#tbh im a bit insecure about the second one.......eh..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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raiswriting · 6 years

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muse

request: art major!reader w law major!doyoung pls :cc bullet note format if u can!!!

a/n: he’s a year older than you but it doesn’t matter that much

warning: a few swear words oopsie

genre: fluffy college!au

pairing: doyoung x reader

summary: ummm basically just how you and doyoung meet and get to know each other

word count: 5.1k (oops)

lets GOOOOOOOO

okay so basically college has been a JOURNEY

people ALWAYS had some shit to say as soon as they found out you were an art major

it was usually “what are you going to do with that” “do you know how unsteady that career path is”

liKE I GET IT

do they really think they’re telling you something new????

oh I’m sorry your majoring in business Susan™ and you decide to throw away your passions just because some high school counselor told you that you wouldn’t be able to support yourself but IM going to make my passion a career

lol sorry I have a lot of feelings

now onto how you met your mans doyoung

your freshman and sophomore years, you had only seen him in passing

tbh you barely recognized him when you saw him more than once

you knew him as “that one dude that i always see in the dining hall wearing suits”

then junior year you got a job at the convenience store on campus (lets get this BREAD)

pls tell me it isn’t some weird niche thing that only my school has

aNyWHO he started coming in around 2 am right before closing

and ALWAYS picked up 3 coffees all of which had double shots of espresso

this happened about 2 or 3 times a week

(which is very unhealthy guys gals and nonbinary pals pls try to drink cold water instead, it helps wake me up or green tea)

so despite seeing him so often at work, he began to appear less and less everywhere else

were you lowkey kinda sad about it???

mAYhaPS

that was until winter quarter started

you needed an elective class, SO you figured ‘eh why not take philosophy’ you had heard around that the professor is really chill and overall the class wasn’t supposed to be that bad

WELL GUESS AGAIN

because that really nice professor that everyone loved isn’t the one teaching the class this quarter

but hey you figured let’s go into this with an open mind and hope for the best

well on day one of this class (which is a 9 am by the way) guess who struts through the door

mister “that one guy i’d always see wearing a suit” who became mister “that one dude who always buys too much coffee at 3 am”

the man… the myth…… the legend………….MISTER KIM DOYOUNG

yep and ya boi decided to sit 2 seats down from you, it was too far to say hi or anything (esp bc you had never really spoken to him before) but like he was also just close enough for it to be awkward

so class went by normally you found out that the new professor wasn’t THAT bad but there was definitely gonna be a lot of work involved

so yeah life carries on as normal

you still see him all the time at the convenience store

one night it had been a particularly rough shift

your alarm didn’t go off, so you were running late, it had started to rain on your walk to work, and when you finally got there your manager apparently had someone piss in his cheerios because he had S U C H an attitude because you were

TWO

MINUTES

LATE

you were sat behind the counter after what felt like hours of sweeping and mopping the floors

that’s when he walked in

you didn’t even lift your head to greet him as “hi, welcome” crawled itself out of your mouth

you did however notice when he sat his 3 cans of coffee in front of you

“hey your y/n right?”

“that’s what it says on my nametag”

“haha yeah it does. i think i have you in my philosophy class”

when you finally met his eyes, you felt a little bad

you had kinda been giving him the cold shoulder for something that wasn’t his fault

you gave him a little smile

“yeah i am. doyoung right?”

he nodded slightly

the air was a little awkward and silent as you scanned his coffees

as you handed him the receipt he asked “hey do you maybe want to study together sometime. i mean our test is in like two weeks and it’s a quarter of our grade so like if you were free we could hang out and get some work done?”

dUDE you froze

here he was standing right in front of you; messy hair, sweatpants, a sweatshirt repping your school logo and looking very nervous (but very attractive lmao)

i guess your reply took a little too long because he quickly started to back peddle

“i mean if you prefer to study alone that’s cool. i just always see you during lecture and you look like you understand the material and sometimes i get a little lost in terminology but if you don’t want to that’s fine too.”

you quickly snapped out of your haze

“no, no. i would love to study with you. here let me give you my number so we can meet up. most of my classes are in the morning so any time after like noon should be fine.”

you grabbed his receipt back and quickly scribbled your number on it before handing it back

“just text me when you want to get together”

okay honestly you had never been one to give out your phone number just like that and you didn’t really like studying with people

but something about him made it so hard to say no

you just had this urge to get to know him

so when he texted you a few days later asking if you were free to study that night

of course you said yes

and it went pretty smoothly

he has a much better understanding of the material than he let on at first

he even ended up helping you understand a few things

you got together w few times over the next couple of weeks

each time you met you got to know each other more and more

yall quickly became friends

well yall became friends after the first night studying because lets be real it was awKWARD

like neither of you felt particularly comfortable yet because this was the first time you had actually hung out with each other despite knowing of each other’s existence for two years

oh yeah that’s something you found out after getting to know one another

he had always seen you around campus and wanted to get to know you but never did because he thought it’d freak you out having a random stranger coming up to you like

‘hey I know you don’t know me but I see you all the time. let’s be friends.’

which isn’t THAT crazy but to each their own

okay but let’s jump to the time 2 days before your exam

you guys agreed to meet up at the library and the plan was to study for A WHILE just to make sure you were prepared ya know?

so like you get there and he was already sitting in a room waiting

when you open the door he gets up to hug you

which he hasn’t ever done before

and like tbh he was really warm and smelled really nice like it his cologne wasn’t too strong, and it smelt sweet but also very inviting which isn’t really a scent but like do you get me? and he gave a really tight hug like the type that you didn’t want to let go of it felt as though you could stay there forever (this is also where you lowkey start having feelings for him but shhh because you don’t realize it yet)

so back the point

obvi you start studying and besides the hug nothing was really that different

you got through the material, quizzed each other, talked a bit

ya know the usual

time flew by and the next thing you know it’s 12:30 am and the library would be closing at 1 so you decide to wrap it up

“alright doyoung i’ll see you in class. get some rest before the test okay?”

“yeah yeah i will” he rolled his eyes a little bit

“seriously dude. i know you. go straight to sleep when you get back to your place”

he worried you sometimes. He really wanted to do well and the applications for law school were opening up soon, so he’s been kinda stressed no matter how much he tried to hide it and this test coming up isn’t helping

“i will. i promise.”

he walked you out of the library and you two would usually part ways and walk alone to your apartments

before you could turn and say goodbye doyoung was already speaking

“hey it’s a lot darker out here than usual”

you looked up at the pitch-black sky

“yeah I guess it is, oh well at least I have my pep-“

“what? you have your pepper spray right?”

“no i forgot that i let my roommate borrow it. she’s going to a sorority thing and won’t be back until like 3 or 4. it’s fine though my apartment is only like a 10-minute walk. goodnight do”

“wait y/n. i’ll walk you back. it’s way too late and too dark for you to go home”

“no i couldn’t ask you to do that. you’re law and society class is at 8 am tomorrow so you need to get some sleep.”

