#tbh i also did gender and queer studies at university

[not-poignant]

if you dont mind answering, you seem queer and well educated and I have a lgbt question. Why is being a "gold-star" gay or lesbian offensive? I'm a lesbian and only've been with girls but someone said that calling yourself a gold star lesbian is biphobic. I dont understand why. I wouldn't think worse of anyone for having been with multiple genders, bisexual or not. For me its just a two truths and a lie kind of fun fact about me. do you have any insights you'd be willing to share?

Hiya!

I am, unfortunately, familiar with this term. And tbh, I’ve only ever heard it used pretty much exclusively in ways that were actually intended to be passive aggressively (or aggressively) biphobic and transphobic. I’ve mostly heard it used by TERFs, tbh. And it didn’t occur to me anyone would use the term for literally any other reason. So I’m going to talk about the myriad ways they can be taken to be biphobic (and transphobic). I’ve literally never seen it used by men, so I’m not going to address that side of things. I have, however, literally been on the receiving end of vicious biphobia by lesbians who used terms like this.

For those who don’t know, the term usually has one of two meanings: A woman who has only ever slept with women, OR in TERF circles, a woman who has only ever slept with women and never transwomen. There’s your instant transphobia, by the way.

The first thing to point out is why make it a merit or award that draws an arbitrary line in the sand about which lesbians are worth gold stars and which ones aren’t? Why not just say ‘I’ve never slept with men’ or ‘I’ve never had experience with men and I’m not looking to’ or ‘I’ve only ever been with women’ etc.

The term itself is insidious precisely because it awards merit and therefore suggests everyone else who doesn’t meet that criteria does not deserve that merit or the metaphorical gold star. 

It is inherently, a judgemental term.

But specifics:

1. Women who’ve had sex with men and are lesbians, are still lesbians. Therefore, to imply that women who have never slept with men are somehow better or more deserving of a gold star is offensive and shitty to literally every other lesbian out there.

2. It implies a narrative where women who sleep with women are more pure, more deserving of reward or more deserving of gold stars than women who sleep with women and men. Aside from the fact that this implies really fucked up value judgements towards only ever sleeping with one gender (if you’re proud of it, fine, but don’t talk about it in a way that insinuates judgement upon others, like ‘I’ve only ever slept with women and I’m glad’ is different to ‘I’m a gold star lesbian’ which implies you’re somehow at the top of the tier and better than the others; you’re not), it also implies that any wlw who isn’t a gold star lesbian is less desirable specifically because of their sexual experiences. That’s gross.

3. Since TERF lesbians use this term to also mean ‘have literally never touched or been near any kind of penis’ it automatically excludes many trans women as well. This is transphobia. There are plenty of lesbians who have penises, and plenty of lesbians who love those women who have them. They’re still lesbians.

4. Finally, as an aside, it also makes it harder for rape victims in lesbian communities to speak up about sexual assault. The idea of the ‘gold star lesbian’ is so rooted into shitty conceptions about purity and status that a lesbian may not be willing to give up her status and reveal that she’s been assaulted by a man. You might say this is outlandish, but I have known it to happen, especially in the dark ages when the term was sadly more common. Because you know what, some people will literally say that you’ve lost your ‘status’ via sexual assault. And that’s because the term itself is inherently judgemental, and designed to create an exclusive club from which you can look down upon others and know they don’t have the same ‘gold star’ you do.

It’s far more mundane, and far healthier, to literally just say: I haven’t slept with men.’ That’s it. Done. You still get to keep your two truths/lie fun fact, and you can turf the weird judgemental gross phobic ‘gold star’ part into the bin where it belongs. Even if you never ever mean to hurt anyone else with it, you’re using a term used for more than one kind of phobia knowingly by many lesbians for a very long time.

Incidentally there are more reasons why this term is considered offensive in many parts of the queer community. I’ve just included the ones I’ve encountered, or have seen, but there are tons of articles about it.

