#tbaah

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

December, 1989

prompt: Scully + Turning points in their life

Note: I was going to include this in my (currently on the backburner) series To Be An American hero, but I’m going to post a bit now.  I’ll flesh it out later in the actual TBAAH fic.  This is more like a list of headcanons than an actual fic. Tagging @today-in-fic, @viceversawrites for your edits, and @poolsidescientist for the prompt (yes, I will get to the Maggie one as well). Warning: based on true horrible events that took place in December, 1989.

Scully’s introduction to the reality of existing in a boy’s club didn’t come thanks to the FBI or to medicine, but rather much earlier in her education.  Most people who were pre-med had to take an introductory physics course in their first year and Scully, being Scully, decided to take the physics for physicist majors’ course instead.  She had always enjoyed the sciences and didn’t want to limit her options yet in first year.  The course was challenging in a way that she absolutely loved; she had to learn how integrate in her physics course before the subject was even introduced to her in calculus.  

During her undergrad, she found that most of her core courses were also mandatory for those in engineering physics. It was because of this that she met Geneviève, who was half American, half French Canadian and the only female student in engineering physics.  Scully had received some sneers and comments geared towards her given her decision to go into physics, instead of a “softer science” like biology or psychology.  Gen, she soon discovered, had a more challenging time.  At first, some of their classmates, even a few of the professors, tried to convince Gen that she should really be in chemical engineering (or “fem eng” as some called it, because of the slightly higher female population), if she really did want to insist on being an engineer at all.  Math, they said, is really not a subject that women were meant to handle.  Where Scully developed a proud, sometimes falsely seen as cold, suit of armour, Gen decided to fully immerse herself into becoming “one of the guys,” regardless of some of the comments she had to brush off and let slide.  Both women were drawn to each other, honing their quick wits and humour as survival skills, often teaming up as lab partners when they were not specifically assigned to work with someone else.

Despite their struggles, the two did earn the respect of most of their peers (some assholes will always be assholes), won many awards and were able to pursue higher education – Scully in medical school in the USA and Gen getting her master’s and then PhD in Canada.  They kept in touch after undergrad, agreeing to see each other at least once a year as they pursued more education.

In December of 1989, Scully was starting to become disillusioned with medicine.  The material was interesting, but so many of her classmates believed that they were God’s gift to the human race.  She went into medicine to help people, to make an impact, but she felt like actual patient care was mostly done by the nurses (who were also looked down upon by some of her medical colleagues, especially when an unfortunate nurse dared to disagree with their opinion) while she spent the majority of her time drinking coffee, doing paperwork, and trying to drown out the egos around her.  The pamphlet from the FBI was getting creased in her purse, having been in her possession since September.  A career in the Bureau looked more and more promising every time her beeper went off when she was trying to catch up on sleep.  The timing was good too - she was going to visit Gen in just a week. Gen had successfully defended her master’s thesis and would just be wrapping up marking papers by the time Scully arrived in Montreal.  She was hoping to talk over her indecision with Gen about her career path before bringing it up with her family over Christmas.

After a grueling 36 hour shift, Scully arrived back at her apartment and found her answering machine blinking.  Exhausted, she had planned on ignoring her messages until she emerged from a well-deserved hibernation, but the phone rang just as she was going to crawl into bed.

“Dana, hi sweetie, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine mom, just tired.  I was just about to go to bed.  Can we talk tomorrow?”

Maggie paused for a second.  “Honey, have you been listening to the news tonight?”

Scully sighed, her mind more on sleep than anything else.  “No mom, I just got in.  Can…”

“Your friend, Geneviève, what school does she go to?”

“She goes to McGill.” Maggie sighed in relief through the phone and Scully continued. “Mom, I’m sorry, but I’m really tired. Why are you bringing this up now?”  

Maggie pauses, unsure whether to burden her or not, but Scully pressed on.

“Mom?”

“There was a shooting at this French university in Montreal.  It’s all over the news.  École…P something.”

“École Polytechnique?  She’s a TA there.”  Scully sits up on the couch, now wide awake.  “Mom, I have to go.  I’ll, I’ll get back to you soon.”