“well i won’t be able to sleep anyway if I’m staying up worried about you. so lead the way.”

despite the cold fall air, your face felt hot

like you know that it’s normal for friends to be worried about each other but that didn’t make doyoung saying it any less charming

the walk back was nerve wracking

you guys normally don’t hang out outside of the context of studying

so like this was weird, nice but weird

and once you go to your door there was a cast of silence

doyoung was just looking at you

normally it would make you kinda uncomfy/insecure but right now you were calm

there was something about looking into his eyes

the brown was so warm and inviting

after a few seconds of the comfortable silence, he finally looked away

and I awkwardly cleared my throat “thank you for walking me home doyoung”

“of course, i’m just gald to know you got here safely”

“so um, i was gonna wish you luck just in case we don’t see each other before the test but i mean judging from our study session you won’t need it though.”

he giggled and i swear someone could have mopped up your heart because it was in a puddle on the floor

“shut up y/n. thank you though. i always appreciate your kind words. do you want to meet for lunch after the exam? i usually have a lab afterwards but it got cancelled so if you’re free we should meet up.” asjdjjklcbclkNCKDLSNCOS

“yeah i am free. i guess i’ll see you then.”

he took a few steps back “yeah i guess you will. goodnight y/n”

“goodnight doyoung. actually get some sleep tonight, yeah?”

you could see his shoulders shake with laughter as he walked down the steps

to say you were smitten would be an UNDERSTATEMENT

the smile that showed up didn’t leave even after you fell asleep

when you get to class on that friday morning, doyoung is already sitting in his usual seat

the bags that usually take their place beneath his eyes are barely visible today

hopefully he took your advice and actually went to sleep

after the test you both got some burgers for lunch and just talked it had nothing to do with the test which was nice

i guess y’all make a great pair because once the scores came out, both of you got A’s

after that studying together became a routine

every tuesday, thursday and saturday leading up to the next test, you guys would review or sometimes just hang out

it was a mutual decision to help each other study

even if you didn’t share the class, one would be there to quiz and make sure the other focused (most of the time it worked, other times you’d be the reason they got distracted and vice versa)

the two of you would go out for lunch on those days instead

as the quarter drew to a close and the break got nearer and nearer as did finals week

you and doyoung tried to keep up with your study schedule but it was getting harder

you had artwork due

you were particularly stressed over a sculpture that was assigned

your teacher gave you those choice of clay or marbleas a medium and clearly you chose clay

you were going to do marble but then you remembered the other 3 tests you need to prepare for and a portfolio that had to fit the theme of mythology

so basically you had a lot of art to produce and NO INSPIRATION like none, zero, zip, zilch, nada

you sat in the room you had reserved in the arts building

a pile of clay sat atop a slab of rock, a blank page of a sketchbook sat next to that

scrolling through pinterest had stopped working long ago and at this point you were losing hope

ring, ring, ring

doyoung’s name popped up on your screen

it was odd because you two usually texted for everything

“hey, do what’s up?”

“hi y/n i was just wondering if you wanted to grab some fro-yo. i just got out of another test and could use some company”

“ahh, doyoung i’m sorry but i’m stuck doing work. do you remember that mythology sculpture i told you about? well, it’s due next Wednesday and i haven’t even started on it yet”

his voice sounded so concerned “is everything okay? how are you doing?”

“i’m doing okay, just tired. i’ve been trying so hard but can’t find any inspiration” you sighed into the phone, looking out the window of your room

“what room are you in?”

“room 247 in building B. why?”

“just sit tight.”

the call ended before you could ask any more questions

okay when i tell yall it was less than five minutes and he was walking through the door just know that what i really mean is he rAN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS TO COME COMFORT YOU

so yeah, he got there huffin and puffin, ready to blow your house down (with love)

“doyoung, what are you doing here?”

“well you were upset.” his tone was so matter-of-fact, and his eyes were so wide and innocent

honestly he looked so cute but like you were still very confused

what was he doing there?????

yeah you were upset but you also didn’t want to worry him

he casually walked over to a seat beside a window and pulled something out of his backpack

as he got closer and reached his hand out for you to take it, you noticed it was a sandwich

“it’s ham and cheese. light mayo, no lettuce or tomato”

when your eyes looked up at him he wouldn’t make eye contact

“you said this is the only way you take your sandwiches”

yALL

you only told him this once in passing because he was eating a sandwich with mayo

but pls tell you are putting the pieces together

he stopped to get you food and made it across campus in 5 minutes

the walk alONE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN 10 MINUTES

HE STOPPED AND GOT YOU FOOD TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN’T SKIPPING ANY MEALS

MARRY THID MANFSJDLFG

alrighty anywho

obviously you took the sandwich and spent 5 minutes thanking him for getting it for you

he sat back down in his seat near the window as you guys chatted for a bit

the conversation slowed slightly and you were able to just look at him

the light was bouncing off his face perfectly

his eyes looked like freshly brewed coffee. they were warm and inviting

his smile somehow managed to outshine the light pouring in

there he was

in all of his glory

your muse

your inspiration

his expression shifted to one of confusion

“y/n, why are you looking at me like that”

he could be your subject for not only the sculpture but also the portfolio as well

“okay this may be an odd favor and you can feel free to say no”

your leg couldn’t stop bouncing up and down and you thought your hands might catch a cramp from all the wringing they were doing

“don’t be silly. what is it?”

“well, i was thinking maybe you could be the model for my sculpture.”

“of course i will but i thought it was supposed to be about mythology and i’m no greek god”

he chuckled a little bit

“shut up do. are you kidding me? your shoulders are like a mile wide. you have a great jawline and that smile? you’d have all the mortal girls falling for you i mean i did. that sounds like god-material to me”

he threw his head back laughing

mostly to hide the huge blush creeping up his cheeks

“okay, okay. i’ll pose for you. what do i have to do?”

“just sit still so that i can take some measurements of your face and then i’ll take some photos for reference afterwards.”

doyoung did as he was told for the most part

he sat there patiently

he kept peeking at your sketchbook as you laid out the rough ideas for a few of your other pieces

tbh you hadn’t even noticed

you were in the ZONE, you hadn’t been this inspired in a while and you wanted to take full advantage of it

you also hadn’t noticed the ,,,, um,,,, lack of space,,,,,, between the two of you

well doyoung had, to say the least

he sat there desperately hoping and praying that you wouldn’t notice how sharply he would breathe in everytime your hands touched his face to move its position

or that you couldn’t notice how much his hands were shaking and how he was constantly wiping them on his pants because they were very sweaty

finally, you had all the information you needed

as you stepped back and over to your chair in front of the clay, doyoung could finally breath

“doyoung, do you have any other classes today? i don’t want to keep you here if you have plans. you can go i can work off of the reference pictures”

he very vigorously shook his head

“no no, i’m free for the day.”