[theoriginalmysteryincorporated]

i’m in quarantine so figured i’d finally do this

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

tagged by: @tovanori

tagging: @aveteucra and @weisshowdareschnee

name/nickname: aj

gender: ???. queer, agender, gender non-conforming. idk

star sign: gemini

height: 5′5′’ or 6′’

time: 9:12pm

birthday: 6/16

favorite bands: my chem, new politics, tbh i can’t think of any others, i just don’t care that much abt music, i’m more of a ben wyatt, i like movie/tv soundtracks lmao

favorite solo artists: i honestly don’t know any

song stuck in my head: star wars music cuz we’ve been binging star wars series for like a month

last movie: watching rogue 1 rn

last show: star wars: rebels

when did you create this blog: i think spring 2014??

what do I post: whatever i’m interested in. mostly reblogs of fan art. sometimes i post fanfic from fandoms i’m in

last thing googled: adhd and unilateral hearing loss, i think

do I get asks: occasionally

why I chose my url: canon scooby doo url B))))))))))

following: 93

followers: 1188

average hours of sleep: between 6 and 10

lucky number: 3 or 7 (or any numbers whose digits add up to those)

instruments: i play most instruments by ear, but i’ve tried teaching myself a few things forreal on all of them. piano, violin, guitar, harmonica, ukulele, and mandolin (i just had to google that one bc all i could think was mandalorian omg)

what am I wearing: blue plaid pajama bottoms, a pink/blue/grey tshirt, a red/grey/blue sweatshirt, socks with spiders on them, and yellow shoes. my life is a mess lmao

dream job: archaeologist or anthropologist. if i had money, i think i’d go back to college to get a degree in history or archaeology, possibly combined with a religious study degree

dream trip: all the trips. i’d love to go back to malaysia again, would love to live in new zealand, i’d also love to go to egypt one day

last book I read: harrow the ninth

favorite food: nachos for favorite snack, gravy and mashed potatoes with turkey or chicken as a meal

nationality: american

favorite songs:

-majority of 80s pop -all the abba songs from mama mia -i tend to study and write reports to the crown soundtrack or the westworld soundtrack

top three fictional universes: she-ra, gideon the ninth, and rn, star wars

[wildwildbee]

Get to know me meme

Rules: answer these 30 Qs and then tag 10 blogs you want to get to know.

Tagged by @serenitylost omg thank you so much!! ;-;

Nicknames: Bee

Gender/pronouns: She/her

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5′6″

Time: 5:40AEDT (Melbourne time y’all!)

Birthday: 24th of Feb 

Favorite bands: tbh i love a lot of different bands but my all time fave: The Neighbourhood

Favorite solo artist:  LANA DEL REY HANDS DOWN!! love her to bits, went to her concert in March too!!

Song stuck in your head: Letter by Mother Mother (go listen to it while thinking of Asra for angst)

Last movie you watched: AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR!!!

Last show: tbh i don’t know if it counts but i just finished binging on B*zzfeed Unsolved #boogara

Why did you create your blog: i made this after shifting from one blog to another over my first two years on tumblr before settling on this one i think four years ago??? could be less.

Other blogs: i have soooooo many saved urls but no other blogs as i’m too lazy but i’m thinking of creating a writing sideblog so i don’t take up people’s dash with my junk

AO3: omg i’ve barely posted anything but here ya go : queen_of_shipping (but if you like the arcana watch out because i’m posting a ton of asra/mc fics soon)

Do you get asks: rarely

How did you get the idea for your URL: it was inspired by Carrie Fisher and my love for her; i think i changed my url to my current at the beginning of 2016?

I follow: 336

Followers: 324 (love you guys so much even tho 50% of you are spambots <3 )

Average hours of sleep: i trrryyyyyy to get in a solid 8 but i’m not studying or working atm so it’s easy for me to get a routine going still tired tho

Lucky number: none

Instruments: i used to play the piano and guitar but was lacked any talent

What are you wearing: my new grey wool jacket!!! super comfy 

Dream job: stay at home author!! i’d love to just make a living from my writings but i’m happy with my job choice of going into nursing. i’d also love to be a stay at home mum <3

Dream trip: imagine this. me. in a fancy hotel. st. petersburg. it’s snowing heavily outside. i’m completely on my own and i’m wrapped up in warm clothes and i’ve got a big day of exploring on my own ahead. i’ve got a hot cup of tea too.

