” Leta shrieked as her father grabbed his arm roughly, still pointing his wand at his throat.

“SILENCE!!” Corvus Lestrange yelled so loudly that that it shook the walls of the house. “I promised to leave you be, Leta, but do not test my patience.”

“Leta, it’ll be okay,” Theseus promised, though he didn’t sound so sure. “I promise.”

Leta didn’t know at what point during these past four months that she’d fallen in love with him, but through the mix of terror and childhood instinct that was swallowing Leta up, a clear thought burned through her mind. Father is not taking Theseus anywhere.

Leta knew that her father should have left by now, but he was making a show of his control of the whole situation. He made sure she was watching before he muttered a spell, conjuring silvery chains that latched themselves around Theseus’s wrists. Theseus hated being restrained, and he visibly stiffened as the chains bound his hands. That just made her angrier.

While he was distracted, Leta slid a hand behind the bottle of champagne that concealed her own wand, and hid it in her sleeve before she stood to face her father.

“If you’re going to take him.” It wasn’t hard for Leta to sound broken, defeated. Just the way her father wanted it. “At least let me say goodbye.” She lowered her head, trying to look like the obedient daughter that her father had expected of her. Obedience and submission were rewarded. Defiance was punished severely.

She kept her eyes down as her father considered her request. She felt Theseus’s eyes on her. She prayed to every entity she could think of that Corvus wouldn’t see through her facade.

“Very well,” her father decided. “Say your goodbyes, then.”

Impulsively, Leta moved close to Theseus, making sure that he was between her and her father, though every instinct in her body screamed to shove him behind her and throttle her father with her bare hands. She had to conceal her movements, though.

“Leta,” Theseus began, reaching with his shackled hands to touch her face. “I wish-” he paused, seeing her pull her wand. “Leta?”

With her free hand, Leta pulled him down for a kiss, all the while desperately running through her mental list of spells that might be useful in this situation. The first ones that came to her mind were incredibly violent and very much illegal. And however tempting they were, Leta would not use them. She wouldn’t stoop to her father’s level.

Her hand thought for her, and before she knew what she was doing, she raised her wand, she pointed it at her father, shoved Theseus out of harm’s way, and screamed with all the force she could muster:

“FLIPENDO!”

Corvus Lestrange wasn’t expecting it, so he didn’t have time to counter her spell, and Leta couldn’t help but feel a rush of satisfaction as he flew backward across the room, landing hard on the floor. His wand skittered out of his hand, and Leta summoned it into her grip. Using both hands, she grabbed his wand on either end and snapped it in half over her knee, and tossed the pieces on the ground at her feet.

Unfortunately, he recovered quickly, and got to his feet, scowling at them, his eyes holding such fury that it was hard for Leta not to shut down again. But this time, a look to Theseus was all that was required to clear her head.

“Get out,” she snarled. “Never come back or next time I will throw you in Azkaban myself.”

Still glaring at her, her father snatched the pieces of the wand from the floor and started to march out of the room.

“Oh, something else,” Leta said. “If you ever put another finger on Theseus, I swear to Merlin that you won’t like the consequences.”

With that, Leta’s father left, and Leta turned to Theseus and tapped his chains with her wand, muttering the spell that would free him. The restraints vanished immediately and Theseus wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

Leta didn’t trust herself not to start sobbing with relief.

“Are you alright?” He asked her, burying his face in her long brown curls.

“Am I alright?” Leta pulled away from him, looking him in the eye. “Of course I’m not alright! What were you thinking? Do you know what Grindelwald would have done to you if my father had brought you to him?” Even she was surprised by her anger, but Theseus didn’t seem hurt by it. “Don’t you understand?” She said, her voice breaking. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t afford to lose you, Theseus.”

Then, Leta really did start crying. Crying was not something that she did often, and never around anyone but Theseus, but she had seen how Grindelwald tortured his prisoners. Her father had shown her, once, when he had taken them to Nurmengard, acting like it was some grand family vacation. The thought of Theseus in the same pain that those poor people had been through was too much to bear. And the torture that Grindelwald would inflict on Theseus would likely be worse since he was so high-ranking in the Ministry.

“Shh,” Theseus pulled her back into his warm embrace, and Leta could have melted into him. “I’m alright, Leta. We’re alright.”

“What were you thinking?” She sobbed again, her voice muffled slightly by his shirt.

“I promised I would protect you from your father,” Theseus replied, stroking her hair. “And I did what I had to in order to keep my promise.”

“Never do that again,” Leta scolded. “Because I would rather die myself than let you sacrifice yourself for me.”

Before Theseus could come up with some heroic response that would likely make Leta keel over on the spot, she pressed her lips to his, guiding him back so he was sitting on the sofa once again. He pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her, and they kissed until she almost felt okay again.

“So,” she said when they finally broke apart. “Are all Scamanders self-sacrificing, heroic bloody idiots or is it just you and Newt?”

Theseus smiled. “I suppose that’s up for debate.” Then he studied her, and his smile faded a little. “Leta, I -”

“Hush,” Leta placed a finger to his lips. “You’re not going to say anything about sacrificing yourself for me, or protecting me because you care about me. Or any of that noble heroic garbage that I know you want to say. Because I’m making a promise to you, right here, right now. Nobody in Grindelwald’s Army is putting a finger on you if I have anything to say about it, least of all my father, and if I have to give my life to make that happen, I will. Because I love you, Theseus. I really, really do.”

Leta hadn’t meant to make that last declaration, but her head was spinning so fast, and she’d wanted to say those words for so long, that they had just slipped out. Besides, Theseus had spent so much of his life protecting other people, Leta figured it was his turn to be the one protected for once.

Theseus looked taken aback, and for a moment looked like he didn’t know what to say. “I love you too, Leta,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers. “And that’s why I did what I did just then, and why I’d do it again in a minute if it meant protecting you from your father.”

Leta didn’t know what to say to that. She wasn’t used to having this. Having someone like him. “Stay?” Was what she blurted out. Nice one, Lestrange.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“So many promises tonight.”

“I’m going to keep every one of them.” Theseus laid down on the couch, his head on the pillows, just the way they had been earlier. Leta, strangely, had no strong impulse to kiss him just then. She just wanted to hold him, bask in the glory of them just being together. And safe.

So she just pulled him into her arms and laid his head on his chest and not long after, she heard his deep, steady breathing, telling her he had fallen asleep. She followed him not long after, and for a little while, all the evil in the world was lost to dreams.

