#tbh its probably just the lexapro doing its job

[howling--fantods]

hey

i’m so sorry its been so long, i really hope everyone is doing great!! <3333

sooooooooooooooooo........things aren’t going great. i feel really bad about not being around for so long bc i honestly miss everyone SO SO SO SO MUCH. i just get into this cycle where it has been so long that i feel terrible which keeps me from coming back bc i feel terrible about being a bad friend and i want to start by saying sorry for that, the being a bad friend, and say that i am going to try to free myself from that so i can keep from being away for so long again. bc honestly everyone on here make my life hundreds and thousands of times better and being away from you all has just made me very much aware of that and my therapist demanded that i get over my feeling terrible about being away this week so here i am. i miss you all and truly hope you’re doing well. <333

so about the things not going great. ummm the past couple months have been really hard. i had to move back home bc i basically couldn’t afford to pay rent anymore so that sucked but tbh was kinda a relief bc now all my money isnt going into a massive black hole and that was super stressful and now that i am all moved out i feel a lot better. sad bc i liked my place but the last few months there weren’t great and that feeling kinda tainted it, but mostly sad bc moving back home feels like failure and that is hard. the plan is that i am going to start looking for a new job in february bc i feel like i owe my current job a year mostly bc my boss is amazing even though i kinda hate my job and then when i know where my next job is going to be hopefully move out with some friends or just find a new place. i basically making minimum wage rn (well $2 more) which is unacceptable and won’t be able to move out until i’m making more money which is scary bc i have no idea what is coming next. so all of that is scary. and i feel probably worse than i’ve ever felt in terms of depression so that isn’t helping either.

what is good is that greg keeps giving me freelance work which is AMAZING financially but also bc i love working for him so much. so that is really great. also everything with my family is going shockingly well. ever since last xmas my sister and i have been doing better than we probably ever had? and it has lasted all this time without issue, i think we are finally on the same page and it is really really great. we have been spending a lot of time together too and that is really nice. also my dad upped his dose of lexapro and it has made a dramatic difference, so all of that is really great.

so that is what is happening. i am really going to try to stay active on here and not let things go bc everyone here means the world to me and ive missed you all so much. please tell me how youre doing!!! 

[williamcheart]

- ̗̀ * ( bill skarsgard + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( william ‘colt’ heart ii ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-four ) year old, studying ( business + literature ). we hear they are in ( omicron tau xi ), and can be ( composed & detached ), maybe it’s because they are an ( aquarius ). they sort of remind us of ( chicken scratch handwriting, trembling hands, a coach’s whistle ), maybe we can find out more ! * ̖́- + literary magazine

u were all wondering whomstve the bill skarsgard fc reserve was . . . . it was I and i have no mcfuckin’ regrets. we love. and stan. william colton heart the second

tw. cancer, death, substance abuse, car accident, mental illness.

gen info!

full name: william colton heart ii

nickname(s): will to his family, colton/just colt to p much everybody else. his full name is reserved for family and when he’s in troubule tbh

b.o.d. - feb. 19th he an aquarius bby

label(s): the fallen, the phoenix, the crestfallen, etc. etc.

height: tall but taller than benjy tall like we’re talking a whopping 6′4″ jfc

hometown: beaufort, south carolina !!

sexuality: b...i...?

bio info!

born n raised in beaufort, south carolina--william is the eldest heart sibling

was a really quiet kid, tbh, like he minded his business and stuck close to the people he knew

always, always wanted to impress his parents, so he always studied hard for school and kind of put all his focus into it ??

it was a pressure for him, really, bc he’d always been told that he’s gonna inherit the family business like how his dad did, etc. etc.

and like...sweetie never wants to disappoint anyone, ever.

he was never considered a nerd tho?? like he’s always been freakishly tall, and his quietness sort of made him intimidating to be around b/c it always felt like he was judging u bc he’d always have to look down at u

has always been super protective over his younger siblings, feels as if it’s his duty to be the put-together brother

he’s never had to fight anybody tho, and like, thank god for that b/c he’s definitely not a fighter, considers himself to be a pacifist for the most part

bc like...he can just stare u down and ur like uuuh gtg bye !!1!111!!!

anyways, grew up riding horses, finds it v v peaceful but he stopped when they moved to california

but track has always been his kinda thing regardless of where he’s at, tried out for track his freshmen yr of high school n was the star of the team tbh

he met a gal going by the name dinah during a track meet the middle of his freshmen yr

she was taking photos for the yearbook and stuttered over her words more often than not, even when she teased william

and like...tbh? william adored her immediately

it really wasn’t soon at all until they started dating, like, they were the high school couple

they complimented each other v v well and were prolly always together lbr

i’m hc’ing that his family also adored dinah like it’s law

dinah is the one who like...really encouraged him to pursue writing as something more serious than just for fun, because will had always enjoyed writing--esp poetry--but he didn’t want it to get in the way of his future w the stables ??

