#tbh i miss doing more cooking but recently i've been running around so much that i just kinda made whatever i had time for

[mirillel]

Visited an out of town friend for the friendsgiving she hosted :) yayyyy; Not pictured: our pumpkin soup - sad

[iantimony]

tuesday!

hello again! another 2-weeker because I was in Washington (Da Capital) for a portion of last week for an academic conference and boy howdy did that sap my will to live/energy to post.

listening: I finished relistening to TANIS! season 5 felt completely unfamiliar so I either never actually listened to it or it was just that forgettable. which tbh, it was. very forgettable. definitely good background white noise but really nothing cooking in there. very clear to me that at the end there terry miles was way more interested in writing a book than an audio drama.

for the sake of completeness I also am relistening to the black tapes. definitely a more cohesive narrative happening there even though I know the "finale" is looming ahead. also has not generally aged super well, and some of the attempts at writing academic experts of things in make me laugh a lot, and the overlap in voice actors for side characters is also amusing. I think this universe of podcasts only work if TANIS is a fictional podcast in TBT and vice-versa but that's not news. also why did they make cuneiform on…parchment…as a plot point in s3…it's cuneiform…wouldn't it be on a slab of clay…anyways a reference to "current political discourse" in a s3 ep made me check the date and I didn't realize that this came out in 2020????? insane. way more recent than I thought (derogatory).

music-wise, saw Mahjong Crib live a few weeks ago at a local bar so I've been letting that run in the background. the bassist was incredibly high (as he should be) and very funny. the last song of the set he put the bass down and started going ham on cowbell. definitely in the family of freeform jazz which isn't normally my thing. still not sure this band is my thing, will probably not be purchasing this album for example.

reading: How Cheerleading Became So Acrobatic, Dangerous and Popular (David Gauvey Herbert): what it says on the tin. didn't realize how much of it came down to monopoly of an industry again. womp womp.

read these both on the plane back from the conference: By Proxy (Lise): mind the tags. really nailed a good dynamic between LWJ and JC imo. Wuxian The Ninth (spockandawe): was linked by the author in a server we're both in. the choice to just do the intro and finale is so incredibly valid. I should do that for my abhorsen/TLT crossover actually because I have the beginning done and definitely have a finale cooking in my head but writing all the bits in the middle seems exhausting and this has made it occur to me that I am allowed to just. skip all the shit in the middle. nothing is stopping me.

watching: fallow

playing: fallow

making: I have been speed knitting a pair of fingerless gloves for my mom! chose this pattern specifically to do them flat style because I was on the go and didn't want to think about using dpns, and I don't have the equipment for knitting in the round comfortably on that small of a scale.

finished carving the block for my holiday cards BUT printing them has proved. challenging. I have what turns out to be kinda shitty water-based ink that is a real pain in the ass to do more than one print at a time with because it dries so fast. it's also applying and printing extremely unevenly and patchy, and while I don't actually mind the texture that adds, the fact that I have to wash off my block & roller every 2-3 prints or so is really stymying my speed. I am abusing my boyfriend's amazon prime to get an oil-based printmaking ink shipped to me so I have put further printing on hold til today when that allegedly arrives. I miss living in closer proximity to a more professional art supply store :-( I've printed about 15 or 20 now and depending on how much nicer the ink looks I may restart lol… either way next year I think I will get thicker paper to mail postcard-style instead of in an envelope to save on postage and work? we'll see. I'm hand delivering around half of my cards over the course of the holidays as it is to make it simpler and cut back on the amount of envelopes and postage I'll need anyways so it's really not TOO bad…

I kind of want to carve a return label stamp as well but obviously the scale/detail of that is more challenging. the easier move is to order return label stickers obviously so maybe I will design some of those, not for this year at this time scale but y'know. I was thinking of putting up my holiday card designs on redbubble or etsy or whatever as well just for funsies.

eating: made deb smittenkitchen's lentil soup with sausage, chard and garlic! really good! my sausages are generic beef from the farmers market so I feel like I lost a little flavor in there by not using some sort of sweet or spicy sausage but it's still tasty and filling. according to comments it freezes very well so I made the full recipe and will be freezing about four servings. I am rich in frozen soups rn.

