#tbf i don't think anyone else has for the same reason but still

[peachgetswifi]

how do i communicate to people that if they ask me how my career is going/what my career goals are/what i’m doing for a living/etc. etc. that i will burst into tears and or flames without being rude

[lukolabrainrot]

Just a little palette cleanser after the wild day yesterday, and what I anticipate (might) be a pretty interestinggg week.

I want to add a few things as well:

I am not going to be talking about JD anymore unless we get SOLID confirmation something is going on with him and N. I can't stress this enough though (I WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY SHOCKED IF THEY WERE DATING). If you read between the lines just a little bit with the publicly available information regarding JD and what we know about N, you would understand why I have come to that conclusion. However, I am not going to specify about that anymore here, you are free to do some research though if you would like through SM. DO NOT LEAVE ANY COMMENTS THOUGH ON ANYONE'S PAGES, PLEASEEEEE.

I want to paint a little picture for you on what I think is going on (just a theory of course):

SOOOO many things played out on a VERY public stage for L/N during the PR tour for like 6 months. And they were NOT subtle about their feelings for each other, which is why a lot of us are still here on the ship. However, the situation was pretty messy BTS (particularly for L). I talked a lot about my theories on that here. Sooooo, I think L/N might have taken some space after the London premiere to process a lot of things, and I think things were quickly unraveling with A. The Italy bday trip bs was the last straw, there was a HUGE falling out of some sort, and L and N started talking/hanging out again and something shifted (in a positive way for us Lukola fans), and tbh this shift has probably been bubbling for a while. Then N proceeded to post all those L coded crumbs (and tbf, this man is ALL over her grid and L is okay with it apparently, she's been sending a message for a while if you put the full picture together). N has ALWAYS been private about this part of her life since being in the entertainment field, but for L, she isn't. Just think about that for a second. Why might this be? I'll let you come to your own conclusions on that... So how do the JD pics fit into all of this? Well, I think this theory sums up my thoughts pretty well. I think the pics served as a distraction to take the heat off of L (and L/N) because of all the hate and attention L is still getting because of his personal life. We know N is very protective of the people she cares about (and I think she REALLY loves L and knows he's going through a really hard time rn), and so she coordinated for the pics to be released early this week to get some of the attention off of him and onto her for a change. And JD is a good friend, so agreed to it, and will get some exposure from this which could help his career a little since he doesn't have the same level of "stardom" as N. I think the pics might have also served as a statement of sorts that a lot of the hate towards L was totally unwarranted and not justified. She can do something VERY similar to his "papgate", and not get the same type of hate. Lastly, I talked about my thoughts on a lot of the recent L coded crumbs from N here. My thoughts really haven't changed. N is VERY tuned in to the fandom, and wanted us to know about her mans y'all. If she was with someone else, she wouldn't have posted WHAT she has posted since the Italy bday trip. She can definitely be a little shady sometimes, but she is NOT cruel. Why would she kick him when he's down? She wouldn't! Sooooo, everything else we've seen the last week is kind of just smoke and mirrors imo.

One more thing, please remember to critically analyze all sources of information. Look at the FULL picture of everything before jumping to any conclusions.

I've had a lot of thoughts the last couple of days, so I wanted to get it all out. Just my thoughts of course, but I don't think there's any real reason to freak out right now.

[minecraftrelatedrandomness]

reasons why the brothers in piracy have my heart and soul

aka a not-so-brief lore rundown explaining one of the main reasons why i am still crying over block game pirates

canonical golden child and scapegoat dynamic raised in a highkey toxic environment together but they reconciled early in the series

the first thing p!acho convinced p!scott to do after the reconciliation (on the same day) was to go sail out and help star get stars cute dog home (his name is dipper. he is baba)

p!scott @ dipper: "you look after him, okay?"

also same day as the above: p!scott jumped in front of a gun for p!acho. the protecc instinct only goes up from there

and during the reconciliation itself: p!scott made p!acho apple pie :((( p!acho then got p!scott some sweet treats as well

p!bek takes a bounty out on p!acho and immediately tells p!scott without knowing about the brother thing. that is how p!bek found out they're brothers and then had to hurry and carry out the bounty before p!scott could snitch

(p!bek carried out the bounty before she got snitched on but still failed it anyway LMAO)

p!acho claims to hate the heron faction and initially refuses to trust the other people in the nightingale faction to talk to the herons about something weird they found (read: server lore stuff). 15 minutes later, star is entrusting p!scott with that information, completely unprompted. absolute hypocrite, i love star <3

p!acho is one of the first people p!scott shows his tentacle grappling hook to (tbf i think he was the only other person online at the time but still. they are silly <3)

p!scott also kept his dogs at the nightingale base with dipper for a while <3 doggo family, even if p!acho has the family tree completely messed up

acho also considered having a dog park / doggy play area built somewhere between the heron and nightingale bases but no one ever got around to doing that :(

first big lore event: they go to a whirlpool. p!acho tries to go into the whirlpool and asks p!scott to lasso star and pull star back up. p!scott's response: "i feel like i would lose my lasso. and my brother." p!acho: "THAT'S what you're concerned about?!" (LITERALLY archetypical sibling banter)

p!acho then asks p!owen to lasso star in and both get dragged into the whirlpool. p!scott: "i'm not losing my brother again" *LITERALLY JUMPS INTO THE WHIRLPOOL AFTER STAR* (clip)

they immediately try to look for each other after everyone got yeeted out of the whirlpool

time skip: p!scott gets kidnapped by cultists. p!acho practically loses it. it's really telling that p!apo (guy that would start a fight with anything at the drop of a hat) has to stop star from going directly into the cultists' base to solo a reacue mission (apo episode)

p!acho: "i don't want to lose anyone. not again."

also: rescue mission time. the two brothers are the first pov characters to kill anyone in the series. also sweet reunion

time skip to halloween event (scott was not there due to life series reasons):

half the server gets trapped in the nightmare realm. p!acho's first nightmare message? "your brother hates what you have become. he regrets ever getting to know you again." (link to all messages)

star IMMEDIATELY STARTS HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN 4K. like, my guy believed that. several people reacted badly to the messages but no one else started breaking down by message numero uno and that message was THAT.

time skip again due to scheduling conflicts: big lore time

p!acho goes on big lore quest that is potentially fatal due to Trauma Reasons. decides to leave p!scott with all the money star has (over 100k, richest guy on the server at the time, like holy heck) + dipper + really freaking sad letter/intended last message

p!scott gets the letter. IMMEDIATELY tries to go after star. zero hesitation. potentially fatal? nah, who cares, brother in danger is the important bit

"i'm not losing my brother again. once was more than enough."

(also it's heavily implied that p!scott's abandonment issues were indeed started by p!acho leaving the house without a note and basically going missing in action for over a year soooo)

p!scott is the only person p!acho has ever entrusted with the knowledge of why star left the isles without a note and what happened afterward (aka the Trauma Reasons star went on that quest in the first place)

[for context, p!acho left the isles because star never felt at home there. on ao3, we call that the A+ Parenting tag. and now you know]

and guess what? dingdingding, the quest was all for nothing and was basically a trap all along! only one brother can live (like we all predicted this but our hearts still DROPPED)

reaction? THEY LITERALLY TRIED TO DIE FOR EACH OTHER like zero hesitation At All

p!scott is pretty much the first to volunteer and makes a grand ol' pre-self sacrifice speech and basically just. tries to pull the archetypical c!scott move

but this time? he fails.

p!acho pushes him out of the way of the death trap and takes the fall. literally in this case

yep, one brother got impaled in a spike pit and the other could do Nothing but watch it happen and is traumatized forever

as i said: doomed by the narrative. everyone and their mother knew only one brother would survive the series but most of us Predicted the Wrong One

anyways, canonical survivor guilt ahoy, p!scott made a grave and did adopt dipper. and then has to break the news to everyone

"i've spent the last week just… sticking to myself, thinking… i was ready and… now i don't know if i am. but i mean, i can't blame them, what do they want me to do? put on an ad in questbuy? hey, my brother's dead! don't ask questions! it's just like every time someone asks me… i'm reminded of how much i failed. i have to relive that moment again."

as i said, traumatized forever.

and then my guy brought out his ~25 pet kangaroos as a coping mechanism so people would ask him about those instead of his trauma.

iirc according to the writer's room behind the scenes stream, p!acho would have side-eyed the kangaroos so bad (which is 100% sibling behaviour)

so you see, for much of the series, p!acho would talk to the stars as "starlore", with the stars representing an important character from their year+ away from the isles (long story, solo lore stuff)

by the end of the series, the same tradition has passed on to p!scott (and p!graecie), this time with p!acho :(((

and at the end of the series, p!scott is deciding to leave the isles because it was what p!acho would have wanted to do :(

[shinader]

Cedric Miyazaki

Hello!!! I need to talk about My OCs. Before I start off, let me get into Why these characters are named this why.