[spelviin]

endgame thoughts, not because i think i have anything valuable to say abt it, more just bc i want to get my initial unsullied opinions out before various overly nitpicky or overly praisy internet thinkpieces come around

okay so. first of all, i’m tired to death of the way folks talk about the mcu. like, it’s either a godly feat of everything and the most important thing ever or the literal devil incarnate and the source of all evil in this world. i am literally so fucking bored of both these perspectives and have zero time for either of them. 

yes, the mcu is emblematic of a lot of problems in the current state of the film medium as a whole. yes, it is also a really cool feat of storytelling that a whole bunch of movies spanning a whole bunch of years could all come together and culminate in a big huge blowout finale. yes, it could have been far better, but yes, it also could have been far worse. 

i wasn’t a fan of thor being a punchline in this film. like, the whole “lol thor fat” thing was like, really tired and not cool. and the fact that his genuine moments of expressing grief and the significant trauma he’s been through were played off for laughs more often than not bc “lol thor supposed to be big many man but he’s crying like a wimpyboy instread.” like, fucking please. it’s 2019 and other male characters were allowed to be shown crying and processing their trauma but thor’s??? not allowed for some reason??? anyway they did him dirty in this movie and i’m not super pleased abt that. 

i didn’t like that they fridged natasha. i’m not a fan of scarjo so much these days, but i did like natasha. 2012 me adored her and was 100000% behind her as the Only Woman (despite being miffed that she was the Only Woman) and i really liked her character and redemption arc through the films that she appeared in. and like, i get the justification for fridging her. like i get that she was this assassin who killed a bunch of folks and in the end, not only wiped out the red in her ledger, but saved the whole damn universe in doing so. i get that. i’m just annoyed that they literally went and fridged the Only Woman to give the boys manpain before the third act. 

speaking of the ladies.... the One Scene Where Women Get To Do Things. my god. the critical feminist part of my mind greatly resented the obvious lip service of that scene, and the fact that the ladies only got the one shining moment before we got back to the sausage fest. but lord, the lesbian part of my mind hella enjoyed it. like i was legit bouncing in my seat like YESSSS FUCK EM UP LADIES i was just completely stoked. 

and my god. MY GOD CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAROL’S HAIRCUT AKA A GIFT TO THE LESBIANS. THIS MOVIE HAS MANY SINS BUT WE CAN ALL THANK IT FOR THAT HAIRCUT. (and again, feminist me is like, hey, dont focus on her appearance, focus on the important shit she did in singlehandedly turning the battle around for everyone, but lesbian lizard brain is hhhhhhhhhhhhh girl hot)

anyways. 2012 me was a month out of a major jaw surgery when i saw the first avengers, puffy faced, on heavy painkillers, and unable to eat any solid foods, and just generally weak and miserable. i dragged myself to the theatre and i smiled the whole way through that movie bc even though i was feeling super shitty, that 360 shot of the team made me so excited and happy. so happy that i watched and rewatched a bootleg download over what was probably the worst summer of my life, and it made me happy and gave me hope, dumb as that may sound. 

i havent watched the first avengers movie in a long time, and i’m not sure if i’d feel the same way seeing it now. remembering how it felt then still makes me happy, but seeing that same 360 shot repeated in endgame didnt stoke much emotion. tumblr fandom took a lot of my avengers joy away. the drama and character hate and constant complaining and cringe culture bullshit exhausted me. and the recent turns of the mcu also contributed to that. a lot of things contributed to it, i guess. but i dont feel as happy as i once did. so a lot of this movie rang a little bit hollow, needless to say. 

that being said, though, i did feel a little flicker of that joy. for all the movie’s and the franchise’s faults, of which there are many, i can say that the moment where all those portals opened up and the revived characters stepped though, i felt that happiness again. i legit almost cried when i saw shuri’s silhouette step out of that circle. that moment when the score came in with that booming version of the avengers theme, i was 2012 me again, just for a moment, and i think that’s worth something. to me, that’s worth something. so for all its sins, i thank the movie for that. 

this is rly rambly and im tired so im just gonna say 2 more things. things i’m not personally super invested in, but other people are, and so i feel i need to have an opinion on em.

first is bucky. i fucking adore him, and i am kinda miffed that he got like, no interactions with steve. i know steve/peggy is the canon ship, i knew it was always endgame (heh) and that stucky is just a fandom thing. but god damn it, even if they were never gonna have their relationship go there (which tbh i literally never even came close to expecting to happen) it still feels a little bit unfair to have steve basically ignore probably the most important person in his life. like, i know he wanted to live his happy straight life with peggy, and passing on the shield and identity of captain america to sam is super important, and i loved that moment and would never begrudge him that bc i adore sam. i was just... really sad that bucky had to get kinda shafted for that. (literally all i was saying in the last half hour was “but where’s bucky? but what about bucky?” our boy deserved better. 

second is tony. tony tony tony. i know folks have a lot of strong feelings about him, both ways. i know of folks who think he’s the scum of the earth for some dumb reason, and i personally know others who think the entire mcu should revolve around him, for equally dumb reasons. i’m more neutral. i think he’s a good character who made questionable decisions in the past. i feel for him and his struggles with PTSD. i respect him as a character in-universe and also for what he and RDJ accomplished. like, if he hadn’t hit it out of the park with that first movie like a fucking decade ago, none of this would have been possible, and i think that’s pretty damn cool, regardless of feelings on the monster juggernaut the mcu has turned into. basically, i know some folks are maliciously rejoicing at his death while complaining that he got a hero’s send-off when he is a Bad And Not Morally Pure Man, which is. boring. and other people (namely one who i know personally in my family) who are mad because he is an Angel and deserved the Best Happy Ending Because No Bad Things Are Allowed To Happen To This Perfect Boy. i’m not here for either opinion. i’m okay that he died (peter crying over him did get to me in a huge way, but i think tom holland just has a power that if he’s crying, i’m crying so idk). i think it’s cool that he got to save everyone and got a heroic and well deserved send off. this isnt a revolutionary opinion i just wanted to throw it out there bc im bored with the polarization. 

and... yeah? i think that’s it? sorry, im really tired and this probs doesn’t make sense but i just felt like i had to get the initial reactions and feelings down before the thinkpieces get to me lmao. 

oh, also nebula deserved better 2kforever i just love her a lot and want her to be happy and not suffer, kthxbye 

[lachalaine]

3, 9, 15, 18

Wrath // 

accepting . @valorandheart​

3. How quick are they to resort to violence? 

She has a healthy measure of a what you’d consider to be a hair trigger temper tbh. Very quickly and at the snap of a finger will she fly into a rage, but only ever if she is purposely ( even slightly ) pushed or prodded into reaching that particular conclusion. In a situation like that, where she is at all made to feel disrespected or antagonized, you get maybe just the slightest flicker of a verbal warning, but if it’s unheeded - then she has every damn excuse in the book to just up and sock you in the jaw for even thinking about testing her. 

She is often the first to strike a punch yes, but that’s because she doesn’t believe in playing nice. Whatever her attempt at words will fail in saying, perhaps a trip to the ER will instead communicate flawlessly. 