I was GOING to make her crispy cauliflower and cabbage salad as well but the half a head of cabbage I had in the fridge tragically finally went bad. so instead I did an improvization at her cauliflower with dates and pistachios salad. I did not have dates or pistachios, subbed in craisins and almond slivers, lmfao, but still tasty and has the same structure. I also got some salmon burgers from kroger that have TWENTY FIVE GRAMS of protein each and were very tasty.

misc: feeling very [horror movie scare chord] from networking at that conference. my advisor's previous student who I did not overlap with but am familiar because I have continued his work casually commented that he applied to over Four Hundred Jobs before getting the one he currently has that he. does not even like that much. (I think? unclear. he is kind of a hater at heart in the funniest possible way, bless him.) so I have the fear of god in me a little bit but it's Fine, I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing that a lot of other people are not by doing extensive networking and looking for summer internships for what will hopefully be the last summer of my PhD program.

I gotta start thinking about my yearly roundup too!!! I did a bad job of keeping a spreadsheet this year for this to note everything down in an easy format so maybe I will do that in retrospect as a time-filling activity in the next few weeks…

[pixie88]

Rory Bear

A/N: Those who play Lovelink know Rory O’Brien. He recently when grey on me, I miss him so decided to do a FF especially for him! He is one hot dad, who looks like Chris Evans. This might be a one shot piece or I might continue I’m not sure yet.  Let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged!

Find my other Rory O’Brien FF HERE on my masterlist under Lovelink - One shots.

Comments always welcome!

Word count: 2317

WARNINGS: ⚠️ NSFW & Fluffy fluff

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Lovelink.

Pairings: Rory x MC - Laila

Enjoy!

It's been two days since I've heard from Rory while he was washing his car. I don't want to bother him, I know he's busy with work and Amy. So, I get dressed and take Winnie for a walk. It's a sunny winter's day, we spend an hour in the park playing fetch before I grab a hot chocolate from the food van in the park.

We are nearly home when I hear my phone, I pull it out of my bag and the screen lights up.

*Lovelink - Rory has sent you a message*

[Hi Laila, How are you? I was thinking about our last conversation and I have my answer, but I want to tell you in person.]

I reply once I get inside.

[Hey Rory, I'm fab thanks you? How is Amy? Oh ok, I'm glad you've have come to a conclusion.]

[I'm not great tbh. Amy is fine, she has an art show at school tomorrow night.]

[Oh no, what's wrong? Aww, bless her! Has she made an art piece?]

[I've missed you! I was thinking would you be up for coming? My mom and dad will be there too. So, I understand if it's too much too soon. Yeah, she's done a drawing of you.]

[I can't say I haven't missed you. Oh, are you sure you want me to be there if your parents are? Is this your way of getting me to the art show? Because it's working.]

[Yes, I want you there and so does Amy after you helped her at her dance recital she wanted to do something to say thank you. If it means you'll come then yes haha.]

[Fine, I'll come, but only because I'm curious about this drawing. Plus, I want to see you and Amy! What time does it start?]

[Thank you so much Amy will be so pleased about you coming! It starts at 6 pm but I can come and pick you up at about 5.30 pm?]

[Just Amy? Ok, 5.30 is great. Can't wait to see you both]

[I'm super excited to see you too! Great, I'll see you then.]

(He wants me to meet his parents? Does that mean he's ready to move on? I guess I'll find out tomorrow)

~*~*~*~

The next day I drop Winnie round to my neighbours house. I'm just finishing up. I decided on a blue blouse undone slightly and black jeans with knee-high boots.

Ding Dong!

He's here! I open the door, Rory smiles "Laila, you look beautiful!"

"Thank you! You look handsome yourself. Ready to go?" I ask.

"Aww, thanks. Yeah, Amy is in the car"

"Great, let's go!" We walk over to the car and Amy smiles brightly at me as we approached the car.

Rory opens the door for me "Such a gentleman"

He smiles "Only the best for you" 

He seems different from the past two dates lighter and more confident. He closes the door.

"Hey, Amy how are you?"

"I'm ok thanks. Are you?"

Rory gets into the car.

"I'm great thanks Amy" Rory starts the engine. It's not long before we arrive at the school.

When we get inside, Rory waves at an elderly couple I'm guessing are his parents. They make their way over to us "Rory, Amy and who might this be" the elderly lady says.

"Mom, Dad this is Laila. She's my date, Laila and Laila this is my mother Philippa and my father, Albert"

"Hi, nice to meet you both!"

