#tbh even six years ago the videos coming out

[courtillyy]

trying to decide of six years ago is way too long ago or like way too close to now

[planetmimi]

decode - cl16

context: charles leclerc x black!fem!oc, some smau (cause i love those doooown)

faceclaim: @balialdn on insta

cw: none

summary: after a five-month social media break, artist Ahvi finally comes back to social media. her comeback is in the midst of dating rumors swirling around her and two of her...friends.

Italic = flashback

feedback is appreciated, this is my first one so please be nice

ahvi

liked by charles_leclerc, zendaya and 8.473.875 others

ahvi: my french is getting better, might use it in this project…maybe? (be calm yall)

f1lover: CHARLES WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! welcome back queen (im trying to be calm, i think i might actually explode from happiness)!!!

username74: oh look the whore is back

username54: awww we all hoped you would never come back

username12: no fr! when her contract ran out i thought that we were finally done with her

username276: YOU DIDNT SAY FOR A WHOLE YEAR MAAM

lewishamilton: new music, maybe?

ahvi: maybe… if you get me paddock passes

lewishamilton: ask your boyfriend...maybe

ahvi: blocked, reported and banned from listening to my music cause OMG?! i just got back too?! like please ntm on me

charles_leclerc: teaching you french has been quite the challenge, i would like some type of credit please

ahvi: if you podium i'll think about it

charles_leclerc: and if i get P1 i want a song written for me and to be in the music video

ahvi: *gasps in étonnement* thats asking for a lot, P1 twice this season and you've got yourself a deal

username67: you should have never come back nobody wants to hear your shitty music

stanningahvi: the fact that it’s been damn near two years without any new music… and a year since we've last seen you👁️👄👁️

lew_max.444: no cause if this is a trick…imma do something heinous

ahvi: is this a threat ? cause it’s kinda feeling like a threat

ahvi4f1: i mean…we can make it one if you want us to 🤷🏾‍♀️

zendaya: as your bestfriend i have to let you know, if you don’t drop this, i will do so for you (i will leak it)❤️

ahvi: sounds like less work for me tbh 🤷🏽‍♀️

zendaya: alright yall secret project dropping next month at 4 pm PST

ahvi: ouuu d*sney dupe 🤭

tomholland2013: please, don’t check your messages mate

zendaya: don’t listen to him. go check your messages babe. go ahead.

ahvi: #CANCELZENDAYA

liked by: zendaya, tomholland2013 and 45.856 others

ahvi

liked by: lewishamilton, sza and 5.946.087 others

ahvi: why didn't y'all tell me Australia is so hot ?? oh wait.. thats just me sorry y'all

landonorris : FIRST !

ahvi: 15th actually

landonorris : ......... you think you're so funny huh

ahvisdrafts: i mean she is actually a full time stand up comedian, part time singer-songwriter.

ahvi: you get it

username2: so, you and whats his face broke up and now you're going between F1 drivers?

f1grids: wow, never expected an A lister to become a grid groupie

girly2pop: are you ready to write a song for that man?

ahvi: stooop. shhhhhh. if no one mentions it EVER AGAIN i won’t have to do it

normani: tea is she's actually written like six of em already

georgerussell63: why is it always me?!

username29: girl we've heard the rumors about you getting around miss paddock princess

username : never would i have expected ahvi to become as close as she is with the f1 grid…like i didn't even know she knew what f1 was

username9: shes sleeping her way through it lol

username: girl you need to back up off charles

username6: no for real...going to australia three weeks before race week? way to scream desperate

Over the last year Ahvi has become somewhat of a hermit, between rumors swirling of a potential relationship between her and Charles, and her break up with her ex-friend becoming known to the public. All of this buzz around her name has generated a lot of hate, whether it be from her ex-friend's fans, Charles fans or her own haters. For the last year Ahvi has just been the internet's punching bag, despite not being active on the internet.

In the year she took away from social media a lot happened, a lot changed. Before she started her break, she was just off a stadium world tour, about to drop her first proper album. She felt on top of the world, until one day, with only three months left in her tour. Just before her second day at Wembly Stadium, when she fainted during soundcheck and was sent to the hospital.

- a year ago -

Her heartbeats so loud she almost can't hear what the nurse in front of her is saying. The nurse smiles lightly "I know this is probably very shocking, so I will give you some time, but your options are a bit limited with how far along you are." Ahvi nods, trying to process the words that were said to her, "I just- I'm sorry, I know I've made you say it to me a hundred times over but just...one more time and can I see the results."

"Don't worry, this is a common response in this situation," the nurse says as she hands over the blood test results. Ahvi looks at the blood test results, there it is, in black and white, "your HCG levels are higher than normal," the nurse points to her HCG results. Aleyah's eyes follow the nurse's finger, "Your results put you at being 17 weeks pregnant." There's that word again, pregnant, the one part of this she can't wrap her head around. As the nurse was talking to her an ultrasound tech brought in an ultrasound machine.

Ahvi tries her best to truly listen and absorb what the nurses are telling her as she lifts her shirt up to start the ultrasound. When the ultrasound tech brings the wand to where the gel was put a fast heartbeat fills the room and tears swell in the young singers eyes.

The 22-year-old looks at the ultrasound screen, a small incredulous whisper tumbles from her lips, "what the fuck."

[neoaya]

Hot take!!! (Nuclear tbh)

People are way too shitty to the LW devs, especially Yumeno Rote.

This guy is responsible for every single piece of non-story card character art in the game, that includes units, costumes, alts, expressions, Music Video CGs, etc. Seeing as a new unit is released per week, along with 2/4 event costumes and 2/3 rebirth costumes at the end of the month, this guy is at MINIMUM drawing 8 fully detailed illustrations and backgrounds per month, for three and a half years straight.

The only other gacha to my knowledge that has one artist doing all the character art like this is Limbus Company, which even then has a significantly longer period between new art being added to the game. (I'm aware there are likely a lot more, but most to my knowledge have multiple artists)

So when I see a post criticising Lost Word, what do you think is being criticised 90% of the time?

Is it:

The fact it's a gacha game

Genuine criticism of the game itself and its mechanics or story

Hell, even criticism of the questionable work practice of having one guy do all the game's art

If you guessed 4, "near insignificant nitpick of Rote's art, AUs shown, or a VA (in a game where you can pick from 3 for every character) because it doesn't fit within their headcanon in a game about multiple different universes" you'd be correct!

Don't get me wrong, I have seen the first two plenty of times, but they're always either fair critiques or people who just don't want anything to do with gacha games and don't care which is understandable.

But for 4? The sheer amount of hatred and seething vitriol people express for details most people wouldn't think twice about is insane to me. It never seems to come from a sincere place of disappointment but rather fear to fit in, like "Oh this relates to me, I better lay in to it as much as possible since everyone else shits on it, wouldn't want to give people the impression I'm weird for liking it after all". It just seems depressing to me that people feel the need to act miserable out of peer pressure and not wanting to stray from the popular opinion.

As someone's who played the game since launch at this point I feel more than qualified to tell you it's FAR from perfect, hell I wouldn't even call it all that good. Gameplay fluctuates from playing the game for you to forcing you to have a full understanding of the meta, grinding is a chore, drop rates are far too low, the nature of the game forcing normally evil aligned characters to act more reasonably, and I unironically think the lack of representation and downright bad writing for Aya until now is singlehandedly responsible for making her drop by one place 3 years in a row in the THVote popularity poll.

So why do I still play it after all this time? Because I genuinely just want to see what they do next. I like seeing what new takes on characters they come up with, I like seeing where the story goes, what the next event will be and I love Rote's art and all the other art contributed by the JP community, I even think the Hifuu and RoM section of the story is genuinely good. It's nice to have a constant and reliable stream of Touhou media to read through in-between the wait for actual new games.

Somehow I don't feel that guy in the middle would want to come on livestreams 3 and a half years after launch if he didn't find it fun, same goes for all the artists and doujin circles that have contributed their art and music, especially those with more than one card or song.

If you want anyone to blame, blame GoodSmile for publishing this game and making this the complete extent they're willing to promote it and Touhou as a whole. (Last new character from them was a Reisen nendo from six years ago btw!)

In conclusion, I think LW has objectively done more good for the series than harm. You can not understate the fact that this game is responsible for introducing Touhou to so many new people and giving the spotlight to characters that are otherwise overlooked. Inaccurate character portrayals are rarely an issue when the series embraces differentiating itself from the source material, that's the nature of doujin culture. That and it seems silly to try and gatekeep people who got into the series through Lost Word, telling them they're experincing it wrong only serves to turn them away and I don't blame newcomers when official touhou media is still hard to come across in the west and the three most popular games in the series still don't have a digital release.

As a tangent, I used to have a problem with how Aya was depicted in a lot of fan media, even from people here, but a friend taught me I shouldn't let those alternate interpretations ruin my enjoyment of her and that I shouldn't fault them for seeing her that way. I feel others should be able to learn from that.

(I definitely forgot some stuff but this is ranty enough as is, I just wanted to get it out of my system)

[ditzydreamsss]

HEADCANONS LATER (+incorrect quote), after the rant :D

watching korean minecraft youtubers from six years ago for the nostalgia and I didn't realize how big the pit was. Like how many videos actually are there?? How many actually good minecraft roleplay series?? I'm nodding along to most of it tbh but STILL!!!

잠뜰tv (or Sleepground) is who I'm watching mainly and HHJHHHHHHH SHE HASN'T CHANGED!! It's been 5-6 years and she hasn't fallen for the algorithm!!! SHES STILL MAKING FIRE VIDEOS HHHHHHH!!!!!?????? I've already seen one of the older creatures doing skibidi toilet and was so disappointed, so I decided to visit 초능력 연구소 (superpower laboratory) and i checked her channel today after binging 스틸 하트 (Steel Heart) and I WAS SO HAPPY!!! Her latest video is like a labyrinth thing I haven't watched yet but that reminds me of this other series about a labyrinth so I'll get to that later but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! /POS

No one knows what I'm talking about and it kinda sucks because the series and cc's are all korean and only korean and i doubt anyone in 2023's still watching these and can also speak english and is not a child BUT!! BUT! HHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS. no, i will not shut up about 각별/수현 (Gakbyeol/Suhyen (romantic)) shipping in Ddotty's lab rp and every other universe/rps ever. (The characters! Not the ccs!!!)

Oh wow those are a lot of words.

Okay hear me out about Gakbyeol and Suhyen. Okay listen maybe they hate each other but what if they didn't. What if then. What if they made out in Ddotty's lab rps after recording (the characters, again, not ccs). My headcanon is that Ddotty records all the crazy events that happen and store them away for the gang to watch later when they're bored.

Anyways. What if this happened, huh? What if?

Suhyen, alone with Gakbyeol: My byeol <3 [byeol means star] Gakbyeol: My bunny~ <3 Jamdeul, who just walked into them cuddling: oH PDA- Suhyen: I- Gakbyeol: I'll kill you. Chou, who also walked into this: Aww. But also. Pda. Sunyen: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT- Jamdeul: *pretending to throw up* Gakbyeol: You all voluntarily walked into our lab. Coa: *walks in and walks out again* Suhyen: oh my gOD GAKBYEOL PLEASE DON'T KILL THEM (Coa) Chou: *making stupid comments about them making out for ten hours* Gakbyeol: I'm this close to snapping, bunnyboy.

---

수현, 각별과 단둘이 : 나의 별 <3 [별은 별을 뜻함] 각별: 내 토끼~ <3 막 껴안고 걸어들어온 잠들: oh PDA- 수현: 나- 각별: 죽여버릴 거야. 역시 여기에 들어간 초우: 아아. 하지만 또한. Pda. 선연: 닥쳐 닥쳐 닥쳐-!!! 잠들: *토하는 척* 각별: 여러분 모두 자발적으로 우리 연구실에 들어오셨습니다. 코아: *들어갔다가 또 나옴* 수현: 맙소사- 각별 제발 죽이지 마세요-! (코아) 초우: *그 사람들이 10시간 동안 사귄다고 멍청한 말*각별: 나 찰칵거리기 직전이야, 버니보이.

(same thing, just translated. I used google translate and tweaked really small things so it isn't great, but I think it's funnier said in their native language)

----------

GUYS WHAT IF.

The ship formed in my brain at the wonderful hour of 3 am and now they've made residency in my brain. For all my scu and gribzly lovers, I'm sorry. I've fallen into the pit and it's too late.

Guys but they.

Also what's with Jamdeul (잠뜰) and Ddotty?? I headcanon them as best friends just to be safe.

-----------

Headcanons (PRONOUNS)

-- Suhyen: he/him, xe/xem, bun/buns -- Gakbyeol: he/him, sol/sols (solar) -- Jamdeul: she/her -- Coa: they/them, he/him (in order of preference) -- Chou: she/her, dove/doves OR they/them, dove/doves (((changes))) -- Dotty: he/him

Headcanons (labels)

-- Sleep: straight (supports pride like insane. like. even more than some of the actual lgbtq+ in the group) -- Coa: pan [definitely not closeted, will fight.] -- Dotty: "straight" (questioning. he's bi), transmasc -- Chou: "mhm. women." [not in the closet. casual] -- Suhyen: omni (prefers men) [closeted about everything. his friends know pronouns. everyone else assumes he's straight] -- Gakbyeol: gay, demi. [doesn't talk about it much but if it comes up then he'll argue/fight.]

