#tbh slate would be so proud lol

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Pov: you're a conscious observer, giving up all of your lives to help collapse the infinite possibilities of the Eye in order to jump start the dying universe, and the big bang you trigger fucking cracks you helmet's glass smh 🙄

[cflight]

get to know the author!

it's been quite a while since i've done one of these so i figure i might as well get this out of the way (even tho i chose to do it like. lol. i just woke up from a nap, spare me)

name: evan

pronouns: they/them (he is also fine)

preference of communication: discord by far (starteas#6241)

most active muse: the only muse i currently have for this blog- ekira. i'd honestly love to add some of my other muses to this blog such as hemlock since he's incredibly prevalent in ekira's story, but i need to curb my own laziness and finally give him a page lmao. i'm also incredibly out of practice with writing villains so it's been quite a while. i definitely need to freshen up there.

experience / how many years: i've been roleplaying on tumblr since i was about 13 so i have about 8 or so years of experience. i only started taking it seriously fairly recently into my early teen years, and i've been trying to do so ever since. i don't keep up to date with my rp experience nowadays (considering thinking back on old things i did as a tween makes me cringe heavily.)

when i rebooted ekira's blog back in 2020 or so is when i started taking writing up as less of a hobby and more of an artistic pursuit. i've always enjoyed it for as long as i can remember, and have loved making up stories with my characters since i was little. i consider rping to be an extension of that, and it's always great to improve my writing and characters along the way.

platforms you use: tumblr and discord, but mainly this hellsite

best experience: my best experience has been meeting other muns and interacting with characters from all aspects- whether it be canon muses or ocs, or even heavily canon-divergent muses, i love them all and interacting with each muse has been so fun. i know i would like to interact with more muns one on one more often, but i don't mind the mini interactions we do get with replying to each other's posts or seeing each other in our notifs. hello friend!

rp pet peeves: punctuation. this might be me considering i am VERY finicky on correct punctuation and spelling, so it's incredibly hard for me to jive with characters that don't seem to have as much care in their writing presentation. that's just a me thing though, and i absolutely don't fault anyone who falls into this category! it just itches my brain in a way i really do not like

this is also directed at myself, but i dislike happy-go-lucky characters with little to no substance. when i first started writing ekira that's the only thing they tended to embody. they were sweet and kind and friendly and incredibly fucking boring. they could get emotional, sure, and could get angry sometimes, but they were completely sanded down and unfun to right and otherwise just boring. i wasn't having fun writing them and i wasn't having fun in threads because i wrote them all so... samey.

it's why i decided to revamp ekira's blog the way i did, and in the same vein change up how i wrote them completely. i won't get too much into it (because tbh i already stated my problems with it and we'd be here ALL DAY if i continued) but i'm much happier writing them now than i ever was before the reboot. sometimes i still find myself falling into the same patterns as i did when i first wrote them, and it's something i personally am striving to improve on the more i write them.

ekira's still friendly and kind but can get frustrated, sad, angry, and isn't much of a blank slate as they were before. i'm incredibly proud of how far they've come since then, and hope to avoid any of the same stuff i ran into before in the past.

fluff, angst, or smut: fluff and angst are both good in moderation. i'd personally love to get into more angst threads as it's the ones i surprisingly get the least of (understandable) but i'd also like to get into more smut. i don't write it much as i'm still very much a beginner to it, but it's something i'd like to explore more of in the future; same with angst. there's a lot to ekira i'm grateful i get to explore with my friend @modestmuses and i'd certainly love more of it whether it be in those two categories.

plots or memes: i have a lot of fun doing both, but i definitely want to get better with doing things that are much more planned out. i'm not the best at thinking of in depth plots on the spot, but i know it's something i want to do more of. memes are also great (again, shouting out teddy for this one) because he just knows how to craft plots around memes so expertly that makes me crave EXACTLY what he's writing.

long or short replies: i tend to do medium replies depending on length, but recently i've been feeling more drawn to long replies. it helps me improve my writing and i love testing the waters with longer replies; it gives me more opprotunity to flesh out ekira's thoughts and actions much more than two paragraphs ever could.

best time to write: whenever i feel like it. i'm sporadic when i use tumblr so i get bursts of inspiration randomly. usually it comes best to me either mid afternoon or very late at night.

are you like your muse(s): yes and no. i'd go more in depth about it but all i can say is we both need to learn to love ourselves a bit more. also i want goat horns and a tail, it'd be sick as hell

tagged by: @modestmuses (not actually i stole this lol)

tagging: steal it

[oh-my-damn]

As a fan, I'm living for these posts of you reading Chris Evans. Omg pls spill on your opinions on him and Jenny Slate. I listened to the Anna Faris podcast they did together while she was still married and the way he was flirting with her was so juvenile and blatantly obvious. Also, his opinions on women's body hair were so ick. Like, not this hairy-ass man calling women lazy for choosing not to shave under their arms.

Tbh the JS situation is hard for me. As I've mentioned before, I wasn't a fan of Chris until Jan 2021.

I worked for Disney and sold his action figures and knew every possible trivia about Steve Rogers known to man. But I considered him the most boring of the Avengers, I didn't even watch the Cap movies before I saw Infinity War (on the premiere cus we got tickets lol) and was thoroughly confused when he showed up on screen bc I did not realize it was Cap. lol. So I was not a part of the fandom when he dated Jenny, but to my understanding, it was a complete fucking mess.

I've learned some stuff about them. I heard the podcast. Back then I didn't realize she was still married. I was horrified when I realized. If you've been following me for a while, you know I have an absolute zero tolerance when it comes to cheating. It goes back to my past and is a non-negotiable.

It was so obvious they were into each other, perhaps even dating (which is just awful, she even fucking mentioned her husband during it and I was like ???), and he definitely backtracked on some of his answers if she said she disagreed. I don't think he should be commenting on women's body hair, but I don't blame him for expecting someone to be groomed when he keeps it groomed himself (I'm the same. I keep my stuff neat, do the same or I'm not going down there. The worst thing in the world is getting a hair on your tongue when you're sucking dick, it's gross af).

The pits I didn't even consider being rude bc he is just a dumb man. His dumb man brain has been wired to think it's gross bc society thinks it is.

Also keep in mind that the man is not very progressive like that. He's bad a technology (he had an iphone 6 up until this year and has been complaining about losing it ever since) so despite him being publicly progressive when it comes to politics and rights (which is actually the reason I became a fan, the way he trashed Trump publicly was an exact match to when I'd drink wine and watch the debates in 2020 and rant about it on my instagram) I don't actually think he's that progressive when it comes to everything else.

I think he believes himself to be a feminist, and I think he also is merely bc he believes it, but I also think he's the type of guy to be so proud of being a feminist that it actually goes the opposite way. That he'll accidentally brush over women's opinions, or talk over them to get his point across, despite his point being about their rights. Idk if that makes sense, but it goes with something Jenny wrote in her book about him not being able to shut the fuck up.

I think Jenny is problematic (I didn't know about the tweets and stuff initially, I was horrified when I realized) and I find it odd that he would say they were "the same animal." That's concerning when she's made such derogatory/just dumb statements in the past. But he's always had absolutely horrible taste in women.

Minka was problematic too, and so was Jessica. I also hate this part but he did hook up with Kristin Cavallari and I can't stand her (Team LC for life baby !!!)

Anywho this is long I apologize lol

[rayofsunas]

 haikyuu!! as dads (pt.1)

A/n: hello! starting off with a clean slate here yay! if some of the first few seem so short and the writing seems different, it’s because I wrote half of this like three days ago- anywways, requests are open btw!!

Summary: haikyuu characters as dads/domestic living. 

Pairings: Semi Eita, Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Toru, Kenma Kozume 

Warnings: some timeskip spoilers, fluff, parenting, angst (kinda) swearing (maybe), crack, all characters are aged up

Word count: 1.8k 

Part Two!

Semi Eita

- the serious sometimes scary looking dad, but other than that he’s a fluff ball

- he may look scary but he simply cannot punish them for anything 

- especially after they bonded over music, legit cannot do nothing wrong

- on the days he’s not working or with his bandmates, you can often find him with his twin daughters, teaching them how to use different musical instruments 

- okay, so your daughters are still pretty young, so they aren’t very good at using most instruments, but for Christmas you and Semi got them both a small set of drums, something easy

- it was very cute to come home from work to see your husband and daughters loudly practicing on the drums

- sure at first it gave you a blasting headache, but after a while you got used to it, and even jammed out with them when you had the time

- mainly just random sounds/beats coming from the two five year olds, but Semi doesn’t mind, he’s willing to teach them and he does proudly 

- if one of his daughters or both wants too

- definitely writes songs for his daughters and you

- i can see him writing lullaby’s for them and working on them for hours making sure they were perfect

- lets just say they were perfectly beautiful 

- because you went to high school together, the nickname “semi semi” stuck with you (thanks chicken tendo)

- but your girls will also cutely call him “semi semi”

- you often bring them to concerts despite semi saying it’s probably too loud for them

- he’ll let you sit safely with them back stage uwu

- after he runs back to you three and is bombarded with hugs, high-fives and kithes

- YOU’RE ALL SO PROUD OF HIM

Bokuto Koutarou

- bokuto is a hyper dad, which we all saw coming. there is no taking the child out of bo

- i feel like he’d want tons of kids, probably even uses his children as an excuse to act the way he does

- i can see him with a few kids, 3 to be exact (2 boys and 1 girl)

- he likes to be really involved with his children, and gets very sad/emo when he doesn’t see them for short/long periods of time

- for example, the Black Jackals is a whole different game field than high school volleyball and it’s much more time consuming and has him away a lot 

- when he does come home and has time off, let’s just say he clings to his children like a puppy

- even after a while THEY get sick of him and wanna ditch him, cue emo bo :(

- if his children gang up on him (which they do) cue emo Bo again :(

- he babies them all, can’t ever say no

- tends to go back on his word lmao

- if your oldest son begs and begs for season tickets to his favorite sports team? Bo KNOWS they can be expensive, and he was even scolded by you, but two hours after saying no, he runs back to his son and gives him the money 

- if your daughter wants to get her nails done with a group of friends, he knows she picks out the most expensive polishes, etc, BUT HE DOES NOT CARE, he will gladly give her the money and even go with her to get his nails done 

- yes, you heard me

- of course he’ll being chaperone for this girls day, he promises to pretend that he doesn’t know them and keep his distance (sit very far away lol), but after a little while its just hard to contain and he’s screaming to everyone in the salon that his daughter is sitting on the other side of the room eye- 

- your youngest son wants an expensive sports car? done

- he just wants to make his family happy, pleaseee

 Kuroo Tetsurou 

- poor Kuroo, he has 2 daughters and you, so he’s surrounded by girls lol 

- he actually doesn’t mind it tbh

- between you and his two daughters, he wouldn’t have it any other way

- just gives him an excuse to be overly protective

- anywhere in public, expect either kuroo holding your hand

- or holding his daughters close to him (piggy back rides, yes)

- or, he stands protectively behind you and your daughters while you talk to someone, sending them threatening glares behind your backs 

- he was shy as a child, so it wasn’t surprising when one of his daughters, the youngest, was very very shy

- he doesn’t mind once again, just gives him an excuse to be protective 

- although he’s busy, he always makes time for his girls ALWAYS

- definitely a bragger

- if his family is brought into a convo, he pridefully will express how cute and smart his daughters are, may or may not openly declare his daughters are the cutest amongst his co-workers children

- he’s mad intuitive and aware/observant

- kuroo always knows when one or both of his daughters are about to start crying/throw a fit

- cue dad kuroo prepared to crack funny chemistry and or science jokes

- his shy daughter finds him very funny, doubles over every time he cracks a joke and calls him a “silly rooster”

- even when she's older she still laughs and even copies his jokes

- but his other daughter just cringes, every time sigh

- when she was younger she used to fake the laughs, but when he started saying the jokes in public she just stopped reacting, hoping he would stop-

- he didn’t...

- i like to imagine kuroo and kenma staying friends even after high school, and since kenma has hella video games and a whole arcade in his house, he’ll often bring his daughters over to his house

- his eldest daughter loves it at uncle kenma’s house

- cue jealous rooster dad

Oikawa Toru 

- okay so oikawa is ALWAYS busy

- isn’t home much, except during off seasons or if he messes up his knee again (yes, it’ll happen) 

- in the event that he’s home due to a knee injury, he’ll wanna be catered too lmaooo

- he doesn’t expect his little girl to cater to him and really only teases you about it

- but his daughter will get him whatever he needs while he’s propped up on the couch

- she admires him so much

- his daughter kinda has a smart mouth-

- definitely got that from him, having picked up on it from a young age, while he was home

- when he was home once propped up with a messed up knee, she went ��here dadkawa” as she handed him an ice pack

- he laughs at the nickname, asking you about where it came from later

“she was on call with hajime’s daughter yesterday... hajime asked how ‘poopykawa’ was doing”

- he just rolls his eyes, “at least he cleaned it up for her sake” you explained 

- will not lose the “kawa” part, so it’s dadkawa lol

- when he’s away, she’s always asking for dadkawa

- when he’s here they're inseparable

- morning breakfast now will be her sitting in his lap instead of yours

- she asks to watch cartoons with him instead of you :(

- bath time consists of her arguing with you as you try to wash her hair, while oikawa sits on the closed toilet seat laughing to himself

- “mommy i want dadkawa to wash my hair!”

- “you always whine that he gets soap in your eyes”

- “I don’t care!”

- when you bring your daughter to games, she’ll be cheering him on proudly, “mommy, look at dadkawa!” “GO DADKAWA!!!!”

- since he plays for the professional Argentine team, i figure you all live in Argentina now, traveling from Argentina and Japan was tiring, so you moved to be closer

- when the news approaches him after or before games, he makes sure to show his daughter off and the whole time it’s his daughter stealing the show

- she might be shy at first, but as long as dadkawa is holding her, she’s fine

- he’ll teach her Spanish, defiantly sings happy birthday to her in Spanish because it’s special

- he calls her his princesa (princess in spanish)

Kenma Kozume 

- if his child didn’t enjoy video games like him or any of his hobbies like volleyball, I feel like Kenma would have a hard time with them

- he loves his son yes, but he’d have a hard time interacting with him, especially if he’s not into video games or volleyball

- if he is though, you can often find the two in kenma’s home office, playing games

- when your son was a infant, you would always come home from being out/work to find your son sitting in his pj’s on kenma’s lap watching his dad play video games 

- “it’s late, ken. i see he’s already in his pj’s- did you already have dinner?” “yes”

- “without me?” you asked, lifting up your son to give his cheeks kisses. “there’s apple pie in the fridge.”

