#tbh people who just constantly be total fucking shitheads to their friends or just people in general in mp games like...

[violet-dragongirl]

.

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[talesfromacrip]

Tea Time With Yours Truly:

Don’t you love it when you finally realize you’re truly moving on from a toxic situation like the adult you are, when a song you like makes you rethink your visions, feelings, etc. of someone?? or it that me? everything starts to feel entirely new again though regardless. better n’ cooler bc you know you’re not suffering anymore.. just, a fantastic feeling. woo

fucking incredible. I’m F R E E. absolutely free. still hurts though. some things made me realize I should’ve done it sooner and I did. as best I could, i did.I tried all I could and I succeeded for the most part,but damn do they haunt me so badly. I hate it.

Go away, pest. the last 5/6 years have been an emotional roller coaster for me and I want off.somehow I did,the ride still catching me occasionally and pulling me back on, dragging me to the unknown

((some good things happened here n’ there like me meeting some friends I still talk toooo, playing new games and finding new animes))

it’s just good to know though that my mind doesn’t associate them with anything anymore bc they didn’t deserve anything much tbh. just like told me

———

———

I really want to bug my online buds constantly. From when I get up to when I fall asleep. send them memes, all that funky jazz..but I don’t. I can’t. I feel like I’m too clingy.. too needy.

I AM ACTUALLY. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Maybe it’s because I’m too emotional, too sensitive, too much, blah, blah, blah. Something "bad". Shit the grump hated that has just stuck to me like black balloons since. (( NF is the same with his mental issues. I’m glad to know I’m not alone with thinking of depression, anxiety, etc. as black balloons. Their like lifeless weights, but we still feel them weighing us down))

I love constant communication, especially from close friends.. bug me. 24/7. whenever, whatever. I don’t do anything. much that is. I’m overwhelmed when communicating nowadays so help me out pls??or not><

I don’t ask for it much though bc i was put down for asking for it. I was always told to say certain things as well, not think a certain way, send things at certain times. nothing nsfw even though we where adults. no art much bc it was always judged, other dumb shit.. I felt like the ultimate fucking bother bc of that.. person.

So I stayed to myself because of that and that made me worse ove time.

((I drove some people away when I did and I still am I feel,but I’m trying not too.. I couldn’t deal with myself though, I felt absolutely horrible. When I did, I said some nasty shit and I regret it all because a prick made me feel like complete shit and worthless about myself. I didn’t have to take it out on others like that, but wow.. I did. If I told anyone though,he’d come after me and that was what I didn’t want.. so nice huh?))

I felt like a broken down old dog. I still feel like that occasionally not as bad. not a pleasant feeling at all though

Are all of the things that make me like this really that bad or annoying or make me even less though?? fuck no it doesn’t. It makes me wayyyy better and much more cooler honestly, but those feelings still linger bc the manipulation was so bad..

—

Why the hell would you want me to be boring or better yet be with a boring person who doesn’t talk much and puts others down for similar behavior??

Why would I be with someone who doesn’t share any interests with me much or puts mine down bc they’re childish or unnecessary??

Why would I be with someone that doesn’t communicate anything at all and whatnot,like...please tell me??

I’m genuinely fucking interested.

-

They told me I was always being too nice all the time. too soft, too babyish. too honest. too sensitive. blah, blah, blahhh. whenever I said something that was tooo personal or informative it’s like: "That’s too much information don’t ya think??" UMM, N O?? "Don’t say that around me ever or I’ll unfriend you and never speak to you again." Okay.. THEN DO IT, PUSSY.

Fucking asshat, douche canoe looking ass cunt.. ((He didn’t like those words or almost any word tbh it seems. true killjoy, I swear and I thought I was. I couldn’t even say oh my god or anything with lord in it because he’d then start saying "why are you saying that when you’re an atheist?" Umm actually I’m agnostic.. ))

he hated the whole "umm actually" deal too that I would do.. literally drove me up the damn wall every time. who fucking cares if I say that?? I’ve been accustomed to it because of my parents and people in general. come the fuck on now

It’s pretty common to say, twit. Don’t take it seriously, joke or not to piss me off to make you happy..man, he irritated the hell out of me and I’m glad he’s gone. like..look ‘bud’ should I just be angry and a constant liar and hateful and just, overall vile like you then all the time?? Guess so huh!! ohh boy!!

Which was almost that unfortunately.. i’m not good at lying and all like you though, you snake. when I did it wasn’t how I was feeling, it was how you felt.. which disgusted me.

I was always honest to you. maybe a few lies, but those were mostly about certain games that I didn’t really play and what I was laughing at. which was your dumb ass most of the time.