and like...fuck, they were so cute, guys. they were so mf cute.

dinah got diagnosed w/ lung cancer in the beginning of their junior year; she began online school halfway thru b/c she didn’t have the energy physically to go to class, went thru a looot of chemo

william was with her the entire time, y’know, if he wasn’t in school or at track he’d probably be with her the most, trying to cheer her up in the ways he could, helped her study for their SATs bc he knew it was rly important to her

by the summer she was in remission and they thought that was it--still super fucking careful, but they really genuinely thought that that was the end of it y’know ?? that she’d just be better ??

they got into a few months of senior year with her being healthy enough to go to school again, but the further time passed...dinah relapsed, rapidly, and the cancer had spread to other parts of her body

they spent their last valentine’s day in the hospital, and the next day she was gone

it...crushed william, just kind of changed his life, y’know? dinah was all he knew and he really didn’t know how to live w/o her

spent a lot of his time locked away in his room or never even home to begin with, just wandering about hopelessly or sleeping, or trying to sleep that is

poured his heart into his poetry, though--in dinah’s honor, he tried so mf hard to keep doing what he loved even though he was so hurt

it was because of his constant hard work, and dinah’s past encouragements, that william entered and won a poetry contest during his senior year. got a hella scholarship that made everybody proud of him, just b/c he was ~defying odds~

kinda put on this mask so that others wouldn’t see how bad he was doing ?? b/c he’s the level-headed brother, y’kno, the one who always had his shit together and knew what he was doing

dinah and william won cutest couple and even prom king n queen as a sort of tribute to dinah but will didn’t even go to prom tbh he got drunk and threw cans of beer off of a cliff

anyways, he graduated high school n attended ucla bc that was his dad’s school and gdi he’s tryn his best to follow in his footsteps

even got into his dad’s frat b/c he was that determined

he didn’t rly partake much in parties but he did indulge every once in a while, y’know, just to do it, was finally getting his shit back together and doing well for once y’know?? he joined track n took it p seriously

when angela heart died, all of that fell apart again

he took an entire year off of school b/c at that point his mental health had taken a really bad turn, depression was sort of controlling his life and he was spiraling so mf far down that he sometimes couldn’t recognize himself

during that time he published his first and second poetry book under w.c. heart; it’s super morbid, depressing, you can pretty much feel his depression as it manifests in the pages. it begins with poetry from his earlier years, of when he was with dinah and then afterwards, when she dies

the second poetry book is about healing, and then how sometimes you can fall back even when you’re doing good (i.e. around the time lil baby angel died)

when he finally did go back to school he had a much better mindset, seemed to be doing well--was one of the best on the track team--partied a little harder, did drugs more often than usual but nothing too extreme y’know ??

his junior year he got into a p bad car accident n derailed into a body of water after crashing his side of the car into another and losing control of his vehicle

like honestly thank god for the stranger who immediately stopped their car and went totally-hero on the situation, they got william out of the car before he could drown and essentially saved his life, before calling 911 and just. disappearing as soon as the sirens were audible

somehow his left leg got mc’fucked in the incident and it just so happened to ruin his track career

also gave william a fear of swimming/deep water + driving. like. he never wants to be in control of a car again. it really added onto his anxiety and was probably the root of his panic disorder tbh

he took another year off of school to recover from his injuries and to just fucking...put himself in some therapy, because he knows. when it’s time to take care of himself. is really still determined to b the best, he’s just trying to take his time now.

got addicted to painkillers b/c of the injury, sought them out after his prescription ran out; it varies between oxy, vicodin, n percocets and like...they mix really badly w/ his antidepressants tbh ??

that’s v v hush-hush bc he doesn’t want people to worry about him moreso than they already do after like...all these tragic mf events y’know.

he had moved out of his greek house to live on his own but after his second time coming back to ucla he moved back in b/c that way somebody could kick his ass if he fell down the rabbit hole again y’know

his antidepressant, lexapro, causes hallucinations and now he’s been seeing dinah everywhere, hearing her voice, etc. etc. he thinks he’s finally going insane and also keeps it v hush hush b/c he doesn’t want people to think he is

he looks worse for wear but he just. keeps on pretendin’.

personality!

he’s just ... really calm tbh?

he’s always been the (or one of the) least fussy child, hated starting conflicts

if anything he’s always been a mediator ?? the peacemaker, tries to resolve things before they get outta hand

he hates fighting, physical n verbal, refuses to partake in it

even when dinah n him would get into arguments he’d be really quiet during them

that being said he wasn’t like antisocial or anything just bc he was quiet y’know ??