- eye-

- yes he fed your son that, yes he needs a little guidance, yes he needs to be told apple pie is NOT dinner

- on another occasion of coming home, you found your boys in the same spot, once again playing video games, your sons eyes drifting between the game and his father every time he muttered under his breath 

- “the screen is bad for your eyes kenma, and he’s just a baby! he’ll get bad eyes too!”

- kenma’s short answer is, “he won’t” 

- when your son got older, and he started getting into video games, it got harder for you to tear his eyes away from the screen

- he’s been around video games his whole life, so of course it’d be hard, you just didn’t think he’d grow attached 

- kenma leaves most of the strict parenting to you, because he LEGIT doesn’t NOT know what to say

- he’s lowkey afraid he’ll push his son away if he says the wrong thing, but he’s also worried that if he doesn't say anything, they’ll have no real relationship, so he struggles 

- he tries his hardest to bond with him over video games and volleyball though

- as said by your son, kenma’s cooking can’t compare to yours, BUT he does know how to make a yummy apple pie

- his son will help kenma with said apple pie, when he’s younger he was often the taste tester and made a mess every time

- kenma gets nervous in huge crowds and really around anyone he doesn’t know, so if his son is a social butterfly he’ll try to get kenma used to people other than himself and you

- somehow, during the rare moments his son has problems (friends, school etc), kenma will be the one to speak up privately

- he’ll definitely tell his son to surround himself with a good friend/good friends, he also makes sure to let him know the importance of quality over quantity 

- he has a brotherly relationship with kuroo, and if not for kuroo he’d be alone, he wants the same thing for his son

10.20.20, rayofsunas 

[princess-mei]

Mei 美美 Qin – Character Sheet

it’s like everything you say is a sweet revelation / all i wanna do is get into your head / yeah we could stay alone, you and me and this temptation / sipping on your lips, hanging on by a thread, baby

late night watching television / but how’d we get in this position / it’s way too soon, i know this isn’t love (no) / but i need to tell you something

i really really really really really really like you / and i want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

Archetype — The Explorer Birthday — July 9th, 2002 Zodiac Sign — Year of the Horse, Rising Leo, Sun in Cancer, Moon in Cancer MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — 2, the Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Gryffindor Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Lust Primary Virtue — Charity Element — Water/Fire (she’s a Water Horse, so she definitely identifies with that but in Western tradition she is Fire.)

Overview:

Mother — Tanya Qin Father — Peng Qin Mother’s Occupation — Editor-in-Chief of the San Francisco Chronicle Father’s Occupation — financial diviner Family Finances — wealthy Birth Order — middle Brothers —  none Sisters — Ting-Ting (Gemma Chan, May 13, 1993), Su (January 22, 2003) Other Close Family — close to their mother’s side, father’s side lives in China, but they’ve taken trips to see them once or twice. do not have any cousins/aunts/uncles, but close to their grandparents. Best Friend — Daisy Zanetti, they grew up together. Met in school and were thick as thieves right away. Daisy is a half-fairy, so they both understood the whole “half” background thing. Other Friends — Lots and lots of friends~ Enemies — There was probably like one Mean Girl that Mei was always antagonizing and who was always antagonizing her. Pets — None. Home Life During Childhood — Relatively happy. Has nice, loving parents. Did a lot of Family Activities, since that was important. Mother was busy a lot with work, but her father was around a lot and Ting-Ting was always around (until she went to school.) Town or City Name(s) — San Francisco, CA What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — Posters everywhere! Very personalized and customized. Lots of reds and golds. Probably had like one of those net things around her bed. Always very messy, because Mei starts a project and then just jumps to the next. Lots of natural light too probably. Any Sports or Clubs — Dance and Gymnastics. Mei has kept up with both of these throughout the year. Does both ballet and hip hop. Her favorite gymnastics is rhythmics. Favorite Toy or Game — She wouldn’t consider it a toy or game, of course, but loves doing tarot and tea readings. Also enjoys a good board game, is very competitive though. Schooling — Public school. Favorite Subject — Physical Education ?? Maybe literature. Art classes… Popular or Loner — Decently popular. She wasn’t one of the people that everyone knew but she had a wide circle of friends. Important Experiences or Events — Discovering she had divination skills. Deciding her specialization. Moving to Swynlake! Nationality — American Culture — Chinese-American Religion and beliefs — Spiritual, borrowing from a spread of Taoism, Buddhism, Chinese folklore, and Confucianism.

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — Cheng Xiao Complexion — Fair-skinned Hair Colour — Naturally a dark brown, but she dyes it a lot! Eye Colour — Dark brown. Height — 5’6 Build — Athletic, but slim. Tattoos — None. Piercings — Ears. Common Hairstyle — Likes to braid it or put it in two buns. Does a lot of half-up/half-down hairstyles. Clothing Style — Chic and trendy, lots of colors and patterns. Mannerisms — Very bouncy, doesn’t sit still much. Twirls her hair around her finger a lot. Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — Pretty healthy! I’m sure this is due to Ting-Ting constantly balancing her Yin-Yang Physical Ailments — None. Neurological Conditions — None. Allergies — None! Grooming Habits — Rather good. Takes a lot of care with her appearance. Always makes sure to moisturize and exfoliate and change out of sweaty clothes. Sleeping Habits — Average. Eating Habits — Eats a lot because Su is constantly making things, but can forget meals if she is distracted or concentrating. Exercise Habits —  Exercises a lot! Does all sorts of things like pilates and swimming and jogging. Emotional Stability — I give her a 7/10, she loses points for being a stubborn, unreasonable teenager and for her temper, but otherwise is pretty even-keeled. Body Temperature — Average. Sociability — Very social! Loves surrounding herself with people. Addictions — Love? Drug Use — None, we will see. Alcohol Use — Has gone to parties where she’s drank before, but not often.

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — Interrupting people, bouncing from topic to topic, meddling in things that she shouldn’t, talking back, being a general nuisance. Good Habits — Very kind, very caring. Wants to take care of all her people. Strong moral compass. Best Characteristic — Her certainty. Worst Characteristic — Her stubbornness. Worst Memory — Being told she would have to move to Swynlake. Best Memory — When her father told her that he was proud of her for completing her studies for being a sorcerer and accepting an apprenticeship. Proud of — Her magic, her family history, her looks, her sporting ability. Embarrassed by — Not much, probably the fact she isn’t very good at school. Driving Style — Probably was just learning how to drive. A speed demon, but surprisingly a good driver. Strong Points — Her moral center and her big heart. Temperament — Can be explosive, but general soft and sweet. Attitude — Generally positive. Weakness — Not knowing what she wants. Fears — Not knowing what she’s going to do with her life. Phobias — Anything unlucky, though I wouldn’t call it a phobia, more of a cautious regard. Secrets — None really? She doesn’t keep much from people. She’s very “This Is Who I am. Fight Me.” Regrets — Having to leave Swynlake. Feels Vulnerable When — People are angry or upset with her, she’s not following her heart. Pet Peeves — Being told she’s wrong, lol. Conflicts — Duty to Family v Duty to Heart Motivation — Following her heart. Short Term Goals and Hopes — Make friends and something out of her life in Swynlake. Long Term Goals and Hopes — Figure out what she wants to do with her life. Sexuality — As-is she is straight, but this can change. Day or Night Person — Day Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert. Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist except she can be really sour when things don’t go her way.

Likes and Styles:

Music — Oh, gosh–where to start? Mei loves love songs, of course. Big fan of Elton John, Elvis Presley, Celine Dion, etc etc. She also loves modern stuff, of course. Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, Ed Sheeran…if she’s really feeling it some Florence and the Machine. Loves KPop too. I’ll let Lauryl tell me who she stans. (Is that the phrase I feel like there is a phrase.) Anyway, anything that is love related, she’ll give it a listen. Books — Doesn’t actually like reading that much, tbh. Doesn’t hold her interest. Magazines — Do people read magazines anymore? Does Buzzfeed count as a magazine? Probably giggles over Cosmopolitan. Foods — Sweets! Chocolate is her favorite, but she likes licorice a lot too. Is one of those weird people that likes black licorice. Also, loves a good rice pudding. That’s probably her favorite dessert. She also loves chicken, any kind of chicken–she doesn’t care what you put it in or what you put on it. Isn’t much of a picky eater. Actually really enjoys being adventurous with her food. Drinks — Green tea, green tea, green tea! Mei loves tea, especially iced. She also surprisingly likes salt soda water–she goes back and forth on sweet and savory. Sometimes, she just really wants salt soda water because it is just crisp and refreshing and wakes her back-up and reorients her yin-yang when she needs it. Animals — Elephants! Mei loves elephants. She’s that girl that has like elephant shirts and an elephant backpack and an elephant stuffed animal probably. They have such a high emotional capacity and Mei really respects them for this. They are also just so cute with their floppy ears and their soft, sweet eyes! Loves birds too as most of them are symbols of good luck and good tidings–besides owls, which are harbingers of death. Sports — Gymnastics and dance. Social Issues — Magick Rights is the biggest one. Also feminism. Also all the “main” issues. Favorite Saying — “Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness” - Chinese Proverb Color — Golds, yellows, reds, blues are her favourites. She loves gold because it is a Classy color. Most of her jewelry is gold. She loves yellow because it is bright and happy! Red is lucky in Chinese culture and it always reminds her of times like New Year’s! Also, it is the color of passion and love. Blues she likes because they are calming and gentle.  These are her lucky colors. She also loves pink, even though it is technically a color that she should avoid. Really hates white, because she doesn’t like what a blank slate it is. Also, hates brown because it is an icky boring color. As you can see, she has a lot of Opinions on colors. Clothing —Chic and trendy, lots of colors and patterns. Jewelry — Loves it! Wears mostly gold. Probably has a few staple pieces but then exchanges things depending on her mood. Websites — Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter etc etc TV Shows — CW shows and K/Cdramas Movies — All the great love classics: Gone with the Wind, the Titanic, When Harry Met Sally, Roman Holiday, all of Audrey Hepburn probably, the Notebook, Singing in the Rain…I could go on and on. She loves movies that tug at the heart strings and are full of that wild, amazing, passionate kind of love. They always make her swoon and if she is choosing a movie for movie night, you know it’s gonna be a romantic tearjerker. Though, she also likes romcoms. Doesn’t like action movies or horror movies or anything too intense, they freak her out Greatest Want — To figure out what to do with her life. Greatest Need — To grow up and learn things aren’t all about her, lmao.

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — A three bedroom apartment with Ting-Ting and Su. Household furnishings — Rather plain at the moment, but will probably grow cozy as they settle in. Favorite Possession — Her pseudogrimoire where she writes down all the signs and stuff that she sees and puzzles out the meaning to. Most Cherished Possession — Her wand, which is a fan that was her mother’s, her mother gave it to her and her father and Ting-Ting help her imbibe it with magic. Neighborhood — Tortuga Place Married Before — No Significant Other Before — Non-serious boyfriends and Serious crushes Children — She iS a child Relationship with Family — Very close with her dad, even though he’s always yelling at her and being disappointed in her. They have a lot in common and she loves him. Her and her mother also get along more or less, she’s less stringent than her dad. Ting-Ting and her probably have the most contentious relationship, but even that hasn’t been that bad really. Mostly Mei being a nosy, annoying little sister. It will get more intense now that Ting-Ting is the authority figure and Mei is pissed about their situation. Su and Mei get along more or less well, they annoy each other, as sisters are wont to do, but Mei would def consider Su one of her best friends. Car — None. Career — Student Dream Career — She doesn’t know !! Dream Life — Married, with children, though she doesn’t know what she wants out of a career. Love Life — Nonexistant, which pisses her off. Talents or Skills — Excellent gymnast and very good with her magic. Intelligence Level — Decently intelligent, has street smarts, tbh. Very sharp in conversation. Finances — Wealthy

[m1smatched-starsigns]

If Stonefur hadn't died really soon, who would be a good match for him? Any thoughts on that? I'm curious lol

so I think of Stonefur as a little bit uptight because he takes being a warrior so seriously + his dream of becoming deputy, whereas most RiverClan warriors are more chill and laid-back. So his personality can be a turn off/on depending on the cat, but everyone agrees that he’s very respectable and would make a strong leader someday. For anybody wondering, his personality stems from a desire to make Oakheart proud of him. 

For some reason, I remember that people used to ship him with Shadepelt. I can think of literally no reason for this except that she was Stonefur’s apprentice, and maybe there was a fanfiction that I missed somewhere? Anyway, I actually like this pairing because Shadepelt is such a blank slate that she could be molded into whatever character you needed her to be... which sounds boring now that I’ve re-read it lol.

We only know so much about that era of RiverClan cats and most of them are somehow related to Stonefur, so we’ll venture to ThunderClan, which is interesting considering he is part ThunderClan. I think he would mesh really well with a cat like Frostfur or Brindleface. They’re pretty average as far as characters go, but were respectable warriors and compatible with a lot of different cats because they’re so average. 

Tbh I don’t see him settling down with many of the popular characters, but I’ve mentioned him in like every other post, so here’s Fireheart! Our ginger boy would absolutely give Stonefur a heart-attack with all of the trouble he gets into, but... worrying about Fireheart would give him something to do? Fireheart manages to be charming no matter how much trouble he’s in, so he could always make it up to Stonefur, but I don’t see this ship treading water easily. Most likely, Stonefur would just be frustrated with Fireheart all the time.

This one is totally random but the thought of Stonefur and Blackstar cracks me up. I can’t even think of a reason why they would be together except for a cliche nonphysical tug they feel towards each other, but. like. the straight-laced RiverClan warrior and his gangster ShadowClan leader boyfriend? Just makes me laugh. 

Cats I won’t elaborate on, but I think would be a fitting partner: Leopardstar, Onewhisker, Goldenflower, Cinderpelt, Redtail (can be shipped with anyone)

Cats I do NOT think she would be drawn to: Tigerstar, Sandstorm, Russetfur, Graystripe, Blackstar tbh

I really enjoy talking about ships so if you guys want to see any more of these, send them in!