However, even despite her intense flurry of rage, she’s not entirely what you might consider to be mindless or irrational when it comes to it ( a sharp contrast to her usual persona with literally anything else, i know ), because I just think anger sort of flips a bit of a switch inside her head really. It brings out the aspect of herself that is — more calm. But a calm that isn’t normal. It’s not at all a calm that’s genuinely tranquil, but more built on being very, very precise; intelligent, contemplative and built up by the knowledge of having a lot of near death experiences. 

There is a spark of a very keen intellect somewhere in there before she starts nuking both place and offending person to smithereens, but it’s not a question of whether punching them in the face would be worth it or not ( because it’s always going to be worth it to her, if it means sorting someone’s shit out ). Rather, it’s merely a question of how exactly she plans to get in exacting the ramifications of their aggravating her. 

9. Is there a line they will not cross when it comes to violence/insults?

For violence, she doesn’t do torture unless it’s on people that she genuinely considers to be a threat to her - otherwise known as those she intends to eventually kill. Like, genuinely they have to be dangerous in the sense that ‘if I leave them untouched, they will hurt more people in ways I could have stopped’. For that particular type of crazy, she deals with it differently. 

Thus, your regular street thugs and perverts all get to keep each and every one of their limbs. Unless they intend to go beyond just your usual disrespect, she’ll stop at just your regular beat up until they pass out, and then call it a day. For how angry she can get, she does have a meager sense of rationalization left to her in those moments as well; in the sense that she knows when her violence is too much. Too much in the sense that she’s so blinded by rage that a man is a footstep away from near death. Such a thing can actually happen too, when her demons and sadness get the best of her. 

She’s learned to control it just a bit, by taking her anger during those moments out on inanimate objects instead. Her living room has had to be fully refurbished two now, just in the past three years, for the absolute wreckage she’s caused in there. But sometimes - just sometimes, she slips. And she tries to get away before that happens, but it doesn’t always work out. About three times now has she so severely lost her temper that she’s thrown at least four men into a coma. 

But her anger was never at them. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and happened to not take ‘no’ for an answer. 

Quietly does she pay for their hospital bills, shuffling money anonymously into bank accounts if the victim had had family that were distraught. At the end of the day - she draws the line at violence that comes without good reason. She draws the line at violence that was not warranted - especially not to that degree. 

Her guilt - more then the demons - is the worst thing to consume her; and she can never escape that one. 

In terms of insults, she just strays away from insulting people with names that might pertain to their sexual habits. Slut, whore, and the like are all completely off the table. Because really?? Let the person do their thing, it’s no ones business but their own, go away, shoo !! 

15. What’s the worst situation they’ve ended up in before, due to violence?

The worst one… has to be the third and latest time that she’d lost control of her rage; one of the moments the same as I’d been referring to earlier. 

Canonically speaking, you could say maybe it was around a year a half ago now. She’d had — maybe what you might consider a fit. Just a gradual one. A build up where there’s no really specific trigger but just. Just everything inching its way towards her until she can’t function as rationally as she would have liked. Fits built up out of sleepless nights, memories, a recurrence of self hatred and despair and guilt. 

Fits built up because she’s reminded of her mistakes, embittered anew by the man that’d caused them. And yet more then even that, would be her bitterness for herself. 

Now these particular ‘moods’ as you might call them - have become a regularly recurring state of mind at this point. She can’t escape it, and half the time it creeps up on her until she can’t ignore it anymore. Such are the consequences when you refuse to deal with your shuttered feelings properly. 

Now as much as possible, she deals with them by taking it out on her furniture, sheltering herself away so she can feel her feelings and not allow anyone else to get caught in the aftermath of it. Sometimes she takes to a punching bag, sometimes all the breakable vases and plates and slammable doors she can get her hands on. Yet this fit had happened when she wasn’t even home yet, and in fact nowhere was she near it. When she didn’t have that kind of security or stability to keep herself in check, but did have a large group of men hassling her instead. 

They’d been hard to deter even when she’d initially been in the club with them, and to a certain extent had she’d managed to avoid most of their prodding. They’d behaved themselves after the first warning, because she was in her element and the bouncers and her colleagues were keeping them in check. They’d been especially overprotective of her that night, because they’d known in the day leading up to things that she wasn’t quite okay. There was a healthy sense of fear and respect and care in their gazes that night, and whilst Jackie had appreciated it - to a certain extent…. it also made her more antsy. 

She’d felt like a bomb in that moment, with the pressure rising up beneath her skin. Like she wasn’t comfortable and needed to release some of it, and she didn’t want to do it there, not when everything and anything just seemed to be getting on her nerves even more. 

She’d had very little sleep those nights. Had been running on copious amounts of caffeine and quiet frankly just wanted to have a breakdown, if only so she could get some relief. So she went off to the nearby pier after work, just for a brief moment, in hopes that maybe the silence of it all would grant her some semblance of relief. 

But instead, she got six grown men tailing her at three thirty in the morning, eventually cornering her by an abandoned alleyway as she’d been making to leave and effectively blocking her way out. 

And maybe her reaction had been partly out of some sense of fear for herself. A healthy sense of fear, I think, for no matter how strong she’d known herself to be - in that moment, she had felt overwhelmed. By all the feelings she’d suppressed; the stress and the exhaustion and the blatant disrespect as they’d tried to move in on her because not one of them knew how to fucking quit — !!

Again. She doesn’t remember what happened. 

She never does. 

Ultimately, I think her snapping was because of that fear, that idea of being boxed in against her will once again - but also it was conjoined with a terrifying and heart aching sense of need. 

A need to prove herself. That she was strong and capable and she didn’t have to be forced into anything she didn’t want. The need to stop the situation and make sure it’d ended, before it went full throttle into a situation she couldn’t control. And the very idea that her freedom would be infringed upon in anyway, whether it be a mindless grope or a man who thought he could force himself on her — really, she wouldn’t take it. 

She couldn’t. 

That thoughtless little prod against a very, very, V E R Y sore spot brought out the absolute worst in her. 

Imagine her surprise when she finally came to again, in a moment where she was repeatedly punching an unconscious man in the face so severely that he was absolutely unrecognizable, to find that she was actually crying while doing it. She’d had blood on her hands and on her clothes, on her face and beneath her nails. She’d snapped both of a mans wrist in but a split second and smashed another ones jaw with her elbow so severely he’d needed to have it completely reconstructed. Broken legs, broken ribs, broken teeth, repeated cranium blows against hard concrete and steel. One punctured a lung, one acquired amnesia, another three had gone into full coma’s, though only one of them remains that way until today. Two are still receiving physical therapy. 

The other she’d strangled so badly the only way he can eat is through a tube. 