Other headcanons (reminder this is, again, about their persona/characters! NOT THE CREATORS THEMSELVES)

-- Suhyen and Gakbyeol's petnames for each other are "Bunny" and "Byeol" (which means star in korean)

-- Gakbyeol called Suhyen "Bunnyboy" once, and now it's his nickname forever.

-- Coa is chaotic neutral/evil.

-- Suhyen is usually really chill unless someone mentions food. Ironically, his favorite food is pork (he's a rabbit hybrid). After someone mentions food, we've lost xem. Bun ain't coming back.

-- Suhyen gives major bottom energy. I'm not sorry.

-- Jamdeul does whatever she wants. Dotty can't stop her. No one can.

-- Besides maybe Chou. Actually, second thought. Chou would definitely support Jamdeul when she's feeling chaotic.

-- Jamdeul has two moods. Tired and done with it, or chaotic and literally the devil. Even Coa is afraid of her in those moods.

-- Gakbyeol is really closed off and almost never admits sols affection for the gang™.

-- It had been an ongoing bit that Suhyen and Gakbyeol hates each other, so everyone was surprised when they found out the pair made out everyday every year every second.

-- Dotty is so gullible bruh. The poor guy. (psst. 32.)

-- If the characters were in a DND game, Dinosuar (공룡) would be the DM.

-- I forgot about Dinosaur completely, tbh. I'm not going to spell out Gonglyong every time I talk about him so Dinosuar or Dino it is.

-- In a survival island situation, Suhyen would take all the food and take the responsibility of rations and treat every bit of food like his children.

-- Also in a survival situation, Coa or Jamdeul would suggest they just swim in the ocean to (South) Korea. All the way. No food. Just swim. Gakbyeol would quietly build a tent and only let Suhyen in "out of pity".

-- Also also in the survival island situation, Gakbyeol would definitely find a random mirror lying around and admire himself. Or die because he can't take a proper shower and looks "ugly".

-- Not really a headcanon but if Suhyen started reading audiobooks I would get them (the cc).

-- Back to headcanons. Suhyen would read stuff/talk about stuff and post them on Spotify (He would start a podcast probably because of a dare or peer pressure). Gakbyeol would casually listen to them.

-- Gakbyeol is traumatized by pianos. He doesn't want to talk about it. (Reference to one of his videos)

-- Everyone in the group (maybe minus Coa, sorry.) can sing really well but only Dotty sings regularly and proudly in front of everyone else. Jamdeul sings when she's alone and would kill if anyone walked into it. Chou would casually hum.

-- Gakbyeol is really standoffish and everyone who doesn't know him well dislikes him. But he's pretty reliable and he expresses his affection through criticism and arguing. If he actually hated you, he wouldn't interact with you. Not even a glance. As if you're a ghost.

-- Duckgae (덕개) and Rather (라더)(Pronounced Lah-ther, fyi) followed Jamdeul to the lab one day and they've been staying in her lab ever since. Duckgae dragged Rather into this. They and Suhyen get along pretty well. Everyone else (especially Coa) keeps forgetting they exist cause they never show up anywhere.

---------------

I didn't realize I ranted so much. I zoomed out I think. I have science homework to do sob.

I've been calling this little era of mine the Nostalgia Run.

[plushvibes]

hello ~ this is also selene, bringing to you the one of the many reasons why plotting has been slow: kang shiah, 26, former almost valedictorian turned lingerie brand owner, party girl, and a self proclaimed gossip girl success story ... sort of. she's actually the you've got mail skeleton in the gossipgirl subplot. the dossier is ready to go, and under the cut i'll have her app and other information to facilitate plotting! please like this post or hit me up via disc ( paraselene woman#8196 ) if you'd like to plot, as always!

tl;dr ⏤

message: saw kang shiah in seoul. they were taking shots in the vip section of a nightclub. i think they’re a/n co-owner of a fashion brand now? a lot of people say they’re kinda unreliable but they seemed super collected to me, tbh. they really look like jennie kim and remind me of luna la though wtf. thought you might want to know because i remember your post about them that said she lied about being rich when she was actually poor. still can’t believe that happened six years ago.

back in high school, shiah used to be known as most likely to be valedictorian. she would live, breathe, and eat education ⏤ was only seen studying and nothing more. sure, she may have seemed a little awkward and dressed a little frumpy, but according to her that was because she was from america and they did things differently over there. so it came as a shock when she was spotted within the now infamous gyeonggi party video that shot gossip girl to relevancy, the one girl that never goes out now taking shots and dancing provocatively. not only did the relationship with her devout christian parents deteriorate significantly, she also lost her coveted spot at yonsei university. and as if that didn't make her into a recluse, gossip girl also came out with proof that she was actually poor and only got into her private high school due to a scholarship ⏤ and lied to everyone about how rich she supposedly was. shiah graduated with barely any friends, no education prospects, and a disappointment to her parents ⏤ she has no one to really blame but herself.

she does eventually get into a less than great university that hardly stimulates her intellectually thanks to the video becoming a stain on her reputation, which causes her to drop out by her second year and take up miscellaneous jobs while she attempted to get her life together. a shining beacon comes in the form of a model that she befriends at the gyeonggi party, one of the only that stay by her side. due to her book smarts she takes her into her project of developing a lingerie brand ⏤ shiah taking over the business side while the model takes over the creative and networking side. and within several years and hard work ( along with some little white lies and nepotism on the model's side ), vanagloria goes from a small passion project to a booming company with a brick and mortar boutique within several years, with her at the helm next to her friend. who yong shiah is now with gossip girl's return is a wildly different person that she left prior to her absence ⏤ an official member of the elite who makes her presence known in every major party throughout the night, only to meet with clients and investors throughout the day. the return of the blog that technically made her doesn't completely frighten her ( should she thank her? she's not exactly sure ), but she definitely doesn't need everything that's hidden in the dark to come to the light.

plot ideas ⏤

the model, aka her bestie from her story is wanted, but she'll probably end up being a wanted connection. around the same age, from old money, has been modeling since she was able to walk, went to gyeonggi and met at the infamous party. also a co-owner, model, head of the creative direction of vanagloria. has been there for shiah through thick and thin and she'd probably die for her at this point

but also other found family, especially since her parents want absolutely nothing to do with their debauched daughter ( even financially which is like okay? stay broke i guess ) and she has to pretend as if that isn't completely heartbreaking

exes, flings, fwbs, and things of the sort ⏤ she only truly started dating within the last 3-4 years, so i can imagine everything is new and fun and exciting at first but she gets easily distracted ... might have cheated on some of them ...

those that she's worked with at vanagloria! when it comes to work she can be a bit ... micro manage-y so she likes to stick her nose in everything to make sure it's being done right. influencers and celebrities that have worked with or promoted the brand or smth

also people that are regulars at the boutique, or went for the first time and shiah fitted you and hyped you up to buy

ofc nightlife friends that stay out until like 5am with her, she needs people that can keep up

ooh, the cousin from her story that helped her lie about being rich in high school? in her story i said she was upper middle class but her story is flexible enough to change it to have rich extended family members too! she also has a hunch that it was her who ratted her out to gossip girl too, so that leaves room for some drama

enemies! people that don't think she belongs, someone that she has a long standing grudge against, or people that she straight up doesn't mesh with for whatever reason

sorry these aren't the greatest, but i've always been better at brainstorming and catering plots to characters and such!

[niksfics]

↬ FATE

↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings

↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.

↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. ￫ It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩

WC | 2.5K

You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.

You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.

Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am

I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.

I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.

You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.

A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.

You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.

You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.

Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.

He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.

You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.

You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.

↝

You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.

When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.

Kozume ❤️

Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.

You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.

Yeah.

It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”

Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.

Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out

And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.

No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.

He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.

You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.

So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.

You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.

Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am

Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.

I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.

I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.

I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.

I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.

I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.

And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.

I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.

When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.

You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.

I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.

He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.

His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”

Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .

“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”

[there-will-be-a-way]

hey i was wondering - i saw the post about structured days and one of our therapy goals is to eventually hit that point, how long did it take in therapy to get to that point + do you have any tips?

Hi!! 💙

I was diagnosed with DID six years ago and am now at a point where most of the time I can structure my days well. 👍🏻 I was only in therapy for a portion of that time though. Two years, I think. Everyone learns things in their own time though, so it's perfectly fine if you're quicker to reach that goal or if it takes you longer. 💙

The first step to structuring my days is always planning everything that needs to get done. Then I decide how to use my free time. It's also very important to me to be serious about my sleep schedule meaning I get up and go to bed at the same time every single day. 💙 (Sometimes I fail but that's okay. ✌🏻) I learned that having a routine is super helpful with managing switching, because after some time parts get used to it and learn when it's a good time for them to be present and when they'd rather stay inside. To give you an example, here's what my days look like:

8am: waking up - and if I feel unmotivated to start the day, do a quick morning meditation

8:20: take care of the horses

9: breakfast 🙏🏻

9:30: check my messages and reply to friends (my social parts know to be present then ^^)

10:30: chores (my everyday life parts learned to be around for this chunk of the day 💙)

12pm: lunch

12-1pm: Writing (aka Aiden time)

1-3: nap lol (time for exhausted parts to rest)

3-5: free time

5: take care of the horses

6: workout - and on rest days gentle movement like going for walks or roller skating (so my exercise loving parts like to show up for this 👍🏻)

7:30: dinner

8pm-2am: free time

As you can see, I do a wide variety of things everyday that already make a lot of my parts happy. The two chunks of free time is what we fight for. 🙌🏻 Usually we take turns. If Aiden had like 10 whole chunks of free time in a row to write (which happens so often lol), we make room for the gaming loving parts to play whatever they want to for an hour or two. Or we give one small chunk to someone who likes to watch YouTube videos.

First thing I think you gotta do if you want to make sure all of your parts are happy with your daily structure is figure out the needs of your parts and then incooperate them into your days. Needs can look like rest, fun, movement, learning, social activities, spiritual practices etc.. You learn about these needs by building communication with parts and getting to know them. The more needs you fulfill everyday the, the happier and more content you will be (in my experience).

In my opinion it's super important to still have your overall life goals be the number 1 priority when it comes to planning days though. It's easy to get lost in everyone's wishes, so I consciously focus on what brings us all forward and you can see that in my planning. Like how fitness is so important to me (because my life goal is to be invincible ngl) and writing (I want to make an income as an author before I turn 30). So the evening chunk of free time more often than not goes to writing because of how I prioritize things. 💙

It's a lot of trial and error tbh. Took me years to build this routine and some days I still mess up. Don't want to do chores. Am on social media for far too long. But the most important thing is to try again and again to get your life in order.

Okay that was super rambly. My brain is soup right now. 🥴 I hope it was still at least somewhat helpful. If you have more questions, let me know. 💙

[Disclaimer: I'm just some dude talking from their personal experience so take everything I say with a grain of salt 💙💙]

[yeojaa]

so maybe another devil in a new suit drabble 👉👈 maybe jk meeting oc parents or like more interactions w oc and jks parents/sister

[ read devil in a new suit ]

pairing.  jjk x f!reader.  rating.  pg-13.  tags.  mentions of coconut!kook dancing (and the whole reason i wrote this tbh), cute banter, idk.  just a lotta fluff, a lil bit of grinding, y’know.  wc. 2.7k.  beta reader.  none other than @hobi-gif.  i love you always!  author note.  oh look...  it’s me...  posting something...  after sixteen hundred years.  womp womp.  this truthfully didn’t go the way i planned it to but i hope you enjoy regardless!

It really shouldn’t surprise you.  Frankly, it doesn’t.  

But it is a little funny.

There are about six girls gathered in a gaggle around your boyfriend, all desperately vying for his attention as he presents a neatly gathered bouquet to his little sister.  Jisoo’s all smiles, completely over the moon with pride and riding that high as she rightfully should.  (She’d done incredibly well, closed out the showcase with a fluidity you could never even dream of.)  She doesn’t even notice her friends staring at her brother with hearts in their eyes, each one red in the face and not from exertion.

(That, or she doesn’t care.  Maybe she’s grown used to it - the whole having-a-heartthrob-for-a-brother thing.) 

It’s actually quite cute, if only because you know Jungkook doesn’t have eyes for anyone but you.  Can feel it in how he keeps bouncing his gaze back towards you, dimple winking from deep within his cheek each time your eyes meet.  He’s like a child going back to his favourite toy, momentarily distracted by tittering laughter and his sister’s sunny smile but always coming back to you.  The knowledge warms you from the inside out, drags a satisfied smile across your lips.

You wonder whether he notices the attention or if it’s just another part of his life.  (You think he must know.  These college students don’t really hide it well, too handsy for their own good, years of growing up in semi-close proximity instilling a certain confidence in their motions.  That, and because Jungkook is quite possibly the least intimidating person you’ve ever met.)

“Thank you for coming!”  It’s Jisoo, flushed and excitable, round eyes as bright as her brother’s as she crosses to you.  This had been her moment - her time to shine - but you appreciate the effort she makes to include you, finding you within the crowd.  “I was a little nervous but…”  A shrug rolls her narrow shoulders, shakes her dark hair from its loose coil.  