First, the in-universe reason. Cedric Miyazaki I and his sister were named after characters from a foreign show their parents loved. His little sister got off easier being named Alice (or Arisu). Then, the son, Cedric Miyazaki II was simply named after his father.

Next, we have a meta reason. Due to how the story plays out, these two needed a name where it would be highly improbable to almost Impossible for two people to share a name. Not everyone is named Cedric Miyazaki.

And then, the meta-meta reason. Uh. Basically they started out as self-insert OCs. Then I essentially split them apart, made them father and son, and fleshed them out so they're fully characters beyond me. Everything just kinda worked out from there as I began to explain away not changing their name from my name. And tbf I do only go by Cedric online so it's not like I'm gonna get them confused with me anytime soon lol. But I also just call them Ceddy & Miyazaki respectively because it can be confusing and that's how I'm going to refer to each of them from now on.

Oh, and when I introduce my other OCs, they're all gonna have their unique posts. I just put these two together bc they have the same name hehe.

And for the sanity of those who don't wanna hear me yapping, everything else will be put below a read more!

Okay so first off I will have to redraw Miyazaki at some point. I don't think I got his whole bear vibe down yet. He needs to be bigger, hairier, and dilfier. Ceddy looks fine, though, he's a real cutie patootie. He's got a bit of a giraffe neck and I made his hair too long but hey you know. He's fine it's fine. As someone who doesn't draw much or well he's overall ballin actually!

Anyway, if anyone hasn't caught on from my whole blog and the design of these characters, they're OCs for the Yakuza/Like A Dragon series! Because of course I love all those characters so much I had to make up more characters to love!

Some basic info, Miyazaki is the Patriarch of the Miyazaki Family, a Tojo Clan Subsidiary. He's known as the Bear of Tojo due to his tattoo and his bear-like way of attack.

Ceddy is a host at a club called Club Sirius. He's not particularly well known but he's got his own little thing going on and he loves his job!

I've got a little story in the works for this, and in that story, Ceddy is the deuteragonist and Miyazaki is an antagonist turned ally. If anyone wants to read what I have going on just lmk perhaps I can post some of it. Or most of it. Or all of it lolol.

What I really wanted to get across with these two (and honestly, with all my OCs) is What makes a loving Family. The Yakuza/Like A Dragon series has big themes of Found Family and I wanted to expand upon that with my own characters. Ceddy & Miyazaki show off a healthy biological connection, one of the many ways a family can be formed. This will be in opposition with the protagonist's views in many ways.

It's also personal to me in a way, as I find their close relationship comforting and healing to write. Ceddy is autistic and not diagnosed. This is because he and no one around him are particularly educated in what autism Is exactly so they see his autistic behaviors and is just seen as "Weird." I love being able to write about a single allistic father who's able to care so much for his son, even if he isn't seen as "Normal" that's still his son and he'll do anything for him. It's the unconditional love every parent should have for their child(ren).

Beyond the family dynamics, they both have their own stories with Being Queer. I'll start with Miyazaki as he's older and has more knowledge of himself. Also I find his journey to be funnier.

Being raised in a very toxically masculine environment, compulsory heterosexuality hit this man HARD. It doesn't help that he has a high libido so to blow off steam he'd pick up women whenever he felt like and deal with it. He frequented bars and cabaret clubs and the like for that purpose. That is, until, he became the Patriarch of his own Family. He's got more power! So what does he do with it? Well, he'd get with men, of course! It's a power move!

But he only had a few months of fun with that before one of his previous one night stands left a baby at his doorstep and an angry letter. He took in that baby but didn't bother finding the mother because who in their right mind would leave their baby out in the cold like that??? No woman that Miyazaki would want raising his son! Caring for this child really puts everything into perspective for him, and he realizes he's kinda been a dirtbag to women. And men. But mostly women because he really only saw them as sex objects rather than their own people. He thought it was okay because all that sex he was having was 100% consensual but that mindset is not a good one to have! To an extent, he saw random men the same way. So eventually, Miyazaki gets a more healthy view on love and sex and also realizes that he is, in fact, a homosexual.

Ceddy's story isn't quite that complicated. He's overall fairly oblivious to romance and sex. But, he's had an amazing gay role model growing up so he's understood queer stuff since he was a small child. When he was in middle school or high school, he came out to his father (and his loving Aunt and Uncle, who I'll expand on in other posts) as Bi. And that's how he continues to identify.

Now, since this is 2011 Kamurocho (zero zombie style), none of these characters have quite the extensive knowledge of queer people that the average person here on Tumblr has. Maybe the younger ones have taken an "am I gay" quiz but they don't quite understand the full spectrum of gender and sexuality. So, I personally have assigned labels to characters that they don't identify as.

If that seems confusing, let me state it like this. Ceddy, if asked his orientation, would say he's Bisexual. However, he doesn't quite understand the difference between romantic and sexual attraction. If he understood such things, then he'd know he's Biromantic Asexual. He's never felt sexual attraction to anyone, and he generally doesn't think about it. If he does, he generally writes off that lack of attraction to not liking strangers/people who are mean to him. He really struggles with making and keeping friends due to his autism, which furthers his obliviousness to his own sexuality because he believes if there was someone nice to him that he gets a crush on, he'd for sure want to have sex!

And yes, I am aware that having a character that's so oblivious to sex he isn't aware of his own lack of sexuality may seem like a weird choice to (technically, it really depends on your personal definition of these things) be a sex worker. But that only leads into my next point about him.

Ceddy became a host for two big reasons. 1) He wanted a job so he could get money and live independently so his father wouldn't have to worry about him and 2) Hosts pretty much get paid by how well they can talk to people and he's aware his lack of social skills. Being a host would work to Ceddy's two goals, get money & learn how to socialize. He hasn't been a host for that long but he's learned that a lot of people like a lot of different things and it's so hard to keep track and also outside of work people aren't fond of him acting host-y as he comes of as disingenuous. At least he's getting paid...? He'd probably get paid more if he was able to pick up the hints his customers drop out on dates when they say they want to go to a hotel. (Oh, are you tired? I suppose this is a good time to part ways, see you later!)

Miyazaki is very proud of his son for getting a civilian job, no matter what it is. He'd be devastated if he ended up a criminal like himself. And Ceddy's quest for independence isn't necessary, Miyazaki would be more than happy to live with his son forever. In fact, he'd be worried for him every day if he moved out.

Uhhhh. Anyway. I've been yapping for hours now and this is a good place to stop here I think. Got important Themes across and whatnot. Will be doing this again at some point. Next will be. Hmm. The Protagonist will be a good one. His name is Takeshi Nakagawa and I love that fuckin guy to no end, as I do all my OCs<333

[aquadestinyswriting]

From the weaponry asks:

rapier: which character is the most stylish? (Of the Fangthane lot. We all know Thazar would win otherwise)

penknife: which of your characters is best at keeping secrets?

Optional, because I can't remember if anyone dies on-screen: shotgun: if characters die in the story, who has the most dramatic death?

Thnk you for the asks hen. Questions are from the ask game found here

rapier: which character is the most stylish? (Of the Fangthane lot. We all know Thazar would win otherwise)

Oh, yeah Thazaar would totally win if there wasn't a caveat (though tbf, I could also go with Frenchie or even Cece for this this one). However for the Fangthane lot, I might have to give it to Merri's uncle Ufgi (the one who made her armour before we went toddling off to Khull the second time). He's one of the few dwarves I can think of that likes to "dress up" a bit and likes adding little flourishes to both his work and the things he wears (including adding odds and ends to his braids in his beard for special occassions). I figured he was the type to lean into that given all the inscription he did for Merri's armour, dude went well above and beyond for it.

penknife: which of your characters is best at keeping secrets?

The best one for keeping secrets is actually Thaddeus for the Wizard's Tower lot and Ragnarsson/Vanskleig for Fangthane. Thaddeus is pretty much the only wizard in the tower that isn't prone to gossip and actively dislikes and avoids it it whenever he can. Because he's also the least sociable of the lot (and that's saying a lot for the wizard's tower since they're all fairly antisocial aside from Dwena). Ragnarsson, being High Priest, has to keep a lot of stuff confidential for clergy, staff and devotees of Moradin as part of his job. Vanskleig is good for this as well for more or less the same reasons.

shotgun: if characters die in the story, who has the most dramatic death?