He made me start to hate things that made me very happy by being a total prick about it.. I miss feeling overwhelmed with overflowing joy for the things that bring and brought me peace.

I still have it, but it’s not as strong as it was before because some dumb fuck stepped on it too much telling me I’m weak in the process.

I couldn’t like anything anymore much without hearing him yelling at me occasionally and others as well that I never noticed till everything happened. just,yelling at me loudly and telling me how awful i am and other annoying, idiotic shit.. maybe that was your plan all along , to ruin me. ruin my confidence, my strength and my will to move up and thrive in life..

you tried dragging me down your well for being myself when you couldn’t.. pathetic. I bet you’re happy bc you feel like you ‘succeeded’ with this,but you didn’t win the war.

You never will

———

———

they always manipulated me to dislike the things in life that made me happy. This irritated me a lot.. ((my interests in obscure and ‘buttrock’ bands/music in general, anime, weird games, my love for peculiar art, my badass friends..))

said absolute dumb shit if I got closer to some more than them. ((making me waste sooo much god damn time. say you’re busy all the time even though you live a "boring fucking same day to day lifestyle." tell them how you can’t message all the time when in fact you can and that you’re constantly on the only device that gets you connected to the world outside. tell them.)) makin me lie and be distant about how I felt with some of my amazing friends..

It was never about how I truly felt, but how they felt for me. (("Ohh they made you feel like that?? Well, it made me feel like this and you should too because //insert dumb explanation here//.", "You shouldn’t feel like that towards them, they don’t deserve it.", "Maybe I deserve to be treated like that instead, screw them.", "Don’t feel like that towards them or //issue//, thats absolutely appalling, childish, flat out sappy.", "Don’t let them know how you’re really feeling.. just act like you don’t care at all. They don’t care to help you anyway or else you’d be living a better life.", "They’ll just spread it around so just stay quiet instead until spoken too about it."))

E N D ME !!!  

Pls, I beg of you.. not really but the thoughts though, please

———

———

he would tell me to not bug him when hes on a game, but he could to me. even on social media, which is how we stayed connected and not by messenger pigeons like it’s the 1500’s.

"Don’t bug me on FB when I’m not on." Okay, but I wanna share this with you...?? also, how the hell am I gonna know when you’re on when I’m drawing and trying to occupy my on edge brain??

proceeds to spam me shit in process irritating me. "Don’t bug me, don’t bug me" I hear like a whiny little baby.

"Why do you bug me all the time??" UMM, MAYBE BECAUSE I CARE AND I WANT TO UHHH, IDK SHARE THIS NEAT SHIT WITH YOU??? PENDEJO PUTA DE MIERDA!!

"I’ll message you and send invites when I feel like it." - Shithead towards the end. Circa 1818. ((Yeah, weeks or a month later like nothing happened. "I’ll see you later or tonight when I see you on, get back on, when I’m done eating" just, excuse after excuse..))

((IM ALWAYS FUCKIN ONLINE 24 GAT DAMN 7.  YOU KNOW THIS, SHITHEAD. I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU OR SOMEONE IN THE DAMN GROUP. DNT FUCK WIT ME, MY TIME, OR PATIENCE LIKE THAT ANYMORE. ENOUGH. S T O P. And it did.. thank g o d))

———

———

would literally make me wait around and feel like a complete and utter fool when instead he could’ve messaged and been like maybe tomorrow or something, but no.. nothing. made me believe in all sorts of dumb shit. ((Sad I did, but I was pretty gullible. still am. some stuff was just, a big nope though and obvious. I wouldn’t let him get to me that much, but he did in some ways.. disgusting ..))

I was made to feel like I was cared for when in fact I never was to begin with. explains a lot tbh. I felt like a disgusting half empty shell of a person with barely any fragments of a heart and soul left inside. that’s very dark, I know, but that’s how it feels in a way

"It’s not real, this depression you’re feeling, it’s just a phase. it’ll pass/ just suck it up and move on / don’t worry about it you’re fine, you’re just overreacting or overthinking about it / think positive more and be happy nothing bad has really happened to you yet/ I remember when you didn’t act like this."

HOW AND WHAT?!? EXCUSE ME, PEASANT!? SAY THAT AGAIN.. TO MY ACTUAL FACE. I DARE YOU N’ YEAH, I DO TO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.

