#tbh i still like the 1st version but it was a pain to paint on that paper

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

fuck - idk how  - well to do lots of things  - and we do know tech hate t  - thats not quite on point or en garde either  - but tonights post performance post mortem - paint it black 

the good - tree climbing leaf and dirt hair  - once unconfused t can plaze guitar  - lox and bagel  - some made up on the spot music  - some magic  - lots of love  - love aint always enuff  - uh chili dogs and fries - vitas voice  - liam showing and again doing the hard but right thing/s  

the bad    chili dog hair    t gets confused sometimes ez tho we find workarounds  - its not cheating to tell him the key and a couple chords specially if u usin a capo on a song he never herd - just sayin 

the ugly    uh duz blood and pain count   im ok      shame       the people and soul less beings who cause/d the feelings of shame  ketchup hair 

we end up laffing way too much  -  thing is  - today  started fucked up and pretty much stayed on track  - u know its been uh different since the biz  - and yah there still is one  - its changing gonna change more  prob  - maybe not better just different 

we cries a lot also  

we heal then 

well when u wear ur heart on ur sleeve and ur food in ur hair  

a step back may be in order 

me i prefer to wear my food on my clothes  - it stains better - hair is ez to wash 

did i mention i lissened to crywolf angels ep like 3 or 4 x yesterday  and some el vy   - theres maybe half a dozen ppl readin who will unnastand  - if i mention sad bastards duz it help - no - well just move along then it dont matter much 

( translation  - t is being maudlin again cuz he depressed and future trips heartache and rejection  - no not a romance  - tho the looks - nevermind )

so y is ketchup hair ugly - its a condiment  - now we know that dirt is an excellent conditioner - ask any potato u happen to  - i have gazed more than a few x at the moon  -  this eve tonight   - i wuz gonna say that life had gotten 2 surreal then forgot when it even more happen  - and not the good kind of surreal either  - another luxury problem the wrong kind of surreal - did u get it a amazon  or ikea and yah - that splains it manstyle  - if u cant laff about ketchup hair - i mean wtf 

ok t  - u so fukken cryptic and in group mindfuck - can u bottom line it or readers digest condensed milk  - damn it - its contagious - ( another editor quits ) 

it started a little fucked up - was sposed to meet for acupuncture b4 java - things ran late - acu close early on weekends earlier than i thot so no - vita been going thru lots of hard uh lifestuff  - it manifests and affects  - we both been uh stressed at best - self destructive on various levels at worst w a little delusional thinking inna mix moi at least  - we feel deeply and connect and empath sometimes for an instant completely - its not always pleasant cuz we human  - despite everything going on - we go to do wat we do - play music  w transcendence aim for attained rarely for more than glimpse but sometimes - magic  - we trance in and out and different levels  and different reality layers conflict  - and too much too soon specially w a broken heart  ( no not me  - my heart is good - well yah the heart attack thing but we talkin soul heart )  and some ugly inna mix but not aimed at  and self directed  - we at our different homes safe  or mostly  - hope so - its late now unless u a musician or a barfly and last call wuz a few minutes ago even at the hardcore - there is love in my heart - a bit of dread  - hope a smidgen maybe an ember that i fan boy - oh yah  - we played  - some barely ok - some goodish - a few really good moments  - hearts not completely but then in it  - a baddish incident  - then we play a couple more songs like something proving  not a victory lap not at all sir  - prolly vita and i and i last performance in a while  - slight chance madrone tomorrow but not prolly and im exhausted but maybe  - we get together maybe 2 x this week if we lucky  - she has a last jazz concert i think sat  - imma meet her mom who tuff as nails north korean  born and raised - really  - that will b uh - interesting t  interesting  and a pleasure - maybe ask vita her name and practice - nah - she might as well meet the awkward fucktard  albeit a well behaved version  - but i will do wat i always - apologize in advance and assure by the 3rd time i will at least b very close lol   prolly not socialize much after  - it would b nice if she likes me but tbh expecting disapproval - extreme wariness at least - i would if i was her   - then off to college  - imma wait till she settle in maybe has a friend  - dont want ppls 1st impressions of her to b w a weird af and old as guitar playing friend  - at some point we b recording maybe podcast of some healing writing she been doing w music  cuz low key but an ep  - or album - theres enough good songs and we fuck around w a few more half maybe mostly written inna works  