"Rory you didn't tell us you were dating again! I'm so happy for you" Philippa says.

"She's beautiful too," Albert says.

"She is," Rory gives me a look that sends butterfly's through my body.

I smile.

"Laila, come on I want to show you my drawing!"

Amy grabs my hand and leads me to her drawing "Amy, this is beautiful!"

"I added Dad on to it. The love heart is you two falling in love"

"Oh wow! What's the rainbow for?"

She smiles "Nothing, I just wanted to add a rainbow"

"Oh ok! Well, it's better than any rainbow I have ever drawn!" We laugh as Rory and his parents appear behind us.

"Do you like it, Daddy?"

"Amy it's amazing, but I thought you said it was a drawing of Laila?"

"It is! There is Laila and there is you and that is you falling in love!" Rory blushes.

We look round at all the other art pieces Rory comes up behind me as I'm looking at a paper mache volcano. I feel his breath on the back of my neck "Are you ok?"

I turn "Hey, Yeah I'm fine you?"

"Laila, I'm sorry about Amy's picture"

"It's cute," I smile at him.

"Well, we have 5 minutes to ourselves can we talk?" he asks.

"Sure"

"On our last date you said you didn't think I was ready to move on," he says.

"I did and I also said you needed to think about what you wanted"

"Yes, you did," he says.

"So, Rory have you figured it out?"

"I did...Laila, I've had a long hard think about it and I'm ready! My walls are coming down for you!" He gives me a cheeky grin.

"Are you sure? I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for!"

"Laila, I'm one hundred percent positive" His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me in tight.

I giggle "Rory!" I wrap my arms around him "You're like a bear! Rory bear!"

He laughs "Is that my new pet name?"

"It will be!" I laugh.

We de-tangle ourselves from each other Amy runs over excited "Laila, Daddy come on they're announcing the winners" she drags us over to where her teacher is on stage.

"Evening, parents and students I am proud to announce the winners from Falcon class. Third place goes to Isla Johnson. Well done Isla!"

We clap little Isla as she steps on stage to accept her award.

"Second place goes to Amy O'Brien, Well done Amy!"

Amy's face lights up as she turns to us "Yes! I got second place!!"

"Well done Amy!" Rory beams at her.

"Go claim your award! Amy!" Albert tells her.

She runs on stage and accepts her award. She comes back off stage, and we don't even hear who wins first place.

"This calls for a celebration! Why don't Grandad and I take you out for dinner sweetpea?" Philippa asks.

"Yes, please!" she turns to Rory.

"Daddy, can I go? Please?" Amy asks.

"Aren't Laila and I invited?"

She laughs "Daddy, you and Laila should have some time together!"

"Yeah, we'll watch Amy for a few hours. You two go and enjoy yourselves" Albert offers.

Rory looks at me with a look I have never seen from him before "Are you sure?" he asks.

"Of course! We love any chance to spoil our grandchild" Philippa says.

"Ok, but make sure you behave for Nanna and Grandad. OK?"

Amy smiles "Deal! Bye, Daddy!"

"Bye, sweetheart!"

Amy takes her grandparents' hands and leads them toward the exit.

Rory turns to me "Do you want to come back to mine? I could cook us dinner?"

"Ok, sounds perfect!"

We make our way to his car, and he opens the door for me "Thank you!"

He winks, closes the door, and gets into the driver's seat "Amy likes you"

I smile at him "She's a lovely kid! You did a brilliant job!"

He blushes "Thank you, Laila. You know when her Mom died, I thought how am I going to do this by myself and get it right?"

I take his hand "Well, you smashed it!"

He lifts my hand to his lips and places a small kiss against my knuckles.

10 minutes later we pull up to his house, he comes round to my side of the car and opens the door "You know I will expect you to open every door I go to walk through now" I laugh.

"It would be my pleasure!" He winks. He takes my hand and entwines his fingers through mine as he leads me to the house.

He unlocks the door and I step inside with Rory close behind as soon as the door shuts, he presses me against the wall his lips claim mine.

His kiss is full of passion, want, and desire. I'm pressed against the hard wall and his muscular body. I wrap my arms around him, his hands come under my thighs, and he lifts me up.

He starts grinding against my core "Rory" I feel he's stiff against me.