“I love you dear.  Stay safe.”

Scully doesn’t get a hold of Gen for a couple of days.  She does reach her father, Mr. Beauchemin, many hours later, who assures her that Gen is ok and just in shock.  The full tragedy of the incident slowly leaks out to the world and it makes Scully sick.  It is what finalizes her decision to go into the FBI.

- - -

Marc Lepine applied twice to l’École Polytechnique but didn’t get in.  He attributed his rejection to feminism, believing that women took his rightful spot because they should never be working non-traditional jobs.  On December 6, 1989, he entered a classroom at l’École Polytechnique, where he separated the men and the women, claimed to be fighting feminism and then proceeded shoot all 9 women, killing 6 of them.  His rampage continued throughout the school, where he shot 28 people, killed 14 women and then committed suicide like the coward he was.  His suicide note blamed feminists for ruining his life.  It is the deadliest mass shooting in Canadian history.

Author’s note:  I was in high school during the Columbine shooting.  Before that, the only other school shooting that I knew about was this one.  In Canada, December 6 is commemorated as the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women.

I have two brothers who are engineers, one who did his undergrad in engineering physics.  He took a lot of classes with physics majors.  Given that Scully did her undergrad in physics, I feel like she would have taken a lot of classes with engineers as well.  Engineering is still a male-dominated field (chemical engineering is still known as “fem eng”), so I believe that if there was another woman in the field at that time then they would have been good friends.  Given the time of the massacre, I don’t think that it’s a stretch that this event would have impacted Scully’s decision to go into the FBI.

In Memorium

Geneviève Bergeron, Hélène Colgan, Nathalie Croteau, Barbara Daigneault, Anne-Marie Edward, Maud Haviernick, Maryse Laganière, Maryse Leclair, Anne-Marie Lemay, Sonia Pelletier, Michèle Richard, Annie St-Arneault, Annie Turcotte, Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz and the other students who unfortunately committed suicide after surviving the massacre, RIP.

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

To Be An American Hero. Ch. 2

nThis is the second chapter of my SpyScully AU.  This story follows 3 different timelines: pre-X files Scully; Scully as a spy during the series; Scully on the run/Mulder’s actions after he finds out.  The prologue and chapter 1 dealt with Scully on the run/Mulder’s actions.  This chapter is my first pre-X files Scully chapter (and is likely going to be the fluffiest timeline to cut down on some of the darkness).  You can read previous chapters here (prologue, chapter 1), on ao3 or on my tbaah tag.

Thank you so much to @13starbuck42, @i-gaze-at-scully, @peacenik0 and @frangipanidownunder   for your help, support, boosting and words of encouragement. Also tagging @today-in-fic.  Thank you to everyone who reads this, it means a lot to me.  Anyway, onto the next chapter....

Chapter 2 -  Theodore’s Big Three Birthday Party

Spring 1966

“Missy, slow down!”  Mrs. Scully called out as her eldest daughter sprinted off towards the house with all of the balloons.  Bill Jr. was busy holding Dana’s hand, acting as both Little Dad while Bill Sr. was at sea, and excited Big Brother, taking his baby sister to her first “real” birthday party.  Baby Charlie was currently content with grabbing fistfulls of Maggie’s long, curly brown hair and shoving everything - fist, hair and all - into his smiling mouth.  

There were definitely downsides to being the wife of a Senior Chief Petty Officer.  Not being able to have Bill come home to her every night could be lonely.  Even when he does come home, he’s unable to share everything with her due to the nature of his work, especially as his career progresses in the Navy.   On the other hand, it does give her more of an opportunity to run her own life and household. All in all, she loves her family and wouldn’t trade her situation for the world.  Kids parties like this gave her the chance to meet other parents in their new neighbourhood, to socialize a little.  They had received a colourful invitation to Theodore’s Big Three Birthday Party just a few days before.  The Scullys were still in the midst of unpacking, but she couldn’t deny her babies, especially after seeing how excited the older two were at the thought of a party.  Billy and Missy were soon able to spread that joy and excitement to Dana, much to her relief. This would be the first time that Dana’s dear Ahab will be away from her for a long period of time and Maggie knew Dana was having a hard time with it.  