[y01te-moved]

igneous and/or corona for character ask ?

i am doing both bc Fuck Yeah but ofc under the cut bc of that bc this is kind of Very needlessly long even w/me omitting a section for both of them.,

Igneous:-favorite thing about them: this is. Difficult bc i do actually like a majority of the things about him but ig to keep it simple i will just say his design is good albeit tacky (tho thats why its good tbh..) also the fact that hes a knight is umm.😳

-least favorite thing about them: genuinely dislike if not hate how they wrote him for pretty much all of the nuuma arc cause they had no business suddenly reducing him to just making an unnecessary amt of failed attempts at romance when that was only just barely a part of his character beforehand, but more specifically any of the scenes hes in in ep 36 just downright fucking suck and Thats On That, (sadly)

-favorite line: i do not have a specific line for this but anyways near the start of like, i think its ep 24 or somewhere in that area, after he and hunter finished a round against each other and then like right after that he goes to the side and starts talking to magma abt how they both think hunter has been coming along very well lately in his training and are generally proud of him? that was a very good scene……

-brOTP: this also has an honorable mention for being the otp response but im not rlly as personally invested in it but anyways. igneous/slate dynamic good which is kind of the obvious response but. what else am i supposed to say its just straight up canon ajgsdjahdkj.

-OTP: im sure this goes w/out saying considering who we r talking to but anyways him and magma r boyfriends thats the rules

-nOTP: in an ideal world i wouldn’t have to say anything here bc people would just be normal and not come up with anything weird but ill take this moment to say if you’ve ever thought pairing him w/hunter would be a good idea i can and i will strangle you. like it should be really obvious why thats awful And Yet thats a concept ive had the misfortune of seeing multiple times.

-random headcanon: he usually would not bc he takes training very seriously BUT he Could hold side conversations and the likes while still being perfectly capable in a fight and every now and then does so w/someone else there just to flex on hunter. also hes the like 1 person that would have a genuinely hard time grasping concepts that are specific to the outer world/surface. hunter would try to tell everyone what a car is and he’d have an immediate crisis

-unpopular opinion: honestly this is just a repeat of the notp response, thats the only thing ive seen from ppl that i just. do not like at all because. yea…

-favorite picture of them: technically i have 2 but one of them is already my icon as of rn n i dont need to b redundant so!

Corona:-favorite thing about them: this is very generic perhapse but i will say that i think with the handful of alt outfits she gets throughout the eps for various reasons are always so good i appreciate them so much… we stan a fashion icon

-least favorite thing about them: do not appreciate the running gag about her cooking bc its like “haha lol look at this beautiful girl she seems so perfect but oh she can’t cook well!!” like for starters even if it wasnt cooking i just think she deserves to be able to feel passionate about something without it falling apart n having it b smth she can still be made to feel bad about and also it is just not very respectful to women in general and again she deserves better than that.

-favorite line: edited the parts of this line together Very quickly so it looks a little odd BUT

this specific part still rlly hits different especially with the specific word choices…. thank u ms corona spider riders for saying trans rights..

-brOTP: i think she also has a v good dynamic w/magma actually even if its not like super obvious and all that but they r just genuinely supportive of each other and that is very epic.. incredible display of mlm/wlw solidarity

-OTP: honestly kind of have mixed feelings on sexuality hcs for her which would kind of make or break this but i will say i do think she has a much better dynamic w/hunter in general and thus also on a romantic note so that is something..

-nOTP: cant say i have any bc i havent rlly seen any that strike me as just downright bad thankfully.

-random headcanon: postcanon her and aqune are no longer two queens pitted against each other and would probably hang out p often generally speaking which is where, on top of well, yknow, trying to catch up on the like many years they many years they were separated, aqune would help her pick up better cooking skills and she would help aqune in experimenting more w/fashion on occasion. or generally just those sort of things bc those examples r not the most inch resting but ive already made the answer to this ask wayy too long i think so the point remains.. kjfdlkf

-unpopular opinion: its not rlly debated anyways n i think they do handle it fairly well for the most part but if i had to say one thing i do kinda wish they had given slightly more focus on her and dealing with what her past was and slightly less focus on making her a love interest cause like.. one of those things is kind of a lot more important to the core concepts of the show/plot and it is not the romance.

-favorite picture of them:

[hyuuchiha-a]

What are mun’s ships for their muses?

[ Anon ]

     [ A good question, nonny! In truth I don’t have that many...? A lot of the charries I write here I consider either VERY difficult to ship, or have one set ship for them. I’m gonna put this under a cut cuz it’ll probably be long, lol ]

Itachi: So this particular Itachi, by default (as with all the muses here, actually) is from a very long RP before Tumblr with two friends. In that RP, he was paired with the main muse from @kusunokihime! And because of the nature of how that story went (which I call A Light Amongst Shadows, the primary verse here), I don’t have him open to ship with anyone else. T’is just how the narrative works!

Sasuke, by default, I ship with Hinata (typically mine, but also with @historias-multorum in our little blending of verses). I...really don’t see him ever shipping with anyone else simply because of how closed-off I write him? I could talk about it for days but in short, he’s just not really a shippy kinda guy.

Hinata is probably my most openly-shippable canon bean! By default I do write her with my Sasuke, but honestly she’s a very loving girlie, so I can see her opening up to other muses! I actually do love Naru///Hina, but not so much the canon version. I’d love to write out a romance with them from scratch! Otherwise, with her, I don’t have much planned / established beyond with my Sasuke, but she’s very compatible imo!

Shisui is...complicated. I’ve shipped him twice in the past, on a different blog I had: with @wanderingmelodies‘ Rin, and @quiet-kunoichi‘s Kimiko. In all honesty Shisui’s a very charming, flirty guy? But he’s actually really flighty when it comes to actual relationships, and he’s not about hookups. He just likes to tease. In actuality he’s very hard to pin down, mostly because of how I write his time between his “death” and his reappearance post fourth war. He’s got some unpacking to do. So while he might flirt with a muse, it wouldn’t be easy to actually ship with him. Otherwise, I don’t have anything set up! And I’m not sure if either of those ships are ongoing with the new blog~

Neji I by default ship with Tenten - I have another muse who is his biological child with her, and another they adopt! Given how prim and proper he is (very...old-school. Kinda conservative?), it’d take some work to get with him in an AU. He’s haughty and proud. Proving themselves to him for another muse would be hard, but...not ENTIRELY impossible?

Hanabi I don’t really ship. I think Kono///Hana is cute, but I’ve never actually written it. I don’t have her paired with anyone in the ALAS fic as of yet! She’s a bit like Shisui: a little precocious, but also conscious of her role as Hyūga heiress.

Tenkai (my older Sasu///Hina babb) I pseudo-ship with Akane on my other blog, who is a Naru///Saku daughter! I say pseudo cuz...they only get up to 14 in the fic, so...not really the age to fully date, imo lol. I haven’t gotten to write him much, so I’m not fully sure how well he’d open up to other ships? But we could try!

Chikyū (the younger Sasu///Hina babb) is...a strange bean. I don’t ship her with anyone, and...I’m not sure how she’d react to shipping lol (tho again, since they stay minors, it wouldn’t be anything hot and heavy unless written at a point in their timeline where they are adults). But again, I haven’t written her much, so we’d have to just see!

Higure (Neji’s adopted pseudo-clone...see her bio for details cuz it’s a long story lol) I pair with Fugaku II on the main blog. I’ve...never really considered shipping her! But she might give it a try. They’d have to be very patient though, she’s a fragile bean.

Hinode is the Neji///Ten bean, and by default he’s with Reika II on the main blog. But he’s a good kiddo, he’d probably get along with someone else all right! Keyword is kid, tho - just fluff unless aged up!

Manami is my OC I made to be both Mikoto’s older sister, and Shisui’s mother! I write her with another OC, Junichi, meant to be Kagami’s son. But she IS originally slated to marry Fugaku, so...that’s something I sorta ship? Otherwise she’s pretty chill, so honestly I’d say she might consider a ship if she got on with someone okay! I also guilty pleasure ship her with Reika on the main blog, but...that’s a major AU lol

Hanako, Hinata and Hanabi’s mother, I really only ship with Hiashi. But I haven’t had any inklings of other ships? Maybe with Mikoto in a random AU, I dunno!

Hotaru, Neji’s mom...I dunno. She’s very staunch in her beliefs, so she’d probably only ever get with another (male) Hyūga. But hey, things happen!

Mikoto’s primary ship is, of course, with Fugaku. But I dream of a modern AU (or maybe even canon >w>) where she and him end up seeing things differently and divorce...and she ends up with Kushina. At first as friends, but then things...y’know...it’d be cute xD LET NART AND SAUCE BE ACTUAL BROTHERS. Otherwise, I’ve never planned or plotted anything with her!

Fugaku is again with Mikoto, maybe Manami. Otherwise...no idea. He’s a bit of a grump, but just...overly serious (as laid out in his bio). I dunno how he’d get on with other muses. We’d have to see!

Obito I don’t really ship. Maybe in an AU with Rin, tho I kinda prefer Kaka///Rin, tbh. I DO sometimes indulge @abyssaldespair‘s anons about OUR ship on THIS blog, but otherwise...I just don’t see him derailing his plan for a romance. It just doesn’t seem viable to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Madara I also don’t really ship? I only write him in a few AUs, and...they’re not too flashy with him. AtLA he has whatever NPC wife to carry on the main Fire Nation family. Pokémon he’s too busy running Team Rocket. DL, he’s kinda lost it. And OMaM...he’s open to brief flings, but not anything solid. He sort of treats partners like...an entertainment. And things get old. Heck he even treats the one ship I have on the other blog like that. So...actual romance? Prooobably not. MAYBE flings in OMaM, but...I’m not that great at writing random smut? So I doubt I’d actually write anything out.

     Anyway...I guess that’s everyone? There’s a lot of...variety in how I perceive each muse and their ability to form relationships. My more “main” muses (those toward the top on the muse page) tend to have very severe mental and emotional trauma. Forming bonds isn’t easy. And I don’t wanna make anyone ooc of how I write them just to ship, y’know? But thank you for asking! I’ve actually meant to make a post about this, so...you get one step ahead of me xD I hope your curiosity’s sated, lil nonny :3 And always feel free to ask anything else you’d like to know! Obviously I love to ramble xD 

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

122: The I Love You’s (8x14)

First of all…

I have so been looking forward to breaking down this solid gold moment right here. Cuz y’all, it’s everything. 🙌🏾 So you already know I have to happy dance in advance lol.

Wait it’s still not out of my system. 😋

(Side note: I’m already extra when it comes to even their smallest moments so this is about to be extra x10. So thank you for putting up with me lol 🙏🏽😂 And this post is particularly long (cuz of course), so I’ll spare your TL with this one 👌🏽😊)

Lemme tell you, every time I see or even just remember this moment I cannot help but react to it with the same high energy I had when I first saw it. This moment gives me complete and utter joy and it also really moves me, so this will always be me when it comes to this scene…

Cuz y’all...they said it!! 🎉Won’t He Do It! Yes He Will! All the time! Forever and Ever! Amen. 🙌🏾😌🙌🏾😌

And I love that while it was a big celebratory moment for us, it was such a normal thing for them. All the way here for it. 👌🏽😊

It’s funny cuz I generally avoid spoilers but, the week before, I had been hearing murmerings that 8x14 might be the episode where they say it, and just the mere notion of that had me turning up. So literally the whole episode I was just waiting and watching like...

Cuz ever since I boarded this ship the thought of what those “I love you’s” would be like and when they would come was on my mind often. And we finally got to see it! And of course Danai and Andy knocked it out of the park. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

But first, to back track just a little bit, in the few moments prior we see Carol open up to Ezekiel about her daughter.

(Side note: I wish Carol and Michonne would talk more. They’re different in a lot of ways but also have a lot of similarities too. Like in Carol’s conversation with Ezekiel she shares about how these people helped her find a better version of herself and that’s the case for Michonne as well.👌🏽)

The main reason I bring up this moment tho, is because, when they cut to the wider shot, Carol and Ezekiel are holding hands which is sweet, and what I love most about it is that you can see Michonne sitting in the background, almost center with the hand hold. And y’all that’s not a coincidence. 💯

How did Richonne’s romantic relationship start? With a glorious hand hold. 🙌🏾😋 And it’s cool that we get some parallel to R&M’s 6x10 moment in the same episode that we get to witness another long awaited exchange. 😊 (And this also sort of suggests that Carol and Ezekiel might be joining the couples club that I think only Rick and Michonne are in rn.)

But seeing Michonne sitting alone made me kind of sad too cuz it makes me think about how she would totally be spending that time with Carl if he was there (or Rick if he wasn’t out wildin 🙃)

So they hear the gate open and then Michonne springs up cuz she knows her man has come home, which is probably a big relief for her, knowing his recent inclinations to leave and get himself in serious predicaments.

My favorite thing about seeing Michonne spring up like this is cuz, as many have pointed out, it’s so reminiscent to when Rick heard her arriving at the gate in the season 4 premiere. Y’all their magnetic connection is still going strong all these seasons. 😊

So then Rick and Morgan walk in looking like two bad kids who can solemnly swear they’ve been up to no good. 😂 

And when Michonne sees him, she has a look that says she’s both relieved and also that she can tell her man has likely spent the day wildin all the way out.

Morgan walks up to Henry and tells him he was able to kill the Savior who killed his brother. And rather than relish the vengeance, Henry actually expresses sympathy that Morgan had to kill again and he tells him sorry. 

And then I get hit hard upon hearing Morgan tell Henry “Don’t ever be sorry” cuz it’s exactly what Morgan told Carl back in “Clear.” 😭

I’m always here for a “Clear” reference in this show even tho it’s also a heartbreaking reminder that Carl isn’t there anymore. (And I hope this show knows that in no way will Henry be a legitimate replacement, so TWD don’t try to make fetch happen. Just saying.)

So while that’s going on, Rick is walking towards the main house and people are looking at him cuz Homeboy def looks like he’s been suspect. And he’s just sort of looking right back at people like “Say something, I dare you.” 😅

One person he doesn’t look at tho is Michonne and y’all I admit I was not feeling that. I was like; Rick don’t you walk past your girl without acknowledging her in some way. Like I know he’s in a daze and probably feeling guilty but at least nod or something bruh, especially after likely making her stressed all day about where he went.

As he walks away, Michonne watches him go and they emphasize her having this look.

Seeing this reaction from her briefly made me worried that maybe this show was heading towards another moment of distance between them or even disappointment cuz tbh Michonne wouldn’t be out of line if she did feel a little disappointed. So at first, when it came to where they stand, I was like…

But the thing is, Sis is so understanding and the epitome of a great wife so any worry that maybe this was going to cause an issue between them was quickly dispelled in the final scene of the episode.

So now onto the scene that has kept me on cloud nine for months. ☺️Lol. Lemme get prepared.

