#tbh i’ll take any of this over being nauseous from being to hot + just existing in my room

[boyobjectifier]

autumn + winter might be my favorite seasons but MAN do i get sad during this time of year.

[happy-whumper]

Meet Nathan Phoenix

Look who finally did some writing again! Not gonna lie, I did feel very much inspired to write my favourite creepy bastard Man again by @painsandconfusion's Whumping the Whumpers series-- 👀 (i hope it's alright I tagged you ajsh)

CW: not a lot of whump tbh?, teeny bit of noncon touching (non sexual), swearing, creepy/intimate(?) whumper, mild reference to torture, female whumpee (i think that's all, if I forgot anything please let me know!)

Someone was watching her.

She could feel their eyes fixated on her.

Observing. Analyzing. Watching.

Every move she made they took notice of, like a hunter watching its prey, just waiting for the right moment to strike.

She knew what it felt like to have people look at her. Curious eyes grazing over her, sometimes hovering a bit too long, a certain curiosity in them before they decided to either move along or stay and stare for a while.

Their expressions ranged from disgust over boredom to sadistic amusement.

They always made her feel like an exhibition, something like a zoo animal, caged and displayed to be stared at for someone else's entertainment.

In her case the comparison was almost morbidly accurate.

The thought almost made Olivia laugh, it would have been an icy sound, trying to find amusement in the bitter irony of her situation.

To be fair, she wasn’t in a literal cage, this time at least.

Out of habit she tugged her hands forward, causing the chains attached to them to rattle faintly, making a quiet hollow sound of metal hitting against metal, the sharp edges of the cuffs rubbing against the already irritated skin on her wrists.

It made her feel nauseous.

Trapped, exposed and helpless.

She hated it.

The handler standing a few feet away from her gave her an irritated look, narrowing his eyes.

He was trying to be intimidating though she could sense that he was on edge. But why?

Generally she could think of a few possible explanations, maybe he was new at the job and nervous because of that, worried about her acting up and not knowing how to deal with that. Maybe there was something in his private life bothering him and he was just waiting for his work day to end to go home.

At that she scoffed, a sudden resentment washing over her, making her clench her jaw tightly.

The idea of someone, who sold other human beings being able to just go home at the end of the day, to a normal life, maybe even a loved one or family, caused a hot wave of anger to course through her.

She and so many others like her had exactly that ripped away from them. Stripped of any sense of normality, safety, dignity.

In an attempt to take away their humanity.

And yet, the people who were doing exactly that to them, they got to live their lives. Be happy and careless. Be bothered by trivial problems like what to make for dinner. If they had forgotten an anniversary. What to wear to a date night or a business meeting.

The more Olivia thought about it, the angrier she got. Almost making her forget the watcher for a moment.

“What’s got you so on edge, hm?” Her voice was quiet, barely containing her anger but with a daring undertone, as she kept her eyes locked on the handler.

At first he didn’t react though she could see his shoulders tensing. Interesting…

“Aw, c’mon, I’m not even getting any reaction? Well that’s quite rude, don’t you think? At least an angry glare or something would have been nice.”

“Shut it, Mutt.”

He still didn’t look at her as he almost hissed the words out, making her chuckle to herself.

“Well someone’s a little sensitive, huh?” No response.

“Alright, if you won’t tell me then I’ll just have to guess. Hm…”, she hummed softly, tilting her head to the side as if in thought, “You don’t seem like a newbie, so that’s not it. Is it me? Do you just not like me?”, no reaction again, prompting Olivia to keep going, “Or...are you trying to impress someone?” At that he tensed again, making her smirk triumphantly.

Ah, there it is.

“I said, shut it.” Although he still wasn’t looking at her, his voice had changed ever so slightly. There was a sense of uneasy anticipation to it. As if he was waiting for something.

Or someone. The question is just who…

“Come on, you can tell me. Is there some big surprise show happening that no one told me about? Oh, is a celebrity coming here to take some nice promo pics or something? #Nofilter or-”

As he abruptly turned towards her, she almost flinched. Almost.

Now he was glaring at her, his jaw tense and his fists clenched beside him. Seems like I struck a nerve there huh…

“I said, be quiet. Trust me, you won’t like the consequences, stupid bitch..” Despite the seriousness in his voice, Olivia couldn’t help but let out a sudden laugh.

“Oh shit, trying to scare me now are you? Well that’s just cute really.” She took a step towards him, leaning forward a bit, causing the previous metallic sound to ring out again. “Let me make something very clear though. You don’t scare me. Not even a little bit, quite frankly, if anything you’re boring at most really.”

A daring grin was now sitting on her lips as she arched a brow.

For just a moment she didn’t feel so powerless anymore. She wasn’t scared of him.

Maybe it wasn’t a lot. But it was a small victory. A part of herself she held onto, no matter what happened, she wasn’t going to lose this defiance. Her own act of rebellion.

But as usual, her triumph wouldn’t last long.

The handler had just taken a step towards her, still angrily glowering at her and for a moment she was sure he might actually hit her.

But then he stopped. Looking at something behind her. His eyes got slightly wider, a look of recognition.

Looks like someone found what he’s been looking for…

Suddenly she could feel it again.

Whoever was approaching now was focused fully on her, she could almost feel their gaze burning into the back of her head.

Everything inside her was screaming at her to just turn around and face whoever was moving towards her. But she didn’t. Instead she resisted the urge, staying still. Not wanting to give in.

Something told her, hidden under the increasing unease that just wanted to see what she was dealing with, that she needed to keep her guard up more now than ever. Despite not being fully certain where it came from, she listened to that intuition. Staying still, almost frozen in place as the confident steps came closer and closer.

Almost absently she registered the handler taking a step back, standing up straighter and putting on a more serious, collected and professional facade. But why now?

“Mr. Phoenix, what a pleasure to see you here!” The handler was smiling at the Man that was still just out of Olivia’s view which didn’t help with easing her nerves. Maybe that was exactly the point, some sort of sick mind or power play. Wouldn’t exactly surprise her.

“Ah, the pleasure’s all mine, really. Hm, it’s been quite a while since I have had the opportunity to come to such an event and I have to say, I missed it.” The man’s voice was smooth, entrancing, almost captivating if you weren’t careful.

He seemed calm, relaxed, as if he had no reason to be tense in any way. In contrast to that she noticed the reaction of the handler, he seemed careful almost, it was clear that whoever this “Mr. Phoenix” was, was someone powerful, someone you wanted to impress and have on your side.

A deep and heavy unease settled over her. Olivia knew that those kinds of people never meant anything good.

They knew about the effect they had on people, how to use their power and influence in their interests, what they could easily get away with.

“Well, we are always quite happy to see you here, considering you're one of our fondest customers.” Kiss ass.

The other man chuckled lightly, seemingly amused though it wasn’t quite clear if he was mocking the handler trying to flatter him. “I do appreciate that. And I am hoping to find something today here indeed…”. Something in his tone changed. It was subtle, almost not noticeable… Interest.

Now it seemed genuine, he wasn’t lying or just making small talk now, he was interested in something or--

Oh.

The moment the realisation hit, Olivia’s whole body tensed. Now that he was closer, it suddenly seemed very likely that it had been him who had been watching her.

The thought made her skin crawl and she barely managed to contain a cold shiver running down her spine.

The urge to somehow try to hide herself was almost overwhelming for a moment, wanting to be nowhere near this new stranger.

But despite the growing nervousness, she pushed it down, instead focusing on her always present anger and hatred.

Who even was this guy, thinking he could just watch her like some sort of sick stalker? Fucking gross… It didn’t matter that he seemed to be some sort of influential or powerful person among those people. He didn’t have any power over her and she would keep it that way. The more she thought about it, the more obvious it became.

That’s what he was doing, trying to gain power over others, with the way he spoke and acted.

The realisation gave her a brief moment of calmness. That was something she could hold onto, fighting back the lingering uncertainty that had been feeding into her anxiety.

Well. Let’s see what you got, asshole.

While she had been lost in her own thoughts, the conversation between the two men had continued on, she only managed to catch the last part of the handlers sentence.

“-what you’re looking for.”

“Oh yes, I have no doubts there..Actually, I was quite interested in this one right here.”

As the man stepped in her view, Olivia had to once again resist the urge to step backwards. Her first impression was also reflected in what she was seeing now. He had his hands in the pockets of his pants, they were a mix of casual and more elaborated, which seemed to match up with the way most of the other people in the room were dressed as well. His dark blonde hair looked almost effortlessly styled, as if he wanted people to see that he didn’t need to bother with such things but still wanted to look good, playing into a more relaxed appearance.

But none of those things was what really caught her attention.

The thing that immediately stood out was his eyes. It wasn’t the blue, almost grey-ish colour, although it did have something almost alluring about it.

No, it was what she could see behind them that made her skin crawl. There was a sort of sadistic hunger that reminded her of a predator that was about to strike its prey.