———

———

I love how people ((friends and some mutuals)) thought I actually wanted to be, be with him, romantically and all that, that is but I just couldn’t..it was never there. I felt it for others though or someone to be exact, during those times which is how I knew I was in a toxic situation and it wasn’t real love or love in general I felt for them. just a facade

I just couldn’t let people know how badly he was treating me so I was sucked into a woven web of lies that got out of hand and ruined some pretty good moments for me completely it seemed

I never once wanted to fuck him or anything of the sort.

at first, we were kinda flirty and sweet with one another. talkin about cuddlin n’ goin on silly dates when we meet ya know. cute and fluffy things. things I got shit for down the road keep in mind. we’d give each other cute lil compliments to one another. It was just, cute and fun stuff ya know. especially since we were young as well.

there was never anything sexual between us either or too sexual, just crushy feels. ((I’m really fucking glad because mm, mmm. hard fucking pass))

he’d never and i mean never get my moist meter high, EVER. drier than this damn valley I live with scattered tumbleweeds, I tell you. not even a lil tingle. no bells ringing.fireworks flinging. I thought about it too and I’d just get disgusted tbh. thats how I knew

I felt like he’d be the worst in the end anyway and he was in general. he wasn’t even comfortable with himself or his sexuality and others things.. sooo, noooo, NOPE. thank u, next!!

I’m completely comfortable with mine.. thanks to my friends and some a bit more. I’m a bit scared to admit though that I’m demi bc of manipulation, but it is.

Happens unfortunately and I know I’m not alone on this journey of self acceptance. I wouldn’t have mind talking about it though, in a calm civil manner like adults do instead of giggling and making weird noises like an idiotic child.

Having it being brought up randomly amongst mutuals and all that got extremely awkward too as well, I hated it. "You wanna fuck him?", "You ever thought about it you two since y’all so close?" crickets and a few mumbled noises.. HA.mmm, I cared about him or what was left of him, not like that. honey flower ain’t or never will be feelin it for him.. EVER. HE EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED ME AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW SEX THAT MUCH OR MYSELF LIKE THAT SO FUCK HIM. uwu

She’s kinda quiet and scared tbh because he’s such a total killjoy asshole. she senses fear. she knows who really gets her bud blooming. just, the thought of him though like that made me wanna scream and kick him in this stupid ass face.

Ruined a lot of things for me, I swear but I’m moving on as best as I can.

—

He had this switch flip type of mood. I don’t even remember how or why it happened, but it just got worse during and after his breakup it seems.

Which was like 3-4 years ago. started happening out of the blue and over time it just started to bug the living fuck out of me. daily. I was starting to hate it and hate it I did. made my skin crawl.. ((all the Linkin Park jokes))

It made me hate myself which I never did much tbh and I didn’t like that at all.. I wanted out, but I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know who to talk to bc he’d come after me if I did especially if they knew him..

they didn’t though and were on my side, but yeah. I’m glad it stopped

A L L OF IT. I don’t need that kind ‘love’ in my life. that,awful presence. I don’t need any of that at all.. MMM, MMM BYE, BYE!! Disgusting.

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I wanted to help em try to be happy so fuckin bad after what happened ya know as friends do, when it should’ve been myself making me happy instead.. it was,but everything just got to me.

All the sighs. How lovely huh. We were ‘best friends’ ya know. I can’t even really call anyone that much bc it unnerves me. you’re supposed to make each other happy and all that as best friends, not a sad sack of low shit.

I can’t believe I wanted to be with him and or be around him that is... eughh. I was confused and in a dangerous situation towards the end.. feels like it was my fault, but it wasn’t.

Couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It was extremely fucking stupid on my part

Long time or not, why? just, holding onto old times I guess

That’s where I messed up. I didn’t even really bother trying to be with him tbh as I’ve said. in the beginning maybe yeah when we were younger, but he made me feel less and less over time as we grew older. I was embarrassed about a lot of shit and slowly I just finally realized how much of an asshole he really and truly is and how bad I wanted him out my life.

I couldn’t get away and when I did, he’d still be there someway.. haunting me with his negative nagging.it was dumb I know. I just don’t know exactly how I got lost in it so damn badly, but man, am I really dumb for doing it..

I wholeheartedly despise those feelings I had then and I fucking despise them now. ALL OF THEM. THEY HAVE RUINED MY LIFE AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

((Great character development though, Cynth. Growing up and moving on. Something he could never do))

I don’t want to bring these problems into anyone else’s life and I did and I regret it.. I would like to disconnect from the server please bc of it, thank you

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I was made to feel like my disability was cureable around him and that I can do shit when I get my operations done when in fact, I can’t at all and won’t ever get ‘cured’ or anything like that of the sort.typical ableist /lamdwalker activity. despite how many times I told him,he’d forget. Mhmm, sure.. you only heard what you wanted. It’s fine

"We’ll be able to do this when you get said //part// fixed.." what? can I not do that now or something?? I know I can’t, but I can at least try right?? am I really not that good enough to be around and do shit with?? guess so, cool. Okay, I see. I really tolerated some extreme ableism and I still do, but it’s not as bad as that was..