Maggie and the rest of her charges eventually catch up to Missy, who is bouncing on her toes and busily telling them all to “hurry up!”  The gate to the backyard with all of the balloons is opened by their new neighbour Patty, who lives in the house across the street, and the Scullys are quickly ushered in.  Missy wastes no time setting Theodore’s brightly wrapped present on the table. This task complete, she quickly turns, surveys the scene, and rushes over to join a group of other girls in party dresses having a tea party with their dolls and stuffed animals.  Unlike her boisterous older sister, Dana wraps one arm around Maggie’s leg, bunching her skirt tightly in her small fist. The thumb on her free hand goes immediately into her mouth as she stealthily observes the party from the safety of Maggie’s side. Charlie, taking the cue from Dana, hides his face in the thick curls at Maggie’s neck as soon as Patty begins cooing at him.

“Aw, I see that they’re a little shy,”  Patty comments sweetly to Maggie.

“I’m not!” Bill Jr. announces, puffing out his chest.  “Dana’s really brave too! She’s not a baby like Charlie, right mom?”

Maggie smiles down at her proud little boy and runs her fingers through Dana’s red curls.  Dana’s grip on Maggie’s skirt loosens, but her thumb stays stubbornly in her mouth.

“C’mon Dana, let me show you how that dump truck works.”  Billy holds out his hand for her. Dana looks up at Maggie with big eyes and grabs Billy’s hand, happily smiling around her thumb.  Billy starts running off towards the sandbox full of construction themed toys and Dana squeals gleefully, her little legs moving as fast as they can to keep up.  They both jump into the box, sand flying everywhere.

Maggie smiles, rubbing Charlie’s back as Patty introduces her to the other parents in the neighbourhood.  It doesn’t take long for Charlie to charm all of the ladies, hamming it up and giggling at all of the attention.  Shirley, Patty’s newlywed neighbour, takes Charlie from her hands and insists that she can’t wait to have a brood like Maggie’s and wants all the practice she can get.   Maggie is just about to start helping set up lunch when suddenly, she hears Dana cry. Billy yells, “Hey! Give that back!”

Maggie turns to see her youngest daughter wipe tears and sand off her face while Billy takes the big plastic dump truck from a little boy and pushes him into the sand.  The little boy starts crying loudly but Billy gives Dana the truck and tells the boy that it’s her toy, she was playing with it. Before Maggie can intervene, a little girl jumps up from her chair at the tea party circle and marches determinedly over to Billy; one hand holding a teddy bear with a pink ribbon around its neck, the other hand balling up into a fist.  Billy has barely had time to let go of the toy truck before the little girl punches him in the gut.

“NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HURT MY BROTHER!” she screams at Billy, who is bent over in the sand. The party stops; the toy truck sits forgotten in the sand,  the only sound is the little boy crying. Maggie rushes over before things get even more out of hand.  The little girl turns to her brother, cooing at him. “It’s ok Teddy, it’s ok. No more crying.” She runs over to the table with the presents, grabs one, and runs back over to give it to him.

“Look what I got you for your birthday Teddy!”  The excited birthday boy holds onto the present and starts ripping the paper.  As if just realizing what she did, the little girl turns and yells out, “MOM!  Can Teddy open my present to him?” A tall woman nods, walking out of the backdoor to the house.  The little girl sits in the sand in front of her brother, her own stuffed bear in her lap.

“See Teddy, I got you a bear just like my Rosie!”  The girl explains, impatiently helping her brother unwrap the gift.  The little boy’s eyes grow wide. “Wike youws?”  He asks, unsure but hopeful.   “Yes, like mine. See, I even gave him a name. See that?” She points to the name tag attached to the neck of the bear with a blue ribbon.  “It’s T-E-D-D-E-E. Ted-Dee, like you and me!” The little boy jumps up and wraps his small arms around his big sister, happily chanting “TED-DEE TED-DEE TED-DEE!”, the fight seemingly forgotten.