“okay. you should probably go get something to eat while get this started. this will probably be a long process.”

“yeah sure. do you want me to grab you anything while I’m gone?”

“nope i’m good. i already had the sandwich you brought me.”

“okay then i’ll be right back”

after he left it easy to feel the emptiness of the room

even though you were enveloped in your work it was still noticeable

the absence of his presence was palpable

the lack of it was almost suffocating

while you were worked on getting the basic shape and structure you found yourself unsettled

unable to get back into the ‘zone’ you found yourself in before

still, you pushed through the weird shift in the air, but it wasn’t long before doyoung came back with a bag of food

“hey doyoung.”

he glanced over at your pile of clay

“whoa. you made a lot of progress. okay i know you said that you didn’t want anything to eat but i brought burgers and some chips and stuff just in case.

“doyoung, you really didn’t have to. i would have been fine.”

he rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. he simply sat back in his chair and ate some of the fries that came with his burger

the hours seemed to fly by once doyoung returned

it also helped that you played music on the speaker that you brought

before you knew it, it was 5 pm and the sun was setting

you leaned back from your chair to stretch before standing and taking a good look at the sculpture

after about 4 hours of work, you were almost done

of course there were still things that needed to be touched up, like the hair and the eyes

you had decided on a pose of doyoung looking up and off into the distance

you turned and washed your hands in the sink at the back of the room

“here’s your burger if you want it. it might be a little cold, but it doesn’t have any mustard, lettuce, tomato, or pickle. that’s how you like it right?”

YALL HE DID IT AGAIN

HE REALLY JUST OUT HERE BEIN A WHOLE SWEETHEART

“yeah, how’d you know?”

“remember we met up for dinner before a study session a few weeks ago? that’s how you ordered your burger and you told me about how dill pickles were the bane of your existence”

“which they are” you chuckled “but i can’t believe you remembered that”

“of course, i did. i remember everything you tell me”

your heart melted for like the fiFTH TIME TODAY

you smiled and blushed before grabbing the wrapped burger from his hands

you guys sat and ate in comfortable silence

once you had finished you turned to him

“if you’re ready to leave you can. i just have a few things to add but it’ll be okay if you aren’t here. i’m just about out of daylight anyway.”

he playfully cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms

“y/n. i have a feeling you’re trying to get rid of me”

“maybe i am doyoung. whatcha gonna do about it?”

“cry.”

you both busted up laughing

once you had calmed down you looked at him

“seriously do. if you wanna go study or sleep or something go ahead”

he stood up and began to walk closer to you

“oh stop that. y/n it isn’t a burden for me to stay here with you. i’m honored that you would choose me to be the subject of your work and i love spending my time with you”

at this point he was standing right in front of you. looking down into your eyes.

there was no hiding the redness flushing your skin

after a few moments of silence, you looked back down at your hands

he speaks again as if you two hadn’t spent the past minute just staring into each other’s eyes

“so what next? are you gonna keep sculpting me or are you gonna draw and paint a bit?”

“ummm ,,, i kinda want to just finish the sculpture so that i don’t have to worry about it ya know?”

“yeah. where is the light switch?”

“right by the corner near the door”

as he flipped on the switch and light once again flooded the room

you were able to get a good look at the sculpture

despite it not being finished, you were still incredibly happy and proud of it

you sat back down in front of it ready to finish the work

it only took another hour or two to finish once you really got back into it

you spent the bulk of the time adding in all the little details

and you also decided last minute to add a wreath atop his head and the top of a toga

you took a final step back before sighing in relief

you were finished

you almost wanted to cry

while you were staring at the piece doyoung got up to stand behind you and look at it as well

“wow y/n. it’s beautiful.”

“well it’s you so i hope it is.”

LOOK AT YOU. BEING BOLD. OKAAYYYY

before he could say anything else, you walked back to the sink and while washing your hands, asked his help to put it in another room to dry for a few days before it goes into the kiln

“it’ll take a while to dry so i’m going to leave it here and head to bed”

“okay well i can walk you back to your apartment”

“alrighty”

okay so you grabbed all your stuff (with his help because doyoung is too nice to just walk beside you as you try carry 4 different bags filled with art supplies)

the walk back was kind of uneventful

you invited him in to drop all your things off before he headed out, not until you thanked him for spending the day with you and being your subject

okay so 2 weeks pass

you and doyoung meet up a few times because you need him to model a few poses for your portfolio

but FINALLY you finished your portfolio and sculpture and turned it all in

since then you have been relaxing, getting ready for winter break

well “relaxing” is a loose term

tbh you had been kinda stressed over the scores you were going to get on the artwork

and today, the day before the quarter ends, your professor would be handing back your portfolio & sculpture with a score

you decided to text doyoung after getting dismissed from class

y/n: “hey i get the score for my art project back today. do you want to meet up and we can find out together?”

doyoung: “oh my gosh yes. but are you sure you want me to be there?”

y/n: “of course do. you were such a big part of this, i couldn’t leave you out of it. besides you haven’t seen the finished portfolio”

doyoung: “okay. same art room as last time?”

y/n: “yep. i’ll see you in 20”

you were nervous. as you waited in the room, your legs couldn’t stay still so you decided to pace in hopes of calming yourself down

or at least having something to do

when he walked into the room, your eyes met

there was no hiding the frantic look in them either

“hey y/n. do you have it?”

you pulled a card from inside the front of your portfolio and set it down on the table

doyoung’s voice was soft and calming as he walked up to you

“can i look at it?”

he picked up the large folder

in a large gold print:

PROMETHEUS, he dies everyday but wouldn’t wish for any other way to spend eternity

“you chose me to represent Prometheus? what’s his story”

you began to recount the tale as doyoung slowly flipped through pages of your artwork

· “well he was the youngest of the titans, which were the creators of greek gods. it was said that he was also the kindest. when he looked upon the earth and saw how the humans were struggling, Prometheus felt pity and decided to give them a gift. he gave them a divine secret of the gods. he gave them fire. he did this despite knowing that Zeus would punish him if he found out. which he did. the other titans and gods were furious, so they tied him to a rock near the sea. every day an eagle would come and rip out prometheus’ liver and he would die. every night it would grow back bringing him back to life. this torturous routine goes on every day and night and according to the myth it continues until this day, as it will forever.”

as you finished the story doyoung closed the folder

all he said was “wow”

it made you nervous. “so ,,,,, do you like it?”

“y/n. this is beyond words. this is amazing. and you chose me?”

“well yeah i mean. you two just seemed to fit each other. you are the kindest person i know. you’re very generous too. so really it wouldn’t have worked if i had chosen anyone else or any other myth.”

he said nothing. just set down your work and hugged you.

you embraced each other. sharing this moment.