Eventually when she’d come to, there’d only been one of the men awake. And he’d been cowering and whimpering, sobbing himself to pieces while he’d lain there with both broken leg and two broken wrists. 

The only thing she can remember of that night is how tired —- how so dreadfully, dreadfully tired she really was. 

She couldn’t find it in her to even be angry anymore. 

Long story cut short ( like I didn’t explain it all already dshabdhsba ), Jazzele eased her way out while Jackie finally passed out, and while she didn’t raise a hand against them, she did — ahem — assist, in wiping most of their memories of that night. 

Jazz is the reason she made her way back home that night too. When she came to, she was in her filled and bloody bathtub, still in her underwear. 

To a certain extent, I do think that Jazz has influenced Jackie’s handling of these situations. She dulls it down for her even more then Jackie could ever do on her own, that she always considers it a regular mental problem now. 

It’s number her overall empathy to feel. As a security measure. 

Because if Jackie were to ever feel that in its entirely again, she’s not confident she’s strong enough to survive it. 

18. Was violence a big part of their childhood?

Violence was never a part of her childhood. Not in the least! Even when she was being bullied as a kid, no one actually raised a hand against her besides throwing chalk on her clothes and dirtying her up, it was all just mostly taunts and emotional damage. Honestly, she was really sensitive as a kid, you know? Soft and shy, always got so scared of yelling too. It made her uncomfortable, and she would end up in tears and hide beneath tables because she couldn’t take it. 

She was so damn soft back then, it almost breaks my heart to think about it. Because she looks back on it too sometimes and feels like she’s lost a great deal of her sense of purity from back then. Her light, her frailty, her delicacy….

Not that she wants to ever be considered frail but. 

You know. Sometimes girls want to be taken care of too, sometimes. Even if she can handle it on her own and she tells herself she can handle it on her own, and she’ll be stubborn about handling all of it, everything, all on her own until she’s old and grey and lying on her death bed —- !!!! 

( really now OTL ) 

More then anything though, really – she just misses that bit of her that didn’t feel like she had the whole weight of the world on her shoulders. That little bit of her who could still share her feelings with her parents and her friends - heck her stuffed bears! - just tell them what makes her happy and makes her sad, just being able to talk about personal things and not feeling like she was on death row just for saying it. 

Not feeling like a shadowed figure was out to literally steal her soul the moment she’d debated uttering a single word of it. To anyone. 

Even to a bear. 

But maybe just — in another lifetime, you know? 

she just would have liked to keep that piece of her too. 

[liminxlexistxnce]

Sooo.. I haven’t written an actual honest update about how I’ve been or what all I’ve been doing lately and I think it’s about time I did cause I have a lot of shit weighing me down at the moment and I owe it to myself to get it of my chest or else I feel like I might explode.

Granted, ever since moving out of my parents house my mental health has been better, but over this past month or so (probably longer because I was totally repressing this shit) my depression is rearing it’s ugly head again. Just the other night (more like a little over a month ago now that I’m finally getting around to posting this) I had the worst internal breakdown I’ve had in a while.

Everything just seems to be so overwhelming to the brink of exhaustion and I just feel like I’m wasting away.. There isn’t a single thing going on in my life right now that isn’t stressing me out to some degree; money, rent, friends, my job, all of it. I could make an actual list and go on a whole ass tirade about each and every thing upsetting me, but I’m not going to for the sake of my sanity and this post as a whole lmao

I’ve done some reflecting and I think most of what’s triggering all of this is, besides the weather getting nicer, is that I’m having a very hard time trying to make more friends, or just have any real social life with the friends I already have. Especially since Sean wants nothing to do with our OG theater friends anymore (which has been causing me a fair amount of stress lately but when isn’t it tbh).. That and I never see my old friends anymore and I honestly feel like they want nothing to do with me either after all of the shit that went down while I was at the theater. I either don’t see my theater friends enough, or I don’t see my old friends like... at all. I mean fuck, I go to all these shows and I can just look and see all the friend groups around us having a blast and it literally hurts me because shit used to be like that, and now our rave group is Sean and I, one of Sean’s friends and whoever his friend invites along too. It’s still chill and fun and all, but I only really would consider one of them to be my friend.

But honestly what I think this all just boils down to is that I just am so fucking lonely again. I just feel so out of place anywhere I go.. No one ever really fucks with me and at this point I don’t know if this is some sort of sick joke where I’m the punchline, or if there really is just something about me that is just that off-putting..

And lastly, the other thing that’s been under my skin lately is.. that I’ve been tossing around the idea of trying other drugs.. I only have an interest in trying molly/mdma, acid, or shrooms. But only really for the purpose of trying to ‘rewire’ my brain or just at least get over some trauma or have an ego death or two, because I’m just so fucking sick and tired of all these stupid mental illness and disorders and trauma making every single facet of my life a living hell and ruining some of the best moments of my life.

The reason this upsets me so much is because I haven’t told anyone about this. It was hard enough trying to admit this all to myself, I couldn’t imagine telling Sean. Not that he wouldn’t be willing to talk about it and whatnot, it’s just not an easy thing to bring up regardless lmao

Other than that, I think that about sums up the shit storm that’s been going on in my head lately..

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part last)

I said I’d finish this book before it had been out for a full year, and that’s the 14th, iirc, so I have tonight and tomorrow, but I will finish this book tonight if it kills me, I s2g, I’m ready to be done.

Part 13 encompasses pages 1054-1233 (previous parts)

WE ARE SO CLOSE, GUYS

OH, I wanted to talk a lil bit about the end of part 4, now that I’ve had a sleep and some time to think about it. I still don’t really like it, but I think I can better articulate why.

I feel like a LOT of it is personal preference for Really Not Liking It when my Heroes Turn Out to Have Been Bad Guys All Along. that’s. not fun for me. I don’t find it appealing in any way. 

and I know that Brandon is a big fan of his lil ~Sanderlanches~ of emotion, but tbf I think the Recreance bombshell got a little lost in Taravangian’s deluge of bad news. The major impact of that reveal SHOULD have been--yeah, the humans are and have been the aggressors all along. But instead it gets a little undermined and rolled up wholesale into Dalinar Has Been a Bad Before and We Guess He Is Now Too. It feels like it should have been a separate moment for everyone--for ALL the monarchs in the coalition--to realize that...THEY are ALL the bad guys. All of humanity is the bad guys. But it gets overshadowed by their belief that Dalinar has betrayed them and gets dumped squarely on his shoulders so that it’s less about Humanity and more about One Human--who has been our hero for 3,000 pages and now just utterly crashed which is ALREADY upsetting enough without everyone else ignoring THEIR part in it all.