For fiction set around either completed campaign, we do have Selene (see: To Heal a Broken Soul for the details about that), though I wouldn't really call it dramatic. More sad and traumatic for everyone involved (she did get better, but she did, ultimately, make it to the Waiting Room to have a chat with a god).

Merri's death was pretty dramatic. Arrow right through the heart killing her almost outright from a completely unseen assassin? I'd call that plenty dramatic. And traumatising for everyone else.

The most dramatic though, really does have to go to Llachlan. This is kind of spoiling the backstory for a major plot point in The Ouroboros of Destiny campaign, but I'm pretty sure you want to know the details anyway.

Part of the backstory involves Llachlan being a typical teenager and deciding that the best way to deal with his supposed abandonment by his parents is to run away from home (with a great deal of "encouragement" from that shadowy voice he heard). He winds up getting involved with some filthy, rotten cultists (as you do in these situations), who are very interested indeed to learn who he is.

Fast forward about five years and the Cult of the Black Lady is setting up a massive ritual to bring said patron Demon Prince into the Material Plane. The final sacrifice that's needed to kickstart the magic needs to be someone blood related. Funnily enough, Llachlan fits the description perfectly. By this point, Llachlan's been trying to back out and word has finally got back to mum of his whereabouts. She gets a whole damn army to try and get him home, but turns up just a moment too late to stop the cultists committing that final sacrifice. The ritual does get stopped (don't ask how I'm still working those details out, but it probably involves Meredith's massive explosion of grief-stricken Divine Retribution. Girl's around 600-odd years old by now and has been Archlector of Fangthane for about 300 years by that point.)

As to why Llachlan's around by the time of the start of the campaign which takes place around 250-300 years later... well... that's another matter entirely.

[that-dreaming-dragon]

🎨 How do you feel about fanart?

I love them!

📝 How do you feel about fanfiction?

I read them all the time XD

✅ What does the fandom usually get right?

Wellll, I don't interact with the bigger fandom. Plus I'm just a hearted experience identity.

❌ What does the fandom usually get wrong?

Same as above.

🗺️ What do you miss about your world?

Nope, it was a terrible system and a conflict driven world. I do wish for the global view of "chakra" and/or equivalent to be a real and valid thing, along with everything else.

💔 Who are you missing right now?

Kurama, that grump butt.

🚫 Is there anyone you hope to never see again?

Danzo, but yknow we got a lot of those here already so.

🔀 How canon-divergent vs. canon-compliant are you?

I had a flash of vision once. (I know, I know, I'm just ficto-hearted) I'm definitely canon-divergent.

⚧ What were your gender and orientation in your timeline; was your identity canon?

That, I do not know. I know I like to look at the genderfluid or other nonbinary tags, but that might be more a projection of my own gender rather than [hearttype]'s. But seriously Solarian fits very well.

💗 What helps you feel closer to your source (in a positive way)?

Fanfic XD Or just, when we share similar traits at the moment. I know I share a lot more of the negativity, but there are positive moments.

🖊️ Do you use your name from your source?

Nope.

👬 How do you feel about doubles?

I'd like to meet them!

⭐ Is your fiction-based identity spiritual, psychological, or something else?

I actually do think my hearttype is spiritual based, or spiritual influenced psychological. A past life induced hearttype that because of what my past lives were, I have this connection with my hearttype.

🎙️ What's the biggest difference between you and your canon self?

I'm definitely not "save everyone through fist" type.

💞 What's the biggest similarity between you and your canon self?

The, negative experience during formative years, the inner struggle. Yknow, shounen genre type of mc's background.

❓ Do you prefer when people are familiar or unfamiliar with your source when they meet you?

Depends. Usually people that are familiar with my source are people that are really not my type, and the people that I enjoy aren't familiar or tend to avoid/dislike/not know my source. I vent blog about it once.

👍 What's your favorite thing about your source?

Ninja? The Bijuu? The absolute potential for thousand many ways of amazing fics out there because of the horrendous amount of plot holes and too many issues? /genuine because, the logic of Wabi Sabi

👎 What's your least favorite thing about your source?

Adults make terrible choices and the typical "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" scenario is littered throughout the story. Also, it can't be helped but, humancentric. I mean, come on the bijuu didn't ask for this. I mean tbf I'm nonhuman so.

💸 Do you own any merch of your source?

Nope. I'm still on the fence about if I want to own any because of various reasons.

🌸 Do you feel comfortable in your fiction-based identity?

I... honestly don't know. It gets blurry sometime to "is this me?" to "this is just another character that I really love" to "maybe this is hyperfixation?"

🌻 Who are you open with about your fiction-based identity?

My fellow alterhuman friends. And my non-alterhuman partner.

I can totally let my family know (they know of me being a dragon), but this is actually far more difficult to explain than just "this is me" Also my family is spiritual so it's a lot easier to go "oh I have this soul" And no my one spiritual kintype is not past life based. I also wrote a bit on it and also vent some about it. Ironic that my fictohearttype has more past life basis than my kintype.

Ask Game: Fictionkin, Fictives, and Other Fiction-based Identities

this post is safe for folks with any fictional source and for endogenic systems! please don't reblog if your blog is not

🎨 How do you feel about fanart?

📝 How do you feel about fanfiction?

✅ What does the fandom usually get right?

❌ What does the fandom usually get wrong?

🗺️ What do you miss about your world?

💔 Who are you missing right now?

🚫 Is there anyone you hope to never see again?

🔀 How canon-divergent vs. canon-compliant are you?

⚧ What were your gender and orientation in your timeline; was your identity canon?

💗 What helps you feel closer to your source (in a positive way)?

🖊️ Do you use your name from your source?

👬 How do you feel about doubles?

⭐ Is your fiction-based identity spiritual, psychological, or something else?

🎙️ What's the biggest difference between you and your canon self?

💞 What's the biggest similarity between you and your canon self?

❓ Do you prefer when people are familiar or unfamiliar with your source when they meet you?

👍 What's your favorite thing about your source?

👎 What's your least favorite thing about your source?

💸 Do you own any merch of your source?

🌸 Do you feel comfortable in your fiction-based identity?

🌻 Who are you open with about your fiction-based identity?

[noco7]

*evil grin* I've asked you about your favorite TD moments, I now want to know your least favorite moments and why 😈

Thanks for the ask! I'll list the least favorite moments in the same way I did the best moments, aka season by season, in reverse order. However, I’m not going to be talking about important character moments this time. Because I don’t really hate those, even if I disagree with them. Although I question a lot of TD's writing decisions, I'm not usually angry. I'm just intrigued. Why did they make those decisions? How did those decisions affect the plot of the show? How did the fandom react? And is there a different way to interpret what happened? There’s just a lot to chew on, and I’m hungry for meta-analysis. So, yeah, while I disagree with a lot of choices, it doesn’t necessarily mean I hate them.  If you see me being dramatic about a plot point I don’t like, chances are I was just hamming it up for the audience. So what about the moments I do hate? Well… 

RR: I've already talked a lot about how much I disliked Noah's elimination, which is probably the REAL worst moment. But there is another moment that is living rent-free in my brain. I've watched RR once, so most things don't stick with me. But this one did.

It's Ep:11 I love Ridonc & Roll, which is surprising because I've praised this episode to the moon and back, calling it Noah's REAL best moment. And it is. But I dislike Emma in this episode. It's weird to me that she's Noah’s love interest, yet she can't even give him a quick pep-talk about stage fright. So instead, Owen does it. A classic romantic moment is to help people past their weaknesses - we saw it with Courtney helping Duncan face the cardboard cutout, we see Zoey reassure Mike about his DID, hell the thing that really starts Davesky off is that when Dave is feeling stressed because of his germophobia, Sky helps him focus. Whatever your opinions on Davesky are, the moment was still sweet. So it’s weird to me that Emma doesn’t get to do it with Noah. (Also now I’m realizing it’s mostly women comforting men. Hmm. Can’t tell if that means anything, or if I just missed something.) But anyway, that’s another reason I feel N*mma is a kind of weak ship, storytelling wise, because their huge emotional beats are with other people - Emma with Kitty, and Noah with Owen. Tbf N*mma has romantic beats, but that’s it. And I’ve already talked about those.

Anyway, that was just an unnecessary rant. The moment I’m actually here to talk about is after Noah proves himself. There's a scene where Emma talks about how she only realized how much she liked Noah when she was worried she'd never see him again. Which is fine. And she says she's going to stop taking him for granted. Good! And then Kitty jokes, "I don't know, are you sure he's still into you?

Emma and Kitty: *both start laughing for an extremely long time*

Emma: "Yeah."

Me, a N*mma hater: BUT HE SHOULDN'T BE! NO! NO!