I wish I could cure my RA though like that and have said money to do it. Snap my fingers and it’s done right? ummm, no. not as easy you think dumb ass. I have fused joints, osteo, it’s everywhere like how the hell am I gonna fix that so easily?? tell me, doc

You trippin more than younger me did. I think that’s why he just flat out ditched me in the end and got a gf while he was at it that had an almost exact personality as me in the process. he would point it out too and made me feel fucking creeped out even more.. like, I get it. can’t be youre, abled dream

Why do you care if we’re alike in some ways though?? ((Look where it got him though. He’s still struggling with it, the breakup, bringing it up once n’ awhile like it didn’t happen. It was hilarious to me bc he really was a basket case. I know he was trying to get rid of it, but he was more obsessive about it than a mf))

thankful I don’t deal with it anymore

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"You live the same day to day lifestyle. Ever since you and I graduated. The same fucking thing. The only new things you do are go to your stupid concerts or teach those weird kids. I see it or you end up telling me anyway." ((I know captain obvious yet again.. at least I’m having fun when I’m doing that. concerts for my favorite bands make me happy, teaching my kids do too ya asshole))

"Nothing is gonna change anyway if you get those procedures done. It’ll be worse for you and we all know that. Just deal with it and try to move on." ((I hate hearing your voice in my head. I want to ban it, mute it from all existence.. I’ve been replacing it with others and I’m glad it’s working))

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I keep hearing his voice sometimes when I post something on social media. not his actual voice, but something similar, especially in tone. moody and monotone. art,status, any of those with hashtags, rt‘s, anything.. I heard it

"Why did you post that?? Looking for attention or something?", "Not many people liked it because it’s //insert stuff I love here//", "Don’t like shit like that. I don’t want to scroll around awkwardly when I’m out.", "I saw what you put. Idk how to approach it, but I’ll like it to show you I care/to look at later to process."

Tf does that mean and huh?? Why do you care what I put anyway?? I don’t care what you put so why should you care what I put?? Why make me feel like shit for putting this up or talking about something I have some balls too. I want people to know. I’m close to some of these people

I haven’t been posting much because of that. It’s very noticeable and my some of my friends can vouch for it from the viewing couch. renders I do of friends stuff, my original work, OC stuff, fan arts. A L L gets judged by the mighty grump. who it is, colors, the style, shading.. nothing was good enough I guess. even though you said it was and so did my brain at one point. It does, but she’s just not that confident much anymore

He’d get on fan art which was the most irritating thing. "Try and draw like that or do something like that for once.", "They didn’t get me right.. did you give them the references? Even though you still haven’t made a proper one?", "Why did they draw me like that?", "That’s cool. Why my character though?" PEOPLE DRAW IN THEIR OWN WAYS IN MANY STYLES AND CAN CREATIVELY DO WHATEVER THEYD LIKE YA FUCKIN DUMBASS. IN THE END, ITS MY CHARACTER ANYWAY. YOU DIDNT DRAW HIM. I DID N’ WHO CARES. MAYBE THEY LIKE YOUR CHARACTER OR IDK I REQUESTED IT TO MAKE YOUR SAD ASS HAPPY.

"Ohh yeah, I used to draw back in the day." The shit he sent me was traced, had his signature on it covering the original artists, no consistent style. Straight up thief and ugly liar. He can’t even draw a straight line, let alone paint a piece. Please, boy. I KNEW IT AND HED MANIPULATE ME INTO THINKING IT WAS AND I KNEW. AINT FOOLING ME THERE. I maybe or might’ve been extremely gullible as a teen, but ooohhh honeyyyy, I knew, I knew.

Artist my ass. Yeah con artist :))

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I hated the awkward silence moments between us when we spoke. I literally wanted to fucking scream at you like you did to me sometimes when you were having a "bad day".

I wanted to yell at you about everything you’ve ever done to me the last time we talked and I just broke down instead because I am an "emotional bitch" as you say. HOLY SHIT though, are you boring. I thought I was, but I just get dissociative and I space out because I didn’t know what to say and when I did,I got judged for it. for everything else as wel which made me feel worse. fuucking fantastic you are

You made me feel like I was was swirling in this dead and extremely lonely silence that was ever so slowly drowning me and dragging me down.. ((Like BMTH says, don’t let me drown and you did to an extent)) i couldn’t breathe right for the longest time with you there.. felt like an enormous weight on my chest

when I was in there, it was awful and made me feel worse. I didn’t want to leave and when I did,you’d think I’d be having a fit or something.so, I would stay until you left and when you did it was absolute freedom.

I swear I hated being around you. I got judged for making any sort of weird noise, hiccup, burp, humming, my singing, jokes. such a fun person you are, hmph