So what I’m saying is that I still feel like the end of part 4 was really badly handled as there should have been two, separate focal moments that got overlapped badly (worldbuilding vs character moments). But I’ve talked to Lisa and Alyx about stuff and I’m a lot chiller with the actual CONTENT of the reveal, and actually looking forward to seeing how that plays out. 

tl; dr: feeling better about the content, still very unhappy with the execution.

ANYWAY:

INTERLUDES

“Her people couldn’t be completely gone....could they?” Ah, Venli has reached the Denial stage of grief. that’s. good?

or rather, I suppose...she’s been there all along.

mmmm, I wonder if the different rhythms were created because the Parshendi don’t really do facial expressions, right? like they are crustaceaous, regardless of which form they’re in, so it’s not like shells do a good job at. smiling. Idk, I just wonder if the different hums are bc they don’t really interpret body language the same way humans do.

“The strongest and most skilled of our number are yet to awaken” YOU MEAN THERE’S MORE AND WORSE OF YOU? Great.

You know what I want? An Edgedancer size “novella” about Rysn.

wait, I thought larkins were bad?

aren’t larkins bad?

nvmd, I asked Lisa, they eat stormlight, so Bad For Spren, but not inherently bad. I like having Lisa here to remind me of things I Knew At One Point But Have Since Forgotten Due To Reading So Many Other Things heheh

I love these two Thaylen nERDS

Vstim is a GOOD DAD AAHH

you know, that’s something that’s always sorta bothered me--how do Rosharans go around wearing jewelry that’s giving off enough light to see by? How is that not...overbright and distracting and uncomfortable?

WHOA WHAT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING MURDER 

omg the larkin is eating the gemstone that’s been glowing for 200 years, CHIRI-CHIRI NOOO

o_o

right

it makes sense that the voidbringers would have lightweavers, the fused are basically windrunners, but tbh I didn’t think about. you know. evil people that could disguise themselves as ANYTHING #YIKES

yeEAAHH MY GIRL

COME ON BRANDON, GIMME A RYSN ADVENTURE NOVEL. RYSN AND THE LOST TREASURE OF SOMEWHERE-WITH-TOO-MANY-CONSONANTS! PLS.

anyway, on to the main event for the evening: Megan Sobs Her Way Through the Teft Interlude i’m SURE

“the men of Bridge Four would tire of digging him out of trouble” NEVER.

HE HAS A SPREN

SHE’S BEEN THERE A WHILE, APPARENTLY!!??

HELP

uh oh

no

hold on

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG AT THE BRIDGE FOUR BARRACKS

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG

NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT

WHY ARE THERE BRIDGEMEN WHO ARE BLEEDING

I REFUSE

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF HE KILLS ROCK I AM NOT FINISHING THIS BOOK

I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING

HE KILLED ETH???? AFTER HE KILLED MART IN THE LAST ONE HE HAD TO GO AND KILL OFF THE OTHER BROTHER? FUCK OFF, BRANDON

NO

I’ DON’T WANT THIS

PART FIVE, LET’S GET THIS DOOOONNNE

........there are thirteen, maybe (probably) more POVs in this part?

fuck, Brandon, if I wanted to hop around that much, I’d suck it up and read Martin. Uggghhhhh, I hate this.

HAHA whoops, I didn’t realize it was a flashback chapter and I was like “why is present!Dalinar in a stormWAGON?” and then I realized

“wild chickens range this far east” and I KNOW they mean crows or blackbirds or starlings, but. chickens. is still. such a good worldbuilding note.

“felt both an anxiety to be finished and--at the same time--a reluctance to progress.” B I G M O O D

Brandon: *describes the Nightwatcher* Me, whispering: “yiiiikes”

“What is your boon?” “Forgiveness.” CAN YOU IIIIMAAAAGIIIIINNE

OH SNAP

is that...actually Cultivation?

“I didn’t get what I wanted.” “You got what you deserved.” OOF. OOF. How does fifteen points of damage taste?!

“I control all things that can be grown, nurtured. That includes the thorns.” HM

OKAY

I like her.

HA I WAS RIGHT

EVI WAS THE COST NOT THE BOON. HA

tbqh, I’m still not entirely clear on the boon. I guess...she took away the guilt? or the memories that made the guilt? hm.

HE HAD NEVER DESERVED HER.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA DAMN FUCKING RIGHT, DALINAR. GOD. YUP. AMEN

merrgghhhh pov shits within chapters grumble grumble grumble

oh dear

big battle time.

yaassss

ok, but the army of spren at the Oathgate might be friend spren. have you checked?

I’m still hung up on Kholinar, ngl, someone, for the love of god, tell me if Skar and Drehey are all right. alive. s o m e o n e pls care about these bridgemen as I do.

(and don’t say Kaladin cares, I KNOW HE DOES BUT HE HASN’T MENTIONED THEM IN 200 PAGES/FOUR WEEKS OF TRAVEL TIME, MMKAY?)

heh, Jasnah being all “Amaram’s bad guys can soak up the arrows while the rest of us escape” and usually, I’m very against the lil foot soldiers getting slaughtered for the misdeeds of their commanders, but if people are still following Amaram, they have Bad Priorities and I’m with Jasnah on this one.

I’m confused

Renarin’s spren is weird?

Jasnah thinks he’s a traitor?

I’m??? CONFUSED AND UPSET???

LET! THE BOY! LIVE!

WHICH ONE OF THEM IS CORRUPTED, IS IT JASNAH? MAYBE IT’S JASNAH?

Me: “Maybe it’s Jasnah???? She spent a lot of time in Shadesmar!” Lisa: “Maybe it’s Maybeline.”

She’s rude and I love her.

OH WHAT HOLD UP

VENLI IS IN THE KNIGHTS RADIANT CHAPTER?

or is it just...anyone listed at the beginning can be in any chapter?

SHE IS NOT LISTED SEPARATELY. HO SHIT

WHAT

YEAH THAT’S THE THING THAT BOTHERS ME: The fused just. sending in regular parshendi parshmen signers whATEVER TO FIGHT. THEY DON’T HAVE TRAINING. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MASSACRED. THAT’S NOT! GOOD! MILITARY! STRATEGY!

ugh, I’m still just. mad about the Recreance reveal.

The humans are the bad guys, fine. But the FUSED ARE DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY NOT THE GOOD GUYS??? so what was the point?

SEE SHIT LIKE THIS: “You are here to do as you’re told. In return, you are rewarded with further opportunities to serve.” what the fuuuuuuucckk

like, they’re still BAD GUYS

Here’s the thing--the Recreance reveal doesn’t really change anything. The human heroes are still going to choose the options that are “good” or “right”--Dalinar was already suing for peace, Kaladin was already making friends with the listeners--so saying “these humans in the past were evil” doesn’t change their choices. It doesn’t change the Fused’s choices either--saying “these guys were good in the past” doesn’t make them good guys now--OBVIOUSLY, just look at that dialogue.