You’d seen her practice before this - watched the long videos she’d regularly send to Jungkook - but seeing her in real life motion was an entire league of its own.  Dancing was her calling, every bit of her made for it.  There was just something lyrical about the way she moved, how her hips rolled, limbs seemingly guided by the rhythm of the music.  A grace you’ve never had, even on your best day.

“You shouldn’t have been.”  You’re beaming right back at her, sisterly reassurance on your tongue.  “You were amazing.” 

Whether she believes you or not - you think she does by how her cheeks grow ten sizes and her eyes are all but swallowed whole by the expression - she’s gracious, accepting the compliment with her blinding smile.  (She really was like Jungkook like that.)  

“You guys should come to a class one day.”  By that, she means a class she helps teach every once in a while.  You’ve heard about it on more than one occasion, seen the choreography posted on Instagram and YouTube.  

Still, you don’t expect that, brows shooting high.  Laughter filters past your teeth, springing off your tongue.  “I am not a dancer and I doubt your brother—”

Now it’s Jisoo’s turn to wear surprise like a neon sign, expression splitting with giggles of her own.  “Wait— have you not seen Kook dance?”  The way she says it is incredulous, Bambi eyes sparkling with what looks like mischief.

“No?”

“Your sister told me something.”

You’ve never seen this particular brand of worry on his face, eyes even more comically wide than usual, whatever words he’d originally meant to speak dying on his tongue.  He looks like a literal deer caught in the headlights, one of his nicknames suddenly very apt.

“What did she say?  She likes to embarrass me.”  True.  Jisoo and Jungkook had a textbook sibling relationship, full of teasing and mockery and copious amounts of love.  “Whatever she said, don’t believe—”

“She said you used to dance.”

“Oh.”  Oh?  You hadn’t expected Jungkook to deflate so easily, relief flooding his features.  “Yeah, I did.  In university.”  He’s utterly unbothered by this knowledge, attention back on the soondubu jjigae he’d been shovelling into his mouth.  “I had some friends who were dancers, so it was good exercise.”

“I want to see.”  

His answer is immediate, despite the heaping bite of rice and stew in his mouth.  “No.”

You whack him across the shoulder, startling him into clattering his spoon on the countertop.  It leaves a messy red streak across marble but you’re dragging his attention back to you with a firm glare, fingers cradled under his jaw.  “I want to see.”

Talent apparently runs in the family, you realise halfway through the third video.  Jungkook moves with the same assured movements his sister does, with power and grace and a confidence that frankly baffles you.  He treats the practice room like a stage, running through the motions so fluidly you almost have trouble believing it’s your man on the screen.  (Not that he’s particularly ungraceful.  It’s just surprising, like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.)

“So, what happened?”  You say it so conversationally, innocently, with eyes that mimic his own.  From the corner of your periphery, your boyfriend shifts, hand flexing over your knee.  There’s the furrow between his brows, the subtle tension in his jaw.  Worry.

“What do you mean?”  

Your own hand waves toward the screen, where the image of Jungkook from over half a decade ago sits paused.  “You were so…”  You’re not sure what you mean.  There are just so many options to describe the literal baby boy on the television.  Young?  Confident?  Round?  (You can’t get over his haircut, though you suppose you can’t hold it against him.) 

Jungkook simply stares at you, waiting for you to find whatever words you want to use.  Despite the uncertainty that swims somewhere in the depths of his eyes, he’s endlessly patient.  Always so soft when it comes to you.

“You had a coconut head.”

Laughter explodes off his tongue, entire face screwing up with amusement.  “Are you serious?”

“You did!”  Admittedly, the cut had somehow worked on him but it’s so reminiscent of grade school haircuts you can’t help but focus on it, too distracted by the glossy sheen to offer much else.  “I guess I get it, though.”

“What do you mean?  Everyone had that haircut—”

“In first grade, maybe.”  He sticks his tongue out at you then;  you scowl in response. 

“What do you get?”  As always, he’s perceptive, immediately aware of your carefully knit brow, the thoughtfulness that fits itself around your teeth like gleaming white veneers and holds his attention hostage.  He’s grown used to it over the months you’ve been together - knows you cling tight to things with an iron grip, turn them over and over until you’ve made sense of it in that brain of yours. 

“The crushes.”  You look affronted, almost appalled at the realisation.  He bursts out laughing, broad palm coming down upon your bare leg in a smack.  (He apologises profusely when you complain.)

“What’re you talking about?”

Your nose is wrinkled, velvet strands dislodged by the shake of your head.  “All your sister’s friends.  They’re in love with you.”  Jisoo had even agreed, laughed about it when you’d commented on it at the recital.  Something about them having grown up with Jungkook, obsessed with the image they’d retained of him since university.  “But you were a coconut.  You wore Timberlands and drop-crotch pants.  You weren’t even that cute.”  An exaggerated shudder slips over your shoulders.  

“I was nineteen.”  As if that makes it better.  Your judgment doesn’t lessen, the lines running the bridge of your nose only deepening.  

“Still.  Embarrassing.”

Your boyfriend truly is the best sport, rolling his eyes at you in the same instance he reaches for you, tugs you closer with broad palms, affection searing into your skin.  “Well, luckily, no more Timbs.  No more bowl cut.”  He nuzzles into the warmth of your neck, spreads your knees wide over his hips.  The sound of his laughter melts into your throat, dresses it in heat deposited by your breath.  “Are you jealous again?”

He doesn’t even get a verbal response to that.  Just a heavy glare and two hands squishing his cheeks.  “Absolutely not.” 

It comes up again in bed, your head on his chest, his hands on your hips.  He asks it quietly, conversationally, with a twinkle in his eye that makes you want to smother him with one of his many pillows. 

“You’re sure you’re not jealous?”

“I’m not,”  you grit, paired with a roll of your eyes and a little snort from your nose.  You really aren’t.  Those girls are inconsequential, irrelevant.  They’ll never amount to what you are to him and that’s just a simple fact.  He’s yours - something he reminds you of day in and day out, both verbally and in action. 

(You love him for it, appreciate it more than you can possibly begin to explain.  There’s a certain bliss to be found in the knowledge that you’re loved.  A warmth that rivals even that of the sun on the summer’s hottest day.) 

“Then why’re you pouting?”  What he really means is why aren’t you smiling.  You don’t pout often - at least not in the same ways he does.  

“I’m not,”  you repeat for what feels like the sixth time. 

“Smile for me.”

You do the opposite - throwing your eyes in an exaggerated circle.  It earns you a pinch to the side, a tender sting blooming beneath ink-strewn fingers. 

“Really—“  When he looks this earnest, it’s hard to deny him,  “you’re sure everything’s okay?”

At most, you can sigh perhaps overdramatically.  Fold your awkward limbs upon his and bury your face into the crook of his neck.  You’re not jealous of those girls, no.   

You’re envious of his talent - the simple fact that Jeon Jungkook is, by all definitions, a golden boy.  God’s favourite, with his heart wrenching smile and easygoing charm and grace that seems almost surreal.  There’s not a single thing wrong with him - okay, except for his bad habit of never answering his phone and always messing up the top sheet and the fact that he absolutely never ever puts the cap back on the toothpaste tube - and it’s absurd.  Utterly, absolutely unfair. 

But you can’t say that.

“Baby,”  he hums, threading the sound of his voice among your hair, tucking the soft syllables behind your ears.  “Talk to me.”

You relent - a little.  “You’re too good.”

“Too good?”  The depth of his laughter rumbles your bones, tickling your insides when it vibrates out of his chest.  “At what?”

A hand gesticulates wildly.  You’re not sure what it looks like, how close it is to hitting Jungkook in the face.  You’ve still got your face pressed to the warmth of his skin, greedily siphoning his sunny radiance with your cheek.   “Everything.”

Despite how he laughs - cackles, really, so adorable and high pitched it’s breathy - you know he knows what you’re talking about.  You’ve given him a hard time about it before.  

“I’m not good at everything, ____.”

He’s somehow even good at making you believe you’re wrong.  That’s a feat in and of itself. 

“Are too.”

“Are not.”

“Whatever!”  Whether he acknowledges it or not, he’s stupidly gifted.  Everyone and their - even his - mom knows it.  “Don’t believe me then.  I don’t care.”

“Then why’re you making that face?”  It’s almost comical that he’s calling you out for your expressions when he’s the king of funny faces, throwing his features into exaggerated (and adorable) masks.  (Maybe he’d just rubbed off on you?)

“I’m not,”  you huff, exasperated but not quite.  Still soft over his skin, velvet on silk. 

“You’re so cute.”  Sometimes, you think he really is just a child - too happy with putting you on a pedestal and praying at your altar.  Devoting himself to you when you’re nothing but a bag of flesh and bone, dressed in designer fashion and wrapped up with a satin ribbon made from sarcasm and candor.  (Not that you mind.  Who would argue if they were offered such love?)  “I still think something’s wrong but…”

It’s a smart tactic.  He doesn’t press you for an answer, opting to let it linger between you.  Settle like bothersome lint until you offer it yourself.  

When you relent - because you always do, unable to shut out the sunshine that practically pours out of him - you’re quieter.  Not shy, but bashful.  Uncertain in a way you very rarely are.  “I’ve always wanted to dance.”  So much so, you’d begged your parents to enroll you when you were younger.  Demanded lessons upon lessons - only to fail at all of them.  Rhythm simply didn’t exist anywhere in your body. 

“Really?”

You’re pulled from your safe haven, shifted until your entire point of view is filled with Jungkook, his starry eyes and his fluffy fluffy hair.  There’s that look he sometimes gets - full of wonder and adoration - when he learns something new about you.  As if just the smallest tidbit of knowledge opens up a whole new world.  

“Yes?”  You’re half regretting the admission.  He looks like he’s up to something, all the cogs in his head turning in perfect tandem. 

“I’ll teach you.”  

“Hard pass.”

Like a hot air balloon, he deflates, mouth rounding sweetly.  (If you didn’t know better, you’d assume the man was made of cotton candy, semi-sweet chocolate heart where the real organ should be.)  “Why not?”

“I do not dance.”  It’s nothing but a statement of fact, firm and unyielding. 

The pout evolves, swings down into a frown that drags his eyebrows with it.  “You could dance.”

“No, baby—“  So you’re a little frustrated, all your childhood memories pricking beneath your skin.  “I do not dance.”

“Why?”  He’s upright now, tugging you with him as if you weigh nothing.  His way of turning the conversation serious, pulling you from the warmth and comfort of the bedsheets to this.  (He’s still holding you, hooking his big broad hands over your hips, so you don’t mind.) 

“No rhythm.”  Unable to keep a beat.  Two left feet.  The list could go on and on, according to your ballet instructor. 

“Not true.”

Your brow quirks, mirrored by his as if in challenge.  You almost swat at him - so close your hand twitches on his shoulder.  “Very true.”

(Why does this conversation feel so familiar?  It’s déjà vu.) 

“Is not.”  Your boyfriend seems insistent, as if he knows better than you.  (He doesn’t.)  Stares up at you with those pretty eyes and has the audacity to grin when you roll your own, ready to rebuff him. 

Because you’re in bed, the one place where you defer to him whether you like it or not. 

(You do like it, though.  Love it, in fact.  Just like you love him.)

“You’re graceful,”  he hums, bridging the gap between you with a forward roll of his shoulders.  “You’ve got rhythm.”  The hand on your hip grows firm, guides your knees to spread wide on either side of him.  With each brush of his lips - tender little brushes, endlessly sweet and reassuring - he pushes and pulls, dragging you across his lap.  “You can do anything you want.”

You’ve almost forgotten the topic of conversation, preoccupied by how he guides you in languid circles.  How the cotton of his boxer briefs feels against the sensitive inside of your thighs.  The weight that grows between your legs and nudges indelicately against the soft fabric of your thong.

All part of his plan, of course.

“Your body’s the most beautiful thing in the world, ____.”  

When he looks at you like this, you think he might be right.  You’d believe it if he kept saying it, sparking desire through your limbs until they’re jellied and loose.  

(How he sees right through you - cuts straight to the core of your insecurity - you’re not sure.  It feels almost like a superpower, something unquantifiable, unbelievable.  He’s too good for you, always.  So kind and loving, pressing his belief in the form of his mouth, the tender edge of his teeth when he kisses you slow slow slow.)

“You’re perfect just the way you are.”

[1d-discourseoftheday]

Tues 19 Jan ‘21

With two Zayn lives behind us, fans were excited to think they'd gotten an idea of what to expect and settled in, ready for another late night/early morning live-- to no avail! The sun rose all around the world with no sign of Zayn, except an ad bit for the Harry Potter game thing (a video of him being like "I updated my avatar to show my new hair" with his hair from last month) and him demo-ing the NIL insta filter (it's a little video game!) We were told to expect a surprise today, remember, as of press time I remain unsurprised, but with us going on Zayn Standard Time for this promo one could argue that there are still like 13 hours left in today! Some zquad (pronounced zgwad as Zayn helpfully sounded out on the last live though tbh I think the time he spelled out how to pronounce it was funnier) were hopeful that today's live was delayed for zomething more exciting, and some justified his absence like so: technically the first ones were after midnight where he was, so if you go by what DATE they were done on, he's already done today's! I mean... I GUESS. Anyway, (Nobody is) Listening Parties were scheduled for today, the second of three days they'll happen on; one of today's already happened without any major excitement but the other is this evening sooo? Surpise me! The earlier one featured exclusive merch, a cool t-shirt which you can also get by tuning in tonight, and the Zaynbot in action ("are you excited?!" "who wants some airhorn?"). And for now, there is a playlist takeover on spotify (Pop and Play playstation playlist). 25 Zayn curated songs and a new picture (from an old photshoot) for the cover! Note that only the first 25 songs on the playlist are his picks though, not the ones below. And NIL was the most played album on spotify this weekend worldwide! Nice. I also am enjoying seeing pictures of the big promo posters in cities all over the world, very cool looking.