The way he was looking at her, towering over her...for just a moment it made her feel utterly helpless. Small. Completely at his mercy.

But the moment passed and she collected herself again, looking the man in front of her up and down. Clicking her tongue lightly in a more unimpressed way, she shook her head. “Hm...That’s what you were so jumpy about? I gotta say, I am a little disappointed now, I expected something a bit more..impressive.”

The handler was glaring at her again but the man standing in front of her just...laughed. That wasn’t what she had expected, the sudden sound causing the hair on her arms to stand up.

“Ah, we got a feisty one here, huh? Intriguing.”

Olivia just scoffed at that, rolling her eyes at him. “Pff, looks to me like I got a prime example of a rich, disgusting asshole here.”

The man next to her seemed even more pissed off now, seemingly barely keeping back from hitting her or worse but just as he was about to step towards her, the man introduced as Mr. Phoenix put up his hand, immediately stopping the other.

He was still smiling, not a hint of annoyance or irritation. For some reason that only pissed Olivia off even more.

As he took a step closer, she automatically felt her body tense, once again fighting the urge to back up, trying to ignore her quickening heartbeat. Geez that guy is obnoxious...

When he suddenly leaned forward, firmly taking her chin between his fingers, she couldn’t stop herself from flinching away.

Immediately registering the smug and satisfied grin on the man’s face.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” The words were hissed through clenched teeth as Olivia tried to pull away from him in an attempt to free herself from his grip. Of course with no success. Typical.

If anything the man looked just more amused by her struggle as he tightened his grip, causing a painful pressure on her jaw to set in.

“Such a pretty little thing…”, he cooed at her, making a deep feeling of disgust settle in her stomach, “You know...that’s always my favourite, pretty but with a little fire in them. Those are always the most fun. Always so stubborn at first, so sure you won’t give in...” He smiled. It was cruel and dark, matching the sadistic glim in his eyes. “I’m sure you would look so pretty bleeding for me. Crying and begging for me to finally make the pain stop…”

His words caused an icy chill to run down her spin, her mouth feeling completely dried out. She wanted to look away but she felt completely paralyzed, unable to pull herself away from his gaze, his words cutting in her consciousness and getting stuck there, infecting everything with a deep, cold fear.

And he knew that. Very well.

Olivia could see it in the way he was still watching her. Looking for any type of weakness, fear, taking it all in for his own, sick amusement. She had seen people like him before. Knew that look all too well.

But this time it was different. She couldn’t quite place it. There was something in his eyes, almost bloodthirsty, not even the smallest hint of compassion or mercy.

But he was just messing with her. As soon as he was done having his fun he would just move on and find someone else to demonstrate his power on.

It made her feel almost relieved for a moment but that was quickly crushed by a sharp guilt.

How could she be relieved at the thought of him doing that to anyone else?

She pushed the thoughts down, she couldn’t afford them right now.

After another moment he finally dropped his hand, taking a step back with a pleased smirk, tilting his head to the side.

He was going to move on and just leave her alone, he had to.

Right?

“You done starring yet?!” The words were out faster than Olivia could even fully think them through, her voice pressed with anger though she noticed the slight unease still sticking to it.

The man just laughed at that again. “Actually...No, not quite.”

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean now?”

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head about it princess, you’ll see soon enough.”

She cringed at the name, narrowing her eyes while still glaring at him. “If you call me that ever again-”

“Then what? Hm? What are you going to do about it, princess?”, he let out an amused chuckle, “You know what, I can’t wait to find out actually.”

What the hell is he talking about?

After a moment he turned to the handler again, Olivia had almost completely forgotten about him until that point.

For just a second she allowed herself to take a breath. Let herself calm down. Brace herself for whatever would come next.

She had no idea how grateful she would be for that in just another moment.

“Well, what’s your price?”

“What?”

No. No, he can’t..he can’t actually be fucking serious right now!

“I assume she’s still for sale, is she not..? But in that case, I’m sure I can make a better offer anyway.” He smirked, glancing over at her, clearly enjoying her reaction.

“Oh no, uh she, she is! Just uhm...Well to be honest I wasn’t really expecting you to take an interest in such a bratty thing is all…”

Nathan chuckled darkly, tilting his head to the side a bit with a cruel smile spreading over his face. “Let me assure you, I honestly prefer it when they have a bit of fire left in them, makes it so much more enjoyable when they do eventually break.” He was talking to the handler but his eyes were fixated on Olivia, making it very clear who the message was for.

“And they all do, no matter how stubborn or ‘strong’, they all break down sooner or later. Everyone has their weak spots, their breaking point. And honestly...I can’t wait to see how beautiful she’ll be when she breaks for me.” Taglist: @starnight-whump @jordanstrophe @froggywhumpy@whumpasaurus101 @as-a-matter-of-whump @jojothepanwithoutaplan @myst-in-the-mirror @whumpsweetwhump @darklyria @screechingqueenmentality (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

[danjo-ao3]

Revelations

Pairing: Reaper/female Reader

Summary: You are an unfortunate soul who gets to know Reaper’s wrath, but things turn out quite differently from what one would assume.

Rating: 18+

Tags/Warnings: oneshot, choking, kind of breath-play, angst, masturbation

Word count: 4600

A/N: I had yet to write fem. reader with Reaper in this way and tbh I like it so much I just might continue this at some point. Anyway, enjoy~

***

One of the perks of working with Talon was the great pay at the end of the month, it really made for a comfortable life at a time at which the world was spiralling into chaos. And if you didn’t think too hard on what it was you did for a living, you could almost pretend like it was just another job like any other.

You distinctly remembered the day you signed the contract that forbade you to breathe a single word of the work you did for Talon to anybody. As cliché as it sounds, you needed the money and they promised a steady income. All in all you couldn’t complain.

“I’m surrounded by incompetent idiots!” The man in the middle of the room was seething, he grabbed a chair and threw it against the wall, leaving ugly tears in the wallpaper and bending one of the chair’s metal legs in the process. A hush fell over the room and its few inhabitants, your teammates stood still and nervous in the face of Reaper’s wrath.

Ah yes, the one downside to working here. Reaper was a man not known for his kindness or patience, if you worked with him you knew it was going to be a bad day. He usually operated alone, the only support he needed was someone to hack his way in for him. But some missions simply were too large scale for a single agent, just like the one you’d just finished an hour ago.

And now here you were in the debriefing room, Reaper yelling at various agents for the fuck up that happened.

You tried to melt into the shadows of the corner you were currently standing in, unwilling to take the blame for anything that had happened, you were just unfortunate enough to have gotten looped into this meeting even though all you’d done was some prior intel research work, you hadn’t even been a part of the team on the field.

“I’m done with this,” Reaper announced, his mask flitting over every individual red Talon helmet in front of him, “from now on I’ll operate alone again.”

You rolled your eyes under your helmet at his theatrics. Good, you thought, nobody wants to work with you anyway.

“You’re all getting a pay cut,” he growled and already moved to leave, but in your endless stupidity you just had to let your mouth speak before you knew any better.

“No!” You exclaimed, suddenly the center of attention in the room. Incredulous eyes were on you even though you couldn’t see any of the other agent’s faces. It was what you would have done, too. Hah, look at the idiot trying to object to Reaper, they were probably relieved that he would finally have someone to let all of his frustrations out on.

You tried to stand your ground, feet a shoulder width apart, head held high, but quivering as your heart started to beat frantically while you watched as Reaper stomped over to you. He was like a cloud of thunder rolling in towards a small city. Run, folks would say, get to cover. But there would be no escaping this particular thunderstorm.

With one final step he came to a stop in front of you, his massive frame accentuated by the light cream wallpaper behind him. He looked like the grim reaper himself, all that was missing was a scythe.

“What did you just say, agent?” Oh, he was pissed, you were so dead.

You swallowed around a very dry throat, your eyes glued to the empty eye sockets in his white skeletal mask, then tried to speak but it came out as a croak.

Reaper took a step closer to you, you only barely managed not to take one backward in fear.

“Speak up,” he barked, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“I just–you… I–” you stammered but were immediately interrupted by him.

“I asked you what you just said,” he hissed, and all the air left your lungs. He was going to make an example of you, wasn’t he?

You tried to straighten your spine and suppress the tremors currently running down your body.

“I… said ‘no’.” You tried to sound like you were sorry for being insubordinate, but it just came out as a whisper. What was he going to do with you now? The suspense left you shaking in your boots.

“You think you can say no to me?” The way Reaper’s voice had lowered made you nauseous, fear licked at your insides uncomfortably, but–what was this? Were you… blushing? The heat in your cheeks was startling you, what was happening?

“I’m–I’m sorry, sir.” You finally lowered your head in a sign of submission, hoping to appease him somewhat. It was just that you needed all the money you could get right now, most of the pay you got went straight to your sick brother who needed urgent care in one of the most prestigious–and expensive–hospitals in Zurich.