Significant other: non-existent but got potential on the horizon

Last book I read: Dark Roots by Cate Kennedy!! A lovely aussie author who’s super sweet and her short stories are gorgeous slices of life of varying people, including characters who are queer, autistic and more!! GO READ IT IF YOU CAN <3

Top 3 fictional universes: (super hard to decide tbh but here goes) #1 Star Wars (the fandom thats stayed close to my heart since childhood i just love it with my whole being) #2 Harry Potter (one of the only series i can re read without every being bored of it but tbh jk needs to stop please) and lastly as it’s a current fav #3 The Arcana (i just can’t even explain it!!! if you aren’t part of the fandom yet go play it!! free on the appstore #notsponsoredbutiwishiwassoicouldafforddonuts)

tagging 10 people is  too many and i’m hella lazy so here’s some people i really appreciate seeing in notes section @demigodmerman (you goddamn loser <3) @fuckboyscangoaway, @hangerofclothing and anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! hope you guys don’t mind the tag!! have a good day everyone!!

[pudgy-puk]

by the by, this isn’t specific to the ffxiv fandom at all but still--

there is no reason for a “mediaeval/renaissance-based fantasy” universe to not have trans or non-binary people. yes, because it’s fantasy, but also because real-life renaissance philosophers and surgeons (including gaspard bauhin, michel de montaigne, and fukn ambroise pare) encountered and described cases of women becoming men, most famously the case of (marie-)germain garnier. they were born a woman (christened marie) and lived as a woman until puberty, where an accident while chasing after pigs caused “the genitalia and the male rod [to be developed] in him.”* they went home to their mother, who called upon doctors, and the doctors assured her that her child was fine, just now a boy. the local bishop was consulted, and he called an assembly of clergymen to deliberate, and their conclusion was that a transformation had indeed taken place, and the appropriate course of action was to give him a man’s name (germain) and men’s clothes so he could now live as a man. and he did, working in a royal court and described, when met by pare, as a strong young man with a bushy red beard.

now, it is very important to note that the real-world renaissance-medicine model of gender fluidity is absolutely NOT a 1:1 analog to our modern constructions of gender, particularly along the lines of these transformations being usually involuntary, bestowed by nature, and also that they discounted incidences of men becoming women because “nature tends always toward what is most perfect and not, on the contrary, to perform in such a way that what is perfect should become imperfect,”** i.e. their sexist understanding of men as inherently better than women. and ofc, in fictional worlds there’s no fucking reason one should be limited by real-world bullshit if one wants to choose otherwise; the real world also has no elfs or dragons or chocobos but they’re all over the dang place in video games and few folks complain about the inaccuracy there. but tbh this post mostly exists because i didn’t work so fucking hard in my studies to sit around and do nothing when people use BAD HISTORY as a cudgel to keep people from self-expression. go forth and get ur queer fingerprints all over fantasy, darlings.

* originally from pare’s “on monsters and marvels” ** originally from gaspard bauhin’s “theatrum anatomicum” both cited from thomas laqueur’s “making sex” because that’s what i actually had physically at hand.

[midgetmeredith]

hi~ i read your about page where you said you might write up your reasons for not liking some ft ships like the whole debate with fraxus/miraxus & chendy/rowen but i couldn't find anything on it on your blog so i wondered what were your thoughts on that? i know there's fandom arguments about homophobia and crackshipping there too. i’m a multishipper but i really like your anti posts for naruto so i thought if you had any ft ones then they might be as good! �

Thank you! I’m really glad youthat like my Naruto posts. They’re pretty controversial, so nice commentsare always appreciated! 😅 Dude, I haven’t updatedby ‘about’ page in months, so doing that write-up completely passedmy mind… Thanks for being interested though! I guess I’ll spill:

Right, this might be quitecontroversial, so remember that any opinions expressed are just personalpreferences/reasons, okay? ⚠️

Like I said on my page, “Ihave a ‘manga > anime’ complex thanks to Studio Pierrot, so I only readFT. I wanted to avoid filler brainwashing, bias and only know of canon withthis series, after the mess with Naruto…” Therefore, I only really ship thatwhich I believe is substantially depicted/suggested in canon, and kind of havea bit of a pet peeve for anything outside of that.[ #1 justificationdisclaimer! ]

( 1 ) Mir/axus [ &Fraxus ]

So I was genuinelysurprised that Mir/axus was even a thing when I started searching the fandom’s tag, onceI’d caught up. I don’t know if they’ve been implied in filler, but theywere non-existent as a romantic pair in the manga. Honestly, theyhardly had any on-panel interaction… Like, the only evidence that came tomind for “logical” reasoning behind them was chapter 380’s cover art.(Maybe 329’s, at a push.) I even tried to find somesupposed “moments” under their Wikia page, but that listed was merelyscarce interaction with no romantic subtext; each synopsis was pretty muchgrasping for straws.

Here’s the thing –you mentioned the fandom discourse of “homophobic” accusations,right? Now, I too hate when shippers (in any fandom) cry that simplybecause others don’t ship a queer pairing. Like, c’mon. But, inthis case (and Wendy’s), I must admit that I do find it somewhatrelevant… Idk if this ship’s popularity (and, more so, acceptance alongsidethe actual semi-canon pairs) is because most have been influenced byexternal material or if it’s just because there’s no other member of the opposite sex that they’re paired with, but Fraxus was actually suggested in canon; emphaticallyfrom Freed’s point of view! Even on Laxus’ side, numerous chapters have moments that – here’s the thing – anyone would undeniablyaccept if either Freed or Laxus were female*.

[ My earlier volumes are enclosed in my bookcase, but I have 49 – 57 (Avatar – Alvarez) on-hand beside my bed, so I skimmed through to find (max.) five pages to evidence Laxus’ P.O.V. ‘cause this post will already be long enough. ]

Chapter 416: “At this rate, I won’t be able to protect what’s important to me.”

It’s also worth noting that the official tankōbon/volume translation of this reads: “I’m not strong enough to protect the people I love yet.”

Chapter 460.

Chapter 462: “But that ain’t important now. All I’ve got on my mind… Is bringing the pain to the bastard who took out Freed and the others.”

Chapter 472: “So you’re the one who did a number on Freed and the others?”

Chapter 473: “Thanks a lot, Freed… There’s no wizard that could break your spells…”

*That’s the key consideration – that if you were to replace either’s gender for that of the opposite sex, it changes how these scenes are perceived. These panels, for example, are dismissed by those who oppose Fraxus, but they would be regarded as “ship moments” and a validation of Laxus’ affection if you were to replace Freed’s name in the dialogue and/or presence in the panels with a female (Mira)!

That’s why I can kind ofunderstand these claims, ’cause the existence and general fandomacceptance of these ships is very heteronormative in that respect (i.e.ignoring present queer pairings for heterosexual ‘crack-ships’) which makes it kind of discriminatory; reminiscent of homophobia perhaps. Although, I agree that term is a little extreme, as it doesn’t seem intentionally prejudiced. And whilst Freed is emphatically portrayed as queer, Laxus’ sexualityis a little more implicit, yet he is assumed straight by default… It’sironic/hypocritical because the majority of ships across all fandoms are typically founded upon onecharacter’s feelings, whilst neither Mira nor Laxus have shown said romanticinterest in each-other.

( 2 ) Ro/Wen [ &Chendy ]

Again, I hate Ro/Wen dueto a similar reasoning. Finding out that they even existed as a ship wasbaffling, tbh! I mean, at least Mir/axus had the cover as some rationale,but Ro/Wen is based solely on them being the same age… Talk aboutheteronormative? Also, technically, that’s an incorrect claim, due to the sevenyear time-skip in which she remained frozen. Like, she’s actually thesame age as Sting & Rogue. But you don’t find her forced with them. Why,because they’re older and that’s frowned upon? You know, despite the samepremise applying to Ro/Wen; since Romeo was half Wendy’s age when she wasintroduced (6 & 12).