Missy walks over to Ted and Dee, crouching down a bit to reach their eye level.  “Dee, do you think that Ted and Teddee want to have tea and cookies with Pearl, Rosie and the rest of us?”  Dee looks over at Teddy, who seems to be giving the offer some serious thought. He gives Missy a solemn nod, then takes Missy’s outstretched hand a bit shyly as she guides both him and Teddee to the seat beside her.  Dana, looking over at her big sister, decides that the REAL fun must now be over there, and tugs at Bill Jr’s hand. “C’mon Biwee, tea!” Bill starts to grumble, but quiets quickly after seeing Maggie’s look. “What do we say first?” she prompts both of them.  Dana and Bill turn to Dee and apologize. Dee accepts, then takes Dana’s hand and leads her to the tea party. Before sitting down, Dee turns to Bill and states “I guess you can join us… this time.” Bill trudges after them, torn between not wanting to be left out and having to play such a girly game; that is until his baby sister flashes him her adoring grin and waves him over to the spot next to her.  Dee takes over as hostess once she makes sure that Ted is settled with Teddee, while Bill insists that it’s a Thanksgiving dinner party as The Man he gets to carve the turkey.  Dana and Missy are blissfully unaware of the power struggle going on; instead, Dana works on refilling everyone’s imaginary tea into the delicate cups while Missy introduces her to everyone and their toys, explaining that Dana is little so she might spill some of the tea. Charlie is absorbed by Shirley and her thick glasses, ignoring the chaos around him.  Bill blushes slightly when he catches Maggie smiling proudly over her brood, then straightens his back and starts handing out the turkey just the way Dad did last year.  Dee decides to let Bill take charge of dinner once everyone discovers that Missy is a wonderful storyteller, enthralling all of the children around her with her imaginative tale.  Missy explains that tomorrow, they should all go for an adventure in the park because she thought she saw some fairies there today on the walk to the party.  Bill, noticing that the game has shifted, tells Teddy that he should help him make cardboard armour out of the leftover loot from Teddy’s birthday gifts and the Scully move - just in case they also come across dragons, of course.  And with that, despite the rough start, Ted-Dee and the Scullys were inseparable.

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

To Be An American Hero

This is the prologue that I posted ages ago (before I had any followers).  I’m reposting it now and then will repost chapter 1 soon thereafter.  (It might be cheating, but I’m going to post @today-in-fic and @ficphiles just so people know that there is a prologue before chapter 1.)  Takes place soon after Amor Fatii.  Please enjoy!

PROLOGUE

If only someone was able to warn you that you were about to experience something for the last time. The last time that she walked into the office to see him smiling with kindness and excitement; the last time she was going to hear his recorded voice on his answering machine, letting him know that it’s her and she’s wondering where he is; the last time she uses her key to enter his apartment; the last time she would get to be surrounded by his smell and warmth.

He was asleep, exhausted after the recent stress he had been under. She however, could not fall asleep beside him. Instead, she spent the night staring at him, trying her best to memorize everything about him. The way his lips pursed slightly when he breathed, the way his long lashes seemed to brush his cheek; the way his nose fit so perfectly on his sweet face. She was so tempted to run her fingers over his face, to brush that stubborn lock of hair away from his forehead. She could feel the tears threatening to come to the surface as she tried not to think of simpler times. She could no longer pretend that such an action would be done for practical reasons, like to help keep the hair away from his surgical wound. She closed her eyes tightly, memorizing the feel of his body heat, the weight of his arm across her waist, before she steeled herself and slowly began to get out of bed.

Her body protested as she moved from his bed- sore from their earlier activities. She was both relieved and disappointed that Mulder did not stir. She quickly and quietly gathered her clothes- her pants had survived but the shirt and hose had been torn earlier in heated moments of just a few short hours ago…was it really only a few hours ago? She did find a balled up, in-side out t shirt of his (dirty of course), but she put it on. The raw smell of him surrounding her was almost enough to break her resolve. She glanced one last time at him before she went out to the living room to find her blazer and shoes. If she were in the mood, she may have laughed at the fact that the last time she got to see her cherished insomniac, he would be asleep in his bed. The shoes and blazer were much easier to locate- she had put both neatly by the door shortly after she had come in, completely unaware of what would unfold that night. As she walked towards the doorway, a glossy photo from the file and debris that was scattered earlier stuck to the bottom of her bare foot. Looking down, she almost let a sob escape as she recognized the picture.