“y/n no matter the score on the other side of that car, just know that your work is beyond incredible. not just because it’s of me”

you both laughed before he continued

“seriously. you are an amazing artist. your art moves people. it makes me feel emotions that i haven’t felt in a while. it takes me on a journey.”

he pulled back and gave you one last smile before grabbing the card off of the table

“on 3”

“….1”

“….2”

“….3!”

a 97 was written in bright red marker

“oh my gosh y/n”

you two jumped back into each other’s arms

the smile on your face was ear to ear. there was no way it was going to fade any time soon

“I knew you could do it.”

“not without you i couldn’t have,” you say leaning back slightly, your arms still around his neck

he rolls his eyes at you

“seriously doyoung. if you hadn’t come by that day i don’t know what i would have done. you were my muse”

his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist

your eyes would have met if his weren’t staring at your lips right now

“y/n.” he whispered

“doyoung?”

“can i kiss you?”

“absolutely”

FUCKING FINALLY

ahem sorry I got a little excited for you

it was great. what can i say

it was everything you expected to be

before you thought that the whole “fireworks” thing was just movies overexaggerating

but NOW you can attest to that

the kiss with doyoung had so much built up tension and caring and passion and just wowza

when you finally pulled apart

both of you were slightly out of breath

doyoung still had this cute, dumb smile plastered on his face

he gave you a few more pecks

which of course made you have a big dumb smile plastered on your face

you actually pulled apart and out of his arms this time and took a look at the score card

beneath your score the professor left a little note

“i hope you don’t mind but i emailed the art gallery about your work. they have a small exhibition open if you’d like to showcase your art. here’s the email: _______. please consider it. you have serious talent.”

“an art gallery doyoung. an exhibition in an art gallery.”

tears fell down your face

this was an amazing opportunity

a dream came true

“i can come over tonight and we can email them.”

you just nodded your head

tbh you were still in shock

this was a huge opportunity

“so y/n. i know there is a lot going on right now but I can’t wait. will you be my girl/boy-friend?

“doyoung of course. can you help me take this stuff back to my apartment then if you want we can go grab something to eat?”

he nodded happily and grabbed the sculpture

THE END

goodness gracious that took a while

I hope you enjoyed reading this 5 thousand-word trainwreck

I know some of the stuff about creating sculptures isn’t accurate, but I need to make it work with the timeline I had in my head

I hope it didn’t bother anyone too much

but yeah

thanks for reading

also I didn’t proofread this so hopefully there aren’t many mistakes

if there are just message me and I’ll fix them

also also here’s a sequel type thing that doesn’t have to be seen as a sequel umm it isn’t as good as this one but here ya go

901 notes · View notes

thoughtsandeverythingelse · 3 years

Text

signs of love/boundaries (?)

as usual, i dont really know why i am posting this. the past quarter has been nothing but lovely with my partnership with him. i am sick and tired sometimes talking about this, but i do see the necessity as well. i was talking to someone about the acts that i have been receiving, and realised i never noted these things down. perhaps its bc of the fear that comes along, that i fear that day i will read back on these posts and wished for the ‘could have’s and the ‘should have’s. granted, i am still thankful for: - the ever growing support i receive in ministry - the patience and trust when he pass me his car keys - that one late supper meal that i never knew i needed; never felt like i deserved it, didnt really expect it, but received it there was an act that has been lingering in my mind, and perhaps it might help noting it down. i don’t know.

but we were on a call catching up and discussing about ministry, when his friend came by and saw that we were talking. the convo went something along the lines of: ‘you talking ah’

ya.

‘oh, she’s cute’ yea super! *friend gives a stare* friend only la. i know he is affectionate, but these things confuse me.

today we had shephards mentoring, which ended up at dinner in a korean restaurant. because i was sitting at the end of the table, as usual, he would serve the food onto my plate. i think he was just being lovely. it’s honestly been a bit tiring to second guess these things, tbh.

but over dinner as he was scooping soup, he asked our friend, ‘do you eat prawns?’ “do you want it peeled?” me: what, then are you going to peel it him: no ah, i was going to volunteer you. him: you eh, do you eat prawns? me: yea sure, only if it’s peeled. he smirks and starts telling a story about how if a girl response back to his affection, he might respond saying, ‘eh sorry im not ready for commitment hahaha’

so he casually looked over and said, ‘ya so with the prawn peeling thing ah.. ya im not ready for that kind of commitment’ i laughed and of course, i didnt expect him to do it because it felt so intimate to me. told him to just leave the prawn there, and i’d eat it later. moments after during the meal, he looked over and said, ‘do u want the prawn?’

and i jokingly said, “ya only if its peeled ah. but ok i know u not ready for commitment”

and he rolled up his sleeves and said, ‘aiya you know what, ready or not - just DO LA’

and he picked up the prawn from the pot and starting peeling. we were laughing away because i casually said make sure he does it right, or else ‘i’d just be eating the head hahahaha’

with the small act of love, he places the perfectly peeled prawn in my bowl. “eh my family owns seafood restaurant one leh, are you judging my prawn peeling skills” i know he probably has the most innocent intentions at heart. at least, thats my guess. i dont know if he’d do this for anyone else, but i dont doubt that he wont do it. im sure granted, he’s more than willing to do it for the rest of our friends. but this is where i am confused - the act of love has always been on my mind as i second guess everything. i would like to think he doesnt have any ill-intentions, but thats something that i guess i wont fully know.

i think what hurt more, was right before dinner we were in the bus and he casually mentioned, that he was sitting right behind the two girls he used to like.

“did you feel anything?” “yea.” that one simple response - how can i trust you with how i truly feel? perhaps you do with me, but your response has been making me feel insecure, that perhaps i will probably be not good enough. which is a COMPLETELY whack concept that i need to step out from. this is horrible, because i am starting to see myself less than the girls that he likes, because i might ‘not be good enough’. i dont think that’s how the Lord sees me, but how weak is the human heart! so Lord, i dont really know where i am going with this. i have this compulsive need to want to tell someone about it, to keep me accountable, but i also have this need to keep this to myself, because i deem this act precious and intimate. may You please guard my heart, as truly - my human flesh is so weak.