He moves us away from the wall, his lips never leaving mine. He guides us upstairs, kicks open a door and we fall onto his bed. He pulls away a little "Laila, I want you! I'm ready"

I giggle, "I kinda figured that"

His eyes are alight with desire "If you don't want this..."

I cut him off, he gets the hint. He moves from my lips and down to my neck and back up to my ear, his lips brush against it "You're so beautiful!" his hands start to unbutton my blouse his lips feather kisses against my chest.

I push off his suit jacket, pull his sweater vest up over his head and I grab his tie and pull him down towards my lips. He groans as his hand dips into my jeans, he brushes against me and I can't help arch off the bed. I yank his tie off and begin to unbutton his shirt.

I become breathless at the sight of his toned body. I flip us, crash my lips to his and work my way down his breathing shudders as I pepper kiss over his chest down to his abs "Laila!" I unbuckle his belt and he shifts helping me get him out of them.

I trail kisses up his inner thigh I pull him free of his boxers. He's hard I take him in my hand and circle around the tip he bucks up "Ah, ah, ah! Rory bear!"

He hisses in frustration "Christ...Laila!"

I work my mouth against him. His hand tangles into my hair moving me to his rhythm.

"Laila, you have to stop," he pulls me up onto the bed next to him, he moves to hover over me. He pulls off my boots and jeans in one swift manner.

His tongue invades my mouth, his taste still lingering there. His lips kiss along my purse line, my collarbone to my breast he unclips my bra and tosses it to the floor.

His lips cover my nipple "Crap Rory!" He moves to my tummy nipping as he goes definitely hard enough to leave bite marks. His hands pull at the waistband of my underwear until they are gone. He pulls a silver packet out of the bedside cabinet draw.

"Laila, it's been a while so I might be a little rusty" he lifts my legs his mouth finds my centre.

He moves my folds apart with his tongue I cry out unable to hold back a moan "Rory bear, you definitely have......not forgot how to do that!" I clutch his hair and move my hips wanting more.

He works against my clit "Nice to know I haven't lost my touch!" He doubles his efforts I'm barely holding on!

I pull him up to my lips he pulls away enough our lips aren't touching, but his forehead is against mine "Laila, are you sure this is what you want? Me? Everything that comes with me?"

"Yes! I want all of you!" This is all he needs to hear.

He rips the foil packet open with his teeth and rolls the condom on. He brushes his stiffened member against me and pushes past my entrance filling me. His lips forcefully captures mine, he groans. Each thrust he draws out slowly then thrust back fast and hard, I can't get enough of him!

My nails dig into his back, he hisses "God Laila!" His lips move to my pulse line every nerve ending feels electrified with each thrust, touch, kiss I can barely hold back a moan. I flip us both to his surprise "Whoa!" He screams.

"I need a bit of control too!" I start to move my hips riding him.

"By all....means I'm.....willing to....let....you take ohh god....the reins!" He struggles to get his words out.

His hands grasp my hips, and he bucks to match my rhythm "Ooooh Rory bear!"

He smirks "You know I love....this neeew pet name!" He groans.

He sits up placing his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me to his lips. He catches my lip between his teeth as he pulls me tight against his bare chest, "I can't..."

His lips brush against my ear "Let go, Laila! I'm barely holding on myself!" This is all it takes to send me falling over the edge. Rory shudders as he finds his own climax.

We are both panting barely catching our breath. He smiles up at me "Laila, that was...wow just wow!"

I smile "It was amazing!"

He pulls me into a soft kiss we are interrupted by the sound of his phone.

I collapse onto the bed next to him while he reaches for it. He reads the message "Everything OK?" I ask.

He turns to me with a cheeky smile "Just my Mom, she's going to have Amy for the night!"

"Oh?"

He lay next to me "You know what that means?" He smirks.

I try to hide a smile (I know exactly what it means by the smile on his face) "What does it mean?"

"Round 2" he pulls me onto him.

"HEY! You promised to cook me dinner!"

He smirks "We'll order in...After!"

He starts laying kisses along my pulse line, and we get lost in each other embrace again.