The scene starts with Rick walking into their room seeming freshly showered, and I love that there seems to be this comfortability with him returning to him and his woman’s room. Like I think they have him enter the scene this way to hit home that this is Rick at the most settled he’s been in a while.

And it’s significant to see him putting on a clean white tee cuz it really does feel like it’s meant to imply a clean slate as well as the lighter side he’s coming back to. He’s leaning into the good again, (now that he’s gotten some of the savagery out of his system lol)

Also I love that there’s this candlelight glow that’s totally paralleling the precious candlelit dinner proposal scene in 7x12. 🙌🏾 I think having that similar glow going just helps to set the tone that he’s more in that 7x12 headspace again, rather than the headspace we saw in the dive bar.

We then see Rick have a visible moment where he knows this is the time to open his letter, like his North Star told him to in this very room earlier in the episode. Everything that’s happened today has shown him that now is the time to stop running. So he goes to the drawer and takes out the letter.

So then, Michonne walks in and stops at the doorway and this whole moment is super similar to the scene earlier. Cuz just like Rick walked in and found Michonne holding her letter near the dresser, Michonne walks in to find Rick holding his letter in the same spot.

Their reactions are different tho cuz where Rick saw her holding the letter and felt a sense of fear and anxiety, Michonne sees him holding the letter and you can tell there’s a sense of relief.

Like she definitely seems a little surprised too with finding Rick right there with the letter, but also happy that whatever he did outside the walls led to the letter and not more suppressing or running from coping.

So the first thing Rick says is “Thank you.” And Rick is a real one for knowing he needs to thank her. And I love how Rick so often says thank you to Michonne in this series cuz Homeboy knows he’s with a queen and he’s grateful. 😊

Now, you know my extra self had to really reflect on what each line of dialogue meant in this scene, and to me Rick’s thank you was for her getting him to see the light slowly but surely, and for fighting for Carl and for himself, for being by his side this whole time, for loving him, and sharing with him, and for everything she is. 👌🏽😊

It was also thanking her for being patient as he took a little detour to where she knew he needed to be. But I think most of all, at the root, this is Rick telling her thank you for not giving up on me. 💯

I love how it’s so visible that a weight is taken off Michonne when he says this cuz it lets her know that he’s in a much better clearer space than before. She was carrying so much for the both of them, to the point that I was like Sis is overdue for a shoulder to cry on, but in hearing and seeing Rick like this, some of that load on her is lightened.

What I adore most about this moment is the way they both take this deep breath when he says this. They are legitimately one and so in sync. 😍🙌🏾

In seeing that Rick is in a clearer headspace she knows they’re making some progress and it’s a relief that he’s more present and stable cuz again, if he’s okay she’s okay and you see that in the synchronicity of their body language.

They both seem to just loosen up due to knowing/sensing that they’re a little more centered than earlier. It’s not that all their external problems are gone, but they’re centered with one another, which is enough to make them feel a lot better. 💯

I love that seeing he’s okay means the world to Michonne and in both of them taking this breath it reminds me of the moment in This Is Us where they all take a deep breath to take a step towards releasing the pain of their loss. As TIU said, when you don’t deal with your grief it’s like your holding your breath, so it’s big for R&M to be able to take this breath together.

The next thing he tells her is “I’m sorry” and I was very proud of Rick for telling her that.

Like hearing him apologize had me like…

And to me, the sorry was for the way he’s been running from her and the pain, for not being there for her the way she’s been there for him, for leaving and putting himself in harms way, and doing the opposite of what she and Carl wanted, for letting irrational Rick dictate his actions and not the Rick that knows to listen to her, and for distancing himself when he knows that’s not the way they are meant to be.

Rick knows he owes her better cuz in all this grief he has every right to wrestle with it but again, when it comes to Michonne he also has every responsibility to be there for her too, for so many reasons. 

To name one, he wanted her in season four to continue this bond with Carl and she did and they became best friends so she opened her heart so fully to Carl and raised him with Rick, so Rick knows that as the husband he has to walk with her in this, and he’s apologizing for not doing that fully.

But Michonne stays out here teaching how to be a great wife cuz with so much love and compassion she tells him “You don’t have to be.”

I love this. 👏🏽😊 Cuz it’s not that she’s just passively letting Rick slide, she just understands that since they can’t reverse the past, all they can do is move forward, learn from it, and be better. And this is her way of showing she’s still here for him and they can be better together.

And I feel like in her telling him he doesn’t have to be sorry it’s not just her saying you don’t have to be sorry for what you did (cuz y’all Michonne and Rick are cut from the same cloth so she can understand what he did cuz she’s capable of going ham on the Saviors like that too) but it’s also saying you don’t have to be in a sorry state forever.

I appreciate that she chooses not to linger on this or reprimand him and make this cause a wedge. Also probably part of why she feels he doesn’t have to be sorry is because she knows his grieving journey has finally led him to the letter, which is where the healing process will begin.

She wants him to know he doesn’t have to be sorry for his grieving process cuz she knows this specific process very well considering she’s experienced it twice now. I love that she understands him so fully and so deeply and more than anyone else I think Rick has ever come across. 🙏🏽😊

Cuz low key someone who wasn’t his soul mate might not have had a response like “You don’t have to be” when he apologizes but more like “you better be”, but Rick’s got himself the best of the best who supports him through literally thick and thin. 👏🏽👸🏾

Rick seems to often be waiting for someone to tear him down or doubt him or be disappointed in him (probably cuz of his past) but she never does. 🙌🏾

Michonne always uplifts him and this moment was yet another way of saying “I’m still with you” and you know Sis always means it. 😌

So after she tells him this, Rick faces her and finally really looks at her with clear eyes again and it makes all the difference. He’s got himself the best wife and he knows it. Cuz she’s so compassionate and understanding and just genuinely wants the best for him without judgment. At the same time she’s not passive and naïve, she knows what’s up but she always chooses to see the man over the mistakes. #RealLove 👌🏽

And then comes the words we’ve been waiting for. Cuz Rick turns and faces Michonne and with the sweetest sincerity says, “I love you.”

Every. Last. Thing. 

That “I love you” was a reminder and a promise that, as much as his whole world has changed, his love for her hasn’t. It’s still there and going strong. 💕

I appreciate that he turns to face her more head on when he says this cuz he wants it to be crystal clear that he means this. We’ve seen that when he’s not being totally honest he can’t really look at people, but here he looks right in her eyes cuz this is the 100% truth. 💯😊

I said in the last post how I was nervous that because this episode tried to make Rick’s word seem like it was questionable that they’d want this scene to be interpreted as questioning if Rick’s words are sincere or just manipulative, but all you have to do is see his face to know he’s serious. 

He’s looking at her the way he looks at her when he’s in his right mind, which is like she’s his sun, moon, and stars. ☺️

And y’all, when he says this it came out so effortlessly that I had to pause cuz it was so clear that not only was this not the first time he’s said this but it was very clear that Homeboy has told her plenty of many of times. 👏🏽😊

Before this episode, I was thinking they’ve said it before but of course Andrew Lincoln found a way to deliver this line in a way where it sounds like this is something Rick says all the time. 😋

But it still feels really special and significant this time, because while I feel this totally isn’t their first, second, or even tenth time exchanging “I love you’s”, I think this may be their first time saying it since losing Carl, which is why it’s so meaningful and a milestone, cuz it’s showing they’re back to telling each other what’s always been true.

And after seeing this so many times, I’ve come to like the sort of melodic way he says it cuz there’s something so tender about it.

Also it’s sweet that he nods when he says it cuz this isn’t meant to be angsty, it’s supposed to be more like he’s saying; “you know that thing I tell you all the time? It’s still true” And it never stopped being true, he’s just now in a healthy spot to tell her again. 😌👌🏽

And once he says that, Michonne then completes this perfection by telling him, “I love you too”

And I gotta happy dance one more again.

But for real, her delivery of that line was beautiful. 😭 It was so sincere and meaningful while also sounding comfortable and certain.

And there’s definitely something emotional in her delivery because they’re expressing this sentiment post-Carl, but there’s also such a sense that this is so normal and natural for them. 

Danai is so good at communicating so much in just a facial expression but also in just a tone of voice like this moment here. 👸🏾

And I love that Michonne got to say I love you to both Carl and Rick in 8B. They’re family. 😭💕

Now as I was first taking this all in, I was like why didn’t they show Michonne’s face as she said that (cuz y’all my extra self would have wanted a split screen so I could see both of their every move in real time lol 😂) 

But what works about doing it this way is that it just goes to show that those three words are so normal for her to hear and say that it didn’t need this reveal of her reaction. She said it like she means it and like she knows he means it too cuz he’s said it fourteen thousand times before. 😋

And Richonne tones for the win, y’all. Like the way they speak to each other is always so loving and genuine and melts my heart. 🙌🏾

I actually have live footage of my heart when I heard them exchange I love you’s:

Lol so if my heart turned into Simone Biles, and I’ve only been waiting like two years for this, I can only imagine how gratifying this moment must’ve been for those that had been waiting for this since season 3 and 4.

Like y’all have been going strong for this couple for years and that allowed people like me to jump on board down the line to see what’s always been there between them. So I was celebrating not just for me but for y’all who believed this day would come as early as the moment R&M laid eyes on each other. 😊 And y’all were so right. Won’t He Do It! 🙌 🏾😋

And I love that this moment had so many of us like...

So while I still would have loved to see Michonne’s reaction, I do love that we get to see Rick’s reaction to her.

Rick nods when she tells him, cuz she’s told him this plenty of many of times too. Amen. 🙌🏾☺️

And y’all I already adored this scene and watched it a ton of times lol, but I never noticed, until I saw it pointed out recently, that Rick actually subtly sheds a tear when she tells him she loves him.

And seeing that has me even more emotional than I already was. 😭

It makes this moment even more moving because even tho these “I love you’s” are not some new profession for them, it still means the world to them. 😊

And I think for Rick to hear his woman so genuinely express that she loves him too, it moves him in this way because he’s reminded yet again that he still has extremely valuable love left in his life.

After losing Carl, he’d been convincing himself that he’s a failure. But Michonne is here and showing him that he’s still loved, and seen, and cared about, and forgiven, and believed in, and that hits home for Rick and makes him really grateful. 😊

Y’all we really are so blessed that this relationship is in such capable hands with these actors. They’re so skilled at making these moments feel so authentic and personal because they’re characters are so lived in and it really does feel like we’re getting just a peek into the deep closeness and intimacy R&M have in everyday life. It makes you feel like it’s too personal to have an audience almost, but it’s perfect. 😌👌🏽

Like every night since 6x10, R&M get ready to go to bed in a room they share and this is how they talk, except more weighted this time given the circumstances.

I appreciate that they’re also so in tune with the characters so they knew to play this moment as meaningful but also casual because it’s a sentiment often expressed between them. They don’t just know they love each other, they clearly tell each other often too. ☺️

8x01, 7x16, 7x12, 7x10, 7x09, 7x08, 7x05, 7x04, 6x11, and even as early as the day they went canon in 6x10; those are all the episodes where I love you’s could totally have been exchanged. Here for it. 😋

And y’all I have to have my reoccurring epiphany that this is Rick and Michonne. The Rick and Michonne that met at that fence, and constantly found themselves staring each other down when they were just strangers in season 3.

The Rick and Michonne who were glad to see each other at the gate in season 4. The Rick and Michonne who knew the rules had changed for them in season 5. The Rick and Michonne who just needed a pair of mints to finally embrace the fact that they were in love in season 6. And now we’re here. It’s a blessing. 🙌🏾🎉

I love thinking about any Richonne scene prior, especially pre-canon, and then thinking about this glorious “I love you” scene following it. Cuz y’all these two have been expressing “I love you’s” to each other in so many different ways for the longest. And it’s just so great to get crystal clear undeniable confirmation that their journey, starting way back in season, 3 was about these two falling in love and now being this strong couple in love. 🙌🏾😌

My favorite is thinking about their moment in the season three finale which parallels this one. In both scenes Rick apologizes and she’s understanding, but in s3 he tells her that it “must’ve been something else” that led him to bring her in. And now in s8 we can pretty much confirm that the “something else” was cuz Homeboy was falling in love. 🙌🏾🎉

Y’all there’s just no denying that what these two have is the real deal. It’s crazy tho cuz even now, with the literal ILYs having been said, there’s people who still completely overlook their relationship or “don’t see the chemistry” or don’t get that Michonne and Rick are a soul mate package deal relationship, which just confirms that…

And again, I acknowledge that everyone absolutely has a right to their opinion on it. 👌🏽 But imho, if people can’t see that Rick and Michonne’s relationship is a soul mate relationship now, then it’s cuz they don’t want to see it since in every scene Rick and Michonne are in the “I love you” is evident. 

Whether it’s in action or in different words, and now in those exact special three words. They are in love. And they are going to stay in love til the end. 💯

So to the people who specifically hate on them, I low key feel like this scene was also a way to say…

But regardless of who’s on board, Richonne only gets stronger and stronger and better and better, so it’s all good.

And y’all the scene doesn’t just end with the I love you’s! There’s more gold to witness. 🙌🏾

Cuz after they share these wonderful words, Michonne goes to Rick and reaches for him cuz he can finally receive it, in fact he needs that.

The way he looks down before she walks over, I feel like Rick doesn’t think she’s about to kiss him, probably cuz he still doesn’t think he deserves that.

But again, Michonne quiets those doubts in him and gives him the love and connection they both need and y’all it’s beyond precious. 🙌🏾

Like this reminded me of one of Richonne’s most life-giving moments with the Kiss of Life in 7x05, in the way Michonne reaches for him and reminds him why he’s got a bomb ride or die wife. 👸🏾

I love that they’re able to share this kiss and just be completely enraptured in this moment. And you can tell they’ve both been wanting to connect this way for a while. 😊

And that mirror showing us all the angles. 👌🏽That mirror is a Richonner and I’m here for it. 😋

And then the looks they share tho…like y’all this love goes deep. ☺️And it’s great how Richonne can’t help but do everything passionately when they’re with each other. 👏🏽

And then the forehead touch, making them like a perfect heart, is such a beautiful establishment of the strong unit they are and the way they lean on each other and are magnetically connected.  This right here is unbreakable. 😌💯

To see them both just be fully locked into this moment and not fight the connection their meant to have is so refreshing. 🙌🏾😊 #magnets

And seeing them in front of this whole mirror is def meant to contrast the broken mirror Rick was in at the bar. In the broken mirror he was alone and troubled, but here he is focused and with the woman that’s his rock so he’s much more whole.