0 notes

the-main-characterr · 4 years

Text

realised i forgot to watch tharntype,

will do rn.

kinda feel like i also grew out of that but eh we’ll see

types aggressive being still annoys me

y u always >:(

if i dated someone for 7 years and they still didn’t marry me, i’d be insecure ASF

i like 2gether more than tharntype

it’s prettier

you could’ve done ur alarm urself bitch

why are you talking so slow?

why are u judging em tho just watch the show

i think everyone that knows me a lil bit knows why i like 2gether more

7 years are actually a lot-

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

i kinda want one but i also don’t like what

i said it before and i’ll say it again: types aggressive behaviour annoys me

not tryna b judgemental but if u stick to type for 7 years u have all my respect

watching this hurts in my soul

that p’cir and phu r cool

love the sound effects

love the time i lived in when i watched the first season

if i’m so judgemental already, i also don’t like their kitchen

it’s so boring wth

wow- now i feel bad.

sorry.

the way tharn puts his phone in his front pocket is everything but *judgemental comment here* i can’t think of any bad things rn

i’m so scared of both of them like they’re always like >:(

you can’t just force someone into marriage-

no but like why would a stranger want to know if you have a relationship or not i mean you’re not going to random people and say hi we’re married

i mean i would do that but i’m the main character-

if someone “could stay mad at me” id be fucked-

yall are so sensitive just touch the bread

that phegun and p’cir are cute ngl

no like literally yall are so dramatic

i liked fiat but wth

doc is cute

just because you’re not married doesn’t mean you’re sharing him-

type improved tbh

awh they cute-

the music———————— jail

marriage.

POSSESSIVEEEEEEE

lucky me being zen-meryem rn

perfect representation on how personality can destroy everything

until this day, i still don’t know what a lines ID is supposed to be

this was too cute i’m ded

rip me

i love the sound effects yfrvjjvgjmkb

love their style

fiat u can’t just-

come for a taken man that’s the most disgusting thing possible

like even if he wasnt happy with tharn or in a toxic relationship it’s not ur stupid job to manipulate and steal wth

leo u have all my respect

wouldnt mind being ur bestie

stfu fiat u r a toxic attention seeking bitch that is nothing more but unethical

selfish brat

this is cute-

love

ngl the fact it’s been 7 years n they stilsbxbwjbdwbbx

cute

ok leo i understand why u took it back but i still respect u for even doing it

phugun is too possessive

of p’cir idk the names but one of them

the not cute one

idk why yall hate on no so much he funny af

oh i see

phugun is the cute one

P’CIR IS TOOO POSSESSIVE

let the man live wth

seo is literally it dnxjdbjdbsbf

what did actually happen to the guy that’s been a bitch and possessed over tharn

lol i actually feel bad for type. it’s the first time i see him EMOTIONAL and damn-

must hurt.

omg istg i also wonder why he doesn’t quit

this is too much I CANT

Imma suffocate on the cutegsbsbdbbd ah i’m dying

hmph ig im just to tough to cry😤

WOAH

heart attack-

SHXBHSBC A MAN

doc, ily

this picture-in-picture thingy is so cool

i remember a time type didn’t want to admit he missed him

the hdhxb ishdiuebchw immaculate

fiat i’m scared of u

“every time i really want someone, i never get them” FELT. FELT FELT FELT difference is that my dumbass don’t want them when they want me🥲 it’s ok. time knows what it’s doing

fiat u r heartless

imagine having a healthy relationship with ur mother in law

yall be having literal bodyguards

i could SELL MY SOUL HE DID SOMETHING IN THAT DRINK

ok i wasn’t sure about it but by the amount that guy said cheers i couldn’t be more convinced that this man is evil

the fact that he didn’t tuck his shirt is the whole evidence

DATE ALREADY I CANT HHGGYYGCCXDDXCGBB U N CHAMP FOREVER

doc-

you heard him don’t leave him

HUH WAIT I HAVE TO WAIT!?

THOUGHT I CAN

WATCH IT ALL THROUGH

if you don’t move ur ass rn i’ll come to thailand myself n kick ur ass

too invested-

JANUARY 22?/!/£:!.!3):£WHAT

i cant-

okay cool i waited a few weeks imma continue wasching now

oh i remember. i was yelling at that basketball kid

STOP ASSAULTING A DRUNK PERSON AH J CANT MY EYES

omg leo thanks u saved my life thank u ily

you don’t have to be on top of him just to question him-

be scared stupid bitch

types just simply sleeping somewhere completely left alone👁👄👁

DUDE WHY U SO AGGRESSIVE

i CaN bE yOuR hUsBaNd BITCH ION REALLY THINK SO

WOW

I FORGOT UR NAME BUT DAYUMN SHOW HIM

i wish i had someone that kept his promise under every circumstance

ppl that promise me things b like i NeVeR sAiD tHaT hUhH

yall just so addicted to each other like chill

if i’d marry someone, i’d feel so old

like hi i’m MARRIED

stop with the i miss u it’s so emotional

tharn you look so done with ur life lmfao

fiat you’re so annoying istg

cant u just ply basketball and leave these ppl alone like piss off

why yall crushing on type crush on me

fiat go study or sumn srsly

STOP

omg STAHP HE JUST SAID WATCH UR KNEE

DONT U FUGGIN KISS HIM OMFG

ah doorbell.

thanks.

phu you’re so funny

WHAT- wth fiat please stop you’re ridiculous

For seven years, i’ve never had eyes for anyone but him. damn- imagine-

my hearts b shattering ITS NOT HIS FAULT

well okay there’s a lot of evidence against

STILL

ITS NOT HIS FAULT

i mean i see tharns point but

ARGHZBSHSBXBWBXB

for personal reasons i will be passing away

the audacity of this bitch is giving me ANGER

imagine buying wedding rings just to come home n hear “we should take a break”

fuck anger i’ll cry

why even want fiat💀

AH DONT CRY J CANT HSBSHABX

phu you’re so cute like THE CHARACTER

thanya you’re such a queen i can’t explain

this scene is so funny they all b sitting there like 👀👀👀👀👀

MY SOUL

you disgust me.

ok first off phu gun your style is so cool like that white shirt- FABULOUS 10/54

n second off, my dumbass felt like WHO IS THAT MAN HITTING ON FIAT I KNOW HIM

silly me it’s cir-

handsome man ngl

WHY DROP UR SUITCASE HUH

don’t tell me he died

oh god he didn’t die-

WHATS THE MATTER THEN

you guys are so sensitive can’t get hurt at all

always going like OH SHIT I NEEDA GO TO THE HOSPITAL

“cant even make an instant noodle” that’s why we admire u lmao

ok chill u just spilled it

you look so cute when u pissed at urself shxbsbc

ah thanya u r so cool

HERE IT IS THE HEALTHY MARRIAGE I WAS SEARCHING IN THIS SERIES OMFG

“lack of communication can even break apart the most loving relationship” SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PPL IN GHE BACK

COMMUNICATION, WHAT A LOVELY WORD

this series is fulfilled now

i could listen to these two forever

i cant with leo and fiat fcstvhjfftc

don’t act like the shy bitch now u stoopid

this is hard to watch ew

khom being a philosopher of love fxtvjbj

he didn’t just leave his i miss u

yall tryna get drunk with my heart

STOP CRYINGGGGG

im gon suffocate

stop i didn’t start this show to murder myself

pls calm ur face u look so aggressive

i wonder how many times tharn talked to sleeping type in those 7 years

u r basically talking to a wall

HE WROTE THAT SONG

oh just to be someone to know what ordained is

those blue thingys r so cool

thanks this is everything i needed

doc champ, how long shall i wait

he’s not bald-

did they even cut his eyebrows-

oh monk.