I’m tagging you because I know your a Lovelink fan lovely @khoicesbyk​

[citrinekay]

Hiiii I dunno if you're still doing prompts but i've been thinking about a drabble where Bill and Holden are at home and they're both a little tipsy and Holden talks Bill into slow dancing with him, I just need some cute domestic fluff tbh, thanksss

HI Ash! Sorry for the delay in answering this 😫 life has been so busy and stressful these past couple weeks, but I finally got a chance to sit down and write this little thing that’s been bouncing around in my head ever since you sent this message. Hopefully you are still yearning for the domestic fluff, because this is fluffy to the max! Enjoy 💕

When Holden wakes on Saturday morning, the mellow, morning sunlight creeping across the unoccupied side of his bed illuminates the vacancy in a way that makes his chest tighten. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine the dust motes sailing, hitting bare skin, the radiating warmth of body heat, hands winding around his waist to pull him closer. But he’s never liked feeling needy or dependent on anyone - not until recently. 

He tries to set aside the lonely patter of his thoughts, but when he goes into the kitchen to put some breakfast together, his gaze settles nervously on the telephone. 

Last weekend, it was Bill’s turn having Brian. The week before that, Holden was over at Bill’s house, and they were making out on the couch. It seems like a small eternity ago, almost unbearable. He wants to call and invite himself over, but Bill has never been the doting type. He doesn’t appreciate clingy behavior or other people invading his personal space. This thing between them is still too new for that kind of closeness. 

Holden dispels the thought of calling, and turns his attention to making breakfast. Afterward, he busies himself by checking the contents of the refrigerator and deciding he needs to stop at the grocery store. 

On the weekend, the store is fairly busy, and he takes his time shuffling down the crowded aisles and ticking items off his list once they hit the cart. He trolls the familiar shelves by rote, allowing his mind to wander and predict the rest of the day. Maybe he’ll go for a run later or settle in with a book. More than likely, he’ll end up pouring over the case files he brought home with him. Relaxing has never come easy to him, just like the vulnerability of missing someone. 

When Holden gets back to his apartment, juggling two paper sacks of groceries and his keys, the shrill ring of his telephone reaches past the front door. Muttering a curse, he sets down one sack in order to unlock the door, and quickly drags the groceries inside. The telephone continues ringing as he knocks the door shut, stumbles past the grocery sacks into the kitchen, and swipes for the receiver. 

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Bill’s voice reaches from the other end of the line, at ease and fond, shattering Holden’s dour mood in seconds. 

“Bill, hi.” Holden says, a smile pushing unbidden at his cheeks. 

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just coming back from the store. It’s okay. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking about you.”

Holden turns to lean his hips against the kitchen counter, and bites back a growing grin. “Really? That’s funny.”

“Why?”

“Because, I was thinking about you.” Holden says, clutching the phone tighter as nervous butterflies rouse in his belly. 

“Were you, now?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well, it seems like we’re on the same page then.” Bill says, his tone modest yet holding a note of anticipation.

“About what?”

“You coming over tonight.”

The butterflies explode, not painfully but joyously. Holden purses his lips, but he can’t help the excited grin that stretches across his mouth. 

“That sounds great.” He says, attempting not to betray his over-eagerness. 

“Yeah?” Bill asks, the relief in his voice matching the warmth in Holden’s chest. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I know last week in New Hampshire was hard on you. I figured you’d want to rest-”

“No.” Holden says, quickly. “Not at all. I want to come over.”

“Great. We don’t have to do anything crazy.” Bill says, “Order some take-out, watch a movie …”

“Yeah, that all sounds good. When do you want me to come over?”

“I’ve got some chores around the house to finish up. How does five o’clock sound?”

“Good. Perfect.”

“Okay. See you then.”

After they hang up, Holden stands in the middle of the kitchen with a bewildered smile lingering on his face. His fears about coming off as too needy sink below the surface, leaving behind the warm hum of anticipation in his belly. The realization that Bill wants this - them - just as much as he does rises up slowly right next to the bubbling excitement, but Holden doesn’t try to dwell on the particulars; he has to seize this moment while it lasts. 

~

Holden pulls his car into the driveway of Bill’s house at 4:45. He prefers to be early, but today’s punctuality exists more out of uncurbed enthusiasm rather than timely diligence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from getting himself ready early and leaving his apartment ahead of schedule. He’s sure Bill won’t mind. 

Getting out of the car, he jogs up the front steps, and raps his knuckles on the front door. He doesn’t have to wait long before he hears Bill’s footfalls approach and the latch click open. 

Holden glances up from his shoes to see Bill holding the door open. He has a kitchen towel over his shoulder, and his cheeks are faintly flushed. Immediately, the mouth-watering scents of cooking dinner wafts from behind his shoulders. 