Even during their distance in 8x13, I knew we wouldn’t have to wait long until they were back in each other’s arms, and just an episode later they’re right back where they’re meant to be. 👌🏽

So then, still so close and connected, they both look over at this letter and it’s kind of like these two are looking at Carl in a way.

And it’s deep cuz Carl really was their North Star and such a driving force for these two as individuals. But he still is their North Star because he helped to give them each other, which is how they are able to get through this. 😭

Rick lifts the letter to imply he’s ready to take her words to heart and read it. And Michonne walks away cuz she wants to allow him time to fully take this in on his own.

Before leaving, she looks at him in a way that says; alright it’s time to take this leap, no more running and once you jump I’ll be right there with you. 👌🏽😊

And having gotten his strength from his everything, he’s able to sit and finally let Carl speak to him one last time, cuz I think part of him knows now that Carl won’t end with that letter.

Like Glenn said; the dead live on in the living. So Carl lives on in Judith and in him and in the woman he’s in love with especially, Michonne. So long as they have each other and love each other, they’ll never lose Carl. 😌

Before Rick reads the letter, he looks up and it’s like he’s trying to look up towards Carl cuz now the roles are switched and Rick has to look up to his son.

This episode concludes with Rick reading the letter and emotionally taking in the words. It’s clear this whole scene is not to suggest that Rick is continuing to be jaded, but to show he’s rising above that unhealthy space. 

He’s open to the letter, he’s opening up to Michonne again and focusing on what he loves over what he hates, cuz real Rick is returning.

Y’all love covers a multitude of sins and, while TWD does not get a pass for all the baffling dumb decisions made this season, those “I love you’s” def sustained me for a good while lol.

That day was Easter, it was I Love You’s, it was a good celebratory day.👌🏽😊

And this special moment between Rick and Michonne was such a beautiful way to end the episode, having that moment be the final thing. It just goes to show how Richonne only get stronger and closer through adversity. They endure things that should break them, but together they’re stronger than all of it and they always find their way back to each other.

So I truly adore this scene for giving us the golden “I love you’s” and for showing us how lovingly and authentically they’ve found their way back to each other after the hardest adversity yet. And as long as they have each other they’ll thrive, because they are really and truly soul mates. 💯☺️

Rick and Michonne need each other, y’all. And they’re perfect together. And most importantly, they love each other.👌🏽😌🎉🙌🏾

gif sources: michonnegrimes gekari danaigurirasource spideyys andy-clutterbuck supagirl ricksmichonne

[kinetic-elaboration]

March 22: Orphan Black 4x07

Another excellent episode of Orphan Black S4. It’s not disappointing at all. I really can’t remember why I stopped watching when it was on the air. Now I’m wondering if I actually did watch all of S4 but I just didn’t continue on to S5 for some reason--or maybe it was S5 that went off the rails for me?

Anyway. This was a very well-paced episode and it was exactly what the show needed after the turning point of the prior ep. It went all in on the aftermath and it didn’t tone itself down at all, but it also didn’t feel like they were just trying to one-up the previous episode or just up the stakes exponentially. Each clone had her own unique, and uniquely messed up, reaction to their tragedy, so the plot felt varied and yet all the stakes were high.

Sarah reverting to old habits made sense. Before the show, she was a loner, and now she wants to be a loner again, where she can’t hurt anyone or be hurt. I won’t lie, her sections with the club goers and with Dizzy were really hot. But I also think they did a good job of showing how she could be brought to the edge--a better job than they did with Beth, I still think. There was absolutely no greater sacrifice in Sarah’s contemplated suicide, no ‘purpose’ to it at all, like we were possibly meant to think Beth’s had purpose (still not sure if we were supposed to believe that or not but I do think it’s a defensible reading). Where she was in this episode is where I THOUGHT they were leading Beth. But... not quite. I also loved that she was saved by Felix, by her family--one of the biggest differences between Beth and Sarah being again, that Beth was alone, and Sarah has a network of support.

Cosima still feels like the weak clone in this re-watch. I thought she was getting more interesting at the beginning of this ep: now she’s really in it, not just the science exposition; she saw Kendall die, she’s haunted by her own role in the scheme. Trying to put the implant in herself was a ballsy move, but tbh it was undercut somewhat for me by, first, the way she insulted Scott (like come ON man he has been nothing but there for you since Day One, as a friend and as a scientist, you worked with Delphine for like two days, then she abandoned you--do you only appreciate people you fuck? that’s so dumb), and second, that it was news of Delphine that stopped her from her mad scientist experiments. Like I’m just tired of this weird fantasy romance with no basis in the text. It just makes me lose respect for Cosima as a person, honestly.

Alison’s story had a little bit of that distinctive comic relief feel (I want Donnie to tell me ghost stories!) but still hit me hard with Alison’s attempt to write a condolence card. And it did such a good pivot at the end! I loved the fake out with the Reverend, which paired with Duko’s fake out with Art earlier, all brought together in the violent raid on their little suburban scene. Now a new story line has opened up, a new sort of terror that’s really only been hinted at so far: the use of the apparatus of the state to control the lives of the clones.

I appreciate that the show did a cleaning off of the slate in the last ep, because I was getting a little confused about what had been accomplished and what they needed to do and now it’s like... same old problems, nothing accomplished! So it’s been simplified a bit.

Rachel seemed to be mostly about exposition today: finally revealing the island, beginning the history lesson on Victorian Neolution. Pretty hilarious how proud Susan is of being a eugenicist lol. I think Evie has gotten too cocky, and made a big tactical error in telling Rachel she was as expendable as any other self-aware clone, because now Rachel is obviously primed to team up with Sarah et al and take Evie down. Like ‘oh, you don’t think Neolution would ever put a clone in a position of importance? Import this, bitch.”

And the eye! I remember loving the concept of the eye when I first watched this episode, and I still love it, and I hope it develops into something interesting. The bio/body horror concept of something implanted in her that gives her weird visions--fits really well with the general body-horror theme of the season. Their bodies, and any other bodies Neolution gets its hands on, are just landscapes for experimentation. Truly creepy.

We’ll see if it actually fully goes in that direction.

[rhythmantics]

a collection of doodles; stuff for a 3rd Orre game idea I bounce around sometimes and a couple of OCs

the dream is to one day make a fangame for the orre series

tbh with the way pokemon currently is i don’t trust them at all to handle orre

xd was already Lighter and Softer than colo, and i can only shudder to imagine how much lighter they’ll crank that dial. we might even see shit like...routes...and wild pokemon on them...like??

the orre games had this wonderful moral ambiguity and urban decay that i don’t think pokemon is capable of catering to right now, since they’re trying so hard to have this image these days of this sprawling, kid-focused series. and yeah, s/m’s story got dark and shit, but the game wasn’t marketed that way, and it’s more of a juicy tidbit than the core of the experience.

If a third orre game isn’t unnecessarily gritty and edgy then, like, what’s even the point lol

So i do have rpg maker xp and I do have pokemon essentials and i think i’ve more or less worked out the mechanics i need to have implemented, but i dont think i ahve the time to spare to actually finish it in any capacity because the amount of new assets i’d have to create - tiles, character models, etc - is so massive it would realistically take me several, several months even if i was doing it as a full-time job

so in any case here are some ideas to titillate your interest:

GAMEPLAY:

level scaling across the entire game, across every trainer (possible to turn off for a more traditional pokemon experience). Regular trainers would be set ~3 levels below your team, “strong” trainers (ie cail, rider willie) would be set at your team, and bosses would always be a few levels above. The only place this wouldn’t apply would be Mount Battle, which is, after all, a side challenge. This mechanic would pretty much do away with the need for level grinding except to balance out team levels. reasoning: the orre games are known for their higher difficulty curve, and this plays off it. Double battles also make for very interesting avenues of strategy exploration; with bosses always a little tougher than you are the hope is you might wipe out a couple times before figuring out a winning strategy.

Lucky egg given early but no exp. share.

higher catch rate on shadow pokemon - since the game would start you out at lvl 25 and honestly this is just an anti-frustration feature

Again, level scaling can be turned off for a more traditional experience, but the idea would be that the levels would get pretty high pretty fast, and by midgame you’d be going up against lvl 55s and stuff (just enough to start encountering some salamences and flygons), hopefully ending the game in the 80′s.

Pokedex -> strategy memo, and seen = obtained. Strategy memo actually contains opinions from the player character rather than just standard “animal facts” type stuff.

No routes! Just cities! Pokespots still in effect to limit the player’s pool of usable pokemon.

Missed pokemon integrated with pokespots or maybe made un-faintable so you have to catch them because i’m really not that good at programming guys

SETTINGS:

Orre is a cold desert. I know technically it’s based on the Arizona desert, and I’ve been there, but friggin look at the fashion, these people would all get heatstrokes in a matter of seconds.

So to that end, my orre is actually based on the Atacama Desert, whose topography not only resembles Orre’s (volcanic mountains on one side, ocean on the other), but is a cold desert (with daytime temperatures peaking around 60 degrees F) and is considered the driest desert in the world, with some places having not seen rain in centuries, having been compared to Mars in regards to how uninhabitable it is.

you know, like how apparently wild pokemon can’t survive in orre except at the pokespots.

also the orre colosseum looks just like the atacama hand and i dont think that’s a coincidence

canyons, oases, underground rivers and deep underground cave systems, forests to the northeast and a coast that’s actually somewhat habitable via fog collection

THE UNDER IS BACK

gateon renamed Io Port (the japanese name) to go with the gem/mineral naming scheme of the rest of the game. Plaque added outside lighthouse reading “Io Lighthouse” (GEDDIT)

cipher key lair being torn down by reformed eldes, working with lovrina and gorigan, in order to create an amusement park, hopefully to be an international tourist attraction of the more innocent variety than realgam

Areas given a name. Desert is orre desert, northwest forest is Tempor Forest, mountain range is Kabla Mountains, keeping in line with Eclo Canyon

A new town named Appoak, one of those aforementioned fog-collection coastal villages, which has the distinct honor of being the place you buy your wildflower seeds, which are often scattered in the desert as funerary rites because it’s kind of hard to build a grave out there and this is a tradition that natives of orre held long before the settlers/miners came in and which has overtaken the settlers/miners’ traditions, especially during and after the starvation riots that happened after the majority of the mines ran dry and the companies stopped sending their support to the workers that were now effectively stranded in one of the harshest environments on the planet.

Dead were littered on the streets, no one had the ability to bury them all, and so the tradition of scattering flower seeds instead of erecting graves that would simply be wiped out in the next sandstorm (and have you ever tried to dig a hole in dry sand) became popular since it felt like more closure

Anyways Appoak cultivates desert flowers year-round and sells the seeds and performs funerary rites, as a result it’s considered something of a sacred locale in that no one wants to mess with it because you have no idea who you might be pissing off whose loved one was buried with Appoak rites

CHARACTERS:

Michael, 5 years later, now 18 (in xd he’s called an “unknown teen” by ONBS and honestly he’s so short that i’d feel bad if he was older than 13 at the time of the game) is your player character! Trainer class Lab Kid, with a cool hover-scooter, who is now officially a staff member at the Lab HQ as a result of reaching adulthood (though he’s been helping out with field research long before that.)

Your starter is a sylveon, level 25, because this Michael is not a blank-slate character, and sylveon is both in character and doesn’t conflict with any choice of eeveelution from the first game. In fact, this michael made it through the entirety of the first game without evolving his Eevee, like an absolute madman.

Lily and Jovi start the game off overseas giving lectures on shadowfication and purification, mostly so that i don’t have to create their sprites. But also because them leaving is an excuse for them to take all your pokemon from the first game with them, for “demonstration purposes,” leaving you with just your eeveelution and maybe some second pokemon-i-don’t-know-what-yet-probably-your-choice-of-any-starter so you can hurry up and get to the double battles without sacrificing an ability to make a choice on your starter.

Wes is in the game and he is an asshole and you will love him

Cail actually serves a plot purpose

Cameos from all your favorite admins and named characters from Colo/XD, most of which remain unfought until either late or post-game (because the focus is on the new story, you know?)

Miror B and flunkies at Io Port, the proud owners of a popular and, more importantly, lucrative new ludicolo dance act.

Eldes, trying to make up for his past, sponsoring an amusement park being worked on by Lovrina and her brother, with Gorigan overseeing the construction. Snattle offhandedly mentioned as having been elected governer by default (no one else was running) and helping with greenlighting these projects since he and eldes are, apparently, sand-golf buddies and eldes has been twisting his ear for the greater good

also eldes wears a dress shirt with hawaiian print on it

Dakim lives on mt battle now

not as, like, part of the mt battle challenge. he just . sorta. lives there.

Venus is now the onbs weather girl and onbs can’t decide whether they like her or hate her

the jail squad: greevil, nascour, and evice. They’re poker buddies. orre jail for the rich is basically a retirement home because orre is ridiculously corrupt.

ardos? ein? well...

PLOT

So, your field assignment is to collect samples of M18 - also known in Almia by the name of “Dark Crystal” and sometimes colloquially referred to as “shadow crystal” in Orre - for research.

As you probably already assumed, this stuff works as a catalyst for shadowfication and Orre happens to be supernaturally abundant, though it having been strip-mined out by cipher during the last two cipher events has made it much rarer (and it’s theorized by NPCs that the return of wild pokemon may have something to do with the lessened M18 presence).

touching it initiates a small flashback cutscene, as it’s apparently transformed from normal quartz into M18 by the abundance of negative feelings somehow (again, you’re collecting it for study) so that’s how we get some nice backstory about michael’s dead dad (who isn’t eldes, sorry guys, he’s a guy named Prof. Taiga because - haha - Taiga Lily) and other characters

Somehow this investigation leads you to the first rumblings of a resurgence of cipher, who is also collecting M18, though for much more nefarious purposes

So, anyways, in XD, when you beat ardos in the orre colosseum, he sent you a creepy-ass email declaring that he’s basically gonna stalk you forever and kill you during cipher’s - what, third? - third coming, which he’s totally gonna do. Sequel hook! which comes true! because HELLO, your opponent is Ardos, who’s been working in secret this whole time, plotting your demise.

Also ein is there, which is important because...

QUICK HEADCANON BREAK

In colosseum, Cipher specifically targets Celebi because they know celebi’s power is directly tied with undoing shadowfication. (Material in-game suggests that celebi has been responsible for purification for generations of rui’s family, which means cipher didn’t INVENT shadowfication, but they did create a method for doing it ARTIFICIALLY)

However, in XD, cipher doesn’t target agate at ALL. they never even step foot in it. In fact, they’re so woefully underinformed about purification that they feel the need to kidnap Prof. Krane over it.