Don't Worry Darling resumed filming, and Harry Lambert said "isn’t it weird to think five or six years ago, something like that could cause such a stir?" about Harry's black and white floral suit and he means in the eras of fashion, but it hits hard when you think about Harry (Styles)' personal journey in that way too, doesn't it? We've come a long way, baby.

[taeescript]

I Promise (IV)

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 >> Some people have the gifted ability of music; others of mathematics; some perhaps as persuasive argumentators. You have a “gift”, if one would like to call it that. It is the ability to know when somebody is telling a lie.

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> hoseok x reader; ?? x reader

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 >> mafia!au

𝔴/𝔠 >> 3.6k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> smoking; murder 

𝔞/𝔫 >> sorry friends this is a slow chapter. tbh, this is a fic i wrote millions of years ago. i’ve been slightly editing it so if you’ve read my other fics you can tell how different the writing style is. nevertheless, i hope you enjoy it! 

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The six of them paced around the room outside the one Seokjin was currently sitting in. He had been on the phone with The Boss for an incredibly long time. They were all nervous about what was being said inside but none of them wanted to eavesdrop. You were the most nervous of them all. Your mind went back to the conversation after dinner. “Taehyung and Jungkook. The two of you are going to get close to Hong Jung Yee. The Boss made recommendations for the two of you so he’ll likely take you in. Yoongi, I need you to hack into their network and create some mild virus…” Your mind wandered even though Seokjin was still speaking. All these unfamiliar terms and names were leaving Seokjin’s mouth but it didn’t mean anything to you. All you wanted was to be back home, where life had been simpler. Or at least as simple as it could be with BTS in your life. You wondered what life would be like without this gift of yours. Would you be working as Senior Manager now at the company? Maybe you would have met a cute boy whom you could fall in love with, someone whom you wouldn’t be able to detect every broken promise he would make and naively trust that you were his only one. Man, that train of thought took quite a detour. Your ears perked up when you heard your name being called. “That just leaves you, Y/N. Your role is relatively easy. We will have reserved a room at a hotel a couple of buildings down in which Yoongi will meet you after he completes his part of the mission. Your job is just to listen in on our conversation with the devices he has set up and see if this guy tells a single lie. That should be enough to gather any type of evidence against him before the Boss instructs us of whether or not he needs to be eliminated.” You nodded slowly after Seokjin finished explaining. Everything was perfect. If all things went according to plan, you could be home in maybe a week or two. “Y/N,” Seokjin called your name, “Are you clear with that? I’ve run down the plan a couple of times with the boys so they should know it like the back of their hand, but I want to be sure you’re comfortable with it as well.” There was only one problem. You didn’t know if you could tell a lie if you weren’t directly in the room. You had never felt any buzzing when you talked with people on a phone or through video call. There was the one time you had received a call from Seohyun about her getting into nursing school but that had actually turned out to be real. “Yeah. Sure,” you mumbled. How would you tell them that their plan could go wrong? Should you even tell them? Of course you should. It wasn’t only your life at stake here, all of them were. “Um, excuse me?” All the members turned to look at you. Hoseok laughed. In his fingers, he twirled around an unlit cigarette even though there was already one in his mouth. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard something as pleasant as that come out of your mouth,” he said. You ignored him. “The plan sounds good and I really don’t want to be a party pooper but I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like that through a phone.” “What do you mean?” Seokjin asked. “The feeling usually comes when I’m talking to the person face to face or if I’m in the general vicinity where I hear their voice. What I’m trying to say is: I don’t think this is going to work.” There you had said it. Consequences… come at you. “Oh.” That was Seokjin’s simple response, certainly not what you had been expecting. He stared you right in the eyes. “This isn’t… a joke right?” “Hyung, she doesn’t a single funny bone in her body,” Hoseok smirked. His pun fell flat. “I need to talk to The Boss.” That was the last thing he said to any of them and that led to the situation they were all in right now: camped outside Seokjin’s room and hoping for some sort of good news. There was a rattle of the doorknob and an exhausted looking Seokjin stepped out. “So….?” Yoongi asks. You glance at him quickly and realize that the constant tapping you’d been hearing was from Yoongi drumming his fingers on the table. Seokjin walks to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water for himself and takes a long drink. Once he’s done, he turns to you all and says, “The Boss just wants the job to be done. He doesn’t care in what way.” Taehyung spoke up, “So why were you in there for such a long time?” “Well, I needed to know a little more about Hong Jung Yee. Since we cannot just waltz in there, information was needed on his whereabouts and acquaintances. I’ve got half a plan thought out which I’ll review with you all tomorrow after all I’ve worked out the final kinks. You should all go to bed now. We’ve got long days ahead of us.”

...

You were back in the white room. While your bed was extremely soft and the light night breeze was soothing to you, you could not sleep. You wondered if you could blame it on the jet lag but you felt that it didn’t explain it all. When you first found out about your ability, you tried it out on yourself. The convenience of finding out what you were truly thinking and how you truly saw yourself was something you had always wondered about. However, even when you stood in front of the mirror and told a lie purposely, there was no buzzing. You could discover all the lies other people told you, but the one person you could not read was yourself. You tossed again and kicked off your blankets. You swung your legs off the bed and decided that a cup of hot chocolate might put you to sleep. It was something your mother did for you often when you were younger – perhaps the single good memory of your younger days. The house was quiet as all the members slept with their doors closed. After you finished making yourself the drink, you found herself less sleepy than before. It was a large place they were all staying at so you decided to also take a walk until you finished the drink. Physical activity tended to make the human body tired as well. A lot of things were floating in your mind as you walked. You had accepted the fact that you would not be able to return home until this whole fiasco was over. You were worried about how it would turn out however. BTS had taken on many jobs in the past but never anything that brought them overseas. You had also never heard them plan out anything elaborate as this. Their plans usually consisted of one or two of the members stalking down their target and intimidating them with weapons. You would pop up and make sure that you heard what they were saying, whether that be playing as innocent hostage or just hiding in the general vicinity of where they brought the target. All their targets had ever been members of smaller gangs that were fighting with each other or members of a gang that wanted to take more of the loot for themselves. Never had you seen them target the head of a gang, let alone the partner of The Boss in another country. There were so many things that could go wrong. You saw that the patio door had been left open and thought some fresh air would help you clear your mind. When you stepped out, you realized that the patio was already occupied. “Hi,” you said. The figure greeted you with two fingers, the lit cigarette creating a line of smoke in the clear night air. “You really should cut back on the smoking.” “I’ve tried. But I’m pretty sure I’m half smoke and half alcohol by now,” Hoseok felt you walk up to the balcony beside him. The house was situated on a slight hill and in the distance they could see The City That Never Sleeps live out to its name. “That doesn’t even make any sense,” you commented, taking a sip of your hot chocolate. The sweet drink stung your throat on the way down but it was comforting. “Well what brings you out on this fabulous night? Ready to take my offer when we first met?” he asked, alluding to their first encounter. “Funny,” you said sarcastically, “I couldn’t sleep.” Hoseok took a drag of his cigarette. “Guess that makes two of us.” The two of you stood in the silence for a while, getting comfort from each other’s presence. “You know, shit’s about to go down,” he stated, “The Boss only accepts perfectly completed missions. Seokjin-hyung won’t show it but he’s worried. There are so many unpredictable factors.” He knew it probably wasn’t something you wanted to hear in your sleepless state, but it was what needed to be said. You turned to face him. There was a serious look on your face when you asked, “Who is The Boss and what’s the organization? You all seem nervous whenever it’s brought up.” The cigarette was a stub between his fingers and you guessed that he had been out here for a while. He put it out, pondered for a minute and then tapped out a new cigarette. He stared at it. “Our life’s like this. We all are born white and untainted, ready to be anything we want it to be. Believing that we could be anything we want it to be,” he started, “This cigarette doesn’t have to be used. It could be left in a box, pretty as a toxic flower. It could be left on a table, as a daring symbol from a rebelling teenager. However, shit happens. And a fire is lit. Nobody starts off in life wanting to be in this business.” There was a quick flick of hesitance in his eyes before he blinked it away to continue,“All little boys dream of becoming astronauts, race car drivers, doctors, musicians… you name it. It’s just that we aren’t all as fortunate to actually attain any of our dreams. Take the boys and I. We all had aspirations. Hell, Jungkook was even enrolled in a decent college. But somehow, we each stumbled into the organization under The Boss in our own way. The Boss is very particular on the quality of work his organization puts out. He makes all probable members go through a type of initiation, if you will. Tasks vary but always end up in two possibilities: your entrance into the organization or death. Getting in isn’t as hard as staying in. God forbid you failed one or made any mistake in a job that could be traced back to the organization. Failures were never given a second opportunity to prove themselves again. It’s one of the ways he’s managed to elude the authorities all this time. He’s extremely cautious and methodical. That’s why nothing can go wrong with this job. I won’t let any of the members get hurt. If there’s going to be a fight, then I’ll go down fighting before any of them needs to suffer.” He stopped staring at the cigarette and stuck it back into his pocket. He let out a sigh. You studied the man in front of you. You knew that the lives they all held were not easy ones. You knew of the danger they were constantly putting themselves in but you had not known how dark it really was. The whole time he was talking, a steely look had taken over his eyes. He always seemed nonchalant in everything he did but the way he had said the last few sentences... Albeit your constant headache around him, you knew he wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t let any of the members get hurt. “This might be the most normal conversation we’ve ever had,” Hoseok grinned. “I don’t know if that constitutes as normal.” “Normal enough for us. Does this mean you’ll rethink about getting in bed with me?” You scowled. And you had started thinking well of him. He laughed at your expression and stomped a final time on his previous cigarette to make sure it was out. “Well I’ll be in my room if you do change your mind.” He turned to leave. “I won’t be,” you said after him. There was still one impeding question. “Hey.” He stopped and looked back at you. “You mentioned that everybody needed to complete an initiation task. What was yours?” He smirked and waved two fingers in the air to tell you goodnight. You thought he would not answer your question but he proved you wrong. “I killed my old man.”

...

   With the rise of the sun came the beginning of a new day. By the time you woke up, you could hear the sizzling of eggs and smell breakfast being made in the kitchen. You yawned and rolled onto your stomach. You felt slightly more refreshed than last night but your eyes were still heavy. Forcing yourself out of the bed, you trudged your way into the bathroom.   You stood in front of the mirror and duly noted that your hair was getting long and your bangs were well past your chin. You turned your face in the mirror to and from and saw that the stress of the past few days was getting to your skin. A small pimple was beginning to push its way through your skin at the bottom of your jaw. You grabbed the only cosmetic item you had with you, and lightly tapped the concealer in place. Your dark circles were still extremely prominent even after you tried to hide them. You sighed and rubbed your bangs back to the front to cover half your face. Once you were finished in the bathroom, you walked into the room next door. After exploring your giant room, you deemed the second door in the room as a walk in closet. It was currently empty and that was where you had decided to carry out your morning workout. It wasn’t like you had any clothes to fill it with anyways. While your job in Seoul had not required you to be athletic or fit in any way, you had always believed that having a healthy body was of utmost importance. On their brief trip to the mall before dinner, you had grabbed a set of dumbbells and a small speed bag to hang up. More than anything, you kept in shape in case you needed to protect yourself from harm. Society had already deemed women as fragile prey and you would not let yourself fall into that category. You placed your hands beneath your shoulders and let herself down to the floor as your mind flashed to the conversation you had with Hoseok last night. His last words sent a hollow chill down your spine. There had always been the probability that BTS had shed blood but you never liked to think about it. You could associate yourself with people who lied or cheated or committed any other type of small illegal activities but you did not want to be around any type of killer. You tried to push the thought of whether any of the members had had to kill out of your mind but it lingered regardless. A slight knock to the door of your room caused you to pause on your fifth set of push ups. With a slight sheen of sweat building on your forehead, you opened the door and found Jungkook standing outside. “I’ve brought you breakfast,” he shyly offered you a tray. There was an array of breakfast foods no doubt created by the talented Seokjin. You ruffled the younger boy’s hair and told him that you’d meet the rest of them outside for breakfast.

...