Lmaoo, you would be surprised about how personally I took those lines. It felt like they were laughing at *me*, lmaoo. Honest to god, it felt like some redditor was smugly telling me how Noah liked Emma, you idiot! He'll never like anyone else! HAHAHA! You're so stupid! Except it was canon. And it was the writers.

I don't even think they meant it like that, lol. It was a joke at Noah's expense, not mine. And even if they had meant it like that, then it’s even funnier. I commend the boldness.

Pakhitew: There's not much I vehemently dislike about Pakhitew. Is there stuff I find annoying? Yes. Sammy and Amy's arc should have been longer. Topher should have been an intern Dakota-style. Scarlett should have had a different resolution to her arc instead of being duped by a Chris-robot. Oddly, as I go on and on about Pakhitew’s flaws, the more I feel endeared to it. Like a woman who purposefully goes to broken down houses, beams, and is like “I love fixer-uppers!” So many characters I liked that didn't get full arcs... characters I can make my own stories for, bring out my own paint. Yess… yesss… yesss.

But. One thing I do dislike a little more than the rest is the Ella vs Sugar thing. And also Sugar's elimination. They make a huge deal out of Sugar being a former child pageant. So when she gets the chance to design a challenge, she works her pageant background into it, via a talent show. And then she loses her own challenge. And tbh, this just feels *mean* to me? I know she had to go, for the Sky vs Shawn finale, but …. everyone else got to show off how good they were at their thing, but not Sugar? She's still being treated as a joke? Like this was their chance to show a different side of Sugar, or just capitalize on the intelligence she had already shown. But nothing? She just does a terrible job and embarrasses herself. It’s SAD.

Unpopular opinion but Sugar VS Shawn in the finale would have been lit. And her helper could have been Ella, and it would be great to see Sugar be forced to work with the girl she hates, and then maybe Ella sees the bad confessionals and realizes that Sugar never liked her or smth. And then... either she decides to be nice, or she decides to get the money to herself. I needed their arc to resolve. 

Lingering_Reflection pakhitew rewrite when, amirite?

All Stars: There are so many All Stars things that didn't work. I could easily just say Jo's elimination because she's one of my favorite characters and therefore I was mad that she was eliminated. (Which is actually rare for me? I don’t care when my gen 1 faves get eliminated, because one, I knew it going in, and two, they have other seasons + TDR. I will get enough time with them either way. Can’t say the same for 2nd and 3rd gen 😭).

The only other All Stars moment I'm passionately angry about is Cameron kissing Courtney against her wishes. It's just. That's a bad thing to do? Like I get it, he's working on Mal's orders for his evil plan. And I love evil plans, and I even love the idea of Evil!Cameron. And I like Cody and Sierra, so it's not even like "i dislike problematic people," either. I just dislike how the show itself treats it.

There's no backlash for Cameron, no callouts. He’s happy with the results. Scott doesn't believe her. Gwen doesn't take her side. Zoey tells her "at least 2 guys kissed you," as if that's any better. I think TD plays fast and loose with sexual harassment as comedy, and this is one of the moments it really shows.

ROTI: I genuinely really love this season, I really really really need to rewatch it. And uhh. I really dislike B's elimination, because it was so heartbreaking. But I also really like Scott, and it was a smart move. So not that. The thing I dislike is one line from Sam - which… I can’t find now? I’ve watched like two episodes, and two Sam compilation videos, and uhh. Nothing. So. Umm. Just not going to say anything, other then the fact that the worst moment about this season being one I imagined speaks to how much I like this season. (Tho there are some things I’d correct, and I suspect I’ll find new things on rewatch.)

World Tour: Okay, another personal one. I dislike C*derra pretty heavily, I don't think that should be a suprise to anyone. I do find most of their interactions funny, and while I don't think Cody *should* be friends with Sierra, it makes a lot of interesting story potential, whether you play it for fluff or for horror.

But there is one thing I just can't look past. In Episode 25, when Cody's balloon has crashed and he gives up, Sierra starts yelling at him.

"You want a number one fan, mister? That comes with responsibilities! You can't let me and the rest of your fans down!"

And there is so much wrong with those sentences?  Sure Sierra is a "Number 1 Fan," yeah, but she's also a STALKER. For most of this season, Cody DIDN'T want her! He didn't! Because she treats him terribly! Sure she’s been nice to him a few times, but overall she’s abusive. It’s a straight-up Mother Gothel moment. I do everything for you, so you can’t let me down. Bro, you’re a terrible person! You don’t deserve anything from your VICTIM!

And even if she wasn't a stalker, and just a genuinely nice fan, who did no wrong -  her statement is terrible. I'm an ex-kpoppie, so I've seen fan celebrity dynamics, and the question of "how much do creators owe fans and vice versa," is something I have strong feelings about. Yes, celebrities do have responsibilities. You can’t be famous if you don’t DO anything, and you usually can’t *keep* being famous if you stop producing content. That’s true. But the idea that you should do something purely because “you can’t let the fans down,” is toxic.

Because there will always be things out of your control, and there will always be times where you’re just not into something. And yes, if you have promised something, you should try to deliver. Especially when there’s money involved. But Cody did not promise *anyone* that he would win. He didn’t promise anyone a hot air balloon ride from Alberta to New Mexico? What? To say he owed her, or his fans, even an attempt, is weird to me. Sierra was a fan by choice. She decided to root for him! So Cody should also be allowed to make his own choices. He’s allowed to quit. And if that means that you as a fan, feel betrayed, then whatever. Choose to support someone else. Because it’s your choice, and you cannot force your choices onto others, just because you “deserve it,” for…. Liking them? Like it makes no sense. I love you, so you must do something… no. That’s not how it works! If you love someone, you do something. Because it’s your feelings, not there’s! It stinks of fan entitlement. And I don’t even like celebrities - like I’m not out here to defend celebrities for their mistakes. But Cody wasn’t “making a mistake,” he was just trying to quit on his own terms. And Sierra yelled at him for it, and told him he owed her to try harder!

But I understand why she feels entitled, because I've seen it in a lot of kpop fans. A LOT of fans invest huge amounts of money and time into their idols.  There's so much pressure to be a "good fan," a "true fan." You not only have to buy their music, but you must promote their music, you must stream their music, you must vote for their music, you must praise each and every one of them, you must defend each and every one of them - it becomes a job. A job that fans do, willingly, or unwillingly, because they like the idol that much. And if you’re putting in that much work… wouldn’t you want the same kind of dedication in return? Imagine hyping up someone’s upcoming concert for weeks, and then they cancel it. Wouldn’t you be a little angry? You were so excited, you did your part and they didn’t do theirs. “Stress,” or whatever. Sure. You’re stressed too. But if they want fans like you, they owe you top-tier performances. But you can’t think like that. You can’t. I understand your feelings, but you cannot try to control someone else’s life. In fact, the more you truly love a person, the less you should want to control them. Sometimes things happen, and you have to accept that. Take the refund and go. People are allowed to quit, allowed to take hiatuses. People aren’t machines that output what you put in - they have their own lives, and their own issues, and like. Just stop. (This attitude isn’t actually that common in kpop, but it is there.)

Basically, my argument is that what Sierra says to him, that he owes the fans something he’s never promised, and something he doesn’t want to do - is very unethical.  There are people who like this moment, and I get it. "Wow, Sierra's finally holding Cody accountable! Finally, she’s making HIM do something!" And that is a flip from the way Sierra usually treats Cody - at least on the outside.

But Sierra isn’t the victim in the Cody-Sierra relationship. She never was. She's always been demanding more for him, or not even demanding - just taking! She’s been touching him and kissing him against his will, she’s guilt-tripped him. Yes, she puts up with a lot of disrespect from Cody. But he’s put up with a lot more, and everything he’s done has been a reaction to her. So no, this isn’t really character development for Sierra. This is just a different shade of entitlement. Action:

Umm. I think everyone knows that the way Trent was handled sucks. We also know that Gwen didn't deserve flack for dumping him. Gwent sucked in Action is not a hot take. And I've also already talked way too much. So just take this screenshot:

"What can I say? Kid's hot." I don't think you need me to tell you why that line is wrong. There’s also the finale, which also isn’t a hot take. But my problem with the finale is less that I dislike the contestants, but more that I don’t think they fit the theme. The finale is heavy on Good VS Bad, which is a classic. I don’t have a problem with that. And Duncan does fit “Bad.” But Beth doesn’t fit “Good.” There’s the time where she kissed Harold against his will (eww), the numerous times she bragged about her boyfriend when people weren’t into it, the time Courtney made an alliance with her, and there was a whole thing about how she wasn’t as nice and naive as Courtney believed her to be. Like that was the point! That she could hold her own! The alliance ends with her betraying Courtney! Betrayal! And then I’m supposed to believe she’s the GOOD side? I don’t think she’s evil, or even that bad. But she’s not nice. She’s average!  To be fair, it could be argued the only nice character on TD is Owen. And Owen was already a finalist. But if so.... just don’t make a good vs bad finale? (Or don’t eliminate Geoff and Bridgette immediately. Or Harold. Or Leshawna. Hmm. There were so many better candidates to fir this theme. Why Beth? I need to know. If anyone has any ideas, please tell me.) Island:  There were actually two moments here, but I decided to cut it down to one.  It’s Heather reading Gwen's diary outloud. And this is not because I am a Gwen stan. I’m a Gwen centrist, if anything. This moment is here because it’s stupid. There’s a lot of stupid TD moments though, so what’s so special about this one? Uhh, it’s just the reason I don’t care for Heather. With faves like Courtney and Scarlett and Amy, you’d think Heather’d fit right in. But nope! And that's because I expected more from her. To be frank, I was expecting Alison DiLaurentis from Pretty Little Liars. I'm talking master manipulator, gaslighting genius, bachelor's in bullying. And Heather's just... not. And yeah I'm holding her to unfair standards, but come on. Why read Gwen’s diary aloud? Like, what did she expect to happen? Yes you've humiliated Gwen, but you haven't actually made her look BAD. You’ve just made yourself look like a bully. Heather could have pulled a Regina George, and wrote random mean things in Gwen's diary, read it outloud, and had the whole team turn on Gwen. She could have revealed something genuinely disgusting, made the team trust Gwen less. She could have held off, and used info from it as blackmail. But nope! Instead she reads it aloud, and it's just the Trent crush? Like no one cares. No one cares!!! What did you accomplish, Heather? What did you accomplish? Nothing! It feels so middle school. Do better! Tl;dr: Most of my least favorite moments are really just personal peeves, instead of problematic plot points. Or like. I just hate sexual harassment. Not that it can’t be shown in media, but I’d rather it be taken seriously.  Bonus: the tags that I couldn’t post because of an error message

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. You know the header image placed at the beginning of every episode (portrait of P on the left, black and white sketch of HxP in the middle, portrait if H on the right)? The full image of the sketchier version of the black and white drawing (the version used in older episodes) is actually smut (you can see it on 4chan)… You’d think RS would at least make a minimal effort to hide her agenda to sexualise everything but nOoOoO

From OP, not Anon: Ngl, that shocked me when I first found that out

2. the same-face syndrome in this series is something else, I swear. legitimately couldn't tell Apollo and Eros apart for the longest time. all male and female characters are drawn with the exact same faces. it gets really annoying honestly

3. I don't know if this bothers anyone else (maybe it's just me) but it seems like the characters' facial expressions can be really... off at times? Like, characters will be drawn smiling in situations where it'd make no sense for them to be smiling? And be drawn with vacant expressions in inappropriate times?

Like how (spoiler) Daphne is drawn with a smile when Apollo turns her into a tree (?) when she should have looked terrified???

As an artist who specializes in facial expressions, the ones in LO legitimately throw me off at times.

4. Something that kind of weirds me out about LO is that both Hades and Persephone are kind of awful people (like literally. Slavery, murder, greed, etc.) but it's not portrayed as a bad thing?? at all, really??? Other than a "That's terrible!" here and there, the full weight of what these two characters do doesn't get addressed and is even excused?

And we as the readers are still supposed to believe these two are the good guys? Hades is the king of the underworld, he can do horrible stuff and get away with it. And we already know Persephone won't have to face the consequences of her actions -_-

Imo, this whole story would make more sense if these two were villains/descending into villainy, but that's obviously not what RS is planning.

5. This isn’t a critique I just wanna know if something went over my head, but when Zeus tells Hades to go be king and take Kronos with him Demeter shows up and Zeus and Demeter walk away. Was that suppose to be about Hera getting torn in half or just something we don’t know yet

From OP, not Anon: Maybe something we don’t know about since Demeter and Zeus don’t have a good relationship.

6. After reading the latest chapter where Hades drones on and on to a crying Persephone about how he'll take care of her and get her everything she needs and she'll have a footman waited on her, a apartment with a great view, etc etc.

It really puts into perspective how spoiled she actually is. Like, that chapter was almost hard to read. 

7. Why does RA draw so much porn? It’s so uncomfortable how most of her fans are underage yet she doesn’t even bother to hide the fact that she makes NSFW content 

From OP, Not Anon: Tbf, RS did have her nsfw behind a paywall. I don’t expect creators to hide that they make nsfw, especially since they don’t have much control over their audience. Nsfw is how a lot of webtoon creators make money after all. RS already stopped using patreon though so I haven’t seen her post nsfw or anything that couldn’t be considered artistic nudity in a while.

8. Anybody else notice how Persephone is always portrayed almost as a poor, lower class god who's worked in the fields instead of lived in luxury? "Oh, poor her!"? BUT we have, if my memory serves me, NO actual lower class characters at all?

I don't know if I'm making much sense, but basically the only reason Persephone seems like such an underdog is because RS hasn't introduced a character who has it worse than her. Despite that there are people living in literal slavery while she's living it up?

From OP, not Anon: Nymphs, satyrs, and other mythical beings are lower class in LO. The gods would be considered middle/upper class so yeah.

9. wasnt the original hymn about the power of women and a mother defending her daughter from a cruel marriage by standing up to men and bringing the world to its knees until they finally took her seriously? like thats feminist to me, not claiming persephone loved her kidnapper and demeter is a big bitch for trying to stop it. im not saying making hxp not full of sexual assault is bad, i'd much rather read that, but demonizing demeter for the sake of a man and a heterosexual romance aint it, chief.

10. I love how lo fanart always depicts hades as some young male model as if rachel isnt very open that she designed him off mads and his depiction of hannibal? like maybe they know if they drew him like a 55+ year old man like rachel intended they might realize hes a creep for wanting to bang a baby faced 19 year old.

[stellocchia]

while c!dream IS flowey,i actually made c!tommy chara. bc i operate on the theory that chara is actually the narrator and 2) that chara is not actually that malicious unless you do the genocide run. i also liked the concept of a character who's death sort of haunts the narrative,and i think c!tommy being a character with the ability to save and reset SOLELY through raw determination is interesting. although ranboo is our protagonist,he isnt even frisk,as this is meant to be set earlier-

c!ranboo is actually meant to be the green soul of kindness,the one with the healing ability. i also liked the idea that c!wilbur plays the role of a more cynical,but still pacifistic frisk once c!ranboo kicks it. undertale c!tommy having a heart locket and a worn (and in some cases,real) dagger also just fits my general aesthetic for him

-

Tbf, the only thing we know for certain about Chara is that they used their determination to merge with Asriel and go to the surface and try to kill everyone there.

We don't really know their backstory of course. There probably was a reason why they went up the mountain and there probably was a reason why they thought that was a solution, but the only real thing about them we know is that. Which I would classify as rather malicious because it's hard to interpret it as anything else with the lack of context.

That said, their presence does haunt the game and it's rather interesting, but I really don't think they're a good fit for c!Tommy. I can't see him committing premeditated murder against random people.

Also, looking back I apparently chose c!Quackity as Chara in my Undertale AU and I still like that choice. I feel like it fits him rather well, they have a sort of similar tragic feeling to them.

Both of them ended up pretty much alone after being at their most violent, though c!Quackity didn't die.

As for the other two I could definitely see c!Ranboo as the green soul, just as I could see him as Frisk. Mostly because neither of them has much of a personality, so it's easy to fit pretty much anyone there.

Basically, I could see anyone as any of the souls or Frisk for this same exact reason. So it depends on how you structure your AU for that one.

[icannotweave]

star wars for blorbo game! (just the whole dang extended universe go nuts lol)

lmfao thx so much friend 😂😂😂

cracks knuckles let's fuckin' goooo....

~

my blorbo: I mean, obi-wan kenobi was one of my first crushes and he's a sad, gay little man trying so hard to be normal, he's so repressed, he's so tired, his ideology is incompatible with his conscience, he's a longsuffering monk who's also a teen dad who's also a child prodigy who's also emotionally stunted he's also an asshole he's also overly polite, please send help. I'm obsessed with him and his unique brand of Repressed Martyrdom and I don't wanna fix him it's much more fun to study him and coo over his suffering

my scrunkly: finn, my beloved, the light of my life, he's been through so much and he's Kind! he's Brave! he's awkward and earnest and sweet and he deserves nothing but joy for the rest of his life and frankly, it wouldn't be enough. I see him and I go all warm and happy. he's so fucking precious and I would kill for him. he's shaped like a hero. he's shaped like a FRIEND. he was robbed and I would kill for his honor. his archetype is SO MY TYPE and I am filled with impotent rage whenever I recall how butchered his arc was but he's still my love and the best.