How does that happen?

Well, we know cipher in game 2 is the main branch, and cipher in game 1 is actually just an orre side branch. Whose only real plan with shadow pokemon was just to rig up really exciting and morally inexcusable colosseum matches for rich people to bet on. No world domination in game one!

So my theory is this: Cipher orre branch created shadowfication basically on a whim and tried to make money off it, which you stopped. When you stopping it attracted attention, cipher main branch had to take notice, and realized that, hey - fucking shadow pokemon ,fuckin world domination, right??? so they promptly took over all of cipher orre branch’s operations and replaced the old personnel with new ones from main branch, while forcing them to hand over their research.

Ein did not take being fired well.

In fact, he took it so poorly that he made sure to destroy all his information on purification before handing over his research.

Cipher in game 2 has no idea the connection between Celebi and purification.

BACK TO THE PLOT

Because Ein has been re-hired by Cipher, he brought with him his knowledge of purification.

They know about celebi.

Also wes is there? He plays a major role, mostly after it’s revealed he’s actually a cipher admin.

...His eevee and espeon are missing.

time travel shenanigans idk

it rains at the climax for the first time in 10 years!

this is a wip

if this is interesting to you guys lmk! im always open to talking about it more in-depth or hearing ideas. hahah...

[boomtick]

just a thought or two brought to u by my gay self

I was telling my sister about how I was looking for a new place to live and she was like, “I’m really proud of you.” and I was like... what?? how come? and she was like, “you’ve always been really good at getting out of things that are bad for you.” & I was like WHAT?? thinking back on all of the various things I wish I had stopped sooner... & she was like, “yeah. you didn’t stay together with your ex. you stopped being friends with people in high school who you didn’t get along with. you’re thinking about not being friends with [that vaguely evil childhood friend of mine] because he doesn’t respect you.” & I was like... omg... all of these things are true... weird!!

it’s true, though. I jump ship on things that I know are a bad plan. here’s a list of things that I am glad I quit on (under a cut because it turns out that I scoot away from stuff rly often):

+ the GRE -- I literally bailed because I stayed up late with friends the night before and was like, “y’all, there is no way my life in grad school will be this fun.” have not regretted it yet.

+ multi-variable calculus: it was really fun but I spent a lot of time worrying about it. I withdrew from that sucker!!!

+ a competitive research seminar -- it honestly kinda sucked and when I quit I never looked back! I did avoid the professor in the halls, but.

+ being friends with my high school best friend after she went on to be extra super christian + homophobic when we both got to college

+ my abusive relationship with my ex -- he broke up with me, but when he asked to get together, I said no, and I was the one to break off contact.

+ my most recent living situation lol!! and all of the associated people!

+ my database internship -- after I literally broke down drunk crying about it & had an intoxicated existential crisis, I knew it was time, but it made so little of an impact that I had to think about it in order to even put it on this list.

+ my most recent job -- I left before the project was slated to finish, which honestly was good, because it got extended another 3-4 months and it was starting to get pretty bad.

so, yeah! I actually stop doing things often -- I make sure I have a backup plan, but then I’m all set. all of these decisions were made pretty quickly, too -- on the spot, because I knew what I wanted (either by intuition or because I had seen it coming). for example, I decided not to take the GRE literally the night before because I knew that if I did, I would try and apply for grad school, and deep down in my heart I knew that going to grad school wasn’t a good idea. and I haven’t regretted it at all! in fact, I feel incredibly free knowing that I won’t be in grad school for a while!

they weren’t all split-second decisions, but when I made them, I made them definitively. and like. I gotta stress that they also were things I was able to quit -- I quit my job knowing I had another job lined up; I quit my internship knowing I was being paid as a TA; I knew I would still have enough credits to graduate if I dropped classes, etc, etc. and I’m very happy I was able to do all of those things.

I know that “quitting” and “giving up” and “stopping early” all have fairly negative connotations, but if something is hurting you more than it is improving your life, and you have a way of living without it, why not live without it? there are definitely times when I think people should embrace quitting tbh. like, relationship starts getting toxic and there doesn’t seem to be a resolution in sight? if you’re invested, talk about it, but if it doesn’t work, ending it is always an option. options, options, options!!! so cool!!!!

[countdowntocake]

50 Personal Questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes! Tagged by @leorysxi Tagging No One! 1. What kind of food can’t you stand?
Anything that's really cheap or really processed (basically most candy and junk food, except for some quality chocolate). Also coconut. Fuck coconut. 2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?
As of right now, having to remember princess lessons in MidCin and IkeSen. If I could just store infinite stamina (or at least like 10 hours) I'd be such a happy camper. 3. Have you got any useless talents? Idk if it counts as a talent but I can do multiplication, addition, and subtraction from left-to-right. 4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be? Remembering things. 5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking. There are plenty, but off the top of my head Andy Biersack for guys (I don't even listen to BVB but I do listen to his solo album lol) and Zendaya or Sofia Vergara for ladies.
 6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? Daydreaming or playing video games (I got my first hand-me-down DS when I was 7). 7. What is something you’re proud of? I'm plenty cocky about a lot of things, but if I had to pick it would be that I was selected out of like 700 kids in my middle school to represent them in a young leadership conference during my first year there.
 8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? Vapidness in general. 
 9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a leader (see number 7)! One of my young childhood memories was when I was at the beach on vacation when I was maybe 6, and I was trying to direct a bunch of other little kids on how to build a proper sandcastle (I'm now currently discovering my interest in the field of architecture, funnily enough).
 10. What kind of student are/were you? Extremely curious, tends to monopolize the teacher, teachers pet, has never dipped below a 3.7 GPA.
 11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? I have absolutely no clue tbh.
 12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion. The inevitability of my own death. 13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? Yes, and the first that comes to mind is Edea Lee from the Bravely Default series. She's the daughter of the Grand Marshal (king) of her kingdom, and was raised to follow in her father's footsteps. Though her somewhat biased education had led her to see the world in a very black/white way, her world view is forced to change as she journeys out into the world and joins the other heroes of the story. She wants to make her father and teachers proud, but does not hesitate to disobey them and her state when she sees the consequences of their actions. She's proud, headstrong, and kind (plus she loves food lmao I love Edea and I could talk about her for hours and I'm literally going to name my firstborn daughter after her and no one can stop me). 
 14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I don't really go to parties unless they're small gatherings with friends or family, and the idea of drinking in public terrifies me so idk I'll figure it out eventually.
 15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? It will definitely take awhile. I can get crushes, sure, but if and when I start looking for someone to spend/dedicate my whole life to, I plan to find the right one the first time.
 16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? This is going to sound shallow but 100 casual friends. No matter how perfect we are as friends, only spending time with one person wears thin after awhile.
 17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? Neat-freak, but not extremely so. I just like me some good organization!
 18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy. When I think of cozy, one old southern home in my dad's family comes to mind. In the middle of a town as rural as can be, it's a large, charming white cottage surrounded by massive oak trees. The only sounds that reach it are the occasional train the crosses the edge of the property. Whether I'd be out on the porch swing overlooking the yard, the sunroom in the back with an old couch along an entire wall with a massive window, or even perched in one of the massive oaks on the property, I'd stay there forever and nap.
 19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?
Like I said, I'm totally naming my first daughter Edea. 20. What was your favorite book as a child? When I was in second grade, I used to get in massive trouble for reading the Young Nancy Drew series in math class. I also love the Harry Potter series, and found a book called The School for Good and Evil on the first day of 6th grade and have loved the series since.
 21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about Snapchat, Jake Paul, fidget spinners... I could go on.
 22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated. Marina and the Diamonds! I hear everyone talking about Halsey or Lana Del Ray, but no one ever talks about Marina and her awesome music! ;-;
 23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? I have no clue, but someone I could get comfortable with at least (not a guy, I'm way too shy!).
 24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? I'm just going to be generic and say travel the world.
 25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?
If it's something I feel confident in my knowledge/ability to debate about, then I'll never hold back. 26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?
I'm not one for fads usually, so I don't really have an answer. 27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?
Idk, I was a pretty cool kid. I usually knew when something was too dumb for me. 28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?
A quick wit. 29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) I usually make a wish-list, but I've always gotten plenty of video games, and in recent years I've been receiving jewelry as a gift more often (mostly from my mom because we watch JTV together sometimes and she knows my taste lmao)
 30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? I only know English fluently, but I'm learning Spanish in school, slowly but surely.
 31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? The countryside definitely has its draws (see number 18), but I've also lived in a city all my life and the convenience of everything is really nice...
 32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? I never would have thought it as a kid, but I actually love reading nonfiction. You don't have to struggle to find something with a good story that's suited to your tastes, and you get to LEARN stuff.
 33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?
I guess it depends on what type of spotlight. If it's just drama/popularity, then no thanks, but I definitely want appreciation for what I do and what I've a accomplished so far. 34. Favorite holiday? Easter for pastels and nostalgia, Mardi Gras for fun and family, and Christmas for gifts and candy.
 35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? PLANNING. Because STRATEGY. IS. ALWAYS. (srsly tho don't try to get me into a plan that hasn't been thought out yet because I will ask a million questions and start planning everything for you)
 36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) Most things wouldn't be the same now since I did them as a child, but honestly if I could replay Breath of the Wild with a blank slate I totally would. I tried to take it slow but still ended up rushing the story ;-;
 37. What hobbies do you have? Still video games and daydreaming :p but now with the lovely additions of fanfiction and YouTube!
 38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? Teleporting? You can't kill a man with it, but it's still pretty useful.
 39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you? (Depending on how you met me) I'm super polite and apparently "talk fancy", or that I swear like a sailor in the most deadpan way.
 40. Something that took you way too long to figure out? I can't remember anything off the top of my head...
 41. Worst injury you’ve had? I've never broken a bone, but once when I was like four I got this HORRIBLE carpet burn on my chin from watching cartoons on my stomach at a friend's house.
 42. Any morbid fascinations?
Not really. 43. Describe your sense of humor. Dry, often dark, and is typically enhanced by timing and delivery (deadpan, usually).
 44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? I'm honestly pretty happy where I am. The past sucks in terms of conveniences and sanitation, and where I came from plays a huge part in who I am.
 45. Something you are irredeemably bad at? Probably dancing.
 46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through? When I was younger, my mom would ALWAYS correct me if I forgot to say ma'am or sir, but I'm so glad she stuck with it because now it's ingrained in my brain and helps me to be acknowledged/liked by my teachers and other adults.
 47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) Face tattoo! It doesn't have to be that big, right? Theoretically it could just look like the perfect makeup permanently on my face (and lord knows I'm too lazy for makeup). But realistically, I'm never getting a tattoo. 48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? Realist? I like to operate under "prepare for the worst and hope for the best". I'm confident in my ability to get myself where I want to be, but I know I'll have to work for it. 49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? Probably something about my mind or abilities. I love being complimented on my looks of course (the other day when I was getting my hair done for school a stranger told me I have beautiful hair and I'm still happy about it), but whenever someone in MidCin compliments me as a princess I almost always screenshot it.
 50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you? (In real life) I'm not a total stuck-up bitch. Yes I'm confident in myself and yes I came from a relatively well-off background, but I like to think that I'm nicer than I first appear.

[sanguinesprout]

Some storms have passed, hopefully it’ll be warmer soon (updates and blah)

Um, welp... this may be my late-st post yet, that’s something new I guess lol, it ain’t so bad. I was seriously considering not posting this month but I know if I don’t stick to some sort of schedule then I’ll get too lazy and all past efforts will just be lost. At first I was busy for a few days, then I remembered and felt lazy some and then I forgot for some more days, but I’m here now and Imma write this post hoo!

I had another kind of argument and cry involving my sis but it was from a misunderstanding and it was brief and the make up was fast. I still find it hard to express my true feelings to her and her words still cut so strikingly hurtful and are seemingly insensitive at times, but some of mine must’ve hurt her just as bad too. When will I be able to speak my true mind? It’s just so difficult... but in time, with some work I really hope for that to be possible. 

Lately, I’ve been more active on getting my health problems sorted out, making and going to appointments and stuff. Well, none of the problems have actually been sorted out yet, as previously attempted, but I gotta keep pushing about them to hopefully get a better sort of resolution this time. I also went to some other health appointments I had being putting off, as with a lot of things, they weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be, which is good and good of me to finally do them ^^ Avoiding and not doing anything accomplishes nothing after all and again health is super important!

One of the appointments was to a mental health advisor person. The funny thing is I was inadvertently recommended to see them when I was investigating some physical problems. I kinda was hopeful that maybe I’d get referred somewhere better than last time’s super general counsellor by this advisor but uhhh nope. They smiled a lot and asked me how I generally was and a few tidbits about my past and then everything else was just some very general stuff about changing the way you think blah blah. I brung up AVPD, asked if there was anyone I could see who specialised in personality disorders but it was pretty much brushed off, which really sucked. 

At the end they asked if maybe I was interested in mindfulness/anxiety-reducing group therapy sessions and gave me some brief printouts with info. My first instinct would be to avoid like hell at the mention of being in a group, I was kind of irked by it and they noticed but they said to think about it and let them know next week. I also asked if there was someone else I could see 1-on-,1 but as they could see on record I already went to see someone last time (which I guess is the only thing of that they have) there was no luck there.

I’m debating whether to go or not, it could be helpful, there actually isn’t anything to lose. I’m just super paranoid about accidentally meeting someone I knew there (which is pretty irrational and who cares really ‘cause we’re in the same boat kinda thing). Also that I’ll have to give lots of info about myself to strangers, but the sheets say you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to/contribute as little or as much as you like, so that took away some of my uneasiness.

I can’t say it’ll be worth it or not unless I try it of course, a new experience and going out is good at least. I think maybe I will research it some more, then maybe go at least for one session just to see if I like it... hmm. Be brave me! You’ll be okay!

There were two groups I got handouts on, they’re both kind of similar but not. I assume I can only attend one, which one to choose? Maybe I’ll ask for more details when I next see the advisor. I’m proud of myself for going to the advisor foremost, I was pretty anxious and ready to avoid them at first lol.

I’m still very concerned about my family’s health :c My mum has been doing somewhat better, test results are slightly positive but still iffy and more follow-up tests are needed. The wait for those is long, it’s saddening and all the more scary. I really hope she’ll be okay. I wish I was stronger and could help out more. I really need to help myself faster and then help everyone else as soon as I can.

