#taskmaster quotes

[bebiggerontheinside]

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: Why don't you ever talk to me at the beginning of these tasks? James Acaster: What? Alex Horne: I always say, 'Hello James.' You never say hello back. James Acaster: It's not in the task, is it? The task isn't 'Say hello to Alex'. Alex Horne: ... It'd be nice, though.

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 03: Twelve blush majesty two) Make the best noise.

[peristeronic665]

"it's probably that i'm not straight enough to appreciate rap"

-Greg Davies, Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 4, 40:19

[diascordium]

𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖈𝖆𝖓'𝖙 𝖊𝖆𝖙 𝖎𝖈𝖊 𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒 𝖜𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚'𝖗𝖊 𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖎𝖓 𝕳𝖊𝖑𝖑.

[gracieblood]

you’ve heard of perfectly cut screams, but “what a c📯📯📯” is even more perfect

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Rhod Gilbert: With these tasks, you just panic. You just panic. It's blind panic. Greg Davies: It didn't look like blind panic. It looked like fairly structured torture.

Rhod Gilbert, Greg Davies (series 07, episode 03: Twelve blush majesty two) Excite Alex.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: Just while I'm thinking about this, erm- do you wanna explain 'Suck it'? James Acaster: Why I shouted, 'Suck it' at the end? I felt good. Greg Davies: Who was it directed at? James Acaster: Just everyone in general.

Greg Davies, James Acaster (series 07, episode 06: A coquettish fascinator) Put exactly 50 different things in the bin.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Kerry Godliman: This was really hard for me 'cos I love stationery. Greg Davies: What, you think I don't? Kerry Godliman: Well, I don't know if you love it as much as me. Greg Davies: Oh, I do. Kerry Godliman: 'Cos I love it the most. Greg Davies: I think I know what it is. As a stationery connoisseur, gut instinct tells me, 'cos I know what the king of the stationery items is... Kerry Godliman: Wouldn't it be wonderful if it's the same thing? Greg Davies: And I genuinely don't know what you brought in. Shall we say it together? Kerry Godliman: One, two, three... Both: A laminator.

Kerry Godliman, Greg Davies (series 07, episode 10: I can hear it gooping) Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: What does BMX stand for, Joe? Joe Thomas: It stands for 'Bicycle, My X-cellent bicycle'.

Alex Horne, Joe Thomas (series 08, episode 04: The barrel dad)

Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Ah, just open the box, you pussy.

James Acaster (series 07, episode 04: Ollie) Prize task.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: And how do you want the Taskmaster to transport the rest? James Acaster: If I was a removal man and then he was there going, 'Well, how do you want me to transport the rest?' I'd go, 'Up your ass. Smallest arse wins.'

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 06: A coquettish fascinator) Without breaking any of the pairs of glasses, put all the pairs of glasses into the smallest of these boxes.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Alex Horne: I think you know the show more than I know the show. James Acaster: I love it, I'm a big fan. That was a dream come true.

Alex Horne, James Acaster (series 07, episode 08: Mother honks her horn) Scream.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: Watching you argue whether a ladder is not a ladder is honestly like every conversation I've ever had with you. Rhod Gilbert: It's not. Greg Davies: There you go.

Greg Davies, Rhod Gilbert (series 07, episode 07: The perfect stuff) Throw something into the bin on the other side of this fence.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Jessica Knappett: Some animals don't blink at all, do they? Alex Horne: She's got a point. Greg Davies: Is that true? Alex Horne: Hamsters only wink, genuinely true. Fish and snakes don't. Greg Davies: What do you mean, hamsters only wink? Alex Horne: They can only do one eye at a time. Greg Davies: Saucy little devils.

Jessica Knappett, Alex Horne, Greg Davies (series 07, episode 07: The perfect stuff) Don't blink.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: Your system works. And I'm complimenting you. James Acaster: Do you have compliments for the rest of us?

Greg Davies, James Acaster (series 07, episode 09: The pendulum draws the eye) Put the most money in the small bowl.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Greg Davies: So, I don't wanna state the obvious, but er- your character's been having sex with her own son. Kerry Godliman: That's why she threw up. James Acaster: Oh, you puked 'cos you'd had sex with your own son? Kerry Godliman: Yeah, because it's quite unsettling, isn't it? James Acaster: I thought it was because it was Alex!

Greg Davies, Kerry Godliman, James Acaster (series 07, episode 06: A coquettish fascinator) Write and perform the most suspensful soap opera cliff-hanger.