its after 2 am exhausted not sleepy wired cuz its been that kinda day - sorry but not for the cryptic  - things happen not to b ashamed of  - we played music and performed as well  - real as fuck if nothing else  - it could b a month or more before we perform again together  - there is still a biz  - how much vita will b able to contribute uncertain   - sometimes fucked up things happen - nobodys fawlty towers no guilty party 

love

[uniformbravo]

“quick” life update while i wait for my ipod to charge

(do ppl even still use ipods in this day & age. whats spotify)

i never made any posts abt it but i started the new semester & im taking 2 classes, it’s funny actually bc i waited even more til the last minute than i usually do to figure out my classes & spent the 1st week of school trying to see a counselor to find out if i still needed classes and that’s a whole other story for a whole other day but long story short the answer was no but i decided to take a couple anyway

mainly because every time im not in school The Depression takes over & i just needed something to Do so im taking intermediate painting (even tho painting 1 made me want 2 die every day) and animation (even tho i’ve already decided i don’t want to be an animator????)

so heres the thing, okay, since these are classes i don’t need in order to fill any requirements or anything i had to pick them based on nothing, really, like my main reason for taking classes this semester was to give myself something to do, right. i picked painting because my friend had told me she was taking it so i was like yo i’ll just do that too bc we had fun last time & it’s a good way to stay in contact. originally that was gonna be my only class bc i knew it’d be a lot of work and time but then i talked to my school’s art counselor about transferring to another school after im graduated from here and i’d said i was maybe interested in storyboarding so we looked at schools with animation programs and i decided super last minute to just take the animation class here and Boy what a mistake

last semester i was talking on here about a computer art class i had considered taking but dropped bc it seemed kinda... shitty?? because i hated the way the teacher taught and i felt like i wasn’t gonna gain anything from the class??? well animation is taught by the same guy and hhhhhhhhh he’s so fucking unhelpful it’s such a nothing class

see i was hoping to learn some hand-drawn animation basics like timing, squash & stretch, the fucking bouncing ball assignment, shit like that, right. the teacher was like “today we’re gonna go over the 12 principles of animation” and i was like “sweet i’ve heard of that this’ll be good” & literally he brought up a list, read off most of the names, briefly described a few, and told us to google it if we wanted more info like?? holy shit dude????? thanks for nothing oh my god

i’ve been taking a lot of time practicing animating in flipnote studio on my 3ds and watching youtube videos and i’ve been learning so much more from that than anything explained by my teacher bc godddd. basically what the class boils down to is like. flash animation. so far we’ve been working in adobe illustrator and animate & i cannot stand illustrator. i know it’s a good and useful program and if i wanted to i could learn how to use it & eventually get used to it but just the way he teaches it makes me want 2 slam dunk my computer

the computer art basics class was strongly recommended to be taken before this class but tbh i don’t even think that’s the issue here because i tried to take that class and his method was the same; he does a demo on screen that you’re supposed to follow along and do with him and he explains what hes doing as he goes but he goes so fast that if u miss a step ur fucked 

and it’s not just that he goes fast, it’s also that theres no understanding of the program itself, like ok u know how in math there’s all these formulas where if u just plug numbers into them it gives u the right answer? i always understood formulas better when i knew what each variable stood for & why the values were being added or multiplied together because then it made it easier to extract the information i needed from word problems and also helped me memorize the formulas themselves easier because i could make those associations between numbers and purpose. i had the groundwork of the formula, so i could apply it to all kinds of situations