All of a sudden a clawed hand shot forward and grabbed you by the throat, pushing you into the wall behind and startling you so much you grasped at the hand holding you an inch from the ground. Reaper loomed over you, casting you both into shadow, you desperately tried to breathe through his choke hold but found it was becoming increasingly difficult.

He just stared at you with those dead eyes, features hidden from view just like yours at the moment.

“Everyone out,” he said, tone final and leaving no room for discussion–not that anyone was stupid enough to make the same mistake that you’d made. No one was going to save you anyway, Talon made sure that agents kept to themselves, operating in anonymity with the helmets agents were required to wear at all times.

From the corner of your eye you were able to see how everyone practically fled from the scene, not even sparing a last glance towards you, probably already arguing about who would get your stuff when you would be dead in like two minutes.

“Sir–” You tried to speak up but it was so hard to get enough air; you didn’t want to die, you couldn’t die–your brother would be doomed without your help.

“Tell me your name, agent.”

Oh fuck, he really meant business, huh?

You managed to whisper what he wanted to know, his hand on your throat squeezing just a little tighter in response.

The lack of oxygen in your blood was making you delirious, your heart was still frantically trying to keep you alive, darkness was creeping in at the edges of your vision, the man’s proximity confusing and terrifying and–arousing?

“Do you know what I’ll do with you now?”

Shit, when had he gotten so close? The blush on your cheeks deepened considerably, spreading further down to your chest. Why did he sound so ambiguous…

“You’re gonna kill me,” you gasped, trying to blink away the bright spots dancing in contrast to the shadows at the edge of your vision. A pathetic whimper escaped you at the pain of his claws digging into your skin, they were to be felt even through the padding of the armor you were wearing.

“You think I’ll let you off the hook so easily?” He pushed you even further up the wall, the pressure on your jaw and windpipe becoming unbearable.

“Please,” you breathed, pulling at his wrist in a futile attempt to get him off, but nothing was working. Contrary to his words he was killing you, you were convinced of it. As you rose up the wall, you thought that this was actually your very last moment, certain that Reaper was just toying with you.

Aside from the painful throbbing of a headache forming behind your eyes, there was still that persistent warmth spreading through your body. Up until now you’d had no idea that you could get turned on by being choked, but here you were, hanging onto life by a thread while a faceless mercenary was strangling you, and your body had no qualms about reminding you that you were yet very much alive. Thrilling, that was the right word for what it felt like to you. How fucked up was that?

The moment came, Reaper pushed into your personal space just a little more and his hand adjusted its grip just so, his claws brushing over your skin as it broke out in goosebumps and you were lost in a sea of pain and delirium, you forgot who it was currently pressing you against the wall of the bland debriefing room–and it had been so long since anyone touched you–that it forced a small moan from deep within you.

Immediately you stilled, a moment of clarity cleaving through your muddled senses, reminding you that this was not an appropriate response to being choked within an inch of your life by your team leader.

You watched in trepidation as his head, too close for comfort, tilted to the side just a little, felt his grip on you falter the slightest bit, as if your response had startled him just as much as it had you. And you weren’t surprised in the least. What the hell happened here?

To your great relief, he let you sink back down until your feet touched the floor again, alleviating some of the pain and discomfort in your upper body from straining against his hold so much.

Face hot from both arousal and humiliation, your visor started to fog up with the humidity of your hard breathing, making it hard to see through it, all the while hoping that maybe he decided to let you go after all. But he wasn’t moving away from you, nor was his hand leaving its place around your neck.

The vibration of his dark voice, modulated by that mask, shook you to the core as he hummed in thought and intrigue, the sensation going straight between your legs. You clenched your knees together to make it a little more bearable, hot arousal was making itself known in your core, pulsing in the rhythm of your heartbeat.

Damnit, why did this turn you on so much? A small sob was bubbling up in your chest, you didn’t want to enjoy how Reaper was treating you, but your body thought otherwise. He was still staring at you, his scrutiny was starting to become unbearably intense and mortifying, but oh how you enjoyed it.

“You like this,” he observed suddenly, and you wanted to die of shame at his comment, because it was true. Why, oh why was it true?

You tried to turn your head to the side, but he used his hand on your neck to keep you in position, you were no match for his sheer strength; it made you weak in the knees.

“You like being manhandled. A little… roughed up.” His voice had taken on a raspy, hoarse quality and it did nothing to soothe the fire that had started to burn through you. Images of him pushing you against the wall, clawing the clothes from your body bombarded you, of him just bending you over the big meeting table and having his way with you.

Another feeble moan left you as you rubbed your thighs together, trying to get some kind of friction against your core. But of course it didn’t help, you doubted anything could help right now but the things you wanted Reaper to do to you. At the same time you were way too afraid to voice these desires, sure that the mercenary would simply dismiss you, humiliating you even further. You were glad that the helmet hid your fierce blush and glassy eyes.

You watched him through your lashes, he was still looking at you in an expectant kind of way, was he waiting for you to confirm his theory, that you wanted to be ‘roughed up’ by him? Oh, he was so right, but no way in hell were you going to say it, not if you were still sane enough to bear in mind the consequences. What good would it do you, he’d probably laugh at your pathetic desire for something he would never give you in the first place. So you stayed silent on the face of his inquisitive stare.

Suddenly you were pressed against the wall again, but this time by both his hands on your shoulders, evidently he was done waiting now, the moment was gone.

Relief and disappointment warred within you, the latter leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

“Next time you object to my orders in front of the team you’ll face much worse,” Reaper spoke dark and dangerously, “got it?”

With a frantic nod you sagged against the wall when he finally released you.

Without another word he simply turned and left through the door, not even bothering to close it again.

As you stood there staring after him, you wondered what the hell had just happened and why that insistent throbbing in your nether regions didn’t seem to want to stop. Something was seriously wrong with you, it was a miracle that he had left you pretty much unscathed, aside from your hurt pride.

***

It was late in the night when you finally retired for the day, your joints ached and your muscles were sore from a long day of wearing your armor. You entered the communal showers alone, the only upside of staying up so late, you figured.

As you removed your armor, your thoughts wandered to Reaper and what he had done just a few hours ago. Goosebumps rose on your skin when the cool air of the changing room hit you, or was it the memory of being held by a strong hand around your neck? Probably a bit of both, you shouldn’t let what happened get to you so much, especially now that you’d had a little time to let your mind shift focus from the feelings and urges that the man had invoked.

A small shiver ran down your spine, goodness, you really had let yourself get carried away there, you needed to make sure it would never happen again. Best to stay as far away from Reaper as possible.

Curiously, you stepped in front of one of the mirrors hung above the sinks in the shower room, your eyes immediately landed on your neck and your mouth fell open in shock at the dark angry marks you found there. You touched your skin with two slightly shaking fingers, tilting your head and tracing the bruise from the front to the side where there were additional scratches left by sharp claws.

A small shuffling sound behind made you clutch your chest in fright and turn around, but there was nothing to be seen, you were still alone in the room. Must have been your frayed mind playing tricks.

With a deep breath you grabbed a towel and went into one of the shower stalls to turn on the water on the hottest setting. Mist was soon rising from the tiled floor where the water was disappearing down the drain, giving you the signal that it was finally warm enough.

When the hot water hit your shoulders you sighed in pleasure, the warmth always helped you relax and soothe your aches from a long work day, today was no different. As you closed your eyes to let the water run over your head as well, you let the serenity of the darkness and warmth hold you for just a moment.

Talon’s standard soaps, shampoos and shower gels had a very distinct marketed-for-men-smell, like they had only been chosen with the male part of the organization in mind. And unfortunately, as you started to soap yourself up, it started to have an effect on you; you were getting aroused again, just the thought of a man with you–it had been so long since you’d had any form of physical contact like that–you really yearned for someone’s touch.

With a small sigh you lathered up your chest, went up and over your breasts, enjoying the feel of the slippery bubbles against your wet skin and how nice it felt when you brushed over your nipples. Closing your eyes and pretending it was somebody else–some faceless Talon grunt–you went even further with one hand down your stomach, swirling a finger around your belly button and finally cleaned yourself between the legs.

Oh yes, this was nice. Pent up frustration from earlier brought you to full arousal in an instant, two fingers found your clit and the last thing on your mind was cleaning yourself. The hand that was still at your chest was going higher, first over your left and then your right shoulder before it caressed your neck.

It was like you’d touched an open wire; electricity ran through your entire body, connecting every nerve ending and lighting them on fire. Pure heat gathered in your abdomen, your fingers pressing into the bruises on your skin and feeding that electric current with a mixture of pleasure and pain. A small part of you was raising its voice in alarm but there would be another time and place to reflect upon what you were currently doing, right now you needed release–badly.

Slowly, the faceless Talon grunt in your mind started to change, his red mask was losing its color, revealing white bone surrounded by black leather flowing down into a long coat, his gloves became sharp talons gouging into your skin. Your fingernails were a poor imitation for the claws you remembered though, and you whimpered with want for the original.