Hoseok yawned for the tenth time that morning. After talking with you, he had returned to his room fully expecting the embrace of slumber to take him. Sadly, it never came. Every time he thought he’d be drifting off to sleep, he would find himself transported to a red room and his mother on the bed. He’d jolt up sweating with a desperate need to pinch himself to confirm he had stopped dreaming. There was a reason he never spoke of that night with anybody. He had never even told his members – they had never discussed what their initiation tasks were. Yet somehow, just a simple prompt from you had gotten him to tell you his best kept secret. He convinced himself that it had been fatigue that caused him to speak but his rational side told him that was impossible as he had spent the rest of the night sleepless. There was a lull in the conversation around the table as you walked up. “Good morning,” you said to the table. Your eyes met Hoseok’s and held his gaze for a few seconds before you sat down. “Morning,” Taehyung greeted back. “Did you have a good sleep?” Yoongi asked, he had finished breakfast early and sat drinking coffee instead. “Took a while for me to get to bed,” you said and accepted the bowl of soup from Seokjin. It smelled delicious and your taste buds confirmed your thoughts. Jimin laughed lightly and gestured towards Hoseok. “You look better than him at least.” You looked up at met Hoseok’s eyes again. Indeed, you saw that his dark circles were worse than yours and his eyes were slightly bloodshot. Although not lit, Hoseok stuck a cigarette into his mouth and spoke through it, “It was too stuffy here last night. I couldn’t breathe.” “Sure it isn’t because of how much you smoke, hyung?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow. Hoseok pursed his lips and set the cigarette down on the table. Jungkook saw it there and started reaching for it. Taehyung slapped his hand. “Hoseok already got Yoongi hooked on that. We don’t need any more smoke around us.” Yoongi shrugged and sipped his coffee quietly. “So, I did a lot of thinking last night,” Seokjin said once everybody had finished their meal. “I believe I’ve got a plan for us but before we do that, we need to do some surveillance.” “Alright,” Yoongi sat a little straighter and cracked his knuckles, “Where do you want me to hack into this time?” Seokjin shook his head. “You’re not going to be hacking into anything. We’re going into a club.” “A club?” the group echoed. “It’s not your normal club,” he said, “It’s a club where only the wealthiest socialites are allowed in. A source told me that Hong Jung Yee appears there every Tuesday and Thursday. That being known, he will be there tonight and that’s where we will be making first contact.” Jimin spoke up from his seat. “Why do we need to hit that certain club tonight? Could we not follow our initial plan of infiltration?” Seokjin turned to look at him and shook his head. “It’s not as simple. The club on the surface serves as a cover for what it truly is: an underground market.” You furrowed your brows. “An underground market?” This time, it was Hoseok that answered your question. “A place where things are sold. Anything that can have a price put on it you’ll probably find there. Weapons, drugs, information, people.” You rolled your eyes at him. “I know what it is. I’m just wondering why we need to get into that.” “The source told me that Hong Jung Yee runs a little side business there. Tonight, we will scout out the club and see just what he is selling. When the time is right, we will make contact with the target and act as a potential buyer. From there, we should be able to carry on the plan like before,” Seokjin told them. “Wait. I don’t get it. You said that the people who attend this place are wealthy socialites. First of all, none of us are wealthy socialites. Second, it doesn’t really solve the fact of how I need to be there in the room to hear whether or not Hong Jung Yee tells any lies,” you said to him. From the inside of his pocket he took out two gold plated cards. There were the words “Ecstasia” embossed into the front and several numbers lining the bottom. Adjacent to the numbers was a name that appeared on both cards. Seokjin slid one card towards you and the other towards Hoseok. “I’ll answer both of your questions at once. First, it’ll only be the two of you going in. In our short time I was only able to attain two membership cards. I know you two don’t have the…closest of relationships but like you said, we need you in there. Second, Hoseok usually plays the role of infiltration anyways so it only natural he goes with you. Bottom line: the both of you will be the ones to make contact with the target and you will be doing it as Mr. and Mrs. Chen.” At first, the names did not register in her mind but the moment Hoseok reached over to take your hand, it did and caused you to groan and slump into your seat. Hoseok let out a mischievous chuckle. “Hello, honey.”

...

𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱:  @scuzmunkie

[richincolor]

SomeThoughts about Netflix's Shadow & Bone

This past Friday, the highly anticipated Shadow and Bone series premiered on Netflix and fans of the Grishaverse all over the world logged in to watch their favs come to life. There was much discussion of the inclusion of numerous characters from throughout the Grishaverse and that diversity was a focus in the casting of the show, especially Jessie Mei Li who is biracial, therefore changing the main character’s ethnicity to biracial Shu Han. Unfortunately, that decision didn’t pay off to well due to the showrunner’s handling of Alina’s ethnicity. Twitter blew up as people shared their hurt and warned others about what to expect.

I had planned to watch the show and happened to see one such warning before I watched the series so I was prepared. I watched a couple of episodes, then called it a night. The next morning I was unsettled and reached out to my fellow contributors here on Rich in Color. No one had seen it yet, but Jessica said she was planning to as well. As we chatted, I felt that our conversation should be shared with our readers, so Jessica and I decided to write our thoughts down and have a conversation after she watched a few episodes herself.

Oh, and spoilers abound!

First off, before we dive into this conversation: Have you read the Grishaverse series? How much did you know about the story going in?

K. Imani: As everyone knows I love fantasy so I’m open to reading all sorts of fantasy books. I read the Shadow & Bone series a few years ago and enjoyed it. When the Six of Crows duology came out I read those too and actually enjoyed those better than the original series. Why - more diversity? It also expanded the world and the different perspectives of “Grisha” like folk from other cultures. It was very clear from the writing that Bardugo realized her first series was very lacking in diversity and worked hard to change it. I actually re-read both series during quarantine, so I had a fair idea of what the Netflix series would be about.

Jessica: I’ve actually never read a single Grishaverse book! I know, shocking. I only knew two things about the series going into the show: 1) Six of Crows is a heist book? 2) Ben Barnes is a person who exists.

The cast announcement for any show is always so exciting, and Shadow and Bone was no different. How did you feel about the casting -- before and after you watched the show? What did you think was done well, and what did you think could be improved?

K. Imani: Before watching the show I was actually a bit confused about some of the casting choices. I didn’t understand why 3 of the main Six of Crows characters were in the show and I honestly did not make the connection to Alina and Mal being biracial. Knowing that the Grishaverse is “Russian-based” and knowing that some ethnic Mongolians are considered Russian I just found it cool that the show cast a person who didn’t fit a Russian stereotype. Oh boy was I way off! Overall I was pleased with the casting and think all the actors did a great job. I liked the few changes they did make with casting actors of colors for other roles to round out the diversity of the world.

Bringing it back to Mal, I was confused as to if he was supposed to be coded as biracial. I missed the reference in the show, but I did read somewhere that he was supposed to be as well and that is what bonded him to Alina. If that’s the case, then how come Alina was the only person to experience racism? That thought continues to sit on my heart because it shows that the writers did not really think through how they wanted to express racism and included it for the wrong reasons.

Jessica: My reaction was basically, “I’m happy that other people seem happy!” since again, I had no context for the show. Casting on Netflix shows often seems to be a case of “cool, this is some exciting casting… but definitely could be better and even more intentional.”

K. Imani: “More intentional” That is the word right there! Making a story more diverse is wonderful and fully reflects the world we live in, however if you just randomly do it without thinking it through it comes off as insensitive. I know Leigh Bardugo used this show as an opportunity to make her story better (and I do not begrudge her of that fact) but when one doesn’t think it through, the criticism that is being expressed is a direct result.

Jessica: Sidenote -- I ended up watching a booktube video titled “Darker Jesper, Fat Nina, Shadow and Bone Casting Thoughts” on booktube channel Chronicles of Noria about the casting. Highly recommend checking it out. I also recommend this profile on Jessie Mei Li, who talks about being gender nonconforming.

Did any changes in the Netflix adaptation stick out to you? Were there changes you liked or disliked?

K. Imani: My favorite part of the adaptation is how well the show runners included the Six of Crows characters into the narrative. The storyline completely worked for me and connected the two stories together. I really enjoyed the Arken storyline (and the character tbh) as it was used to flesh out the world of the Grishaverse, which made the series much more interesting. I also liked the change of making Ivan and Fedyor a couple instead of just Darkling’s henchmen as it humanized them and actually made me like Ivan because they were so cute together. Though how that will come into play after the events of Episode 8 will be interesting. I’m a sucker for the Enemies to Lover trope so I loved that Nina’s & Matthia’s story of how they came together was included here. In either Six of Crows or Crooked Kingdom (I don’t remember), it was told as a flashback, but I loved that it was moved here as their “origin story”, so to speak, and how it connects to the events of the Alina timeline.

What I didn’t like...the casual racism. It really bothered me and left me sad the next morning. For example, a certain poster shown in the first episode had me physically cringe and I was upset that 1)  the production designers even created it and 2) no one, at no point, said that was a bad idea? Come on! It was horrible to see and I can imagine the hurt an AAPI would experience seeing that. And then, it got worse. Racial slurs thrown around a couple of times in the first couple of episodes to show that Alina is an outsider. They were jarring and took me out of the narrative. Having read the books I knew there was tension between the Ravkans and Shu Han, so I could understand what the show runners were trying to do, but it was actually never explained in show, hence making the racism feel random and just there for shock value.

Jessica: I saw tweets going around alluding to the racism Alina (and other characters to a less frequent extent) faced, so I braced myself for it. I’m only a few episodes in, and the instances so far were brief… but it just didn’t feel right. The foundation for this portrayal of racism wasn’t laid properly. And if the work of laying the foundation and really digging into what it means for the overall worldbuilding doesn’t happen… then why include it at all? Especially if it might be painful for certain viewers? I’m sure harm wasn’t the intent, but that’s the impact. Why not leave it out and let the show be escapism?

K. Imani: Jessica, the eyes comment took me out, not gonna lie. I audibly screamed. Anyone who has experienced a racist comment based on their looks felt that in their gut which is horrible when watching a show for escapism.

Jessica: Yeah, the eyes and rice-eater comments were especially frustrating. On top of it being a reminder of the racism Asians experience daily… it doesn’t make much sense. Like, canonically, do people in Ravka not eat rice? An American’s conception of racism isn’t necessarily going to make sense in a (Imperial Russia-inspired) fantasy world. But maybe I’m missing something since I didn’t read the original books.

And the eyes comment… whoof. When I was a kid, other kids would make fun of my eyes and ask me to, like, count seagulls because surely, I couldn’t see out of my eyes… And the other kids were also Asian! Internalized racism is so real. It’s disappointing that Shadow and Bone would include this experience as, I don’t know, discrimination flavor text. Surely there were better ways to portray discrimination that made sense within the Grishaverse…

Ellen Oh really said it so well: “If a writer is going to show racism against Asians, it's important to balance it with the beauty of all that makes us Asian also.” Where is the balance? Where is the nuance? Even if Alina’s Shu Han mother isn’t alive, couldn’t Alina have had a treasured Shu Han pendant? Just spitballing here. There were so many possibilities.

K. Imani: Exactly. I agree with Ellen and unfortunately there is no balance. That’s what makes it so hurtful. The focus is on how bad it is that she’s biracial and how bad the Shu Hans are for no specific reason. Because Alina is an orphan and grew up in Ravka, she unfortunately has no connection to Shu Han culture (or at least what is shown on screen) so all that she identifies as is Ravkan who just happens to look like a Shu Han person, but she doesn’t exhibit any pride in being Shu Han. Her ethnicity is just another obstacle to overcome which is all the more cringeworthy and why having Alina be biracial just to be biracial without thinking it through ended up being so problematic. Having her be biracial and using casual racism as an “obstacle” that she has to overcome is such a shallow interpretation of racism and shows the writers didn’t do the work to really think about the why the racism exists.

In addition to talking about what was done well and what went wrong or felt off about certain representation, it’s important to look at the “how.” How did this happen?

Jessica: I read on Twitter that one of the show writers is Korean and biracial -- which is awesome! I was really heartened to hear that. But at the same time, this highlights how important it is to have multiple marginalized voices in the room who can speak with some level of expertise. I don’t know the decision-making process that went into including this sort of surface-level, simplistic version of real world racism, but I wonder if anyone, at any point, said “is there a more nuanced and original way to portray this?” or “how will this affect Asian viewers?” Did someone bring it up, and they were overruled? What happened?

This absolutely isn’t a judgment on the Asian writers or staff on the show. When I’ve done collaborative writing, there were times I caught an issue and said “we need to be more sensitive about this” -- and there were other times when my teammates pointed out something I didn’t notice. It happens! That’s why it’s so important to have multiple marginalized perspectives when creating something -- especially when it’s a work as impactful and far-reaching as a Netflix show. Placing the burden of complex, nuanced representation on one, or a scant handful, of marginalized creators is just not going to work… and it’s not fair to the creators, either.

Frankly, this is a problem in so many industries -- film, publishing, games... there are so many “diverse” shows, games, etc with all-white or majority white teams. Good, nuanced representation can only happen when BIPOC / marginalized creators are the majority and have power behind-the-scenes. (This is why I’m really excited to watch the show Rutherford Falls -- half the writers room are Indigenous writers, as is the co-creator!)