he was the quiet cool dude who was always popular for some fucking reason (its the height im telling u) and offered rly good advice

he’s a big fucking softie lemme tell u . . . he cries at most movies tbh

v intelligent, still carries small dumbass energy b/c he doesn’t make the best choices as u can tell

v v good at his craft, has been working on his third poetry book but has a lil bit of writer’s block atm and it’s ? torturing him tbh ?

he’s got a sense of humor but it’s like . . . kind of morbid tbh like he deals w shit via locking up his emotions and using humor as a coping mechanism

he’s a sentimental piece of shit tho we love him. he has a bottle of dinah’s favorite perfume and sprays his bed w it before he goes to sleep

that being said he really...isn’t over her, still, y’know ??

he’s 100% sure that she was his soulmate and he doesn’t think she could ever be replaced

(silly boy u cant replace people ! u just. meet people who fit u in other ways.)

hates being babied b/c he’s the oldest goddammit, that’s his job

he has a lil bit of a limp but like . . . that’s just bc his leg hurty

did i mention he’s protective bc he 100% is like listen.

he can bully his siblings. u cannot. that’s the rule sorry

even when his siblings r bullying each other he like body-flops on top of them and is p much like fucking Stop

he’s in his last yr of college but he’s doing grad school right after b/c he rly. doesn’t wanna b a partner w his dad. he doesn’t wanna own the stables or breed horses. he’s troy bolton and writing is his singing, horsebreeding is his basketball.

okay he really wants to know who tf pulled him outta the water b/c he never got to say thank u and he’s just like ?? LET ME SAY THANK U GODDAMMIT

he’s lowkey in the party scene but he’s also a bit of a wallflower when it comes to them, he prefers to drink his alcohol n watch ppl b idiots or sit on a roof high off his ass with a pal

he’ll fuck u but he wont date u but like so will most of the guys so he’s not unique he’s just a hashtag tortured artist

like it’s so hard for him to connect w others in a potentially romantic way ?? bc he just doesn’t feel anything and u cant really blame him for it tbh

has panic attacks n insomnia but u aint hear it from me

ironically........has taken up smoking cigarettes, as well.......even tho his gf died from lung cancer.......will why?

oh right bc i commanded thee

wanted connections !!

WHO PULLED HIM OUTTA THAT MF CAR CRASH ?? - i wanna know mf !!

his siblings uwu - GIVE US THE LAST HEART. PLEASE.

roommate - !! they can b chill or hate each other tbh who knows

frat bros - please.

uuuh general friends i guess ??

will they wont they - they’re rly close but will is really dumb and straight refuses to acknowledge the fact that they’d b like . . . perfect together

general unrequited things - william is emotionally unavailable, lmao, let’s see how that works w others

current hookups - he’s a bit of a slut, let’s b real. we ain’t shaming him b/c we don’t do that in 2k19 but we also speaking truths

good influences - please...help him get better

confidantes - somebody he just can fuckin complain to w/o feeling shitty or guilty for it

bad influences - make him. worse. he’s doing bad but he’s not at his worst yet.

anything. else. u want. i will do. i can do. i am god. i have ultimate power. william is my pAWN.

[lalka-laski]

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? A sweatshirt with my company's logo & a pair of jeggings

What are on your feet right now? Slip-on sneak type of things? I abandoned my usual flip-flops today because my feet are a tragedy

What color are your fingernails? Like my toenails, my fingernails are also a tragedy! I haven't had room in my budget for a mani pedi in awhile :/

What does your hair look like right now? It's clipped up, but it's clean and therefore, the best my hair has looked this week

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? I have several but for the sake of this survey I'll say Sean

What was the last thing you two did together? Sadly it was a post-funeral service for his grandmother. But it was a fun, lighthearted celebration of her life. I adore his family and it's always great to spend time with them, even if the circumstances are dismal.

What is (s)he doing right now? Man, this guy is ALL over the map. I can't keep tabs on him! He could be in Bora Bora right now and I wouldn't question it.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Nope, but we keep in pretty regular contact.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? He's a little more than a crush! He's my fiance

What does (s)he look like? The cutest pumpkin pie in the WORLD (he finds that nickname emasculating?? Can't imagine why...) What was the last thing you two talked about? We're texting right now about what Starbucks drinks we're gonna get later!

Does (s)he make you smile? More than anyone or anything on the planet

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Richard

What does he do for a living? He's an electrician. Although these days he's more of an executive (I don't know his actual title). So he oversees lots of electricians and various projects, but doesn't do as much as the hands-on work. I'm so proud of him for working his way up the ladder but it's still so funny to me to picture my blue-collar, borderline redneck dad, working in an OFFICE.