Still, that orgasm you’d been working on was fast approaching, the sensations bombarding you as the water was running down your body, your hand wrapped around your own neck and you rubbed yourself fiercely between the legs.

Just as you leaned against the shower wall to completely let yourself go, there was this shuffling sound again, ripping you from the cusp of that climax and flooding you with adrenaline and fear of being caught masturbating in the shower. With wide eyes you tried to see through the mist that had accumulated during your shower, but it was nigh impossible to see further than a few feet in front of you.

Then you heard them, heavy steps were moving over the tiled floor, growing louder with every footfall.

Petrified, you stayed very still, your hands not moving from where you were still touching yourself, convinced that their position on your body would not be mistaken for what you were actually doing. This person would pass your shower stall and go about their business… right?

But you actually knew that this was not an agent going to take a shower at two in the morning, those footsteps could only belong to one person. The question was, what was he doing here?

Like a deer caught in the headlights, you didn’t move a muscle until Reaper stopped right in front of you, the dark, vague outline of his broad shoulders slowly cutting through the milky-white mist. You didn’t dare breathe as he came forward, one hand extending towards you, but ultimately landing on the shower controls. The water turned off and left you standing in deafening silence, leaving only the mist to keep you warm.

Shivering, you blinked through wet lashes at the mercenary towering above you, his hand still next to your arm on the shower wall, unmoving and menacing. His mask was staring at your face blankly until it turned downwards and landed on your hand still wrapped around your neck. As if his gaze burned you there, you dropped that hand and used your forearm to hide your chest from his view.

“So it was you,” he growled in his otherworldly raspy voice that was reverberating in the small shower stall around you, intimately close.

Right, he hadn’t seen your face in the briefing room, but the marks on your neck gave away that it had been indeed you whom he had strangled. And now he had found you, not only with your hand between your legs, but also with your other in mimicry of his fist around your throat.

Talk about awkward.

“S–Sir,” you stuttered, unsure of what was happening or his intention of cornering you in the shower in the early morning hours. You tried with all your might to suppress the urge to apologize, you’d already told him you were sorry for speaking out of turn earlier, there was no need to do it again. Also, it should have been him apologizing for surprising you like this, while you were naked in the shower, alone, helpless, vulnerable.

Again you shivered, the true extent of your circumstance beating you down like an oversized sledgehammer.

Had Reaper come to finish what he’d started, was he going to strangle you to death? Or–and you were really hopeful it was true–had he come because of how he had noticed how turned on you’d been and wanted to lend a hand?

There was only one way to find out.

Tentatively, and with shaking fingers, you resumed your ministrations on your clit, rubbing it in very small circles, trying to override the fear still lodged in your brain with the pleasure created by the friction, while staring back at Reaper through half-lidded eyes wet from the water.

Again his mask tilted down and down until he saw you working yourself up. Your pulse spiked when he took a small step towards you, his heavy boots stomping wetly against the ground and blocking the exit of the shower stall.

You barely managed to keep your eyes open, but they went wide again when you felt his gloved hand against your throat. This time it was even more intense without your armor in the way. Would it hurt you even more like this, without that protective barrier between your soft skin and his sharp talons?

You couldn’t help yourself and moaned quietly, feeling your own voice vibrate against his palm that was not yet pressing or squeezing, it was just resting there on your windpipe, a reminder that this was in fact real and happening.

The hand between your legs sped up a bit with arousal, Reaper’s presence driving you into a frenzy. There was just something about the danger he exuded, the threat of violence and death that short-circuited your brain and turned your body into goo. How he just held you, loosely, but with that unmistakable strength underneath that grip, it made you shiver in delight, wrung a small whimper from you.

Now if he just squeezed a little, made it hard to breathe–you needed to feel that lightheadedness, the darkness creeping in at the edges of your vision, to lay your life in his hands. You needed more.

“Please,” you whispered, barely audible, but you knew he’d heard when you finally felt that pressure on your throat, wringing another moan from you as you lay your head against the wall. A few spare drops of water ran down your face, you felt his gloved palm slicked up by the water on your skin, could smell the leather even over the shampoo you’d used.

Cold was creeping in around you know, it ghosted over your wet skin, leaving goosebumps wherever it touched, small shivers racked your body, your knees were shaking. But on the inside you were burning up, a blush had formed on your cheeks, the result of his proximity and just the fact that he was looking at you, while you were pleasuring yourself, no less. Goodness, you wanted him to fuck you so badly, it made you whine desperately, speed up your fingers against your clit, and your free hand hold onto the wall behind.

Just a few more seconds and you’d come, you knew it in your bones, in the way your hips were undulating and how the heel of your hand was now pressed against that bundle of nerves and how you’d slid those two fingers inside your hot core in search of that spot.

But still you needed more. You had Reaper here with you and you needed him to choke you, leave it up to him if he wanted you to live or die. Give away all control, wanting to know if he deemed you worthy of his mercy.

When had you become such a frantic mess?

Were you that desperate to die? Reaper wasn’t known for his kindness after all, the possibility of him just fucking killing you was very high. And this was what was turning you on so much you would have slid down the shower wall if it hadn’t been for Reaper holding you by the neck.

Freshly wet eyes were staring at the man before you–his cold, dead mask–you tried to blink away the stubborn tears flowing freely down your cheeks, hoping he would not notice them on your already wet face, while you were angry at your emotional response.

Angry and so turned on.

“Harder,” you gasped and immediately closed your eyes in bliss when he generously gave you what you craved so badly. A papercut fine scratch made your breath catch, one of his claws must have broken your skin.

It took only one more thrust of your fingers, one hard press against your clit and you came with a sob, your body going rigid for a few heartbeats before going completely slack in Reaper’s grip.

The pressure on your neck had abated somewhat, Reaper gave you the chance to catch some much needed air, and you sucked it in greedily, panting like a dog through a dry mouth.

Heat had spread through your entire body, the cool kiss of the air against your skin barely feasible to your blissed out senses. The only sensation you were aware of was Reaper’s hand, just holding fast enough to keep you on your feet.

Somehow you couldn’t look at him anymore, the reality of the situation slowly creeping along your conscious and making you aware of how fucked up it was what just happened. With the awareness came the awkwardness, the slow panic of self-conscious fear–the need to say something, to get away. But at the same time you were speechless, still incredulous that what happened actually happened.

With a final deep breath you closed your eyes and before you could open them again the presence of the man’s hand had disappeared, and when you did manage to look again, so had the rest of him. Just vanished into thin air.

There was no trace of Reaper at all, no sound of heavy footsteps or the swishing of his leather cloak, nothing.

As you used the wall for support to stabilize yourself, you risked a glance outside the shower stall, searching for any sign that he had been indeed in here. There was no way you’d only imagined it all, it had been way too real; cold fingertips felt along your neck where his hand had been only seconds ago, then reached up to wipe at your still wet eyes.

You were slowly going insane, that must have been it.

Wrapping a towel around your rapidly cooling body, you tip-toed into the changing room to dry off completely. As you passed the mirrors, you had to stop and stare for a moment–there was a very small cut on your neck now, the blood already dried, but as you scratched at it there was new red liquid oozing out.

So it hadn’t been your imagination after all.

Huh.

–end.

[dulce-pjm]

get to know me tag game !!

tagged by the lovely @hauntedlilies !! thanks sweet m! these are always fun :))

as usual i rambled and got a little personal with the answers so you know all you followers keep building up the blackmail material i guess LOL

When is your birthday?

january 15!

What is your favorite color?

ahhh it’s always changing but rn i’m vibing with purple, pink, green, and yellow :))

What’s your lucky number?

7, 10, 15 :)

Do you have any pets?

yes !!! two cats and two dogs and i adore them !!!

How tall are you?

5′8″ (watch out jimin!! based on the evidence i have seven years left to outgrow you !!!)

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i haven’t a clue

Favorite song?

my go-to answer is always seesaw but tbh it’s so hard to pick !!

Favorite movie?

agghhhhhh how do you choose???? i’ve mostly been watching animated movies recently bc it comforts me so probably your name or monster’s inc :)

What would be your ideal partner?

...park jimin?

LOL in all seriousness... i tend to like extroverts and just people who are super passionate about something !!! both romantically and in any relationship!! honestly oikawa tooru is the template i would drop everything and marry him he is a precious petty idiot and i love him the most

Do you want children?

fjdslgkhsdlkfjlsd not right now !!!! i tend to not answer this question too directly because i have plenty of time to think about it and i don’t want to tie myself to any direction !!!

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

lol no but i think after a quick scroll through my tumblr you could have guessed that 

What color socks are you wearing?

no socks !!! unless it’s winter and i’m freezing sleeping in socks is a crime >:( but earlier i was wearing pink and purple socks !