K. Imani: Exactly! It’s great that one of the writers is biracial and Korean, but if she’s the only one how much input did she really have? I’m by no means knocking her experience but, say for example, that particular poster in the first episode. No one else behind the scenes found it problematic? There are many steps to a production process and that poster, if there had been more diverse voices present on the production staff instead of just 1 writer, would have been flagged as a huge problem and redone. The poster was supposed to be a “short cut” to show Ravkan/Shu Han tension but instead it came off as so profoundly racist and unnecessary. There are many other non-racist ways to explore the tensions between the two countries that could have been explored instead of just jumping to racism. And...as someone on Twitter pointed out, we never see the tension between the Ravkans and the Shu Han, but we openly see fighting between the Ravkans and the Fjierdans, so why were they not vilified to the same extent?

Jessica: Right. I’m definitely not saying racism can’t be portrayed in fantasy ever. But if you’re going to do it, make it make sense within the world. Don’t just use it as shorthand for “this character is Other.” I mean, experiencing racism isn’t what makes me Asian…

K. Imani: Boom! I’m going to repeat that for the people in the back...experiencing racism is not what makes a person Asian or Black, and if you are going to have racism in a work of art, be sure to provide balance to show all the other aspects of a person of color’s life.

Since we’re talking creators behind-the-scenes… which YA fantasy books by Asian authors do you think would make great Netflix shows or movies?

Jessica: I’ve got a list about a mile long, but I’ve cut it down to my top four:

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao

The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala

The Epic Crush of Genie Lo by F.C. Yee

You’re welcome, Netflix execs who are totally reading this blog. Hop to it!

K. Imani: I second the Tiger at Midnight series! I loved the first two books and can’t wait for the conclusion in June. While not YA, the City of Brass series would make an excellent Netflix series. Anything Maurene Goo writes would be fun rom-coms (because we need those too!).

Jessica: I mean, with To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before complete… Netflix clearly needs to start adapting Maurene Goo’s books.

K. Imani: Yes, the people demand it! I don’t care which book, just grab one of them and get the production started.

On a final note, I do want to say that despite the criticism the show rightly deserves, there was much about the show that was enjoyable. The storytelling was strong and moved at a good pace, the costuming was on point, special effects worked seamlessly into the narrative, and even small touches such as how the Grishas used their small science was visually interesting. Book adaptations are always hard to pull off well and the Shadow and Bone production team did a good job overall. Their intention towards adding more diversity is a step in the right direction, but just didn’t do enough. Let’s hope they learn from their mistakes and improve for season 2.

[speechlessxx]

Guilty as Charged (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: In which Bucky and the reader’s happy life is interrupted by a Civil War. 

Warnings: LONG (for no reason, this could’ve been a multi-part fic but I don’t have the commitment for that), this is really bad tbh..., language? 

Word Count: 2.4k+

Feedback is appreciated! I hope you enjoy!

When Bucky settled down with you in Bucharest, he hoped that he’d be able to provide you a happy life – the life you deserved. The both of you were two peas in a pod, both running from the ghosts of their pasts. He was running from HYDRA and the government while you were fleeing from your abusive ex-boyfriend. You first met when he managed to save you from being mugged. After that, he traveled with you. Soon, you both became close and confessed your pasts to one another.

“I understand if you don’t want to go with me anymore,” he told you on the rooftop of some building you two broke into for the night. He adverted his eyes from yours as shame quickly flooded through him. “I’m a killer.”

You shook your head with your brows furrowed as you pulled him into you. Your first kiss was under the stars. He pulled away from you, a bit surprised at your response. You wrapped your arms around his neck, interlocking your fingers together, while his hands found their way to your hips.

“That’s not who you are anymore, though,” you said. “And honestly, I’m falling in love with the person you are today. I don’t care about your past. I just want to be in your future, Bucky.”

Two peas, indeed.

But it all changed the day you both went to the market.

He offered to buy you some plums. (“Get six,” you told him. He responded with a yes ma’am and a mocking salute which earned him a small chuckle). After the man handed him the six fruits in a bag, Bucky felt tense. He felt like he was being watched. He looked over his shoulder and found a man in the newspaper stand staring at him. The man glanced down at the paper in his hand and looked back at Bucky, who started to walk towards him. But as soon as Bucky got close, the man fled. He snatched the paper from its perch as he read The Winter Soldier wanted for Vienna Bombing printed boldly in Romanian.

His breathing hitched as he frowned. He was nowhere near Vienna. The last time he was there was when you stepped on a broken bottle and he had to stitch your foot up. He remembered your yelps of pain as he tried to soothe you while he patched up your wound. It was over a year ago.

Bucky quickly found you and pulled you away from the woman you were trying to buy some meat from. “We need to leave,” he told you as he dragged you.

“What?” you asked. “Hey, hey, Buck, talk to me.” You pulled your arm from his grasp as you stared into his eyes.

He analyzed every detail of your face. From your eyes to your hair to the worried pout on your lips. He realized this might be the last time he’ll be able to see you. Bucky pulled you into him, crashing your lips against his. The last time he might be able to kiss you.

“You need to leave me,” he said breathlessly after he pulled away. You frowned. “Don’t argue, please… It’s not safe,” he eyed the woman who walked a little too close to you. “They found me. And you’re in danger by even being with me.”

You shook your head, tears threatened to fall. “Buck, no,”

“Please, my love,” Bucky pleaded and dug into his pockets. He shoved what cash he had into your hands. “Buy a ticket. Get far away from me.”

“I can’t leave you.” You shook your head. “I won’t.”

“If something happens to you, I won’t be able to forgive myself,” he said, tears in his eyes, too. “I’ll find you. I’ll find you eventually.” You shook your head, defiantly. “Stop it… Please…”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too… so, so much.” He muttered, pulling you back for one final kiss. “Go.”

-=+=-

You were so defiant. Bucky called you stubborn on so many occasions. “That stubbornness is gonna get you in so much trouble one day,” he warned after you refused to back down when you picked a fight with a man twice your size who was manhandling a woman on the train.

He warned you time after time. Stop being so stubborn. Do what I tell you to do so we don’t get killed. But every time, you refused to listen.

Much like now.

Instead of buying a train ticket and getting the hell out of Bucharest, you made it your mission to find out what had him on edge. You found the newspaper with the same headline about the bombing and frowned. Neither of you were in Vienna. You’d been staying in Romania for almost 3 months. So, you managed to find the tip hotline and got in touch with an agent. You claimed his innocence and when asked how you knew the truth, you simply responded, “I was with him.”

So, now you were staring at a man across the table who introduced himself as Everett Ross. You were flown out from Bucharest to Berlin in a matter of hours after your initial phone call.

“I don’t think I quite believe your story, Miss (Y/L),” he finally told you as he rubbed his chin. “It all just seems…”

“It’s contradicting to the narrative you’re so keen on believing,” you nodded. “But it’s the truth. I’ve been traveling with James Buchanan Barnes for the past 2 years after he saved me from being mugged in London.”

“You realize you’ve been traveling with a known criminal, right?” He asked.

You shook your head. “He’s not a criminal. He’s a victim. Don’t paint him into a villain if you don’t know or want to acknowledge his story.”

“You’ve got some bite on you,” he chuckled. “But if he’s such a victim, then why did he attack and escape?”

“What?”

“He’s injured many of our agents, killed dozens in the bombing.” Ross explained. “And yet, you come here, parading around the story that he’s a victim.” He shook his head. “Perhaps, the true victim is you Miss (Y/L)? Maybe the truth is, is that James Buchanan Barnes didn’t save you from being mugged. He kidnapped you and forced to live with him for 2 years, uprooting you from your life, making you depend on him.”

“Are you suggesting I have Stockholm syndrome?” You cocked an eyebrow up. “Because I am of sound mind and he is innocent.”

“I was giving you an out, kid,” he sighed and threw his hands into the air. “I was giving you an excuse, so we don’t tag you as an accessory to a crime. Aiding and abetting a criminal. Hate to see a nice girl like you locked up in prison.”

“I stand by my statement that I was with Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes in Bucharest, Romania at the time of the bombing in Vienna,” you stated and stared him down. Oh, how that stubbornness and undying loyalty shined through.

They didn’t formally arrest you. Instead, they kept you locked in the interview room for hours. You had even fallen asleep a few times. They checked into your story. At every city you and Bucky stayed at, they were able to find video evidence of you too. It was tricky at first. Bucky was skilled at hiding from CCTV, but he had his slip ups. And in some videos, if you were caught on tape, sure enough, Bucky was lingering somewhere near you.

But they didn’t tell you their plan for you, either. If they can’t arrest Barnes themselves, they’ll throw you in the Raft (despite you being a non-enhanced civilian). And if Tony Stark failed at apprehending Steve Rogers and the Winter Soldier, then they’ll use you to draw him out.

-=+=-

You hummed softly to yourself as you laid in the prison bed. You knew from your first conversation with Everett Ross this is where you would end up – a prison cell. However, you didn’t realize that the prison would be hidden in the ocean. The Raft, they called it. Supposedly, it was for the most dangerous criminals. And for some reason, you – a human girl whose only crimes were telling the truth and falling in love – made the cut. And if those were the crimes that Everett Ross claimed you committed, then fine. Guilty as charged.

Later, the cells around you became occupied. Three men and one woman.

“What got you locked up in here?” the African American man asked you.

“Tell the truth,” you answered. He frowned at your response. “I tried doing the right thing. Tell Everett Ross that James Buchanan Barnes is innocent!” You screamed, knowing that the conversation was being overseen by security.

“Wait, Bucky?” The man asked you. You nodded. “You’re the girl.”

“Am I supposed to say, you’re the man?” You scoffed. “Who the hell are you?”

“Sam Wilson,” he introduced. “I know your fella.”

Your features softened. “Is he… is he okay?”

“I sure hope so,” Sam sighed.

-=+=-

You didn’t know how long you were all locked up. You quickly got to know your cellmates – Sam, Clint, Scott, and Wanda. Sam had filled you in on what happened with Bucky, some details he glazed over, knowing the conversation was being monitored. His story lined up with yours. Bucky had been framed so that he would be flushed out of hiding. He was later arrested after trying to flee from a man wearing a cat suit – that part confused you – and the UN.

Bucky didn’t want you involved in the catastrophe that would’ve erupted. He knew he can’t protect the both of you, so he asked you to go as far as you can. You, of course, deterred from his plan and got yourself locked up in a high-security prison. At least you’re safe, you joked to yourself. You did that part right.

Then there was a thud that erupted through the prison as a guard’s body fell from the railing. You quickly got up from your seat against the wall and stared into the darkness. A man emerged and freed you all.

-=+=-

“You’re the girl Bucky’s been talking about?” The man, who introduced himself as Steve, asked as the two of wandered around a hidden Wakanda facility.

“Guilty, I guess,” you smiled. “You’re the best friend he told me about?”

“Guilty,” Steve chuckled. “Thank you… Thank you for being there for him…”

“Honestly, I think he saved me more times than I’ve ever saved him,” you laughed. Steve led you to a lab.

You stared at the technology in awe. It was so advanced compared to the rest of the world. You heard Steve ask someone, “are you sure about this?”

“I can’t trust my own mind,” you heard a familiar voice respond. It broke your heart how broken he sounded. “So, until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head. I think going back under is the best thing… for everybody.”

“Nothing will make you change your mind?” Steve asked. You didn’t see, but Bucky gave him a sad smile and shook his head. “Not even…” Steve gestured for you to walk over. Bucky’s brows shot up in surprise as you made your presence known. You gave him a small smile as you wrapped your arms around him, careful not to hit the wrapped stub where his titanium arm used to be.

“How?” Bucky asked as you pulled away.

“Tried to clear your name, got arrested,” Bucky frowned at you, “got sent to the Raft, got broken out by Captain American, and… now I’m here.”

“You never got on that train, did ya?” You shook your head and gave him a guilty look. “Of course,” he chuckled as he used his good arm to pull you into a kiss.

“What are you doing?” you asked him.

“I gotta let them fix me,” Bucky explained. “Take the Winter Soldier out of my head.” You looked over to the cryo-freeze chamber and frowned. It looked terrifying – like the things you’d see in a sci-fi horror flick.

“I can’t convince you otherwise?” You asked.

“No, love,” Bucky shook his head, taking your hand into his. “I can’t give you a good life… not with all the bad stuff in my head.”

“Are you ready, Sergeant Barnes?” A teenage girl walked up to him.

Your hand gripped his as he got up from the table. “Stevie, watch over her?” Bucky asked, looking over at Steve.

“You got it pal,” Steve nodded.

Bucky looked down at you. “Don’t do anything stupid until I’m back.”

“How can I?” You muttered. “You’re taking it with you.” Steve smiled to himself, recognizing the phrase and remembering how he would’ve responded similarly.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you more, Bucky,” you teared up.

“Impossible.”

“Asshole.” He smirked at your response, but instead of providing a rebuttal, he let you have the last word. He gave you one last kiss before he let the girl escort him to the chamber. He closed his eyes as the glass frosted over.

-=+=-

He will be waking today, Shuri’s message read to you. You arrived at the rural villages of Wakanda. The natives all greeted you with smiles as if knowing today was the big day.

“How are you feeling?” Shuri asked the newly awakened Bucky. He stared off into the distance.

“Good. Thank you.” Bucky gave her a small smile and she returned it. He takes in the view of the lake. The sunlight reflected on the waters. It was a beautiful sight.

“Come. So much for you to learn,” Shuri beckoned as she walked off.

Bucky tore his eyes from the beautiful Wakandian scenery and followed Shuri’s voice and was met with another sight that was far more gorgeous.