It was Bill’s day of triumph and the whole high school was celebrating. They had just moved to a new city the summer before she was to start high school and she was so nervous. One of the things that helped ease the process was being the baby sister to the new star of the school’s football team. In the picture, Bill is proudly showing her the football from the winning game, as his teammates and cheerleaders are jumping excitedly all around him. Bill’s other arm casually draped across Dee’s shoulder, her pompom shining at Bill’s waist. The Scully’s had known Dee and her brother Ted from years ago- it was another blessing at the time to have been reunited with long lost friends. A mixed blessing really... the first signs of trouble didn’t pop up until about a week later, when Bill first saw the picture and noticed that Ted was making out with Missy in the background. Dee tore into Bill, telling him that he was being a hypocrite (why was it ok for her to be seeing him and not for her brother to be seeing his sister after all?). Bill and Dee’s romantic relationship may have had its rough spots, but they always remained best friends. Ted, however, was the love of Missy’s life. He adored Missy. Dana had had a small crush on Ted, but was happy for her sister when she saw how in love they were with each other. She also saw Marcus staring at her, and had a brief thought that maybe it was big brother Bill that scared Marcus away from asking her out for another two years.

A tear slid down her face and landed on the photo as she was thinking of this- of lost loves, of lost innocence and of the most heart wrenching moment of her life. She loved Mulder, but was always terrified of crossing the line, of him finding out the truth about her and breaking her.

“I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.”

Dr. Dana Katherine Scully took one last shuddering breath, gathered her belongings, then closed and locked the door. She knew that she would never step foot again in his apartment nor her own. They had finally played Their trump card and exposed the truth to him. These people don’t make mistakes.

On the plus side, she thought wryly, she may not have much time to grieve. Now, she only needed to think about how she was going to survive.

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

TBAAH fic wip

I don’t know if anyone is really reading my long WIP “To Be An American Hero” besides my wonderful betas (I love you for reading it, your feedback and all of your help) but I’m actually going to finish it.  I plan on posting a new chapter every weekend.  So far, I’ve posted the prologue  and the first chapter (also posted on ao3).  I don’t know if there is much of a desire out there for an AU Spy!Scully fic, but it will follow three timelines.  (Pre-X files Scully; Scully POV during the series up until the spy reveal; Scully on the run/Mulder’s actions following finding out that she was sent to spy on him.)  The next chapter will be my first very young Scully, which will be followed by Scully’s POV of the pilot.  (I’m posting this because obviously I want ppl to read it, but also bc I started this story ages and ages ago but letting ppl know that I do have plans to finish it.  And even if you don’t have any interest in reading a story like this, I hope that by posting this I will remain motivated and determined to get that shit done.)

Thank you!

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

What are you working on at the moment? What do you consider to be your greatest writing achievement? Do you use a favourite word/saying/metaphor often? Whose POV do you prefer to write - Mulder or Scully? How do you feel when you write - do you experience the same emotions as the characters? How do you know when a fic is ready to post? Link us to three fics you've written that are your personal favourites and tell us why you're proud of them.

Thank you so much for sending this to me @frangipanidownunder!

I’m currently working on a little fic pre-One Breath featuring Mulder and Maggie.  I hope to post it sometime soon (just need to write more than a few sentences).  I also have another that I started (featuring jealous Mulder and Charlie Scully) that I want to finish.  I also always have my long fic still going, though it hasn’t been updated in ages.

I haven’t posted many works, but I’m still blown away that I still get the occasional like from my (I think) first fic I posted “Red.”  I find writing difficult so honestly I feel anytime I post anything to be an accomplishment.

Probably do have a fav, but nothing comes to mind at the moment (I haven’t analysed my work to really see).

I find it easier to write from Scully’s POV, though I think lately some of my fics have been from Mulder’s.  