didn’t they shoot these scenes during rona-

those r some fire makeup skillz

HE DID NOT

YOURE SIMPLY PLAYING WITH HIS HEART

WHATDIDHESAYYYY

officially ripped my heart into pieces

that was definitely not a kiss kiss

0 notes

theredheaddevil · 4 years

Text

fuck it 70 questions

this has been in my drafts for 2 years so im impulsively doing it now og post

full thing under the cut cuz its long and super out of date

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? nah, kinda sketch, but bareable these days 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? v 03: Do you regret anything? i regret eating an entire bag of fudge earlier... i feel kinda sick rn 04: Are you insecure? sometimes. but mostly about uh typing which is wack considering im doing this 05: What is your relationship status? single, but i have a qpp. 06: How do you want to die? [redacted] 07: What did you last eat? fudge... so much friggin fudge 08: Played any sports? sorta but not in a while now 09: Do you bite your nails? nah, shits gross 10: When was your last physical fight? probs a controlled spar a year or two back but other than that i havent really been in fights to my knowledge 11: Do you like someone? platonically aye 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? ye sleep deprivation 101 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? yeah but mentioning them is petty an shit aint worth the emotional labour 14: Do you miss someone? yeah. 15: Have any pets? technically no but my mother has a rabbit an hes basically mine 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? lil tired, melancholy ?? bit with a bit of dread ?? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? nope 18: Are you scared of spiders? nah, but i wont pick them up after a certain size 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? ye 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? the information youre lookin for aint here, never have done an idk if i ever will 21: What are your plans for this weekend? uh idk tbh so heres my plans for tomorrow. -dye my hair - go out for coffee - paint - look at the uni notes, maybe stare into space - phone the doctor 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? no and 0 23: Do you have piercings? How many? yes and 8 currently but i want more 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? art, english and at one point i was good at history tho tbh i was cheating with the dates 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? occasionally 26: What are you craving right now? mouthwash 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? at this point with how some folk have reacted when ive turned them down, probably 28: Have you ever been cheated on? nope 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? never dated 30: What’s irritating you right now? the length of my hair 31: Does somebody love you? as edgy as this sounds, i sure hope not? i dont vibe 32: What is your favourite color? hard to say, red, blue and yellow r what i say. 33: Do you have trust issues? we dont talk about that 34: Who/what was your last dream about? y last dream was actually an apocalypse one. so a lot of faces of folk i dont know with a lot of dread but a peak time ngl 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my brother i think? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? sometimes, but usually when i say something is final its final 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget 38: Is this year the best year of your life? nope but i dont wanna say one point is objectively better 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? data not found cuz shit hasnt happened 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? nope 51: Favourite food? nah, 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? depends on the circumstance 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? read fanfiction cuz bih i read a surprising amount 54: Is cheating ever okay? an exam , yeah duh on someone, noooooooooooooo jesus 55: Are you mean? sometimes but usually for good reason i feel 56: How many people have you fist fought? if sparing counts ... a lot 57: Do you believe in true love? not really ???? 58: Favourite weather? i love snow, rain, thunderstorms an when is fookin windy 59: Do you like the snow? yeas 60: Do you wanna get married? not really? it always feels like such a wacky thing financially an socially for something that you shouldn't need to “prove” but tbh i dont really understand a lot of things with relationships 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? ... no 62: What makes you happy? i like to draw, an tbh i good fic 63: Would you change your name? yeah, ive done so and id do it again 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? never have done so there is not last person 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? this post is old af. the answer is nothing, theyre still my friend 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really nah 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? i dont know tbh 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk deep conversations aint something i have these days. 69: Do you believe in soulmates? nope! but it is usually a fun story trope for comedy 70: Is there anyone you would die for? nah ?

okay christ this was outdated more so than i thought. idk why i wanted to do this 2 years ago but eh its done now an tbh if you read this i have questions and all of them r “why?????????”

#ginger speaks #text post

0 notes

ewemilytabone · 7 years

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All 70horrible questions

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? not really02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? i honestly have no idea, i dont say i love people very often, tbh it was probably a dog or a fictional charater03: Do you regret anything? existing? 04: Are you insecure? yep05: What is your relationship status? single af06: How do you want to die? a quick death07: What did you last eat? a really rad halloumi roll from the markets08: Played any sports? i used to do gymnastics and dance and i plan to tale dance up again next year09: Do you bite your nails? a little 10: When was your last physical fight? does play fighting with my brothers count? if so then last night 11: Do you like someone? not at the moment12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? haha nope13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? eh a little bit14: Do you miss someone? yeah 15: Have any pets? two dogs, they are beautiful and i love them a lot16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? a mix between a deep sigh and just feeling irritated by small things17: Ever made out in the bathroom? haha nope18: Are you scared of spiders? nope19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? if it meant i could join dc's legends of tomorrow then absolutely 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? i dont think ive ever made out with someone tbh21: What are your plans for this weekend? finishing watching gotham22: Do you want to have kids? How many? maybe like two? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? just my ears, i want more but im a scared little bean24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? maths, film and drama25: Do you miss anyone from your past? so many26: What are you craving right now? affection and physical intimacy 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? probs28: Have you ever been cheated on? depends on your definition of cheat, he was flirting with her when we were together and they got together pretty much straight after he broke up with me but idk if they did anything until he broke up with me29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? idk30: What’s irritating you right now? customers31: Does somebody love you? platonically yea, romantically nope32: What is your favourite color? purple33: Do you have trust issues? haha yep34: Who/what was your last dream about? i cant remember my dreams 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? i cry infront of like everyone so its hard to say36: Do you give out second chances too easily? oh boy yes i do37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive38: Is this year the best year of your life? its yr twelve, ill be flat out if i dont die39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 11?40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? nope51: Favourite food? idk man i really like food52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? eh, yes and no, idk53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched 'bill nye saves the world'54: Is cheating ever okay? nope55: Are you mean? occasionally 56: How many people have you fist fought? no one57: Do you believe in true love? yeah58: Favourite weather? when the suns out but its not blarring59: Do you like the snow? ive seen it like once and bruised my hand so eh, i like the idea of snow more than actual snow60: Do you wanna get married? yeah 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? depends62: What makes you happy? a lot of things, mostly my friends and tv shows63: Would you change your name? maybe but i dont know what to64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? i cant even remember the last person i kissed, so probably65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? tell him im gay66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yep67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? cody68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? man idk my friends and i just speak in memes69: Do you believe in soulmates? eh kinda, i want to70: Is there anyone you would die for? yep

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missbiddle · 7 years

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Get to know me post- just answer them all for us?

so i ad multiple anons ask for questions then this one so i guess i may as well answer them all.

