#tbh I hope Amber Heard enjoyed shitting on his bed

[realasslesbian]

EDIT: because males and male-centrics feel like they need to air their uneducated dumbtakes on this post I apparently need to explicitly state I am an actual 6.3GPA first class honours lawyer and my opinion (that is that Johnny Depp is an entire sack of shit) is also the resounding opinion of the entire legal profession. Your half-baked misogynist ideas you got off Facebook and TikTok come across like a toddler smearing faeces on my wall. In any case y'all know my blog's policy: misogynist dumbtakes = immediate ban. Enjoy.

Ok I just saw that 'Johnny Depp questioning hearsay objections' TikTok and now I fully hate him, as does probably the entire legal profession. 'oH SO thIs thINg i SAiD IS heaRsAY bUt thIS OTHEr thiNG I sAId ISN'T??' Yes Johnny Depp, that's how hearsay objections work, maybe when you go to law school for the better part of a decade you'll not only be able to distinguish between the two but also realise how crucial it is to identify hearsay evidence, particularly in the fucking defamation law suit you brought to court, which is entirely based on the premise that someone said something untrue about you (i.e. they spread hearsay evidence themselves). Ffs this man needs to be more grateful Amber Heard is the only woman clearly too young for him that's taking his ass to the cleaners. Instead he's out here acting like a fucking 2yo who got dragged in against his will to his own fucking court case smh

[adelaidedrubman]

wip once again

tagged by @scungilliwoman and @lilwritingraven to share a wip on this day!! i promise with 94% certainty wildfire chapter 7 will be up tomorrow unless something's like. wrong. and then i promise i'll kick around with some drabbles on the one word prompts i received :') promise.

in the meantime, have an excerpt from one of the other prompts i've been jumping between below cut. set in no reaping au and warnings for some very mild innuendo and implications of what could potentially be read as possessive jealousy (although tbh i intended it more as insecure clinginess.)

passing the tag on to @shallow-gravy @stacispratt @consumedkings @vasiktomis @faithchel @strafethesesinners @chyrstis @chazz-anova

“To Missoula?” the man questioned as he rose to stand from his place tangled in the covers of Jestiny’s bed. “For the whole week? Why?”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” she began with a huff, because it wasn’t his business, and she didn’t really know why in the first place she’d casually mentioned as she dressed for the day that she’d be out of town next weekend, “But Whitehorse is making me go to a police training seminar,” she explained as she tucked the tails of her shirt into her jeans. “Because someone made a big stink about me not wanting to take down their legally baseless crime report a few weeks ago.”

“Aaah,” he hummed in acknowledgement. “Well, I suppose you should have just taken the poor fellow’s statement, but…” he sucked his teeth. “Hindsight.”

She turned back towards him with fists clenched at her sides and burning amber eyes, making him raise outstretched palms in a show of retreat. “Regardless of the why,” he digressed with a wavering lower of his arms as if to smooth back over the conversation, “The training lasts the whole week, then?”

“Well, it lasts 'til Friday. I figured I'd stay through the weekend,” she replied, running too twitchy fingers through her hair a few times before finally picking up a brush to comb through copper locks. “It's a discounted rate to get the whole week at the hotel, and shit's coming out of my paycheck, anyways,” she elaborated with a shrug. “And Missoula is a cool city.”

“Almost more of a town than a city, really,” he mumbled with barely concealed bitterness as he lifted himself up by his hands to sit atop her dresser.

“Maybe it's not Atlanta,” she responded with a roll of her eyes, “But it's a city by Montana standards. It's got like, bars and clubs and shit,” she elaborated, pushing his leg out of the way to open a drawer. “And it'll be nice to get away for a weekend.”

She tried not to look at him, tried not to notice the way he subtly furrowed his brows and pushed out his bottom lip. “Hope County has bars.”

“Well, I've been to those bars,” she said as she pulled a small pair of hoop earrings from the drawer to poke through her ears. “I go to those bars every weekend.”

“Well, there's nothing wrong with going to the same bar every weekend.”

“Really?” she scoffed as she opened a lower drawer, pulling out a belt to loop through her jeans. “'Cause I think you told me you used to go to a lot of bars, back in Atlanta,” she said with raised eyebrows as she fastened her belt, still looking down at the wood grain and not the man to her side, “I heard you'd go to a bunch of different bars in the same night, sometimes. What was your record, again? Eleven bars in a single day?”