What was the last thing you two did together? We got ice cream (Glenn & my mom were also present)

Do you get along better with him than your mother? My mom and I have more in common and therefor do more friendly/social stuff together. But I get along with each of them equally well. Especially as an adult.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? Yep I have a few pairs of reading glasses on the way actually

Do you just shop around when you’re online? Kinda but I'm trying to kick the habit

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? You could argue I am...

Have you ever sold anything on it? Nope

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? I'm on currently

How many friends do you have? Over 1,000

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? It doesn't happen much tbh

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? I just had a birthday so it could've been anybody

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? I might rely TOO much on Google!

What was the last thing you Googled? Stretches for my calves

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? Nah

What do you Google the most? "Is it safe to eat expired ______?"

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It's kind of my enemy. I spent years destroying it with box dye but even regardless of that, it's limp and stringy in texture. I long for thick, luscious locks!

What color is your hair? Blonde

What does it look like right now? Clipped up in a claw clip

What kind of shampoo for you use? Biolage

I - Ibuprofen

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? Few days ago for a headache prob Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I don't take it much, no

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean yeah?

Do you have any right now? We have a few bottles upstairs at the nurse's station

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? I have one. I need a better PAYING job though...

Where do you work? A fertility clinic

Where would you work? If I could choose anywhere? I'd be a regular columnist for a website, magazine, blog etc.

How much money would you like to get paid? Sadly, I'd be ok with even $15/hour at this point. Ideally $20.... but that will never happen at this job.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? Glenn

Will you next kiss be a mistake? This is a weirdly common question in surveys. But no, it certainly won't.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Mhm

Who was your first kiss? Steven was his name

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My family, Glenn, my friends, my babies

Have you ever been in love before? I am right now

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Oh it's like SPARKLING, magical feeling throughout my whole body. Electric, even.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Probably because it's such a spiritual, almost otherworldly feeling. While there are a lot of physical sensations that accompany it, love itself is magical. And how do you define that in human language??

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Julie

What is she doing right now? Ugh. The lucky duck is currently in Canada with my godmother having the time of her life. I'm so jealous but happy for her!

Where does she work? She's a retired schoolteacher

Do you two shop together a lot? Oh very often!

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Mhm but I don't watch it much

If not, what movies would you order?

Do you rent a lot of movies? Nah

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? Uh what? I have a Smart TV so I don't need any additional tools really?

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? No lol

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t have a favorite Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? Mhm

Have you ever been to Ohio? Nope

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? It's hard to say 'cause I quit so many things. I can't decide if this is a bad habit or not? On one hand, I should exhibit some more perseverance. On the other hand, I think it's good that I recognize when something is no longer serving me.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nah. Everyone in my life is meant to be here.

Would you ever quit school? Well I'm done with school so no.

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? Nope. Again, I think it's good to acknowledge that something isn't doing you any favors. I don't think there's necessarily dignity in keeping yourself in a situation that doesn't serve you. Wish more people had that mentality. Just 'cause you start something doesn't mean you have to finish it.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? I'm in the middle of a riveting book called The Opposite of Everyone. My MIL has been lending me some really great mysteries lately. She's turning me on to the genre!

Do you own a lot of books? Our living room is overflowing with them and we actually are planning to buy a third bookshelf soon

Do you have a library card? Actually no but I want to get one for the library in the town I now live in

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? They all do, really.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? Ha. I often don't when I'm in the backseat because I don't find it necessary and my mom always barks back "THAT'S WHAT PRINCESS DIANA THOUGHT TOO"

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I've only ridden one a couple times and I can't remember if I wore a helmet

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Mhm Do you always think safety first? Eh, no. I'm kinda reckless if I'm honest.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? I'm messaging with Glenn right now Who are you talking to right now? ^^

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Also Glenn

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? I'm good

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? What a question... not really one I feel like getting tangled in right now. Thanks!

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? Actually yes

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? No?

Would you ever go to the army? HA HA HA HA HA

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? No, but virginity is a construct anyways.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 17 when I first had vaginal intercourse if that's what you're asking

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it all happened at the right time and led me to the right places. (Took awhile, but it did)

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? No, that's not for me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? Messaging Glenn, texting a groupchat, and drinking coffee

What are you craving? Kind of everything since I'm fasting right now. So ALL food sounds appealing

What do you need to buy? NOTHING at the moment. I'm on a spending freeze for a little while.

Why are you taking my survey? Because I'm bored at work

X -Xanax

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? Maybe...

Have you ever taken it before? Nope

Do you even know what it is? Yes

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I do & I currently take Lexapro (I have lukewarm feelings about its effectiveness for me)

Y - Yourself.

Name. Elizabeth

Age. 29 (gag)

Do you smile a lot? Very often, even when I don't want to

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? No

Do you own anything zebra striped? Also no Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? Lol no