So why bother?

The whole series is about choosing to be better, to do better, but the characters were ALREADY DOING THAT, they didn’t need an extra, super depressing motivator to do that. It’s just there to....reinforce the idea? That’s already pretty solid?

idk, I’m still REALLY struggling with this

sigh

back to Venli

hm

so, Odium can CHOOSE what he looks like when he appears--obviously he doesn’t REALLY look like a parshendi, bc he’s not actually their god. If the humans were the voidbringers originally, then he’s theirs, no?

also, # y i k e s, there he is

TEFT IS IN THE RADIANT POV HELL YAH

“You don’t want me. I’m broken.” YES, DARLING, THAT’S THE POINT.

I love him so much I just want to hug this sad uncle of mine

AAAHHH FUCK  THE KHOLINAR GATE

WAIT, MAYBE SKAR AND DREHY WILL SHOW UP FUKIN FINALLY

“This is winnable” IS IT THO

BECAUSE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN THIS BOOK HAS BEEN AND AIN’T THAT JUST FUCKING DEPRESSING

oh fun! the thing from the cover! finally!

Here’s the thing: three years ago, I would have loved this book. Three years ago, overwhelming odds and impossible battles and the downward, angst slide of all my favorite characters would have been SO MUCH FUN to read. But now? This year? I’m fucking over it. I’m done. Give me optimism or give me death.

I’m exhausted enough in the real world, I don’t need to be exhausted by the books I’m reading.

“You mind holds firm” UH HUH SURE. P SURE NONE OF THE FUSED ARE SANE, bUT THAt’S FINe

“Could he defeat six? Did he need to?” THE IMPLICATION THAT: IF HE NEEDS TO, OF COURSE HE CAN. I’M LOVE KALADIN SO! MUCH!

DO WE FINALLY GET TO STAB AMARAM!!!!!!!????? FINALLY!!!

DOES KALADIN GET TO KILL HIM? BECAUSE I WILL BE REALLY, REALLY MAD IF KALADIN DOESN’T GET TO KILL HIM

OMG I’M SO HERE FOR THIS

MY BOY

KALADIN RECOGNIZING HIS PROGRESS AND KNOWING THAT HE’S GOT SYL AND BRIDGE FOUR, AND PURPOSE AND THAT HE’S GONNA STAY ALIVE FOR THEM, FOR IT. THAT EVEN THO LIFE SUCKS HE’S GONNA STICK AROUND BC THERE’S GOOD PARTS TOO. KALADIN REALIZING HE’S STRONG AND STRONGER WITH HIS PEOPLE. I’M SO

MY HEART IS SO FULL AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

OOOHHH NOO THAT”S HOT

where’s my Kaladin alone in combat stance facing down 6 fused and GLOWING ART BC I NEEEEEEDD IITTT

my soul

I love him

my soul

You know what? Kaladin never gets the Thrill. I bet it’s because he’s too good for this world.

ahhh fuck they got the thing

at least Rysn and Vstim are still alive! for now.

why do they want the thing tho

whose heart is it

WORRIED ABOUT RENARIN 2K18

heheheh Pattern, “I do not like being stabbed” no, you are usually doing the stabbing, huh? heheh

ADOLIN KISS SHALLAN! ! AHH!! YAY!!!

SOFT BEFORE BATTLE THIS GOOD

god, yup. “Um, hello.” SPEAKING TO THE OATHGATE SPREN WOULD BE SO SCARY

the Argonath spren. Oathgonath? Argonoath? Argonoath. heh

I’ll take Bad Lord of the Rings Puns for 300, Alex

COME ON, VENLI. SPEAK ME SOME WORDS, GIRL.

Oh hey it’s Gawx! Wacky fun.

aahhh shit, it WOULD look like the Alethi were betraying everyone else for real. SIGH.

come on, Lift, get them to help. come on, come on, come on

can we unforbid it? esp since Honor is fucking dead and doesn’t care what’s forbidden or not?

“A man can rule his lands until the citylord demands his taxes. The citylord controls his lands until the highlord, in turn, comes to him for payment. But the highlord must answer to the highprince, when war is called in his lands. And the king? He...must answer to God.” BUT DARKNESS--WHAT IS GOD TO A NON-BELIEVER?

“Don’t be stupid. Let’s go fight those guys.” AMEN, NIGHTBLOOD.

“But it had always been nothing more than a rock.” YEEEESSSS OMG. SZETH!!! FINALLY UNDERSTANDING.

KALADIN NO

goddamnit

UH??? WHY IS NAVANI POV IN THE RADIANTS CHAPTER???? BRANDON??? WHAT DO I NOT KNOW?

Dalinar continues to be an extra son of a bitch, and I love him.

ok, I’m betting it’s just anyone’s POV can be in any chapter, ‘cause the symbol hasn’t changed. so nevermind. I retract my questions about Venli and Navani.

HI LIFT

I LOVE YOU

“Did you forget to feed them?” I’VE MISSED HER WHY ISN’T SHE IN ALL THE CHAPTERS

“Wyndle doesn’t like hurting people” I !!!! LOVE! THEM!

PLS BE CAREFUL ADOLIN AAAHH

NO???

NOOOOOOOOO??

DON’T?? STAB THE SUNSHINE BOY????

I’M?

his sord

w

swor

d aah

she protec hiom

uuuuuhhhhjfghmgdh

hmfzngrsmkdc

oh snap hold on

Hello Darkness is gonna swap sides? Not that he was really ever on our side, but like. “will make the transition to obeying the Dawnsigners easier” OBEYING? I’m.

that’s Not Great.

“Leave me”? ????? EXCUSE?? NO!!!?? ABSOLUTELY NOT, SUNSHINE BOY, WTF

he has more words

WORDS

GASP

AAHH

LISTEN, DALINAR, ADOLIN IS THE DUELLING BOY. IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A CHAMPION FOR A ONE-ON-ONE DUEL. YOU NEED ADOLIN. AND HE’S BUSY BEING STABBED AND ALSO NOT HERE AND I’M

YELLING

UNEXPECTED SZETH FALLING FROM THE SKY TO SAVE LIFT??? I’M HERE FOR IT

oohh szeth. honey bunches of oats. one day--one day--you will realize that you don’t actually need a master. and you will become something more.

even if you’ve picked dalinar as your new master, which is good, bc following good men is better than bad ones, buT STILL

also, how come we didn’t get to hear his Words??? I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE WORDS. BAD POV SWITCH MADE ME MISS OUT ON SKYBREAKER IDEALS. BOO.

UGH, STAB HIM, NAVANI

ah. ShalASH, got it

there’s Too Much going on, tbqh.