(luke and rey are both very close but finn is just So Shaped to me.)

my scrimblo bimblo: you know what?? padme motherfucking amidala doesn't get anywhere near enough analysis or appreciation!! I'll say it!!! her whole concept went off, her aesthetics went off, her being - to quote @dykerory - bug-fuck crazy in A Tame Way is fascinating. she's got such delusions of grandeur, she's got a good heart and objectively decent set of ethics but ya girl's worldview is so flawed in such a juicy way?!? she's such a fucking neolib and her husband is a bit of a totalitarian and you know what! that tracks! she's just so unique in this universe as a politician and Lucas does nothing with her glorious potential. sexism sucks. anyway, @amidalis converted me to be a padmeapologist and I've never known peace since.

glup shitto: ironically, for all that this franchise spawned the glup shitto type, I don't think one exists for me as strongly as for some. I will say that baze & chirrut don't get nearly enough attention and love, they're such an iconic pair of husbands, soulmates, tropes subverted and delightfully lived into at the same time. them as a couple should be all anyone's talking about, frankly, and it wouldn't be enough love. gosh, they're so good.

I must say though, whenever I get even a hint of ahsoka 'the goat' tano in any star wars media that isn't tcw, I start crying and shaking, my BELOVED. she's not really underrated though from my perspective so maybe it doesn't count but wow, I Stan her so hard. the growth!!! the arc!! an icon!!

poor little meow meow: real talk, could this be anyone BUT anakin motherfucking skywalker??? (tbf he is kinda everyone's meow meow, I'm not original, but choosing anyone else would be a filthy lie) my man has objectively been complicit in multiple atrocities and he has a pretty face. I wanna send him to therapy. I wanna punch him in the dick. I wanna study him under a microscope. he's the worst. he's my baby. he did nothing wrong. he's objectively a war criminal. he's a frankenstein monster-victim and I would give him a cup of coco and, again, so much fucking therapy holy shit

horse plinko: as a professional whump writer, I would hurt any character for any reason, so this isn't super fair but my most Hurtable character? poe dameron, quite honestly!! I just wanna make him suffer emotionally and physically. pile on more angst, the man can take it!! he's so snarky and brave and noble and Pretty and also fucking exhausted, those are the most fun to break hehehehehe. I adore him so much and he was VERY much my blorbo when 'the force awakens' hit theaters. also, bohdi rook looks so tired, he's trying his best, let him sleep I wanna see him cry

eeby deeby: once again, could this be anyone but kylo ren?? he's literally so boring. he's! so! dull! it's so fucking funny he's a shitty fanboy of Vader lmfao cause he could never. he's the dudebro who idolizes vader and doesn't know he's interesting cause of anakin. he's not even charismatic like tarkin or a garbage fire like krennic or hilariously pathetic like hux. he's just this unbearably dull little spoiled egoist whose most interesting trait is that he's a shockingly apt meta-analysis of toxic fanboy culture and unwitting commentary on the resurgence of young white male fascists. but he? himself? YAWN. I wouldn't even hate him so much less - cause, again, (scott pilgrim voice) boring - except that his existence stealing space from finn boils my fucking blood.

~

@yakuzadog I beg you to send me more fandoms cause this was incredible 😍😂😍😂😍

questions from this ask game

[werewolfashton]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

hello, so days late but the wonderful @igarbagecannoteven tagged me for the fic year review thingy! so here i am let's see how this goes

number of stories posted on ao3

7

word count posted for this year

15065 .. honestly that's more than i expected but i don't think ao3 is lying?

fandoms i wrote for

5sos mainly.. and some undisclosed other stuff lmao but most things are unfinished anyway

pairings i wrote

oh god. i'm supposed to remember this? eh. ot4. lashton. muke. malum. okay wait let me check. yeah no i was correct that's it. honestly interesting mix if i would've guessed a year ago i certainly would not have expected muke

stories with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments

make me up in a shade that fits me easily for kudos but it has the same amount of bookmarks and comments as i see the stars in the eyes of a vampire,, interesting to me i can't lie i would've expected won't you comfort me to be up there simply bc it seems like the most easily accessible? kinda universal fic idk

work i'm most proud of (and why)

oh well,, okay so i really don't know about proud. i don't particuarly feel very proud of any of the fics. i think what comes closes is tell tale heart though,, which funnily enough is like the worst when it comes to feedback etc. or maybe i see the stars in the eyes of a vampire simply bc i'm proud i managed to write over 8k

work i'm least proud of (and why)

okay so. funnily enough maybe i see the stars in the eyes of a vampire. i finished that in a rush and i think that shows. but also i don't feel particularly proud of in the forest dark and deep i think that could've been done better

share or describe a favourite review you received

okay see i love all of them, any sort of response has me tearing up. i wanna say every review of stay on the path i'm very fond of though bc of the general question in every review/comment being "is it michael"

also.. @igarbagecannoteven has a way with comments everytime i get one it makes me want to cry,, even with my moodboards

a time when writing was really really hard

so after i went through a writing marathon to finish i see the stars in the eyes of a vampire at the end of october i haven't written anything. or like maybe 1000 words over all. so it's been really really hard these last couple of months but i hope to get back into it now with starting a better routine

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you

i mean tbf all of my writing came to me as a surprise,, however i do think tell tale heart probably qualifies best. despite being a short piece i think the mc in that is very nicely done. in general i hadn't expected to ever write horror so it was all very much surprising.

a favourite excerpt of your writing

i really don't like my writing but this i don't hate (spoiler for stay on the path):

"You should've stayed at home, little red one," the stranger says.

Michael smiles.

(The wolf bares his teeth.)

“You should’ve stayed on the path,” Michael says.

The wolf attacks.

(The forest doesn’t take kindly to strangers who disrespect its rules.)

how did you grow as a writer this year

i mean. i started writing so there was that. it came as a surprise to me and it still is one tbh. since starting i have become i tiny bit more comfortable with dialogue as well

how do you hope to grow as a writer next year?

i hope to write more and longer pieces and care less about responses,, since interaction in this fandom? mh.. less than ideal. though i would also love to branch out and write more for other fandoms

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)?

oh helen @calumcest. i have some other incredible influences around me who have been so very supportive and i definitely couldn't have written anything without them. helen did however get me started and supported my first baby steps in writing and she is very much the reason i shared any of my writing with anyone else so it's gotta be her

anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

lmao yeah the gender issues sorry

any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

okay so i feel very pretentious giving out any advice about writing when i've been doing so for less than a year and also have no idea what i'm doing but my best shot is: write that niche fic. just do it. there is no niche small enough that it only fits you. and even so as long as you enjoy it that's all that matters.

any new projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year?

i have a couple non sos fics i want to finish specifically a patrochilles fic. there is also a very niche fic for 5sos i started that i'd love to finish just for me

tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read

okay i really do not know who has done this yet but i do feel like most people did it days ago so i'm not gonna tag anyone however if you haven't been tagged and feel like doing this see this as me tagging you