“That was Atlanta,” he said sharply through gritted teeth. “None of the bars there were really special enough to visit more than a handful of times. But the bars in Hope County are more than enough for me now. They are fine establishments. I enjoy being a regular.”

“Alright, sure, plenty of bars here,” she continued as she moved his legs out of the way again without looking directly at him, as if he were nothing more than an inconveniently placed object, even as this time she pushed them apart to yank open the drawer between where they dangled, “It's been awhile since I've been to a real club, though.”

“Wait, does club mean…?”

She slammed the drawer back shut again. “It fuckin' means club, John!” she finally shouted, shaking outstretched hands in front of his face to punctuate her words. “That’s all it means. And that's not even what my plans are for the weekend, I was just tryin' to say it will be nice to spend time in a city.”

[burningscge]

( amber heard, 30, cis-female, she/her ) Have you seen SAGE CAULFIELD-PROUVOST around ? I hear they’re an ASSISTANT TO THE MAYOR who can sometimes be BLUNT & ALOOF. But I also heard they can be LOYAL & SHARP-WITTED if you catch them on a good day. They’re usually hanging around LINCOLN PARK ZOO in their spare time. I sure hope they’re alright !

This is Sage I love her and have missed writing her so get ready. Buckle in this gets long but I’m gonna try to skip over some things.

She’s a gemini and is exactly what you’d expect from that, could be called an alpha bitch but she uses it for good. It’s tough for her to make female friends but she treasures them and her life long hobby has been sleeping with shitty men, getting them to fall in love with her the blatantly cheating on them and smashing their hearts. 

Sage comes from Frostford, Alabama a small town where her family owns the bed and breakfast. She was happy there but she didn’t necessarily love it. Growing up she had her Mom and her Grandfather, her Dad being a career military officer and often deployed. 

It was a picturesque town, she helped out at the front desk and would sneak away for late night parties and sit on the roof to look at the orchard in back of the bed and breakfast, when the flowers bloomed it almost looked like a vast sea. She was popular in that knew everybody but didn’t really have a group of friends sort of way. Not that she didn’t try just her personality is a bit strong for most so when she did manage to find people who’d call her friend she’d have their back instantly ready to bite the head off of anyone who was rude to them. Due to her popularity she won Homecoming Queen multiple times and Prom Queen easily enough. 

But then one year she turned into that small town cliche. Sage got knocked up. and to make matters worse she truly had no idea who the father was between all of her heart breaking and cheating. She considered terminating the situation early on unsure if it was something she wanted to deal with, after all she was already the subject of enough town gossip. However her best friend and one of the babies possible fathers Ethan Prouvost brought up the idea of adoption, something Sage immediately felt was the way she wanted to go.

Okay so Ethan was an interesting person, he was half french his Mother having been born and raised in the richer side of their small town, a founding family sort of situation. She’d fallen in love with a wealthy frenchman and boom Ethan and his older brother were born. The family eventually moved out to California but they made a habit of spending Summers in Alabama along with thanksgiving with her Mother, winter break and spring break also ended up with the family back in France.

Ethan was a huge romantic, he loved the sea and fish, dude was obsessed with fish and clicked instantly with Sage, he indulged her constantly and fell in love. He had some fuck boy tendencies which first attracted Sage to him under the impression that she could ruin him next but it was always ruined by him consistently being one of those nice bro types. 

Either way whenever he’d roll into town she’d drop whoever she was seeing like a hot rock and spend time with her best friend/constant hookup and they were happy that way. He loved hearing about who she was sleeping with and messing the hearts of because he not only fully enjoyed the drama but also sucked in people’s secrets like a sponge being fairly nosey. 

By the time Sage gave birth the baby was handed over and honestly she didn’t feel much of a connection to it, a la Juno it never felt like her baby really to begin with and now the family that she picked out a few towns over would be happy as well.

After graduation with her best friend off at college and the few others she made as well out of town, Sage felt at a loss. Higher education wasn’t for her and sure she had working the front desk at the Inn as a stable job, handling finances and being meticulously organised was never a problem for her. 