“Hi.” Bill says, his mouth fending off a smug smile. 

“Hi…” Holden says, slowly, a frown tugging at his brow. 

“Come on in.” 

Bill stands aside as Holden creeps across the threshold, pinning him with a curious gaze. 

“What smells so good?” Holden asks as Bill pulls the door shut behind him. 

Bill’s hand clasps his hip as he leans in to plant a warm kiss on Holden’s cheek. “Dinner.”

“Dinner?” Holden echoes, his brows rising. “You said we were going casual.”

“I know. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m practically in pajamas.” Holden protests, haplessly. “I would have dressed up if you told me you were making me dinner and-”

“Hey,” Bill interrupts, his eyes twinkling. “Hush, will you? I’m not worried about what you’re wearing.”

Holden purses his lips, and gently leans into Bill’s chest. Peeking up past his eyelashes and the flush climbing his cheeks, he murmurs, “Right. Sorry. I should be thanking you.”

“You can thank me later.” Bill whispers, planting a fleeting kiss on Holden’s mouth before he turns to go back into the kitchen. 

Holden trails behind him, his disbelief growing as he enters the kitchen to see the table set with the nice china dishware and a glass vase at the center that holds a large bouquet of purple and white flowers. 

“Wow.” Holden says, pausing in the doorway to gather himself. “Bill, this is …”

“A surprise?” Bill asks as he leans down to open the oven. 

“Yes. Very much so.”

Bill pulls the pot out of the oven, and sets it down on the top of the stove. When the lid comes off, the aromatic scent of seasoned pork roast makes Holden’s mouth water. 

“Then I succeeded.” Bill says, casting him a smile. 

Holden shuffles closer to the table, trying to curb his excitement as he bends over to smell the flowers. 

“Are these for me?”

“Yep.” Bill says, sounding casual as he carves into the roast. 

“Well, well. I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’m not. But I figured you would appreciate it.”

“Why’s that? I don’t consider myself a romantic either.”

Bill casts him a dubious glance over his shoulder. 

“What? I’m not.” Holden protests. 

Bill smirks, and turns his attention back to plating the food. 

Holden sighs, and rubs one of the flower petals between his thumb and forefinger. “Well, I have to admit, they are nice. I hope you didn’t spend too much on them.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you it’s rude to ask how much a gift costs?”

“Yes. She also taught me not to kiss boys so …. We’re in new territory, aren’t we?”

Setting aside his fork and knife, Bill turns to catch Holden by the wrist and reel him in. Both arms wind around his waist, pulling him into a firm embrace. A shiver runs through him, leaving his knees weak and his hands clutching at the front of Bill’s shirt. The thrill of warmth ends in his belly when Bill’s eyes swallow him, then his mouth comes down to turn Holden’s world inside out and upside down. Dizzy, giddy satisfaction crushes through his veins at the first sweet dash of Bill’s mouth against his own, increasing to a dazed hum when the strokes deepen and Bill’s tongue slips against his palate. 

Holden clings to Bill’s chest until the kiss ends with a slick disconnect of lips and panting breath. He opens his eyes slowly, shuddering. 

Bill gazes down at him, a faint smirk resting on the damp corner of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking about doing that all day.” He murmurs. 

Holden flushes hotly, and chokes on a reply. 

Bill chuckles. “I guess your mom didn’t tell you how great kissing boys would be, huh?”

“Not in the slightest.” Holden whispers, offering a strangled laugh. 

“Come on.” Bill says, nudging him toward the table. “Sit down. Dinner’s ready.”

Holden sinks to his chair, grateful for the support now that his legs have been turned to jelly. Part of him had meant to come here tonight feeling in control of emotions and sexually powerful. He’d meant to accept Bill’s invitation, but not act too eager. Ten minutes into the evening and he’s ready to faint like a virgin, longing for another kiss, longing for more - Bill’s hands all over his body, making him forget everything his mother ever taught him. 

After Bill sets the dinner plates in front of them and pours them each a glass of wine, he sits down across from Holden with a pleased sigh. 

“Go ahead.” He urges as Holden toys with his fork. 

“This looks really good.” Holden says, leaning forward to apply his fork and knife to the pork. 

Bill watches eagerly as he takes a bite and the tender, juicy flavor fills his mouth. 

“Mm, wow. It tastes really good, too.” Holden says around the bite. 