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: hey Janis: I hope you're alright, like Janis: I am and Janis: yeah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry about that Janis: just Janis: family shit Jimmy: Alright Janis: it's not Jimmy: if any dickhead gets that, it's me Janis: yeah Janis: but Janis: I said I'd try Jimmy: we've both said shit Janis: I meant it though Jimmy: that'll be why you're here now then Janis: trying don't mean I'll always get it right Janis: and will you let me in when I am or Jimmy: you know where the spare 🔑 is Jimmy: and I meant when I said I weren't kicking you out Janis: would it help if I explain or don't it matter Jimmy: would it? Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe Janis: so you know it weren't nothing to do with you or Jimmy: would it help you? Janis: I care about you Jimmy: I care about you Jimmy: stalemate that Janis: It's hard Janis: but this is probably easier than in person Janis: for you too, it's Jimmy: I'll put the kettle on then Janis: you'll wanna Janis: just careful you don't scald yourself with any spittakes Jimmy: I'm not at work and Ian's not gonna comp me Jimmy: 💔🎻😭💸 Janis: no flat whites for him Janis: really like this story and all so jokes on you, sir Jimmy: all black everything for him Jimmy: that's the dress code when you're mourning not being 24 still or at whatever point his #heyday began and ended Janis: definitely several jokes to be made there but I'm not really black enough and you look good so Jimmy: there's been enough #bants Jimmy: it's obvs a mancave for lads lads lads the second you leave Janis: gutted, truly Jimmy: #relatable Janis: ugh Janis: right Janis: what have you heard about my sister, Rio Jimmy: she's fit Janis: is that it? Jimmy: yeah why? Jimmy: like I've heard she's a porn star but I didn't feel the need to do a search Janis: just so I know where to start Janis: so that's her, right Janis: but on top of that she Janis: it'll sound like a joke but it ain't so go with it Janis: married our cousin when she was like 18 Jimmy: hang on, your cousin or your mum's friend's kid who you call your auntie but ain't owt to do with you actually Janis: actual cousin Janis: as in they have the same fucking grandparents Jimmy: how did that come about? Janis: good question Janis: this family is fucked Janis: it's not like they didn't know each other growing up or anything, like they didn't know each other from any fucker Janis: it's Jimmy: I get that, the fucked families bit Janis: yeah Janis: well, that was 5 years ago and they did it basically in secret 'cos yeah, they would've been stopped Janis: hopefully Janis: but now they're deciding they need to renew it and force us all to come Janis: and grace just dropped that in a DM like that was something I knew or would be chill with Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: all round Janis: you're telling me Janis: she didn't know I didn't know apparently but still Janis: it's just so Jimmy: you're not gonna go and play happy families Jimmy: why would you Janis: exactly Janis: but they all will Janis: they always do Janis: they've got kids and that's a whole other tale too Jimmy: together? Janis: one, she has one that ain't his too Janis: surprisingly normal looking Jimmy: is it? Janis: [sends Grace's insta] Janis: boys theirs Jimmy: he don't look like a 🐙 or owt Jimmy: your sister must be fit Jimmy: rumour mill got one 🏆 Janis: they're both obsessed with themselves Janis: still think we could've diluted the DNA tbh Jimmy: 😂 Janis: alright, you can laugh Jimmy: sorry Janis: would if it weren't my family Janis: try to anyway Jimmy: she cheated on him and they're still doing another 💍👰? Janis: that's the other story Janis: she was meant to surrogate for my brother Junior Janis: who you'll have heard fuck all about 'cos he keeps to himself and everyone forgets he exists Janis: but then she didn't wanna give it up and it was stupid anyway 'cos he was fresh into uni and dating a lecturer like that situation needs a child Janis: and her life's such a roaring success she should be giving a hand Jimmy: what? Janis: I'll give you a sec Janis: it's literally the most blatant and stupid way she's wrecked a life, like Jimmy: 💔 Mia ain't told me 'cause I thought we had something 💕 Jimmy: but it's alright, I'll live Janis: who knows what Grace told her Janis: that one might actually be family only 'cos as I said, no one gives a fuck about him Janis: he stays well away now, sensible Jimmy: fucking hell, mate Janis: just the local freakshow Janis: it's neverending, the amount of shit there is like that Jimmy: I'll keep it 🤐 about Ian from now on like Jimmy: you can have 🥇 Janis: nah Janis: not a competition Jimmy: is a bit Jimmy: just 🤏 though Janis: well I don't want him feeling left out Janis: still a 🏆 for being an outright twat Jimmy: he ain't 💀💀💀 yet Jimmy: still time to #flex Janis: him and shaz can make it down the aisle 'fore them Jimmy: she ain't been back 🎻🎻 Jimmy: can't keep a mum me Janis: letdown Janis: really wanna be a bridesmaid but can't on principle Jimmy: no 😭😭😭 in my kitchen Jimmy: we're all 💔 Janis: stay strong, boy Jimmy: alright fine I'll bring my proposal forward so we can get 💍 before them Jimmy: stop begging Janis: it'd be worth pissing off the pope to piss them off harder Jimmy: 💕 taking that as a yeah Janis: go on then Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: brb stealing my dad's 💳 to buy a 💎 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: gold or silver? Janis: it's called white gold, so silver but make it expensive #weirdflex Jimmy: #goalsforever Janis: put that in the vows Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: I'm writing them rn Janis: Thanks Janis: for making me feel better Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: if I can't do that then you'd have nowt to come back for Jimmy: have to hang up my boyfriend 😎 Jimmy: put on my 💔 ones Janis: I wasn't leaving you Jimmy: for now Janis: I won't Jimmy: don't promise owt to me, you've been warned, girl Janis: it's a threat Jimmy: hot Jimmy: alright then Janis: I mean it Jimmy: you don't scare me Jimmy: 😘 me or 💀💀💀 me ain't that the phrase Janis: you can't die right now Jimmy: might do Jimmy: you're really beautiful Janis: you don't know Janis: I'm a state Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that's fake news Janis: shh Jimmy: Alright Grace, put your sister back on Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: it's a good thing you can't see her too tbf Janis: not practical having to hide from you for life when you marry in Jimmy: wait, you're with her? Jimmy: I'll hide the body but bit of warning, babe Janis: ha Janis: yeah Janis: IOU on the rescue she wanted to cash Jimmy: if Mia's there an' all & you don't say hey from me I'll be fuming Janis: she's definitely not Jimmy: have you checked the boot? 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: folds up like paper, her Janis: wouldn't pit it past her Janis: I'll dry my eyes and get on it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell Grace she ain't having a tea unless she's 💰💰 Janis: She's taking my spare bed at nans Janis: musical faves atm Jimmy: I won't go throw shit at her window tonight then Jimmy: tah for the head's up Jimmy: soon my dear 💕👵 Janis: subtle Janis: find somewhere else to kip, it's alright, like Jimmy: no Janis: 💕 Jimmy: I mean it, don't Janis: okay Janis: if you'll have me Jimmy: I want you Janis: I love you Jimmy: do you? Janis: I said it like Jimmy: yeah but Janis: you can pretend I didn't Jimmy: we don't do that it's like the only rule Janis: if you need a free pass then take it Jimmy: I'm not saying I do Jimmy: just Jimmy: It's nowt I ain't heard before and Jimmy: for what? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: she said it and she still went Jimmy: my mum Janis: it's okay, it doesn't have to mean anything Janis: I already didn't promise you, yeah Jimmy: it's not Janis: no Janis: it's not Janis: but Janis: I don't know Jimmy: why couldn't she just Jimmy: why did he have to be so Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: it's bullshit Janis: and it's unfair Jimmy: you know that I Jimmy: so important you Jimmy: Alright? Janis: I know Janis: it's all good Janis: isn't it Jimmy: Yeah Janis: I'm sorry everythings shit Jimmy: not everything is Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I like you too Janis: you're about all I do like Janis: no pressure Jimmy: is that what you wanted it to mean? Jimmy: when you said Janis: I meant Janis: that I give a shit about you and I think you're funny and nice and fit and I wanna be around you Janis: and I don't wanna fuck you over Jimmy: then I love you too Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: allright Janis: I'll come in then Jimmy: were you waiting for me to say it before you got off the doorstep or what? Janis: not exactly Jimmy: [is at the door like oh hey] Janis: [the most dramatic hug flinging yourself at him like it's been 84 years 'cos lowkey] Jimmy: [we're never letting go bitch thank god its april and not the dead of winter] Janis: [you need all the moments so deal] Jimmy: [has he ever held onto anyone this tightly, no he has not] Janis: [the casual state she is godbless] Jimmy: [when you still look more beautiful than anyone ever probably] Janis: [rude] Jimmy: [this is why Grace hates you girl but pop off] Janis: [when you say it out loud but really quiet] Jimmy: [just really snuggling into her like we're not all dying okay bye] Janis: [just saying how she's gonna stay and how scary it was and not making a whole load of sense 'cos didn't even get to that bit honey] Jimmy: [all the comforting touches ever because now isn't the moment to be like um what but we'll get to it] Janis: [too much to try and be reasonable and logical rn 'is everyone asleep?'] Jimmy: [nodding because you can't trust yourself to speak rn because if you start what are you even gonna say like] Janis: [just like yes good 'cos we don't need to be starting any more scenes do we 'this was not how I planned any of this going'] Jimmy: [especially not with Ian cos at least cali wouldn't give you a slap 'bit shit at plans, us'] Janis: [nods and does a little lol like 'understatement'] Jimmy: [just sitting on the step so you can 🚬 cos so needed but pulling her into your lap cos you don't wanna let go still] Janis: [could be worse, could be meth] Jimmy: [true facts] Janis: [now everyone calm] Jimmy: [take all the moments you can to be soft] Janis: [just got no business being this close and smoking but at least you both are so it's fine] Jimmy: [I'd die literally] Janis: [my poor boo can't speak 'cos she can't breathe] Jimmy: [don't like set anything on fire either tbh] Janis: [lmao not a mood] Jimmy: [that'd be next level drama] Janis: [winnie drama] Jimmy: [that silly old bear] Janis: ['is my tea going cold?'] Jimmy: [lols because he's obvs not made it yet because #distracted we've all been there boy just put the kettle on and get no further like] Jimmy: [but puts his hand out like help me up so they can go inside] Janis: [does but pulls him towards her first and is just looking like !!?! all the emotions] Jimmy: [says 'what' in the softest way literally ever] Janis: [just gonna kiss him but so soft 'cos you're unsure but also don't know where to begin with anything] Jimmy: [all the soft kisses and comfort ever because he's never seen her like this before so he's like must not say or do the wrong thing] Janis: [have a brew lads] Jimmy: [fixes everything so actually go and make it boy give her chance to work out how she's gonna do this like] Janis: [makes me lol but also sad like there's so much you gotta explain before you can get to the now] Jimmy: [literally like no wonder Grace don't wanna see a therapist how exhausting] Janis: when did your mum go Jimmy: does it matter? Jimmy: she's not gonna show up here tonight Jimmy: you're alright Janis: obviously Janis: just thinking Jimmy: what? Jimmy: we've got enough milk to see us through if that's what she went for Janis: doesn't matter Jimmy: go on Janis: if it was about the same time Janis: as my sister Janis: Bobby is 6, yeah Jimmy: She didn't leave him in the hospital or owt like that Jimmy: let him get to nursery age, like Janis: that's something Jimmy: might've been better Jimmy: wouldn't remember her then Janis: does he Janis: remember, like Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: Grace said he asked if she had a mum Janis: at the fair Jimmy: he's always doing that Jimmy: tries to go home with kids if he likes the look of theirs an' all Janis: fair Jimmy: 💔 I can't get away with it, me Janis: you probably could Janis: some of them have very unsatisfying marriages, babe Jimmy: just trying to get a tea I don't have to cook myself, babe Jimmy: but tah Janis: don't get nothing in this life for free Janis: soz Jimmy: alright, rich girl Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you're taking forever Janis: am I getting a biscuit too, like Jimmy: ruin the surprise Janis: I can pretend Jimmy: you're not that good of an actress Janis: rude Jimmy: only if that's your back up career Jimmy: and you'd have to get well fed up of the modelling first Jimmy: unlikely love the 📷 you Janis: now I'm an attention seeker Janis: charming Janis: and the 📷 loves me, tah Jimmy: nah just a 🥇 muse Jimmy: so supportive of my talents you Janis: you are good Janis: no lie Jimmy: [brings in the tea and a mug cake he has made for her to be comforting cos cute nerd] Janis: [what a sweet boy] Jimmy: [when that's about the extent of your cooking ability bless him] Janis: ['you're so-' does 🙏 hands to show 😇] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [she sits she sips] Jimmy: [likewise just drinking that tea] Janis: [just shrugging 'cos gotta be blase like this is so casual and matter of fact okay 'my sister did run away, like, but then she had a car crash so, dead now'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ???!! cos what can you even say 'shit, sorry' so awks] Janis: ['was four years ago so it's whatever'] Jimmy: ['did she leave 'cause of all that bollocks with your sister and cousin?'] Janis: ['partially but Janis: 'partially but-' sighs 'she was fucked up because she weren't my dads, third kid in and white, not an easy time'] Jimmy: [just looking at her cos even if you have heard that rumour you'd have thought it was too ridiculous to be true] Janis: [nods like yeah, I know] Jimmy: ['I get why you don't wanna be here, it were like that for us before we moved an' all' a shrug too because obvs also so casual for you] Janis: ['people must've had a field day' sympathetic look 'probably why I said yeah, to the plan, why I give a shit what people say still' shakes her head 'stupid but'] Jimmy: [when you're just having a moment remembering what it was like and you have to shake yourself out of it cos not about you rn 'people are twats, no dickhead but Ian's loving that kind of attention' gives her a look like you're not stupid] Janis: [giving him a nudge like sorry but not wanting to say it 'cos what use is it] Jimmy: [giving her one back as a shameless excuse to then just lean into her shoulder with his for an age like it's not a hug it's so casual bye] Janis: [leaning into it too, which is good 'cos voice is strained now 'cos emotions 'but she thought it was fucked up too, what they're doing, what they all do, she got it, you know'] Jimmy: [nodding cos he agrees that it is fucked up and is also having many emotions but eye contact anyway because wants her to know he gets it and is not going anywhere even though he doesn't know what to do or say about any of this really] Janis: [maintaining even though you'd be trying really hard not to cry for a hot sec there before being so meh it's chill again 'cos easier lbr 'know this is a lot but otherwise you'll just think I'm even weirder, yeah'] Jimmy: [touching her hair for literally no reason like is it even in the way, probably not 'everyone's got something that makes them weird, but you're alright an' all, got loads more shit going for you that counts towards that'] Janis: ['I don't wanna mess this up' and then going in on a kiss 'cos that'll fix this] Jimmy: [letting it happen even though you probably shouldn't because you just wanna make her feel better and also don't want her to think you think she's weird/you don't want her anymore when you obvs love her] Janis: [will stop at a kiss 'cos it'd be clear he weren't into it like per and we don't need that to be a thing for either of you] Jimmy: ['I ain't gonna let you mess this up if you don't let me either' holds his hand out like shake on it with me cos nerd] Janis: [is like 😏 really? but does] Jimmy: [then draws a heart on her with his fingertip like he did at Cali's but on her palm this time after the handshake] Janis: ['you really are the biggest nerd though' but 😍] Jimmy: ['piss off' but a little genuine smile] Janis: ['still like you anyway'] Jimmy: [😏 a look like yeah? and a IRL 👍 because committed to being a nerd now] Janis: ['don't push it, mate'] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her but really soft] Janis: [playfight forever] Jimmy: [just 😍 the whole time like] Janis: ['you really are so'] Jimmy: ['I like you so much'] Janis: [nods 'cos words are risky] Jimmy: ['I- I love you so much'] Janis: ['I love you too, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [gotta just hide your face in a snuggle because dying]