I do sometimes feel their emotions, when I’m in the right mood.  I had developed a writing phobia years ago, so fic writing, when I can get past that mental hurdle, is very therapeutic.  (Luckily I tend to have a million ideas...it’s actually executing them that I find difficult.)

Honestly, I usually just post a fic right after I’ve written it.  I’m impulsive that way and many of my fics would benefit from editing.  

Three of my fics

Nameplate, actually my first fic according to ao3.  A huge reason why I love fanfic (mostly reading and discussing it), is that it gives me a chance to witness canon being fixed.  This is my take on one thing that I thought needed fixing.

Red, also on ao3.  I didn’t expect it to get the reaction it got (I don’t have many followers, so the fact that it got 40 kuddos on ao3 means a lot).  I got the most thoughtful and touching feedback message from someone from this post and really that’s why I picked this fic.  (I still remember that message.)

TBAAH, (honestly, I hate the title and will change it when I post all of the chapters).  It was my first time at FanExpo (first time I saw GA, waiting in line for her panel).  I was talking to another fan and it was the first time that I brought up my idea for this story, even though it had been percolating in my mind for years.  It’s still a WIP, but I have been able to flesh out other aspects and ideas slowly over the years (such as December 1989 and other little bits of fic developed in your writing workshops).  So this one does mean a lot to me bc it’s been with me for a long time.  (I just don’t think the little that I have written do it justice yet....and that has to do with my impatience of just posting instead of going back and editing).  Mostly I’m proud of all of the ideas I have for the story.

Thanks Vicki!

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

To Be An American Hero, Chapter 3, The Pilot.

SpyScully's POV of the pilot.  Posted it today in honour of the 25th anniversary of the X Files.  Special thanks to @viceversawrites for your wonderful betaing and @scully-loves-ruthie for your continued encouragement and hope that the next chapter will arrive. I hope that you enjoy it!  Also tagging @today-in-fic.  The entire work thus far can be found here on ao3.

FBI Headquarters,  Washington, DC  March 7, 1993  

She double checks her hair and makeup one more time in the Bureau parking lot, reviewing the facts about this new assignment in her head before she heads up to her big meeting.  She’s been at Quantico for the majority for her tenure at the FBI, mostly fulfilling her teaching duties and performing routine autopsies.  Occasionally she would be sent those Special cases, those for which she had been unofficially recruited directly from med school to perform.  She got her biggest satisfaction performing those autopsies, despite the memories of that one horrible fight that it would inevitably bring up.  She had been able to uncover new pathogens, chemical weapons, and inventive ways of murder, and most importantly, identify the bodies of those brave servicemen and one servicewoman who had been the victims of these attacks.  She had hoped that Ahab will one day respect and support her decision to work in the FBI.  She hated to have caused a rift between her father and Billy, but she loved Billy for believing in her, for understanding that this was her way of making a difference and fighting for her country, the way the men in her family have helped inspire her to do all of her life.  She was a navy brat for Christ sakes, how could she not want to follow in their footsteps in her own way?

Hair brushed, makeup perfect, suit a little big but clean, shoulders back, chest up...she’s ready to go.  She walks through the building of her new assignment, confident that she will be able to face this new challenge, smiling politely to an agent that had attended one of her seminars just a few months ago as she makes her way to Blevins’ office.  

She enters Blevins’ office and tries not to act surprised when she notices that the man with the cigarettes is also there.  She wonders briefly if all three men present know of her clearance level and work at Quantico, but thinks it best to focus on her status as a green field agent for the time being.  She holds back her comment when Blevins almost condescendingly states that she chose not to practice as a physician - obviously he wasn’t aware of her work as a pathologist, especially for those more difficult covert cases.

She catches the exchange between the second agent and the smoking man after she confirms to being “aware of an agent named Fox Mulder.”  She gives them a cursory account of Agent Mulder’s FBI history, smirking at the smoking man as she says “Spooky Mulder.”  The smirk disappears quickly after the look he gives her.  Shit, did I fuck this up already?  You have a job to do Dana, focus!  She was able to answer the questions about the X files again, but was thrown about what the assignment was really going to entail.  