1. selfie - Nah. No one wants to see that.2. what would you name your future kids? - Uh havent even thought about it coz i dont want kids lol.3. do you miss anyone? - Yeah a few people, my best friend who i had a fight with awhile ago espcially. Could really use him right now. 4. what are you looking forward to? - A day off tomorrow omg.5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? - My friend Patty. 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? - No, not really cause i struggle to make emotional attachments to people7. what was your life like last year? - Eh. 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? - Yeah, a few times9. who did you last see in person? - My sister.10. are you good at hiding your feelings? - Yep11. are you listening to music right now? - Always12. what is something you want right now? - Lexa to be alive13. how do you feel right now? - Regretting eating ice cream and tired14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? - Gross hetero act.. um i honestly cant remember lol15. personality description - No idea tbh. Tho i get told cold hearted and closed off often16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? - Hasnt everyone?17. opinion on insecurities.- I have a lot of them :’)18. do you miss how things were a year ago? - Nope19. have you ever been to New York? - I wish20. what is your favourite song at the moment? - Ah i dont have one atm tbh. Tho i am quite enjoying Chained to the Rhythm by Katy Perry 21. age and birthday? - Old... 25, 7th september 199122. description of crush. 23. fear(s) - Vomit, and getting any fatter/uglier24. height - 174cm25. role model - Angelina Jolie26. idol(s) - Lara Croft27. things i hate - Myself lol28. i’ll love you if… - ... ??29. favourite film(s) - WAY too many to list. Tarzan (disney), I cant think straight, Casper, the mummy series to begin with30. favourite tv show(s) - The 100 (obvs until THE episode), The OA, Stranger Things etc etc31. 3 random facts - Uh.. a dog with an infected uterus has Pyometra, homosxuality isnt a choice and uh someone with two different coloured eyes has heterochromia32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? - Guys lol33. something you want to learn - Well i want to re-learn german34. most embarrassing moment - I have way too many to choose one35. favourite subject - art36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? - I dont actually have any dreams?37. favourite actor/actress - Cant really name a favourite, i have too many38. favourite comedian(s) - Danny Bhoy i guess39. favourite sport(s) - Netball40. favourite memory - Getting my dog Symeria41. relationship status - Complicated i guess42. favourite book(s) - Deadly - Morris Glietzman and Paul Jennings43. favourite song ever - Hurricane by 30 Seconds to mars, Frozen by Madonna, Room of Angels from Silent Hill 4 (cant pick)44. age you get mistaken for - Under 18... i get carded almost everytime i try buy smokes45. how you found out about your idol - Tomb Raider lol46. what my last text message says - “Omg. Thats exactly me.”47. turn ons - Kissing, neck kissing48. turn offs - Clinginess, controlling, manipulation, dirty talk during the act49. where i want to be right now - New Zealand50. favourite picture of your idol - I cbf lol51. starsign - Virgo52. something i’m talented at - Uh i used to have a bit of talent in netball53. 5 things that make me happy - Wolves, Symeria, Vet Nursing, GAMING, Memes54. something thats worrying me at the moment - Getting my course work finished55. tumblr friends - A lot! Too many good friends on here56. favourite food(s) - Spaghetti Bolognaise57. favourite animal(s) - Wolves followed by Goats58. description of my best friend - Tall, lanky, blonde hair of the gods59. why i joined tumblr - Cause im gay60. ask me anything you want - N/A

Geeez that took ages.

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briarthedragon · 7 years

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yes to ask all 70 questions do i send 70 asks or can i just say all 70 questions? 1-70? :3c plz

omg yea thanks >.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?Kinda? I love my parents and they love me, for sure. But they don’t really support my identity - they’re rly homophobic and transphobic to the point that I can’t come out as genderqueer safely. So kinda? Eh?

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?Either my Zukes or my bestie Skye. I say “I love you” to p much all my friends every day so it’s hard to keep track, but I last talked to them xD

03: Do you regret anything?Oh yeah, I regret tons of things. I regret attending the university I went to, I regret not seeking help with my mental health issues earlier, I regret time wasted, I regret investing in toxic friendships.

04: Are you insecure?Yeah, definitely. I doubt myself a lot, I fear that I’m annoying or bothering or hurting my friends, and I don’t really feel like I”m enough.

05: What is your relationship status?I’m in a QPR with my two wonderful zukes, @twixtandscream and @flowersalesman !

06: How do you want to die?Idk. I want to die after improving the world a little bit, that’s all I know. 07: What did you last eat?A bowl of cereal lol08: Played any sports?I played basketball as a kid, I ran cross country in middle school, and I did marching band in high school. 09: Do you bite your nails?Constantly. I accidentally gnawed down to one of my nail beds last night rip 10: When was your last physical fight?shit uhhhh idk? I come close to physical confrontation a lot but I don’t think I have been in a fight recently? 11: Do you like someone?I like a lot of people! lol. but romantically? yea i have,,,, some crushes................ im very gay it’s a problem 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?Yyyyyep. I pulled a couple all-nighters at uni. One to finish a project for an art class, and the others to make sure my roommate was safe when she stayed up 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?Yeah, I hate a lot of people. No one I know personally, but I hate a lot of nazis and also Donald Trump14: Do you miss someone?Yeah. Wish I didn’t, but it’s hard to get over things sometimes. 15: Have any pets?My family has a wonderful dog named Tumnus! He’s a gorgeous silken windhound. I also have an outdoor cat named Tib. 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?Pretty sick, and not too great, but I’m gonna try to make today good anyway 17: Ever made out in the bathroom?nah that’s nasty. so many germs,,, no one washes their hands. people shit in there 18: Are you scared of spiders?eh? i don’t like bugs and they make me feel creepy crawly stuff all over but I’ve been designated spider squisher at my apartments and stuff. and i like tarantulas 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?eh, enough to fix mistakes i’ve made? totally. but way back in time? absolutely not. i dont need smallpox thx20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?uhh a few weeks ago? 21: What are your plans for this weekend?I’m meeting up with one of my zukes! :D 22: Do you want to have kids? How many?nnnnnnope. i’d be a terrible parent and also i just don’t wanna 23: Do you have piercings? How many?yea i have one set of ear piercings. i wanna get more ear piercings tho and maybe a nose piercing. idk 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?science, language, art, music25: Do you miss anyone from your past?yep. wish i didn’t. they don’t deserve it. 26: What are you craving right now?snugs 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?not that i know of? 28: Have you ever been cheated on?nah i haven’t been in a romantic or sexual relationship so 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?i’ll apply this to my zukes and idk? have i? i mean maybe with headcanons or fics or something idk 30: What’s irritating you right now?my nose is all gunked up and there’s road work outside my house going constantly 31: Does somebody love you?i hope so 32: What is your favourite color?i like a lot of colors but i usually say pink and blue 33: Do you have trust issues?kinda? i trust my friends but i worry that they try to spare my feelings (these fears were Confirmed for some ppl who used to be very close friends so it’s,, bad.) 34: Who/what was your last dream about?uhhhh i don’t remember dreams that much but i def remember there was gay shit 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?i cry a lot, it’s hard to say. 36: Do you give out second chances too easily?sometimes 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?easier to forgive. i’ll forgive a lot but i don’t forget and i don’t always trust again 38: Is this year the best year of your life?idk. the first half was rly shitty 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?20. it was only a few weeks ago tbh 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?nah 51: Favourite food?idk tbh. i like a lot of foods 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?yea, kinda? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?messaged my zukes goodnight 54: Is cheating ever okay?never. 55: Are you mean?when it’s deserved ;356: How many people have you fist fought?i punched a friend once jokingly, and i regret it and feel so bad even years later lmao. my next fist fight will probably be with a nazi or somethin 57: Do you believe in true love?yea, but not exactly in the traditional sense 58: Favourite weather?chilly cloudy days, rain, thunderstorms, snow 59: Do you like the snow?yea!! 60: Do you wanna get married?idk.61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?no 62: What makes you happy?my friends, my fandoms, comedy, animals, nature, magic, art, the smell of books and holidays, making things, good food63: Would you change your name?i mean. i kinda have. legally? idk yet 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?nah dude i’d totally kiss her again if she wanted ;) 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?uhhh i don’t rly look at ppl in terms of sex? but gender? ehhhhh i don’t rly have an opposite gender so it’s hard to say. sorry im too special snowflake sjw uwu 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?i’ll just go with “different gender” for this and yes 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?i’ll go with “different gender” again and say my mom, i was talking to her about work 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?either Skye or my zukes again lol. most recent convo 69: Do you believe in soulmates?i believe in people you can spend forever with 70: Is there anyone you would die for? absolutely, but dying for people is easy. i’m trying my best to live for them until i have to