Bath or shower?

depends !! but i never feel clean after a bath and still end up showering, the bath is just for me to chill 

Favorite type of music?

hmmmm kpop, musical theatre, minecraft music LOL

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four !! SLFKJLDSGH lol

Which position do you sleep in?

depends !!! i used to sleep exclusively on my stomach but i’ve changed a bit and honestly any position is possible! but no matter what i am cuddling a pillow (with the other three piled around me) and probably holding my own hand LOL 

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

being cold :( i can deal with hot but being freezing is terrible !! i like to spread out but when you’re cold you have to like curl yourself up to preserve heat

What do you have for breakfast?

cold leftovers are the ideal breakfast <3 i used to like breakfast foods but most of them just make me nauseous now so i end up just eating leftovers or coffee/tea 

Have you ever tried archery?

like once? like literally did one shot. was not good 

Favorite fruit?

strawberries !!!! yum yum yum (after that probably mango)

Favorite swear word?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i say fuck the most LOL

Do you have any scars?

yes !! i’m clumsy so i have many burn scars on my hands from cooking or curling my hair (the biggest one was very creatively named Mark by my bestie and beta reader @delayedimperfection). i also have several scars from my psycho/lovely cat on my arms and hands (and then i went in the sun after getting several of them and yeah they probably will never go away it’s fine)

Are you a good liar?

nope !!! especially if you know me i think my tells are just easy to pick up on!! i rarely win as imposter in among us :( tragic 

What’s your personality type?

infp-t!! i think that’s what this is asking

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all !!!! 

Left or right handed?

right !! my left hand is useless <33

Favorite food?

sushi !!!! it’s filling but a lot of food makes me nauseous nowadays and i never feel that way after eating sushi 

Are you clean or messy?

messy !!

Favorite foreign food?

well i guess sushi LOL but i am always down to try something new!

How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends on how greasy my hair is!! anywhere from five minutes to an hour-ish

Most used phrase?

lol probably “oh my gosh” and “oh my god.” i also say this phrase that’s like from a specific city but i honestly do not even know to spell it it’s like gibberish i don’t even know

**update (not that anyone was asking) but i did some research and the phrase is jeezle petes!! it’s not exclusive to the city i picked it up from but that one city is how i learned it :))

Are you a good singer?

lol i’d like to hope so !!! i did musical theatre for several years so if i’m terrible well whoops? lol

Do you sing to yourself?

of course !!! 

Biggest fear?

ummmm idk i am such a scaredy cat so i’d say most things spook me !! i guess i’d say abandonment as a serious answer and ghosts as a silly(ish) one 

Do you like long or short hair?

i generally like shorter hair (on myself and other people) but i mean different hairstyles suit different people !!

Are you into gossip?

idk i don’t like to speculate and i try to always give people the benefit of the doubt but !!! if it’s me and my mom in the car well then no fucking mercy 

Extrovert or introvert?

introvert !!!! if you message me first i’ll love you forever (also hence why i love extroverts, they balance me out !!)

Favorite school subject?

i love love love chemistry and any kind of science !!!! (definitely haven’t projected that into any of my fics no no no...)

What makes you nervous?

being in unfamiliar places !! i hate feeling lost or feeling like people can tell that i’m lost

Who was your first real crush?

fjdlsghsdlk idk... i have such a hard time expressing and processing romantic feelings that i’m not really sure that i’ve had one !!! my best guess is probably my best friend a few years ago but honestly i don’t really even think i had a crush, i was just trying to reciprocate how he felt SJLDGKJLSDGKH this is soooo personal anyways~~~~~

How many piercings do you have?

i used to have three in each ear but due to some unfortunate circumstances two (in each ear) grew in :( i plan to get them re-pierced soon though !!

How fast can you run?

GJLSDGHLDKF idk ????? i’d like to think i’m relatively fast because i have longer legs but honestly that’s such a lie i have to be in fear to really be fast LOL

What makes you angry?

hmmm!! tbh it takes a lot to make me mad, i’m pretty chill and usually i get sad/upset rather than actually angry! but the quickest way to make me mad is to like expect something from me and never communicate it!! i can’t read your fucking mind i’m the biggest people pleaser i know and would probably bend over backwards for you if you just told me GJSLDKFHL yes this is about a very specific set of instances <3333

Do you like your own name?

yeah, actually !! naomi is an alias, i chose it just for fun, but i like my irl name too :)

What are your weaknesses?

my crippling self doubt :’) also i’m so ticklish it isn’t funny. hmmmm i also tend to put other people’s needs before my own and then let them take advantage of that GHLSDKFJS it’s fine. AND i need everyone to like me all the time especially when they are mean to me (which makes me easy to manipulate unfortunately flsdkghdlskfj why am i giving out this info)

What are your strengths?

i think i give okay advice and i’m good at teaching other people things !!! i’ve also been told i’m very genuine and honest :)

What is the color of your bedspread?

grey !!

Color of your room?

lol grey, white, and then honestly just an assorted bunch of colors

this was fun !!! tagging @softbobamilktae, @moon-write​, and @jtrbluv !!!

[gayglitterqueen]

I've been having writer's block too, even WITH prompts! Ik how you feel. I'll give you a few random ideas, let me know if you can't work with them. 1. one of them (probably Crowley tbh) decides to present feminine for the day 2. Snake Crowley in the bookshop 3. Aziraphale is given a plant 4. sleepy snuggles 5. escaping danger and then making out lol 6. domestic kitchen fluff 7. Anathema visits (because I love her)

OkAy, first of all, how dare you??? give me so many good prompts??? I love these all and I can't fit them all here how DARE. But, seriously, thank you so much!! These are just what I needed. And I really did love them all, so I think I’m going to do more than one and make separate posts for them. I’ll put the first one on this ask but I guess for the rest I can just tag you if you’re okay with that? Thanks again!!!

Sleepy Snuggles

Touch is not a concept that exists in Heaven, not between Angels. Everything is spaced out, the walls, the ceiling, the interactions. Enough space for your wings, they used to say, but now hardly anyone keeps their wings out as they walk the barren halls of offices. An accidental brush up against someone will get you, at best, an odd look. You can walk dozens of halls and only see one or two Angels and never get close to any of them. Once upon a time, Heaven used to feel full, just for a moment, but that was six thousand years ago and now the sleek white offers little comfort that used to exist in the old days. 

 Aziraphale is not up to date on Hell’s policy of touch and he knows it’s something that Crowley isn’t eager to talk about. The tense up of his shoulders, the way he turns his whole body away from Aziraphale (the only time he does that), how if they’re drinking he downs his glass in a go and miracles up another. An off-topic question. 

From his brief time in Hell, Aziraphale knows it is the complete opposite of Heaven. It’s not like he got the grand tour while in Crowley’s body, but he had seen enough. Walked the suffocating halls where no matter which way you turned you were pressed against Demons from all angles. The air was thick, dirt covered everything, and wondering hands grabbed at him as he walked past but they grabbed at everyone and everything because there was no room to do much else. 

So, very different. 

If Aziraphale had to spend much more time down there he supposes he would adopt a sort of aversion to touch. Sometimes it feels like Crowley has himself. 

Crowley is a cuddler, something Aziraphale learned early on in their post-Almost-Apocalypse life. He likes to burrow and cling and press himself against Aziraphale. He also can’t do it for more than a certain amount of time before he starts shuddering and has to get up and move to the opposite end of the room for twice as long. 

Aziraphale has adjusted because he Loves Crowley and that’s what you do, but after thousands of years of being suffocated by Heaven’s unwritten no-touch policy Aziraphale has found himself craving these moments Crowley gives them. So, he lets Crowley go when Crowley needs it, but almost immediately he feels the need to pull Crowley back into his arms. 

He never does. The idea of pushing this need on Crowley when he is so clearly uncomfortable with it makes Aziraphale slightly nauseous. 

It’s been a learning curve. For both of them. Learning when and how long and where they can touch and who is okay with what. Aziraphale not pushing and Crowley doing his best. 

Currently, it’s nearing midnight in London. Outside a blizzard is growing and the streets are, as rarely as it happens, empty in the storm. Inside, Aziraphale sits on his couch with a cup of cocoa next to him and a book in hand. His fireplace, which he always miracles up once the weather starts turning, is roaring loud and hot, perfect for a night like this. He lets it illuminate his reading. 

The creaking of the stairs is loud in the otherwise silent night, but Aziraphale doesn’t look up, he doesn’t have to. Instead, he just turns a page and watches Crowley approach out of the corner of his eye. 

Crowley, who had decided to go to bed several hours ago, looks like he’s just woken up. His hair is askew on one side, standing up straight giving him an appearance similar to a chicken. He’s still in his black pajamas and the duvet from their bed is swung over his shoulders, making him look terribly soft in a way Aziraphale knows he can never tell him. 

Silence continues as Crowley climbs on to the opposite end of the couch and curls up, wrapping himself in the duvet. It’s been miracled black and Aziraphale knows by morning it will be back to its dusty creme color. 