*quietest of wimpers*: taln

help

aahhh darnit, ok. it IS Renarin that’s corrupted. someone PLS let this boy have, like, A MOMENT of peace

oh for fuck’s sake

Let Dalinar fucking have a moment

COME ON

HE’S THE G O O D G U Y, PLS

I’m suffering

RESIST, DALINAR

AAHH

genuinely don’t think you should just be waving Nightblood around

sheathe that motherfucker

pls

also, if Szeth said his words, shouldn’t he have bonded a spren? Doesn’t have have a sprensword? so maybe he....could stop? using Nightblood? 

somebody help Taln, I AM TOO FAR AWAY TO HUG HIM PLS HUG HIM

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T USE NIGHTBLOOD

JUST SAYIN’

BLESS NAVANI. SHE HAS INVENTED THE TAZER

or possibly weaponized the Cruciatas Curse, but EITHER WAY: NICE.

“Dalinar pulled the Way of Kings close to his chest, clutching it like a child with his blanket at night” MOOD ALSO SAME I FEEL THIS ABOUT MY COPY, TOO

STOP KILLING BRIDGE FOUR

I WILL YELL AT YOU, BRANDON

I WILL SEE YOU ON THURSDAY AND I WILL YELL AT YOU

“Dalinar Kholin is no more” UH HUH, SURE

That would be boring. We’ve already seen the Blackthorn. It’s boring unless we get something new.

fuck off amaram

gross? not recommended.

don’t swallow foreign objects

something GOOD HAS TO HAPPEN SOON OR I’M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM

I’M TIRED GIVE ME HOPE

IT’S BEEN, LIKE, 300 PAGES SINCE ANYTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED

BRIDGE FOUR KEEPS DYING, ADOLIN GOT STABBED, DALINAR IS BEING TORTURED, FOR FUCK’S SAKE C O M E O N

(purposely forgeting Lift showing up and Navani tazing people in her assessment of how many pages it’s been since good things have happened)

NO FUCKING SHIT, KIDDO!!! THE FUTURE IS MALLEABLE!!! IT CHANGES!! OF COURSE IT CAN BE WRONG

oh

duh

even I had that wrong--the NEXT step, not the first

GOOD

STAND UP

AAAAHHH

“If I didn’t do those things, it means that I can’t have grown to become someone else.” AND YOU DID! YOU DID GROW! LOOK AT YOU! FINALLY YOU ARE REALIZING IT ONLY TOOK 3FUCKINGTHOUSAND PAGES AAAHHH

YAAAS

YOU’RE MY FAMILY

AAAHH

GOOD SOFT JASNAH!!! NOT A THING I EXPECTED BUT HERE WE ARE

“Maybe it’s time for someone to save you.” *MEEP*

hel p

that’s intense

AAAHHHH

EVI IS A GOOD AND I LOVE HER AND SHE DESERVED BETTER ALSO SOFT AND GOOD AAHH

# yikes

but like, a good yikes

yeah, you fucking better apologize to him

Taln deserves an apology form every single person on this planet, and that includes all the Heralds, and the Heralds owe him, like, a hundredbajillion apologies extra

I have emotions

and opinions

HE’S SO GOOD

AND SOFT

MY GODSON

OH MY GOD

OHHHH MYY GOOODDDDDD

HE’S SO GOOD

oh no I love him so much

TEEEEFFT

FINALLY

YES

GOOD WORDS I’M CRYING OH NO

HE’S

SO MUCH

all my soft boys

best boys

dominoes with crystal transformation? MORE GOOD YIKES

YEESSSSS

KALADIN!!!!!

VS

FUCKFACE!!!

HERE WE GO

LOOK KALADIN, YOU DID SAVE HIM!!! YOU PUT THE SYLSPEAR IN JUST THE RIGHT PLACE TO BLOCK THE SWORD AND YOU DID SAVE DALINAR, LOOK AT YOU

NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAB THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUT OF AMARAM

STAND UP AND DO BETTER

LOOK IT’S WHAT i’VE BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME

yes good, heal Adolin, thank you

GOD FUCKING BLESS

LITERAL ORDERS TO STAB THE FUCKFACE

THANK YOU

ofuck he did swallow it

Not Great

every time Adolin talks to his sword, my heart leaps. he actually apologizes and also thanks her and I just! want her to know! how much he loves and appreciates her!

WAKE UP, SWORD! MAKE HIM RADIANT!

COME ON

FUCKING

YOU ABSOLUTE HOOKWORM I CANNOT BELIEVE

TWO SHARDBLADES. OF FUCKING COURSE HE NEVER GOT RID OF KALADIN’S. FUCKING

PIECE OF

ROTTEN SHIT I’m. hate him.

so

much

ooohh Shallan!!!!!! I’m proud of her!! She’d created them to be strong when she wasn’t but she doesn’t need them now aahh!!

OH HEY, FEN’S SON DOES HAVE A NAME and it’s a garbage Thaylen name. Kdralk? all right then

“Life could not be lived making decisions at each juncture.” Szeth.... Szeth that’s. that’s...exactly what life is??? That’s. how you do, actually, live life? I’m ???? ??

‘at the top, they found a jumble of Sadeas troops chipping at a door with hand axes. “I can probably get through that a little easier.”’ HEHEHEH

Lov me a sunshine boy

GOD FINALLY

LET! NAVANI! GRIEVE! THANK YOU

ADOLIN IS SUCH A GOOD COMMANDER, GOD

EXCELLENT TACTICS

I’M SO PLEASED

It’s very satisfying to get Kaladin fighting Amaram and Dalinar fighting the thrill Unmade at the same time

fINALLY something SATISFYINg in this book

listen, I love having the visual of Jasnah’s effortless airsteps from the cover, but I’m still REALLY Disappointed that the covers don’t match up with the flashback character.

It’s Dalinar’s book, it should be Dalinar on the cover, but WHATEVER, WHELAN, ugh.

THANKS FOR ALL THE BROKEN BONES, I HATE IT

It’s never fair when the bad guy brings so many friends to the party.

SHE FINALLY HAS A NAME YES

MAYA IS A GOOD SWORD AND I LOVE HER

eeyyyy GOOD JOB, VENLI!!!

PETITION FOR SUNSHINE BOY TO STOP GETTING HURT

ngl, his is the battle I’m actually most invested in rn, other than Kaladin, I just.

want him to be okay

“half expecting Skar and Drehy to be there to pull him to his feet. Storms, he missed those bridgemen.” ME FUCKING TOO, ADOLIN. WHERE ARE THEY ARE THEY OKAY 

AAHH!! Renarin gets to protect Adolin THAT’S SO NICE GOOD

I ADORE that Lift and Dalinar are besties. It’s the BEST dynamic, such an interesting combo, and I LOVE IT.

“Amaram was screaming in pain.” GOOD.

WONDERFUL. AMAZING.