The ship can’t even besupported with evidence, since they had no significant canoninteraction until the Alvarez Arc. Their only other contact was in an omake.Yet their age difference is evident in both; dismissing any reach atromantic subtext. In the omake, Romeo refers to Wendy as “nee[-chan]”.Similarly, she is presented comforting him like a child in their limited Alvarez panels, with him lookingup to her as that same sister figure. I have seen some of these shippers disregard Chendy asbeing “platonic”, when Romeo and Wendy’s dynamic isactually – canonically and strictly – such.

Chendy, however, do have asubstantial, visibly and literally present, mutual bond. They have extensive,plentiful interaction, as well as actually present romanticsubtext… I know that it may be difficult for (I guess) anyone outside of theLGBT+ community or a truly ‘open’ one to understand, due to ourheteronormative society – as Chendy are often disregarded as “justfriends” (🙄) – but many of theirmoments transcend platonic affection and bear intense likeness to theother romantic pairs’ depictions. For example, they are also featuredalongside the semi-canon couples in art-work, like Mashima’s couple sketches onTwitter.

Not to mention thatfriendship is the foundation of any healthy, romantic relationship! Of coursethey’re going to be best friends before engaging in such, particularly in thecase of same-sex pairs. Yet no-one uses this dialogue (of labellingeach-other as “friends”) against NaLu, despite them stating the otheras that same description on numerous occasions. But despite the justification mentioned above,Chendy are still dismissed. Again, if either were the male, it would be a completely different situation… I mean, since people shipcharacters based solely on covers and all – chapter 421’s cover (amongothers)?

Summary:

Obviously there’s nothingwrong with crack-shipping! And, no, not liking a queer pair [more than astraight one] doesn’t make you “homophobic”. But – in the case ofFraxus 🆚 Mir/axus& Chendy 🆚 Ro/Wen –I think that there is something kind of messed up with arrogantly defying acharacter’s canon depicted/suggested sexuality and/or romantic interest(s).There is something somewhat discriminatory about disregarding theirother prevalent, significant and actually developed bonds, to the extent that someone’sheteronormativity is so severe that they substitute a same-sex character foran irrelevant one of the opposite sex, who does not even have decentinteraction with the character in question; fabricated entirely from theridiculous, inaccurate [R/W] rationale of them being “the same age” or merelysharing a chapter cover.

That sounds much harsherthan I intended, I’m so sorry! Btw, I don’t blame shippers –everyone is (obviously) allowed to ship what they want! What’s stated above issimply why I’m against Mir/axus and Ro/Wen, especially as an avidsupporter of the LGBTQ+ community, a bisexual myself and a university scholar who has studied/written about this field.

[ I’ve updated by ‘about’ page now too, btw! ]

[kapitan5o]

Tbh scientificaly there are only two genders and only two sex. Sex = penis or vagina. and in the rare case that you're intersex, that doesn't mean you're a third sex or gender. It means you're internal reproductive organs differ from your external reproductive organs. By calling yourself gender fluid, non-binary, other kin, gender fuck, agender, greygender you're dimeaning actual trans ecperiences people face in regards to gender dysphoria and bullying. It's disrispectful and invalid. pt 1

(it’s a trilogy, guys, i am going to add the other two messages here:

the fact that 14 year olds on tumblr invented thenew genders rles than a decade ago shows how invalid this argument is. Gender isn’t a social construct. Expectations of gender is. To put it simble stuff like boys like blue girl like pink girls wear dresses and skirts boys wear pants and shits and shit like that. THATS  a fucking social construcing. I feel so sorry for all the tom boys are tom girl that you’re comfusing. They might think they’re not one of the made up genders just beacuse pt 2            they differ from their gender rolls. Also don’t you think it’s a bit of a coinscedince that these genders have NO bases. You guys don’t medialy transition you’re not diagnosed with gender dysphoria, all the made up genders are based on the existing 2 genders if not then they’re either based on not having a gender at all or being both (girl boy/ male female). I cba doing this because it’s so obviouse. just please face reality because its getting so annoy to listen to you about first world problem  pt 3