“It should be a relatively simple assignment,” the man had told her, casually flicking the ashes from the tip of his cigarette during their last meeting.  “He’s a brilliant profiler who lost his way and is now a loose canon that harbours paranoid delusions.  Patterson worked him too hard.  Pairing him with his last partner didn’t exactly bring him back into the fold, leaving him even more bitter and disenfranchised.  Right now, he’s reckless; a danger to himself as well as to countless other Americans.  He just needs a little help to remember that he works for the government and has the capacity to be an asset instead of a liability.”  

She had asked him why they didn’t force him to take a leave of absence if he was that unstable.  

“I’ve been a long time friend to his family.  I would hate to see the poor boy being forced out when I could have possibly done something to help him.”  He took a long, slow drag from his cigarette.  “You are a pathologist, so he would be less suspicious of you than if you were a psychologist.  A clandestine evaluation of his mental health might just be the best thing for him.  I’m not asking you to treat him, just assess whether or not you believe he’s a lost cause.  He may just need a little guidance to return back to the right path.  Afterall, it is possible that some unsavoury people have been taking advantage of him.  He may have unknowingly become an informant giving secrets, consorting with enemies of the American people.  We need to discover if this has happened and who these people are who may be taking advantage of my good friend’s son.”

There had been no previous discussion about “assisting Mulder on these X-Files” or writing reports on their validity.  It made it sound like she was to be their little secretary instead of ensuring that agent Mulder didn’t accidentally expose secrets and operations that could lead to WWIII.  She takes another quick look at the smoking man, wondering if he was planning on clarifying her role at any point.  

“Am-Am I to understand that you want me to debunk the X-Files project, sir?” she asks coolly and professionally.  She will have to speak with the smoking man again later.  She wants to distinguish herself but she doesn’t like the double talk and non-answers.  Fine, she thinks, I’ll start by playing the hand that I’ve been dealt.

FBI Basement

She resorts back to her medical training, knowing that the first thing to do is to assess the situation before a diagnosis can be made.  Agent Mulder seems to have been through a lot of trauma and it is her job to assess his current status before she is able to come up with a plan of action.  

“Sorry, no one down here but the FBI’s most unwanted,” is his first greeting.  He uses humour as a deflection, a way to protect himself from others.  Upon entering his office, she finds that he’s messy, a hoarder, but he is well dressed and groomed (well, the tie is a bit much, but not enough to suggest that he’s experiencing mania).  She smiles non-threatenly as she introduces herself- his response is sarcastic and dismissive, but he maintains eye contact during the interaction.  She’s dealt with more non-compliant patients before in medical school, she’s glad to find.  His grin after he accuses her of being a spy is similar to what Billy used to call a “little cheap smile” - showing that he thinks he has her pegged and has won the match between them.  

She starts explain her credentials (she’s faced enough men in various boy clubs), but is slightly surprised that he did that much research on her.  The paranoia holds true, she thinks, and wonders if the jig is really up before she’s even had a chance to start this assignment.  Stay in control, he’s just trying to put you off balance.

Then, he starts on his slide show.  Now this, this is what she knows.  She almost feels like she’s back in the lab at Quantico, puzzling over an intriguing case.  Maybe Blevins’ understanding of her assignment was incorrect; perhaps she was just meant to ensure that Mulder did not investigate those cases that he was not mentally stable enough to handle at the moment, without risking the integrity of those projects themselves.   The government had a right to label cases however they wanted to; not everyone had the same security clearance and who was she to say that some cases just were not worth following through at her level?  This point was further proved after he started spouting on about UFO’s and the fantastic. This man was smart, but his attention obviously needed to be redirected to more productive areas.  When he started going on about turning to the fantastic when science fails, she was tempted to go on her own scientific rant.  What about the double slit experiment and the wave-particle duality model of light, she was tempted to ask to support the scientific method.  Evil was out there in the world, but humanity was the culprit.  He needed help and she was confident that she could provide some of it.