My dad’s health has actually been worse lately, we’ve been noticing some extra symptoms and even he has mentioned not feeling well and we keep telling him to see the doctor but he’s still super reluctant to. But even once he wondered to us if he should go after all. Being scared of going to the doctor or being scared of the increasing toll your health could be taking? I know which one of those I find worse. Maybe I should be more tricky like I did the previous times making appointments for him or at least try more convincing.

My sis’ health has not been too great lately either, she took on a second job and it’s very draining physically and she doesn’t get as much sleep but she does it because we need the extra financial help. I don’t like that it’s taking a strain on her health, it’s both physically and mentally stressful. I definitely agree she should quit if it really is too much. I need to hurry and get a job, things aren’t looking too great for me lately though, no more interview offers as of yet and not many application opportunities out there.

The job my sis got is actually the one I mentioned last time, which I was also invited to interview for. The ‘interview’ was just an extremely long winded talk with about only enough time for you to say maybe a few sentences about yourself in a room of a few people. Their whole system and just everything is extremely unorganised and so slap dash. The appointment dates were messed up and the interviewer had not seen any of our CV’s so all he had to go on to decide was the few lines we uttered pretty much.

As my sis works there now, she’s been telling me of how that disorganised-ness and everything literally encompasses and translates to the whole store and all its’ staff’s less than ideal work attitudes. I seriously thought such a big company would’ve been so much better than this, it’s really disappointing and makes me like it so much less. In a way, I’m kind of glad I was rejected, it’s like I dodged a bullet and with my health I would’ve struggled ten-fold 

I was disappointed with myself when I gave my few lines about myself in the ‘interview’. We were asked mostly what our career experience was and I really didn’t have much at all. I also answered briefly because I was one of the first to be asked. Just sitting there while everyone else went through their long list of past jobs and duties, man, it sucked and totally pushed me far out of the orbit of consideration lol. I was proud of myself at least for enduring the long-ass talks and for engaging and asking questions and keeping my cheery face on, good me.

In other things I kind of cut contact with the few online ‘friends’ I had been awkwardly avoiding and being scared to get rid of for so long. I was so anxious about it for so many years and had resorted to just not visiting that place at all but now that weight has pretty much been lifted. I still feel riddled with guilt and feel sad about it, but they weren’t really ‘friend friends’ more like acquaintances from a past mutual interest, so I shouldn’t feel so bad. I can’t believe all the energy I wasted fretting and overthinking, to them it was probably nothing as they have many other more important friends. People move on and people find new friends and interests, it happens all the time and it’s okay, it’s just life.

If something is hurting you or making you uncomfortable, just let it go, get rid of it for the sake of yourself and your health. It might hurt someone by doing so, but not doing so and letting yourself be hurt so much is no good either. That’s what a different friend told me and they are probably the only one I still keep in contact with now. I guess I got so caught up in being afraid to hurt some people a little that I forgot I was hurting myself a lot in the process. 

Even with the good friend though, it’s... awkward and uncomfortable still in a way, I’m not sure if’s just me or maybe if it’s them a little. I feel like maybe they only still talk to me to be nice. That they reply only out of obligation, but I’ve asked them this and they’ve denied it kind of... Tbh I feel like I wanted to cut contact with them too sometimes but I couldn’t and I probably wouldn’t. 

I can’t be sure if that’s just the avoidant and irrational part of me talking. You know, all the bad stuff floating in my head telling me I’m a nuisance to others, not worth talking to, awkward and just all these things putting myself down in general when it comes to communication and worth, I shouldn’t believe it. None of it is really true. Why is it so easy to believe these lies and irrational thoughts?

I am good and I am worthy, I have the choice to let go of things and believe in things that I want to, and I want these things to be positive and true, not negative and irrational! 

In other creative/leisure blah I have just not had the mood or energy to do much at all and it really blows because there’s still so much I haven’t done yet. I don’t want to keep being afraid of everything >< I did manage to do the tiniest bit of sewing again, things went wrong again and it was stressful but it kind of went okay in the end, so yay!

I’ve been kind of trying to build up the courage to sort of interact and be present more online, though the action hasn’t happened yet. It’s what happens when I take a break from something, the fear just builds up again and I’m back to square one. I feel like as with the previous mentioned stuff about friends and just kind of existing in places I didn’t want to be, that my slate has partially been wiped clean, like I can start anew and just be me a bit more in a new place. It’s only partially though, I still feel held back by all the bad feels and guilt and awkward from just every past interaction and the fear of the new. I need some more pep talk and convincing for myself first, but I will get there!

Something helpful to remember to do is instead of thinking of everything that could go wrong, to instead think of everything that could go right! It really flips over that scary negative feeling into something more nice and motivating. In the case of what I’m trying to do, it’s something I’ve already done before, so I’ve proven to myself I can do it already. Doing things is not actually that hard or scary, just don’t overthink everything and look to the positives rather than the negatives! Apply this more more more!

I think here’s a good place to stop now. As with every time... I did it, I wrote the post after putting it off so long, yay! 8D

I will try to remind myself the best I can, to be positive, be brave and be me! 

You too! Keep going! Up up up!

Have a positive and productive week! :D

[skiasurveys]

sex sex sex sex.

1. What’s your favorite position and why? i like doggy style a lot because i dont know it just feels really great and its pretty dominating..but i also like missionary but its boring but i like it when i want to feel “romantic”. lmao.

2. How did you lose your virginity? If you’re still a virgin, is there any specific reason?  I lost my virginity at 19. Basically I was preparing to bang my boyfriend ( my current one!) but I was super nervous ( I already had some trauma from the past). I was scared and stuff and so we tried and I was like Idk man im scared. Then later that night we just started to kiss and make out and he asked if I wanted to try again and I said sure so I got naked blah blah, I was sitting on him kissing hm and then bam he fucked me but it felt really awesome and nice, didn’t hurt because he was slow at it and then he fucked me from behind after i got used to it lol. Great times. That was like a year ago!

3. If you could have sex with any porn star or model, who would it be?  i dont know any porn stars and im not attracted to any models either.

4. What’s one thing in particular that makes you want to tear off your lover’s clothes? Sometimes if he looks at me a certain way or if were doing something . Or if he starts touching my thighs and/or kissing my neck 

5. Five turn ons. 1. Strong looking/masculine 2.Taller than me but no taller than 6′3 3. kissing my neck. 4. man handeling me (without being too aggressive).5. showing me off ( Not like “OH LOOK WHAT I HAVE” but being proud you have me. 6. Five turn offs. 1. Being an asshole. 2.Acting like you don’t care about me when youre around others. 3.Racist/sexist/etc 4.Creepy. 5.Hating my friends

7. Have you had any embarrassing sexual experiences?   its so embarrassing.. so I had just finished my period ( OR so i thought) and we started to fuck and it was going well.. after we finished he was like “Um i think you still have your period.” and Im like “what?” and yeah there was blood on his dick and I legit ran and cried in the bathroom like a little bitch LOL. He came after me and said it was fine and that hes done more awkward shit but DUDE...

8. Do you have a fetish? not really. I like calling my boyfriend daddy in the bedroom but i dont like the ddlg fetish at all. 

9. Have you experimented with anyone of the same sex?  no 10. What’s “out of bounds” for you during sex?  Choking, or tying me up, or like bondage stuff. I just have a severe panic attack if that happens and I dont like it and I had trauma so its actually triggering.

11. What’s the best sexual unsolicited advice you can give?  Just dont fuck them if youre not ready. 

12. Hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? both

13. Do you like giving head? im that weird girl who actually enjoys sucking cock

14. Do you like getting head? yes 

15. What’s one thing you look for in a partner?  loyalty and companionship. 

16. How many partners have you had?  1 and im still with him :)

17. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

18. If you’re bi/pansexual, what gender do you tend to prefer? n/a

19. Describe the best sex you’ve ever had.  Theres a few. It usually is when he goes hardcore with teasing me and kissing me. One time he was kissing me and teasing me. He ate me out for a bit which was amazing, and the he kissed me from my tummy to my lips, and he fucked me hard but slow and said I love you which was awesome. But i also had one where He was teasing me and doing lots of foreplay and he told me he owned me and that he wanted all of me and then he fucked me so good. especially when he cums inside me. MMMMM.

20. Describe the worst sex you’ve ever had. It wasnt bad but I just have depression and sometimes it hits me when were fucking and  i lost my sex drive and just didnt care and it didnt last that long but i lied i orgasmed so he could finish because i wasnt feeling it lol

21. Have you ever had a funny sexual experience? What was it? i dont know. Im sure. 22. Are you okay with rough sex?  Yess just not too rough ok!

23. How big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? Was it in a porn or in real life? well i mean guys in porn always have huge dicks but my boyfriend is the only one Ive had and he is pretty big.

24. Boobs or ass - which is better? ass. 25. Do you prefer sex or masturbation? sex i hate masturbating.

26. Describe how you usually masturbate. ill leave that for your imagination. 

27. Do you like tattoos on a partner or do you like them to have a clean slate, skin wise?  i dont care. either or.

28. How do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? some people go a little too far with it. Like for example actually acting like they are 4 years old in public. You can leave it to the bedroom, please.

29. What’s your fantasy?  pay off my student loans.

30. Do you have any sexual regrets? no

31. When did you last have sex? april 1st before Connor moved! He will be back in the end of May or start of June so it will be a while before we have sex again :(

32. When did you last masturbate? last night

33. Have you had anal? yeah. Its ‘ight. 

34. Do you like to spank/be spanked?  i like to be spanked.

35. What do you want done to you right now?  well since  I havent seen my boyfriend in like a month i would love it for him to just push me against a wall. mmm.

36. Are you comfortable with getting tied up? no

37. Did you have sex in high school? nope. No one really liked me back then. I had like 2 boyfriends then and it was shitty then. I met Connor the fall after i graduated. Hilarious.

38. How old were you when you lost your virginity? How long has it been? 19 years old and its been a year now.

39. Do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? teasing.

40. Sexting or phone sex?  ive done both. sexting is fun but phone sex can be pretty hot. I just dont like phone sex..i rather sext tbh

41. Have you had sex in any interesting places? One time we were hanging at our friends place and everyone had gone to bed and Connor was cuddling me on their couch and he said , “ I bet its just bothering you that you cant touch me” and im like whatever idc and then hes like “lets lowkey fuck” so we fucked on their couch while they were sleeping! It was pretty fun but nervous cus if someone walked out. oh god..and then we fucked behind a couch like 3 times while there was a party going on. cool.

42. Are you sexually active?  i guess so. since he moved its hard to say but its only for short time.

43. Have you had car sex? no our car is too small for that. but i want to.

44. Have you ever had sex with anyone else in the location you were at? (i.e., while your sister was in the other room) yes..see above

45. Why aren’t you fucking anyone right now? well the only person i would fuck is in a nother city obvs so thats why.

46. Are you able to have emotionless sex? not rly

47. Does penis size really matter? yes

48. What has been your most memorable experience sexually? theres a lot

49. If male, are you well endowed? n/a

50. If female, what’s your breast size?  34 B cup.

51. Have you ever been the other person? no

52. Have you ever cheated on anyone?  no!

53. Describe an orgasm.  i just felt really weird and shakey but it felt so good.

54. What’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? I dont really keep count.

55. What’s the shortest time you’ve had sex for?  like 5 minutes. -___-

56. If you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you?  no

57. Have you had any pregnancy scares? Yeah kinda. my one period didnt come once and i was so scared. I bought like 3  sticks.

58. Are you comfortable naked?  kinda. Ive been with Connor for a year now and I still feel awkward naked. lol

59. Are you comfortable sending pictures of yourself to others? depends.

60. What’s your sexual comfort zone like?just dont do rape play.

61. What’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking?  i cant think of anything

62. Do you have any piercings in fun places? (i.e., clit, nipples, dick) no

63. Would you say you’re good in bed?  i think so.

64. How do you get sex tips? internet or i ask him how he wants me to do something. like i ask him if he likes what im doing and he will tell me how he wants it.

65. Have you ever had sex with anyone while they were on their period? Have you ever had sex while on your period?  no except that one time when i thought i was fkn done but i wasnt. kill myself.

66. If you could be the other sex for a day, would you and what would you do first? idk.

67. What’s your favorite part about being the gender you are? I dont know really. I can buy cute drinks without looking dumb?

68. Slow but passionate, or fast, furious, and kinky? slow but passionate. But also depends on the mood or whatever because sometimes i want rough, sometimes i don’t.

69. Have you ever 69’d? Did you enjoy it?  yes but it feels too good to suck him while hes eating me out.

70. Have you ever done drugs and then had sex?  weed

71. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re in love with? yes

72. How are you with BDSM? Would you ever engage in it?  nope.

73. Do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? Why?  i love gagging on his cock.

74. When it comes to oral, are you gentle? Do you use your hands too? gentle. i dont want to hurt him but if i do go hard kinda. and yeah i used my hands.

75. Okay, how do you feel about handjobs?  sometimes i do hand jobs but its only when im making him hard. Lol.

76. Have you had any unwanted pain during sex? yeah.

77. What is something that’s not sexual that can turn you on more than anything sexual?  arms? 78. Can your sexual partners be categorized by their zodiac signs? no

79. Have you had sex to music? What’s your favorite sex song? we fucked to Wish you were here by Pink Floyd.

80. What’s something you want to try in bed?  i dont know.

81. Has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? How did you feel about that? no. if there was blood from biting/scratching/etc i would feel awful.

82. Have you ever fucked someone who was sad? Did it help them emotionally or make it worse? I have fucked him when he was sad and it helped and same for me sometimes it makes me feel way better.

83. Do you like sexual anons? no

84. What’s your ideal round of sex?  i dont know.

85. Do you like the use of whipped cream, handcuffs, chocolate, and cherries?  nope.

86. Have you ever been walked in on or caught?  almost got caught.

87. Have you ever had sex in public? Would you? yes and i would.

88. What’s a good sex joke?  i dont know. 89. Do you like to be called a dirty slut or would you rather be treated like royalty?  i love it when he calls me a slut but theres a time and place during sex when i want to be slutty and then loved LMAO.

90. Are you more submissive or dominant? sub 91. What’s your naughtiest secret? i almost fucked a 33 year old when i was 18.

92. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve encountered sexually?  i cant think of anyting

93. Have you ever “stuck your dick in crazy”? Was there a lesson learned?

94. Do you like playing with balls/having someone play with yours? i like playing with them because he loves it. 

95. What’s the best nonsexual feeling?  feeling safe and loved by them.

96. Do you like feet? ew 97. Do you look at rule 34/hentai? ew....

98. Pick a random question off this survey for yourself. N/A 99. Who’s your ideal sexual partner? MY BOYFRIEND.

100. Do you have a partner right now? Would you like one? have my boyfriend :) 101. Are you accepting “applications” for a partner?  um no

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #1: "I'm ready to punch a bitch." - Timmy

I swear to god... If y'all cast any of my enemies I'm gonna DIE. I need a chance to STRIVE AND NOT DIE.