The need to hold Crowley is like an itch, just under Aziraphale’s skin. The tips of his fingers tingle and his whole body feels like it heats up a degree or so. As if a magnet draws them together, Aziraphale can feel himself lean slightly towards Crowley before catching himself. They had already cuddled right before bed, he reminds himself. If Crowley wants to be touched then he will come to Aziraphale. 

It isn’t until Aziraphale has made it through the rest of his chapter that Crowley moves again. This startles him, just a little, but only because he assumed that Crowley had fallen back asleep. Apparently not the case, Crowley slowly moves until he’s stretched out against the sofa, the hint of his blanketed shoulder brushing Aziraphale’s. 

They both know this dance, but only Crowley knows how it will end. 

Aziraphale holds his breath and waits. He doesn’t bother to try continuing the book, knowing that it’s a fruitless endeavor with Crowley right there. Focusing on anything but Crowley when he’s around has been an impossible task as of recently. And as of most of their history, but that is a fact Aziraphale is much more reluctant to admit. 

Slowly, ever so slowly as a slithering snake, Crowley continues to lean forward until he’s pressed against Aziraphale’s arm. He gives a little wiggle and automatically Aziraphale moves his arm so Crowley can slip under it and press himself into Aziraphale’s side. 

Outside the weather is warm, so naturally so is Crowley. Even with all the layers in the world, Crowley is always cold during the winter, but right now Aziraphale’s side feels as if it’s on fire. The top of Crowley’s hair tickles his neck and his heart stutters when Crowley tilts his head to rest against where he can best hear its beat. 

Not wanting to startle him, Aziraphale gently reaches up and places his hand on Crowley’s head. Crowley lets out a sigh and lets his eyes flutter shut. As good of a yes and Aziraphale knows he’ll get out of him, he starts to card his fingers through Crowley’s hair. 

“Can’t sleep without you,” Crowley mutters, the only explanation he’s going to give for the night. 

“Hmm.” Aziraphale hums in agreement with a soft smile. 

It doesn’t take long for Crowley to doze off again. Aziraphale can feel the way his body relaxes and sinks into him when it happens. When Aziraphale tires of petting Crowley’s hair he moves his arm to rest along the curve of Crowley’s body, burrowing under the blanket to find Crowley’s hand and twine their fingers together. 

By the time the fire has started to die down, Aziraphale is fast asleep as well, still holding Crowley’s hand.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 402

It shouldn’t be surprising when I say this post is going to be less jokey than last week. If that’s not your jam, I recommend you stop reading now and maybe just sing “Everyone is Garbage” to the tune of Everything is Awesome while you instead go watch the entirety of Underground, or the Rosa Parks episode of Doctor Who.

I have to say, the producers on this show have said a lot of dumb shit in the past. From “Frank’s a good guy!” when he’s portrayed as being objectively awful on screen to “We don’t shy away from the horrors of the past because we’re so daring like that!” as a justification of their need to rape or assault everyone with a pulse. But one of the dumbest things in recent memory was at NYCC when Ron tried to claim that Outlander isn’t a political show.

Bullshit. Everything is political.

Using America the Beautiful to underscore how America didn’t, and still doesn’t, live up to the ideals we sing about in our romanticized versions of our history was political. Albeit in an overly heavy-handed way. Choosing to do an episode about slavery that focuses solely on white people and not the enslaved, who are just there as props for the white people’s moral dilemmas, is political. Choosing to show a lynching on screen in a time when Black people are still being killed in horrifying numbers at the hands of white people who are supposed to serve and protect, in a time when Black people have the police called on them while simply having a cookout in a public park, in a time when a white man can shoot an unarmed Black boy and walk away with no consequences, is political.

How we portray Black bodies on screen matters. And in this instance, a *very* white show chose to frame enslaved people as the props against which they highlight the guilt of the white protagonists.

I really do wish they included someone checking to see if Claire, who had a man killed right in front of her, was ok. But instead she just does the emotional labor of assuaging Jamie’s guilt over Bonnet’s attack. Because doing emotional labor is just what women do. *flips off the patriarchy and also the producers*

Young Ian’s awe at River Run, how it’s befitting a king, just highlights how he has no context for what the symbol of a big white plantation house means for so many people. That image is so laden with white supremacy it should immediately trigger a bad taste in any decent person’s mouth. Go ahead and @ me.

Jocasta Cameron is straight garbage, but Maria Doyle Kennedy is fucking amazing. A++ casting, show.

Not sure if the parallel of Jocasta telling Claire to call her Auntie and Claire telling Phaedre and Mary to call her Claire was intentional or not. Will have more to say about that in a second...

Honest question, if the dog who plays Rollo is so poorly trained that they have to cut him out of most scenes, why didn’t they get a different dog? Slash, I thought they’d been training this one since it was a puppy?

“Some River Run hospitality.” *feels nauseous*

I SO hope they don’t do the Jocasta and Ulysses having an affair storyline from the books. Please, show, don’t do it.

Show!Jocasta is so much more overtly garbage than book!Jocasta. This is a woman who had to flee her country after the Rising because of how horrible the English were to the Scots. Yet she doesn’t bat an eye at the concept of keeping human beings as property. Even with Jamie, she isn’t thinking of him as his own person, but rather someone she can make do her bidding and use for her own purposes. She should fucking know better, but the promise of benefiting from white supremacy is apparently more beneficial than actually having morals. Fuck you, Jocasta.

Claire’s palpable discomfort with being led around by an enslaved man juxtaposed with Jamie thinking nothing of it as he reminisces about his mother is just the start of me side-eyeing Jamie a lot this episode.

Don’t worry, I’m an equal opportunity side-eye’er. Claire’s gonna get her share of it too. Starting with her asking Phaedre and Mary to call her Claire.

Claire. You know all about chattel slavery. You know it’s wrong. You know how enslaved people are treated. Why the fuck would you ask Phaedre and Mary to put themselves in a position to potentially face serious consequences for not being “properly deferential” to a white person just to make yourself feel better about being complicit in their enslavement. She’s prioritizing making herself feel better at the expense of the potential well-being of Phaedre and Mary. JFC, Claire, do not endanger the marginalized people you claim to care about in the name of wokeness.

The skunk bit with Young Ian and John Quincy Myers is a tad off-putting tbh. I love that Ian wants to learn about Native Americans and looks to find similarities with them rather than think of them as “savages,” but like they’re having this convo while completely ignoring the fact that an enslaved boy is filling the tub and like immediately just start talking about banging Native American women. It just feels like they were stretching for some levity when the characters in this episode don’t deserve any.

Jamie: “Uncle Hector and you have achieved a great amount here, Auntie.” Me:

Jocasta: “I purchase them in lots, in order to keep those with children together.” Me:

“Over the years, I found my slaves to be more productive when treated with benevolence. You see, I don’t actually see them as people. I only treat them nicely so my property can reach its maximum potential output. I am a garbage human and the myth of the benevolent slave owner is just bullshit that white people tell themselves to absolve themselves of the fact that they benefit from white supremacy.”

That Jocasta can refer to the people she enslaves as both too expensive to be livestock and friends in almost the same breath is peak caucasity. Seriously, show!Jocasta is an irredeemably shit person.

Also Jamie being like oh well done, Auntie, you are so nice to these people makes me want to punch him in his dumbass face. Show!Jamie has been on my last nerve for a while tbh.

Like bro, you literally lived in a cave for fucking years because the English were out to fuck Scots up. You were in prison for fucking years. You served on an English estate, where you were raped, for fucking years. And now you see people who were ripped from their homes and families and brought across the sea against their will (hey remember your nephew, Ian?) and you’re like oh Auntie, you’re such a nice white lady. Go fuck yourself, Jamie.

Jocasta playing the woman card with Jamie to justify her needing him to get involved with the enslaved labor on her plantation is something Colum would be proud of.

And Jocasta being like hey, “Claire, you’ve been homeless for a hot minute, shower me in praise for how nice my slave-run house is as I ‘graciously’ let you stay here” is such a power move in the worst possible way. Colum and Dougal raise a glass from whatever afterworld they ended up in.

Claire, girl, why couch your opposition to slavery in the Quaker influence. Own your opinions on this. Take a fucking stand. There are things in life worth standing up for. This is fucking one of them.

Oh Jenny. I love that she wrote to Jocasta about Claire. But also last season still turned me the hell off from show!Jenny so really I don’t like that lady.

Fuck each and every one of these yuppie white men.

Aw, woke-ish!Ian. Yes, it was their land, but let’s please not think of the Native American women as sexual conquests like you were earlier. KThxBai.

Ok for real, after living at Leoch and scheming through Paris and then being fucked over by Bonnet, Jamie sure doesn't learn much about people being sneaky. How does he not see where Jocasta was going when she so readily positioned him in a position of authority on the plantation.

Jamie, bro, buying into the benevolent slave owner narrative is not a good look. And by not a good look, I mean you are a garbage person. I get that that’s the point, but still.