Bellefleur, Oregon

Agent Mulder didn’t trust her, which was to be expected.  She did, however, think that he would have given her a bit more detail into the case.  From his nonchalance and almost expectation of airplane turbulence, to the fact that the case was already investigated and then re-buried in the X files, to later discovering that he already seemed to know what he would find during the investigation.

The X painted on the street made her wonder if he was exhibiting a form of OCD, paranoia or delusion.  The case just looked like a bunch of insecure small town men who wanted to control their community- fish in a small pond that didn’t want their status in the community to change.  She’s used to small men.  She begins to rethink her opinion on mania when Mulder won’t stop that damn flashing in her autopsy bay.  He’s being completely unreasonable when he lists all of the tests he wishes to get done (does he not know what they entail?) then he starts to disarm her when he suggests that he has the same doubts she does.  Maybe he is more open to hard facts than she first thought.  This might help dispel his delusions and help him realize that he needs to seek help.  

She can’t believe that he stays for the entire examination.  He’s excited about the “metal implant” in the body; she groans internally, knowing that it might just be easiest to pull an all-nighter and get the autopsy report done asap so that she can go home sooner.

She gets lost in the case.  It’s rare for such a high percentage of students in one cohort to suffer such extreme mental illnesses and disturbances.  She wonders what they were possibly exposed to as she examines the unusual dirt found on the forest floor.  She gets upset when Mulder seems to know that these kids have those marks.  What the hell does he know and how does he know it?  Did he once have a high security clearance but was exposed to something, and now he has to create delusions so he is able to function?  She did not recall any evidence of in her briefing of such a thing, but surely losing a sister at such a young age and then profiling so many disturbing cases was no cake walk.  She did do a rotation in mental health, but she was by no means a psychiatrist.  She can’t make him see reason about down to earth explanations such as a possible contaminant or cult activity in the woods, nor about the ridiculous notion of “missing time.”

Scully was cold, tired, and just wants a break from her long, literally unbelievable day.  She begins her notes, wanting to get it over with before bed.  “Agent Mulder’s insistence of time loss due to unknown forces cannot be validated or substantiated by this witness.”  The power going out and then the discovery of the bumps on her back are the final straws - she snaps and runs to her new partner for help.

She felt foolish, alone and afraid, running into Mulder’s room, then a profound sense of relief and confusion when he confirmed that they were just mosquito bites.  She takes a moment to regroup in his arms, then stays at his suggestion to take her time.  In the end, she is grateful for this as it gives her the opportunity to return to herself and what she knows as she listens to Mulder’s fantastic story of his objectively.  He seemed self aware of some of his own abilities and histories, but some things he mentioned were just unbelievable.  She wonders who exactly his connections in congress are and if it’s these people that the smoking man wished to uncover to protect national security.

“I’m not a part of any agenda.  You’ve got to trust me.”  It’s the first outright lie she’s spoken to Mulder.  She doesn’t know if she’s been able to pull it off and is afraid of losing the little bit of trust that he seems to have gained in her.

She doesn’t know who burned down the motel or trashed the autopsy bay, but it sure as hell won’t help calm Mulder’s paranoia.  She’s furious with Miles and Nemmans and is tempted to arrest them both for obstruction of justice.  

She’s ashamed and surprised when it’s Mulder who brings her back and makes her see reason after finding the similar dirt like substance on Billy Miles’ feet.  It’s completely unlike her to jump to conclusions without analyzing all of the data and goes against all of her scientific training.  It is the first time that she’s experienced just how easy it can be to get caught up in someone else’s delusions.  She makes a promise to herself not to ever make the same mistake again.  

The report that she submits reads more like science fiction than she would have liked, and Blevins notices.  She also knows that ultimately, her true assignment is to make Mulder see reason, and possibly get help, as well as to identify and stop any potential security leaks.  She is slightly surprised that the smoking man does not speak with her or debrief her after her meeting with Blevins, though she supposes that the disappearance of their paperwork on the case is answer enough.  She succeeded in gaining Mulder’s trust both through her fieldwork and her final case report.  Scully just hopes that she can keep her wits about her until she completes this temporary assignment, succeeds in helping Mulder, and in maintaining national security.