Still it didn’t feel like enough for her SO one day a town over she stumbles across a gentleman’s club. She was immediately entranced, selling sex for money seemed perfect for her. What was even better was that she discovered at times people just wanted to talk, and as someone who was always a great listener the clients opened up to her more and more. As she rose in the ranks she decided to move onto a better establishment. Specifically one in California.

Ethan had been calling her asking her to move out west and see the ocean like he’d always promised he’d show her and Sage missing her best friend and tbh the great sex decided why the hell not, packed up gave her two weeks notice and moved to a nice apartment something she was able to afford with her earnings and savings.

So she starts working at a higher class establishment growing more and more into the top spot in LA. Reconnects with her bestie not that they ever really lost contact and he’s as big a fan as ever of her career choice.

He graduates and becomes a marine biologist working at an aquarium loving fish as much as ever she’s proud of him.

She begins ruining his relationships, they often attend his family’s gathers together and make a show of shocking and horrifying his parents. Often leave with many bottles of expensive champagne.

His parents hate his career choice because it’s not bougie enough and hate that he’s still sleeping around with a ‘hooker’. They love his family’s reaction.

some things happen and there’s a fight she admits that she does love him it’s the one time in their lives she ever said it.

the next day she agrees to marry him. she’s pretty pissed about it but he’s a romantic and it makes him happy so she’s willing to compromise by doing this one thing for him because she knows it’s important to him.

she keeps working as a prostitute and they’re both happy, he’s getting all the gossip and things are honestly just good?

they consider having children possibly another child together??? things are still unclear if he’s genetically related to the baby she gave up but whatever. could have gotten it tested but who wants to do that. no one.

at 28 Ethan gets in a car crash and Sage loses her best friend. 

She quits her job and moves to Chicago to where a huge aquarium is that Ethan always confessed wanting to work at. The ocean makes her a bit sick to look at now.

Considers seeing if there’s openings at Eden, Genesis or Skyfall it seemed like an easy enough gig to get with the sort of high roller and celebrity client references she could pull from LA. But in the end decides to stop. Everything about her old life is a bit hard to bare when you lose the person you were best friend’s with your whole life.

Begins working as the assistant to the Mayor of Chicago, it’s a good place to put her focus and takes advantage of some of her skills and ability to pull secrets from those around her. 

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Random Facts

Sage is really into minimalist decorations so she doesn’t really spend a lot of money unless it’s on shoes or baking supplies. Girl loves baking and has an easy bake oven on display in her apartment somewhere just sitting on a bookshelf.

Her closet is 98% shoes.

Sage’s last name Caulfield comes from Catcher in the Rye where Holden Caulfield hires a prostitute and then spends the entire time just talking to her. Some of Sage’s clients were like that and she did have a slight affection for them.

She doesn’t hide the fact that she used to be a prostitute and would honestly return to the career one day maybe as a madame to make sure girls are being treated right.

added her husbands last name to her’s only after he died and now wears black only because she’s a dramatic bitch like that and knows that drama hoe would have loved it.

still wears her engagement and wedding rings but that’s just more of a soft hearted personal choice. he was her best friend this is incredibly painful even if she refuses to show it.

donates frequently to the Shedd Aquarium.

She has a huge saltwater tank in her apartment with her husband’s fish in them.

Demi-romantic, and pansexual. has no interest in falling in love again, she’s good. didn’t even want to the first time still says Ethan was an asshole for getting her to fall for him.

Never talks about herself, she’d rather listen to what’s up with you.

only drinks cheap wine because she can’t tell the difference but loves champagne. Dry only.

learned french so she and her husband could shit talk people right in front of them.

she attends church and is christian, sins often and without guilt she fully looks forward to hell sounds like a fab time.

knows how to wood carve thanks to her grandfather.

she does have a slight southern accent.

hyper organised, she has folders and backups for everything and knows how to intimidate press into backing the hell up or off.

Still uses Mrs. instead of Ms. even if she’s a widow.

tells people her dead husband haunts her and doesn’t want her to move on, just because she’s possessive af and knows if she died and he tried moving on she’d be pissed. also because they’d jokingly discussed it once and he said he’d be offended by the suggestion and wanted her to haunt him if she went first.

she has that $$$$ from her rich husband 

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Wanted Connections

female friends

maybe coworkers?

honestly idk she’s not the most personally social person.