Ok so the book frames Campbell as a friend to the Frasers, and the show is trying to frame him as someone genuinely trying to look out for the Frasers’ best interest. But he has also resigned himself to the reality of his current situation with no desire to try to make things better since it would mean making a personal sacrifice. To which I say, fuck you very much, you coward.

Hi, I’m Der, and I’m of the opinion that if you are in a place of privilege and see bigotry and oppression taking place, it’s your duty to stand the fuck up and try to make a change. 

“If we take the Tryon option, we don’t need to feel bad about slavery and can just bask in our white privilege on stolen Native American land and not have to deal with the consequences of accepting free land from the English, y’know, the people we hate, for almost a decade.” Cool, Jamie. Cool cool cool. Remember last episode when you were almost woke? 

Claire acting naive about what’s going to happen to Rufus should seem out of character. She went back into the past knowing full well how things were there. She knew that if she went back, she’d be in a time where this was the reality. Yes, she thought she’d be in Scotland, but that’s just another sign of her fucking privilege. She was like oh, I’ll just be in Edinburgh and not have to consider slavery. Joe Abernathy did not deserve the shaft he got in season three and he does not deserve fucking peak-white-privilege-the-past-is-fine-because-it-doesn’t-really-affect-me Claire as his friend.

Scrub Nurse!Ian is literally the only positive part of this episode.

This entire scene of a room of white guys being like “we need to uphold the law!” makes me want to kick the shit out of each and every fucker who has ever owned a confederate battle flag t-shirt or a bumper sticker. 

Also fuck each and every person who voted for the authoritarian narcissist who currently occupies the white house in 2016 or any of his fucking lackeys in the midterms. All these fuckers are straight garbage. And all the fuckers defending the authoritarian tendencies of the current administration can go fuck themselves. Go ahead and @ me.

“Don’t worry, my husband is heir to this estate.” Oh don’t fucking delude yourself, Claire. Rufus is going to die. And you are complicit in his death. Fucking own it.

*insert obligatory Joe Abernathy deserved better rant here*

I don’t like giving partial credit, but at least the show let fucking Rufus tell his own story. Just for a little bit though.

Ok I’m calling fucking bullshit that Ulysses, a man who (I don’t care what his relationship with Jocasta has been) has been enslaved for years, fucking calls Claire out and tells her she should have let Rufus die. Way to fucking try to absolve Claire by having a Black, enslaved man try to make her upcoming actions ok.

Don’t act naive, Claire. You know how this was going to end. Rufus was always going to die. You are complicit. There is no escaping that. Fucking own your part. Fucking own your privilege. And also fuck the show for centering this so much on the fucking white people.

Rufus didn't get to be an active participant in his own death. Claire should *not* have been absolved of her decision to kill him by having him ask her to do it. But by not even telling him what she's doing, she's just another white person making decisions for him without his consent. She also should have known to kill him without Jamie telling her to. *gestures at the Graham Menzies part of the books* She knows what's about to happen. She should accept that by choosing to be in the southern colonies, she's going to be complicit in slavery. She made her bed when she decided to go back into the past and now she should have to lay in it. 

Sure she may not have known that she’d end up in the colonies, but she still knew she’d be going back to a time when she’d end up being part of something that is morally abhorrent. But apparently getting that ginger dick was worth it.

It’s cute they do a parallel of her helping Rufus to die with her helping Geordie to die. But I can’t help but think this is as much for her as for him.

Every white person in this episode is trash. As they fucking should be.

Fuck everyone who defends the continued existence of confederate memorial statues tbh.

I know that’s out of left field, but yeah, fuck those people.

The fact that this shit is bringing up very real feelings about today’s political climate makes me fucking angry at the fuckers around today and also the fucking production crew for trying to cater to the meemaws by saying the show isn’t political.

Fuck Jamie for being like yeah, I can just pray this shit away. No. God is a cop out. You did this. YOU. You need to own this. Don’t you dare hide behind your faith. You will not be absolved.

Fuck this show for showing a fucking lynching and them immediately cutting to Claire’s face to make the lynching about her white guilt. Fuck them. 

If Jamie and Claire really don't want to be complicit in the atrocities of colonial America, they should move to a city where they could join in the work of starting to dismantle the things they claim to be morally opposed to. Instead they embrace their privilege of getting to ignore slavery by leaving River Run next week and go out to colonize Native American lands.

And just think. After all of this. After witnessing a lynching. In a couple episodes, Jamie’s gonna voluntarily send a guy into slavery! 

Fuck.

Please all go read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me. KThxBai.

[fuck-customers]

Tl;dr at the bottom, this is long sorry ^^;

Straight up fuck my old store manager (and a few other coworkers). I used to work for the Orange Home Improvement store. I’ve submitted plenty of posts before now about this horrible store (apparently it was just my particular store and store manager…) anyway, let me step back. I had decided to take a break from college to try and get myself a good, stable job. In the mean time, I needed a job that would pay for my needs and wants, so I applied to a bunch of places and got hired on the spot at this home improvement place. I thought it was going to be fantastic, and it was! By the end of the first month, I had decided that I REALLY liked it there and genuinely would not mind STAYING there for a long time. Sure I had bad customers, especially since I worked the customer service desk, but my supervisor and most of the managers always backed me the fuck up so it was nbd.

Flash forward another month and I was discussing my life plans with another coworker. One of those plans involved me purchasing a car within the year and a house within the next 4 years. There’s no reason for that to not be a possibility for me, but because I’m young, baby-boomers have made it a point to try and shoot me down strictly because of my age and pretend like they know how much money I have in savings and like they know what my credit score is. My baby-boomer store manager, who I had worked around and seen for a collective 10 minutes (not even that long) in the 2 months I had worked there, eavesdropped on the conversation and told me that wasn’t possible to do. I know she said this because, at the time, I was only 20 years old and that was reason enough for her to believe I wouldn’t manage to be successful. I ignored her and kept talking to my coworker. SM decided to join us at our table and join in the convo. She kept saying things to passive aggressively turn me down (comparing me to her failures basically), yadda-yadda. Basically being a straight up bitch for no reason.

Flash forward one more month (3 months working there now) and I get a customer complaint. I think this was my first one, actually. Keep in mind I have 100’s across the board and have kept 100’s since my first day regarding my customer service scores. I think I had like one 99, but that was it. If I was a cashier, I would have wiped the floor with the other cashiers and been cashier of the month every month. A contractor came in on a Saturday (this was before the company decided to keep the contractor desk open on the weekends) and they wanted an install on their account to be edited. They were already pissed because the contractor desk was closed and they were “running late” like these types of customers always tend to be. I politely informed them that the contractor desk is always closed on weekends, always has been, and that I had never been trained on how to edit installs. Our store system is fairly complicated, so it would be hard for me to make guesses without risking screwing something up so I told them I’d call a manager up. I called the only manager on duty, but he was busy. I told the contractor that and said I’d take a look to see if this particular thing happened to be straight forward because some of these process were straight forward, others were as complicated as they could get. Anyway, they could see my computer screen, so they could see what I was doing and that I was trying to fix this for them. After about 5 minutes, I called the manager back. He had run into a bigger problem and would be even longer now. I told the contractor and said “Let me see if I can get a hold of someone from that department, maybe they know how to edit installs” to at least try and dump these assholes on someone else. I called that department several times and paged several times and received no answer. I also called the head cashier to see if she had any idea how to do this (she didn’t). I apologized, said the manager was extremely busy but he’d be up here a.s.a.p., and said “Let me take another look at your order to see if I missed something”. I kept my cool on the outside. Anyway, you know how this ends. I tried my damndest to help, but it wasn’t enough because they were “in a hurry” and don’t know how to manage their time and that’s obviously my fault too. It’s also my fault that it took the manager 15 minutes to get to us. When they complained to corporate they even lied and said I just stood there and did nothing. Another customer a few days later decided that me standing at the counter late at night after finishing all my closing duties just prior to the store closing was me “Being bored and not wanting my job”, so THEY complained too, saying “I just don’t feel like she wants her job” like ????? Fuck off???? Store manager pulled me in her office and put me on final warning over those two things. I received no warning beforehand, I was basically put on the chopping block. All that would have needed to happen to get me fired was an old lady coming in and complaining about me not selling her a cookie even though we are a hardware store and don’t sell cookies. Part of her decision to put me on final warning was also because “Every time I’ve worked with you, you just seem off or upset or like you don’t enjoy your job”. Every time she worked with me, which was a whopping total of about 15 minutes in a 3 month period, I basically just acted casual. I’m an unfortunate sufferer of R.B.F., so I guess that’s my bad for assuming my manager would know that I’m a-okay and just dropping my fake af customer service persona and know that I’m not actually pissed off or bored or upset or whatever someone feels like reading my relaxed expression as that day, that’s just what my face looks like when I’m relaxed. One of those times she was with me, I was suffering from side effects from my medication and was feeling VERY nauseous and I had told her what was going on, but whatever. I’m supposed to be a robot, incapable of needing medicine or getting sick, so that’s my fault.