this class is like, he only gives you the very specific formulas required to accomplish very specific tasks in the programs so i can’t make the connections to figure out how to perform other tasks and i get super lost every time & it’s super frustrating & i could ask for help because he comes around and helps people who need it but i sit in the back corner so he never really even looks my way so i feel like i can’t get his attention w/o speaking up or getting up to go get him & i get lost so often that it’s really just a pain to ask him every single time

i just hate when i have a problem in one of the programs & i just have absolutely no clue how to fix it or even work around it? im used to photoshop and illustrator is just so opposite that my brain doesn’t want to work with it so im. 100% floundering in this class

we have 2 assignments during the whole semester, the first was a group project where we hand draw a 3-second animation (~30 frames) and that was literally the very first thing we did in the class with no prior guidance and honestly i suspect that the only reason he assigns it is to fill the requirement for a group project (which i know is a thing bc a lot of my past teachers have talked about it being a thing) so it was literally just. a nothing project

the second assignment is our final which is a 90-second animation (~1080 frames) and we have basically the rest of the semester to work on it, so about a month and a half-ish? and all we’ve learned how to do so far is motion tweening in animate, basically. i mean we did a ball-and-string thing which was kind of different but it mostly involved a lot of copy+paste bullshit in illustrator & also like automatic shortcuts & stuff, there was really no drawing involved at all

also it’s one of those classes where everyone just kind of messes around and does their own thing like?? i saw one girl reading manga on her computer & these two dudes at my table were comparing yugioh cards & i hear like 50 thousand conversations about anime every day & i mean im not one to talk tbh but it’s just the atmosphere, it feels like u either know what ur doing or u just fuck around w/ ur friends and im in the “neither of those” category and the girl who was reading manga is in the “both” category bc every other time i’ve looked over there she’s got this amazing masterpiece on her screen that she made in illustrator & i die inside every time what the fuckkc 

he showed us examples of final projects from last semester and i noticed that some of them were done traditionally or in programs that were obviously not illustrator so i asked him about it & he said it doesn’t have to be done in illustrator/animate as long as it’s 90 seconds long so Guess What i think i’m just gonna make it somewhere else lmaooo i mean i feel like it’s a missed opportunity bc i have these programs at my disposal & im not even using them but god amn. god fuckign damn

im thinking of animating it in flipnote bc that’s what i’ve been using & im pretty familiar with it by now but im not sure because there are some important things im not sure i’ll be able to accomplish with it like backgrounds (which are another requirement for the assignment) and i don’t want to back myself into a corner, especially with how little time i have to do it, so idk for sure. my other idea was to use clip studio paint but i have the pro version which only lets u use 24 frames per animation which totals out to a whopping 2 seconds so idk if i want to have to deal with that bullshit either. right now im considering making the rough animation in flipnote so i can figure out the timing & shit and then slapping it into clip studio to finalize everything (or technically i could even do that in photoshop, since im more familiar w/ it & can probably work faster there- from photoshop it’d be a matter of copying the finished frames into clip studio to export into 2-second clips & then compile those in movie maker & then bam finished animation)

so!!! it’s a lot of shit im dealing with in this class & im just like. if im doing it this way then why do i even need to show up for class. what am i even in this class for im just basically making an animation on my own time with my own resources using none of the techniques taught in the class. im only doing this animation because it’s an assignment for the class im not gaining anything from. it just seems so pointless & the only thing getting me through it is the thought that i could possibly put this in a portfolio somewhere down the line, and for that i’d want it to look nice and not rushed so im thinking that for the sake of finishing the assignment i might just use my rough animation so that i can spend more time on the “nice” version afterward

aaaanyway it’s um Late for me & i went on about this for too long but i needed to get it off my chest tbh, i’ve been thinking abt making this post for like 2 weeks so there u go. i didn’t even talk about my painting troubles good lord. if you’ve been wondering why i havent been online as much lately This is why. also bc im a huge loser and 100% of my free time has been going into watching anime bye