You wore a white flowy dress (though the bottom of the skirt had been dirtied from the mud you ran across earlier that day). Your hair had been pulled back in a half up/half down hairdo, a small bun at the crown of your head. Your smile reached your teary eyes as your eyes met.

You raced over to him and held him tightly in your arms. You missed him so much. This reunion was months in the making.

“You stayed?” Bucky asked, breathless as you pulled away and wrapped your arms around his neck. You nodded.

“Why would I leave?” You asked. “I’ve waited a long time for this.” You said and pulled him down for a long-awaited kiss.

This was word vomit in fan fiction form. I’m so sorry.

Please tell me what y’all think <3 

[trashballerina]

Hetalia Fics I Really Like

this  ⭐ will be for fics I really like. I’ll try not to star everything.

I’m starting with my favorite of all time and tbh I think the fandom should see this fic as a OG, like Auf Weiderstein Sweetheart or Gutters, I really do.

Are We Even Humans  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ (Literally all the stars)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103344

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5660761/chapters/25048773 (prequel)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7036330/chapters/16007758 (sequel)

The war is over, but putting together everything that fell apart will be a greater challenge than anyone is prepared to handle. Alliances dissolve, and the lines between friends and enemies are blurrier than ever before.

Opinion: Please read it. It is a series with a sequel and a prequel that can be read on its own but it’s so good. Imma go on a quick rant here. This fic is great from the writing, plot, characters, and the nuances of nationhood abilities. I literally rioted during the first chapter because it was so good. One of my absolutely favorite things in the fic and the series as a whole is Prussia. Kingdom of Prussia, German Democratic Republic, Gilbert Beilschmidt. His character progression and seeing him through the series as a whole is astounding. I was literally left shaken at the end of this series and I’ve read it twice. The OC’s are usually the antagonists, but hot damn, they are memorable OC’s who are great (terrible?) villains. And the family dynamics! The family dynamics are enough of a reason to read it by itself and the romances. Omg I love this fic so much. Main takeaways: astounding characterization, amazing plot, will cry, long read, and a reality check on what it means to be a nation.

Would it be too much if I did a separate post on how much I love this series and an in depth analysis? (I feel like such a nerd omg)

Hard Times Passing 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516458/chapters/56397817

Alfred is homeless during the Great Depression and in his wanderings he's charged with the task of caring for a small orphaned Taiwan. AU-Human names used, Taiwan is a child.

Opinion: So incredibly heart warming. It’s well written and I love the dialogue so much. Also, the little cameos from other characters are an absolute delight. It’s a it short, but so wholesome.

Flowers Don’t Grow on Battlefields  ⭐

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14153106/chapters/32619954

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898919/chapters/39697068 (sequel)

As war tightens its hold on the nations of the world, new alliances are formed. Nobody will escape the war unscathed. Italy only hopes that this time, he will find a way to save those he holds dearest.

Opinion: I realllly like this fic. Maybe I’m a bit bias because I remember reading it from like to third chapter and watching it get updated till the end, but this is really good. Cute gerita, great characterization, good plot, and some lines just really make me melt. And the fluff omg. There’s a sequel that’s linked under too that I may like more than the first. 

Who Knew (One Shot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516695#main

“The last time the two of them had any sort of contact was when Gilbert sent the letter to Matthew before the first war started.

That was twenty-six years ago. Twenty-six years Matthew had not seen Gilbert. Twenty-six years of Matthew worrying about if his fiancé was alive or not. Twenty-six years of Matthew thinking about all the horrible things that could be happening to Gilbert. Twenty-six years of Matthew wishing he could just see Gilbert, even if it were just for a second. Twenty-six years of pure hell for Matthew. Twenty-six years of being all alone.”

Matthew Williams, the personification of Canada, never thought that he would fall in love, but he did. He fell in love with Gilbert Beilschmidt, the personification of Prussia, but their romance would have to be cut short with the up coming war that was soon approaching them.

Opinion: My god my heart. Matthew had great characterization. Like amazingly so. 10/10 somber and melodic tones throughout the story. Good tension. And again, my heart. 

TELL ME A PIECE OF YOUR HISTORY  ⭐

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741175/chapters/8294941#workskin

An account of the media reactions to the reveal of Nations (anthropomorphic national embodiments) with scholarly commentary.

Heavily inspired by: United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) [fallingvoices, radialarch] with mixed genres.

Opinion: It’s really cool. It’s told through media, like email, twitter, texts, online magazines, subtitles of videos (not actual videos tho). I love the outside view point of the world on nations and how some people really like them and how others absolutely despise their very existence. One of the main things that sticks out the me is the in depth analysis other humans or posters do on the nations and people even interview the nations, chapter eight is like my favorite for that reason, or how some humans just gush about the nations on so media like how half the fandom does lol. It’s really good. Super creative, great insight on how to world sees the nations, and honestly a great read.

Red Winter (One shot and crossover!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/909492

The Winter Soldier's new target: a Russian politician named Ivan Braginsky.

Things don't go as planned.

Opinion: Literally so cool. Like nations are total BS to outsiders, especially assassins. I was loosing it during this fic because from Bucky’s POV nations are something else. The writing is really solid and the author uses italics to highlight an action sound or word and even single-word thoughts. The fight scene is really entertaining but also it flows fantastically. 

In Costa Rica (Oneshot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614041

“You have this backwards,” McLaughlin said. “Everything. You have it all backwards.” He was a lithe man, looked to be in his mid-thirties. Schnabel leaned back in his chair. Outside, the afternoon rain started, and the frogs momentarily fell silent. “They are dangerous, aren’t they?” Two men discuss the nations and history.

Opinion: No actual nations appear in this fic. It’s just two men talking about the nations and it’s really interesting to see them humor and take seriously the idea of nations. They both discuss what they already know about the nations and theorize. Also hearing an outside perspective and how the nations effect the word around them is golden. I give this fic a big ol’ chef’s kiss. 

Finally, I’ll Just Miss You! (Oneshot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15553608

Countries will be abolished tomorrow. For the first time, they breathe and realize this might be their last breath and they’ll never wake up again. They want to wake up, they want to go to sleep, the land will still be there when they’re gone. But they breathe, it won’t be the same- for once, they feel human.

Opinion: Bro, I swear I’m not crying. This one is short but really bittersweet and my heart really hurts. I like the snippets of insight on the characters. 

Diamond in the Rough  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12872642/1/

The year is 1952, the last full year of Joseph Stalin's rule over the Soviet Union. After an incident with Latvia, Estonia is determined to find out what Russia did to him. And so unfolds a chain of events that would lead the Baltic States to tears, to forgiveness, to unexpected courage and horrifying discoveries about the mysterious past of Gilbert Beilschmidt. See AN for rating.

Opinion: This just be a legitimate book. I have honestly read this one like three time and every time I read it I am absolutely elated to discover another detail or action I missed. It is a longer read but I think it is absolutely worth it. For one, the characterization is beautiful. Maybe I might be bias because I stan and love the Baltics, but how they are written compared to the many other fics I’ve read on them is phenomenal. While the author does take some creative liberties and deviates from canon a little, like the Baltics actually considering themselves to be brothers, I really enjoy the changes. ALSO, the history and research and on this fic is genuinely impressive. To think fic authors do this shit for fun and pour so much of their passion into a piece of writing. Secondly, while Russia may be an antagonist in this story, I honestly think it is just. His mentality, backstory, and current predicament explain his behavior and make him a justifiable antagonist. I highly recommend this one. 

Adieux (Oneshot)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700886/1/

What happens to nations after they cease to exist? Do they simply disappear or do they get a second chance? It wasn't a subject Francis was particularly keen on finding out about...but at the same time, it wasn't something he could just ignore. One-shot

Opinion: I hate this fic because I love it way too much. I might of cried a little bit and I instantly melt of Francis and Matthew. 

In Our Solemn Hour (incomplete) ⭐

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8975529/30/In-Our-Solemn-Hour

The time was World War II, at the dawn of a global conflict like nothing any of the Nations had ever seen before. Nothing could've prepared them for what lay ahead: a war more total and radical than anything they could ever have imagined. This wasn't just business as usual; it was centuries' worth of pent-up emotions all coming into play at once. This was indeed their darkest hour.

Opinion: Characterization is on point. One part of this fic I remember very well during a fight to the death, Finland mutters a little “Oh dear”. The characters retain some of the qualities that make them silly in Hetalia but because this is another take on it it does get darker. I think Germany’s portrayal is my favorite because he does cruel and unnesscary things and questions it because its not his usal nature. The author notes are super insightful and sometimes funny; it really adds to the rest of the story. I might revisit this post to make a more in depth opinion on it because I don’t remember it all to well when I know I really like this one.

So that was my post lol. I’ll probably make more on other fandoms later tbh or I’ll just make a part two. If you end up reading about any of these posts, please feel free to tell me about them! I love talking about fics and reading in general. Thanks for reading!

[thedoctornumber11]

Munday post

I figured maybe this week I’d do a different type of Munday.  Most of my long time roleplay partners already know me quite a bit and I also try to introduce myself to newer partners as well, however I figured this could be a good chance for everyone to really get to know me.  I’m including everything under a read more not because long post and also because I know not everyone likes seeing this type of thing.  It’s just a bunch of random facts about me and my favorite things along with a munday pic under the cut.  I didn’t want to just throw out a munday picture like most would do.  I’ve done that plenty of times before and there’s nothing wrong with it, I just felt like doing something a bit more unique and different this time that might really give people a chance to get to know me :D

So long post under the cut.

So, first off, my name is Derek.  I’m the mun.  I just recently turned 30 and I’m from Indiana.  I work in a preschool, essentially as a glorified baby sitter.  I help the teachers get their breaks.  

I’ve been interacting on here since November of 2013 and I’ve had this exact blog with this exact URL the entire time.  I wanted something really generic and not just a quote or something like that.  I first tried TheEleventhDoctor, but obviously that was taken so this ended up being what I went with.  As for the theme, it too was made a VERY long time ago.  The TARDIS theme with the opening doors on the TARDIS actually used to be quite popular when I first started interacting on here, particularly with the Doctor Who RP fandom.  Although I’m the only one I see with it these days, if you go looking for older Doctor Who blogs that have gone inactive you are actually likely to find a few other blogs with it.  As for the background picture, I found that one myself except for the part with Matt Smith/The Eleventh Doctor edited on.  That part was done by someone I used to interact with who just surprised me with it one day and unfortunately isn’t on Tumblr anymore :(  Having been on this platform for so long I’ve obviously seen a lot of blogs come and go and I miss every single last one of them :(  However I also enjoy everyone I currently interact with and would recommend almost any of them.  Seriously, if anyone is looking for new people to interact with, let me know you are looking for people and what fandoms you enjoy and I can probably recommend a few blogs!

Outside of Tumblr RP, I enjoy video games, yugioh, reading comics, general super hero related stuff, watching movies, playing Pokemon Go (I help run the local PoGo community) general board games, watching my shows, figure collecting, and cosplay, most of which I’m sure is stuff many of you also enjoy.  My fandoms include Doctor Who (obviously), DC, Star Wars, The Legend of Korra/ATLA (I’m one of the few that likes LoK more than ATLA), Marvel, Star Trek, Firefly, Power Rangers, The Walking Dead, Yugioh, Pokemon, Sherlock, general Nintendo fandom, Digimon and Harry Potter.

Here’s a few things about me in list form.

My favorite musician is Weird Al Yankovic.  

My favorite book is Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robbison.  As someone who’s been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome myself, this book really spoke to me in my original read through and since then I’ve purchased it multiple times.  I own at least three or four different copies of this book, partially because I kept loaning it out to people.

My favorite book series is the Harry Potter series.  Don’t ask me for a favorite book in the series, I love them all about equally.  

As for comics, right now my favorite thing I’m reading is the Power Rangers series that Boom is putting out.  Some of my favorites of all time include Power Ranger Soul of the Dragon, the Star Trek TNG/Doctor Who crossover, the Power Rangers/Justice League Crossover, the original Spider-Gwen series, Poison Ivy Cycle of Life and Death, The Dark Knight Returns (I know anything Frank Miller related is a bit controversial but I enjoy it for what it is) and Batman: Hush.

Favorite movies include UHF, Scott Pilgrim VS the World, Captain America The Winter Soldier, Captain America the First Avenger, Avengers End Game, the Justice League movie, anything and everything DC animated, anything and everything Spider-Man related (yes, I even like Spider-Man 3 although it wasn’t as good as the others), anything Star Wars related although I’d say Force Awakens is my favorite one, the 2017 Power Rangers movie, Serenity, The Lego movie and it’s sequel, Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time, Mystery Men, Galaxy Quest, all the Star Trek movies, the corny 90′s Mario movie, the Doctor Who movie, and Detective Pikachu.  Really, any of the Marvel and DC movies could probably make this list as well, I’m not super picky when it comes to movies.

Favorite TV shows is something I am a bit pickier about.  Doctor Who is obviously on the list, and I’ve watched and enjoyed most of the Marvel and DC live action stuff although I have a huge preference for the arrowverse and 70′s Wonder Woman.  Animated stuff tends to vary but a lot of the older stuff from the early and mid 90′s seems to be best for that.  Power Rangers is obviously on the list as well, along with The Walking Dead, Digimon, Avatar the Last Airbender, The Legend of Korra, Sherlock, Yugioh, Firefly, and off the top of my head that’s about it.  Everyone always assumes I’m huge into anime as well, but I’m not actually that into it.  Just not my thing.