BRILLIANT.

FRAME IT.

Overconfident fuckface took his own helmet off, bless hiS HEART

“I hurt, once...after I killed your squad, I hurt.” OH BOO HOO, POOR BABY FELT A TWINGE OF GUILT FOR A HOT SECOND I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKWEASEL

oh, gross

thanks

THE SPEAR THAT DOESN’T BREAK AAAHHHHHH MY SOUL

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE WERE SO CLOSE

it’s ok, we just need one more good solid hit on that gemheart and we’re DONE WITH THIS LOSER

A DOZEN

RENARIN CAN’T FIGHT A FULL DOZEN BY HIMSELF? OH MY GOD

not good

uugghh fuck Malata, I DON’T TRUST HER

Renarin is very brave. A Good.

OH WAIT, TEFT CAN OPEN THE OATHGATE

YAAASSS

YAAAAAAAASSSS

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASASSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’M SO HAPPY

TEFT OPENED THE OATHGATE

LOOK AT MY BOYS

*SCREAMING CONTINUES*

PHEW ROCK IS ALIVE, I CAN KEEP READING

“YOU LOOKED LIKE PERSON WHO NEEDED HUG” ROCK IS THE BEST I LOVE ROCK I’VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH

Oh right, Dalinar’s still, like. doing stuff. I forgot, ‘cause it’s. Nothing’s happening with it.

Should be focal, but there’s. So much going on.

COME ON, KALADIN, YOU’VE GOT WORDS WEIGHING DOWN YOUR TONGUE.

COME ON, DARLING, PLEASE.

ok that’s acceptable

not ideal

but beautiful

a good, solid Rock.

I will accept this end.

Bridge Four is so, so, so important, I cannot express in words.

oh, quiet screaming:

Moash chapter

oooohhhh buddy

One day, you’ll wake up.

Until then, my very garbage brain will write fic, and it will be glorious.

how do people not ship this

he literally helped her remember herself

he recognized her in her sea of selves and pulled her out, cOME ON

THIS IS THE SOFTEST OF SHIPS AND I’M CRYING

AAHH VENLI!! PROGRESS!!! also what order, I must know

whoo Braize IS Damnation, called that shit, like, a book and a half ago.

“only Ishar survived with his mind intact” A RE Y O U V RE Y SU RE AB T T H A T? ???

oh. those are boring Words, but okay. makes sense, the Skybreakers are kinda. Meh.

ugh, we still have to deal with Hello Darkness My Old Friend? He’s going to come oversee training? ugh.

BEST KISS BEST KISS BEST KISS

OTP: NO MATING

OTP

BEST

KISS

YES

“You mentioned something about kissing me until I can’t breathe, but here I am, not even winded--”

B E S T K I S S BEST BEST BEST KISS

“I don’t think I loved her, Syl. I felt...something. A lightening of my burdens...” THE FEELING WAS FRIENDSHIP BUT NEITHER OF THEM HAD EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE.

“I knew you’d come for me.” brb crying forever

I don’t know if you know this, but I really love Bridge Four.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft. And we carry it.”

[cries quietly into that sentence for the rest of eternity]

TARAVANGIAN IS LITERALLY CONFESSING, BUT WHO WANTS TO BET DALINAR FORGIVES HIM AND STILL TRUSTS HIM

i s2g, Dalinar’s pure goodness is going to be the thing that kills him, in the end.

MOASH WHAT THE FUCK

JEZRIEN

I KNEW Ahu was a Herald, HA, but JEZRIEN HOLY FUCK  

actually dead or just bound in the sapphire bc it IS glowing, so. hm.

hm

god

Moash, plllleeeaasseeeeeeeee ugh

ahhh YAY LOPEN!!!

but it. should have been Moash. It was always supposed to be Teft and Moash and Skar and Rock.

And I love Lopen, really, I do. b ut.

I’m also:

~*~GARBAGE~*~

mmmmm ACTUAL FATHER? OR? HMM

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY ANCIECT GODCHILDREN OKAY? HELP THEM.

OH THANK FUCK

SKAR AND DREHY ARE OKAY

SKAR AND DREHY PROTECT THOSE WHO CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!????

THAT’S!!!! THEY DID THE THING???!!! THEY’VE GOT THE WORDS!!!

LOOK AT MY BOYS GO! LOOK AT THEM ALL!!

TEFT AND LOPEN AND SKAR AND DREHY!!!!

I’M SO PLEASED

oh yeah they saved the kid that’s good

LOOK! AT! MY! BOYS!!!!!

Taravangian might be the ONLY fictional grandpa that I dislike

I always like the grandpas.

but noT THIS ONE

hm

by becoming king of the world and then asking odium to spare everyone he ruled, he was going to save everyone.

Not

actually a bad plan

Not a great one, obviously. but. not a terrible one.

Too bad it was NEVER GOING TO WORK

oh fuck off, he stole the Honorblade, which means Malata probably killed Eth, so GOOD NOW I HAVE A SOLID, CONCRETE REASON TO HATE HER, GOOD.

“Why would [Taravangian] work with the enemy? Everything he’s done so far has been to secure a safe Roshar--if through brutal means. Still, I have to wonder. I can’t afford to be too trusting.” I CAN’T BE TOO TRUSTING, EXCEPT TARAVANGIAN, I’LL DEF TRUST HIM OF COURSE, Dalinar, pLEASE

I’m dying, you gotta. ugh

he’s EVIL COME ON

ppppssssssst

*put Jasnah on the throne*

we need someone who’s good at diplomancy, who can inspire people and command them! GEE WHO’VE WE GOT WHO CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND LOOK SHARP AF DOING IT?

I W ON D E R

oh holy shit, they actually did it

they actually did put Jasnah in charge

holy fuck

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

EXCELLENT

really moash

the stolen honorblade

HE WHO QUIETS --admittedly a great assassin epithet, but

Mooooooaaaaaaaassshhh

S I G H

okay, so we figured out that Sja-anat is anti-odium, that’s good. but HOW do we know that Renarin bonded one of her spren? just...’cause it’s corrupted and that’s what she does? or did I miss something more specific?

oh huh

ok

cool

OH!, he went to get Elhokar’s baby spren. interesting.

does that make Wit a Radiant? ‘cause I bet that’s not going to go over well heheheheh

WHOOOOOO I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Defo not my favorite, but it did pick up at the end there. Part 3 was A TRIP that I enjoyed and I’m still pumped that Bridge Four got 1. POVs and 2. SPREN that was really nice. I’m ~*~GARBAGE~*~ and there was some good garbage Moash content, so I loved that. The roadtrip was Sure A Thing. I love my sunshine boy, Adolin Kholin with all my heart. Aaaaand I’ll circle back to Part 4 and the beginning of Part 5 when it’s NOT 4am!