#that was long haha oops #long post #re #about me #briar speaks #salam-andy

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blossombriar · 8 years

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All the wanna be nosy questions if you dont mind. Again you don't have to do them if you don't want to

All right lets do this! I love answering shit its exciting~

0. Height: 5″3

1. Virgin: Yes

2. shoe size: five n a half i got kids feet.

3. do you smoke? nah man i got asthma.

4. do you drink? unfortunately, no.

5. Do you take drugs? Once again, no jfc i am boring as hell.

6. Age you get mistaken for? 16 or 15

7. have any tattoos? nope, but i have a couple in mind that i want.

8. want any tattoos? hell yeah.

9. got any piercings? nah dude.

10. want any piercings? yeah dude, just my ears for now tho

11. Best friend? Oh that would be darling shes the best, Charlotte’s number one 10/10!!

12. relationship status? Single as fuck.

13. biggest turn ons: ... that is a good question that i am unsure about xD i guess when people touch my neck, uh when im treated like a human being, and that it i guess sorry bout that.

14. biggest turn offs: Pushy people, demanding people, expecting me to do all the hard work, people who can’t take no for an answer, and ugly things.

15. Favorite movie: The Book of Life is my favorite.

16. I’ll love you if: you play with my hair, accept me being asexual, are a cute girl, give me sweets, listen to me speak and ramble, and just want to be around me.

17. someone you miss: uh one of my bestfriend’s Charlotte. We talk every day but it doesn’t compare to actually being able to see them and hang out face to face.

18. most traumatic experience: being stalked around high school by someone i used to be friends with simply because they were angry with my family. that entire situation actually fucked me up pretty badly tbh.

19. a fact about your personality: I have zero chill when it comes to food i love.

20. what i hate most about myself: being asexual is something i hate but am slowly accepting bout myself.

21. what i love most about myself: how much love i have to share with those i care about.

22. what i want to be when i get older: Owner of a safe space cafe.

23. my relationship with sibling(s): my older brother im on good terms with sometimes theyre problematic but its chill they irritate me sometimes cause they never think before speaking. My oldest brother though. He can fuck off and never come back. hes annoying and spoiled and super fucking dumb needless to say i dont care much bout him.

24. My relationship with my parent(s): my mother i love her and although we fight sometimes shes alright even if her views are a bit old fashioned. plus she has to put up with my father which is difficult to say the least.

My dad i love him but i never want to date nor marry someone like him. Like my brother he’s spoiled and annoying who sometimes never thinks before speaking.

25. ideal date: aquarium, museum, or a picnic. just anywhere where there isn’t a lot of people and where i get to spend time with you.

26. biggest pet peeves: farting, biting on silverware, and mocking me.

27. description of boy/girl i like: sadly i dont like anyone rn if you lived where i did you’d understand.

28. A description of the person i dislike the most: well last time i saw them they were slightly over weight, tall, greasy medium length hair, not so nice face, and a presence that immediately pissed me off.

29. a reason i’ve lied to a friend: because i’d hate to be the thing that sends them over the edge like yikes!

30. what i hate the most about work/school: in community college the thing i hate is working in a group with shitty kids who dont give a flying fuck about the assignment/class. pisses me off.

31.what your last text message says: “ Still friendlier than most men.” in reference to giant squids.

32. what words upset me the most: you’ll _____ when you’re older. hate that shit.

33. what words make me feel the best about myself: you did a good job and i appreciate you. uh any kind of praise really.

34. what i find attractive in women: pretty much everything, from the way they laugh to the way they act around something they love. women are amazing.

35. what i find attractive in men: their voices sometimes, when they can take no for an answer, dress nicely, and when they show emotions and insecurities.

36. where i would like to live: somewhere with lots of greenery and actual seasons and colors other than brown. somewhere where it rains and snows, but most important of all i would like to be able to live with the one i love.

37. one of my insecurities: boy howdy... the biggest one is being asexual who has 0 interest in having sex of any kind and not having any real need to either it’s something that bothers me more than it should.

38. my childhood career choice: oh boy, i wanted to be an author, professional singer, or a firefighter.

39. my favorite ice cream flavor: strawberry cheesecake or anything with chocolate!

40. who i wish i could be: someone more outgoing and likeable, preferably with a healthy functioning brain.

41. Where i want to be right now: in the future where i’ve gone through my schooling and live with my best friend up in oregon and we save up to open up shop. that’s where i want to be right now.

42. the last thing i ate: a chocolate chip cookie.

43: sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: eh i would’nt describe them as sexy but I think about Amber Liu a lot shes so stunning and amazing.

44. a random fact about anything: you can’t dream and snore at the same time because the sound of your snoring disrupts REM sleep. I’m deathly afraid of Zombies and uh have never been kissed before or dated anyone before either so there are some fun facts!

WOW, this took a hot second to complete. Well there you go anon dear every single nosy question has been answered I hope you enjoy~ feel free to ask any more questions you can come up with or if you just wanna talk ^^

anyways have a lovely day anon where ever you are!

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