Okay so *cough* a word from the second world country over here *cough*

As far as I understand you have a problem with the idea that there are more than two options out there to “fit into”? And I get that, I do - growing up in a society that tells you constantly that you can only ever choose between two opposite options can take away from the flexibility of the mind to think for itself. That is why it is a good idea to educate yourself by reading about gender studies by sociologists and sexologists and not self-proclaimed scientists on the internet. So let’s get back to the idea that gender and how we as humans express it is a social construct and why it is in no way invalidating anyone’s self expression but on the contrary giving people the freedom to be whoever they want to be.

The gender role theory, considered by Alsop, Fitzsimons and Lennon (2002) is an early form of social constructionism. Social constructionism, briefly, is the concept that there are many things that people “know” or take to be “reality” that are at least partially, if not completely, socially situated. For example, Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker writes that “some categories really are social constructions: they exist only because people tacitly agree to act as if they exist.”

Gender, according to West and Zimmerman, is not a personal trait; it is "an emergent feature of social situations: both as an outcome of and a rationale for various social arrangements, and as a means of legitimating one of the most fundamental divisions of society.”

Doing gender according to west and Zimmerman “is to advance a new trap house understanding of gender as a routine accomplishment embedded in every day interaction”. Essentially, West and Zimmerman argued that gender is something that humans created. As humans, we have categorized and defined many aspects of life. If someone was not in favor of their gender role or did something that was not deemed “correct” for that gender this person would be committing an act of social deviance.

And I assure you Alsop, Fitzsimons and Lennon were not 14 when they were writing “Theorizing Gender” and neither were West and Zimmerman when they published “Doing Gender” in 1987but still I do not get your ageism towards the young. How are the opinions of 14 year old people any less valid than those of older people?

Anyway, let’s get back to our “gender rolls”.

From someone who took a gender studies course: “It’s less that they’re saying, "society completely invented gender” and more “gender exists only on a social level, therefore it is mutable.” In other words, instinct is biological, but instinct can be ignored/overwritten. To me, I’ve always seen postmodernism as being about how there ARE NO incontrovertible truths, even if we want to believe people fit into these neat little categories, they don’t, because THOSE CATEGORIES are constructs. The traits by which we categorize may be biological, but the categories themselves are not.”

In other words, gender is a performance; it’s what you do at particular times, rather than a universal who you are. Judith Butler argues that we all put on a gender performance, whether traditional or not, and so it is not a question of whether to do a gender performance, but what form that performance will take. By choosing to be different about it, we might work to change gender norms and the binary understanding of masculinity and femininity. This idea of identity as free-floating, as not connected to an ‘essence’, but instead a performance, is one of the key ideas in queer theory. Additionally, these categories are culturally constructed since they are fluid. What it means to be a “man” and “woman” have changed in the last 50 years alone. There is no denying gender roles changed and thus accept that these are things that societies construct. While sex is pre-determined, even though that can change, gender changes.

So yes, things change. Remember, for example, how homosexuality was considered a mental illness until 1973? And how homosexual people had to fight to prove they were just as “normal” as heterosexuals? Also how even before that some sexologists started studying sexuality properly and then we accepted the Kinsey scale and the idea that sexuality was in fact a spectrum? And then we ended up adding a couple of new letters to the LG making it LGBTQA+ plus all the non-binary categories? You know why? Because people are ever-changing creatures, we learn, we discover new things about ourselves and we want to be heard and accepted.

And hey, here we are again 44 years later and you’re telling me I should stop trying to explore my identity and just stick to what’s “normal” and okay. Because it annoys you.So in the end the only person who is demeaning other people’s experiences and identities by making them seem invalid is you.