Omg getting in the game feels soo amazing, like I have said I have not played in sooo long so i feel this will be the ultimate test for my capabilities, the good thig is that not many people know each other so that’s good. My idea for the first day is just to talk to everyone see where they are if they know anyone etc etc. This is just veery exciting!

Feeling good about my tribe, most people have actually talked which is a big plus. Getting good vibes from Shea, and Miguel, and Federico a bit. If Alyssa is the Alyssa I know she’ll be fun to work with too. Still though, early days on the Kato beach. First challenge is kind of annoying though as some of the items are ??? But I’ve done some videos and I’ll try and do more.

WOOO the game has started!! I'm excited for the most part except.... THERES TOO MANY TUMBLR FACES HERE. I wanted an entirely new slate and a whole new cast for me but I guess that's a rip! I know Alyssa, StephenW, Zach, Timmy, Jess, and TJ!

I think that the idol system is definitely cute!! And I want to get an idol so yeah!

I think I'm hitting it off pretty well with Zach (He's probably good with peeps tbh), and Liam (Even though I confused his intro with Daniel's)

The challenge is a scavenger hunt aka my least favorite challenge so thanks, I hate it!!

I can already tell that this is going to be an interesting season just based on the people that I already know coming into the game. I'm happy that on my tribe I already know Tim, Jess, and Zach so that should be good for me for at least the first few rounds. I don't really want to stick with the people I already know though because that's boring. I'm happy Alyssa is on the other tribe and not my tribe right now because I have no intention on working with her because people love doing whatever she says in orgs and I'm not here for it. If we get onto a tribe together or both make it to merge, she is my target and I won't be quiet about it. Might as well focus on my own tribe for now though. Besides the 3 mentioned before, I have only spoken to Karthik who seems alright so that's good. Only issue is that he's like 10.5 hours ahead timewise so that's going to be interesting. I still need to talk to the others but all in good time.

hie girlies this is my first confessional of the SEASON! as always, i'll just give a typical analysis of each person on my tribe, how i vibe with them, etc. i'll also throw in some random pieces of info i guess woo. this is finna be long btw.

jess - she's a likeable queen but she has a big tendency to leave me on read. i think this is either her thinking i'm boring but i'm not sure. ik in TS guyana she was criticized at FTC for being lacklustre in responding so i'm hoping it's just that opposed to something on my behalf. she's really cool tho!! karthik - karthik is short in response sometimes but never leaves our convo on read, which i respect. he seems to know that i won embb9 + am 'really liked' in the community.. he rlly is delusional huh? jk ASKGDS he's great tho. i know my friends like him and he can be a great player so i'm anticipating working with him hopefully. stephen - stephen is a king too. he's someone that probably would know some of my game ig but... who knows. he's relevant in EM. our conversations have been fun and i'm really hoping to get close to him because he seems chill. timmy - i know timmy from tumblr. currently he's not that great socially but i do like him and we have a long ass snapchat streak. there are a few tumblrs in this game but afaik i don't have any bad blood with him so i'm def planning on roping him in. the most recent thing is he backdoored my mom's duo in his last org AKSGLDSG so... stan list. daniel - daniel knows me from a past org that i put no effort into, which i think is fine because i really only made it far since my duo/partner dragged me. i'mma play up a perception with him, but he is really cool as of now. i am SOOO worried that i did something bad or mean in that game and he's going 2 haunt me LOL. tim - tim is the person i've connected with most. he's really chill, actively messages me back, and is just fun and flirty. we've already talked about him and his potential boy, our favourite cereals and overall eating. i know him from tumblr too, but vaguely, but i was apart of the 'evil friendgroup' whereas he was on the other, 'nice friendgroup', but i'm hoping that has minimal impact if any. liam - liam is fine. i know him from FB but we've never interacted. he knows i played egypt so... if that's his perception of me.. i'm FLYING. he's really nice though + is a fellow canadian, so i'm hoping to get close to him. woo!! ally - saving the best for last. ally is really nice and i do like her a lot. she is sweet and like... we're great pals ?? ASGKDSG jk idk. we played a game together where i immunity ran final 6 onwards and voted her out twice (f4/3) and it left a bitterish taste in her mouth (but rightfully so for how i handled it). we are friends but i'm scared that she aint finna let me far. idk. i want her out soon bc she could do damage but i'd also be 10000% down to work with her again this game. WOOO idk. love u ally.

so that's the cast assessment. as for other stuff... well... the games fun. i hope some peoples lack of activity is just my paranoia rather than them hating me, because i don't want to come off as aggressive or anything, and in fact, i want to tone it down slightly this game AKSGDSGL. some dynamics/(matt please forgive me)meta this game include: alyssa / jess - a loyal duo in TS guyana. tim / stephen /// timmy - all tumblr girlies. not sure how close they are. i think stephen/tim were part of the 'nice friendgroup' on tumblr iirc. ally / fede - obvious friends, they literally FLIRT in the public VL (jokingly i imagine). they're both nice tho so maybe i make it a trio?? daniel / tj - rlly good friends i think. they're both zwooper kiddos and i think i played with both in that one zwooper game i played, not sure tho. will do research. miguel / liam / shea - idk how close they are but they are all FB-ish people so... i imagine they may have some thing. ally / karthik - i think

there's prob more but that's it for now. i'm not going to focus my game on that meta ^ whatsoever. i just need 2 keep in mind who's with who and who has some friends from before. idk. just a good mental note type thing. every game is a new slate tho so i'm not holding any preconceived notions abt them.

i really love everyone on my tribe thus far. can't wait till i become a bitch tho... i hope dat dont happen AKGLDSG

So, I'm really happy to be here. This is my 3rd or 4th time applying so I feel ready and excited to play! I was super happy to see Alyssa on my tribe as we get along super duper well. I like my tribe overall.

This first challenge has me a bit nervous. I started my new job today and they didn't give me a very long break for the hours I worked and my ankle and knee are really acting up (I broke my ankle in like 2014 and my knee in 2016 and they still hurt a lot sometimes). I'm worried because I'm not sure if I'm going to be physically able to like dance around and do crazy stuff like that. It sucks that the first challenge is something I can't physically.

I'm just hoping even if I don't do the best in the challenge that I can kind of make some strong social ties so I'm not the first one out if we lose. I feel really good about Alyssa, Luke, and Jake right now. My strategy is always just to be in everyones good graces. If nobody wants me out, I won't leave, that's the goal.

I was finally able to get part of my submissions from my challenge submitted and I plan on doing more tomorrow. I have been speaking with most of my tribe mates and I'm liking them a lot. I did get a bit of a late start so I'm worried some alliances might have formed but, it's all part of the game. I have good relations with Shea and Jake and I hope to further relations with Miguel and Federico so I have some solid foundations to work with and so I can hopefully have some numbers in case we go to tribal. I'm also proud of myself for going on camera multiple times for the video portion of the challenge as it was something I would have never considered doing in past orgs I have played.

I'm not the best with confessionals, but I'll try my best! I'm quite enjoying these people so far, and I've really connected well with Zach, Jess, Ally, Karthik and Tim. That being said, I don't wanna really worry about allies just yet, winning is the first priority.

So me and the tribe are getting along pretty well! The challenge is going ok so far but I still want to try and win! It seems as if we lose its Karthik.. but who knows!! Its time for fun pals and gals.

Talking with Luke about not wanting to go to tribal first but I’m low key channeling Aubrey and would love to solidify an alliance as early as possible, which tribals help with.

I'm sad that we lost although I expected to lose and I'm actually quite glad that Karthik got sent to the basement. This means they are safe without me having to campaign for them. The person with the 2nd lowest score, Timmy, should be on the chopping block to my knowledge. I'm lowkey ok with this bc he doesnt contribute much to convos…

Ahh this game has been amazing for me so far! We won the immunity challenge so I won’t have to vote anyone out! I have made genuine connections with many people in the tribe and I got kind of separate deals with, Stephen, Federico, Shea and Luke so I think they have my back. I have also talked a lot with TJ and Jake but no deal or alliance have been made with them. But as a group I don’t have like a group of allies yet just 1 on 1 alliances. In case we lose I would try to vote out either Isaac or Alyssa.

First day is over, and I can't be more relieved. I love the fact that I cannot be the first voted out, and even more, I love that I feel as if I've made some good connections so far. I really think Alyssa and I will be able to work well together. Yes, we have some stuff to work out from before, but I want it to work out such that we can work together throughout this game. I really like Federico and LH, and I'm hoping things stay this way for the time being. I'd like to keep winning, but when that time comes that we lose, I need to be ready.

Okay. Buckle up bitches. It's story time

Just kidding..

So far I'm trying to connect with every single person individually.

Being put on a tribe with the guy who I literally got out in another game less than a month ago is a mood.... I'm working EXTRA HARD on making sure Tim likes me and trusts me. I'm going to use the fact that I'm a loyal a$$ bitch here and hope he thinks I would ride to him to the end (Honestly I probably would. I LOVE TIM).

Other than Tim the other people I'm vibing with so far are my two Canadian QUEENS: Zach and Aly. Aly seems like she can pop-off at any second but so far she seems like someone I can work with going forward. Zach on the other hand needs to STOP BRINGING UP GUYANA. For some reason he's praising me which NORMALLY I'D LOVE because I don't think the words: Jess, Praise, and Guyana have ever been said....but he's putting a target on my back.

Other than my Canucks... I really like Stephen but he's intro SCARES ME. He seems like he's going to cause some chaos down the line...

Everyone else has spoken maybe about 30 words total to me? so yikes.

TOODLES XOXOXO

Well we just lost the challenge ;( I’m hinestlg not feeling too safe at the moment. I was one of the lower scoring players on the tribe, and the lowest was sent to the basement. Right now I feel like a sitting duck. But on the bright side, I think I made a decent connection with Zach and Timmy. So I’m just gonna talk around find out a vote. If it’s not me yay! If it is, then I’ll just have to somehow fight my way through it :p

Woooo first confessional!! I'm liking the start of this game, and I've decided to take it a bit lighter than past games. I'm here to have fun. This doesn't mean I'm not ready to strategize, but maybe the lighter tone will help me not fall under the same mistakes I always make.

I'm getting closer to Miguel and Shea, which is bad if you consider they were the lowest scores in the challenge... They better start getting more involved in this!!!

The fireplace is on. The tea is warm. I'm getting cozy, and I'm not gonna move any time soon…

So I've gotten a chance to talk with most of the people on my tribe. Right now, my closest ally is probably Karth. We have an established history of working well together, and right now, were searching for the idol together. I'm also pretty close with Ally and Zach, and trying to get closer with Jess, though I can't tell if she thinks I'm too gamebotty or not. Ally, Zach, and Jess also seem to have some kind of relationship with each other. Idk if it's an alliance but it's something. In light of this, I'm going to be trying to get closer with Tim, Dan and Liam. I think Tim and Liam know Jess though so that might be a hurdle I need to deal with. Someone I've left out of this discussion is Timmy. I've talked with every voter so far except Dan, and they all seem okay with letting him go. There's always paranoia that they're all just playing me, but I really doubt it is gonna be the case here. My biggest worry now is what position I'll end up in if we keep losing challenges.

HELLO. Okay so we won the Selfie Scavenger Hunt which is GOOD. Someone I don’t know got sent to isolation for the other tribe but that’s fine. TJ and I were kind of on the same page of sending Jess to keep her safe which is good that we are!! She’ll be fine though because she did the best in the selfie scavenger hunt, unsurprisingly. Haven’t really talked game with anyone besides TJ because there’s hasn’t yet been a need to, but I’ve been having personal conversations with most of my tribe! Isaac just messaged me today which I think is the last one. But yeah! Things are going okay! Woo!

So me and Jess are officially aligned! I shared my idol grid with her and we talked about our tribemates. I really haven't connected with everyone but I have at least talked to them. It appears as if the vote will be Timmy unless someone magically pulls out the idol and plays it on him or the vote somehow flips on to someone else. The scary part is that Timmy is being quiet asf.... and I have no idea what is up his sleeve. The basement twist is gonna be really scary next round if we lose and someone can be sent back to the basement twice in a row…

omg hii.. i love my tribe so far tbh!!! i feel close to zach, karth, stephen, jess, and liam. i feel like i’m in an okay spot. i feel a lil weird about playing with a couple of these ppl again - zach and i played in ts and he killed me in 3rd and won the game, and i played with stephen in embb4 and as, i got him out in embb4 and he got me out in all stars lol.... i’m hoping no past game beef comes into play but we’ll see! i’m voting timmy out this tribal, he hasn’t said a word to me so... Shrug Emoji. hopefully everything goes according 2 plan ! i’m glad karth was “exiled” cuz i think he would’ve been a target and i don’t want that. i’ll do a more in depth and full cast analysis l8r~

Oh Timmy.. I want to keep you safe but I also want to take out any possible people Alyssa can work with in the future... you made the mistake of telling me you brought her into the ORG world jkjk. Sorry <3

ON THE REAL THOUGH.... I can't stick my neck out for someone on DAY 3. If the tribe wants Timmy's neck I gotta help deliver it. I just wish he was more SOCIAL because he would def be someone I would like to work with <3

I came into this game, saw Shea, and had an absolute fucking breakdown djdhdjdj. Like who am I? I need to get it together and push in the challenges because I didn’t help with the first one at all because seeing Shea just did something to me? Like? I’m going to try to put more effort in moving forward but right now I feel like Aubry in Kaoh Rong when she had that attack, hopefully I can recover as well as she did.

Why is Daniel trying so hard to save Timmy akdjsjs. Just... let him go in peace plz... also I'm Timmy starting to talk to people for the 1st time since the day of the vote..

I'm ready to punch a bitch. I have no idea what is happening with this tribal and I just hope it's not me. I keep hearing about the "majority" and people want to vote with the "majority" but nobody is saying who it is and what it is just that they don't want to be the one to say a name. So I'm being forced to say Liam because that's easier than Stephen even though Stephen was the one saying my name, but honestly it is what it is, I haven't spoken to Liam so I don't care that much. I just don't get why people play if they're just going to hide behind someone else because that's so stupid, like just play for you. I'm not just saying that because they're going against me, but like where has Liam been and also Stephen is the most vocal right now and he is going to be a problem later on, I can already tell.

Timmy is voted out 6-2.