“Good.” Bill says, taking up his own fork. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

They both fall quiet for a few moments as they eat, the quiet clink of silverware on china filtering above the rush in Holden’s ears. He peeks past the bouquet of flowers, feeling his chest swelling and opening the same as the soft petals. It’s difficult to hold onto his stubborn sense of self-sustainability when Bill is treating him this way, making him dinner, giving him flowers, kissing him intimately in a way he knows he’ll never be kissed by anyone else again; but a part of him still clings to his jaded cynicism, the scar tissue on his heart that warns him nothing good lasts forever. 

“Bill …” Holden whispers. 

“Yeah?” Bill mutters, glancing up from his plate with a warm, expectant gaze. 

“Thank you. This is amazing. It feels too good to be true, actually.”

Bill’s mouth tilts with a soft smile. “I know. But it is.”

“In ten years …” Holden says, drawing in a shaky breath. “Are you going to cook me dinner like this?”

Bill’s eyes soften, and his chest rises with a staggered breath. Setting his fork and knife down, he rubs a hand over his mouth. 

“You, um … You think we’re going to be together like this in ten years?” 

“Well, I … I think so.” Holden says, hurriedly. “I mean, I hope so.”

“Yeah.” Bill says, his voice quietly choked. “Me, too.”

Holden lowers his head, pressing his eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears. Bill’s hand creeps across the table to clutch over his knuckles, grounding him into this moment that feels too perfectly constructed for his reality. 

“You okay?” Bill asks, gently. 

Holden nods, swiping briskly at his eyes. “Yes, fine. Good, actually.”

“Okay, good. That’s a relief. I didn’t think I was that rusty in the kitchen.”

Holden chokes on a laugh, and shakes his head. “No, it’s not the food. The food is amazing. You’re amazing, I just-”

He stops as their eyes meet across the table, and he realizes he’s shown too much - more than he ever has with anyone else. In just a few minutes, his walls have crumbled to the ground. 

He clears his throat of the forming knot, and manages a calm expression. 

“It’s just that good things normally don’t last long for me.” He says, “Everything has always felt temporary.”

Bill’s knits with concern and determination. He gives Holden’s hand another squeeze. 

“Well,” He says, “It isn’t this time.”

~

After the dishes are cleared away and the bottle of wine is diminished to a few lingering sips, Bill and Holden relax on the couch with the television playing at low volume and a Sinatra record spinning on the turntable. 

Holden isn’t paying much attention to the sports cast debating the upcoming football draft as he cuddles underneath Bill’s arm, his cheek pressed to Bill’s chest. Bill’s fingertips wander up and down the back of his arm, rousing warm tingles down his spine while the other hand guides a cigarette to and from his lips. 

Tilting his head back, Holden studies Bill’s face in the low light, the familiar edges of his jawline, his bladed cheekbones, his eyes as moody as incoming rain. He knows these planes and slopes well, has memorized each facet through sleepless, lovelorn midnights. He thought he knew everything there was to know about Bill, but tonight surprised him - and his morning concerns that Bill might find him too needy or even annoying suddenly seem ridiculous. 

The record hums static for a moment before the next song starts, the sweet, languid opening notes of “The Way You Look Tonight.”

Hesitation cast aside, Holden sits bolt upright from Bill’s chest, and clutches his arm. 

“I love this song.”

Bill’s attention breaks from the television to pin Holden with a bemused smile. “Yeah. It’s a good one.”

“It’s one of my mom’s favorite songs.” Holden says, climbing to his feet. “We used to slow dance to it in the kitchen.”

“There you go with your mom again.”

“She has good music taste. Obviously.” Holden says, tugging on Bill’s hand. “Come on.”

“Come where?” 

“Come on. Dance with me.” Holden says, offering his most imploringly coy gaze. 

“Oh, no.” Bill says, shaking his head. “I think I’ve fulfilled enough romantic duties for tonight.”

“Duties? You seemed pretty pleased with yourself.”

“Yeah, well. You said you weren’t a romantic either.” 

“Maybe I lied a little.” Holden says, giving Bill’s hand another firm tug. “Please?”

Bill gives a labored sigh, but quickly sets aside his cigarette and climbs to his feet. 

“Here.” Holden says, guiding Bill’s left hand to his hip and catching the right hand in his own grasp. “I’ll lead.”