[soft-j0y]

more fucking ranting.... just ignore me.

just wish i had someone to talk to about this kind of shit dude... but i literally have no one i can entrust with this madness. so like the majority of us on this hellsite, i'm gonna unleash it all and leave it under the cut. enter at your own risk i guess. (not like any of the porn bots that follow me are gonna have a gander at it).

like even i find it insane that this has been playing on my mind for nearly 4 fucking years. would it have been easier to reach out to him afterwards and get it over and done with. probably.

but it wasn't my place. the ball was in his court and we could've discussed everything.

and he wasn't even that big a part of my life at that point. i had already assumed that he hated me and so i distanced my full energy away from him.

i don't think about the girls who i thought of as sisters and how they fucking destroyed me by using my past against me. (... well i do but not that often). how i became a shitty person to myself and to my other people at that point.

i don't think about my other guy "friends" who had consistently told me i wasn't their type and not to got any big ideas. but as soon as that stupid fucking cake offer you started, i'm just seen as 3 holes.

tbf i do let them off slightly because at least they would check in with me here and there. oh how it would break my heart when would chat and it would be like how it used to be and then there would be that moment... that feeling that we weren't allowed to be like that anymore... how it would shatter when he would get up and walk away from me.

yet YOU. YOU HAUNT ME. for whatever reason you just pop up in real life. for years, i would hardly see anyone from school. but YOU. A sold out arena show in a different city - there you were. Enjoying a night out and who happens to walk past - you. Doing something special for a family member - i walk in and you serve me. not the other members of staff ... no one stopped me from coming into the shop to say it was closing soon. neither did you. WHY????

do you know what it is?! the fucking book. i wish i hadn't 've bothered giving it to you had i known what it would do later on down the line. why fucking bring it up?! it was silent ... could have just printed my photos and left it at that but no. and i don't why i became this obsessive with this notion of you. i repressed so much of high school that i don't even no whether i genuinely had feelings for you at one point or if it present-me trying to give justification for this stupidity.

why would i think that you would be interested in me, cared for me, wanted me around when you showed no signs then and not afterwards. why would stupidly think that it would play on your mind as well so much so that you would reach out to me. i refused and still do to reach out because as far as i see it... it's not my place. i don't want to be made a laughing stock again. it would be nice for someone else to make the concerted effort to tell me how they truly feel or felt about me.

i'm honestly fucked and i don't know what to do about it. i've tried rationalising everything but none of it makes fucking sense. i want to move on like you have. to have someone to call my own and for them to proudly call me theirs in return. but when i have, part of me feels like it's cheating ... that you'll find out and punish me for it...

i hate that i give someone who had very little interest in me so much power and dominion over my life... tbf i do that with every person from the past. it's torture.

if we are ever to meet again in this lifetime, i will be bluntly honest with you and i hope you'd do the same for me. i'd hope that by doing so, this invisible bond between us would break and i can finally accept the reality and move on.