Now video games has potential to be my longest list as it’s easily my favorite medium of story telling due to the interactivity.  First off, Nintendo and Playstation are my general consoles of choice.  Nothing against Xbox, I have a lot of respect for the brand but I can’t really afford to have three consoles (even though I wish I could) and Nintendo and Sony have more offerings for me personally.  I also do dabble on PC a bit, but I don’t really have a high end PC and it’s mostly just for Sims.  That being said, my favorite games and game series include Watch_Dogs, The Sims, Mario (mostly the “main series,” 3D games and 2D platformers but I do enjoy some of the off series stuff like Mario Kart and Mario Party as well) , Pokemon, Super Smash Brothers, The Force Unleashed series, Injustice, most of the Spider-Man games, The Last of Us, Tomb Raider, most of the Batman games, Wario Ware, The Last of Us (still haven’t played the sequel yet.  Waiting to get it for cheap after seeing reviews), Days Gone, Control, Horizon Zero Dawn, No Man’s Sky, 51 Worldwide Classics for Switch, No Man’s Sky, the Tony Hawk Games (still haven’t played the new one yet), Time Splitters, The Movies, Hulk Ultimate Destruction, Zombies Ate My Neighbhors, Kirby, The Legend of Korra game (the 3d one, not the really bad one for 3DS), Donkey Kong, Street Fighter 2, Punch Out, Metal Gear Solid 5 the Phantom Pain, Sonic Heroes, and the list could go on and on.

My favorite drink is root beer or chocolate milkshakes if that counts

My favorite alcoholic drink is probably just a basic screwdriver tbh

My favorite food is Cheeseburgers, although Chicken Pot Pie is also a top contender tbh

My favorite color is green

My favorite Doctor is Eleventh obviously, but Thirteen, Two and Twelve are tied for second

Favorite companions are Amy, River (if she counts), and Donna

Favorite New Who episode is The Eleventh Hour

Favorite Classic Who story is Genesis of the Daleks

Since I’ve mentioned super heroes a lot, my favorites are Batman, Wonder Woman and Spider-Man, although Supergirl, Batgirl, Captain America, Scarlet Witch and Black Widow are also pretty high on the list.

Favorite game in the Pokemon series is X and Y

Dragonite is my favorite Pokemon

Favorite 3D Mario game is Odyssey although Sunshine would be next up on the list.

This is my only Tumblr RP blog.  I also have an ask meme blog and I used to have a personal but I haven’t logged onto it in years.

I’m on discord and I do add people from Tumblr on there, but I mostly only use it for Pokemon Go tbh

I spend every Wednesday and Sunday at the local comic book shop playing Yugioh

For anyone wondering in relation to that last fact, my current competitive deck Barrier Stun.  Some of my favorite casual decks that I play or have played in the past are Lightsworn, Blue-Eyes, E-Heroes, Greed, Sacred Beasts, Penguins and Six Samurai.

In the last decade I’ve moved about 3 times

I own pets!  I have one dog and one cat currently, but a few years back when we lived in a more country like setting, we owned 7 cats and 2 dogs at maximum.  Most of them died of old age over the last few years.

Before my current job I used to work at Walmart.  Long time followers of the blog may remember that I hated it there.

I don’t have a whole lot of writing experience outside of Tumblr tbh.  While I do enjoy writing on here, it’s the interactions itself that makes it fun for me and while I’ve tried to write a few things myself, it’s just not the same as roleplay.

Anyway, I just sort of wanted to do something different for munday besides just posting pictures of myself so I hope anyone who read this enjoyed it.  Here’s a pic of the mun to go with it.

[sea-laviee]

Hi sorry I’m advance for how long this is I got a little carried away. So I know a decent amount about the behind the scenes of YouTube and I saw you had a few anons about it earlier. I definitely don’t know everything but I do know a good amount just bc I follow some channels who have pretty transparent about everything and I’ve researched into the money of YouTube before bc I considered starting a channel myself. So I personally l think youtube is still their main source of income (idk literally anything about about wakehaerts earnings so I could be wrong) and they still make GOOD money from it tbh. They do things like bleep our curse words and have a few mid roll ads on their videos, so while they’re not as family friendly as they used to be they’re still conscious with editing. They’re also still producing high quality long form content (that’s why their vids are usually more then 20 mins) with I’m assuming high viewer retention rates (watching all the way through) which also earns more and allows for more mid roll ads. You can technically put a mid roll every two minutes but they usually have 2 or three scattered throughout and you make more of the viewer watch’s ads all the way through rather then skips them. But essentially More ads = More money. And since they do long form content with censoring while still keeping it relatively PG it means they get better paying ads that pay more compared to ads on channels who don’t would get. So with the estimated range earning you’re seeing I’m guessing they’re probably at 75% of the estimated earning and they are uploading twice a week now with a solid fan base and typically over a million views which probably earns them +$75,000 a vid (I feel like I’m low balling it here) not including paid sponsorships like raycon which would probably give them anywhere from $10,000-$30,00 or even more depending on how long they talk about the product (30 seconds vs. a minute) and since but they +11 million subscribers they’re probably on the higher side of sponsorship deals. Also YouTube takes a % from on video ads (the yellow ones you can usually skip not in vid sponsorships coming out of their mouths) but I can’t remember the number. Anyways all these numbers are extremely rough estimates but either way they’re still making bank. Enough so to support themselves, a team of I think six or seven and probably a % to whatever agency they’re with if they’re with one. With the new vlog format they’re probably making less than before when they were super family friendly/G rated but not big of enough cut that they would consider giving up something they’re now enjoying and put their efforts in somewhere else. WOW SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG and sorry if it got rambley. Also I didn’t read over it so sorry if it’s a little confusing.

IN SUMMARY: they’re still making hella bank so I don’t think that the pay cut would be a reason for them to leave. They also talked about in the podcast today how they think it’s cool how their channel will show how they grow over the next few years and how they’ll always be able to look back on it. So I think there’s also some personal motivations behind them staying around as well. **Also all these numbers are guesses and I looked into it a year ago so I don’t know if anything’s changed since. I also don’t know anyone personally on their level so like I said it’s just a guess.** I just thought I would share what I’ve heard. ❤️ (cries in poor)

thank you for this!! business owners, especially successful ones usually make alot of money too so yeah they’re definitely making bank regardless. i think people underestimate how much money youtubers really make, big or small

[geekyjoys]

Japan’s National Catcher, Miyuki Kazuya, Accused of Doping During Recent Baseball Season

Posted seven hours ago - December 1, 20XX - by Japan Professional Sports author Kitamura Kou

Miyuki Kazuya, Yomiuri Giants’ main catcher, and recently promoted Japan Team Captain for the World Cup, stunned the world when he led the Japanese Team to win against the Puerto Rican last season at the World Cup, before losing to the American Representative Team, landing securely in second place. The Yomiuri Giants' orange "Miyuki 22" jersey has been increasing steadily in sales until it peaked as the most-sold official NPB merchandise in a single season. Although still a relative rookie—three years as the starting catcher for the giants, and only six total under the NPB—Miyuki's reputation as the up-and-coming superstar came as no surprise to most avid watchers. Especially because of his skill.

However, it seems some officials have gotten suspicious of his near-perfect gameplay (a 0.402 batting average, 37 home runs, and 98 RBIs all in a single season!). Miyuki is currently being investigated by the NPB for suspicion of the use of PEDs during the recent season, and possibly prior seasons. His managers and the Yomiuri Giants’ have yet to comment on this scandal. However, it has been confirmed by NPB officials that Miyuki has submitted samples to a lab to be tested.

Comments:

baseball-fanatic lol i knew he was too good to be true. how do we know he didn't send in someone else's blood to scam the system?

see comment thread below:

miyumiyukazu he’s been playing this good ever since he was in high school??

yomiurimiyuki it literally hasnt even been proven yet, theyre just investigating so stop acting like he's guilty. and there's a thing called DNA in blood that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH has unique to them. if he submitted someone else's blood, they'd know

catcherintherye all lies come from SOME place of truth

pitchtomepls that… that doesn’t even make sense...

tigertime stay pressed, hater. peace!! (-3-)

lovekazukun i can’t believe this because remember that one time the team went out drinking at a bar and miyuki only got a soda and waited outside because he can’t stand alcohol or the smell of cigarettes

see comment thread below:

baseballislife OMG YES!! during the “team diaries” video last year right?

miyumiyukazu yes!! you expect me to believe miyuki kazuya, the smol-but-tol-and-angry team captain was doping??

npbfollower what i’m more surprised about is the fact that the npb actually started the whole thing. the news didn’t come from an outside leak, npb information spread and went viral.

lovekazukun but he’s the darling of the npb… why would they want to destroy him like that??

meisan because the mlb is offering him bigger contracts once he becomes a free agent next year

101pitching oh yeah next year will be his seventh season and the end of his contract with the giants

pitchtomepls you guys think it’s a warning to miyuki? like they’re blackmailing him not to go?

npbfollower idk but something’s fishy here

meisan the only reason miyuki wants to go is because he wants a new pitcher. he’s said it before in interviews. he wants a real partnership with his battery mate, and he hasn’t found that in japan. not even with narumiya mei (as much as i hate to admit it lol)

pitchtomepls and the npb doesn’t wanna lose their international advertising cash cow to the major leagues. pffft typical.

101pitching if he signs with an MLB team, he's probably going to get a nike or adidas contract but Asics has their claws DEEP in the NPB board so they might've done something here to prevent him from leaving and signing with a rival

miyukikazoo what, ran out of dating scandals to throw at him, so you accuse him of doping??

see comment thread below:

miyumiyukazu HAH OH SHIT !!

baseballislife at least it's right after the season, and not during or right before. that way, the scandal can be proven false and he'll have plenty of time to forget

furuyaaasss ikr i was getting so pissed off at the dating scandals,,, like, he's already confirmed he's GAY so stop trying to pair him up with the first actress he greets at a business party

pitchtomepls wowowow we have some shots fired in the area

101pitching wow these insults are almost as sharp as miyuki's would be hahaha

miyukikazoo what can i say, we miyuki stans learned from the best

furuyaaasss ive stanned him since his seido days and his battery with furuya so ive had time to learn lol

tigertime you know what they say, don't mess with a fangirl in a miyuki 22 jersey

anonymousbaseball why did they make kitamura write this shit?? his expertise would be much more useful taking a look at the upcoming college drafts, not this "scandal" or whatever. stop tarnishing his reputation as a credible author.

goldeneaglefan hes just really good, why does that automatically make him suspicious of doping? he had like 50 something career homeruns in HIGH SCHOOL, so 24 in a single season, SIX YEARS after becoming a pro isn't all that surprising tbh

see comment thread below:

kazuyaaa thats the truth right here. being naturally good at something DOES NOT make you a cheater

kyotobaby lol what about that one volleyball player who was accused of doping last year?? or the hakone runner?? and weren't they both proven false?? haven't we had enough of these flase allegations by now?

see comment thread below:

tosstome you mean kageyama and kurahara? https://vleaguenews.com/kageyama-tobio-doping-scandal-disproven https://collegeathletics.org/hakone-issues-official-apology-to-runner-kurahara-kakeru

sssportsss KAGEYAMA TOBIO DESERVES AN APOLOGY FROM THE V-LEAGUE AND I WANT IT NOW!!

rahrahrakuten welp looks like ill have to find a sports fandom that isnt toxic. anyone have any suggestions?

see comment thread below:

npbfollower swimming?

lovekazukun nah dude, matsuoka and nanase (japan's star swimmers rn) are always at each other's throats. it's like they want to kill each other 24/7 and its so horrible

npbfollower please tell me that's a joke. you're joking, right? i might be dense but pls tell me thats a joke

lovekazukun no...? why?

npbfollower sis, they're literally dating. they have been together since like college https://sportsshipping.org/matsuoka-and-nanase-are-official

nautilusshell hopefully he'll be back for the annual college tournament! my brother goes to waseda and he was kind of excited to play against miyuki

see comment thread below:

baseballislife yessss its a tradition! and as as the starting catcher, he should be there to scout out potential threats or assets to the giants' team!

nautilusshell he has some say in who the giants sign next, right? as the superstar catcher, i would assume they don't take his opinion on who to sign lightly

baseballislife yeah he does. i've been following some of the college teams not associated with schools and i wanted to see how miyuki would fare against the nagano jets... they have four pitchers currently and are looking for a two new ones ever since the two oldest ones moved on/graduated. one of their pitchers has been giving all the other universities and independent teams some trouble, though...

nautilusshell ah yeah i've heard that! mihashi ren, right? the nagano jets have an impressive lineup this year... kominato haruichi, abe takaya, and then the newcomers, seto, okumura, asada, kuki, yuuki (who is the younger sibling of seido's assistant coach!!)... i wouldn't be surprised if they swept the college series and minor-leagues this year.

[Link to master page]

Author’s Note: The NPB actually has a nine-year free agency rule but, for the sake of the story, I’ve cut it down to six years like the MLB.