“Holden, I know how to dance.” Bill says, flipping their hands over so that his is on top.

“Do you?” 

“Yeah, it’s just been awhile.” 

Holden purses his mouth shut as Bill’s palm flattens against his lower back, drawing him so close that their mouths nearly collide. A chuckle rises up in his belly, the last of his misgivings melting away beneath the duress of Bill’s embrace and half a bottle of a wine simmering in his veins. It feels too good to resist now that he’s wrapped up in Bill’s arms, their bodies swaying against one another while Sinatra croons a saccharine, lovesick melody. 

They’re quiet through the first verse as they rock back and forth, turning in a slow circle in the middle of the living room carpet. Holden wraps his arm tighter around Bill’s shoulders, and lowers his head to the warm cradle of Bill’s neck. 

“I have a confession.” He whispers as the song swells into the chorus. 

“Hmm?”  

“I thought about calling you this morning before you called me.” Holden whispers, lifting his head from Bill’s neck to cast him a sheepish smile. “But I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“Clingy?” Bill echoes. “Why would you seem clingy?”

“Well, we see each other every day at work, and we were just together all weekend the other week. I just thought-”

“That I didn’t miss you?” 

Holden pauses, his throat knotting again. “Well, um … yes.”

“I missed you a lot when you were in New Hampshire.” Bill says, leaning in to kiss Holden’s lower lip softly. “I do every time we have to go out of town for work.”

Holden leans into the kiss, but Bill’s mouth only strokes softly for a few moments before he pulls back, his forehead nudging against Holden’s. 

“Can I be completely honest with you right now?”

“Yes, of course.” 

“Good.” Bill says, his hand squeezing against Holden’s lower back. “Because I don’t want to waste anymore time. I’ve wasted years, you know. Years I can’t get back.”

Holden frowns, feeling his chest begin to quiver. “Years?”

“Yes. Years without this - without you.” Bill says, glancing away with a coarse scoff as the words choke in his throat. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Holden murmurs, leaning closer. 

They’ve stopped dancing, but their hands are still clasped in mid-air. Holden doesn’t feel like letting go of Bill’s hand. 

“I don’t know.” Bill says, “I guess I thought this would be easier if I persuaded you with dinner and flowers and wine.”

“Persuaded me?” Holden echoes. 

“Yeah.” Bill says, shifting a misty gaze back to Holden. He draws in a slow breath. “But you’re going to make me say out loud, aren’t you?”

Holden swallows hard. There’s a buzzing in his ears that doesn’t quite feel like panic. His belly is surging, flipping. They’re rushing towards a precipice that they can’t turn back from. He’s carving out pieces of himself and handing them over.  Willingly. They both are. 

“Look,” Bill says, lowering his head again, “I know it’s hard for both of us to say how we feel, but I can’t keep pretending that this is some kind of phase or fling or- … It means more than that to me, and you were talking about ten years from now so I know you do too.”

Holden adjusts his grasp on Bill’s hand. Both of them are sweaty with nerves, but he doesn’t want to let go. 

Bill lifts his head. His eyes are clear, resolute. There’s a pause, not the quiet before a destructive storm but the anticipation before a deliverance of rain. 

“I love you.” Bill says, quietly. 

Holden draws in a hitched breath, and tears instantly sting his eyes. Overwhelmed, he buries his face in Bill’s neck, and wraps both arms around his shoulders. Sinatra’s serenade swells below the surge of his heartbeat, the broken, lonely pieces of himself coming back together again. 

Bill holds him close until he can breathe again, until he can look up and look into Bill’s eyes without crumbling entirely. 

“I love you, too.” Holden chokes out, a tear streaking down his cheek in the same moment that he begins to laugh for joy. 

“You do?” Bill asks, a hopeful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“Yes.” Holden nods, pressing a series of affirming kisses to Bill’s mouth, mumbling the response again and again into the narrow space between their mouths. 

Bill’s hand strokes away the last of his tears before it takes up Holden’s hand into the dancing position again. As they begin to sway once more, Holden nestles his cheek against Bill’s shoulder. His mind goes quiet, not for the first time, but for the first time in a very long time, in so long that he’d almost forgotten what this kind of contentment feels like. Relief rushes through him, a nebulous epiphany of bliss. In this moment, he can see every second of the future, the two of them together just like this.  Nothing lasts forever, but some things are infinite.