Another thing that got to me was one day when it was SUPER hot and humid outside, the HR manager asked the front end people (she asked all of us, but it ended up being only me doing all the work) to get some big displays ready for a set up. I’m talking like, big pieces of lumber, heavy sheets of plywood, all moved, painted, and generally set up. This all fell on me because tbh our one cashier that day was kind of prissy, but that’s fine. If construction isn’t your thing, that’s fine. Keep your nails and makeup pretty, I’ll do the dirty work. Just hand me something I need every now and then when I ask (and she did, she was one of my favorite coworkers). I love construction type work and I’m very good at it (minus the heavy lifting, I’m 5’4” and 120 pounds, there’s only so much weight I can lift). So on top of being on the side of the store with the only non-functioning a/c unit, it being over 100 farenheit outside, and the humidity being ridiculous because it’s Tennessee, I had to do all of this work. It didn’t help that our box fans had been taken away by the store manager, I guess because some customer complained. Needless to say I didn’t smell like flowers after I was done. HR manager decided to pull me into her office about 2 hours later and said “People are complaining about your…how do I put this gently…smell…” like no shit bitch, I know I smell bad, you don’t have to fucking sugar coat it. This is a home improvement store during a Tennessee summer, the contractors alone are enough to make you want to break your nose so it won’t smell anymore, but I get it because they are out working and they don’t have much of an option, short of getting in trouble and not getting paid. She just kinda put this dumb face on when I responded with “Well, I was the only person working on that display that we’re trying to set up and you do know that the a/c unit over that part of the store does not work. It’s also really hot outside and our box fans are missing (can’t accuse the managers of taking our fans even though we know that’s what happened, that’s a no no). There’s only so much my deodorant and perfume can do, I’m really sorry. But I got the display done for you!” Like, tell it to someone who cares. Either do this shit yourself or leave me alone when I break a sweat because our new cashier doesn’t want to break her nails or get a splinter and you haven’t gotten someone out to fix the a/c yet. (We got our fans back the next day btw.)

Needless to say, I fucking hated this place at this point in time. I loved most of the coworkers and would have loved staying, but I would not be able to survive or manage with such a shitty store manager and, hell I don’t even have a word for the HR manager. She’s just majored in idiocy I guess. I started applying everywhere I could and, 2 months later, landed a job working for my state government (which is where I still work over a year later and I LOVE it so much). I noped the hell out of the hardware store, gave them a notice, left in good terms, etc (the HR manager tried to guilt me into staying, but I straight up shot her down. I had been trying to change departments since I got put on final warning and I coincidentally did not receive a legitimate offer to swap until I turned in my 2 weeks notice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Anyway, it’s been barely over a year since I left that hell-hole and not only do I love my job and have a really nice, new car now, but I’m buying a house at the age of 21. We close on January 10th (for those unfamiliar with housing terms, Closing means that we sign the final paperwork, pay our realtors, and I get the keys to my house and I get to move in the next day). It’s not even like I had to get a hovel of a house. Im going into this purchase with $30k in equity (this house was appraised $30k higher than what I’m paying), this house is younger than me, has 3 bed rooms and 2 full baths, is in a SUPER nice neighborhood, is within walking distance to so much stuff, and the worst thing about it is that it’s a little bit of a commute and it’s just a bit outdated on the inside, so I will definitely have to do some renovations. Guess who has a new, super fuel efficient car and loves construction work, though :)

Fun little tid-bit, the store manager and HR manager both fill in as paint mixers when the other guys aren’t there and they aren’t there a lot. I’m 100% planning on being a petty asshole and going out of my way to that store just so they can mix my paint for me. I’ve got nothing against the store, they still get my business for sure. I just want to be a bitch and let the store and HR managers know just how much better off I am now, to the point that I’m willing to go out of my way to go to this particular store. I’ve already talked up and down about how nice my new car is (I went from a ’99 chevy tahoe to a 2014 chevy spark, so it was a pretty awesome change for me. My car is actually me-sized now)

TL;DR : I took a break from college to get a good job, landed one at the orange home improvement place, ended up loving it and wanting to stay there. The store manager eavesdropped on my convo with a coworker and told me that my plans to buy a new car within the year and a house within 4 years were horse shit (most likely only on the basis that I am young), treated me like shit while I worked there, tried to fire me because of some REALLY horse shit reasons (typical customer hearsay vs my word) despite the fact that I was the best performing front end person, even better than the head cashiers. The HR manager didn’t make it any better, so I got a new job that I still currently love and work at over a year later and now I have a really nice, new car and I’m about to close on a really nice house…All within a 2 year span. Now I’m going to be a petty jerk and make those two mix the paint for my walls and listen to me relentlessly talk about how excited I am to own my own house and renovate my own place because I’m still pissed.

[seraph-shield]

I saw in your about that you work at McD’s. I applied to work there and am just wondering if you had any life saving tips to survive working there if I get hired lmao I’ve worked retail but not food biz. I just need a job to help pay for school ya feel? Thanks for your time

Hi anon! First I’m sorry to reply late to this. I’ve been pretty busy this whole week, and yesterday I wasn’t feeling well :c Also, I really need to change my about page bc I haven’t worked there in a while lol

I’m not sure what sort of position you applied for but I worked 1) prep and 2) lobby. Both are the jobs where you don’t actually have to interact with the customers, and you can do things at your own pace and order, as long as you get it done. I image that being a cashier or window person would have different stresses, and if you need advice on how to deal with annoying people then i have none lol... But I’ll give you some general tips and some things for the jobs i worked.

General:

Speed is a big deal. They want you to be as fast as possible. However, remember that everyone is slow at first and that is okay. They won’t yell at you. You will get faster. I promise. Worrying about speed will stress you out and make you slower than you would naturally be. 

Don’t worry about being perfect because you really don’t have the time for that. This was a big problem of mine. It slowed me down so much i had to work nearly 2 hours overtime a lot bc i couldn’t get all of my stuff done. As much as you may want to, dont. It will be ok.

It is definitely worth it to buy the squishiest most supportive (nonslip) shoes you can find. Standing for 8 hours straight is HELL and you’ll definitely want as much help as you can get.

Come to work with 2-3 songs to play in your head. Over and over. Make them songs with a fast and strong beat. This helped me a lot to: 1) have a nice fast rhythm to my work, getting more done 2) give my brain something to focus on other than repetitive boring motions 3) calm down when it gets stressful

Don’t be afraid to ask your managers for help, or if you forget something. Or if a coworker is being a jerk to you. 

If you have trouble with audible over-stimulation, pls avoid working in the back or in the kitchen if possible. There are like 4 alarms going off at all times, dishes crashing, ppl yelling, etc. Its loud and it was hell for me on certain days. If impossible, invest in some of those cool discrete earplugs that reduce noise but keep things at the same clarity.

Lobby:

There’s not much advice to give bc this is the most simple, boring, easy to understand job I can think of. All you do is sweep floors, wipe tables, stock some things (which only needs done maybe twice a shift tbh). It is mind numbingly boring and dull. If you have the miraculous talent of dissociating on command, this is the job for you.

Im serious. Come prepared with SOME thing for your brain to do while u wipe a table for the 303rd time. Play a song. Plan some fics. Make an au. Anything.

Dont be afraid to chill in the bathroom sometimes. No one is paying attention to you usually, and there are no cameras in there. You have to clean them anyways. Even the person who trained me admitted to doing this.

Prepare yourself mentally for having to clean literal shit and literal ejaculation off the men’s bathroom floors and/or walls. I was not prepared. Do not make my mistake. 

Lunch Prep:

Don’t take this job if you have even a little bit of doubt in your ability to wake up at early hours. I had to get up at 3:30 am. Life at its cruelest. 

PLEASE do all of your work. If not, the person who does this job the next morning will have double the usual tasks. If you really cant get it all done, inform the manager.

If you really love eggs don’t take this job because afterwards you will despise them. I quit in August and the smell of them still makes me nauseous. 

Find a good order and stick with it. Find one that you like, that makes sense to you, that you can remember easily. There are lots and lots of tiny tasks in this job. It will go by much easier and faster if you have a rhythm and do it the same way every time. 

Make yourself a list of the tasks you have to do. Test yourself on the amount of things that need stocked, what order to place everything in the kitchen, when you need to switch stuff out, how many parfaits/salads you need to make, etc. There is a LOT and it will help you out a lot if you learn it sooner rather than later. 

Bring a jacket with you bc you’ll spend a lot of time in the fridge/freezer. If you have a problem with extreme temperatures, this job may be hard for you. You literally go straight from messing with stuff in the freezer, fingers completely numb, to plunging those numb hands into scorching hot water for dishes. I ended up having to use one hand for each bc it hurt so much. 

That’s all I can think of rn. I hope this is helpful, and hope you are able to get the job!